Latest / Dear Son, / Obedience, Isolation & Rediscovering Yourself | Getting Back to Me | Ep 200 | The Dear Son, Show

Transcript

Obedience, Isolation & Rediscovering Yourself | Getting Back to Me | Ep 200 | The Dear Son, Show · Dear Son,

0:00
[SPEAKER_00]: Disobedience had caused me so much in my past.
0:02
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't like that you say that.
0:04
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah man, I'm listening man.
0:06
[SPEAKER_00]: It's been times where God has told me to do something.
0:09
[SPEAKER_00]: And you know, that's the hardest part about faith.
0:11
[SPEAKER_00]: It's when God speaks to you in a disagrees with your human desire.
0:17
[SPEAKER_00]: Because sometimes we think our desire is more powerful than God's direction.
0:22
[SPEAKER_00]: And my disobedience had caused me so much in the past.
0:27
[SPEAKER_00]: divorce, loss of money, business opportunities.
0:31
[SPEAKER_00]: At this point, I was so broken that I was like, I don't even want to, I don't even want to make decisions on my own or more.
0:38
[SPEAKER_00]: And so, let me tell you the benefit of that move.
0:41
[SPEAKER_00]: and move out to Phoenix, Arizona.
0:43
[SPEAKER_00]: Simultaneously, in the backdrop, my daughter's graduating high school.
0:46
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, okay.
0:47
[SPEAKER_00]: She's at Houston, HPV, HSPVA.
0:50
[SPEAKER_00]: It's a performing arts school in Houston.
0:53
[SPEAKER_00]: So she's applying to School of Juilliard.
0:55
[SPEAKER_00]: You, USC, no, school of Juilliard.
0:57
[SPEAKER_00]: You, UCLA, and University of Michigan.
1:00
[SPEAKER_00]: She's very confident that she's got to get into these schools because she's her daddy's daughter, okay?
1:06
[SPEAKER_00]: Unfortunately,
1:08
[SPEAKER_00]: She doesn't get into any of the schools, all right.
1:10
[SPEAKER_00]: So she's discouraged.
1:11
[SPEAKER_00]: She's like, man, I'm just going to stay in Houston.
1:13
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to go to Zhuko.
1:14
[SPEAKER_00]: Long story short, man.
1:15
[SPEAKER_00]: I've moved to Arizona.
1:17
[SPEAKER_00]: I meet somebody that gives me a phone number.
1:21
[SPEAKER_00]: Fast forward the story.
1:21
[SPEAKER_00]: My daughter ends up getting accepted in the Arizona state.
1:25
[SPEAKER_00]: Scholarship to go to Arizona state.
1:28
[SPEAKER_00]: And what I learned in that moment is being obedient to God wasn't just about me.
1:36
[SPEAKER_00]: My obedience to God created a pathway for my child.
1:44
[SPEAKER_02]: All right, you good?
1:45
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I know you.
1:46
[SPEAKER_02]: I just had an answer.
1:48
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, the answer was Kevin.
1:49
[SPEAKER_02]: Guys, let's get it working to the desk on show.
1:51
[SPEAKER_02]: We have meaningful conversations about life through the lens of Fatherhood.
1:55
[SPEAKER_02]: It is four fathers, those with fathers and the fatherless nobody's left out.
2:00
[SPEAKER_02]: These are the conversations I want my sons, the access and the growth of life and the manhoods and all topics of all families.
2:05
[SPEAKER_02]: Today, I'm your only host and the guest is not a guest anymore.
2:10
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I say my brother from another Corey Hughes welcome back to the show.
2:14
[SPEAKER_02]: How are you, my brother?
2:14
[SPEAKER_00]: Man, I'm good, man.
2:15
[SPEAKER_00]: It's good to be back, man.
2:16
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, it's good to be back, man.
2:18
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, slightly different, same room, same room.
2:21
[SPEAKER_02]: How you feeling, man?
2:22
[SPEAKER_00]: Good, man, I'm blessed, man.
2:23
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I'm blessed, man.
2:25
[SPEAKER_00]: I just left here from being with my son, man.
2:27
[SPEAKER_00]: I think it is much.
2:28
[SPEAKER_02]: I was gonna ask you all, Kim.
2:29
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
2:29
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, cause you don't live here.
2:30
[SPEAKER_02]: You from here, but you don't live here.
2:32
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, man, I mean, Arizona now, man.
2:34
[SPEAKER_02]: Is it better here now than in Arizona?
2:37
[SPEAKER_02]: Cause Arizona full desert.
2:38
[SPEAKER_00]: full doesn't know right now it's probably a hundred thousand degrees out there yeah yeah you know it's so uh it's it's a different type of heat um it's a heat that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy yeah uh but once you get past the heat man it's beautiful I'd differ by eight months man I love it that's so I lived and we lived and do by for three years same thing yeah the nail is the time that I would bring my family back to the states and then I would go back and work cause
3:03
[SPEAKER_02]: June through August is miserable.
3:05
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, out there, out there, it's June through September.
3:09
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, yes, it's rough.
3:11
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, yeah, pool water is about 98 degrees at night.
3:14
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, yeah, and it's, it's one of those situations where you just find yourself inside most of the time, and most people get out of the night.
3:22
[SPEAKER_00]: So when I first moved out there, I was convinced that there were no black people in Arizona.
3:27
[SPEAKER_00]: Wrong time of day, wrong time of day.
3:28
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, and then all of a sudden comes up.
3:32
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, I understand now, so, man, it's, you know, it's, you, you make the adjustment.
3:36
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, you make the adjustment.
3:38
[SPEAKER_02]: I've been, uh, Phoenix, but that was an area like a, a real swanky, like, I'm so it has many like shopping area where I was and it kind of put me in love with the city.
3:49
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, man.
3:50
[SPEAKER_02]: I took my first time first and all the experience, but it was, it was, it was nice.
3:53
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, man, he's probably talking to Scott's deal.
3:55
[SPEAKER_00]: He's the Scott's deal area.
3:57
[SPEAKER_00]: Uh, man, this is going to hit me.
4:02
[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe to build more stuff like a mall and shopping all that good stuff.
4:05
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, that sounds for me.
4:07
[SPEAKER_02]: I wanted to sound for me.
4:08
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
4:08
[SPEAKER_02]: Hey, well, let's uh, that's good to have.
4:11
[SPEAKER_02]: Man, the last conversation that we had on this platform.
4:17
[SPEAKER_00]: Help some folks.
4:18
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, man, that listen, when viral challenge some folks definitely did that irritated a few folks.
4:25
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, I mean, it's going to happen.
4:27
[SPEAKER_00]: Good balance.
4:27
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
4:28
[SPEAKER_02]: Good balance of things, man.
4:29
[SPEAKER_02]: It was
4:30
[SPEAKER_02]: We were talking about your experience with love, the lack thereof, when it changes the voice, how it impacts.
4:41
[SPEAKER_02]: And I've been keeping tabs virtually on you for the last sense.
4:47
[SPEAKER_00]: You know what I'm saying?
4:49
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, yeah.
4:49
[SPEAKER_02]: And I see your activity has picked up.
4:51
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
4:51
[SPEAKER_02]: I assume that's because you got a break from tax season.
4:55
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, right.
4:56
[SPEAKER_02]: So I see this picked up, see the numbers going.
4:59
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm like,
5:00
[SPEAKER_02]: Pro seem happy yeah, man.
5:02
[SPEAKER_02]: I want to talk about happy.
5:03
[SPEAKER_02]: Okay after, you know, after you go through life events that That change you and change others.
5:11
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
5:12
[SPEAKER_02]: How do you get back to you?
5:14
[SPEAKER_00]: So, man, it was a challenge for sure.
5:17
[SPEAKER_00]: But one of the things in shame was plug, it's got him.
5:22
[SPEAKER_00]: I am writing a book, it's called The Journey to Celebrity.
5:24
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
5:25
[SPEAKER_00]: And so, I had to actually live that before I could produce that.
5:29
[SPEAKER_00]: And so, I had to discover who I was outside of being a husband and watched his even outside of being a father.
5:35
[SPEAKER_00]: And so, it was so challenging for me to move from Dallas to Phoenix because this was the nucleus or the foundation of who I was.
5:43
[SPEAKER_00]: But I really needed to hit the reset button.
5:46
[SPEAKER_00]: And so when I went out to Phoenix, man, I didn't have one friend out there.
5:49
[SPEAKER_00]: I didn't know anybody out there.
5:51
[SPEAKER_00]: It was just me sitting with me asking me questions.
5:55
[SPEAKER_00]: Why did it hurt so much?
5:56
[SPEAKER_00]: Why did you do this?
5:57
[SPEAKER_00]: Why did you allow this?
6:00
[SPEAKER_00]: Who are you outside of this?
6:01
[SPEAKER_00]: Outside of your success, outside of your speaking, outside of being a husband, outside of being a father.
6:07
[SPEAKER_00]: Who was Cory?
6:08
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
6:09
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think once I was able to ground myself to figure out who I was, then I became happy with Cory.
6:15
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think that what I discovered in that time is that whether it was because of childhood trauma or just the way I was brazed, I thought that I could outsource my happiness to other people.
6:27
[SPEAKER_00]: And that was never other people's responsibility to make me happy or to make me feel good about myself or to make me feel fulfilled about Cory.
6:34
[SPEAKER_00]: I had to really get with
6:37
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think T.O.
6:38
[SPEAKER_00]: made it famous, T.O.
6:39
[SPEAKER_00]: was when he said, I like me some me.
6:41
[SPEAKER_02]: I like me some me.
6:43
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, outsourcing your happiness to other people.
6:47
[SPEAKER_02]: I understand that, but as you said, it was kind of jarring because I showed it myself from from being happy around other people as a variant of that, you know, saying like that, but
7:02
[SPEAKER_02]: because I don't want it to be related to them, I'm not even being happy in the moment around them, robbing me and them of some moments.
7:10
[SPEAKER_02]: Right, definitely in my household.
7:12
[SPEAKER_02]: What was the, what did it take for you to say yes to the move?
7:19
[SPEAKER_00]: Wow, so, you know, I was, I think it was January 23.
7:26
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm sitting my house and I say, okay, God, what's next?
7:29
[SPEAKER_00]: and he's like, nothing.
7:31
[SPEAKER_00]: He's just was silent.
7:33
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think, um, as a man of faith, you have to be comfortable with no instructions.
7:40
[SPEAKER_00]: Don't like it.
7:41
[SPEAKER_00]: You have to be comfortable with God not speaking.
7:44
[SPEAKER_00]: They did wait upon the Lord.
7:45
[SPEAKER_00]: She'll renew this story.
7:46
[SPEAKER_00]: And so I had to wait.
7:47
[SPEAKER_00]: I knew something was coming.
7:49
[SPEAKER_00]: but I had to wait and just sit there and trust that he was going to give me instructions when the time came.
7:55
[SPEAKER_00]: Four months later, April 2023, after tax season, I pray that God, what am I supposed to do?
8:01
[SPEAKER_00]: He said, go to Arizona.
8:04
[SPEAKER_00]: Arizona.
8:04
[SPEAKER_00]: As clear as you said to me, just like that, go to Arizona.
8:08
[SPEAKER_00]: So I booked me a flight two days later.
8:09
[SPEAKER_00]: I go stay in Arizona for two weeks, stay in a different hotels.
8:13
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm just really waiting to see what God is going to say.
8:16
[SPEAKER_00]: He'd say anything.
8:17
[SPEAKER_00]: I flew back home after being out there two weeks and at this point it's probably the first of me and he said I want you to move things.
8:26
[SPEAKER_02]: Is that where you went initially?
8:28
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, okay.
8:29
[SPEAKER_00]: I went to Phoenix.
8:29
[SPEAKER_00]: There's no.
8:30
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, that's all I knew I mean, I don't know about Tucson and Flagstaff.
8:33
[SPEAKER_00]: I know it now.
8:34
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, but at the time I knew Phoenix There's all of them because I've been out there good friend of mine passes a church out there and so I came back to Dallas and I was in person gossip move and man let me taste him bro I booked me a flight.
8:46
[SPEAKER_00]: I flew back out there.
8:48
[SPEAKER_00]: I got on Zillow.
8:48
[SPEAKER_00]: I found me a space by June first I had me a spot.
8:51
[SPEAKER_00]: I was living Arizona
8:53
[SPEAKER_02]: always been that reactive to what God says or like how do you get there because I'm that's still a struggle for me.
8:59
[SPEAKER_00]: That's a good question man.
9:01
[SPEAKER_00]: So that is a good question and here's the answer.
9:06
[SPEAKER_00]: This obedience had caused me so much in my past.
9:09
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't like that you said that.
9:10
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah man, I listen man, it's been times where God has told me to do something and you know that's the hardest part about faith.
9:17
[SPEAKER_00]: is when God speaks to you in a disagrees with your human desire, because sometimes we think our desire is more powerful than God's direction.
9:28
[SPEAKER_00]: And my disobedience has caused me so much in the past, divorce, loss of money, business opportunities, at this point, I was so broken that I was like, I don't even want to
9:47
[SPEAKER_00]: and move out to Phoenix Arizona, simultaneously in a backdrop my daughter's graduating high school, okay?
9:53
[SPEAKER_00]: She's at Houston, HPV, HSPVA.
9:56
[SPEAKER_00]: It's a performing arts school in Houston.
9:59
[SPEAKER_00]: So she's applying to School of Juilli Art, USC, no, School of Juilli Art, you see LA and University of Michigan.
10:06
[SPEAKER_00]: She's very confident that she's got to get into these schools because she's her daddy's daughter, okay?
10:12
[SPEAKER_00]: Unfortunately, she doesn't get into any of the schools, all right.
10:16
[SPEAKER_00]: So she's discouraged.
10:17
[SPEAKER_00]: She's like, man, I'm just going to stay in Houston.
10:19
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to JuCo, long story short, man.
10:21
[SPEAKER_00]: I've moved to Arizona.
10:23
[SPEAKER_00]: I meet somebody that gives me a phone number, fast for the story, my daughter ends up getting accepted in the Arizona State, scholarship to go to Arizona State.
10:33
[SPEAKER_00]: And what I've learned in that moment is being obedient to God wasn't just about me.
10:42
[SPEAKER_00]: My obedience to God created a pathway for my
10:46
[SPEAKER_00]: And so, as challenging as it was to leave the potter's house, to leave all my friends and all my family, not knowing what God said, go to a land that I'll show you.
10:57
[SPEAKER_00]: I thought what the book said.
10:59
[SPEAKER_00]: Abraham said, go to a land I'll show you.
11:01
[SPEAKER_00]: And that was literally a faith move for me.
11:04
[SPEAKER_00]: It was a restoration move for me.
11:06
[SPEAKER_00]: It was a re-invention move for me.
11:09
[SPEAKER_00]: But in the process of my restoration and re-invention, my sea was blessed because of my obedience.
11:17
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't know that actually like this conversation at all now because it's a mirror and I am in between dots connecting right and part of my challenge now is not leaning into my prior success as the pinnacle of who I'll be in this life right.
11:38
[SPEAKER_02]: And the weight and do period, do while weight waiting well, something that I'm learning has been a challenge because I have adult children there.
11:49
[SPEAKER_02]: I have three college age children, right?
11:51
[SPEAKER_02]: They chose different things.
11:53
[SPEAKER_02]: But that weight is still, okay.
11:55
[SPEAKER_02]: How do I resource them to position them well?
11:59
[SPEAKER_02]: Like it are the moves that I'm making actually,
12:03
[SPEAKER_02]: helping or hurting, but is it hindering this success and God, so every so often, probably we're often in our case with me, gives me a little piece of the shows that I'm still in control.
12:16
[SPEAKER_02]: I still got this.
12:17
[SPEAKER_02]: This was never supposed to be you, right?
12:20
[SPEAKER_02]: In your mind, right?
12:22
[SPEAKER_02]: I made it me and my mind, so when the flow stopped, I thought why'd it go turn on the
12:33
[SPEAKER_02]: Um, me getting out of my way, the way of fatherhood and children moving into life in a way that I thought that I would be able to position them different.
12:45
[SPEAKER_02]: And I didn't like that.
12:47
[SPEAKER_02]: That's a every day I'm fighting that.
12:49
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
12:50
[SPEAKER_00]: What was your waiting will like?
12:54
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, I can't say that I always waited well, okay.
12:58
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, there is because there's a human nature, especially the way I'm wired.
13:04
[SPEAKER_00]: Like I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a govier.
13:06
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm, I'm an action taker.
13:08
[SPEAKER_00]: And I had a couple of spiritual temperatures.
13:11
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, I'm like, man, what's going on?
13:14
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, because I remember the promise, I remember what you said, and the manifestation they really manifested right now.
13:20
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, so I'm not understanding this.
13:22
[SPEAKER_00]: And it was tough, man.
13:24
[SPEAKER_00]: I went through some times.
13:25
[SPEAKER_00]: Imagine, man, I'm in a hole in another city and state by myself though.
13:29
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know nobody, so I can't.
13:31
[SPEAKER_00]: I can't say let's go grab a drinker.
13:33
[SPEAKER_00]: Let's go play some ball.
13:34
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, I'm among strangers.
13:37
[SPEAKER_00]: And I don't know what God is doing.
13:40
[SPEAKER_00]: So I can't say I always waited well, but I was forced away.
13:43
[SPEAKER_00]: Every time I tried to make a move, I was like, nah, you've been bolding before you know they put those bumpers up on the phone and lay, God literally put bumpers up in my life and was like, no, you can't do this, you can't do this, you can't do this.
13:54
[SPEAKER_00]: And it was extremely frustrating at times.
13:57
[SPEAKER_00]: So I'm not going, lie to you, you say I waited well, but I waited.
14:03
[SPEAKER_00]: And because I waited,
14:06
[SPEAKER_00]: Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean out on your own, understand it, acknowledge him in all your ways and he will direct your path.
14:11
[SPEAKER_00]: I had to remind myself of that.
14:13
[SPEAKER_00]: Romans 8 and 28, all things work together for the good of those who love God in the call to the court into his purpose.
14:18
[SPEAKER_00]: I had to remind myself of that kicking and screaming, frustrating.
14:22
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't have a romantic interest.
14:25
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm away from my kids, I'm missing my son, you know, my daughters are growing up.
14:31
[SPEAKER_00]: This whole dynamic of my family has changed because now my daughter's herinity is 20 and she gets to choose whether she wants to come be with dad for the summer.
14:43
[SPEAKER_00]: And like, now I'm in Arizona and I'm so used to having all my kids for the summer and now they don't come because they got jobs and whatever, I'm like, God, what is going on?
14:54
[SPEAKER_00]: What is happening?
14:55
[SPEAKER_00]: Like my whole everything shifted.
14:58
[SPEAKER_00]: And so, but I had to wait man.
15:00
[SPEAKER_00]: I had to wait and let God manifest their thing out man.
15:04
[SPEAKER_02]: As you had to sit with you and start asking you some questions as the layers of that on your peel back, what were some of the first things you saw hurt show.
15:16
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, you really want to go that deep man.
15:18
[SPEAKER_02]: You all in my business, not even trying to be.
15:21
[SPEAKER_02]: So we go digging a yours.
15:25
[SPEAKER_00]: One of the first things I realize is that
15:29
[SPEAKER_00]: No amount of money, success, I don't like it.
15:33
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, no amount of money or success or stuff.
15:38
[SPEAKER_00]: Really ever made me feel like I was enough.
15:41
[SPEAKER_00]: And the truth is, the stuff was camouflaging the fact that I really didn't think that I was enough.
15:48
[SPEAKER_00]: And being in Arizona, my reputation didn't open doors for me.
15:57
[SPEAKER_00]: My connections didn't create opportunities for me.
16:00
[SPEAKER_00]: He literally took me away from everything so I had to look at myself here.
16:07
[SPEAKER_00]: And realize that I wasn't, it's gonna be deep, man.
16:10
[SPEAKER_00]: I wasn't operating in as much faith as I thought I was.
16:15
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
16:16
[SPEAKER_00]: And part of the reason that part of my life was so broken is was it was an external manifestation of an internal situation.
16:28
[SPEAKER_00]: I was broken.
16:29
[SPEAKER_00]: And so that's the reason everything outside of my life was breaking.
16:33
[SPEAKER_00]: And there is one of the first things that I started
16:46
[SPEAKER_00]: So, I made butcher it, but Kensugi is, it's a practice, it's like a Japanese practice where the story is a potter was put in the other pot, and he ended up dropping it.
16:58
[SPEAKER_00]: And the assistance came over there was gonna throw it away, but he said, no, I don't want you to throw it away.
17:04
[SPEAKER_00]: It's broken, but I'm gonna put it back together.
17:07
[SPEAKER_00]: But when I put it back together, I'm a glue it back together, and you're gonna see the cracks, but over the cracks, I'm gonna put gold.
17:16
[SPEAKER_00]: And it's the first time I've ever done it and you put it out for display, and it's so just like that.
17:22
[SPEAKER_00]: To the point where people literally start breaking their pots, so he could perform this process on the pottery.
17:29
[SPEAKER_00]: The lesson that you learn from this is that the value is in the cracks.
17:35
[SPEAKER_00]: And two often we try to hide our cracks, and God is trying to highlight them because he feels those cracks to give us a testimony.
17:43
[SPEAKER_00]: And so I feel like I had to be perfect because I'm Corey Hughes and everybody know me, I'm Black Lives Matter.
17:48
[SPEAKER_00]: I got all these tax business, all this stuff.
17:51
[SPEAKER_00]: God was saying, yeah, man, but that's not the use that I'm trying to get to.
17:55
[SPEAKER_00]: That's not the use that I want to use.
17:59
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't want to use the use that society sees.
18:08
[SPEAKER_02]: um isolation.
18:10
[SPEAKER_02]: I've been stuck since you said that because even the whole going to a strength.
18:16
[SPEAKER_02]: So so many days coming to Revelation in these conversations, it's embarrassing.
18:21
[SPEAKER_00]: But I took my family half way across the world and we were isolated.
18:26
[SPEAKER_02]: which was the perfect time to learn to appreciate your family.
18:29
[SPEAKER_02]: Because your eyes later is just y'all to have to be all.
18:33
[SPEAKER_02]: Our neighbors were from Egypt and you kept like it's, that was our environment and I loved it for them.
18:39
[SPEAKER_02]: And I took my eye off the ball, off the goal off the mark whatever it is, and use that opportunity for me to get ahead.
18:49
[SPEAKER_02]: Right.
18:50
[SPEAKER_02]: Me getting ahead.
18:52
[SPEAKER_02]: create gaps with my family that I'm only now over the last few years have been addressing sense that life was removed from me.
19:02
[SPEAKER_02]: But I call my corporate run a vice like I've come to that conclusion before it could be what at least I wasn't ABCD at least I wasn't I wasn't this bad in this other space of life.
19:16
[SPEAKER_02]: Talk about the danger of
19:20
[SPEAKER_00]: of vices in isolation, amen, let me tell you something, um, I'm grateful that God took my vices away from me in isolation because had he not taken it away, um, I can't think of a name, Carolyn Show will, I think that's her name.
19:43
[SPEAKER_00]: She preached a message right before one of the darkest times of my life, and the message was called, don't waste the crisis.
19:56
[SPEAKER_00]: It's hazem my life because what I am.
19:59
[SPEAKER_00]: Wait a minute.
20:00
[SPEAKER_00]: Don't waste the crisis.
20:03
[SPEAKER_00]: Because the crisis normally comes to shake things up.
20:07
[SPEAKER_00]: to rearrange things.
20:09
[SPEAKER_00]: It feels like it's coming to destroy things, but it's really coming to give birth to things, to unearth some things.
20:16
[SPEAKER_00]: And so in this moment of crisis, I can't waste the crisis by allowing my vice to be a crutch.
20:23
[SPEAKER_00]: You're in a similar way, clearly.
20:26
[SPEAKER_00]: So I can't allow that to happen.
20:28
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm not gonna say I didn't try it.
20:29
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, yeah.
20:30
[SPEAKER_00]: Now go say I didn't try it.
20:32
[SPEAKER_00]: But I think in that season, it was different for me because I got that message.
20:37
[SPEAKER_00]: Don't waste the crisis.
20:39
[SPEAKER_00]: Every time there's a tornado, every time there's, just stick with a tornado.
20:45
[SPEAKER_00]: It tears a lot of stuff up, but it also unearthed some things.
20:49
[SPEAKER_00]: And so it destroys things on the surface, but it creates an opportunity for other things to be born in you, to be birthed in you.
20:55
[SPEAKER_00]: And so for me, man, it was like,
20:58
[SPEAKER_00]: I've had enough crisis as in my life that I wasted.
21:01
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm not going to waste this one.
21:03
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm not going to let the vices that I used to utilize as a crutch, because it's kind of like, um, I just had a couple of knee surgeries.
21:11
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
21:12
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
21:12
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
21:13
[SPEAKER_00]: I think we talked about this before that.
21:16
[SPEAKER_00]: They gave me a vikin in, and vikin in takes away the pain, but it doesn't heal the knee to it.
21:23
[SPEAKER_00]: So, it sulls the pain, vice, but it doesn't correct anything.
21:29
[SPEAKER_00]: And...
21:30
[SPEAKER_00]: anybody to take a viking and you know if you take it too much, it gives you, it gives you comfort in one area, but too much viking and constipate you in another.
21:39
[SPEAKER_00]: You do what I'm saying is, and so that's what I had done that before, so in this season I was like, you know what, I'm just going to suffer through, because it felt like suffering.
21:49
[SPEAKER_00]: Let me keep you to be, and it felt like suffering.
21:51
[SPEAKER_00]: And many times I was like, God, I mean, what are you doing?
21:55
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
21:57
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, I'm established in Dallas, man.
21:59
[SPEAKER_00]: I got businesses in Dallas and my family's they're like, what's an Arizona?
22:04
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm, can I keep it a being?
22:06
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm lonely.
22:08
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm lonely, though, like, I am lonely out here.
22:15
[SPEAKER_00]: But then God reminded me of something.
22:19
[SPEAKER_00]: It's something I really need to, I really need to pack, but it's called the Ice Trade Theory.
22:23
[SPEAKER_02]: Okay.
22:24
[SPEAKER_00]: You remember when we used a kid, like we got fancy technology now.
22:28
[SPEAKER_00]: But when I was a kid, if I wanted ice, I had to go get a nice straight.
22:31
[SPEAKER_02]: I straighted my freezer right now, right?
22:33
[SPEAKER_00]: And what do you do?
22:34
[SPEAKER_00]: What's the process with the ice tray?
22:35
[SPEAKER_00]: You get the ice tray, you feel it will water.
22:38
[SPEAKER_00]: What's the second step?
22:40
[SPEAKER_00]: You put it in the freezer, you isolate it, but doing the isolation, it becomes solidified.
22:47
[SPEAKER_00]: Come talk to me.
22:48
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm here.
22:49
[SPEAKER_00]: So it becomes solidified in isolation.
22:53
[SPEAKER_00]: Then you take it out of the freezer and this is the part that people hate.
22:57
[SPEAKER_00]: In order to get the ice out of the container, it's got to be some break-in.
23:02
[SPEAKER_00]: So God had to break up some ideologies, God had to break up some mindsets, God had to break some relationships, God had to break some connections.
23:10
[SPEAKER_00]: And then once it's broken, he takes you out of the tray,
23:16
[SPEAKER_00]: and you go back, this is the fascinating part.
23:18
[SPEAKER_00]: You go into a liquid.
23:20
[SPEAKER_00]: That's it.
23:21
[SPEAKER_00]: So he puts you back in what he took you out of to change the atmosphere of what he took you out of.
23:28
[SPEAKER_00]: And so in each, what I started to understand is that there's gonna be a season in my life.
23:34
[SPEAKER_00]: Because if I really believe that God said that before I formed you, I knew you, to bring you to expect it in, then it's going to be a season that God's going to pour me out.
23:42
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, it's going to be a season that God's going to isolate me, I'm going to be solidified, it's going to be a season I'm going to be broken, but then there's going to be a season where I can be used and he could put me back in an atmosphere and instead of the atmosphere changing me now, I change it.
23:58
[SPEAKER_02]: That isolation process also changes the nature of the thing, the form of it.
24:04
[SPEAKER_02]: And I feel that in my life right now, it's like my friend, I said it a few times is though it helped me store this thing where whatever it is, and every phase of it, let me, store it where let me not get off track.
24:18
[SPEAKER_02]: Let me not fall back into thinking that I have.
24:22
[SPEAKER_02]: The final say let alone any say of what this is to be.
24:28
[SPEAKER_02]: And that's hard.
24:28
[SPEAKER_02]: It, right now we're climb.
24:31
[SPEAKER_02]: As I sit here, I am struggling with them because I know what it is.
24:36
[SPEAKER_02]: I know the glimpse of what it is to be based on what I've seen.
24:42
[SPEAKER_02]: What I've been shown.
24:45
[SPEAKER_02]: And the timeline is not mine.
24:47
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, man.
24:49
[SPEAKER_02]: And I haven't done well with that.
24:51
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I've really haven't done well with that.
24:53
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, you know the root, I can't speak for you.
25:01
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't want to blame everything on childhood trauma, but I just didn't trust people.
25:09
[SPEAKER_00]: And my lack of trust for people, unfortunately, showed up in my relationship with God.
25:15
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
25:16
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
25:17
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
25:18
[SPEAKER_00]: Because to trust someone, means that I give up the right to be in control and still believe that the best outcome is going to happen.
25:28
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
25:30
[SPEAKER_00]: I trust me.
25:31
[SPEAKER_02]: I know me.
25:32
[SPEAKER_00]: I know me.
25:33
[SPEAKER_00]: I know I'm a get it done.
25:34
[SPEAKER_02]: 46 years.
25:35
[SPEAKER_00]: You did what I'm saying is listen, I'm going to get it done and I'm not going to quit and I'm going to have integrity with it and I'm going to be comfortable with whatever I land.
25:44
[SPEAKER_00]: But you mean it tell me that you gave me this nature to make it happen and now you won't meet over the lake with control and just give it to you.
25:56
[SPEAKER_00]: That's tough.
25:57
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't I don't even know how to do that.
26:00
[SPEAKER_02]: It is my Spin on the similar challenges.
26:05
[SPEAKER_02]: I know now I have to trust other people.
26:09
[SPEAKER_02]: I have to.
26:13
[SPEAKER_02]: I know for where I am the delay in some regard because
26:23
[SPEAKER_02]: my perceived risk of trusting other people.
26:25
[SPEAKER_02]: And it's something that, again, this is foolish of me to still be here having gone through that incorporate and I only became successful in corporate.
26:33
[SPEAKER_02]: When I allow other people to do, get results, we evaluate, we adjust, we move full.
26:41
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
26:42
[SPEAKER_02]: It's like I'm trying to avoid all of that, that du-lu in my mind with this thing
26:52
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't, and I, I know, and I'm meeting these people.
26:56
[SPEAKER_02]: And every time I meet somebody that's, that's a doc, connecting me a conversation just laughing like I, okay.
27:05
[SPEAKER_00]: I get, can I, can I, can I tell you something about you?
27:09
[SPEAKER_00]: One of the greatest mistakes I made in my business.
27:12
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm gonna look at the camera and say to my brother, Chuck or Coacha, this is a good friend of mine.
27:18
[SPEAKER_00]: Uh, graduated from Harvard University.
27:20
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
27:21
[SPEAKER_00]: Um, he came to me a couple of years back and I'm sick a couple of years.
27:25
[SPEAKER_00]: I'll say now probably about 10 years ago and uh, my business was growing, but I don't trust nobody.
27:34
[SPEAKER_00]: And um, he said, man, I could be CEO and he put together the presentation for me a salary package that I could have afford it and then he said he wanted to
27:47
[SPEAKER_00]: And I was like, in my immature mind, hey, oh, no, I'm not doing that.
27:51
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, no, this ain't my cup.
27:53
[SPEAKER_00]: You trying to take my company, but what he wasn't, what I wasn't realizing, is he wasn't trying to take my company.
28:00
[SPEAKER_00]: He was trying to take some of the responsibility of me so that I could continue to grow.
28:04
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
28:05
[SPEAKER_00]: Because I was trying to hoard and hold on to everything.
28:07
[SPEAKER_00]: This is mine, but it ain't really mine.
28:10
[SPEAKER_00]: Is it in a grand scheme with things?
28:14
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm not talking about my company now, I've shifted to you, not because it's not really yours, is it?
28:19
[SPEAKER_00]: Because it's really bigger than you.
28:21
[SPEAKER_00]: And the mistake that I made is I didn't hire him.
28:25
[SPEAKER_00]: And I opened up four more offices the next year and became overwhelmed because I didn't have another me.
28:32
[SPEAKER_00]: And then a couple years later, I started a truck in company.
28:35
[SPEAKER_00]: And it wasn't until I started my truck in company that hit me.
28:39
[SPEAKER_00]: He was trying to prepare me for this then to have somebody in place that can give me a structure for my business so that one, if I wanted to, I could sail the business down the road or he could be doing that and I can go be building another company and find another him and then maybe and I missed that opportunity.
29:00
[SPEAKER_00]: And so if you are in the infancy stages or the adolescent stages, toddler stage of your business
29:09
[SPEAKER_00]: don't resist the help because of fear, because I did that, and it cost me.
29:20
[SPEAKER_02]: What is business done to you and for you that has helped you through getting back to you?
29:26
[SPEAKER_02]: And I asked them because sometimes there's a, a tendency to
29:32
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm gonna put everything into my business.
29:33
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm gonna dump this gonna be my life now.
29:37
[SPEAKER_02]: But I'll get the sense of that's who you are right now.
29:40
[SPEAKER_02]: No, I'm a man.
29:40
[SPEAKER_00]: Help somebody else.
29:42
[SPEAKER_00]: Man, I missed a lot of stuff.
29:46
[SPEAKER_00]: I missed a lot of stuff, man, getting to the money.
29:48
[SPEAKER_00]: Getting to the money.
29:49
[SPEAKER_00]: Now I got to the bag, you know what I'm saying, people up.
29:53
[SPEAKER_00]: But I missed this with my daughter, or I couldn't make this,
30:00
[SPEAKER_00]: At the core who I am, I'm a family man.
30:03
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
30:03
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, I think it was rare, as you said, don't be perfect with me present.
30:09
[SPEAKER_02]: Be present, I prefer.
30:10
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
30:11
[SPEAKER_00]: I wouldn't present.
30:13
[SPEAKER_00]: The gifts was perfect.
30:14
[SPEAKER_00]: The trips was perfect.
30:16
[SPEAKER_00]: The shoes was perfect.
30:17
[SPEAKER_00]: The cars was perfect.
30:19
[SPEAKER_00]: But my presence was missing.
30:20
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
30:21
[SPEAKER_00]: And so I made a shift, man.
30:22
[SPEAKER_00]: When I listened, when I moved to Arizona, I didn't take a lot of that business with me.
30:28
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm doing well, I'm doing extremely well, but you know what I do have.
30:33
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm gonna tell you, I don't make as much money as I used to.
30:35
[SPEAKER_00]: Now, I'm straight, but I got more peace.
30:38
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
30:39
[SPEAKER_00]: I got more time, my blood pressure and going down.
30:43
[SPEAKER_00]: I sleep better at night because I was so engulfed with trying to get to this money that I wouldn't live in life.
30:51
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
30:51
[SPEAKER_00]: I wouldn't enjoy just a simple things.
30:54
[SPEAKER_00]: To be able to sit on the couch and watch the movie.
30:56
[SPEAKER_00]: Without the stress of my phone ringing, I got to get your support, I got to get this and it's like, if I'm going to make all of this money, but I'm losing a quality of life that I've always desired.
31:08
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
31:09
[SPEAKER_00]: Then is it, nah, I'm cool.
31:12
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't need, I don't have to have 40 tax offices.
31:16
[SPEAKER_00]: I can have three, I don't need seven trucks, I can have one.
31:20
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, or I can develop another skill set that allows me to move and do business the way I want to do business without all the additional stress or responsibility.
31:29
[SPEAKER_00]: And so that's just the decision that I made for me.
31:32
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
31:32
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm enjoying it, man.
31:34
[SPEAKER_00]: More time, more freedom, less stress, less responsibility, you know, I'm still getting to the money.
31:39
[SPEAKER_00]: You know what I'm saying?
31:40
[SPEAKER_00]: But it ain't no.
31:40
[SPEAKER_00]: It'd be clear.
31:41
[SPEAKER_00]: It'd be clear.
31:43
[SPEAKER_00]: Just to be clear.
31:44
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
31:45
[SPEAKER_00]: Still getting to it.
31:52
[SPEAKER_00]: The motivation is different now, because my initial motivation was y'all, it's crazy.
32:01
[SPEAKER_00]: My initial motivation at good money was to tell my father I was enough.
32:06
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
32:08
[SPEAKER_02]: Call, if you haven't seen an episode before, it'll give a lot more context.
32:13
[SPEAKER_00]: They'll understand.
32:14
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
32:15
[SPEAKER_00]: Which is why I never wanted my son to ever feel like he wasn't enough.
32:19
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
32:21
[SPEAKER_00]: because when you don't have the foundation of being enough, you find yourself doing other things, trying to prove some consciously that you're enough.
32:34
[SPEAKER_00]: And once I got to Arizona and started to realize that I'm enough without the stuff, then the stuff wasn't as impressive to me anymore.
32:42
[SPEAKER_02]: Let's stay there, man, because I, in the unraveling,
32:49
[SPEAKER_00]: Did you find that you didn't really like you?
32:53
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
32:54
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, and I found out, man, that I was purchasing a lot of relationships.
33:05
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm a chill.
33:08
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm a chill, cause there's a, there's a tangent for that.
33:11
[SPEAKER_00]: I was subconsciously purchasing relationships.
33:13
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
33:14
[SPEAKER_00]: I was purchasing connections because I didn't feel like me and the essence of who I was was good enough to maintain relationships.
33:23
[SPEAKER_00]: So I overextended myself.
33:25
[SPEAKER_00]: I overgave.
33:27
[SPEAKER_00]: I overdressed.
33:31
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't need all this Louis Vuitton.
33:34
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't need all of this stuff, man.
33:35
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, I like nice stuff with this, this is what I'm necessary.
33:38
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
33:40
[SPEAKER_00]: I didn't have to drive this truck.
33:42
[SPEAKER_00]: I could just, you mean to tell me, I could have saved money, bought me a cash card, it all in that shift didn't mean, because I realized that I was trying to impress people.
33:56
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
33:57
[SPEAKER_00]: versus being impressed by my very, the presence of who I am, the essence of who I am, and that was the journey to self-discovery.
34:04
[SPEAKER_00]: And so now, I don't need name brands, it's gonna sound cliche, it's, but I don't need name brands on my chest.
34:10
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm a brand all by myself.
34:12
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
34:12
[SPEAKER_00]: You do what I'm saying?
34:13
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, and I wanna be clear to the audience that
34:19
[SPEAKER_02]: There's a, there are different variants of what you just said.
34:22
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes, right.
34:23
[SPEAKER_02]: So your thing was, how you presented.
34:26
[SPEAKER_02]: And I think all of it has to do with how you present.
34:28
[SPEAKER_02]: My thing was, I need to leave with my title, right?
34:32
[SPEAKER_02]: Because I've seen where the title drop generates some kind of a respect love, right?
34:38
[SPEAKER_02]: And in my mind, I would tell myself that it's not really about that, but it's also kind of no,
34:45
[SPEAKER_02]: Don't worship me, but no who I ain't.
34:47
[SPEAKER_02]: You know what I'm saying?
34:48
[SPEAKER_02]: And that became an idol in many ways in my life.
34:52
[SPEAKER_02]: So again, once it was removed and identity strip.
34:57
[SPEAKER_02]: And it sounds like that was part of your undone process is realizing who you actually not.
35:01
[SPEAKER_02]: Well, two different ways look at it.
35:03
[SPEAKER_02]: Realizing who you are and coming to grips and being at odds with that and changing that or realizing that you're not with your presenting the B and coming to grips with that.
35:14
[SPEAKER_00]: in change in that.
35:15
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, I get asked questions all the time.
35:16
[SPEAKER_00]: I shout out to Instagram because some things I'm doing on Instagram right now that's doing well.
35:23
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm accusing you of your response is being a bite.
35:27
[SPEAKER_02]: Okay, well most of the time it is about maybe maybe this doesn't stand up so but I look that I start to respond What's that so not he ain't about our text?
35:33
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
35:45
[SPEAKER_00]: But I started becoming more efficient with it, right?
35:47
[SPEAKER_00]: It's so literally in the last 30 days, I've gained 26,000 followers.
35:51
[SPEAKER_00]: Seeing that.
35:53
[SPEAKER_00]: And it's been, it's been cool, man.
35:55
[SPEAKER_00]: It's been, it's been, I'm seeing that.
35:56
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm loving it.
35:57
[SPEAKER_00]: You may be lose, but I was the bot, because the bot people are always talking about bot.
36:02
[SPEAKER_02]: You were some of our present.
36:03
[SPEAKER_02]: Then who, not who that dude is.
36:04
[SPEAKER_00]: You are.
36:05
[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you.
36:07
[SPEAKER_00]: Prior to my divorce, I think I had 70,000 followers on Instagram.
36:14
[SPEAKER_00]: And I remember, I always do these inspirational videos, but I would literally have to pick myself out of beer from crying to present, to present, where you almost, who I was so conditioned to presenting and encouraging, but I had nothing for me.
36:43
[SPEAKER_00]: But I would get up and I would perform.
36:45
[SPEAKER_00]: Everybody else.
36:46
[SPEAKER_00]: And I remember, Torrey Roberts preached a message, man.
36:53
[SPEAKER_00]: And he says something, he says something to the point of, God can't use the you that you're presenting.
37:03
[SPEAKER_00]: He can only use the you that he created.
37:06
[SPEAKER_00]: And I don't know why that very simple message shipped to something the way I thought.
37:12
[SPEAKER_00]: People thought I was crazy, but I deleted my page.
37:14
[SPEAKER_00]: Not intentionally.
37:15
[SPEAKER_00]: I just really put it on, let me be honest.
37:18
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm not gonna go like this.
37:19
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't want to think I'm so deep and spiritual, but it was really an accident because I deactivated it.
37:26
[SPEAKER_00]: But you only got a certain amount of time before you can reactivate it.
37:30
[SPEAKER_02]: Did I know that?
37:31
[SPEAKER_00]: And I missed that time frame.
37:34
[SPEAKER_00]: And I lost 70,000 followers just like that.
37:37
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, not just like, just count it.
37:40
[SPEAKER_02]: from something you thought about it, it seemed like that, but it was, it was the time, it was gone.
37:46
[SPEAKER_00]: And so I had to start on the way over.
37:49
[SPEAKER_00]: And I was okay with that, because it allows me now to just be authentically me.
37:54
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
37:54
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't have to present anymore.
37:56
[SPEAKER_00]: This is just me.
37:57
[SPEAKER_00]: When I'm hurt, I talk about it.
37:59
[SPEAKER_00]: When I'm discouraged, I talk about it.
38:01
[SPEAKER_00]: When I'm angry, I talk about it.
38:02
[SPEAKER_00]: When I like to have fun, I talk about it.
38:04
[SPEAKER_00]: You troll me, you troll me.
38:05
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm going troll, right?
38:07
[SPEAKER_00]: And here's the beauty in this, pro listen, man, it's the beauty in it.
38:11
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm no longer performing for an applause.
38:14
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, yeah.
38:14
[SPEAKER_00]: This just me.
38:16
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
38:17
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm gonna laugh, this is me, I'm a little toxic, this is me, this is me, this is me, this is me, this is me, this is me, this is me, this is me, this is me, this is me, this is me, this is me, this is me, this is me, this is me, this is me, this is me, this is me, this is me, this is me, this is me, this is me, this is me, this is me, this is me, this is me, this is me, this is me, this is me, this is me, this is me, this is me, this is me, this is me, this is me, this is me, this is me, this is me, this is me, this is me, this is me, this is me, this is me, this is me, this is me, this is me, this is me, this is me, this is me, this is me, this is me, this is me,
38:35
[SPEAKER_00]: You do what I'm saying and so I'm not presenting anymore, this is me, you know what I'm saying?
38:41
[SPEAKER_00]: And so I think that's what I discovered in that process of isolation.
38:45
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, that's what I'm getting back to that isolating part period of and not allowing the vices to get me and just realize and that core you never thought you was enough, but you are enough.
38:56
[SPEAKER_00]: You know and watch this and the moment you start showing people who you really are, more people actually accept you than what you thought they were.
39:04
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's the growth that you're seeing right now.
39:05
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I love them now.
39:06
[SPEAKER_02]: I love the salute to that man.
39:07
[SPEAKER_02]: What's the, uh, what do you like most about you disversion?
39:15
[SPEAKER_00]: Uh, I think you know I got this saying that I say all the time.
39:20
[SPEAKER_00]: May God made me a kind hearted person, man.
39:23
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm a kind hearted guy.
39:24
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm a good.
39:24
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm not always a nice guy.
39:27
[SPEAKER_02]: Okay, I think the obligation is to be kind, that nice.
39:29
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I am not.
39:30
[SPEAKER_00]: Let me tell you, I was gonna excuse them, have you back.
39:32
[SPEAKER_00]: I ain't no nice guy, I'm not, but I'm a kindhearted person.
39:36
[SPEAKER_00]: And I used to be ashamed of having this type of heart.
39:41
[SPEAKER_01]: Mm.
39:42
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, because if you're not careful, this type of heart can be manipulated.
39:48
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
39:48
[SPEAKER_00]: It can be played, it can be betrayed.
39:51
[SPEAKER_00]: And so, I feel more comfortable acting heart,
39:56
[SPEAKER_00]: but I was really playing the role.
39:58
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, now I ain't done salt for sweet about me, but I've embraced the fact that I just got a heart for people, man, and I love people, and it's just me.
40:06
[SPEAKER_00]: You don't say it, I just enjoy people, I love God, I love my family, and I'm okay with that now.
40:13
[SPEAKER_02]: What's been the response from your family?
40:16
[SPEAKER_02]: This version of you, like how did you know they knew you changed?
40:25
[SPEAKER_00]: Just by their response, you know, I could see it.
40:28
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, even my mom, she was like, she looked at me sometime.
40:31
[SPEAKER_00]: You're like, there you go, I've been waiting for you to show up and I'll never forget that conversation, man.
40:40
[SPEAKER_00]: And I had, I felt back tears when she said that.
40:42
[SPEAKER_00]: She was like, yeah, this was good for you.
40:45
[SPEAKER_00]: Because you were getting consumed with the pressure of being a public figure.
40:51
[SPEAKER_00]: you were being consumed of the pressure of your title and your role and you were losing you and you found you again, you found you and I think it allows me to love more, it allows me to accept them for who they are.
41:05
[SPEAKER_00]: You don't have to be anybody you don't want to be, be you and I'm a love you anyway and I don't even have to agree with you, but you family and I love you, that's just my perspective now.
41:21
[SPEAKER_01]: The most honest answer I can give you, is I don't know, I don't know, but here I am, God.
41:33
[SPEAKER_00]: Send me whatever, I don't know, I don't know, but what I do know is I'm filing a position where I'm like whatever you want to do, God, I'm with it.
41:51
[SPEAKER_00]: emotionally and spiritually exhausting to kick against the prick and for those that don't know it's a survival reference of the transition from Saul to Paul.
42:07
[SPEAKER_00]: It was exhausting for me to keep get my hip thrown out of place because I wanted to wrestle with the angel that was literally trying to change my nature.
42:18
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't want to wrestle no more, bro.
42:19
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm getting older.
42:20
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't want to fight no more.
42:23
[SPEAKER_00]: Because I keep losing.
42:24
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
42:27
[SPEAKER_00]: One, publicly it looked like I was winning.
42:32
[SPEAKER_00]: But it turned out I was losing.
42:35
[SPEAKER_00]: And I never been no fraud.
42:38
[SPEAKER_00]: I ain't never going to to present one thing, but be living something completely different.
42:42
[SPEAKER_00]: And I just finally got to the space in my life when I'm like, man, I got, I'm, I'm tired of fight, bro.
42:46
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
42:47
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm tired of, I'm tired of putting on makeup to cover up the bruises because I've been battling against your wheel because this is what I want, whether be relationships or relationships or or relationships, you know, because this is what I want.
43:09
[SPEAKER_00]: You go have a time with it too, Krasha.
43:12
[SPEAKER_00]: Kras, out like Kras, dummy, running straight into the wall.
43:15
[SPEAKER_00]: And so I just got tired of doing that, man.
43:17
[SPEAKER_00]: So now I'm just like I'm chilling.
43:19
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
43:19
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know.
43:22
[SPEAKER_01]: How does my sound like a weird question, but how does this become worth it to him?
43:33
[SPEAKER_01]: God, for those I don't understand that reference.
43:39
[SPEAKER_02]: All of Woody's done for you, to you, through you.
43:43
[SPEAKER_02]: But Comfort did to him, and I don't know if you understand, exactly what I'm asking.
43:46
[SPEAKER_02]: But like sometimes, I feel the pressure of.
43:51
[SPEAKER_02]: It's not even a performance, but like it's like to come through all of this.
43:57
[SPEAKER_01]: What does his glory look like?
43:59
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, number one, that's the great question.
44:05
[SPEAKER_00]: What does it look like to him?
44:07
[SPEAKER_02]: and not to you, my struggle for sure.
44:10
[SPEAKER_02]: Um, my struggle for sure.
44:13
[SPEAKER_02]: This earthly lens is, I understand it, but John the Baptist one responsibility.
44:20
[SPEAKER_00]: Just one, was the baptized Jesus.
44:24
[SPEAKER_00]: Even though he said in the wilderness and said, I make way for one that's greater than me.
44:29
[SPEAKER_00]: He was the better.
44:32
[SPEAKER_00]: That was his responsibility.
44:36
[SPEAKER_00]: was to baptize Jesus.
44:38
[SPEAKER_00]: You can go out throughout the scripture dead.
44:41
[SPEAKER_00]: If I just yield my life to God and impact one person, that may impact millions of people, God still gets the glory out of it.
44:51
[SPEAKER_00]: And it don't have to look like I thought it was go look like, because nine times out of ten, it never looks like the way you think is going to look like.
44:59
[SPEAKER_00]: That's true.
45:00
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, and God can yet still be pleased because you finally said yes.
45:08
[SPEAKER_00]: You finally said yes, you finally said yes, and although others may not understand it, the crooked on the cross said.
45:20
[SPEAKER_00]: And Jesus said, you'll be a paradise with me.
45:23
[SPEAKER_01]: Remember me.
45:25
[SPEAKER_00]: You want to say what I'm saying?
45:26
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, yes.
45:28
[SPEAKER_01]: And yes, yes,
45:37
[SPEAKER_01]: is a version, a sheneam saver is on downplayed.
45:42
[SPEAKER_01]: That's what this podcast is for me.
45:44
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, God really put it on my heart in September of 2020.
45:51
[SPEAKER_02]: Well, before this, September 2020, I put the trailer off.
45:55
[SPEAKER_02]: September, 2021, I put up the first episode, so I ran from it for a year, and it was on me, on me, no significant while stories that tell about what I felt or what happened
46:20
[SPEAKER_02]: I didn't do it for a result of like a certain it was no you this thing's running to your family yeah I even struggle presented to my dad I sent him to intro And I was like I don't know if he will get it and not that we have any problems with that he was a strange any like I was just like man this is.
46:41
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm jumping out there.
46:42
[SPEAKER_02]: He was like, son, you put in words or something that this family has needed for.
46:45
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't know how long I know I couldn't have done what you did, but you need to do it.
46:50
[SPEAKER_02]: And he champion's it.
46:52
[SPEAKER_02]: And I kind of joke all the time about how I'm working my way off camera because the change that I need even framing it that way is wrong.
47:05
[SPEAKER_02]: The behaviors that I need adjusted in my house
47:11
[SPEAKER_02]: But I was short-changing the change in me, but every conversation revealed something to me about me that I'm okay.
47:22
[SPEAKER_02]: It's still a little bit further to go.
47:25
[SPEAKER_02]: So while it's still not for applause or for public recognition,
47:33
[SPEAKER_02]: y'all can recognize the call too.
47:35
[SPEAKER_02]: Shut up, shut up, shut up.
47:36
[SPEAKER_02]: Like she's scrubbing all that.
47:38
[SPEAKER_02]: It's not for that.
47:39
[SPEAKER_02]: And I think as long as it's not for that, it's gonna do where he needs it to do.
47:45
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
47:45
[SPEAKER_02]: And I do my best not to get caught up in whatever anybody's saying about it.
47:51
[SPEAKER_02]: What this thing's gonna do with this thing is not doing where it should be, where it isn't just enjoying sometimes I have to be a little bit more
48:04
[SPEAKER_02]: But I know, I'm where I'm supposed to be.
48:07
[SPEAKER_02]: So I get what you're saying.
48:08
[SPEAKER_02]: Even though I don't know the outcome, like this thing can go to a million of more.
48:15
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm, it's for the revenue god, I'm super okay with it.
48:18
[SPEAKER_02]: We're so super, super okay with that.
48:21
[SPEAKER_02]: But for what it's done, I believe a job well done is is weighed.
48:27
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, no doubt.
48:28
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm cool with it.
48:28
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, cool with it.
48:29
[SPEAKER_00]: It's in fact for me.
48:31
[SPEAKER_00]: And the one thing that I've learned in this season for myself is
48:38
[SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes you impact people the most when you're not even trying to impact people.
48:42
[SPEAKER_00]: Store in my life, sure.
48:45
[SPEAKER_00]: When you just let go, this is just where I'm at.
48:49
[SPEAKER_00]: This is, I got a video man that I posted on Instagram.
48:53
[SPEAKER_00]: I think it's got 500,000 views up to this point, probably 50,000 shares.
48:59
[SPEAKER_00]: And it was just me saying I'm tired.
49:01
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, it's a man and I, and, and,
49:04
[SPEAKER_00]: And I don't necessarily have a space to tell people that without being judged, because as a man, all you expect for me to do is perform and to show up and to make it happen.
49:16
[SPEAKER_00]: And sometimes making it happen is what's killing me.
49:18
[SPEAKER_00]: I just, I'm tired and that wasn't scripted in what in the studio it was me sitting in my backyard.
49:27
[SPEAKER_00]: I turned the camera on and I said, man, I am tired.
49:31
[SPEAKER_00]: And so many people resonated with that.
49:33
[SPEAKER_00]: And I didn't do that for applause.
49:35
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, I was scary that was to turn on a camera as a man that boasts about Bravado and Alpha, you know, shout out to the Omega's in the bin.
49:45
[SPEAKER_00]: I, um,
49:47
[SPEAKER_02]: But to say, my neighbor's gone, I don't know why I get any time.
49:50
[SPEAKER_02]: So there's something I got a cute one.
49:51
[SPEAKER_02]: He's never, I don't know if you all got some kind of cool.
49:54
[SPEAKER_02]: We all can't be in the same.
49:55
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, that's crazy.
49:56
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, different lines.
49:57
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm like, yeah, I don't know.
49:58
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, no.
49:58
[SPEAKER_00]: No, no, maybe we set up to a good brother, isn't it?
50:03
[SPEAKER_00]: But to still go on cameras, say, man, my heart is bleeding.
50:06
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
50:07
[SPEAKER_00]: Because most, most of me, and then coming on cameras, say I'm my heart is bleeding.
50:13
[SPEAKER_00]: And I did that.
50:16
[SPEAKER_00]: not really caring what anybody was saying.
50:18
[SPEAKER_00]: But it was that authentic me.
50:22
[SPEAKER_00]: That helped change so many people's lives.
50:25
[SPEAKER_00]: And that was the beginning.
50:26
[SPEAKER_00]: That was really the beginning of growth for my social media platform.
50:30
[SPEAKER_00]: Was me turning on the camera saying, I'm a man, and I'm hurting, and I'm tired.
50:38
[SPEAKER_01]: There it is, Josh.
50:42
[SPEAKER_01]: Though you don't know,
50:48
[SPEAKER_01]: the one who created us all, if you had some input, what the success looked like for you, over the next three to five years.
51:01
[SPEAKER_00]: Man, let me tell you something.
51:02
[SPEAKER_00]: I think I am experienced in some of that success now, but, um, I looked at my algorithm
51:18
[SPEAKER_00]: 72% which means that obviously men are resonating with my message.
51:24
[SPEAKER_00]: So I'm also doing a series right now called what he's not telling you.
51:28
[SPEAKER_00]: And so those are going crazy and so it's really me just sitting talking to the camera and I'm speaking to women and I'm saying this is what he's not telling you.
51:38
[SPEAKER_00]: And my heart has always been to build men, to encourage men because
51:46
[SPEAKER_00]: I've always wanted to be for people what I wish somebody would have been for me, so and so I'm starting to feel that success already.
51:53
[SPEAKER_00]: Um, launching a podcast, creating a platform for me and to come in and put this super man cape down and be Clark Kent and still have respect when they walk out the room, what that looks like, I don't know, I feel like I'm gonna write some books, um, and I feel like I'd be traveling on the world and speaking a message, I've been encouraging me to be kings.
52:12
[SPEAKER_00]: But also, to have emotions, but don't let your emotions have you.
52:16
[SPEAKER_00]: It's okay to have feelings, it's okay to say, I'm not okay.
52:21
[SPEAKER_00]: You know how many messages I get from men, if you look at that post, I probably got 5,000 men that have said, I'm not okay.
52:30
[SPEAKER_00]: But who are you telling that in your real life?
52:33
[SPEAKER_00]: Who can you trust with that vulnerability?
52:35
[SPEAKER_00]: And, um,
52:37
[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe we build a community for men to be able to sit down and have a conversation outside of the barbershop of saying, yo, I'm not okay.
52:48
[SPEAKER_00]: But let's figure out a way to become better because that's what I had to do because when I left Dallas, I was depressed.
52:54
[SPEAKER_00]: I was overweight.
52:55
[SPEAKER_00]: I was just all kind of stuff, man.
52:56
[SPEAKER_00]: It was going on my life, man.
52:58
[SPEAKER_00]: And but I fall through that by myself.
53:02
[SPEAKER_00]: I went through the times where I wouldn't sure.
53:05
[SPEAKER_00]: You have a son, I'm saying.
53:09
[SPEAKER_00]: And then I thought to myself, if he's going through that, I know what I would have needed, what I would have wanted.
53:17
[SPEAKER_00]: And so now I'm trying to be that for them.
53:20
[SPEAKER_00]: And so that's what success looks like for me.
53:22
[SPEAKER_00]: Monetary, all this stuff, I don't know, but just I've always been impressed with the impact.
53:32
[SPEAKER_00]: In fact, how can you impact somebody's life to help them to understand that today may be horrible, but God can switch things tomorrow with the Blake, but I, you know, I'm saying it.
53:44
[SPEAKER_02]: So yeah, hopefully that makes sense, man, perfect sense, man, just want accountability checking the way out.
53:49
[SPEAKER_02]: You, you were on here a year ago, maybe a little bit, maybe a little bit early in
54:01
[SPEAKER_01]: here we go.
54:03
[SPEAKER_00]: Here we go.
54:05
[SPEAKER_02]: Let's see this what I'm talking about, man.
54:07
[SPEAKER_00]: This is anything to be had about me saying I ran for you.
54:11
[SPEAKER_02]: Just think on these things.
54:14
[SPEAKER_00]: So I do got to set up.
54:16
[SPEAKER_00]: So let me just tear you all went and tell them because I am.
54:19
[SPEAKER_00]: Let me just tear you all when I left his podcast.
54:22
[SPEAKER_00]: I looked at some is equipment.
54:23
[SPEAKER_00]: I got the mics.
54:24
[SPEAKER_00]: I got the roll cast.
54:25
[SPEAKER_00]: I got this little thing, the monitor.
54:27
[SPEAKER_00]: I got all that stuff.
54:28
[SPEAKER_00]: Only thing I'm missing
54:32
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, so maybe that's just an excuse.
54:34
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, but I'm gonna get started when I get back to Arizona I'm gonna get started on my podcast.
54:38
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm gonna stop putting it off and just make it happen So Yeah, that's what y'all could I ain't trying it.
54:46
[SPEAKER_00]: He ain't trying it.
54:46
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
54:47
[SPEAKER_02]: All right, my bad core use ladies and gentlemen again What can people find you?
54:52
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm trolling encouraging acting Comedian you see the whole thing you see the series.
54:57
[SPEAKER_00]: I did
54:59
[SPEAKER_00]: Um, yeah, man.
55:00
[SPEAKER_00]: So listen, if before you come and find me, just know what to expect when you find me.
55:05
[SPEAKER_00]: It's always going to be inspiration.
55:07
[SPEAKER_00]: It's always going to be encouragement.
55:08
[SPEAKER_00]: It's always going to be scripture base.
55:11
[SPEAKER_00]: But then you may come on the next day and I'm trolling.
55:13
[SPEAKER_02]: It's also going to be something you don't expect.
55:15
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, something you don't expect.
55:16
[SPEAKER_00]: It's going to expect the unexpected when you come to my page.
55:20
[SPEAKER_00]: But it's all done in fun, man.
55:21
[SPEAKER_00]: Let me tell you why I do it.
55:22
[SPEAKER_00]: Can I tell you why I'm like that?
55:29
[SPEAKER_00]: I was resurrected out of those times because of laughter.
55:31
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
55:33
[SPEAKER_00]: Just laughing, man.
55:34
[SPEAKER_00]: You was saving the world.
55:36
[SPEAKER_00]: Saved in the world, man.
55:37
[SPEAKER_00]: Just enjoy life.
55:38
[SPEAKER_00]: And we got so much stuff to be upset about it.
55:41
[SPEAKER_00]: That I just lied, man, you come up, I want to make you laugh, man.
55:43
[SPEAKER_00]: Let's have a good time.
55:44
[SPEAKER_00]: It's always going to be taste from like a disrespect to anybody.
55:47
[SPEAKER_00]: But you can always find, well, okay, man.
55:49
[SPEAKER_00]: It may seem a little...
55:51
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm a frame of right, cause I ain't going to accuse you of none.
55:54
[SPEAKER_00]: Which one?
55:55
[SPEAKER_02]: Think three responses ahead when you jump on his platform or his DM check all check all the your connections.
56:03
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
56:04
[SPEAKER_02]: As he probably going to check all your connections.
56:05
[SPEAKER_02]: Definitely.
56:06
[SPEAKER_02]: And you might not like the story of how your connections are presented.
56:09
[SPEAKER_00]: Definitely because if you jump in my inbox talking crazy, I've learned to investigate.
56:14
[SPEAKER_00]: He put y'all on the, I'm going to investigate him to find out who you are and who you know and who knows you and see if they connected to me and then I may just have a conversation with you There should be private, but it's may probably But then you learn something stays where started
56:28
[SPEAKER_00]: You are something, you won't do it again, right?
56:31
[SPEAKER_00]: So anyway, the Korean ill use as THEC or NOE ill use HJGS on all platforms, YouTube, TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, man, check it out, man.
56:43
[SPEAKER_00]: Follow me, let's have some fun and enjoy the journey together.
56:46
[SPEAKER_02]: Done deal, uh, that's going to do it for this episode.
56:49
[SPEAKER_02]: We appreciate you guys, God bless you, peace.
56:57
[SPEAKER_00]: Roots of the Good Bros.