Latest / The Curve / RTC126: Marriage, motherhood, and money with Jess Quinn.

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RTC126: Marriage, motherhood, and money with Jess Quinn. · The Curve

0:00
Welcome to Raising the Curth, a podcast designed to teach you everything you need to know
0:05
to be better with your money.
0:07
And the wise words of Amy Schumer were slipping carrots into the brownie recipe.
0:11
I don't really get the saying.
0:13
It's kind of like eating vegetables that actually taste good.
0:17
You know, I'm like, I'm still not ready to eat.
0:19
Are you on the script?
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It's basically like saying, investing in finance can be boring, but it totally doesn't
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need to be.
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OK, OK, so we're making it fun by putting the carrot.
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OK, the vegetables are just good for you.
0:33
It's the brownie recipe.
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OK, we got there, we got there.
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OK, OK.
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Well, you've really got a finance mate.
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Yeah, one of us has to.
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This is true.
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OK, come and learn alongside me from Vick Harris, ex-fun manager,
0:45
where I'm going to ask all the questions that you wish you could.
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And I'm going to be eating all the brownie you wish you could.
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No, that's so not the joke, Vick.
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Oh, OK, just come and talk and learn and laugh with us.
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Because together, we really can raise the curve.
1:01
So we have got a guess, we don't do this often.
1:03
No, we don't.
1:04
We've got this guest back for round two.
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You know when some people are just so intriguing,
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we just want to talk to them again and again again.
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Well, this is one of those.
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I actually also reckon it's when we want to be friends with people.
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I think it's like every time we really, really love someone.
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We're like, we're going to be musky back on.
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It's like, hey, Joanna, do you want to come for lunch?
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Do we come for coffee?
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They're like, no, no, no.
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She is absolutely lovely.
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This is Jess Quinn, 2.0.
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Jess Quinn, she's now a mother and married.
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And there's been lots of life and financial changes
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that she's gone through since we spoke to her.
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And we thought we actually want to talk about
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bridesmaids and wedding costs and stuff.
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Because it's such a massive conversation.
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We put it out on socials like, I don't know, maybe a month ago.
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And the amount of messages.
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And we're like, hey, we've got to talk about this.
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Who's a good person to get on?
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And we're like, you know what?
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Jess Quinn, let's get her back.
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Yeah, she just got married.
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Well, actually, she got married a while ago.
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But we spoke to her all about her budget or no budget or just her
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planning, the conversation she had with her partner.
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And we brought in a few little voice notes from you
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in the community where you sent in statements about how you
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navigated being a bridesmaid or a bridesmaid.
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And gosh, I feel like every situation is just so different.
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But there's some really good tidbits in there.
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When I get married, I know what's episode I'm going to
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re-listen to.
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Also, do you know what I loved actually?
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In this particular conversation with Jess,
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it wasn't actually the bit about brides and weddings.
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It was how her and Todd, her husband split money
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when she was pregnant, when she was working.
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Like, I found that whole section so interesting.
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And actually quite different to what I was expecting her to say.
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So loved it.
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And yeah, we hope that you enjoy the episode.
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And thank you so much, Jess, for coming on again.
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We love you.
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We'll see you again for 3.0 sometime soon.
3:03
All right, this is very exciting.
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No, we've had some technicals.
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So hopefully this until you actually were.
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So in two minutes, I think that's a record.
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You know?
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Yeah, no.
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I'm currently in Italy and I tell you what,
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the Wi-Fi is not top dollar over here.
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Well, I can't imagine many people are heavy users
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of the internet while they're on the beach.
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But Sophie, all right, is it?
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It's problematic, technically, on holiday.
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However, would I ever pass up the opportunity
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to speak to Jess Quinn?
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No.
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No, never.
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I wasn't sure if I should be buzzing in here.
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Like, am I in on the Italy trip?
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Well, I can't tell if it's the Wi-Fi.
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Like, I can't tell if the Wi-Fi is delayed or if it's you.
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Because I've seen the view.
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So we had Jess on.
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It would have been like a year ago now.
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At what episode was it, Vic?
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Raising the curve, 62.
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And we're now at 200 episodes.
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So that's crazy.
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Yeah, wow.
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An old, even a goodie.
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We've talked a lot of snacks, instead.
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So I've listened to a lot of snacks.
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So the last time we had Jess on,
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we spoke all about the cost of having a prosthetic leg.
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And honestly, I was like shocked at how expensive it was.
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And I just don't think, unless you've got any kind of...
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I don't know, I think when you're able,
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bodied the understanding of how much it costs.
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Even just things like physio and all of the things
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that you have to pay for, I don't think I really understood
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until we spoke to you just how incredibly costly.
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Not like just physically and emotionally,
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but actually financially, too.
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So for anyone that wants to go back and listen,
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that was an amazing episode.
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And we kind of wanted to chat to you again,
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because there's been a lot happening in your life,
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since we last spoke to you.
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Now, am I right in thinking
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you haven't eight-month-old in daughter?
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You're married.
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Maybe started a new business.
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Can we get a bit of an overview?
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What's been happening?
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All of the above is true.
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And we moved so fast.
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I mean, it took us two years to get mala.
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So we actually would have moved a lot faster
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had that process happened, as we would have wanted it to.
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But that took a while.
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So yeah, we did move quickly regardless.
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So were you trying to get pregnant
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before you guys were actually engaged?
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Was that what was going on at the time?
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Yeah, we decided pretty early that we wanted to have kids.
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And I knew that I had...
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No, I didn't know I had indoor.
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I knew I had had period issues.
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And I'd been told after having cancer
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that they weren't sure what my fertility would look like.
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And we were like, let's just see what happens.
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And then things didn't happen.
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And then I got diagnosed with indoor halfway through our process,
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our fertility process.
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And then we actually had a miscarriage as well.
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And then it took another, I think,
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nine months to a year after the miscarriage
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to full pregnant with mala.
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So yeah, we had a pretty rocky journey.
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Can I ask you before you keep going, Jess?
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With the miscarriage how far through pregnancy,
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were you when that happened?
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We were pretty early on.
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I think we were about five to six weeks,
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which is early.
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We'd seen a heartbeat already,
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because we'd had a scan.
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I had some bleeding.
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We had a scan and they were like,
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everything's looking really good.
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So we left thinking everything was really good.
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And then it went south after that.
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So, but after, I mean,
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anytime you have a miscarriages horrific
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and after any time of trying is horrific,
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but we'd already been trying for so long at that point
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that it, and I'd had indoor surgery,
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it just felt like, is there seriously another blow to come?
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So that was pretty, pretty hard.
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Did you feel almost like you didn't want to keep trying?
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Like, at that point, were you like,
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oh, that was too painful?
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Like, I need to, I don't know.
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I kind of imagined that kind of grief.
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And totally, the anxiety was huge.
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And when I felt pregnant with mala,
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I had more bleeding at the start.
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And so I was a mess.
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Obviously ended up really well for us,
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but the anxiety was huge throughout my whole pregnancy
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to be honest.
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But I actually started trying quite quickly
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after the miscarriage.
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I think I just wanted to keep going
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and not just keep trying instead of waiting any longer
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because it had already been so long.
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So I think that kind of helped me get through
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was like the hope of another pregnancy.
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So yeah, it was a pretty, pretty rocky road, that one.
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And we, I did all that pretty privately.
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I just wanted to go through that just kind of with Todd and I.
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And yeah, it was quite strange.
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Obviously, my job was social media
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and as to show up.
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And I also am really adamant of being authentic.
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And then I, which is not an authentic,
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but I was kind of living this other life
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that I wasn't sharing.
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It felt it was really hard to show up online
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because it just didn't feel, you know, what was real.
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See, it was an interesting time.
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What was the decision making behind
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keeping it private?
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Like was it just the emotional side of it?
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Was it a begin to know the decision making behind
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keeping it private?
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When the rest of your life is so public?
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Totally, it just felt right for us at the time.
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I'm also someone who, most of the times,
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I like to go through something
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and then I will share about it on reflection.
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And it's also such a sensitive topic.
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And I was so stressed, like it's such,
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like was one of the most stressful times in my life.
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I know that sharing it publicly
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and even like people sending the most beautiful messages,
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but even when I speak about indoor or fertility,
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I get really long messages about their story
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and then I'm carrying, which I don't mind when I'm in a good place,
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but when I'm in a bad place,
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I'm carrying the weight of their hardship as well.
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And I just knew that I couldn't handle any more than I had of my own.
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So we just chose to keep it private.
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And I didn't want,
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I know that it's kind of something I met up in my head,
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but I didn't want the feeling of other people's expectations
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of medical pregnant as well.
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It just felt like more pressure,
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which I know no one met from a bad place,
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but people are sending wild wishes or whatever,
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but it still felt like if I didn't get pregnant,
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it just felt like more pressure.
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So I just wanted to kind of keep things quiet,
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which was, yeah, pretty wild.
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How far through your relationship with Todd,
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did you think about kids?
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And at that time, was the financial side of it something you thought about
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or was it more,
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we definitely want this, we'll make it work?
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You know, I know when you spoke about your relationship,
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it was like he was honestly just sounds like the biggest darling ever
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and that you were pretty sure very early on.
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I'd love to know your, yeah,
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like how early in the relationship you spoke about it
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and then were finances ever a reason to pause
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or not go faster or was that not really a worry?
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We were, I can't remember how long we were together
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when we started trying.
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I want to say a year maybe, I think,
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but we spoke about it pretty openly from the get-go, I think.
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I mean, I was going to say we were a bit older,
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but I mean, we were both in nearing our 30s
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and he was well in his 30s when we met and so.
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Well in his 30s?
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Do you think he'll be stoked there?
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I was like, what is well in your 30s?
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He was well in his 30s.
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You know, he wasn't even, he was like my age now,
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so he really wasn't that old.
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I don't know, it just felt, I think also all of his friends
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it had kids and my sister very soon into our relationship
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had her first baby.
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So we were around kids a lot and I think,
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and his sister had finished having kids,
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so I think we just had the conversation,
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like kids were just normal in our lives
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and so we started, I guess, having the conversation.
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I can't even remember how it happened.
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I do remember it was like the September
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and I was like, let's start trying in the January
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and then we were like, well, January is like kind of so
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and why don't we just start now?
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It's not going to happen straight away
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and in hindsight, I'm glad we did that
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because otherwise it would have taken even longer.
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So yeah, we just jumped on to it pretty quickly.
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It was also locked down.
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So like, what else do you do?
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We have sex.
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But like having sex in the here baby
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are two very different activities.
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Yes, very different activities.
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Well, is he sometimes that really freaks me out
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the idea that having sex leads to babies?
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I'm just, I know.
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I'm changing that mindset of like not just having fun
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but you're actually like, let's make a baby.
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Like that whole mindset change would just be like,
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it's just weird.
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It's just weird.
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Exciting, it's so weird.
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And now you've got little Marla.
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Very, very cute.
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Yes, now we have Marla.
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I love her name, by the way.
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So cute.
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Oh, thank you.
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Yeah, she's pretty cool.
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She's awesome.
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I should answer your question on the financial side of things
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but I think given that's where we're here.
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But no, I think at the time we were both in a good place
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and so therefore, because I went into it thinking
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maybe we would have to have Ivy if I just didn't know
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my fertility would look like because of my cancer
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and my endo or period issues.
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So yeah, it felt kind of an okay time to do that, I guess.
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I just wanted to ask around like, did you discuss,
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like obviously having a child, someone has to be like the main
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Kira or like, did you discuss your who's going to take time off
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once Marla was born and anything around that?
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Not that I remember, which like now and sometimes I listen
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to your podcast and I'm like, well, maybe I should have slowed down
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and had like more conversations with my life.
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But I'm also kind of a jump in with both feet.
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Excuse the pun, I only have one foot.
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But jump in with, you know, with, oh my god.
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It was quite iconic, Jason Marseille.
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Yeah, I always make a leg pun.
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For me, don't even mean to.
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I don't, I don't mean to.
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There's just sometimes no other pun.
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Anyway, we both jumped into it.
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I jump into things and then I kind of figure them out.
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And I also knew with pregnancy, like we didn't often have the
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conversation pre-pregnancy because you have nine months
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when your pregnancy is like, well, forget this out at the time.
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And I also think there was a mad assumption made
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that at the time I was full time social media kind of life
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and I didn't had a desk job if you like for eight years.
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And so I think we'd always assumed I would be at home with Marla
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because I was lucky to be able to make money at home
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as and when I needed to in terms of, you know, I can film videos
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or do it like when you're sleeping.
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Anyway, I had flexibility.
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Whereas Todd has had them will probably continue.
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Always have a more kind of nine to five structured job.
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So we thought that would stay the same.
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We had, once I was pregnant, we got a lot further into the financial
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discussions and Todd's work actually
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do paternity leave.
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So he got, he was, I think he was the first person
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as company to take this, but he took
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three and a half months off, which was really awesome.
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Wow.
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And life changing for us.
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Like I just remember how we were so excited about it
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when I was pregnant.
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We just kept like even through the hard times.
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We're like, let's just imagine this time
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where it's both of us not working.
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And we're looking after a little baby that we finally have
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and it was just so exciting.
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And so he, like they pay the three months, which was amazing.
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And yeah, they just had really great support,
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which I've learnt is not the case for everybody.
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And I obviously, I got the normal mat leave,
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but I'm obviously not employed.
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So I didn't get any kind of perks, but I did the first three
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months and then Todd did the second three months.
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And this new business that I've been working on
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that kind of kicked off at that point.
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So I now part have an office job
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because we're working within a bigger company.
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But yeah, there's a bit more structure now
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and a lot more of a juggle.
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But at the time, yeah, it was, it was understood
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that I was going to be the one to stay home.
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And now we're just figuring out what it looks like now
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that we're both pretty busy working parents.
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I guess that's the downside of being freelance
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or running your own business.
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Being a charge of your own destiny,
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but it also means that you don't necessarily have
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a bigger company paying for your maternity leave.
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So we're just talking off mic before we started about how,
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you know, being self-employed is glamorised.
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And here's Sofas.
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Yes, she's travelling the world,
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but she is, you know, hold up in a hotel room trying to work.
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Like it's funny how like certain parts
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of working for yourself or being freelance is glamorised.
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But then there's definitely other parts,
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like maternity leave that you don't get.
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Yeah, there's also this so whole,
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I've been seeing architecture around a lot lately.
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A lot of influences are going back to a 95 job.
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And I'm definitely one of them.
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Or be it, my situation is really awesome
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that I've gone into because we're starting a company
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and it's exciting.
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But I prior to that for the probably 18 months prior,
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I have been looking for a job
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because I was just craving that like stability structure
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being around people.
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I've been self-employed making videos about myself
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for eight years and it felt really isolating.
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And I've been craving that kind of connection.
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So there's parts of being flexible
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when you're self-employed that's amazing.
15:08
And then there's other parts that yeah, stability
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and knowing when your income's coming is also really nice.
15:13
Yes, it's so funny.
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You say that because we've been talking about this recently,
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like we've now and so stoked about it
15:19
have three employees at the curve.
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So Vic and I have three others, which is so amazing.
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And like I think the days when they're not there,
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I'm like, oh my god, I could work from any part
15:31
of the office today.
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Oh my god, I could work from home if I want to, you know,
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because all of a sudden you don't need to short
15:36
for other people.
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But at the same time, I massively craved
15:40
like when it was just Vic and I, I just craved
15:42
that sense of community.
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And even if you have a business partner,
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there are elements that are lonely and isolating
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and I totally understand.
15:49
I think you're right.
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Like what Vic said around it being glamorized.
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There is this bizarre like, oh, you're an entrepreneur.
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Oh, you're a freelancer like it's this really.
15:58
People do make it sound probably a little bit more,
16:03
like chic than sometimes can be.
16:06
And I'm definitely so happy to be able to be on holiday
16:10
and just do a podcast with you guys.
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Like it's amazing.
16:13
But I do think that the stability,
16:14
particularly when going into motherhood
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of being able to know that someone else is paying
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for your salary, that there's a way to almost get out
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of the house to interact with other humans.
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Like that, that's, I think, maybe not valued as much as,
16:29
yeah, I've just, I've got friends who are thinking
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of having kids in the next year or two
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and their purpose for leaving, like I need to be
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in a corporate or go back to a normal job
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because I want that while I'm going through motherhood.
16:43
So it's interesting that you kind of fell into that
16:45
and it was kind of exactly what you needed.
16:48
Totally.
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And also knowing there's a future ahead of you,
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I think I was, I mean, this social media kind of world
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is very unique, I guess.
16:56
But social media feels like it could be the rug
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that's ripped out from underneath your feet at any moment.
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And I didn't like the, like I feel like I've done quite a good job
17:05
of building a career out of it for myself.
17:07
I don't just do social media to a whole lot of other things,
17:09
but it still felt like something that it might not have longevity.
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I hope that it will, but it might not.
17:14
And so knowing or wondering like what's next after this
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and not waiting for it to die to find that next point,
17:20
I wanted to have kind of layers so that they're like,
17:23
I didn't attach too much of myself to one thing
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that was really important for me,
17:27
especially as a mum, I have always been quite a career driven.
17:30
So I really wanted something outside of being a mum
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and also outside of social.
17:35
How have you found, you know, I hear a lot about people
17:38
saying mum, girl tour, not going back to work too early?
17:42
For you, the idea of diving into work,
17:45
like how long after Marla was born
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and was that something that, I don't know,
17:49
did you feel you were craving stability and stimulation
17:53
or was it more of a financial urge?
17:55
Or yeah, like how did that sort of first six months
17:58
play out for you?
18:00
Yeah, it was a few things.
18:02
It was, for me, it was mostly financial.
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I actually went back to work at three months,
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which feels like I had a 12-week-old,
18:08
but that just feels wild.
18:10
And at first it was mostly doing social.
18:12
I took a solid three months off, which I've never done,
18:14
like I don't even think I posted it in that time,
18:16
which was really nice.
18:17
I just wanted to be able to be fully present with Marla
18:20
and then at the three month mark,
18:21
I started to welcome in some work.
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And this business that I've been working on,
18:25
we've been working on it for a couple of years
18:27
in a kind of loosely structured,
18:28
more meeting basis kind of way.
18:30
And we knew that we were coming up to the point
18:32
where I was going to work in the business properly
18:35
just so we could ramp up towards launch.
18:37
And that was coming up.
18:38
And so that came up, I think, at about the four month mark.
18:41
And I definitely could have pushed it out,
18:42
but I did feel ready for a challenge.
18:44
And also we've been working on this for so long.
18:46
I didn't want to push it out any further.
18:47
So it was one of those things
18:49
that definitely everything was happening at once.
18:51
And sometimes I'm like,
18:54
I have had a lot of mum guilt.
18:56
I scry many times when I lead the house.
18:58
And it's a real juggle, especially with Todd being at work.
19:01
And also we don't want to send Marla to a daycare just yet.
19:04
So it's definitely a real juggle.
19:06
And I do feel guilty about it.
19:07
But at the same time, we have a very hefty mortgage.
19:10
And we need both of that incomes to rely on to fund that.
19:14
And also I've always earned my own money.
19:18
I have never relied on a partner or anything for money.
19:21
And I've always liked that.
19:22
And so when all of a sudden didn't have my own income,
19:25
it stressed me out more than going back to work,
19:28
stressed me out, like not having my own income
19:29
was just sent me into a tiz.
19:32
But I've definitely had moments where I,
19:37
I mean, a lot of mums leave their jobs.
19:39
They become stay home mums, but then they need an income.
19:41
So they often lean towards maybe social media
19:44
or something like that because it's the dream job.
19:45
It's literally you get to be at home with your kids.
19:47
You can earn really good money.
19:48
And the tasks that you have to do,
19:51
albeit do take a lot of time, are doable within being a mom.
19:55
And so I feel like I had so many mom's dream job.
19:58
And then I went and got a nine to five kind of,
20:00
I'm not in a nine to five, but a more structured kind
20:02
of job where I have people that I work with.
20:05
So I felt like I was like, wait, why did I do this?
20:08
But again, I'm doing it for a bigger reason
20:10
because I'm really excited about this business.
20:12
So yeah, but it was one of those things.
20:13
I did feel guilty because I was like,
20:15
I did have the dream situation.
20:17
But then I had to remind myself that for a while
20:20
I wasn't happy in that.
20:21
So I'm, you know, something had to give.
20:23
And that period of time where you had no income of your own,
20:28
how did you, like you said, that threw you into a tears?
20:32
What kind of tips or advice would you give to people
20:35
that kind of, I guess, paranoid and anxious
20:38
about that period of their life?
20:40
Because I personally, I think that's going to be
20:42
one of the hardest things for me
20:44
when I have children to take time off work
20:46
is yet not earning my own income during that period.
20:51
I mean, I have no idea.
20:51
It's probably a whole lot of other things
20:53
that will surprise me.
20:54
But yeah, that's one thing that I'm definitely worried about
20:56
is how I'll manage that.
20:58
Yeah, it felt really strange, I think.
21:01
One of my advice would be if you can,
21:03
especially if you're planning on having children
21:05
and you know you're going to have children to save for it,
21:07
I saved for that time, especially knowing
21:09
that I didn't have support from an employee.
21:11
I had savings, I hoped that I didn't need to duck into my savings,
21:15
but I definitely did.
21:16
And that's fine, I also just gave myself grace
21:19
and the fact that that's just how it is
21:22
and not to beat myself up about that.
21:24
But to also have open conversations with your partner,
21:26
I think, Todd and I changed the way we structured it
21:28
quite a few times throughout that six month period.
21:31
At first, I think we were just splitting things
21:34
in half from memory, but then towards the end,
21:37
he started to put in a lot more
21:39
because I was using my savings, which I had earned on my own.
21:42
And it just kind of became a bit unfair
21:44
and he also got paid throughout Matt Leave
21:46
and then went back to his full paying jobs.
21:48
So we kind of did the whole like percentage thing
21:51
in a really loose way where I was still able to contribute a lot.
21:54
I just couldn't, I wasn't earning nowhere near
21:56
what he was earning anymore.
21:57
Therefore, we kind of just made it even in that sense
22:00
because although he's working to earn the money,
22:02
I'm working to raise the family at home
22:04
and so we just had these really open conversations
22:06
about how that was fair and equal for both of us.
22:09
So he just started paying more of the bills, I guess.
22:13
How can I ask you so before you had Marla?
22:16
Because as you said, you've always earned your own money
22:19
and so has Todd.
22:21
So up until giving birth to Marla,
22:23
did you both kind of approach life and bills
22:27
and mortgage and everything quite 50-50
22:30
is that how you would keep your money separate
22:32
but then also have joint goals?
22:34
Yeah, yeah, we've always kept down money separate.
22:36
We bought our first house together into 2021, I think,
22:40
and that's when we started to merge things a bit
22:42
but prior to that, we were 50-50.
22:44
And even after buying a house, we were 50-50.
22:46
We just started to have more of a joint card
22:48
and our joint card started as like let's use this
22:50
for when we go out for dinners and stuff like that.
22:52
And then it's kind of growing.
22:54
Obviously, our mortgage and now our Marla things,
22:56
everything that we pay for joint,
22:58
we both have an amount that we put into that account
23:00
and that covers our bills and whatnot.
23:03
And then we both still have our own accounts
23:05
that we can save and we both have our own sharezies
23:07
that we save into and our own investments and stuff
23:10
outside of that.
23:11
Would the knowledge that they're all ours were married,
23:14
but we like to have control over our own
23:16
because he invests in things that I don't invest
23:18
all of that kind of stuff, but yeah.
23:21
So how did that then work just when you gave birth
23:24
and you weren't working?
23:25
You said you started by keeping it 50-50
23:28
but then ended up doing a percentage.
23:30
So does that mean that Todd wasn't paying for both of you?
23:34
You were still actually paying out of your account
23:37
for half of everything?
23:38
Is that how, what you said?
23:39
Yes, I think at the beginning I was paying half
23:41
because I was still, I wasn't working when I gave birth
23:45
but with my income it kind of something's not common.
23:47
Like for the first three months I was getting some pay
23:49
because some things that I did,
23:50
I just go, we're getting paid if that makes sense.
23:52
I was able to keep up with the payments that we were making
23:55
but then it got to the point where I literally was earning
23:56
nothing except our government maternity money
23:59
that we put towards bills.
24:01
Actually that's what we did.
24:02
We used the government maternity money
24:04
to subsidise what I was paying.
24:07
So then I was paying a lot less if that makes sense
24:09
and then it got to the point where I couldn't afford that.
24:11
So he then he topped that up a bit more
24:13
because I literally just didn't have any income coming in.
24:16
That's such an interesting way to do it.
24:17
And then just when it came to your pension
24:20
or your retirement, 20-year holiday fund, Kiwi Saber, et cetera,
24:24
was Todd, obviously he kept paying into his.
24:26
Did you have a conversation around someone paying
24:29
into yours?
24:30
Did you pause your payments?
24:31
How did that work?
24:32
I don't kill me, Vick.
24:34
I haven't had a Kiwi Saber going for a while.
24:37
No.
24:38
I'm doing, I'm doing, oh, don't you worry.
24:41
I was on the website yesterday.
24:42
I meet the government, the government money every year.
24:46
I had one when I bought our house and then I used that
24:49
also because I'm self-employed,
24:50
I just haven't gotten to the habit of putting it back in.
24:53
You'll be proud of me.
24:53
I literally was on their website yesterday
24:55
setting it up.
24:56
So I'm in the process of doing that.
24:57
Yeah, because you knew you had our interview?
24:58
Yeah, yeah.
24:59
You know, she's like, shit, I need to get it sorted.
25:02
No, it was actually, it's one of those things
25:04
that just annoys me that I haven't done.
25:06
But I have been putting a really good amount into Shazies.
25:09
So I've always been saving, so I feel like it's kind of the same.
25:14
It's not better.
25:14
We like to hear that.
25:15
Yeah, no, it's, but I used to have a regular amount
25:19
go into Shazies that was just coming out of my paycheck
25:21
whereas once I stopped earning money,
25:23
I cut that for a while, but I've now gotten back into that now.
25:25
So yeah, I did have to take pause on my retirement savings,
25:29
but Todd and I also are an agreement
25:31
that his retirement savings are my retirement savings,
25:34
et cetera, et cetera.
25:35
So is that all written down in like a prenup or something
25:40
or is that, or is that just kind of a mutual agreement?
25:42
No, no.
25:44
Jessica Quinn.
25:45
Oh, we're going to take this off.
25:48
I love coming.
25:48
It's my girls, I always feel like I'm in trouble.
25:51
Because I totally get it, like, bless both of you.
25:57
We've had a conversation and what's his is mine
26:00
and what's mine is his, you know, all of that.
26:01
But honestly, it's like, get it in writing.
26:05
Honestly, it's like, not that I even think
26:08
that your marriage will end.
26:09
Bless his heart, Todd seems amazing.
26:11
But I just think you can never be too sure.
26:15
And also, it's like, it's just a bit of, I don't know, insurance I do.
26:20
I so get how, yeah, I so, I'm just a bit hold on.
26:23
Also, in New Zealand, because of the property act
26:26
or whatever it's called, technically,
26:28
they would split that in any way, right?
26:30
Like it's, because you've been living together for two years.
26:32
But if you're married, I thought there was a thing
26:34
where after you've been married,
26:36
you are just entitled to half of what each other are.
26:39
I'm pretty sure you are, unless you've
26:41
got a contracting out agreement.
26:42
Yeah, yeah, which is essentially a prenup.
26:45
So you're kind of fine.
26:46
Yeah, I think isn't that just the default?
26:48
Yeah.
26:49
The default is that.
26:50
Yeah, I figured I'd trapped him already.
26:52
Yeah.
26:53
It's like a, it's like a, it's like a,
26:58
lived together for two years.
26:59
And you're like, okay, now everything's half mine.
27:02
Thank you.
27:03
See you, bye.
27:06
And so, has your financial plan changed now?
27:09
You've had Marla, are there like different goals
27:12
or financial milestones that you're saving towards
27:15
or investing towards?
27:16
Yeah, I mean, Todd and I are really
27:19
pretty aligned on our goals.
27:20
We're differently different in our approach to money
27:22
and savings, I would say, but we're aligned on our goals,
27:26
which is cool.
27:27
Like, big goal we would love to get an investment property
27:29
or an investment, a big investment of some kind like that.
27:32
But right now, we're really just tightening
27:34
the belt and trying to get back on top
27:36
because I do feel like I ate some of my savings.
27:39
During that time, we also know we want to have more kids
27:41
and we just want to feel really flush before we do that.
27:44
We also went private largely
27:45
because of my leg and the cost of having Marla was pretty high.
27:48
I think our OB alone cost us about 10 grand.
27:52
So, yeah, it was a lot of money.
27:56
And I guess it's not something you want to skimp on.
27:58
You know, you don't want to get the cheapest OB.
27:59
No, you want to get like, the cream delicately.
28:02
Of course, yeah.
28:03
And we got the cream delicately.
28:04
He's amazing.
28:06
And we'll go with him again.
28:07
And that's just how I feel comfortable
28:09
and just with my leg situation is necessary for me.
28:11
But it does come with a cost.
28:12
So, we just want to get back a float as our goal right now
28:16
and just paying down our mortgage as much as we can.
28:20
And our costs are just slowly creeping up
28:21
as we've had Marla.
28:23
Just, I mean, I wasn't able to breastfeed,
28:25
which is one thing.
28:26
And the cost of formula is just ridiculous.
28:28
Groceries in New Zealand already,
28:29
so unsanely expensive.
28:30
And then now you add like, nappies, wipes and formulae,
28:32
like easily adding $1,250 every shop,
28:36
or every second shop that's wild.
28:38
Yeah.
28:39
Yeah.
28:40
Because I guess the most frightening thing
28:42
that you've noticed since having a child financially,
28:45
like, is it the cost of infant formula?
28:47
Or is it something else that you just kind of didn't expect?
28:50
Or that was just like, oh my goodness.
28:53
What shocks you the most?
28:55
I think the little things is the little things.
28:58
It's just how much, like I did have a thought
29:00
where I was like, oh, cute.
29:01
I've got all these three to six months clothes.
29:02
Amazing.
29:03
Oh my god, when she's six months,
29:04
I then need to buy six to nine month clothes.
29:06
And then when she's not like, it's just like the fact
29:08
that until she's lived home,
29:09
I'm continuously buying her new clothes
29:11
because they grow like that's gonna be,
29:13
that was quite shocking to me.
29:15
Like, I'm not silly.
29:16
I knew that that was a thing.
29:17
But you know, it's not until you're like paying for it.
29:19
But you're like, oh my god,
29:20
she's gonna grow out of this in three months
29:21
and I have to buy something else.
29:22
So.
29:23
It's like a new wardrobe every three months.
29:25
Yeah.
29:26
Yeah, which don't get me wrong.
29:27
I love it.
29:28
It's so much fun.
29:29
But when you're the one paying for it,
29:30
it also eats your soul a little bit.
29:32
But the bigger thing that surprised me is just,
29:34
I've always been quite like, I sit down
29:36
with total of the time.
29:37
I'm like, we need to save for our future.
29:38
We need to plan for our future,
29:39
whereas he's like quite like a,
29:41
in his mind, he's like, I've set my things in place.
29:42
I'm comfortable and happy.
29:44
You know, I'm in a secure job.
29:45
As much as a secure job can be.
29:47
Whereas I'm like, no more, like we can't,
29:48
we need to do more.
29:49
Are we doing enough?
29:50
You know, I'm like nervous about retirement.
29:51
And so my point is, I've always been like that.
29:54
But the way that it's like gone so extreme
29:56
since having Marla,
29:57
because I guess I've just realized
29:58
that I'm responsible for a human now
30:01
who is gonna need to be put through school at some point.
30:03
Which, I mean, I'm not planning on sending it
30:05
to a private school, but you know,
30:06
there's still costs that are involved in school.
30:08
Maybe she's gonna need appointments.
30:09
She's gonna eventually leave home
30:11
and it's gonna need our support and some kind of way
30:13
and then also one day when we're no longer here.
30:15
You know, like I just,
30:17
not that everyone has the support from their parents.
30:20
I totally understand the privilege in that,
30:21
but I do feel the pressure to do as much as I can for her
30:25
and to set up our life in the best way
30:27
to hopefully benefit her life.
30:29
And I didn't expect the pressure of that.
30:31
Like, it's not something that keeps me up at night,
30:33
but it's just like, wow, I'm responsible
30:35
for a living being human.
30:36
Like, that's insane.
30:38
And I've always been like, we're gonna have more kids.
30:40
It's all, you know, all well and good.
30:41
But then you think about it and I'm like,
30:42
sending one kid to daycare, it's crazy.
30:44
Little one, sending three kids to daycare.
30:45
You know, it's like you just really,
30:48
when it's a reality, the cost just hit you hard in the face.
30:51
You're like, wow.
30:51
God, it definitely makes me appreciate my parents
30:54
and what they've spent on me throughout my years.
30:56
Gosh, it's hearing all those things
30:58
that you just mentioned.
31:00
Yeah, you easily forget just how much your parents
31:03
have spent on you and how thankful I am, Mum and Dad.
31:06
Thank you.
31:06
Yep.
31:08
I know it's actually insane.
31:11
Jess, can we circle back to what you said earlier
31:13
about how you and Todd have the same kind of long-term goals?
31:16
But you have different approach to them.
31:19
Can you just elaborate on that one?
31:20
Can you pull me up from that one?
31:23
I was like, be patient.
31:24
It's okay to be patient, but I'd love to hear more about that.
31:30
I do, I literally feel like I'm in school
31:31
when I come on the curve.
31:33
Oh, sorry.
31:34
It's so shit.
31:36
They're like the knife teachers,
31:37
but they're going to like tell you off.
31:38
It's like my parents are like the nicest people,
31:40
but like, if they do wrong, they will tell me.
31:43
But I'm not actually to be fair.
31:44
I think it's kind of refreshing to hear
31:46
that you have different approaches
31:47
because for a lot of people, I think the idea
31:50
of needing to be totally on the same page is, you know,
31:54
like it's quite overwhelming to think you have to be aligned
31:58
on your long-term goals, but then on top of that,
32:00
you also have to be doing it in the same way.
32:03
So I kind of love that you guys have different approaches
32:05
and it's obviously still working for you.
32:07
I just want to know sort of how it's different.
32:10
Totally.
32:11
I mean, Todd and I are really different people in general.
32:13
Like I listened to his conversations at work
32:15
and I have no idea what you're talking about.
32:16
Like we just live in very different worlds in that sense
32:18
and we are just, we're similar in some ways,
32:20
but we're different in a lot.
32:22
And I think I'm a really ripshed in bus
32:25
when it comes to money.
32:26
I don't know, I'm a lot more risk,
32:29
what's the word?
32:30
Like, risky?
32:31
I'm risky, yeah, risked versus when you're not into risk, right?
32:33
Yeah, Todd's a little, like, I wouldn't say he's risked
32:35
versus but he's just a lot more stable.
32:37
Like he'll set his things in place,
32:38
he plays the long-term game,
32:40
but then although I want the long-term game,
32:42
I just like keep thinking I'm not doing enough
32:44
and I need to like just keep throwing shit at the wall
32:46
and taking these huge risks and I'll learn one thing
32:49
and I've got to go down that path and I learn nothing
32:50
and I've got to go down that path, you know?
32:51
And I just like, I can't just sit and be like,
32:54
cool, we've done enough, we're in a really good position.
32:56
Let's just like chill, you know, I have to be
32:59
always doing more.
33:00
Like the poor guy, I just ambush him weekly
33:02
about these like podcasts I've listened to
33:04
and these things that I've learned,
33:05
which I think is great,
33:06
because I'm constantly challenging myself.
33:09
Yeah, a little bit.
33:10
The Blake curve girls.
33:11
I just say to him that I was like,
33:12
I think I want to do that as it was a reset course,
33:14
you could, I can't remember the name of it,
33:15
but the reset course was like, I think I want to do that
33:17
and he's like, you don't need to do that.
33:18
And I was like, I don't know.
33:20
He's, shut up, shut up, shut up.
33:22
Yeah, shut up, shut up.
33:23
Everyone needs to do that.
33:25
But yeah, we just have a really different approach,
33:28
but I really like, we are good at communicating.
33:30
So I like, I've learned in our relationship
33:32
that I can just come to him with all my things
33:33
and make sure he opens up about his
33:34
and then we just, we land in the same place,
33:36
but we just get there differently, which is nice.
33:39
And I just, I'm someone that needs reassurance all the time.
33:41
So I just need to hear like, we have the same goals,
33:43
we want the same things, you know.
33:44
And we're really different in our work.
33:46
Like I've been, I guess a freelancer,
33:48
I'm probably gonna change careers multiple times in my life
33:51
whereas he's openly said he would happily
33:53
stay in the same job until he retires.
33:55
So we're just really different in that sense,
33:57
which is totally fine.
33:58
It's just really interesting to be in that.
34:02
Does that then mean the types of investments
34:04
that you got attracted to?
34:05
Like, would you be more excited by new up
34:08
and coming kind of riskier stocks
34:10
and he's more of a set and forget,
34:12
tried and true long term investments?
34:15
Yes, definitely.
34:16
And we've just joined some of our investments recently
34:19
and we've gone a bit more fundy
34:21
and I kind of, I agree with him on that,
34:24
but probably when I first jumped on,
34:25
I was like, I want to invest in all the cool fun things
34:27
but I've been learning a lot about like playing the long-term game
34:30
and you know, it's not always...
34:31
Who have you been learning that from?
34:32
Yeah, it's really good to play School of the Cup.
34:36
So have you and fanboy had a conversation
34:39
about your long-term money goals?
34:42
Fanboy.
34:43
Oh God.
34:44
So just for context, fanboy is called fanboy
34:47
because he used to listen to, well, he still does,
34:50
actually every episode,
34:51
but he'd listen to the podcast before we met.
34:54
So he'd always be like,
34:56
Oh, stop it.
34:57
I'm the love bear.
34:59
Like, he really is interested in investing
35:01
and so he found the podcast.
35:03
He was like, good boy.
35:04
Oh my gosh, I know that it's podcast.
35:06
So he's listened to so funny.
35:08
Like, I'm the way you see me a photo of him
35:10
like watching the Curve Weekly on YouTube,
35:11
like the only person that watches it on YouTube
35:13
and is doing this thing.
35:14
I love him, Rudy.
35:16
So like right now, we're in the MLPHY course,
35:18
which obviously is like a very expensive part of Italy.
35:24
And we're having to budget our holiday.
35:26
So he hasn't got a job yet, he's in London.
35:28
He hasn't got a job and so we're kind of set like a...
35:32
I guess in terms of we're probably more focused
35:34
at the moment on our short-term financial goals
35:37
so that we can live similar lives in London
35:39
and go on similar holidays.
35:41
We haven't really got to the point
35:42
where we're talking about like long-term money
35:45
or investing goals.
35:47
But I think we're both pretty similar
35:49
in the sense that stuff's not super important.
35:52
I would weigh rather less pretty stuff
35:56
and actually have freedom and space to go
35:59
and have amazing experiences.
36:01
I think that's really where I were similar
36:03
in our long-term like vision for things.
36:06
I love that you've already spoken about that.
36:08
That's great.
36:09
I guess for me, it's kind of like I'm only just learning
36:14
about the stuff myself.
36:15
You know, I'm only just starting to become more confident
36:17
in how I want to invest my money
36:19
and the things that I want in life
36:21
because I never really felt like I had the option to plan
36:23
or choose up until really recently.
36:26
And so I think I'm just grateful that he is...
36:30
I mean, firstly, he obviously listens to the podcast
36:32
but other podcasts as well
36:34
and wants to be clever with his money.
36:37
I think just in general in terms of how we like spending money
36:39
it's quite similar.
36:40
So, did you feel a sigh of relief
36:41
when you met him and had listened to the podcast
36:43
I had that experience with Todd
36:45
and we went through like most of our first date
36:47
and I was like, do I tell him that I have one leg?
36:49
When do I do this?
36:50
And then we randomly was like,
36:52
oh, I saw that thing when you were on Dancing with the Stars
36:54
and I felt so relieved
36:55
because I was like, if you're semming on that,
36:56
you know that I have one leg
36:57
because you can't hide that in Lycra.
37:00
And then I just realized he liked you most of my personality.
37:02
Shit, Jesus.
37:03
Really? What?
37:04
Oh my God, I just don't realize.
37:06
So you...
37:07
Well, Noah's just thinking like I never thought of that
37:09
like for you in terms of the moment
37:11
where you share with someone
37:12
that you don't have a...
37:13
Oh, totally.
37:14
That would be so stressful.
37:17
Yes, super stressful.
37:18
I realized that when in a really heavy direction
37:22
which you probably can't relate to,
37:23
but I more like the relief when you like someone's already heard
37:26
about you and you're like, no, your quirks,
37:31
they're like same parts of your life.
37:32
So like, given he's a fanboy, you know,
37:34
he'll be a little bit of you.
37:36
Like that. I just did it in a way.
37:37
Like it definitely made me think,
37:39
oh, well, I speak,
37:40
there's nothing about what I say on the podcast
37:43
that is me trying to be like a hot, sexy cool.
37:45
So if he's listened and he's still kind of came,
37:48
like that's a good sign.
37:49
Like I remember the week before I met him,
37:52
I'd literally started a podcast being like,
37:54
God, I'm so sweaty, I'm so sweaty, it's so hot here.
37:58
You know, like I was like going on about it.
38:00
And then I met him and said, listen to the podcast.
38:02
And I was like, oh, no, if you listen to the most recent one.
38:06
Then I did you hear when Vic was like super sweaty
38:08
with the baby?
38:09
Yeah, it was very good promise, it was very, not me.
38:11
You might have missed her.
38:12
Do you probably thought it was me, but it wasn't.
38:14
Yeah, definitely wasn't.
38:16
I'm keen to talk about weddings, the cost, the pressure,
38:20
you know, how, how did you decide to budget for yours?
38:23
How did you plan?
38:24
Like we've got so much to unpack here.
38:26
Firstly, congratulations on getting married.
38:29
Thank you.
38:29
You looked absolutely stunning.
38:30
But you sound like you're doing a bridesmaid speech,
38:33
you know, in the groom's middle, like bridesmaids,
38:36
you look absolutely stunning tonight.
38:38
That's like, shh, you were like, oh, give me a speech, yeah.
38:42
No, you did look stunning.
38:43
That wasn't bad.
38:44
Beautiful.
38:45
Let's give it, give it a tap to the bride.
38:47
Give it a tap to the bride, yeah.
38:49
How stunning is she look?
38:53
No, but I'm keen to know what was your budget?
38:57
Did you stick to it?
38:58
Because I know so many brides who haven't.
39:01
So I'm intrigued to know, yeah, what was your budget?
39:03
And did you stick to it?
39:06
I can't remember our budget.
39:09
That makes me think you weren't sticking to it.
39:11
Yeah, yeah, remember if we had one?
39:15
We got married really quickly.
39:17
We got married within five months
39:18
because of the whole pregnancy.
39:21
Yeah, so we...
39:22
What you've made, and then five months later, you got...
39:24
No, there you are.
39:25
Within five months of engagement.
39:28
Oh.
39:28
Because were you pregnant yet on your wedding day?
39:30
I ended up being pregnant at my wedding,
39:32
but not when we were planning,
39:34
but we knew that we were gonna have to start IVF soon
39:37
and or IVY.
39:39
And if we would have then had a baby, ideally,
39:43
by the time we got married,
39:44
if we'd waited kind of the normal year to 18 months,
39:47
so we were like, screw it, let's just get married now.
39:49
And then I guess we were focusing on the wedding
39:51
and then I felt pregnant.
39:52
And I was 12 weeks on the day of our wedding,
39:55
so I announced our pregnancy at the wedding,
39:56
which was so good.
39:57
Oh, that's so special.
39:58
Oh, it was the best.
39:59
No one knew, not even like my closest friend,
40:01
so that was really awesome.
40:02
Oh.
40:04
So yeah, we stuck pretty close to budget.
40:06
I'm not gonna lie, we were really lucky.
40:08
Like my mom's a wedding planner, my mom's a florist.
40:11
So like if anyone has seen my aisle,
40:13
it was just out the gate.
40:14
It was like an aisle of flowers and it was insane.
40:17
And obviously my mom being a florist,
40:19
that is what makes that affordable.
40:22
So it definitely probably appeared a lot busier than it was.
40:26
We did want to stick to a budget quite closely
40:29
because we got married in five months.
40:30
Like we didn't have endless money.
40:32
But no, the way we saved like,
40:33
I wasn't really into the frills.
40:34
Like I'm like, why do I need 10 signs telling people
40:37
where to go?
40:38
Like just people will know all of the people
40:39
who would rest up for a wedding follow then.
40:41
That's where the wedding is.
40:41
Like I just, I tried to like cut down on frills like that.
40:44
We did no bridal party because I knew
40:47
that that would save a lot of cost.
40:48
And I also just didn't want one.
40:51
And yeah, a few things like my cousin was a makeup artist,
40:54
my mom's a florist.
40:56
Our venue was pretty affordable when we chose that on purpose.
40:58
Like we just tried to keep it as lowkey as possible.
41:01
And I'm really glad we did like,
41:03
we just knew we all we wanted to create is the vibe.
41:06
And that I feel like in my opinion,
41:08
if you get too caught up on trying
41:10
to make your wedding look a certain way,
41:11
then you kind of take away from the vibe
41:13
because you're too stressed about how it's in a look.
41:15
And we just wanted everyone to have a good time.
41:16
We were so focused on the pregnancy announcement
41:18
and ask any married that we were just like,
41:21
we just didn't want anything else to be stressful.
41:23
When you looked back at it, Jess,
41:24
did you feel as though you wish you hadn't spent money
41:27
on certain things or you wish you'd spent
41:29
more on certain things or were you quite happy
41:31
with the way that it played out financially?
41:34
Nah, I was really happy.
41:35
I said to Todd in the process,
41:37
I was like, I want to wake up on the day of our wedding
41:39
and not be like, oh my God, we just sunk so much money
41:41
for no reason.
41:42
And I didn't feel like that at all.
41:44
I felt really happy.
41:45
And also, yeah, we were lucky.
41:47
I'd previously sold a house.
41:49
And so I'd had a little bit of cash kind of ready to go
41:52
that I was comfortable spending.
41:53
I just didn't want to share an amount of money
41:55
that I was going to regret.
41:58
And yeah, because of those hookups that we had as well,
42:01
it just definitely brought our budget up.
42:02
Also, an absolute hack, have a wedding
42:05
when a lot of your friends are pregnant
42:07
because your alcohol bill will just be so low,
42:08
like so many people that are wedding were pregnant.
42:11
And it was amazing.
42:12
And also, a great hack.
42:13
A lot of my friends aren't huge drinkers
42:15
or I don't have like one big group of friends.
42:17
I've got lots of kind of friends
42:18
from different areas of the same.
42:19
I really create this big like,
42:21
let's get pissed together vibes.
42:22
My wedding is going to be so expensive
42:25
then my friends can do it.
42:26
Are your friends a booze house?
42:28
Yeah.
42:29
Yeah, exactly.
42:31
Probably me actually, I'll be consuming the most.
42:33
Another tequila soda, please.
42:35
Yes, you mentioned you didn't have bridesmaids.
42:38
And this is something that we really wanted to touch on
42:40
because we spoke about it on,
42:42
it just our socials not that long ago.
42:44
And we were sort of like interested
42:46
to know already from thoughts and feelings
42:47
where around hens, do's and bridesmaids
42:49
and that kind of thing.
42:51
Can we talk more about your decision not to?
42:54
I guess like, maybe it would be quite fun
42:56
with actually got a few like voice notes
42:58
and messages that came in from the curve community
43:01
just on like their thoughts on it.
43:03
Maybe we could share some of them.
43:04
I might just get them up actually.
43:05
Just give me one second.
43:07
Because I do think there's this like,
43:10
yeah, I don't know, there's this real like underlying pressure
43:12
to spend so much on your friends getting married.
43:15
Like it sort of feels like 21st or 30th or 40th season.
43:19
I also think there is a lot of different ways
43:23
that people do it, you know?
43:25
Like some brides are like,
43:26
it's completely, you have to pay for everything
43:29
or I'm gonna pay for everything
43:30
or here's an amount to go spend on your dress
43:33
or there's so, everyone has a different way of doing it.
43:37
And I've been a bridesmaid quite a few times
43:40
and every single one has been different.
43:42
See, I've only ever been a bridesmaid,
43:44
I'm about to be third time.
43:46
And I've only ever done it where they've paid for me,
43:49
which I know is a privileged position for them to be in.
43:52
But I don't know, I don't know if you want my opinion here,
43:54
but I, and also everyone's different
43:56
and like you can't afford to do that.
43:57
But I just feel like if you're asking someone
43:59
to be your bridesmaid, like how can you then put that cost
44:02
on them, like they're not choosing to be in your wedding,
44:04
you're choosing them.
44:06
And if you can't afford to pay that,
44:07
then don't have as many bridesmaids or any.
44:09
Like I just don't quite, I don't know.
44:11
I just think it's unfair to put that financial cost
44:13
on other people.
44:14
Or like they can wear what they want,
44:16
they can do the hair and makeup, how they want.
44:18
And that's up to them, because they're paying for it,
44:22
or they're doing it, yeah.
44:24
Totally.
44:25
You're also buying like a wedding present
44:27
and going to the venue like a taxi home,
44:29
like it adds up.
44:30
And then your alcohol, if it's not fully subsidised,
44:32
like it adds up.
44:33
So like wedding can cost thousands, it's insane.
44:36
One of the messages we got in this girl said,
44:39
my opinion is that hen stags are getting way out of hand.
44:42
Like $500 on one night, I made it my goal
44:46
to make my friends hens do possible for everyone to attend.
44:49
So I did it in parts, a day lunch that was $30,
44:51
then a night thing.
44:52
It was more about the brides,
44:53
meaning time with friends.
44:55
It made it so more people could attend,
44:57
because they weren't stressed about paying $500.
44:59
And then I did a something special
45:01
with the bride, the day prior pampered her
45:03
out of my own pocket, something that I could afford,
45:05
but I knew most other people couldn't.
45:07
I was like, that's a really nice way to do it.
45:09
I mean, I've no one's having to miss out.
45:11
Yeah, and you can kind of like pick and choose
45:12
what you can afford to attend,
45:14
or what your capacity to attend.
45:15
I think that's so cool.
45:17
One of the messages we got earned.
45:20
I just feel like stags are so glam now
45:23
that there's like this expectation for hens
45:26
to kind of like be the same.
45:27
You know, when there's a stag,
45:29
you've got to pay for, you know,
45:30
they've got these two day lavish golf trips.
45:32
They have higher vans.
45:34
They have like two or three days of drinking.
45:36
Like, it's kind of like a weekend away.
45:39
And I don't even know.
45:40
I don't even ask my partner anymore
45:42
how much he's paying,
45:43
because that would just drive me up the wall.
45:45
Whereas girls just kind of go to Waikie for a day,
45:47
they drink mine, and then they come home.
45:49
But somehow it still manages to be like $300, $400.
45:53
And it's just ridiculous.
45:57
Stags are out the gate.
45:58
My partner and his friends do pretty out the gate stags.
46:01
And I'm always like, what?
46:02
But then they love them.
46:03
To them, it's just a boys trip that they do each year.
46:05
And to the point where if no one's getting married,
46:07
they do a fake stag every year.
46:09
It's literally coming up in a few months,
46:10
and I'm like, it's the funniest thing.
46:12
What is it?
46:13
They feel it's their last hurrah.
46:15
It's so bizarre.
46:16
I don't know.
46:17
And the things they do, it's so brutal.
46:19
Actually, this is quite a cool message.
46:21
She said, I never messaged for stuff like this,
46:23
but this topic recently came up with a friend.
46:26
For someone who lives really and doesn't make a lot slash,
46:29
doesn't have a family to support in a mortgage.
46:31
I literally asked two friends to join forces
46:33
for the hand since we all have the same friend group.
46:36
Two for the price of one.
46:37
Obviously, it doesn't work for everyone,
46:39
but it's kind of nice to share the glory for a day.
46:41
It's not just all about you.
46:42
I also did a joint hands with my best friend
46:44
because we got married a week apart
46:46
and all of the same friends that was epic to share it together.
46:48
Like, that's really cool.
46:49
I really like that.
46:51
Yeah.
46:51
Being creative, you know, being unique.
46:53
I'm a bridesmaid for a good friend,
46:55
currently in the throw of organizing your hands
46:56
and it's a bloody mission.
46:58
17 people away for a weekend.
47:00
Whoa, 17.
47:02
Some traveling from overseas already in experience,
47:05
trying to accommodate needs and be upfront with cost,
47:07
which isn't always easy.
47:09
Chasing people for the money,
47:10
not wanting people to miss out,
47:11
because of my need, which I totally get,
47:13
have organized four hands in my time
47:15
and already decided that when, if I get married,
47:18
I will not put my friends slash siblings
47:20
under that kind of stress
47:21
and we'll forgot our hands altogether.
47:23
Yeah.
47:24
Wedding's a getting out of hand.
47:25
I spoke to my mom about it quite a lot
47:27
because she's a wedding planner.
47:28
And I just think, I think it's obviously social media everyone's
47:31
just trying to like one up each other
47:32
and it's just getting out of hand.
47:34
I just think we're spending so much money
47:36
that you're never gonna get back.
47:38
And we've kind of lost the purpose of what a wedding is.
47:41
Okay, this one's quite good.
47:42
I got invited to a hands just before I moved to New Zealand
47:44
from the UK 10 years ago.
47:46
I was 23.
47:47
It was gonna be around 300 pounds age
47:50
and it wasn't even going abroad.
47:52
I couldn't afford that.
47:53
All my money had gone into flights to New Zealand.
47:54
I told the bridesmaids, I couldn't afford it
47:56
and I got so much judgment.
47:58
But what was I supposed to do?
47:59
I wasn't going to go into debt for someone else's hands do,
48:02
especially since she was a school friend of my boyfriend
48:05
and didn't really like me anyway.
48:06
I think that's a really good point is that,
48:10
I think the judgment needs to be removed.
48:12
If you're putting a price out there
48:14
that someone can't afford,
48:16
then you cannot judge them or give them shit
48:19
or anything if they can't afford it.
48:21
Everyone's saving for their own different money goals
48:24
and if you're gonna have a 300 pound hens,
48:28
there's gonna be people that can't afford that.
48:30
So be supportive and maybe try planning something
48:34
that's a bit more cheap.
48:35
Yeah, I think it's so true.
48:37
It's like, I think we're starting to get better
48:40
excepting different people's budgets
48:42
and financial priorities.
48:44
But I definitely remember getting annoyed at friends
48:47
back in the day where they'd be like, I can't afford it.
48:49
And I'd be like, oh, you're so annoying.
48:50
Which honestly, I look back at now and I'm like,
48:52
what?
48:53
Spoilt, unaware, brat, you know?
48:57
And now I would never ever say that to somebody.
48:59
But I think that when it comes to something like a hens
49:04
because as we were talking about kind of off mic,
49:07
when you even when you choose bridesmaids
49:08
and it's like, oh, who are your top friends?
49:10
Like it's such a weird concept
49:12
that then if you decide to not spend money
49:14
on someone's hands, it's like, oh, you're not a good enough
49:16
friend or you don't value that friendship enough.
49:18
And it's like, well, no, I just, I actually
49:21
and you're 35,000 dollars a year
49:23
and I kind of thought that it's really hard.
49:26
And it's also, I think when you're organizing the hens
49:30
for your friend that's getting married,
49:32
you want to go above and beyond
49:34
and you want to do this really amazing,
49:37
probably two extravagant hens
49:39
because you want to show your love in that way for the,
49:42
for the bride to be.
49:43
But yeah, it's also the bride to be to remember that,
49:47
you know, just because it's a less extravagant hens
49:50
doesn't mean they love you any less
49:51
or they're even less of a friend.
49:54
Oh, God, this is so interesting.
49:58
Hey, Vic and Soph, I'm getting married in January next year
50:02
and as the bride, I'm actually quite anxious
50:04
about the money that people might potentially
50:06
be spending on my hens do.
50:07
I own the most out of my group of friends really
50:10
and it makes me quite stressed that people
50:12
might be putting themselves out of pocket
50:14
for an extra extravagant event when truly all that I want
50:18
are my special people around me
50:20
celebrating with a potluck, dinner and a bottle of wine.
50:23
Yeah, that's a gorgeous message, but it's, yeah,
50:26
it's a hard one.
50:27
I guess it's just like making it super clear
50:31
to the person that's organising it
50:33
to then communicate to everyone that's invited.
50:35
Like, there is zero pressure to come to be a part of it.
50:38
Like, and I guess I love that the first one, Vic,
50:41
that you were saying as well, like,
50:42
where there's a cheap option for everyone to come
50:44
so you can all celebrate and then people can totally tap out
50:48
for the rest of it if it's extravagant.
50:50
That is our advice, people.
50:52
Have a staggered hens, yeah.
50:55
Keep it low key.
50:56
Keep it low key, yeah, exactly.
50:57
That's the easiest alternative.
50:59
Potluck's is so underrated.
51:01
I love a potluck.
51:02
So underrated.
51:04
And that's a thing, like, you would end up having more fun
51:06
at just like a potluck dinner with your friends
51:07
that doesn't feel pressured instead of this like thing
51:09
that's got like an atinerary and is all planned out
51:11
like they end up just being so forced to be on our phone.
51:14
That's kind of how I feel about weddings, to be honest.
51:16
Same.
51:18
Hey, Jess, I'm aware that your phones died
51:19
and we love having video for these episodes,
51:21
so I reckon we wrap this up.
51:22
But thank you so much for being on the podcast again
51:25
and so happy to hear about Marla
51:28
and that, you know, married life is good
51:30
and we'll have to get you on for a third time
51:32
to hear more about your business
51:33
because I know that that's sounding really, really exciting.
51:35
Yes.
51:36
I'd love to hear more about that some day soon.
51:37
Yes, I'll have more to chat to once it's alive.
51:40
How exciting.
51:42
Thank you so much for coming on.
51:43
As always, like, such a pleasure to chat to you
51:45
and when we're home and you're able to love to catch up.
51:47
Yes, thank you so much.
51:49
Yes, definitely.
51:50
Thank you.
51:52
Thank you so much for listening to Raisin the Curve.
51:55
These conversations are designed
51:56
to teach you everything that you need
51:58
to know to be better with your money,
51:59
from saving, to investing,
52:01
to talking to your friends about your salaries
52:03
and if you liked what you heard, we would love it.
52:06
If you could hit subscribe button, please.
52:08
Yes, please.
52:08
Or leave a review at our own taste five seconds
52:12
and it would really make our week, our year, our month.
52:15
Okay, lots of love.
52:16
See you soon.
52:16
Bye.