Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / Why you are so UNHAPPY with the narcissist

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Why you are so UNHAPPY with the narcissist · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful folks?
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  Today we're going to be talking about why you're so unhappy with
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  a narcissist in a toxic relationship.
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  The answer might surprise you. If you're new here, my name is
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  Lee Hammock. I'm a self aware narcissist.
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  Welcome to another episode of The Narcissist Code.
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  Boom. Welcome back.
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  Welcome back. Welcome back, folks.
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  Yes, that's the question of the day, isn't it?
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  Why are you so unhappy with a narcissist or why are you in a
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  types of relationship with a narcissistic person?
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  I know a lot of people think it's an it's it's just a simple
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  answer to this question. We'll leave their treating us
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  badly. That's why we're unhappy.
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  Yeah. That's part of y'all.
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  That's always going to be part of it, right?
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  Part of it is you getting treated badly.
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  Of course there's going to be that's going, that's going to
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  play. Absolutely play a role in it.
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  Part of it has to do with you getting treated a certain type
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  of way. But so many people are not
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  getting their needs met. So many people are are
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  internally unhappy with this toxin narcissistic person
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  because they like, yeah, they aren't treating you like you
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  need to be treated, but you also are not getting your needs met.
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  Even if like let's say right here, even if you're sad as hell
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  once you break it with this narcissistic person, right?
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  Let's just say y'all broke it up, right?
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  And y'all get back together and you're sad as hell.
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  Even when you get back together you're like damn I thought.
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  I thought going back to this person would make me feel
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  better. I thought going back into the
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  toxicity or giving this person another chance.
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  I thought that type of stuff would make me feel better.
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  But at the end of the day you realize it doesn't.
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  You realize it doesn't because it this person is not the key to
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  your happiness. So many people attach their
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  happiness to narcissistic people that it is difficult to be, to
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  feel like you're happy without them, right?
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  It's difficult to feel like you're happy without this
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  person. When you attach so much of your
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  happiness to this person, when you give this person so much of
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  your love, you get this person so much of your affection, so
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  much of your intimacy, so much of your time, effort, energy,
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  money. You give this person damn near
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  everything that you yourself are looking for.
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  You give this person everything that you value, but you're not
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  getting is not being reciprocated right.
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  You give this person every single thing that you could be
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  could want out of a relationship like you're trying to like
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  you're trying to give them what you want and they are happy like
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  they are. They're getting what they want
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  out of other relationship. But are you?
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  That's one of the main reasons why you're unhappy because
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  you're not getting isn't the love or whatever you're putting
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  into it is not being reciprocated equally like you're
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  unhappy as hell because this person is treating you like
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  you're less than them. This person isn't valuing you
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  like they should be valuing you. This person isn't reciprocating
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  or giving you what you deserve and what you need.
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  You know what I'm saying? There's no, it's not.
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  There's no or very little reciprocity in these
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  relationships. Y'all know what I mean?
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  Like you're not. You're putting so much of an end
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  to it. Like you move across the country
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  for this person. You move into their house, you
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  quit your job, you give up your friends, you give up your family
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  members. You start, you allow them to
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  become the voice that tells you like the governing voice in your
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  life. You give up so much for this
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  person, but there's no reciprocity.
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  They don't give up anything for you.
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  Like you don't, you absolutely do not get out what you put in.
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  And like, that's a that's a very frustrating thing.
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  That's why so many people you get stuck in these, you get into
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  these relationships and you get stuck because you've poured so
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  much into them and you're like, damn, like I got to leave empty
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  handed. How to get you my Oh, now I got
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  to leave it there. What this this ain't fair.
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  You feel the unfairness. You know it's not fair.
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  You like that. What I I, I negate this person
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  every single thing that I can possibly give them.
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  I've you know, I've given this person everything that they that
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  they've asked for that I've asked for that I've needed that
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  they've needed. I've given this person every
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  single thing that they have asked for and I haven't got
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  anything in return. When I need my when I want my
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  needs met, they are like whenever I, whenever I try to
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  get my needs met, it's met with anger, it's met with hostility,
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  it's met with like questions and resentment is very rarely ever
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  met with open arms. Oh, damn, I forgot about like,
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  let's, let's get you right. Like you didn't do everything
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  for me, babe. Like, let's it's your turn now.
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  It's your turn. Let's, let's get you right.
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  Very rarely is that an occurrence, right?
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  Very rarely will that happen. Does that happen very rarely.
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  So I'm telling y'all, when you're dealing with a toxic
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  narcissistic person, this is one of the things that you have to
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  consider. Like this is one of the big
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  things that you have to consider right here because very rarely
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  does it work out the way that you want it to work out.
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  Very rarely. So this is what I'm just telling
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  you right now, all right? As you're dealing with a
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  narcissist, as you're learning, as you're growing, this is the
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  mentality that you have to face. This is why you're unhappy.
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  Even though you have this relationship that you think you
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  want, even though you have this marriage, even though you have
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  the kids, even though you might be thank you, have everything
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  that you want. That's why you sometimes when
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  you, when you in this relationship with this person,
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  why you feel empty. This is why when you're in a
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  relationship with this person, why you feel like you're not
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  like you, you feel like, damn, I, I got, I feel like I should
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  be happy, but I'm not, I'm not. And it could be a very
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  frustrating thing to feel like you should be happy, but you're
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  not. And you can feel like this is
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  kind of crazy. This is going to sound crazy
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  right when I say this, but you, you actually started to feel
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  selfish. Not only is the narcissist
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  making you feel like you're selfish because you're trying to
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  get your needs met, but you can start feeling this way on your
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  own. You can start questioning your
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  own intent because this person, this narcissistic person has
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  made has made you feel like you are a problem here.
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  They've made you feel like what is going on here is super
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  extreme, is extremely problematic.
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  That's what happens right here. Y'all?
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  I'm just telling you, so many people fall into the hole, fall
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  into the chasm that toxic narcissistic people or just like
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  like you fall into like, like this is the person that you need
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  and you want and they don't, they don't end up being it
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  because this is this is this is the caveat right here go.
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  They were originally, weren't they?
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  Because you wouldn't have given up all that you've given up if
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  this person didn't give you. If this person didn't flash some
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  potential in front of you like you wouldn't have been able.
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  You wouldn't have sacrificed your your closest relationship.
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  You wouldn't have sacrifice your career.
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  You wouldn't have sacrifice having kids or not having kids.
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  You wouldn't have sacrificed so much if this person hadn't
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  flashed something in front of you to show you that it's a
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  possibility exist that they can give you what you need, that
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  they can make you happy. You wouldn't have given up so
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  much if you didn't think that this person had a capability or
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  the possibility of making you happy, would you?
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  And so to answer the question of so many people is going to be
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  that way right there. You know what I mean?
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  Because I say that's why you're so unhappy.
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  Yes. They're not treating you right.
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  Of course, that's the, that's the simplest reason.
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  That's the shortcut right there. They're not shooting me right?
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  It gets deeper than that. Not only are they not treating
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  you right, you're not getting your needs met.
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  And there's no reciprocity. There's no, you know, there's no
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  reciprocity and whatnot because that's how the mind of a
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  narcissist works out. We want more out of it than what
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  we put in. And the opposite is going to be
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  true for you. You want more.
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  You just want equal. You want what you want at least
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  you want you want a little bit, you want a little bit back.
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  You know, it's like, think about like this right here.
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  Yeah, if you are doing like if you are doing an investment,
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  right? If you are, if you are investing
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  into your own life, right. They say you're investing into
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  the bank. If you put $5, let's say say
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  $100, this is even though if you put $100 into the bank, right?
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  But you only get $50.00 back. You're like, man, what what
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  happened? This is this the the interest
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  rates. You have a negative 50%, a
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  negative 50% interest rate here. Would you say, would you keep
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  putting money into that bank account?
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  Most people would say, no, you see what I'm saying?
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  Most people would say, oh hell no, I'm not putting more money
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  in that bank. But because you already
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  invested, because you're already this, you already withdrawn all
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  of your money elsewhere. This is the only bank that you
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  feel like will accept you. You keep putting more into it.
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  Well, maybe if I put 100 more, it won't be the same.
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  Now you get $25, like what the hell?
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  There's no reciprocity. You're not getting out of it
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  what you put in. Narcissist, on the other hand,
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  they're put there, they are putting $5 in and they're
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  getting your $100. You see their interest rate,
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  their interest rate on their side of things.
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  They're cut. They got compound interest.
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  You know they got compound interest.
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  They owe Their interest is on a compound.
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  The little that I put in, I get a lot out of it because you're
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  giving me everything that I want and need.
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  You're not getting everything out of out of me.
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  You're not getting everything out of this relationship.
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  You're not getting your needs met.
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  That's one of the preliminary reason that you're not happy,
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  because there's no reciprocity. You're putting so much in.
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  You have so little to show for. You might have the physical, you
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  might have the physical part to show for, right?
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  You might have the physical to show for, but you don't have the
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  the emotional. You don't have the emotional.
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  You might have the physical, you might have the house, the car,
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  the kids, whatever, but you're so damn unhappy.
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  And then you feel ungrateful because a lot of people, you
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  feel like a lot of people will be will be praying for the life
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  that you have because you have physical stuff.
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  But then you're emotionally unhappy.
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  So that make you feel ungrateful.
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  And then guess who else would make you feel ungrateful?
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  You're narcissistic, toxic, possibly abusive partner.
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  They're definitely going to make you feel ungrateful because
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  like, look at everything I give for you.
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  Look at everything I'm sacrificing for you.
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  You still unhappy. Wow, wow, wow, gotcha, gotcha.
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  Go and get you anyways, y'all. Thank y'all for tuning into
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  another episode y'all. I appreciate every single one of
• 10:53
  y'all. If you haven't already, make
• 10:55
  sure you check out join them up by support group.
• 10:56
  It's called the mental healers had a great event in DC this
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  past weekend. Our next events are coming up in
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  Texas and North Carolina. We will be we'll be bouncing
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  around y'all anyways, y'all, so make sure you subscribe to this
• 11:09
  channel and as always with who this is peace.
• 11:11
  Thank you so much for making it to the end of my video.
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  I'm extremely grateful for you have no idea.
• 11:16
  If you haven't already, make sure you go ahead and subscribe
• 11:18
  to the channel helps reach more people and click on the screen
• 11:21
  to watch another video or to browse to another playlist.
• 11:23
  There's also a link on the screen to check out my courses
• 11:26
  and my support groups to help you heal and understand what
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  you've been through. Thank you so much again.
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  I will see you in the next video.
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  Peace.