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Why do narcissists hate you friends and family · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful people?
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  Welcome to another episode of The Narcissist Code.
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  I'm your favorite selfaware narcissist, Mr. Lee Hammock,
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  better known as mental illness across all social media
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  platforms. This is your first time seeing
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  my face and hearing my lovely voice.
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  I'm a clinically diagnosed narcissist and I use my platform
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  on social media to raise awareness for NPD.
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  Get more people into therapy like myself, six years strong
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  and also validate the victim, survivors and thrivers of said
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  disorder, said toxic people said toxic traits.
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  Today's episode is going to be about why do narcissists, some
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  nurses, a lot of nurses, dislike or hate your friends and family.
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  Anybody that's close to you. So before you hop into today's
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  episode, y'all make sure you subscribe to my newsletter and
• 0:42
  slash e-mail list to stay updated on what's coming next.
• 0:45
  I have a kids book that's being released in the next week or so.
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  My own personal book. I have some self love courses
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  and there's some other things that are coming out as well.
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  Y'all meetups in person, workshops, all the other good
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  stuff, the links in the description of every single
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  video that I do and podcasts that I do.
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  But y'all thank y'all so much. So I think this is the easiest
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  thing to say. Y'all.
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  A lot of narcissists hate your friends and family because they
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  are your friends and family. Because a lot of narcissistic
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  people want to be your main source of validation, your main
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  source of support, Your main. They want to be your main
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  supply. You see what I'm saying?
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  They want to make sure that you don't have a support system a
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  lot of times because your friends and family can be fooled
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  sometimes. Like sometimes the narcissist
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  has your friends and family fooled about who they really
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  are. Like who is really the aggressor
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  in this relationship space? Who is treating who badly?
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  Who's the good person? Who's not the good person?
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  Sometimes they can trick your family and friends out, but not
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  all the time. When your friends and family can
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  see through the facade that that narcissistic person is
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  portraying to the world, then that's when you have the that's
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  when things start to get a little a little slippery, a
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  little slippery slope type stuff right there.
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  They don't want you around that. Especially if you are venting to
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  your friends and family. If they do something bad to you
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  and you run and tell your mom, or you run and tell your dad, or
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  you tell your best friend or whoever you decide to tell, they
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  hold that against you. They absolutely hold that
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  against you. No equivocation, no forgive.
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  Y'all they going to hold that against you?
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  We we we got to keep things private.
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  Why you telling everybody all our business now?
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  They can tell whoever they want to tell.
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  The narcissist can tell whoever they want to tell your business,
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  right? But you can't.
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  That's part of the double standard that exists in these
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  types of relationship spaces. Y'all.
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  But you can't do it. And you know you can't do it.
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  You're not allowed to do it because that's against the rules
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  and boundaries that the narcissist sets.
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  You know the narcissist can set boundaries.
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  You can't while you in these relationships with them.
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  But yeah, if you have vented to your friends and family and you
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  have sullied that their view of the narcissist, then guess what?
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  That narcissist doesn't want to be around them anymore because
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  of the shame that comes along with that.
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  They know who I really am or they have at least they have an
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  idea of who I really AM and I no longer want to be around them.
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  So a lot of times that narcissist or tax person you're
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  dealing with is going to try to force a lot of time.
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  They'll give you the ultimatum. A lot of times they will.
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  They don't want to be around your friends and family and
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  they'll force you not to be around your friends and family.
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  They'll just say, hey, look, I'm not.
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  They don't like me, so I'm not going to be around them.
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  I'm not. I'm not going to be around
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  anybody who doesn't like me. I'm not going to be, I'm not
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  going to be around anybody who doesn't like me.
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  I don't want to be around people who don't care about me, who do
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  this, who do that. They are going to say and do
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  things like that. Y'all they make you feel a
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  certain type of way. You know what I mean?
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  They're going to say things that make you feel like it's your
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  fault because you told them something.
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  They're going to make it seem like it's your fault.
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  So you so a lot of times if you in love or you if you are in
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  love with this person, addicted to this person, obsessed with
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  this person or trauma bonded and or trauma bonded to this person,
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  you're going to pick that narcissist over your friends and
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  family. You do, Yeah.
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  It happens all the time. Y'all over the last few years
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  I've talked to literally thousands of people who have cut
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  off their friends and family, or who friends and family have cut
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  them off because they are in a toxic relationship.
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  I've said this before, y'all, But when you're in a
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  relationship with a Narcis, it's damn near like being in a it's
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  damn near like being in a small little cult.
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  The cult is whatever the address of the cult is.
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  Whatever address. Y'all meet at the most your
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  house, wherever y'all live. If y'all live together, that's
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  that's the address of the cult, the cult of 1.
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  Like I'm your leader, you're my member and this is the only
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  person. And like if anybody, like I
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  said, the narcissistic person will won't mind being around
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  your friends and family as long as they like them.
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  But as soon as that viewpoint is sullied or or soured, they will
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  try to eliminate that person for your life.
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  Not like not. When I say eliminate, I don't
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  mean send. I don't mean send to heaven or
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  hell. I mean eliminate that person's
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  connection to you. Eliminate that, eliminate this
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  person's access to you. Because they don't want anybody
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  in their ear in your ear that's going to have a negative thing
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  to say about them. If you're not singing my
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  praises, you are singing my you are damning me, you mean.
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  If you're not singing my praise, you are damning me with a poem
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  or whatever you mean. So I don't want anybody around
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  you who is not singing my praises, who is not telling you,
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  who is not telling you to stay with me.
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  If people are telling you to leave me, I'm going to make it
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  seem like they're crazy. I'm going to make it seem like
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  they're jealous. I might actually make trying to
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  make it seem like that person or people are attracted to me or
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  they are attracted to you If there's your friend, especially
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  if you is a friend of the opposite.
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  Whatever sex you're attracted to, friend of the opposite of
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  same sex, Whoever you're attracted to, y'all, they're
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  going to try to eliminate that friend for your space.
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  Like they just want you. They just want you.
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  See, you will take advice as somebody you want.
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  You know what I mean? And a lot of times narcissists
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  also know the reason they hate your friends and family or
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  dislike them because they're insecure.
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  Y'all. Especially if you have friends
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  of the opposite sex or the same sex that they might think are
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  attracted to you. They are insecure that you might
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  not, maybe insecure that you're going to leave them for that
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  person, but insecure that you might value that person more
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  than you value them. Like that person has a larger
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  role in your life than a narcissist does, and a
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  narcissistic person that you're dealing with probably doesn't
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  like that. Y'all, let's keep it high.
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  The narcissist in your life doesn't like being second
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  fiddle, third fiddle, second rung, third rung.
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  So if anybody is in your life that they feel like is above
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  them, they're going to, they're going to lash out.
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  Y'all they're going to lash out. So if you I said this is what I
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  tell people, y'all, if you're going to be in a relationship
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  with the narcissist, don't let them isolate you because Narciss
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  want you to, They want to isolate you.
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  Y'all again, they want you in this cult with them like it's a
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  cult of me and you. They're going to make it feel
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  like they're going to make it seem like it's an equal, like
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  equal give, equal take. But it's not.
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  Maybe. It's certainly a relationship
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  with a narcissist in this on this planet, this equal give and
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  equal take, not even, not even a relationship with two
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  narcissists and is going to be that way.
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  Y'all. So you can have it you like.
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  If you're in a relationship with a narcissistic person, it could
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  be a very, very uniquely isolating experience.
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  Like I I I've heard people tell me people have said this saying
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  to me before like I've never been more alone than when I was
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  in a relationship with a narcissist.
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  I was like, damn, that's deep right there.
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  Because they isolate you. And they not only do they
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  isolate y'all, they don't want to hear your complaints either.
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  So if you if they've isolated you from your friends and family
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  and you have nobody else to complain to, they don't want to
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  hear it either. That's the that's the that's the
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  kind of the mix or the float that goes along with it.
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  They don't want to hear your complaints either, you know what
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  I mean? So it gets into a lot of these
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  spaces where that narcissistic person wants to isolate you and
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  succeeds in isolating you because you love them and you
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  want this relationship to work right.
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  And that's like to tell so many people y'all, you have got to
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  value yourself and your other relationships more than you
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  value this relationship with this toxic narcissistic person,
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  or at least as equal as you value this relationship or is
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  never going to work out. You can't live a truly happy
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  life. I've seen so many people lose
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  their like I've talked to so many parents and grandparents
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  whose sons and daughters are in relationships with narcissists
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  that they don't have a relationship with anymore.
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  But I don't have relationship with my son anymore because his
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  wife came to the picture and she is ballistically like she he's
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  like she you know she cheated on him.
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  I told him she cheated on him. I told him to leave her.
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  He told her that and she said, oh your mom hates me so I can't
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  be around your mom anymore. So he had he don't talk to his
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  Mama no more. That's yeah, I'm just telling
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  you it's a wild ass mindset to cut your mom off for a person,
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  for for a relationship partner that is treating you badly.
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  You see what I'm saying? It is a wild mindset.
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  It's a wild space to be in. So don't let that person isolate
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  you. If you have been isolated, y'all
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  if you already been. If you watching this video and
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  you've already been isolated from your friends and family,
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  start to reach out in small, unique, small ways.
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  Y'all, don't try to make a grand reentrance into their life.
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  Try to get back into their life in small ways.
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  Like baby baby steps back into their lives, baby steps reaching
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  and be safe. Of course be safe because your
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  narcissistic partner is not going to like it.
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  But so of course be safe. But start reaching out to y'all.
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  You don't want to be isolated in these spaces because that
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  narcissist, that's how the narcissist wants you.
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  They want you to live a life of quiet desperation, like where
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  you are desperate for attention, you're desperate for love, and
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  they're not going to give it to you.
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  They want to be the only source so they can neglect you.
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  You see what I'm saying? They want.
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  They don't like your friends and family because your friends and
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  family can support you. They can be there for you.
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  They can lend an emotional hand, they can lend, they can have
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  gives you some empathy and compassion and things like that.
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  When the narcissist is coming up short, sometimes they're jealous
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  of your friends and family. Like if you're they don't like
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  your friends and family because they're jealous of your friends
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  and family. Like your your sister has a
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  great relationship with her husband and I don't like that.
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  It makes me and I feel like their relationship is better
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  than ours. I don't want to be around them
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  anymore because I feel like I'm coming up short again.
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  The insecurities bubble to the service.
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  If your brother, like I say, if their brother has a good
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  relationship with his wife, I don't want to be around that
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  either. The wife is great.
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  The great person, you know, the husband is great.
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  I'm just telling you, they don't want to be around that either.
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  Y'all, yeah, I'm super sweaty in this girl.
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  Y'all it's a little heated and hot.
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  My son has a basketball game. So let me go record my videos.
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  But as I say, like I said, y'all, you have to stay in power
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  on this journey and don't let yourself get isolated.
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  If you're already isolated, start doing things for yourself,
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  getting out there in public, you know, reconnecting with people.
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  Don't let this be the end for you.
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  You y'all you. You don't let this be the end
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  for you. The narcissist, the people.
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  If they can get you, if your family and friends don't like
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  them, then I'm then the narcissist wants to match their
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  energy. You know what I mean?
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  They don't want you to have a support system.
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  But anyways, y'all take y'all for tuning into another episode.
• 10:46
  Make sure you subscribe to that newsletter so you don't miss out
• 10:49
  on my kids book. It's coming out.
• 10:50
  It's going to be a kids book then me and my wife cowrote that
• 10:53
  is going to be helping you know kids in toxic households.
• 10:56
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• 10:58
  It's going to be a great book out.
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• 11:05
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