Latest / The Inspired Speaker Network / Intentional Parenting: How to Raise Confident, Emotionally Healthy Kids | S2008

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Intentional Parenting: How to Raise Confident, Emotionally Healthy Kids | S2008 · The Inspired Speaker Network

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  If you're tired of hiding your brilliance behind stage fright,
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  scripts, or playing it safe, then you are in the perfect place.
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  This is the Inspired Speaker Podcast, and I'm your host, Danielle Benzon,
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  professional rebel, voice coach, and your guide to speaking with confidence, charisma, and zero BS.
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  Around here, we don't chase perfection. We choose connection. So grab a hot beverage,
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  warm up those vocal cords, and get ready to fall wildly in love with the sound of your voice.
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  Let's get inspired. Today is a very special day because this is the absolute first time ever
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  I have had two guests on my podcast at the same time. So exciting. So today we have Tammy and
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  Shannon. They are the co-hosts of the Guiding Parent Podcast, which is on the Inspired Speaker
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  Network. They host together, they do their podcast together, so of course they are doing
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  their interview together. I am so stoked to have them here. Thank you so much for being here,
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  Tammy and Shannon. Thank you, Danielle. We're glad to be here. We've got a mom-daughter team,
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  so I'm going to get you each to introduce yourselves a little bit and tell us
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  about why on earth you decided to do this crazy thing that was start a podcast with me and five
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  other people to start the network because it was very intense. I think it was very fun.
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  Now you're running the podcast and it's going really well. I'm really enjoying the episodes.
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  But what made you say yes? And also just tell us a little bit about you and where you are.
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  So Tammy, I'm going to ask you first. What made you say yes to the network?
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  Oh my gosh, I don't know why I said yes.
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  I don't know. Looking back, I'm not sure.
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  I know. You know, we had talked about doing a podcast for quite a while and it just
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  hadn't seemed like the right time yet. And then you brought it up and it was like, well,
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  and for some reason it just seemed like, OK, let's do this. And so we jumped in, ready or not,
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  more not, and learned as we went. And it was a whirlwind. It was a crazy whirlwind because we
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  had to put it all together really, really quickly. And it turned out great because,
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  well, you, number one, were so much support and really helped hold our hands and make it all OK.
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  But also our network, our group of people are wonderful. And so just having that group that
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  we can, everybody just kind of supports each other and is there for each other. So it just
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  helps. You know, you feel like you're not in it by yourself. You're not in it alone. And you've
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  got these other people that are just starting out, too. And so it's ended up being really great.
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  And I'm so glad we we jumped in ready or not. But and it's it's just come along.
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  Yeah. Yeah. We you really I really wasn't sure. I thought you were going to say no.
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  And then you're like, yeah, let's do this. OK.
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  So it really it really was. Well, I'm so glad you did it. Your podcast is amazing now.
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  So, Shannon, were you just kind of dragged along by your coattails? How did you get involved in
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  this? I mean, like my mom said, like we've kind of like floated this idea of doing it someday
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  in the future, eventually kind of thing. And, you know, it's kind of been in part of that you're
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  talking about, like if I would co-host with her or something like that. And so then when she
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  mentioned it, it just kind of seemed perfect. And definitely it was sort of like, OK, let's,
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  you know, jump in together and figure this out as we go. But, you know, for me, like I've had
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  the perks of being raised within this, you know, kind of mindset around how to parent and then now
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  parent my own child that way. And so it seems sort of perfect to have like my mom as a parenting
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  expert and me as someone who parents from that and, you know, has a kid and, you know, is in
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  the trenches, so to say. And so it just seemed like the kind of perfect scenario for creating
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  something that would hopefully really support other families. And it is really fun. We get to
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  do it together. Yeah. So you guys are obviously very close. I mean, I don't think every family
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  has that luxury of being or not luxury is the wrong word, privilege of being close with, you
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  know, parents and kids being close. But you two, I think you guys talk most weeks anyway. Is that
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  true? We talk most days anyway. Really? Most days? OK, wow. OK. Like if I go three days without
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  talking to my mom, I'm like, oh, God, is one of us like something wrong? Oh, wow. OK. OK, cool.
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  So this really is just an extension of your lives. It's just like letting the audience in on what's
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  going on already. Absolutely. I mean, that's one of the things we've joked about is that we've
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  taken these conversations that we would have had on the phone anyway. You know, me calling my mom
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  and being like, oh, my kiddo's doing X, Y, Z. You know, what do I do? How? You know, and just turn it
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  into a podcast of things that we would have been talking about anyway. So it's kind of fun. Nine
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  times out of ten, she knows exactly. She just needs to talk it through. Right. I have a really, really
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  excellent sounding board, so I'm lucky. But that's what good parenting is, isn't it? It's
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  about making that space for them to to figure it out for themselves. So you're still doing it, Tammy.
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  So The Guiding Parent is about this guiding mindset. And you have a book coming out,
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  Tammy, on that. And this is this is a philosophy that you've been living and breathing for an
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  I don't want to say an extremely long time because, you know, but for much of your life.
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  So can you tell us a bit about, you know, why?
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  What is it? What is it? And why is it important? What is it? What are you what are you talking
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  about? You're not just talking about parenting in general. You're talking about a specific type
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  of parenting on your podcast. Yes, absolutely. It's, you know, we most of us were not raised for
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  in a manner of what we need for for the world that we're that we're in and children are going into.
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  And a lot of our parenting and the way we raise kids in general are the way society looks at
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  children isn't necessarily optimal for their full development, for their ability to really
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  be who they are and reach their potential and all that. And so that's really what the
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  guiding mindset is. It's a change in how we look at and think about children and and how we want to
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  help nurture and guide them so that they really can, you know, reach their potential. So it's
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  just kind of a changing, changing the way we think and having a different mindset in how we're
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  nurturing, nurturing kids. And there are seven principles that go along with that, with the idea
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  that when we when we put these principles in place, we have the guiding mindset, we put these
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  principles in place, then regardless of whatever, you know, our kids throw at us, whatever crazy
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  thing is going on with them, we'll be able to figure out what's the right thing to do, not just
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  like in this moment. How am I going to get them to stop, you know, screaming right now, but in a way
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  that also supports their their their full development and and, you know, their whole
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  selves, not just stop screaming now. But, you know, how do I how do I guide them so that they have
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  better tools to deal with why they're screaming, you know, to have better have better ways to, you
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  know, they're learning how to regulate those emotions. Yeah, so it's just it's the ideas for
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  there to be for parents to be able to find their find the answers to those difficult moments.
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  I mean, I think this is so important. I'm not a parent myself, but I am. I kind of feel like
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  parenting is any sort of leadership, you know, like you parent yourself, you parent your employees,
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  you parent your your, you know, you and your spouse parent each other in some ways. Like,
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  I feel like these are these are principles that are extremely important for our young people,
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  but also their their human communication skills in general, like these are all very important.
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  And I know Shannon, so Shannon, you grew up, you're, you know, Tammy already had these
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  principles, or at least mostly had these principles while you were being raised.
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  Sorry, they were in process. She was the guinea pig, right? Yeah.
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  So were you aware of it? Like, I know you're aware of it now, like as a parent, you're like,
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  very aware of what your mom did with you and what you're doing with your kiddo.
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  But as a kid, how aware were you of the way you were being parented?
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  I think I was conscious of it more in like,
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  there were certain things that I knew happened in other people's houses that
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  were probably not great that weren't happening in mine kind of thing. And, you know, having friends,
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  we talked about this in one of our podcasts recently, like, in dealing with, you know,
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  telling kids know that I had friends who like would hear be told just no, no explanation,
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  no, you know, anything was just absolutely not my way or the highway kind of parenting.
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  Whereas, you know, in our house, if there was something we couldn't do, for whatever reason,
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  we got the reason. And so there was just so much more communication around different decisions,
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  like we felt like we were part of decision making processes most of the time. And so,
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  you know, I'm the oldest of there's four kids in our family, I'm the oldest. And so I think I got
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  to watch it a little bit with myself, but then also be conscious of it with, like, there's a
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  five and a half year gap between me and the next brother. And then the little kids who are obviously
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  now all in their 30s are like a year apart. And so, yeah, I think I mean, I don't know that I
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  would have like at the time been like, Oh, well, you know, I'm being parented in this optimal way
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  and you know, super serious about it. But I definitely did pick up on you know, there were
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  things in our house that worked better, or, you know, worked for our family in a way that I felt
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  was really positive. And do you feel like it's affected you into adulthood? Absolutely. I mean,
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  that's one of the things that like I've talked about with my son is that, you know, there are so
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  many different aspects of privilege that he has. And one of them is having a parent who gets to
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  parent from almost muscle memory. Like I've talked about this before, like so many parents now,
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  you know, who have kids have to override their defaults, because you get your defaults from how
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  you were parented. And so my defaults are great. Because of how I was parented. I don't have to
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  fight against what my initial reaction is, because, you know, nine times out of 10, my initial
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  thought of how to handle a situation is what I would want to do if I had had an hour to think
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  about it. And that is 100% a result of being raised in a way that was supportive, and you know,
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  mindful and thoughtful and all of these things. And like, it's absolutely not to say that everything
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  was perfect. But at the end of the day, those default that I think I have, you know, kind of
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  internalize, or make my life infinitely easier, I think. I hadn't even thought of that. That's
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  amazing. So the the kind of cumulative effect over the generations is going to be amazing.
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  It's going to be so yeah, and like my mom and I have talked about that before, like, what's the
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  opposite of intergenerational trauma? Like, you're walking back some of these things where rather than
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  defaulting to, you know, what happened to you as a child that wasn't great, you have the opposite.
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  And, you know, I get that. And then what does my child get to then when he's a parent and how
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  these things can cycle in a really beautiful, positive way, too.
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  Oh, I love that so much. And I mean, sounds like you did an amazing job, Tammy. So well done.
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  What is it like watching your your adult daughter parent? Like, what's that like, Tammy?
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  Oh, I love it. I love it. She's, well, she she has taken what her parenting and then added so
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  much. She, you know, she she's a way she's a much better parent than I was. Because, you know,
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  she had that. And then, you know, she's so conscientious. And, you know, she definitely
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  parents with intent. She definitely wants to make sure she's making choices that support,
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  you know, support her son and becoming, you know, becoming who he is. And so, you know,
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  that's just so second nature for her. And it's it's fun to it's fun to watch. And I get to be
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  so proud. I mean, that's so beautiful. And I'm just I'm so I'm so glad you guys are part of
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  the network because it it brings so much. I think parenting is one of those things that touches
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  everybody, everywhere. You know, everyone has parents. Not everyone has children,
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  but everyone has parents. And we've all been parented. And we all have opinions about
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  about how that went, and how it should go. And, you know, we all have our own relationship with
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  ourselves. And, yeah, there's just, there's so much impact that these conversations can have.
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  So I'm really glad that you are having these conversations in public, so that other people
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  can listen to you, and share and ask questions and, and relate to what you're going through.
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  Tammy, what do you think the biggest challenge is for parents who, who are their parents now,
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  and they haven't had good examples for themselves? Like, so, unlike Shannon, they've,
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  they've had parents who maybe were very reactive or very, very neglectful or just absent. What do
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  you what do you think their biggest challenge is trying to do the right thing, but not having a
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  default template to fall back on? Well, it really, it really takes awareness,
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  because unless we consciously make different choices, we're going to parent the way we were
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  parented, because that's the model, it's somewhat ingrained in us, because, you know, as children,
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  we were just absorbing all of this. And so we're most likely to parent, you know, to react and
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  respond in ways that that our own parents did. So the I think the biggest thing is just becoming
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  conscious, having that awareness and starting and starting to see our very first principle is it
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  starts with you. And so that's, that's what that's it is that, you know, you have to look at yourself
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  and go, okay, how, you know, how was I parented? And, you know, what's the good, the bad and the
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  ugly? What do I you know, what do I want to keep? What do I what do I want to change? And then,
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  you know, have have that awareness so that when those moments happen, you can go, oh, okay,
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  and they're going to happen, you know, no matter how, no matter how well you were parented, or what
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  a great parent you are, you're going to have those moments. So yeah, being able to then go, oh, okay,
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  I didn't like how that went. And then, you know, we can always we can always look, look repair one
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  of our one of our podcasts is parent or kids don't need perfect parents. And so you know,
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  it's it's an ongoing process for all of us to just continually keep that awareness and just
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  stay as conscious as we can so that we can, you know, we can choose and, and know that depending
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  upon the moment, how stressed we are, how tired we are, what else going on, you know, we'll,
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  we'll show up in varying degrees of what we have what we ultimately want to want to be.
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  Well, I think we all have something that we want to aspire to. And I mean, even again,
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  I'm not a parent, but I think all parents have something like an ideal way they want to parent
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  and we all fall short of our aspirations all the time as human beings. I think, for me, I think,
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  and I'm curious to see what you think about this. I think that the biggest difference between an
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  effective parent and perhaps less healthy parent is not how often they fail, but how they recover.
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  Absolutely. Absolutely. I really believe it's all about repair. That when we make a mistake,
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  you know, old school would be like parent is always right. So parents can't make mistakes
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  because, you know, but when kids get to see that, yeah, we're human and we make mistakes too,
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  then they also learn how to repair from, you know, when they fall short, when they make mistakes. So,
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  you know, when we do screw up with our kids coming back and going, I didn't like that. I'm sorry.
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  We can apologize to our children and start over, you know, say, let's have a do-over
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  and start again. But, you know, coming back and repairing that connection, because when we have
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  those moments, we end up with a disconnect. And so just continually coming back and reinforcing
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  our connection is, you know, one of the biggest pieces is keeping that connection strong.
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  And finding healthy ways to take accountability. I mean, I think that's one of the things that
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  adults in the world are lacking the most is because we don't know how because we haven't
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  had it modeled. So I think, you know, no matter how fallible or imperfect you are as a parent,
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  as long as you're coming back and showing up and taking accountability and doing your best
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  and communicating. Yeah, I think that sounds like the biggest game changer.
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  Um, so but you guys, you're not even living in the same city right now, are you? Janet,
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  you're somewhere. Janet, you're somewhere else. Well, I mean, everyone's somewhere else,
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  because we're on the internet. But yeah. My husband is in the Air Force. And so we've
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  gotten to live all over the place at this point. But currently we are stationed in Hawaii,
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  which is delightful. What's that like for your kiddo?
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  I'm amazing. Oh, my gosh. He was like, I now it's been three and a half years since we've been here.
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  And so like now I think of him as this, you know, little beach bum. And, you know, he's a sunshine
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  baby. Forgetting that the first time he came to Hawaii, which was, I don't know, about a year
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  before we actually moved here. He hated the beach. He hated the sand. He wanted nothing to do with
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  any of it. And grumbled the entire vacation. And he would happily go to the pool, but wanted
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  nothing to do with the ocean. And now, you know, Friday night, Mom, can you check the surf report?
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  Because I want to go boogie boarding tomorrow. And maybe we can go Saturday and Sunday.
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  And, you know, and we're really lucky. Also, you know, we live on a military installation,
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  which makes it a little bit easier to keep him contained. So he gets to just go run around our
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  neighborhood. He has a lot of freedom. It's really nice for him. You know, in this lovely age of
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  technology, he's got a smartwatch so I can stalk him and know where he is. But other than that,
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  I get to, you know, and he's got boundaries, obviously, of where in our neighborhood he's
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  allowed to go. But yeah, he gets a lot of freedom, which is really nice. And that is allowing him to
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  just kind of, you know, we don't have to worry too much about the weather because it's kind of
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  nice.
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  Which is not the same where Tammy is right now.
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  No. I'm in Oregon. So we're just coming into the rainy season is about to start.
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  Is this why you talk so much? Because you're you're living in opposite sides of the world?
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  No, did you always?
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  Always.
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  Wow. I think it's amazing. Life goals, for sure. It's beautiful. You have, you two, and I listen to
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  obviously, I listen to all of your podcasts. You two have such a beautiful relationship. It really
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  shows you have so much fun. You know each other so well. You're very close. You've got such a
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  wonderful dynamic. Your conversations are so fun to listen to. You've got all these little stories
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  that are not like, not embarrassing, like poking fun at each other, but just kind of these fun,
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  kind of silly little stories of, you know, Shannon when she's growing up and then obviously of your
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  kiddo as well. It is like being on a fly on the wall listening to your conversations. It really
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  is just like, oh, they're having this one. It is kind of like listening in on your phone call.
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  So it's really beautiful. So before we talk a bit more about the future of the podcast,
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  I'd love to just hear a bit more about what you do. I don't know, Shannon, if you want to
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  talk about your life outside of the podcast or if you want to stay on the guiding mindset
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  kind of arena. But for both of you, just a little bit more about like your background
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  and where you're coming from and how you move in the world. Sure, I can start. So outside of being,
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  you know, a backup, not backup, but co-host of a podcast, I'm really lucky to work on a
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  research grant. So I work on the administrative side, not the scientific side. But we are
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  studying autoimmune diseases and different interventions to try and create tolerance
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  within the immune system, allowing for people to have immune diseases or, you know, things like
• 21:09
  allergies or have undergone transplants to exist without like daily intervention. So moving
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  it away from people having to take medications consistently to like a single intervention that
• 21:22
  then like is, you know, life changing and allows them to, you know, either be in remission or,
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  you know, not be an active disease. And so I have been really lucky to work on this grant
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  for 13 years now. And so it's super fun to be doing something like I'm not a scientist. I'm
• 21:39
  not going to solve type one diabetes, but I get to work with people who can and hopefully will
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  someday, you know. And so it's super fun to, you know, kind of be on the edge of this cutting edge
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  science and getting to watch that happen in real time. And then other than that, mom, which takes
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  up quite a bit of my time. I can imagine. You know, we're recording this on my kiddo's birthday,
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  which is kind of fun. And so, yeah, that's definitely a huge portion of my life is,
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  you know, helping him become the kind of little human we want to have in the world.
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  And then when, you know, I do have free time, I love to read. I am attempting to become a
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  sporty spice, as I like to jokingly call it. I have never been a sporty spice. And so, you know,
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  obviously, now that I am fully grown and my joints want nothing to do with it, I have decided
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  to take up running. And yeah. So my goal, we'll see if I actually get there, is to do the Honolulu
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  Sprint Triathlon. But that's been my goal the last two years now. And so we still haven't quite
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  hit it, but we're going to keep trying. You'll get there. I believe in you.
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  I've learned, I've learned things about you today, Shannon.
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  Awesome. And also, yeah, and you're the co-host of this podcast now.
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  Yeah.
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  Really fun. And an extension of your mom-ness, I guess, because it is.
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  Yeah. And I was really lucky, like, you know, not only did I grow up with my mom parenting me,
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  but also, you know, I grew up in her preschool. She started it when I was two and a half. And so,
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  you know, promptly had to kick me out because, you know, I was a little bit of a situation there for
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  a minute. Maybe a two and a half year old.
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  Her favorite thing is to say she got kicked out of her mother's preschool.
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  Yeah. Quite proud of myself for that one. But, you know, I went to school there until I, you know,
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  finished kindergarten. And then when I started elementary school, she started a summer elementary
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  program. And, you know, while I was even in elementary school, I was, you know, a helper
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  around the school. And then as, you know, I got older, I more and more, you know, helped out and,
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  you know, was kind of like a pretend substitute teacher until I was like 16, 17 years old and
• 23:58
  could actually be a substitute teacher and really, you know, help. And so I got really
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  lucky in just getting to absorb child development and how little people are kind of by osmosis,
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  just growing up in it. And so that, I think, is another huge privilege that I've had in terms of,
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  you know, how that's influenced how I parent and how I, you know, am with little people.
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  I got to just kind of, you know, I think at one point or another, all of me and my siblings have
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  worked there. And so we all kind of got to soak up being around kids and, you know, what is kind of
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  the best ways to handle different scenarios with little people. Family is the family business
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  kind of thing. Yeah, I love it so much. And Tammy, so tell us about the school and tell us
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  about everything else. Well, I had a Montessori preschool for 24 years. And like Shannon said,
• 25:00
  I started it when she was two and a half. And it was supposed to be so lovely because I was going
• 25:04
  to have my little girl there. And, you know, it was going to be so nice. I could work, but still
• 25:08
  have her near. And yeah, she wasn't going for having to share mom with these other kids. And
• 25:15
  was terrible. She was terrible. She would get in the middle of circle time and scream. She'd
• 25:22
  climb up on shelves and she was really... That was a lot. I love it. So she ended up going to
• 25:30
  another Montessori school where a friend of mine worked. And so I would drive her quickly down to,
• 25:36
  you know, to this before I opened my school and drop her off with my friend. And because
• 25:42
  that program didn't open quite yet. And so my friend would take her and then I'd rush back
• 25:48
  and open my school. And then at lunchtime, I'd go get her and bring her back. But luckily,
• 25:54
  that was only for one year. And then my friend actually came and taught. We opened a second
• 25:59
  classroom and came in and taught at my school and Shannon was in her room. And so then it was all,
• 26:05
  we were all back to normal. She just was not, it was just too much trying to share mom and have mom
• 26:12
  be a teacher and not just solely her mama. I can imagine. Yeah. And it was a real challenge
• 26:20
  because, you know, here the whole idea was I was going to be with my little girl and now I started
• 26:25
  this program and I'm, and this is not going the way it was planned at all. But it all did finally.
• 26:31
  So I had, we had the school for, for 24 years. And like Shannon said, all the kids worked at it
• 26:38
  at one point or another in some way. I've said before, I think it's actually in one of the
• 26:45
  podcasts to the best ever memory for me was the summer that, that Shannon was actually my assistant
• 26:53
  for the summer. We did the summer program together and she was a true assistant at that point. She
• 26:58
  was old enough and she really was like the best assistant I've ever had. And her little brother
• 27:04
  wasn't quite old enough to be true staff, but he also was kind of, you know, at that point in the
• 27:12
  summer elementary that he was done. And so he was our helper. And so I had this summer of working
• 27:18
  with the kids with both my kids and it was, it was very cool. So that was, yeah. And when I,
• 27:25
  when I sold, sold child's view I was able to find a person who had, you know, similar
• 27:33
  views and, and, you know, all of the like education for peace is a really big thing for me. And nature
• 27:41
  is a really big thing. And those were really important to her too. And so, you know, it,
• 27:45
  it continues on today. And so that's, that's lovely. And I then moved into working with adults.
• 27:53
  So I, I teach classes at a community college and I'm doing workshops. I've done workshops for
• 28:00
  parents and, and educators on various subjects and writing the book, The Guiding Parent. And now
• 28:07
  here we are doing the podcast. Yeah. And the, the book is going to be a wonderful compliment
• 28:12
  to the podcast when it comes out. I just kind of overview of, of it all. Yeah. And you've got
• 28:21
  seven principles or seven principles, seven principles. So I'm assuming those are all
• 28:26
  very well detailed in the book. You're more kind of discussing how the principles are applied in
• 28:32
  the podcast. Whereas I imagine the book kind of defines things a bit better. The book goes into
• 28:37
  more about, you know, the whys and the whys of the, of the principles, but also a little, you
• 28:43
  know, how to, how to put them into use. Very cool. Very cool. I love this. I love what you're doing.
• 28:50
  I love the, we're so aligned in like the values and how you are moving through the world and what
• 28:56
  you're building and, and how you want to help people and affect people. It's, it's so important
• 29:01
  to me to have voices like yours amplified on the network. It's, it's just, yeah, it's a really,
• 29:08
  really big deal. So where are we, where are we going with The Guiding Parent podcast? What is
• 29:15
  the dream? What if, if, if you could have any future that you could possibly imagine, what
• 29:21
  would, what would happen with the podcast? What would it look like in 10, 15 years?
• 29:27
  Be all end all. Parents would flock to The Guiding, The Guiding Parent podcast to hear just
• 29:34
  that it would transform how, you know, everybody parents and makes life easier for people as
• 29:39
  parents. But really what we I think both Shannon and I, you know, what we really hope for is to
• 29:45
  create like a village that we can be part of, that we can create like a village that, that
• 29:51
  supports parents. You know, we, we think of it as, as the parenting journey and that we can be there
• 29:57
  to support, you know, support parents on their parenting journeys. And so that they have,
• 30:01
  especially because today we're so spread out, you know, so many, most, most families don't
• 30:08
  really have a lot of support. You know, their own families may be, you know, far away or, or maybe
• 30:16
  they don't want their, you know, their family to be directly involved. So, you know, we need
• 30:23
  support. We're not meant to do this, you know, families aren't meant to just do it all alone.
• 30:27
  So, you know, hopefully we can, we can be a village that, that supports people along the way.
• 30:34
  Yeah. Yeah. Our little tagline is with you on the journey. So like my mom said, you know,
• 30:38
  we really want to create, you know, community that does lift up, you know, parents and families.
• 30:47
  And, you know, hopefully the results of that is that then we have a generation that grows into
• 30:52
  adults that are kind and, you know, conscious and, you know, ultimately then they can parent their
• 30:59
  kids that way. And, you know, we can, you know, all live in sunshine and rainbows, but realistically,
• 31:06
  I mean, I do think that, you know, we've seen in the world what a generation of dysregulated people
• 31:12
  does and it's not great. And so, you know, if we can add, you know, one by one, child by child,
• 31:19
  you know, a group of people who, who can, you know, handle the struggles of the world and do
• 31:24
  it in a way that, you know, makes everything just a little bit better for those around them. I think
• 31:29
  that, you know, that sends us on a better trajectory. I can't even imagine a few generations down, but
• 31:36
  even just one or two, trying to imagine a world where emotional regulated humans are the norm
• 31:45
  and people are emotionally mature and can talk through their problems and can feel emotions
• 31:50
  without inflicting them on other people and can, you know, respond to change and stress in a way
• 31:55
  that is compassionate to themselves and to other people. I can't, I can't even imagine what that
• 32:01
  world would look like. There's a quote that I love. It's, it was between, well, there's
• 32:09
  different debates on where it came from, but between Gandhi, Mahatma Gandhi and Maria Montessori and
• 32:15
  Gandhi says, it's true. You've truly stated that if we're to, to create real change in the world,
• 32:21
  we have to begin with the children. And so it's all kind of part of my, you know, I said, part of,
• 32:28
  part of what I really care about is education for peace. And this, it really is the foundation for
• 32:33
  that. Yeah. If children grow up, you know, regulated and meeting their potential and feeling
• 32:40
  fulfilled and, and cared about, they're going to be completely different. We'll have a completely
• 32:45
  different world. And, you know, that sounds all like la la la pie in the sky, but, you know,
• 32:50
  that that's the possibility with children really having what they need. And it's kind of the flip
• 32:56
  side of that too, is like, one of the things that I love about, you know, guiding parent principles
• 33:02
  and how I, you know, kind of involve them in our family life and in my own parenting is it makes me
• 33:08
  so much more confident as a parent. Like I feel empowered and how that impacts my own like
• 33:15
  self and like stress levels and all of that. And so, you know, if we have kids that are better
• 33:21
  regulated, we also then, you know, the flip side of that is we have parents that are better regulated
• 33:25
  and feel more confident going into parenting and what a difference that makes just for, you know,
• 33:31
  parents day-to-day life to feel confident and, you know, to have a village and to have support
• 33:37
  structures that, you know, lift them up too. So I think, you know, we can support our kids and we
• 33:43
  can support families and parents and make it better for everybody. I think when parents really
• 33:50
  have a better understanding of why is my kid acting this way, you know, when they realize,
• 33:54
  oh, he's not really trying to just annoy the crap out of me. He's, you know, he's having
• 34:01
  difficulty himself. When we realize that it's development that it or lack thereof, you know,
• 34:06
  and kids just have big emotions and we start to understand what's really going on with them.
• 34:11
  It's much easier not to get quite so fired up. I mean, they're still for us to be very frustrating,
• 34:17
  but, you know, we're going to handle it better and make sense of it better and have,
• 34:23
  like Shannon said, have a lot more confidence when we understand what's going on.
• 34:27
  Yeah, compassion and empathy over control. And I think this is why I think your podcast is so great,
• 34:33
  even for people who aren't even planning on having kids. I mean, obviously, for people who are
• 34:36
  planning or have kids, it's amazing. But even for people like me who I'm not planning on having
• 34:41
  children at all, there are a lot of adults out there who are still children. And so, you know,
• 34:47
  learning that compassion and the empathy and instead of trying to control other people,
• 34:53
  trying to understand them and figuring out where they're from, and ourselves as well. You know,
• 34:58
  I do a lot of self-parenting too. And it's just, yeah, I do think, I mean, it sounds so hyperbolic
• 35:05
  and I feel kind of cringy saying it, but I think podcasts like this could change the world, you
• 35:09
  know, and I do. I want to live in a world where these principles are like, well, duh, not, oh,
• 35:17
  wow, this is a new way of doing things. I never thought of it like that. It was like, yes,
• 35:20
  of course. Well, of course, that's the world I want to live in. So thank you both for
• 35:25
  contributing to making that world a real place. Before we wrap up, I would love to hear,
• 35:32
  is there any, and I'm putting you on the spot because we didn't prep this at all.
• 35:36
  Do you have any like favorite little stories or something? Favorite little family story,
• 35:41
  like a silly, fun, anything you'd like to share? I just, I love hearing your stories.
• 35:51
  I know Shannon shared one that wasn't on the podcast backstage about something about going
• 35:57
  through a window. That one is fun. So when I was very small, I had to have been like two and a
• 36:09
  half, maybe three months. Does that sound about right? Thankfully we had a first floor, you know,
• 36:18
  my bedroom window went to the backyard. Oh my gosh, if it had been a two story.
• 36:24
  Right. But underneath my window was my sandbox. And so one time I just decided to subvert, you
• 36:30
  know, having to go all the way through the house and out the door and just climbed out my window
• 36:34
  and popped myself right in my sandbox. And as far as I know, you didn't know where I was for a minute
• 36:41
  or did you know that I climbed out the window?
• 36:47
  That's probably true. I just remember you climbing out the window.
• 36:52
  But you didn't see her climbing out the window. You just obviously figured it out at some point
• 36:57
  that she had. Well, there were shelves underneath the window that she could climb up on.
• 37:05
  Actually, the memory in my head is seeing you actually plopping out, you know,
• 37:11
  kind of just plopping, you know, as it came to happen, went out. But yeah. Sometimes as kids,
• 37:19
  we think we're being stealthy and our parents actually just watching us going, I wonder what's
• 37:22
  going to happen. That is one of my favorite things that I realized as a parent is how frequently,
• 37:28
  like as a kid, I thought I got away with something. And really it was like, oh, that is
• 37:33
  not worth having seen. I will just pretend that I have no clue that happened because otherwise I
• 37:40
  have to do something about it. And I do not. So there's always those little things that like,
• 37:45
  you know, they're not going to, yeah, they're not going to make or break the world. And so we'll
• 37:48
  let the little people feel like they, they got one over.
• 37:54
  Shannon was the cutest little thing and she, she could, she definitely had her mischievous feisty,
• 38:00
  feisty moments. Shall we, I can tell the story of when, when I did have to send her
• 38:09
  to the other school. And I think I know what story this is.
• 38:14
  That I was told about this, you know, my, my, well, you weren't really disruptive, but,
• 38:21
  you know, the antics of my, my child that in Montessori, there is a hand washing activity.
• 38:28
  And the idea is, you know, the precision of it and, and, you know, your hands in water and all
• 38:33
  of this, but there's all these steps to it. The child gets to go, you know, they have a pretty
• 38:38
  little basin and they go and get water in a, in a pitcher and pour it in. And, you know, then they
• 38:45
  get, they have special soap and when they're finished their special, special hand cream that
• 38:50
  they get to put on and, you know, then they, you know, they clean it all up. Anyway, it's this
• 38:53
  whole process. It's a very special thing to get to do. It's almost meditative in how like exact
• 38:59
  each step is. Very like supposed to be calm and yeah. So Shannon gets it all set up. You know,
• 39:06
  she has, she has her bowl. She's gone and gotten the water she's poured it in. And the story that
• 39:12
  I hear is that Shannon then stands with her hands just above the basin, looking at her teacher.
• 39:19
  And as soon as her teacher looked at her, Shannon went splash water everywhere,
• 39:29
  just to see what would happen. I was a delight. You were a delight. I mean, that just sounds like
• 39:37
  I have so many happy memories of running around in the mud and the rain as a kid, like barefoot
• 39:43
  going splishy splashy, you know, I feel like that's immediately what comes to mind for me.
• 39:47
  Just like, yeah, it's way more fun to go make a mess. Yes. It's just water. Not hurting anybody.
• 39:51
  And I think Shannon was somewhat objecting to things having to be just so. Yeah. You know,
• 39:58
  she wanted to fully immerse in it, not just be, you know, prim and proper.
• 40:03
  It's a little too stoic of a situation for me. Yeah, we had to like,
• 40:07
  had a little whimsy or something to mix things up a little bit.
• 40:09
  Yeah, I was not one to color in the lines myself. So I'm so with you.
• 40:15
  Alright, so we are coming to a close. This has been a delight, of course, to chat with you both
• 40:24
  and to get to know you better. I am loving your podcast, The Guiding Mindset. No, The Guiding
• 40:32
  Parent podcast comes out the first and third Tuesday of every month, because these are busy
• 40:39
  parents. So, you know, we've only got so much time. But their episodes are amazing. They put a
• 40:45
  lot of thought into them. And they've always got such lovely stories. And it's very relatable,
• 40:49
  very relatable advice and very relatable situations that come up. Do either of you,
• 40:55
  let's have a final word from from both of you. Just a last wish for our audience before we send
• 41:02
  you on your way. Shannon, do you want to go first? Oh, no. Tammy, you go first.
• 41:09
  I was gonna say we, you know, love to have have more parents come and listen. But we'd also love
• 41:15
  to hear what parents want to know more about. So that we, you know, we're, we'd love to explore
• 41:20
  different topics that our listeners are, are wanting to hear, hear about. So, you know, we
• 41:26
  have our own own things that we talk about, but we'd love to explore other, you know, things that
• 41:31
  our listeners are interested in as well. And your contact information, there's a, there's an email in
• 41:36
  the show notes to submit questions. So please do that. And because, I mean, what a wonderful way to
• 41:43
  to feel supported is to ask about something that you're struggling with and, and get two very good
• 41:50
  parents perspectives on. So, yeah, thanks, Tammy. And Shannon, any last last words?
• 41:57
  I think I'll just reiterate, you know, with you on the journey is our little tagline and how much,
• 42:02
  you know, we really want that to be true. We really want to become part of, you know, somebody's
• 42:08
  families, you know, day to day, like, you know, the little, little thoughts in the back of your head
• 42:13
  that perk up when you're in a scenario, if it could be, you know, our voices from time to time,
• 42:18
  you know, kind of helping guide you and, you know, not just as guiding our kids, but, you know,
• 42:24
  creating a guiding, guiding parents, so. Parenting with more ease. Yes, more ease and joy.
• 42:33
  Ease, peace and joy. Yes. I'm so, so glad that you two are out there doing your beautiful,
• 42:40
  supportive things for parents. Please go check out the Guiding Parent podcast. Join the village,
• 42:46
  join the network, hang out, have these conversations, and we'll see you both
• 42:52
  again very soon. Thank you very much. Thanks, Danielle. Thank you.