Latest / Giving Pain Purpose with Lyndsay Soprano / Perfectionism is Painfully Overrated

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Perfectionism is Painfully Overrated · Giving Pain Purpose with Lyndsay Soprano

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This is Your Pain Game podcast where we talk about the game of living in
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and with chronic pain and trauma, getting to the heart of how to heal.
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I am your host, Lindsay Soprano. On the show, I plan
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on discussing with doctors, chronic pain patients, ballistic practitioners, loved ones,
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and anybody that is interested in having their voice heard in the chronic pain and
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trauma world that we live in. I have spent most of my life as
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a hot mess of a perfectionist, right, and not just like hot mess
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with perfectionism. I am definitely a hot mess, that is for sure.
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But let me tell you how successful I've been at perfection like zippo, because,
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in the words of my guests today, perfect is boring, right,
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And I love that so incredibly because I've stribed so hard to hit every deadline
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on time, if not early, everything in its place, everything just so
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color coordinated. I mean, it's it's unbelievable how much time I spend in
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a day to make sure that everything is just so, and then I start
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focusing on things that are actually really important and some days it's like six hours
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later, I'm like Jesus, Lindsay, what the fuck like focus on not
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everything being in a great little package tied up with a bow. Right.
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I'm such a mess of a human and I love being messy. I mean
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I do. I love being I love being colored, I love being who
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I am. But the number one reason that I'm such a messy human is
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because I focus on all of that stuff and I don't prioritize myself first,
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I get in my own way. Everybody is before me. Everyone everything is
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before me, every every everything right is before me. And as my listeners
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know, the OCD struggle is real. I mean it's legit. I do
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have that. I've had it since I was a little girl, as many
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of you have listened to. So how do we shift this? How do
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I get out of feeling guilty for caring for myself? How do I change
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that mindset, my mindset and allow myself to better care for myself? And
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my guest today is going to help me, and more importantly, you,
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to shed some light on how we can love up on some self cheese aluise
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a look at me just now. I prioritized you over me while I'm saying,
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do not do this, Jesus help me awareness. It's the first step.
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Oh my God, help me, Jesus help me. So let's talk
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about this all right. So, without further ado, I'd like to introduce
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you today to my guest Leslie Amazing Logan and yes that is her middle name.
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She showed me her birth certificate in everything. So thank you so much
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for spending some time with me today, since I guess I need a little
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bit of you in my life. We have so much to learn. There's
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so much divine timing to today's chat. I feel what it is, so
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much divine timing. Guys. I woke up this morning, well I didn't
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wake up this morning. I woke up two days ago, and I'm exhausted
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and I'm being and I was sobbing and crying and not taking care of myself.
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And then this queen of self care pops up into my world today.
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So thank you so much again for being here. Oh it's a pleasure,
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and thank you. I love sharing this stuff and I want to say I
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love being this queen of self care. I call myself like the Queen of
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accountability because I too, like burnt out, like had major health issues because
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I wasn't caring for myself and I'm not even a mom. I don't even
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have the mom guilt, but they like hand you at the hospital like I,
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Like, I don't have that. I don't have any excuse. I
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have no one to take care of besides myself, and I have a husband
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and an amazing team. But like some I was always putting other people's goals
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in front of my own, and NAT led me to like a total panic
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attack and really realizing that like I had all the research, I've done all
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this stuff, and somewhere along the lines, I had stopped taking care of
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myself. I had stopped taking care of my health, which I was doing
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when I got into what I was doing, and I started like trying to
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make everything perfect, trying to make sure everyone like me, trying to make
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sure that like I didn't disappoint anybody. Oh yeah, which is like impossible.
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You're in this appoint everybody when you try to do that. And then
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and then coming out of that panic attack that I hadn't realizing like okay,
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like where do we go first? And that led me to what I'm doing
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now. It's just like how do I help everybody do this? Because it
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is a darn shame when you are not able to be the most amazing version
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of yourself for others. And you're actually keeping people from having the experience that
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they could have from you, and your experience with you, their experience with
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you might just be the thing that they need to learn their thing. And
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so, like my goodness, were actually keeping people from possible opportunities because we're
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not taking care of ourselves first. We're also not loving people fully. When
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we don't take care of ourselves first, we're not loving ourselves. So it's
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impossible love. There's more than you love yourself. And so it just becomes
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a ripple effect of everybody just being exhausted, burnt out, sick and tired
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and pain and we wonder why the world's going to hell. Everything's doing a
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hell in a hand basket here it is. Here's your hand out, here's
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your hand here's your basket full of all your shit. Yeah. Well let's
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introduce you though, too, So she Leslie, let's do that because you're
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kind of important here to day. So Leslie is a certified pilates teacher,
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and I love that she found it as a joke because she was making fun
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of pilates. We'll get into that she works with breathwork and habits and mindsets.
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She's a mindset coach and founder of online plots Classes dot com, which
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is a first free online catalog of Plattis exercise tutorials where you can also find
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weekly pilates classes and workshops. And not that it's more important, but because
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I love podcasting so much. She's also the host of an amazing show.
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And I don't say that often, okay, because there's so much shit out
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there in the podcast world, and hers is it is called be It Till
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You See It, where each week she hosts multiple guests from all walks of
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life, digging into how they finally prioritize themselves to get where they are today.
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And I'm hoping that in like six months from now, I'm on your
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show talking about how I got the hell out of people pleasing and giving a
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little bit more of a shit about myself, right, Okay, accountability Queen
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dates that. Yeah, I want to hear from you, so December six,
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yeah, six, So let's talk. Let's talk to you about what
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brought you into this world. I know you said a panic attack, but
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in the world of preaching this message of self care and as not being selfish,
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because I think that that is something I struggle with big time and a
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lot of other people do as well. As the people pleasing thing is so
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incredibly like detrimental to my life. And you're right when you just said earlier
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about how we can't even take care of the people in our life and give
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them our best version if we're not doing it toward ourselves. So let's start
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from there. Let's rull out the red carpet for you, Thank you,
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thank your love, red carpet. So I think I got I was in
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retail before Pilates, and I think this is an important thing to share because
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I worked in high end accessory store that they had a location. They're one
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of the few privately owned businesses that was in South Coast Plaza, and they
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had locations all over the boutique malls in LA one of them being in Fred's
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Eagle and they had a shop in Vegas. And so I had worked my
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way up into that company, and I was I was treating different people,
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different stores, and it was not difficult to sell a five thousand dollars ring
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to people like it was just not hard like they would come in sometimes people
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would have to think about it sometimes he would just go, yeah, I
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like that, you know, because this it's not like cardie stuff. This
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is like really unique jewelry, really awesome purses. Like if y'all remember the
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initial bag caliberry where we sold that before anyone else did, so, like
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we were just on top of the trends and it was hilarious. People would
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come in. I'm like, this is the seven hundred dollars really soft leather,
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gonna think its stained on my blue jeans purse that I'm selling, And
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people are just like they literally would look at it and have no problems buying
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it. But if you ask them, oh, like have you like,
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They're like, my back hurts, Oh my gosh, I'm just really exhausted.
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So I'm just doing retail therapy. And I'm like, well, have
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you done therapy? You know, like like have you done that? I
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mean, you know, so like obviously when my retail I didn't really want
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them to dig tell at me, but like I just made me. It
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was so interesting. So when I became a Plies instructor, this is in
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two thousand and eight, which, if you all are very two thousand and
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eight was a very no one forgot that year. They hit everybody very difficult,
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no matter what industry you're in. And here my clients were like going
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from buying real other bags. Do we call them vegan bags? Because I
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fell other because we were people weren't buying seven hundred back seven hundred dollar backs
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anymore, but I could get them by one hundred dollars back because they still
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wanted to shop. There was still that habit of doing that. And so
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I was watching them like like cut off their you know, Alhambra water delivery
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and like all this stuff. And I but yet I was, you know,
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all these place clients. I had no problems getting plies clients. I
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was also super passionate about it. So I think that was that was part
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of it. However, what was interesting to me is how the same person
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who would buy the designer handbag would ask for the discount on their pilates and
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or say it was too expensive altogether, or they would reschedule it all the
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time, like oh I have to go this lunch and think, oh I
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after this. And it was so interesting to me because here here I was
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giving them this gift, this this practice that could actually change your life,
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change their posture, change their digestion, change how they like moved in this
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world and premented injury, and they were constantly rescheduling it. Four things that
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could be done at another time. You could have lunch after your piloty session.
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You could buy a bag whenever the fuck you want to, right,
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So it was just so fascinating to me the intentionality and like the emphasis people
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put on their on their self care. They would either think it's a luxury
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or they would just move it around, you know, like just like going
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get their nails done. And so I had to figure out a way to
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keep them consistent because if they were consistent, they got their goals. Be
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That's how I made my money because I ended up putting retail to be a
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full time polies instructor, which is amazing, Like that was such a great
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gift and obviously perfect timing Custo industry. I went downhill. However, I
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had to figure out a way to get them to be consistent, and I
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had to figure out, like what what are the things that are keeping them
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from doing that? Why do they think that it's selfish to come to applies
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two times a week instead of their kid going to some art class, Like
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what's going on here? So I had to figure that out, and that
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is what led me to really diving into mindset like how we do things,
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why we do the things that we do, habits. And then I had
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my own situation where I overworked myself because I said yes to too many things.
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I didn't want to disappoint anybody, and then I had to take my
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own mess and which was probably the best experience ever, because it's really easy
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to say things, and like if it comes easy to do, you don't
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realize like it's hard for other people. Once I was in that same boat,
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realizing how much you have to do to retrain your friends around your boundaries,
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like rebuild your own boundaries for yourself, how to do things when you're
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not motivated to do them. I had to do all of those experiments myself,
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and I think that's really got me to where I am now, where
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I can tell people I see you, like I didn't want to wake up
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this morning either. I did not want to get in that cold shower this
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morning. There was nothing about it that wanted to get in there. But
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motivation is not the person that you asked to pick up at the airport for
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an important meeting. It's the person to go to a party with motivation is
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super fun when it wants to be. And it's like, but it's not
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the thing that gets you there. So you have to use habits. You
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have to remember why you do the thing that you do, and you have
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to just sometimes do the darn thing so that you reap the benefits of it
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and you'll never I've never regretted the workout that I did for myself. I've
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never regretted the time I took off care of myself. You don't regret those
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things. I have regretted staying out too late. I have regretted saying yes
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to a party instead of going to do the thing that was going to make
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me feel good. And so it's like you got to have those experiments,
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and then you also have to be kind to yourself, and that always that
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journey that kind of got me there. We can dive into any of those
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things, though, what in God's name is being kind to yourself? I
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don't understand these words that are coming out of your mouth. I mean,
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it really is unbelievable how and I know a lot of my self care stuff
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has been going on from the beginning of time or my non self care has
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been going on since I was a little girl. Probably was a model for
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you, Like was your mom like the queen of self care? No,
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yeah, no, nobody was the queen or king of anything in that regard.
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It was you know, I'm I'm a kid of the late seventies and
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early eighties, and it was just like, well, have at it and
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let me know how it all shakes out when you're forty five, right.
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Well, I just turned forty five last week, and I can tell you
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how exhaust I am. Freaking pooped, man, Like I'm halfway to ninety,
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which there's no way I'm making it to ninety unless there's some like super
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pill that gets launched out there for me. But when it comes down to
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like when when I was diagnosed with my CRPS, I had one mindset at
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that time, which was woe is me, and I'm gonna live in pain
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for the remainder of my life and I'm just gonna be a drug addict something
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or other, you know, because I was giving been given all these opiates,
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and I was given all these things, and my coping mechanisms were were
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just into the ether, and instead I had to shift my mindset and it
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came with a scary night where I attempted suicide and so on, and when
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that happened, everything shifted with my mindset. Now, what happened was my
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mindset shifted to handle pain in a different way. But I still didn't embrace
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the full mode of what I needed to do to take care of myself because
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I was still always taking care of everybody else. And I've been like that
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forever, and so I look back and go is the reason why I am
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ill, and the reason why I have this diagnosis is because I have not
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cared for me when I've cared for everybody else. The answer is absolutely yes,
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absolutely yes. And over the past couple of weeks, I've gone through
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a bunch of shit that shouldn't have happened in my world, but it did.
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And within that space, I have just fallen down into this little like
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dark dungeon of mine that I'm familiar with, and I know where it leads.
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But I'm healthy enough to pull myself out of it. But I am
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struggling wholeheartedly on boundaries and saying no where I say yes, yes, I
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did it. Yesterday, I was like, oh my god, why did
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I just say that I would get that done. Yeah, yeah, I
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mean, why do we do this shit? So you have to so honestly,
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like the best thing you can do is like have some canned things in
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your notes on your phone so when text messages or emails come through, you
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can just copy and paste. Hey, that sounds amazing. Can I get
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back to you in twenty four hours? I love that. Hey, that
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sounds awesome. I need to check my schedule. And here's the thing.
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I know that every person and the planet has an I has like a phone
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that hazard calendar on it, and everyone knows you have your calendar in your
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hand when you're saying this, but no one will actually question you. No
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one's ever going to go your calendar's right there, like they're just not.
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So people know that you have to check your calendar, like they get that,
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right. So one put some canned responses that give you space to feel
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out what you actually want to say. Because sometimes I want to say yes
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to something, but I don't like when it's being offered to me. So
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I'm like, you know what, I want this to be a yes,
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but I hate taking calls before ten am Like that, just don't do it.
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There. Anyway we can do it at a time. And what's really
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funny, here's the thing that's crazy. When you start putting up boundaries,
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there're gon be some people who get really pissed off about it, because,
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like, like I had a client who when I first started teaching, I
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was so afraid to like to lose a client that I would just move her
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around when she asked me moved around. The one time I got so busy,
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I could ask, like, I have nothing, and she got mad
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at me, and I realized, oh, I trained her to think that
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she could just willy nilly move things around. That's my fault. So she's
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mad at me because I'm changing the rules of the game without telling her.
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So i'd apologize, Hey, I'm so sorry. I should never have let
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you do that, because that didn't actually allow you to like solidify this time
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in your schedule. I apologize moving forward though, this is the time,
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and if I have any other openings, of course I'll let you have and
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have access to those, but you should probably just protect this time and my
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apologies, and like from then on out, I would tell clients, I
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don't move you around, willy nilly, it's your plan in advance. This
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is my late cancelation because I don't have the time and you need to protect
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this time. So I apologize. If you've trained people to like to treat
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you in a different way and now moving forward to going this way. Most
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people, though, are going to be like, oh my god, you
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don't take calls for ten am? That is so cool. I'm so like
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most people. You are going to give people so much permission in your life
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because they'll be like, oh, and then guess what then if they don't
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take calls before ten am, then they're not going to ask you for a
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call before ten am because you just taught them we don't have to do that
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anymore. So have some canned answers that you can like true and then or
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give yourself space and time. But I love a copy and pace of hey,
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I'm gonna get back to and twenty four hours, and then I just
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write myself a note to like look at that thing and make a decision around
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that. And sometimes that decision is I need to get back to in a
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week. I apologize any more time like or this is like not right now.
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Sometimes I just have to kick it back into their court. But like
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you have to fare out what it works for you, because it can inspire
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others to start to do that and then it's easier for everyone else. The
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easiest thing to picture about your self care is this. So if I if
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it's a hot day and I have like a big picture of water and it
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is overflowing. If people are like, hey, can I get some water,
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I'm like, oh yeah, pour some in there, pour some in
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there, right, Like it's no problem. But if it's a hot day
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and my picture is half filled and people are asking for some water, I'm
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like, okay, you could, well you can have some water, but
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like I need to keep some living. And then like you start negotiating different
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way, you start resenting people. Then someone bumps into you and you're like,
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what the fuck You're spilling all of my what this is the last I
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had of this? Right, So if you picture in that way, we
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are more generous with our time, with our love, with our energy when
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our cup is filled first. And so I know the Edwin's a morning person,
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but you have got to make sure you have self care in your day
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protected to fill your cup. And if you're a night owl, then do
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it at night. Have a nighttime routine. What's so cool y'all. Is
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when you start caring for yourself, even if it's for five minutes, you
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will have more energy, which means you get more things done, you have
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more time for other things, and all of a sudden, your self care
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practice get longer the more you let yourself just start with five minutes. Okay,
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So there are like seventeen thousand places I wanted to interrupt you, and
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one of them is boundaries. So I have gotten so much better with boundary
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people. I'm not great at it. I am not an Academy Award winner
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in this department. I am in some other departments, but this is not
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one of them. That's so badass, that's amazing. Thank you. Yes,
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our neighbors are very proud of my performance some nights anyways. So when
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it comes down to boundaries, I literally had to shut people down completely.
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Like my best friend of almost twenty five years, I told him a little
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over a year ago, I'm done, like I am absolutely one hundred percent
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done with you. Don't call me, don't talk to me, because his
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his behavior in his life was so toxic it was just like bleeding into my
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world. Very proud of that decision, and those are hard to do.
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They're really hard to do. But I'm so of myself that I it was
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a really big deal for me. I mean, we're talking about somebody that's
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known me for, you know, forever, and that was that was a
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big thing for me. And it's something that I still struggle with, like
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every now and again, I'm like, should I text them and see how
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he's doing it? And I'm like, nope, because we did the blocking
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and we did all of these things. And I put it very loud and
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clear, this will be the last conversation that you have with me until you
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get yourself healthy. And of course nothing's happened. In fact, he's gotten
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worse. But then there was the topic of resentment, and I really really
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want you to talk about that because I deal with resentment in a relationship in
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my world with a girlfriend of mine, and I am bottling it and I'm
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bottling it and I am not as I don't mind confrontation, like it's not
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a big thing for me. I have no problem with that, but for
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some reason, I do not stick up for myself when it comes to her
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and eye relationship, and I am completely taking advantage of and I feel like
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she's incredibly ungrateful, and here I am just it's just eating at me and
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eating at me, and that resentment is getting in the way of a decision
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that I know I might be needing to make. So resentment comes when we
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have right broken a promise with ourself. So it's not her, it's great.
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I mean, it was nice knowing you. Thank you so much.
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I mean, look, I mean it is her, but she's also just
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being herself. So she there. When the breath work training I was in
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there said there are space there are space takers and space makers in this world,
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and neither is wrong. However, if you are a space maker,
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you actually just need to acknowledge that because you will tend to just make space
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for people, and space takers they're just going to take when you make space.
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So if you actually stop making space, they'll stop taking there. When
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they ask, oh can we do another? Can do tomorrow? They actually
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unless they have some other issues going on. In general, a healthy space
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taker is just asking where the boundary is. And so if you are like,
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oh, yeah, you can totally borrow my clothes, Oh yeah,
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you can totally do that. No, you actually cannot sleep you know,
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at my house, they will be like, okay, cool, because you
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told them where the line is. So what's happening is it sounds like you
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are a spacemaker. You do everything for everybody else, and a lot of
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people in your life are space takers. What you have to do is be
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very clear on like where the line gets drawn, and then you have to
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uphold that. What is happening is the line is blurred or you communicated at
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one time a long time ago, but then you actually didn't uphold it.
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And so you're hoping that she just like realizes that she's taking advantage of your
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friendship, and she's like, wow, Lindsay's so cool. I could do
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all these things. Like she's probably actually talking about how awesome you are as
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a friend versus like how much she's actually like taking a bit. She's like
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probably not going on, God, I'm taking such a bandage of Lindsay,
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Like I can do all these things. She doesn't even care, Like she's
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just like, Okay, no problem, let's just keep doing this, and
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that's what I'm doing. In fact, this past weekend was my birthday,
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and I took her on a trip for the weekend that was fully expense paid
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by me, and I didn't get a thank you or a birthday card,
21:53
and I'm fucking pissed. Yeah, I told my Sweedios like if she doesn't
22:00
bring me a card, I'm leaving her at the resort. What did I
22:03
do? Nothing? All I did was spend more money. Yeah, well
22:06
I did nothing. I think, like, what will Probably you don't have
22:08
to cut the friendship off right away, but no, because I love her
22:11
so much. But you could just say I love you so much and I
22:14
don't mind doing these things, but here's what I need in advance. And
22:17
I guess I have been hoping you would give it to me and I haven't
22:19
gotten it, so like I need that. It's kind of like your love
22:22
language. Before we were recording, I was like, words of information.
22:23
My love language is right, Like my husband is acts of service, so
22:27
he fucking does everything for me and sometimes like what are you doing? Like
22:30
I'm like, oh, I can't do this thing, and helps grab my
22:33
computer and he'll fix the thing and helps do the thing, and I'm like
22:36
sometimes like I want to learn how to do it right. But he is
22:37
showing his acts of service right, So when I one day, I was
22:41
like, okay, he's access service. So I stopped off. This is
22:44
when we lived in LA and I could walk from my studio to my house.
22:47
I stopped at the store. I bought a six pack of beer.
22:48
I like brought him home. I was like, hey, I brought you
22:51
this. You would have thought he's of the kingdom most amazing wife that ever
22:55
into this world, ever ever does of course you are, I am.
22:59
But I spoke to him in his love language of acts of service. So
23:03
sure he makes a point to talk to me like with nice, nice positive
23:07
thoughts. So what I'm saying to you is like, it sounds like you
23:10
and your friend have different languages of how you appreciate each other, and you
23:12
are not feeling appreciated. So you actually just have to say in a very
23:17
calm on a day when you're feeling good, like, Hey, you know,
23:18
I don't want to get this a big deal, but it's this is
23:22
what I need out of this friendship. And you don't have to stay instument
23:25
right now, but I need our next conversation for us to address this because
23:27
it really hurt my feelings when you didn't even like bring a card on my
23:32
birthday trip, and I just she might not be a gift person. So
23:34
it might not even resonate to her. Right. So I think like when
23:37
we resent people, we are letting people break in agreement with ourselves, but
23:41
we have not actually spoken it to them, and if we have, we
23:45
have not upheld the boundary, and it is not fun. But boundaries are
23:48
kind when we don't. There's a difference between between kind and nice. And
23:52
when I learned this, you guys, oh my god, my mind was
23:55
fucking blown. So kind and nice is different. Nice is like, this
23:59
is how we explained to me. So if a little kid asks for candy
24:03
and you just give them the candy, you are nice. But if you
24:07
say to the kid, you know what, we would have dinner in two
24:08
hours. If you're hungry, we can have a light snack. But I
24:12
but we weren't have dinner. We don't want to ruin your dinner. We
24:15
can have the candy after dinner if you still want it. That's been kind.
24:18
You're like setting them up to have better habits in their life. Of
24:21
like, when should I like treat myself to candy right versus nice is just
24:23
giving to them. So you have been really nice to this friend, but
24:26
you have not been kind to this friend. You have not like like you
24:30
need to do some more boundary checks with this person. And it's interesting we
24:32
can have really strong boundaries in some places and not in others. Like I
24:36
have amazingly strong boundaries when it comes to business, like do not you do
24:41
not fuck with me there, Yeah, But when it comes to some family
24:44
members, I'm like, I have a really hard time. My father just
24:48
opens the door, like he just comes to the house and just like uses
24:51
this key, and like we're sitting there and having a meeting, and I'm
24:53
like, it's my dad. Did he tell you who's coming? No,
24:56
he didn't tell you who was coming. And he comes in, he grabs
24:59
a mask, he's got to go the doctor's appointment. I'm like, you
25:00
just like no boundaries. So obviously I have some things to work on there.
25:06
But like so it's okay. But that goes back to the point of
25:08
being perfect. It is okay to have to recognize you have a muscle somewhere
25:12
else and we can just tap into that strength when we need it. We
25:15
don't have to have to be perfect everywhere to have good boundaries. I'm exhausted.
25:22
Its two days. And also you're doing so much for so many like
25:26
that's so hard. Yeah it is, And I don't want to be like
25:30
a martyr about it at all, you know, right, like when but
25:33
I do, I give and I give, I give and I give the
25:36
blah blah blah and sometimes just absolutely against my will, and like, how
25:38
am I even doing this right now? Like I'm not I'm not gaining anything.
25:42
I don't even know if some of the people that I help actually gain
25:45
anything from it either. Like it's such a weird tug of where I'm a
25:49
Gemini of course. So I'm just like, yeah, I'm fighting myself.
25:52
I've Gemini Gemini moon, so I understand. Yeah, and I'm just like
25:56
straight down the middle, I'm just so Gemini. It's stupid. But it's
26:00
such a challenge because we used to have all these friends when we were younger,
26:03
and I was it was how many people that you had in your life
26:07
and how many friends you at and how popul there were for me, I'm
26:10
like, I'm good with like too, Yeah, I understand that. I
26:15
remember, Like, so I grew up just not feeling like I belonged.
26:18
And it's I always preface it is just in the case anybody ever listened to
26:21
a podcast I'm on, that's like, um, I was your friend.
26:23
I did have friends, so it wasn't it was like did not have friends.
26:26
I had a friend group. I had friends for a long time,
26:30
but I never actually felt like I belonged even in that friend group. I
26:33
always felt like I was like the outsider who's like I kind of felt like
26:36
I was like the last one invited all the time, do you know what
26:37
I mean? Like I was invited, but like it felt like I was
26:40
the last one. But I too, I did not be invited, like
26:42
after I had permbangs, Lindsay and braces. So pretty sure at thirteen I
26:48
was not that friend. Well yeah it turned out fantastic. Yeah, absolutely
26:55
absolutely so. I just like dreamed of getting out of the town I was
26:59
in. I just dream named a bit, and then I went to college
27:00
like I made I like took on student loans and get the fuck out of
27:03
that town because I was like, I'm going to belong in college, and
27:07
I just I really didn't belong in college. It was a private university,
27:11
not private just in money, but like religious, and while like out of
27:14
all the religious schools that had the least rules, it still had like don't
27:17
ever fucking send. They didn't use the afford obviously that would have been a
27:19
sin too. But like the kids were tattooed, there's people who were dating,
27:22
like there was things like that. However, I just I really didn't
27:25
belong there. Like all the girls had like their dream husband lists written down,
27:27
and I was like, I don't know why you'd want to date that
27:30
person. Oh yes, Oh my gosh, Oh my gosh, Oh my
27:34
god, that's so funny. Oh my god, that's so funny. So
27:38
so I really didn't feel like I belong there. And so when I got
27:41
this job in retail, and I was like I was so quickly promoted and
27:45
all this stuff, I was like, oh my gosh, like this is
27:48
kind of like I like, I'm achieving something. And even though I don't
27:49
have any like friends that I like really want to call tonight, I like
27:53
have something to like to do. And was when I discovered pilates that I
27:57
actually felt like I belonged to my body. And what I discovered is this
28:02
your ability to be any of the things out there in this world, you
28:07
have to start with yourself. And so I didn't feel like I belonged to
28:10
any of those towns not because any of them were. There was nothing wrong
28:11
with anybody. It was one hundred percent how I was connecting to myself and
28:18
I wasn't. I was like, I'm an Aquarius son, y'all, so
28:22
like I'm an air son in my head. I have multiple conversations with myself
28:26
and sometimes you're included. But like, so I do know that you're talking
28:30
to me right now, right? Yeah? Yeah, So I just really
28:36
didn't. I didn't realize it until I was like twenty two years old.
28:37
But oh oh, this is why I didn't feel like I belonged. And
28:42
what's crazy is I went Applies every single day and I got more connected to
28:47
myself. And the more connect I got to myself, the more I realized
28:48
I didn't want to live in that town. I wanted to move. And
28:51
then the more I so, I moved to LA And then the more I
28:53
got connected to myself, the more Applies I did, the more I was
28:55
like, I don't want to do this job anymore. I want to do
28:56
this job. And they kept going. And so I say this to say,
29:00
like, when it comes to taking care of yourself and understand what self
29:03
care is for you, it could be a long journey because you may you
29:07
have not taken care of yourself in so long. We don't even know what
29:08
to like. You know, you have to do the runaway bride thing where
29:11
she orders every kind of egg and like sits there and like sees if she
29:15
likes by like like this still like I'm like that. Figure it out.
29:18
Yeah, it's just so interesting because I was super popular in high school.
29:22
Oh my gosh, but I was. But I also was part of like
29:26
seventeen different freaking groups. Right. I was in music because I was an
29:30
offer major blah blah. So I was in music, I was in dance.
29:33
I was great. I was great in school, so I was in
29:36
all the honors in ap My high school sweetheart was the picture of the baseball
29:38
team, so I was part of the sports side. And then my mom,
29:44
so I was a teacher's kid, like I was all of these things.
29:47
I did my drugs and my drinking and my sex and my rock and
29:49
roll, and I did all of that, and I almost did it as
29:52
a guys of different people throughout my entire like junior high, in high school,
29:57
even into college. And I never really identified with myself of the who
30:03
I actually am. Never and even as I'm saying this, it's almost like
30:07
tear jerking because I'm like, do I even know who I am right now?
30:10
I'm doing this conversation with my sweet little less the amazing logan. I
30:15
honestly just like, it's so it's so hard to self care when you're not
30:18
aware of yourself. Yeah, I think you just like dropped the mic,
30:22
lady, that's thank you, beautiful, thank you. I also just like,
30:26
thank you for sharing that. And I feel like everyone listening is like
30:30
nodding, Like I first of all, do not think we are supposed to
30:33
know who we are and what we want until like our brain is fully developed,
30:37
which I heard it is like early twenties or mid twenties or something like
30:40
that, So like forty five for me, So I'm just starting today.
30:44
Yeah, I'm like, I also think that, like, we don't live
30:48
in a society that wants you to stop and check in? Yeah, how
30:52
does this feel? We live in a society with like you you meet,
30:55
you're getting the most popular guy in school, when you guys gonna get married,
30:57
then when you're mayor when you have kids, when a kid you have
31:00
another kid, Like it takes everything in me too, consciously, Like I
31:03
just tell my friends were like trying to have a kid. I'm like,
31:06
just so you know, I'm not not interested in you have any kid.
31:08
I'm not going to ask you a question that could bring up trauma about trying
31:12
to have a kid. So if you want to share your child bearing journey
31:15
with me, you need to tell me. Otherwise we're going to talk about
31:18
everything else, because I think it's inappropriate to put that pressure on you to
31:22
be one of those other people adding all this pressure. And so we don't
31:26
live in a society that lets you go, so how are you actually today?
31:29
Really? And what do you like? We ask you, what what
31:32
does that mean? How is it going to affect your partner's work? How
31:34
was I Oh like if I whenever I say I'm gonna do something, people
31:37
are like, oh, well what about these things? And they're all worried
31:40
for you. They're just like constantly worried for you. And You're like,
31:42
I wasn't actually thinking about losing everything in my life. But now that you
31:45
put it that way, I thank you so very much. I guess I'll
31:48
stick with a thing that doesn't make me happy. You know, seriously,
31:52
we just don't we are not trained to actually have conversation with people that can
31:59
allow them to just be an exploration of themselves. Everything has to have meaning.
32:01
You have to know what it is. You have to have the right
32:04
answer, and like, my goodness, if you say I'm having a really
32:07
shit day for whatever reason, we don't know how to sit with you and
32:12
go, God, that sucks. We just go, oh, well have
32:15
you done these seventeen things? Have you done these seventeen things? Lindsay,
32:17
because then you probably well that's why you feel like shit? Yeah, yeah,
32:22
that's so interesting because yeah, like nobody really asks me like, how
32:27
are you doing today? I don't know because maybe my answer is especially in
32:30
the past couple of years with all of my pain stuff, I've had to
32:35
kind of ask people to not ask me how I'm doing because the answer is
32:38
not all that great. I'm like, well, I'm on my way to
32:42
Lows to buy a chainsaw so I can cut my legs off. How are
32:45
you doing today? Right? So, like there's this there's this like imbalance
32:49
in like where I've created my own rules for the people in my life on
32:54
how they are supposed to respond to me when I am feeling a certain way.
33:00
Whether or not they even know how I'm actually feeling because everyone's kind of
33:02
like walking on eggshells about it. And I have people that are like,
33:07
oh my gosh, back is killing me, and they're like, oh,
33:09
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. You know that you live in
33:12
pain and I'm not complaining, Like, yes, thank you, please complain,
33:15
Please let me know that you're in I want you to be in pain,
33:20
thank you, which I don't. But you know, it's it's one
33:22
of those things where I made these rules without even knowing that I was doing
33:27
that. Some reservation is yeah, it's not what I'm saying, Like it's
33:30
like it's like you're lose your brain, like going, hey, we need
33:32
to protect ourselves, like these are the rules to play with me. I
33:36
grew up, Oh, my father, he turned seventy one yesterday. He
33:40
I grew up with him going to the grocery store and people go, oh,
33:44
how are you doing today, and he's like, I can't complain,
33:45
which complain, you can't complain, and then he would follow it up with
33:49
not that anyone would listen. I grew up going, don't complain because no
33:55
one gives a fuck, Like, no one cares, and so I think
33:59
like he's hilarious and also terrible that liable, you know, So whenever I
34:05
asked him like, hey dad, how are you feeling today? Oh,
34:07
like like what happened? And like he'll like have like some quip or whatever,
34:09
and I'm like I'm like, oh, well, that's a bummer,
34:13
and he was like, it's up like this recent time in his life with
34:17
happening, like where he's an adult and I'm an adult where you can actually
34:20
like he can actually go oh yeah, I guess like I just don't want
34:23
to be the old person like he can actually like have these thoughts about and
34:27
like reflect about why he's making the decision that he's making right. And I
34:31
wish that like we just train people, because wouldn't it be nice in his
34:36
youth to have said, you know, today was a really rough day,
34:38
like today actually sucked at work, But I'm so glad I get to make
34:42
this dinner or just have these real things because what ends up happening. And
34:45
even with social media out there, I am someone who doesn't actually want people
34:49
to feel sorry for me, So I do not post about anything that I
34:52
am going through until I've gone through it. Meaning the last three years,
34:55
I've been trying to do everything to bake barrow and steel to prove to the
34:59
fucking mortgage people that I can afford the house I've been paying for. So
35:01
I was going to contract a deed. Look at me, I'm paying for
35:05
it every month, and they're like, still not good enough. You still
35:07
don't like we still don't think you make any money. I'm like, I
35:08
make a lot of money. I make more money every single year, Like,
35:13
like I make more than my fucking friends who also own a home,
35:15
but they happened to buy it when they had a job, and like that's
35:17
the problem, right, So I didn't share that with anybody, And of
35:21
course there were days where like I went dark online, I went dark for
35:24
my friends because the stress of it was so much. But that was my
35:28
self care. I'm going to take myself out of like what people are expecting
35:30
of me today. I'm gonna go be by myself. So then when I
35:34
got the house, thank god we got it in time, I could celebrate,
35:37
and I shared in that celebration. It was really hard. If you're
35:40
going through this, it's really hard. So I think on social media,
35:43
we tend to see the pretty picture, but we don't read the captions,
35:46
and there are people who everything is roses and butterflies and fucking rainbows all the
35:50
time. But you know, if you some people are actually being honest,
35:52
Like, here's the journey I went through, And it's so important that we
35:55
look at people go they're on a journey and where you didn't start at the
35:58
same starting point, and they're gonna have a different detour, and so just
36:01
being honest and honest with yourself, like and this might be this might be
36:06
helpful for people. So when I was unsure of what to do with free
36:08
time, because I'm someone who's like, oh, there's a free hour,
36:12
let me fill that, like let me like, let me show you how
36:14
much I can do in a day. Everyone over to recovering over achiever over
36:17
here. So I had my assistant like block out all this like time in
36:23
my week to do nothing. Right, So it lily says done for the
36:27
day. As soon as we're done with this podcast, Like on my calendar
36:29
it says done for the day. I'm done, Like I've had it there,
36:31
right, So but I have these little chunks that like to protect and
36:35
it was like blocked out. So I wouldn't see an empty space in the
36:37
calendar had to be blocked out like an appointment. But in that I had
36:40
a list of things so that I could do in that time. Some of
36:45
those things were free, some of those things were paid. Some of it's
36:47
like go outside, read a book, some let's go for a walk.
36:50
Some of it was workouts. But it was a list of things so that
36:52
when that came up, I can go, what do I want? What's
36:54
striking me right now? And so this is freelancy. You're like, I
36:57
don't even know what would be so good for me right now. It's like
37:00
just make a list of anything, and then when you read the list,
37:04
to see which thing pops out, and then go try that and and it's
37:07
actually really crazy because I did all of that, and now I do have
37:10
these things like tried and true. They're in the morning or they're in the
37:13
night routine, and they really like when I don't have them, I can
37:17
go a few days, like I can be out traveling and not have my
37:21
you know, red light. But I better have something to give myself i'm
37:24
traveling, otherwise I'm going to start to get tired. I meant resemble I'm
37:28
gonna start to get frustrated, you know, So I don't know, give
37:30
that a trice, you can like taste test self care. I love that
37:35
so much because and I'm not even shitting you out. Two days ago,
37:38
on my calendar for all of the rest of June and half of July,
37:44
I put in boundaring. That's all I put in, and I put it
37:47
for the entire day, so nobody could put anything on my calendar. That's
37:52
all I did. I was like, I didn't there was no rhyme or
37:54
reason. I didn't have a list of things I'm gonna fill it with because
37:57
there are other things that are in there. But I knew, especially with
38:00
doing the show, and you understand it, Oh my gosh, it's a
38:04
lot of work to do it, and to do it well, and to
38:06
do it with a kind of love and heart that we give to what we
38:08
do in life, because you're the same spirit animal as I am in that
38:12
regard. But I was finding that I had my calendar open to anybody at
38:15
any time for anything for my guest for the show, and I had to
38:20
like whoa like, I like have clients and my actual business make making money,
38:28
Like I needed to put something in the calendar. Just made sure that
38:31
nobody could put their space on my calendar unless I'm allowing them to do it.
38:36
And I literally did it two days ago. And this morning when I
38:39
woke up a sorry, you know, we didn't sleep for forty eight hours.
38:44
So let's just say I slept last night and I woke up and looked
38:45
at my calendar. Let's just do that. And I was like a boundary
38:52
and it was just it was something And now I have to flesh out what
38:54
that actually means. And that totally helped me. What you just said,
38:59
Like that is awesome. I love that. I love that. I also
39:02
like so I think sometimes we have to it is okay to go to the
39:08
extreme and like pull back because sometimes we don't know what the d desires.
39:13
So when I started my podcast, of course we put up like, oh,
39:15
here's all the hours, like on the calendarly link. It was like
39:17
any hour that is available for coaching or teaching. Then you could put a
39:22
podcast in. Well, oh my gosh. I could literally go from doing
39:27
a podcast interviewing someone so like thinking about my listener, making sure I'm like
39:30
asking the questions, to being super present, to then teaching someone pilates on
39:35
Zoom and then coaching someone about their business, and then filming for my platform.
39:40
I could do that all within four hours. That is fucking chaos.
39:45
That is way too much. It is I'm thinking about too many there's too
39:47
many different people. So what we did then we were stricted to, Okay,
39:52
we'll only let like I only need to record three hours at only three
39:55
hours availably for podcasts a week. Okay, but that still didn't cut.
40:00
But still like sometimes I can still have all the hats. So then we're
40:02
like, Okay, on Fridays, we podcast, we don't coach on Fridays.
40:05
We tried all this thing. Finally, this is what I ended up
40:07
coming doing. And this is why it's like trying on clothes, y'all.
40:09
You don't buy jeans that look like shit on you. You might wear jeans
40:13
and shit on you, but like that happened over time, Like you didn't
40:15
go out and buy them, right, so you didn't settle, so you
40:19
keep trying things on. Like for those of you who have had a wedding
40:22
and you want to have this big dream wedding, you know you didn't just
40:24
buy the first wedding dress and go Yeah, this is the one you tried
40:28
on others. You might have gone back to the first one, but like
40:29
you still tried on others. Right, So this is the same thing with
40:30
your schedule. So now what we do is Mondays and Tuesdays are like empty
40:37
space days so that I can meet with my team. We plugged this in
40:39
like I but typically like there, I have the whole day to like get
40:44
ahead on stuff in theory, right, like no meetings, they have the
40:46
day. So Wednesdays and Thursdays and Fridays are the days where I can actually
40:52
book any kind of anything I do for the for our clients or members stuff
40:55
like that. However, each week is a different one. So week one
40:59
of the month, I too podcasts, week two of the month, I
41:01
coach week three of the month, I film week four of the month.
41:06
I do these things. And so what happens is h I mean, people
41:09
complain all the time to me they want to be on the podcast, like
41:12
there's the available you have doesn't work for me, and there's nothing available to
41:15
August. I'm like, okay, well I'll see you in August. Then,
41:19
like who do you think you are? Like, are you like Oprah?
41:22
No, You're not so I am like and even Oprah, but that's
41:27
gonna say even Oprah. I mean, give me a break. Come on,
41:29
Like, I'm sure you have so many people doing shit for you.
41:31
I'm sure you can comply with my schedules. So like, so it allows
41:36
me. It's so nice. Oh my god, it's so nice? Is
41:37
that? Like it allows me to go this week on my work days,
41:43
I am only focused on these people, and so it is easy for me
41:46
to keep my brains. Like even with your business, you may discover that
41:49
like Okay, I'm along in a podcast on these days of the week and
41:52
I'm not gonna put and then I'm only new client work on these days.
41:54
It helps me, like like lessen the chaos. I like that a lot,
42:00
and I've learned for myself, Like I was mentioning with the boundary of
42:04
my calendar, but I had to go into calendari and do the same thing
42:06
where I was like, okay, whoa, whoa. I had my schedule
42:08
like looked open like nobody's business and everybody was jumping in and I'm like,
42:14
I cannot do twenty meeting greats and seventeen episodes in a week, Like the
42:19
fuck is wrong with me and I did, and then I ended up going
42:22
on vacation and I got so sick that we were in Paris and Spain over
42:29
the Christmas holiday season and we were both sick for seven days. It was
42:32
just like one of the most expensive naps we've ever taken. As France is
42:39
just flying by us and Barcelona is flying by, We're just like great.
42:44
So we're in bed together for seven days. Even though the rest of the
42:47
trip of the book ends were fine, we were sick in the middle and
42:52
I was talking to my Sweedie actually right before this episode where I'm like,
42:55
I am I am sick, like I feel sick, like I am coming
43:00
up aisode and we're leaving in two weeks. I'm like, we've got to
43:04
get a grip on this, Like right now, I gotta sleep, i
43:07
gotta prioritize. I've got to say no to things and say yes to others
43:10
and but something not. It's it's a learning experience. It doesn't happen overnight,
43:15
like you said earlier, like this is gonna be a journey. Is
43:20
it gonna be a three month journey for this one? Probably not. There's
43:24
a lot that needs to happen over here. I think that like the hardest
43:29
part for a perfectionist is not getting it right the right the first time.
43:34
You're not going to get it right the first time. And depending on how
43:36
empty like going like going to the gap like a gas tank in your car.
43:39
If you let the car get down to beyond e, you know,
43:43
we'll all test it. We're like how far can I go about? Like
43:46
that sign build episode. So you got there and like you made it.
43:51
It takes forever to fill that tank up. Holy moly. It's like you're
43:54
just there and you're like, oh my god, can this thing pump any
43:57
faster? But if you were to fill it up when it was like half
44:00
bill, like when we go on tour, anytime we stopped in the bathroom
44:02
and just filled the tank up. Yes, So sometimes it's like, you
44:06
know, like a quarter left, like we can fill it up, and
44:08
it's like, oh so fast. That'safe to think of your self care.
44:13
So you might try things out, but you're so in the negative, like
44:16
you haven't slept in forty eight hours. It's not going to be like a
44:20
light switch. They're like boom, my cups, fill it. I feel
44:22
great. It's gonna it might take us some time, and so you're not
44:27
going to get it in air quotes right the first time, and you're going
44:30
to have to test the waters. And then some things that did fill your
44:32
cup, some things that were self care, you are not self care anymore.
44:37
Like some of my friends who I like loved hanging out with over time,
44:40
I was like, I actually don't love that you say things like that.
44:44
I actually don't. So I'm not going to do these things with you
44:45
anymore. Like you know, your life changes, so so you know allowing
44:50
things and that's so hard for it over to your perfectionist type a personality.
44:53
Like also like if I guess can control all the plates myself, then nothing
44:58
will break. Like that's kind of like what the childhood that I came from,
45:00
Like if I just make sure everybody is happy, that no one gets
45:04
in trouble, right, So what somebody told me, maybe with my therapist,
45:07
she said, your first thought is what's ingrained in you. Your second
45:13
thought is like who you want to be? It's that be it till you
45:15
see it, and so then you take So if you have this thought like
45:17
oh my god, like I'm letting these people down, well that's what's ingrained
45:21
in you, Lindsay, you to do everything for everybody to let them down.
45:23
Not true. You can let them down by doing everything for them too.
45:27
So that's your first thoughts ingrained. So then we have to go second
45:30
thought. I am, Lindsay, the person who no longer takes care of
45:35
others before I take care of myself. So what's one thing I can do
45:37
for myself right now? Can I give myself a self massage? Can I
45:40
dim the lights? Can I go lay down for five minutes? Can I
45:45
go land the grass and get the sun on me for five like you?
45:49
So your second thought, you're an action. You take some men set And
45:52
so what happens is the old you, the you that has this habit of
45:58
just doing everything for everybody, And it takes you ten weeks before you take
46:01
some time for yourself until you get sick. Then all of a sudden,
46:05
that can become seven weeks and then five four and then two and then one
46:07
and then an hour. Like you can react much faster because now you're aware,
46:12
and then you start to just build the muscle how your brain was in
46:15
grained on things. You will I don't know that you'll ever ditch it will
46:17
probably always like have this like this story that you have to go. Oh,
46:21
but that's not who I am. This is how I am right now.
46:22
You just get quicker at the change and the switch and how you react.
46:27
Yeah, it's just like what happens when you practice anything, you know,
46:30
like, yeah, okay, you don't just like all of a sudden
46:31
become an opera singer. Nothing we do is overnight. Nothing is actually overnight.
46:37
It's all just like consistently showing up. And here's the secret of creating
46:40
habits. Everyone. Habits do not have to take twenty one days or sixty
46:44
days. I've read all these different timelines. Here's how habits. I mean,
46:45
you can make a habit in an instant. So I study with bj
46:50
Fog. He is behavior scientists who created the Behavior Science Lab in Stanford,
46:54
and he wrote the book Tiny Habits, And you can actually read his book
46:58
and you're learn everything that I learned to be a certified habits coach. Here
47:01
is a deal. Habits come from feelings. How something makes you feel determines
47:07
whether or not it's going to become a habit. If I want to work
47:10
out, but I heard after work, Let's say I go to a job
47:14
and I'm like, I'm gonna go the gym after after work. Let's say
47:16
I go to work and I'm like, fuck, I'm such an idiot.
47:20
I forgot my gym clothes. I'm like, just like, oh, all
47:23
these things right, we start punishing ourselves and start judging ourself. Yes,
47:27
aren't shaming ourselves. I'm going to guarantee you right now, your brain is
47:30
not going to go, oh the gym, Let's go tomorrow. Your brain's
47:34
like, oh, the gym. The gym causes me pain, the gym
47:37
causes me stress, the gym causes me all these things. And so we
47:39
will actually probably skip the gym again. We probably will take even longer.
47:44
But if we go, oh my god, you know what, I forgot
47:46
my clothes. But I'm such I'm so proud of myself for remembering that as
47:51
my other gym. In fact, you know what we can do. We
47:52
can go for a walk around this block because we're so awesome. And you
47:54
start creating dopamine highs, then you actually will create a habit so much faster.
48:00
So if there's something you want to do, here's a trick. You
48:04
need to first make it the smallest version of itself possible. You have got
48:08
to go. It cannot be I'm going to run a marathon if you've never
48:12
ran. It has to be I'm gonna put running shoes on. I'm gonna
48:15
put my running shoes on. Sorry, then right and like and then you
48:17
celebrate that. Sorry, guys, I have dogs that are going. They
48:21
are celebrating this entire They are so all about it, and it is fine.
48:27
We have dogs too, so we're perfect, all right. So and
48:30
if you're not a dog lover, then you can just stop listening, right
48:35
what never mind? No, please keeping keep listening and consider rescuing a dog.
48:38
Yeah, okay, so m so you need to you need to um
48:50
so like you really do want to make it the smallest thing and maybe maybe
48:53
and maybe like put in the shoes off. That's so small, especially for
48:55
my recovery over jeebers. So would you have to go? Is like,
48:59
okay, you can try to run around the block, but if you find
49:01
that that's not happening, then you must make it smaller and then you have
49:05
to celebrate it. The second thing is trying to put habits around things that
49:08
you're already doing. So here's the thing. You already have habits in the
49:13
morning, afternoon, at night, anytime there's a meal, you already have
49:15
habits, so you wake up when you go too. When Lindsay actually does
49:21
go to sleep, she'll wake up in the morning. Well, we can
49:23
find out when that happens. We all get out of bed and we all
49:28
put our feet on the ground. So VJ. Fogg has a great,
49:30
like a great opportunity to like create a habit of saying today is going to
49:34
be an amazing day. And his sister she lost her husband, and so
49:38
she couldn't stay today's an amazing day because obviously the day she went to go
49:43
to his funeral, that's not gonna be an amazing day. But she said,
49:45
day's be full of people who love me. So you can wow.
49:49
Right, So, like you can still use it to be honest with yourself
49:52
because the brain is a like dissonance. But so that's a great place to
49:54
practice a habit. Right, But then you brush your teeth, So is
49:58
there something that you want to do in the bathroom, like I have it
50:00
you want to make in the bathroom, Like maybe as you actually want to
50:04
start washing your makeup off, Well, you're already brushing your teeth, so
50:07
you can make the habit of washing your face there because you're next to the
50:09
sink. If you're trying to make the habit of going for a run after
50:12
you brush your teeth, that's not going to be ideal because there's so many
50:15
things between the toothbrush and the running that have to happen, so many things.
50:21
So keep it small and then you celebrate that you did it. If
50:24
you have kids, it's even easier because you can high five with them,
50:28
you can dance with them, all that kind of stuff. But that's how
50:29
habits are made and solidified, and it's easy to replace them after you come
50:34
back from Paris, Like there'll be some habits that you're out of they'll have
50:37
to restart. You can start back when it's smaller. But yeah, I
50:39
mean those little things because I was sitting here thinking about all the things I
50:43
do in the morning, and I'm actually fairly disciplined and methodical about the things
50:45
that I do, and I haven't thought as this perfectionist and type of crazy
50:50
people are. But I didn't think necessarily. I mean, I know it's
50:54
been a thought in my head that I didn't necessarily apply this to what you're
50:59
saying. Whereas like just shift one little thing or add something new or take
51:04
something away and make that little make that one decision. Like for me,
51:07
if I make that one thing in the morning that will shift me, then
51:10
the next day I might try something different that works better. And that's great
51:15
because I worked from home for twenty four years. Whoa you are? An
51:21
og? I am an og I started my business in two thousand, okay,
51:25
so twenty three years. My bad twenty three years in May, twenty
51:30
three years ago. And so I've worked from home forever. And so for
51:35
me, like I'm not successful because I haven't been doing anything and I haven't
51:38
been disciplined about it. But I slip in all kinds of bad habits into
51:44
that timeframe from working from home as well as I do all my good habits.
51:49
There's no such thing as a bad habit, because the bad habit serves
51:51
something. It's giving you something, as giving you a dopamine high. We
51:54
don't like the habits. We don't like that habit that we have, so
51:58
we call it bad or we call like sort you know, like like you
52:00
know, there's some habits that I would say are unhealthy for us all,
52:05
but it is providing some benefit to you and that is why you do it.
52:08
So, for example, people who check their emails as soon as they
52:12
wake up, it is providing relief. Relief is part of that dopamine high.
52:16
Oh there's nothing going wrong. I'm good, I'm good, I'm good.
52:20
And so literally, parents could create a bad habit of checking their phone
52:23
in the middle of the night because the school might text at five am that
52:27
there's not going to be school. So then they check and they're like,
52:29
oh, there's there's school today. Relief. Well, now I don't morning
52:34
after these freaking urchins today. Yeah, exactly, She'll they'll check their phone
52:43
the next day because it became a habit so quickly. So when you have
52:45
a habit that you are no longer wanting in your life, like you're like,
52:50
this habit makes me feel bad about myself, or this habit actually is
52:52
causing me to not have enough sleep or whatever. That is bad habits you
52:57
have to be unraveled because there is a that is causing that habit to happen.
53:01
So think of it like a bell of some kind, right, So
53:05
you have to unravel the habit if you take the prompt away, if you
53:07
don't want to snack, anymore at your desk, not buying snacks. It's
53:12
actually not the answer because it creates a void, and voids creates suction and
53:15
creates you binging or doing something worse, and then you shame yourself. So
53:20
instead, if you don't want a snack on chips, what would be an
53:22
appropriate snack that you would be okay with? And you put that in your
53:25
desk. So maybe it's carrots, or maybe it's I hate celery, but
53:30
maybe it's that, or maybe it's anything else that you can chew on.
53:32
Maybe it's gum. Maybe you need to just chew on gum so that you
53:35
are replacing a habit with something else because and not creating a void. Yeah,
53:38
and I like that because like I smoked many many years ago, and
53:43
I just was like, I'm just gonna just stop smoking because this is stupid,
53:45
and please stop smoking, everybody, all right, thank you. And
53:50
one of the things that I did was I just put carrot sticks in my
53:52
hands. That's what I did, because I was a major smoker when I
53:55
drove, And yes, I had to eliminate the driving parts as soon as
54:00
I eliminated smoking in my car, but I would hold my carrot sticks like
54:04
a cigarette in my hand, and it like replaced it so quickly I was
54:07
like done, I like stopped smoking instantly. It was nuts and just such
54:12
a quick I mean, obviously some of it's your mindset and making the decision
54:15
that you want to do something, but also coupled with something like that,
54:19
I think that's that's that's excellent. This is excellent, Mike. I love
54:22
it. But what I want to do is I wanted to quick before we
54:24
jet out of here. I wanted you to talk to us about what it
54:29
is that you do in relation to helping us with this mindshift and this with
54:34
the mindset and that shift and into creating better habits. But how your approach
54:37
is in some last some last words for us before we before Yeah, and
54:43
I've thought about it. I know this has been so much fun. This
54:45
has been an most enjoyable conversation I've had in a long time. So thank
54:49
you. Thank you for not saying just today, because that would have been
54:51
very sad. No. No, So I teach people all this stuff about
54:55
self carrot through the lens of polies because that is my special deep So I
55:00
believe like it helped me connect to myself and so If I can use pilates
55:06
to help you connect to yourself and for you to make a habit for you
55:08
to have self care, then that is actually the domino affect you need in
55:12
your life and everything that you how we do one things, how we do
55:15
everything. And so if when you work with us, you are moving on
55:19
your body and you're hearing a stay, it's actually brave encourageous to replace this
55:22
exercise with one you can do. If you can't do this one, then
55:27
you're reminding yourself, oh throughout life. If you actually do that, if
55:30
you actually replace the exercise that we're doing with something you actually can do or
55:32
want to do, and your go rogue and you're not being that perfectionist the
55:37
person. You're doing what your body needs one. You celebrate that, you
55:38
feel good about it, but also later in the day when someone is offering
55:43
to do something and you don't want to do it, you can actually go
55:45
you can actually remember, that's brave encourage for me to do the thing I
55:46
can do another thing I can't do. And so we use we use our
55:52
pilates practice to actually help you create habits to help you take care of yourself
55:55
and also to teach you how to do life better, which is our whole
56:00
thing. I love it. Anne on her calendar, okay, not yours.
56:06
She's not going to move things around for you. She's going to move
56:07
things around in your body. That's pursuing. Yeah. And also also because
56:10
like so we we're the only platform that actually takes the class away, so
56:16
you show up for yourself. So literally there's like the class that drop today,
56:20
it's only available for this week. That's it. Nope, you missed
56:22
a week, you're on vacation, you don't get to you can't buy it
56:25
later, Nope, we don't do that. We take it away, so
56:29
you don't. You've made the decision to show up and move. When you
56:30
log in on your app and you hit play, you'll have depend on your
56:35
membership, you'll have between two and six class to two's from any given time.
56:37
Most people it's just two because they only have access to a map.
56:40
So all you need to have access to a map and you will hit the
56:44
play. And we also believe that finishing is optional. So if you show
56:45
up for five minutes, that you did your class that day, and that's
56:50
enough, and so we constant remind you go of that, and that is
56:52
our whole thing, and so the classes are on demand, but they do
56:55
have accountability and everyone's taking the same class at the same time. So when
56:59
you share in the community, like oh my gosh, today's class was really
57:01
hard for me, or today's class I had an aha moment. Everyone knows
57:05
what you're talking about. Love that it's really fun. I was like,
57:08
I just really it was really important to me. I love community. I
57:12
think community is the best thing for us all. Even though I'm a totally
57:15
high functional introvert, I truly believe that, like we do better when we
57:20
feel like we belong in a community. And it's really important that when you
57:23
see someone else go, you know, I was in a skip today,
57:25
but I actually did it was really fun, and then you go, oh
57:28
my god, I was in a skip today. Okay, I'm gonna go
57:30
do it because like you are inspired by other people. So it's just that's
57:32
my thing, and I implize is for everybody, and if you don't want
57:36
to do it with me, that's fine, But you need to move your
57:38
body and it can't just be pounded at the gym. Cardio is not going
57:43
to like make you have the body that you want or feel super good.
57:45
You do not need as much cardios as you think. You need to really
57:50
strengthen your muscles, your muscles, move your bones. If you are in
57:52
pain, we need to have more muscular strength in your body to actually help
57:58
you sit out of your lower back, to help you move without hurting yourself.
58:00
And like if you have MS or five of my aages things like that,
58:05
loties can actually be one of the only movement modalities that can actually be
58:07
there for you. So there's a So if you are in pain, there
58:09
are teachers who specialize in different pains. And if it's just if it's just
58:15
regular like normal aches and pains, we absolutely can do that, or we
58:19
can if you have anything that's more more chronic, then you just let our
58:23
customer service team know first and I can actually jump in and go, yep,
58:25
we can solve that. Here's what you do to modify that, so
58:29
we can be there to help you or not on your own. Just because
58:30
it's on demand. Well, I'm just like absolutely in love with you,
58:36
and I know that everybody listening is as well, So let's tell everybody how
58:39
we can find l Yeah. So I love to hang out on Instagram at
58:45
Leslie dot logan. If you go to that, my links there will take
58:50
you everywhere you need to go for anything for the podcast, for all of
58:52
it. But that's where I hang out and you can, you know,
58:53
tell me what your takeaways of this show and definitely let Lens you know,
58:58
because that's how we feel good as pod casters that we helped you. And
59:01
if you are high curious, meaning you're polates curious and you're unsure, you
59:07
can actually we have a very beginner series. It's called full body in fifteen
59:09
and if you at a full body in fifteen dot com you can get three
59:13
free classes and there's actually a workshop component, so I teach the class.
59:15
It's fifteen minutes and then I actually break down each exercise and I answer questions
59:21
from people who came to it when we did it live. And so we
59:22
offer modifications to offer different things and so you don't ever have to pay me.
59:27
You can actually just enjoy those for free and like get your polities and
59:29
it will change everything you already love to do. Well, you couldn't have
59:32
sold me any more than that, baby, Well, thank you so much
59:37
for your time today. This has been so much fun and I don't ever
59:39
want it to end. Thank you very much for asking me. Thank you
59:44
for these amazing questions, and I will have to do it again. And
59:45
also you'll have to tell me by December six if you've been at till you
59:50
saw it, so we can share your story. Okay, well, I'm
59:52
listening to your show and I'm going to sign up for all this stuff because
59:53
I know that I need it like badly and more more so now than they
59:57
did at the beginning of the episode. Let's just put it thought way right.
1:00:01
Thanks again for being with me, sister. Thank you. You are
1:00:06
exclusively invited to share this self care pilates absolutely amazing extravagons of an episode vip
1:00:13
paining journey together. Let's get to the heart of how to heal with you
1:00:16
by my side. Please follow the Pain Game Podcast wherever you digest your podcast
1:00:22
content, we will be there. Visit us at the Pain Game podcast dot
1:00:24
com and follow us on all the socials. Thanks for listening, my little
1:00:29
VIPs. Catch you on the other side.