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#789 Parental Guidance Recap - Cone Alone · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast.
• 0:05
  Speaker 2: It's the podcast for the time poor parent who just
• 0:09
  Speaker 2: once answers.
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: Now, I know that you told me that I'm not
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: allowed to talk about tonight's episode, and I know you're
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: you're literally rolling your eyes at me, But tonight is
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: going to be amazing. The finale of Parental Guidance Season
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: two happens tonight, and there are some incredible twists.
• 0:23
  Speaker 3: I think I'm going to have withdrawals after this because
• 0:25
  Speaker 3: you know what I've loved at the most. I love
• 0:27
  Speaker 3: how we all just come together and we're all snuggling
• 0:29
  Speaker 3: under the blankets and everyone in the family is just
• 0:33
  Speaker 3: so engaged and so united in trying to work out
• 0:37
  Speaker 3: what's going to happen next.
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah, the kids love getting who's going to get through
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: and what's going to happen.
• 0:41
  Speaker 3: You've changed the format. In season one, you had four
• 0:44
  Speaker 3: parents going into the big House, and then you narrowed
• 0:48
  Speaker 3: it down to two parents and then there was a winner.
• 0:51
  Speaker 3: But this year you're going from four to one.
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's okay, I just watch the finale. You're going
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: to love it, and there's some twists that will blow
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: your mind.
• 1:00
  Speaker 3: Did that but I can't I can't think. What are
• 1:03
  Speaker 3: the twists you're gonna do?
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: You just wait and watch it. We don't actually do it.
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: The families do it. They you just wait much Anyway,
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: we're a boycott. We are not going to talk about
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: it other than to say that tonight is big. We
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: have to talk about last night, episode six of Parental
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: Guidance on Channel nine seven thirty last night, seven thirty
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: tonight for the finale last night, there were there were
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: two things that we've agreed need to be discussed. The
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: first thing that we're going to talk about is the
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: ice cream challenge. Here's fifty dollars gone by your ice
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: cream from the ice cream store.
• 1:33
  Speaker 3: Enjoy it all right, We're gonna let you.
• 1:35
  Speaker 4: Go in and get some ice cream. You can get
• 1:38
  Speaker 4: whatever you want, no restrictions.
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: Mention and challenge number two leaving the kids in the
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: city and telling them to find their way home. When
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: we're talking about nine year.
• 1:50
  Speaker 4: Old bye whye, we love you, bye bye.
• 1:55
  Speaker 3: Our kids are not scared of the world. Our kids
• 1:57
  Speaker 3: will take the world on head on. Am I oh way,
• 2:01
  Speaker 3: so our nine year old as we were watching that,
• 2:03
  Speaker 3: she literally cuddled into me and she said, please, don't
• 2:06
  Speaker 3: ever make me do that. She really held on and
• 2:11
  Speaker 3: she was like, don't do that to me. Normally she's
• 2:14
  Speaker 3: jumping at the bit, going can.
• 2:15
  Speaker 5: We try that challenge?
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: She didn't like that one all. No, let's talk about
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: the ice cream challenge. The idea was we're going to
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: flick you at fifty go and buy some ice cream.
• 2:23
  Speaker 3: So this had an element of unfairness in it. If
• 2:26
  Speaker 3: I'm going to be truthful, You've got families who've got
• 2:28
  Speaker 3: one child and they're walking in with fifty dollars, and
• 2:31
  Speaker 3: families that have got three children walking in with the
• 2:33
  Speaker 3: same fifty dollars.
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: Do you know what?
• 2:36
  Speaker 3: You can still get more than enough ice cream. I
• 2:38
  Speaker 3: understand that's kid, but it changes the dynamics of your
• 2:41
  Speaker 3: thought processing. Really, if you're sharing a fifty dollar note
• 2:45
  Speaker 3: between three people.
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: That's still more ice cream than you compete.
• 2:48
  Speaker 3: It is still ugh ice cream. But if you have
• 2:50
  Speaker 3: fifty dollars and it's just yours, it's pretty extravagant. That's
• 2:54
  Speaker 3: a totally different Okay, let's be cleansed. This is not
• 2:57
  Speaker 3: a challenge about what the kids choose to do. This
• 2:58
  Speaker 3: is a challenge about how the parents guide their kids
• 3:02
  Speaker 3: and use this as a teachable moment. I want to
• 3:05
  Speaker 3: start off with the highlight for me, and that was
• 3:09
  Speaker 3: Chris and Philippa the slow parents.
• 3:11
  Speaker 6: I think with slow parenting, we try and allow our
• 3:13
  Speaker 6: kids some autonomy and making decisions depending on what the
• 3:16
  Speaker 6: situation is.
• 3:17
  Speaker 4: Guess, seeing what ice cream to aft off?
• 3:19
  Speaker 6: Fifty dollars is a lot of money. But I just
• 3:21
  Speaker 6: thought that they would get what they want and hopefully
• 3:24
  Speaker 6: figure out with themselves. Chicken with themselves, how hungry they were, that.
• 3:29
  Speaker 3: Was your highlight.
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: I loved how they just said, we're going to let
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: natural consequences roll out. In other words, we're not going
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: to impose anything on the kids. They are going to
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: eat too much ice cream, because as if they're not
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: going to do that, they're kids, and we're going to
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: just ask them to pay attention to their body.
• 3:46
  Speaker 6: Oh my goodness, John, you get three flavors?
• 3:48
  Speaker 7: Yeah?
• 3:49
  Speaker 6: Would if I was choosing their ice cream, then yeah,
• 3:52
  Speaker 6: I would have got one scoop because I knew, you know,
• 3:55
  Speaker 6: it might not feel so great and their body afterwards.
• 3:58
  Speaker 6: You might need some courtesy LIGs there. But I was
• 4:01
  Speaker 6: happy for them to figure that out for themselves and
• 4:03
  Speaker 6: then they learn the lesson rather than I'm just telling them,
• 4:06
  Speaker 6: do all do it to that happy with your choices?
• 4:09
  Speaker 3: Yeah?
• 4:10
  Speaker 6: Yeah, This was probably a really good teaching moment because
• 4:13
  Speaker 6: it taught them to tune back into their bodies and realize,
• 4:16
  Speaker 6: you know what those sort of natural consequences are of indulging.
• 4:19
  Speaker 4: The time, it seems good, but then afterwards it's like,
• 4:23
  Speaker 4: maybe a little too much.
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: I can't just say, as.
• 4:27
  Speaker 6: Your tummy fall and sow too oh, I know, We've
• 4:29
  Speaker 6: got to listen to our bodies.
• 4:31
  Speaker 7: Don't we find a bathroom?
• 4:32
  Speaker 3: To me, that's great parenting, brilliant, absolutely brilliant, because.
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: The parents have just said, this is an opportunity for
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: you to learn about how your body responds to this stuff.
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: What will you do next time you're given fifty dollars
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: to spend on ice cream?
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  Speaker 3: I think so often as parents we feel like we
• 4:48
  Speaker 3: actually have to impose natural consequences.
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: You can't impose natural consequences.
• 4:53
  Speaker 3: But that's what that's the conversation, right right, And yet
• 4:57
  Speaker 3: the natural consequence is you eat too much sugar, you're
• 5:00
  Speaker 3: actually going to feel sick, whether it's a headache or
• 5:03
  Speaker 3: a tummy ache, or just feeling lethargic and wanting to
• 5:06
  Speaker 3: go to bed like you are going to experience a consequence,
• 5:12
  Speaker 3: and the opportunity we as parents have is to allow
• 5:17
  Speaker 3: our children to experience that.
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: I did say that Christian Philippa and their slow parenting
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: style was my highlight.
• 5:23
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I did question you on it.
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: You did. There is another one, but I don't. I'm
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: going to get to that in a minute. Let's talk
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: about the road school parents and their approach to guiding
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: their children into what they decided to purchase with their
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: fifty dollars for ice creak Aska.
• 5:38
  Speaker 7: What are you thinking.
• 5:40
  Speaker 3: I'm not pushing you, but what the boys are going
• 5:44
  Speaker 3: to have?
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: A single? Okay, guys, all right there.
• 5:48
  Speaker 8: I'm going to start plays with a hedgehog cone.
• 5:50
  Speaker 5: Yep, a double one, triple one.
• 5:55
  Speaker 3: We've had a little bit of descent in this season
• 5:58
  Speaker 3: with parents not actually cooperating with the challenges the way
• 6:04
  Speaker 3: they've been designed. So this was a little bit confronting
• 6:08
  Speaker 3: to watch, recognizing instantly these parents did not leave these
• 6:13
  Speaker 3: kids side. No, they were in the ear the whole time.
• 6:17
  Speaker 3: But then when you hear their reasoning behind why, you
• 6:21
  Speaker 3: see the bigger picture.
• 6:23
  Speaker 8: Now that we're on the road and where roads go, parents,
• 6:25
  Speaker 8: we definitely are mindful of the money that we're spending.
• 6:28
  Speaker 8: So I think the kids inadvertently learn about making sure
• 6:31
  Speaker 8: that they don't overindulge in things that aren't necessary.
• 6:35
  Speaker 3: This is a value based challenge for them.
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: They're in a caravan, they're traveling around the country for
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: however long it is. I can't remember if it was
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: six months or twelve months, but it's an.
• 6:43
  Speaker 3: Extenme it's been going for two years.
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: Oh wow, okay, yeah, so it's a long time.
• 6:47
  Speaker 3: And John d living off their savings. I don't know,
• 6:50
  Speaker 3: working we don't have cash coming in. We've got to
• 6:52
  Speaker 3: be careful with our money. So fifty bucks on ice
• 6:55
  Speaker 3: cream for three kids, that's excessive. It's over the topic, extravagant,
• 6:58
  Speaker 3: and you don't need it. That's the thinking behind it,
• 7:01
  Speaker 3: And I don't know, I'm pretty sympathetic to it. But really,
• 7:04
  Speaker 3: like you said, it's a values statement that's being made here.
• 7:07
  Speaker 3: And I think when you watch the way they interact
• 7:10
  Speaker 3: with their kids, and especially in all of the other challenges,
• 7:13
  Speaker 3: they have no qualms in giving their kids autonomy and
• 7:19
  Speaker 3: allowing them to kind of, you know, stretch themselves. This
• 7:23
  Speaker 3: was one hundred percent of my mind this was just values.
• 7:26
  Speaker 3: This was strongly values based.
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah. And speaking of values, when we watched the American parents,
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: Kim and Nick and the way they responded to Peter,
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: who really really went for it. Could I get.
• 7:42
  Speaker 4: Two scoops of lemon chocolate, lemon and something else? She's
• 7:47
  Speaker 4: gone for the big one, that school.
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: And the cambre and another flavor. Once again, there was
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: in their response there was a I guess I would
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: probably use the word some shaming going on. Pierre, you
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: don't need that, you don't need all that. You're going
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: to waste that food.
• 8:07
  Speaker 4: I just think it's a little wasteful. So what are
• 8:10
  Speaker 4: we going to do with it when you don't finish it?
• 8:13
  Speaker 3: I got I know it's a waste.
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: What made you get that much? They had fifty bucks?
• 8:20
  Speaker 3: I thought I'd spend it wisely. I loved her response though,
• 8:25
  Speaker 3: she was like fifty dollars, like, I'm going to use
• 8:28
  Speaker 3: this to my advantage you if you're a kid a
• 8:33
  Speaker 3: pineapple and said, and it's interesting, it's interesting as you
• 8:37
  Speaker 3: kind of watch that parenting style play out. Well, they
• 8:40
  Speaker 3: have given her so many opportunities, the autonomy stuff. Yeah,
• 8:46
  Speaker 3: they actually haven't. There's a lot of control going on.
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: I mean, Peter's nine and she's pretty happy to go along,
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: and she's a she's a well rounded, happy kid. I'm
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: again not throwing any shade at any of the parents.
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: We've got great parents, but certainly in this challenge we
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: see that coming out again. Values. Like the rod School parents,
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: they're all about let's save the money, and with the
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: American parents, it's all about aspiration and setting goals, and
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: the values come through so strongly.
• 9:15
  Speaker 3: You said that you had a second highlight. I'm stealing
• 9:17
  Speaker 3: it because it's actually my high shit. I loved Miller
• 9:21
  Speaker 3: from The Unstructured Family and the way he responded, You're
• 9:24
  Speaker 3: looking at this kid and he's staring at all of
• 9:26
  Speaker 3: this ice cream and his eyes are bigger than his head.
• 9:31
  Speaker 4: I'm so sorry, but can I just have one more flavor?
• 9:39
  Speaker 3: Enjoy that one?
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: So that was super funny. But I love as they're
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: about to leave, and I love the bit where Magnolia says.
• 9:46
  Speaker 5: This and then your life sure very That was adorable,
• 9:54
  Speaker 5: heart melting, just kicking goals there.
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and then they walk out with their ice creams
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: and and we hear this from Miller.
• 10:01
  Speaker 6: I tried to get a bunch of flavors for us
• 10:03
  Speaker 6: to all share.
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: Ah, we got one from Lazy Yeah, that looks delicious.
• 10:12
  Speaker 3: Now, I think this is really noteworthy because you look
• 10:15
  Speaker 3: at all of the other families and multiple children in each.
• 10:19
  Speaker 3: At no point did any one of those other children
• 10:23
  Speaker 3: offer to give their parents, who were sitting there empty handed,
• 10:28
  Speaker 3: some ice cream.
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: So how do you teach your kids to be generous
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: and also to be thoughtful about what they're ordering? How
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: do you teach them to share? I reckon that's a
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: conversation that is worth exploring, and ultimately we only saw
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: it with one family.
• 10:45
  Speaker 3: You look at the contrast between the unstructured family and say,
• 10:49
  Speaker 3: the American family who acknowledged that she had brought too
• 10:52
  Speaker 3: much and it was just going to go to waste.
• 10:54
  Speaker 3: And at no point was that, oh, well, we'll just share,
• 10:57
  Speaker 3: like there's enough for all of us to even enter
• 11:00
  Speaker 3: her mind. And yet they've got this little kid who's
• 11:04
  Speaker 3: just gone, I want to share with everybody everyone, And
• 11:06
  Speaker 3: you can see that playing out in the way they
• 11:08
  Speaker 3: do life. You know that unstructured they do things together.
• 11:12
  Speaker 3: Mom and dad come home late after a gig and
• 11:14
  Speaker 3: they just want to hang out.
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: And need ice cream, and it'll always after they have
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: a big deal about.
• 11:18
  Speaker 3: How they'll do that because it's important. Yeah, their time
• 11:22
  Speaker 3: together is important.
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: Now I don't think that that's not the case, that's
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: a double negative, but I believe that it's important for
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: all of the families. But the way that it shows
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: up with that parenting style in that particular scene just gorgeous.
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: So the take home message when it comes to the
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: ice cream challenge is you give me me.
• 11:40
  Speaker 3: You're looking at me.
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: You wanted to wrap this one up so you can
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: go to the next one. You want me to do.
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: To take home message for me to take home messages,
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: don't give the kids fifty dollars to go to the
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: ice cream shop unless you're happy for them to spend it.
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: Or when you're walking in and say, hey, guys, what
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: do you think is reasonable and get them to dive
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: what they think is reasonable before you step in. I
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: mean we did it recently. We went down to the shops.
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: I don't like spending this much money, but we just
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: went and said, guys, we're going to get an ice cream,
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: choose a scoop, and that was the way we approached it.
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: So we didn't have that thing going on when.
• 12:12
  Speaker 3: You're introducing kids into a situation that is not normal
• 12:14
  Speaker 3: for them. Spending a couple of minutes introducing them to
• 12:18
  Speaker 3: different ways that they might approach the situation while still
• 12:22
  Speaker 3: allowing them the autonomy to choose is a really important
• 12:25
  Speaker 3: part of the process.
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it kind of ties in with the three is
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: a effective discipline that I talk about all the time
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: in my book The Parenting Revolution. I also love the
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: idea of teaching your kids to share. I just think
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: there's something really beautiful about seeing that with the families.
• 12:38
  Speaker 3: I don't know how we've done it. Actually, I'm going
• 12:40
  Speaker 3: to be really honest, but our youngest has the most
• 12:44
  Speaker 3: beautiful sharing ethic of all of our children. Our kids
• 12:48
  Speaker 3: are generous kids. But Emily, she will literally give you
• 12:52
  Speaker 3: the last bite.
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I wonder if you love me enough
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: to share your life last bite with me.
• 12:58
  Speaker 3: No, I don't know.
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: Hey, let's talk about our second big challenge, and that
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: was the let's drop your kids in the middle of
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: the city and help them to find their way home. Well,
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: let's just be clear, this wasn't the second This was
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: the challenge of the night.
• 13:15
  Speaker 3: This was huge. As we were watching this, our nine
• 13:19
  Speaker 3: year old literally like she was already cuddling into me,
• 13:23
  Speaker 3: but she started kind of grabbing me quite tightly, and
• 13:26
  Speaker 3: she kind of pushed her head into me, and she said,
• 13:28
  Speaker 3: maybe please don't ever do this to me like this.
• 13:31
  Speaker 3: I could feel her little heart. It was this was
• 13:34
  Speaker 3: a really big deal. So I've got a real life
• 13:36
  Speaker 3: nine year old sitting here, and I can only imagine
• 13:38
  Speaker 3: what some of these kids were experiencing at the time, because.
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: They were around the age of nine, nine, ten years old.
• 13:44
  Speaker 3: But there was an acknowledgement as this unfolded because one
• 13:48
  Speaker 3: family chose not to follow the rules, that there was
• 13:52
  Speaker 3: an acknowledgment that safety for the children was paramount what
• 13:57
  Speaker 3: measures were taken so that families felt comfortable enough to
• 14:02
  Speaker 3: do this, because I'm going to suggest that literally, this
• 14:05
  Speaker 3: would never happen.
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: In real life. Okay, So Jonathan, the influencer parent made
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: this comment after the slow parents essentially opted out and
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: they said, we're going to go with them rather than
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: dropping them off, We're going to go with them.
• 14:16
  Speaker 7: Can I ask christ and Philipper. Didn't it say can
• 14:19
  Speaker 7: the kids? Did it say can the family help the
• 14:22
  Speaker 7: child get home? Why didn't you just let Peyton do
• 14:26
  Speaker 7: it and take Avery maybe on a bus another day,
• 14:29
  Speaker 7: just to see how we did the challenge that the
• 14:33
  Speaker 7: other kids did.
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: This is especially important because christ and Philipp's son said
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: that he would have been comfortable doing this and wanted
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: the opportunity.
• 14:44
  Speaker 4: I felt ready for anything.
• 14:45
  Speaker 6: Haydon was pretty cool, Cucumber, just like, oh, okay man,
• 14:49
  Speaker 6: that's what we're doing.
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: Essentially, what we said to the families is you understand
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: the challenge. Leave the kids. They can catch the public
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: transport home. You'll have two different safety mechanis is happening.
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: Number One, there will be a chaperone. The chaperone will
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: always be out of shot, like five meters away, so
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: far enough away from your child that your child is
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: doing this on their own, but always within line of
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: sight and certainly within hearing. So the chaperone was always
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: always there, and the.
• 15:19
  Speaker 3: Kids knew this.
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: The kids knew that the chaperone was there, but they
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: were also encouraged to not talk to the chaperone but
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: to try really hard to do it on their own.
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: In addition to the chaperone, there were cameras on the
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: kids at all times. There was at least one camera
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: following the kids at all times. They must have been
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: close enough because you've got audio of what the kids
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: were saying. The kids are micd up yeah, And so
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: you've got to have the cameramen close enough for the
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: signal to work. So the kids were safe. And that's
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: why what Jonathan said was so important. Now, I love
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: what Chris and philipp have done with their family, and
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: I love their slow pairing approach. It really resonates and
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: I wish I could be more like them in so
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: many ways. But Jonathan was right in that we've got
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: to let our kids experience in depair. And we've got
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: a kid here who's saying, yeah, I would have liked
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: to have had that opportunity.
• 16:05
  Speaker 3: I think that his acknowledgment that if there was ever
• 16:09
  Speaker 3: a time that you could let your kids have this autonomy,
• 16:13
  Speaker 3: the sense of autonomy.
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: It's now.
• 16:15
  Speaker 3: You are never ever going to be in a position
• 16:17
  Speaker 3: again where you're going to have cameramen watching their every
• 16:20
  Speaker 3: move a chaperone. You will never get that opportunity again.
• 16:24
  Speaker 3: And this could have been an opportunity for empowerment for
• 16:27
  Speaker 3: the entire family, not just the kid.
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: And so this is really tricky because christ and Philip
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: are clearly beautiful parents who love the kids and are
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: doing a stellar job, and what they've done is actually
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: consistent with their pairing style. They always stay together. But
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: I think there is that issue of at what point
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: do you start to loosen the reins, At what point
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: do you start to look go at what point do
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: you allow for some independence rather than this ongoing dependence
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: or even codependence. Eventually that may not be great for
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: the kids, and so for me it's an opportunity missed.
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: But I also I still applaud them because.
• 17:01
  Speaker 3: They do too really great parents and based on their
• 17:04
  Speaker 3: parenting soul. You're asking people to come on and show.
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: Their parents stuf exactly yes, and which they did.
• 17:09
  Speaker 3: They've actually done it with bravery and courage because they
• 17:12
  Speaker 3: were and dignity. The minority, like everybody else in that room,
• 17:16
  Speaker 3: was disappointed in them. And yet they have to kind
• 17:20
  Speaker 3: of hold their head up high because they didn't succumb
• 17:22
  Speaker 3: to peer pressure. That's what it comes down to. They
• 17:24
  Speaker 3: didn't succumb to the peer pressure of doing something just
• 17:27
  Speaker 3: because you know, somebody can flash a wholely bit of
• 17:30
  Speaker 3: money in front of you, and are you going to
• 17:32
  Speaker 3: say yes because it's enough money? Or are you going
• 17:34
  Speaker 3: to stand your ground? Because this is how we do things.
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: These are our values, So applaud them for that. From
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: a parenting expert point of view, I think that it
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: would have been good for the kids to have those
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: independent moments. And in all, when you're trying to make
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: a TV show, you kind of need people to do
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: the challenges. But again, I say that with softness and
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: tenderness and compassion, because they're actually really doing a great
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: job with their kids.
• 18:00
  Speaker 3: If you look at again just the conversation we had
• 18:03
  Speaker 3: previously about induction, this is not something they had ever
• 18:06
  Speaker 3: done with their children in any way, shape or form.
• 18:09
  Speaker 3: So the approach that they took was actually kind of
• 18:13
  Speaker 3: like an induction process.
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: I agree with you.
• 18:16
  Speaker 3: And actually the reality is now having gone through it
• 18:19
  Speaker 3: and having heard their son's acknowledgment that he actually would
• 18:23
  Speaker 3: have really liked to give it a go, I wonder
• 18:25
  Speaker 3: what will change for them as a result of this
• 18:27
  Speaker 3: experience they've been through the induction. The child now has
• 18:30
  Speaker 3: seen what it's like and what would need to happen
• 18:33
  Speaker 3: to be successful in it. I'm not suggesting that they're
• 18:35
  Speaker 3: going to turn around and put their son on a bus,
• 18:37
  Speaker 3: but I actually think there's room now for them to
• 18:41
  Speaker 3: recognize and see that there's opportunities for their kids to grow.
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: And I reckon that their kids are going to grow
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: up and learn how to be independent in healthy, safe
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: ways at appropriate times as well. So I know that
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: there's a lot of sort of backwards and thoughts on
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: this one, but it's just a really interesting take. Just briefly,
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: because we are pretty much out of time. The road
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: school parents tough job. How long have they been in town?
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: Six days literally, and they've got to find their way
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: to some random camp site on someone's phone.
• 19:10
  Speaker 3: Was really random, wasn't it. It wasn't like it was
• 19:12
  Speaker 3: a you know, kind of a big four with massive
• 19:15
  Speaker 3: signs everywhere. Like they did a brilliant job as a
• 19:19
  Speaker 3: taxi guys. Hello today, Ah the Carmel Cidi fire.
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: Jump on board and we'll picture it. There's a taxi, Thank.
• 19:33
  Speaker 8: You, tex.
• 19:38
  Speaker 2: Yes, our kids have grown enormously since adapting the road
• 19:43
  Speaker 2: school parenting style. They are more confident, they're resilient, they're young.
• 19:51
  Speaker 3: Yeah, they are superstar. Well done, honey.
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: And then there was PAP from the American Parents family.
• 20:03
  Speaker 4: Hi, I'm going to I'm going to Karendale.
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: Catching a bus from the Brisbane CBD to Karendale. That's
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: a long way for a nine year old who's never
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: been on public transport, never had to catch buses, never
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: doesn't even know where she's going, like whoa.
• 20:26
  Speaker 3: And if you put this into context, you've got kids
• 20:28
  Speaker 3: that you know, have only been in a place for
• 20:30
  Speaker 3: six days. But the reality is how many nine year
• 20:32
  Speaker 3: olds are hanging out in the CBD.
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: I think catching a bus or boy home Karendale.
• 20:36
  Speaker 3: It kind of in some ways is quite irrelevant, yes,
• 20:39
  Speaker 3: because most families living in the burbs stay in the burbs.
• 20:42
  Speaker 3: You know, the kids aren't hanging out in these places,
• 20:45
  Speaker 3: so for them it's a foreign place to start with.
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: And as an only child to be doing that on her.
• 20:50
  Speaker 3: Own, and you could see the discomfort. You could actually
• 20:52
  Speaker 3: you could see the discomfort and even the way she
• 20:55
  Speaker 3: was talking to herself the whole way through. She had
• 20:57
  Speaker 3: no idea where she was going. But oh my goodness,
• 21:00
  Speaker 3: what a confidence booster for her to actually get through
• 21:03
  Speaker 3: a west.
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: So much I've got I've got goosebumps as you're even
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: talking about. I was so proud of and the way
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: the whole family did it again. This is where that
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: American style really shone. It was fantastic to watch. Got
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: to talk though, got to talk about Miller. Melanie and
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: Michael are unstructed parents and the guy now he's near
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: a diverse. He's like, I've got to catch the five
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: five five. Hang on five five five, No, I think
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: I should write it on my arm.
• 21:30
  Speaker 3: He was brilliant. And then to have that little pet stop.
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: Can I get?
• 21:40
  Speaker 3: But then he left it behind, And you know what,
• 21:42
  Speaker 3: I'm going to applaud him every step of the way
• 21:44
  Speaker 3: because how many kids would actually be aware enough to
• 21:50
  Speaker 3: keep an eye on the bus while they waited for
• 21:52
  Speaker 3: the order. Would you not be sidetracked enough that you're thinking,
• 21:55
  Speaker 3: I've just got to wait for this, because I think
• 21:57
  Speaker 3: I would be Kylie.
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: There's also more to the store. So Miller just kind
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: of hung out in the city, like he missed the
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: first two or three buses because he was just enjoying
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: walking around the city. And then he's ordered the Big
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: Mac and then he's gone, oh, I really need to
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: catch that bus.
• 22:15
  Speaker 3: No wonder they were freaking out at the other end.
• 22:17
  Speaker 3: Why did they not show that that would have been brilliant.
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: I guess you can only fit so much into the edit.
• 22:22
  Speaker 1: But really, but he just he did such a great job,
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: missed out on the big Mac. I hope that his
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: parents bought him one afterwards for doing such a great job.
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: I love this show and I love the conversations. I
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: love the activities, I love the challenges. I love what
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: it teaches us. I guess the one thing that I
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: would say about this find you a home activity is
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: number one. I don't think that it's wise for people
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: who live thirty forty fifty minutes out of the city
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: to encourage their nine year olds to catch public transport
• 22:48
  Speaker 1: on their own. This was a one off because of
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: the circumstances that the TV show permits. But what we
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: can do is we can help them to become familiar
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: with where the bus stops are and what the bus
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: stop numbers are, or what the train station looks like
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: or what the train is that they're looking for from
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: around about nine ten eleven, because they need to know
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: how to navigate their way around. These are important life skills,
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: and as parents, we've got an opportunity to help to
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: prepare them.
• 23:13
  Speaker 3: One of the things that I used toill love doing
• 23:15
  Speaker 3: when I was younger, was using the Refidex and telling
• 23:20
  Speaker 3: my parents how to get home the Refordex.
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: Do you mean the UbD.
• 23:24
  Speaker 3: It was called the Refidex.
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: We had a UbD. Maybe it's the same thing. It
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: is the same I'm going to google it. Maybe they're
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: just different brands of the same thing. So I've just
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: googled right now. When the UbD came out in the
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: early nineteen sixties in color, the Refidex was dead. Subsequently,
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: UbD resurrected or bought the brand name and added it
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: as a secondary title to the Brisbane Directory. That's why
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: you think it's a Refidex, because you were brought up
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: in Brisbane and they had a Refidex in Brisbane, but
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: it was UbD everywhere else.
• 23:55
  Speaker 3: Okay, I was going to say, I'm not that old,
• 24:01
  Speaker 3: not from the nineteen sixties.
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: Anyway, Your point was, it's nice to sit in the
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: car with the mask.
• 24:07
  Speaker 3: So my parents would, well my dad specifically would let
• 24:10
  Speaker 3: me read the Refordex and tell them how to get home.
• 24:13
  Speaker 3: So we don't have those anymore. But you know, even
• 24:17
  Speaker 3: just getting the kids to direct you to get from
• 24:19
  Speaker 3: school to home. How many times I've taken other children
• 24:23
  Speaker 3: home to their house and thought, I'll just rely on
• 24:25
  Speaker 3: their instructions to get me to their house because they
• 24:27
  Speaker 3: go there all the time and they can't get me there.
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: Great point, so just you know those.
• 24:33
  Speaker 3: Little things is so important for our kids to recognize
• 24:36
  Speaker 3: their surroundings and understand where they are and how they
• 24:39
  Speaker 3: fit into the.
• 24:40
  Speaker 1: Big world, even without a map. Just hate kids, Here's
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: where we are. I want you to get me home today.
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: You're driving out of the shopping center, carpark, Do I
• 24:46
  Speaker 1: turn left or right? That kind of thing. It forces
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: the kids to become aware of their surroundings. So much
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: fun out of this TV show. I just I love
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: the conversations tonight. Like I said the finale, you don't
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: want to miss it. Can't wait to talk about it tomorrow.
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: The Happy Families podcast is produced by Justin Rowland from
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: Bridge Media. Craig Bruce is our executive producer. And if
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: you want more info about making your family happier, check
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: out my new book, The Parenting Revolution. It's in store
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: everywhere or online obviously US at Happy families dot com,
• 25:14
  Speaker 1: dot a