Latest / The Difficult Boss Podcast with Fexingo: Managing Up, Toxic Managers, and Workplace Survival / Managing a Distracted Boss Who Never Pays Attention
Transcript
- Lucas: We got an email this week from a listener named Sarah, a marketing manager at a mid-size software company. Her boss, the VP of Marketing, spends their entire weekly one-on-one scrolling through emails. Sarah says she'll be explaining a campaign performance, and he's just swiping, tapping, occasionally grunting. At the end, he asks her to resend everything he wasn't listening to. Luna: I've had that boss. It's infuriating because you know your time is being wasted, but you feel powerless to call it out. Lucas: Exactly. And Sarah's situation is not unusual. A 2025 survey from the workforce analytics firm ActivTrak found that executives in Fortune 500 companies spend roughly 29% of meeting time on non-meeting tasks. Almost a third of the meeting is gone to multitasking. And the problem is worse in one-on-ones because the power imbalance is so stark. Luna: So what's the root cause? Is it just bad manners, or is there something deeper? Lucas: I think there are a few layers. One is the illusion of productivity. Many executives feel that if they're not doing two things at once, they're being lazy. But research from Stanford's Clifford Nass showed that chronic multitaskers are actually worse at filtering irrelevant information and managing working memory. They're not saving time; they're making worse decisions. Luna: Right, so the boss thinks he's being efficient, but he's actually undermining the quality of his team's work. What about the employee's perspective? Sarah probably feels undervalued. Lucas: Absolutely. When your boss can't give you ten minutes of uninterrupted attention, it signals that you're not a priority. Over time, that erodes engagement and trust. And it has real career consequences: if the boss misses the nuance of your work, they can't advocate for you accurately in leadership meetings. Sarah told us she got passed over for a promotion because her VP couldn't articulate her contributions during a staffing review. Luna: That's brutal. So what can someone like Sarah actually do? She's not in a position to scold her boss. Lucas: Right, you can't say 'Put down your phone.' But there are a few tactical moves that have worked for people I've coached. First, change the structure of the one-on-one. Instead of a freeform update, send a one-page written summary 24 hours ahead. Label it 'Pre-read for our 1:1: key metrics, decisions needed, and asks.' Then when you meet, say, 'I assume you saw the pre-read, so I'll just walk through the three decisions I need from you.' That frames the meeting as a decision-making session, which is harder to ignore. Luna: That shifts the dynamic from status update to needing a verdict. A boss who checks email during a monologue might stop when they have to give a yes or no. Lucas: Exactly. Second tactic: start the meeting with a question that requires their full attention. Instead of 'Let me walk you through the campaign,' say 'I need your opinion on something—we're deciding between two ad platforms and I'm stuck. Can I get your take?' That frames them as the expert whose input you genuinely need, not a passive recipient of information. Luna: And if they still reach for the phone, you have permission to pause. You can say something like 'Do you want me to wait until you've finished that email? I want to make sure we capture your thoughts.' Lucas: That's the third tactic: name the behavior without accusation. A soft phrase like 'Do you want me to circle back to this point when you've got a moment?' or 'I can resend the summary if you prefer to review offline' gives the boss an out without putting them on the defensive. Most bosses will realize they've been rude and refocus. Luna: What about meetings where the boss isn't just distracted but actively dismissive? Like when you're presenting to a larger group and the VP interrupts with something unrelated. Lucas: That's a different level. In group settings, you have less leverage. One technique is to use a 'parking lot' approach: 'That's a great point, let me jot it down in the parking lot so we can address it after I finish this update.' That honors their comment but keeps you in control of the agenda. If they persist, you may need a sidebar afterward: 'I noticed you had a lot on your mind during the presentation—maybe we can align beforehand next time so I can incorporate your questions.' Luna: And if none of that works? When do you decide it's time to escalate or leave? Lucas: Good question. I'd say look for two patterns. First, if the distraction consistently leads to bad decisions that affect your work—like the boss forgetting key details and then blaming you for a missed deliverable. Second, if your career growth is stalled because they can't advocate for you. In Sarah's case, after the promotion snub, she documented every instance of his distracted behavior and the consequences. She then requested a skip-level meeting with the CMO, not to complain, but to ask for career guidance and mention that she's struggling to get input from her VP. The CMO picked up on it. Luna: That's smart. Frame it as a need for mentorship, not a grievance. And the CMO might observe the VP's behavior and make changes. Lucas: Or they might not. But Sarah's case actually worked—the CMO started attending their weekly check-ins for a month, and the VP's multitasking vanished. The power of an audience is real. If the culture is broken, though, and you've tried these steps for six months without improvement, you have to consider leaving. A distracted boss is often a symptom of a wider cultural issue. Luna: Before we wrap, I want to revisit something you said earlier about the cost of these distractions. It's not just frustrating; it literally hurts your career. And that's a big reason we do this show—to give people concrete tools. Lucas: Absolutely. And if this episode has helped you think about your own situation, we want to keep making them. Listener support is what makes this possible—a couple of dollars a month at buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo genuinely makes a difference. No pressure, but if you've gotten something out of the show, that's where you can help us stay ad-free. Luna: Yeah, every little bit helps us keep digging into these tough topics. Now, back to tactics—one more thing I've seen work is the 'walking meeting' approach. For one-on-ones, if your boss is glued to their screen, propose a walking meeting. No phone, no laptop, just conversation. Lucas: That's a great one. Movement breaks the pattern. And it's harder to check email while walking. I've done that with a few clients and it almost always works better than sitting in an office. The key is to make the change sound like a benefit to them: 'I'm feeling a bit cooped up—want to take our 1:1 outside? Helps me think clearer.' Luna: Right, you're giving them permission to step away from the desk. And it's healthier for you too. Lucas: One more thing before we close: remember that managing a distracted boss is partly about managing your own expectations. If you go in hoping for a deep conversation, you'll be disappointed. Go in with a specific ask—one decision, one piece of advice—and if you get that, consider it a win. Protect your own time by keeping meetings short and focused. Luna: That's a good mindset. Don't expect them to change, but give them the best chance to help you. And if they don't, you have permission to adapt. Lucas: Exactly. And that's the real skill of managing up: not waiting for the boss to become a better person, but building systems that work despite their habits. Sarah ended up leaving that company six months later, but she got two great references and a better offer because she learned to navigate the system. Luna: I think that's a powerful note to end on. You can't control your boss's behavior, but you can control your response and your career trajectory. Lucas: Thanks for listening, and we'll be back next week with another episode on managing difficult bosses. In the meantime, if you have a story to share, email us—we read every one.