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How To Teach Your Grandchildren Values (Without Lecturing) · Calm the Chaos with Rich Christiansen

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: I've been swimming with little magical mystical sea creatures this week.
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_00: Now you're saying, what are you talking about, Rich?
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_00: Now this is of course metaphorical.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: And all these little sea characters go on these very interesting little adventures.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes they get into some real mischief or get themselves in a little bit of trouble.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: And oftentimes the best way to pass that down, maybe it isn't a lecture, expectation, or a law lay down.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe sometimes we tell a story or create a story.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: Well, welcome to an episode of Calm the Chaos.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: This is unlike any that I've done.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: So hang on to your pants.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: So here is the deal.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: I've been swimming with little magical, mystical sea creatures this week.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: Now you're saying, what are you talking about, Rich?
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: Now, this is of course metaphorical, but I've been writing the wisdom of a grandfather.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: And as I thought about how I could approach this, it would really capture the attention of not only my little grandchildren, but readers in general.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: I've just learned when we abstract things, it becomes so much more powerful.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: I've got 12 grandchildren.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: And the lucky number of my wife and myself is 13, so I've always got to do things in 13.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: We happen to have 12, no, we actually have 13 core family values in our ethos.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: And so what I've done is I've dedicated a chapter to each grandchild.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: And then in each chapter, I'm telling a beautiful little story about these mystical little sea creatures.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: And I've had so much fun.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: There's not even words to describe how crazy fun it is.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like I'm seven years old again, writing these fun little things or doing finger painting or something.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: And so as I've let these stories unfold, it's just been so joyful.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: Each of my grand, and I'm not gonna tell you what, and I'm not even gonna tell my grandchildren which character they are, but each has been identified a fun little sea character.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: And all these little sea characters go on these very interesting little adventures.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes they get into some real mischief or get themselves in a little bit of trouble.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: And then I'm pulling some of the wisdom of the grandparents.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: So I have these beautiful, amazing sea creatures, an old ancient sea turtle that shows up that then bestows some wisdom and helps get the little sea creatures back on track.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: It has been so fun.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: I I have to tell you, the last time I had this much fun was with my son Tim Timothy Tyrus.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, one of our rites of passage is as each of my sons turned 16.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: They decided uh they they took upon to take control of their own life, to pay for their own college, their own car, mission, and uh even pay for our family vacations.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: My fourth son did not want to do that.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: He'd already started a couple of businesses, and what he wanted to do is to write a book.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: So together we wrote, Even if you're toast turned purple.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: And if you haven't read that, that's a fun must get, particularly if you have teenagers.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: Even if you're toast turned purple, raising confident teenagers that are powerful and stand out.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: What we did in this uh this fun book is he'd come home and he'd bring most of the time five or six friends, and we would have a conversation about a very sensitive topic.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: And yes, sex was covered in a grand fashion.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: Some of the most embarrassing moments in my life is this my 16-year-old son is interviewing uh his old father very directly about sex.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: So sex was covered, bullying was covered, uh, work ethic was covered, and we'd go back and forth.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: He'd write a chapter, I'd write a chapter, he'd write a chapter, I'd write a chapter, and it was so much fun creating that book.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: This is a close second right now, and soon approaching becoming number one.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: And I actually think it's gonna be one of the major legacy pieces that that I write about and that I put forward.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: I'm really excited because this is gonna bring the values to my grandchildren and hopefully also to your grandchildren.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_00: It's gonna provide a context and a playbook for parents of how to establish and firmly put values in place without being intrusive.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_00: And most of all, playbook for grandparents, how we can navigate without overinstrating some of the very complicated dynamics that are taking place.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: I hear you, grandparents.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: I hear what you're going through, the terrible advice that's being being given by some of these therapists of, oh, do you know that like 50% of this generation have cut either one or both of their parents out of their life?
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: Now, granted, there's challenges, but most of the time that's just really, really bad therapy from someone who has a more screwed up life than them in the first place.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: Of course there's complications, but most of the time it is not to, I want to qualify this because in rare situations where there's extreme crazy things that have occurred, yes, it's appropriate, but most of the time to cut the people that love you the most and the biggest stability system of your life is not the answer.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: So I hear the struggles that you're having of your children, uh your children, your grandchildren with work ethic or loss of pace.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm gonna write a grandparents playbook that goes through the various scenarios and the potential ways that you can approach or navigate through those.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: So super excited about that.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_00: I hope you're enjoying this episode of Calm the Chaos.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: If you would like to receive more tools, frameworks, support, and resources, go to rich Christiansen.com and they're all there available for your free use.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: So what I thought I would do to wrap this fun little session up is actually read to you one of these little sea stories and uh share that with you as an advanced little teaser and also to show you what fun I've been having.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_00: So here I go.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: This is chapter number seven, and I've got about six of these done now, but this is the one I did yesterday, so thus we're reading yesterday's poem.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: This is Cecilia and the Grand Pink Ball.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_00: Cecilia the seahorse, so bright and so pink, had magic that shimmered and sparkled with light.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: She gathered pink corals, she gathered pink sand, she roamed day and night through the wide sea land.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: She gathered by sunrise, she gathered with glee and stacked up her treasures as tall as could be.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: Her burden grew heavy, her delights became few, till one day she wondered, Oh what should I do?
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: Then dashed the bright damned fish, zip through the kelp, doing loops round her tower, with a whoop and a yelp.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: Cecilia, come play, come chase me, come race.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: And he flicked a peak pebble right out of its place.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: Not now, cried Cecilia, can't you see I'm busy too?
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: I have coral to gather, as she spun herself dizzy.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: Then Bobo the Blowfish came bobbling in near with a grin so enormous it wobbled with cheer.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: He wore every filling right out on his fins, he bubbled with giggles and mischievous grins.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: He puffed himself up like a big spiky ball, but Cecilia too busy, didn't giggle at all.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: Then Cecilia reached high for the piece at the top, and the tower went wobble, then tumble, then flop.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: Down came the coral, down came the sand, down came the treasure so carefully planned.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: Cecilia burst into tears, a great flood of let Cecilia burst into a great flood of tears.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: I've lost all my treasure, the work of my years.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: Then out of the current there came a grand squirrel, a rustle of ruffles, a twirl of twirls.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_00: Great grand Josephine swept through the squall in a billowing gown made of a pink for the ball.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: Her lipstick was perfect, her pearls caught the light a grand old sea lady, all dressed up just right.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: She looked at the rubble, she looked at the tears, then laughed warmer than all of her years.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: My darling, my sweet one, now hush let it be.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: We're not poor, we're just broke.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: She winked.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: Follow me.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: You've worked like a queen.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_00: Now come dance like one too.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_00: This life's not so serious.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: Not for me and not for you.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_00: You'll stumble, my sweetheart, you'll tumble and fall, but no one falls lonely who's loved by us all.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_00: So call up a party, let's all dance in style.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: Put on your best ribbons, put on your best smile.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_00: Cecilia looked down at her crumpled pink heap, and giggles came bubbling up from the deep.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: It's only some coral and coral can grow.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_00: I'll build it tomorrow, but tonight let's go.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_00: Then Dash, who'd been naughty, was just wanting a friend, got the first dance, and was good to the end.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_00: Bulbo puffed up like a big pink balloon, and Delphine leapt so high that she kissed the full moon.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: And Stella the starfish came cartwheeling in, five arms spinning circles and one starring grin.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: But grandest of all in the soft coral light danced great grand Josephine all through the night.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: She had carried hard things through the storms of her days and had passed down the light in a thousand bright ways.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: For she learned through the years that true riches could be a reef full of loved ones who danced in the sea.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: When the party was over and stars filled the bay, they drifted to sleep as the sea grasses swayed.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_00: And the very next morning Cecilia began to gather pink coral and to gather pink sand.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_00: But she hummed while she gathered, she paused in the sun and she stopped for a dance when the hard work was done.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: And you, my sweet sea horse so magic and bright, will work with your whole heart and will dance with the light.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: But don't grip so tightly that the joy slips away.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_00: Pink is for gathering and pink is for play.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_00: When you ding up your fenders and things tumble down, just laugh like great grandma in that grand pink gown.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: Hard work and hard play, then rest and then mend and be gentle with you, as you would be gentle with a friend.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_00: For pink is divine and pink is grand too.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_00: But the truest pink magic is the laughter in you.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_00: You know, my dear friends, I think there's no greater joy than we can pass to the legacy of our children and our grandchildren.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: And oftentimes the best way to pass that down maybe it isn't a lecture, maybe it isn't a harsh exacting or even an expectation or a law lay down.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe sometimes we tell a story or create a story.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: It's my hope and my belief and my blessing to my children or my grandchildren that we can stabilize through the values and the ethos we create.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_00: And that's the purpose of this wisdom of a grandfather.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_00: Cabins will burn down.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_00: We will have things crumble, but what does not have to cram down is the stability of the values that we create and the platform that we create for our posterity.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_00: My blessing and prayer, not only to myself, but also to you, is that we can stabilize and find joy in this complicated big life that we get to live.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks for humoring me on this one.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm sure there will be more to come.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm super excited to share those details with you.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_00: But go for it.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_00: Have a big week.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_00: Have a big good week and live life abundantly and let's calm the chaos and look for ways to actually contribute and have real meaning in life, not the noisy, cluttery stuff the world has to offer.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_00: And I'll sign out for now and look forward to seeing you on the next episode of Calm the Chaos.