Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #739 Out Influencing the Influencers

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#739 Out Influencing the Influencers · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

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  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families Podcast. It's the podcast for the
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  Speaker 1: time poor parent who just wants answers. Now, Hello and
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  Speaker 1: welcome to the Happy Family's Podcast. I'm doctor Justin Colson,
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  Speaker 1: and today because it's school holidays, because the Easter break
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  Speaker 1: has well, well, it's upon us, missus Happy Families. Kylie
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  Speaker 1: is completely devoted to our children right now. The podcast
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  Speaker 1: must go on, though, and so I've invited a friend
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  Speaker 1: and special guests to co host the podcast with me
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  Speaker 1: all this week. Her name is Christine Lighton. Christine Layton
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  Speaker 1: is the ABC Western Australia and Perth Afternoon's presenter. She's
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  Speaker 1: also the mum to a four year old with a
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  Speaker 1: brand new baby on the way and Christine, essentially the
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  Speaker 1: podcast is yours all week. I'm going to obviously intro
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  Speaker 1: the pod, but we can talk about whatever you want.
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  Speaker 1: We're going to do it with literally no prep. I'm
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  Speaker 1: just relying on you to come up with content and
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  Speaker 1: questions because you're you're a reporter, you're an interviewer, you're
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  Speaker 1: a radio host. You know how to do this, and well.
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  Speaker 2: Justin, I'm going to get you to wrap Gangster's Paradise
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  Speaker 2: by Paulio firstly.
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  Speaker 3: Just to see how cooler down you are.
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  Speaker 1: Just joking as I walked through the valley in the shadow.
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  Speaker 1: No I won't do it. I won't do it, but
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  Speaker 1: I was ready for it. Just hit me with it.
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  Speaker 1: We'll do it.
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  Speaker 3: Oh, that's amazing. Honestly, we should go to karaoke one night.
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  Speaker 2: But parenting, let's talk about it, because to have used
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  Speaker 2: myself for four.
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  Speaker 3: Whole episodes is just a dream.
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  Speaker 2: And look, I thought we'd start with the topic that
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  Speaker 2: I think other parents will be able to relate to.
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  Speaker 3: Now.
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  Speaker 2: Recently in Perth, we had a certain man by.
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  Speaker 3: The name of Logan Paul visits now.
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  Speaker 2: He is said to be a social media personality, an actor,
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  Speaker 2: a professional wrestler, but really he's all about this energy
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  Speaker 2: drink which has unhealthy amounts of caffeine in it. We
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  Speaker 2: saw thousands of kids plead with their parents to take
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  Speaker 2: them out to Walworths in mid Valable Places, which is
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  Speaker 2: on the outskirts of Perth suburbs, to go and see
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  Speaker 2: this guy. And I just couldn't understand what the hype
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  Speaker 2: was about. And I watched his videos justin I've read
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  Speaker 2: his posts and I still don't get it.
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  Speaker 3: Neither do other parents?
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  Speaker 2: So what do you do when your child starts to
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  Speaker 2: idolize a mindless influencer?
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  Speaker 1: This has happened for decades and decades. It hasn't always
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  Speaker 1: been social media influences. It's been pop stars, or it's
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  Speaker 1: been supermodels. So this is not an unusual thing. I
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  Speaker 1: guess what's unusual now is that the reach of these
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  Speaker 1: people is so vast, and it's also what's the word
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  Speaker 1: it's so I want to use the word insidious. That's
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  Speaker 1: such a negative connotation to it, but like they're everywhere,
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  Speaker 1: all at once, and they really touch all of our kids.
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  Speaker 1: So I guess the first thing that I would say
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  Speaker 1: is I want to normalize the reality of it. Before
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  Speaker 1: we had social media one direction and justin Bieber, we're
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  Speaker 1: just blowing up everywhere. Well, social media was becoming a thing,
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  Speaker 1: but it wasn't what it is now. And I remember
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  Speaker 1: doing media interviews back in the I don't know, the
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  Speaker 1: early sort of twenty tens sort of time, and people
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  Speaker 1: were saying, what's going on with teenage girls? Like are
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  Speaker 1: they going to be okay? The way they're idolizing these
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  Speaker 1: pop stars? It's pretty much the same thing, Christine. It's
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  Speaker 1: just that it's Logan Paul or it's Andrew Tate, and
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  Speaker 1: there are issues with that because Logan Paul and Andrew
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  Speaker 1: Tate and many other social media influencers, their messages are
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  Speaker 1: a little less benign than being in love with a
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  Speaker 1: pop star like Donnie Osmond in the seventies. I mean,
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  Speaker 1: this has been going on for decades and decades it
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  Speaker 1: has that's right.
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  Speaker 2: And the Beatles, I mean, I remember women fainting in
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  Speaker 2: the front row just from seeing them, and that at
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  Speaker 2: the time some of their messaging in their songs were seen.
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  Speaker 3: As as crude. But I don't know.
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  Speaker 2: Is it that these influences have become more radical? Is
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  Speaker 2: this how times are moving?
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  Speaker 1: What do you think justin One of the reasons that
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  Speaker 1: the influencers like Logan Paul are where they are is
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  Speaker 1: because of the because of the way they explicitly transgress
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  Speaker 1: what parents are all about. I mean, I remember when
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  Speaker 1: I was a kid growing up, and do you remember
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  Speaker 1: the band Poisoned. They had that song every Rose Has
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  Speaker 1: Its Thorn and they you mumba don't dance and your
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  Speaker 1: daddy don't rock and roll. They did a great cover
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  Speaker 1: of that, but poison were in the Rolling Stone magazine
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  Speaker 1: and other places like that. I mean, I was a
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  Speaker 1: music junkie and they were. I think that the direct
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  Speaker 1: quote was something like we want to be the band
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  Speaker 1: that parents hate. And so the reason that so many
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  Speaker 1: of these influences are who they are is they are
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  Speaker 1: intentionally transgressive. They intentionally push against the values and the more's,
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  Speaker 1: the standards, and the things that matter most to parents.
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  Speaker 1: They do it because they know that if they do it,
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  Speaker 1: as adolescents, tweens and teens start to say, hang on,
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  Speaker 1: I'm my own person. My parents can't tell me what
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  Speaker 1: to do. Well, the easiest way to make sure that
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  Speaker 1: you can individuate and differentiate from your parents as to
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  Speaker 1: say no or to do something that transgresses parental preferences.
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  Speaker 2: Okay, so does that mean, as a parent you grab
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  Speaker 2: a can of Prime Energy dream for I don't know,
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  Speaker 2: fifty dollars off eBay and then crack it.
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  Speaker 3: Open when you pick them up from school? Does that
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  Speaker 3: make things better or worse?
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  Speaker 1: So what you're really saying is should I be cool dad?
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  Speaker 1: Should I be cool?
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  Speaker 2: Man?
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  Speaker 3: Should I be cool you? Oh?
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, exactly. So the correct answer, I think is no, no, no, no,
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  Speaker 1: not at all. You don't want to sell out your values,
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  Speaker 1: and you also don't want to try to be cool
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  Speaker 1: so that your kids look at you and go, oh,
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  Speaker 1: you're the coolest parent out there. It's okay. In fact,
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  Speaker 1: it's necessary for parents to have standards and values and
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  Speaker 1: to teach them to their kids. I love the metaphor.
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  Speaker 1: There's a guy in the United States. He's a really
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  Speaker 1: well known youth speaker. His name is Josh Ship, and
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  Speaker 1: he goes round to all the high schools and does
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  Speaker 1: all those motivational talks that high school kids love. He
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  Speaker 1: was an adopted child, and he talks about the importance
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  Speaker 1: of one carrying out on it in the lives of kids.
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  Speaker 1: But when he's talking to parents, he uses this metaphor
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  Speaker 1: of the ride on a roller coaster. You know, when
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  Speaker 1: you sit down and that bar comes down across your
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  Speaker 1: chest and across your knees, and it pushes into you
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  Speaker 1: and it sort of squeezes you down into the seat,
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  Speaker 1: pushes the air out of your lungs. And every single
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  Speaker 1: time that happens, Christine, I presume you've been there, right,
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  Speaker 1: like you've had that thrill seeking yet great, Yeah, every
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  Speaker 1: time that happens. What's your initial instinct. As it pushes
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  Speaker 1: into you, what do you do?
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, I definitely want to run. I'm picturing myself on
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  Speaker 2: the Gold Coast. In fact, my boyfriend at the time
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  Speaker 2: forced me to go on every single ride and I
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  Speaker 2: hated it.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah you do you push back?
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, you push back. And so as it pushes against
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  Speaker 1: your chest or against your legs, it's almost like you
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  Speaker 1: lift against it. You push away from it because it's uncomfortable.
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  Speaker 1: You don't like the restriction of it. But there's something,
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  Speaker 1: there's another reason that we push against it that Josh
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  Speaker 1: Ship points out, and I think it's really valuable here
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  Speaker 1: in this comonnversation about social media influencers. We push against
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  Speaker 1: that bar, that safety net, the thing that's there to
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  Speaker 1: protect us. I think also so that we can make
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  Speaker 1: sure that it's not going to move like it's actually
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  Speaker 1: there to keep us safe. And when we push against it,
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  Speaker 1: yes it's uncomfortable, and yes we're resisting it, but we're
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  Speaker 1: also just double checking, like is it really going to halt.
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  Speaker 3: It's going to keep us safe.
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  Speaker 1: And so therefore, when an influence is flogging their latest
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  Speaker 1: product energy drink or clothing or I don't know, botox,
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  Speaker 1: for crying out loud. I mean, there's some pretty wild
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  Speaker 1: stuff out there or misogynistic views. As parents, it's not
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  Speaker 1: for us to say, you know what, what Andrew Tates said,
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  Speaker 1: it's actually pretty cool, and I agree with him because
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  Speaker 1: I want to be cool parent. I don't think that
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  Speaker 1: that serves us well. It doesn't save our children well.
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  Speaker 1: And you know what, they know that we're not being authentic.
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  Speaker 1: They really want to push against that bar and know
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  Speaker 1: that it's holding firm because there is safety in knowing it,
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  Speaker 1: even if it's uncomfort and even if our teenager doesn't
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  Speaker 1: like it. So no, don't go out and buy Logan
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  Speaker 1: Paul's drink from overseas on evay and get it shipped
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  Speaker 1: in and just so that you can be the cool
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  Speaker 1: parents say look, I got it for you. Instead, we
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  Speaker 1: have conversations with our kids. We say, what is the
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  Speaker 1: deal with this influencer. Let's watch what they're talking about.
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  Speaker 1: Let's actually watch two or three clips on TikTok. Let's
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  Speaker 1: sit down and watch it, and let's see whether or
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  Speaker 1: not he or she is on the ball. And I
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  Speaker 1: think we have much more productive, much more useful conversations
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  Speaker 1: with our kids when we approach it from that angle.
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  Speaker 3: Yes, I love that.
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  Speaker 2: That is such good advice, and I will try and
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  Speaker 2: think differently when I'm on a roll across the next time,
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  Speaker 2: justin maybe it's good good advice all around.
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  Speaker 1: I'm really glad. That's excellent. I guess there's probably one
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  Speaker 1: other thing to highlight, and it's implicit in what I've
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  Speaker 1: already said. But if you don't know the influences that
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  Speaker 1: your kids are following, if you don't know what they're
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  Speaker 1: talking about, like I don't know if you've found this
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  Speaker 1: Christine or not. You're in the media and your job
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  Speaker 1: is to be curious and to pursue information. But I
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  Speaker 1: can honestly tell you, as a parent of six kids,
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  Speaker 1: I'm kind of just every now and again, I get tired.
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  Speaker 1: I get a bit over having to be across.
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  Speaker 3: You'd have to monitor thirty of them.
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  Speaker 2: You'd have to monitor thirty different influences per day.
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  Speaker 3: It's so hard to keep up.
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  Speaker 2: I find it hard to keep up with the news
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  Speaker 2: cycle as a presenter of the ABC, it would be
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  Speaker 2: equally as hard to keep up with social media influences.
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  Speaker 3: As a parent, I would think.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, it really is, And so a lot of parents
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  Speaker 1: just shrug their shoulders. They don't even bother showing up
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  Speaker 1: to the parent night where I'm speaking, because they're like, oh,
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  Speaker 1: you know what, I don't care. The kids will be fine,
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  Speaker 1: and even if they're not, I'll deal with it then.
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  Speaker 1: And there's a sense of, I think, a sense of
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  Speaker 1: maybe feeling powerless as a parent, like there's just too
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  Speaker 1: much going on, and what can I do anyway? Because
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  Speaker 1: the kid's going to get sneaky, they'll figure out a
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  Speaker 1: way to get the energy drink, whether whether I say
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  Speaker 1: yes or no, they'll do it anyway. And I just
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  Speaker 1: think it's worth highlighting. If you're feeling like that, it
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  Speaker 1: is worth the effort. And the easiest way to do
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  Speaker 1: it is just to have a conversation with your kids. Hey,
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  Speaker 1: who's your favorite influence at the moment, or who's the
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  Speaker 1: person that everyone's following at school? And can we watch
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  Speaker 1: two or three of their clips? What do you think
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  Speaker 1: about that? How does that feel like? You can do
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  Speaker 1: it in ten or fifteen minutes and we blow it
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  Speaker 1: all the time. Like the other day, I was having
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  Speaker 1: this interaction with my child, my twenty nineteen year old,
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  Speaker 1: my nineteen year old daughter, she's an adult now, and
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  Speaker 1: I disagreed with her about something, and I was impatient,
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  Speaker 1: and I wasn't the perfect parenting expert that I'm supposed
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  Speaker 1: to be, and I just said, oh, for goodness sakes,
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  Speaker 1: why can't you just listen to me. I know that
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  Speaker 1: you're an adult and you can make your own decisions,
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  Speaker 1: but I've climbed nearly fifty rungs on the ladder of life,
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  Speaker 1: and you're on rung number nineteen. I know the view
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  Speaker 1: from number nineteen is awesome, but I'm way up here,
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  Speaker 1: like I know stuff that you just don't know. Why
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  Speaker 1: do you think you know more than me? And then
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  Speaker 1: I stormed out of the room, like I'm just fine,
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  Speaker 1: do it yourself, do it your way, or something like that.
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  Speaker 3: I was just so frustrating.
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  Speaker 1: But the beautiful thing about parenting is you get the
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  Speaker 1: opportunity an hour later, or a day later, or a
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  Speaker 1: week later, say you know what, I really I really
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  Speaker 1: blew it in that conversation the other day. And this
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  Speaker 1: is what you can do if you find that your
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  Speaker 1: kids are watching Andrew Tator, Logan Paul or whoever else.
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  Speaker 1: You can say, I blew up, I did it all wrong.
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  Speaker 1: But I really think we need to have a conversation
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  Speaker 1: about this, and your child might ratherise and say can
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  Speaker 1: we please not have that conversation, but you can say, actually,
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  Speaker 1: I get that you don't want to, especially after the
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  Speaker 1: way that I behaved last week, but this is too
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  Speaker 1: important to not talk about. I don't want to put
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  Speaker 1: any pressure on you. I actually just want to watch
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  Speaker 1: two or three clips with you so that we can
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  Speaker 1: both understand together what's really going on here? Can we
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  Speaker 1: just can we do that tonight at eight o'clock? You
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  Speaker 1: can set the appointment with them, you can you can
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  Speaker 1: repair the relationship and then have really healthy conversations moving
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  Speaker 1: on from there. So I just want to add that
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  Speaker 1: to this discussion that we're having, Christine. I think it's
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  Speaker 1: important that we don't ever feel like it's too late
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  Speaker 1: or we've blown our chance.
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  Speaker 2: I pictured you stepping down the ladder from rung number
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  Speaker 2: fifty down to nineteen and seeing it from her perspective
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  Speaker 2: and both being.
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  Speaker 3: On the ladder together. That was a beautiful visual and
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  Speaker 3: incredibly useful. Well.
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  Speaker 2: Look, I have to say the only good thing about
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  Speaker 2: Logan fall is he takes a wonderful quacker selfie, So
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  Speaker 2: I mean that is his only redeeming factor, Justin, but
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  Speaker 2: thank you for helping us tackle that today.
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  Speaker 1: Well, I really hope it's been helpful. The Happy Family
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  Speaker 1: of podcast is produced by Justin Rowland from Bridge Media.
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  Speaker 1: Craig Bruce is our executive producer, and for more information
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: about making your family happier, you can visit happy families
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: dot com dot au