Latest / Ambitious Podcast / EP.77: Why Hustle Culture Nearly Broke Me, And the Feminine Shift That Saved My Business | The Ambitious Podcast

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EP.77: Why Hustle Culture Nearly Broke Me, And the Feminine Shift That Saved My Business | The Ambitious Podcast · Ambitious Podcast

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Hustle in my business nearly broke me.
0:02
I had no other mission of the making money.
0:04
Everything else was like, I can sleep when I'm dead.
0:06
So it became very difficult for me to think, well, how do I do
0:09
business a different way or how do I have balance?
0:12
Everyone around me was very vocal about helping me to be
0:15
like, hey, you got to rest, you got to take a day off, you got
0:17
to take a week off, you got to sleep, you got to whatever and I
0:20
was like, whatever. It always felt like an attack.
0:22
It felt like an accusation. Oh, I'm going to prove them
0:24
wrong. So what did I do?
0:25
I started to work harder on being emotionally regulated
0:28
while also working on the business.
0:29
Just because you have of money doesn't mean you are successful,
0:31
doesn't mean you are fulfilled, doesn't mean that you are happy.
0:34
There was so much of me hiding in my business.
0:37
Work was a place where I didn't have to feel and I didn't have
0:40
to tune in and I didn't have to process.
0:42
In order for me to become this really harmonious version of me,
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I had to let go of who I was. I had to let go of what I knew
0:49
to be true. Hello and welcome back to
0:52
Ambitious. I today am diving into probably
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one of my first, dare I say like quote UN quote unscripted
0:59
podcast. And it's not that I script my
1:02
podcast, meaning that I read them word for word by any means.
1:05
But one thing that I've always kind of really prided myself on
1:08
actually in coming into every episode was to have it be
1:13
something that I felt was really valuable for the consumer.
1:17
And was really a matter of when you listen that you feel like
1:21
you get almost like a master class in whatever the topic is.
1:24
So if you are listening about sales, you walk away with
1:27
clarity of understanding where you're at, what to do, how to
1:30
adjust, like you feel like you get insane value.
1:33
It's a part of the way that I typically help people to be able
1:37
to get that value is I outline almost as if I was going to do a
1:40
master class. How would I talk about it?
1:42
What would I discuss? How would I outline it?
1:45
And making sure that I hit all the points and do all the
1:46
things. And thus far you have loved it
1:50
and it's something that you feel and I've gotten many messages
1:53
from you guys and for anyone who listens that it really is
1:55
something that you feel like you always have clarity that you're
1:57
going to walk away with notes. Or some people say like I have
1:59
pages of notes from such and such episode, but today for the
2:03
first time, I'm going to be trying something a little bit
2:05
different. And that is because I am not
2:07
scripting today's episode at all.
2:09
I actually had this download, I guess is what you would call it,
2:13
probably about half an hour ago. And that's because today's topic
2:17
came up as a question at a most recent networking dinner that I
2:21
hosted. So we hosted the ambitious
2:23
women's dinner in Toronto, which by the way, we do have some
2:25
coming up. So you can literally message me
2:27
the word dinner and I can send you info.
2:29
But these dinners are usually a room of about 20 ish female
2:32
entrepreneurs. And it's a time where we dive
2:35
into all kinds of different questions.
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And there's a question asked today that I was like, I really
2:39
feel like I really hadn't shared it until that question came up
2:43
very deeply because it was not something that felt quote UN
2:47
quote structured or strategic or value.
2:49
And it was interesting at that dinner, I had a lot of awareness
2:52
and, and shares from other women that said, like, you know, for
2:54
us, it's not just the strategy. It's like kind of seeing how I
2:57
think and adding in more of the personal.
2:59
And so today's going to be a little bit more of, I guess I
3:02
would label like a personal insight episode because the
3:06
conversations we had at the dinner were so incredibly
3:09
impactful for me, for people at the table and just in general.
3:13
And I've been kind of like allowing them to kind of sit and
3:15
to process and to deepen within me.
3:18
And so I thought what better place for us to kind of continue
3:20
that conversation. But here, so today is completely
3:23
unscripted. It is literally I press record
3:25
and we're going to see what happens.
3:26
So thanks for bearing with me along this process.
3:29
And I want to share a little bit of, you know, the overview of
3:32
what I want to talk about today because in earlier episodes,
3:36
we've talked a little bit in the relationship episode about kind
3:39
of the events that had happened last year in my life.
3:41
And I had a question at the dinner which kind of correlated
3:45
to that, which was, you know, how, how have I evolved?
3:49
Who is the next version that we're going to see of Kate or in
3:53
my business? And what were my lessons along
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the way? And it was interesting because
3:58
as the conversations throughout the night got shared and just to
4:01
kind of give context, at these dinners, we give prompts for
4:04
discussion. So what are the rules at all of
4:06
our dinners is that you're not allowed to talk about revenue,
4:08
meaning you're not allowed to be like, oh, well, I make this much
4:11
and this is how much I made. And like, we don't want the
4:13
dinners to be a place where it's like kind of like little cliques
4:16
of like the scaling people, the earlier stage people, the
4:19
agencies versus the consultants. Like we wanted to feel like one
4:23
big happy family at these tables and that everyone is like safe
4:25
to share and to process. And so because of that, we don't
4:29
really allow or I guess I would say encourage revenue to be the
4:32
main reason of who you connect with and why you connect with
4:35
them. And so instead what we do is we
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provide questions that kind of help to unpack for people that
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help them to go deeper, to ask more intentional questions to
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ask, you know, more thought provoking things to really get
4:48
vulnerable with each other. Because I find that so many
4:53
times when I would go to these events or so many times when I
4:55
went to networking dinners, it felt so surface level.
4:58
It felt so transactional. It was like, oh, it's like,
5:00
what's your name and what do you do?
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And you would ask the same things over and over.
5:03
And I'm like, I don't want to host that room.
5:05
That's not what I want this to be.
5:07
I want this to be an extension, which is why it's called the
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Ambitious women's dinner of like literally what we talked about
5:13
on ambitious, like the deeper conversations and asking the
5:16
tough questions and, you know, getting vulnerable.
5:18
Like that's the basis of what we want these to be.
5:29
So what we did is at the dinner, we gave pieces of paper around
5:33
to the entire table. We said everyone, there's
5:34
different sections. So somewhere mindset, somewhere
5:36
business, somewhere relationships, all kinds of
5:40
things as it impacts female founders.
5:42
They're all centered around realities that female
5:45
entrepreneurs experience. And so the incredible women all
5:49
pass the paper around and basically with that, picked a
5:51
question that felt good to them. And so one of my girlfriends who
5:54
was at the table, who I've known in business for a long time,
5:57
she's like, I think we should add a little fun flair to this,
5:59
which is that either you can answer the question that you
6:02
picked off the page, or you can ask Kate a question.
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And I'll be honest, when she originally said that I was like,
6:07
well, who cares what I have to say, right?
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Like this is not about me. This night is a is not about me.
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But what I realized was that there was questions that people
6:17
I had and I thought, OK, I talk about strategy everywhere.
6:20
I talk about strategy on the podcast.
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I talk about strategy on social media.
6:24
I talk about it everywhere. Why would someone want to know
6:26
anything about me tonight? But it was interesting and I had
6:29
a very nice gentle surprise that had nothing to do with strategy.
6:33
The questions that people had asked me were about my evolution
6:36
as an entrepreneur and the way that I think and the way that I
6:38
adapt. And they asked a lot of really
6:40
powerful questions. So I thought I would kind of
6:42
continue that conversation here today and share some insight of
6:45
some things that we discussed. So one of the things that I
6:49
really want the emphasis of today to be about is that shift
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from the masculine to the feminine.
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And I know that as soon as I say that, some of your brains are
6:58
gonna be like, what does that even mean?
6:59
And the way I would distill it down is kind of how basically
7:04
hustle in my business nearly broke me.
7:07
And I think that the reason this is important because when we
7:11
think about even the word ambitious, right, when we think
7:14
about this idea of going for the big thing and going for the big
7:18
goals and looking to achieve and looking to master and looking to
7:21
excel, it can really be difficult to do that in a flow
7:27
type state in a way that doesn't necessarily have detrimental
7:30
effects to you long term. And so when I first started my
7:34
business, they had asked me like, how did I scale?
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And you know, the masculine was something that really helped me
7:40
at the beginning of business because I was like hustle and
7:44
work ethic was the only thing that I cared about.
7:46
Everything else was like, I can sleep when I'm dead.
7:49
I can rest when it's done. Like I just didn't get into any
7:52
of that because I just wanted to like focus on like move the
7:55
needle, move the needle, move the needle.
7:56
And at the beginning, I remember it looks like, you know, 6:00 AM
8:00
in the morning till like 1:00 AM at night, Very little sleep,
8:04
just drowning myself in coffee and caffeine.
8:07
And I would just put in hours and hours and hours at the
8:09
computer. And I remember at the beginning,
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I, you know, didn't really have a lot of people other than my
8:17
partner at the time to talk to you about it.
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And he was an incredible support.
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He was a big, big, big support for me in my business.
8:22
But I didn't have a lot of people to talk to you about it.
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And that's because I didn't come from a family of entrepreneurs.
8:27
I didn't have anyone who in my family was an entrepreneur that
8:31
I could consult on these things. And so the only way that I knew
8:36
to navigate the next step in business was just work really,
8:38
really hard. And so that kind of to me became
8:42
a slippery slope though, because when I started to work really
8:45
hard in the beginning stages of business, I also very quickly
8:49
realized that there was results that were happening from that,
8:51
right? So it's like when we think about
8:54
the, the basis of like cause and effect, if I am putting in a lot
8:57
of effort and I'm working really, really hard and I'm
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seeing that generate results for me, I'm like, great work ethic
9:02
is the only thing that I have to worry about.
9:03
Remove everything else that's going to be the thing that gets
9:05
me to grow. And I realized the beginning
9:09
that I really needed to scale the business to really lean into
9:14
that. And that was to me like, that's
9:15
all I need to focus on. So that's what I did.
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And so I was like, go, go, go work, work, work.
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And that was the only thing I leaned into.
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But then I realized, OK, like, if I'm going to scale, it can't
9:26
be based off putting in more hours because obviously there's
9:28
only a set amount of hours in a day.
9:30
So it's a really broken model. And so I started to ask myself,
9:33
OK, we'll like, what do I need to scale?
9:36
And at the time, I didn't really necessarily have a plan because
9:42
again, I didn't have a lot of people to consult at the time.
9:44
I had known in my family as an entrepreneur.
9:46
And to be honest, I didn't really have a vision.
9:48
Like I think we often talk about when we, when we start our
9:51
businesses or when, when we're scaling our businesses, we often
9:53
talk about vision and we're like, what's your vision and
9:56
what's your mission? I'm going to be honest and be
9:58
very direct with you. At the beginning of my business,
10:00
I had no other mission than making money.
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I was like, I need to make money to pay for my life, to pay for
10:04
my lifestyle and to be able to lead my 9:00 to 5:00.
10:07
And I remember I shared with the girls at the dinner.
10:09
I, I wouldn't say I lied to people, but I definitely wasn't
10:12
forthcoming entirely about my business.
10:14
The beginning. And I think the reason being was
10:16
that I didn't feel like I understood my own vision yet.
10:20
And so then thinking about letting people in on that, I
10:23
didn't feel confident to let people in because I wasn't
10:25
solid. So I knew that if someone poked
10:28
a hole in what I was doing, they would kind of like basically
10:32
figure out that I didn't have a good plan yet.
10:34
And I knew that. It's not like I didn't know.
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I knew that I didn't have a very good plan, but I was kind of
10:39
like scrappy. It was just OK, like work hard
10:41
and we'll figure out the pieces. And so I thought originally, if
10:44
I have to let people in to help me here, they might poke a hole
10:47
in my lack of vision or my lack of plan.
10:50
And like, I just, I can't focus on that noise right now.
10:53
I can't tune into that right now, and so I remember just
10:57
putting my head basically in my computer and I isolated quite a
11:00
bit. I wasn't really socializing a
11:03
lot. I by no means would say that I
11:05
had quote, UN quote, work life balance.
11:07
Like that was just not something that that I would say I
11:10
identified with. And I think at the time, if I'm
11:13
going to be honest, it served me like I, I really think that that
11:16
time, while not healthy to not have relationships and quote UN
11:19
quote balance. I think that in a way, like I
11:21
always believe the tough things that we go through always serve
11:23
us in some way, whether we can see it or not yet.
11:26
And the lesson looking back on that was like I realized even
11:28
now it's something I put into practice when I am really
11:31
struggling, when I'm really trying to figure out a problem
11:34
and I'm trying to like solidify a vision.
11:37
I often times will give myself space to get away from stimuli,
11:40
to get away from text messages, to get away from conversations,
11:44
to get away from additional feedback.
11:45
Because often times I realize I can hear my voice a lot louder
11:50
when I minimize the voices in the background.
11:53
Now, at that time, that was like a year.
11:55
So it wasn't like a quick two week break or a one day taking a
12:00
Friday off at the time. At that time, it was an extended
12:02
period of time that I was not, you know, in communication with
12:04
people. But as time progressed, I wasn't
12:07
needing so much alone time. Now it might be like a Friday at
12:10
a coffee shop and I'm like, boom, I got it.
12:11
Let's go. So the thing that I think, you
12:14
know, really shaped me and really helped me and I learned
12:17
from that was that I think that a lot of the time we let other
12:20
people in to help us get clarity when often times we have our own
12:23
clarity. Like I remember a mentor had
12:26
said to me, like, you have all the tools and all the
12:28
awarenesses you need. It's just a matter of unlocking
12:30
them. And what I realized was that
12:33
like, I didn't need someone else to give me the vision.
12:34
I didn't need someone else to solve the problem.
12:36
I needed somebody to amplify and turn up the volume on the noise
12:39
that was already happening in my own head.
12:42
Like I already had the messages. I could hear the music.
12:44
It was just so muted in the background because I had so much
12:48
noise. And what I meant by noise, by
12:49
the way, is like I had the noise of family telling me what they
12:52
thought I should do were friends telling me and again, all from
12:54
the right place, all from a good hearted place, but not
12:58
necessarily helpful in me doing or making a decision.
13:02
And so they would share with me and I would have all the
13:04
stimuli. And then it made me guess,
13:06
second guess myself and make me wonder, am I doing the right
13:09
thing? Is that the plan?
13:10
Because so and so said this to me.
13:11
And I really think that that practice of getting alone time
13:14
and realizing you have the tools and the clarity you need, it's
13:17
just a matter of unlocking them. You have to trust yourself as an
13:20
entrepreneur. And I also had a question which
13:24
tied into this of like, how do I navigate not experiencing
13:28
comparison? And, you know, along the way,
13:31
what I realized was there's a business coach in every corner
13:33
of the market. Like there's no question that
13:35
there's there's no shortage of business coaches, but what I
13:38
recognized was I similar to my family, the friends outside
13:43
stimuli. I had to tune them out too,
13:45
because if they were doing a course, I was going to be
13:47
influenced that I needed a course.
13:48
If they were going to charge 20,000, I was going to get
13:50
influenced that I had to charge 20,000.
13:52
I was like, I just need to get my own clarity.
13:54
And even that was something that I've taken into today.
13:57
I don't consume my competitors. Like I obviously know what
14:00
they're up to from more of an analysis perspective of
14:04
understanding my ideal client and what they're seeing on other
14:07
places in the market. But other than that, I don't
14:09
really consume them at length. And that's not like I cheer them
14:13
on. I support them immensely.
14:14
Like I'm right there for them to to, you know, root them on along
14:17
the way. But for me, I realize that like
14:21
I'm not going to get my innovation from looking at other
14:24
things. Like I'm not going to get the
14:26
innovation of the new product, the new service, the new
14:28
offering or the new marketing lens by consuming other people's
14:31
marketing. Because what that by association
14:33
does is it assumes that the thing that they're posting right
14:37
now is what I should do in the next two months.
14:41
And what I will say is like most of the time, any brand or
14:45
business, including myself, something you're seeing us do
14:47
today is something that got planned 2369 months ago.
14:51
So it's not always something that is like a direct cause and
14:54
effect that they just did. So I recognize like my answers
14:59
are not going to come from consumption, they're going to
15:01
come from clarity in me. And you know, I, I really think,
15:06
and I attribute it to a big piece of my success, but when we
15:11
kind of go back a little bit to the masculine, feminine has this
15:13
tie in. You'll see here that the season
15:15
was about isolation. It was centered around hard work
15:18
and a lot of work. Work, work, work, work is the
15:20
answer. Zero rest.
15:22
It was centered around like a lot of my own thoughts being in
15:25
my head all day every day. And again, it became difficult
15:28
because it showed results. It actually over time was the
15:31
thing that scaled our business. So it became very difficult for
15:36
me to think, well, how do I do business a different way or how
15:39
do I have balance? Because this is generating
15:43
incredible results for me. Why would I ever change it?
15:45
And honestly, when I was growing my business, I scaled my
15:47
business to seven figures in the 1st 18 months.
15:50
Would I recommend that to anybody?
15:52
No, there's a different way to do it.
15:54
And I wish I had, I wish I had done it a different way.
15:57
But the different way to do it is to actually be intentional
16:00
about checking in with yourself and saying, how do you feel
16:03
emotionally, physically, spiritually, Like, how are you
16:06
doing in the pursuit of the building of the business?
16:09
And I don't think I checked in with myself enough.
16:11
And what I recognized was the people around me were checking
16:16
in with me constantly. Like they could see it plain as
16:20
day of what I was navigating, which was the fact that I was
16:22
not sleeping. You know, I was super, super
16:25
bloated all the time. My skin was breaking out like
16:28
never before. I was gaining weight.
16:30
I was constantly on this emotional roller coaster up and
16:33
down, up and down. And everyone around me was very
16:36
vocal about helping me to be like, hey, you got to rest, you
16:39
got to take a day off, you got to take a week off.
16:41
You got to sleep, you got to whatever.
16:43
And I was like, whatever. And the reason I had that
16:45
reaction is because I remember seeing so much messaging online
16:50
of like, if you want to be different, you have to not
16:53
listen to the people around you and only listen to mentors and
16:57
only listen to people who are crushing it.
16:59
And I was like, done. So I did that and I would have
17:03
this messaging of like, it was, you know, hustle, hustle,
17:05
hustle. It was like a literally hustle
17:06
culture. And I bought into that, not
17:08
consciously, but subconsciously I was bought in.
17:11
I was like a raving fan of hustle culture.
17:13
And I'm like, again, I can sleep when I'm dead.
17:15
I can rest when I'm whatever. And so many people, team,
17:18
family, friends, everyone around me was like, hey, like you
17:21
should take a day off, you should relax.
17:23
And I, I think I chalked it up in my mind to the belief that
17:26
like, well, they're not like me, so they don't have the same
17:29
goals as me. So I'm going to push, push,
17:30
push. And really what I can now see is
17:32
like a very great excuse to just continue the behavior that's
17:36
detrimental. So now I'm in a different head
17:38
space, so I can see it very differently.
17:41
But what I recognize is that I wasn't at a place to hear it.
17:46
And I want to also share because I showed this to my mom actually
17:49
the other day, but she's a Cape. At that time, there was, there
17:51
was no getting through to you. There's no getting through to
17:53
you. Like you could not hear us.
17:55
Like it was just like you wouldn't listen.
17:58
And I said to her, my awareness now because we just kind of like
18:01
always have open discussions, me and her.
18:03
My awareness now is that I think I would benefit and maybe even
18:06
an invitation for you, for people in your life, regardless
18:09
of what it is, if there's something that you would like to
18:10
invite someone into to explore. I started to look at maybe the
18:15
invitation was that you guys shouldn't have been telling me
18:17
what to do, but asking me. Like I was like, I realized at
18:20
that time, no one asked me. How would you say you're
18:23
emotionally feeling these days? Like no one asked me.
18:26
They're like Kate, you're, you know, emotionally up and down.
18:28
It was always, it always felt like an attack.
18:31
It felt like an accusation. And so like anything, when
18:34
someone tries to say I'm one thing, I'm like, oh, I'm going
18:36
to prove them wrong. So what did I do?
18:38
I started to work harder on being emotionally regulated
18:41
while also working on the business.
18:42
So like, it just didn't work out.
18:44
And I realize now for me and awareness of that was that when
18:48
I want to create change in someone, it's not that I might
18:50
know exactly what they're doing, exactly what I would want to
18:52
say. But I recognize like almost like
18:54
when I coach clients, that's not going to get the movement that
18:58
we want because the movement we want is getting them to realize.
19:01
And this is like coaching one O 1.
19:03
Coaching one O 1 is not about telling someone because often
19:05
times before I ever ask a question to a client, I know
19:08
what they're going through. But I'm asking so they can have
19:10
the clarity, not so I can have the clarity.
19:12
And I feel like for me, looking back, I didn't really have
19:15
anyone asking. I had people telling me.
19:18
And I think that's why I dug deeper into my process.
19:21
I dug deeper into my approach. And so then, you know, along the
19:27
way, again, like the business of scaling, we're growing.
19:29
I've so much evidence to say that the way that I'm doing
19:31
things is working. And I remember hitting this
19:35
point where I thought, OK, I had hit seven figures, which was
19:39
like #1 the ultimate goal originally, I done that.
19:42
And I had this amazing team who was helping me build.
19:45
I had this amazing clients. I was charging the prices I want
19:47
to charge. What's the problem?
19:51
But my life was the problem. My life was the problem.
19:55
My life, like my business was great.
19:57
My life wasn't. And when I say it wasn't, I
20:02
don't want to say this from a place of, of privilege.
20:05
So I want to kind of like give context.
20:06
It's not that, you know, I didn't have a roof over my head
20:08
or that I didn't have food to eat.
20:09
That's not what I mean. What I mean by?
20:12
But it wasn't great is that I didn't feel good.
20:15
I wasn't fulfilled, I wasn't confident.
20:18
And I felt like there was so much of me hiding in my
20:22
business. Like I realized that my business
20:25
was my identity. Someone asked me in the earlier
20:28
years of my business, you know, oh, if you weren't working on
20:30
your business, what would you be doing for fun?
20:31
And I remember being like, I don't know.
20:34
I don't know, because my business was who I was.
20:37
Like I didn't have an identity. I went from a server to having a
20:40
business. And then when I had the
20:42
business, I realized, OK, well, I guess this is who I am now.
20:45
And so I kind of let that just absorb every part of me.
20:47
I didn't have an identity outside my business.
20:50
And then when I started to hit the markers that I thought would
20:53
make me happy and then they didn't, I was like, uh oh, what
20:58
does this mean? And so I realized very quickly
21:02
that I had a problem. Was I ready to address it?
21:05
No. And what I mean by I had a
21:08
problem, I'll tell you some of the things that were coming up
21:10
for me at that time. I'm going to kind of get into
21:11
this because it was part of what we talked about at the dinner.
21:14
I had friends and I had friends around me, but I always felt
21:18
anxious to go see them. I felt like I like knew that I
21:21
wanted to see them. I wanted to make commitments.
21:23
But every time the commitment would kind of be coming up to
21:24
like go meet them for dinner or go connect, I felt drained.
21:28
And I was like, I don't want to go.
21:29
I don't want to go. I felt like I always wanted to
21:30
be alone. And the other thing was, I would
21:33
also say, like with my health, I always had this thing of like
21:35
knowing what I needed to do to be healthy, but yet I wasn't
21:38
doing it. And I would make all these plans
21:40
and conceptualize and plan things, but I would never
21:42
actually execute on them. I felt so deeply emotionally
21:48
dysregulated in a way that I can't quite describe.
21:51
And it was like I felt like I was on an emotional roller
21:53
coaster. And, you know, I'll just be
21:56
really transparent with you. I had a season in my business
22:01
where I was really emotionally up and down.
22:03
Like I felt like I was like I'm crushing it or I'm beyond sad.
22:07
I'm, I was just like had both these sides and several years
22:11
into business, I remember I, it felt so overwhelming and I had a
22:18
very traumatic life event happen, which maybe one day I
22:22
will share on the podcast, at least for now.
22:23
It's not something that I would say, you know, I'm quite ready
22:27
to share, but I had a very traumatic personal situation
22:30
happen. And at the time I didn't
22:33
correlate it to what I was feeling in the business because
22:35
I thought, you know, the emotional regulation.
22:37
I thought, oh, my business is stressing me out.
22:38
So remember, I went to my therapist and I just go to
22:41
therapy regularly. Like I'm a big fan cognitive
22:43
behavioral therapy. So I go to I go to see the
22:45
therapist and I said, listen, you know, I'm really, I'm just
22:47
like, feel like I'm all over like one day I'm happy and the
22:49
next day I'm in the dumps. And I was like, I can't run a
22:51
business like this and I can't run my life like this.
22:54
And so I remember him saying like, did anything happen?
22:56
And I was like, no, I'm just, you know, like just I need to
23:00
get this under control. So he was like, OK, so he's
23:04
like, we can get you assessed basically to see if like maybe
23:07
there's something deeper going on.
23:08
And this is going to be a rabbit hole.
23:09
I'm going to sidetrack and I'll come back, but the Canadian
23:13
healthcare system is so interesting and not a positive
23:16
way because I remember saying, you know, do you think I should
23:19
go get assessed, like do any medication?
23:21
And he was like, yeah, we can look into it.
23:23
If it would make you feel better to kind of like, you know, cross
23:25
the TS dot the IS, we can do that.
23:26
I'd say great. So I had a consult with a
23:28
psychiatrist and within 60 minutes, never met.
23:32
We're going to call him Todd. Never met Todd before, never
23:35
spoken to him my entire life. He had no records of anything.
23:37
He met me for 60 minutes and I said to him, I'm up and down.
23:40
I'm up and down. And he was like, well, you seem
23:44
to me like you have what's called bipolar rapid cycling.
23:48
And I was like, OK, so. And he's like, it is a medicated
23:53
condition, but if you take the medications, it does cause
23:56
potential infertility. So it's just something that you
23:58
have to be aware of. If everything, you have kids.
24:00
And here I am being like, OK, I've busted my butt in this
24:04
business. It's making all of this money.
24:07
I've never felt more emotionally unstable and mentally unstable.
24:12
And then now Todd is telling me that I'm bipolar.
24:15
And I started to question everything, like everything.
24:19
And I thought, Oh my God, like if I take the medication, will I
24:22
still have, you know, the same mindset that I have now in
24:25
business? Will I still be able to work the
24:27
same? Like I started to spiral because
24:29
I thought, what does this mean? And I was also like, how is it
24:33
possible that I've gone to a family doctor, I've gone to a
24:36
therapist and no one has mentioned this to me years and
24:39
years and years now of supporting me.
24:41
So I remember I, I called a couple of my friends and I
24:43
called family and I was like, what do I do?
24:45
Like this is what they told me. I don't know where this is
24:47
coming from, but they want me on medication.
24:49
What should I do? And I remember when my
24:53
girlfriend was like, Kate, do not take that medication until
24:56
we know for a fact that this is the case because she's like, he
24:58
only talked to you for 60 minutes.
24:59
There's no way he could possibly know.
25:01
So she's like, go back and tell your therapist what he what he
25:05
suggested. So I was like, hey, great.
25:06
So I did that, went back to my therapist, shout out, Steven,
25:08
love him. And I had a session with him and
25:11
I said, you know, here's kind of what was, here's what was shared
25:14
with me. And he was like, OK, well,
25:16
before we consider that, we know that that's an option in the
25:19
back pocket. So if it ever gets to a place
25:21
where you feel like you need to do that, then fine.
25:24
And like also, I want to say as a side note, like I'm very pro
25:27
mental health. Like I don't have anything
25:28
against medication. I actually in earlier years when
25:31
I was a teenager, early adulthood, I was on anti anxiety
25:35
medication. I was on antidepressants.
25:37
Like I'm very much pro medication.
25:38
Like I think you need to do what you need to do to support
25:41
yourself. But when I had taken that those
25:44
medication for years, I kind of got off of that and I tapered
25:47
off of it in an attempt to kind of manage it or navigate it
25:50
myself. And so I was kind of, because I
25:53
had gone through that very like, oh, do I want to start another
25:55
medication again? So I guess this place where I
26:00
have his consult with the therapist and he said, great,
26:02
what we're going to do is we're going to go back through your
26:04
life events and we're going to see if there's anything that
26:07
could be potentially a trigger here.
26:08
And I said, listen, listen, doc, there's nothing going on here.
26:12
I probably am just anxious. I just need to figure out how to
26:14
regulate my emotions. Well, he's OK.
26:15
We're going to go through month by month.
26:17
So we start covering the months, what happened in this month,
26:19
what happened in that month, what happened in that month?
26:21
And then we get to the month where the traumatic event
26:22
happened. When I tell you that I never
26:24
correlated the two, like I again, heads down, hustle, just
26:30
keep working, never slow down. I didn't correlate the way that
26:34
I was feeling was due to unprocessed trauma.
26:37
So he's like, hey, this is like weird to say, but that's good
26:41
news because it means that what you're experiencing has nothing
26:45
to do with bipolar. The up and down emotions that
26:48
you're feeling are because you have not emotionally dealt with
26:52
your trauma and your trauma is peeking through in given moments
26:55
where it feels safe to process. And everything started to make
26:58
sense for me because I had this trend in years, many, many years
27:02
of being a business owner. Every December, I take 3 weeks
27:05
off for holidays and so does our entire team.
27:08
We basically shut down the business for three weeks over
27:10
over Christmas break. And what I recognized was every
27:13
time I took break, I would like almost have like a little bit of
27:16
a, a little bit of a mentee be OK.
27:18
Like I would have a little bit of an emotional dysregulation
27:21
phase where I was just like really in the dumps.
27:24
And it felt very, very heavy and overwhelming.
27:27
And then it was like my body finally felt safe to process
27:29
because there was no work happening.
27:31
Meaning like someone literally turned off the work.
27:33
My body was like, OK, great, now it's time to feel.
27:36
Now we're going to dive in. Now's the moment, Bring the
27:38
emotions up. And it was like so overwhelming
27:41
in a way I can't quite describe. And it was so frustrating
27:44
because I felt like every single time I took a break from work,
27:46
this would come up. But that was because I was not
27:50
processing like I was not doing the work.
27:53
There is a book by Nicola Pera, which I really recommend to
27:55
everyone, which is really called How to Do the Work.
27:58
It's a really good read for anyone who kind of wants to dive
28:00
into this stuff. But there was so much evidence
28:03
along the way that things were not going well, but yet there
28:06
was evidence along the way that the business was doing great.
28:08
And so the reason I'm always very transparent about my
28:10
journey because everyone loves the tagline, if you will, of
28:13
like 7 figures in 18 months. It's cool and it's very I'm very
28:18
proud of myself and of our team for doing that, but I also
28:21
recognize like that's not the epitome of success.
28:23
Just because you have money doesn't mean you are successful,
28:25
doesn't mean you are fulfilled, doesn't mean that you are happy.
28:29
I'm taking a second out of today's episode to tell you what
28:31
something really exciting and it is happening right now.
28:34
If you are someone who is interested in getting scaling
28:37
support with your business, if you know that you've been able
28:40
to get some consistency, you've been able to get some sales
28:42
happening in your business, but you also know that you have
28:45
untapped potential. You know that you are the person
28:47
who's been taking notes on the different frameworks on this
28:50
podcast that you're listening to each episode, tuning into the
28:52
different strategies you need. That is an incredible thing to
28:56
be doing, but it also is very different to consume information
28:59
versus to integrate that information.
29:01
And that is exactly what we do with these types of frameworks
29:04
that we teach here. And we help you to integrate
29:06
those in a custom way in your business.
29:08
Right now, our IT Accelerator mastermind doors are open.
29:11
We have a promotion that is happening for a limited time.
29:14
And I want to make sure that you as the person diving into all of
29:17
the strategy are not someone to miss this.
29:20
If you are a business right now that is ready to scale, if you
29:22
want to potentially 2345 extra business in the next 6 to 12
29:27
months, this is your invitation to do so.
29:29
ITI Accelerator is a six month mastermind specifically designed
29:32
to help you to do that. It is a combination of all the
29:34
things that I love about coaching.
29:36
We've got the modules and the course materials to help you
29:38
learn the principles of what you need to know to scale and my
29:41
strategies. We also have the one-on-one
29:43
coaching, which helps you customize that and integrate it.
29:45
We've got the group aspects. You can build a network of women
29:48
just like yourself and we have things like a Slack channel that
29:51
you can contact in between when things come up day-to-day as
29:53
they do. If you are somebody who's ready
29:56
to really step into that next level of growth that you know
29:58
you have within you and that you know it's possible for you in
30:01
the next 6 months, let this be your reminder.
30:03
Let this be your invitation to take a step toward that
30:07
potential that you know you have.
30:09
Without further ado, let's get back into today's episode.
30:11
And so I'm hustle, hustle, hustle and I get the, I had
30:15
these moments like this appointment with the doctor,
30:18
like with the therapist, or like with this event that happened
30:20
that kind of, you know, should have been my wake up call to
30:23
slow the fuck down. Did I?
30:27
No. And so I went back into work
30:30
because work was a hiding place for me.
30:31
Work was a place where I didn't have to feel and I didn't have
30:35
to tune in and I didn't have to process.
30:37
I just got to work and I just got to be busy.
30:40
And So what I recognized was shit, I'm hiding in my business.
30:44
My business is not successful just because I know strategy.
30:48
It's also successful because my hiding spot to run away from
30:50
what I'm probably going to have to face at some point.
30:53
So we talked about this another episodes.
30:55
It was only once I actually got to a conference and I had a
31:00
conversation at that conference that opened up my whole world
31:03
because I was so burnt out. I and again, didn't acknowledge
31:06
it. I was so overwhelmed, wouldn't
31:08
acknowledge it. And I just kept being like, but
31:12
I have results and I'm scaling and I was having people being
31:14
like, you're amazing and like so, so inspired by you and all
31:17
these things. It was feeding me going back
31:19
into the business. And then this person sees right
31:22
through me and says, hey, but like, are you happy?
31:26
Like what would it look like if you did it your way?
31:29
Instant tears, instant tears. That was about just over like
31:35
around like a year and a half ago.
31:37
And again, until that point, we talked about the earlier
31:40
episodes about consciously unaware, right?
31:43
We talked about the levels of consciousness and levels of
31:45
awareness. I was not even consciously aware
31:49
of this whole pattern until this had happened.
31:52
And so at the dinner, the girls asked me about all of this.
31:55
And This is why I'm sharing it now, because all of this came up
31:57
or most of this came up. And what they had asked me was
32:00
like, what's the next version? And so I kind of gave context
32:03
to, well, first of all, the short answer is I don't know.
32:06
I have a gist, but I don't know. And I'm actually really OK with
32:09
that answer because I think a lot of the time we always feel
32:12
we need to know exactly what's going to happen next.
32:14
Like, I know where I'm going. I know what my business is going
32:16
to look like. I know how we're going to do it.
32:17
I know how it's going to evolve. But like sometimes you just,
32:21
it's kind of OK to not know. I think about it like someone
32:24
who's producing an art piece that's abstract and they have
32:26
all these oil paints in front of them and they have all these
32:28
different tools they could use and they're like, I don't know
32:30
what that painting's going to look like.
32:31
I have a vision, but it could become something totally
32:33
different. So about a year and a half ago,
32:36
I go to this, I have a conversation and it cracked me
32:38
wide open. And I hired the coach that I met
32:42
and I, I went to go do my intensive.
32:45
And that intensive cracked me open more because when I tell
32:49
you, the initial conversation brought a little bit of
32:51
awareness. And I think about it like a, a
32:53
breaking of a window. There was like a crack in the
32:55
window. It was like a little burst.
32:57
And then I was like, interesting.
32:58
And I tried to put that away. I tried to go back into work.
33:00
Then I went into the intensive. It was like 2 more cracks, boom,
33:03
boom. And it's like, OK, great.
33:04
More, more spreading on the window.
33:06
And I thought, this is not good. So I'm like, there's things, I'm
33:10
feeling things, I'm seeing things like what's happening.
33:12
Felt very uncomfortable in that coaching of that intensive.
33:18
I realized I was not fulfilled in my business or in my life and
33:28
it's not grateful. I want to be very clear.
33:31
I'm so insanely grateful for my team and the women that have
33:34
been this journey with me. I'm so insanely grateful for my
33:36
clients. Like there's just no words to
33:40
describe. And it's not a matter of that
33:43
like I in the business, you know, wasn't getting benefit
33:47
from it. It was about the fact that I was
33:48
like, am I excited to dive into work everyday?
33:50
Am I, am I like giddy to go do this thing?
33:55
And I thought, like, I'm not. And like, why am I not?
33:57
Like I make this business, I drive this company, I design it
34:02
by my vision. Why am I not making it something
34:04
that's more enjoyable? It makes no sense.
34:06
And it's because if I had to really tune into what I wanted,
34:10
I had to face everything that I wasn't facing.
34:14
And so that prompted another break in the glass.
34:18
And as I knew it last, call it around May, my whole world
34:24
shattered because I was at this place where I realized that I
34:30
was hiding. I had things that I knew I
34:32
needed to do. I had things that I knew I need
34:35
to become. I had conversations I knew I
34:37
needed to have. I had feelings I knew I needed
34:39
to process. But yet I didn't.
34:44
And that's because I, if I just kept going, believed that at
34:48
some point down the line, something was just going to
34:51
allow with all the actions and steps and work for something to
34:54
change. And so I remember, you know,
34:58
calling off my engagement and, you know, separating from my
35:02
partner and all of that was kind of the first step in me figuring
35:08
out something without a plan because that was never an agenda
35:12
that I had. It was never a plan that I had.
35:13
It wasn't like this thing that I'm like, this is the move I'm
35:15
going to make. Like I will be really
35:17
transparent with you. Like the venue was booked.
35:19
I had my dress, like everything was done.
35:22
And I had this feeling. And until that point, remember,
35:26
I never honored my feeling. I only had honored the plan.
35:29
I only had honored the strategy. And so I have this really loud
35:33
feeling in me and again, it was Gray.
35:35
It wasn't like This is why this is all happening.
35:37
I just had this feeling I could not ignore.
35:39
And so I thought, OK, well, this is a Gray kind of feeling.
35:42
It's not very distinct and clear, but I have to move
35:44
because I need to honor feeling. Otherwise I'm going to go down
35:48
this path of just follow the plan and move with the steps and
35:52
follow the strategy both in my life and in the business.
35:55
I was like, I got to do something differently.
35:57
So I remember taking that step and when I did, something really
36:01
insane happened in me. And this I want to say for any
36:05
of you who are doing something really scary, when you take a
36:09
step on something that you don't have a plan for and it's not
36:13
crystal clear, but you're like 321 go.
36:16
There is such a fire and a trust that happens in you.
36:22
And you trust yourself at a level you've never been able to
36:25
trust yourself before because in those moments, all you're
36:29
betting on is you. And when I did, I felt so much
36:32
shame initially. I felt so much guilt.
36:35
I felt so much of like, Oh my God, am I literally ruining my
36:38
life here? Like what is going to happen?
36:41
But what that split caused me to do is finally feel something.
36:48
Finally feel something. And I will be honest, I cried
36:53
for months and months and months every single day.
36:57
I would go to get my coffee in the morning and I would blast
37:00
loud music and I would cry as much as humanly possible before
37:05
going back with my coffee to put my makeup on again.
37:07
On calls that day after work, I'd go for a walk.
37:10
I'd listen to, you know, music or, you know, anything I might
37:14
have been listening to at the time podcast.
37:16
And I would just cry. And I was so scared initially
37:22
because I was like, Oh my God, I don't know why I'm feeling like
37:24
this. Why am I crying?
37:25
Like I started to get really originally very nervous about
37:28
feeling. And I had someone share with me,
37:30
they said if it's coming up, it's coming out.
37:34
That line saved me in my healing because what I realized was
37:39
like, this was not just about the split.
37:42
This was about the lack of identity that I had.
37:44
This was about the fact that I hadn't felt any of my trauma.
37:46
This was about the fact that all these things had been brewing
37:49
under the surface and they were not processed and they were
37:54
showing up in my business. Not in the lens of necessarily
37:57
lack of results. Meaning they weren't showing up
37:59
in the fact like, oh, we weren't making sales or anything because
38:01
all that was great. They were showing up in the way
38:04
of like I was not feeling fulfilled.
38:08
And if I was going to feel feel fulfilled in every area of my
38:10
life, this was going to have to crack wide open.
38:13
And again, great thing that was also shared with me.
38:15
You can't go over it. You can't go under it.
38:17
You can't go around it. You have to go through.
38:20
And so until that point, I had been hyper masculine and I tried
38:25
to again back to the masculine energy.
38:27
I had tried to strategize and logistically think my way out of
38:30
everything I've been living in my head.
38:33
And now I had to kind of tap into being in my body and
38:38
feeling things. And it felt very uncomfortable
38:41
and it felt very foreign to me. And I remember there's so many
38:43
times where I would share for I was again getting coaching from
38:46
my coach, from my therapist, and I would share and I remember
38:49
saying, you know, well, I think this, I think that.
38:50
And like, yes, but how do you feel?
38:53
How does it feel in your body? And I remember being like, what
38:56
are you talking about originally?
38:58
But then eventually that prompt, I started to ask myself when I
39:00
was alone and I was OK, but how do I feel my body?
39:03
How do I feel my body? How do I feel my body?
39:05
And I realized I was like heavy and tension and overwhelm and
39:09
frustration. And I would really start to get
39:11
clarity of like what that feeling felt like.
39:14
And so over time, what I recognized was like, I had to
39:18
let the old way that I had done things die because while it's
39:21
served from a financial lens, it didn't really serve from a lot
39:24
of other lenses. I was not vulnerable.
39:28
I was not really living my authentic self.
39:30
I don't even think I really knew who that was, to be honest with
39:32
you. I was basically a robot.
39:35
Like I didn't really feel. I was just trying to like like
39:38
constantly just go on next thing, next thing, next thing.
39:41
And like control, control, control.
39:42
There was no surrender. And so now I was in, in this
39:45
invitation because of the split to feel the, the split caused me
39:50
to have to tune into feeling. And so I was like, great, like
39:54
321 here we go. Because I was like, I can't move
39:56
through this if I don't let it out, otherwise just going to sit
39:59
underneath the surface and be brewing in me.
40:02
And so for the first several months, as I said, I cried every
40:05
single day. And I used to think old Kate
40:08
would say, Oh my God, you're crying.
40:09
Are you OK? You're probably this, this,
40:11
this. And I would Add all these labels
40:13
And I now I'm just like, Hey, if I need to cry, it's because I
40:15
have something I need to feel and I need to feel that so I can
40:18
move on. Like that's just.
40:19
That's just where we're at. I just, I have to feel something
40:22
so that I can continue and progress.
40:25
And I realized very quickly that the feeling was going to be the
40:32
unlock in the business, like the feeling was going to be the
40:35
difference of how I scaled when I scaled, what it all looked
40:39
like. And so I leaned into that.
40:43
And I meant it meant that like I would prompt and it sounds so
40:47
weird to say out loud, but I tell my clients all the time.
40:49
I don't think I've shared it here though.
40:50
Like I prompt myself to cry. If I feel like I have emotions
40:53
stuck in me, I will intentionally put on a sad song.
40:55
I will intentionally do something that I know will cause
40:58
me to cry because it means that my body, my physical state needs
41:02
to release something. So I do.
41:04
And so the next several months became all about tapping into
41:06
the feminine. And again, previous to a lot of
41:10
my business, I didn't really know what that meant.
41:11
I literally, I used to think like feminine was like flowy
41:14
dresses and crystals. Like I was like, that's not me.
41:17
My gosh, like that's just not my vibe.
41:19
As I said here in jeans, the flowy dresses are still not
41:21
quite my vibe, but it's not about that.
41:23
It's about flow is about leaning into feeling as much as you are
41:29
your head. And so, you know, this started
41:33
to really transform my business, but it was messy because when
41:35
you have a certain way of doing things or certain ways of making
41:38
decisions, like if you're like tired and you're really, really
41:41
exhausted and you feel depleted, the old me would have been like,
41:45
OK, this is what we do. We feel it.
41:46
And we're like, whatever, you know, you have to want it bad
41:48
enough to do the hard thing. Boom, go.
41:50
And like you would just get up and go.
41:52
But now, like even this morning, as I record this, I didn't have
41:55
any calls this morning. So I was like, great, I'm just
41:56
going to like literally not set an alarm and see what time I
41:58
wake up. Old me would have never allowed
42:01
that to happen because I'm like regimented and hustle and like
42:03
you got to have like a consistent morning routine and
42:06
blah, blah, blah. It would have been so rigid.
42:08
So there was this like messy almost like when you think about
42:11
positive, negative on your shoulders, right?
42:13
Like you think about like devil and God on your shoulders or
42:16
negative and positive. That's how it felt.
42:18
It felt like the feminine me was like, you can flow and you can
42:21
be happy. You can be fulfilled.
42:22
And there was like the mask in who was like never.
42:24
And it's like structure and it was like strategy.
42:27
And I felt this tug of war because I was like, I feel like
42:29
I can't trust myself and my business.
42:30
I don't even know how to navigate this because I don't
42:32
know how to trust what's coming up.
42:35
And what I realized was it isn't actually like the one side is
42:40
black, the one side is white. It's actually living in the
42:42
Gray. And that was the problem is that
42:45
I had this all or nothing mindset of that I had to be all
42:47
feminine or all masculine or I had this, I had to have all
42:49
structure or no structure. And it's not about that.
42:52
It's about the duality of the two sides.
42:54
And So what I started to do is, is in each moment, whether it
42:56
was like sleeping in that day or should I clean today versus like
43:01
clean up and tidy up the house. That would make me feel better
43:03
versus, you know, go film another video or podcast, like
43:06
whatever it might be. What's like the thing to do?
43:09
And what I realized was that it's a moment to moment thing
43:13
and it's tuning into your value system, but then also tuning
43:16
into how you feel and trying to have those two pieces aligned
43:19
together. And what I will say is it has
43:24
cracked open me as a business owner and as a friend, as a, as
43:29
a partner in so many incredible ways.
43:32
And it's dominoed into like the biggest fulfillment in my entire
43:37
life. Like I am, I've never been
43:39
emotionally closer with so many people.
43:41
Like I realized I was very closed off because I wasn't
43:44
allowing myself to feel and to connect with people because I
43:48
didn't really feel like I was safe or comfortable to connect.
43:51
And I also recognize that like I, you know, even as a partner
43:57
in my past dynamic, like I tried with my energy, not consciously
44:01
to like be the dude. Like I was trying to like be the
44:03
provider and be the financial support and like have it handled
44:06
and make a structure and handle it.
44:07
And like I would never just surrender.
44:10
I would never like allow things to flow.
44:13
And so when I started to go through this transition in the
44:16
later, like the last probably, I would say like 9 months, it
44:20
became very apparent to me that like I had an invitation here to
44:22
become somebody different. But what I recognized was in
44:25
order for me to become this really harmonious version of me,
44:30
I had to let go of who I was. I had to let go of what I knew
44:33
to be true or knew to be the quote UN quote, right way or the
44:36
wrong way or any of that. I had to let go of all that to
44:38
say, OK, but what feels true to me right now?
44:40
What feels right to me right now?
44:42
And I share this because they had asked me at the dinner
44:46
about, you know, really the next version of me.
44:48
And I said the next version of me I think is really still in
44:51
development because I, I don't know that perfect equation for
44:55
me yet. I don't know how that balance
44:58
is, you know, really harmonious. Like I almost think about it
45:02
like harmony in you as a mask and feminine or even in your
45:06
schedule is like, if you think about a, an orchestra, it's like
45:10
if the trumpets are a little bit too loud, you're going to hear
45:13
it. And so like if you're the flutes
45:14
are a little bit too loud, you're going to hear it.
45:16
And so that's how I feel like I'm at right now in business is
45:18
that I, I'm at this place where I can along the way, I'm hearing
45:21
like got to tune those, tune the, the flutes down the other
45:24
ones, like got to, you know, make those trumpets a little bit
45:26
higher so we can hear them. Like that is how I feel with the
45:29
masculine feminine. I have these these higher voices
45:31
in some areas and lower voices and others that I'm kind of
45:34
tuning along the way. And it's been interesting
45:37
because it's the first place in my business where I wouldn't say
45:39
that I have this perfect plan, that I have this perfect vision
45:42
of exactly what's going to happen next.
45:44
And I think that that's the point.
45:46
It has allowed me better relationships with friends.
45:49
It has allowed me to be closer with my family.
45:51
It's allowed me to be more vulnerable with my clients in a
45:53
way that I've never been before. It brought in and called in the
45:57
most incredible relationship for me and gave me an opportunity in
46:00
a relationship to be in my feminine in a way that I really
46:03
to this point have never done so.
46:05
And I realized that in this entire journey, the business,
46:13
and I always knew this, but I realized I wasn't living it.
46:16
The business is just a reflection of us.
46:20
We always talk with the fact you don't have the business you want
46:22
because you haven't become the person to run it.
46:24
Or, you know, the lid of any business is the lid of its
46:26
leadership. That is true.
46:29
And So what I recognize is like my business was never going to
46:32
outgrow my operating system. And until that point, my
46:34
operating system was burnout, hustle, overwhelm and denial.
46:40
And so now we're in this place where I'm like, yes, I have
46:42
drive and yes, I have strategy and yes, I have structure, but
46:45
it's done so in a way it's not detrimental to me.
46:48
That's not going to impact me in some negative way or like
46:51
basically put me under in order to be able to grow.
46:54
And so I, I wanted to, to share this today and also two quotes
46:59
that they had asked me about. They said, is there a motto that
47:02
in this journey of evolution has really, you know, helped you?
47:05
One of them is for sure, if it's, if it's coming up, it's
47:08
coming out. That's definitely one that I
47:09
definitely have integrated a very, very deep level.
47:12
Another one that I asked myself is, if not you, then who?
47:16
And if not now, then when? And I, I want to kind of get
47:20
contact since I've shared now, if not you, then who?
47:22
I thought to my, to myself, like, if I'm not going to save
47:25
me, then who's going to do that? If I'm not going to change this
47:28
business and how it feels for me, who's going to come in and
47:31
just save the day to make this happen?
47:33
Like it's me, I got to be the one to do it.
47:36
And even when I had, you know, some, some of those feelings,
47:39
those little cracks in the glasses I noted in my past
47:42
relationship and I had some things that were coming up that
47:44
I realized weren't sitting OK with me.
47:48
If not now, then when? Like when you have 4 kids, when
47:51
you have, you know, like 2 careers and a home together and
47:55
all of these things like if not now, then when?
47:58
And also for me it was like, if not now, then when are you going
48:02
to feel? I always said like, oh, I can't
48:03
feel right now. I have too many things coming up
48:05
for me. I'm too busy.
48:06
If you can't make time to feel right now, then when are you
48:09
planning to schedule in time for you to feel like if not now,
48:12
then when? And also, if not you, then who
48:15
came up with, you know, thinking about what I wanted to build,
48:20
There's many times that I show this a lot because I want people
48:23
to, to understand you're not alone.
48:25
There's many times in my business that I've thought about
48:27
quitting. Truthfully, they're small
48:29
moments. They're like 30 seconds or maybe
48:31
even one day moments. But I've had those moments.
48:35
And then I realize that like, if I, I come from a family who has
48:41
all had the traditional like path of like go to school, get a
48:43
job, get married, have a house, have kids, all that.
48:46
And I, I knew I wanted to do something different.
48:48
And it not even just for me, for my family, like I knew, for
48:51
example, for my mom, that I wanted to give her a very
48:53
different life as she ages. And she really did so much for
48:56
us when we were kids. And so I was like, how do I do
48:58
that? I have to do something different
48:59
if I'm going, if I want to have a different life for me, for
49:02
her, for everybody, for my kids that I don't have yet, but I'm
49:05
manifesting. And so I, I realized that I had
49:09
to do different. And I, you know, Ed Mylet talks
49:12
about this on his podcast and he talks about the fact that in
49:15
every family, there's one person who will change the history of
49:19
the family as it's known. And for me, when I heard that
49:22
years and years and years ago, I tuned into that.
49:24
I was like, if not you, then who is like, if I'm not going to be
49:27
the one that's changing our story around money, our story
49:31
around careers, our story around whatever.
49:34
Like then who's going to do it? Who's going to change this
49:37
pattern? Who's going to flip the script?
49:38
If not me, then who's going to do it?
49:41
And I realized nobody, nobody is coming to save.
49:44
Nobody is going to come and make it all happen.
49:46
Like it is me. I am the one who has to, if I
49:49
want something different, see that different happen.
49:53
And so in those moments where I had this difficult time of
49:56
trying to navigate all the moving pieces, I recognize like
49:59
it is me. I can be my biggest problem and
50:02
I can also be my biggest solution.
50:04
And, you know, even pressure thinking about, you know, the
50:06
wedding that was coming up and all the pressure on the
50:08
timeline, like, I was like, I can either, you know, use this
50:11
pressure as like, Oh my God, this is like around the corner,
50:13
meaning like I have to just, you know, go through with it.
50:15
Or I was like, use this as the pressure or the, you know,
50:19
opportunity you needed to finally do the thing.
50:21
Choose you, choose the feeling, choose what you need.
50:23
And so I, I really wanted to share this today because they
50:27
asked such amazing questions at this dinner.
50:28
And these are the kind of conversations, by the way, of,
50:30
you know, partners and masculine, feminine, and making
50:33
the hard decision and being the change maker in your family and
50:36
the, the models that helped you to grow and the identities
50:38
we've, we've outgrown and how we've evolved from strategy to
50:42
synergy. Like these are the kind of
50:45
conversations that women need to be having.
50:48
And I'm so glad we were able to have at the dinner because today
50:53
I talked about my story, but so many women that evening shared
50:56
their story of what all of these different types of topics showed
50:59
up As for them. And I, I really want to
51:01
encourage you that if you are someone who feels like you have
51:06
maybe even parts of the story that you resonate with, maybe
51:09
it's the change maker in your family.
51:10
Maybe it's mental health, Maybe it's, you know, shifting out of
51:14
the doer in the masculine into more synergy in your feminine.
51:17
If it's about, you know, kind of letting go of old identities,
51:19
whatever it is, I want to invite you, it's going to be
51:24
uncomfortable. I want to invite you to share it
51:26
with somebody. Because I think what I have
51:30
understood in this process is that so much of this, we're all
51:34
feeling like the one, the most validating thing about entire
51:37
dinner was every single woman at that table was feeling it.
51:39
Every woman at that table had been experiencing something
51:42
along those lines, but just never really had a space to
51:45
share, never really had a space to feel seen.
51:48
And I, I, you know, one of the women said, I, I feel really
51:50
scared to kind of, or nervous to be seen on social media.
51:53
And so I said to her, do you feel like you're seen by the
51:56
people in your everyday life? And she was like, no.
52:01
And I said, OK, great. Well, if you're not seen by the
52:03
people in your everyday life, start there because of course
52:06
you're not going to feel OK to be seen by the masses of social
52:08
media if you don't even feel seen by your own mom, if you
52:11
don't even feel seen by your own sister, if you don't feel you're
52:13
seen by your best friend, like go put the reps in of being seen
52:17
in these small instances before the big scale.
52:19
And So what I recognize is that so many of us are going through
52:23
so many similar things as women. Oh my God, it's like, it was
52:26
crazy. I felt like everyone had the
52:27
same theme, same story, same insights and experiences and
52:31
different flavors. And it's such an invitation for
52:33
us to come together as women. It's such an invitation for us
52:36
to reach out to someone you know today and check in on how
52:39
they're not just how, oh, what are you up to?
52:41
Like, what are you doing? But like, how are you really
52:43
doing? How are you really doing?
52:46
And I think again, along the way, if someone had asked me
52:50
that, if someone maybe even at certain moments had asked you,
52:53
that very different answers would come out because we would
52:56
have actually been truly seen in the fact of, like, I can't hide
52:59
from this. And I think in today's world,
53:02
you know, there's so many things happening.
53:03
There's things happen with the economy.
53:05
There's things happening with, you know, life changes with
53:07
gender roles, with all of these different things.
53:09
There's a lot of evolution that's happening, some in very
53:12
positive ways and some in a little bit more intense ways.
53:15
And I think that this is an opportunity for us to open up
53:17
more dialogue. If I want like one thing more
53:21
than anything for the women in my world and also for the
53:24
clients that I serve, for the team that we have, for the
53:26
friends that I surround myself with, it's to have the like, the
53:30
more intentional, the deeper conversation because so much of
53:34
our day-to-day surface. If someone says to you like,
53:35
Hey, how are you doing? You're like, good, how are you?
53:37
It's your automatic response, even having that moment to say
53:42
and before you answer saying, how am I really doing?
53:43
You can say, well, I would say I'm probably, to be honest, like
53:47
pretty stressed about AB and C right now, but I'm feeling
53:50
better because of AB and C that I'm doing like that's an actual
53:54
answer versus just like, yeah, I'm good.
53:55
How are you? We're just so in this repetitive
53:57
nature of the surface level things that this conversation
54:00
the other day just really just landed for me in a way that I
54:03
can't quite describe. Because it showed me that every
54:06
day there are women just like me and you who are wanting to have
54:08
these conversations, who are having these conversations that
54:11
just don't quite have a place to do it.
54:13
And so I wanted to kind of allow this to be a space that we could
54:17
share today to allow that conversation to happen.
54:20
With that being said, I am continuing these conversations
54:23
at more events in the future. We do have a link on our
54:27
website. If you are somebody who wants to
54:29
join our event wait list, I'll give you a very quick one O 1 of
54:32
it. Our ambitious dinners are really
54:34
an extension of today's conversation.
54:36
They are an opportunity for you to connect with all different
54:38
types of industries, all different types of women at
54:40
different stages of business. The next one we will be hosting
54:42
is going to be in the GTA area. So that's in the Toronto area,
54:45
if anyone's not familiar from the area, and these are
54:48
typically around 20 ish or so women at a table.
54:51
We do that intentionally because the goal is by the time that you
54:54
leave the dinner, you have an understanding of the people at
54:56
the table and like who you're around and you kind of are able
54:59
to connect deep versus just getting a quick name and what
55:01
they do. And with this, this is really a
55:04
place for you to connect with people that you really need in
55:09
your circle right now, to have a conversations that you're really
55:11
craving to have, to have the activation of other people
55:14
giving you the real honest truth and feedback that maybe you need
55:17
in the season of your life or your business.
55:19
And so I want to invite you if you felt called from today,
55:22
obviously, if this doesn't, if this feels like you're like, I
55:24
got my people, Kate, no worries then girl, don't even worry.
55:27
But also, if you feel, you know, like me, that you really need
55:31
that support system, I want to invite you to put yourself in
55:33
the wait list. The wait list doesn't mean
55:35
anything. It just means that when the
55:36
dinner comes up, you'll be first in the know when it happens.
55:38
And you can decide at that point if it feels right for you.
55:41
But I want to just invite you to put your name on that wait list
55:43
as a a micro commitment toward you actually leaning into
55:48
building your community and your network.
55:50
We cannot do this alone. As entrepreneurs, we're not
55:52
meant to do this journey alone. We're not meant to build the
55:55
business alone. This is something that you can
55:57
have people in your corner to have ideas bounced off of and to
56:02
have conversations with and to go deep with and to help one
56:05
another. And it starts with building that
56:06
network with just the whole intention of why we want to do
56:08
this. So the dinners are not usually a
56:11
crazy cost. They are literally just for us
56:14
to cover the cost of your meal. And that is it.
56:15
We do not make additional profit.
56:17
And all this stuff on these events.
56:19
That's not what they're designed for.
56:20
This is designed literally just to bring women together and to
56:23
also enjoy some really good food and wine.
56:25
So all that to say, I hope today's episode and it being
56:28
unscripted was OK for you. I feel like I'd love, I'm
56:32
feeling like very exposed right now.
56:33
Not in a bad way, but I just feel like, OK, this is a very
56:36
different than my usual thing. So I just want to say it would
56:38
also mean a lot if you could just give me a quick thumbs up.
56:42
I was like, I loved the real raw episode.
56:44
Or if you're like, I like the strategy ones better, you know,
56:46
whatever it might be, I would love to just hear the feedback
56:49
from you. Any and all feedback is always
56:50
welcome. I'm always extremely like sponge
56:53
over here. Give it to me.
56:54
Any and all feedbacks appreciated.
56:55
So if today was something that you feel like you resonated with
56:58
or if you kind of would like a little bit more of the personal
57:00
episodes, I would love to hear that from you because it just
57:02
gives me a cue to kind of keep going with those versus the
57:05
strategy ones or maybe a mix of both Even.
57:07
So all that to say, if you want to slide in my DMS, it would
57:10
mean the absolute world to me. And with that being said, I will
57:13
see you on in the next episode. And, as always, stay ambitious.