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Healing Through a Failed Business with Archie Clay III · Just Heal with Dr Jay

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  Speaker 1: Welcome to Jesshill with Doctor J, a production of the
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: Black Effect Podcast Network and iHeartRadio. I'm doctor J. Barnett
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: and welcome back to another episode of Just Hell with
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: Doctor J. I'm excited about the guests that we have today.
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  Speaker 1: A good friend of mine and a growing brother because
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  Speaker 1: I met him a couple of years ago and I
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  Speaker 1: just had this shameless plug. I am wearing his clothing line,
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  Speaker 1: and I mean, it's so dope. This feels good on
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  Speaker 1: my skin, grave material. I love the color. I think
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  Speaker 1: orange look good on us, brown skin dove. And so
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  Speaker 1: I want to welcome to the healing community my good
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  Speaker 1: brother Archie Clay the Third, who is the founder of
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  Speaker 1: brain Love clothing line in Bloomingdale's. Listen, I'm gonna let
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  Speaker 1: you talk about all of the good stuff that you're doing,
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  Speaker 1: and then we're going to get into how did you
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  Speaker 1: get to creating brain Love, and then what is mental
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  Speaker 1: health to you? And all that stuff. Man, So welcome
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  Speaker 1: man to the healing community. No, thank you, thank you
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  Speaker 1: for having me. It's pleasure pleasures always man. So, man,
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  Speaker 1: brain Love, How did it come about? Do struggle? So
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  Speaker 1: I had a company car Wear Brams, which we started
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  Speaker 1: in twenty sixteen, I had a business partner, did it
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  Speaker 1: amazing things. We was in even markets Norsham, Sex scaled
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  Speaker 1: to the seven figure business. At the pinnacle of the business,
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  Speaker 1: we broke apart and that was a tremendous time here
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  Speaker 1: for me where I felt lonely, depressed and like Reno,
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  Speaker 1: what was next for me? I had to take a
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  Speaker 1: step back to really understand what my journey was and
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  Speaker 1: I think from their God kind of positioned me to say, hey,
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  Speaker 1: there's something bigger for you, and brain love is a
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  Speaker 1: space for you to really show people the importance of
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  Speaker 1: why your evolution is important to connecting it back to
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  Speaker 1: your mindset. And so for me, it was all about
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  Speaker 1: making sure that people understood that it's okay to have struggle.
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  Speaker 1: It's okay to want more on your life, and it's
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  Speaker 1: okay to understand that your mental health is important. But
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  Speaker 1: it's also okay to be fly at the same time,
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  Speaker 1: you know what I mean, those two things, those things
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  Speaker 1: can be together at one. So you so you so
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  Speaker 1: what I'm hearing is you didn't want to take away
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  Speaker 1: who you are at your core, with your creativity, fashion
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  Speaker 1: and all those things, and so uh now here's the
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  Speaker 1: thing about about this podcast. You already know you can't
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  Speaker 1: give us no surface answer. You can't be vague, brother,
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  Speaker 1: So we were gonna go in brain. Let's start there. Yes,
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  Speaker 1: And before we get to the love part. When you
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  Speaker 1: think about the word brain, what do you what comes
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  Speaker 1: to mind? I think it's your mind right, the ability
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  Speaker 1: to understand that if we want to become the better
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  Speaker 1: version of ourselves, it's not about the physical things that
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  Speaker 1: we have going on, It's about the mental side of things.
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  Speaker 1: Because the end of the day is that you know,
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  Speaker 1: as we grow and as we evolve, like our mindset
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  Speaker 1: has to continue to grow and evolved. And I think
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  Speaker 1: that we're taught you know that we just focused on
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  Speaker 1: getting to the baggage and money be strong, especially as
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  Speaker 1: black men. It's not talking about like your mental capacity
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  Speaker 1: or your emotional capacity, you know what I mean. For me,
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  Speaker 1: it's like I've kind of always been in brass. Especially
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  Speaker 1: my mother always taught me that my emotion on my powers, right.
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  Speaker 1: I've always been a very sensitive emotional person growing up,
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  Speaker 1: you know what I mean, And so for me, it's
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  Speaker 1: always been very very important to understand that, you know,
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  Speaker 1: we want to be good people. Good husbands, good friends,
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  Speaker 1: that we have to continue about our mind and understand
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  Speaker 1: more about people in general and their emotions and on
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  Speaker 1: your own emotions, you know what I mean. So when
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  Speaker 1: you talk about, you know, being emotional and sensitive as
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  Speaker 1: a as a young kid, what was that like for you?
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  Speaker 1: Because I'm sure growing up in a black community, understanding
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  Speaker 1: your emotions but also understanding your level of sensitivity right,
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  Speaker 1: And I like to associate that with your ability to
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  Speaker 1: feel right, which I don't think a lot of brothers
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  Speaker 1: know how to do because the way we are socialized,
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  Speaker 1: that part of us is turned off, right. And I
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  Speaker 1: don't think it's turned off intentionally from us, it's turned
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  Speaker 1: off environmental. Because if you're told don't cry, shut up,
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  Speaker 1: suck it up, boy, I wish you would, right for sure.
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  Speaker 1: Not only am I programming you to not feel I'm
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  Speaker 1: also programming you to not get in touch with what
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  Speaker 1: is actually going on inside of me, because there's a
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  Speaker 1: there's a difference between the emotion and the feeling. Right,
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  Speaker 1: the feeling is what is happening. The emotion is what
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  Speaker 1: it is. So and I just wanted to expound on that.
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  Speaker 1: I wanted to expound on that for for the viewers,
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  Speaker 1: But for you as a young black boy, because I'm
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  Speaker 1: going to share my experience on what it was like
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  Speaker 1: to feel as a young black boy. What was it like?
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  Speaker 1: Son is a little different. So I grew up singing
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  Speaker 1: home for since I was until I was eight, Move
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  Speaker 1: to Mississippi, about Mississippi below Peoplo Elvis. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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  Speaker 1: So my story looks my mom was very aligned to
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  Speaker 1: my emotions because my dad mental issues when I was
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  Speaker 1: when I was young, my dad walked walked down on me.
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  Speaker 1: My mom when I was too do you know what
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  Speaker 1: the mental issue? We still were still unraveling that right
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  Speaker 1: now as we speak. Uh So, for me, my mom
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  Speaker 1: is always kind of been focused on being me, having
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  Speaker 1: emotional intelligence and being okay with my sister being sensitive,
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  Speaker 1: being okay crying so like, and also is homeschool. So
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  Speaker 1: my perspective was a little different than your common black
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  Speaker 1: boy where I wasn't that wasn't my household. It wasn't
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  Speaker 1: be quiet or crying. The only time Mama told me
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  Speaker 1: how to start crying, I'm going homework and I'm crying
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  Speaker 1: in my book and I'm not getting my ass right.
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  Speaker 1: That's the only time. But other than that, I was
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  Speaker 1: open to be emotionally and open to feel and be
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  Speaker 1: feeling because that was part of my mom how she
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  Speaker 1: taught me, you know what I mean. So I think
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  Speaker 1: that kind of goes back to how I'm raised now,
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  Speaker 1: is that I'm I'm always crying. My wife knows, like
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  Speaker 1: you be crying all the time. That's just kind of
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  Speaker 1: how I've been raised. Like I cry when I'm mad,
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  Speaker 1: or cry when I'm emotional. I cry when things are good,
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  Speaker 1: things are happening. That's I've been I was raised to
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  Speaker 1: have that perspective, you know what I mean. So I
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  Speaker 1: never felt, I guess, uncomfortable crying in a situation or
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  Speaker 1: even if I was crying in school or something when
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  Speaker 1: I missed you went back to school. I went back
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  Speaker 1: to school when I was in eighth grade after being
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  Speaker 1: homeschool for about like six seven years. Wow, Now, how
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  Speaker 1: was it with the first time, Because I know, as
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  Speaker 1: you're dating before you got married, the first time that
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  Speaker 1: I'm sure your girlfriend fiance shed go through all those stages. Now,
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  Speaker 1: the first time she saw you cry, what was her response?
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  Speaker 1: The first time she saw me cry was when I
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  Speaker 1: was going through the period of losing jobs and I
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  Speaker 1: was in this is a pinnacle of me building my
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  Speaker 1: first company. And I remember also, I remember we talked.
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  Speaker 1: We talked about in the past, like there was a
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  Speaker 1: period where I was uncertain because I didn't fill out
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  Speaker 1: I deserve to have a relationship because I wasn't. My
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  Speaker 1: financial and my job situation wasn't right. So I'm challenging
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  Speaker 1: myself like, you're not you don't need to be with
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  Speaker 1: this good girl like this, And you're not. You don't
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  Speaker 1: have your own stuff together, so why are you even
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  Speaker 1: even entertaining that situation? And I remember having a job, driving,
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  Speaker 1: getting fired, coming back to the house and crying and
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  Speaker 1: telling her like this is this happening over and over again.
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  Speaker 1: I remember her saying like, maybe should go full time
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  Speaker 1: into your business. And that was the first time where
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  Speaker 1: I was like, oh, this is probably my wife. Wow,
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  Speaker 1: what did that do to you? Because that's often not
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  Speaker 1: the case. No for sure in twenty twenty five, Oh yeah, yeah, definitely.
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  Speaker 1: If you come back home saying you've lost your job,
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  Speaker 1: it's like, so you mean more Luther friz No, no
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  Speaker 1: more stake for the eight you know what I mean?
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  Speaker 1: We can't I mean, we can't go to Lenox, You
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  Speaker 1: know what did that do to you as a man,
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  Speaker 1: For the woman that you're dating to not only see
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  Speaker 1: what you were trying to build, but also to speak
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  Speaker 1: and to who she saw you to be. Because for
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  Speaker 1: her to tell you you need to go full time
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  Speaker 1: into entrepreneurship, that tells me she had to see something
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  Speaker 1: in you that that you had yet to see. So
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  Speaker 1: my wife always say that I'm very consistent. That's how
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  Speaker 1: That's how I got her because I was always in
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  Speaker 1: the DMS. He's always so you guys met through, but
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  Speaker 1: that crosses over to like how do business too. I'm
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  Speaker 1: very persistent and very consistent, you know what I mean.
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  Speaker 1: So for me her me, hearing that honestly just poured confidence,
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  Speaker 1: additional confidence into who I was and really helped me
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  Speaker 1: really align back into it and not allowed that that
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  Speaker 1: short term failure to come over me and keep me
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  Speaker 1: from where God was supposed to push me in, you
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  Speaker 1: know what I mean. So for me, it kept it
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  Speaker 1: pushed me hard and that's why the business became where
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  Speaker 1: it is where it went to because of me being
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  Speaker 1: able to be comfortable and do what I needed to do.
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  Speaker 1: So is that how you got the love? Yeah? Because
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  Speaker 1: I feel like love to me is just a second
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  Speaker 1: notice how it started out the brain and now you
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  Speaker 1: see how that Transah. For sure, that's the therapist in
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  Speaker 1: me really, but I wanted to wanted to show the
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  Speaker 1: people how this intersect to how you know for sure,
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  Speaker 1: you know what I definitely, but I think the love
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  Speaker 1: is just life, Like I think we have to be
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  Speaker 1: happy with oneself and be happy with yourself first and
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  Speaker 1: loving yourself first, and then loving the people around you,
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  Speaker 1: you know what I mean. And I think that's something
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  Speaker 1: that's always been a pinnacle who I am as a person,
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  Speaker 1: just always loving the people around me and loving your
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  Speaker 1: community like loving and I got that from my mom,
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  Speaker 1: Like I feel like the love factor come. My mom
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  Speaker 1: loves very hard and I love very hard, you know
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  Speaker 1: what I mean. So for me, I think that's just
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  Speaker 1: a part of who I am as a person and
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  Speaker 1: really pushing it into what we're building as a business,
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  Speaker 1: but also getting people to understand it's not just about
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  Speaker 1: the business side, it's about we want you to truly
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  Speaker 1: feel that essence when you when you when you lock
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  Speaker 1: eyes on the brand and you put put clothes on
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  Speaker 1: of the brand or whatever it looks like like you
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  Speaker 1: feel that energy of who we are as a brand
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  Speaker 1: in a company. You know, brother, I think this is
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  Speaker 1: so beautiful because as I'm listening to you, I'm reflecting
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  Speaker 1: on when we met right and you were speaking about
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  Speaker 1: your your clothing brand, and you were speaking about the
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  Speaker 1: message behind it. And I love what your brand represents, uh,
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  Speaker 1: And because I look at it from this perspective of
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  Speaker 1: not only feeding the brain, but also loving the brain.
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  Speaker 1: And because the way you feed the brain is what
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  Speaker 1: you read, it's what you hear. But the way you
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  Speaker 1: love the brain, it's the way you treat yourself and
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  Speaker 1: how you see yourself. And I think you know when
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  Speaker 1: you think about brain love, how can we better love
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  Speaker 1: our brains? Because if we love our brain better, we'll
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  Speaker 1: love each other better. And we talked about this, Yeah,
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  Speaker 1: we we talked about this in great length. Man. Now
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  Speaker 1: somebody's watching because we often hear people say love yourself.
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  Speaker 1: How have you done that? As a black man who
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  Speaker 1: is an entrepreneur, recently married, newla wed, how did you
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  Speaker 1: love yourself before you got to the husband to the
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  Speaker 1: business side. And I know that you said mom was
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  Speaker 1: loving and she loved hard, but how did you what
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  Speaker 1: was your journey like I mean I think I mean
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  Speaker 1: to your point, I think the confidence that I received
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  Speaker 1: that as a younger boy, and as I continue to
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  Speaker 1: grow grow and graduating going to a SPEC you getting
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  Speaker 1: that culture that amplified me to love myself even more. So.
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  Speaker 1: I think for me it's it's it wasn't just me.
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  Speaker 1: I think it's my community too, and the things that
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  Speaker 1: are around me that allow me to talk constantly love
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  Speaker 1: myself over and over and over again, you know what
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  Speaker 1: I mean. Going to AHPEC you pleasure and incorporated having
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: the best friends in the world, like having these strong
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  Speaker 1: communities and knowing that you have so much work to
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: give to the world, you know what I mean. And
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: that connects back to my own lifestyle of who I
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  Speaker 1: was as a young boy, like this constant rein constant,
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  Speaker 1: like just focusing on what I've always been taught, you
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  Speaker 1: know what I mean. So it's like loving myself has
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  Speaker 1: always been. I've never had an issue. I love with myself,
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  Speaker 1: you know what I mean, because of us, the community
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  Speaker 1: and people around me. Just the constant because I've always
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  Speaker 1: been connected to people, and I feel like I feed
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  Speaker 1: off of just energy and people around me, you know
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  Speaker 1: what I mean. So that's always the thing that's always
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  Speaker 1: been aligned to the love factor of who I am
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  Speaker 1: as a person. And I'm gonna tell you why that's profound,
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  Speaker 1: because until you've been love well, you can't love. You
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  Speaker 1: were love well, and you were loved in a way
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  Speaker 1: that you never had to question Archie. In fact, Archie
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  Speaker 1: was able to discover answers more so than to shore
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  Speaker 1: with the world with the question. Because when we don't
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  Speaker 1: have love, and we don't have an environment that is loving,
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: it's hard for us to really identify not just purpose,
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: but to identify who you are at your core right.
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  Speaker 1: And that's a challenge for so many brothers, unfortunately, because
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  Speaker 1: we don't get to pick our parents. And kudos to
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  Speaker 1: your mother, man, for loving you brother in such a
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  Speaker 1: way that you didn't have this journey of like, man,
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  Speaker 1: I don't love myself, I don't know who I am.
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  Speaker 1: I'm just you know, as matter of fact, I'm not
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  Speaker 1: showing up in the world. I'm just existing, right, And
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  Speaker 1: I think, Man, that is so beautiful and a testament
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  Speaker 1: to your mom environment but her awareness because you said
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  Speaker 1: your father had mental health issues and when she noticed that,
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  Speaker 1: she was able to identify the way that she needed
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  Speaker 1: to pour into you, right, do you feel that mom
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  Speaker 1: pouring into you was also to prevent you to not
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  Speaker 1: end up like that? And so for sure, definitely, like
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  Speaker 1: we kind of packed that open since I've been in therapy,
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: because I've been revisiting the conversation with my father with
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: my therapist just recently, and because I've struggled with it
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: over years, especially when my grandmother passed away. I really
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: struggled with like my identity connected to my dad, you
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  Speaker 1: know what I mean, because my mom that's always been there,
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: you know what I mean. But I've always struggled with
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: the thought process of my mom because my mom protected me,
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  Speaker 1: but also protecting my dad because you will always be
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: very highly of him. And if I got older, I
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: started a question, if we speaking very horghly of him,
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: what's what's the what's the what's what's happening? Because he's
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: not here, you know what I mean. So I think
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: at times that kind of hurt because of just hearing
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  Speaker 1: all these amazing things about my father, But I'm not
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  Speaker 1: getting that same energy back, you know what i mean,
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: but also not really understanding the whole mental aspect as well,
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  Speaker 1: Like I'm hearing that he has mental health issue, but
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: then there's situations that happened if I'm getting older that
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: doesn't really align, but then I'm hearing it again, you
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: know what I mean. So I think for me, it's
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  Speaker 1: just like constantly remembering that he kind of has to
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: just give people grace, you know, And I've give him
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  Speaker 1: my father grace, and I've also given my mother grace
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  Speaker 1: as well, you know what I mean. So just understanding
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: that it's it's okay when when you think about your
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: father today in this present time, what are your thoughts
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: about him, and just knowing it's crazy. I say because
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: about therapist that we just we just talked about cause
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: I told her that because we so my therapist basically
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: told that I had to basically talk to my parents
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: and my mom and my aunties and kind of really
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: understand what truly happened and from the mental health perspective
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: and figured that out. Had another conversation with my father
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: and we kind of really had a conversation for the
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  Speaker 1: first time ever, a real conversation. Realized that we love
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  Speaker 1: the same things. We love martial arts, so on and
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: so forth. So very very happy in that moment. End
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  Speaker 1: the conversation. My dad was like, hey, like send me
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: photos so I can just see or when you got married,
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: seeing a bachelor party and things of that it's just
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: like be hyper and also see me an address or
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: I can sing you something as when I did that,
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: he never responded back. So it's a little hurt because
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: I was excited about continue to push the standard further.
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: But I also was okay because I realized that I
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: think this is where it's going to be. And I'm
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: told my therapist is like, I'm okay with that now.
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  Speaker 1: I think I finally found space and understanding that this
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: is just how my relationship and my father is going
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: to be and it's okay. So to answer your question
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  Speaker 1: is that I just I'm okay with it because our
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: mayor at our it me and my wife is wedding.
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  Speaker 1: I was crying when I saw my dad. I wasn't
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  Speaker 1: crying of happiness. I was just crying. I was just
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  Speaker 1: crying because he could have been there or not and
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  Speaker 1: I would have been okay. And I'm holding that space
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: of pause to let somebody who's watching this really feel
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: the gravity of that response, but also the profoundness in
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: that statement because I too, have done the same thing.
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  Speaker 1: You know what I've shared transparently, you know, Man, I
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: get calls from my mentors all the time. Jay, you
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: killing it, man, Man, I'm so proud of you, oh son. Man,
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: every time I turn around, you hear you there. And
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: I've battled in moments because it would be great to
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: hear my father just pick up the phone and just
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: be like, Man, I'm really really proud man. Like my
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: dad calls me brother and it's like, hey, what's the weather,
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: what y'all weather looking like? Like literally, and I'm like,
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: and I always answer the phone, and I always know
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: how it's going to go. Right. Hey, hey, hey, hey.
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: My dad's a pastor, and my father talks to me
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: like another pastor. Hey, doc, hey doc. He calls me
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: doctor now since I you know, finished school. But it
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: turns into some type of like church rhetoric, right, like
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: the pastors have all right, all right, all right, man,
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: how's everything everything? And it never goes beyond that, like
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: what y'all weather looking like? I'm like, oh, it's nice,
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: it's like eighty five. Oh this good weather? Good weather?
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: And it get quiet all right, all right, I'm a
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: holler at you later and that's it. But what you
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: said is what I came to the conclusion of years ago,
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: and I actually said this on the Breakfast Club Charlomagne.
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: I was like, he said, what do you do and
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: how do you feel if your dad never comes around?
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: Just really have this relationship that you truly desire. Because
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: I carried my father's name, so I'm a junior and
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: part of me has always wanted to have this relationship
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: with Singing. But one day I got to the place
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: where you are and I said, Man, if he never
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: comes around, I'm okay because what I realized, Archie, was
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: that the healing and the work that I've done was
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: it for him? Right. That's my thirdes told meence like
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: you're thinking about it. You're thinking about him and his feelings,
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: Like how do you feel? Like how do you how
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: is your feeling? What was your feeling towards him not
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: responding to your test message versus saying, oh, well, you
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: know he throwing it back on him. It's like, how
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: do you feel? Like? Yo? Man, you know what I'm saying.
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: But that's to your point of it is what it is.
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: And I think healing is also accepting what may never
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: be right exactly, And healing is also accepting that I
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: have to be okay with the person that I love
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: exactly may never give me the love that I've always desired,
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: because for us as sons, there is a love that
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: we seek from fathers that mother can't give. And I
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: feel like this, and some may argue with me, I
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: feel like this. A mother determines what a child remembers.
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: A father determines what the child believes. Because with Dad,
• 20:59
  Speaker 1: that's nothing I can't do because if Dad say, boy,
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: you got it. Oh, I'll run through this fireplace, right
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: because see my mom is gonna give you. Oh, come here,
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: baby coming, And that's great, right, But it's something about
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: when dad touches you on the shoulder and say, hey,
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: you keep pushing right. I know you didn't make the team,
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: but let's let's work hard. It's just something about that
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: reinforcement which makes who we are becoming right even more
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: powerful because to not have that and to yet be
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: a good husband, to not have that, and to yet
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: be someone who is making a mark in this world
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: like you are with your brand and with your message,
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: how does that make you feel? Because in my head
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: I was thinking, I was thinking that because even before
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: people asking like you know you're gonna have come a
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: third and I was like, I would never am I
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: passing the name? Now? Oh I wouldn't. But I changed
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: my perspective. Okay, I want to hear because I realized
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: is that I am the new I am changing the
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: perspective of how things. Okay, I love to you know
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: what I mean. And for me, it's like because of
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: my situation with my father that I cannot allow that
• 22:22
  Speaker 1: to pass down to my son or my daughter, whoever
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: whatever comes first. So if I have a son that
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: I can't make a decision based on my dad and
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: what he did in me. I'm just passing the same
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: perspective down. So for me I had if I if
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: I decided, if I decided I want my son to
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: have the fourth is because I want it. If I
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: decide not to because I want him not to have it,
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: not because I don't want my son to have the
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: fourth because it's coming from his energy. Like no, it's
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: coming from me. Listen, I gotta see the net because
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: because I could ask all the time, like with you
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: name your son and third and the first time like
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: you know, of course that's the first thing he was saying.
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: You know, the first thing was saying, because you're you're
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: we're a time. We're tying that, tying that to our experience.
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: But it's not our experience. It's the experience my son experience.
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: If I have a son, it be me exactly, and
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: I ain't. I'm not that, and I if I am
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: blessed with that, he will never have to worry about
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: that ever. Now I'm gonna say this, Uh, I love
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: the perspective, but I still don't think I named my
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: son and that fine no no no meaning meaning like
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: I don't like the name. Yeah, I don't even like
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: the name. I could. I don't even want to. I
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: don't even want my son to go through, you know,
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: go through this, this generation having to be called what
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: my legal name is? Your legal legal name? Yeah, yeah,
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: my legal name. Now I'm a junior, so I my
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: name is JJ. That's what everybody knows me. It's JJ
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: and my family and I've cut off the J and
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: I just go by. I started doing that. Yes, it's
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: Mississippi name that I would not say right here. And
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: I love you, my father, But you did talk about
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: being vulnerable. Yes, I can't because because for me, I
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: have a different meaning for the name. He also have
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: a different experience exactly, And that's what healing is about.
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: Healing is about changing the way others experience us, but
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: also changing how we experience those who are connected to us,
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: and particularly in the bloodline and those in our families,
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: and changing our experiences in life, because healing brings not
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: only profound perspective, but it also brings a different way
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: of hearing, a different way of seeing, a different way
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: of understanding. And you just, I mean, you helped me
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: today because I was really stuck there. Man. I was
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: just like, man, I can't name my son that Like
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: I've always wanted to name my son Joshua. Okay, I
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: love the name of Josha. Yeah. I love the name
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: of Joshua. I love what Joshua was the Moses. I
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: love what Joshua did. He was resilient. I mean, when
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: nobody else wanted to go and take the land, he
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: would and took it. And so I'm like, if I
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: have a son, I want him to understand that he
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: was born to take and to conquer. And so that's
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: you know, if I have a son, that's that's kind
• 25:39
  Speaker 1: of you know that was just, you know, something that
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: I've always wanted to do. But I want to talk about.
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: You know, you're a young black man with his clothing brand.
• 25:54
  Speaker 1: You recently got married, and you got married in a
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: society where a lot of men are running for marriage.
• 26:06
  Speaker 1: Why did you get married? I was a time crash.
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: I was playing all of you, of the thirty five,
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: thirty five young man. Yeah you still had time. Yeah, sure,
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: she would say otherwise. Yeah, I'm sure. I'm sure all
• 26:24
  Speaker 1: of them, But no, they like good brother. I think so.
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: My wife has been a part of both of companies,
• 26:34
  Speaker 1: the journey of both right and I think that for me,
• 26:39
  Speaker 1: I said, I come from a woman household, my Jordan
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: half of my life, you know what I mean. So
• 26:44
  Speaker 1: I've always seen power and women and their ability to
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: pour into it as much as we pour into them,
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: you know what I mean. My wife is always been
• 26:53
  Speaker 1: like literally right there next to me through everything for
• 26:55
  Speaker 1: both of us, as far as our own trauma that
• 26:58
  Speaker 1: we both have endured on whatever that looks like, you
• 27:01
  Speaker 1: know what I mean. So for me, when when that
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: time was right, it didn't, then it was the right time,
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: Like I knew, I knew, I knew that we were
• 27:08
  Speaker 1: probably gonna be married when we first our first day.
• 27:12
  Speaker 1: So she she liked old fashions. I like old fashion,
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: so I was like, oh we got start with old fashion.
• 27:17
  Speaker 1: I like old fashion too, and she on the west side,
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: Oh be perfect. Wow, you know what I mean. So
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: it's like and also I was in a d or
• 27:24
  Speaker 1: two this going back and forth trying to get it, you
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: know what I mean. So I think there's there's God
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: has a way of like connecting people, and I think
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: what we just we've always just been bonding, even through
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: our you know, arguments and things and there we've always
• 27:35
  Speaker 1: stayed in tact. So I want to I want to
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: go back because there's a lot that you just say,
• 27:41
  Speaker 1: I don't want to unpack. So one what drew you
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: to her? To d m her? So it's a funny story. Okay,
• 27:51
  Speaker 1: So I actually didn't know who she was. So my
• 27:54
  Speaker 1: one of my best friends, my boy had a Smoothy
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: smoothie spot at the time, and I would just going
• 27:59
  Speaker 1: to school. I was just talking and you know, God talk,
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: and my boys like, hey, bro, like it's a shawdy
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: song on Instagram. I think you will like her, you
• 28:07
  Speaker 1: know about type so I saw all ya, I said,
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: I'm definitely sliding in that. So soon as I left
• 28:13
  Speaker 1: sent the message. Took a little second, you know, she'll
• 28:15
  Speaker 1: tell the story differently because you know I want But
• 28:18
  Speaker 1: took a little second for her to you know, responding
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: back to her. Then she eventually swatted how to kind
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: of like it took a second to get back and
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: but like I said, it being consistent, being persistent. She
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: was consistent. And at the end of the day, it's like, hey,
• 28:28
  Speaker 1: it ain't over till it's over, you feel me. So
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: I finally got the first day. And then on the
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: first day, I remember from I'm from Atlanta, so I
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: know what the line looks like. And I know normally
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: people when they talk about Atlanta and they talk about
• 28:41
  Speaker 1: the West Side, it's like, oh, it's ghettos, Like no
• 28:43
  Speaker 1: one's still living on the livel there. Most people that
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: lived moved to Atlanta moved to Bucket first. She would
• 28:47
  Speaker 1: had just moved from DC down to Atlanta, stayed in
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: the Bucket for lois, but bought her house in West Side.
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: So when she told me that, I was like, oh, like,
• 28:54
  Speaker 1: you're very aware of your surroundings. And I think that's
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: super attractive for you to know that, because most people
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: will say, like am I going to the West Side?
• 29:01
  Speaker 1: Like what first of my buying the house as a
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: woman in the West side by myself? So for me,
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: it's like you gotta look great lot, you know what
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: I'm saying. So for me, and also the old fashions,
• 29:09
  Speaker 1: like most of the old fasts as well, you know
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: what I mean. So for me, that was something that
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: the old fashion to drink. Yeah drink okay, old fashioned drink.
• 29:17
  Speaker 1: So for me, it's like, oh, that's something that was
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: a lot of man from marriages kind of stay there,
• 29:23
  Speaker 1: you know, travel together then all across the world together.
• 29:26
  Speaker 1: So like we we love movies, we love to travel,
• 29:29
  Speaker 1: so like that connectivity has always been a part of
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: who we are. And you know, for marriages, it was
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: always on the table. It's about the right time and
• 29:37
  Speaker 1: what God wanted to a line. So you know what,
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: what I love how you're expressing how you guys met
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: and and how your eyes light up to talk about
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: your wife and to talk about your experience, because oftentimes
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: you hear these stories like I don't want to be married,
• 29:54
  Speaker 1: I don't you know, And what I'm hearing from you
• 29:57
  Speaker 1: is that the right relationship is healing right? How did
• 30:02
  Speaker 1: your relationship with your wife? Now? How did it heal you?
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: In some ways? Being patient and honestly cleaning better, you know,
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: since I think you know us as me and we
• 30:13
  Speaker 1: don't clean. But my wife got me a check, you
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: know what I mean. But I think on serious note,
• 30:18
  Speaker 1: it's like really being passion with yourself and believing yourself.
• 30:21
  Speaker 1: You know, I think that my wife has gave me
• 30:23
  Speaker 1: the ability to really chase my dreams and I think
• 30:25
  Speaker 1: that's a beautiful thing. I literally told her when we
• 30:28
  Speaker 1: just found out we got you know, a big, a
• 30:30
  Speaker 1: bigger contract with Bloomedel's this past Friday. Oh that hold on, brother,
• 30:35
  Speaker 1: we got to clap to that man. Yeah, you know,
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: to clap to that man. I let they say text
• 30:38
  Speaker 1: is just like, man, I'm super grateful because nothing, none
• 30:42
  Speaker 1: of this is possible without you at the end of
• 30:44
  Speaker 1: the day, you know what I mean, because it's it
• 30:47
  Speaker 1: can be very lonely building a company second time, Wow,
• 30:52
  Speaker 1: you know what I mean. And also only I've struggled
• 30:54
  Speaker 1: with my mind my confidence do as well, because I
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: am afraid that the same thing happened and of course
• 31:01
  Speaker 1: I'm have a business part of it, but I'm afraid
• 31:03
  Speaker 1: that I would fail again. Even though I didn't fail,
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: but like it's still a form of failure, like for
• 31:09
  Speaker 1: something where I didn't see that being the end of
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: my first business, you know what I mean. So sometimes
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: in my head, I'm like, this, this is what I
• 31:16
  Speaker 1: need to be doing. Should I be going to get
• 31:18
  Speaker 1: a job? Like you know, you just you want to
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: be the man that's making good decisions, you know what
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: I mean. So having this thing happen, honestly, helped me
• 31:27
  Speaker 1: get my truly get my confidence back in my feed
• 31:29
  Speaker 1: because I just want to make sure that we as
• 31:32
  Speaker 1: a family and we're building this legacy when it comes
• 31:35
  Speaker 1: to being a clay you know what I mean. We're
• 31:36
  Speaker 1: really changing the dynamic of our family and our family together,
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: you know what I mean. So for me, it's like
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: sometimes I be in my head talk to my head,
• 31:45
  Speaker 1: like are you worthy of this? Honestly? We just we
• 31:47
  Speaker 1: just came back from Japan on a two week vacation
• 31:50
  Speaker 1: and my head, I'm like, do I need to be
• 31:51
  Speaker 1: over here because I need to be homeworking and not
• 31:54
  Speaker 1: being my computer for two weeks. That's a long time.
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: I have to be working, but I had to be
• 31:57
  Speaker 1: in a moment to understand that this is gratitud and
• 32:00
  Speaker 1: God has given it to me for a reason, and
• 32:02
  Speaker 1: hurt in my life for a reason. They have to
• 32:04
  Speaker 1: be in a moment and read appreciate this time because
• 32:07
  Speaker 1: I mean, at the end of the day, is all
• 32:08
  Speaker 1: we This is all the time we have it the
• 32:10
  Speaker 1: only time we have loved. And I want to say
• 32:12
  Speaker 1: to you, you're worthy not only of that contract, but
• 32:16
  Speaker 1: you're worthy of more, for sure, and you're deserving them
• 32:19
  Speaker 1: more and I don't know the terms and all that,
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: but even more and as as as far as you
• 32:30
  Speaker 1: can believe, it's what you will achieve for sure, and
• 32:34
  Speaker 1: let it scare the hell out of you. I think
• 32:38
  Speaker 1: there's a part that I want to unpack in another episode.
• 32:42
  Speaker 1: It's called healthy fear. There's some elements of fear that
• 32:47
  Speaker 1: I think that we need because it shows how much
• 32:50
  Speaker 1: we need God. But it also shows how much we
• 32:52
  Speaker 1: need our partners and those around us. And I think
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: what really blesses me about this, and this is why
• 32:59
  Speaker 1: I love you. Know. This space that I'm in now
• 33:03
  Speaker 1: is to bring these conversations and to have dialogue that's
• 33:08
  Speaker 1: going to heal people, because you're healing somebody right now
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: who is trying to do it on their own and
• 33:15
  Speaker 1: not do it without their partner, and their partners wanted
• 33:18
  Speaker 1: to help. And again, you know, I have to talk
• 33:23
  Speaker 1: bouble because that's my core. How can two walk together
• 33:25
  Speaker 1: and accept their grief? And what I'm happy about for you, Archie,
• 33:31
  Speaker 1: is that you found somebody who agrees with even the
• 33:35
  Speaker 1: things that you hadn't yet to discover that you need
• 33:37
  Speaker 1: an agreement with because you believe in yourself. With the failure,
• 33:43
  Speaker 1: as you said, cause you to like man, I don't know,
• 33:46
  Speaker 1: but for her to say you can yeah, bred shirts, Man,
• 33:52
  Speaker 1: that's beautiful. Brother. You know man, these conversations, man, I
• 33:58
  Speaker 1: wish they gave me like our or do these conversations man,
• 34:01
  Speaker 1: because I mean, I know it's going to be helping people,
• 34:04
  Speaker 1: helping brothers, helping sisters. Man. But I have to ask
• 34:08
  Speaker 1: you the question that I ask every guest, And every
• 34:13
  Speaker 1: time I have to ask this question, I always pause
• 34:16
  Speaker 1: because as I'm thinking of the question, I begin to
• 34:20
  Speaker 1: think about how would I answer it? Now? Because each
• 34:22
  Speaker 1: episode is different, each person brings a different energy, each
• 34:25
  Speaker 1: person has a different story, oh with their journey and
• 34:29
  Speaker 1: to hear your journey about childhood, your dad, school mom,
• 34:38
  Speaker 1: non braying love. What does healing means to Archie Hm?
• 34:50
  Speaker 1: I would say, Man, healing means to me is having faith.
• 34:54
  Speaker 1: Got set it right here, Like I think we forget that,
• 34:58
  Speaker 1: you know, we can't really control are healing with out
• 35:02
  Speaker 1: the spiritual side of things. I know you just quote
• 35:05
  Speaker 1: a scripture. And like I said, I've struggled with my
• 35:08
  Speaker 1: faith because I come from a Muslim background, real Muslim,
• 35:12
  Speaker 1: and I've had my own struggles with my faith and
• 35:15
  Speaker 1: my religion, you know what I mean. But I've also grown.
• 35:17
  Speaker 1: I realized that having faith and believing that God is
• 35:21
  Speaker 1: right there with you even when he may not be
• 35:23
  Speaker 1: there with you, you know, and through all my struggles that
• 35:26
  Speaker 1: I realize He's always been there with me, and I've
• 35:30
  Speaker 1: always been healing. I've always been healing. I've always been
• 35:35
  Speaker 1: healing with my dad. I've always been healing with my
• 35:37
  Speaker 1: company and my business with the business partner and all that. Like,
• 35:40
  Speaker 1: I've always been healing. And once I realized that if
• 35:44
  Speaker 1: I can have faith in Him and believe that I
• 35:46
  Speaker 1: on the right track that He has me on, I'm
• 35:48
  Speaker 1: just learning from the different situations that He's given me
• 35:51
  Speaker 1: to continue to grow and evolve. And that's to kind
• 35:54
  Speaker 1: of hold my trou who we are as a brand.
• 35:55
  Speaker 1: It's like, yeah, losion starts with you if you can
• 35:58
  Speaker 1: focus on yourself, and it truly is. Hey, I believe
• 36:01
  Speaker 1: and I have faith that everything is gonna be okay.
• 36:03
  Speaker 1: And now I understand that everything's gonna be okay. It's
• 36:07
  Speaker 1: gonna be okay as long as I'm doing the work
• 36:09
  Speaker 1: and I'm am providing resources to myself and my family,
• 36:13
  Speaker 1: and I say resources spiritual. Continue to get better every
• 36:17
  Speaker 1: single day, you know, challenging myself, challenging us like we
• 36:23
  Speaker 1: will be okay because we have faith that we're gonna
• 36:24
  Speaker 1: be okay. Beautiful man, beautiful brother. I appreciate you, and
• 36:30
  Speaker 1: I man, I'm so proud of you. Man. I be
• 36:33
  Speaker 1: watching YouTube right for the past. Man, stop your brother.
• 36:38
  Speaker 1: You know that's what happened when you when you start
• 36:40
  Speaker 1: taking better care of yourself. I shared all that dead
• 36:43
  Speaker 1: wait man because I needed to heal, you know. And
• 36:46
  Speaker 1: I want to say to the viewers and those that
• 36:49
  Speaker 1: are watching, I think we forget in mental health that
• 36:53
  Speaker 1: there is a spiritual component to it right, whatever your
• 36:58
  Speaker 1: belief is, you have to have something that you believe
• 37:03
  Speaker 1: in higher than yourself. You cannot heal without your spiritualities.
• 37:07
  Speaker 1: You have to. And I'm being careful as I say this,
• 37:11
  Speaker 1: because I know people believe different things, But I could
• 37:16
  Speaker 1: not have healed without my faith and without my belief
• 37:20
  Speaker 1: in God. And as you just heard Archie say, for
• 37:24
  Speaker 1: him healing his faith, what do you have faith in?
• 37:28
  Speaker 1: Do you have faith in the process, do you have
• 37:32
  Speaker 1: faith in the journey that you owt Whatever you do,
• 37:36
  Speaker 1: whatever modality you choose, whatever apparatus you use, meaning whether
• 37:44
  Speaker 1: some of you are listening to apps, I mean to
• 37:46
  Speaker 1: calm apps, some of you are listening to podcasts, some
• 37:49
  Speaker 1: of you are going to healing retreats. Whatever the vehicle
• 37:54
  Speaker 1: that you're using, it's going to take faith. It's going
• 37:59
  Speaker 1: to record whire you to remain committed when you don't
• 38:04
  Speaker 1: feel like it's working, because if you in therapy, there
• 38:07
  Speaker 1: are some sessions that's going to make you feel like
• 38:09
  Speaker 1: what the hell am I doing? Because it's going to
• 38:13
  Speaker 1: bring things up out of you that you didn't know
• 38:15
  Speaker 1: that were there. And there would be some things that
• 38:19
  Speaker 1: you would discover that you knew that was there, but
• 38:22
  Speaker 1: you forgot them or you overlook them and push them
• 38:25
  Speaker 1: to the back. And therapy is going to bring that
• 38:27
  Speaker 1: information to the front. But whatever you do, stay committed,
• 38:31
  Speaker 1: remain faithful to your journey. And I just want to say,
• 38:35
  Speaker 1: continue the journey, because healing is a journey and wholeness
• 38:41
  Speaker 1: is the destination. And I just want to say thank
• 38:44
  Speaker 1: you again to my brother Archie. Listen, this is his brand.
• 38:47
  Speaker 1: I wanted to wear his clothing this again. This shirt
• 38:50
  Speaker 1: feels amazing. Go to Bloomingdal's and support my brother. His
• 38:54
  Speaker 1: brand is not only represented of just great fashion, but
• 38:59
  Speaker 1: there's a message, mental health message to feed your brain
• 39:03
  Speaker 1: and to give your brain love. And I wanted to
• 39:07
  Speaker 1: say to man, I'm just brother, I'm so happy because
• 39:11
  Speaker 1: so I this is I'm gonna share this really quickly.
• 39:15
  Speaker 1: He told me when he was going to propose, and
• 39:18
  Speaker 1: I'd never seen a man eyes light up when he
• 39:22
  Speaker 1: was like, Bro, I'm about to propose. I'm about to
• 39:24
  Speaker 1: get married, bro. And I'm like, man, this dude is happy.
• 39:26
  Speaker 1: I'm like, man, I don't know what she put on
• 39:28
  Speaker 1: my good brother, but man, I'm like but I was
• 39:31
  Speaker 1: so happy for him, and he was like I mean,
• 39:35
  Speaker 1: I'd never seen a brother so happy man to get
• 39:37
  Speaker 1: married and man, that blessed me. Man that you found
• 39:40
  Speaker 1: your rear, you found your wife, and you found your
• 39:43
  Speaker 1: life partner. Man. Sure, so I wish many blessings on
• 39:47
  Speaker 1: you guys. A marriage man, and continue to grow brother,
• 39:52
  Speaker 1: which I know you will, and continue doing the good work.
• 39:55
  Speaker 1: I'm proud of you, black man. I'm proud of you.
• 39:57
  Speaker 1: Rush up this, sir, man. Listen, subscribe, don't just visit us, subscribe,
• 40:03
  Speaker 1: join this healing community because we are building healers, we're
• 40:06
  Speaker 1: building better people, we're building healthier mindset, and we're taking
• 40:11
  Speaker 1: people not only just from surviving, but we're taking them
• 40:14
  Speaker 1: to a place where they can thrive until next time.
• 40:18
  Speaker 1: Healing is a journey and wholeness is the destination. And
• 40:22
  Speaker 1: I'm your host, Doctor J. Barnett, And this is another
• 40:25
  Speaker 1: episode of Justhill with Doctor J powered by The Black
• 40:29
  Speaker 1: Effect and iHeart Podcast Network. Just Here with Doctor J,
• 40:34
  Speaker 1: a production of The Black Effect Podcast Network. For more
• 40:37
  Speaker 1: podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or
• 40:41
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• 40:44
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• 40:48
  Speaker 1: and follow us on YouTube just Hell, Doctor j