Latest / That Mom / Stop Managing Everything: How to Build a Summer Routine Kids Actually Follow (with Nicole Gambino)
Transcript
- Maria Woods: To That Mom, the podcast where we explore finding more joy and more meaning in the beautiful chaos of motherhood. I'm your host Maria and I'm so glad you're here. Welcome back. Today is a special episode all about summer and our kids. Nicole Gambino is back again to teach us what structure we really need to keep in place, what routines matter even in the summer, and how to create confident kids who can take responsibility. Welcome back to that mom, Nicole. Okay, Nicole, welcome back. Thank you so much for having me. Thank you. I know the first episode we did together was a huge hit. So I'm really excited to talk all things summer. How can we not undo all the hard work we do in the school year in the summer? How can we apply structure? But first, I want to get to know you a little more because I think last time we didn't dive into how you got started. How I got started with my business. Yes. Okay. Well, I I struggled as a young student. And I found that taking control over what I realistically had control over was the key to moving forward. And with me, that was always home organization. So what I started to do is just find the largest surface area to spread out my work materials. I think as an adult, now looking back on that, I can say that that felt very grounding to my nervous system, which is like a huge, I don't want to say buzz phrase, but we use that a lot. I didn't realize that at the time, but that felt, like I just said, very grounding, very anchoring to me and for me. And I felt empowered to put the time in. And see what my capabilities were. And I guess I just started to create a self-management plan that ref was reflective of what was required academically at the time. Yeah. And it became an imprint. And then in my twenties, I started practicing just volunteering through a specific church. A specific library where I volunteered and I went overseas and taught for the first time in a government school in Jordan and loved it. And then I came back and worked in a private school, the landmark school, up in Beverly. And during this time, I just started to fine-tune that original organizational imprint because that's where the gap was. Yeah. So kids, you saw this with other children too, that they weren't able to kind of organize themselves to get done what they need to do in school. Yes. There were issues around initiation, follow-through, and overall self-regulation throughout a task from beginning, middle, and end. I love this because I think it's applicable. To ev to adults, to kids, you talking to you, I'm like, yes, we all need this, but of course we need this for our children too. And I personally agree spreading things out, being able to see them. Sometimes it's like just there's so many tabs going as an adult that for me, I think I need to see everything, write it down, get an idea. What am I working with? So to me, this makes sense. It's a bit. I don't know if it's intuitive or if also I'm wondering, I think I've developed similar strategies because I think my brain might be a little disorganized, a little like ADHD tendency. So I think I've developed some similar coping mechanisms to just figure it out. Well, some of us do. I I think you just hit the nail on the head. It typically, I mean, at least within the school system, I think it's executive functioning organization is assumed. It's assumed instead of being taught. Yeah. And what's the problem with that? What is the problem with that truly is that I don't think that we understand what it needs to look like in terms of environmental supports, right? In terms of having sort of a a manageable process that students can move through. In a classroom and specifically highlighting the bookends, the beginning and the end for anchoring what it looks like. I think that there's a lot of ambiguity around executive functioning, is ⁓ we need to use a planner, we need visuals, we need you need a system that's predictable and repeatable to start. And so when that's not taught to children, this executive functioning, because we're just assuming it. What happens to the child? They slip through the cracks. They slip through the cracks. And they don't, if I'm just going to be blunt and transparent, they don't think they're good at school. Yeah. They don't think that they are good students and they don't feel I'm quoting one of them, they don't feel clever. They don't feel capable. Because they're not able to meet the expectations of school. One hundred percent. And I think one of the reasons I I'm so passionate about executive functioning is that every child is capable of being one hundred percent successful. Wow. With executive functioning, especially when it's introduced at an early age. But it has to be taught. It's not something we can assume. No, it's a fundamental element of learning. Okay, some of us i for sure. It is intuitive for some of us. Okay. For me as a child, what was intuitive was having my room very clean. My mom will still make jokes to this day and say, you know, it was kind of weird, Nicole, that after you'd make your bed, no one would be able to sit on it. Well, that it for me, that was just a reflection of having everything in order. It made me feel good. It made me feel light. It made me feel organized. And so that was just transferred onto my homework. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So tell us a little bit about ⁓ where should we start? Should we jump into summer? Yeah, let's jump into summer because it's yes. It's summer now. We think we are just talking. It's just Just became summer June twenty-first. It's time. It's time. And and yes, this is very uncanny because my my own child just started his summer responsibilities slash routine two days ago. Okay. So it was quite bumpy. But let me, before we get into the nitty-gritty of that, because I was thinking about this a lot last night, when I was putting this plan together for him, as as I do with with other families, I always think about. Our overall goal, and that is sustainability. You want it to be sustainable. You want your child to be able to actually do this and be consistent. You want to see independent initiation and you want to see follow-through. Correct? Yeah. And in order for that to happen, we want to be able to set them up for success. So we want to do a little bit of brainstorming before we dive right in. Okay. And I Always encourage parents to pull in some guardrails that will anchor them to the plan that they're creating. Okay. And so those main guardrails would be number one, make sure it's practical and realistic. Okay. And really think about that before you assign them. Is this practical and realistic? Number two, in order for them to initiate independently. Which gives them a lot of pride and boosts their confidence, you are not gonna be motoring them or reminding them. So, how are you gonna get that messaging across? So typically I'll say Sunday huddle, a quick before the week begins, during dinner, when everybody's under the same roof. Okay, what what are we doing this week? What does this week look like? And make sure that your child is vocalizing. What their responsibilities are. Okay. And great. I have a question, but continue on. Go ahead. Go I don't want to. What what age can we start with? On five years old. Okay. They can do it. Great. And you are at such a disadvantage. Whereas my child is polite, thank God, and lovely and a wonderful young man. He's also a teenager and he is very combative right now. So I mean, I'm going to win those arguments because I'm looking at, you know, we're playing the long game here. It's teaching him responsibility and his energy shifts after he completes a tour. Like I know he there's a sense of feeling good about it. I know it. Okay. He doesn't show it, but I could just feel it. Okay. so yes, people with young children are at a huge, huge advantage. So again, the beginning of the week, it's okay, guys. So what are we doing tomorrow? Well, I need to, and to give you an example of that, I have a family right now who well actually let me I'm gonna go up, let me go back to ⁓ to the guardrails. So number one, practical and realistic. Yeah. Number two, the Sunday huddle or Monday, whatever works for your family. And every family dynamic is different. Okay. So whatever works for you is great. Number three, your children have to know that you are going to follow through. So that's just more of you as a single parent or with a spouse or partner making sure that there is a united front. Pull everybody in. Okay. This is the expectation. This is what we're doing, right? Got it. Next is transitions. So you want to make sure again that it's practical and realistic and your child can do it. Typically, you want to get them on a transition. So when they first wake up, or maybe as you know, my son, he gets almost an hour before he has to do anything because he Needs that time to have breakfast and zone out in front of the television. That works for our family. But he's also responsible for setting Alexa. So that, you know, Alexa set the timer for an hour. And when she goes off, he has to initiate and follow through. For another family, when her, I'm thinking about this, we just talked about this the other day. When her children, and I'm quoting her feet hit the floor. They have to move through their chores, Maria, before they do anything fun or recreational. Mm-hmm. Do you know what I mean? So that nothing necessarily needs to be written down or checked off. It becomes second nature and intuitive. And so you get the consistency through the daily movement. Okay. And this movement's important. It's It's how you it's how you create the imprint. It's that the strategy is the doing. It's the physical movement. It's the embodiment of the expectation. So that creates the habit, so to speak. Movement creates the habit. Not the parent reminding. Yeah. The movement. Okay. Movement. And these movements, so in this example where your feet hit the ground and you're you're Doing these chores. ⁓ What what type of chores are realistic? Let's just talk about some different age range. Cause we said realistic. And so I guess what have you seen in your practice that's realistic or not realistic? Like sometimes I can just throw them out. Yeah. Are parents thinking like my kid can do all this and really maybe they can't, or it's not something they can hold them to? Or what are the holdups on the realistic end? So the biggest challenge is when the plan is too ambiguous. Okay. So that might look like you need to mow the lawn every week. That's on your to-do list. That most likely isn't going to get done. You have to anchor it to a time frame and a day. Okay. Does that make sense? That totally makes sense. Whereas something like emptying the dishwasher, which I have three families that that's part of the chore, as well as my own son, that is the first task. That gets completed either upon waking up or when Alexa goes off. Yeah, that makes sense. So it's it's about the transition. Or, you know, a lot of kids go to camp and so they have to do their chores when they come home. They're going to remember because they're in the middle of a transition. And their parents are also asking them to vocalize right before they go to bed. All right, so what's the plan for tomorrow? When I get home, you'll you'll see an eye roll. When I get home from camp, I need to take the trash out. One of my students has to bring in the milk after it's delivered. Mm-hmm. Okay. Yes. So some chores again, you know, bringing in milk, eggs that that are, you know, dropped off locally, emptying the dishwasher, watering plants, flowers, making the bed. ⁓ even Preparing clothes for the next day. But again, anchor it to a time frame. Perfect. And I I mean, I love first thing in the morning. I know after camp could be a great one too. but yes, I see that with my own son who's six and a half. That first thing in the morning, or or we lose him, right? Because our days aren't as structured in the summer. He's not in camp every day. 100%. And you have a young child. Yes. So that would make sense. First thing in the morning. I have some students that even when they know the plan, they have a really tough time sustaining focus. And it isn't necessarily because of the ADHD, but it's also because you're asking them to follow through with a task that is not pleasing. They're not having fun. They don't want to do it. So it's high, it could be high distractibility. So Give them some earbuds. Put on some music. Make sure that they have some gum or a snack. It's how to make the task and the expectation more tolerable, easier to cope. So you get the follow-through. Yeah, that's great. And then in terms of routine, how much routine do kids need to be successful? Is it about accomplishing chores? Is it about you know, doing like I know my son's teacher, he just is leaving kindergarten. ⁓ and she's wonderful. So she sent home that she would like the kids, if they can, to read independently for 20 minutes every day. And she wants them to write or color every day. So, like, do you add those things into a routine if you 100%? Yeah. 100%. I would build them in every day. And you can even ask your child depending on their age. you know, when they might want to do that, just to to sort of involve them and engage them, even though they're really small. But you should know yourself when they're are going to be at their best to engage in that kind of an activity. Right. So then they might say, I like to read before bed, or you might know they're gonna be Not capable to do that because they're gonna be too tired or whatever it may be. Exactly. Yeah. Exactly. So and again, every family dynamic is different. So that's where you want, excuse me, to really think and and reflect on is this practical, is it realistic, and is it is it repeatable? Yeah, repeatable. The important structure. And then in this structure, do you take weekends off? I was just gonna go to that. Okay. Yes. Okay. Yeah, I need to take weekends off. So I think again, this isn't about necessarily being militant seven days a week. It's about, yeah, you know, we we've got to keep some structure and responsibility during the week and then just have some come some open space on the weekends if that works for your family. Yeah. Some families may say no. If I give that to my children, there is no way I'm gonna get it back on Monday. So that's fine. So that's where the whole individualizing comes into play. Yeah. And you could also probably have a different routine for the weekend. Like you still maybe make your bed, you still initiate brushing your teeth, you still initiate getting dressed, maybe emptying the dishwasher, but Maybe you're not doing other types of chores or other types of more schoolwork type things. 100%. Yes. And and just I think too, making them aware of that. There's so much to be said for having family conversations around the table. And it doesn't have to be laborious. It doesn't have to be heavy. It can be light and somewhat quick. And you don't have to be the one doing all the talking. Yeah. Yeah, it seems like a great idea, especially if a child is inputting something that they want to be part of their routine, or they're inputting a time or a place or a way to make it more enjoyable. I can see how there'd be greater buy-in. It 100%, because they feel like they're part of the process. They're part of that cultivation. Yeah. Which is fantastic. And I actually, when I was collaborating with a parent a couple of months ago. They have a board on their wall where they always have their child's ⁓ the the daily chores. And all of those chores are always reviewed every single Sunday. And so at one point, ⁓ we were or the parent was about to write the write down the chores, and I said, hang on, let's have your daughter and your son come in, let them write it themselves, because that creates ownership. Just like the verbalizing their part of their responsibility. Because really, does anybody like being told what to do? No, but I'm laughing because I certainly don't like being told what to do. So I I love, you know, when I can collaborate. So I see that as true. And I was mentioning my son who just just finished kindergarten. His teacher sent him a little checklist. And he's like, Well, how am I gonna do this every day? May I please make copies? So he took my copier, my printer, and made 37 copies to last him through June and July so that he can check things off every day from his teacher. So I thought that was like him really making plan. And that w and if that works for him, that's beautiful. Yeah. We made a couple edits of things that we said, okay, we're not gonna do that, but we're gonna add something on. And then we made all these copies and we stapled them together as a book. Yes. But he's excited about that. Like it's just was his idea. Because it was his idea, Maria. Yeah. Exactly. And because that's more of a to do list as opposed to regular habits, it would make sense for it to be written instead of trying to avoid the writing and internalize naturally. Okay. So when it's a regular habit. It's probably better not to have in writing and you want to internalize that. Yes. Like that I think, yes, through my practice, 100%. But I do have parents that while their child is learning the organizational management plan that I teach, they have the plan on paper for themselves because it's very grounding for them to have it. visually as well, but their children aren't checking it. Their children are already in the flow. It's it's becoming an imprint. So they are initiating intuitively. And so that would be things that you want to build as habits, like perhaps making your bed, perhaps emptying that dishwasher, perhaps and hygiene 100%. Nicole, I think this is the perfect time for us to take a break. And for you listening. Make sure and join us on the very next episode of That Mom to hear Nicole talk about why this is so important. What is the big payoff? What is the end game? Hint it involves building confident and capable kids. We also have examples of real routines. We can't wait to see you in the next episode. This is Maria, and you've been listening to That Mom. Thank you for being here. If this episode resonated, share it with a mom who needs it too. And if you're ready for more, your next episode is waiting. Because every conversation here is meant to empower you to live better.