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Rewrite Your Life · Divas That Care Network

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: It's Divas That Care Radio.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: Stories, strategies, and ideas to inspire positive change.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Divas That Care, a network of women committed to making our world a better place for everyone.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: This is a global movement for women, by women, engaged in a collaborative effort to create a better world for future generations.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_00: To find out more about the movement, visit DivasThatCare.com after the show.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: Right now, though, stay tuned for another jolt of inspiration.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_04: We all seem to have that inner critic inside our heads.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_04: I have a committee, the itty-bitty shitty committee.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_04: You know what I mean, that nagging voice or voices in my case that knocks us down and drags us down the road of self-sabotage and self-neglect.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_04: A strong positive sense of self-esteem is your first step to anything you wish to accomplish.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_04: Discover who you truly are, that gorgeous, talented, fabulous woman who deserves recognition and unconditional love.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_04: You know the most beautiful thing any woman can wear is confidence.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_04: Here on Confidence in Bloom with the Divas That Care Network, I, Tina Spoletini, speak with women living in their own self-confidence about who they truly are, how they found themselves, and how they care for themselves.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_04: Today I'm speaking with Brooke Kikos, a trauma healing coach, rapid transformational therapist, and NLP practitioner.
• 1:26
  UNKNOWN: Brooke
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_04: Brooke specializes in empowering survivors to rewrite their stories.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_04: Her personal path, a testament to overcoming indoctrination, abuse, and toxic bonds ignites her profound insight and unshakable dedication.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_04: A sought after speaker, soon to be author, and fervent advocate against religious abuse and domestic violence.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_04: Brooke's voice resonates far beyond the confines of her coaching practice.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_04: With Brooke as your ally, embrace a voyage of transformative healing armed with potent tools, nurturing guidance and profound revelations.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_04: Step into an existence where authenticity thrives, drawing soul-aligned relationships that foster your truest self.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_04: Hi, Brooke.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_04: Hi, how are you all?
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_04: I'm good, thanks.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_04: How are you?
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_05: I'm lovely.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_05: I'm so
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_04: glad to be here.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_04: Thank you.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_04: Thank you for joining me.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_04: I would like you to explain what you do in your coaching business.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_04: Like what exactly is Rapid Transformational Therapist and NLP?
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_05: Yes, I would love to.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_05: So Rapid Transformational Therapy is a program basically a hybrid of cognitive behavioral therapy, NLP, and psychotherapy with hypnosis.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_05: So it's really helping people access the part of our minds, which is our default mode network, which we also call the subconscious mind, and being able to really get more deeply into things that we wouldn't know otherwise in our conscious awareness.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_05: So the limiting beliefs and the stories that we're holding onto because of our original programming when we grew up as children.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_05: So the stories that we created are still all there.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_05: And it really helps us to see what's going on in that part of our brain because it's also how we are creating our reality now and kind of what's coming up for us in our current life.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_05: So it's just a way to basically break through some of the blocks that you have that traditional counseling really can't get to.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_05: Does that answer your question?
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_04: Yes, yes.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_04: And so now I know that the rapid transformational therapist or RTT position and NLP practitioner, they're two different things, but they kind of work
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_05: together.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_05: Am I right?
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_05: They do.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_05: So NLP, I'll explain a little bit.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_05: It's neuro-linguistic programming.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_05: And so basically what it is, is being able to understand the cognitive functions of your brain.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_05: So kind of being able to recognize, okay, how do I talk to myself, right?
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_05: So being aware of more of the inner critic and also recognizing how you're creating things in your life by the way that you speak.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_05: speak to yourself and also the way that you kind of view the world or perceive the world.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_05: So NLP really helps you to not only narrow down like okay, what is it that's blocking you?
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_05: Is it a belief or is it an emotional experience that you've been holding on to from the past?
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_05: So very similar to kind of what RTT does, but it kind of just really, we understand a little bit more of like how the brain processes and how we can use that to our benefit because the brain also, it is a beautiful thing, but it's designed to to ultimately keep us safe.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_05: So sometimes if we have trauma that we've been holding on to for a really long period of time and we haven't been able to process it because at the time we were not able to, the brain can really get stuck in what we call the survival mode or the survival part of our brain.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_05: And so all of a sudden we're not recognizing that the way that we're existing in the world today is from what we had to survive in the past.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_05: So these two modalities really help to narrow down and help people really identify and get really aware of what their pain points are and how they can really start to break through those blocks.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, that sounds like it could be like a huge process for some people if you had like lots of trauma and abuse.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, because it has to take you back to where you started.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_04: So you kind of have to go through all that again.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_04: Or do you?
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_04: I've heard that some people don't take you back.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, so honestly, the best way...
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_05: So for me, I'm a complex PTSD survivor.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_05: So I had severe, severe complex trauma that happened at a very young age So I was not able to actually remember that trauma until I actually began my healing journey.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_05: And what made me trapped there was because I also survived a very abusive relationship.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_05: So I needed to kind of do what they call the bottom-up approach, which is actually going back into the original traumas and being able to process them, grieve them, heal them, put love into them, right, so that I can let my brain recognize that I'm no longer living in the past.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_05: I'm right here in the now.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_05: So because I had emotional flashbacks, and I wouldn't be aware of why I was feeling the way I was feeling, but my brain was stuck in the past.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_05: And that's really what complex trauma is.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_05: So you almost have to be able to go back into those spaces.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_05: And yes, is it difficult?
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_05: Yes, I'm not going to lie to anybody here.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_05: It is a more difficult process, but I was just surviving.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_05: I was not thriving.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_05: I had severe anxiety.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_05: I had depression.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_05: I was trapped in abusive situations because I didn't have any self-worth because I didn't matter.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_05: So it was about having to go back into those places and process that stuff so that I could really get to a space where I could be more authentically me.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_04: Right.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_04: And so you kind of had to skip through your life between then and now
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_02: in order for you to heal,
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_04: right?
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_04: You kind of had to go back there, live through that again, and then jump back into today's shoes.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, that's exactly what it is.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_05: I talk about this a little bit because rewriting your life is just that.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_05: Being able to recognize that we can go through the things that we go through in life, but we also can rewrite our story a little bit.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_05: We don't have to get stuck in the victim consciousness or I'm the victim of my circumstances.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_05: It's more of like, okay, how do I take these lessons of what I learned in the past, of everything that I endured and suffered, And then use it now so that I can be more present here and recognizing, okay, all that stuff happened in the past.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_05: Now I don't have to actually keep reliving and I can just recognize what my triggers are.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_05: I can recognize when my body and my mind are not feeling safe and really be able to become more present in my life.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_05: And I think that for a lot of trauma survivors, we really don't know what being present means, right?
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_05: because our brain really continues to go back in that path.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_05: So I like how you said that, where you have to think, okay, you've got to go back into the past so that you can actually be in your shoes today, right?
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_05: Actually be here today, yeah.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, yeah.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_04: Well, and that's kind of like I'm just thinking because, I mean, you can't go back to– there's got to be some good things that happened that your brain is not remembering, right?
• 9:24
  UNKNOWN: Right.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_04: I would hope as a child you find joy, right?
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_05: Yes.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, wholeheartedly.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_05: I think that, you know, it's interesting.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_05: The brain held on to so much of the trauma of all of the experiences because there was a lot of trauma and there was a lot of experiences there.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_05: But, yes, there was good things that happened in my childhood.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_05: It wasn't all bad.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_05: But you're right.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_05: When you're trapped in that survival space, you feel so much fear that– you look at life through a completely different lens of perception.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_05: And once you kind of break out of that mold and you can look at life as, okay, everything is okay, like not everything is as bad as it seems anymore because you kind of break through that fear, you're able to just have more freedom and gratitude and space where you can actually see light at the end of the tunnel.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_04: Right.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, that's why you do those things, right?
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_04: It's not just to be in today's shoes and be present.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_04: It's more about being able to move forward without that holding you back anymore.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_04: Now,
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_02: I'm thinking to
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_04: live through all that trauma and to be able to grieve it and heal it and show yourself self-love and prove to yourself that you are worth it and that you have value here on earth, those memories must come up with different situations in your life.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, I know that you have children, and I'm sure there's many situations where they'll come to you and say, you know, this happened to me today, and it brings you back to when you were that age and all the stuff that was going on with you.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_04: you're able to sort of look at that as if it's only a memory.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_04: It doesn't necessarily bring back the pain and then help your kids through whatever they're going through.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_04: Is that
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_05: right?
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_05: You are spot on.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_05: But I will say this so other people know.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_05: I wouldn't have been able to reach that point without all the inner work that I've done.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_05: Because before, sometimes I would get trapped in the story or I would get trapped in the emotion or the flashback of the past.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_05: And that's really what complex PTSD is.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_05: And so I wouldn't really be able to cognitively be able to recognize, okay, this is a feeling, an emotion from the past.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_05: It's not really happening right now.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_05: because I was still stuck in that part of my brain of just surviving and the fire alarm, if you will, was still going off for me where I was still like, you know, very hyper vigilant and not understanding of like, okay, what's going to be the next shoe that drops and what do I need to worry about next and being so anxious, right?
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_05: Living in those trauma responses.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_05: So, Now that I've done so much inner work and I've done so much therapy and recognizing how I can move through things faster, I will get triggered by something, like you said, like maybe my son has an experience that reminds me of myself or there's something that comes up in my day that, you know, is a reminds me of something from the past that's very sad or a struggle for me, I'm able to walk out of the story.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_05: I'm able to recognize that it's a past emotion, it's a past story, and that it's not happening right now.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_05: And that's where the true power lies.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_05: is in really rewiring the brain to recognize, hey, I don't have to go down that road again.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_05: I don't need to go back into the fear.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_05: I don't need to go back into the uncertainty.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_05: I can just walk to the other side and recognize, ah, that's a past emotion.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_05: If I have to sit there and cry with it or if I have to give some love to it, I do that as well.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_05: But it's just about being able to walk out of that story faster and more quickly.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_04: Right.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_04: And I'm sure, I mean, obviously, we're going to talk about inner work that you've done, but obviously, as you're going through them, there are a lot of tears, a lot more heartbreak, and a lot more pressure on you to get there.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_04: Yes.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, yeah, most definitely.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_05: I think that the journey that I've had to walk is not, I mean, it's not for the faint of heart,
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_02: for
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_05: sure.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 13:47
  UNKNOWN: Yeah.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_04: I'll let you tell that story if you're comfortable with it.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_04: But, I mean, I know myself.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_04: I don't have trauma as you've had, but I couldn't walk away from my family.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_04: My family is so important to me.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_05: But they also didn't
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_03: hurt
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_05: me.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_05: They didn't hurt you, yeah.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_05: And I think, you know, I think to speak to that, you know, I definitely didn't want to walk away from my family.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_05: I kind of didn't have a choice almost.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_05: I mean, for those that are listening and don't know, I was raised in, you know, a very high-demand religion.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_05: It was very cult-like.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_05: And if you leave the religion and you no longer believe the way they do or don't want you to come...
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_05: the you know your shuns you're not allowed to um hang out with those people anymore your family disowns you and so when i did end up leaving and i recognized that this religion wasn't for me anymore that it didn't speak to my soul um i automatically lost everyone that i knew my whole entire life including the family that was still in the religion so On some level, I didn't want to, and I kind of tried to like, you know, I tried to speak to them and be like, oh, you know, you've got to wake up.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_05: This is crazy that you believe in this, and this is not what love is.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_05: And they're taught to, you know, pretend like I am evil and I shouldn't be saying those things.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_05: And so I just let it go.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_05: But I recognized after I left the dynamic, it was very dysfunctional.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_05: You know, my father was obviously, you know, abusive.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_05: He was very much a narcissist.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_05: And I saw the way he treated my mom over the years.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_05: I saw how he treated other people.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_05: And he also was the same to me.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_05: So I just recognized it wasn't a healthy dynamic.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_05: And it was actually for my best.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_05: And I think that the universe really takes people out of your life that no longer are in alignment with you.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_05: And while I had to lose my family, they also weren't good for my mental health.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_05: And it's hard, right?
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_05: There are blood.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_05: We're taught from childhood, oh, they're your blood.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_05: Your family is not supposed to desert you.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_05: But then when it happens, like it happened to me, you're like, okay, well, that didn't make any sense.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_05: I was told that your family never leaves you.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_05: And then I was left.
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_05: Then I was abandoned.
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_05: And I had to really process that and deal with that.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, and I would think that's a huge process.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, it's not something that, you know, you can walk away and say, ah, no big deal, right?
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_04: It's just my family.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_05: No, it wasn't.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_05: I mean, there was so much grief.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_05: I will be honest.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_05: I mean, this has been...
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_05: I left that religion about seven years ago.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_05: I'm still grieving the loss of my family.
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_05: I still grieve and miss that.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_05: I'm like, man, I really wish I had a mom and dad, you know, just...
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_05: Having that type of– I'm getting a little bit emotional about that.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_05: Sorry.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_05: But, like, having, you know, that support system around is such a beautiful space.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_05: So sometimes when I see other people, you know, have a mom and dad that are supporting them and love them regardless of who they are, it makes me sad.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_05: You know, I miss that.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_05: I wish I had it.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_05: But– it's just part of the grieving process, right?
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_05: I can't change my circumstance, and so I can't become, again, a victim of it.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_05: I just have to recognize that this is where I'm at, and it really makes me find the people that support me and love me for who I am.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_05: And I believe that, you know, we are brought the people that are meant to be in our lives to help make sure that we know that we're loved and supported, and that's what's happened for me as well.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, and it's kind of like...
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_04: you know, how they say you close one door and you open another, right?
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, it's unfortunate that the closing door is your family, but you're moving forward and you're teaching your boys how to be, you know, a better person in this world than what you were brought up to know.
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_05: And I want my boys to know that, you know, no matter what, they can be whoever they want to be.
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_05: And that's what this is about.
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_05: It's about expression.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_05: It's about authenticity.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_05: And If you don't agree with me, that's okay.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_05: I still love you.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_05: It doesn't matter.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_05: I'm here forever.
• 18:23
  SPEAKER_05: This is you and I.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_05: We're connected.
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_05: And just showing them that's what true love is.
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, exactly.
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_04: Unconditional love.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_04: I love you no matter what.
• 18:35
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I agree.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_04: That doesn't mean I accept everything that you do or agree with all the choices you make, but I still love you.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, unconditional love, right?
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_05: There is no...
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah,
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_05: exactly.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah,
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_04: I love that.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_05: So
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_04: now let's talk about the inner work.
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_04: Now, obviously, I don't want you to tell me, you know, what you had to go through, but can you walk us through maybe some of the steps that...
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_04: your clients have to go through?
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_04: What kind of inner work is needed?
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_04: I know it's going to be different for every situation, but can you maybe touch on what kind of inner work might be required?
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_04: Of
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_05: course, yeah.
• 19:20
  SPEAKER_05: So for myself, I'll just speak a little bit on that.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_05: I began realizing that I needed some help and I went to traditional counseling.
• 19:27
  SPEAKER_05: Traditional counseling, while it did help me, only got me so far And when I was recognizing that, man, I'm hitting these blocks, I'm not moving forward, I'm really struggling here with my mental health, I started to look for other modalities.
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_05: I started to search, and I was insatiable for for what could help me heal and make me feel more myself and make me feel more home in this body, to be honest.
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_05: So I began the search, and that's where I found rapid transformational therapy.
• 20:00
  SPEAKER_05: I began working with that, and that really broke me through some of those blocks.
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_05: But I think the biggest pieces that I work with clients as well is recognizing that we have to start from the beginning of our original programming.
• 20:13
  SPEAKER_05: And that was for me as well.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_05: from zero to seven, we are basically taking in everything in the world, right?
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_05: We're taking in how relationships look.
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_05: We're taking in how we're treated.
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_05: We're taking in what happens to us.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_05: And your brain is processing all of this.
• 20:29
  SPEAKER_05: Your brain is saying, okay, either you live in a safe world or you don't live in a safe world, right?
• 20:33
  SPEAKER_05: So if you're raised in an abusive environment, your brain and you are going to feel as, okay, no one's safe.
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_05: I can't trust anyone.
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_05: And then you're going to live from that space.
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_05: So just likewise, if you're a healthy home and you feel safe and supported and you have the emotional safe space to just be yourself, you're going to grow up into an individual like that.
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_05: But that's why it's so important to recognize, okay, what was your childhood like?
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_05: Let's dig deeper here.
• 21:01
  SPEAKER_05: And that's why we start from the ground up.
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_05: You've got to get to the roots to be able to blossom.
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_05: And that's the way I feel for my clients.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_05: You've got to be able to recognize, okay, what were the stories that were created?
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_05: and how do I break through those so that I can feel more.
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I like that.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_04: And so when you're like rewriting the story, can you go back then and tell yourself that that's not really how it happened or do you just interpret that story differently?
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_05: So I like that you bring that up, honestly.
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_05: I work a lot with the inner child.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_05: I do a lot of inner child work.
• 21:47
  SPEAKER_05: If anybody doesn't know what that is, it's really the part of our minds that, you know, we hold on to all of those, like, again, those beliefs and those things that happen, those stories that happen in our childhood.
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_05: And the inner child is a part of you.
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_05: Like, the inner child is still there.
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_05: And that's why we have to recognize, okay, how is your inner child feeling, right?
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_05: Is she feeling trustworthy?
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_05: Is she feeling open?
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_05: Is she feeling like she can be herself, right?
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_05: Or how are you showing up as an adult now?
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_05: Does it reflect on how your inner child was, which is how you perceive the world?
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_05: Were you afraid to be yourself?
• 22:24
  SPEAKER_05: Did you not think you were smart?
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_05: Were you told you were not smart?
• 22:28
  UNKNOWN: Right?
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_05: Those are the stories that are created.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_05: So being able to feel into that and let your inner child know that, hey, it's safe now.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_05: You can be yourself.
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_05: You can, you know, do whatever you want, you know, because like when we were children, we had this imagination and there was nothing that we couldn't do, right?
• 22:51
  SPEAKER_05: We would imagine we were princesses.
• 22:53
  SPEAKER_05: We would imagine we were doing, you know, wild, crazy things because we had an imagination and we used it.
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_05: And then obviously life happened.
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_05: We became adults and all of a sudden we just shut that part of us off.
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_05: And that makes us not as playful.
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_05: That makes us more serious.
• 23:08
  SPEAKER_05: That makes us feel like we have to be afraid of doing anything or being authentic when children just don't care.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_05: So connecting with that part of you again can really help you to just show up in authentic space for yourself and express yourself how you want to.
• 23:27
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, and, you know, now I've known from my own experience my own past, the trauma that we experience is from like, if you go like a zero to a hundred on the number line, right?
• 23:47
  SPEAKER_04: The trauma that we deal with, if we come to visit with you and talk with you to heal ourselves, to move forward, even if you're at like a five on that line, you know, there's still like that inner belief, that inner child that is saying, telling you something that is holding you back.
• 24:09
  SPEAKER_04: It's not just, you know, like abuse, right?
• 24:12
  SPEAKER_04: Like it's not just abuse.
• 24:13
  SPEAKER_04: It's not just, you know, it's like, you know, if you're wearing that princess dress at four years old and someone says to you, you're not a princess, you know, maybe because you can't be a princess right now.
• 24:25
  SPEAKER_04: It's time to sit down at the table and eat and we don't have our play clothes at the table, right?
• 24:30
  SPEAKER_04: That memory of you're not a princess stays there.
• 24:34
  SPEAKER_05: Yes, exactly.
• 24:36
  SPEAKER_05: You're spot on with that.
• 24:37
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, that's exactly what it's like.
• 24:39
  SPEAKER_05: And so sometimes it can be even like little small traumas, what I call them, right?
• 24:43
  SPEAKER_05: Where it's like, you know, maybe you were bullied as a child and all of a sudden it makes you think that you're not smart because someone told you that you're not smart.
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_05: And I can give an example to this actually because I work with my son and he's younger.
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_05: He's about 11 years old and he has this story that goes on repeat all the time.
• 25:04
  SPEAKER_05: Anytime that he feels that he did something wrong, he goes into the story of, I'm so stupid, I shouldn't have done that.
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_05: And so I regressed him through RTT and we worked into his subconscious to understand the story.
• 25:19
  SPEAKER_05: And when we went into the story, when he was just a little boy, he was about five years old, he was in kindergarten, the teacher asked him to draw an onion.
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_05: And he ended up coloring the onion a different color than all the other kids.
• 25:34
  SPEAKER_05: And he immediately, the teacher pointed it out, and he immediately thought that he had done something wrong and that he was stupid.
• 25:42
  SPEAKER_05: That it must mean that he's stupid because he did something wrong with coloring this thing.
• 25:46
  SPEAKER_05: And the teacher pointed it out and made him on display.
• 25:49
  SPEAKER_05: He felt like kids were laughing at him.
• 25:51
  SPEAKER_05: He thought that, you know, he was not smart enough because he couldn't figure out the right color to do.
• 25:57
  SPEAKER_05: And all of a sudden, that created that one story of every time that he thinks he did something wrong, that automatically he's stupid.
• 26:05
  SPEAKER_05: And once we went into that space and helped him realize that, oh, now he was aware of the story and when it was created and why.
• 26:15
  SPEAKER_05: And ever since we've done that work, he's now able to say when he feels that way again, he's like, well, I'm not stupid.
• 26:22
  SPEAKER_05: I'm smart.
• 26:23
  SPEAKER_05: And he's recognizing that, you know, it's okay to do things that are wrong.
• 26:27
  SPEAKER_05: It's okay to be different, not color the onion the same color as everybody else, right?
• 26:33
  SPEAKER_05: And that's kind of just a story, right, that you can see that's created.
• 26:37
  SPEAKER_05: And then no matter what, something triggers that story and automatically you go into that feeling and that emotion and that I'm so stupid feeling.
• 26:46
  SPEAKER_04: That sounds like it sounds silly, right?
• 26:52
  UNKNOWN: Mm-hmm.
• 26:52
  SPEAKER_04: It just sounds so silly that we hold on to something like that, right?
• 26:58
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, we're all told we need to express our thoughts and our emotions, and then we color an onion in a different color and we tell ourselves, you're so dumb, right?
• 27:10
  SPEAKER_04: That's the way our brains
• 27:13
  SPEAKER_05: work.
• 27:14
  SPEAKER_05: Yes, that's the way they work, and that's why it's so important to be able to identify the triggers, be able to identify the stories that you tell yourself because every day y'all are thinking the same thoughts that you did yesterday.
• 27:27
  SPEAKER_05: You just don't realize it because your subconscious is going all day long and half the time you're not paying attention and not even realizing you're saying the same things to yourself.
• 27:39
  SPEAKER_04: Wow.
• 27:41
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 27:41
  SPEAKER_05: Our minds are crazy
• 27:42
  SPEAKER_04: machines, aren't they?
• 27:44
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, they are.
• 27:45
  SPEAKER_05: I mean, they can turn against us, right?
• 27:48
  SPEAKER_05: They can either work for us or they can be against us.
• 27:50
  SPEAKER_05: And I know that's the crazy piece of it.
• 27:51
  SPEAKER_05: It's like, well, wait a second.
• 27:53
  SPEAKER_05: Isn't my brain supposed to work for me?
• 27:55
  SPEAKER_05: Well, yeah, but it depends on how it was programmed.
• 27:57
  SPEAKER_05: It depends on what you continue to tell it.
• 27:59
  SPEAKER_05: What is your belief, right?
• 28:01
  SPEAKER_05: And how are you going to change those so that you can be more in control of how your brain works and operates?
• 28:07
  SPEAKER_05: And that's really where NLP and RTT comes in, is to be able to access that part of you that is otherwise unaccessible, to be honest, because your subconscious mind, it's very protective over its original programming.
• 28:24
  SPEAKER_04: Yes, I was going to ask you, like, it's not like you can just go in, you know, like into hypnotherapy, let's say, and, you know, after you're in a session, I don't know how long a session is, but, you know, one session isn't going to break it.
• 28:40
  SPEAKER_04: It's not going to like, okay, you're gone now, right?
• 28:43
  SPEAKER_04: Most of the time it comes up over and over again.
• 28:45
  SPEAKER_05: That's correct.
• 28:47
  SPEAKER_05: Well, that's why you get the awareness around it.
• 28:49
  SPEAKER_05: So we rewire it.
• 28:51
  SPEAKER_05: And then you get the awareness around, okay, well, what is the story that's coming in?
• 28:55
  SPEAKER_05: So in the instance of my son, right, he knows that the I am stupid story comes from the original source, the original story.
• 29:02
  SPEAKER_05: Because he wasn't born feeling like he's stupid, right?
• 29:04
  SPEAKER_05: It was a story that was created.
• 29:06
  SPEAKER_05: So now he knows, oh, now I'm recognizing the awareness.
• 29:10
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, mom, I'm going back into that story.
• 29:13
  SPEAKER_05: He can catch it usually.
• 29:14
  SPEAKER_05: And he says, no, everything is okay.
• 29:16
  SPEAKER_05: Like, I'm smart.
• 29:17
  SPEAKER_05: Just because I did this wrong doesn't mean that I'm stupid.
• 29:20
  SPEAKER_05: So The fact that he can recognize that now, he has that power because of what we went into that part of his mind to let him know what the story was.
• 29:30
  SPEAKER_05: Because if we don't know what the story was that was created, we're not going to have the awareness of when we're going down that path.
• 29:38
  SPEAKER_04: Right.
• 29:39
  SPEAKER_04: Exactly.
• 29:40
  SPEAKER_04: And now, because your son was so young when he did this, Is that something, like, is it beneficial as to how old you were?
• 29:50
  SPEAKER_04: Like, you know, like, does it get like a thicker memory wall or something in our brain, you know, that the older we are, the more difficult it is to part with?
• 30:00
  SPEAKER_04: Or is it just how deep the trauma is?
• 30:03
  SPEAKER_05: Wholeheartedly.
• 30:04
  SPEAKER_05: Because if you think about how many, like just think of a snow-covered mountain, right?
• 30:10
  SPEAKER_05: You sled down the mountain a jillion times, those grooves become, you know, much deeper over and over and over again the more that you do it.
• 30:18
  SPEAKER_05: So it's the same way.
• 30:19
  SPEAKER_05: So the more years that we have with the limiting belief or the stories or the trauma, the harder it is to get out of it, right?
• 30:28
  SPEAKER_05: Because you've been replaying these records, these old records, over and over and over again, right?
• 30:34
  SPEAKER_05: So these grooves in your brain have become more easily accessible.
• 30:39
  SPEAKER_05: You're going to go the path of least resistance.
• 30:41
  SPEAKER_05: You're going to go down that path much more quickly.
• 30:43
  SPEAKER_05: So it's really why, you know, obviously doing it for my son is so much younger.
• 30:50
  SPEAKER_05: He's now able to recognize, you know, he's 11 years old.
• 30:53
  SPEAKER_05: So now he has more control.
• 30:55
  SPEAKER_05: He has more power over his own mind.
• 30:57
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, that sounds amazing.
• 30:59
  SPEAKER_04: Like it's just, you know, I mean, obviously at 11 years old, you're not going to be getting too many people come to you and say, you know, I can't get over this, right?
• 31:06
  SPEAKER_04: Because at 11 years old, you're not going to recognize it, right?
• 31:10
  SPEAKER_04: No.
• 31:10
  SPEAKER_04: Right, because I mean, as his mother and as someone who does this every day for a living, you recognize it right away and said, okay, let's get rid of that right now.
• 31:20
  SPEAKER_04: I love that.
• 31:21
  SPEAKER_04: Completely.
• 31:22
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, exactly.
• 31:23
  SPEAKER_05: I'm like,
• 31:24
  SPEAKER_04: oh, my kids are older.
• 31:25
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, yeah, and you have that power, right?
• 31:30
  SPEAKER_04: Whereas, you know, as they get older, they're like, oh, you don't know anything, right?
• 31:34
  SPEAKER_04: You're just my mom.
• 31:36
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, well, yeah, it's a little harder for my 17-year-old.
• 31:39
  SPEAKER_05: It's like, oh, mom, I don't need to do that.
• 31:41
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, exactly, right?
• 31:46
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 31:47
  SPEAKER_05: You can feel awesome at that age.
• 31:50
  UNKNOWN: Yeah.
• 31:51
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, I mean, they're fun, but you can see how the older you get, the more set you are in your ways and your subconscious mind becomes very protective over its programming, right?
• 32:02
  SPEAKER_05: So it's why you kind of like, that's why a lot of people are like, oh, I don't need therapy.
• 32:06
  SPEAKER_05: I don't need this.
• 32:07
  SPEAKER_05: I don't need, you know, it's because, you know, ultimately, you know, you think that you're fine and you don't need anything.
• 32:15
  SPEAKER_05: But, you know, a lot of the times many people are just really surviving and it's like Groundhog Day for them, right?
• 32:22
  SPEAKER_04: It's true, right?
• 32:23
  SPEAKER_04: And then it's like, yeah, yeah, I get that.
• 32:25
  SPEAKER_04: I understand that completely.
• 32:28
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 32:29
  SPEAKER_04: So how long would you say the average person comes to see you to do all this work with you?
• 32:39
  SPEAKER_04: I
• 32:41
  SPEAKER_05: would say three to six months.
• 32:43
  SPEAKER_05: I do do some work that is not as– extensive, but if we're doing really heavy trauma work, I see women usually three to six months and sometimes longer depending on the trauma, especially if there's been a lot of abuse, sexual abuse, that type of stuff.
• 33:01
  SPEAKER_05: It does take a little bit longer to do that work, obviously, but for women that kind of come to me for things that are just smaller, right, like imposter syndrome or I need some more confidence or I had a woman recently that she couldn't finish tasks because She goes, I want to know why I cannot finish tasks.
• 33:20
  SPEAKER_05: And I was like, okay, let's just go into this.
• 33:23
  SPEAKER_05: And I just did kind of a one-off session so that she could understand.
• 33:27
  SPEAKER_05: And sure enough, we found out the reason why.
• 33:30
  SPEAKER_05: her mind told her.
• 33:33
  SPEAKER_05: She journeyed in and her subconscious mind especially told her, okay, well, it's because one of the reasons, I can't really go into because it's probably more private, but the biggest reason was that it got down to the anxiety and
• 33:46
  SPEAKER_01: fear.
• 33:46
  SPEAKER_05: She feared not being accepted.
• 33:48
  SPEAKER_05: So it is why she felt like she had to do everything for everybody and she would go from one thing to the next because she feared not being accepted for who she was.
• 34:00
  SPEAKER_05: And fear will drive us to do things that we sometimes are like, why am I continuing to do this?
• 34:07
  SPEAKER_05: We don't even know that the fear is underneath the anxiety.
• 34:10
  SPEAKER_05: And then we don't even know the story that's with the fear.
• 34:13
  SPEAKER_05: And she was able to access that part.
• 34:16
  SPEAKER_05: And now she knows why she can't finish the task.
• 34:20
  SPEAKER_05: And that really empowered her.
• 34:21
  SPEAKER_05: And she felt empowered after the session.
• 34:24
  SPEAKER_05: And it helped her to recognize that she doesn't have to self-sacrifice and continue to feel so overwhelmed in her life.
• 34:36
  SPEAKER_04: It sounds super easy.
• 34:38
  SPEAKER_04: Like, you know, hearing a story like that, you know, you think, well, if you just sit quiet for a minute, you can figure it out.
• 34:44
  SPEAKER_04: But you really don't.
• 34:45
  SPEAKER_04: Like, you really need someone to help you.
• 34:47
  SPEAKER_04: And I would think, like, you ask the right questions, right, to make you go a little bit deeper into that situation and that story.
• 34:56
  SPEAKER_04: But sometimes, like a story like that, why can't I finish a task?
• 35:00
  SPEAKER_04: You know, if you sit quietly, can I figure out why I really don't want to finish the task?
• 35:04
  SPEAKER_04: But yet, at the time, like it sounds easy, but it cannot be easy.
• 35:09
  SPEAKER_04: I would assume this lady, she's an adult, right?
• 35:13
  SPEAKER_04: And she's been doing that for a long time,
• 35:15
  SPEAKER_05: right?
• 35:15
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 35:16
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 35:16
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, I mean, your mind hides that from you, right?
• 35:19
  SPEAKER_05: Like, it kind of keeps you in the...
• 35:20
  SPEAKER_05: And if you've been in a state of, like, what we call fight or flight, where you're always kind of like, go, go, go, that energy where it's like it's always driving you more and more and more, you're kind of almost addicted to that feeling of that high cortisol and that feeling of, I need to do this, I need to do that, and, like, the rush, rush of life.
• 35:41
  SPEAKER_05: And it's just being able to recognize, hey...
• 35:44
  SPEAKER_05: you don't need to do that anymore.
• 35:45
  SPEAKER_05: Like you could just be, you could just kind of like calm down and take time for yourself and create space, right?
• 35:52
  SPEAKER_05: So that you can live a more healthy lifestyle because that type of energy that we can get really trapped in will deplete your life, right?
• 36:01
  SPEAKER_05: It will deplete your lifespan for sure because you're not going to be in a healthy space.
• 36:04
  SPEAKER_05: Your body is going to be on overdrive all the time.
• 36:09
  SPEAKER_04: All the time.
• 36:09
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, exactly.
• 36:11
  SPEAKER_04: And I mean...
• 36:12
  SPEAKER_04: I think we all know people like that if we're not that way ourselves, right?
• 36:16
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, and what it does, and that's why I really like to heal the nervous system.
• 36:21
  SPEAKER_05: I like to talk and teach people about the nervous system and how important this aspect is in your life because it's going to not only heal your body, but you're going to learn how to live more fully and vibrantly.
• 36:38
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, see, that's what we need.
• 36:41
  SPEAKER_04: I
• 36:43
  SPEAKER_02: love that.
• 36:46
  SPEAKER_04: Tell our listeners, Brooke, maybe one or two things that you might be able to help them with if they're living in a state of trauma all the time.
• 36:58
  SPEAKER_04: Is there something that they could do on their own that might help them and lead them your way?
• 37:08
  SPEAKER_02: Yes,
• 37:09
  SPEAKER_05: of course.
• 37:10
  SPEAKER_05: First and foremost, I would say reach out and get help because there is a different way to live.
• 37:15
  SPEAKER_05: But I think the one thing that you could do on your own that I found to be very healing for me was meditation, was actually learning.
• 37:28
  SPEAKER_05: Because when you have trauma, you know, I was diagnosed with, you know, obviously complex PTSD, ADHD.
• 37:35
  SPEAKER_05: and extreme anxiety is that when you have this type of trauma, you're uncomfortable to sit still, right?
• 37:42
  SPEAKER_05: When we're talking about that overdrive and that go, go, go energy, I was stuck in fight or flight.
• 37:47
  SPEAKER_05: And then once I had gone too hard, too fast, and exhausted my body, I would go into shutdown, which is the freeze response of trauma.
• 37:55
  SPEAKER_05: And I would feel listless.
• 37:57
  SPEAKER_05: I would feel like, oh my God, I don't know if I can get out of this bed.
• 38:00
  SPEAKER_05: I'd be unmotivated.
• 38:01
  SPEAKER_05: I would not be able to get things done.
• 38:04
  SPEAKER_05: I couldn't access parts of what I thought I needed to do, and I would forget things.
• 38:11
  SPEAKER_05: I had no memory.
• 38:12
  SPEAKER_05: It was exhausting to live that way.
• 38:15
  SPEAKER_05: So meditation taught me to be still, to learn how to quiet my mind, to learn how to see a thought come in and just recognize I could just let the thought go and I could just be more present and still.
• 38:31
  SPEAKER_05: And if I wouldn't have had meditation, I don't know if I would have healed as fast as I have because meditation really helped me just be like, okay, I got to practice this and I got to get comfortable with being uncomfortable, right?
• 38:48
  SPEAKER_05: I've got to get comfortable with sitting still.
• 38:50
  SPEAKER_05: And the more that I did that, the more I was able to access this stillness and this more calm.
• 38:57
  SPEAKER_05: And once I felt what the calm was, it was like this green light for my brain to be like, oh, we like calm.
• 39:03
  SPEAKER_05: This is good.
• 39:04
  SPEAKER_05: And then it became a habit for me, right?
• 39:06
  SPEAKER_05: That's how we create habits.
• 39:09
  SPEAKER_05: And this was a good habit for me because otherwise I would distract myself, right?
• 39:14
  SPEAKER_05: I would keep myself busy or I would use distraction or I use things to try to self-medicate.
• 39:22
  SPEAKER_04: Right, right.
• 39:23
  SPEAKER_04: I love that.
• 39:24
  SPEAKER_04: That is such awesome advice.
• 39:26
  SPEAKER_04: I have to teach myself how to meditate.
• 39:29
  SPEAKER_04: Thank you so much for being here with me today.
• 39:33
  SPEAKER_05: Yes, thank you for having me.
• 39:34
  SPEAKER_05: I enjoyed this conversation.
• 39:35
  SPEAKER_05: I love all your questions.
• 39:36
  SPEAKER_05: They're great.
• 39:38
  SPEAKER_04: Awesome.
• 39:39
  SPEAKER_04: I'm so happy to hear that.
• 39:41
  SPEAKER_04: Confidence in Bloom is a celebration of self-love, a confirmation that you're an amazing, desirable, brilliant, gorgeous, talented woman, even though you may not look like a screen star or a supermodel.
• 39:52
  SPEAKER_04: The truth is they don't even look like that.
• 39:54
  SPEAKER_04: We offer unconditional love to our partners, our children, our extended family, even our pets.
• 40:00
  SPEAKER_04: It's high time we got out of our own way and learned to unconditionally love ourselves.
• 40:04
  SPEAKER_04: Chic definitely does come in every shape, so if you want something to believe in, start with yourself.
• 40:10
  SPEAKER_04: If you'd like to be a guest here on Confidence in Bloom and chat with me, contact me through Instagram at infobloomstyling or by email at tina at infobloomstyling.com or through the Divas That Care website.
• 40:23
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks for listening.
• 40:24
  SPEAKER_00: This show was brought to you by Divas That Care.
• 40:27
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