Latest / RealTalkwithMikeD / Episode 57 - Why is Finding Love at 53 So Damn Hard?

Transcript

Episode 57 - Why is Finding Love at 53 So Damn Hard? · RealTalkwithMikeD

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: Welcome to Real Talk with Mike D. Alright, welcome back
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: to Real Talk with Mike D. I am the one,
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: the only, and the original Mike D. Thank you for
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: being here, thank you for listening, and as always, I
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: do appreciate you. Ladies and gentlemen, today I want to
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: talk about something that's a little harder for me to
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: talk about. Something that's personal, something that, honestly, I don't
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: always like admitting out loud. I am 53 years old
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: and I still want to find the love of my life. There,
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: I said it. And maybe that sounds simple. Maybe it
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: sounds like something anybody should be able to say. But
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: when you're 53, admitting that you still want somebody that
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: can make you feel vulnerable as hell, because there's this
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: expectation that by this age, you've got everything figured out.
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: You've lived enough life. You've learned enough lessons. You've been
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: through enough relationships. You're supposed to be comfortable being alone.
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: You're supposed to be independent. And you're supposed to say,
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: I don't need anybody. Or maybe I don't need somebody.
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: That doesn't mean I don't want somebody. And there's a
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: big difference because sometimes I get lonely. And I'm not
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: ashamed to admit that anymore. There are nights when I
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: come home and it's quiet. Really quiet. And sometimes that
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: quiet is peaceful. And other times, That quiet feels different.
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: You start thinking. You start wondering. You start asking yourself
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: questions you probably shouldn't be asking at 2 o'clock in
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: the morning. Am I going to be alone forever? Is
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: there something wrong with me? Why is this so damn difficult?
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: Did I miss my chance? And those questions can get
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: inside your head because the older you get, the more
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: you realize that time is not unlimited. When you're 20,
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: you think you've got forever. At 30, you still think
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: you've got plenty of time. At 40, you start realizing
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: life is moving a little faster. And at 53, you
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: start looking at time differently. You don't want to waste it.
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: You don't want to spend the next 20 years wondering
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: what could have been. You want somebody to share some
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: of those years with, not because you're incapable of being alone,
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: but because you've spent enough time doing everything by yourself.
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: I've been responsible for myself. I've worked. I've dealt with
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: life's problems. I've been a father. I've had responsibilities, good days,
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: bad days, and some really, really bad days. I've had
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: moments where I felt like I could conquer the world.
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: And moments where I wondered how I was going to
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: make it through another week. And sometimes, I just wish
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: I had somebody beside me. Somebody I could look at
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: and say, you know what, today sucked. And have her say, yeah,
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: I know, come here. That's it. Not some fairy tale,
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: not some Hollywood romance. Just someone who gives a damn.
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: Somebody who wants to know how my day went. Somebody
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: who notices when I'm quiet. Somebody who can tell when
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: something is bothering me, even when I say, I'm fine.
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: Somebody who can laugh with me, cry with me. Call
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: me out when I'm being an idiot. And stand beside
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: me when life gets difficult. That's what I want. And
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: maybe that's why dating at 53 feels so damn complicated.
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: Because I'm not looking for somebody just to say I
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: have a girlfriend. Been there, done that. I'm looking for
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: something real. And real is harder to find. At this age,
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: everybody has a history. Everybody has scars. Everybody has stories
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: they don't necessarily tell on the first date. I have mine.
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: I've made mistakes and I've been hurt. I've trusted people
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: I probably shouldn't have trusted. I've had relationships that didn't work.
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: I've experienced disappointment, heartache, and I'm sure the women I'm
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: looking for have their own history too. That's life. But
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: the problem is, Sometimes our past teaches us to protect
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: ourselves so well that we don't know how to let
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: anybody in. You become cautious. You overthink. You question people's intentions.
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: You wonder if they're really interested or just passing time.
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: And eventually you start thinking, maybe it's safer just to
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: stay alone. Because if you don't let anybody in, no
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: one can hurt you. But there's also another side to that.
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: you don't let anybody in, nobody can love you either.
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: And that's the part that scares me. Not being alone tonight,
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: not being single this month, I'm talking about the possibility
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: of getting older and realizing that I never found the
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: person I wanted to share my life with. That's a
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: scary thought. Because I don't want to wake up at
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: 63 or even 73 and look back and think, why
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: did I give up? I don't want to stop believing
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: in love just because finding it has been difficult. And
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: I'm not looking for perfect. God knows I'm not perfect.
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: I don't expect anyone else to be either. I don't
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: need some flawless relationship where we never argue and everything
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: looks perfect on Instagram. That is not real life. I
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: want somebody who can sit across from me at the
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: kitchen table when we're both having a bad day. I
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: want someone who can say, you know, Mike, We're going
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: to get through this. And I want to be able
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: to say the same thing to her. I want companionship.
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: I want affection. I want somebody to hold hands with.
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: I want somebody to take out to dinner. I want
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: somebody to take on a road trip. I want somebody
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: to watch the sunset with. I want somebody to laugh
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: with until our stomachs hurt. And I want someone who
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: can be my best friend because at this point in
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: my life, that is what matters. I'm not interested in
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: playing games. I'm too old for that. I am too
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: tired for that. I got too much life behind me
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: to waste time pretending. Just tell me what you want.
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: Tell me how you feel. Tell me when you're angry, scared,
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: or happy. Just be honest with me. Because that's what
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: I want to give in return. And maybe that's the
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: most vulnerable thing about all of this. I don't. Don't
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: just want a girlfriend. I want to be loved. There.
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: I said it too. At 53, I still want to
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: be loved. I want somebody to look at me and
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: not see my age, not see my mistakes, not see
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: everything I've done wrong, but see the person underneath all
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: of it. The guy who's still trying. The guy who
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: is still dreaming. The guy who's still getting up every
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: morning and fighting through whatever life throws at him. The
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: guy who doesn't always have the answers. The guy who
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: sometimes gets lonely. The guy who sometimes doubts himself. The
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: guy who sometimes needs somebody to say, you're going to
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: be okay. That is who I am. And I'm finally
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: learning that there's nothing embarrassing about admitting that. Maybe I
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: spent too many years thinking I had to be tough
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: all the time. Maybe I thought asking for companionship made
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: me weak. It doesn't. Wanting somebody doesn't make you weak.
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: Being vulnerable doesn't make you weak. Admitting that you get
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: lonely does not make you weak. It makes you human.
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: And I'm human. I'm 53 and I'm still figuring things out.
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: And maybe that's okay. Maybe I don't need to have
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: everything figured out. Maybe I just need to keep moving forward.
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: Keep meeting people. Keep putting myself out there. Keep living, laughing,
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: and dreaming. And if somebody comes along, I'm ready. And
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: if she doesn't come tomorrow, I'll still wake up tomorrow
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: and I'm still going to live my life. Because I
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: don't want my happiness to depend on whether or not
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: somebody chooses me. I want to be happy with myself
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: and hopefully someday share that happiness with somebody else. But
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: I'm not going to lie. I'd love to have somebody
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: sitting beside me. I'd love to have somebody to call
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: at the end of the day. I'd love to have
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: somebody waiting for me. I'd really love to hear somebody say,
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: I missed you. And I would love to mean it
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: when I say, I missed you too. So, why is
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: finding a girlfriend at 53 so damn hard? I don't know.
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: Maybe because we're more complicated. Maybe because we've been hurt.
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: Maybe because we know what we want. Maybe because we
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: know what we don't want. Or maybe because we're just scared.
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: Maybe because finding someone isn't supposed to be easy. But
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: I do know this. 53 is not the end of
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: my story. It's not too late. I'm not too old.
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: I'm not broken. And I'm definitely not unlovable. I'm just
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: still looking. And maybe somewhere out there, there's a woman
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: who's looking too. Maybe she's wondering the exact same thing.
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: Maybe she's sitting alone somewhere tonight thinking, where the hell
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: is he? Well, I'm right here. I'm still trying. I'm
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: still hoping. And I'm still believing. And maybe that's enough
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: for today. Because sometimes you don't need to know exactly
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: how the story ends. You just need enough hope to
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: keep turning the page. ladies and gentlemen that has been
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: real talk with mike d and tonight i don't have
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: all the answers i just told you the truth i'm
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: 53 years old single sometimes i'm lonely and i want
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: love and i'm not ashamed of that anymore Because the
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: most important thing I've learned is that it's never too
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: late to want something real. Never too late to hope.
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: Never too late to love. And never too late to
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: believe that maybe the best chapter is still ahead. Ladies
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: and gentlemen, I appreciate you being here. I appreciate you listening.
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: And as always, I will see you all on the
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: next episode. Thank you.