Latest / The Parenting Podcast / Back to School for Everybody - Kids AND Parents | Ep. 88

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Back to School for Everybody - Kids AND Parents | Ep. 88 · The Parenting Podcast

• 0:05
  Hello, wonderful parents.
• 0:08
  Welcome back to another episode of the Parenting Podcast.
• 0:12
  I'm your host, Cheryl Lang, and today We're delving into a topic that's capturing the attention of households everywhere.
• 0:21
  Back to school.
• 0:24
  No matter the age of your child or the schooling choices you've made, we're here to help you navigate the exciting yet Occasionally challenging journey of diving back into the school routine and year.
• 0:39
  And guess what?
• 0:40
  This journey isn't just for the kids.
• 0:43
  It's an adventure for parents, too.
• 0:47
  It's true.
• 0:48
  The back to school season's a blend of excitement, jitters, and uncertainty.
• 0:52
  And the TPP Recording Team is here to help you create an environment that nurtures your child's growth.
• 1:00
  Not only academically, but also emotionally.
• 1:04
  We'll share tips on easing your child and you into this transition, and navigating these changes with confidence and flexibility.
• 1:14
  So go ahead, grab your favorite beverage, settle in, and join the back to school conversation to prepare you to make this year an incredible success for both you and your children.
• 1:39
  Christie: the first day of school this week.
• 1:42
  Christie: Yes.
• 1:43
  Christie: Everyone's excited, but guess what?
• 1:46
  Christie: This was my very last first day of school.
• 1:51
  Christie: Oh, good and good and bad.
• 1:53
  Christie: Yes, my baby is a senior.
• 1:56
  Christie: Wow.
• 1:56
  Christie: After 22 years of schooling.
• 2:00
  Christie: Yeah.
• 2:01
  Cheryl: Bittersweet.
• 2:01
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 2:02
  Cheryl: 22, man.
• 2:03
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 2:05
  Cheryl: Adding up the three of us, we've got, oh gosh.
• 2:09
  Cheryl: 60 or 71st.
• 2:11
  Christie: First days.
• 2:13
  Christie: First days.
• 2:14
  Christie: Well, and then you count our own first days Yeah.
• 2:16
  Christie: Question 80.
• 2:17
  Ellen: Yes.
• 2:18
  Ellen: 'cause don't you have some first days?
• 2:19
  Christie: Yeah.
• 2:21
  Christie: Yes.
• 2:21
  Christie: In addition to my baby's last first day was my first, first day.
• 2:27
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 2:27
  Christie: And I decided, you know, I was 19 when I had my oldest.
• 2:31
  Christie: daughter.
• 2:32
  Christie: And so I kind of went straight from high school to motherhood.
• 2:35
  Christie: And so I've decided to take some college classes and see where that leads.
• 2:40
  Christie: So,
• 2:40
  Cheryl: yeah.
• 2:41
  Cheryl: So we have a freshman among us.
• 2:43
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 2:43
  Cheryl: So what in
• 2:44
  Christie: class or virtual?
• 2:45
  Christie: All online.
• 2:46
  Christie: Yeah, all online.
• 2:47
  Christie: So yeah, it's a new experience for me.
• 2:50
  Christie: Homework.
• 2:52
  Christie: Did you get your homework done?
• 2:52
  Christie: Yes.
• 2:53
  Christie: So me and my
• 2:55
  Cheryl: daughter.
• 2:55
  Cheryl: Did your children hand you your lunchboxes?
• 2:57
  Christie: Well, you know what?
• 2:58
  Christie: This was really fun.
• 2:59
  Christie: Sweet.
• 3:00
  Christie: Every year for the first day of school, our little tradition has been at breakfast on the first day of school.
• 3:07
  Christie: I have a little goody baskets for each of them.
• 3:09
  Christie: My children wish you'd been there, Mom.
• 3:10
  Christie: And I do.
• 3:11
  Christie: Well, but I do a little, you know, school supplies and candy and gift cards and things.
• 3:15
  Christie: Well, that's it.
• 3:16
  Christie: The night before I was to start classes, the girls had all pitched in and done a little goodie basket for me, a little planner and chocolate and gift cards.
• 3:25
  Christie: And it was really, really sweet.
• 3:27
  Christie: And wrote the sweetest card.
• 3:30
  Christie: It said something like, um, we hope we can be a fraction of the support in your education as you've been in ours all these years.
• 3:38
  Christie: I was I think I made them uncomfortable.
• 3:41
  Christie: I was sobbing,
• 3:43
  Cheryl: but it was very sweet.
• 3:45
  Cheryl: Were all the girls here able to come
• 3:46
  Christie: over?
• 3:47
  Christie: None.
• 3:47
  Christie: Well, you know, my oldest is in Virginia, but, and one had left and it was kind of a weird moment, but they all, you know, pitched in and I got to touch
• 3:55
  Cheryl: base with all of them.
• 3:56
  Cheryl: And boy, that just speaks volumes.
• 3:59
  Cheryl: Oh my goodness.
• 3:59
  Cheryl: To how they felt, how you love them all these years.
• 4:04
  Cheryl: Their sweet girls.
• 4:05
  Cheryl: Wow.
• 4:05
  Cheryl: That's amazing.
• 4:06
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 4:07
  Cheryl: Man that is
• 4:08
  Ellen: so cool.
• 4:08
  Ellen: I know.
• 4:09
  Ellen: I bet that you felt really loved.
• 4:10
  Ellen: Our
• 4:10
  Christie: full school year has begun.
• 4:14
  Cheryl (2): And You know, one of the things we did that was fun all the years, I didn't do little baskets.
• 4:20
  Cheryl (2): I hope my kids don't listen to this and feel deprived.
• 4:24
  Cheryl (2): But we did take a whole evening and we all went together and got school supplies and backpacks and everybody got to make their selection of what they wanted and just made it a lot of fun.
• 4:36
  Cheryl (2): Yeah.
• 4:37
  Cheryl (2): And then we all went out for ice cream.
• 4:38
  Cheryl (2): I love that.
• 4:39
  Cheryl (2): And we talked about it.
• 4:40
  Cheryl (2): Everybody, they almost hurried with their ice cream because they wanted to get home in order to exercise
• 4:45
  Christie: their stuff.
• 4:46
  Christie: Yeah
• 4:46
  Cheryl: Let's look back at these decades of the beginning of school because I know a lot of our listeners have probably already had their first week.
• 4:58
  Cheryl: Christy, I think you're probably too young, but when I was little, nobody started till after Labor Day.
• 5:03
  Cheryl: Yeah, that's true.
• 5:04
  Cheryl: So Labor Day was like the big last extravaganza and everything was off and everybody had fun and then you had to start back.
• 5:12
  Cheryl: On the night
• 5:12
  Ellen: before school, you couldn't sleep, you know, because you had kind of little anxiety, little excitement.
• 5:18
  Ellen: You
• 5:19
  Christie: know, I felt that way this year, even going anywhere.
• 5:22
  Christie: I felt that way for my daughter and for me, just the feeling of excitement of new things is always fun.
• 5:28
  Christie: It is Christmas Eve feelings.
• 5:31
  Cheryl: Oh, you know, one of the interesting things for me was I went to nine different public schools.
• 5:40
  Cheryl: So my first days, over and over and over, were really first days.
• 5:45
  Christie: Yeah.
• 5:46
  Christie: New environments, new friends, new everything.
• 5:49
  Christie: What about you or with your kids?
• 5:50
  Cheryl: Yeah,
• 5:51
  Ellen: it was the same with me.
• 5:52
  Ellen: I went to a lot of schools because we moved.
• 5:54
  Ellen: Probably every three years when I was a kid, But then my kids moved every three years because we were military Wow.
• 6:01
  Ellen: So, you know, they were always.
• 6:03
  Ellen: You know, changing, making new friends, having a new environment.
• 6:08
  Ellen: They're very flexible adults, but you know, they had to learn that flexibility as we did that.
• 6:14
  Ellen: Wow.
• 6:16
  Cheryl: Ellen, maybe that helped to make me more flexible.
• 6:18
  Cheryl: too Oh, yeah.
• 6:19
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 6:20
  Cheryl: And different things I hadn't thought about.
• 6:21
  Cheryl: Yes, right.
• 6:22
  Christie: Because I would,
• 6:22
  Ellen: I would talk to my friends I would be like, You know, you lived in the same place your whole life, right?
• 6:30
  Ellen: What was that
• 6:30
  Christie: like?
• 6:31
  Christie: Well, I did change schools quite a bit.
• 6:34
  Christie: My parents were divorced and we moved a fair amount but my kids Didn't have much change at all growing up.
• 6:41
  Christie: They were pretty much in the same environment same all of their school years and my husband, the same thing.
• 6:47
  Christie: And so I think I am probably a little more flexible than maybe some personalities and some people that have not moved around and changed.
• 6:55
  Christie: So there is a perk to it, the midst of it.
• 6:58
  Ellen: And my kids always found that that was the hard circles to break into is they've known each other since kindergarten.
• 7:05
  Ellen: And you're the new kid on the block.
• 7:07
  Christie: Right.
• 7:07
  Christie: And that's something I have talked to my girls about trying to be mindful of others looking for the person that doesn't anybody to sit with.
• 7:13
  Christie: But it's really hard as a kid to do that.
• 7:16
  Christie: Yes.
• 7:16
  Cheryl: And that's why we're having these conversations to encourage you as parents and help you with the transition and with your kids because all this different dynamics of, are they in a new school?
• 7:30
  Cheryl: Are they in a new city?
• 7:32
  Cheryl: you know, should be in a different grade, but just the dynamics.
• 7:35
  Cheryl: Do they have to ride
• 7:36
  Ellen: the bus?
• 7:36
  Ellen: Do they have to walk?
• 7:37
  Ellen: I mean, there's just, we don't think about it because we're so used to it as adults kind of going with the flow of things.
• 7:43
  Ellen: But for kids, those are a lot of
• 7:45
  Cheryl: things.
• 7:46
  Cheryl: So what are some suggestions you would have?
• 7:48
  Cheryl: Oh, let's say like to deal with routine because I presume everybody's routine in the summer changes as we go
• 7:55
  Christie: to school.
• 7:56
  Christie: Oh my, yes.
• 7:56
  Christie: I mean, some are so relaxed and so, you know, go with the flow.
• 8:01
  Christie: Popsicles at 10 a.
• 8:02
  Christie: m.
• 8:02
  Christie: seem perfectly normal.
• 8:04
  Christie: Hey, let's go out and go do something fun.
• 8:06
  Christie: And then all of a sudden, a rude awakening what does 7 a.
• 8:10
  Christie: m.
• 8:10
  Christie: look like again?
• 8:11
  Christie: I forget.
• 8:11
  Christie: Yes,
• 8:12
  Ellen: that's always horrible, is that, the first wake ups
• 8:16
  Cheryl: when school starts.
• 8:17
  Cheryl: Well, and some, If you look at different parenting things where they help parents with this, they say start early, making that transition of having regular bedtimes and regular waking times and so forth.
• 8:31
  Cheryl: Did y'all do anything like that?
• 8:33
  Cheryl: Did you work that into your schedule?
• 8:36
  Cheryl: I
• 8:36
  Christie: did a little bit.
• 8:38
  Christie: I probably like a soft launch of maybe a week or two before I'd start saying, Okay, let's get to bed a little earlier.
• 8:46
  Christie: And but it's hard because I still love summer and want to do the fun thing.
• 8:50
  Cheryl: That's me.
• 8:51
  Cheryl: Yeah, I go.
• 8:52
  Cheryl: I
• 8:52
  Ellen: was the Mom, because even in the summer, we kept bedtime the same and my kids would be laying in bed watching the sun, you know, and their friends are outside playing.
• 9:03
  Ellen: But I had a value that Mike and I wanted some time together and with five kids in the house, so it just was easier to have everybody and you know, they didn't particularly care for it, but I don't think it scarred him for life or anything.
• 9:17
  Christie: When mine were little, I was that way.
• 9:20
  Christie: Mine would say, Mommy, why are people playing at bedtime?
• 9:23
  Christie: You know?
• 9:23
  Christie: But as they got a little older and a little more self sufficient, I got a
• 9:27
  Ellen: little relaxed.
• 9:28
  Ellen: Yeah, these weren't high schoolers that I did.
• 9:29
  Ellen: These were elementary school kids.
• 9:31
  Ellen: Because with your older kids, you can tell them, I'm going to bed.
• 9:33
  Ellen: And I want to talk or whatever.
• 9:35
  Ellen: You Yeah.
• 9:37
  Cheryl: I wanted to squeeze all the fun out of the summer, so I didn't start earlier, so we had a real cold start.
• 9:44
  Cheryl: Right.
• 9:45
  Cheryl: I mean, we planned for it, we did that, but, uh, schedule wise, let's just go swimming at Grandma's and stay up late and enjoy one another and have fun and then get back to the grind.
• 9:57
  Cheryl: Right.
• 9:58
  Cheryl: Ours was a different style.
• 9:59
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 10:00
  Cheryl: I mean, it's
• 10:01
  Christie: hard
• 10:01
  Ellen: regardless.
• 10:02
  Ellen: It's just hard because you're, you're having to do a more structured thing.
• 10:06
  Christie: Right.
• 10:06
  Christie: And that always makes it a little harder.
• 10:07
  Christie: Well, I know this first week, Avery and I both have just been exhausted.
• 10:11
  Christie: I mean, your brain shifting, having to think again, do hard things again, you know, after you've been goofing off.
• 10:19
  Christie: Well, she's been working all summer, but you know, it's summer so much more relaxed.
• 10:26
  Christie: And it's still 100 degrees.
• 10:27
  Christie: Yeah,
• 10:28
  Cheryl: isn't that the truth?
• 10:29
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 10:30
  Cheryl: So freshmen, have you had to write an essay?
• 10:33
  Cheryl: What work have you had
• 10:34
  Christie: to do?
• 10:35
  Christie: Well, I haven't had to write an essay just yet, but what's funny is in a lot of the prep work and there's a lot of talk of plagiarism that kind of thing.
• 10:43
  Christie: One thing that's new that I hadn't really expected was a lot of talk about AI and GPT and, and that's something, you know, we've had those conversations with our high schooler but that was just something new, a new component that, you know, I probably wouldn't have had in my coursework, you know, five years ago or even one year ago.
• 11:04
  Christie: Does your school allow?
• 11:06
  Christie: No, no.
• 11:06
  That's
• 11:07
  Ellen: what I thought.
• 11:07
  Ellen: The scene is plagiarism.
• 11:07
  Ellen: Yeah.
• 11:08
  Ellen: Yes.
• 11:08
  Ellen: That's what I was going to say.
• 11:09
  Ellen: Because that was the question when it first came up that I was asking my high school grandson was, are you allowed to use AI chat GPT?
• 11:17
  Ellen: Right.
• 11:19
  Christie: You're not supposed to do it.
• 11:20
  Christie: Well,
• 11:20
  Ellen: you know, all of a sudden the kid goes from an average essay to an outstanding.
• 11:24
  Christie: Right.
• 11:25
  Christie: Yeah.
• 11:25
  Christie: it's going to be real messy to have to figure out how to sort through that.
• 11:30
  Ellen: And it'll be interesting to see how the teacher get to handle that since they said no AI, you know, no chat GPT.
• 11:36
  Ellen: So that'll be interesting,
• 11:38
  Cheryl: And so that's some of the conversation.
• 11:40
  Cheryl: Parents, as you're heading back, Returning to school, not so much the little tiny ones, but as you get up where they have the availability, is,
• 11:48
  Christie: about
• 11:48
  Cheryl: AI.
• 11:49
  Cheryl: Yeah, about staying
• 11:50
  Christie: on top of tech and what the new options are.
• 11:52
  Christie: Yeah.
• 11:53
  Cheryl: because the reality is, AI here.
• 11:57
  Cheryl: This is the first school year that's ever started where AI was, Readily available.
• 12:02
  Cheryl: Right.
• 12:03
  Cheryl: All you have to do is get onto it, so in all the conversations of the beginning of school also that we talk with our children
• 12:11
  Christie: about
• 12:11
  Cheryl: AI
• 12:12
  Ellen: Right.
• 12:12
  Ellen: Correct..
• 12:13
  Ellen: Yeah
• 12:13
  Cheryl: Yeah, but We want, as parents, to be informed so you can have that conversation.
• 12:18
  Ellen: Right.
• 12:18
  Ellen: affirming
• 12:18
  Cheryl: So
• 12:19
  Christie: What about
• 12:19
  Cheryl: Organization organization is really important?
• 12:23
  Cheryl: not so that our children, Stay in lines and walk in good rows, but so our families run more smoothly.
• 12:30
  Cheryl: What are some suggestions y'all have?
• 12:31
  Cheryl: Keeping
• 12:31
  Christie: track of things, keeping things where you remember who's who and what's what.
• 12:39
  Christie: One day I drove to the wrong place to pick up my children.
• 12:42
  Christie: I drove where I dropped them off at one place and drove to another place.
• 12:46
  Christie: I thought, Oh my goodness, my brain needs some kind of organizational makeover.
• 12:50
  Christie: And
• 12:51
  Ellen: organization always gets such a bad name because people think of it as this rigid thing.
• 12:56
  Ellen: But organization is the tool you use so that you can have fun.
• 13:00
  Ellen: Absolutely.
• 13:01
  Ellen: So that you can enjoy life because you get done the things that are necessary.
• 13:05
  Ellen: You can check off the box and then with freedom, you can go have some fun.
• 13:09
  Christie: Yeah.
• 13:10
  Christie: And I think one thing about organization is I do like systems in place, but if a system's not working, ditch it.
• 13:17
  Christie: You know, sometimes I would spend so much time creating a system and laminating the labels and color coding the things and it wasn't working, but I had spent so much time getting it together that I didn't want to.
• 13:29
  Christie: Yeah, yeah.
• 13:30
  Christie: And if it's not working for you, it's not working
• 13:32
  Cheryl: for I really agree with that because let's work hard, swing, play hard.
• 13:36
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 13:36
  Cheryl: So particularly here, getting certain things established here early at the beginning of the year.
• 13:42
  Cheryl: So that mornings are not chaos, right?
• 13:46
  Christie: Well, and I think my favorite is building systems that can offload to the kids as much as possible.
• 13:53
  Christie: Yeah, put them in charge of their things and their routines and their rhythms takes more off mom's plate
• 13:59
  Ellen: and they need those skills.
• 14:01
  Ellen: Yeah, they need to know, okay, I need to make a list for school and so I can now go and mom can drop me off.
• 14:07
  Ellen: And I can pick up my own stuff.
• 14:08
  Ellen: I'm about young ones, but I'm talking about junior high and above, you know, that they should be able to go get their supplies
• 14:14
  Christie: and graduating increments.
• 14:16
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 14:16
  Cheryl: And one of the things we did, even with little ones is sat down and I said, well, what do you want?
• 14:22
  Cheryl: We started talking about goals and what they wanted to do and how they wanted to do it.
• 14:27
  Cheryl: And, uh, you know, you talked about.
• 14:30
  Cheryl: If systems don't work, because how many different chore charts, stars, you know, and so some of my kids that worked real well, yes, and the others that didn't.
• 14:41
  Cheryl: And so I had to have a lot of flexibility in there.
• 14:43
  Cheryl: I guess it's a good thing.
• 14:44
  Cheryl: I moved a lot because I having to be flexible to the different ones.
• 14:48
  Cheryl: That is one way we started before school started, is figuring out their schedule and what can we do and where's your stuff and again, different ones of my children, some love having a designated, I sit here at Right that, right this place and I do this
• 15:05
  Ellen: Well, yeah.
• 15:06
  Ellen: Some kids are like, this is the spot that I read in the spot I study in, in Absolutely.
• 15:11
  Ellen: Right.
• 15:11
  Ellen: And nobody sit there.
• 15:12
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 15:13
  Cheryl: And, and I had once, mom, can I go sit in the tree or go outside?
• 15:16
  Cheryl: Right.
• 15:17
  Cheryl: You know?
• 15:18
  Cheryl: And I go, sure, if it works for you, having that flexibility,
• 15:22
  Ellen: And letting the kids have it.
• 15:24
  Ellen: Yes.
• 15:24
  Ellen: Because I think that's the introduction into adult responsibility.
• 15:28
  Ellen: But also because every, every child is different.
• 15:32
  Ellen: Yeah.
• 15:32
  Ellen: They function better if they can do it the way that is natural for them to do it.
• 15:38
  Ellen: Some children love the charts.
• 15:40
  Ellen: Some children like the sheet of paper you hand them with everything written out.
• 15:44
  Ellen: Other kids just want a general idea and they'll take it upon themselves to, to do that.
• 15:49
  Ellen: And they're self motivated and it's, it's um,
• 15:57
  Christie: Um, and I've caught myself wanting to do the same system for everyone across the board because it gave me control.
• 16:04
  Christie: It gave me the satisfaction of knowing everything about everyone.
• 16:08
  Christie: But I think there's wisdom in what you guys are saying and handing off to their own unique personalities.
• 16:15
  Christie: And maybe it means they drop the ball sometimes.
• 16:19
  Christie: But then it's their ball to drop and their ball to pick up.
• 16:21
  Christie: And they learn through that
• 16:22
  Cheryl: process too.
• 16:23
  Cheryl: Oh, that's so good.
• 16:24
  Cheryl: Then we have the conversation.
• 16:27
  Cheryl: I was so impressed.
• 16:28
  Cheryl: I was having a conversation with a dad a while back.
• 16:32
  Cheryl: And his kids all went to public school.
• 16:36
  Cheryl: And they just, as a family, you talked about a priority or, uh, value for their family.
• 16:43
  Cheryl: And their value was evenings are not to be a place of study.
• 16:49
  Cheryl: That school should do their work during the school day and maybe a little bit in the afternoon.
• 16:54
  Cheryl: Wow.
• 16:55
  Cheryl: And so, they went in and talked to the principal, talked to the teachers, and saying, My first and third grader is not going to do any homework at home.
• 17:04
  Cheryl: Good for them.
• 17:06
  Cheryl: You know, and we will support you.
• 17:08
  Cheryl: We'll do what we can.
• 17:09
  Cheryl: So in elementary, they said absolutely no at all.
• 17:14
  Cheryl: And the school was responsive?
• 17:15
  Cheryl: The school was responsive because they were really engaged, caring parents.
• 17:21
  Cheryl: They weren't just saying.
• 17:22
  Cheryl: Well, don't send anything home.
• 17:24
  Cheryl: And their kids weren't failing either.
• 17:26
  Cheryl: No, because the parents stayed very involved and worked and were willing to give of themselves to help their children succeed and yet have that value in the evening where the children were free to pursue other things and for the family to be together.
• 17:40
  Cheryl: And then as they moved up in junior and senior high, They tried to keep to it as much as possible and so it was just a really interesting thing.
• 17:49
  Cheryl: And to say, wow, parents, you know, keep to your values and be engaged in the school system whether it's public or private or home, whatever it is.
• 18:00
  Cheryl: That you are seeing your values played out through the school years with your kids and your
• 18:06
  Christie: family.
• 18:07
  Christie: That's great.
• 18:08
  Christie: Well, and I think, you know, kind of in the same realm, there's a lot of pressure on parents and a lot of pressure on kids academically.
• 18:18
  Christie: But I think these parents are really wise to know that, you know, it's good for kids to have.
• 18:25
  Christie: The relational family time that's going to be more refueling and recharging to them academically and they play time.
• 18:32
  Ellen: Yes, let them play
• 18:34
  Cheryl: because they did.
• 18:35
  Cheryl: That's a thing that was a value to them, right?
• 18:37
  Cheryl: Is they want their Children to be creative.
• 18:41
  Cheryl: And physical outlets for themselves.
• 18:44
  Cheryl: It was an amazing family.
• 18:45
  Cheryl: The kids were great.
• 18:47
  Cheryl: It wasn't like they were, uh, outliers or anything.
• 18:50
  Cheryl: Right.
• 18:50
  Cheryl: They turned out to be great kids, but I, I don't think it was the system as much as was those parents.
• 18:56
  Cheryl: Mm hmm.
• 18:56
  Cheryl: Caring about them and wanting the best for each of their kids.
• 19:00
  Cheryl: Christy, I want to come back.
• 19:01
  Cheryl: You said the word pressure.
• 19:03
  Cheryl: I talk, so many parents they feel so much pressure.
• 19:07
  Cheryl: Yeah, they do.
• 19:08
  Cheryl: And then now, with the kids, you know, what are they saying, we have an anxiety epidemic?
• 19:13
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 19:14
  Cheryl: Yeah, that's true.
• 19:15
  Cheryl: Even down into elementary school.
• 19:17
  Cheryl: Yeah, which is
• 19:17
  Ellen: really sad.
• 19:19
  Ellen: I mean, when you think about that, my husband's a psychologist, and that's the number one thing he's hearing everywhere is the anxiety.
• 19:27
  Ellen: And then he and I were talking about it the other day and I said, is anxiety contagious?
• 19:32
  Ellen: He goes, Oh, yes, it is.
• 19:34
  Ellen: He said, you know, somebody is in a group and they start sharing their fears or their anxieties about something pretty soon, the whole group will take that on.
• 19:42
  Ellen: So how much more among
• 19:43
  Christie: our kids, right?
• 19:44
  Christie: And within our family, if kids are feeling anxiety or the parents from the pressure of other parents or teachers, you know, that that's not helping anybody, everyone's gonna feel that.
• 19:55
  Christie: Good information.
• 19:56
  Christie: Thank you.
• 19:56
  Ellen: If
• 19:56
  Christie: we've lost
• 19:57
  Ellen: perspective
• 19:58
  Christie: And
• 19:58
  Ellen: blind to what's really important.
• 19:59
  Ellen: Which is, I want to have a healthy, well adjusted, motivated kid.
• 20:07
  Ellen: That can be productive as an adult independently from me.
• 20:12
  Ellen: And knows they're
• 20:12
  Cheryl: loved.
• 20:13
  Ellen: Yes.
• 20:13
  Ellen: Yes.
• 20:13
  Ellen: And they're safe.
• 20:14
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 20:15
  Cheryl: That's good.
• 20:16
  Cheryl: Ellen.
• 20:17
  Cheryl: What Mike said.
• 20:18
  Cheryl: The incredible, implications.
• 20:21
  Cheryl: For parenting.
• 20:22
  Ellen: Yes.
• 20:22
  Ellen: Yes
• 20:23
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 20:23
  Cheryl: And then what the kids are walking into, because There is real anxiety, right now in our society and in our culture, in school And then the kids are going into school, and so, they're just being stirred up themselves.
• 20:38
  Cheryl: Well,
• 20:38
  Ellen: we feel nervous in new situations, everybody does.
• 20:42
  Ellen: That's a normal part of life.
• 20:44
  Ellen: And as we work through going, Oh, I've never been in this group before, and everybody's better than me in whatever it is.
• 20:51
  Ellen: So you feel a little nervous for that.
• 20:53
  Ellen: But then you learn, you build confidence.
• 20:56
  Ellen: I feel nervous is the red flag that said, Hey, I feel afraid.
• 21:00
  Ellen: Okay, so what are your fears?
• 21:01
  Ellen: Oh, I don't feel as smart as these kids, or I don't have the right genes, or whatever.
• 21:06
  Ellen: Those things that lead to anxiety.
• 21:08
  Ellen: But I think
• 21:09
  Christie: when the fear is perfectionism.
• 21:11
  Christie: I will not be perfect at this.
• 21:14
  Christie: I will not, you know, be Accepted into Ivy League schools in third grade, you know, these, these kinds of pressures are Unachievable goals that the anxiety can't be resolved, right?
• 21:27
  Ellen: Driven, they're the ones driving it.
• 21:30
  Ellen: You know that that my kid has to attain these certain things rather than These are secondary goals that are important.
• 21:37
  Ellen: I would like my child to be able to go to this school, so here's the few things that I can do to help them.
• 21:42
  Ellen: But how you drive that train makes all the difference in whether your kid's on anxiety meds or, um, you know, is able to function through and push through I was nervous, this was hard, but I
• 21:55
  Cheryl: accomplished this.
• 21:56
  Cheryl: Yes See what you're talking about.
• 21:58
  Cheryl: This is where the conversation that we as parents need to be having open ended conversation.
• 22:05
  Cheryl: It makes me think about, we've just recently done a series from the Whole Brain Child,
• 22:13
  Ellen: Yeah,
• 22:14
  Cheryl: where We were talking about the wisdom of helping your children.
• 22:18
  Cheryl: Be aware of their emotions, name their emotions, I would encourage y'all go back and listen to that if you haven't listened to that series, but the concept of talking around the table and can we name our emotions?
• 22:30
  Cheryl: How does that make you feel?
• 22:32
  Cheryl: And that we incorporate those things into the conversation, not just what grade did you get in school and
• 22:39
  Ellen: sharing our adult emotions, right?
• 22:41
  Ellen: Well, sometimes You know, as the mom, I can say, Yeah, sometimes when we move to a new area, it's always hard because then I have to make all new friends again.
• 22:51
  Ellen: That's good.
• 22:52
  Ellen: And even though you guys look at me as a friendly person and you think I have lots of friends, it's still hard to walk into a new group Yes, very good.
• 23:00
  Ellen: that might be very different from me and I have to learn what do I need to do to fit
• 23:04
  Christie: in this group.
• 23:05
  Christie: Right.
• 23:05
  Christie: Well, and I think even before that, processing your own emotions, if you are feeling anxiety and pressure, to have your kid achieving at a certain level, ask yourself, why, why is this important to me?
• 23:18
  Christie: Is this something that's a valid concern for their, you know, maturity and their growth into adulthood?
• 23:24
  Christie: Or is this filling some kind of need internally in me, a validation as a parent?
• 23:29
  Ellen: Christy.
• 23:29
  Ellen: Right.
• 23:30
  Ellen: If we really are honest with themselves, it's our ego wanting to say, my kid achieved this, my kid did this, my kid did that, rather than, because then that's a good reflection on me, you know, rather than go, my kid's average and that's good, there's
• 23:46
  Cheryl: nothing wrong with that.
• 23:47
  Cheryl: So what I'm hearing you all say that back to school success for our children really depends on.
• 23:54
  Cheryl: where I am as a parent.
• 23:55
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 23:55
  Cheryl: And how I'm handling it.
• 23:57
  Cheryl: Right.
• 23:58
  Cheryl: We are taking the time that we're getting our identity under control and our thoughts and our emotions so that then we can have this interchange wherever our kids are in school, whatever ages they are, whatever they're going through.
• 24:15
  Cheryl: That as we flourish, we can help them to flourish.
• 24:17
  Cheryl: Yeah, and as
• 24:17
  Christie: we have that inner confidence in us, that's contagious, too.
• 24:22
  Christie: Just like anxiety is contagious.
• 24:24
  Christie: That peace is going to be contagious to our kids to say, you know, my mom's not worried about this.
• 24:30
  Christie: I mean, not that we don't challenge our kids to strive and to do well.
• 24:33
  Christie: But, you know, my mom's not, this isn't a make or break thing if I, you know, ace this test or get into this school.
• 24:40
  Christie: I can walk in confidence even after the fact.
• 24:43
  Christie: And we want to remember,
• 24:44
  Ellen: what's the higher thing?
• 24:46
  Ellen: How are kids doing
• 24:47
  Christie: socially?
• 24:48
  Christie: Yes.
• 24:48
  Christie: Emotionally.
• 24:50
  Ellen: Yes.
• 24:50
  Ellen: You know, do you say to your child, when you go to school...
• 24:54
  Ellen: Find the kid that no one's playing with and ask them to join you.
• 24:57
  Ellen: I always would teach my kids that.
• 24:59
  Ellen: That was really important to me, that they brought in the kid that was left out in the neighborhood or whatever
• 25:05
  Cheryl: it was.
• 25:06
  Cheryl: And, and see Ellen, probably because you and I were new kids all the time, that was a, that became a core value.
• 25:12
  Cheryl: And so I would even say, like, When there would be the people they knew in class, but you're going to something new, and I did the same thing, okay, say hi to the people you know, but then look for somebody, anybody, go up to them and bring somebody in, because when you live in the same place, you don't understand what it's like to always be new,
• 25:34
  Christie: well, yeah.
• 25:35
  Christie: And if, if you've ever been the mom of a kid that's being left out, you know, I mean, I think that's the other thing too, is sometimes.
• 25:42
  Christie: Your kid is the one being rejected or hurt, and that's hard to navigate, too.
• 25:46
  Christie: I was talking with a mom last week, and they were saying, you know, they have four in school, and one, they all came home and talked about what a great first day they had, and went on and on about their new, they were all in a new school.
• 25:59
  Christie: And, they were all sharing about their great first day.
• 26:04
  Christie: Well, after the conversation, one of the kids confided in the mom, I did not have a great first day.
• 26:09
  Christie: Yeah.
• 26:10
  Christie: He didn't feel like he could say that because the whole family had a great day, so he felt shame, you know, for not having such a good time.
• 26:18
  Christie: And I just think that's hard too when your kids are in a hard place, you know, that first of all, yay that that kid was able to talk to his mom about it, but they might feel a little hesitant to talk about it and to draw those things out of them can be a challenge.
• 26:34
  Christie: Especially keep your
• 26:35
  Ellen: eyes open on the introverts because they're the ones who usually are going to have more of the social issues.
• 26:41
  Ellen: You know, your extrovert might annoy people, but your introvert's might feel really left out and they're going to be sensitive about that.
• 26:48
  Ellen: And so always keeping an eye open and really talking with your introvert like, Oh, how was it today?
• 26:54
  Ellen: Did you, did you get to meet any new people, things, all those kinds of
• 26:57
  Christie: things.
• 26:58
  Cheryl: And particularly if you can have open ended Questions.
• 27:02
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 27:02
  Cheryl: Not yes or no.
• 27:04
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 27:04
  Cheryl: This is,
• 27:04
  Christie: that's really good.
• 27:05
  Christie: And one-on-one, I think.
• 27:06
  Christie: Pulling'em away from the group.
• 27:07
  Christie: Yeah.
• 27:07
  Christie: You know, we have a lot of, not embarrassed.
• 27:08
  Christie: Lot of dinner table conversations.
• 27:10
  Christie: Yeah.
• 27:10
  Christie: But the good juicy stuff usually comes out one-on-one.
• 27:14
  Ellen: That's true.
• 27:14
  Ellen: Well, usually at midnight.
• 27:16
  Ellen: Yes.
• 27:17
  Ellen: You know, and then, you know, you're getting
• 27:20
  Christie: bed.
• 27:21
  Christie: Yeah.
• 27:22
  Cheryl: Well, we, we've got to wrap this up, but, you know, If I were to encourage the parents listening on the return to school, that yes, organization is important because that makes our mornings go better and, and all of that.
• 27:35
  Cheryl: But it's these conversations and then we continue with our family values, flexing.
• 27:40
  Cheryl: It's just harder to flex as our children get older and they move into more realms.
• 27:46
  Cheryl: More complicated issues.
• 27:48
  Cheryl: and we're talking identity, there's so many things.
• 27:53
  Cheryl: Parents, you are doing self care on yourself so that you have more to give to your children through this transition so that your whole family flourishes.
• 28:04
  Cheryl: Yeah, that's good.
• 28:05
  Cheryl: Yeah, yeah.
• 28:06
  Cheryl: Thank you.
• 28:06
  Cheryl: Okay.
• 28:07
  Cheryl: Looking forward to next time.
• 28:08
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 28:09
  Cheryl: parents remember, hang in there.
• 28:12
  Cheryl: Keep loving, keep persevering because it's worth it.
• 28:21
  Well, as we wrap up our back to school episode, remember, no matter your child's age or the schooling path you've chosen, TPP is right here beside you, cheering you on.
• 28:37
  While academics are a significant focus, it's equally important to embrace meaningful connections, foster open conversations and nurture emotional wellbeing.
• 28:50
  And through it all, the Parenting Podcast Team is committed to supporting you every step of the way, creating an environment that nurtures growth in every sense for every member of your family.
• 29:06
  Be sure to stay connected with us on social media, explore our website.
• 29:10
  And reach out at contact at theparentingpodcast.
• 29:15
  com.
• 29:16
  Your thoughts and stories matter to us.
• 29:19
  Oh, the episode I referred to about helping your child identify their emotions is TPP episode number 83.
• 29:28
  Name it to tame it.
• 29:31
  And speaking of episodes, I wanted to let you know.
• 29:34
  That in our upcoming podcast, we'll be diving into navigating your child's next big step, moving on and moving out.
• 29:44
  Whether it's to college or to their own place.
• 29:48
  Thank you for being a part of our TPP family.
• 29:51
  And here's to preparing your children for growth, learning, and emotional success.
• 30:00
  Music