Latest / Harder Than Life / 37: What Do You Really Want? w/ Sian Hill

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37: What Do You Really Want? w/ Sian Hill · Harder Than Life

• 0:00
  I'm Kelly Siegel and this is harder than life a podcast about self-love self-awareness business and health We tell outrageous stories and boil everything down to simple practical advice. You can start using today. Let's get living
• 0:15
  Today's guest joins us from across the pond. Yes, the Heart and Life podcast has gone international. Sean Hill is a dear friend and an internationally certified trainer of neuro-linguistic programming, better known as NLP, timeline therapy, hypnotherapy, and breakthrough coach.
• 0:30
  What doesn't she do? She is an expert in helping people reprogram their unconscious mind and rewire old belief systems and break through lifelong mental and emotional blocks so they can create a life they love. She's also the author of the book, Activate Your Raz, the art and science of creating your reality from the inside out and the host of the Vibrant Mind, Vibrant Life podcast. Welcome to the Heart and Life podcast, my love. How are you? I am very well. Thank you. Thank you for having me.
• 0:59
  Long overdue, Sean. I'm so sorry that it's taken so long. I read your book. You're going to see. I read your book on March 19th. It is August 11th. And it'll be two months till this airs. So I guess success teaches patience. It does indeed. Yeah. So what time is it where you are just to set the scene? It's 2.15 in the afternoon here.
• 1:28
  Okay, so it's 9.15 here. So, all right. Yeah, I was just saying to your producer that I am in your future, and it's fantastic. You're going to have a great time. Our future's bright. Thank goodness. Excuse me. You got me good on that one. So let's get started. What were you put on this earth to do?
• 1:49
  Oh my gosh, what a great question. Well, if you'd have asked me that 10 years ago, it would have been a whole different answer. So my mission in life now that I've discovered through a process of peeling back the layers of my own limitations and my thinking and everything is to be a catalyst for change for other people.
• 2:11
  I see the potential in people that they don't see in themselves. And it's my mission to get rid of whatever it is that's limiting them and pull it out of them so they can go and live a life that they love. Okay. I'm going to deviate from my questions right off the bat, because I, that's pretty much what the heart of the life mantra. And how do you deal with so much negativity and hurt and wounds in the world? It's so,
• 2:39
  Like I was out last night and I was around a bunch of people that were drinking and having, you know, quote unquote good time. And I left drained. And every day I come in here and I talk about reducing toxic behaviors and harmful things. And I go out and I see so much pain in the world. How do you personally deal with the pain that goes on in the world that you're trying to help?
• 3:06
  The first thing that I do is I'm very mindful of where I place my attention because I figure that we can focus on anything and what we get, what we focus on magnifies. So I'm very picky about the things that I watch, the conversations I have, the people that I spend my time with, making sure that whoever that is, is somebody or something that fills up my cup for want of a better word. So that's the first thing is that,
• 3:34
  think about where I am at any moment in time, what I'm watching, what I'm consuming, because that is going to have an impact. That's essentially my environment. The other thing then, when it comes to coaching clients, when people come to me or people that are training, they want to make a change. So no matter where they're starting from, no matter how negative or unwanted it may be, they've started the process of change to make things better. So I always see that as being something positive.
• 4:00
  If it's, if I find something negative in the world that I don't like personally, that I'm experiencing any emotion around, I take that as feedback that there's something that I need to work on internally within me. I see the world as just a big projection of my stuff. Because if you think about it, there can be.
• 4:19
  I believe nothing has any meaning in life other than the meaning that we give to it. Because one situation will mean something to one person and something totally different to somebody else. Does either of them, are either of them wrong or right? Is it true or not? And the answer is in their world, yes. So if something is true in my world, I use that as an opportunity to turn the mirror inwards and say, right, is there something that I need to learn from this? Is there something that needs to change within me so that I no longer feel any emotion around it? I can just observe it for what it is.
• 4:51
  Okay, I want you to play coach on me. I hear everything you just said, and I love it, and I agree with all of that. So if I apply what you just said, then there's something the universe or God is trying to teach me, or I have to learn. Listen, the only thing I learned last night is that I'm on the right path to not drink, but I also feel like there's so many people in the world to help. So I flip it on its head, and yes, it pulled from my cup, but
• 5:21
  I feel like there's so many people that I can affect and change. Is that what you think the universe and God is trying to tell me? Or is there something more deeper in my NLP programming that I have to visit? Because I do the work day in and day out, but I don't know what was the message. What could the message be? Is it what I'm taking, you think?
• 5:45
  Yeah, well, here's the interesting thing is it's your unconscious mind. So it's whatever your mind tells you, that's the right answer. I can't kind of guess what's in your head, because I'd be doing that from my unconscious mind. So...
• 6:01
  I think there's a couple of things to unpack there. The first thing is about the number of people that you want to have an impact on and how many people there are to help. I feel exactly the same because I see people that are suffering and I know that it would be just a few easy, simple shifts and their whole life could be different. Yet they haven't asked for it and they don't always want it. People tend to change at the extremes, either when things get really, really bad or when they're...
• 6:25
  really, really good. And either end of the scale, it's like, I've either had enough of this and I never want to go there again, things have got to change, or I like this life, I've had a sneak peek into how things could be, give me more of that. When people sit almost in the in between, things aren't painful enough. It's like, what's the analogy with the frog? If you put a frog in boiling water and cold water and then boil it slowly, he doesn't know he's cooking. And
• 6:51
  And that's a bit how people live their life. It just gets more and more painful, but they're less and less aware of it because it becomes the new norm. So whilst I completely appreciate your desire to help the world, I have it myself. People have to ask. They have to want it. So I figure even if they don't want it now, that doesn't mean they won't want it in the future. So my job as a coach and a trainer is to let them know I'm available. I'm here if and when you're ready. So I feel like I've done as much as I can do.
• 7:17
  and give them resources that may lead them down that trail of discovering stuff. The other side then, which mentioned about you with...
• 7:28
  I suppose what it sounds like you're gaining is clarity on your mission. The question that I would consider if I were you is, do I feel any kind of negative emotion around that situation? Because if you do, if you're in those scenarios and it's draining you and you're feeling triggered by it, then that's an indication that there's stuff within you that you could maybe deal with if you wanted to.
• 7:52
  Thank goodness. I'm not triggered. It's just compassion. Lots of compassion. It's opportunity and I'm not triggered. You cannot trigger me anymore. I've done so much work. It's not even funny. So no, lots and lots of compassion and empathy and love. That's all I feel. This is a great next question. I showed it in the intro. I read your book, Activate Your Raz.
• 8:16
  There is a great quote in there. It says, if you want to be happy, be. Please explain it. I see happiness as a choice in that many people will have happiness as a goal. It's like an end destination that they want to get to. Yet happiness is something that you can choose to feel right now.
• 8:45
  We all have the capacity to control our own mind, even if it doesn't feel like it at times, even if our thoughts feel like they're thinking us, we can choose to feel happy or not. So in my world, it's a decision to make that choice, even if it means there's a bit of work that's got to be done to get there. It's still something that you have control over.
• 9:09
  I also know that you can tap into a way of feeling in any moment. If I said to you right now, remember a time in the past where you felt totally happy, really happy and just go back and yeah, do it, do it with me. So yeah. No, no, no, no. I'm saying right now I'm totally happy. I'd love it. Oh, there you go. Right now. I just posted on it. I just posted in this morning. Like I,
• 9:30
  I noticed that gratitude, extreme gratitude for me feels a lot like anxiety. When I'm on my way to the podcast studio and I get to see Grant's happy face and you, man, it just warms me up. So I'm happy. I'm abnormally happy a lot.
• 9:47
  Fantastic. I love that. And you can then use these moments. So if in the future you're having a moment where you're feeling anything less than happy, you can remember this moment right now. Picture my face on the screen, hear the sounds and just relive it. So in that moment, all of those same emotions come rushing back. So you have the ability. You can then anchor that state. Yeah, it's recalling. It's one of the processes within anchoring to be in control of your emotions.
• 10:16
  I should have started with this. Think about it. Sorry to just finish on that one. If you think about it, when you're feeling bad, when you're feeling anxious, anything less than good, it's usually the thoughts that you're playing out in your mind and you're playing through a worst case scenario. Things going badly. So it's why not use those thoughts to think about something that was good, where you felt happy and tap into that instead. And that's something that we all have control over.
• 10:40
  Sean, you're brilliant. It's so simple, but it's just not easy. I want to reiterate that happiness is a choice, not a goal. I had a pastor on the Heart of Life podcast where he said, happiness is not what's happening. So I love that. I should have started with this, but what is the RAS? The RAS. It is your reticular activating system.
• 11:07
  So there's a part of your brain that has just at the top of your spinal column that has a bundle of nerves in it. And those nerves are wired to your senses. So everything that you see, hear, feel and taste. Now, every second of the day, our senses are being bombarded with information. Way too much for us to consciously process.
• 11:30
  Our reticular activating system acts like a radar that scans through and filters through all of the information. And then when something is important to us, it activates. So it brings it into our conscious awareness. It brings it to our attention so that we notice it.
• 11:47
  So you can think of it a bit like the gatekeeper, the security guard of your brain. It's like you're getting in. No, you're staying out. Even though there's this wonderful opportunity over there, you're not going to notice it because it's not important to you right now. So it's the gatekeeper of your unconscious mind. So based on the last couple of questions, we should make a guest list of good thoughts. And those are the only things that get through your RAS. Yeah.
• 12:13
  Yeah, absolutely. Train your reticular activating system, train your brain to work for you. I love it. And then to further exemplify that, there's the law of vibration. So talk about that. You talk a lot about the law of vibration. So that kind of precedes the rest. So talk about what the law of vibration does and how you interpret that.
• 12:34
  Yeah, so the law of vibration is the primary law. The law of attraction is the secondary law, which is what many people are familiar with and do a lot of work on. Now, the way that it works when it comes to the reticular activating system, to give you a really simple example, when you decide that you want something in particular, like a car, a bike, a holiday, then suddenly you start noticing everywhere. And it, you,
• 12:59
  like it wasn't there before you'd never seen it and then your neighbors got one the guy down the road they park them in the supermarket and it's like where did all of these cars come from they were always there your brain just didn't notice them so when you decide some when something becomes important to you
• 13:18
  you filter through that information and then start to spot it. So that's the first thing. It's like, this is why I suddenly see all of these things. And that was the thing that I didn't get when I started on this journey. I was like, I'm seeing all the cars. What do I do with that information? How do I take it from the car park and put it on my drive? That's where the law of attraction comes in. So everything is energy, everything vibrates, and everything has a frequency.
• 13:45
  Everything that exists, that could exist, does exist. And it's available to us. The minute that we have a thought, the minute that that possibility is planted, it exists. The thing that turns it from being a possibility into a probability. So the most likely thing to happen is our attention and our focus on it. So if we consistently focus and feel into something,
• 14:10
  the things that we want over a period of time until we've sustained the energy for long enough, it then comes into physical manifestation.
• 14:20
  The thing that I used to do, which I've witnessed in a lot of other people, is they decide they want something. They think about it for maybe half an hour a day when they're meditating. They feel good occasionally. And then they go back to their usual default way of being, which is often not a vibrational match for the things that they want. So the probability of it coming into fruition is less or it takes a longer period of time. It's not that it won't happen. Yeah.
• 14:45
  but it just drags it on a bit longer. And if anybody out there is like me, when you want something, you kind of want it yesterday. I'm impatient. Your ability to articulate
• 14:57
  words and scenarios that is easily digestible is second to none. And I'm going to ask you to tell the story about the conscious mind and how it, you use it as a metaphor, as a rowboat and the unconscious mind as a submarine playing tug of war, which one obviously wins and what can we do about it? This is in your book and it was one of the chapters or one of the, the nuggets that stuck out to me.
• 15:24
  Yeah, thank you for that. Because I have a very simple brain. So I figure if I can't articulate it in a way that my young brain would understand, then I'm not saying it correctly. So the way that I look at your mind, so you have two minds, you've got your conscious mind and your unconscious mind. Your conscious mind is everything that you're aware of in the minute. The sound of me talking, the things that you can see.
• 15:48
  Your unconscious mind is everything else that's happening. So to give you an example, the temperature of your breath as you breathe in and out, the sounds in the distance, they're all there yet you're not consciously aware of them in the moment. It's all being processed at the unconscious level. Now between the age of 0 and 7, we don't have a conscious mind. We're just a little unconscious sponge absorbing the world around us.
• 16:10
  And that's when our programs are being created. So the programs are the way that we think, the way we feel and we behave and many other little components in there. So we just take things on as being true because we don't have a conscious mind to kick in and analyze and question, well, is that belief true? Does it make sense? So it just gets absorbed. Now, those programs are really helpful. They allow us to walk, to talk, to tie our shoelaces, to do all these things without any thought. And then there's the programs that don't serve us, like the limiting beliefs.
• 16:39
  the emotions. Now if you imagine your unconscious mind is like a submarine, so under the water it's been programmed and it's heading in a particular direction and it just does it every day without thought and it's responsible for 95% of the power of the mind. So,
• 16:54
  Your conscious mind, I liken a bit to a rowing boat sat on top of the water. So it's responsible for the other 5%, yet this is the thing that we call reality. This is the view. This is the thing that we perceive outside of us. Now, in life, when we decide, you know what, I don't like the view. I don't like the direction I'm heading. I'm going to turn this rowing boat around and go somewhere else. So we get out the metaphorical rowing oars and we start attempting to
• 17:21
  to go somewhere else but what we don't realize or don't take into account is that the submarine and the rowing boat are tied together and the submarine didn't get the memo so it's carrying on merrily on its way doing its thing and you're attempting in your rowing boat with five percent of the mind to go in opposition to it to pull against it
• 17:43
  This is what you call willpower. And it's why it often wears off. It doesn't last because you're fighting against your mind. You fight, you know, it's, it's mission impossible.
• 17:54
  So it can create tug of wars. I feel like I want to do this, but at the same time I want to do that. You can feel very incongruent and your behavior becomes inconsistent. And then this is where people get themselves into belief cycles. I'm not good enough. I knew I was a failure. And it reinforces all the unwanted programs because now they've proved themselves right. Your brain looks to prove yourself right. So if anything, it can end up having...
• 18:22
  negative consequences unless you understand what's going on and recognize it for what it is my mission is to dive into the submarine what i do is get into that submarine make some tweaks reprogram it because if you think of it a bit like a sat nav the sat nav that you were born with
• 18:41
  A lot's changed since then. The directions in that sat nav wouldn't necessarily work today. So it's kind of updating the map and then rerouting it to where you want to go. And then your conscious mind and your unconscious mind, your own boat and your submarine, you're going in the same direction. And then it becomes fun. You're kind of going along for the ride. That submarine. Now, is it always pulling against? Is the subconscious always pulling against the conscious? It can't be the case, can it?
• 19:09
  No, not at all. So it's only if the direction that you're going isn't working and you decide I want to change the route, I want to go over here instead. It's then making sure that whatever programs that were leading you in the direction you were heading get rerouted, get rewired and redirected. So if you've got a belief, for example, to bring it to life that I'm unhealthy, I could never be fit. And you decide I want to go to the gym. I want to get myself a six pack.
• 19:35
  So you're in your rowing boat going, right, I'm off to the gym. I'm going to go out seven times a week. And then this submarine is going, no, you're not fit. You can't do this. You're not that kind of person. That's when it creates that inner tug of war. So it's only if it's on what you want and what you believe is in opposition. So what do you do to overcome that? What do you do to strengthen the motor in the rowboat that doesn't even have a motor?
• 19:59
  So there are many ways. There are different modalities that you can use. I use NLP, timeline therapy, hypnotherapy. They are working with your unconscious mind. So they're just diving straight into the submarine to rewire, reroute it, and send it in the way that works for you. The other way to do it is using the conscious mind
• 20:20
  to guide the unconscious mind bit by bit, day by day. So this is where repetition becomes key. This takes a longer period of time and maybe some stepping stones within there. So rather than going from, here's where I am right now, I don't believe I can ever get fit. I'll never have a six pack to telling myself, I'll have a six pack today. I can do this. It's too big a jump for your unconscious mind. It's like submarines over here and your rowing boat's over there.
• 20:48
  So it's going, right, come on submarine, come with me. We can do the gym once a week. Let's do that. Let's just try that.
• 20:54
  Are you using a six pack intentionally? Because. I think my unconscious mind just took on. I'm working with what I got. I love it. You know, I didn't even say. I want everybody. You're so. She's brilliant. And I love you dearly. Everybody needs to check you out on Instagram. It's Sean spelled S-I-A-N. Sean Hill. So go follow her. Pick up her book. Activate your Razz. I must say. I read this.
• 21:23
  in about two days. If it took three, I mean, I couldn't put it down. It was, again, easily digestible, very relatable and simple. And that's why I'm so upset that it took so long. But here's another easily digestible piece of information that you put in here. The day you plant the seed is not the day you eat the fruit. I put in a delayed gratification versus instant gratification. Which is preferred and how does it
• 21:51
  how does that resonate with you? Yeah, I'd love to take credibility. Credibility, not the word. Credit, that's the one. I'd love to take credit for the quotes, but they're not mine. So going back to what we mentioned earlier with the law of attraction and wanting to create things, wanting to manifest things in your life or just achieving goals, however it is that you frame it, there's something that you want and you don't have it yet.
• 22:20
  Most people want it, like I said myself, yesterday. So you plant your seed and then you're going back every day to check it to see where is it, where is it? We accept in life in so many ways that things take time. There's a process involved. If you have a baby, you don't fall pregnant and have a baby the next day.
• 22:40
  If you build a house, you've got to put foundations down and then build on top of them. Yet so many people give up before that gestation period is complete. I'm not seeing the results without realising that actually you're doing the very thing that you need to do. In the analogy of a baby, you're growing the baby, you're feeding it, you're making it strong enough to come out into the world. When you're building a house, if you didn't put the foundations down, you could maybe throw up a house. Yet the chances are it's going to fall to pieces shortly afterwards.
• 23:09
  So I think whatever goals you have, see it as I'm in this for the long haul, rather than it being a short-term fix.
• 23:18
  Now, the way that I work with that, because being in it for the long haul, when you're maybe not seeing results as quickly as you would like, can be unmotivating at times. So this is where getting those milestones in and getting recognition points for the achievements along the way. So it's not just about the end goal. It's about, right, who am I becoming? What is shifting within me?
• 23:42
  whether it's once a week, every day, however often you want to reflect and look back and celebrating that because those are the small things that add up to the big changes. And I think it's easy to just discount those as being irrelevant. You know, yeah, so I had a conversation with somebody that I wouldn't have done before.
• 23:57
  That's neither here nor there. It's like, no, recognize it. And the more you recognize it and the more you recognize you're changing, the more your reticular activating system is going to activate and show you all the ways you're changing and bring you all of the evidence that here's this other opportunity. Here's this conversation that you can have. So your brain will then start to feed that recognition of, oh, I'm doing well. Oh gosh, I did good today. Oh, here's how else you did good. Here's what else you achieved. And so your focus shifts very quickly. And then ironically, you achieve things more easily.
• 24:27
  Celebrate the small wins. Man, I forget to do that. I don't even celebrate the big wins sometimes. My staff will say that to me like, hey, could we take a second to just feel this? I'm like, oh, no, I'm on to the next one. Well, your unconscious mind is programmed to continually seek more. That's why whenever you get to where you planned on going, you're ready for the next thing because it's one of its roles is to always get speak more. Yeah.
• 24:54
  which is why it's important to have a goal beyond the goal, beyond the goal. Because when you get there, it's never that pinnacle moment, is it? That you think, oh, that's it. Life's done now. Put my feet up and I'm finished. There's always something else. I'm in sales and often tout that I lose more deals than most people are involved in. That's not to make fun of my closing ratio, but rather to point out that I am in a lot of deals. Talk to the listeners about the marketing rule of seven and why it's in the book about RAS.
• 25:24
  Oh gosh, you're testing my memory of the book now. So I can't actually remember where I referred to it within the book.
• 25:36
  I wrote this a while ago and I'm with you too. I had it on my show notes, but it just, it was just about persistence. It's really kind of going on that because you got to contact somebody seven times before it kind of just does tales on what we just talked about. So just. Yeah, absolutely. So I can't remember the exact context of it, but it is about that.
• 25:57
  to go back to what I said earlier about being in it for the long haul in, yeah, I've been guilty of this myself and my partner's really good at challenging me on this, where I'll say to give you an example, a while ago I said to him, right, I want, my goal is to work, to coach a formula one driver. Yeah.
• 26:15
  So I spent a day phoning up all the race teams, the smaller race teams, the Formula Two. I was kind of all over the place contacting everybody saying, hey, here I am. Listen to me. And then a week later, he said to me, how are you getting on with that Formula One goal? I said, well, I phoned them and they didn't respond. And he's like, oh, great. So you did it once. So now what? You know better than this. Yeah.
• 26:41
  And it was in that moment that I realized, oh gosh, yeah, how many times do we do that as people? It's almost we take one action or maybe two or maybe three and then say, well, it wasn't meant to be. This isn't working. Rather than thinking, hang on, what if we're just chipping away bit by bit and you never know where the opportunity is going to come from, who the conversation will be with. Yeah, it's easy to just see it as a linear kind of process. And, well, I've done my part. That didn't happen. Like, no, just keep going. There's the, you know, the...
• 27:10
  digging for gold. Have you seen that analogy where there's the man that's digging for gold and then he gives up and there's just like an inch between him and the goal. And I think those moments, they are the moments where if you keep going,
• 27:25
  I always say the night is darkest just before dawn and people give up right then. Oh, it's never going to get light. And then it just gets light. So the reason I could give you a more of the, it's exactly, it's chapter 13 creating magic is what this was under. And it's talks about right after we just got done talking about instant gratification. This is just where you were reiterating, Hey, keep going, keep driving, keep grinding. And what the marketing rule of seven is you have to contact,
• 27:53
  somebody seven times or do something seven times before they actually even notice it. Yes. Oh, yeah. It's coming back to me now as well, because in the context of, so there's that and see those moments when you feel like giving up, see that as the opportunity to really build that strength. A bit like when you're in the gym, you know, the last reps, that's where you're getting the most gain. So I use that as a, right, if I can get through this, there's going to be good stuff at the other side of it.
• 28:19
  When it comes to seven people, I think there's studies on this around information as well, that you can hear something and it can take seven times to hear the same thing before it actually registers. So even though you may, as a coach, as a speaker, feel like you're almost repeating the same things over and over and over again, and it may be the same people listening regularly.
• 28:45
  they may be hearing it that time in a way that they haven't done before. And that's the time where it registers and suddenly something sinks in because there's a difference between knowing and there's a difference between information and knowing what that information is and being able to apply it. Cause I can hear stuff and I get that. But if you were to ask me to do something with it, that could be a very, very different story.
• 29:10
  So basically, I always say there are no coincidences and timing is everything. So I would tell you, I've heard something a million times and it never sunk in. And then I'll be sitting here reading your book and something as simple as this quote I'm about to read to you. And sorry to hit you with this book so much, but it was literally, it's that good. It was, I'm not just saying that because we're friends. I...
• 29:33
  Love this book. And I can tell you I posted about it and I know people bought it. And I know everybody that bought it from me or from my recommendation loved it. So go out and get this book. It is an easy, quick read, but full of practical knowledge.
• 29:51
  She didn't ask me to do this, but I'm just an avid reader and I love it. I love these kind of books that feed my mind. There's a Bruce Lee quote in here on page 253 of the book, and it reads, Do not pray for an easy life. Pray for the strength to endure a difficult one. I love this quote because it seems that people these days want an easy life and become frustrated when times get tough. Tell us about a time when you felt like giving up, what you did instead, and what you learned.
• 30:21
  oh well I have to go there's been a number of times where I've been tested which it doesn't surprise me because the minute you tell yourself your unconscious mind the universe that you want something you will be tested as to how serious you are about it
• 30:43
  Wait, we're going to stop right there. I want, I'm sorry, sorry. This is huge because this happened to me. And I was 15 months into my, no, a year and a half into my sobriety journey. And the whole, the God dropped a bomb on me. Lost my biggest customer. It's in my book. My ex-wife, my ex-girlfriend tried to take my kid away from me. It was a test, test, test. And guess what? I'm harder than life and I passed. So...
• 31:12
  First, you got to get started. Then God is going to say, do you really want this? And you got to plow through that. And then they're going to keep sending little, little itty bitty speed bumps to check on this. Keep going. That's what harder than life is all about. That's what activate your razz is. That's Sean Hill's mission in life. Sorry to steal your thunder, but I probably just did the nugget for the clip for our show. But yeah.
• 31:38
  I love it. But I had to say it because everybody, the hardest part is to get started. And then once you get started, God or the universe or the vibration energy tests you and then you quit. Or it tests you the second or third, then you quit. You got to keep doing. And then the funny thing about it, I'm sure you're going to talk about this, is every single time you pass that test, you get stronger and you trust yourself and you trust the world more and more and you become invincible and unstoppable.
• 32:08
  at least that's yeah how i feel yeah i sorry keep going on that story but i had to interject that i love it uh yeah it's absolutely true the the tests will come the way that i approach it is see it for what it is see it as this is a test it's a test of my commitment and if i can get through it i know i'm going to be stronger so it's like i've only just got to get through this little piece here
• 32:33
  Little piece. Wait, wait, wait. They're not usually little. Especially the first one. The first test when you make a big life change, I would argue, I don't know what your instance is, is going to test your will, your being, your essence.
• 32:49
  Yeah, yeah. It's the way that the reason I use little is on purpose because NLP is all about linguistics. So the messages that you give to yourself, if you tell yourself something's big, that's going to blow it up in your mind. It's going to feel so much more than it is, whereas if you see it as a little test, even that that doesn't mean it's going to be easy, but it's just this one little moment in time. In the grand scheme of things, it's just a little moment. And if I get through this, I'm going to be stronger on the other side. When you get through this.
• 33:18
  Yeah. You said if. I like your language. Come on, when you get through it. We're undefeated. Sorry. And it's the message that you then give to your unconscious mind because you've said you want it. If you then deviate from that, you're almost breaking trust with yourself and it's
• 33:36
  say well I said I was going to do this but then I'm doing that so it's just sending the submarine the unconscious mind to continue in that direction rather than going I told you I wanted it see now let's start turning this around let's start creating a new pathway for me it was part of the reason that prompted me to write the book that was one of my biggest tests
• 33:54
  It was lockdown. I just started my NLP training company, running classroom based trainings. I'd put all of what money I had into it to keep it afloat and get it going. And then lockdown hit and all the courses kind of fell to the floor. So that was a really pivotal moment for me. I was new in business. So I wasn't, you know, there was no funding. It was just right. Go and practice what you preach, you know, Sian. You tell people.
• 34:20
  to get through these moments. This is your test to show that it works. And in that moment, there was this, would I be better off going to get a job? Because I know I could get a job that pays reasonably well. I've done it before. Or do I keep going, keep pushing, and prove that I am a walking example of this stuff? So I decided to do that. And there were days where, oh my goodness me, did I feel like giving up?
• 34:46
  And I just kept going. And it was in that moment that I decided to write the book. Partly, a couple of reasons, but one of them being there's somebody out there right now who doesn't have these tools like I do. And I want them to have access to something so that if they find themselves in those moments, whether they're...
• 35:05
  big life-changing tests or just the everyday tests and obstacles that they've got something they can refer to that's going to help them even to just feel a little bit better every day because that's the compound effect then that leads to that you know you look down the back 10 years later and think gosh how did I end up here and it's just the little things every day.
• 35:25
  I don't know if that answered your question. It did. It did. During lockdown, sorry, because I interrupted you and I ran it. That's a terrible interview. No, no. I'm working on it. I just get fired up certain things because you just gave literally the cheat code for Harder Than Life and Kelly Siegel. I don't have a submarine. I have a nuclear warship.
• 35:45
  underneath pushing, pulling me. I couldn't mess up even if I tried. I just, it just doesn't happen. And it becomes day by day, just doing the right things over and over. And I believe in the way I speak to myself is it's just, I'm unstoppable. And you hear me, you heard me correct you. Like I didn't even have to think, but it hasn't always been that way. It was work. Again, I want to correct myself. Head over to Instagram and it's I am Sean Hill. I am S-I-A-N.
• 36:15
  H-I-L-L. That's her Instagram. Absolute brilliance. And I want to thank you for writing this book because I read it at the perfect time and you're here at the perfect time because I'm going to ask a favor for you. But first, I should have asked you this. I should have led with this, but can you tell us
• 36:37
  a bit about yourself and your journey in NLP. What is NLP? And for most of us that don't even know what it is.
• 36:48
  Yeah, so I didn't plan on being an NLP trainer or a coach. It was never my ambition. Growing up, I always wanted to be an actress. That was the dream. And I grew up in a small town in Wales in the UK, and there wasn't a lot happening there. There wasn't a lot of opportunity there.
• 37:08
  and i remember seeing a careers coach at about the age of 15 telling them i wanted to be an actress and they said oh that's lovely and what are you really going to do because that's not a career and at that moment in time i felt relieved because i didn't believe that i could actually do it i didn't think i was good enough so somebody had let me off the hook i was like oh well that can't happen so i'll just give up on it and i went down a different path and
• 37:33
  It was around the age of 20. I was, I got myself into a toxic relationship and the years that passed, I was, um, getting myself. Here it comes by the way, people, this is why she's on here. And I should have started with this. So hopefully we're 38 minutes in and, uh, I forgotten that I knew the backstory cause I know you and I love you and you're, this is the goal. So please take your time and explain this part. This is what's sent you on your journey.
• 38:02
  Yeah, it's so... It was...
• 38:06
  I was in that relationship for almost 10 years. And during that period, my health suffered. My, as I said, I got myself into debt. I had no career prospects. I was going from job to job, barely working. I had no relationships, no friends. Life was pretty crap, to put it simply. And I remember wherever I was, the constant thought was, there has to be more to life than this.
• 38:34
  I knew deep down that there has to be a bigger reason for me being here. So I kind of clung on to that as there's got to be more, there's got to be more. And then it was around 2010 that my mum gave me the book The Secret.
• 38:50
  And I read it and I felt like a door had opened for me, a pathway into something that I knew was real, but I didn't know how to use it at that point. So I understood that our thoughts create our reality. And when I looked at everything I'd created to that point, it was like, yes, absolutely. Because I think really bad about myself. I think really negative thoughts and my life is pretty negative. So it made total sense. I was like, right. My mission was then to change my thinking.
• 39:19
  And that led me down the rabbit hole because I was doing all of the things. I was meditating. I was doing the affirmations. I was doing the visualizations, the vision boards. And I would feel good whilst doing them. Yet then I'd go back to my day-to-day life in the relationship and things just were as they usually were.
• 39:36
  Then this word NLP kept coming up and it was like the user manual for your mind. So I was like, right, I need one of those because I don't know how to tweak things. So I did a course to become a practitioner of NLP, timeline therapy, hypnotherapy and a coach. The reason I did the course was I thought rather than working with a coach, I just want to learn this for myself so that I've got it all the time to empower myself. Yeah.
• 40:00
  And I did that course and things, I came out of it like a different person. The whole world just seemed different. It was crazy.
• 40:11
  Things started changing bit by bit. Then 12 months later, I did my master practitioner, which is the level two. And that completely transformed my whole life. I left that course and I made the decision there. And then I'm out of this relationship. I had no money to speak of. I don't know where I'm going to go. Even things like I had three cats. And I thought, well, what do I do with my cats? So the logistical side of things that kept me stuck for so many years, suddenly, I
• 40:40
  became just a I've just got to work it out and I can and I did and I left that relationship and things started improving I started getting acting work that I'd always wanted I started making money I paid off all my debts I found a new relationship and I'm still with him nine nearly ten years later and it's great so everything started improving and it was about
• 41:02
  I don't know, maybe two years into that process that I got a script for a, it was for some kind of video of some description. And I had to learn all these lines by that Monday. And I remember feeling really put out. I was like, I've got to learn lines. Hang on a second. Isn't this the dream to be an actress with words?
• 41:21
  So that's everything I thought I always wanted. And in that moment, I realized, you know what, that is the childhood dream that I wanted to fulfill because I never believed I was good enough to do it. What I actually love doing and what I spent all of my spare time doing is this personal development stuff.
• 41:36
  this NLP, this reading, this learning, this talking about it. This is where it's at for me. So I decided to change the trajectory of my life and go into that as a career. And that's what I've been working on ever since. And it didn't happen overnight. It's still something that I work on to this day. Yet that was the turning point where actually this is now work for me, although it's not really.
• 42:01
  So many things to unpack there. So be careful what you wish for it because you just might get it. And also, I've been reading a lot about this lately, where you really need to write down what you really want, not what you think you want, not what others want for you, what you want for you. And you know, that's why you're on the show The Harder Than Life today. After I leave here, I'm going to jump on an airplane and I'm going to write down what I really want.
• 42:27
  because I'm living a dream, but there's just still something else that I'm missing. I'm going to figure out what that is. So I want, I'm going to ask you a favor. How can people reach out to you to learn this NLP? Because I've done hypnotherapy. I've done the timeline therapy. I've done EMDR, which I probably is this version of the timeline therapy. But I've never done NLP. So I'm,
• 42:51
  I'm going to be your guinea pig. And how do I sign up to go down that path? And how would the listener sign up to work with the brilliant Sean Hill? Well, thank you, first and foremost. I'm going to reflect it right back at you. You are brilliant too. There's two routes that you can take. There's the one-to-one coaching route, which is really taking a deep dive into looking at
• 43:21
  What is it you want? Where are you now and why haven't you achieved it? And then clearing up the past baggage. If you think as people, we tend to set goals and then work towards them without looking at, well, why is it that we don't already have that? And that's what interests me is what are, if you imagine emotional baggage that you've been carrying around and you're looking at it with you and then trying to get to your goal.
• 43:46
  And it's heavy and it's hard. So I'm all about putting that down, having like a spring clean of the mind so that when you set your goals, you're doing it from a place of complete clarity without any limitations, which really gets into the what do you really want? Not what do you want based on what you think you could have? So that's the one to one process, which is a three month coaching program. And is that once a week? Yes. How do they sign up?
• 44:14
  through my website which is iam sean hill.com everything's i am sean hill love it i am sean spelled s-i-a-n i keep reiterating that i got what is that that's the third time i gotta say it's seven times so four more times coming
• 44:29
  Yeah, I think I'll remember it if I use that one. So that that's the one to one process. The other alternative is to come and learn this stuff for yourself, which is what I did. That's a 12 week online coaching course coach training course, which starts in September.
• 44:45
  That's a weekly call. There's pre-recorded videos that you watch every week on specific modules, and then we put it into practice. So you leave at the end of that 12 weeks as an accredited practitioner of NLP, timeline therapy, hypnotherapy, and coaching. So that's learning the skills for yourself. When does that start? September what? September. The welcome call is on September the 6th, and then it's a weekly call every Wednesday through to December.
• 45:15
  Grant, wait, let's move her episode up a couple. We'll move hers up so we can get it before September 6th. She's a member of the family. I love her, and I want to make sure that the list – this is good stuff. What does that cost? So the coach training program is $1,997. That's the one-on-ones, $1,997.
• 45:37
  So that's the 12-week become a coach program. So the training program. That is, so yeah, it's £1,997, which I'm not quite sure what that converts to. I think it's 2.3 or 2.0, or I'm done that one. 1.3 or 1.4 conversion. So it'll be like 2,500. And then the one-to-one coaching, that's 2,497. 2,500. Is that 2,500 a month? No, that's for the three months. Yeah.
• 46:07
  Oh my gosh. You've got to raise your prices, girlfriend. Those are cheap. Would you just do me a favor and send me the link to that 12-week program? Because if I can fit it in, I want to try to do that. Because I'm fascinated by NLP. And it's the next thing. I'm going to learn it all. I want to sponge this stuff in. Now, it's like working out for me. It's just a little bit of chipping away at that rock. So I just love it. And I want to support you. And I want to know about it, especially if we're going to do more work together. So...
• 46:37
  Onward we charge. What are some mistakes or failures you've encountered in life? And what did you learn from them? This is what the people want to hear.
• 46:49
  Oh, my gosh. Have you got a pen there? Wait, hold on. I wanted to point out that your journey also started with a toxic relationship. So did mine. It's how many times has a toxic partner sent people down the path? Thank goodness for me. And it sounds like for you that I know you that we didn't hit rock bottom. We figured it out.
• 47:12
  It's just the pain. It just was, ugh, you said, there's got to be something better. If you're sitting there and you're watching this or listening to this and you're thinking there's something better, reach out to Sean because there is something better. I can speak for Sean. I went in here to ask you the question, but I can speak for you. There is something better. Life is better. And if you're constantly thinking that can it be better, then it can. So you learn from your mistakes. And if you're with a toxic ex and you're doing the same thing over and over again,
• 47:41
  stop yeah it's interesting isn't it partners because i think toxic relationships and i use that you know toxic as a i think it's something that a bit like imposter syndrome it's a label that people can kind of understand where i'm coming from with it um
• 48:00
  Yeah, relationships are our biggest teachers because what you often find with relationships is that unless you change, you take yourself with you to the next. So I know now that he was a reflection of how I felt about myself. It was never to do with him. I could say he treated me like he did, but I allowed that to happen because I didn't think I deserved any better. You know, when there was he was cheating and I was accepting it. So I'm enabling this behavior. I'm letting it happen. I wasn't taking responsibility.
• 48:29
  for my life and how I felt. It was just all his fault at the time. And I now know that that you can live like that. Yeah, it's not a good place to be and nothing changes. So I think I had
• 48:45
  My biggest, gosh, biggest failures, I think it would have been a repetitive cycle of failures where I almost left and then decided to stay. It was like I almost got the courage to go.
• 49:00
  But then I stayed anyway. Now, I don't necessarily see anything. Well, I don't see anything as a failure now. I see it as an opportunity to learn. So if anything doesn't go as it was planned, it's like, right, what can I learn from this? The only time it turns into a failure is if you keep missing the learnings. It's like if you're not getting it, then the same things will keep happening over and over again until you do same situation, same situation.
• 49:26
  People, different faces, different places, but the same kind of problems. So I think I'm not sure that there's ever been a big failure of sorts. It's more been an accumulation of the same mistakes that I made time and time again until I got the message. I think that that's very relatable for the audience. Everybody has been on that journey.
• 49:50
  toxic relationship merry-go-round should i stay or should i go and when you're asking yourself that question you already know the answer and um
• 49:59
  At that point, when you're abandoning yourself and you're working the exact opposite of everything we just talked about, you're reinforcing the negative beliefs, the limiting beliefs. You're not activating your RAS. Well, you are activating it in a negative way. So you're fighting against yourself. So that's where the common...
• 50:22
  boundaries, standards comes into play where you just have to love yourself so much and realize that you, everything that you require, you have from inside. And when you work from inside out and not outside in life gets better. So what's your biggest fear? My biggest fear? I'm,
• 50:45
  I would say it's not so much of a fear, more of a this has to happen. And that is that I have to, or my mission is in my life that what I do matters, that it has an impact. I remember being in a job a few years ago now. It was the first job that started paying me well when I kind of stepped into a new kind of mindset that I deserved to earn some money.
• 51:15
  And whilst it paid me well, I remember sitting at my desk one day and just kind of pondering my thoughts and thinking, if I didn't turn up today, it would make no difference on anybody's life. The people that I'm working with, yeah, they might miss me, but they wouldn't care. They'd soon get over it. The customers, well, they could go to see anybody for this. It really doesn't matter. And I felt in that moment like my life doesn't matter in the way that I want it to. Yeah, I remember sitting in my job and thinking, yeah.
• 51:42
  If I didn't turn up tomorrow, it would make absolutely no difference. I didn't feel like I was having an impact. My life at that point, it wasn't that it didn't matter, but it didn't matter to enough people in the world. I wanted to reach and have a wider ripple effect.
• 51:58
  So that is, it's not so much of a fear, but it's a mission that I, that's what drives me every day to get out of bed is to make sure that I have an impact, whether it's on one person today or a million people. It's just knowing that my life mattered outside of me. That's the benefit of doing the quote unquote, the work on yourself. There gets a point where you don't fear
• 52:22
  much except falling off your mission. I don't fear death. I don't fear not being good enough. I don't fear failure. I fear that I don't make big enough impact. And that fear motivates me. If you were to give an 18 year old one specific piece of advice, what would it be?
• 52:44
  Oh, all right. I'm thinking back to me at 18. That's a bit of a rogue. It doesn't necessarily need to be you. I struggle with that question all the time because I ask you, you can go either way with it because today's environment, 18 year olds are much different than us. We grew up in a different, I mean, I grew up
• 53:08
  When I was 18, the internet was just getting started. So it's a new world. These kids at 18 don't know what it's like to not live with technology without living without a smartphone. I mean, we didn't have cell phones when I was 18. I think I just got mine and I still have my same email address, my personal email address from when the internet was created. Is it AOL? AOL?
• 53:34
  It's Yahoo. I did have an AOL one as well, but yeah, it's Yahoo. So you can go either way. You could give, you know, you're brilliant. I'm infatuated with your mind. So if you want to give yourself advice and an 18-year-old, whichever. It's the Harder Life podcast. Have fun. It's for the listeners to grow.
• 53:54
  Yeah, I'm kind of playing through my mind something that would have registered and would register now with an 18 year old, because I could say, believe in yourself and all those kind of things. Yeah, I know at the time it was hard to thought. I'm shaking my head. Yeah, who cares? They wouldn't listen. We wouldn't listen. We knew everything at 18. Oh, do you know what I would say to an 18 year old is that.
• 54:19
  Whatever you decide to do now, do something you're passionate about, regardless of whether it looks like the right or the best career path. Do something that you love and know that you can change at any point. Because I think a lot of 18 year olds that I've experienced in my life have felt like they're making this decision and it's forever. And there's a lot of weight in that. So it's like I may not. This is what I want to do, but I've got to think strategically differently.
• 54:43
  longer term about you know where it's going to take me and what the career opportunities are going to be and then the passion just gets sucked out of it and you can you know you can change at any moment in time whether you're 21 or 61 so just do what you love particularly while you're young go and experiment and learn what are you good at where do your skills fit and what do you enjoy because until you go and do it you don't know and the very thing that you're setting yourself up for you may get there and think oh
• 55:09
  is this it? This isn't what I thought it would be. So go and play and have some fun and experience life. And then how could I use this to create something that I enjoy doing every day? Yeah, I never answered this question myself. And it's so funny. I'm gonna turn it on me. And I'm
• 55:25
  18, what I would give an 18 year old, because I do, it's a lot. I don't even think about it. I would tell an 18 year old to do the work. Meaning, start journaling. Start being vulnerable. Get in touch with those feelings. The proverbial, I'm gonna swear, sit in your shit and understand what it means.
• 55:47
  get in touch with your feelings. And it sounds weird, but I hid that and masked that for so many years. And that's why I went down the drinking path because I thought it wasn't cool. I wasn't being a man. I wasn't being macho. And I would tell people to get in touch with their feelings as fast and as quickly and as deeply as they possibly could. Because if you can understand emotional intelligence and learn to respond and not react, you will be unstoppable in this world.
• 56:17
  And then I would tell people to work out, but I did that. I was going to say, the other thing I'd say is, look, come learn NLP with me. There you go. That's really what I'm saying. So if you were offered a mulligan in life, and I know that you might not be a golfer, but what would you do over? A mulligan is another swing. So what would you do over? Yeah. So I think...
• 56:37
  Truth be told, I would do exactly as I've done. As much as there were many years within there that didn't go as I wanted them to or as planned, they are what has led me here today. And I probably wouldn't be doing what I'm doing without them. So it sounds cheesy, but I would have it be exact. In fact, have you read the book, The Midnight Library?
• 57:00
  Oh, that was one of my questions. No, I have not. I was just going to ask you, give me a book recommendation, The Midnight Library. Yeah, it's a storybook. Yeah, it's the message and the metaphor that's weaved within there. So it's about a girl who is, if I remember rightly, I think she takes an overdose. She's had enough. Life is no good. And as she's slipping away, she goes to, in her imagination, in her dream, wherever it might be, this library at midnight. And every book that she opens
• 57:29
  is a path that in the direction that her life could have gone. So if she'd stayed in the relationship, this is how it would have played out if she'd taken that career and she gets to experience those moments and see what actually happened. And it's that, you know, the rose tinted glasses where you look and think about what could have been and it's all beautiful and lovely and it would have turned out this way. Whereas that's probably not the reality. So I love that book, just being able to kind of play through in your mind the shoulda, woulda, coulda moments. Yeah.
• 57:59
  realizing that actually you're exactly where you're meant to be i i you know i think that's a i literally as i'm opening my phone right now and ordering it right now it's with matt from matt hagg yeah um yes it is it's a storybook but it's i i love it it's fabulous i don't care i have got to read it uh i i love that i do that and the the gap in the game i love the gap in the game
• 58:25
  I'm just gonna say, did you read the gap? Because it sounds like the gap. So at National Technology Management, my IT company that I own, they are business coach just asked us to read it, but I've already read it, of course. And it's so good just to give a quick summary. It's most people live in the gap. They, what could have life been? What should it be? What, and instead of low focusing on where you've come, how far you've come, I grew up so poor,
• 58:53
  so abused and and i'm about i'm here interviewing amazing woman from the uk i have my own pockets i'm my own book i'm healthy i'm above ground i'm gonna jump in a really nice car drive to the airport jump in a pair plane head of the first class go to a beautiful resort that's the i'm living in the game so it's about focusing on the positives not the negatives just to give it give it so i'm gonna i think i'm gonna read that
• 59:20
  It goes back to what you said earlier about not celebrating the milestones. So it's kind of always on to the next thing. And I think it can be, even within that, taking the moment to look at the gain that you've made and appreciating it and seeing how far you've come. I love it. Do you know Marissa Peer?
• 59:38
  She does rapid resolution therapy. I think it's called that. And hypnotherapist, Marissa Peer. She's part of Mindvalley and very big in the hypnotherapy world. Oh, yeah, yeah. And one thing that she says is how there's somebody out there right now
• 59:54
  who would love to have your problems or live your life. So they've got problems that, you know, in comparison, it'd be like, give me yours. And I, it really resonated with me because my dad, he's only, he's 66. He's got early onset dementia. He was diagnosed about six years ago.
• 1:00:16
  And I look at him and think it's sad. He's still here. He's still composmentous. He's just slowly bit by bit things are deteriorating. And I look at him and think it is sad. And somebody else doesn't have their dad today. Or their dad may have been diagnosed with something where there is no survival rate or they're just it's a timeframe of two weeks or whatever it might be. So I thought whilst it's not ideal, and it's not what I want for him, he's here and I get to enjoy
• 1:00:46
  And it did really bring it home and make me appreciate that. Yeah, it is true that we are so lucky. You know, I grew up in a very quote unquote normal upbringing, which I look back now and think how grateful I am for that, because that normal isn't normal for everybody. And it's easy to not realize how much wealth and abundance that we have. I'm not talking finances, I'm talking life. And it's here. And yet just focusing on what we didn't get, what we didn't achieve.
• 1:01:15
  My father died 24 years ago, so I, a lot of times when I'm feeling really, really good and I'm in full gratitude, even when I'm feeling bad, I think of, and I'd like to have a conversation with my father again. He was brilliant.
• 1:01:30
  just a little too smart and for his own good. So yeah, 24 years ago. And, and so that hit home when you just said that wasn't triggered, but I, it's like, yep, you're right. I would love to have even an incoherent conversation with my dad right now and tell him how fricking grateful I am for my life. And thank you for creating me. Um, there was something else I was going to say. Oh, what you said was, was paramount. I want to reiterate that. Um,
• 1:01:57
  There's somebody far worse off with far less than you have that is more grateful. So doing more with less. Just remember that. People would trade. There's people that would trade you straight up for your problems right now. So let's wrap this up with your daily routine. What's the first thing you do in the morning? And what is the last thing you do before bed? The very first thing is cuddle my cat. Funny for a few minutes. You still have those three cats?
• 1:02:26
  No, I left. I had to leave them. It was a hard choice, but I had to look at the bigger picture of life and I didn't have anywhere to take them to. This is going to be an unpopular opinion, but you know, in the United States, when you have, when a lady has more than two cats, they call them crazy cat ladies. So I am a crazy cat lady. You are a crazy cat lady? Well, I've got two now. Let's not air this episode rant.
• 1:02:52
  At least you admit it. The first step is being aware. Self-awareness is the most important thing. So denial is not a river in the Amazon. At least you're not denying it. So I love it. What's the cat's name? I've got Peanut and Jelly Bean. So Jelly Bean's the one that sleeps here and likes a morning cuddle. Peanut and Jelly Bean. We definitely can't air this show. So you wake up in the morning and you have Peanut and Jelly Bean.
• 1:03:22
  Yeah, purring on me. Then it's, so it depends. I'm going, I go through different seasons. I usually get up and meditate first thing. Meditation may be a breath work meditation. It may be sitting quietly, it may be guided. So I tend to go on however I feel that day would best serve me. How long, how long do you meditate for? 20 minutes.
• 1:03:44
  So not hours, but just enough time to drop in and enjoy it. Because when I'm in it, that's it then. I never want to leave. Then usually some kind of movement, either going to the gym, going for a run, doing some yoga, something just to get me going. Which again, being a female, I'm very interested at the moment about that.
• 1:04:05
  working with the cycles, different times of the month, doing different exercises, eating different foods. So I'm experimenting with what feels best. Then I do have a cold bath. I'm a bit of a Wim Hof fan. So I get in the cold bath.
• 1:04:24
  Again, you're like, you're in my mind. So I'm going to Florida or to Lauderdale, to Boca tonight and tomorrow. And I met a guy at a mastermind and he's, he's being his cold punch. I'm doing my first cold punch tomorrow. So yeah.
• 1:04:39
  Wish me luck. Amazing. Yeah, see, I'm a bit of a, I run the cold tap in the bath. I don't necessarily always have ice because I haven't got enough ice in the house. And when it's summer, the water isn't that cold. It's probably cold by most people's standards. But I figure I'm doing something and I'm doing it every day. So it all adds up.
• 1:04:59
  So yeah, then it's a cold bath. Sometimes I journal, sometimes I don't. And then come the evening, if I haven't journaled in the morning, I may do it in the evening before bed. And I've started doing a new thing.
• 1:05:14
  Which is so in the book, one of the chapters is about the asking yourself the right questions because your mind will look for the answers. So when I go to bed at night now, I ask myself all of the questions that I want answers to, knowing that my unconscious mind is going to process it through the night. If I already have the answer, it gives it to me when I wake up.
• 1:05:31
  or it then searches for it throughout the day. And I'm looking at different kinds of questions. So things like, why am I so efficient and always get things done easily? Because I've got a big workload at the minute. So I'm like, right, why is it this happens? And funnily enough, my work seems to be like...
• 1:05:50
  it just seems to be happening with more ease. I don't know if the technology is speeded up or something, but I'm flying through it a lot more quickly than I was. So it's, and I go to bed excited, I wonder what the answer will be.
• 1:06:03
  Oh, brilliant minds. That's, that's fire. Thank you. I go to bed and I say gratitude is a thank you for, for giving me the ability to, to make it through the day. Thank you for making me unstoppable. Um, so I, I do a little bit of a twinge on that and I love it. Uh, I want to finish by cuddling the cats again. Oh, you know what? I have the crazy, I have a 20 pound cat named Felix.
• 1:06:28
  And I swear to God, if he could have my babies, he would. This cat loves me more than anything on earth. And he just comes up and he just cuddles and he purrs so loud and he does this. I just I just destroyed my masculinity. My producer Grant's laughing at me.
• 1:06:46
  Yes, if you can, it's fine. I don't care. You know what? I practice what I preach. But you'll be amazed how many times that just petting that cat, and I have a little five-pound dog that the cat beats up. So just being grateful for having them makes me happy. So I get it. Is there anything I haven't asked you that you feel compelled to share?
• 1:07:11
  Uh, only cause I, I have listened to your podcast and I know that you ask people who they'd like to have dinner with dead or alive. Oh, so if you could have dinner with one person who are dead alive, uh, who would it be and why? It would be. And I know that this is, I asked my partner, who did he think I would have dinner with? And he got it right. And I was like, yes, it would be Dolly Parton. Oh, why? Why?
• 1:07:40
  She is a powerhouse of a woman. She's such an amazing businesswoman. She's created so many income streams. She's passionate. She's talented. She doesn't care what people think. I just think she's fabulous. I'd love to have dinner with her and jam, get the guitar out. I'm surprised it's not an Oprah or a Brene Brown. See, I think Dolly Parton's almost a...
• 1:08:09
  A walking, talking practice of the principles that I teach to others. She just does it and always has. And those are the minds that I like to unpick. It would be her or Lewis Hamilton. So people that just are excellent and amazing at what they do. Lewis Hamilton's the F1 driver you're talking about, right? Yeah. Have you gotten any closer to... I'm going to tell you, with the power of social media, anything is possible. I have been reaching out to people and I've made...
• 1:08:35
  fabulous lifelong friends, family members through social media. Have you, I know it's crazy because he's the best race car driver in the world. Have you reached out to him via social media to try to get that, make that a dream and reality?
• 1:08:50
  I haven't. The reason being, I made the choice. One of the things that I'm guilty of is I have so many things that I want to do. I get very excited. And I had a realization earlier this year that I can do absolutely everything, just not all at once. Yeah.
• 1:09:05
  So it was like my focus was going, right, Formula One, and I'm running this training, I'm doing my coaching, and I've got to sleep at some point. So that is definitely still a goal. I've just moved the timeline slightly whilst I focus on the other things, and then I'm going to – he probably won't be in Formula One by the time I'm coaching them. But he's my representation of the kind of the pinnacle.
• 1:09:27
  You just showed yourself so much compassion and grace. You really embody everything that you're teaching. I love that. I'm going to ask you one off the cuff question because I forgot to ask you. And I ask a lot of people, what's your relationship with alcohol? Do you drink? I do drink occasionally. So I have a glass of wine.
• 1:09:49
  I don't know, maybe every couple of weeks. So I had an unhealthy relationship with alcohol in the past. When I was in my toxic relationship, I did drink. I would binge drink at the weekend. So Friday to Sunday was a couple of bottles of wine a night, and it was numbing the pain. I knew that I was masking the problem, and it really compounded it because then I'd feel depressed for the week, and it just added to it, and lethargic and everything that goes with it.
• 1:10:16
  Now I have a healthy relationship with alcohol. If I want a glass of wine, I'll have a glass of wine. I don't see it as a tool for anything. It's just if I like the taste or a cocktail, I'll do it occasionally. What I...
• 1:10:32
  What I never do anymore is, I can't remember the last time I was drunk because I just don't like the feeling. I don't like the aftermath. It's funny because I think about it from an energetic point of view in that when I was energetically low, vibrationally, I would have a drink and it would make me feel better. So I drank to lift myself up.
• 1:10:50
  Now I feel good. So if I have a drink, two occasionally, I'm fine. Whereas if I was to drink too many, I would feel tired and lethargic. So I'm almost lowering my own vibration. So I choose to not do it. Yeah, I think alcohol is a really interesting subject. I've seen people in the past that have...
• 1:11:12
  Swapped alcohol for something else, not dealing with the problem because I know that you work through. Do you do the inner work? Whereas some people will stop one habit and replace it with another. So they might start gambling and then they stop gambling, but they do something else. So I'm so intrigued by what's driving the thing in the first place because that's the real issue. The drink is...
• 1:11:37
  I want to reiterate what you said. So that, cause that was my life and we're going to end it. Cause we're not, we're way over. We'll be talking all day. I know. I love it. I should have started with all this because I want to point out that the toxic relationship, there was, I'm not saying there's a causation. I'm just saying there's a correlation, toxic relationship, booze, unhappiness, booze. So have a healthy relationship with alcohol, but also what you just said is exactly how I felt.
• 1:12:04
  when I drank, it was to get me from negative to zero. So now I'm at a positive 10. If I drank, I would come down to zero.
• 1:12:19
  So I just choose not to. I don't have a problem with it. I just realized that there was definitely a correlation. So everybody's heard this a million times. I just wanted you to say it. I didn't even know that about you. So it's just if you have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol, I always tell everybody, first things first, let's deal with that. And you're probably going to uncover most of your limiting beliefs, and that's what you're masking. And when you're masking them, you can't work on them. Yeah.
• 1:12:42
  We waited to the very end to get that. Sean, please send me that email to the link to do the program on September 6th. We'll move this episode up. It's normally a two-month wait, but we're going to move it up so we can make sure I have that link. I'll put it in the show notes so people can go. I highly recommend it.
• 1:13:01
  Um, it's affordable. It's the best investment you can do is on yourself is spending money on yourself. You're always going to be with your, with yourself, um, invest in yourself and it's the best money you ever spend. Uh, put yourself first.
• 1:13:17
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• 1:13:42
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