Latest / The Diva Details / Exploring the World of Swingers: Upside-Down Pineapples and Beyond

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Exploring the World of Swingers: Upside-Down Pineapples and Beyond · The Diva Details

• 0:00
  Welcome to the Diva Details. Welcome to the Diva Details.
• 0:04
  Where bold, confident women embrace life unapologetically.
• 0:09
  From love and sex to wellness and reinvention. We keep it raw, real and powerful.
• 0:16
  No filters, no limits. Just fearless conversations to help you thrive.
• 0:22
  Let's dive in with Diva Mia and Diva Kat.
• 0:27
  Well, hello Diva Kat. Hello, dear Amia.
• 0:30
  I am so excited today. Me too. You know why? Why?
• 0:34
  Because I am covering our topic with you today that I know nothing about.
• 0:38
  Same here. I keep hearing about it. It's happening all over. Wow.
• 0:42
  And it's becoming trendy. Is it really? It's trendy because I hear about it
• 0:46
  all over the place, and I don't understand why it's so trendy.
• 0:49
  Huh. It's like people don't want to get divorced. They just want to get into a swingers club.
• 0:54
  The swingers club. Yeah, today we're talking about swingers.
• 0:57
  I guess I gave it away. Oh, wow.
• 0:58
  Some people might have open marriage. Is that the same thing?
• 1:02
  An open marriage is a little different. Swingers is usually the couples go and
• 1:05
  they swing with other couples and they switch.
• 1:07
  And they go home together. Go home together with the same couple.
• 1:10
  Yeah, they can. Or they can go over to other couples and they have swinger parties. Wow.
• 1:14
  I know. It's just like that movie I shot. What's that? I didn't see it.
• 1:18
  Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman.
• 1:20
  I'll have to watch that. I have no idea. Don't watch it if you don't have a
• 1:23
  date right now. No? No. I need to get a guy before I watch it? Mm-hmm. Okay.
• 1:28
  Well, it's a thing. So let's kind of let's dive into it because I am learning
• 1:32
  all about it. And I think maybe we should have a swinger on here and ask them more.
• 1:36
  Hello, any swinger out there, reach out to us. Reach out to us if you want to
• 1:40
  be on the podcast. I think this is a swinger call.
• 1:43
  This is going to be fun. I'm excited. I know. So we're going to open it up to
• 1:47
  our listeners. If there's a swinger out there that wants to come on and tell
• 1:50
  us kind of the lowdown, I'm going to open it up to you.
• 1:52
  But we're going to take a dive into it, see what we can get. So I know that,
• 1:57
  actually, I figured out, I didn't know until a couple years ago,
• 2:00
  that if you have an upside-down pineapple hanging in your front yard,
• 2:03
  or you take a pineapple and you flip it upside down, not a real pineapple,
• 2:07
  but like a drawing or some type of figurine,
• 2:10
  that's a sign that you're a swinger. Serious?
• 2:13
  Swear to God. I'll tell you the story. Okay.
• 2:16
  Because my husband's grandparents live in there over 55.
• 2:20
  That neighborhood, that community is a 12-year-old. Over 55, yeah. Yeah.
• 2:25
  So everybody could decorate the whole front, the same thing.
• 2:27
  I saw that thing. Did you? And you're like, do they need to fix their pineapple?
• 2:30
  I had no idea. That was a thing. Back then.
• 2:34
  Well, they bought pants now. God forgive me. Maybe it was a thing back then. Oh my goodness.
• 2:39
  Well, I lived on a tropical island for a while, right?
• 2:42
  Right. So we had a lot of pineapples. We decorated stuff with pineapples.
• 2:45
  We have a lot of like... Don't be hanging upside down.
• 2:47
  We had birds of paradise. We had all different kinds of things.
• 2:50
  So I had a bunch of pineapple solar lights.
• 2:54
  Oh my god and i put them out and one of them flipped
• 2:56
  over and they're like that means you're a swinger i'm like what and
• 3:00
  i had no idea that's how i found out so yeah upside down
• 3:03
  pineapple means that you're a swinger so just if you want to put
• 3:07
  it out there for the world there you go but these people are older people how
• 3:11
  they are it's hidden in plain sight so people can know without knowing because
• 3:16
  a lot of times people unless they've listened to our podcast or they knew don't
• 3:20
  know that the upside pineapple means that you're a swinger or you're gonna have
• 3:24
  a party there soon some people just put it out right before a party or
• 3:27
  they'll put a little upside down pineapple on like a image in a dating app we
• 3:31
  must we spend a week there with them here's me right i say oh this is the best
• 3:36
  the best i actually want to live in one of those are we gonna come back i said
• 3:39
  you could decorate your front on the way you want flamenco pineapple.
• 3:46
  Rainbows well yeah well and here's the thing i think it's different now you
• 3:50
  know how i said i feel like women our age and women in general,
• 3:54
  I don't know if it's because of the social media or what, but I feel like there's
• 3:58
  an awakening for older women just to step more into our sexuality and be more upfront and honest.
• 4:03
  The swinger crowd is very loud and proud and they're very visible now and it's
• 4:08
  increasingly more and more mainstream.
• 4:10
  I mean, there's movies about it left and right now coming out too.
• 4:13
  So if I could say, I watched Bridget Jones',
• 4:17
  diaries last night and I remember back when i was in my
• 4:20
  30s the pressure for women to get married remember that okay
• 4:23
  yes the so the society back in
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  the 90s was like you got to be married by the
• 4:29
  time you're 30 that was the rule or you're a spinster right right and then it
• 4:33
  evolved to okay now you can now in the the 2010s it was like oh you don't have
• 4:38
  to get married you can go get a sperm donor and now it's revolving into women
• 4:42
  need to date younger but it's also evolving into women can be loud and proud about their sexuality,
• 4:48
  but the swingers are louder than we are.
• 4:51
  And it's just, it's kind of cracking me up a little bit.
• 4:53
  I went to a club. I'm not going to say where.
• 4:56
  I want to call people out. And there was a bunch of people there and the bartender
• 5:00
  told me they were all swingers.
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  And there was like 15 people at a table, maybe 16, because it was all couples
• 5:04
  and the whole couple group.
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  So now when you see big groups of couples.
• 5:10
  That might be it. It might be a swinger group and you just don't know.
• 5:13
  And I didn't know it, but then I noticed that the guys were coming up and putting
• 5:18
  the hands, giving the people that weren't their wives quick massages on their
• 5:22
  shoulders or hugging a little bit too long.
• 5:24
  And I was like, oh, huh. And it was just a friends group that swings together.
• 5:28
  This is one of the, I don't know, you watched the show. I watched the show.
• 5:31
  I love that show, Sack in the City.
• 5:33
  That's one of the episodes. One of the episodes has swingers?
• 5:36
  There's been a lot of movies about having swingers, but to me,
• 5:39
  that would be uncomfortable seeing my man with another woman.
• 5:42
  I don't think I'm comfortable with that. Because the swinger parties,
• 5:46
  they're more like orgy fests from the 90s. They're out in the open.
• 5:49
  And some swinger parties, you have your own room, but some swinger parties, they're like orgies.
• 5:53
  And I only know this because I've seen that in the movies, too.
• 5:56
  Oh, my God. Is that a theme, too? Yeah, because what happens is you get everybody in the group tested.
• 6:01
  The group only stays within the group. That way, everybody gets a little bit
• 6:04
  of variety, I guess. Yeah.
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  But anyway, so that they're swingers. And so they put signs up.
• 6:12
  They there's different signals. So one person told me that if you go to a specific
• 6:16
  bar in my town and you're sitting at the bar and you leave your keys in front
• 6:20
  of you on the counter, you and your partner, that means you're a swinger.
• 6:24
  I didn't know that either.
• 6:25
  But if you think about it, how often would you take your keys out of your purse
• 6:29
  or your pocketbook and stick it on the counter? A lot in Vegas.
• 6:33
  That's dangerous. I know. That somebody could take that off. But anyway, yeah.
• 6:38
  I've seen people that are couples announcing that they're looking for another, a third.
• 6:44
  Yeah, it's a thing. My God. It's a thing. It's only happened on a movie and
• 6:49
  TV show. No, it's very common now.
• 6:51
  Besides the fact that I'm getting hit on by women left and right on the dating,
• 6:55
  or was, well, I turned it on again, and now it's like half the dating apps are
• 6:59
  women coming after me, and I don't know why. I think the way you live.
• 7:02
  Is it gives people variety. And when you're in a marriage, and most of these
• 7:06
  swinging groups are in our age group, by the way. It's not 20-year-olds.
• 7:09
  It's like 40, 50s, and 60s. Maybe they just get bored of their marriage.
• 7:13
  I think they get bored having the same partner. And being a swinger,
• 7:17
  if you're in a safe, protected environment, it allows for you to have variety. Have variety.
• 7:23
  Now, I'm not, I don't think it would be for me. But I also don't want to lay
• 7:26
  judgment on anyone that's doing it. Because if it works for them and it keeps
• 7:29
  their marriage together.
• 7:31
  More power to it. More power to them. And here's the thing. Not everybody is
• 7:34
  like, like I would get really jealous, I think, if somebody was messing with my husband.
• 7:38
  But some people, they don't care.
• 7:41
  Oh, I do care. I don't want anybody near my husband. Yeah. No?
• 7:45
  Well, especially if you saw it. Right. It's like your face, forget it. No.
• 7:49
  That would be terrible. Yeah. Yeah, especially if you saw it.
• 7:52
  But some people think that it spices up the marriage.
• 7:55
  Is it really? Yeah, because maybe they've had lack of variety.
• 7:58
  So then they try something new with someone else and then they go try it on their wife.
• 8:02
  What if they don't come back? These are swinger parties, okay?
• 8:05
  So these are swinger parties.
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  What if they switch couples? That does happen. In fact, I did talk,
• 8:10
  it happens more so when it's a threesome than when it's a swinger party.
• 8:13
  Because when that happens, you have to have two people that want to leave, not just one.
• 8:17
  But there have been instances where they're like a man and a woman bring another
• 8:22
  woman in to their marriage because they want to spice it up.
• 8:26
  Because maybe the man doesn't please the woman or it doesn't go down or sex
• 8:29
  is not so great or whatever.
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  And the man doesn't realize it and then later on he loses his wife to the woman
• 8:35
  because women are really good at pleasing other women so and then women know
• 8:40
  each other we know each other body or at least we should and we know what to
• 8:45
  do and men are just kind of like whamming us sometimes,
• 8:49
  they run us right over oh my god i mean
• 8:52
  some men are great and some men just they need to go back to
• 8:54
  grade school we can just graduate in
• 8:57
  high school when it comes to sex yeah wow this is
• 9:01
  one new thing that's the nice thing about being in a marriage you know you can
• 9:05
  learn you know each other you know what you know there's body you know it's
• 9:09
  just desires and you have a connection right that's why relationships are so
• 9:12
  important i think it's for the connection but the swingers they don't care they
• 9:15
  don't care they compartmentalize it off wow.
• 9:19
  They are very strong-minded people. Yeah. I think. Yeah.
• 9:23
  I only see that in the movies. I didn't know it was a big old thing. It's so big.
• 9:27
  And this is like the fourth time in a month that somebody's told me about the swinger parties.
• 9:31
  Not that I'm going to these parties, but somebody's mentioned them to me,
• 9:36
  so I know people are talking about them.
• 9:38
  Wow. I had a whole conversation with somebody about the other night.
• 9:40
  They go, yeah, it's big in our town. I know.
• 9:43
  I learned something new. I know. I think that they're talking that it started during the pandemic.
• 9:49
  So what happened was everybody was home
• 9:52
  they were miserable being around their spouse too long
• 9:55
  they were fighting too much and they knew a friend yeah
• 9:59
  or a couple and that couple they knew were clean they
• 10:02
  got them tested or whatever and they go hey we're bored
• 10:05
  yeah why don't we try it and they switched partners and
• 10:08
  then they added another couple and another and then they have swingers parties
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  that's how you start yeah and it can be just like two couples
• 10:14
  together but that's how it started was the pandemic and
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  then plus on top of that it was we have you know
• 10:20
  information about swinger part you can research it online so and
• 10:24
  then there's different types of swingers there's polyamory swingers
• 10:27
  and open relationship swingers like we were talking about earlier so
• 10:30
  the open relationships you just go and have a relationship or
• 10:34
  it's actually you're not supposed to have a relationship you can go
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  have sex with other people where other times they stick
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  together as a couple i need emotion i need
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  like feelings before we do all that i do too i need
• 10:45
  to be a attached to someone to have sex with
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  them because if i'm not in a relationship i don't want
• 10:51
  to have sex yeah but you know it's out there so
• 10:54
  i thought and since it's becoming more and more popular i thought we'd bring it
• 10:56
  up this is a great conversation i know now i don't
• 10:59
  know any personal swingers myself i don't have.
• 11:02
  You've been talking about for the past i've talked
• 11:05
  to people that have they know about it they i don't know
• 11:08
  if they participated and i didn't want to ask because that
• 11:11
  would be a little too much yeah they would not say like you're interested
• 11:14
  you want to being right here no i don't think they
• 11:17
  were leading that way i hope not asking they're
• 11:20
  gonna think like you know that i'm into it yeah no
• 11:23
  yeah no anyway i'm not into it but not out there no swing out for diva mias
• 11:29
  or diva kat so you can do upside down pineapple some people take the pineapple
• 11:33
  at the grocery store and they flip it upside down and then now i just throw
• 11:38
  the damn pineapple in my cart and i'm thinking to myself have i ever had a pineapple
• 11:41
  upside down in my cart and they.
• 11:44
  On accident, if I ever thrown a pineapple into my cart and it flipped the same thing.
• 11:49
  Maybe it's a good thing because I'm allergic to fresh pineapple.
• 11:52
  So be careful in the grocery store, guys, when you have a pineapple.
• 11:56
  You will never see me buying pineapple because I'm allergic to fresh pineapple. Are you? Mm-hmm.
• 12:01
  Oh, wow. Just the fresh one, though. Just the fresh one? I eat it right off
• 12:04
  on the chin. So be careful when you get that pineapple and stick it in your
• 12:07
  cart. Don't flip it upside down.
• 12:09
  Got it. They also have swinger shirts. I don't know what those look like.
• 12:13
  And then there's swinger party door signs.
• 12:15
  You can actually put an upside-down pineapple on your door. Oh, yeah. Oh, wow.
• 12:18
  Or you can have a pineapple upside-down in a T-shirt. Remember we were on the cruise?
• 12:23
  There's a pineapple upside-down right in the front door. Which one?
• 12:27
  Cruise we just went on. Where at? The magnetic.
• 12:31
  Oh, yeah. On the door, they decorate your doors and stuff.
• 12:34
  There's a freaking pineapple, magnetic, upside-down. Wow, they were swingers.
• 12:38
  It's a symbol. When there's only pineapple, is it flamingo cloud?
• 12:41
  You know the flamingos? Yeah. Does it count when the flamingo with it feet up?
• 12:45
  I don't think so. No. Maybe there's another meaning to it.
• 12:49
  Yeah, that means somebody didn't put the stake in the ground.
• 12:52
  Someone didn't stake that flamingo into the ground hard enough.
• 12:54
  That's what that means. And a windstorm took it, and now it's sticking with its legs up.
• 12:59
  That's all that means, girl. And there's key parties, too, where you give people
• 13:04
  keys or... Like a change key?
• 13:07
  It's a key with an invitation, or it can be a key with just the key and say,
• 13:11
  meet at this place where it's more of a verbal it just depends oh
• 13:14
  my god so yeah and then there's garden gnomes
• 13:17
  too garden gnomes have you seen garden gnomes yeah
• 13:22
  garden gnomes black rings mean something color-coded wristbands mean something
• 13:26
  yeah i tell my friend she got a gnome all over her oh no she's a great yeah
• 13:31
  no no no yeah valentine gnomes if you get a trail close by our house if you
• 13:35
  walk through that rock trail there's a whole section of gnomes there really Yeah.
• 13:40
  All right. So here it is. So in a key party was based off the 1970s. That's when it started.
• 13:46
  So it's a way for like a suburban couple, which were in a suburb to engage in sex.
• 13:51
  So it's basically like here's the key and it tells a story about kind of where
• 13:55
  you're going to be, how you're going to be. It's just a key exchange.
• 13:59
  And so like you may go out to a bar and let's say you left your keys on the
• 14:04
  counter then and you're sitting next to a swinging couple.
• 14:08
  You take the other person's keys and they take yours. They take your keys. Uh-huh.
• 14:13
  And then you can also have a key party where, oh, this one's bad.
• 14:16
  All the men put the car keys in a bowl.
• 14:18
  You're at a swinger party. All the men put the car keys into a bowl or a bag. Mm-hmm.
• 14:23
  And then you talk, you meet people, meet and greet and stuff.
• 14:27
  Mm-hmm. And then the women go.
• 14:29
  Mm-hmm. And they grab a set of keys out of the bowl. And that's who they're
• 14:32
  going to be with for the night. That's who they're going to be with for the night.
• 14:35
  Wow. That's crazy. Is this for a kid? This is for real.
• 14:40
  Wow. I'm speechless. Yeah. So. There is no. Oh, my God. The world is getting freakier.
• 14:46
  And then what happens again when you find out that you're having better sex
• 14:49
  with your neighbor's wife? Yeah.
• 14:52
  Key parties are something. Swingers are happening. What else they do?
• 14:55
  Gnomes? Gnomes. So gnomes is the next thing. Oh, my gosh.
• 14:59
  So this is being crazy. So it means that when you have gnomes in your front
• 15:03
  yard that you're involved in, it's good luck.
• 15:06
  It's protection. But as far as a swinger goes, this is the swinger folklore. Wow.
• 15:12
  That's just crazy. Are you reading or are you speechless? If you have a gnome
• 15:16
  that looks like it's peeking through a bush or a rose bush, it means that there's
• 15:23
  a sexual debauchery coming. Yeah. You can do it with grass as well.
• 15:27
  And it's just the way you position the gnomes. I tell my friend to put all her gnomes away.
• 15:32
  Yeah. She got them all over her front yard. And how people have been doing pink
• 15:36
  flamingos since the 1950s. Yeah.
• 15:39
  Now people are speculating about sexual activity depending on how you put the
• 15:42
  pink flamingos as well. Oh, my God. I love flamingos. I better not wear that earrings.
• 15:47
  What do you mean? I just bought the big-ass flamingo earrings.
• 15:51
  What if the flamingo flicks the other way? It's not upside down.
• 15:54
  It's just the way you position them. Like if you put them facing each other, kissing. Uh-huh.
• 15:59
  And there's yard signs with upside-down pineapples.
• 16:02
  Open communication is key in swinging couples, though. So if you're going to
• 16:07
  be in a swinging couple, I think you really need to have great communication with your partner.
• 16:10
  You definitely have to. And I have read from some of the blogs that some women
• 16:16
  are complaining about their husbands after being in a swinging group,
• 16:19
  and some women and men are complaining about their wives with sex.
• 16:22
  Yeah. Maybe some of them would appreciate their wife and their husband.
• 16:25
  Yeah. So here's some other symbols, okay, since we're talking symbols.
• 16:29
  Pompous grass in the front yard garden. What is it again? Pompous grass.
• 16:32
  It's a special kind of grass that it grows in the front yard.
• 16:36
  We have to plant it. It's got, oh my gosh, I've seen this in so many people's places.
• 16:42
  It's feather. They look like feathers on the top of the grass. Uh-oh.
• 16:46
  The next one is pink or purple decorations in the front yard.
• 16:48
  Does that mean if I have a whole section of purple flowers that I want?
• 16:52
  Oh, my God. The pineapple upside down or in a shopping cart,
• 16:55
  a pineapple door knocker can mean a fire pit in the yard, but a lot of people have fire pits.
• 17:00
  Having a hot tub does not mean you're a swinger. Nobody has a hot tub and fire
• 17:04
  pit. Yeah. And then if a woman has an anklet on her right leg.
• 17:09
  Wow. But it says if a woman I remember it was an anklet on her left leg,
• 17:12
  too. So if you wear an anklet, you could be a swinger.
• 17:15
  I used to wear those all the time when I was younger. Because I practiced yoga
• 17:18
  this morning. She wore them all the time. Was she a swinger? A red ball cap.
• 17:22
  Wearing a red ball cap. Man or woman, like a baseball cap. But if they're a
• 17:26
  Boston race soccer fan, the race soccer fan, the baseball cap.
• 17:29
  Or the filly. Yeah, maybe. White landscaping rocks in the front yard.
• 17:34
  There's a lot of people with white landscaping rocks. Yeah.
• 17:37
  Wearing a thumb ring. I've done that. I didn't know what it was.
• 17:41
  Wearing a toe ring. I've done that too. I've done that too. And then switching
• 17:44
  your wedding ring from your left hand to your right hand.
• 17:47
  If they are European, the wedding ring is always on their right hand.
• 17:49
  Is it? Mm-hmm. If you're German... Most Europeans wear their wedding ring on their left hand.
• 17:55
  Some Easterns wear it on the right, but very few. Russia, Ukraine, and Poland.
• 18:00
  See? Yeah, Russia, Ukraine, and Poland. So, yeah, so some people do wear it
• 18:03
  on the right hand, so that doesn't work, but we're not talking about Europe.
• 18:06
  And then there's a five-pointed star. Five-pointed star. Like north, west?
• 18:12
  I don't know. It's hanging on the outside of a house. Why don't they just hang
• 18:16
  on the day they're going to have a party?
• 18:18
  Well, you could, or you can be loud and proud.
• 18:22
  Not everybody's in an HOA either. The key party, though, kind of is like, wow.
• 18:26
  Yeah, the key party is kind of intimidating. Yeah.
• 18:29
  And so what happens is when you switch car keys at these key parties,
• 18:33
  then you go home to that person's house and have sex with their husband or that
• 18:38
  person's wife. I cannot do that. Yeah.
• 18:41
  No. That's a big no for me. Yeah. And you can do that with other things,
• 18:46
  but that's what it is. The men drive.
• 18:48
  The men all stick their keys in the... Now, don't drive your Ferrari. Yeah.
• 18:52
  The men all stick their keys in a bowl and then they take the person home. Huh. Wow.
• 18:56
  That's very fluid sex. To me, that's, I think, a level above where I'm mentally
• 19:01
  competent and capable of handling.
• 19:03
  My mentor would just not request for that. My mind's not, but it's out there.
• 19:07
  So then they stay in the marriage longer, or maybe they don't.
• 19:10
  I think if your marriage is on the rocks, having sex with someone else in an
• 19:14
  open type of winger, it's not going to help. No.
• 19:17
  You have to be secure in your marriage. Don't use this to fix your marriage.
• 19:20
  Yeah, no. And you have to be sexually accepting of that.
• 19:24
  And then there's cruise codes and trip codes.
• 19:28
  Lifestyle-friendly resorts. So if you ever see a lifestyle-friendly resort on
• 19:32
  a cruise or a lifestyle-friendly cruise, it's a swinger cruise.
• 19:35
  Huh. Or it's a resort where everybody's going to be having sex with everyone.
• 19:40
  Yeah, it's kind of gross, right? I'm just, okay, if you do this,
• 19:43
  it's all on you, but just be safe. For you.
• 19:46
  Yeah, be safe, use protection, and get tested often.
• 19:49
  That's a show, Couple Therapy. That's a movie, Couple Therapy or...
• 19:54
  Couple Retreat. Couple Retreat, yes.
• 19:56
  So you have to be careful with the lifestyle-friendly resorts.
• 19:58
  And then if you're single and you want to join one of these swingers groups,
• 20:03
  because you're, I don't know, you enjoy that, there's different emojis you can use, like a unicorn.
• 20:08
  I just consider myself a unicorn. Well, now you're a swinger.
• 20:12
  I should not. If you use phrases like unicorn or, oh my gosh.
• 20:18
  I say that all the time. I had a guy ask me or say I was a total unicorn.
• 20:21
  I was like, and now I realize what he was talking about.
• 20:24
  What are you talking about? Oh my God. I know.
• 20:27
  No, I'm not a unicorn. No, you're not. No, we are not unicorns.
• 20:31
  This is such an educational podcast.
• 20:33
  Oh my God, we learned something new. I learned something completely new today.
• 20:37
  You better be careful what you do. Do not leave your teeth.
• 20:40
  Do not, you go up to happy hours. Do not put your teeth on top of the counter.
• 20:44
  And now I have had men on their podcast often say, you have to be open-minded to be with me.
• 20:49
  And that's a sign that you're either a swinger or you're into alternative sexual things.
• 20:55
  So, I am open-minded. I just have very big standards and boundaries and limitations.
• 21:02
  I have rules, boundaries, and limitations in my life for a reason.
• 21:05
  Who knows what they look like? That's just gross. Yeah.
• 21:08
  Well, it's not gross. Let's not judge. Yeah. We're not judging.
• 21:13
  So, there's swinger couples on Tinder, Bumble. Bumble and Hinge are the ones I've seen.
• 21:17
  Heck, yeah, Bumble and Hinge are a lot. There's a lot. And Field or Feld,
• 21:21
  F-E-E-L-D, that's a new dating app I haven't heard of. But that's kind of where the swingers hang out.
• 21:27
  I could see Tinder and Bumble, but Hinge, it's on Hinge now,
• 21:30
  too. But Hinge has kind of changed, too.
• 21:32
  They've got a lot of scammers on Hinge now, too. And a lot of,
• 21:34
  it's a hookup site now. That's just wow.
• 21:37
  Mm-hmm. Okay, so there are different kinds of swaps. Oh, my God.
• 21:41
  Okay, so when you're with swingers, there's different types of swaps.
• 21:45
  There's what's called a soft swap.
• 21:47
  So a soft swap is you're swapping partners, but there cannot be any penetration.
• 21:52
  So it's going to be oral sex. Most couples prefer soft swapping,
• 21:55
  especially if they're brand new to the swinger scene.
• 21:58
  So they don't have to, they don't, I mean, you still should get tested if you're
• 22:01
  going down on someone, but it's just a little less intimate then.
• 22:05
  Yeah. And then there's, it's called Luxury Lifestyle Vacations is a company
• 22:10
  that has high-end swingers that go to resorts to just have sex. Have sex.
• 22:15
  Yeah. And then there's a full swap and the full swap is where you have full-on intercourse.
• 22:20
  Yeah. So you can have different types of swaps. They're just crazy.
• 22:24
  I know. So who knew that there is so much lingo you need to learn in this, right?
• 22:31
  And there's even a TV show, I think, that kind of mimics it,
• 22:34
  but not fully, is like you swap wives. You ever know that wife swapping episode?
• 22:39
  Have you seen that? Where people think that their wife is terrible,
• 22:42
  so they swap with somebody else's wife, and then they see what it's like with
• 22:45
  somebody else's wife. A show, yeah.
• 22:47
  Okay. So the hot wife swap is a term used to describe similar lifestyles.
• 22:52
  And it involves around swapping the wives off. Like a guy takes a wife to another
• 22:57
  guy's house and they swap wives. It's not monogamous.
• 22:59
  And it's just a new lifestyle, a new way of living.
• 23:05
  And it's different. So there is out there. Yeah.
• 23:09
  Yeah. That's just crazy. I don't know. You would have to be so sexually comfortable
• 23:14
  in yourself with you and your partner to want to entertain this, I think.
• 23:19
  I think so. Otherwise, I think it could lead to divorce.
• 23:22
  I really do. You have to be careful. You have to be careful with this. All right, so...
• 23:27
  There's some of the lingo. And there's also a thing called unicorn hunting.
• 23:31
  I thought they had seen it in so uniform. They're unicorn hunting because you're
• 23:34
  looking for someone that can handle the emotional toll that swap.
• 23:39
  Because I'm sure it's emotionally challenging, too, that swapping partners entails.
• 23:43
  You have to feel like there's a power dynamic there, too. Now,
• 23:46
  what happens after you have sex?
• 23:48
  Let's say you have a full swap, right?
• 23:52
  And you have sex with the neighbor or someone. And you run into them in the
• 23:55
  grocery store and they're with their spouse. How do you behave?
• 23:58
  I don't know. And then what happens if they're way better than your husband?
• 24:01
  I think they should wear masks.
• 24:03
  On this swing party, so you don't know who they are. Oh, so we're going to have
• 24:06
  a masquerade swing party. Swing party. It's a neat idea.
• 24:10
  Yeah. Yeah. That is a neat idea, but then you can't kiss them.
• 24:13
  That's what I just got down here. Above your nose?
• 24:15
  Yeah. Yeah, you could still probably figure out who it is. Who it is, right? Yeah.
• 24:19
  But that is cute. Yeah, you're not really taking other people's cars then and
• 24:23
  going to your home. Yeah, you could do a mask party, a masquerade swinger party.
• 24:27
  That's an idea for all the swingers out there. That's straight from Diva Kat.
• 24:31
  She came up with that one on the fly. They might have it already. Who knows? Yep.
• 24:34
  And here's the other thing. A lot of times one partner in the relationship wants
• 24:38
  to be a swinger and the other one doesn't. Yeah. And it could be the woman. It could be the man.
• 24:42
  I'm not going to judge. But if only one side really wants it and the other side
• 24:46
  is just going along to get along. To get along.
• 24:49
  And to stay in the marriage. Yeah. That's not going to be good for the other person.
• 24:53
  No. And then you also have to make sure that there's no pressure,
• 24:56
  right? That you're not pushing the other person to have sex when they don't want to.
• 24:59
  And keep your boundaries. Because if you don't have boundaries around what you're
• 25:02
  allowing, then you're going to have a problem.
• 25:04
  Yeah. I don't know, man. I don't know. The whole swinger thing,
• 25:08
  just because everybody's been talking about it lately.
• 25:10
  And maybe it's just because I'm single again, but I had never heard of anything
• 25:13
  like this before. I really haven't. And it's becoming so common.
• 25:18
  I kind of want to just have my man to me. To me, yeah.
• 25:22
  Yeah. But now that people keep telling me about it, I'm like,
• 25:26
  what the heck is going on in this world? I don't think I could go there.
• 25:29
  Yeah, I don't think so either. And then there's also emotional entanglement, right?
• 25:34
  So let's say that you go home with a man and he treats you better than your husband.
• 25:38
  Now you're emotionally entangled. And what happens if he likes you better than
• 25:42
  his wife? You're going to keep comparing, comparing. Yeah.
• 25:45
  And this is, we did the hot wife swap, right? The hot wife swap is where you just change wives.
• 25:50
  So like, that's two couples. Yeah, but they don't have sex, though.
• 25:54
  Yeah. They do? Yeah. Not on the TV show. Oh, okay, okay.
• 25:57
  But a hot wife swap is a full-on, you swap the wife for, like, the night or something.
• 26:03
  Yeah, she comes over, cooks, and you guys have a romantic, sexual night.
• 26:06
  Everything romantic, and then you have sex with the other person's wife.
• 26:09
  That's a whole new thing.
• 26:11
  Yeah. I'm amazed. Women are taking care of themselves later.
• 26:14
  We're living longer, and they're wanting a little bit of variety.
• 26:18
  I would just prefer to... I would prefer to just go for the younger dog.
• 26:21
  Yeah, or dates. Or dates, yeah.
• 26:24
  And there is an STD risk factor. I don't know why they changed STD to STI.
• 26:28
  What's that mean? Sexually transmitted infection instead of disease.
• 26:32
  Because it's not a disease. It is a disease. Some of them are working for life.
• 26:36
  And so it needs to be taken. Yeah, like HIV and hepatitis and herpes.
• 26:40
  So some of them you don't get rid of. So they should have left it as an S.
• 26:43
  I think STI is a woke term for STD. Why? Personally.
• 26:48
  But you would have to want to make sure everybody's tested. And everybody's
• 26:51
  tested often. You have to. You do.
• 26:53
  Yeah. Every time you can, if you're going to do that, every time you get no
• 26:56
  partner or have something, you should have that task.
• 26:59
  So what happens is like maybe one guy is fantasizing about another guy's wife, right?
• 27:03
  Maybe you're in a friend group and you guys want to just swap wives and it's
• 27:06
  called the hot wife swap.
• 27:07
  And then those dreams become a nightmare because what happens is sometimes you lose your wife.
• 27:14
  So be careful, man. That's crazy.
• 27:17
  Yeah. Honestly, I think people probably lose their wives more than they lose
• 27:20
  their husbands, honestly, too.
• 27:21
  I honest that. because there's a lot of women that they may
• 27:24
  not want to do this you push them into it and then when they realize that they've
• 27:27
  been getting the short stick literally they might
• 27:31
  find something better the grass is greener on the other side so just
• 27:35
  be careful with that too and sometimes people
• 27:38
  get matched in couples like couples match with
• 27:41
  other couples and they get emotionally manipulated by the
• 27:45
  men so you said there's a dating app about the swingers well
• 27:48
  on the dating apps yeah on the dating if she can
• 27:50
  find the swingers so you have to be careful too because sometimes there's
• 27:53
  a lot of emotional manipulation going on it's like you're taking on another
• 27:56
  relationship too i'm too freaking busy just to
• 27:59
  be honest i don't know how people have all this free time because
• 28:02
  i every hour of my day is planned so sleep
• 28:05
  huh they don't sleep probably no people
• 28:09
  sleep everybody has to sleep how people have so much free time because for me
• 28:14
  every hour of my day is planned i'm either working out working or doing something
• 28:17
  with my children yeah so i don't know how people have all this extra free time
• 28:21
  to have swinger parties and just have second relationships but they don't have
• 28:25
  kids anymore it could be maybe they're all empty nesters i don't know all right.
• 28:29
  Yeah. And then another time, sometimes you start dating the couples.
• 28:33
  Like you just go out as a quadruple couple all the time.
• 28:37
  And then you sleep with whoever you want for that night.
• 28:39
  Wow. Yeah. Yeah. And then sometimes couples, swinger couples that have hot wife
• 28:44
  swaps or whatever, they have monogamous packs stating that those four will only sleep with those four.
• 28:50
  And sometimes the women sleep together. Sometimes the men sleep together.
• 28:54
  Sometimes the women and the men, maybe it's an orgy level, but they're only the four of them.
• 28:58
  Only the four it's like it's like a double marriage come
• 29:02
  together and that's a monogamy pack meaning that you
• 29:04
  can only have sex with somebody in those four this is no
• 29:07
  this is so new this is beyond it's mind-blowing right
• 29:10
  blew my mind yeah and i was thinking here our
• 29:13
  podcast was pushing the limits diva kat this
• 29:17
  podcast talking about this that whole lifestyle if
• 29:20
  you will is way beyond anything we talk about it's a
• 29:23
  different world podcast is pg compared to what's
• 29:26
  going on out there blows my mind i know it blows my mind too
• 29:28
  yeah yeah and so you have
• 29:32
  to be careful though too if you're in politics oh yeah
• 29:35
  if you have children that's another thing if you go to
• 29:37
  church if you're in any type of charitable organization if you're if you go
• 29:43
  to family events let me finish let me finish you have to be careful because
• 29:47
  it could get embarrassing yeah if people found out about this alternative lifestyle
• 29:53
  if you will or this new lifestyle And especially politics.
• 29:56
  I mean, politics, you could get slaughtered. But like children,
• 29:59
  your children could be embarrassed.
• 30:00
  And your... You can label, label. Your plans are swings. Yeah,
• 30:05
  your family may make fun of you, right?
• 30:09
  But you may not care. That's true. If you have a job or you're retired, then you don't care.
• 30:14
  Some people don't care. Just be careful because there can be some public embarrassment with that.
• 30:19
  On top of that, I always worry about the blackmail. If you're with the wrong
• 30:22
  man, you can get blackmailed. Well, now you're in a whole new couple group or
• 30:26
  a whole group of six or eight couples.
• 30:28
  What's a prenup you're going to do? It's not a prenup. You have to protect yourself, no?
• 30:32
  Blackmail, you can't contract off a blackmail. Blackmail is illegal.
• 30:35
  So you can't get somebody to sign something and say, I'm not going to blackmail
• 30:38
  you. That won't happen. You just have to trust that they won't blackmail you.
• 30:43
  You could get an NDA, a non-disclosure agreement, and then if they try to disclose
• 30:49
  it to someone, you could sue them.
• 30:50
  That's probably the best you could do. But you can't do a nuptial because there's
• 30:54
  no marriage. But you could do some type of NDA that an attorney could write
• 30:59
  up that anybody in the group. This is scary, though.
• 31:02
  What if one of the crew was hiding camera somewhere and filmed the whole thing?
• 31:05
  That's why you'd have to have an ironclad NDA.
• 31:09
  Or you'd have to have a place that you guys go that's not standard,
• 31:12
  right? Or maybe you go to hotels. I don't know.
• 31:14
  Wow. But if you're in a church group, can you imagine? Can you imagine going to church?
• 31:19
  All your friends find out that you're in a swinger group? I know.
• 31:23
  What are you saying neighborhood?
• 31:24
  You go walk the dog and you bumped into the dog. What happened?
• 31:28
  Yeah, it'd be awkward, right? Yeah. It would be a little awkward.
• 31:31
  But people are getting more exploratory with sex. I thought our podcast was
• 31:34
  very open, but I realized that there's a lot of alternative situations out there
• 31:41
  that are way more extreme than anything we've discussed.
• 31:44
  Why? We discussed situation shit. This is nothing compared to this.
• 31:47
  And you've got to protect yourself, too. So the NDA is a good way to go,
• 31:51
  especially if you have money and you think you might get some type of blackmail.
• 31:55
  Now, you also have to, you know, if you're going to be having sex in swinger
• 31:58
  groups, you're going to have to have sexual STD tests done often.
• 32:01
  And I would recommend it if you're in a monogamous swinger group that,
• 32:05
  you know, you still do STD tests.
• 32:07
  To make sure that you're not spreading something around. Because here's the
• 32:10
  thing, you may be in a swinger group with just four people, right?
• 32:13
  And then one of the people goes out and still has sex with other people.
• 32:16
  And now you've got the introduction of STDs into the group, right?
• 32:21
  So you got to protect yourself.
• 32:23
  It's different, right? And then it's got to be consent and not coercion because
• 32:27
  I think if a woman is getting coerced into doing something, she's uncomfortable.
• 32:31
  And I always say woman, but a guy could be too, right?
• 32:34
  It could be a guy. And I apologize to the men because sometimes the women are
• 32:37
  very pushy sexually too.
• 32:39
  So you need to know your limits and don't feel like you have to do something
• 32:42
  just to impress your partner or to stay with your partner.
• 32:46
  If that's the situation you're in, maybe it's not the right partner.
• 32:49
  And I know that love makes things hard, but we did have that discussion about
• 32:53
  how to get out of situations where you're in a bad relationship and it's time to move on.
• 32:57
  If you're getting pushed into this, it might not be the right thing.
• 33:00
  And this has led to, this could lead to sex trafficking too, if you think about it.
• 33:04
  If you're in a younger group, You have a boyfriend, he introduced you to this
• 33:08
  group, and now there's sex trafficking going on. That is dangerous.
• 33:11
  He's basically pimping you out to men. Pimping you out to men.
• 33:14
  So just be careful. And you've got to be honest.
• 33:17
  You've got to have open, honest communication. So remember that.
• 33:19
  And always be respectful of your partner, because this can be very exploitive. I mean, very easily.
• 33:26
  Easily. Oh, wow. This blows my mind.
• 33:29
  You know, I have no idea how to even get started on this. But it's something
• 33:33
  you need to be aware of in modern dating.
• 33:35
  If you're on the dating apps and you see a bunch of upside-down pineapples or
• 33:39
  a bunch of... This is the thing that you need to know, all those symbols.
• 33:42
  Yeah, don't, like, go... Yeah, don't click like.
• 33:46
  Well, and I've been seeing a lot, too, a lot of people that are talking about,
• 33:50
  I need a submissive or a sub, and I'm a dom, and I need a sub,
• 33:53
  which means they want to tie me up and beat me.
• 33:56
  That's Fifty Shades of Grey. That's Fifty Shades of Grey. Yeah.
• 33:59
  So that's been on the dating apps, too.
• 34:01
  And I mistakenly, naive little me, nobody met. And then I read the full profile
• 34:06
  because I, like, saw the picture. He looked cute.
• 34:08
  That's why I did it. He said, Donna's sub. I'm like, please tell me that's not
• 34:11
  what he meant. And I went and I looked it up.
• 34:13
  But yeah. Oh, my God. Yeah, he wanted to tie me up. And he was really into it.
• 34:17
  And I was like, I never met the guy. But I was like, wow.
• 34:20
  He's like, are you OK being a sub? And I'm like, no.
• 34:23
  It's just crazy. No, definitely not. No, it's not my personality.
• 34:26
  To be that it's my personality being a loving relationship
• 34:29
  it's not my personality to be tied up and uh-uh nope
• 34:33
  nope nope nope sorry anyway you
• 34:37
  gotta be clear like in the the 50 shades of gray
• 34:39
  that woman when she was a full sub she would do exactly what he said bow bow
• 34:43
  sit sit i'm not a dog yeah yeah no i can't do it no and i won't do it no i choose
• 34:50
  not to do it i guess i could do it i just choose not to i don't care how rich
• 34:54
  how handsome or whatever it is no that doesn't know.
• 34:58
  And there's there's so many cautionary tales about people losing their their
• 35:02
  spouses to this too and there's hashtags too so if you go there's hashtags so
• 35:08
  there's a bunch of podcasts now competing podcasts with us believe it or not
• 35:11
  so i thought i'd mention it because there are a lot of podcasts out there now
• 35:14
  talk about this they go they don't talk about the light stuff that we
• 35:18
  talk about they don't talk about dick size that's life we
• 35:20
  don't they don't talk about orgasms that's nothing right talking
• 35:24
  about swinging swinging there's more swinger podcasts out
• 35:27
  there than female podcasts that are trying to empower
• 35:30
  women yeah there's more of that and the hashtags are swinger culture upside
• 35:34
  down pineapple dating apps decoded modern dating truth hot wife lifestyle unfiltered
• 35:41
  and so those are some of the types of hashtags that people use this blows my
• 35:47
  mind So you have to be careful.
• 35:50
  And then there are different, it can change your marriage.
• 35:53
  Now, then there's also the open marriages. Okay. Now, with an open marriage,
• 35:57
  there has to be a lot of communication.
• 35:58
  You have to have a mindset for it. And you have to have a specific dynamic.
• 36:02
  And both sides need to be open. Because what's going to happen is if one side
• 36:06
  comes to you and says, hey, let's do an open marriage.
• 36:09
  And then they go, Henny, I'm going out on a date tonight.
• 36:12
  I may come home. I may not. Let's say that they have an open marriage and they
• 36:16
  say, hey, I'm going out on a date.
• 36:18
  And then the wife says, with who? And he says, well, I just met this girl.
• 36:21
  And you have to tell. In an open marriage, you have to tell the other person
• 36:23
  or you should tell the other person. You're going out with a woman.
• 36:26
  Because your wife is entitled. And you're going to come back with a sexually
• 36:30
  transmitted disease. But let's say the wife doesn't go out.
• 36:34
  Or let's say the wife is going out, you have an open marriage,
• 36:36
  and the guy doesn't. That is so controlling and manipulative. It's beyond.
• 36:39
  Yeah. Beyond. That's just crazy. So here's the main motivation behind both.
• 36:45
  So if you're a swinger, I think swingers usually want to explore different things sexually.
• 36:50
  Okay. They've taken it past what we've discussed up to this point on the podcast.
• 36:55
  They've done the toys with their partner. They've done maybe a little bit of
• 36:58
  bondage with their partner.
• 37:00
  They've done self-pleasure in front of their partner, because we've talked about
• 37:03
  that stuff on here. And they want to explore different things.
• 37:06
  So it's about feeling your body, exploring it with someone in a safe space,
• 37:10
  with someone you know that maybe
• 37:12
  you can consistently create some type of secondary relationship with.
• 37:16
  That's a swinger. And you can also have erotic experiences that you may not
• 37:19
  be able to have with open relationship when you're just going out and picking up a woman, right? I see.
• 37:24
  Because that's typically what an open relationship is. Now, with an open marriage,
• 37:28
  there's more romantic freedom.
• 37:30
  You usually are telling your partner about the other person and you can separate
• 37:34
  your emotional feelings because it's not a relationship.
• 37:37
  An open marriage is typically you don't have a secondary relationship.
• 37:40
  Whereas with a swinger, you actually have a secondary relationship.
• 37:44
  Sometimes they have parties. Sometimes they have what I told you was like the
• 37:48
  old fashioned orgies where they're having sex in the same room.
• 37:50
  Sometimes they may switch off while having sex. Yeah.
• 37:54
  It can be a group setting. And typically the partner is present or full aware
• 37:58
  of when their wife is having sex, who they're having sex with and the encounter like right now.
• 38:04
  So if you're swinging, your partner is swinging right along with you.
• 38:08
  So that's a true, honest relationship. I will say whether it's manipulative
• 38:12
  or coercive, that's another question. But at least the person knows because
• 38:16
  you're sitting next to her on the couch having sex with another person.
• 38:19
  Yeah. Can you imagine? This is way too much. On an open marriage,
• 38:25
  people will do independent encounters.
• 38:26
  So maybe one night of the week, the man goes out and has sex with somebody else.
• 38:29
  Another night of the week, a woman goes out.
• 38:31
  And it tends to be a hookup. It's not a relationship.
• 38:34
  Okay. You tend to just go out and you pick up people. Or you might have somebody
• 38:38
  that you consistently have sex with, and it's a hookup. And sometimes you'll
• 38:41
  also bring somebody back into the marriage on the open relationships,
• 38:44
  too, where you have a threesome.
• 38:46
  Yeah. So that's common, too. I know. I'm learning all kinds of things.
• 38:49
  I must be a prude compared to this generation, I'm telling you. Total prude.
• 38:53
  I am way behind on this. I am so way behind on this, too.
• 38:56
  So when you're a swinger, you need to make sure that you have clear boundaries
• 38:59
  and that you try to keep your emotional attachments at a minimum.
• 39:03
  Because when you get emotionally involved, because you're having a secondary
• 39:06
  relationship, right? When you get emotionally involved, you're going to actually
• 39:10
  possibly leave for the other person because it's a relationship. Yeah.
• 39:14
  Right? And that can get messy. Messy? Definitely going to get messy.
• 39:20
  And then you have to determine whether it's going to be just soft swaps or whether
• 39:24
  it's going to be full swap. Full swap.
• 39:26
  And sometimes you do a soft swap for the foreplay and then you go back to your partner.
• 39:30
  So you're just doing oral with the other person. Okay.
• 39:33
  To spice up. To spice it up. And then you go finish up. And then you go finish
• 39:37
  off with your husband. And that's how most people start. And then we all...
• 39:41
  So most people that are going into swingers, they'll find a couple that they
• 39:45
  like, that they want to explore sexually with. They'll swap for a soft swap,
• 39:50
  and then they'll go have sex with their partner, their real married couple, their spouse.
• 39:53
  That is crazy. And then it grows from there, typically. But that's how they
• 39:57
  get introduced into the lifestyle. Yeah.
• 39:59
  Yeah. So an open marriage can be completely open. It can be casual.
• 40:04
  And there's a variety of, you know, people that you're going to have sex with.
• 40:07
  But there's a lot of sexual openness and you're at higher risk for sexually
• 40:11
  transmitted diseases, too, because you're not having a relationship with a group of people.
• 40:16
  You know what I mean? And typically the dynamics when you're in a swinger,
• 40:18
  you're at a party or you can even do it on cruises.
• 40:21
  They do have cruises. Yeah. Well, no, that was a regular cruise.
• 40:25
  They have cruises that everyone on there are swingers.
• 40:27
  And you have social clubs. You can have a meetup group where the meetup group
• 40:31
  is just to come to swingers.
• 40:32
  And you plan meetups at people's houses. And then you guys have swinger parties on meetups.
• 40:37
  Wow. It's a lifestyle change, right? It's something that blows my mind because
• 40:41
  I didn't even know that it was this much. And it's got its own language. I didn't notice it.
• 40:47
  I know. And some people look at it as a lifestyle and it's a total switch. Yeah.
• 40:52
  While other people look at it as a hobby and only dabble in it once in a while.
• 40:56
  So it just depends on what you want to do. It doesn't matter.
• 40:58
  Whatever it is, it's unacceptable.
• 41:00
  It's not unacceptable. It's somebody's lifestyle. Well, it's unacceptable for you. But yeah.
• 41:05
  Huh. There you go. There you go.
• 41:08
  If you were ever hard up and you need sex, go find a swinger group. Yes.
• 41:13
  Then I'm sure there's a lot out there. Wow. Now that they get so opened up and
• 41:18
  become, see, like you're famous.
• 41:20
  It's getting out there. And then with an open marriage, it's a little bit more private.
• 41:24
  A lot of times when you're hooking up with people, you're not telling people your real name.
• 41:29
  So I think people with the open marriage are, now this is not cheating, guys.
• 41:33
  An open marriage is different than cheating. An open marriage is where you're
• 41:37
  actually telling your partner with somebody else.
• 41:39
  It's not going around and creating a whole nother mistress or something like that.
• 41:44
  So that's what an open marriage is. An open marriage is you're telling your
• 41:47
  partner, they even know when you're going out to be with someone else.
• 41:50
  They know not to expect you home because you're going to have sex with somebody
• 41:53
  else. And that's an open marriage.
• 41:54
  And it's a little bit more structured and you have to have a lot of rules around that as well.
• 41:59
  So whether it's the swinger or the open marriage, you're going to have to have
• 42:03
  rules, boundaries, and limitations.
• 42:04
  I'm sorry. They're going to have to. I have a lot more rules,
• 42:06
  boundaries, and limitations than any of this. I couldn't even go there. Yeah, no.
• 42:11
  But just because it's not for me doesn't mean it's wrong because people have,
• 42:14
  they have choices and I don't judge.
• 42:17
  If someone chooses to be this way, they can.
• 42:19
  And then there's swinger same sex groups, which are just, you know,
• 42:23
  it's the same idea. The same idea, yeah.
• 42:25
  More power to them, but it's just not for me. Yeah. So here's one of the checks
• 42:29
  and balances, though, you have to have with your rules, boundaries and limitations.
• 42:32
  You have to keep your emotions in check. Yes. Because you, especially us women,
• 42:37
  and I'm going to speak to the women out there right now, is when we have sex
• 42:41
  with somebody, there's a huge oxytocin release, right?
• 42:44
  So we get bonded with whoever we have sex with.
• 42:48
  So you're going to be bonded with the husband of maybe your best friend. Yeah.
• 42:54
  Because a lot of times it's best friends that do this, like they're best friends
• 42:58
  and they hang out and then they share husbands, you know?
• 43:01
  So you're going to be sexually bonded to him now too.
• 43:04
  So just realize that it's hard to keep the emotional intimacy separate.
• 43:08
  You got to avoid it as much as possible because you don't
• 43:11
  want to break up your friendship and your marriage because you
• 43:13
  get too emotionally tied to the other person's husband you know
• 43:16
  oh my god yeah and then some people say it's just sex sometimes they don't allow
• 43:21
  kissing right and then some people don't allow the oral sex but you have to
• 43:25
  have oral sex as far as i'm concerned yeah yeah but yeah so it's just sex and
• 43:29
  then sometime and don't take it to dating i like the idea of the mask actually like Yeah.
• 43:35
  But I don't know. I think it's pushing a boundary that it's risky.
• 43:40
  For that, just having a little bit of variety. I say spice up your own sex life.
• 43:45
  I say play with some toys.
• 43:46
  I say spice it up a little bit for what you have, but some people need more.
• 43:50
  And then the open marriage, which doesn't have to just be hookups,
• 43:54
  but your wife does need to know about it or your husband.
• 43:57
  Otherwise, it's going to get ugly and you're going to have a divorce there too. So...
• 44:01
  The open marriage individuals, I think they're just non-monogamous people that
• 44:07
  like to have sex with a lot of people.
• 44:08
  That's really what it is. Whereas swingers are the unicorns that want to have
• 44:12
  fun with just... I can't get over the unicorn.
• 44:14
  Yeah, you never can use that again. I think you've sent me a couple of unicorns.
• 44:17
  I didn't know anything about it either.
• 44:19
  Were you trying to tell me something, Diva Kat? I think Diva Kat was winking
• 44:22
  at me. I was like, you are a unicorn, baby.
• 44:25
  I'm looking back now at that guy that called me a unicorn. I'm sitting here going, oh.
• 44:28
  Usually they just say, yes, I am. I did say, yes, I am.
• 44:31
  I said, I'm unique and I'm a unicorn. And I bet he thought I was meaning that.
• 44:35
  He thought you mean, my goodness. Yeah.
• 44:37
  So let's talk about what the misconceptions are kind of around swingers and stuff.
• 44:42
  So when you're a swinger, some people think it's the ability to cheat without permission.
• 44:47
  Yeah. And it's not. When you're in a swinger group, you and your partner are
• 44:51
  very clear and have open communication on what is allowed.
• 44:55
  Yeah. And there has to be full transparency. And then you need to talk about it after.
• 44:59
  So if you have sex with another person. You have to be able to discuss it. So how was it, right?
• 45:03
  Yeah. You're going to ask your partner, how was it? And they're going to say,
• 45:06
  it was good. I like the way this person did this, this, and this.
• 45:09
  And then you can use that with your partner to maybe find a new way to give
• 45:14
  them pleasure, right? Yes. Yes.
• 45:16
  There's actually a tantric massage person that's in Vegas that men hire to massage
• 45:22
  their wives so they can determine the best ways to pleasure their wives because men don't know.
• 45:28
  And this tantric massage guy is just really good at showing and
• 45:31
  the man will be there in the room while he's getting the
• 45:34
  wife off and it's more of an instructional thing
• 45:37
  to show the man what to do for the woman because sometimes
• 45:40
  as women i think it's hard for us to tell men exactly what we want and exactly
• 45:44
  how we want it but when you have an experienced man that just he's been there
• 45:48
  done that he can show another man and it's a very clinical thing then right
• 45:52
  now and that's what we're talking about with swingers but it's kind of the same
• 45:55
  concept is that you're discussing what gives the partner pleasure Mm-hmm.
• 46:00
  And open marriages oftentimes will lead
• 46:03
  to divorce oh yeah yeah it's very common common unless
• 46:06
  there's strong communication and boundaries just not
• 46:10
  open up your marriage that's the end to me yeah yeah well and sometimes one
• 46:14
  person wants an open marriage and goes and has an affair with somebody and doesn't
• 46:17
  tell the other side it happens a lot he's like oh i think i'll have an open
• 46:23
  marriage i'm gonna go have an affair and then i'll tell my wife about it later
• 46:26
  and just claim I had an open marriage.
• 46:27
  It's different. It's not the same thing. You know what I mean?
• 46:30
  And swinging and open marriages are completely different. They're very different approaches.
• 46:36
  There's different motivations behind it. I think swinging is actually safer than an open marriage.
• 46:40
  To me, an open marriage is like cheating with... No, you have open marriage.
• 46:45
  You cannot call that cheating. No, because both sides have agreed. Right.
• 46:48
  But you're not going into detail as much with an open marriage.
• 46:51
  Whereas with your swing years, you're both at the same event together.
• 46:55
  You're talking about what happened you're talking about
• 46:58
  what was comfortable what was uncomfortable it's a totally different experience
• 47:01
  yeah you know what i mean whereas with your
• 47:04
  open marriage you're off somewhere else with somebody else
• 47:07
  at some time and you don't know when they're coming back and i don't know i
• 47:11
  just think that's a little odd to me it is they're both a little odd to me honestly
• 47:15
  yeah but they're they're different but i think honestly the swingers is actually
• 47:19
  a safer bet than an open marriage if you're gonna go that route if you're gonna
• 47:23
  go that route yeah Because then you're actually still bonded as a pair.
• 47:26
  You know what I mean? Yeah. And you share the sexual experience, too.
• 47:30
  Let's say you go to a party and you swap, but you're both sharing a sexual experience.
• 47:34
  Hell, you might even be sitting next to each other on the couch.
• 47:37
  So you just don't know, right?
• 47:39
  So a lot of this is based on trust and communication mindset and consent.
• 47:45
  If you don't consent to this, you shouldn't be doing it. No,
• 47:48
  that's not going to work.
• 47:48
  Yeah. And I think, honestly, if you're going to do this approach,
• 47:53
  if you're dating someone, you should be clear.
• 47:57
  About this before you get married to them. And maybe you have that as a lifestyle
• 48:00
  before you even get married, but you shouldn't be doing this,
• 48:03
  getting married and then wanting to have an open marriage or wanting to be a
• 48:06
  swinger when they went into this thinking that you were going to be loyal to them.
• 48:10
  So if you're a swinger and you want to be a swinger and you're getting remarried,
• 48:16
  make sure that you know about it in advance.
• 48:17
  Don't surprise them the day after and say, hey, I'd like to swing with this
• 48:21
  other couple tonight. You have to be clear.
• 48:23
  So just be open and honest don't don't manipulate people
• 48:26
  in order to get sexual feelings toward
• 48:29
  them because i think it can be dangerous wow i do
• 48:32
  i think it could be very dangerous is there anything else diva
• 48:35
  cat because this is the most embarrassing podcast we've had to date i'm speechless
• 48:39
  speechless too i had no clue now i do and now i'm like okay no keys on the counter
• 48:44
  yeah no pineapples but no unicorn symbol no unicorn symbols i've seen unicorns
• 48:49
  too i've seen it on people's backpacks That's the little kids' backpacks.
• 48:53
  I'm like, nah, I'm grossed out.
• 48:54
  Unicorns are forever, forever demented, and it's no longer going to be the same for me. It's not.
• 48:59
  When my niece was that teenager, she loves the unicorn.
• 49:04
  Well, it's different when it's a kid. Yeah. But now they've all been,
• 49:07
  it's colored my thought process on unicorns. So no more unicorns. Yeah.
• 49:13
  For me, the unicorns are any unicorns. Well, I'm glad you're not a swinger,
• 49:18
  and that when you sent me the unicorn, it wasn't a pickup line.
• 49:20
  Well, I have another sister, a different mother, but we call her a sister.
• 49:25
  Every time on her birthday, we got her a cake with a freaking unicorn on her birthday cake.
• 49:31
  She literally have a cake with a unicorn for her 60th birthday.
• 49:35
  Unicorn. No longer. Unicorn. You're a little demented.
• 49:40
  Okay, that's all I have to do, Amir. What else? Well, that's it.
• 49:43
  I think we've covered pretty much everything.
• 49:45
  This is probably going to be
• 49:45
  the shortest podcast ever because we didn't want to dwell on it too much.
• 49:49
  But, yeah, it's a different lifestyle. if you
• 49:52
  are enjoying it and you want to come on and tell us about it
• 49:55
  that would be great because we'd love to hear from you love to hear from you but
• 49:58
  we because we're unique to this and we are swinger virgins
• 50:01
  and we'll probably stay that way forever but just saying it's it's
• 50:04
  an interesting lifestyle and and if you could tell us like the ups and downs
• 50:07
  and what you've seen and what works and what doesn't and the pros and cons the
• 50:11
  pros and cons and it's if you would do it again because i know sometimes they
• 50:15
  get people get into lifestyles and then they wish they hadn't so if you could
• 50:18
  take it back would you and if you would stay in it let us know Yeah.
• 50:22
  All right. Well, this is Diva Mia. I hope you've had a thoroughly educational podcast today. Yes.
• 50:28
  This is Diva Kat. So, well, I'm just speechless.
• 50:32
  All right. Signing off. Have a great day. Talk to you guys soon.
• 50:35
  Ciao, ciao. Thanks for tuning in. Like, subscribe, and drop a comment.
• 50:40
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• 50:47
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• 50:49
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• 51:09
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• 51:13
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