Latest / INSIGHT FOR LIVING: Biblical Wisdom For Everyday Living / Strengthening Your Grip on the Family │ Msg 1616 - Pastor Chuck Swindoll Insight for Living

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Strengthening Your Grip on the Family │ Msg 1616 - Pastor Chuck Swindoll Insight for Living · INSIGHT FOR LIVING: Biblical Wisdom For Everyday Living

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Speaker 1: Many years ago, my older son, who was then a teenager,
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Speaker 1: went with me to the local gift shop to find
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Speaker 1: a card for Mother's Day. As I roamed across the
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Speaker 1: endless field of choices, he got.
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Speaker 2: Bored and wandered back to the posters.
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Speaker 3: You know, they're usually in the back area of those stories.
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Speaker 1: After a while, he called for me to come back
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Speaker 1: and look at one that he had found. It was
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Speaker 1: a large picture of a boat in the middle of
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Speaker 1: a very still lake, either at dawn or dusk. A
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Speaker 1: father was sitting at one end of the boat and
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Speaker 1: his son at the other. Both were fishing tiny circlets
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Speaker 1: of ripples surrounded each cork as the lines stretched lazily
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Speaker 1: from pole to water. Both son and father were smiling
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Speaker 1: and obviously enjoying those.
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Speaker 3: Leisure hours together. Two words were neatly pained at the
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Speaker 3: bottom of that exquisite scene of solitude. Take time.
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Speaker 1: I've discovered that if we're not careful, we'll spend our
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Speaker 1: days preoccupied in a squirrel cage of activities and endless distractions,
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Speaker 1: With long hours of free time sitting there unaccountable, We'll
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Speaker 1: be tempted to fill them with necessary work projects. A
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Speaker 1: half dozen piddling little time consuming assignments, or we'll stay
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Speaker 1: preoccupied for hours with our smartphone or our computers. Not
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Speaker 1: good choices. Stop before saying yes to any of the above. Instead,
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Speaker 1: let you and me ask ourselves, why not spend some
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Speaker 1: quiet time with one of my kids or grandkids? Or
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Speaker 1: maybe ask shouldn't my family get my undivided attention for
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Speaker 1: a change. I'm suggesting it's time for us to take time.
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Speaker 1: I want to read two psalms back to back. They
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Speaker 1: seem to go together like a panorama, as you will
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Speaker 1: see in the new Living translation. I'm referring to Psalm
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Speaker 1: one twenty seven followed by one twenty eight, a song
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Speaker 1: for pilgrims ascending to Jerusalem, a song of Solomon. Unless
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Speaker 1: the Lord builds a house, the work of the builders
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Speaker 1: is wasted. Unless the Lord protects a city, guarding it
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Speaker 1: with centuries will do no good. It is useless for
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Speaker 1: you to work so hard from early morning until late
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Speaker 1: at night, anxiously working for food to eat. For God
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Speaker 1: gives rest to his loved ones or a gift from
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Speaker 1: the Lord. They are a reward from him. Children born
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Speaker 1: to a young man are like arrows in a warrior's hands.
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Speaker 1: How joyful is the man whose quiver is full of them.
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Speaker 1: He will not be put to shame when he confronts
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Speaker 1: his accusers at the city gates. Psalm eight continues a
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Speaker 1: song for pilgrims ascending to Jerusalem. How joyful are those
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Speaker 1: who fear the Lord, all who follow his ways. You
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Speaker 1: will enjoy the fruit of your labor. How joyful and
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Speaker 1: prosperous you will be. Your wife will be like a
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Speaker 1: fruitful grapevine, flourishing within your home. Your children will be
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Speaker 1: like vigorous, young olive trees as they sit around your table.
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Speaker 1: That is the Lord's blessing for those who fear him.
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Speaker 1: May the Lord continually bless you from Zion. May you
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Speaker 1: see Jerusalem prosper as long as you live. May you
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Speaker 1: live to enjoy your grandchildren. May Israel have peace. In
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Speaker 1: nineteen seventy five, Edith Schaeffer wrote a book that had
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Speaker 1: a question for a title. The question is what is
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Speaker 1: a family? And then she commenced through the book to
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Speaker 1: answer the question chapter by chapter, some of which read
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Speaker 1: family is a changing life mobile. It is the birthplace
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Speaker 1: of creativity, a formation center for human relationships, a shelter
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Speaker 1: in the time of storm, and she added, a family
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Speaker 1: is a perpetual relay of truth, an economic unit, a
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Speaker 1: door that has hinges and a lock, a museum of memories.
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Speaker 1: Those answers sound beautiful, in fact, almost too beautiful. The
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Speaker 1: real question that you must answer is what is your family?
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Speaker 1: Chances are good it is not a modern day representative
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Speaker 1: of the little house on the prairie. As much as
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Speaker 1: we would like ours to be. Most would have to say,
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Speaker 1: we're a far cry from that. Nothing ideal, nothing unrealistic,
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Speaker 1: is happening in our families. No, that's where the real
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Speaker 1: world is. That's where life really makes up its mind.
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Speaker 1: That's what is really happening. And what secret would be
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Speaker 1: told if suddenly we could flash on the screen or
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Speaker 1: all who hear my words to read and to see
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Speaker 1: what secrets would be revealed about your family if we
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Speaker 1: told it all? Well, it comes as a surprise to
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Speaker 1: no one that the family is on the firing line.
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Speaker 1: It is being shot at regularly. Some time ago, Newsweek
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Speaker 1: magazine did a special report on the family I was
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Speaker 1: interested in reading. Even its title, it wasn't called strengthening
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Speaker 1: the family, or defending the family, or even examining the family.
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Speaker 1: It was called typically saving the Family, a very appropriate title,
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Speaker 1: by the way, for the world in which we live
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Speaker 1: and the families within it. Conservative figures reveal that thirty
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Speaker 1: eight percent of all first marriages fail, seventy nine percent
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Speaker 1: of all those people who failed in their first time
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Speaker 1: around will marry again, and forty four percent of the
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Speaker 1: second marriages will fail again. Four out of ten babies
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Speaker 1: born will spend part or all their childhood in single
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Speaker 1: parent homes. Fifteen percent of all births today are illegitimate.
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Speaker 1: More than fifty percent of the out of wedlock babies
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Speaker 1: are born to teenagers. Over two million children who do
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Speaker 1: live with both parents are called latch key kids. That
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Speaker 1: means a picturesque name for the child with the key
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Speaker 1: to his front door hanging around his neck so that
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Speaker 1: when he comes in from school he can get in.
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Speaker 1: Because both parents are gone, they both are working. The
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Speaker 1: home is not only under fire, it is on the
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Speaker 1: on the firing line itself, doing its own explosive work.
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Speaker 1: Thirty percent of all American couples experienced some form of
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Speaker 1: overt domestic violence in their lifetime together.
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Speaker 2: Two million couples have used a lethal.
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Speaker 1: Weapon on each other during marriage. In a Los Angeles
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Speaker 1: Times article entitled the Battered Wife, What's being done? There
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Speaker 1: is the statement this is probably the highest unreported crime
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Speaker 1: in the country. Twenty percent of all police officers killed
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Speaker 1: in the line of duty are killed while answering calls
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Speaker 1: involving family conflicts, one out of every five. My wife
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Speaker 1: and I watched, as some of you watched, a recording
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Speaker 1: of sixty minutes that was released some time ago. It
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Speaker 1: had as part of its segment, lasting about eighteen minutes,
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Speaker 1: the story of battered Wives. There was a part of
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Speaker 1: it that I simply could not watch. It was too
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Speaker 1: awful to see. Two hundred thousand children are physically abused
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Speaker 1: every year. That includes neglect. Fifteen to twenty percent of
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Speaker 1: American families abuse their children. Two thirds of all child
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Speaker 1: abuse occurs with children under age four, and one third
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Speaker 1: of that number under age six months. Number one killer
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Speaker 1: of children under the age of five is child abuse.
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Speaker 1: And I remember lifting from a documentary that we watched
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Speaker 1: together a statement, and I quote it exactly as it
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Speaker 1: was stated. Child abusers are found in every category of
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Speaker 1: our society. No social or economic or religious types are excluded.
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Speaker 1: It's going on in our own church. You cannot have
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Speaker 1: a congregation of five thousand people and think that you
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Speaker 1: are free of the wife battering child battering syndrome.
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Speaker 2: We are not.
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Speaker 1: I was speaking to a large gathering of a national
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Speaker 1: organization at its national convention, a Christian organization, and I
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Speaker 1: took the risk of saying that I am confident in
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Speaker 1: a group that size there would certainly be on the
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Speaker 1: staff of that Christian organization some who are wife and
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Speaker 1: some who are child batterers. I was summarily reproved the
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Speaker 1: following a day by one of the members who said
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Speaker 1: that they certainly do not have that in their ranks.
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Speaker 1: They screen people out like that. Ironically, within five days
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Speaker 1: that followed, I got four calls, two of them anonymous,
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Speaker 1: from people within the ranks of that Christian organization who
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Speaker 1: were crying out for help because that is in fact
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Speaker 1: their problem. A study at one university on the East
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Speaker 1: Coast declares the home is quote the most dangerous place
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Speaker 1: to be outside of riots and open war. Now that's
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Speaker 1: a rather pessimistic way to begin. I confess to you,
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Speaker 1: if ever a man felt like he needed some need
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Speaker 1: for preaching a message, I think I have all the
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Speaker 1: need in the world stretching out in front of me.
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Speaker 1: For a message such as this, I think, because of
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Speaker 1: the growing problem of our era, we need to be
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Speaker 1: brought into an awareness of what God says about it all.
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Speaker 2: And I want to do that.
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Speaker 1: Also need the reproof in my life as a father
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Speaker 1: and as a husband. Now, I don't want us to
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Speaker 1: camp on the pessimistic side of it all the way
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Speaker 1: through this message. I'd like us to see some positive
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Speaker 1: directives from God, because he offers them frequently in his word.
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Speaker 1: Woven through the fabric of these sixty six books are
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Speaker 1: numerous principles and precepts for the home and family. I've
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Speaker 1: chosen two ancient hymns as our guideline today, Psalm number
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Speaker 1: one hundred twenty seven followed by one hundred twenty eight,
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Speaker 1: as a unit that.
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Speaker 2: Fits together. Even though the psalms.
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Speaker 1: Are separated by these numbers, think of them as a unit.
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Speaker 1: In fact, I'd like you to think of it as
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Speaker 1: a as a chronological mural. If you have ever visited
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Speaker 1: in Texas the Sanjacino Monument or the Alamo, you have
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Speaker 1: seen a moving pictorial mural of history, as you have
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Speaker 1: seen the artists rendering of what led to the war.
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Speaker 1: In that particular case, what happened during the time and
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Speaker 1: what followed. You see some of those similar murals on
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Speaker 1: the buildings in Washington, d C. Sometimes just statues that
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Speaker 1: tell you of events that happen in the passing of time.
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Speaker 1: Psalm one twenty seven and Psalm one twenty eight form
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Speaker 1: that kind of a mural you progress through time. For example,
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Speaker 1: in the first two verses of Psalm one twenty seven,
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Speaker 1: we have the inception of the home. We have a
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Speaker 1: man and a woman joined together under God to begin
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Speaker 1: a home as husband and wife. In verses three, four
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Speaker 1: and five, you have the expansion of the home as
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Speaker 1: this couple begins to experience the child bearing years. The
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Speaker 1: home is enlarged through the bearing of children. And then
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Speaker 1: in the first three verses of Psalm one eight, as
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Speaker 1: the mural continues to move along, the children that have
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Speaker 1: been born into the home are now being reared by
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Speaker 1: those parents. And then after the child rearing years, those children,
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Speaker 1: and I could add the parents also are trained during
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Speaker 1: the years of adolescence. Then we have the launching of
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Speaker 1: the children into the world and the empty nest that follows.
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Speaker 1: In the last three verses of Psalm one hundred and
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Speaker 1: twenty eight, so we'll take it in progress as we
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Speaker 1: move through the story of the family. In these two psalms,
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Speaker 1: let's look at the first two verses as a beginning point,
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Speaker 1: the inception or the beginning of the home. Unless the
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Speaker 1: Lord builds the house, they labor in vain.
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Speaker 2: Who build it?
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Speaker 1: Less the lord guards the city. The watchman keeps awake
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Speaker 1: in vain. It is vain for you to rise up early,
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Speaker 1: to retire late, to eat the bread of painful labors.
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Speaker 2: For he gives to his beloved even in his sleep.
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Speaker 1: As you remember from your Bible study days of time past.
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Speaker 1: When words are repeated in scripture, they are repeated for
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Speaker 1: the sake of emphasis. When phrases are repeated, it is
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Speaker 1: for the same purpose. Unless the Lord, unless the Lord,
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Speaker 1: it is vain.
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Speaker 2: It is vain. You see the repetition in these two verses.
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Speaker 1: Unless the Lord, unless Jehovah is in the central part
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Speaker 1: of the beginning of the home. There's a lot of
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Speaker 1: labor in vain. Unless the Lord guards the home, as
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Speaker 1: as in those ancient days in Jeury, when there were
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Speaker 1: guards for the city that guarded the wall.
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Speaker 2: Unless the Lord guards the home, again, it is in vain.
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Speaker 2: It is in vain.
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Speaker 1: It is counterproductive, It is futile effort unless the Lord
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Speaker 1: Jesus Christ, we would say today, is brought into focus
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Speaker 1: and is in constant emphasis during the beginning stages of
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Speaker 1: the formation of that home.
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Speaker 2: So much of it is.
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Speaker 1: In vain, in vain now, because we are only human,
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Speaker 1: and because we tend to rationalize around our problems, we
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Speaker 1: think that what we need during those horrendous early years
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Speaker 1: of marriage is not the Lord. It is just to
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Speaker 1: work harder, to labor longer, to put in more hours,
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Speaker 1: to moonlight, so as to add things to keep the
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Speaker 1: home together.
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Speaker 2: But he even corners us with that.
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Speaker 1: In verse two, he says, again, it's vain for you
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Speaker 1: to rise up early. It's vain for you to retire late.
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Speaker 1: You'll just eat the bread of painful labors he gives
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Speaker 1: to his beloved even in his sleep. That's a great promise.
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Speaker 1: The point is this, when the Lord Jesus, when Jehovah
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Speaker 1: is in the center of your life in your home,
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Speaker 1: you will not need all the things to make it happen.
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Speaker 1: In fact, if you haven't him there, the things won't
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Speaker 1: meet the needs anyway. When you have Him in the
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Speaker 1: central focus of your home, you can be sure that
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Speaker 1: even in your sleep, he will give you the things
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Speaker 1: you need. Now, you and I know, those of us
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Speaker 1: who were married or have been married, we know that
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Speaker 1: the early years of marriage are tumultus years. I don't
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Speaker 1: think I've met a couple yet who didn't say the
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Speaker 1: greatest adjustment so far was our first year or the
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Speaker 1: early years. Reminded me of a letter that was received
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Speaker 1: by a psychologist friend of mine from a lady who
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Speaker 1: had gotten past their first year, but she was writing
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Speaker 1: him about some of the struggles in the first year.
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Speaker 1: She said that she and her husband became aware that
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Speaker 1: a mouse was living in their apartment, a concept that
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Speaker 1: she found intolerable. Her husband's set a trap to catch
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Speaker 1: the furry little rodent, and soon did so. However, the
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Speaker 1: type of cage that he constructed permitted them to capture
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Speaker 1: the mouse alive, presenting the question what do we do
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Speaker 1: with him now? Her husband and our wife had the
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Speaker 1: courage to murder the mouse in cold blood, but they
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Speaker 1: didn't want to let him go either. They finally settled
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Speaker 1: on a solution. They would drown him. The husband filled
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Speaker 1: a bucket with water and carefully placed the cage mouse
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Speaker 1: included into the liquid. The couple then left the home
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Speaker 1: for two hours so as not to witness the final struggle.
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Speaker 1: But when they returned, they found that the water didn't
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Speaker 1: quite cover the top of the cage. The mouse had
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Speaker 1: made the same discovery and managed to keep the tip
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Speaker 1: of his nose above.
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Speaker 2: The water, standing on one toe.
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Speaker 1: She says, or this man says, I never learned how
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Speaker 1: the final execution was administered. You see, the wife told
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Speaker 1: me the story not to acquaint me with the plight
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Speaker 1: of a mouse, but to illustrate her own difficulties. She
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Speaker 1: said that the rodent standing on one aching toe came
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Speaker 1: to symbolize her first year of marriage. She survived, but
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Speaker 1: only by stretching to keep her nose above water, and
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Speaker 1: so do many couples barely struggling through those early months
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Speaker 1: of marriage.
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Speaker 2: It's hard.
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Speaker 1: The media hype is incredible. It does a number on us.
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Speaker 1: It tells us you cannot get along with just enough.
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Speaker 1: You have to have more, more, more more, So you
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Speaker 1: work more more more, and in return you really get
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Speaker 1: less less less I mean at home, I mean with
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Speaker 1: the family. The council is perhaps late for some of us,
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Speaker 1: but it is needed. Nevertheless, unless Jehovah builds the house
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Speaker 1: and guards it.
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Speaker 2: It is in vain.
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Speaker 1: The only way to describe the meaning of the word
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Speaker 1: vain is for you to just sort of let out
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Speaker 1: a deep, guttural sigh, the sound that is heard in
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Speaker 1: the hurting heart in most homes of America today. So
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Speaker 1: the Lord needs to be first, He needs to be
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Speaker 1: in focal point. He needs to be at the nucleus.
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Speaker 1: Be careful, be certain that Jehovah is put into the
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Speaker 1: controls of your home early on. Now, as time passes,
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Speaker 1: children come verses three, four, and five. If you have
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Speaker 1: a panhandy, I'd like you to circle four words that
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Speaker 1: are used by the Psalmist to describe children, seldom used
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Speaker 1: by people today. Behold, children are Here's the first word,
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Speaker 1: a gift.
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Speaker 2: Of Jehovah.
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Speaker 1: The next word is in the next line, the fruit
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Speaker 1: of the womb is his reward. There's the third word,
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Speaker 1: like arrows in the hand of the warrior. There's the
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Speaker 1: fourth word arrows. So are the children of one's youth.
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Speaker 1: Let's take them briefly, but pointedly, through these four words.
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Speaker 1: Number one, children are a gift. The Hebrew word is
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Speaker 1: an interesting, vivid term. It means possession or property. In
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Speaker 1: verb form, it's used to assign or to share something
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Speaker 1: with someone else, as you would assign a place to
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Speaker 1: someone to sit. In other words, children, as viewed in
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Speaker 1: verse three, are God's property assigned to parents. And hard
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Speaker 1: as it is for some of you to believe this,
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Speaker 1: there are no mistakes in God's assigning process. God never
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Speaker 1: wastes children on parents, and God never wastes certain kinds
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Speaker 1: of parents with children young and old alike.
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Speaker 2: Need to hear that and need to believe it.
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Speaker 1: Children are really the transfer of title deed. In the
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Speaker 1: love process from heaven to Earth, God takes from his property,
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Speaker 1: and through the process of conception, pregnancy, and birth, he
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Speaker 1: delivers into your care his property assigned to you now
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Speaker 1: for your care, as a gift.
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Speaker 2: Just for you.
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Speaker 1: There's no such thing as a mistaken combination. Second, it
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Speaker 1: reads children are the fruit of the womb. Obviously, it
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Speaker 1: conveys the idea of that which takes care and time
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Speaker 1: and nurturing and cultivation. It suggests attention, not neglect. It
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Speaker 1: suggests interest not irritation, and it doesn't just happen. Several
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Speaker 1: years ago I had the privilege of ministering for the
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Speaker 1: first time in the northern San Joaquin Valley here in
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Speaker 1: our beautiful state of California. I was there right at
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Speaker 1: the time of fruit bearing. For those those vineyards and
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Speaker 1: those orchards, it was something to smell, to say nothing of.
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Speaker 1: Behold before my eyes in one home where I had
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Speaker 1: supper was there were miles of an orchard behind this home.
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Speaker 1: It was a little farm home, and we had that night.
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Speaker 1: I remember black eyed peas and corn bread and homemade tomatoes.
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Speaker 1: Makes me hurt under my jaws as I tell you
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Speaker 1: about that right now. It was the kind of tomato
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Speaker 1: that you eat and you make the side of your
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Speaker 1: mouth burn because they were just so succulent and ripe
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Speaker 1: and delicious. Man, my glands are doing a number on me.
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Speaker 1: And I've got big glands, I'll tell you. I remember
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Speaker 1: walking out back after supper to walk off some of
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Speaker 1: that suffer before I preached that night, and I was
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Speaker 1: with the owner of the home and I looked over
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Speaker 1: at the at this orchard that was just the limbs
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Speaker 1: had to be propped up from breaking because of the fruit.
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Speaker 1: And he plucked one of those huge oranges off the tree,
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Speaker 1: and I said, look at that, and isn't it amazing
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Speaker 1: that that just happens. And he grated with the arm
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Speaker 1: and he said, that did not just happen. That is
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Speaker 1: the result of a long period of work and nurturing
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Speaker 1: and cultivation and money and time. So are well trained children.
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Speaker 1: You and I never look at a well trained child
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Speaker 1: and think, my, isn't it amazing that just happened. We
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Speaker 1: look quickly towards the parents, and we often want to know,
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Speaker 1: how did.
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Speaker 2: You do it? What's the secret?
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Speaker 1: Tell me what transpired between then and now so that
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Speaker 1: such a beautiful specimen of masculinity or womanliness or a
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Speaker 1: gentlemanliness in that person.
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Speaker 2: How'd you do it?
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Speaker 1: Among the legends is the tale of a medieval sidewalk
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Speaker 1: superintendent who asked three stonemasons working on the same construction
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Speaker 1: project what they were doing.
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Speaker 2: The first, I'm laying bricks.
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Speaker 1: The second described his work as a building a wall.
27:10
Speaker 1: But the third laborer demonstrated genuine esteem for his work
27:14
Speaker 1: when he answered, I am raising a great cathedral. When
27:24
Speaker 1: you think of your task, parents, some of you can say,
27:28
Speaker 1: I'm supporting a bunch of hungry mouths, I am trying
27:34
Speaker 1: to endure teenage living. I am someday gonna make it
27:38
Speaker 1: as this wall gets built. A better answer is I
27:43
Speaker 1: am shaping a life. I am in a construction project
27:51
Speaker 1: that has limited deadlines, and I am preparing someone for
27:58
Speaker 1: a world that's more challenging than I ever realized.
28:07
Speaker 2: I'm raising a great cathedral.
28:11
Speaker 1: Each day you chisel and chip and work and use
28:15
Speaker 1: that trowel and lay that brick, can set that wall
28:19
Speaker 1: and light it.
28:20
Speaker 2: Up and level it out.
28:22
Speaker 1: Each day you add to the project till someday you've
28:26
Speaker 1: launched into this society an adult person whom God calls
28:36
Speaker 1: his gift the fruit of the womb. And his reward reward?
28:44
Speaker 1: Isn't that significant to you? His property assigned for a
28:48
Speaker 1: temporary period of time, his reward? What role have you
28:52
Speaker 1: assigned your children? Not tax right off, not another mouth
29:02
Speaker 1: to feed, not the result of God's anger on you
29:07
Speaker 1: because you walked away from him years ago. No, his reward.
29:15
Speaker 1: And fourth, it says they are like arrows, something to
29:19
Speaker 1: be pointed toward a certain target. And it's interesting to
29:23
Speaker 1: me that he doesn't just call them stones to be
29:26
Speaker 1: thrown into a pond. He calls them arrows from a quiver.
29:32
Speaker 2: Arrows. Ever, tried a little archery on the side sportsman.
29:39
Speaker 2: It's a tough, tough skill.
29:42
Speaker 1: You can have a target the size of a king
29:45
Speaker 1: sized mattress about twenty five feet out there, and you
29:49
Speaker 1: think you can hit that thing right in the middle.
29:51
Speaker 1: You're doing good to hit the fringe of the thing.
29:56
Speaker 1: And by the way, you don't make your arrows. You
29:58
Speaker 1: pull them from a quiver. You don't stay with the arrow.
30:03
Speaker 1: You release the arrow and it goes toward a target.
30:08
Speaker 1: Hopefully that is the plan, and you don't kill someone
30:12
Speaker 1: else in the process. You send it on its way
30:16
Speaker 1: so that it strikes the mark, and that reveals skill, time, attention,
30:24
Speaker 1: the cultivation of the skill for which there is no school.
30:32
Speaker 1: And before you know it, you are rearing those children
30:37
Speaker 1: born into the home. Look at the very first verse
30:41
Speaker 1: of chapter one, twenty eight, back to square one. Here
30:44
Speaker 1: we are again in the fear of the Lord. How
30:47
Speaker 1: blessed is everyone who who fears the Lord who walks
30:52
Speaker 1: in his way.
30:53
Speaker 2: Now we're moving into the realm of training.
30:55
Speaker 1: The children, and he says, you'll be blessed again when
30:58
Speaker 1: you shall eat of the fruit of your hands. Here
31:00
Speaker 1: again is the picture of the children. They're now growing
31:04
Speaker 1: and the benefits are coming back to mom and Dad,
31:07
Speaker 1: some of the delightful experiences that you invested are now
31:11
Speaker 1: paying off some of the tough days when you stood
31:15
Speaker 1: your ground and you did not give in, Then the
31:18
Speaker 1: benefits come. How blessed is everyone who fears the Lord.
31:23
Speaker 1: As you eat the fruit of your hands, you will
31:25
Speaker 1: be happy and it will be well with you. That's
31:28
Speaker 1: great news for a father with three teenagers and one
31:32
Speaker 1: who thinks he is.
31:34
Speaker 2: That's me.
31:36
Speaker 1: And some of you with teenagers, and you and I
31:39
Speaker 1: were both told just wait till they get to be teenagers.
31:42
Speaker 1: It's dreadful, it's awful, but it isn't, at least it
31:48
Speaker 1: hasn't been. For some reason, people give the idea that
31:53
Speaker 1: when a child turns thirteen, something green and slimy comes
31:57
Speaker 1: out of the swamping and just kind of grabs that
32:01
Speaker 1: kid around the throat and throws into the madness, says
32:03
Speaker 1: all right now, I'm taking over. No, what happens when
32:08
Speaker 1: teenage life comes and the adolescent years begin, is you
32:11
Speaker 1: and I begin to be challenged as parents. Then somebody
32:15
Speaker 1: is almost as big, if not bigger, than we are,
32:19
Speaker 1: and they ask things like why, and they want to rap.
32:24
Speaker 2: About the reason you have always believed.
32:29
Speaker 1: Oh that that, frankly is, those are some of the
32:36
Speaker 1: best memories of my life and they will continue to
32:39
Speaker 1: be hard questions, good questions, questions that are asked to determine.
32:49
Speaker 2: What do I really believe?
32:51
Speaker 1: But they don't know how to say it like that,
32:52
Speaker 1: so they say it another way. And it's also a
32:57
Speaker 1: time adolescents who hear my words when you determine whether
33:00
Speaker 1: or not you're a thankful person, a person who really
33:04
Speaker 1: does value Jesus Christ, who doesn't adopt so much the
33:10
Speaker 1: standard of mom and dad, but the standard of God.
33:17
Speaker 1: You see, your wife will be like a fruitful vine
33:20
Speaker 1: within your house, your children like olive plants around the table.
33:24
Speaker 1: That's a terrific thought. I don't know a lot about
33:28
Speaker 1: gardening or horticulture, but I know that vines that have
33:34
Speaker 1: fruit on them are very different from the olive tree,
33:37
Speaker 1: the olive plant.
33:41
Speaker 2: In other words, your your wife will be.
33:45
Speaker 1: A fruitful vine type, but your children will be like
33:49
Speaker 1: little transplanted olive shoots, different from you and from your mate. Man,
33:56
Speaker 1: you're not rearing people just like you. You're rearing people
34:00
Speaker 1: that are very different from you. And you see the
34:03
Speaker 1: arrows came ready made you notice that they are arrows
34:09
Speaker 1: that see things different than you. And by the way,
34:15
Speaker 1: not everybody has the same size quiver. Some quivers are
34:20
Speaker 1: just large enough for two, some for four. I was
34:25
Speaker 1: with Norm Nelson, the popular tenor gospel singer, and.
34:29
Speaker 2: He has six children.
34:30
Speaker 1: And he said, after he sang one day and talked
34:32
Speaker 1: about his family, a father came up to him, looked
34:34
Speaker 1: a little blieuerd, and he said, I really really wish
34:39
Speaker 1: we had six kids.
34:40
Speaker 2: It would be great. He said, really, I mean do
34:41
Speaker 2: you have? He said, eleven? Six would be better.
34:48
Speaker 1: You know, your quiver may be big enough for six,
34:52
Speaker 1: it may be big enough for eleven. We have a
34:54
Speaker 1: family in our church who has twelve children. I can't imagine.
35:00
Speaker 1: I am so grateful my quiver is just holding four.
35:05
Speaker 1: But people with two say, I am so thankful it
35:09
Speaker 1: just two. And then in the in the preparation of
35:13
Speaker 1: life and the demonstrative process of putting those arrows to
35:19
Speaker 1: toward the target, you find yourself releasing them. I said
35:23
Speaker 1: to my wife recently, When you finally get the child
35:27
Speaker 1: to the place where he's completely able to handle it
35:30
Speaker 1: all on his own, somebody.
35:32
Speaker 2: Else gets him.
35:34
Speaker 1: Amazing, finally have someone that can really contribute to my home,
35:39
Speaker 1: and he's gone gonna marry somebody else. I love what
35:44
Speaker 1: Jay Kester says about about marrying your daughter off. He says,
35:50
Speaker 1: the only way I know to describe marrying a lovely
35:53
Speaker 1: daughter off to her groom is like taking a two
35:58
Speaker 1: hundred and fifty thousand dollars Stratavarius violin and giving it
36:02
Speaker 1: to a gorilla.
36:13
Speaker 2: That fantastic.
36:16
Speaker 1: You stand at the old this gorilla takes your beautiful
36:21
Speaker 1: girl and runs out with her. You know, oh man,
36:33
Speaker 1: From the table scene of verse three, you move to
36:37
Speaker 1: the launching pad of verse four, and you find again
36:42
Speaker 1: that you're blessed all the way through the psalms. You're blessed,
36:45
Speaker 1: which is always in the plural in the Hebrew and
36:48
Speaker 1: always means happy many times over. Jehovah is in the center.
36:54
Speaker 1: Jehovah does the training through your life. Jehovah does the
36:59
Speaker 1: loving your heart. Jehovah does the releasing. Then you are
37:05
Speaker 1: again happy many times over. You personally, who fears the Lord,
37:10
Speaker 1: You begin to benefit from it personally.
37:13
Speaker 2: And then the scene changes in.
37:15
Speaker 1: Verse five to the civil world, the city in which
37:18
Speaker 1: you live. The Lord bless you from Zion, that's Jerusalem,
37:22
Speaker 1: and may he see the prosperity of Jerusalem all the
37:24
Speaker 1: days of your life. Why, because you have contributed to
37:28
Speaker 1: Jerusalem's government, you have put a person in society that
37:31
Speaker 1: is respectable, wise trained, under control, mature, growing, learning, authentic.
37:40
Speaker 2: Zion is prospered because of.
37:42
Speaker 1: Your work as a parent, and of all things, Shalom
37:47
Speaker 1: envelops Israel. Verse six, there's the national scene. Indeed, may
37:53
Speaker 1: you see your children's children. Peace be upon Israel. I'm
38:03
Speaker 1: going to talk about it more for the men, especially
38:06
Speaker 1: as we deal with the problem of passivity. I'm gravely
38:10
Speaker 1: concerned about that men. I feel at times, forgive the
38:18
Speaker 1: strong way to describe it, I feel that men have
38:22
Speaker 1: become virtually castrated today. I'm not thinking of a fool
38:29
Speaker 1: like an archie bunker type. I'm thinking of a man
38:33
Speaker 1: who is decisive, who is indeed the leader, the gracious leader,
38:38
Speaker 1: the paceseter of a home, the one who isn't afraid
38:43
Speaker 1: of the hard decisions which includes little children needs and
38:47
Speaker 1: growing teenager needs. The leader who understands the mood of
38:53
Speaker 1: a wife, the one who earns her respect on a
38:59
Speaker 1: rail regular basis, the leader who, like Joshua says, as
39:05
Speaker 1: for me and my house, we're going to serve Jesus Christ,
39:11
Speaker 1: and it'll move in a direction that will be pleasant
39:13
Speaker 1: and delightful because he works on that. That's the scene
39:20
Speaker 1: of chapters one, twenty seven and one eight. This is
39:25
Speaker 1: the era not of the preoccupied father, but the absentee father,
39:31
Speaker 1: whose world is his work. I remember the quote, we
39:41
Speaker 1: are a generation that worships our work, and we we
39:48
Speaker 1: play at our worship and we work at our play.
39:54
Speaker 1: It's all so strangely confused.
40:00
Speaker 2: Satol area.
40:00
Speaker 1: A number of years ago, I met a young woman,
40:02
Speaker 1: very courageous woman, who was slugging it out in the
40:04
Speaker 1: streets of Seattle with a Christian organization working with homosexuals.
40:09
Speaker 1: She told me, and I wrote it down so as
40:11
Speaker 1: to never forget it, that seventy five percent of the
40:13
Speaker 1: individuals they work with are from Christian backgrounds. And she
40:19
Speaker 1: doesn't give me a.
40:20
Speaker 2: Figure, but she says, well over.
40:22
Speaker 1: Half of them lacked a strong father image in the
40:26
Speaker 1: home as a model of security and strength. Some of
40:34
Speaker 1: you find yourself victims of that, and you haven't chosen
40:37
Speaker 1: that God becomes in that way many times the father
40:43
Speaker 1: or your child. I really address these words to men
40:49
Speaker 1: who willfully and without any sense of biblical directives, walk
40:54
Speaker 1: away from home and responsibility, and you may be a
41:00
Speaker 1: hotshot where you were. You may even be quoted in
41:03
Speaker 1: a six digit figure in your salary of No one
41:08
Speaker 1: is impressed. You're needed where the bills come due. You're
41:13
Speaker 1: needed in the home. The wife of your life, the
41:18
Speaker 1: mother of your children, cries out a hundred different ways.
41:21
Speaker 2: Saying help me, Please help me.
41:24
Speaker 1: The task is horrendous and I can't do it alone.
41:35
Speaker 1: I plead if I could get on my knees and
41:38
Speaker 1: make it more effective. I would plead with the men.
41:42
Speaker 2: To take their role that is God given.
41:47
Speaker 1: I plead with you, ladies, in situations that you find
41:50
Speaker 1: yourself just at times at a loss to know how
41:53
Speaker 1: you can go on.
41:54
Speaker 2: To walk very closely and sensitively with God and not
41:59
Speaker 2: let your passion direct you.
42:03
Speaker 1: My opinion, the most difficult role to fill today is
42:06
Speaker 1: the role of the Christian woman who is gifted in
42:12
Speaker 1: a situation with a husband that doesn't know it and
42:16
Speaker 1: doesn't cultivate it, doesn't value it. The Girl Scout magazine
42:26
Speaker 1: entitled The American Girl, Vicky aged fourteen wrote this true story.
42:37
Speaker 1: It's called that's the way life goes sometimes. When I
42:42
Speaker 1: was ten, my parents got a divorce. Naturally, my father
42:47
Speaker 1: told me about it because he was my favorite. By
42:51
Speaker 1: the way, it's interesting to me that she doesn't say
42:53
Speaker 1: I was his favorite.
42:57
Speaker 2: Honey.
42:57
Speaker 1: I know it's been kind of bad for you these
42:59
Speaker 1: past few days, and I don't want to make it worse.
43:01
Speaker 2: But there's something I have to tell you. Honey.
43:04
Speaker 1: Your mother and I got a divorce. But Daddy, I
43:08
Speaker 1: know you don't want this, but it has to be done.
43:10
Speaker 1: Your mother and I just didn't get along like we
43:12
Speaker 1: used to. I'm already packed and my plane is leaving
43:15
Speaker 1: in a half an hour. But Daddy, why do you
43:19
Speaker 1: have to leave? Well, Honey, your mother and I can't
43:22
Speaker 1: live together anymore. I know that, But I mean, why
43:24
Speaker 1: do you have to leave town? Oh? Well, I got
43:28
Speaker 1: somebody waiting for me in New Jersey. But Daddy, will
43:32
Speaker 1: I ever see you again? Sure you will, Honey, we'll
43:34
Speaker 1: work something out. But what I mean you'll be living
43:38
Speaker 1: in New Jersey and I'll be living here in Washington.
43:42
Speaker 1: Maybe your mother will agree to you spending two weeks
43:44
Speaker 1: in the summer and two in the winter with me.
43:46
Speaker 2: Well, why not more? Often.
43:48
Speaker 1: I don't think she'll agree to two weeks in the
43:51
Speaker 1: summer and two in the winter much less more. Well,
43:55
Speaker 1: it can't hurt to try, I know, honey. But we'll
43:57
Speaker 1: have to work it out later. My plane leaves in
43:59
Speaker 1: twenty minutes and I've got to get to the airport.
44:01
Speaker 2: Now.
44:02
Speaker 1: I'm gonna get my luggage, and I want you to
44:04
Speaker 1: go to your room so you don't have to watch me,
44:08
Speaker 1: and no long goodbye is either.
44:10
Speaker 2: Okay, daddy, goodbye. Don't forget to write. Well, I won't goodbye.
44:18
Speaker 2: Now go to your room. Okay, daddy.
44:21
Speaker 1: I don't want you to go I know, honey, but
44:25
Speaker 1: I have to why you wouldn't understand, honey, Yes I would. No,
44:32
Speaker 1: you wouldn't. Oh, well, goodbye, goodbye. Now go to your room,
44:40
Speaker 1: hurry up.
44:41
Speaker 3: Okay.
44:43
Speaker 2: Well, I guess that's the way life.
44:45
Speaker 1: Goes sometimes, Yes, honey, that's the way life goes sometimes.
44:53
Speaker 1: After my father walked out the door, I never heard
44:58
Speaker 1: from him again. Maybe bow together. It's a hard thing
45:13
Speaker 1: to hear, ladies and gentlemen. It's a hard thing to say.
45:21
Speaker 1: God put it together so beautifully, and we have filed
45:24
Speaker 1: it up so royally. Oh thank God, there are some exceptions.
45:32
Speaker 1: I talked today to some of you who could say
45:35
Speaker 1: back to me, We've never been happier, Our family has
45:39
Speaker 1: never been closer. Thank the Lord. Even though we're struggling
45:44
Speaker 1: with some difficulties, we are together. And I say to you,
45:49
Speaker 1: if that is true, give God the praise. Even in
45:52
Speaker 1: single parent families, Give God the praise. Even with daddies
45:59
Speaker 1: it walked out, your mom has stayed, or with moms
46:03
Speaker 1: that walked out your dad stayed.
46:05
Speaker 2: Give God praise.
46:12
Speaker 1: Yes, I'm a sentimentalist, but more than that, I see
46:22
Speaker 1: the role of an expositor is someone to make us
46:25
Speaker 1: aware of the text and then to challenge us with
46:29
Speaker 1: the meaning of it in our lives. I know I'm
46:34
Speaker 1: talking to some people who have been thinking about leaving.
46:39
Speaker 1: There's too many of you out there for me to
46:41
Speaker 1: deny that. I want to tell you that your kids
46:48
Speaker 1: will never get over it. Now, they'll survive, but they'll
46:53
Speaker 1: never get over it. There's some big kids that I
46:58
Speaker 1: spend some of my time with and they're still not
47:00
Speaker 1: over it. And there are men that are fifty and
47:03
Speaker 1: some of them top men in their companies. There are
47:08
Speaker 1: mothers that are trying to get a handle on lives
47:12
Speaker 1: and they're very capable women. But that parent left home disintegrated.
47:20
Speaker 1: We're seeing it happen in our own neighborhood at a
47:23
Speaker 1: very dear little family, the process of seven eight nine years.
47:30
Speaker 3: Disintegrating.
47:33
Speaker 1: If you've never met Jesus Christ as your personal savior,
47:37
Speaker 1: then that's a major reason why you cannot put it together.
47:41
Speaker 1: You're lost. You have no roadmap, you have no power
47:46
Speaker 1: to say no, You have no help. When you're alone
47:50
Speaker 1: and you make those decisions, you have nothing undergirding that
47:56
Speaker 1: decision maker, no wonder.
48:00
Speaker 3: You can't be all man or all woman, or all
48:03
Speaker 3: whoever you're called to be.
48:06
Speaker 2: In your role in life.
48:10
Speaker 1: Right where you're sitting today, right now, you can come
48:13
Speaker 1: to know peace and a new direction. And I'm pleased
48:18
Speaker 1: to say forgiveness for those foolish and wrong things in
48:24
Speaker 1: the past, a clean slate, start over, hope to go on,
48:31
Speaker 1: power to go back and say I'm wrong. Please forgive
48:34
Speaker 1: me authenticity enough to look at your mate or look
48:40
Speaker 1: at your friend now and say.
48:43
Speaker 2: This is the real.
48:44
Speaker 1: Truth I never told you before. We have counselors who
48:50
Speaker 1: sit with folks just like you. As long as you
48:52
Speaker 1: need to sit there and pray and talk to help
48:55
Speaker 1: you come to terms with eternal life. Were now responsible
49:01
Speaker 1: for what you've heard, and I plead with you today
49:06
Speaker 1: not to turn it off.
49:11
Speaker 2: God will not let you rest.
49:13
Speaker 1: Do you respond, Maybe you're a Christian and you need
49:20
Speaker 1: somebody to talk to. The burdens are heavy that you
49:22
Speaker 1: cannot seem to handle it yourself. Again, the counselors are
49:25
Speaker 1: there for you, people waiting to talk.
49:28
Speaker 3: With you today.
49:33
Speaker 1: Lord God, I thank you for the way you say
49:37
Speaker 1: things to us, and I mean even grateful for the
49:43
Speaker 1: way you repeat them. Some of these things have been
49:46
Speaker 1: said before, just in a little different way, but today
49:48
Speaker 1: it seems like they.
49:49
Speaker 3: Have come across to strike at the heart of where
49:53
Speaker 3: we are.
49:57
Speaker 1: My heart goes out to the Vickis of this world,
50:02
Speaker 1: but no more than yours does, who this day try
50:06
Speaker 1: to put together the reasons unsuccessfully. I pray that you
50:13
Speaker 1: would undergird those very faithful, loving parents as they do
50:19
Speaker 1: the hard job without any support from the media and
50:24
Speaker 1: with so little help from others in the lonely confines
50:29
Speaker 1: of the ham. I pray that you would bring strength
50:35
Speaker 1: to stay true, to walk in the spirit, to follow
50:41
Speaker 1: your guidance. I prayed you would make this meeting extremely significant,
50:49
Speaker 1: that you would use it as a life changing part
50:51
Speaker 1: of this day to alter thinking, which ultimately alters actions.
51:01
Speaker 1: Now unto him who is able to guard us from stumbling,
51:03
Speaker 1: and present us faultless before the presence of his glory
51:06
Speaker 1: with exceeding joy to the only wise God, our Savior,
51:13
Speaker 1: be glory, majesty, dominion, in authority, now.
51:21
Speaker 3: And forevermore.
51:23
Speaker 1: And all the people said Amen.
51:28
Speaker 4: The preceding message, Strengthening your grip on the Family was
51:32
Speaker 4: copyrighted in nineteen eighty one, nineteen eighty five, nineteen eighty nine,
51:36
Speaker 4: nineteen ninety five, twenty fourteen, and twenty twenty four, and
51:40
Speaker 4: the sound recording was copyrighted in twenty twenty four by
51:43
Speaker 4: Charles R. Swindall Incorporated. All rights are reserved worldwide. Duplication
51:48
Speaker 4: of copyrighted material for commercial use is strictly prohibited