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48 | Baby's First Biscuit (LIVE!) · You Didn't Ask For This

• 0:00
  Eric: Oh hey, we didn't see you there.
• 0:03
  Eric: Oh, oh, hey.
• 0:04
  Eric: Matt, is that is that our good friend live audience?
• 0:09
  Eric: Yeah, well sure.
• 0:12
  Eric: Come on in!
• 0:13
  Matt: Come in to our nebulous space.
• 0:15
  Matt: Yes, welcome.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, so and so?
• 0:18
  Eric: I mean, you know, you you already saw the episode we're about to play, but uh Yeah, yeah, we did it, we did it live, baby, on the YouTube.
• 0:28
  Eric: Yeah, yeah.
• 0:29
  Eric: Well, come on in, everybody, get on your tube.
• 0:32
  Eric: There's a on your tube and your tube and your tube.
• 0:36
  Matt: Your tube.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_06: And yeah, just come on in, have a seat, get some tea and a biscuit.
• 0:41
  Matt: And a biscuit, baby.
• 0:43
  Matt: That's right.
• 0:44
  Matt: We talked about it quite a bit for a few episodes and on the social medias as well.
• 0:49
  Matt: Oh, yeah.
• 0:50
  Matt: But this is uh, you know, not the live episode anymore, but it was live.
• 0:56
  Matt: It was so fucking live, ma'am.
• 0:58
  Matt: It was fucking live at the time, baby.
• 1:01
  Matt: So thank you to everybody who joined us.
• 1:03
  Matt: If you didn't watch watch the episode, you can watch the episode.
• 1:08
  Matt: The link is in the show notes of this episode.
• 1:11
  Matt: But if you're gonna listen to those normally, we wanted to say up top, it is a live episode.
• 1:17
  Eric: Live episode.
• 1:18
  Eric: Anything can happen audio-wise.
• 1:21
  Matt: Indeed, it did.
• 1:22
  Matt: So there is some audio strangeness, and also we are taste testing biscuits.
• 1:29
  Matt: So, you know, lots of chewing sounds.
• 1:32
  Matt: A lot of lip smacking from time to time, yes.
• 1:36
  Eric: Yeah.
• 1:36
  Eric: Um now if you're into ASMR, you're in for a fucking truth.
• 1:41
  Matt: You have been waiting for us to start chewing in your ear.
• 1:44
  Matt: Uh, but if not, just know that up top.
• 1:47
  Matt: Uh, you can also, of course, uh watch the video where the sound is slightly different because YouTube.
• 1:53
  Matt: But also, I wanted to say this.
• 1:56
  Matt: Forgot what it was.
• 1:59
  Eric: Hold on.
• 2:00
  Eric: Oh!
• 2:01
  Matt: Also, I wanted to say this.
• 2:03
  Matt: It's gone.
• 2:06
  Eric: I just watched Matt's soul leave his body.
• 2:09
  Matt: It's gone.
• 2:11
  Eric: Oh.
• 2:11
  Matt: Um, okay, I wanna say this.
• 2:15
  Matt: We did trim this sucker down for time just a little bit for the audio version.
• 2:22
  Eric: And for those of you who were there, we we also just want to make sure that what we had was special.
• 2:27
  Matt: Yeah, we wanted to keep it, we want to keep the magic intact.
• 2:31
  Eric: Yeah, yeah, that's like just you and us.
• 2:32
  Eric: Oh, but also people who are listening to the podcast episode, we just want to give you a streamlined and sexy experience.
• 2:40
  Matt: Way to play both sides, babe.
• 2:42
  Matt: What a politician you are.
• 2:44
  Matt: Now, the but what we're trying to say is we caught a couple tangents and silliness like that.
• 2:50
  Matt: So go check out the YouTube episode for the full frivolity that uh is available to you.
• 2:56
  Matt: You'll get the visual component of us putting the visual component of us putting cookies down our gullet.
• 3:05
  Matt: Uh, but um, without further ado, Eric, I think we should let these fine folks get back and enjoy and to what am I talking about?
• 3:17
  Matt: What am I talking about?
• 3:20
  Matt: Enjoy the episode.
• 3:27
  Matt: Yeah, I think we're good.
• 3:28
  Eric: There we go.
• 3:31
  Matt: Welcome, Andy, to a cold open.
• 3:34
  Matt: Thank you.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_02: Eric.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_02: How do you take your tea?
• 3:37
  Eric: How do I uh preferably drinkable?
• 3:42
  Eric: But do you mean do you mean how do I like how do I make it?
• 3:45
  Eric: How do you make it?
• 3:46
  Eric: Alright, so first I start by turning on the microwave.
• 3:50
  Eric: Uh no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
• 3:52
  Eric: Uh let's cause an international incident right out the gate.
• 3:57
  Eric: Uh yeah, no, just grab a bag of Lipton, microwave that shit, pour some uh pour some uh non-dairy creamer powder in there, get it really going.
• 4:05
  Eric: Uh, but no, what I do is uh I will put on a kettle.
• 4:09
  Eric: I have a little electric kettle that sits uh on the counter.
• 4:12
  Eric: I actually have one, I recently got one of those fancy Japanese ones where it's just constantly going.
• 4:17
  Eric: It's like full to the top of the water.
• 4:18
  Eric: Constantly going?
• 4:19
  Eric: What?
• 4:19
  Eric: You mean like 24 hours?
• 4:21
  Eric: It has like two liters of water at 208 degrees at all times.
• 4:24
  Eric: So anytime I want tea water, I just go push the button and it gives me perfectly hot water.
• 4:29
  Eric: Wait, so hold on.
• 4:30
  Eric: Perfectly hot water.
• 4:31
  Eric: Holy crap.
• 4:32
  Matt: This is just a standing device in your kitchen that dispenses boiling water.
• 4:37
  Matt: Yeah.
• 4:39
  Eric: I have a tea station.
• 4:40
  Matt: And it's right next to your butterbell, no doubt.
• 4:43
  Matt: You just like to have things on standby.
• 4:44
  Matt: I understand.
• 4:45
  Eric: I do.
• 4:46
  Eric: I don't like to have to think about doing things.
• 4:48
  Eric: Hello, you are now my water.
• 4:50
  Matt: No, and why should you?
• 4:51
  Eric: Send me a link for that, please.
• 4:53
  Eric: That's oh, absolutely.
• 4:54
  Eric: It's it's it'll change your fucking life.
• 4:56
  Eric: Uh my normal go-to tea of choice is either gonna be some PG tips, thanks to Andy and one uh Shivano Laughlin.
• 5:04
  Eric: Um and uh uh it'll either be PG Tips or Lapsang Suchong.
• 5:09
  Eric: Uh and then if it's PG Tips, you know, let that shit steep for five minutes, uh pop out the bag, uh, sugar, splash of milk.
• 5:19
  Matt: Let's go.
• 5:20
  Matt: Personally, I only drink PG Tips.
• 5:22
  Matt: It's England's number one tea.
• 5:28
  Eric: Sponsorship nobody asked for, but everybody wants.
• 5:32
  Eric: Absolutely.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_02: PG Tips.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_02: Um, yeah, we'll we'll have our people call your people.
• 5:36
  Matt: All right.
• 5:36
  Matt: So um the uh yes, yes.
• 5:40
  Matt: I I made sure I had some in stock for the occasion.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, so alright, so Eric, Eric's talk to a good start.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_02: Matt, don't let me down.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_02: How do you take your tea?
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_02: Or how do you make your tea?
• 5:51
  Matt: Um I usually, first and foremost, am more of a coffee person.
• 5:57
  Matt: I think that's been well established on this uh on this podcast.
• 6:00
  Matt: But partial to both.
• 6:02
  Matt: I do enjoy tea.
• 6:04
  Matt: I you I usually just uh not always a PG Tips.
• 6:08
  Matt: If I think to get tea, it'll be PG Tips.
• 6:12
  Matt: But I do a lot of the the cheapo brands, I'll be honest.
• 6:15
  Matt: I got this.
• 6:17
  Matt: We got we got the bigelows.
• 6:18
  Matt: Uh twining, please.
• 6:20
  Matt: Celestial.
• 6:21
  Matt: I I at least upgrade to Bigelow.
• 6:23
  Matt: It's probably the same dregs of the same tea leaves.
• 6:26
  Matt: But at any rate, I'll do that.
• 6:27
  Matt: I'll do a little bit of honey in there.
• 6:30
  Matt: And that's that's really as far as I take it.
• 6:34
  Matt: I certainly don't put any milk in it.
• 6:36
  Eric: You're a fucking savage.
• 6:38
  Matt: I certainly don't.
• 6:40
  Matt: Come on.
• 6:41
  Matt: Uh Andy, so uh I think we can move this along a little bit.
• 6:46
  Matt: Like, so I get top marks and um we're good, right?
• 6:50
  Matt: Or 100%.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_02: Do you know?
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, there are some people that would consider having that as a black tea.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_02: Fine, not my jam, but I get it.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_02: We both did the right sort of thing in terms of putting in the water.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_02: Uh I need to I need to call out an individual, Professor Alan Mackey of Leeds University.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_02: Recently revealed to Eric, I'm sorry, Andy.
• 7:12
  Matt: I can't help it, Eric.
• 7:14
  Matt: But think our podcast has been co-opted by our guest.
• 7:18
  Matt: Who's we this is why we have no guests in the cold open.
• 7:24
  Eric: Jesus.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_02: This let it go.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_02: Get comfortable for this one, lads, because this one I was fuming about.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_02: Professor Alan Mackey of Leeds University has apparently revealed the benefits of the milk first approach and says for people with hard water using milk can help flavour the brew.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_02: Um his revelation has caused uproar among tea lovers in the UK who swear by adding milk after the tea bag and water.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_02: In my opinion, it's also the reason why he has no friends and he's in fact going to die a fucking loser.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_05: Oh.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_02: Rantover.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_02: Sorry about that.
• 7:58
  Matt: Oh, Professor Mackey, was it?
• 8:01
  Matt: Yes.
• 8:02
  Matt: This is an anti-Professor Mackey podcast.
• 8:04
  Eric: This is yeah, yeah.
• 8:05
  Eric: Cancel, cancel Mackey.
• 8:07
  Eric: Cancel Maccel Mackey.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, to be fair, it's Lynch University, so can't say anything about that.
• 8:13
  Eric: He he lives in England, I assume.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_06: Throw him in the bin!
• 8:19
  Eric: I'm rolling it right there.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_05: Throw him in the bin, will ya?
• 8:40
  Matt: Hello there, and welcome to You Didn't Ask for This, the podcast answering life's least pressing questions.
• 8:48
  Matt: My name is Matt Shea.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_01: My name is Eric Poach.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_01: And my name is Andy Rowlings.
• 8:54
  Matt: Yeah, you know him.
• 8:55
  Matt: You remember Andy.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 8:58
  Eric: All 12 of them watching right now, by the way.
• 9:01
  Matt: Let's get this right out of the way.
• 9:03
  Matt: Since this will obviously come out as an audio first medium.
• 9:07
  Matt: Um the we are recording this live on YouTube as uh as promised.
• 9:13
  Matt: We do have uh 12 people at the at this moment joining us.
• 9:18
  Matt: I'm sure um that's measured in thousands.
• 9:21
  Matt: Um, so thank you all for joining us.
• 9:24
  Matt: Thank you, Andy, for joining us.
• 9:26
  Matt: We've been talking about this episode for a long time, and even longer than we've been talking about it.
• 9:33
  Matt: The subject of today's podcast has been sitting in Eric and I's homes for months.
• 9:42
  Eric: Months.
• 9:43
  Eric: God, the agony every day coming into the kitchen, walking past those big, beautiful biscuits.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_02: I just really hope that the heat has not ruined them for you.
• 9:53
  Matt: No, I'll do no.
• 9:55
  Matt: They're pristine.
• 9:57
  Matt: They're pristine.
• 9:58
  Matt: So just to uh just to keep everybody make sure everybody's caught up, Andy.
• 10:04
  Matt: Why don't you tell us why you've gathered us here today?
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, so I'm gonna cast your mind back to the year 2017.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_02: A lot of things happen within that time.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_02: A lot of things happen within that time.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_02: So in the January of that year, Donald Trump became the 45th president of the US.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_02: Uh La La Land.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_02: La La Land breaks recording.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_02: You uh you had to lead with that, huh?
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_02: I had to lead with that because it was the start of the year.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_02: But moving forward, La La Land breaks the record for most uh awards given to a single film with winning seven out of seven, including award for best motion picture.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_02: Floyd it did it did at the time.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_02: Uh it may well have done in the future.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_02: Uh Floyd Mayweather defeats Connor McGregor in the 10th round at the money flat, thus extending his professional winning streak to 50 wins with no losses.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_02: Across over to the UK.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_02: Uh Britain triggers Article 50, starting Brexit.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, how's that going, by the way?
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_02: Hmm.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_02: Uh yeah, I'm gonna carry on.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_02: Uh that's a place to talk about that one.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_02: Uh good old Queenie celebrates her sapphire jubilee.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, Transport for London announces that Uber is not fit and proper to operate within the city and does not have its license renewed as a result.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_02: Shocking.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_02: I know, tell me about it.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_02: And the reason why I'll bring you here today, uh the TV channel Dave launches a public relations campaign.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_02: One of their members of the public relations team, Toby, ranks Britain's best love biscuits.
• 11:35
  Matt: And I think I have them here for our uh for our live audience.
• 11:39
  Matt: I'm gonna do uh if you could if if the watermark alone couldn't tell you what was happening here, um, this is a this is a zoom call.
• 11:47
  Matt: Um here it is.
• 11:49
  Matt: Uh take a look at this list from Dave.
• 11:52
  Matt: First of all, I'd like to take a moment, Eric.
• 11:55
  Matt: Before I received this list, I wasn't personally familiar with Dave.
• 12:01
  Matt: Um as a as a can't say that I've known him.
• 12:04
  Matt: I I have not known Dave.
• 12:06
  Eric: Not in the biblical sense, no.
• 12:08
  Matt: So, and this was of course posted directly to Reddit, it looks like.
• 12:12
  Matt: Tobizwek.
• 12:13
  Matt: Um uh so Andy, you want to answer for what the hell I'm looking at right now?
• 12:19
  Matt: Because we have over 150 comments on the Reddit post, and quite frankly, it looks a mess.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_02: This list, it is a complete and utter train wreck.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_02: Um I won't go into the major details as to why.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_02: We will be going we'll be picking that apart as we go along and do what we need to, but uh he fucked it up.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_02: Toby dumb fucks up that list, and it caused majority.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_02: Damn Toby.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_02: Um and then two years later, they tried to rectify this mistake.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_02: They uh sent off a Twitter in 2019 stating that all biscuits, within the with the exception of rich tea biscuits, are all good and equal.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_02: But by then the damage was already done.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_02: Good and equal.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_02: First of all, right and proper.
• 13:07
  Matt: That's not fucking true.
• 13:09
  Matt: Uh so okay, so let's just uh uh for we we are showing it for the live audience, but for you all listening uh on your usual schedule, uh Toby here put this list into tiers the God tier, the top tier, the mid-tier, the low tier, the shit tier, and finally straight to landfill.
• 13:31
  Matt: And Eric, yeah, I think we have to call something out right away.
• 13:36
  Matt: I think we have to address the fucking elephant in the room.
• 13:39
  Matt: In straight to landfill.
• 13:40
  Matt: Indeed, the the first cookie on the list.
• 13:43
  Eric: Matt, remind me again.
• 13:45
  Eric: Sorry, my my my memory's a little hazy.
• 13:47
  Eric: Uh, what was once lauded and promoted on the package as America's favorite cookie?
• 13:54
  Matt: Oh, it's not just America's favorite cookie, it is in fact universally known as Milk's favorite cookie.
• 14:04
  Matt: And that would be Oreo.
• 14:06
  Matt: And yeah, it's it was labeled as straight to Landfill.
• 14:10
  Matt: So, first of all, from this, we can gauge right away that this entire list can go straight in the bin, then.
• 14:17
  Matt: Uh, so away with the list.
• 14:20
  Matt: We're gonna correct this.
• 14:23
  Eric: America's gonna step in and correct the situation.
• 14:27
  Eric: Oh, they're gonna put things right.
• 14:30
  Eric: Wait, wait, wait, wait.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_02: Toby does not represent my Britain on this one, okay?
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, he represents himself.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_02: He can go fuck.
• 14:39
  Matt: All right, Toby Toby kicked.
• 14:40
  Matt: Toby can go fucking go fuck.
• 14:42
  Matt: At the record show.
• 14:43
  Matt: But, you know, um, when we see something we don't like, you know, Americans kind of tend to stick our noses in it.
• 14:51
  Matt: So let's do it, Eric.
• 14:53
  Matt: Um we have now, Eric, we have all these cookies.
• 14:57
  Eric: We have all of these motherfucking biscuits.
• 14:59
  Matt: These biscuits have been sent to us by Andy at greatest expense.
• 15:03
  Matt: Uh so props.
• 15:05
  Matt: Let's let's give it up for him.
• 15:06
  Matt: Yeah, shall we, please?
• 15:08
  Eric: Yeah.
• 15:09
  Matt: We have 18 cookies here.
• 15:11
  Matt: Uh the but we are missing one from the list.
• 15:15
  Matt: I think we should start out with the caveat, Eric, because we are uh we are missing uh um the the digestive is that c is that uh is that fair to say, Andy?
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_02: It's the chocolate digestive, unfortunately.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, so I can only but apologize on that.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_02: I genuinely thought they were packed in there.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_02: But by way of recompense, I'll get them sent over to you as soon as I can.
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, by way of recompense, you sent us a grocery store of biscuits.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_01: Personally speaking.
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_02: We're talking biscuits here.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_02: I don't fuck around.
• 15:45
  unknown: No.
• 15:45
  Matt: So I need to make sure that that gets sent over to you.
• 15:48
  Matt: And that uh I think that's respectable.
• 15:50
  Matt: That is respectable.
• 15:51
  Matt: However, uh, what I what I want to say right off the bat here is uh I'm not sorry to be missing a cookie named chocolate digestive.
• 16:01
  Eric: Personally, digestive.
• 16:04
  Matt: Personally, I produce my own chocolate digestives.
• 16:07
  Matt: Okay, I am a self-promoter of that.
• 16:10
  Matt: Self-promoter.
• 16:12
  Eric: It's like, would you like oh honey, are is something wrong?
• 16:15
  Eric: You haven't touched your raspberry antacids.
• 16:19
  Matt: Yum.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_00: Oh man.
• 16:22
  Matt: Um I will say I was in a small, I was traveling yesterday.
• 16:26
  Matt: I went by a small uh shop and I I bought some Tums.
• 16:31
  Matt: I wanted to see if they had Tums just so I could have them because that's part of my life now as a 32-year-old.
• 16:37
  Matt: Um, but they only had like the what I'll call the basic bitch ass Tums, you know?
• 16:43
  Matt: They didn't have smoothies or anything else.
• 16:46
  Matt: And I think we can all agree when you hit your 30s, you got a favorite flavor of Tums.
• 16:50
  Matt: Yeah, you know?
• 16:51
  Eric: Yeah.
• 16:51
  Matt: And I I don't know.
• 16:52
  Matt: I was just like, what are we?
• 16:54
  Matt: Is this really a convenience store at this point?
• 16:57
  Matt: You know?
• 16:58
  Matt: Okay, that's a joke that definitely would not have been cut from the show.
• 17:02
  Eric: Um, so no safety net.
• 17:06
  Eric: So let's go.
• 17:08
  Eric: Let's do this.
• 17:08
  Matt: No, no, Eric.
• 17:09
  Matt: No, no, no.
• 17:10
  Matt: Eric, I am what I I think we can be honest with the listeners.
• 17:14
  Matt: We've had a thousand.
• 17:15
  Matt: These things come out unedited.
• 17:17
  Matt: Oh, yeah.
• 17:18
  Matt: Uncut.
• 17:18
  Eric: Oh, yeah.
• 17:19
  Eric: Every episode?
• 17:20
  Eric: No, we don't cut a thing.
• 17:21
  Matt: Just bam.
• 17:22
  Matt: We don't have to pause for you to poop halfway through every time.
• 17:24
  Matt: No.
• 17:25
  Eric: Oh, no.
• 17:26
  Eric: You wouldn't take the venom out of Cobra.
• 17:31
  Matt: Oh.
• 17:35
  Matt: And we certainly don't cut coughs directly into the microphone.
• 17:38
  Eric: Andy's choking.
• 17:39
  Eric: Quick.
• 17:39
  Eric: Someone call the English equivalent of 911.
• 17:42
  Eric: What is it?
• 17:43
  Eric: Like 382?
• 17:45
  Eric: 7, 5.
• 17:46
  Eric: I don't know.
• 17:47
  Eric: I don't even know how many digits your phone numbers have.
• 17:49
  Eric: Come on, Eric.
• 17:51
  Eric: How many is it?
• 17:52
  Eric: Matt, don't Andy, don't tell him how many digits are in their phone numbers, Matt.
• 17:55
  Eric: How many digits are in their phone numbers, Matt?
• 17:57
  Matt: Gotta be like 38, right?
• 18:00
  Matt: Like something like 38.
• 18:01
  Matt: You just, it's like you kind of mash the keyboard a little bit.
• 18:05
  Eric: It does appear.
• 18:06
  Eric: What's your actual guess though?
• 18:07
  Matt: My actual guess, my actual guess would be nine.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna say 12.
• 18:11
  SPEAKER_02: Eric's actually closest.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_02: It's 11.
• 18:13
  unknown: 11.
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_02: But Eric, Eric, let me put you on the spot now.
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_02: What is the uh British equivalent of 911?
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_02: Ooh, he doesn't know.
• 18:22
  Eric: Hold on, hold on.
• 18:23
  Eric: Let me put myself in in the mindset.
• 18:26
  Eric: I am a Brit.
• 18:27
  Eric: There is an emergency.
• 18:28
  Eric: I can no longer keep calm.
• 18:30
  Eric: I can no longer carry on.
• 18:32
  Eric: My upper lip is no is quivering.
• 18:35
  Matt: Oh my I'm afraid the parlor is on fire.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_05: Oh yeah.
• 18:40
  Eric: I appears to be a murderer in my parlor.
• 18:42
  Eric: Oh god.
• 18:43
  Eric: Dispatched with my family.
• 18:45
  Eric: I am reaching over for one of those phones.
• 18:47
  Eric: Like it's got the the part that goes here.
• 18:49
  Eric: Yes, yes, yes.
• 18:50
  Eric: And I am dialing, I am dialing, I am dialing folks.
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_02: What you don't see is that he's actually looking on Google at this point.
• 18:59
  Eric: I am dialing three, I'm dialing three one.
• 19:04
  Eric: Three one one.
• 19:05
  Eric: It's the non-emergency lines.
• 19:09
  Eric: I realized that halfway through.
• 19:10
  Matt: Uh Andy, uh, that's gotta be wrong.
• 19:13
  Matt: So what is it?
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_02: Well, I'll tell you what, I'm just gonna leave it up to the uh the viewers.
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, why don't we go along and let them decide?
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_02: Comment on the side, guys, if you know what it is.
• 19:21
  Matt: Ooh, and you will win a prize.
• 19:23
  Matt: Andy will send you a box of 17 biscuits.
• 19:29
  Matt: Ooh, former guest of the show, Megan Stanton, coming in with 999.
• 19:34
  Matt: Is that correct?
• 19:36
  Matt: It is 999.
• 19:37
  Matt: Ooh.
• 19:38
  Eric: Dude, also, Sarah, thank you for believing in me.
• 19:41
  Eric: I'm sorry I failed you.
• 19:43
  Matt: I could be wrong.
• 19:44
  Matt: This might be a non-factual fact.
• 19:47
  Matt: But I think it was originally 999 here, and they changed it to 991 because they didn't want people doing it by accident.
• 19:54
  Matt: So they went to 991.
• 19:56
  Matt: Or 911, which is what it actually is, and not 991.
• 20:00
  SPEAKER_02: Interesting facts, you can actually dial 911 over here as well, but because of the fact that it's on international waters, it will still transfer you over to 999.
• 20:14
  Matt: You guys have it figured out.
• 20:15
  Matt: Let me say that.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_02: Damn.
• 20:17
  SPEAKER_02: Wow.
• 20:19
  SPEAKER_02: We also have a separate number as well for non-emergencies.
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_02: So, say for example, you're trying to find out something medical, but it doesn't require you to call the emergency services out.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_02: You can call 111 instead.
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_02: And you can also go along and speak to them instead as well.
• 20:35
  SPEAKER_02: And you can do just an overphone consultation and they'll recommend to you whether or not it's worth going to the hospital or anything like that.
• 20:41
  Eric: Did you know that uh other other okay, he's gone.
• 20:45
  Eric: He's back.
• 20:47
  Eric: Um a demon came.
• 20:50
  Eric: Um I'm assuming his child.
• 20:54
  SPEAKER_06: Oi, bad, what are you doing?
• 20:56
  Eric: I'm sorry.
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_06: Um You ate nose biscuits, then you ain't near biscuits?
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_06: Um you're gonna come and deal with the trouble and straw.
• 21:08
  Eric: Um no, I haven't been Googling Cockney rhyming slang.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, we're gonna be having some fun with that later then.
• 21:15
  Eric: All right, all right.
• 21:16
  Eric: But uh I did just want to add, uh, did actually, did you know that over here, phones over in the US, especially like emergency phones when you're not 911, they uh they don't have like a mute or a vibrate function.
• 21:29
  Eric: Because freedom rings.
• 21:31
  Eric: And now we continue.
• 21:34
  Matt: Jesus Christ.
• 21:37
  Matt: Okay, that was a great discussion that had absolutely nothing to do with this list of British biscuits.
• 21:44
  Matt: Uh, but we we we do have a definitive, our very first definitive re ranking to get to.
• 21:51
  Matt: So I think, boys, we better get to it.
• 21:53
  Eric: We better fucking get crackle lacking.
• 21:55
  Matt: Uh now, those of you who've joined us in the past for a definitive ranking know that we usually make Make up a scale uh to judge the the the the candidates by.
• 22:07
  Matt: For example, uh when we judge the chocolates in the heart box, it was one to ten Whitmans.
• 22:14
  Matt: What was it for the free bread?
• 22:16
  Matt: For the free bread, it was uh carbs.
• 22:19
  Matt: Ah, there we go.
• 22:21
  Matt: Um so uh what should we choose for these biscuits, Andy?
• 22:26
  Matt: I think Andy should choose.
• 22:27
  Matt: Yeah, Andy, what what's our what's our system here?
• 22:30
  Matt: Tell it to us, Andy.
• 22:31
  Matt: Crumbs.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_02: Ooh, crumbs.
• 22:35
  Eric: Okay.
• 22:35
  Eric: Okay.
• 22:36
  SPEAKER_02: Crumbs it is not just by what you're saying on uh what's just containing the biscuits, but also a polite way of being uh of saying oh oh crumbs.
• 22:46
  SPEAKER_01: So there we go.
• 22:47
  SPEAKER_01: Is that really a thing?
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_01: That's that's precious as fuck.
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_01: It's it's not by I did that that's for Eric.
• 22:53
  SPEAKER_01: That's for Eric.
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, crumbs.
• 22:55
  Eric: Yeah, that's a gift.
• 22:57
  Matt: I will I'm gonna be using it you can put that back in your nine uh your 999 call, Eric.
• 23:03
  Matt: Yes.
• 23:03
  Matt: Oh, crumbs, my family has been murdered again.
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, crumbs.
• 23:08
  SPEAKER_05: Breaking and entering, binding, torturing, and killing.
• 23:12
  Matt: Um so, okay.
• 23:13
  Matt: So should we begin with the Oreos?
• 23:17
  Eric: Oh, yeah, I'm sorry.
• 23:18
  Eric: Oh yeah.
• 23:19
  Eric: Oh, sorry.
• 23:20
  Eric: What's it?
• 23:20
  Matt: No, I've never It's gonna be sound excellence to do.
• 23:23
  Matt: Oh, yeah.
• 23:23
  Eric: Y'all are gonna welcome to my ASMR channel.
• 23:27
  Eric: Jesus.
• 23:28
  Matt: This is all Eric's ever wanted listeners and viewers, by the way.
• 23:32
  Matt: He's been talking about doing an ASMR show for the duration of this podcast.
• 23:38
  Eric: Oh yeah, and in true Oreo fashion.
• 23:40
  Eric: Oh yeah.
• 23:41
  Matt: The first several are are just broken up in mind.
• 23:45
  Eric: They had to sacrifice some all gave some.
• 23:47
  Eric: Some gave us some.
• 23:48
  SPEAKER_02: Gents, the question, the question that we've all got before we do this as well.
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_02: I know we've all got a brew in front of us.
• 23:54
  Eric: Yes.
• 23:54
  Eric: Yeah, yeah.
• 23:55
  SPEAKER_02: Now, anytime I'll get a biscuit, anytime, regardless of the biscuit, we're talking about it goes in the tea, it goes in the tea first, and then I eat it.
• 24:02
  SPEAKER_02: Am I assuming that we are going to be doing that for every single one?
• 24:06
  SPEAKER_01: You are incorrect.
• 24:07
  Eric: In order for Well, we have okay, is that the British way?
• 24:12
  Eric: Oh, I'm sorry.
• 24:13
  Eric: Are you Brit splaining to our good friend from across the pond?
• 24:17
  Matt: Would it be the first time?
• 24:18
  Matt: No.
• 24:19
  Matt: Will it be the last?
• 24:21
  Matt: Will it be the last?
• 24:21
  Matt: All right, fine.
• 24:22
  Matt: Yeah, sure.
• 24:23
  Matt: I doubt all right.
• 24:25
  SPEAKER_02: I I'm just saying, I just want to find out first because if we're doing that, there it is.
• 24:29
  SPEAKER_02: There it is.
• 24:29
  SPEAKER_02: There we go.
• 24:30
  SPEAKER_05: All right.
• 24:31
  Matt: There we go.
• 24:33
  Matt: Oh, oh my god.
• 24:35
  Matt: Same old fucking Oreo, I'll tell you that right there.
• 24:38
  unknown: Mm-hmm.
• 24:39
  Eric: Mm-hmm.
• 24:40
  Matt: I thought maybe there was a weird uh fucked up version of the Oreos over there.
• 24:48
  Matt: Sorry.
• 24:48
  Matt: I I caught I caught sight of the chat and you are incorrect.
• 24:51
  Matt: A memoir by Matt Shea.
• 24:53
  Matt: Um, thank you, Megan Stanton.
• 24:55
  Matt: I will be using that.
• 24:56
  Matt: Um yeah, I mean this is great.
• 24:59
  Matt: You know what?
• 25:00
  Matt: I'll say this too.
• 25:01
  Matt: T's favorite cookie as well, it tastes like to me.
• 25:05
  SPEAKER_02: I think there's another question, gentlemen.
• 25:07
  SPEAKER_02: This one, this one is definitely up there.
• 25:09
  SPEAKER_02: This one definitely comes out of straight to Lamfeld.
• 25:11
  Eric: Eight out of ten crumbs easy for me.
• 25:13
  Matt: Do I want to give it a 10?
• 25:15
  Matt: I mean, that seems I mean, I know it's an Oreo and it came in swinging, but the is it truly a 10?
• 25:22
  Matt: Even even here.
• 25:24
  Matt: You know what I'm saying?
• 25:25
  Matt: Corps the pond.
• 25:28
  Eric: I don't think it can be a 10 if it's America's favorite cookie.
• 25:31
  SPEAKER_02: But is it just America's favorite cookie?
• 25:32
  Eric: It's not, it's really not.
• 25:34
  Matt: I think it I think you really are conflating it being Milk's favorite cookie.
• 25:38
  Eric: I think it's no, it was America's favorite cookie, and then they couldn't say that anymore, so they changed it to Milk's favorite cookie.
• 25:44
  Eric: I'll tell you what.
• 25:45
  Eric: I'm not fucking what has happened to this country.
• 25:48
  Eric: Am I right?
• 25:49
  Eric: I'm pretty sure, I'm pretty sure they ran on that for a while, and then someone was like, hey, uh you can't say that.
• 25:57
  Matt: Oh yeah.
• 25:58
  Matt: I'm pretty a big fan of uh these uh Chips Ahoy here.
• 26:01
  Matt: I don't know why that's the one that came to mind, but because it's certainly not as good.
• 26:05
  Matt: Anyway, we're not here to talk about Chips Ahoy.
• 26:07
  Matt: Um I want to say eight nine.
• 26:11
  Matt: I can't go below a nine.
• 26:12
  Matt: Nine?
• 26:13
  Matt: I can't go below the nine.
• 26:15
  SPEAKER_01: I'll go go with Matt.
• 26:16
  SPEAKER_01: I'll go go with Matt.
• 26:16
  SPEAKER_01: I'll agree with a nine.
• 26:17
  Matt: Are we doing a straight nine?
• 26:19
  Matt: Straight nine.
• 26:19
  Matt: Straight nine.
• 26:20
  Matt: A firm nine.
• 26:21
  Matt: A firm nine.
• 26:23
  Matt: Um, fantastic.
• 26:25
  Matt: Uh firm nine.
• 26:26
  Eric: This is a question.
• 26:27
  Eric: Also, Andy, this is an etiquette question for you.
• 26:29
  Eric: How do you say no, uh, in a vacuum, T has left the room.
• 26:35
  Eric: How do you eat an Oreo?
• 26:36
  Eric: Twist, lick, dip the rest in the milk, enjoy.
• 26:40
  Matt: We can continue.
• 26:41
  Matt: That is the correct method of eating an Oreo, as we've discussed.
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_02: No, no, no, correction.
• 26:45
  SPEAKER_02: It is the only, only method.
• 26:50
  Matt: That's the kind of fiction we like with an Oreo.
• 26:52
  Matt: I'm so sorry.
• 26:54
  Matt: Uh, but I appreciate you standing up for an Oreo.
• 26:57
  Matt: Um that said, there is one other in the straight to landfill tier.
• 27:03
  Matt: That would be Fox's Party Rings minis.
• 27:06
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, these um the normal size ones come out about uh yay big.
• 27:11
  SPEAKER_02: So you're looking at at least a good two minutes.
• 27:13
  SPEAKER_02: You weren't at a child's party without one of these.
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_02: If you didn't have these at your party, you were an outcast.
• 27:19
  Eric: Straight to the Tower of London with you.
• 27:21
  Eric: These are adorably tiny.
• 27:23
  Eric: Absolutely zero cent on these bad boys.
• 27:26
  Matt: Just nothing.
• 27:27
  Matt: Yeah.
• 27:28
  Matt: Just straight nothing.
• 27:29
  Matt: All right.
• 27:29
  Matt: So we didn't.
• 27:30
  SPEAKER_02: This this this was your first uh biscuit as a kid.
• 27:33
  SPEAKER_02: Definitely.
• 27:34
  Matt: Oh, so this is baby's first biscuit.
• 27:36
  Matt: Okay.
• 27:39
  Matt: Oh, good crunch.
• 27:41
  Eric: Good crunch.
• 27:42
  Eric: Most of it coming from the icing.
• 27:44
  Eric: Most of that crunch is coming from the icing.
• 27:46
  Eric: Oh my god.
• 27:47
  Eric: I have to do a good goddamn.
• 27:51
  Eric: Yeah, to borrow a phrase, I'd fucks with this.
• 27:55
  Eric: This icing.
• 27:57
  Matt: This icing's got like a kick to it.
• 28:00
  Matt: It like you have the initial taste and then it comes back around.
• 28:05
  Eric: Yeah.
• 28:08
  Eric: Fuck me, that's a good biscuit.
• 28:10
  Eric: The cookie is pretty the biscuit is pretty much a vehicle for the icing.
• 28:14
  Matt: If we did not have and so these are, yeah, the for again for the audio purposes, these are just little just rounded iced rings.
• 28:24
  Matt: That's all we're talking about.
• 28:25
  Matt: But got like a shortbread cookie.
• 28:29
  Matt: Biscuit.
• 28:29
  SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
• 28:30
  Matt: Covered in a thick crust of icing.
• 28:34
  Eric: Dummy thick crust of icing.
• 28:36
  Eric: And crust is the only way to describe it.
• 28:38
  Matt: I mean, it is like it's got no give to it whatsoever.
• 28:42
  Eric: I could shingle a roof with these.
• 28:44
  Matt: You could shingle a roof with these easy if this was Candyland for sure.
• 28:48
  Matt: Yeah.
• 28:48
  Matt: I mean, listen to it on the first of all, just listen to it on the plate.
• 28:53
  Matt: I don't know if that came through at all, but you did hear it.
• 28:55
  Eric: Do you guys remember those gun-those little toy guns that shoot the little discs where candy?
• 28:59
  Eric: Do a yeah.
• 29:02
  Eric: I would load these into that if I could and just shoot them in all my friends' mouths.
• 29:06
  Matt: That would become a lethal weapon at that point.
• 29:08
  Matt: Oh, absolutely.
• 29:08
  Eric: It would kill somebody.
• 29:10
  Matt: But they and let's listen to the break too.
• 29:16
  Matt: I like it.
• 29:17
  Matt: I like it quite.
• 29:18
  SPEAKER_02: The best thing I love about this biscuit as well is that this one is this one is a friendly all-weather biscuit.
• 29:23
  SPEAKER_02: So regardless of the heat, that would not work.
• 29:27
  Eric: No, yeah, they're so tiny, they're so manageable.
• 29:29
  Matt: It's like they're so manageable, but you know what?
• 29:32
  Matt: Uh and I do like this principle in a cookie.
• 29:34
  Matt: Could do them by the fistful.
• 29:36
  Matt: Oh, absolutely.
• 29:37
  Matt: Easily.
• 29:38
  Matt: Um I think I think I feel a nine as well.
• 29:44
  Matt: A nine.
• 29:45
  Matt: I was gonna say an eight.
• 29:47
  Matt: I could see the eight neighborhood.
• 29:48
  Matt: I uh anything below a seven and a half feels like an injustice.
• 29:53
  Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 29:54
  Eric: I I would say seven and a half or eight because the icing is really what carries it.
• 29:59
  Eric: The biscuit itself.
• 30:00
  Eric: If it was you know what?
• 30:02
  Eric: I hear you there.
• 30:02
  Eric: If it was biscuit, mm-hmm you know what?
• 30:04
  Matt: The biscuit ain't bad.
• 30:05
  Matt: It's just not it's not the star.
• 30:08
  Matt: Biscuit ain't bad, but it's not carrying its own weight.
• 30:13
  Matt: And for those reasons, I might actually adjust maybe seven and a half now.
• 30:17
  Eric: Maybe seven and a half.
• 30:18
  Matt: I've gone from nine to seven and a half.
• 30:20
  Eric: British delegation?
• 30:22
  SPEAKER_02: For nostalgic reasons, I would always go I would always go high on this one.
• 30:26
  SPEAKER_02: Um I would probably say an eight.
• 30:29
  SPEAKER_02: The reason why I won't go any higher is because there are some fine artists looking biscuits coming on the way.
• 30:33
  SPEAKER_02: So yeah, I'm looking down the pipeline.
• 30:36
  Matt: I'm looking down the pipeline as well.
• 30:37
  Matt: So I could go eight.
• 30:39
  Matt: I can go eight because you know what, Eric, we need to trust the British nostalgia, you know.
• 30:45
  Matt: We need to trust that because if we came in with, say, one of those iced animal cookies, you know the ones.
• 30:52
  Eric: Yeah.
• 30:52
  Matt: We uh that yeah, yeah.
• 30:55
  Matt: That rank high on nostalgia.
• 30:57
  Eric: And those those pure those icingless little discs, they're like the same size as these.
• 31:01
  Eric: You'd wear them like rings on your fingers and eat them off.
• 31:04
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah.
• 31:05
  Eric: I forgot about those.
• 31:06
  Eric: They were like, it was like$2 for like a five-pound box of them.
• 31:11
  Matt: Absolutely.
• 31:12
  Matt: So we're going, we're going with an eight for the foxes party rings.
• 31:15
  Matt: Okay.
• 31:15
  Eric: Okay.
• 31:15
  Matt: I can do it with a night.
• 31:17
  Matt: Now, okay, so that we're moving up a tier.
• 31:19
  Matt: That brings us to tier two, the shit tier.
• 31:23
  Matt: And Eric, I I can I can't personally but feel a little bit offended by the presence of the Maryland cookie in the shit tier.
• 31:34
  Eric: I don't see, I'm sorry, do you see a flag on this?
• 31:37
  Eric: That's where they fucked up.
• 31:39
  Eric: I don't see a flag.
• 31:41
  Eric: Which is better than most countries' flags.
• 31:44
  Matt: Let's examine it real quick.
• 31:46
  Matt: No, no flag.
• 31:48
  Matt: No flag.
• 31:49
  Matt: Although you got a couple of the colors here, uh white too, if you count it, but no black, no crab, no crab to be found anywhere.
• 31:57
  Matt: And certainly, I'm looking at the ingredients here.
• 31:59
  Matt: Not a speck of old bay on these bitches.
• 32:02
  Matt: So can we truly call them a Maryland cookie?
• 32:05
  Eric: These also, goddamn, these look like Chips Ahoy.
• 32:08
  Matt: I was just gonna say, even the pack they come in look remarkably similar to a cookie I just mentioned, the Chips Ahoy.
• 32:18
  Matt: Do you have do you have any old bay seasoning?
• 32:21
  Matt: As a matter of fact, I do.
• 32:23
  Matt: I am a Marylander.
• 32:25
  SPEAKER_02: Can we try it at Social Experiment?
• 32:27
  SPEAKER_02: Unfortunately, why I've just run out of Old Bay seasoning, but would you be willing to do that?
• 32:31
  Matt: We'll send you some.
• 32:32
  Matt: Don't you worry.
• 32:33
  SPEAKER_05: We'll send you some.
• 32:34
  Matt: Yes, I do believe I can go.
• 32:36
  Matt: Well, let me try the non-Old Bay version first.
• 32:39
  SPEAKER_02: Um please send, please send me that along with some burger cookies, please.
• 32:42
  SPEAKER_02: I beg you.
• 32:43
  Eric: Oh, Bubby, we got you on the burger cookies.
• 32:45
  Matt: I'm sorry, a production assistant here just brought me some old bay.
• 32:49
  Matt: Thank you, production assistant.
• 32:50
  Eric: This is straight up a motherfucking Chipsahoy.
• 32:53
  unknown: Yeah.
• 32:53
  Matt: This is a Chips Ahoy.
• 32:54
  Matt: This is there's no argument.
• 32:56
  Matt: I mean, you can even see.
• 32:57
  Matt: Like you can see, it's fallen apart.
• 32:59
  Matt: As soon as it hit the T, it melted.
• 33:01
  Matt: The whole thing just starts dissolving.
• 33:03
  Matt: Just became a mush.
• 33:05
  Matt: I'm not impressed by it.
• 33:07
  Matt: Much like Shania Twain, this is not impressing me much.
• 33:11
  Matt: And um, I don't care for it.
• 33:14
  Matt: Let's uh let's let's uh let's give it the old old bay upgrade.
• 33:18
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I'll tell you what, while you're doing that, I'll need to stick the kettle on because my teaser's gone cold.
• 33:22
  Matt: All right, all right.
• 33:23
  Matt: So that's okay.
• 33:24
  Matt: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 33:25
  Matt: This is a practice Marylanders are very familiar with.
• 33:28
  Matt: Let's just and let's just apply liberally.
• 33:31
  Matt: Not all heroes wear capes.
• 33:33
  Matt: Apply liberally to it.
• 33:35
  Matt: Ooh, right on the microphone.
• 33:36
  Matt: Yeah, that's good.
• 33:39
  Matt: Okay, so let's see.
• 33:41
  Matt: Does it improve?
• 33:46
  Matt: You know, it doesn't work great, I'll be honest with you.
• 33:48
  Matt: Um what if you also dip it into the tea, Matt?
• 33:51
  Eric: Have you if you considered maybe the tannins.
• 33:55
  SPEAKER_02: I was gonna say let's let's let's not ruin the tea now.
• 33:57
  SPEAKER_02: All right, come on, let's not ruin the tea.
• 33:59
  Eric: Matt, what's the weirdest thing you've ever put old bay on?
• 34:02
  Matt: Oh, I'm not sure.
• 34:03
  Matt: It might be this.
• 34:04
  Matt: Um, truly not.
• 34:06
  Matt: Because honestly, this is just like it's so without the tea, it's such a firm biscuit that it's just old bay and then a cookie.
• 34:14
  Matt: Like it doesn't do anything for the flavor palette.
• 34:18
  Matt: I'm gonna give it.
• 34:19
  Matt: Oh, we so we gotta give this some crumbs, which is all it is.
• 34:23
  Matt: I'll give it a seven.
• 34:24
  Matt: Andy, what do you feel about seven?
• 34:26
  Eric: I'm about to say, oh yeah, he put the kettle on.
• 34:29
  Matt: He put the kettle on.
• 34:30
  Eric: We can discuss freely without the Marylanders are in the room.
• 34:33
  Eric: Can we call this a can we call this like a fucking four?
• 34:36
  Eric: Pull it.
• 34:36
  Eric: Can we call it can we call it what it is?
• 34:39
  Matt: This is a fucking dog shit cookie here.
• 34:42
  Eric: This is a fucking god-awful cookie.
• 34:45
  Eric: This is an and and I don't blame Andy.
• 34:47
  Eric: I like I don't blame Andy.
• 34:50
  Eric: He doesn't know.
• 34:51
  Eric: They don't blame access to the same chocolate chip.
• 34:54
  Eric: Like he's come back.
• 34:55
  Eric: Oh, he's coming back.
• 34:56
  unknown: He's coming back.
• 34:56
  Eric: Yeah, so for that reason, I would have to I would have to go like I'm gonna say four.
• 35:03
  Matt: No, this is a piece of shit cookie.
• 35:05
  Matt: I'm giving it uh uh five is where I max out, Andy.
• 35:09
  Matt: Uh I can't go above that.
• 35:11
  Matt: Old Bay or no Old Bay.
• 35:14
  Matt: I would deign to say five, yeah.
• 35:15
  Matt: To call out the chat, we have been asked the question have y'all had Old Bay ice cream?
• 35:21
  Matt: The answer to that is yes.
• 35:23
  Eric: I've had Old Bay on vanilla ice cream.
• 35:25
  Eric: It is lovely.
• 35:26
  Matt: Fucking delicious.
• 35:27
  Matt: I tried it, I tried it fully expecting it to be awful.
• 35:31
  Matt: And this I will uh we'll uh call it out.
• 35:34
  Matt: This is at the Charmery for me.
• 35:35
  Matt: Um, the Charmery local ice cream.
• 35:39
  Eric: We could send you that, Andy.
• 35:40
  Eric: If only we could.
• 35:41
  Eric: We could send you that.
• 35:42
  Matt: It's very good.
• 35:43
  Matt: I highly recommend it.
• 35:44
  Matt: And Updog PM comments how dare they besmirch the Maryland name with that dusty disc.
• 35:51
  SPEAKER_06: Dusty disc.
• 35:54
  Matt: That is a brilliant way to put it, Updog PM.
• 35:57
  Matt: Thank you so much for the question.
• 35:59
  Matt: I wouldn't have so much a question as a comment.
• 36:01
  SPEAKER_02: Listen, Updog PM, I I agree with you.
• 36:04
  SPEAKER_02: Um while I was getting my kettle, I did agree on Matt's uh opinion about dropping it down to a five because it's a generic cookie.
• 36:11
  SPEAKER_02: There's nothing really special about it.
• 36:13
  SPEAKER_02: So yes, I'm I'm happy.
• 36:15
  SPEAKER_02: I wouldn't say it sucks.
• 36:16
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, I like the chocolate.
• 36:17
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I like the biscuit.
• 36:20
  SPEAKER_02: I'm happy with that.
• 36:21
  SPEAKER_02: But yeah, it it doesn't make your bollocks tingle.
• 36:24
  Eric: Does it certainly doesn't?
• 36:26
  Eric: Does not make does not make me bollocks tingle.
• 36:32
  Matt: You gave it a go.
• 36:33
  Eric: Uh I gave it a the old college.
• 36:35
  Matt: So what are we giving this fucking thing?
• 36:36
  Matt: Four have a four and a half.
• 36:38
  Eric: Four and a half.
• 36:39
  Matt: Yeah, all right.
• 36:40
  Matt: Yeah, four and a half.
• 36:41
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 36:41
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 36:42
  Matt: Now, uh hold on then.
• 36:43
  Matt: Uh the next thing on the list here is Fox's jammy dodges.
• 36:48
  Matt: Uh, I believe that's these.
• 36:50
  Matt: Is that correct?
• 36:51
  Eric: Oh, we have different catchphrases on our dog.
• 36:56
  Matt: Catch me if you can.
• 36:57
  Eric: Oh, you're in my display, also isn't mirrored like mine is.
• 37:02
  Eric: See, mine's boring.
• 37:02
  Eric: Mine only just has jammy dodges on it.
• 37:04
  Matt: So do they do that?
• 37:05
  Matt: They just have di just don't care what they print, or they just print whatever label they got lying around.
• 37:09
  SPEAKER_01: Is this a threat?
• 37:11
  SPEAKER_01: Catch me if you can't catch me if you a little bit of column A, a little bit of column B, but there we go.
• 37:15
  Matt: Um Well, it's these are actually based, these are the favorite cookie of the famous uh serial killer.
• 37:22
  Matt: Jamito J.
• 37:23
  Matt: Uh terrorized London for many years.
• 37:25
  Matt: Isn't that right, Andy?
• 37:26
  Matt: Am I off base?
• 37:27
  Eric: Oh, yeah, because we all know England doesn't have any famous serial killers.
• 37:31
  Matt: Yeah, this was in the 1600s or so where nothing really else was going on.
• 37:34
  Eric: Um Yeah, yeah, no, no, nothing nothing was happening at the time.
• 37:38
  SPEAKER_01: Whoa! Something was getting on.
• 37:40
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, no one, nothing.
• 37:41
  Matt: I'm gonna like this cookie, I can tell you.
• 37:42
  Matt: Let's take a look at it.
• 37:44
  Matt: Uh just to describe it for the audience at home, which of course everybody is.
• 37:49
  Matt: Um, we got like looks like a raspberry uh filling in the shape of a heart.
• 37:55
  Matt: I like that the cookie looks like it was splashed there, like it was shot with a heart.
• 38:00
  Eric: Oh, yeah.
• 38:01
  Eric: It does look like a gunshot wound.
• 38:03
  Eric: It does.
• 38:04
  Eric: So yours, yours especially looks gunshot wound.
• 38:08
  SPEAKER_00: Um what are we looking at?
• 38:12
  Eric: This is on the opening of fucking CSI, this cookie.
• 38:15
  Matt: Okay.
• 38:16
  Matt: Oh, I am so sorry.
• 38:17
  Matt: I think I'd be doing an injustice not to mention the jammy dodger hashtag.
• 38:21
  Matt: Hashtag witness the mischief.
• 38:25
  Eric: That is a oh man.
• 38:28
  Eric: This is a very mischievous cookie.
• 38:30
  Eric: I've always put the fuck in there.
• 38:33
  Matt: I like my cookies to get into antics.
• 38:36
  Matt: Exactly what I expected to taste like.
• 38:38
  Matt: Mm-hmm.
• 38:38
  Matt: Mm.
• 38:39
  Matt: Two shortbread cookies.
• 38:42
  Matt: Little uh raspberry or strawberry, maybe.
• 38:46
  SPEAKER_01: Um, that's very good.
• 38:50
  Matt: It is very jammy.
• 38:51
  Matt: It's very jammy.
• 38:52
  Matt: The back end of mine didn't get tea, so I'm gonna do right away the second one.
• 38:55
  Eric: And it has that, like, um, if you've ever had a pecan sandy, that kind of cooking, it has it has that kind of like the biscuit part like is sandy, but in a good way.
• 39:04
  Eric: It like dissolves.
• 39:05
  Matt: Do they have those uh where you come from, Andy?
• 39:09
  Matt: A pecan sandy?
• 39:11
  Matt: Oh, we'll send you some.
• 39:12
  Matt: They're good.
• 39:13
  Matt: We're gonna put this on the list.
• 39:15
  Matt: Derek's list to send you.
• 39:17
  Matt: Um he's keeping track of it.
• 39:20
  SPEAKER_02: This is amazing.
• 39:20
  SPEAKER_02: I can't wait for this care package.
• 39:22
  Matt: I will say it does leave me.
• 39:26
  Matt: It does leave like a film in the mouth, the this cookie.
• 39:31
  Matt: You know?
• 39:32
  Matt: Rand of teeth.
• 39:33
  SPEAKER_02: See, I like it for the taste.
• 39:34
  SPEAKER_02: I like it for the taste.
• 39:35
  SPEAKER_02: The taste is phenomenal.
• 39:36
  SPEAKER_02: And I like the it is I dislike it.
• 39:38
  SPEAKER_02: I dis I dislike it for that.
• 39:40
  Matt: It is particularly a good dippable cookie.
• 39:43
  Matt: Yeah.
• 39:44
  Matt: You know what?
• 39:44
  Matt: It's got the red balance of salty sweet.
• 39:46
  Matt: I bet this would be great in hot chocolate.
• 39:48
  Matt: A dip in hot chocolate.
• 39:50
  Matt: Probably ball or in hot chocolate.
• 39:52
  Matt: Probably baller and hot chocolate.
• 39:54
  Eric: The flavors are all great.
• 39:56
  Matt: But it's still a little bit basic.
• 39:58
  Matt: Like, as soon as I started describing it with the raspberry in the mill, you know what cookie we're talking about.
• 40:03
  Matt: Like, where there's a million versions of this over here.
• 40:06
  Matt: It's still kind of down the middle for me, but I think I'd give it the opposite side of a five that I would the Chips Ahoy.
• 40:14
  Matt: I'm thinking six.
• 40:16
  Eric: Yeah.
• 40:17
  Matt: No, I'd agree with that.
• 40:18
  Matt: I'll just give it a firm six crumbs.
• 40:20
  Matt: Um, and should I think the firm sixes have it?
• 40:23
  Matt: Should we the sixes have it?
• 40:24
  Matt: Should we move on to the the next one, everyone?
• 40:26
  Matt: Oh, yeah.
• 40:27
  Matt: Yep.
• 40:27
  Matt: Are we ready for the is it McVit Viddy?
• 40:31
  Eric: McViddy?
• 40:32
  Eric: You have you have made that face every time we bust these out.
• 40:37
  Matt: Hey, McViddy, it's McVitie's club, eh?
• 40:40
  Matt: Is that right, Andy?
• 40:42
  SPEAKER_02: I am I am not looking forward to this one, gents.
• 40:46
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know.
• 40:47
  SPEAKER_02: Do you guys have chocolate mint as well?
• 40:48
  SPEAKER_02: You must have chocolate mint as well.
• 40:49
  SPEAKER_02: Surely.
• 40:50
  SPEAKER_02: You must have chocolate mint cookies.
• 40:51
  SPEAKER_02: Chocolate work.
• 40:52
  SPEAKER_02: Chocolate mint?
• 40:53
  SPEAKER_02: Mint.
• 40:54
  SPEAKER_02: Chocolate mint cookies.
• 40:55
  Eric: I'll fuck with some chocolate mint cookies.
• 40:57
  Eric: Okay.
• 40:57
  Eric: They come wrapped like fucking kick.
• 40:59
  SPEAKER_02: I was not expecting it to come out like a Kit Kat.
• 41:01
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 41:02
  SPEAKER_02: It's it's either you're either a chocolate orange fan or you're a chocolate mint fan.
• 41:05
  SPEAKER_02: I am a chocolate mint fan.
• 41:07
  SPEAKER_02: I am a sled for chocolate mint.
• 41:09
  SPEAKER_02: This, as far as I'm concerned, I'm saying right now, this is a straight to lamb fill for me.
• 41:14
  Eric: This has a very strong citrusy scent.
• 41:17
  Matt: Take a look at this, folks.
• 41:18
  Matt: It does look like a like two Kit Cats together.
• 41:22
  Matt: I will say that.
• 41:23
  Eric: Yeah, yeah.
• 41:24
  Matt: Oh, it does smell of orange to the okay.
• 41:28
  Matt: Yeah.
• 41:28
  Matt: Alright, let's go for it.
• 41:29
  SPEAKER_02: Oh no, we basically did that.
• 41:34
  Matt: It doesn't exactly taste of natural orange, shall we say?
• 41:39
  Eric: I'm getting some notes of um of uh of uh oh's it called.
• 41:47
  Eric: What a great Somalier he is, folks.
• 41:50
  Eric: I know.
• 41:51
  Eric: Uh uh I'm getting some notes of like, oh, what's that thing called?
• 41:56
  Matt: Uh pine salt.
• 41:58
  Matt: Notes of of of citrus pine salt.
• 42:00
  Matt: Tell you what, I got some extra old bay here.
• 42:01
  Matt: I'm just gonna give it a go.
• 42:04
  Matt: Anything's probably better on this shit.
• 42:06
  Matt: Well, the old bay is good.
• 42:07
  Matt: And the cookie is super hard.
• 42:09
  Matt: The biscuit is tough.
• 42:11
  Matt: The chocolate is actually good.
• 42:12
  Eric: I really like the choice.
• 42:13
  Matt: I like the chocolate.
• 42:14
  Eric: I kind of wish it was just the chocolate, though, you know?
• 42:17
  Eric: I don't mind this cookie.
• 42:18
  Eric: I actually like chocolate orange and chocolate mint, though.
• 42:21
  Eric: I prefer chocolate mint, but I can see why they came wrapped like this.
• 42:24
  Eric: I could only eat one of these fucking things.
• 42:25
  Matt: If I had to eat two of these, I would probably Yeah, they wrap it because they're protecting you from yourself.
• 42:30
  Matt: Andy, what would you like to give it?
• 42:32
  Matt: You want to give you straight to the landfill.
• 42:34
  Matt: So a zero?
• 42:37
  Matt: No.
• 42:38
  SPEAKER_02: In fact, no, minus one.
• 42:40
  SPEAKER_02: No, I'm sorry.
• 42:41
  Matt: No, Andy.
• 42:42
  Matt: Come on.
• 42:42
  Matt: Let's be serious.
• 42:44
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, fine.
• 42:45
  Eric: I would go on, Eric.
• 42:47
  Eric: Oh no, I was just gonna say between the uh between the uh assertiveness of those orange notes and a very la and a very lackluster biscuit.
• 42:57
  Eric: The chocolate's fantastic, but that's not enough to carry it.
• 42:59
  Eric: I'd say a two.
• 43:01
  Matt: The chocolate is good.
• 43:03
  Matt: I'd eat it.
• 43:04
  Matt: The chocolate I'd give at least a seven.
• 43:08
  Matt: But the biscuit itself is pretty rough.
• 43:13
  Matt: I mean, it doesn't taste great.
• 43:14
  Matt: I could eat it.
• 43:15
  Matt: First of all, I I think I don't think there's gonna be a single biscuit here that I couldn't eat.
• 43:20
  Matt: No, I will eat these biscuits on ad nauseum.
• 43:23
  Matt: Uh, but that's just me.
• 43:24
  Matt: That's just a little trait of mine, superpower, if you want to call that.
• 43:28
  Matt: Um but the biscuit itself is probably like honestly, like a one.
• 43:32
  Matt: Like it sucks.
• 43:33
  Matt: Um, yeah.
• 43:34
  Eric: Yeah.
• 43:35
  Eric: Yeah, I'd agree with that.
• 43:36
  Matt: And Andy wants to give it very low, so I'm good with a two, Eric, if you're good with a two.
• 43:41
  Matt: Two crumbs on this guy.
• 43:43
  Eric: Two crumbs.
• 43:44
  Eric: It's covered in chocolate.
• 43:45
  Eric: That's the only reason it's not a one.
• 43:46
  Eric: It's the only reason.
• 43:48
  SPEAKER_02: I'll sell I'll settle for a two, but please know that I will be bitching about it all the way through.
• 43:51
  Matt: So okay, that's fine.
• 43:53
  Matt: We expect that.
• 43:54
  Matt: Um now I've been very excited for our our next one.
• 43:57
  Matt: Our next one, Eric, on the list is.
• 44:00
  Matt: The hob knobs.
• 44:03
  Eric: Oh, the hobnobs.
• 44:04
  Matt: Which I can only assume is pronounced hob no.
• 44:08
  Matt: Which this is like this is I would load this into a fucking cannon.
• 44:12
  Matt: Hold on, let's let's back up.
• 44:14
  Matt: The hobknob is referred to as the OT one.
• 44:18
  Eric: The lesser known of the Eldritch gods.
• 44:20
  Matt: The OT one.
• 44:22
  Eric: Holy shit, it is OT.
• 44:23
  Eric: Look at that.
• 44:24
  SPEAKER_02: Oh man, that's a lot of O.
• 44:26
  Matt: Yeah, well we can we can see it.
• 44:28
  Matt: Oh homie.
• 44:29
  Matt: Oh my god.
• 44:30
  SPEAKER_02: Look at that.
• 44:30
  SPEAKER_02: Gents, with this one, when you dip it into your tea, you do it for just about a second.
• 44:35
  SPEAKER_02: Because otherwise, this will this will dissolve very quickly.
• 44:39
  Matt: Just the very quick.
• 44:40
  Matt: Alright, I want to give a quick description for the uh folks at home.
• 44:43
  Matt: What I feel like I'm holding right now is a nature valley granola bar.
• 44:47
  Matt: That's what it feels like.
• 44:48
  Matt: Yes.
• 44:49
  Matt: It feels like I am.
• 44:50
  Eric: No, not in terms of tape, but in terms of the thousands of thousands.
• 44:52
  Matt: Not in terms of taste, in terms of the the overall feel.
• 44:58
  unknown: Mmm.
• 44:58
  Matt: Okay.
• 45:00
  Matt: Alright, OD1.
• 45:01
  unknown: Yeah.
• 45:02
  Eric: OD1 Kenobi.
• 45:04
  Eric: This feels like a teacher's cookie.
• 45:07
  Eric: Like if my teacher gave me a cookie, this is the one they would give me.
• 45:11
  Eric: My back end is all nature valley granola bar.
• 45:14
  Matt: Oh my god.
• 45:15
  Matt: Without the tea, it feels like my mouth's dirty now.
• 45:21
  Matt: That's what it feels makes me want to do.
• 45:22
  Matt: I'm giving it a non-T bite.
• 45:24
  Matt: This is this is one of my This is one of my favorites.
• 45:27
  Eric: I I I actually dig it.
• 45:29
  Eric: Um I like an Oatie oatmeal taste.
• 45:32
  Eric: I also love granola, so like this one is great for me.
• 45:35
  Eric: This does feel like a healthy cookie.
• 45:37
  Eric: You know what I'm saying?
• 45:38
  Eric: Like Yeah, it's and it's not.
• 45:40
  Eric: It's not.
• 45:41
  Eric: No, by no means.
• 45:42
  Eric: It's not.
• 45:42
  Eric: But it would be, it's kind of like how paydays, like the candy bar payday here, like sold as like, oh, you want a you want a you want anarchy, you want a healthy candy bar?
• 45:50
  Eric: It's got peanuts.
• 45:51
  SPEAKER_02: Do you yeah, do you want just this has actually got the thickest amount of chocolate on it?
• 45:55
  SPEAKER_02: Really?
• 45:56
  SPEAKER_02: On the outside.
• 45:57
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, it does have like a chocolate bottom.
• 45:58
  Eric: I'll be honest, I didn't even notice.
• 45:59
  SPEAKER_02: Oh no, sorry.
• 46:01
  Eric: Yeah, I'm happy with the amount of chocolate.
• 46:02
  Eric: Allows me to get that get that good, good chocolate biscuit taste and then finish with the oats.
• 46:07
  Eric: You gotta rinse out afterwards.
• 46:09
  Eric: Guy Matt hates it so much.
• 46:11
  Eric: Yeah, but this is why you have the tea.
• 46:12
  Matt: This is a labor.
• 46:13
  Matt: But if you run out of the tea and you have a cookie, you run the risk of choking to death.
• 46:18
  SPEAKER_02: No, you pour yourself another tea.
• 46:20
  Matt: Well, what if you're running through the tube?
• 46:23
  SPEAKER_01: All right.
• 46:23
  SPEAKER_01: Well, if you're on the run.
• 46:25
  SPEAKER_01: What if you're going up to the Tower of London and they don't took your kettle away?
• 46:28
  SPEAKER_02: There's a cafe right next door to the Tower of London, Eric.
• 46:30
  SPEAKER_02: Shut your noise.
• 46:32
  SPEAKER_02: I used to work, I used to work near the Tower of London, okay?
• 46:35
  SPEAKER_02: I know the location at the back of my head.
• 46:38
  Matt: Eric is completely unaware that the Tower of London is no longer a torture prison.
• 46:42
  SPEAKER_02: Have you seen the prices to get in?
• 46:44
  SPEAKER_02: That's torture.
• 46:49
  Matt: Andy coming in hot.
• 46:51
  Matt: All right, what do you want to give it?
• 46:52
  Matt: What do you want to give it?
• 46:53
  Matt: I would like to give it a eight and a half nine.
• 46:56
  Matt: No fucking way.
• 46:57
  Matt: No, absolutely not.
• 46:58
  unknown: What?
• 46:58
  Matt: I was gonna say 7.58.
• 47:01
  Matt: I could.
• 47:02
  Matt: If it was just me, I'd give it like a six at best.
• 47:07
  Matt: So But you're with your friends.
• 47:09
  Matt: But I'm I'm I you know I'm I'm taking in the British influence, and I will be willing to go as high as seven and a half.
• 47:19
  Eric: Okay, good.
• 47:20
  Eric: Also, I would be remiss if I didn't read this out.
• 47:22
  Eric: Uh, this is a shout-out to Joey.
• 47:24
  Eric: Uh hob on my knob like corn on a cob, he says.
• 47:30
  Matt: Hob on my knob.
• 47:32
  Matt: My best friend, ladies and gentlemen.
• 47:34
  SPEAKER_01: Raising one super joe.
• 47:35
  Matt: Joey, uh, cheers to Joey.
• 47:38
  Matt: Uh cheers to Joey.
• 47:39
  Matt: And his cob.
• 47:40
  Matt: So what do we want to give it?
• 47:41
  SPEAKER_02: All right.
• 47:42
  SPEAKER_02: I'm willing to go down as low as a seven and a half.
• 47:45
  Matt: I won't go any 11 and a half.
• 47:46
  Matt: Eric, how do you feel?
• 47:47
  Matt: Seven and a half sounds great to me.
• 47:49
  Matt: I'm I'm willing to put it in the books, Andy.
• 47:52
  Matt: But it's up to you.
• 47:52
  Matt: If you want to fight for an eight, you I'm gonna need more of a case here.
• 47:57
  SPEAKER_02: No, I will I will bend to peer pressure on this one.
• 48:00
  SPEAKER_02: I'll do seven and a half.
• 48:01
  Eric: See, I can tell Andy's saving it for something.
• 48:03
  Eric: There is something that he's going to Mr.
• 48:06
  Eric: Rawlings goes to Washington on us.
• 48:08
  Eric: Like he is going to filibuster something, and he is he is just banking that capital.
• 48:14
  Matt: Um and perhaps it's what's next.
• 48:16
  Matt: Uh next is uh yeah, a lot of mic McVitis is uh a popular brand, it seems.
• 48:23
  Matt: It is, yes.
• 48:24
  Matt: Almost all these.
• 48:25
  Matt: The next one is the Jaffa Cake.
• 48:28
  Matt: The original.
• 48:28
  Matt: Uh, what are some other flavors if it has the if this is the original?
• 48:32
  SPEAKER_02: I don't care because they're there this no.
• 48:36
  SPEAKER_02: No.
• 48:36
  SPEAKER_02: Again.
• 48:37
  SPEAKER_02: What's fucking me up?
• 48:40
  SPEAKER_02: Orange.
• 48:41
  SPEAKER_02: And when you eat it, you will see why.
• 48:43
  Matt: Straight to the bin with this one, uh straight to I oh damn.
• 48:46
  SPEAKER_02: Do you remember I will say I was gonna say, uh do you do you remember those um those ET games that came out?
• 48:52
  Eric: For the NES?
• 48:54
  Eric: Yeah.
• 48:54
  SPEAKER_02: Do you remember like the amount that they buried in like the mass graves?
• 48:59
  Eric: Yeah, they have landfills full of it.
• 49:01
  SPEAKER_02: Jaffa cakes belonging there.
• 49:03
  Matt: Alright.
• 49:04
  Matt: Damn, very strong position.
• 49:06
  Matt: It's got a layer of E.T.
• 49:08
  Matt: Um what we have right now is on the bottom we have what I would like to describe as a splat of chocolate.
• 49:16
  Matt: It looks like someone took a spoon and went.
• 49:20
  Matt: Um that's how it looks like it was.
• 49:22
  Eric: There appears to be some kind of filling.
• 49:24
  Matt: Tough as nails.
• 49:26
  Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 49:27
  Matt: Um let's give it a dip.
• 49:30
  Matt: Let's give it a little dip.
• 49:31
  Matt: Oh my.
• 49:32
  Matt: Oh my god, it melts away.
• 49:33
  Matt: Oh, I hate it.
• 49:34
  Matt: Oh, oh, this is oh, oh, oh!
• 49:38
  Eric: Oh, it gets worse as it goes.
• 49:40
  Eric: Oh my god.
• 49:41
  Eric: Oh, oh.
• 49:43
  Eric: So excited for these.
• 49:44
  Eric: I've been like, people, so many people have been riding the dick of Jaffa Cake.
• 49:48
  Matt: Hold on, let me just show this in there.
• 49:53
  Matt: You can just squish it.
• 49:55
  Matt: You can just squish it and nothing.
• 49:56
  Matt: It's like a sponge.
• 49:58
  Matt: Why?
• 49:59
  Eric: It's a little orangey.
• 50:01
  Eric: Why must I be sacrificed at the altar of Jaffa Cakes ambition?
• 50:06
  Eric: Eric, how'd you think my feel?
• 50:07
  Eric: How'd you think my feel?
• 50:08
  Eric: I have to wash that shit out.
• 50:10
  Eric: That jelly inside.
• 50:12
  Eric: What the fuck is that?
• 50:13
  Matt: It does have does it have some it doesn't even have a it does have a filling.
• 50:17
  Matt: Bro, there is shit in there.
• 50:18
  Matt: Oh my god, there is literal shit poop in here.
• 50:21
  Matt: It was coming from inside the biscuit.
• 50:23
  Matt: Oh, this tastes like a lobotomy.
• 50:26
  Matt: God damn.
• 50:27
  Matt: Ugh.
• 50:28
  Matt: How low can we go?
• 50:30
  Matt: Zero.
• 50:30
  Matt: I mean zero legally.
• 50:31
  Matt: Zero.
• 50:32
  SPEAKER_02: I think my AT suggestion was fairly appropriate here.
• 50:38
  Eric: Good God.
• 50:39
  Eric: Yeah, zero out of zero crumbs.
• 50:42
  Eric: And may God have mercy on your son.
• 50:45
  Matt: I'm not even gonna fight it.
• 50:46
  Matt: It's a zero for the Jaffa cake.
• 50:48
  Eric: Where was that?
• 50:49
  Eric: Where was that placed originally in the lineup?
• 50:51
  Eric: That was at the I got it right here.
• 50:53
  Matt: This is in the where this is the last in the low tier.
• 50:58
  Matt: No.
• 50:58
  Eric: That was generous.
• 50:59
  Matt: That was generous.
• 51:00
  Matt: This is a piece of shit.
• 51:01
  Matt: And it piece of shit, garbage cookie.
• 51:03
  Matt: It's bad and it should feel bad.
• 51:05
  Matt: It tastes like if SpongeBob was taken out of Bikini Bottom, thrown into the Sahara Desert, left there for 32 years, and then eaten.
• 51:14
  Matt: Yeah.
• 51:15
  Matt: That's what it tastes like to me.
• 51:17
  Matt: It's it tastes like I hate it and I want it to feel bad about itself.
• 51:22
  Matt: Um hot garbage.
• 51:24
  Eric: Uh, but to conclude, fuck Jaffa Cakes.
• 51:28
  Matt: We are jumping tiers now.
• 51:29
  Matt: We are going into the mid-tier.
• 51:32
  Matt: And the first on the list is Ginger Snaps.
• 51:36
  Matt: Now, what they've got is I can't even make out the brand.
• 51:40
  Matt: We have a different brand.
• 51:41
  Matt: Um Sainsbury's.
• 51:44
  Matt: It looks like it's Sainsbury's.
• 51:47
  Eric: Sainsbury's.
• 51:48
  Eric: Is it Sainsbury's?
• 51:49
  Eric: Oh my god, the Sainsbury's taste like Sainsbury's.
• 51:53
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, you're hurting my soul so much.
• 51:56
  Matt: Oh my god.
• 51:57
  Matt: The Sainsbury's Ginger Boy.
• 51:59
  SPEAKER_02: Um what Sainsbury's is it's a brand of supermarket.
• 52:04
  Eric: Say it again.
• 52:05
  Eric: Oh.
• 52:06
  Eric: Yeah, this has some Amer uh for those of you from the States, this has some America's choice vibes.
• 52:11
  Eric: It does.
• 52:11
  Eric: Do you know what I mean?
• 52:12
  Eric: Well, first of all, it's dusty.
• 52:14
  Eric: First of all, to the touch.
• 52:15
  Eric: Oh, dusty.
• 52:16
  Matt: To the touch, we've got red's choice.
• 52:17
  Eric: See what's wild?
• 52:18
  Eric: Wild?
• 52:19
  Eric: No dust.
• 52:20
  Eric: No dust on this.
• 52:20
  Eric: Wow, mine's got residue.
• 52:22
  Matt: Mine's got residue.
• 52:24
  Matt: There could be one crushed from travel in here.
• 52:26
  Matt: I don't put it.
• 52:26
  Matt: This is a baked cookie.
• 52:28
  Matt: It's a baked cookie.
• 52:30
  Matt: It looks like it's dust.
• 52:32
  Matt: It looks like it's got salt embedded into the top.
• 52:35
  Matt: Yeah, yeah.
• 52:36
  Eric: Some precious gemstones.
• 52:37
  Matt: I'm sure that is the ginger, but it looks like smells like ginger.
• 52:41
  Eric: Oh, yeah.
• 52:43
  Matt: Very firm.
• 52:45
  Eric: Alright.
• 52:48
  Matt: Alright, Sainsbury.
• 52:49
  Matt: Ooh, that's spicy.
• 52:51
  Matt: Okay.
• 52:52
  Matt: We're cooking now.
• 52:54
  Matt: Mmm.
• 52:55
  Matt: That's good.
• 52:56
  Matt: That's a good cookie.
• 52:57
  Matt: Beats the hell out of the Jaffa cake.
• 52:59
  Matt: Um Wow, and the flavor really gets really gets the whole mouth going.
• 53:04
  Matt: Like it it it takes up the room, you know.
• 53:08
  Matt: It it's the kind of cookie that when it walks in the room, you know, that's when the party begins.
• 53:13
  Eric: Like it tastes like they put actual ginger in it.
• 53:15
  Eric: Which is right.
• 53:16
  Matt: I don't know if they ginger, ginger root.
• 53:18
  Matt: I imagine in the in this in the factory, they're just shaving it off in on top of each cookie.
• 53:24
  Matt: Just nothing processed about it.
• 53:26
  Eric: Oh, well, well, they they they they clap ginger boy! And like a little fucking covered ginger boy.
• 53:36
  Matt: Um that's great cookie.
• 53:38
  SPEAKER_06: Um Penny for your ginger!
• 53:42
  Matt: Um Do we have any historical context, Andy, that we need for the cookie?
• 53:45
  Matt: Not really for this.
• 53:46
  Matt: Not really for this one.
• 53:47
  Matt: Um listen to its snap.
• 53:49
  Matt: Pretty much what you see or what you hit.
• 53:51
  Matt: Oh, it's got the ginger snap to it.
• 53:53
  Matt: Paul Hollywood would approve.
• 53:56
  Eric: Ginger snap wise, I have had better textures from ginger snaps, but I have never had better ginger.
• 54:02
  Matt: This is the gingeriest ginger snap I've ever had.
• 54:04
  Matt: Yeah.
• 54:05
  Matt: And for gin gingery chorina.
• 54:08
  Matt: We understood the assignment.
• 54:11
  Matt: I don't know, like an eight.
• 54:13
  Eric: I would say I was gonna I was gonna I was gonna give this a seven.
• 54:17
  Eric: Andy, where are you at?
• 54:18
  SPEAKER_02: Ginger snaps aren't really my thing.
• 54:20
  SPEAKER_02: Um in a pinch, in a pinch I could have them, but it's not it's not my go-to.
• 54:25
  Eric: Um, I'm it feels like a hospital waiting room cookie.
• 54:29
  Matt: No that is a very specific genre of cookie, and I'm curious as to how you thought of it.
• 54:34
  Matt: Uh no, nothing's wrong.
• 54:35
  Eric: You're just getting like you're getting a prostate exam, and like while you're waiting, they're just like cookie, biscuit, laugh.
• 54:41
  Eric: Yeah.
• 54:42
  Matt: This is a quick quick prostate anecdote.
• 54:45
  Matt: Um I was just in the I was just not long ago.
• 54:50
  Matt: I was in the this my doctorate is very thorough.
• 54:53
  Matt: And he he was just like, there, I was there for like a normal physical.
• 54:59
  Matt: I mentioned some discomfort, and uh he was just like, well, it could be something wrong with your prostate, but probably not.
• 55:05
  Matt: And I was like, oh, well, should should we check that out?
• 55:07
  Matt: And he was like, Well, I could give you an exam if you want.
• 55:09
  Matt: You want me to do it?
• 55:10
  Matt: I'll do it.
• 55:10
  Matt: And like he like grabbed a glove and I was like, I mean, if you don't feel it's necessary, it's like my god, just let this happen.
• 55:17
  Matt: I'm saying the prostate I've ever said that.
• 55:21
  SPEAKER_05: He was a little eager too.
• 55:23
  SPEAKER_02: That's all I'm trying to say.
• 55:24
  SPEAKER_02: Duck, that's my mouth.
• 55:27
  Matt: Stand down.
• 55:29
  Matt: Um, yeah, but uh I didn't get one though, so I still have that to look forward to.
• 55:34
  Matt: I like it.
• 55:34
  Matt: So where do you put this, Andy?
• 55:37
  SPEAKER_02: Um I'll put it a seven.
• 55:39
  SPEAKER_02: I'll do a seven.
• 55:40
  SPEAKER_02: Seven?
• 55:40
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 55:41
  Matt: Yeah, let's go a seven.
• 55:42
  Matt: Let's give it a raw seven.
• 55:45
  SPEAKER_02: It's a good biscuit, but it's it's not a mind blower.
• 55:48
  Matt: Now, also from the Sainsbury collection, we have custard creams coming up.
• 55:53
  Matt: Now, it looks a little bit different on the on the meme.
• 55:57
  Matt: Uh it looks like a Crawford's on the meme.
• 56:00
  Matt: Yes.
• 56:00
  Matt: What can you tell us about that, Andy?
• 56:02
  SPEAKER_02: You sent us different cookies?
• 56:03
  SPEAKER_02: There is no real difference between the two other than the actual branding itself.
• 56:07
  SPEAKER_02: All right, so I actually looked it up.
• 56:08
  SPEAKER_02: Crawford's custard creams and Sainsbury's Custard Creams are actually made under the same factory.
• 56:12
  SPEAKER_02: So they are actually just near enough the same.
• 56:15
  Eric: So that's uh one of them.
• 56:17
  Eric: Only one of them is made with love.
• 56:19
  Eric: Um try to guess which one.
• 56:21
  Eric: Only one of them is smells good.
• 56:22
  Eric: This smells like a good cookie.
• 56:24
  Matt: It looks like uh Vienna Finger kind of thing.
• 56:27
  Eric: It it it it rides like a Vienna finger.
• 56:30
  Matt: It is a Vienna finger.
• 56:33
  Eric: Vienna finger.
• 56:33
  Matt: Yeah, it's a vanilla finger, it's great.
• 56:36
  Matt: Um gets the job done.
• 56:37
  Matt: Very vanilla-y.
• 56:38
  Eric: That is a c that is a biscuit I want specifically for my tea.
• 56:43
  Matt: Yeah, that's that is very good.
• 56:46
  Eric: Yeah.
• 56:46
  Eric: Yeah, yeah.
• 56:47
  Matt: What how do you feel about it, Eric?
• 56:49
  Matt: What what what emotions does it evoke for you?
• 56:52
  Eric: A lot of nostalgia.
• 56:54
  Eric: Um, I'm used to these just coming in the longer, like oblong shape.
• 56:58
  Eric: Matt, you know what I'm talking about, right?
• 56:59
  Matt: I do, I do.
• 57:00
  Matt: Yeah.
• 57:00
  Eric: Flavor's fine, everything's fine.
• 57:02
  Eric: Like, not mad at this cookie at all.
• 57:04
  Eric: Uh, the texture's really nice.
• 57:06
  Eric: Um, honestly, I'd put it the same spot we put the ginger snaps, put it as seven.
• 57:10
  Eric: It's a good cookie, but like it's not, you know, it's not blowing my fucking mind.
• 57:13
  Matt: I don't know.
• 57:14
  Matt: I think it's better than the ginger snap because it it is also a powerhouse, you know.
• 57:18
  Matt: And it translates to the states.
• 57:20
  Matt: We have we have this cookie.
• 57:21
  Eric: You know it when you taste it.
• 57:22
  Eric: And in true American fashion, if we can relate something to something on a personal level, like it's happened to us, we care about it.
• 57:29
  Eric: We care about a thousand times more.
• 57:31
  Matt: Tenfold more, yes.
• 57:33
  Matt: Um, I could get down with a seven, but seven and a half, maybe.
• 57:37
  Eric: Seven and a half?
• 57:38
  Eric: Andy, what you think?
• 57:39
  SPEAKER_02: Can you make me on a seven and a half?
• 57:41
  SPEAKER_02: Seven and a half.
• 57:42
  SPEAKER_02: If I had it my way, though, I would go with an eight.
• 57:44
  SPEAKER_02: But again, this is nostalgia for me.
• 57:46
  SPEAKER_02: Um, these biscuits plus the party rings, you know, you add those at every single kid's party.
• 57:51
  SPEAKER_02: So I I I would I would argue for an eight, but I would settle at seven and a half.
• 57:56
  Matt: All right, we can we can make this compromise, I think.
• 57:58
  Matt: Um Euros is that.
• 58:01
  Matt: Now, what's next in the in the mid-tier?
• 58:03
  Matt: Did you just say Euros, Eric?
• 58:05
  Matt: He missed it.
• 58:06
  Matt: He missed a he missed a rather large uh news story at some point, I think.
• 58:11
  Matt: Um wait, what did I miss?
• 58:13
  Matt: Are you kidding?
• 58:14
  Matt: Are you are you are you fucking with him?
• 58:17
  Matt: I'm fucking.
• 58:19
  Matt: Let's continue.
• 58:21
  Matt: I'm not convinced he is.
• 58:22
  Matt: Um so next would be the digestives.
• 58:26
  Matt: Um, but we don't have them.
• 58:27
  Matt: Eric, we could move on to the top tier, but we were gonna save these for the end.
• 58:32
  Matt: But Eric, we did get two bonus cookies that are not on this list.
• 58:37
  Matt: Bonus biscuits, excuse me.
• 58:38
  Eric: Bonus biscuits.
• 58:39
  Matt: Uh, do should we do one of them now?
• 58:41
  Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 58:43
  Matt: Which one do you want to do?
• 58:44
  Matt: The two bonus biscuits we have are these, again, penguins.
• 58:48
  Matt: McViddy's Penguins.
• 58:50
  Matt: And wagon weeds.
• 58:50
  Matt: And a wagon weed.
• 58:52
  SPEAKER_02: I would like to do you guys for the penguin bars.
• 58:55
  SPEAKER_02: This is a nod for Eric.
• 58:57
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I remember a couple episodes ago, Eric was talking about Tim Tams.
• 59:01
  unknown: Yeah.
• 59:01
  Eric: Yeah.
• 59:02
  SPEAKER_02: Eric was talking about Tim Tams, and this is the UK equivalent.
• 59:07
  Eric: Uh hold on, guys.
• 59:09
  SPEAKER_02: Hold on, guys.
• 59:10
  SPEAKER_02: Before you get any further, one of the things that I love about this bar is the wrapper itself contains a joke.
• 59:17
  SPEAKER_02: Oh.
• 59:18
  SPEAKER_02: And they are individual jokes on every single wrapper.
• 59:22
  Matt: Oh my god.
• 59:23
  Matt: Oh, I see.
• 59:24
  Matt: There's a qu I have a question.
• 59:26
  Matt: Why do penguins stay in pairs?
• 59:30
  Matt: Freezer crowd.
• 59:33
  Matt: Can it freezer crowd?
• 59:36
  Matt: Freezer crowd! I I it's better when you say it as they would say it, Eric.
• 59:41
  Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 59:41
  Eric: In the original.
• 59:42
  Eric: In the original.
• 59:43
  Eric: The mother tongue.
• 59:44
  Matt: The mother tongue.
• 59:45
  Matt: Um it's on the back, Eric.
• 59:49
  Matt: Eric, it's on the back.
• 59:50
  Eric: Oh, it's on the back.
• 59:51
  Matt: It's on the back.
• 59:52
  Matt: Do a little flippy flap.
• 59:53
  Matt: Um, so this the penguin itself looks like a flattened uh Snickers bar from the top of it.
• 1:00:01
  Matt: Like it just looks like a hunk of chocolate, but there's clearly a cookie in there.
• 1:00:05
  Matt: Bisquet.
• 1:00:06
  Matt: I keep doing it, Andy.
• 1:00:07
  Matt: I apologize.
• 1:00:08
  Matt: Giving it a dip.
• 1:00:09
  Eric: Gentlemen, what's a penguin's favorite ice cream flavor?
• 1:00:13
  Eric: Fish stachio.
• 1:00:16
  SPEAKER_02: That was good.
• 1:00:17
  SPEAKER_02: That was good.
• 1:00:18
  Eric: Yeah, yeah.
• 1:00:18
  SPEAKER_02: I was impressed by that.
• 1:00:19
  SPEAKER_02: This is a dad joke of a cookie.
• 1:00:21
  Matt: I love it.
• 1:00:21
  Matt: That's a good way to put it.
• 1:00:22
  Matt: So dad joke of a cookie, that gets an extra point.
• 1:00:25
  Matt: Um, why'd you think I have to?
• 1:00:26
  Matt: Fucking love those things.
• 1:00:28
  Matt: Mmm.
• 1:00:29
  Matt: Mmm.
• 1:00:30
  Matt: Super chocolatey.
• 1:00:31
  Matt: There's like a little bit of a citrusy vibe to it, too.
• 1:00:34
  Matt: That I can still beat a Jaffa cake.
• 1:00:36
  Matt: And still the bag is not eating.
• 1:00:39
  Matt: Yeah.
• 1:00:40
  Matt: Um, yeah, it's the chocolate's really good.
• 1:00:42
  Matt: We got a soft biscuit inside, but melts well.
• 1:00:47
  Eric: Mm-hmm.
• 1:00:49
  Matt: Mmm.
• 1:00:50
  Matt: Eric, I think we can rate this kind of high.
• 1:00:53
  Eric: Yeah, oh yeah, I'd say a nine.
• 1:00:55
  Matt: Yeah, I'm good with a nine.
• 1:00:56
  SPEAKER_02: This goes in, this goes into God tier for me.
• 1:00:58
  SPEAKER_02: This is a handsome.
• 1:01:00
  Eric: Yeah.
• 1:01:00
  Eric: And I would consider nine god tier.
• 1:01:03
  Matt: I'm giving a nine.
• 1:01:04
  Matt: I'm putting it in the thing.
• 1:01:06
  Matt: Um, and uh, I think we're ready to move on to the top tier, what they have labeled as the top tier.
• 1:01:14
  Matt: And the first on the list is the fox's jam and cream.
• 1:01:19
  Matt: It looks uh pretty similar to the other fox's one, I have to say.
• 1:01:24
  Matt: We got uh raspberry fill in the middle, two chocolate biscuits, I mean two uh uh shortbread biscuits on the outside of it.
• 1:01:34
  Matt: Let's give it a oh, it's thicker.
• 1:01:36
  Matt: Oh, we got a separate, I can see it.
• 1:01:38
  Matt: There's a separate cream around the outside.
• 1:01:42
  Matt: Did you already eat it, Eric?
• 1:01:44
  Matt: Oh.
• 1:01:44
  Matt: No, I was just still eating a penguin.
• 1:01:46
  Matt: Licking a piece of crumb off my finger.
• 1:01:49
  Matt: Um let's give it a dip.
• 1:01:52
  Matt: It's very sturdy, very firm.
• 1:01:58
  Matt: Oh.
• 1:01:59
  Matt: That raspberry is a little bit more sticky as I would ex expect it to be, honestly.
• 1:02:03
  SPEAKER_02: It doesn't linger around as much in your mouth as the Jamie Dodge's.
• 1:02:06
  Matt: No, it's kind of it kind of the then like is that a vanilla cream with it that kind of like it lets you taste it and then it wipes it away.
• 1:02:14
  Matt: Smooths it out.
• 1:02:14
  Matt: Takes it away from you.
• 1:02:15
  Eric: Yeah.
• 1:02:16
  Matt: Kind of takes the edge off.
• 1:02:17
  Matt: Kind of takes the edge off, you know.
• 1:02:19
  Matt: I like it.
• 1:02:20
  Matt: I'm I I I dig it.
• 1:02:22
  Matt: Um but it it honestly is not anything new and exciting for me, Eric.
• 1:02:26
  Matt: I think this is pretty basic.
• 1:02:28
  Matt: No matter what side of the pond, you know?
• 1:02:30
  SPEAKER_02: I would put this in the same rank as the jammy dodgers.
• 1:02:33
  SPEAKER_02: So what do we what do we what do what do we give the jammy dodger?
• 1:02:37
  Matt: Uh the jammy dodger we gave a six.
• 1:02:40
  SPEAKER_02: I'd probably say six.
• 1:02:41
  SPEAKER_02: I'd throw it a six or six.
• 1:02:42
  SPEAKER_02: I'll probably say six five six point five, purely because it's it's actually gone the extra step and given us the vanilla cream as well.
• 1:02:48
  Matt: Yeah, I think it's gotta be better than the jammy dodger.
• 1:02:52
  Matt: Yeah, it's better.
• 1:02:53
  Matt: I think I have to give it at least a six and a half.
• 1:02:56
  Matt: If not a seven, I could go seven.
• 1:02:58
  Eric: I mean, let's just call it a seven.
• 1:02:59
  Eric: Oh, Adam.
• 1:03:00
  Eric: Yeah, seven.
• 1:03:00
  Eric: Is that too high for you, Andy?
• 1:03:02
  Eric: No, no, no.
• 1:03:02
  Eric: I was gonna rank it just alongside the ginger snap.
• 1:03:04
  Eric: No.
• 1:03:04
  Eric: And the Vienna finger, not a Vienna finger?
• 1:03:06
  Matt: Let's give it a seven.
• 1:03:07
  Matt: All right.
• 1:03:08
  Matt: Are we ready to move on?
• 1:03:10
  Eric: Oh yeah.
• 1:03:11
  Matt: And we're going back to Sainsbury.
• 1:03:13
  Matt: Uh we have the malted milk.
• 1:03:17
  Matt: What can you tell us about the malted milk, uh, Andy?
• 1:03:20
  Matt: Is there background on this guy?
• 1:03:22
  SPEAKER_02: This is the kind of biscuit that you would have at uh nursing homes, I would say, care homes.
• 1:03:27
  SPEAKER_02: You know, when you when you go to like the scene homes, this is this is the one that would come out with the tea there.
• 1:03:32
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, this is this is a great one for teas.
• 1:03:35
  Matt: Okay, my first like several dozen seem to all be broken in half, but that's okay.
• 1:03:41
  Matt: Um, I can put them together.
• 1:03:43
  Matt: There you go.
• 1:03:44
  Matt: So you've got a little Eric's already Eric's already eating them.
• 1:03:48
  Matt: Um it does say malted milk.
• 1:03:50
  Matt: Good shot from Andy.
• 1:03:52
  Matt: Let me give it a dip into the tea.
• 1:03:54
  Matt: This tastes so thoroughly English.
• 1:03:57
  Matt: It tastes like nothing.
• 1:03:59
  Eric: Exactly.
• 1:04:01
  Eric: It tastes like absolutely nothing.
• 1:04:03
  Eric: No.
• 1:04:03
  Eric: That was a beautiful sound.
• 1:04:04
  Eric: It's very subtle.
• 1:04:06
  Eric: It's a very subtle cookie.
• 1:04:07
  Matt: This tastes like it tastes like baked air, is what it uh, you know.
• 1:04:13
  SPEAKER_02: It does nothing for me.
• 1:04:15
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I don't feel angry about it, but I don't feel excited.
• 1:04:19
  Matt: Uh my immediate my immediate feeling is that something needs to be put on it, like an icing.
• 1:04:24
  Matt: It is the boiled potato of biscuits.
• 1:04:27
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:04:27
  Matt: Yeah.
• 1:04:28
  SPEAKER_02: Like something that's yet to come.
• 1:04:30
  SPEAKER_02: That's yet to come.
• 1:04:32
  Matt: Something's gotta, you know, something's gotta give.
• 1:04:34
  Matt: Let's once again give it the old old bay treatment.
• 1:04:37
  Matt: See what you are so committed to this, and I love you for it.
• 1:04:41
  Matt: If I if I'm nothing, if I don't commit to a bit.
• 1:04:43
  Matt: Um well, it has taste now, so there's that.
• 1:04:49
  SPEAKER_02: Folks, please drop us a comment down below.
• 1:04:51
  SPEAKER_02: Let us know what you think Matt Shea should also put with his biscuits.
• 1:04:54
  SPEAKER_02: We've already had old bay.
• 1:04:55
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, is there anything else that you think would be like?
• 1:04:57
  Matt: Yeah, what else do you think?
• 1:04:58
  Matt: What else can I make Lindsay come get me?
• 1:05:01
  Matt: Uh so so okay.
• 1:05:04
  Matt: Um honestly, I it's hard to score when it tastes like nothing at all.
• 1:05:09
  Matt: I would say a four or a five.
• 1:05:11
  Eric: This feels so middle of the.
• 1:05:12
  Matt: I mean, it's very inoffensive, so it feels wrong to give it like a three or less.
• 1:05:18
  Eric: Yeah.
• 1:05:18
  Matt: I wouldn't say it showed up to work.
• 1:05:21
  Eric: Yeah.
• 1:05:21
  Matt: You kind of want to, though.
• 1:05:28
  SPEAKER_06: He works from nine to five, and then speed takes what?
• 1:05:33
  SPEAKER_06: Speaking.
• 1:05:34
  Matt: Speaking of my baby just brought me Sriracha.
• 1:05:38
  Matt: Oh, hell yeah.
• 1:05:40
  Matt: So, you know, she w Lindsay went to the trouble to bring it to me.
• 1:05:44
  Matt: It would be rude.
• 1:05:47
  Matt: It would be rude not to.
• 1:05:49
  Matt: Let's spread that out a little bit.
• 1:05:51
  Matt: It would be very rude.
• 1:05:53
  SPEAKER_02: I genuinely thought you were about to put that down as like a sandwich.
• 1:05:56
  Eric: You thought wrong.
• 1:05:58
  Eric: Oh, but that's such a good idea, Andy.
• 1:06:00
  SPEAKER_02: Isn't it?
• 1:06:02
  Eric: I'm actually surprised Matt's not yes anding you right now.
• 1:06:05
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, we got Bradley Mikulski.
• 1:06:08
  SPEAKER_02: Dip a Jaffa cake in Ranch.
• 1:06:11
  SPEAKER_02: Dip a Jaffa cake in Ranch.
• 1:06:13
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my god.
• 1:06:13
  SPEAKER_02: Eric, I think that's one for you.
• 1:06:15
  Eric: Ranch! I wouldn't do that to Ranch.
• 1:06:18
  Eric: I currently don't have access to ranch, which is the problem, which is an insult to my country.
• 1:06:24
  SPEAKER_00: Whew! It heats it up alright.
• 1:06:28
  SPEAKER_02: I think we've just seen a vision of Matshe going into the future.
• 1:06:33
  Matt: Yeah.
• 1:06:33
  Matt: Whoo, baby, I'm awake now.
• 1:06:36
  Matt: That I put a lot of sriracha on that sandwich.
• 1:06:40
  Matt: Um uh yeah, it it just again, it just tastes like sriracha.
• 1:06:46
  Matt: There's not the biscuit is contributing nothing.
• 1:06:50
  Matt: Absolutely nothing is being contributed to this.
• 1:06:53
  Matt: I'm mad at it now.
• 1:06:55
  Matt: It does not offend, it does not take offense.
• 1:06:58
  Matt: No, I'm offended now.
• 1:06:59
  Matt: Okay.
• 1:07:00
  Matt: It's worked me up.
• 1:07:01
  Matt: I think the sriracha has awakened what has been dormant this whole time, which is my natural rage.
• 1:07:06
  SPEAKER_02: Ladies and gentlemen, in my own, I should mention that uh sriracha gets um anyone over the age of 30's blood boiling to uh extreme pressure points, and uh, we just witnessed that here.
• 1:07:16
  Matt: Um we apologize for any offense caused.
• 1:07:19
  Matt: That's gonna have to go right into the ledger of perceived slights.
• 1:07:24
  Matt: Uh which is the most English thing you own.
• 1:07:28
  Matt: Probably it is.
• 1:07:29
  Matt: Um, so the malted milk, I had such high hopes for it.
• 1:07:33
  Eric: First of all, nothing malt about this.
• 1:07:36
  Eric: I don't have enough malt experience to make one.
• 1:07:39
  Eric: If you hand me something like this is malted milk, I'd be like, sure.
• 1:07:43
  Eric: You've never had like a malted milk ball?
• 1:07:45
  Eric: No, I've had them, but like I've had a million things where like, oh yeah, this is malted.
• 1:07:49
  Eric: I'm like taking your word for it.
• 1:07:50
  Matt: I've had them, but you know, and you've seen so much of the world as I have.
• 1:07:55
  Matt: It's hard to know.
• 1:07:56
  Matt: Uh, I would give I like, yeah.
• 1:07:58
  Matt: I I what did we give it anything yet?
• 1:08:00
  SPEAKER_02: I think I think we gave it a four at the most.
• 1:08:03
  SPEAKER_02: Um I'm yeah, four four.
• 1:08:05
  SPEAKER_02: We gave the gym Eric says it turns up it does its job.
• 1:08:08
  Matt: We gave the Maryland uh the Maryland cookie a four and a half.
• 1:08:11
  SPEAKER_02: Oh.
• 1:08:12
  SPEAKER_02: The reason why I would argue that that one is a 0.5 over this one is because it has chocolate.
• 1:08:17
  SPEAKER_02: That is its only saving grace.
• 1:08:19
  Eric: Okay.
• 1:08:19
  Eric: I'd say a four.
• 1:08:20
  Eric: I'd go with a four.
• 1:08:21
  Matt: Yeah, all right, I'm good with a four.
• 1:08:22
  Matt: Let's go.
• 1:08:22
  Matt: I'm giving it a four.
• 1:08:23
  Matt: All right.
• 1:08:24
  Matt: We're moving on.
• 1:08:25
  Matt: All right, so we got one last one in the top tier before we go to the god tier, and that would be the the nice biscuit.
• 1:08:32
  Matt: Uh, I've only got half.
• 1:08:33
  Matt: Why is it nice, Eric?
• 1:08:34
  Matt: Or is it is this?
• 1:08:35
  Eric: I know, I I I had to say this is the only the most whole one I could find.
• 1:08:39
  Matt: Oh.
• 1:08:42
  Matt: Mine's a bit of a ruin in there.
• 1:08:43
  Matt: Hold on.
• 1:08:44
  Matt: Let me sh let me shake some of this out on my my discard plate.
• 1:08:47
  SPEAKER_02: This one drops for me because this one, as you've already seen.
• 1:08:51
  SPEAKER_02: Smells a bit.
• 1:08:52
  SPEAKER_02: I'm almost there.
• 1:08:53
  Matt: I'm almost to it.
• 1:08:54
  Matt: It's very brittle.
• 1:08:55
  Matt: Alright, I found a whole one, about four in.
• 1:08:57
  Matt: Uh oh damn.
• 1:08:58
  Matt: Oh damn.
• 1:09:00
  Matt: Uh, excuse me.
• 1:09:01
  Matt: You just said oh damn a bunch of times when you could have said.
• 1:09:04
  Matt: Oh, nice.
• 1:09:05
  Matt: Um okay, so it is brittle.
• 1:09:08
  Matt: Oh, it just it just broke in me trying to dust it off.
• 1:09:12
  Matt: Uh, so very brittle, very fragile.
• 1:09:15
  Matt: I'm gonna give it coconut.
• 1:09:17
  Matt: I'm gonna give it it.
• 1:09:18
  Matt: Better not be.
• 1:09:18
  Matt: God damn, I hate it.
• 1:09:20
  Matt: Uh all right, so let me give it a dip.
• 1:09:22
  Matt: It reminds me of a co of a cookie.
• 1:09:24
  Matt: Are you sure it's not coconut?
• 1:09:25
  Eric: I don't think it's just I'm getting coconut.
• 1:09:29
  Eric: It tastes like coconut.
• 1:09:30
  Eric: Tastes like coconut.
• 1:09:31
  Matt: And I'll tell you right now.
• 1:09:32
  Matt: If you got some like coconut fucking I do not appreciate being clotheslined by a coconut.
• 1:09:38
  Matt: I need some warning if that's coming into my palate.
• 1:09:42
  Eric: Ingredients.
• 1:09:43
  Matt: My dad would I'll tell you right now, my dad would fuck this cookie up.
• 1:09:47
  SPEAKER_02: Does not mention I apologize.
• 1:09:48
  SPEAKER_02: I apologize.
• 1:09:49
  SPEAKER_02: This is this is actually a nice biscuit is a plain ore coconut flavor biscuit.
• 1:09:55
  SPEAKER_02: And this one is.
• 1:09:56
  SPEAKER_02: Aren't you supposed to be the expert in these cookies?
• 1:09:59
  SPEAKER_02: Isn't that why you're here?
• 1:10:01
  SPEAKER_02: I'm not a fan of these ones, to be honest.
• 1:10:02
  SPEAKER_02: I don't rate them, so I just leave them over to one side.
• 1:10:04
  SPEAKER_02: What I don't like, I don't care about.
• 1:10:06
  Matt: I'll tell you what, as soon as we started discussing these nice cookies, we lost some viewers, so that for that reason, I am offended at it.
• 1:10:14
  Matt: Nah, no.
• 1:10:16
  Matt: It's not very nice at all.
• 1:10:17
  Matt: Damn, guys, please, three of you.
• 1:10:19
  Matt: I'll give it a click.
• 1:10:20
  Matt: Oh my god.
• 1:10:21
  Matt: That was a face you made.
• 1:10:22
  Eric: It's not good, guys.
• 1:10:23
  Eric: It's not good.
• 1:10:24
  Eric: Um I'd call this this one too, yes, a three, three and a half.
• 1:10:29
  Eric: Um I'm getting bits of coconut after the fact.
• 1:10:32
  Eric: I like coconut, but I didn't ask for that.
• 1:10:34
  Matt: I like like a like a toasted coconut.
• 1:10:37
  Matt: I could get down with a toasted coconut.
• 1:10:39
  Eric: They just dumped raw ass shaved coconut into this.
• 1:10:42
  Matt: Yeah.
• 1:10:43
  Matt: Um yeah, it's an as the philosopher uh Randy Jackson once said, it's a no-for-me dog.
• 1:10:51
  Matt: Um so three?
• 1:10:54
  Matt: Is that what you just said, Eric?
• 1:10:55
  Matt: Three.
• 1:10:55
  Matt: Yeah, three.
• 1:10:56
  Matt: Three.
• 1:10:56
  Matt: I think that's our lowest yet.
• 1:10:58
  Matt: That's not named a Jaffa cake.
• 1:11:00
  Matt: And is tell me, is am I correct in thinking that Jaffa's uh British slang for dog shit?
• 1:11:06
  Matt: Is that right?
• 1:11:07
  SPEAKER_02: No, not to my knowledge.
• 1:11:09
  SPEAKER_02: But I mean, we can I'm happy to go along and take that.
• 1:11:11
  SPEAKER_02: I'm happy to go along.
• 1:11:12
  Matt: Are you?
• 1:11:13
  Matt: Because that was the very antithesis of a yes and uh I just want you to know that.
• 1:11:17
  SPEAKER_02: Well less.
• 1:11:21
  SPEAKER_02: Henceforth, Jaffa shall forever be the code for shit.
• 1:11:24
  Matt: All right, there we go.
• 1:11:25
  Matt: That wasn't even a no, but that was a no, and fuck you.
• 1:11:29
  Matt: That is is what I got from that.
• 1:11:32
  Matt: Um okay.
• 1:11:33
  Matt: Now, they call this the God tier, Eric.
• 1:11:36
  Eric: They do indeed.
• 1:11:37
  Matt: So what should we?
• 1:11:38
  Matt: I think what we had first is the Choco Lieb Liebness?
• 1:11:44
  Matt: Yeah, yeah.
• 1:11:44
  Matt: I've been I've been I've been what is this?
• 1:11:47
  Matt: German, French?
• 1:11:48
  Matt: What is this?
• 1:11:48
  Matt: I believe this is German.
• 1:11:50
  Matt: It certainly looks German, but Chako doesn't sound very German.
• 1:11:53
  Eric: God, the description: a crisp biscuit squarely set into a milk chocolate tablet.
• 1:11:59
  Eric: Like it's the fucking commandments.
• 1:12:02
  Matt: Oh my god, the most dip this in tea.
• 1:12:05
  Eric: Yo, these are huge.
• 1:12:06
  Matt: Whoa, look at the packaging too.
• 1:12:08
  Eric: We've got very nice plastic.
• 1:12:13
  Matt: Very stat yeah, I know it's German now.
• 1:12:15
  Matt: I just look at it.
• 1:12:17
  SPEAKER_02: With this biscuit, if a uh a boss brings these in at work, he cares about you.
• 1:12:23
  SPEAKER_02: They care about if they do this.
• 1:12:26
  SPEAKER_02: They're they're breaking bank as well.
• 1:12:29
  Matt: To that end, it is a hefty, hefty cookie.
• 1:12:33
  Matt: It's got some weight to it.
• 1:12:34
  Matt: I'm gonna I'm gonna give it a dip now.
• 1:12:38
  SPEAKER_02: Um, break it up.
• 1:12:47
  Eric: Mmm.
• 1:12:48
  Eric: Mmm mmm mmm.
• 1:12:50
  Eric: The chocolate is exquisite.
• 1:12:52
  Matt: Chocolate is so crispy.
• 1:12:56
  Matt: Oh man.
• 1:12:57
  Matt: Oh my god.
• 1:12:58
  Matt: I'm going in again.
• 1:13:00
  Matt: Mm-mm.
• 1:13:01
  Matt: The biscuit?
• 1:13:02
  Matt: Yeah.
• 1:13:03
  Matt: Firm, but not hard.
• 1:13:06
  Matt: Um.
• 1:13:08
  Eric: This is a chocolate melty, delicious.
• 1:13:10
  Eric: God damn, like the biscuit is there, like the chocolate is the star of this attraction.
• 1:13:14
  Eric: Yeah.
• 1:13:14
  Eric: Biscuit's there, like giving them that, like, the the like, all right, bro, I got you.
• 1:13:19
  Eric: Like giving them the leg up.
• 1:13:21
  Matt: He's helping them up the wall, yes.
• 1:13:23
  Eric: Yeah.
• 1:13:23
  Eric: Um and chocolate is just somersaulting and pulling him up along with him.
• 1:13:27
  Matt: I don't feel like it's a 10, though.
• 1:13:30
  Matt: Something doesn't quite easy nine.
• 1:13:34
  Matt: Easy nine.
• 1:13:34
  Matt: Easy nine.
• 1:13:35
  Matt: We're talking between a nine and a ten, I think.
• 1:13:37
  Matt: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 1:13:38
  Eric: I'd say nine-five.
• 1:13:39
  Eric: I'd say a nine-five.
• 1:13:40
  Eric: I think at least missing that one little thing.
• 1:13:42
  Eric: And I can't put my finger on it.
• 1:13:45
  Eric: Old bay.
• 1:13:46
  Eric: It's missing old bay.
• 1:13:47
  SPEAKER_02: It could be old bay.
• 1:13:49
  SPEAKER_02: You need that, you need that sweet, you need that sweet, salty spot uh spot.
• 1:13:52
  SPEAKER_02: God.
• 1:13:53
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my god, the fact that you're doing it.
• 1:13:55
  SPEAKER_02: You're an absolute ledge.
• 1:13:58
  Eric: Absolute ledge.
• 1:13:59
  Matt: God, I'll stop.
• 1:14:01
  Matt: Bring it bring it down.
• 1:14:02
  Matt: That was really fucking good.
• 1:14:04
  Matt: Okay.
• 1:14:04
  Matt: Really?
• 1:14:05
  Matt: That was really fucking good.
• 1:14:07
  Matt: Oh my god.
• 1:14:08
  Matt: Chocolate salt.
• 1:14:08
  Matt: I'm I'll dip it again.
• 1:14:10
  Eric: It's probably because there's no salt element to that cookie whatsoever.
• 1:14:13
  Eric: Fuck me.
• 1:14:14
  Eric: So like the old bang.
• 1:14:17
  Eric: That is good.
• 1:14:18
  SPEAKER_02: To quote Dwayne Dwayne Johnson, what can I say except you're welcome?
• 1:14:24
  Matt: I smell what you're cooking.
• 1:14:26
  Matt: What else is what else is there to say?
• 1:14:28
  Matt: Are we saying 9-5?
• 1:14:29
  Matt: 9-5-5.
• 1:14:31
  Matt: Now the next one, Americans, I think, will know the Walker's short bread.
• 1:14:37
  Matt: Um, I think this is another one that is it's got a different label on the um on the biscuit ranking meme.
• 1:14:44
  Eric: This has this has some pepperage farm vibes for me.
• 1:14:46
  Matt: No, we do walkers here.
• 1:14:48
  Matt: You can find walkers.
• 1:14:49
  Matt: You can find walkers in the store.
• 1:14:50
  Matt: For yeah, yeah, for sure.
• 1:14:52
  Matt: That's why I'm saying I believe you.
• 1:14:54
  Matt: Well, thank you.
• 1:14:55
  Matt: Oh, damn, these are thick.
• 1:14:57
  Eric: Damn, these are thick.
• 1:14:59
  Eric: Thick with two C's.
• 1:15:01
  Eric: God damn.
• 1:15:02
  Matt: Okay, look at this guy.
• 1:15:04
  Matt: All right, so I just broke it again.
• 1:15:06
  Matt: Um, just a shortbread cookie.
• 1:15:08
  Matt: You can tell from the get-go what it is.
• 1:15:11
  Matt: This could easily come in the tin.
• 1:15:13
  Matt: I don't know the brand of that tin, but you know the tin.
• 1:15:15
  Matt: You all know the tin.
• 1:15:16
  Eric: The one our sewing supplies come in.
• 1:15:18
  Eric: You know the tin.
• 1:15:19
  Eric: Oh, yeah.
• 1:15:19
  Eric: Mm-hmm.
• 1:15:20
  Eric: I have never met a cookie that I could describe as built like a brick shit house.
• 1:15:24
  Eric: Okay.
• 1:15:25
  SPEAKER_02: That's a scots for you, mate.
• 1:15:26
  SPEAKER_02: That is a scotch.
• 1:15:27
  Matt: Mm-hmm.
• 1:15:28
  Matt: Ooh.
• 1:15:29
  Matt: Oh my god.
• 1:15:30
  Matt: You can just taste the butter.
• 1:15:31
  Matt: Mmm, Paul Gene Maker's cookie.
• 1:15:34
  Matt: Oh my god.
• 1:15:34
  Matt: Yeah, I mean, it's perfect.
• 1:15:35
  Matt: It's great.
• 1:15:36
  Matt: It's exactly what you want to be.
• 1:15:37
  Matt: That is tea time.
• 1:15:38
  Matt: If you want a shortcut, if you want a shortbread cookie, and I think for tea and biscuits, I think this is a very good choice.
• 1:15:45
  Matt: Oh, that is, yeah.
• 1:15:46
  Matt: I think we are also talking about nine.
• 1:15:48
  Matt: They might have been onto something with the God tier.
• 1:15:50
  Matt: Yeah.
• 1:15:51
  Matt: Is it better than the Chocoli's?
• 1:15:55
  Eric: No, I think they're I think they're like a dead heat.
• 1:15:57
  Eric: Like, I I love them both for completely different reasons.
• 1:16:00
  Matt: Different cookies.
• 1:16:00
  Matt: They're just different biscuits there.
• 1:16:02
  Eric: Which makes them equally impressive.
• 1:16:04
  Matt: That gives them a 9.5.
• 1:16:06
  Eric: Yeah.
• 1:16:06
  Eric: I I'm I'm I'm gonna say 9.5 for that.
• 1:16:08
  Matt: Okay, that leaves one moment.
• 1:16:10
  Matt: Have we had a 10?
• 1:16:11
  Matt: Have we had a 10?
• 1:16:12
  Matt: We have not had a 10.
• 1:16:13
  Matt: Um we have not granted anyone a 10, but perhaps this is the time for the bonus.
• 1:16:18
  SPEAKER_02: Before you do this, you've got to do the bonus.
• 1:16:20
  SPEAKER_02: The last bonus biscuit.
• 1:16:22
  Matt: I've been excited for this wagon wheel.
• 1:16:23
  Matt: You're calling the you're calling the shots, Andy.
• 1:16:25
  Matt: You're the you're the resident Brit.
• 1:16:27
  SPEAKER_02: This this should be an honorable mention, at the very least.
• 1:16:29
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, so we have the wagon wheel.
• 1:16:32
  Eric: Whether or not this one does a ranking or not, I don't know.
• 1:16:34
  Eric: Well, let's see.
• 1:16:35
  Eric: So when you were talking to us about this, you you said these were like equivalent to like a uh moon.
• 1:16:40
  SPEAKER_02: That's the closest that I can think of, yeah.
• 1:16:42
  Matt: The closest to whether it's not the same, but okay, so we got marshmallow in the middle, that's what you're saying.
• 1:16:46
  Matt: And it's see, I am so fucking excited about it.
• 1:16:49
  Matt: Okay, it is squishy.
• 1:16:51
  Matt: Oh, it it you need a big mug to dip this one.
• 1:16:55
  Eric: I'm gonna have to do it chaser's diet.
• 1:16:57
  Matt: Just barely got it in there.
• 1:16:58
  Matt: Um let's see.
• 1:17:00
  Matt: Oh, it's just straight marshmallow in there.
• 1:17:04
  Matt: See, I'm a slut for marshmallow.
• 1:17:06
  Eric: So this is hitting all the right spots.
• 1:17:08
  Eric: Is that that's not gram, though.
• 1:17:09
  Eric: What is that?
• 1:17:10
  SPEAKER_02: That is the closest thing.
• 1:17:11
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it is like a gram cracker.
• 1:17:12
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that's gonna it's not because we don't have uh gram crackers in the UK, but that again, that's the closest thing you can get to it.
• 1:17:20
  SPEAKER_02: Stop, hold on.
• 1:17:21
  SPEAKER_02: Which is fucking wild.
• 1:17:23
  Matt: Stop, stop the show, stop the show.
• 1:17:24
  Matt: Yeah, yeah.
• 1:17:25
  Matt: You know graham crackers in the UK?
• 1:17:26
  Matt: No.
• 1:17:26
  Matt: Did something happen?
• 1:17:27
  Matt: Is this is this a Suez Canal situation?
• 1:17:30
  Matt: No, we did that.
• 1:17:31
  Matt: We get them on import only.
• 1:17:33
  Matt: I know.
• 1:17:34
  Matt: My God.
• 1:17:35
  Matt: Yeah, really?
• 1:17:36
  Matt: Why why is that?
• 1:17:37
  Matt: No idea.
• 1:17:38
  Matt: You guys can't make s'mores! We just can't.
• 1:17:41
  SPEAKER_02: We just went into therapy.
• 1:17:42
  SPEAKER_02: I I do make s'mores, believe me.
• 1:17:44
  SPEAKER_02: Every time I do.
• 1:17:45
  SPEAKER_02: What do you make them with?
• 1:17:46
  SPEAKER_02: I import them.
• 1:17:47
  SPEAKER_02: I import them.
• 1:17:48
  Eric: Oh, okay, okay.
• 1:17:49
  SPEAKER_02: What do you import?
• 1:17:51
  unknown: Yeah.
• 1:17:51
  SPEAKER_02: What brand?
• 1:17:52
  Eric: Graham crackers.
• 1:17:53
  Eric: Oh, what brand?
• 1:17:54
  Eric: What brand?
• 1:17:55
  Eric: What's your favorite graham cracker brand?
• 1:17:57
  SPEAKER_02: I know the name.
• 1:17:58
  SPEAKER_02: You put me on the spot.
• 1:17:59
  Eric: I don't say the one with the blue box, because that describes five different brands.
• 1:18:04
  SPEAKER_02: Hold on.
• 1:18:04
  SPEAKER_02: That's gonna bug me now because I do know it.
• 1:18:06
  Eric: But now I'm wondering the people who don't import what the fuck do they Nabisco.
• 1:18:11
  Eric: Uh beans and toasts.
• 1:18:13
  Matt: Lindsay says to add it to the care package.
• 1:18:15
  Matt: We shall.
• 1:18:16
  Eric: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 1:18:17
  Eric: We we got you, babe.
• 1:18:18
  Matt: Can I Honeymade is that was given in the chat, and that it honey made honey made is I think they make honeymade.
• 1:18:25
  Matt: No?
• 1:18:26
  Matt: Honeymade is the go-to in this.
• 1:18:28
  Eric: What doesn't Nabisco make?
• 1:18:30
  Matt: Honeymade is a post.
• 1:18:31
  Matt: No, honey.
• 1:18:32
  Matt: Oh no, it is Nabisco.
• 1:18:33
  Eric: Yeah, it all goes back to all roads lead to Nabisco.
• 1:18:36
  Matt: Damn.
• 1:18:36
  Matt: It is hefty too.
• 1:18:38
  Matt: It's a big boy.
• 1:18:39
  Matt: It's thick.
• 1:18:39
  Eric: Yeah, it's it's I can see why do you just get one in the back?
• 1:18:43
  Matt: Yeah, I can see why I give you one.
• 1:18:45
  Matt: What do you give it, Eric?
• 1:18:46
  Eric: Oh, that wagon wheel?
• 1:18:47
  Eric: I I I fucks with that.
• 1:18:49
  Eric: Um, I'd I'd give that's a solid eight for me.
• 1:18:51
  Matt: I was gonna say we're north of eight for sure.
• 1:18:53
  Matt: Wouldn't call it a nine.
• 1:18:54
  Matt: Yeah, yeah, I'd say an eight.
• 1:18:55
  Matt: Eight and a half, maybe?
• 1:18:56
  Matt: Eight and a half?
• 1:18:57
  Matt: Eight five?
• 1:18:58
  Eric: Eight five?
• 1:18:59
  Matt: Do I hear an eight seven?
• 1:19:00
  Matt: Was that an option?
• 1:19:01
  Matt: It could be.
• 1:19:02
  Matt: It's our scale.
• 1:19:03
  Matt: Eight seven.
• 1:19:04
  Matt: Eight seven it is.
• 1:19:05
  Eric: Fucking principle of the match.
• 1:19:06
  Matt: Eight, seven.
• 1:19:07
  Matt: What you don't what are you saying you don't like it, Andy?
• 1:19:09
  Matt: I thought you liked them.
• 1:19:10
  SPEAKER_02: I like them, don't get me wrong.
• 1:19:12
  SPEAKER_02: But like I say, there are there are better there are better biscuits out there.
• 1:19:14
  SPEAKER_02: Oh well no, I I would say eight, but not eight five.
• 1:19:17
  SPEAKER_02: I would I would go a solid eight.
• 1:19:19
  SPEAKER_02: I'll go with eight.
• 1:19:20
  Matt: Eight.
• 1:19:20
  Matt: It is.
• 1:19:21
  Matt: We'll dock it the point seven.
• 1:19:24
  Eric: Matthew, Andy, brave listeners.
• 1:19:27
  Eric: Have we reached the final biscuit?
• 1:19:30
  Eric: We've reached the final biscuit, Eric.
• 1:19:31
  Matt: And it is, of course, you know it and I love it.
• 1:19:34
  Matt: The Rich T, the classic one.
• 1:19:36
  Matt: McVitis.
• 1:19:37
  Matt: Once again, this family just went ball deep into biscuits.
• 1:19:40
  Matt: It's just uh another McVitie classic.
• 1:19:43
  Matt: You know, uh let's see here.
• 1:19:45
  Matt: I can't even get to that.
• 1:19:46
  Matt: Maybe we got biscuits, maybe we don't.
• 1:19:48
  Matt: I like that I went that way when I could have gone, oh, I could have gone McViddy.
• 1:19:53
  Matt: Little McVitie biscuit.
• 1:19:55
  Matt: I can't even open the thing.
• 1:19:56
  Matt: Wow, they really, they really oh yeah, you gotta earn it.
• 1:19:59
  SPEAKER_02: Now, before we before you get into this one, gents, there is a challenge that um used to be done when you were at university.
• 1:20:06
  SPEAKER_02: You had to try and see how many of these you could eat in under a minute.
• 1:20:09
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my god.
• 1:20:11
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, a lot of people can get past, I think it was four.
• 1:20:14
  Eric: Yeah, this seems like a cinnamon challenge almost, if you've ever seen that.
• 1:20:18
  Eric: Okay.
• 1:20:19
  Matt: Yeah.
• 1:20:19
  Matt: I finally got it open.
• 1:20:20
  Matt: It is very thin.
• 1:20:23
  Matt: Um smells like a graham cracker.
• 1:20:25
  Matt: Yeah, it does smell like a graham cracker now that you mention it.
• 1:20:28
  Matt: It is pleasant to look at.
• 1:20:29
  Matt: It almost looks it almost looks like a saltine of a cookie, is what I mean.
• 1:20:34
  Eric: It looks like a saltine and a ritz had a baby.
• 1:20:37
  Eric: Yes.
• 1:20:38
  SPEAKER_02: If a Brit did want to go along and make this as an alternative for a small biscuit, I'd accept it, but I would have to slap them very hard in the process.
• 1:20:46
  Matt: Whoa.
• 1:20:47
  Matt: That is so good for also tasting like nothing.
• 1:20:50
  Eric: It's like the fucking um malted milk.
• 1:20:53
  Eric: The malted milk, except this one has some conviction.
• 1:20:56
  Eric: Yeah, this one's this one, uh, yes, this one believes in itself.
• 1:20:59
  Eric: This one'll tell you who we voted for.
• 1:21:01
  Eric: This this one's Colin.
• 1:21:02
  Eric: This one's campaign.
• 1:21:03
  Eric: You asked.
• 1:21:04
  Matt: Yeah, this one's who do you think it would vote for then?
• 1:21:07
  Matt: Bernie.
• 1:21:08
  Matt: This is a Bernie cookie, right?
• 1:21:09
  Matt: Uh the Bernie cookie.
• 1:21:10
  Matt: Bernie eats this cookie.
• 1:21:11
  Matt: This is a Bernie cookie.
• 1:21:13
  Matt: This is the only cookie Bernie can eat.
• 1:21:15
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I'm going to drink tea and I'm going to dip my biscuit in that tea.
• 1:21:21
  SPEAKER_00: My doctor makes me have this tea, okay?
• 1:21:23
  Matt: I have to have this tea and I have to have this flavorless biscuit.
• 1:21:26
  SPEAKER_00: Billionaires have taken all the biscuits while we fight over the crumbs.
• 1:21:30
  SPEAKER_02: That's a really good verse.
• 1:21:32
  SPEAKER_02: Senator Sanders, please, if you ever listen to this, please.
• 1:21:35
  SPEAKER_02: We would love to interview you.
• 1:21:36
  SPEAKER_02: We would love to interact with you.
• 1:21:37
  Matt: We would love to interview you, Uncle Bernie.
• 1:21:39
  Matt: Bernie, you can be on the podcast any day.
• 1:21:41
  Matt: Um, open invitation.
• 1:21:44
  SPEAKER_02: But again, this for me is one that you would get.
• 1:21:47
  SPEAKER_02: This is a hospital tea, Eric.
• 1:21:48
  SPEAKER_02: This is a hospital biscuit.
• 1:21:50
  Matt: Yeah, it's a hospital tea.
• 1:21:51
  Matt: How that you mention it.
• 1:21:52
  Matt: This tastes like the animal crackers that come that I used to taste like in the doctor's office.
• 1:21:59
  Eric: That that activated me.
• 1:22:01
  Eric: Like, I feel this like this is a good biscuit that I feel like could survive a nuclear winter.
• 1:22:06
  Matt: Yeah, this and the Twinkie is gonna be right.
• 1:22:08
  Eric: This will still yeah.
• 1:22:09
  Eric: It's impressive to me.
• 1:22:10
  Eric: It's impressive to me.
• 1:22:12
  Eric: It's that shit, they'll give you that after you donate blood.
• 1:22:14
  Eric: It's an aggressively basic cookie.
• 1:22:17
  Eric: Okay?
• 1:22:18
  Eric: Aggressively basic cookie, and I respect it for that.
• 1:22:20
  Eric: And I respect it for it.
• 1:22:22
  Eric: It's pulling itself up by its bootstrings.
• 1:22:24
  Matt: Okay.
• 1:22:25
  Matt: What do we give it based on that?
• 1:22:27
  Matt: We gave the malted milk a four.
• 1:22:29
  SPEAKER_02: I'd give it a five based on the fact that it's a classic.
• 1:22:32
  SPEAKER_02: You know, people recognize it, but they're recognizing it for the name.
• 1:22:36
  SPEAKER_02: It's oh, my wife is gonna kill me for saying this.
• 1:22:38
  SPEAKER_02: It's like Sonic the Hedgehog.
• 1:22:40
  SPEAKER_02: It's done the run, you know, people got really popular with it, and then after a few years, it tried coming out doing its own little thing, trying to be a little bit adventurous.
• 1:22:48
  SPEAKER_02: People when their dads just got really upset of it.
• 1:22:50
  SPEAKER_02: It was like, dude, what's happened to you?
• 1:22:52
  SPEAKER_02: You used to be really cool.
• 1:22:54
  Eric: Now you have green eyes and you're and you're fucking an anime character.
• 1:22:59
  Matt: I knew that such a hot take was coming about Sonic the Hedgehog.
• 1:23:02
  Eric: I love everything about does your wife love Sonic the Hedgehog?
• 1:23:05
  SPEAKER_02: Massively, massively.
• 1:23:08
  SPEAKER_02: I think I may have just pissed her off by saying that.
• 1:23:10
  Matt: If that door gets kicked in, we know what's happening.
• 1:23:12
  Matt: Uh call not OI Brick!
• 1:23:18
  SPEAKER_06: A fucking 999 pin in hand.
• 1:23:22
  SPEAKER_01: Uh in here.
• 1:23:25
  Matt: Someone saved the boy.
• 1:23:26
  Matt: Um, all right, so the protect the child.
• 1:23:31
  Matt: Um yeah.
• 1:23:32
  Matt: Uh maybe a six.
• 1:23:36
  Matt: I can get into six.
• 1:23:38
  Matt: But that I agree.
• 1:23:40
  Matt: I agree with that, Andy.
• 1:23:41
  Matt: I agree with the like, oh, it feels like there's not enough going on to warrant a greater than a five.
• 1:23:47
  Eric: Five, five?
• 1:23:50
  Eric: I'm fine with five.
• 1:23:52
  Eric: I'm fine.
• 1:23:52
  Matt: I'm fine with this being the middle of the ring.
• 1:23:56
  Matt: You know what?
• 1:23:56
  Matt: That is a good representation of what this is the signpost.
• 1:24:00
  Matt: Because if we keep saying it's aggressively basic, I think it is saying like this is the medium, you know?
• 1:24:06
  Matt: Like this is right down Broad Street here.
• 1:24:09
  Matt: Yeah, let's go with five.
• 1:24:11
  Matt: All right.
• 1:24:11
  Matt: Now, Eric, yes, we could reveal the new order.
• 1:24:14
  Matt: We are done.
• 1:24:14
  Matt: We have completed the list, and we we have eaten so many fucking cookies.
• 1:24:19
  Matt: I know.
• 1:24:19
  Matt: Uh so bookies.
• 1:24:21
  Matt: We uh we can so we can rank them, we can reveal the ranking.
• 1:24:26
  Matt: But as you pointed out, Eric, there is no 10th.
• 1:24:29
  Matt: So let me ask you something.
• 1:24:30
  Matt: Andy and Eric, look at look at the spread you have in front of you.
• 1:24:34
  Eric: I mean, check checking checking the spread.
• 1:24:36
  Eric: Thank you, spread.
• 1:24:37
  Matt: What cookie would you get another one of right now, having eaten 18 others?
• 1:24:45
  SPEAKER_02: Chocolate hobdog.
• 1:24:46
  SPEAKER_02: I'm reaching these my cookie jar.
• 1:24:49
  SPEAKER_02: What a cookie jar.
• 1:24:50
  Eric: By the way, Andy has been eating them out of that cookie jar the entire time.
• 1:24:54
  Eric: The man can sort the cookies by feel.
• 1:24:58
  Eric: Um I would say what I would get another of immediately.
• 1:25:03
  SPEAKER_02: And bearing in mind, you can't go for the you can't go for the Oreo guys.
• 1:25:06
  SPEAKER_02: No, no, no, no.
• 1:25:07
  Matt: Oreos Oreo's in its own tier in a way.
• 1:25:10
  Matt: Honestly, honestly, these guys, the fox's party ones, that's mine, I think.
• 1:25:18
  Matt: That or the chocolate Lib Libskins.
• 1:25:21
  Eric: I I was gonna say the chocolate.
• 1:25:25
  Matt: Uh the uh can you tell we're both we've You feel have biscuits.
• 1:25:30
  Eric: What?
• 1:25:30
  Matt: You will feel have tea?
• 1:25:32
  Matt: So I have not been to Germany, but I went on my en route to uh Poland, I had a uh transfer in Frankfurt.
• 1:25:40
  Matt: And when I was going through the airport, I met what might be the most aggressively German man uh at But she repeats.
• 1:25:48
  Matt: I I I I walked out, you know, I'm walking off the I'm trying to get onto the transfer plane, like the smaller plane to go to Poland.
• 1:25:57
  Matt: And he's looking at my plat passport, and he big, tall, burly man with shock of blonde hair, I have to say.
• 1:26:05
  Matt: And I just I I you know I hand him the passport and he goes, like, what brings you to Frankfurt?
• 1:26:12
  Matt: And I said, Oh, actually, you know, I'm I'm I'm not staying, unfortunately.
• 1:26:15
  Matt: I'm going to Poland.
• 1:26:16
  Matt: He goes, What's in Poland?
• 1:26:19
  Matt: And I was like, Oh, there's a theater festival, I'm an actor.
• 1:26:22
  Matt: And he cut me off to go, actor, hmm?
• 1:26:26
  Matt: Going to be a big shot.
• 1:26:28
  Matt: And I was like, Well, you know that.
• 1:26:30
  Matt: And he just goes, stamp next.
• 1:26:34
  Matt: And I was like, All right, good day.
• 1:26:38
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, so I've got one for you then see this you're talking about.
• 1:26:41
  SPEAKER_02: So a lot a lot of Brits tend to get the shtick for being the most laziest culture in terms of language learning.
• 1:26:48
  SPEAKER_02: And how did that happen?
• 1:26:49
  SPEAKER_02: I got sick and tired of hearing about it.
• 1:26:51
  SPEAKER_02: We just got no idea, no idea.
• 1:26:55
  SPEAKER_02: I thought, no, you know what?
• 1:26:56
  SPEAKER_02: I want to go against the stereotype.
• 1:26:57
  SPEAKER_02: So leading up to going over there for the Christmas markets, I learned a couple of phrases, not fluently, just enough to get me by it.
• 1:27:03
  SPEAKER_02: We get off at the train station, and I see a jerk, I see a guard.
• 1:27:07
  SPEAKER_02: I thought, right, I need to ask this guy where the nearest bathroom is.
• 1:27:10
  SPEAKER_02: So I asked him in what I thought was fairly good German, you know, where is the nearest bathroom?
• 1:27:14
  SPEAKER_02: And immediately he dropped in English and went over there like okay.
• 1:27:22
  SPEAKER_02: That was a waste of time, fair enough.
• 1:27:23
  SPEAKER_02: So I went over to the bathroom later on.
• 1:27:25
  SPEAKER_02: We get to the hotel, I get changed, got to a restaurant nearby.
• 1:27:29
  SPEAKER_02: I thought, right, I'm gonna try it again.
• 1:27:31
  SPEAKER_02: Um we go to this restaurant that's serving Italian food.
• 1:27:33
  SPEAKER_02: So I thought, okay, give it a go, you know.
• 1:27:35
  SPEAKER_02: And I asked the bloke over and I said, Oh, excuse me, you know, um, how much is the water?
• 1:27:39
  SPEAKER_02: Uh no, where's the water, please?
• 1:27:40
  SPEAKER_02: Where's the water fountain?
• 1:27:41
  SPEAKER_02: Bloke spoke Italian, didn't speak a word of English.
• 1:27:44
  SPEAKER_02: And I I'm just sitting there, I'm thinking, I've learned I've spent all this time learning German, and not one person has responded to me in German.
• 1:27:50
  SPEAKER_02: Fuck it, I'm just gonna be a dumb, ignorant English tourist.
• 1:27:52
  SPEAKER_02: Fuck it.
• 1:27:55
  SPEAKER_02: So embarrassing.
• 1:27:56
  Matt: Well, sometimes you gotta do a chance.
• 1:27:57
  Matt: We're we're dumb Americans, you see, we're dumb tourists.
• 1:28:03
  Matt: I can't say anything for that.
• 1:28:04
  Matt: I don't know why that reputation happened.
• 1:28:06
  Matt: What can you say?
• 1:28:07
  Matt: What can you say?
• 1:28:07
  Matt: You know what I mean?
• 1:28:08
  Matt: Anyway, um, the uh so uh based on that fact that we immediately got away from the question, I'm gonna say we don't want to boost anybody's score.
• 1:28:18
  Matt: Is that right?
• 1:28:18
  Eric: No, I'm pretty happy with these scores.
• 1:28:20
  Eric: So should we go bottom top?
• 1:28:23
  Matt: Alright, here's the reveal, folks.
• 1:28:25
  Matt: In 18th place, we can't rank the digestive, but honestly, they got a bad name in my opinion.
• 1:28:30
  Matt: It sounds like something you're prescribed.
• 1:28:32
  Matt: So it it's a zero for me.
• 1:28:35
  Matt: And then we have the true zero.
• 1:28:37
  Matt: Number 17, the Jaffa Cakes, which, uh, as Andy confirmed is British slang for Dog D-D.
• 1:28:44
  Matt: Um, the first McViddy's on the list is gonna appear with the McViddy's Club.
• 1:28:50
  Matt: Where'd it go?
• 1:28:51
  Matt: It's gone.
• 1:28:52
  Matt: It's gone.
• 1:28:52
  Matt: It disappeared into thin air.
• 1:28:54
  Matt: Somebody else show it on the camera.
• 1:28:56
  Matt: There it is.
• 1:28:56
  Matt: Oh, that's I I put the Jaffa cakes on top of it.
• 1:28:59
  Matt: Um, so there's there's the f and and then we have the classic nice biscuit.
• 1:29:06
  Matt: The this although we seem to have the cooked ones.
• 1:29:10
  Matt: Nice.
• 1:29:10
  Matt: Um, so there's our first three.
• 1:29:12
  Matt: That one comes in at a three.
• 1:29:15
  Matt: Eric, you want to give us the next couple?
• 1:29:17
  Eric: Oh, yes.
• 1:29:17
  Matt: You put the list away, you want me to keep going?
• 1:29:20
  Eric: No, no, no, I got it right here.
• 1:29:22
  Eric: Uh coming in at a four, and see, I already put all my cookies away back in the box.
• 1:29:27
  Eric: Uh, this is gonna be hard, but it's the multiple.
• 1:29:29
  Matt: I gotcha, I got you.
• 1:29:30
  Matt: Here's the malted mill.
• 1:29:31
  Eric: Yeah, that's another Sainsbury.
• 1:29:33
  Eric: Sainsbury.
• 1:29:34
  Eric: Uh Sainsbury.
• 1:29:36
  Eric: Uh at a 4.5.
• 1:29:38
  Eric: Honestly, you put it to our culture.
• 1:29:40
  Eric: How did he even get this high?
• 1:29:42
  Eric: Yeah, uh uh.
• 1:29:45
  Matt: The Maryland cookie.
• 1:29:46
  Matt: Don't even want to see it again.
• 1:29:48
  Eric: At a five, we've got the rich tea.
• 1:29:50
  Eric: The classic classic one.
• 1:29:52
  Eric: The middle of the road.
• 1:29:53
  Eric: The signpost.
• 1:29:54
  Matt: It is the signpost, but that said, it's only at um a uh a 12.
• 1:30:00
  Matt: I mean, ranked at 12.
• 1:30:01
  Matt: Uh, it's a it was a five overall.
• 1:30:04
  Matt: Um, you how about our next two, Eric?
• 1:30:06
  Matt: And then I'll just go.
• 1:30:07
  Eric: Yeah, we got uh at a at 11, ranking it at a six.
• 1:30:11
  Eric: We got a fox's jammy dodger.
• 1:30:13
  Eric: This is jammy dodger.
• 1:30:14
  Eric: Boo.
• 1:30:15
  Eric: Followed immediately by another fox's brand.
• 1:30:18
  Eric: This is the jam and cream at a seven.
• 1:30:20
  Eric: And I gotta say, these two cookies are remarkably similar.
• 1:30:24
  Matt: Very similar.
• 1:30:25
  Matt: The the it the jam and cream does have that the vanilla cream to help it at jam and cream.
• 1:30:33
  Matt: Jam and cream.
• 1:30:37
  Matt: Whoa, you guys like no wordplay.
• 1:30:40
  Matt: You know what I'm saying?
• 1:30:41
  Matt: God damn.
• 1:30:43
  Matt: Who thought they'd be so good at English?
• 1:30:45
  Matt: All right, so now we're in the top 10 officially.
• 1:30:48
  Matt: This is number nine.
• 1:30:49
  Matt: We have the ginger snaps.
• 1:30:52
  Matt: This is also a Sainsbury brand.
• 1:30:55
  Matt: Although, what was it again on the meme?
• 1:30:56
  Matt: This was the uh Crawford.
• 1:30:58
  Eric: Mid tier.
• 1:30:59
  Matt: Yeah, it's mid-tier on their list, but we we did away with the tears.
• 1:31:03
  Matt: Um, and then we have the I don't know where it went.
• 1:31:05
  Matt: Here that is, the custard cream, another Sainsbury classic.
• 1:31:10
  Matt: Uh, that's number eight, and that has a 7.5.
• 1:31:14
  Matt: I don't think I said that the ginger snap was also a seven, but it is.
• 1:31:17
  Matt: It is, and you should have remembered that.
• 1:31:19
  Eric: Coming in next, we got Hobknobs 7.5.
• 1:31:23
  Matt: Hobnobs, that's this guy over here, the Odie one.
• 1:31:26
  Matt: Oh, the Odie one.
• 1:31:28
  Matt: That's not my those are that's the Hobnobs words.
• 1:31:30
  Matt: All praise.
• 1:31:31
  Matt: Bonus biscuit, the wagon wheels coming in at an eight.
• 1:31:34
  Matt: Coming in at an eight, the wagon wheel.
• 1:31:36
  Matt: I don't see a second one.
• 1:31:38
  Matt: So the wagon wheels, this can that doesn't help you, does it?
• 1:31:42
  Matt: It was the one shaped vaguely like a moon pie.
• 1:31:44
  Matt: It was the one that looked like a wagon wheel.
• 1:31:45
  Matt: Um this one is probably the biggest upset.
• 1:31:48
  Matt: Uh I mean, considering it wasn't on the original list and got an eight, it is ranked at six, but it's technically tied for five.
• 1:31:55
  Eric: Yeah, this is uh uh fox's party rings.
• 1:31:59
  Eric: This is sorry, this was number five.
• 1:32:02
  Eric: And number's party rings.
• 1:32:03
  Matt: Fox's party rings was originally joining the landfill.
• 1:32:07
  Matt: Joining the Oreo in straight to the landfill.
• 1:32:10
  Matt: And let me say this.
• 1:32:11
  Matt: You know who what goes straight to the or uh landfill?
• 1:32:13
  Matt: Dave.
• 1:32:14
  Matt: Dave.
• 1:32:15
  Matt: Dave.
• 1:32:15
  Matt: Oh no, not Dave, not Dave.
• 1:32:17
  Matt: Toby.
• 1:32:18
  Eric: Toby Toby Toby's canceled.
• 1:32:20
  Eric: Hashtag cancel Toby.
• 1:32:22
  Eric: Not while I'm around.
• 1:32:24
  Matt: Um okay, so that's Fox's party rings.
• 1:32:27
  Matt: Uh and number four is also a bonus.
• 1:32:31
  Matt: It's the penguin, baby.
• 1:32:33
  Matt: I think I have another one.
• 1:32:34
  Matt: We gave that a nine out of ten crumbs.
• 1:32:37
  Matt: Um top three.
• 1:32:39
  Matt: Here we go.
• 1:32:40
  Matt: Milk's favorite cookie coming in strong with a nine.
• 1:32:44
  Matt: Out of the landfill, baby.
• 1:32:46
  Matt: It's the Oreo.
• 1:32:48
  Matt: Love an Oreo.
• 1:32:49
  Matt: It's up top.
• 1:32:51
  Matt: And tied.
• 1:32:52
  Matt: Technically, tied for first.
• 1:32:54
  Matt: Tied for first.
• 1:32:55
  Matt: With nine and a half.
• 1:32:57
  Matt: We have the Walker's shortbread cookie, which you all know and love.
• 1:33:01
  Matt: That's an international delight, not to be confused with the coffee creamer.
• 1:33:07
  Matt: And uh the Choclo Liebnis.
• 1:33:10
  Matt: Libnis.
• 1:33:10
  Matt: Liebnis.
• 1:33:11
  SPEAKER_06: Libnis.
• 1:33:12
  Matt: Libnis.
• 1:33:13
  Matt: Um, it's very good.
• 1:33:15
  Matt: Andy, you have sent us a plethora of treats.
• 1:33:19
  Matt: Um did we do, Andy?
• 1:33:21
  Matt: What are you what are you what's your response?
• 1:33:24
  SPEAKER_02: I am satisfied with that result now.
• 1:33:26
  SPEAKER_02: I'm satisfied with ranking.
• 1:33:27
  SPEAKER_02: Um, Dave, Dave Channel, if you are listening, please post this up on your Twitter.
• 1:33:33
  SPEAKER_02: Redeem yourselves from the mistake you made five years ago.
• 1:33:36
  SPEAKER_02: We have spoken.
• 1:33:37
  SPEAKER_02: The people have spoken.
• 1:33:38
  SPEAKER_02: America has spoken.
• 1:33:40
  SPEAKER_02: You must heed our call.
• 1:33:41
  Eric: He has the backing of the United States.
• 1:33:43
  Matt: He has the backing in the United States.
• 1:33:45
  Matt: You know, we ran this by Joe.
• 1:33:47
  Matt: Uh, so the so that's what we have to say for ourselves today.
• 1:33:52
  Matt: Uh so the uh the thought line, which has remained open this entire time, is always open, of course.
• 1:33:59
  Matt: You can give us a call at 410-929-5329 to leave your thoughts, to ask us questions, to give us local legends, to do whatever the fuck you want.
• 1:34:11
  Matt: We will probably play it on the show.
• 1:34:13
  Matt: Again, open invitation for us to uh get you a job.
• 1:34:17
  Matt: Uh if you need a reference, let us know who to call.
• 1:34:20
  Matt: We'll call Eric will call for us, then I'll call, we'll back it up.
• 1:34:23
  Matt: Andy'll call too.
• 1:34:24
  Matt: Why not?
• 1:34:25
  SPEAKER_02: Um and we'll charge for international calls, so I see anything.
• 1:34:29
  Matt: Oh, yeah, that's true.
• 1:34:30
  Matt: So uh, you know, but you know what?
• 1:34:32
  Matt: That's the charge you need if you want that sort of international flair on your resume.
• 1:34:36
  Matt: Um, so there's that.
• 1:34:38
  Matt: Uh, you can also leave us your questions and comments and concerns on social media, on all of them, on uh Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook at you didn't ask for this.
• 1:34:49
  Matt: That's the letter you didn't ask pod.
• 1:34:51
  Matt: I don't know what I'm talking about.
• 1:34:52
  Matt: It's at you didn't ask pod.
• 1:34:55
  Matt: Woo! I forgot the thing I say literally every episode.
• 1:34:59
  Matt: We are coming up on the 50th episode.
• 1:35:02
  Matt: We've got big plans.
• 1:35:04
  Matt: Uh, we will have some special guests, perhaps.
• 1:35:09
  Matt: Perhaps a little taste.
• 1:35:10
  Matt: Give you a little taste.
• 1:35:12
  Matt: So uh that is coming down the line.
• 1:35:15
  Matt: Eric, anything to add?
• 1:35:18
  Eric: God, I ate so many biscuits.
• 1:35:20
  Matt: No.
• 1:35:20
  Matt: I jumped to the business before you uh could invite me to give it to you.
• 1:35:24
  Matt: But you know what?
• 1:35:25
  Matt: We are a little long on time.
• 1:35:27
  Matt: So that is gonna be that.
• 1:35:30
  Matt: Andy, what else you gotta say?
• 1:35:32
  SPEAKER_02: Anyone who eats Jaffa Cakes is literally the devil.
• 1:35:36
  Matt: Literally you heard it here, folks.
• 1:35:39
  Matt: If you like Jaffa Cakes, Jaffa, British Lang for the Devil.
• 1:35:43
  Matt: Again, thank you all for joining us live.
• 1:35:46
  Matt: Of course, uh, if you are listening to this on the regular podcast, the video will be up again once this episode drops.
• 1:35:54
  Matt: So you can go to our YouTube channel to relive the magic as you sit and watch us eat biscuits in front of your face.
• 1:36:04
  Matt: Um but with that said, that'll about do it for all of us here at You didn't ask for this, including uh the production assistant Lindsay, who brought me both uh cookie uh cookie toppings of Old Bay and Sriracha.
• 1:36:18
  Matt: Um uh so uh for all of us here, my name is Matche.
• 1:36:23
  Matt: My name's Eric Poach.
• 1:36:25
  Matt: My name is Andy Rawlings.
• 1:36:26
  SPEAKER_05: And listen, you didn't ask.
• 1:36:29
  SPEAKER_05: Uh oh, oh, what's this?
• 1:36:31
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, Match.
• 1:36:33
  SPEAKER_05: 999.
• 1:36:34
  SPEAKER_05: Hello, Cub.
• 1:36:35
  SPEAKER_05: I'd like to report a crime, I would.
• 1:36:37
  SPEAKER_05: Well, what's that that's happening, mate?
• 1:36:40
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, he's eating Jaffa cakes right there in the alleyway now, isn't he?
• 1:36:42
  SPEAKER_05: Jaffa cakes right in the alley.
• 1:36:44
  SPEAKER_05: Eating Jaffa cakes right in the alley on a Sunday, no less, on the Lord's Day.
• 1:36:48
  SPEAKER_05: On the Lord's Day.
• 1:36:50
  SPEAKER_05: We're on our way, mate.
• 1:36:52
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, put the put the trolleys on.
• 1:36:54
  SPEAKER_06: Here we are, here we go.
• 1:36:55
  SPEAKER_01: Put the trolleys on.
• 1:36:58
  SPEAKER_01: Fucking heathen, I swear to God.