Latest / ok storytime / I discovered that my aunt STOLE from me… so I exposed her lifelong secret! -r/AmITheAsshole | Reddit Stories | EP3097

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I discovered that my aunt STOLE from me… so I exposed her lifelong secret! -r/AmITheAsshole | Reddit Stories | EP3097 · ok storytime

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Hey, this is Riley. And this is Dakota, your favorite
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: OK Storytime host. And we've got some great stories coming up.
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: But before that, we have a quick two-minute break from
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: the sponsors that keep the show alive.
• 0:11
  Speaker 2: I discovered that my aunt stole from me, so I
• 0:13
  Speaker 2: exposed her lifelong secret. Expose her! I, 25 female, have
• 0:19
  Speaker 2: always been really close to my cousin Donnie, 22 male.
• 0:22
  Speaker 2: He had a harder time growing up because his parents
• 0:24
  Speaker 2: had some financial difficulties. He never went to bed hungry,
• 0:28
  Speaker 2: but they didn't have much money for luxuries. My uncle
• 0:31
  Speaker 2: met his wife in a spicy club where she was dancing.
• 0:35
  Speaker 2: No one in the family knows this, but she left
• 0:37
  Speaker 2: that work when she got married. I think we've found
• 0:40
  Speaker 2: the secret.
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: Secret spicy dancer.
• 0:45
  Speaker 2: I was trying to combine two different songs. Which two?
• 0:50
  Speaker 2: It was Tiny Dancer. And then also, oh, McLosa.
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: Does it sound like Tiny Dancer? Unfamiliar.
• 1:04
  Speaker 2: I was combining Tiny Dancer, Elton John, with Private Dancer,
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: Tina Turner. And you can understand Tiny Dancer, Tina, Tina,
• 1:13
  Speaker 2: Tina Dancer.
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: Tiny Tina. Tiny Tina. Tiny Tina Turner. You're a secret
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: tiny dancer.
• 1:21
  Speaker 2: No one knows.
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: You made your money.
• 1:25
  Speaker 3: Shaking booty on the pole.
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: And now you're in a financial hole.
• 1:33
  Speaker 2: She's a private dancer.
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: Money.
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: They have a business, which Donnie works for, that struggled
• 1:40
  Speaker 2: for years, but was one of the businesses that became
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: vital during the pandemic. So things really turned around for
• 1:47
  Speaker 2: them and they're making bank. This means that a few
• 1:49
  Speaker 2: months back, my cousin could have an amazing wedding and
• 1:53
  Speaker 2: a two month long worldwide honeymoon.
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: Wow. Dang.
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: They're doing a little more than just okay. They're doing
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: pretty well.
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: They're Mr. Worldwide.
• 2:04
  Speaker 2: They're Mr.
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: Worldwide. Mr. and Mrs. Worldwide.
• 2:07
  Speaker 2: I'm imagining they spent, if they were living luxuriously, upwards
• 2:13
  Speaker 2: of over $ 10, 000.
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: At least $ 10.
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: At least $ 10, somewhere over $ 10, 000. I was really happy
• 2:20
  Speaker 2: for him and proud. I grew up solidly middle class.
• 2:24
  Speaker 2: Nothing lavish, but we had some things that some would
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: consider luxuries. My parents, however, were not in a position
• 2:30
  Speaker 2: to pay for college for me, which I was chill about,
• 2:34
  Speaker 2: and I got loans. I've been working for two years,
• 2:37
  Speaker 2: and I still live with my parents while I pay
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: off the loans. I, unfortunately, couldn't get my master's because
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: it wasn't financially viable. By the way, this comes from
• 2:46
  Speaker 2: Auntie Exposer, and if you want to submit your own stories,
• 2:49
  Speaker 2: go to the r slash showcase story time subreddit.
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: I'm Sophia. I'm Dakota.
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: And we're here to give good advice goofily, but we
• 2:55
  Speaker 2: don't have all the answers. We've only got some tiny dancers.
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: That's true. They're the tiny dancers in our minds.
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: Did you like that that rhymed? I did. I didn't
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: even know that it would.
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: You were in flow state.
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: I was just in a flow state. And if you're
• 3:10
  Speaker 2: in a flow state, put it down in the comments.
• 3:13
  Speaker 2: Last weekend was my birthday party and my cousin showed
• 3:16
  Speaker 2: up without a gift. Your rich cousin who traveled for
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: two months around the world didn't bring you a birthday present?
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: What?
• 3:23
  Speaker 2: That's actually diabolical.
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: Nike. They had the whole world to choose from.
• 3:28
  Speaker 2: They got the whole world to choose a present from.
• 3:31
  Speaker 2: Could have gotten you a present from any of those places.
• 3:34
  Speaker 2: His wife made a comment jokingly about how they can't
• 3:37
  Speaker 2: afford anything after spending X amount of money on their wedding.
• 3:42
  Speaker 2: None of this bothered me because gifts are not an expectation,
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: but my dad was visibly upset. I asked him about
• 3:48
  Speaker 2: this and he opened a can of worms. Turned out
• 3:52
  Speaker 2: that I used to have a healthy college fund until
• 3:55
  Speaker 2: my mom secretly lent it to my aunt and uncle
• 3:58
  Speaker 2: to help save their business when I was 15.
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: Lent?
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: Lent?
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: What is it, Easter?
• 4:05
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm sorry. I assume after the 40 days, you
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: get that money back.
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: Time to give it back. Where's my loan?
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: The agreement was that as soon as they were able,
• 4:15
  Speaker 2: they would pay it back to my mom. They haven't
• 4:18
  Speaker 2: returned a dime. They have, in the last three years,
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: bought a second house, flown first class overseas twice, and
• 4:25
  Speaker 2: paid for Donnie's wedding and honeymoon. I would have been
• 4:28
  Speaker 2: a lot angrier a lot earlier than your parents seem
• 4:31
  Speaker 2: to have been. Their excuse is that I'm done with college,
• 4:34
  Speaker 2: and their son works hard, so he deserves it more. What? Huh?
• 4:40
  Speaker 2: Whose excuse? Donnie's parents? Donnie's parents? Presumably your parents worked
• 4:46
  Speaker 2: for that money that they gave Donnie's parents. So I
• 4:50
  Speaker 2: would say they deserve it more.
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't know if it was your college fund
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: that was for you.
• 4:55
  Speaker 2: My father got so annoyed at my aunt while relaying
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: this to me that he decided to punt them out.
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: While trying to calm him down, I said, we both
• 5:03
  Speaker 2: know she only thinks about herself and Donnie. If she
• 5:05
  Speaker 2: had any class, she wouldn't dress like she's still a
• 5:08
  Speaker 2: spicy dancer.
• 5:09
  Speaker 3: Ooh.
• 5:10
  Speaker 2: Ooh.
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: Still spicy. She's got the pretty woman outfits on.
• 5:14
  Speaker 2: Operative words still. I was so preoccupied, I didn't realize
• 5:18
  Speaker 2: that my entire family had quietly walked up with the
• 5:21
  Speaker 2: candles lit, ready to sing to me, and they heard everything.
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: Oh.
• 5:29
  Speaker 2: My aunt left and has since sent my mom a
• 5:31
  Speaker 2: message that we will never be seeing that money as
• 5:33
  Speaker 2: it is now compensation for her pain and suffering.
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: Oh, that's really convenient.
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: She's like, I wasn't going to give you the money anyway,
• 5:41
  Speaker 2: but now I have a reason.
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah, now it's emotional damage.
• 5:45
  Speaker 2: Now it's because everyone knows about my job that I
• 5:50
  Speaker 2: used to have. I didn't mean to out her and
• 5:53
  Speaker 2: be so rude. I was dealing with a lot of
• 5:55
  Speaker 2: emotions and shock over this. I still am. My family
• 5:59
  Speaker 2: doesn't know why we were so angry, so they just
• 6:01
  Speaker 2: think I'm an a-hole and I don't want to tell
• 6:03
  Speaker 2: them the whole story. But I'm not sure if it's
• 6:05
  Speaker 2: excusable either way. So am I the a-hole? And we've
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: got an update. But what do you think?
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: I mean, you didn't, like, do a town square message going,
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: hear ye, hear ye. It just, it was a random circumstance.
• 6:21
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you weren't like, she's a dancer for money to everyone.
• 6:25
  Speaker 2: You just said that to your dad. And then they
• 6:27
  Speaker 2: were behind you.
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah, look, if they've got the money. Yeah. If they
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: danced for that money, I don't care how they got it.
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: It was your money. They need to pay back you,
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: your mom and you. It's crazy. They're just like, oh, well, really,
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: whatever they said, their explanation. I can translate that. It's
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: really just I mean, it would be difficult and we'd
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: have to confront them and like probably start a fight
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: because they don't want to give the money back right away.
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: So we don't want to do that.
• 6:53
  Speaker 2: At this point, I feel like you should because it
• 6:56
  Speaker 2: feels like your relationship with them is pretty strained anyway.
• 6:59
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: So let's get the money back. Let's start some fights.
• 7:03
  Speaker 2: But we got an update. My cousin asked me to
• 7:05
  Speaker 2: meet him alone this morning. It turned out he knew
• 7:08
  Speaker 2: nothing about all of this. His mom had been keeping
• 7:11
  Speaker 2: it quiet. He took this week to consult with a
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: lawyer to figure out how much money they owe. He
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: has also recently uncovered two things. Firstly, the business has
• 7:20
  Speaker 2: been evading taxes. So he is very glad we didn't
• 7:24
  Speaker 2: take legal action.
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: Huh. Hmm.
• 7:26
  Speaker 2: Huh.
• 7:28
  Speaker 3: Huh.
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: Hmm.
• 7:29
  Speaker 2: Sounds like maybe none of you deserve the money that
• 7:32
  Speaker 2: you have. He has started the process to come clean
• 7:35
  Speaker 2: and pay that back. Secondly, she also borrowed money from
• 7:38
  Speaker 2: my grandparents, a decent amount, which she has never paid back.
• 7:42
  Speaker 2: They have since passed on, so the lawyer said that
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: amount will form part of the estate and will be
• 7:48
  Speaker 2: owing between the three siblings. My cousin offered to sell
• 7:51
  Speaker 2: his house to pay in full immediately if need be,
• 7:55
  Speaker 2: but as an alternative... He and his lawyer have created
• 7:58
  Speaker 2: a payment plan that would pay for my master's immediately.
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: They will take over my loan repayments immediately as well,
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: and once it's paid, they will continue paying my mom
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: back monthly until the total is settled. We will obviously
• 8:11
  Speaker 2: be going with the plan where he doesn't lose his home.
• 8:14
  Speaker 2: Despite my cousin and his lawyer seeming fair, they have
• 8:17
  Speaker 2: both advised me to find my own lawyer for my
• 8:19
  Speaker 2: mom's interests, and they have also offered to pay for that.
• 8:23
  Speaker 2: because of the age of the loan and lack of
• 8:25
  Speaker 2: effort to collect on my mom's side, they could legally
• 8:28
  Speaker 2: contest it or some of it, but my cousin won't
• 8:31
  Speaker 2: be doing that. My cousin apologized to me profusely and
• 8:35
  Speaker 2: said that he wouldn't ask me to keep the secret
• 8:37
  Speaker 2: from the family, but appreciates that I kept it to
• 8:40
  Speaker 2: myself and hopes we can continue that as long as
• 8:43
  Speaker 2: he upholds the agreement we make. My cousin is an
• 8:46
  Speaker 2: amazing human and we will work with him to try
• 8:49
  Speaker 2: to make the impact of his mother's actions on his
• 8:51
  Speaker 2: life Be as little as possible while remaining fair. And
• 8:55
  Speaker 2: the best part of all this was that he planned
• 8:57
  Speaker 2: on giving me my gift after my party when we
• 9:00
  Speaker 2: were alone because he didn't want to steal my thunder.
• 9:03
  Speaker 2: It was a gift card and inside the envelope was
• 9:06
  Speaker 2: a sonogram. I'm going to be a godmother soon and
• 9:11
  Speaker 2: I can't wait. How exciting. And we have more answers
• 9:18
  Speaker 2: and explanations later. From OP, but any thoughts on all
• 9:22
  Speaker 2: of this and how the cousin's going about it?
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: You know, sometimes you find out you've been swindled out
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: of money and you end up being a godmother.
• 9:30
  Speaker 2: It's true. And sometimes you find out someone swindled you
• 9:34
  Speaker 2: into money and you must pay all of those people
• 9:38
  Speaker 2: back and get a lawyer.
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: That's two sides of the coin.
• 9:43
  Speaker 2: Two sides of that coin you must pay back. Well,
• 9:46
  Speaker 2: we've got answers. the money was in a savings account
• 9:49
  Speaker 2: that was going to be used for my college costs.
• 9:51
  Speaker 2: It was in my mom's name, so legally hers. She
• 9:54
  Speaker 2: told my dad when I was applying for colleges, he's
• 9:57
  Speaker 2: known for some time. I don't know if it affected
• 10:00
  Speaker 2: the relationship and i don't plan on asking her and
• 10:03
  Speaker 2: my father have done little to get the money back
• 10:05
  Speaker 2: because she's not coping well with stress due to being
• 10:07
  Speaker 2: sick any final thoughts i wish you well i wish
• 10:11
  Speaker 2: you well i wish your mother well I would also,
• 10:14
  Speaker 2: if I was your father, be pretty upset that your mom,
• 10:18
  Speaker 2: I mean, at least in your words, secretly gave your.
• 10:22
  Speaker 4: Aunt that money, which is not cool, especially because it was,
• 10:27
  Speaker 4: not only was it just their, you know, collective family money,
• 10:32
  Speaker 4: but it was your college fund.
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: I mean, at the end of the day, they can say, well,
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: we're gonna put this to them, but that's weird. especially
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: when it was like, we're going to give them this money,
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: but they have to pay it back, and then they
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: just never do. You're missing half the equation there.
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah, go get your money. Well, we've got a little
• 10:51
  Speaker 2: bit left. My aunt was upset because I outed a
• 10:54
  Speaker 2: 25-year-long lie, more so than people knowing her previous work.
• 10:59
  Speaker 2: I have apologized to her for what I said via
• 11:01
  Speaker 2: text and have left it at that. I wouldn't even
• 11:03
  Speaker 2: apologize to her. She literally stole your money.
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: Yeah, or she let your money be stolen and never
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: got it back.
• 11:10
  Speaker 2: I have yet to hear back from her. I have
• 11:12
  Speaker 2: also confronted my prejudice against spicy sleep workers privately. I
• 11:16
  Speaker 2: won't deny I have judged her because of it. It's
• 11:19
  Speaker 2: not something I'm proud of. This blew up at a
• 11:21
  Speaker 2: bad time because my dad had overheard that my aunt
• 11:24
  Speaker 2: is so proud of my cousin for moving out and
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: living on his own at 22. He just boiled over
• 11:29
  Speaker 2: on my behalf. That's actually wild for her to even
• 11:34
  Speaker 2: act like Donnie is somehow better than you for moving out.
• 11:39
  Speaker 2: When she used your parents' money that was yours.
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and without it, the business would have imploded and
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: they wouldn't be making all this money.
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: They wouldn't have nothing. But that's the end of that story.
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: We've got nothing left of this story, but we have
• 11:52
  Speaker 2: a lot left of other stories.
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: My mother demanded I buy gifts for all of our
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: relatives using my life saving.
• 12:01
  Speaker 2: What if I didn't do that?
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: So, background, I, 22, female, started modeling at age 13.
• 12:08
  Speaker 2: Although.
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: I did buy things like textbooks, but that's small in
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: the grand scheme of things. Anyway, my modeling jobs and
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: insane savings and investing discipline let me build a great
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: nest egg that I've now put in emergency funds, retirement accounts,
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: and investment in the 50 to 80k range. I don't
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: plan to spend it even now. It's my investment into
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: my future. Perhaps buying property, or when I'm 30 and
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: wanting to start a family. Who knows? I didn't make
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: as much money as I probably could have if I
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: took full advantage of a modeling career because I took
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: school very seriously. I don't mean to sound like I'm
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: tooting my horn, but I was easily the most studious,
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: although not the most naturally intelligent, in my generation of
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: my extended family and made great grades and did the
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: best in college, academic and career-wise.
• 13:20
  Speaker 2: I don't want to say that you're tooting your horn either,
• 13:23
  Speaker 2: but you're tooting your horn.
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: I don't want to toot my horn, but....
• 13:30
  Speaker 2: I know you don't want to toot your horn, but
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: are you a jazz hornist?
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: You're tooting it. By the way, this comes from Am
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: I Being Scrooge? And if you want to submit your
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: own stories, go to the r slash OK Storytime subreddit.
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: I'm Dakota.
• 13:42
  Speaker 2: I am Sophia.
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: And we're going to read this story and have our
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: good advice goofily, and you can let us know what
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: you would do as well. But we don't always know everything,
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: so remember that. And OP says... Most of my extended
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: family is very comfortably middle class to pretty wealthy upper
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: middle class. We are Asian, so maybe my problem is
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: related to culture. We are also very close, closer than
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: any other extended family group I know. I am the
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: eighth youngest out of about 15, so middle range. I
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: have 14 aunts and uncles and three grandparents each. Big family. Yowza.
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: They're awesome for the most part. When I graduated from college,
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: I decided against pursuing modeling, which is a bad long-term
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: career and a waste of my degree. And I went
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: into a corporate life instead. I landed a job as
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: an assistant planner for a major luxury retailer. Expensive stuff.
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: I now live in New York City and make 50K,
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: which frankly isn't great money considering the insane living expenses.
• 14:45
  Speaker 2: 50K in New York is tough.
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: Indeed. And I've been at my first job for a month.
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: I live like my nest egg doesn't exist, really. I'm
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: very low maintenance, and so I'm living pretty below my means.
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: Bagged lunches, lower than usual rent in a not-so-glamorous neighborhood.
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: I've already used my job perks to get my mom
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: and two grandmas gorgeous high-end wallets. Like a little Louis V.
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: And I also got my dad a nice shirt. Or
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: something as a thank you. I've already dropped about $ 550
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: on these, way out of my means without taking the
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: nest egg into consideration, but worth it considering how nice
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: my parents were to pay for things like college. My
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: siblings and cousins asked to pitch in for the Christmas
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: gift since it's the nicest gift my grandparents and mom
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: would have ever received, so maybe I'll end up having
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: to spend less. On to the actual problem. So, my
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: mom called me a week ago and has nagged me
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: about it since, saying that I need to buy all
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: 16 aunts and uncles and my grandparents separate gifts as
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: a thank you for treating me well while growing up.
• 15:52
  Speaker 2: They said they complimented you a couple times. Every Christmas,
• 15:57
  Speaker 2: they would say Merry Christmas to you.
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: Yes, and now you must pay them back with money.
• 16:03
  Speaker 2: I don't have. I'll send them a card.
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: To be clear, I was not given any special treatment.
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: We were all treated pretty much equally. She demands I
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: use my own money and says because of my nest egg,
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: I can afford it and that it's custom to do so.
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: She also demands all the presents be small but nice
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: gifts from my company's store and that I need to
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: do this by Thanksgiving when I come back home. Okay,
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: first of all, Oh my god. What? What? That's over $ 1, 000.
• 16:52
  Speaker 2: That's crazy for her to, and then you just look
• 16:57
  Speaker 2: at her, you just look at her and you say,
• 16:59
  Speaker 2: you want me to spend over $ 1, 000?
• 17:00
  Speaker 3: Yeah. No.
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: What are we talking? I did the math. That's around
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: 800 to 1,000 total. Yes, I have a nest egg,
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: but I still think that's an insane amount of money
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: considering I don't make much anymore and I'm trying to
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: use my money for investment purposes, which is why I've
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: been frugal with it since I was a child. Plus,
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: I'm not the first kid to get my adult job.
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: Several of my siblings and cousins who are older than
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: me landed jobs, too. Some a year or two before
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: I did. And no kid has ever had to do this.
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: I don't get why I'm the only one getting this demand.
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: I think you do. It's the nest egg.
• 17:37
  Speaker 2: The nest egg. Never tell people about your nest eggs.
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: They want to get into the nest. They want to
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: drink the egg.
• 17:44
  Speaker 2: Let me in there. Let me in there.
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: Now, because of my glamorous job, my nest egg, and
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: my corporate discount, which, even with that, it's still insanely
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: expensive stuff at this store, I have to, and only me?
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: My cousin who has been working full-time four years ahead
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: of me never had to, and he lives at home.
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: I have rent and bills to pay, and I really
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: don't want to dip into my savings to do this. Plus,
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: I think if anyone really deserves gifts in that price range,
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: it's my parents who paid for my life during my
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: college years, which is why I bought those nice gifts
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: already for Christmas. I called my sister to ask if
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: what my mom was requesting was reasonable, and she said
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: it's perfectly reasonable and equated me to being a Scrooge.
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: She says you're rich and that I need to loosen
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: the purse strings a little and that $ 1, 000 is perfectly
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: reasonable considering I'm only going to do this once.
• 18:38
  Speaker 2: Once this year. And then next year they'll say, well,
• 18:42
  Speaker 2: you gotta be nice this Christmas too.
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you're so rich. Then she goes on that modeling
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: was handed over to me and I never had to
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: work hard for it. So what's the big deal? Yes,
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: I was born with the right height and face, but
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: I also had to compromise a ton of school opportunities
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: to work. Far fewer friends in college because I never
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: had time to. And I had to die at a
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: crap dump since I was 15 to keep my weight
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: in check. I still networked massively at my school and
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: worked very hard to get to where I am now.
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: So I'm a bit insulted that she says it was
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: all handed to me and now I should give it
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: back as a thank you. Maybe I am Scrooge, but
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: I think the best compromise is that I do the
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: gift thing, which fine, I'll be the one kid that
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: does that, whatever. But I will buy very small things
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: like household decor or Christmas ornaments for each couple, aunt
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: and uncle. I might buy something more reasonably priced like
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: cosmetics for my grandmas, maybe a hat for grandpa. I
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: don't know. I need to check out the store. My
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: absolute max for everything will instead be $ 400 to $ 500,
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: and I can pull this off if I don't do
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: this at Thanksgiving, but Christmas instead, since my job will
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: allow it. for even bigger discounts on the same items
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: anyway my sister proceeded to call me uptight and my
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: mom said she's disappointed in me i have to deal
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: with their bs at thanksgiving am i a cheapskate it's.
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: Just so incredibly unreasonable to ask you to pay a
• 20:03
  Speaker 2: thousand dollars for 14 people i mean like you.
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: Know Just wait for Christmas. Do what you're thinking. Yeah.
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: Just get them something small. Just a token of appreciation. Honestly,
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: the best way to do that wouldn't even be with
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: a monetary thing, but maybe it is a cultural thing.
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 20:22
  Speaker 2: Hard, honestly, would be better of you saying, okay, I...
• 20:26
  Speaker 2: I don't know. I think it's always sometimes people are
• 20:29
  Speaker 2: so like, I need the gift. I need the gift.
• 20:31
  Speaker 2: But sometimes people don't even use those gifts.
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: Well, I think there's a lot more weight sometimes to
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: like obligated gift giving in Asian culture sometime. But there
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: is an update. Five days later. So I read through
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: all the messages and private messages with a lot of thought.
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: Particularly the ones that mentioned the cultural context. I'm Korean.
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: First things first, there definitely were people jumping to conclusions.
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: My mom is one of the most selfless people I know.
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: She's the type that fussed over my moving expenses and
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: insisted on buying me a mattress because if you buy
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: your own, you'll buy a cheap one and I want
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: you to rest well. Good mom. She also bought my
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: sheets and checks up on how I'm doing often. When
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: I decided against a career... that would have paid much
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: more to pursue the fashion industry, she said to go
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: for it. Same with my sister. Other typical Asian parents
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: would have flipped their lid. She isn't someone who would
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: demand a mile because I gave her an inch and
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: neither is my dad. They never felt entitled to my money.
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: They could have legally used it when I was a
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: minor or whatever, and they never touched my earnings, and
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: even when I offered to help with some kind of expense,
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: they turned the offers down. Sometimes, though, I do think
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: my mom gets too obsessed with how other Asians perceive
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: her and her family, And she's got her goods and bads. Yeah,
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: it's definitely like the social hierarchy, social construct pressure.
• 21:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah, she wants her child to be, you know, to
• 21:56
  Speaker 2: bring her a lot of respect. And she gets to
• 21:58
  Speaker 2: point to them and say, oh, like, well, I know
• 22:01
  Speaker 2: you have a nice child, but my child spent $ 1, 000
• 22:04
  Speaker 2: for all her aunts and uncles.
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: Yes, my child could get a gift for all of
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: her aunts from her nice high-end store.
• 22:11
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: All her aunts and her uncles and her grandparents. She's
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: so great. My parents have also been hugely struggling with
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: the fact that I don't really identify with Asian culture.
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: I'm openly not religious, which is rare for Koreans. I
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: don't pay attention to K-dramas. I have never dated a
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: Korean guy, and most of my friends are not Korean.
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: So this gift thing might have to do with that.
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: I also feel people made strange assumptions about my family.
• 22:35
  Speaker 1: My family never even mentioned receiving gifts. It was all
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: my mom's idea. They didn't even know about the wallets.
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: They were never entitled to my earnings or perks, and
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: in fact, nobody has even called me up to ask
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: to use my discount or anything. I talked things out
• 22:52
  Speaker 1: with my boyfriend and a friend who's also Korean. They
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: had different perspectives on the matter, but ultimately encouraged me
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: to do what I want to, not what is demanded
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: of me. Honestly, I do think the gifting thing is
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: not a bad idea, despite my cousins never having had
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: to do it. I did have an aunt that gave
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: me a bunch of her bought-but-not-warrant designer clothes, so I
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: didn't have to buy fancy clothes for work, and gifted
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: me some stunning pieces I could never have afforded, or
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: another aunt that let me live rent-free with her while
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: I modeled abroad. For those two aunts, I'll think of
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: some other way to thank them, but the point is, overall,
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: my family is very supportive of me, and I do
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: appreciate it. My mom did end up texting my sister
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: a few days ago, and she had the same demand,
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: and my sister texted me back saying so. She agreed
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: to it but has no idea what to gift since
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: she lives on a similar budget to myself but with
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: no discount perk. She agreed to do it by Thanksgiving
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: so I can see what she did and try to
• 23:47
  Speaker 1: do something of similar caliber unless it's out of my
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: price range. I called my mom and told her I'll
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: gift my family but on my terms. I refused to
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: do it by Thanksgiving but by Christmas for several reasons.
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: The gifts could be the same but there's a special
• 24:01
  Speaker 1: event for employees where the discounts can double or triple
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: before Christmas. For like three days. So I could get
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: the same nice things at even less cost. Stand on
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: your business. I think this is a great compromise.
• 24:13
  Speaker 2: Yeah. I think you're doing what your mom wanted, just
• 24:19
  Speaker 2: a little bit more reasonably. And I don't think she should.
• 24:23
  Speaker 2: I'm sure she still will complain, but I don't think
• 24:26
  Speaker 2: she'll complain as much.
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: I don't think it'll be as loud.
• 24:29
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 24:29
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah. Opie says, I told her the gifts might
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: be from the off-price or sister store counterpart of my
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: company if it makes more sense with my budget and
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: what I want to give. I also refused to drop
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: any more than $ 400. I told my mom my nest
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: egg was off limits because it was an investment for
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: my future. So my gifting will come from my actual earnings.
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: And I refused to buy for each individual, telling her
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: I'm buying per family unit and grandparent. Finally, I refused
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: to let her decide what the gifts will be, but
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: I promised I will keep it even and not buy
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: something nicer for one family and not the other. She
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: hated the ornaments idea because some of my family might
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: not even bother putting up a tree. So I think
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: I'm going to go for chocolates or see what the
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: off price and sister stores have as well. I agree
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: it's silly to give a nice ornament if they don't
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: hang it up. And if I planned a gift by Christmas,
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: an ornament is a pretty late gift. And my mom
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: took it well. She apologized for asking me to dip
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: into my savings.
• 25:30
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: Good.
• 25:32
  Speaker 2: Big wins.
• 25:33
  Speaker 4: Oh, good.
• 25:34
  Speaker 2: I feel like you explaining, hey, I'm not dipping into
• 25:38
  Speaker 2: this because I'm trying to be smart about my finances
• 25:41
  Speaker 2: for the future is a good way to do it
• 25:45
  Speaker 2: when you have a parent that is like this, I feel.
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: Yeah. She was a bit pushy on what I planned
• 25:51
  Speaker 1: to give, but I stood firm. We stand firm. We
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: stand tall. We hold the line.
• 25:57
  Speaker 2: Stand together. Don't break the line.
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: But get him a nice little something, you know? Get
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: him a bag. Get him a bag charm.
• 26:04
  Speaker 2: Bag of See's candy. No one hates a bag of
• 26:07
  Speaker 2: See's candy.
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: Bag of candy. There it is. Now you see it.
• 26:10
  Speaker 2: Or a box of candy.
• 26:10
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: But that is the end of that story. We got
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: another one. Hey, this is Riley, your favorite Southern Belle.
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: We're going to get back to these stories, but here's
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: three minutes worth of ads from our sponsors. My grandmother
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: refused to come to my baby's party unless I invited
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: my entitled uncle.
• 26:27
  Speaker 2: Guess you're not coming to my baby's party. I, 23 female,
• 26:32
  Speaker 2: have an almost one-year-old daughter, and the last six months
• 26:37
  Speaker 2: I've been planning her first birthday. You've been planning her
• 26:41
  Speaker 2: first birthday for six months?
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: For half of her life.
• 26:45
  Speaker 2: Half of her life you've been planning her first birthday?
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: It's a small celebration because we're paying for everything ourselves,
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: and we're on a tight budget.
• 26:52
  Speaker 2: And she's a baby.
• 26:54
  Speaker 1: And she's one. From the beginning, I decided I only
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: wanted to invite people who are genuinely involved in my
• 26:59
  Speaker 1: daughter's life, people who visit her and ask about her
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: and remember her birthday, and actually make an effort to
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: be present. To be fair, it's easy to forget when
• 27:08
  Speaker 1: there hasn't been one yet, right?
• 27:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like, oh, wait, when was she born?
• 27:12
  Speaker 1: Well, there's only been one birthday the day she was born.
• 27:14
  Speaker 2: How am I supposed to remember something that's only happened once?
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: I even had to leave out some close friends because
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: I simply couldn't afford to invite everyone. One person who
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: wasn't on the guest list was my dad's brother. I'll
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: call him Dan. I have absolutely nothing against his son.
• 27:31
  Speaker 1: He's a wonderful kid. Dan, on the other hand, is
• 27:35
  Speaker 1: one of the most entitled people I've ever met. He's
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: constantly unemployed because his job is supposedly beneath him. Someone
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: even helped him get a car so he could work
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: as a taxi driver, and he refused because he thought
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: driving a taxi wasn't good enough for him. Despite always
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: needing help from others, he somehow still acts like the
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: world owes him something. More importantly, he's never made any
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: effort to have a relationship with my daughter. He rarely
• 28:04
  Speaker 1: asks about her, never visits, and has never been involved
• 28:07
  Speaker 1: in her life, so honestly, inviting him never even crossed
• 28:11
  Speaker 1: my mind. By the way, this comes from user CharmanderUwu.
• 28:15
  Speaker 1: If you want to submit your own stories, go to
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: the r slash OKStoryTime subreddit. I'm Dakota.
• 28:19
  Speaker 2: I'm Sophia.
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: And our duty is to read this story and give
• 28:23
  Speaker 1: our goofy advice. But we can't be right all the time,
• 28:27
  Speaker 1: so let us know what you would do in the comments.
• 28:30
  Speaker 1: Or let us know if you think we're completely wrong.
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: And OP says, The problem started after my grandparents came
• 28:37
  Speaker 1: into the picture. My grandmother has a habit of getting
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: my father to pressure everyone into doing what she wants
• 28:43
  Speaker 1: instead of accepting no for an answer. If she wants
• 28:47
  Speaker 1: the family car, she convinces my dad to lend it
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: to her for days. If she wants someone to change
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: their mind, she doesn't talk to that person directly. She
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: pressures my father until he pressures everyone else. This has
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: happened before. While I was pregnant, I had already chosen
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: my daughter's name and I wanted her to have one
• 29:05
  Speaker 1: first name. My grandmother disagreed. She was sending me Arabic
• 29:10
  Speaker 1: names because my family has Palestinian roots and insisted that
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: I should at least give my daughter one as a
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: middle name. I politely refused. Over and over. Eventually, she
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: started calling my father, hoping he would convince me to
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: change my mind. He tried, but I still registered my
• 29:27
  Speaker 1: daughter with the single name I had chosen. I'd It'd
• 29:30
  Speaker 1: be funny if OP is actually talking about naming their
• 29:33
  Speaker 1: daughter like Madonna. Yeah, they're like Cher. Yeah, it's just
• 29:37
  Speaker 1: one word.
• 29:37
  Speaker 2: This is my daughter, Cher, and that's it.
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: So this pattern is not new. For the birthday, I
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: invited my grandparents. I did not invite Dan, and I
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: also never told my grandparents they could bring him. When
• 29:52
  Speaker 1: my grandmother realized that he wasn't invited, she announced that
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: she wasn't coming either because it's the only family your
• 29:59
  Speaker 1: father has. Then Dan complained to my dad. Instead of
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: respecting my decision, my father called me and started pressuring
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: me to invite them. I explained that every additional guest
• 30:09
  Speaker 1: costs money.
• 30:10
  Speaker 2: What are you doing?
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: I will say.
• 30:13
  Speaker 2: What's the celebration?
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: You're a little off the wall here for having a...
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: I don't even know what to call it. Like a
• 30:23
  Speaker 1: extravagant somewhat... I mean, maybe it's not.
• 30:28
  Speaker 2: Well, OP said, you know, oh, we're doing a small things.
• 30:32
  Speaker 2: We're paying for a pocket. But like in my mind,
• 30:35
  Speaker 2: a small thing for a one year old is a
• 30:38
  Speaker 2: couple people come over for dinner and we blow out
• 30:40
  Speaker 2: a candle.
• 30:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Like who are we? Are we getting the wiggles?
• 30:45
  Speaker 1: Are we booking the wiggles for this evening's entertainment? What's
• 30:48
  Speaker 1: going on? This should be dipping into the piggy bank,
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: not the savings account. Yeah.
• 30:53
  Speaker 2: Why did it take you six months to plan this?
• 30:56
  Speaker 1: Uh, I explained that every additional guest costs money. No
• 31:00
  Speaker 1: one offered to pay for those extra meals. No one
• 31:03
  Speaker 1: offered to help with the decorations or anything else. They
• 31:06
  Speaker 1: simply expected me to make room because they believed they
• 31:09
  Speaker 1: were entitled to be there. What frustrates me even more
• 31:13
  Speaker 1: is that inviting Dan means I now feel obligated to
• 31:15
  Speaker 1: invite some of my partner's relatives too. We had intentionally
• 31:19
  Speaker 1: kept both sides of the family small to stay within
• 31:21
  Speaker 1: our budget. If I make an exception for my uncle,
• 31:24
  Speaker 1: it wouldn't be fair not to make the same exception
• 31:27
  Speaker 1: for my partner's family. People who have actually been much
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: more present in our daughter's life. So this isn't just
• 31:33
  Speaker 1: adding two extra guests anymore, it's five. Five people I
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: hadn't budgeted for, five extra meals, and five more seats.
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: And not a single person who pressured me offered to
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: contribute financially. Are you booking a venue?
• 31:47
  Speaker 2: They must be. They must be booking some sort of venue.
• 31:50
  Speaker 4: Because.
• 31:52
  Speaker 2: I don't know. Solution number one, potluck.
• 31:55
  Speaker 1: Yeah, straight. Solution number one, a birthday where it doesn't
• 31:59
  Speaker 1: cost any money at all to do it because it's
• 32:02
  Speaker 1: just people at your place. Yeah. They're one.
• 32:05
  Speaker 2: Like you literally just say like, hey, everyone come over,
• 32:09
  Speaker 2: bring a dish. I'll make some food.
• 32:13
  Speaker 1: Have a picnic at the park.
• 32:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah, for real. They're one years old.
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: My partner keeps saying that if someone isn't paying for
• 32:19
  Speaker 1: the party, they don't get to decide the guest list.
• 32:22
  Speaker 1: He also hates seeing my father constantly manipulated into pressuring
• 32:26
  Speaker 1: me to give in. In the end, I gave in
• 32:29
  Speaker 1: because I was exhausted by all the guilt tripping and
• 32:31
  Speaker 1: family drama. But honestly, I'm resentful. It no longer feels
• 32:35
  Speaker 1: like I'm celebrating my daughter's birthday the way we want it.
• 32:37
  Speaker 1: It feels like I was pressured into changing our plans
• 32:41
  Speaker 1: just to keep everyone else happy. I don't even know
• 32:44
  Speaker 1: what I expect from posting this. I guess I just
• 32:46
  Speaker 1: needed to vent because I'm so tired of relatives acting
• 32:50
  Speaker 1: like my decisions aren't really mine to make, especially when
• 32:53
  Speaker 1: they're not the ones paying the bill. Opie, I hope
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: you're ready for everyone to tell you your one-year-old birthday
• 32:59
  Speaker 1: party's a little extra.
• 33:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I imagine those will be a majority of the comments.
• 33:05
  Speaker 1: But your principles are sound.
• 33:08
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 33:08
  Speaker 1: It's your party.
• 33:10
  Speaker 2: You can do what you want to.
• 33:11
  Speaker 1: Exactly. Let's see how we fared here 12 days later.
• 33:16
  Speaker 1: The birthday has already happened, and it was perfect. Many
• 33:20
  Speaker 1: people asked what ended up happening with my grandma and
• 33:23
  Speaker 1: whether she brought Dan anyway. She did not. After all
• 33:28
  Speaker 1: the drama, it turned out her final excuse for not
• 33:31
  Speaker 1: coming was that she supposedly felt embarrassed about using the
• 33:36
  Speaker 1: bathroom in someone else's house. Grandma, you're not built for
• 33:40
  Speaker 1: the world, Grandma. You're not built for the world.
• 33:43
  Speaker 2: That was the reason?
• 33:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I just say, okay, Grandma. At no point did
• 33:49
  Speaker 1: anyone mention Dan anymore. Since they had insisted this was
• 33:54
  Speaker 1: about my cousin, not Dan, I sent my cousin a
• 33:57
  Speaker 1: direct invitation, and he told me he couldn't come because
• 33:59
  Speaker 1: he was going to be with his mom that weekend.
• 34:02
  Speaker 1: That also meant my grandmother no longer had the excuse
• 34:06
  Speaker 1: of bringing Dan because of the child. I had been
• 34:09
  Speaker 1: very clear from the beginning Dan was not invited. I
• 34:12
  Speaker 1: even told my grandmother that if my cousin came with her,
• 34:16
  Speaker 1: I simply couldn't afford to cover another adult because my
• 34:19
  Speaker 1: budget was already stretched to its limit. So, no Dan,
• 34:23
  Speaker 1: I'm not even going to flame you about your budget anymore.
• 34:26
  Speaker 1: It's okay.
• 34:26
  Speaker 2: Your budget was stretched to its limit?
• 34:29
  Speaker 1: You budget whatever you budget, I guess.
• 34:31
  Speaker 2: Either Opie has the tiniest budget or the most expensive
• 34:36
  Speaker 2: one-year-old baby party.
• 34:37
  Speaker 1: This is a high profile if Tom Hanks was there.
• 34:40
  Speaker 2: Yes, they hired Tom Hanks to do a little run
• 34:44
  Speaker 2: around the... A little jaunt around the party.
• 34:47
  Speaker 1: He was dancing around while the wiggles sang.
• 34:49
  Speaker 2: Tom's going, ooh, ooh.
• 34:52
  Speaker 1: So no Dan, no surprise guest, no family showdown. Honestly,
• 34:56
  Speaker 1: that alone let me breathe a little easier. The funny
• 34:59
  Speaker 1: part is that I managed to avoid drama from my
• 35:02
  Speaker 1: family only to get front row seats to drama from
• 35:06
  Speaker 1: my partner's family instead.
• 35:08
  Speaker 2: Front row.
• 35:09
  Speaker 1: Ah. The party was held at my in-law's house, and
• 35:13
  Speaker 1: my mother-in-law spent almost the entire party with what can
• 35:16
  Speaker 1: only be described as the face of someone who had
• 35:19
  Speaker 1: just smelled spoiled milk. And the reason was my partner's father.
• 35:24
  Speaker 1: Her ex was there. What do you mean? This is
• 35:28
  Speaker 1: happening at the in-law's house? Where's the cost? Who did
• 35:34
  Speaker 1: you cater to?
• 35:35
  Speaker 3: I don't know.
• 35:36
  Speaker 2: It seems that they probably did cater someone.
• 35:38
  Speaker 1: They got Nobu and Caviar. Mother-in-law barely greeted anyone, didn't
• 35:42
  Speaker 1: help with anything, and mostly kept herself looking miserable. The
• 35:47
  Speaker 1: only tiny bit of karma was that she was so
• 35:49
  Speaker 1: busy being upset that she completely forgot to take pictures
• 35:52
  Speaker 1: with my daughter. By the time she remembered, my daughter
• 35:54
  Speaker 1: was already tired and cranky, so she never got those pictures. Meanwhile,
• 35:59
  Speaker 1: my own mom helped us constantly throughout the party, and
• 36:03
  Speaker 1: the rest of my family was amazing. My partner is
• 36:06
  Speaker 1: actually still upset with his mom because she didn't lift
• 36:08
  Speaker 1: a finger, not even to help serve dessert. But that's
• 36:11
  Speaker 1: probably a story for another day. Any final thoughts?
• 36:16
  Speaker 2: Just that, you know what? You need to work on
• 36:19
  Speaker 2: your party planning.
• 36:21
  Speaker 1: I think so. If you're having the party at your
• 36:24
  Speaker 1: in-law's place, why does it cost so much money?
• 36:27
  Speaker 2: Why does it cost so much money?
• 36:29
  Speaker 1: What do we do? Who is that even for?
• 36:32
  Speaker 2: Your one-year-old will not remember.
• 36:33
  Speaker 1: They can't. Their brain doesn't have that function yet. They
• 36:37
  Speaker 1: can't do it. The best part is that I barely
• 36:40
  Speaker 1: noticed any of the drama going on while it was happening.
• 36:42
  Speaker 1: I was completely focused on my daughter. She had so
• 36:46
  Speaker 1: much fun. She smiled, laughed, and enjoyed herself, and seeing
• 36:49
  Speaker 1: her so happy made every stressful moment worth it. The
• 36:52
  Speaker 1: pictures turned out absolutely beautiful, and if it weren't for
• 36:56
  Speaker 1: privacy reasons, I'd happily show all of you. Thank you
• 36:59
  Speaker 1: again for all your advice and encouragement. You really gave
• 37:02
  Speaker 1: me the confidence to stand my ground, and I'm grateful
• 37:05
  Speaker 1: for that. Sometimes Reddit can be chaotic, but this time,
• 37:08
  Speaker 1: it genuinely helped.
• 37:09
  Speaker 2: Did anyone call you out for how expensive your party was?
• 37:13
  Speaker 1: I have to assume they did, right?
• 37:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah, maybe she's just not reading them.
• 37:17
  Speaker 1: Just asking the question.
• 37:20
  Speaker 2: I just want to know.
• 37:21
  Speaker 1: Well, some things will forever be a mystery. And that's
• 37:24
  Speaker 1: the end of this story. Let's head to the next one.
• 37:27
  Speaker 2: My relatives hijacked our vacation twice, so I refuse to
• 37:31
  Speaker 2: go a third time.
• 37:32
  Speaker 1: You won't fool me thrice, baby.
• 37:35
  Speaker 2: To give a little bit of context, since I'm male 18,
• 37:39
  Speaker 2: me and my mom make a vacation trip that happens
• 37:42
  Speaker 2: every year, and it's sort of our little tradition. I
• 37:45
  Speaker 2: left her house when I was 22, but we stayed
• 37:48
  Speaker 2: in touch and kept a very good relationship. We still
• 37:51
  Speaker 2: travel every year, and it became even more special now
• 37:54
  Speaker 2: because we don't get to stay together as much as
• 37:56
  Speaker 2: we used to. So we used this time to be together.
• 37:59
  Speaker 2: Two years ago, two of my father's aunts asked where
• 38:02
  Speaker 2: we were going on vacation that year and they would
• 38:04
  Speaker 2: tag along because our trips looked like fun. We were
• 38:07
  Speaker 2: caught by surprise, but my mother gives them the whole itinerary.
• 38:11
  Speaker 2: They end up tagging on with us the whole trip
• 38:13
  Speaker 2: and being a nuisance and asking me to carry things around.
• 38:17
  Speaker 2: They don't speak English and don't even try, so they
• 38:20
  Speaker 2: order me around so I get stuff done for them.
• 38:22
  Speaker 2: It was the worst experience ever. But eventually it ended
• 38:26
  Speaker 2: and we joked that we would never have other people
• 38:28
  Speaker 2: come along. Last year, my uncle, her brother, asked if
• 38:32
  Speaker 2: he could travel with us on our next vacation because
• 38:35
  Speaker 2: it looked fun. Yeah, you know where this is going.
• 38:38
  Speaker 2: This time it was worse. We got individual rooms, but
• 38:42
  Speaker 2: this time I had to share the room with my
• 38:43
  Speaker 2: uncle so he could save some money. I live alone,
• 38:47
  Speaker 2: so I'm not used to sharing a house with someone.
• 38:50
  Speaker 2: Even worse, a room! Same communication issues and some personality ones.
• 38:56
  Speaker 2: They end up fighting from time to time. Siblings, you know.
• 38:59
  Speaker 2: And by the end of the trip, I told my
• 39:01
  Speaker 2: mother that it's okay if she wants to travel with
• 39:03
  Speaker 2: whoever she wants, but I'm not up to it. And
• 39:06
  Speaker 2: we'll pass next time. By the way, this comes from
• 39:09
  Speaker 2: Shiny Miss Drevis. And if you want to submit your
• 39:13
  Speaker 2: own stories, go to the r slash okay story time subreddit.
• 39:15
  Speaker 2: I'm Sophia.
• 39:16
  Speaker 1: I'm Dakota.
• 39:17
  Speaker 2: And we're here to give good advice goofily, but we
• 39:19
  Speaker 2: don't have all the answers. We only know what we'd do.
• 39:22
  Speaker 2: So let us know what you would do in the comments.
• 39:24
  Speaker 2: And op says this year we are planning a cruise
• 39:27
  Speaker 2: trip and some time in europe on thursday she told
• 39:30
  Speaker 2: me she had paid her part on the travel agency
• 39:33
  Speaker 2: and i could send them the money to cover my
• 39:35
  Speaker 2: part when i talked to them they asked if i'm
• 39:39
  Speaker 2: op or op's uncle my mother had invited my uncle
• 39:43
  Speaker 2: to travel with us again And after knowing that, I
• 39:47
  Speaker 2: said that something came up and would call another day
• 39:50
  Speaker 2: to finish the payment. Today, I called my mother and
• 39:53
  Speaker 2: told her that I'm not paying and won't travel this
• 39:56
  Speaker 2: year because I don't want to repeat the same experience
• 39:59
  Speaker 2: from last year. She started crying, saying he invited himself again,
• 40:04
  Speaker 2: and she couldn't say no. But this time would be
• 40:06
  Speaker 2: different because on the cruise, each one can do whatever
• 40:09
  Speaker 2: they want. Am I the a-hole for not wanting to
• 40:12
  Speaker 2: waste my vacation? The only time of the year I'm
• 40:15
  Speaker 2: off work and can enjoy things that I like, or
• 40:18
  Speaker 2: just relax, traveling with someone I dislike, and I feel
• 40:22
  Speaker 2: even worse because she didn't even tell me. I found
• 40:25
  Speaker 2: out because the agency guy asked me who I was.
• 40:27
  Speaker 2: Is OP the a-hole?
• 40:29
  Speaker 1: What do we do?
• 40:32
  Speaker 3: No.
• 40:32
  Speaker 1: No. These people bother you when you travel with them.
• 40:36
  Speaker 1: It doesn't matter who they are.
• 40:37
  Speaker 2: They're And you already said you wouldn't travel with them again.
• 40:42
  Speaker 2: You were pretty clear, like, I don't want to travel
• 40:45
  Speaker 2: with these people. If you want to travel, sure. But
• 40:48
  Speaker 2: I'm not coming with.
• 40:49
  Speaker 1: Yeah. You've already laid the law down.
• 40:51
  Speaker 2: You laid the law down. I don't know what your
• 40:53
  Speaker 2: mom expected. But we got an update four days later.
• 40:57
  Speaker 2: Had dinner with my mother yesterday and we straightened things out.
• 41:00
  Speaker 2: Good thing I had therapy a day before so I
• 41:02
  Speaker 2: was bulletproof to her manipulation when I told her, yet again,
• 41:07
  Speaker 2: how I was feeling neglected and that she overstuffed the
• 41:09
  Speaker 2: boundaries I'd made. She was really sorry, but both of
• 41:12
  Speaker 2: them already paid and couldn't cancel without losing a considerable
• 41:16
  Speaker 2: sum of money. I told her to enjoy the trip.
• 41:19
  Speaker 2: And good luck in the trips to come because I
• 41:21
  Speaker 2: wouldn't tag along anymore, as long as Uncle was a
• 41:24
  Speaker 2: part of it. Again, she cried a lot and suggested
• 41:27
  Speaker 2: that we have another trip in July, just the two
• 41:29
  Speaker 2: of us.
• 41:30
  Speaker 1: Just, right, just put it out there. Hammer, meat, nail.
• 41:34
  Speaker 1: You say, hey, I found this. Why'd you do that? Yeah.
• 41:38
  Speaker 2: And if she says, oh, well, like, what if we
• 41:40
  Speaker 2: went on another trip? You go, okay, well, again, you
• 41:43
  Speaker 2: can plan it. If I find out Uncle is going,
• 41:46
  Speaker 2: I will not go. And then you will have wasted money.
• 41:48
  Speaker 2: I listened to the proposal. I didn't quite want to
• 41:51
  Speaker 2: accept it. I'm still feeling betrayed and more so the
• 41:55
  Speaker 2: trip that we planned and was prepared for almost four
• 41:57
  Speaker 2: months wouldn't be the same. She'll go with my uncle
• 42:00
  Speaker 2: and I have to settle for another destination. I didn't
• 42:03
  Speaker 2: say no yet. I'm not that stubborn and really like
• 42:06
  Speaker 2: to travel with her. It's just I still got that
• 42:09
  Speaker 2: bad taste in my mouth but didn't want to act recklessly.
• 42:13
  Speaker 2: I'm very inclined to travel with her in July and
• 42:17
  Speaker 2: I'll just sit on this thought for a while. Unfortunately,
• 42:20
  Speaker 2: I can't wait too long, otherwise prices will skyrocket. Thanks
• 42:23
  Speaker 2: for all the feedback and kind words. Hope this shows
• 42:27
  Speaker 2: my relatives that they can't push me around and infiltrate
• 42:29
  Speaker 2: my well-earned vacation. And that's the end of the story.
• 42:33
  Speaker 2: I don't know if it does show. It seems like
• 42:34
  Speaker 2: they're just going to keep infiltrating, and your mom's going
• 42:37
  Speaker 2: to keep putting up with it.
• 42:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think it's showing them they're going to have
• 42:40
  Speaker 1: to try harder.
• 42:42
  Speaker 2: Yeah. They're like, oh, now we have to trick him
• 42:44
  Speaker 2: into thinking that we're not coming, and then we come.
• 42:47
  Speaker 1: Ambush.
• 42:48
  Speaker 2: But that's the end of that story.
• 42:51
  Speaker 1: My husband drained all our accounts and wants the kids
• 42:54
  Speaker 1: and I out in a week.
• 42:57
  Speaker 2: Um, could I get a reason, please?
• 42:59
  Speaker 1: Trigger warning for this story. There is financial. I need
• 43:04
  Speaker 1: a divorce lawyer. On Wednesday, I bought him an effing
• 43:08
  Speaker 1: Christmas present. On Thursday, I found out he gave me
• 43:11
  Speaker 1: an STI. And on Friday, he admitted he's been cheating.
• 43:14
  Speaker 2: Whoa, what a turn of events.
• 43:17
  Speaker 1: The unholy trinity.
• 43:19
  Speaker 2: Of the week.
• 43:19
  Speaker 1: Of events. Yesterday, he drained our accounts and he says
• 43:24
  Speaker 1: I need to be out of the house by Christmas Eve.
• 43:27
  Speaker 1: We have four kids, eight, six, five, and two, and
• 43:31
  Speaker 1: I haven't worked since the oldest was born. Our relationship
• 43:35
  Speaker 1: has been bad since before my youngest daughter was born.
• 43:38
  Speaker 1: We hadn't meant to get pregnant. This week, I tested
• 43:41
  Speaker 1: positive for an STI. I investigated, confronted him, and he
• 43:45
  Speaker 1: admitted it, and we had a huge fight where he
• 43:47
  Speaker 1: stormed out of the house. Yesterday, my credit card was
• 43:50
  Speaker 1: declined at the grocery store and I couldn't get cash.
• 43:54
  Speaker 1: He has emptied all of our accounts. I was in
• 43:57
  Speaker 1: charge of the bills and finances, so I know exactly
• 44:00
  Speaker 1: how much was in our checking savings and money market account.
• 44:04
  Speaker 1: He's even changed his passwords for his 401k.
• 44:07
  Speaker 2: Wow.
• 44:08
  Speaker 1: And by the way, this comes from Broken and Confused 8.
• 44:12
  Speaker 1: If you want to submit your own stories, go to
• 44:13
  Speaker 1: our subreddit, the r slash OK Storytime subreddit. I'm Dakota.
• 44:16
  Speaker 2: And I'm Savannah.
• 44:17
  Speaker 1: And we're going to read this story and we're going
• 44:18
  Speaker 1: to be as goofy as we can when we give
• 44:20
  Speaker 1: our advice, but we might not know everything. So let
• 44:23
  Speaker 1: us know what you know in the comments. And OP says,
• 44:26
  Speaker 1: he didn't respond to my frantic texts all day, but
• 44:30
  Speaker 1: just sent me an email saying I had a week
• 44:32
  Speaker 1: to get myself and my kids out of his house
• 44:36
  Speaker 1: and that I had better get a job or go
• 44:38
  Speaker 1: back to my parents if I expect to feed them. Okay,
• 44:41
  Speaker 1: so first instinct would be make sure all of this
• 44:46
  Speaker 1: is saved, right? Is he sending these in text, or
• 44:50
  Speaker 1: where is he telling you this? Because a judge is
• 44:52
  Speaker 1: going to love to see that.
• 44:54
  Speaker 2: Yeah, this is crazy. You cannot do that.
• 44:58
  Speaker 1: He's fully like, oh, man.
• 45:02
  Speaker 2: There's got to be a law for this.
• 45:03
  Speaker 1: There is. We bought the house together before the kids
• 45:07
  Speaker 1: were born, and I paid half of the down payment.
• 45:10
  Speaker 1: I have no money or credit cards, so I can't
• 45:13
  Speaker 1: even get a lawyer. I'm sitting here staring at a
• 45:16
  Speaker 1: Christmas tree, crying and wondering if I'll have to return
• 45:18
  Speaker 1: my children's presents for food. I have no idea how
• 45:22
  Speaker 1: this happened. I live two hours away from my family,
• 45:25
  Speaker 1: so even if I get a job, I'd have to
• 45:27
  Speaker 1: pay for daycare. Should I sell my wedding and engagement rings?
• 45:31
  Speaker 1: I mean, regardless, probably yes, right?
• 45:35
  Speaker 2: Yeah, why not? I'll get that money for you, girl.
• 45:37
  Speaker 1: Do I make a resume and apply for a job
• 45:39
  Speaker 1: in my old field, which was accounting, or just get
• 45:42
  Speaker 1: a job at Starbucks or McDonald's? Can he do this?
• 45:45
  Speaker 1: And there is an update more than two weeks later.
• 45:48
  Speaker 1: I am not a divorce lawyer, but it really feels
• 45:51
  Speaker 1: like he can't do this.
• 45:52
  Speaker 3: Yeah, this sounds really, really bad on.
• 45:57
  Speaker 2: Both sides.
• 45:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah. And I think, I don't know. It would make
• 46:01
  Speaker 1: sense to me that you could get a lawyer for this.
• 46:06
  Speaker 1: and have the payments not up front and probably negotiate
• 46:13
  Speaker 1: it somewhere in the whatever kind of court agreement you
• 46:17
  Speaker 1: come to when it comes to like his child support
• 46:19
  Speaker 1: because when he's like go feed the kids they're gonna
• 46:22
  Speaker 1: start he's gonna have to pay and.
• 46:24
  Speaker 3: Yeah for sure he has to pay alimony he's the
• 46:27
  Speaker 3: one who did all of that he's the one who
• 46:29
  Speaker 3: caused all of this.
• 46:29
  Speaker 1: So yeah he's paying exactly and i don't know the
• 46:32
  Speaker 1: laws in your state i don't know any of the
• 46:33
  Speaker 1: laws i'm not a lawyer But it would make sense
• 46:36
  Speaker 1: to me that if he was trying to like hostilely like,
• 46:39
  Speaker 1: like boot you out of the house and make you
• 46:41
  Speaker 1: and the kids like homeless with no way to.
• 46:45
  Speaker 2: Provide for yourself or them.
• 46:47
  Speaker 1: It makes sense that there could be an avenue for
• 46:50
  Speaker 1: him to also have to pay your legal fees and stuff.
• 46:52
  Speaker 1: I don't know. But hopefully you talk to somebody. Probably
• 46:56
  Speaker 1: get ready to go back home. Make just a contingency
• 46:59
  Speaker 1: plan to go back to your parents. And let's see
• 47:02
  Speaker 1: what this update says. So this all happened on a Sunday.
• 47:05
  Speaker 1: So there wasn't a lot I could do right then.
• 47:08
  Speaker 1: I put the kids to bed and called my mom
• 47:10
  Speaker 1: and cried. Very understandably so. Then I called my mother-in-law,
• 47:15
  Speaker 1: who was horrified. Oh, didn't even think about call his mom.
• 47:20
  Speaker 1: Call his mama.
• 47:21
  Speaker 2: Call his mama.
• 47:23
  Speaker 1: My in-laws came over that night with $ 200 in cash
• 47:26
  Speaker 1: and a check for much more. My father-in-law didn't say much,
• 47:29
  Speaker 1: but he did fix my bathroom door, which is how
• 47:31
  Speaker 1: he shows affection. And muttered that he would fix this. Oh,
• 47:36
  Speaker 1: it's so dad coded. He's like, I don't know how
• 47:38
  Speaker 1: to show up emotionally in this moment, but I will
• 47:40
  Speaker 1: fix your bathroom door.
• 47:42
  Speaker 3: I will give you a new door so you can
• 47:44
  Speaker 3: cry on the other side.
• 47:45
  Speaker 1: He says, I'm going to fix this. I opened a
• 47:48
  Speaker 1: new checking account at a new bank. Thanks for this advice.
• 47:52
  Speaker 1: With the check my in-laws gave me, I opened a
• 47:55
  Speaker 1: new credit card in my name. My mother deployed a
• 47:58
  Speaker 1: niece to help with the child care for the next week.
• 48:01
  Speaker 1: Not deployed. I imagine her jumping out of the back
• 48:04
  Speaker 1: of an airplane.
• 48:04
  Speaker 2: That's exactly what I thought, too.
• 48:07
  Speaker 1: She parachutes in. Go, go, go, go! I called in
• 48:10
  Speaker 1: a lot of child-minding favors, and with the cash my
• 48:13
  Speaker 1: in-laws gave me, I was able to pay the babysitter
• 48:15
  Speaker 1: while I worked this out. I met with two divorce attorneys,
• 48:19
  Speaker 1: and both of them told me about what you had said,
• 48:21
  Speaker 1: that he was legally screwed.
• 48:24
  Speaker 2: Good, as he should be.
• 48:27
  Speaker 1: I chose one, and we set the process in motion
• 48:29
  Speaker 1: to get an emergency hearing. But by Tuesday, my old
• 48:33
  Speaker 1: checking account had most of the money back. And my
• 48:36
  Speaker 1: husband was asking to talk. Oh, it sounds like he
• 48:41
  Speaker 1: spoke to his own attorney.
• 48:43
  Speaker 2: He went, oh, no.
• 48:45
  Speaker 1: What did I do? Can you imagine the attorney after
• 48:50
  Speaker 1: OP's ex-husband is telling him all the stuff? And the
• 48:53
  Speaker 1: attorney's just like, you did what? Oh, buddy. Oh, buddy, you're, oh, God,
• 49:00
  Speaker 1: undo it. Ask to talk.
• 49:02
  Speaker 2: Ask to talk.
• 49:04
  Speaker 1: On the advice of my lawyer, I took half of
• 49:06
  Speaker 1: the checking account money and put it in my new
• 49:08
  Speaker 1: bank account and kept records of everything. I pulled our
• 49:12
  Speaker 1: credit reports and he has over $ 40, 000 in credit card debt. Yikes.
• 49:20
  Speaker 1: Sounds like that affair was expensive.
• 49:22
  Speaker 3: Dang.
• 49:23
  Speaker 2: I mean, he was probably paying for a whole nother family.
• 49:26
  Speaker 1: I also found out that he received a raise last
• 49:28
  Speaker 1: year and funneled this money out of our shared accounts.
• 49:32
  Speaker 1: I would have figured this out when we did our
• 49:34
  Speaker 1: taxes and this led him to panicking and trying to
• 49:38
  Speaker 1: erase us. Keep in mind, this a-hole gave me gonorrhea.
• 49:43
  Speaker 1: I love how that says he's like, no, I was
• 49:45
  Speaker 1: just panicking for the taxes. It had nothing to do
• 49:48
  Speaker 1: with me cheating on you that I also blew everything up.
• 49:52
  Speaker 3: I just didn't want you to know that I was
• 49:53
  Speaker 3: secretly doing everything behind your back, babe.
• 49:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I am an accountant by trade and I'm afraid
• 49:59
  Speaker 1: of credit card debt the way some girls are afraid
• 50:01
  Speaker 1: of spiders. So I was horrified about this. But my
• 50:06
  Speaker 1: lawyer thinks it's likely that he'll have to take this
• 50:09
  Speaker 1: debt on his own, as my name isn't on it.
• 50:11
  Speaker 1: And it seems that most of it was spent on
• 50:13
  Speaker 1: his side piece. Oh, it was for the affair.
• 50:16
  Speaker 3: Dang, what's she need for $ 40, 000?
• 50:19
  Speaker 1: Birkin bags.
• 50:21
  Speaker 3: New car.
• 50:24
  Speaker 1: We have started mediation, which he agreed to when he
• 50:27
  Speaker 1: realized that he would need to pay for both of
• 50:30
  Speaker 1: our divorce attorneys. Let's go. That's what I'm talking about.
• 50:35
  Speaker 1: We are almost at the end of this story. Let's
• 50:38
  Speaker 1: see how OP finishes it. I love it. This is good.
• 50:42
  Speaker 1: It started really bad.
• 50:43
  Speaker 3: Yeah, what a turn of events. That happened in the
• 50:46
  Speaker 3: span of a week. You found out day after day
• 50:48
  Speaker 3: after day, just more things.
• 50:51
  Speaker 1: This man deserves nothing.
• 50:54
  Speaker 2: No more hands. Cut his hands off.
• 50:56
  Speaker 1: No hands for this. How dare he be like, you
• 51:00
  Speaker 1: have to... He threatened to make his entire family homeless
• 51:05
  Speaker 1: for Christmas. Right?
• 51:07
  Speaker 3: All four of his kids and his wife just being like, oh, yeah,
• 51:11
  Speaker 3: you gotta... You gotta go.
• 51:13
  Speaker 1: Santa's not coming this year. Yeah, Santa's not giving him coal.
• 51:17
  Speaker 1: Santa's gonna come down the chimney and suplex him.
• 51:19
  Speaker 2: And saw him in half.
• 51:21
  Speaker 1: Santa is WWE super slamming you every year forever.
• 51:26
  Speaker 3: Oh, oh, oh!
• 51:28
  Speaker 1: My goal, which my lawyer thinks is reasonable, is to
• 51:32
  Speaker 1: ask for alimony until I either remarry, which is not likely,
• 51:35
  Speaker 1: or my two-year-old is in school full-time, and to have
• 51:38
  Speaker 1: a reasonable amount of child support until she's 18... and
• 51:41
  Speaker 1: then we'll split college costs for all of them. When
• 51:44
  Speaker 1: all the kids are in school, I can concentrate on
• 51:46
  Speaker 1: getting back to work. I also plan to sell the
• 51:49
  Speaker 1: house and buy a smaller house in a less elite
• 51:52
  Speaker 1: section of town where the kids can share rooms and
• 51:55
  Speaker 1: I can live mortgage-free. So I'm heartbroken and diseased. But
• 52:01
  Speaker 1: there's also an incredible weight that has lifted from me.
• 52:04
  Speaker 3: Dang, I don't know what's... I mean, I guess there
• 52:07
  Speaker 3: is a good side to all this, but homeless and
• 52:09
  Speaker 3: diseased is just.
• 52:11
  Speaker 1: Heartbroken.
• 52:12
  Speaker 2: Sorry, heartbroken and diseased.
• 52:15
  Speaker 3: Yes. Well, you know what could be worse?
• 52:16
  Speaker 2: You could be home.
• 52:17
  Speaker 1: Heartbroken and diseased, but I'm light as a feather. Our
• 52:21
  Speaker 1: marriage has been bad for so long, and I didn't
• 52:23
  Speaker 1: even realize how unhappy I was and how absent my
• 52:26
  Speaker 1: husband was. It took my five-year-old almost a week to
• 52:30
  Speaker 1: realize that daddy was gone.
• 52:31
  Speaker 4: Dang.
• 52:33
  Speaker 1: But that's not a present father.
• 52:35
  Speaker 3: Yeah, so it sounded like he was crappy from the beginning.
• 52:39
  Speaker 1: But that is the end of that story. We've got
• 52:41
  Speaker 1: another one coming right up.
• 52:44
  Speaker 3: My husband complained he was doing all the work while
• 52:47
  Speaker 3: failing at every task.
• 52:49
  Speaker 1: Ah, failing upwards.
• 52:52
  Speaker 3: For the first time in our relationship, my husband, 40 male,
• 52:55
  Speaker 3: said he was willing to work on our issues, read books,
• 52:58
  Speaker 3: talk about things.
• 53:00
  Speaker 1: The first time ever? How long have you guys been together?
• 53:04
  Speaker 3: And that's all you really need to do, read books
• 53:06
  Speaker 3: and talk about things. I, 34, female, was stunned. We
• 53:11
  Speaker 3: have always resolved arguments by him refusing to talk to
• 53:14
  Speaker 3: me for a few days, which makes me very, very stressed.
• 53:18
  Speaker 3: Sometimes we do talk about the issue afterwards, which usually
• 53:21
  Speaker 3: turns into a second fight and can turn into a
• 53:23
  Speaker 3: second stonewall. Stonewalling always leaves me broken. Whenever I have
• 53:28
  Speaker 3: brought up counseling or talking or working through our issues,
• 53:30
  Speaker 3: he has completely dismissed it. He doesn't think there's anything wrong.
• 53:35
  Speaker 3: He's stressed by the freeze-outs too, so he doesn't see
• 53:38
  Speaker 3: why I'm making such a big deal of it, etc.
• 53:41
  Speaker 3: If I tell him that it is a much bigger
• 53:43
  Speaker 3: deal for me, he might promise to keep the stone
• 53:45
  Speaker 3: walls at under 24 hours but never follows through. What?
• 53:51
  Speaker 2: That's crazy.
• 53:53
  Speaker 3: I promise, babe, I'll only stonewall you for less than
• 53:55
  Speaker 3: 24 hours. But I can't really promise that.
• 53:59
  Speaker 1: This is ridiculous.
• 54:00
  Speaker 2: So stupid.
• 54:02
  Speaker 3: Well, After the most recent stonewall of three plus days,
• 54:06
  Speaker 3: I told him I can't deal with this and I
• 54:08
  Speaker 3: am leaving him. Good.
• 54:09
  Speaker 1: I would think that I would do this same thing.
• 54:11
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 54:11
  Speaker 1: For God's sake.
• 54:13
  Speaker 2: Like, what are you even there for?
• 54:15
  Speaker 3: I meant it. It was not a threat. I can't
• 54:19
  Speaker 3: keep putting myself through this. There are other issues too.
• 54:21
  Speaker 3: Constant criticism and blame. Total lack of romance.
• 54:25
  Speaker 2: No flowers. No gifts. No dates.
• 54:27
  Speaker 3: No empathy. No caregiving when I am sick. And very
• 54:30
  Speaker 3: little affection. So it's not like I'm leaving over just
• 54:34
  Speaker 3: one thing. By the way, this comes from Am I
• 54:36
  Speaker 3: Really Doing This 34?
• 54:38
  Speaker 2: And if you want to submit your own.
• 54:39
  Speaker 3: Stories, go to the r slash OK Storytime subreddit.
• 54:41
  Speaker 2: I'm Savannah.
• 54:42
  Speaker 1: I'm Dakota.
• 54:43
  Speaker 3: And we heard you talk about some stuff, give some advice,
• 54:45
  Speaker 3: but we don't have all your answers. We're only going
• 54:47
  Speaker 3: to do what we do. So let us know what
• 54:49
  Speaker 3: you would do down in the comments. As OP says,
• 54:53
  Speaker 3: And just to be clear, I am not blameless either.
• 54:56
  Speaker 3: I have ADHD, which makes me disorganized and messy, which
• 54:59
  Speaker 3: is what sets him off. But unlike him, I have
• 55:02
  Speaker 3: always made my best efforts to work on myself and
• 55:04
  Speaker 3: take his concerns seriously. When I bring up anything, he
• 55:08
  Speaker 3: dismisses it. Edited to add this bit. Just to be clearer, still,
• 55:14
  Speaker 3: there's good bits to the marriage. He loves me in
• 55:17
  Speaker 3: his own way, which is to be reliable and never
• 55:20
  Speaker 3: wanting to leave me no matter how much I annoy
• 55:22
  Speaker 3: him and doing lots of work around the house.
• 55:25
  Speaker 1: Okay. Read that one back, OP, and let me know
• 55:29
  Speaker 1: how that sounds.
• 55:31
  Speaker 3: He knows that he's never going to leave me, and
• 55:34
  Speaker 3: he also just does a lot of housework.
• 55:36
  Speaker 1: For me, it was how she's like, no matter how
• 55:38
  Speaker 1: much I annoy him, it's like, I don't know.
• 55:42
  Speaker 2: Why are you putting yourself there?
• 55:44
  Speaker 1: You've been tricked into thinking you're the huge issue. Yeah.
• 55:49
  Speaker 2: He didn't make me feel bad at all when I
• 55:52
  Speaker 2: was a stay-at-home mom for not contributing financially. He shouldn't.
• 55:57
  Speaker 3: He should not make you feel bad about that. I
• 56:00
  Speaker 3: feel like that's a given. He's a very involved, hands-on dad,
• 56:03
  Speaker 3: a full 50-50 parenting partner. On the days when he
• 56:06
  Speaker 3: hasn't yelled at me because I forgot to call the
• 56:09
  Speaker 3: plumber or I let some food go bad in the fridge,
• 56:11
  Speaker 3: when we are getting along with good feelings all around,
• 56:14
  Speaker 3: we really get each other. We have lovely conversations. He
• 56:19
  Speaker 3: makes me laugh. We challenge each other intellectually. We'll play
• 56:23
  Speaker 3: ping pong and have fun. Oh, good. I mean, I just...
• 56:28
  Speaker 3: Just doesn't seem like it's very talk. You can't like
• 56:31
  Speaker 3: all these things are great. Like, yeah, you have he
• 56:33
  Speaker 3: has good qualities. You have good qualities, whatever. But at
• 56:36
  Speaker 3: the end of the day, you are both unhappy and
• 56:39
  Speaker 3: you can't communicate that. So that's an issue anyway. So
• 56:44
  Speaker 3: this morning when I said I would leave, he was
• 56:46
  Speaker 3: very angry. But he also said he's willing to do
• 56:49
  Speaker 3: anything to get me to stay. He said, I am
• 56:51
  Speaker 3: making a mistake. It's stupid to throw away what we
• 56:54
  Speaker 3: have over this. He loves me, and then he promised
• 56:57
  Speaker 3: to work on us, read books, etc. He said he
• 57:00
  Speaker 3: was willing to go to counseling if that is what
• 57:02
  Speaker 3: it takes. My jaw dropped, and I said, really? And
• 57:06
  Speaker 3: he immediately said, no, not counseling, but pretty much anything else. Oh,
• 57:12
  Speaker 3: the one thing that's going to help I'm not going
• 57:13
  Speaker 3: to do. But I'll do anything else. I am still surprised.
• 57:17
  Speaker 3: I never expected this. It's such a 180 from what
• 57:20
  Speaker 3: he has always said that I told him, okay. If
• 57:24
  Speaker 3: you can try to work things out, then I can
• 57:26
  Speaker 3: stay to see how we do. Did I make a mistake?
• 57:29
  Speaker 3: I don't know if he will stick with it. I
• 57:30
  Speaker 3: don't know if he will do anything at all. It's
• 57:33
  Speaker 3: very likely that even the first conversation we have, he
• 57:36
  Speaker 3: will immediately become defensive, angry, etc. And then say this
• 57:40
  Speaker 3: is the end of the conversation and stonewall me again.
• 57:43
  Speaker 3: But I figured if this happens, then I can still leave, right?
• 57:48
  Speaker 3: I don't think he can suddenly learn to communicate properly
• 57:50
  Speaker 3: after so many years, to be honest.
• 57:53
  Speaker 2: I don't have much hope.
• 57:54
  Speaker 1: Yeah. You can still leave.
• 57:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Is he like holding you hostage?
• 58:00
  Speaker 1: Is he? It almost sounds like it.
• 58:02
  Speaker 2: He's like, I'll do anything, babe.
• 58:04
  Speaker 3: Except the one thing you really want me to do.
• 58:06
  Speaker 2: I'm not going to do that. But like, I'll do
• 58:07
  Speaker 2: anything you want, babe.
• 58:08
  Speaker 1: I'll do anything. I'll lock you in the basement. I'll
• 58:12
  Speaker 1: do anything.
• 58:14
  Speaker 3: We will be talking for the first time tonight. I
• 58:17
  Speaker 3: want to use this first time to set up a
• 58:18
  Speaker 3: regular weekly time to talk through our issues. I also
• 58:22
  Speaker 3: want to lay down some ground rules for our discussions.
• 58:25
  Speaker 3: I know the bulk of the responsibility for keeping our
• 58:27
  Speaker 3: conversations on track and even starting them off slash continuing
• 58:30
  Speaker 3: with them will be on my shoulders. Why won't it
• 58:33
  Speaker 3: be on both your shoulders? You both need to, that
• 58:37
  Speaker 3: needs to be a priority for both of you. That's
• 58:39
  Speaker 3: how relationships work. Why would that be just on you?
• 58:42
  Speaker 1: It feels like the reality of like trad wife perspective
• 58:46
  Speaker 1: where it's just like, Oh, it's everything. I have to
• 58:50
  Speaker 1: do everything that's not make the money.
• 58:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah, which is just crazy.
• 58:55
  Speaker 3: He's very likely to huff and puff and go away.
• 58:58
  Speaker 3: What should I do? What should I say? Did I
• 59:00
  Speaker 3: make a mistake in agreeing to stay and work on it?
• 59:04
  Speaker 1: I think you made a mistake marrying this guy.
• 59:06
  Speaker 2: I don't think that he's going to do the work
• 59:08
  Speaker 2: at all because.
• 59:10
  Speaker 3: even if he tries to do it, he's going to
• 59:11
  Speaker 3: throw it back in your face and be like, yeah, see?
• 59:14
  Speaker 2: Even this didn't even work. Blah, blah, blah. You want
• 59:17
  Speaker 2: to do this, but look how it's working out.
• 59:18
  Speaker 1: It's still not working. That's exactly what he would do.
• 59:21
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 59:21
  Speaker 1: He would make sure it doesn't work and then say, see? Yeah.
• 59:25
  Speaker 2: So.
• 59:26
  Speaker 3: I think you just need to be done with it.
• 59:28
  Speaker 3: Let him sit in his.
• 59:29
  Speaker 1: Misery a little bit.
• 59:31
  Speaker 2: Sometimes that helps. Update.
• 59:33
  Speaker 3: It's been about 10 weeks since my post. Here's what happened.
• 59:37
  Speaker 3: The evening after I made that post, I told my
• 59:39
  Speaker 3: husband there is no way we will be able to
• 59:42
  Speaker 3: work everything out on our own, and we need to
• 59:44
  Speaker 3: go to counseling. He reluctantly agreed. We started couples counseling
• 59:48
  Speaker 3: the very next week. It's really quite strange how counseling
• 59:52
  Speaker 3: has progressed. My husband made one change, stopping with the yelling,
• 59:56
  Speaker 3: immediately and totally. He hasn't yelled at me over little
• 59:59
  Speaker 3: things for weeks now, but I have progressively gotten more
• 1:00:03
  Speaker 3: and more angry with, disappointed in, and disconnected from him
• 1:00:07
  Speaker 3: because of everything he's said and done during these weeks
• 1:00:10
  Speaker 3: in counseling, which also caused me to sort of wake
• 1:00:12
  Speaker 3: up to all that he has done in the past.
• 1:00:15
  Speaker 3: I have an appointment with a lawyer next week. We
• 1:00:17
  Speaker 3: are done. Number two takes a bit of explanation, so
• 1:00:21
  Speaker 3: here goes. I am quite stunned by how little effort
• 1:00:24
  Speaker 3: this guy is willing to put into the relationship in
• 1:00:26
  Speaker 3: spite of so desperately wanting to hold on to it.
• 1:00:30
  Speaker 3: So he made one change. The end of all yelling.
• 1:00:33
  Speaker 3: I was really, really relieved and grateful and impressed. Until
• 1:00:37
  Speaker 3: he started complaining about four days in. That he was
• 1:00:41
  Speaker 3: putting in all the effort and seeing negative returns. This
• 1:00:45
  Speaker 3: has remained his stance for all these 10 to 11 weeks.
• 1:00:48
  Speaker 3: I am flabbergasted. Our couples counselor has straight up said
• 1:00:53
  Speaker 3: to him, I am supposed to be neutral here, but
• 1:00:56
  Speaker 3: on this, I am comfortable saying you are wrong. She
• 1:00:59
  Speaker 3: is making a huge effort at this relationship and you
• 1:01:02
  Speaker 3: need to know that. But in private, my husband dismisses
• 1:01:05
  Speaker 3: everything I'm doing as intangible or selfish and therefore not real.
• 1:01:11
  Speaker 3: And he complains nonstop that I'm not my usual self.
• 1:01:15
  Speaker 1: Ugh.
• 1:01:16
  Speaker 3: Examples, the doormat who danced around managing his feelings and
• 1:01:20
  Speaker 3: walking on eggshells all the time. This is not the
• 1:01:22
  Speaker 3: person I fell in love with, he keeps saying. Why
• 1:01:25
  Speaker 3: should I bother making all this effort?
• 1:01:28
  Speaker 1: And then it's just it, and it's done. I can't
• 1:01:30
  Speaker 1: believe you've dealt with that for ten weeks.
• 1:01:33
  Speaker 3: Yeah. And also, it's just the fact to be like, yeah,
• 1:01:35
  Speaker 3: you're not the person that I fell in love with. Okay,
• 1:01:38
  Speaker 3: and this is who I am. So.
• 1:01:41
  Speaker 3: I'm trying to make the changes necessary and you are
• 1:01:44
  Speaker 3: just still coming at me in every direction saying that
• 1:01:47
  Speaker 3: I'm doing it wrong or that there's some negative response
• 1:01:50
  Speaker 3: to what I'm doing.
• 1:01:51
  Speaker 1: You don't even love me. You just have, you love
• 1:01:53
  Speaker 1: having power over me.
• 1:01:55
  Speaker 3: Yeah, there you go.
• 1:01:56
  Speaker 2: Ding, ding, ding.
• 1:01:57
  Speaker 3: He's on it. For my part, yes, I am not
• 1:02:00
  Speaker 3: the person he fell in love with. The couple's counselor
• 1:02:02
  Speaker 3: told me to stop trying to manage his feelings for
• 1:02:04
  Speaker 3: him and try to be myself. And I took that
• 1:02:07
  Speaker 3: very seriously. I no longer try to intuit when he
• 1:02:11
  Speaker 3: is angry or hurt and ask him what's wrong and
• 1:02:14
  Speaker 3: try to cajole him into working things out. I leave
• 1:02:18
  Speaker 3: it to him to bring it up with me if
• 1:02:20
  Speaker 3: something is bothering him. If he's in a bad mood
• 1:02:23
  Speaker 3: and sulking, I just leave him alone and go on
• 1:02:25
  Speaker 3: with my own thing until he wants to talk. Truthfully,
• 1:02:28
  Speaker 3: that's the way you should have always been doing it.
• 1:02:30
  Speaker 3: Because why does he need like, you know, a little,
• 1:02:33
  Speaker 3: like someone to be like, honey, are you all right?
• 1:02:35
  Speaker 2: Is everything okay?
• 1:02:37
  Speaker 3: Oh, what do you need?
• 1:02:38
  Speaker 1: Like, come on, baby.
• 1:02:40
  Speaker 2: Come on, baby boy.
• 1:02:40
  Speaker 3: What's wrong?
• 1:02:41
  Speaker 2: Tell me what's wrong.
• 1:02:42
  Speaker 1: He's just a sassy little brat.
• 1:02:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah, literally.
• 1:02:45
  Speaker 3: Like he needs like a mother figure or something. Like,
• 1:02:48
  Speaker 3: please get over yourself. If he is stonewalling me, which
• 1:02:51
  Speaker 3: he has started doing for a few days after every
• 1:02:53
  Speaker 3: single counseling session, I no longer let it affect my mood.
• 1:02:57
  Speaker 3: This seems to be making him feel completely unloved and abandoned,
• 1:03:00
  Speaker 3: which I only know because he has broken down and
• 1:03:02
  Speaker 3: cried and yelled at me after the stonewall.
• 1:03:05
  Speaker 2: You don't care about me anymore.
• 1:03:07
  Speaker 3: And I've been saying, if something is bothering you, you
• 1:03:10
  Speaker 3: need to tell me. I won't read your mind, and
• 1:03:12
  Speaker 3: I won't cave to your freeze-outs. Cue his standard line.
• 1:03:16
  Speaker 2: What effort are you making in this relationship? Why am
• 1:03:19
  Speaker 2: I the only one who's doing anything here?
• 1:03:21
  Speaker 3: Why should I continue to do this work when you're
• 1:03:23
  Speaker 3: being so selfish?
• 1:03:25
  Speaker 2: Dude, do you hear yourself? I mean, seriously, like.
• 1:03:29
  Speaker 1: He does hear himself, but to him it just sounds like,
• 1:03:32
  Speaker 1: Oh yes, I'm right. I'm so right all the time. Like...
• 1:03:38
  Speaker 1: That's all he hears when he speaks.
• 1:03:40
  Speaker 3: It's just the fact that she's taking this seriously and
• 1:03:42
  Speaker 3: he's not.
• 1:03:43
  Speaker 2: And you can tell because he hasn't changed.
• 1:03:46
  Speaker 3: He stopped yelling at you that he should have never
• 1:03:49
  Speaker 3: been doing that in the first place. And the fact
• 1:03:51
  Speaker 3: that like, that's the only change he's really made.
• 1:03:54
  Speaker 2: Like, oh, yay.
• 1:03:55
  Speaker 3: Now I don't, you know, but it's also moved into just, oh,
• 1:03:59
  Speaker 3: now I'm just going to complain about everything. Instead of
• 1:04:02
  Speaker 3: yelling at you and making you feel bad, I'm just
• 1:04:04
  Speaker 3: going to complain about every single thing that you do
• 1:04:06
  Speaker 3: or don't do.
• 1:04:06
  Speaker 1: It's his attitude.
• 1:04:08
  Speaker 3: Yes.
• 1:04:08
  Speaker 1: That is the full problem.
• 1:04:11
  Speaker 3: The stoppage of yelling was homework from the very first session.
• 1:04:15
  Speaker 2: He did that.
• 1:04:15
  Speaker 3: But subsequent sessions' homework has been things like go on
• 1:04:20
  Speaker 3: a date this week and make one show of affection
• 1:04:23
  Speaker 3: as soon as you're home from work and make time
• 1:04:26
  Speaker 3: for conversation before bedtime, etc. All of which have been
• 1:04:30
  Speaker 3: spectacular failures. On our date, he refused everything. To so
• 1:04:36
  Speaker 3: much as hold my hand and spend all his time
• 1:04:38
  Speaker 3: wandering off on his own.
• 1:04:40
  Speaker 2: We were at a museum.
• 1:04:42
  Speaker 3: And when I brought it up later, he got massively pissed, saying.
• 1:04:45
  Speaker 1: We went on a date! What more do you want?
• 1:04:49
  Speaker 1: What more could there possibly be?
• 1:04:52
  Speaker 3: I don't know, maybe like, Could we enjoy it together maybe?
• 1:04:58
  Speaker 3: Be like, oh, this is interesting, right? And then I
• 1:05:00
  Speaker 3: turn around and you're nowhere to be seen.
• 1:05:02
  Speaker 1: Just fast walking away.
• 1:05:04
  Speaker 3: Yeah, like, oh, what a wonderful day we just had.
• 1:05:07
  Speaker 3: People probably think we're complete strangers like we didn't even
• 1:05:10
  Speaker 3: come here together because.
• 1:05:11
  Speaker 2: Of how you're acting. The show of affection?
• 1:05:14
  Speaker 3: Well, he used to do it if he came home
• 1:05:16
  Speaker 3: later than me, but if I come home from work
• 1:05:18
  Speaker 3: later than him, he is always distracted and does not
• 1:05:21
  Speaker 3: reciprocate my hug even after I point it out. And now,
• 1:05:25
  Speaker 3: since he started stonewalling me for days after each counseling session,
• 1:05:28
  Speaker 3: I haven't even tried to do this homework because F it.
• 1:05:32
  Speaker 3: Who wants to hug a stonewaller? Same goes for conversation
• 1:05:35
  Speaker 3: before bedtime.
• 1:05:36
  Speaker 2: I just think you gotta be done.
• 1:05:38
  Speaker 3: He's not doing anything and, you know, I feel like
• 1:05:41
  Speaker 3: you're getting way more out of this and the thing is,
• 1:05:44
  Speaker 3: Sometimes this happens in toxic relationships or something. You want
• 1:05:47
  Speaker 3: the person to go. You end up both going. They
• 1:05:49
  Speaker 3: get worse because they're like, I don't want to do this, blah, blah, blah.
• 1:05:52
  Speaker 3: But because you were so open to it and you
• 1:05:53
  Speaker 3: wanted to do it and you're trying to make the difference,
• 1:05:56
  Speaker 3: you're actually gaining confidence and strength and courage to do
• 1:06:01
  Speaker 3: all of these things. And he's just sitting there watching
• 1:06:04
  Speaker 3: you get better. And then he's like, well, why isn't
• 1:06:07
  Speaker 3: that working for me?
• 1:06:08
  Speaker 1: Because, dude, you don't want to.
• 1:06:10
  Speaker 3: You don't want to change. She does. She does. She
• 1:06:13
  Speaker 3: wants to change.
• 1:06:14
  Speaker 2: She wants this to work, but you're not doing anything.
• 1:06:16
  Speaker 1: You're just a rotten egg, dude.
• 1:06:18
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you're just going to sit and mope and stonewall.
• 1:06:21
  Speaker 3: That's really fun.
• 1:06:22
  Speaker 2: Like, what?
• 1:06:23
  Speaker 1: You can't do it, bro. If we're like full grown adults,
• 1:06:26
  Speaker 1: we've been dating forever. You're stonewalling me.
• 1:06:28
  Speaker 2: Done.
• 1:06:29
  Speaker 1: Again, it's like one of my biggest things. Like, you
• 1:06:32
  Speaker 1: genuinely like silent treatment me. It's over.
• 1:06:37
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:06:37
  Speaker 3: It's just like you can't even communicate how you feel.
• 1:06:40
  Speaker 2: Like, how pathetic is that? Truthfully.
• 1:06:42
  Speaker 1: I'd give you a day, Tops. You do it more
• 1:06:45
  Speaker 1: than once, though. It's over.
• 1:06:47
  Speaker 3: This crap has really woken me up, y'all. I don't
• 1:06:50
  Speaker 3: know what sort of fantasy I had constructed out of
• 1:06:53
  Speaker 3: the whole cloth that made me love this guy. He
• 1:06:55
  Speaker 3: really doesn't want to lift a finger. He seems to
• 1:06:58
  Speaker 3: lose it completely at the thought of my leaving. Cries
• 1:07:02
  Speaker 3: seems desperate, but it translates into zero action. He really
• 1:07:07
  Speaker 3: doesn't care about me at all. Anyway, I said as
• 1:07:11
  Speaker 3: much to him early this week and told him I'm
• 1:07:13
  Speaker 3: leaving next week. I have an appointment with an attorney
• 1:07:16
  Speaker 3: to see what my options are. This crap is really happening.
• 1:07:19
  Speaker 2: I am leaving.
• 1:07:21
  Speaker 3: I'm scared as crap and my emotions are effing fried,
• 1:07:26
  Speaker 3: but I have never been.
• 1:07:27
  Speaker 2: More sure of anything.
• 1:07:30
  Speaker 3: And truthfully, girl, I think you're going to be so
• 1:07:32
  Speaker 3: much happier like without him. Like not having to deal
• 1:07:36
  Speaker 3: with his emotions on top of your emotions. And now
• 1:07:38
  Speaker 3: you're just focusing on yourself and your kid and trying to,
• 1:07:42
  Speaker 3: you know, figure out what you want rather than what
• 1:07:45
  Speaker 3: he wants. Like you're going to feel so much better
• 1:07:48
  Speaker 3: because you can't just spill all of your emotions and
• 1:07:51
  Speaker 3: energy into someone who literally gives you nothing like a stonewall. You,
• 1:07:56
  Speaker 3: you are literally like crying to a wall and you're like, why,
• 1:08:00
  Speaker 3: why is it not? Nothing's changing. Yeah. Wall's not going
• 1:08:03
  Speaker 3: to change. It's just going to sit there and be
• 1:08:05
  Speaker 3: a wall. That's what it does. That's what he wants
• 1:08:08
  Speaker 3: to do. So let him be.
• 1:08:10
  Speaker 1: Go be miserable.
• 1:08:11
  Speaker 2: And I'm going to go work on myself and have fun.
• 1:08:13
  Speaker 1: That's right. Let him wall out.
• 1:08:15
  Speaker 3: Let him wall out.
• 1:08:16
  Speaker 2: But that's the end of that story. And we got
• 1:08:18
  Speaker 2: another one coming right up.
• 1:08:20
  Speaker 1: Hey, it's Dakota, your favorite goofball host here. And we're
• 1:08:24
  Speaker 1: going to get back to the stories. But here's three
• 1:08:26
  Speaker 1: minutes of ads from our sponsors. My wife announced she
• 1:08:30
  Speaker 1: was pregnant and then confessed something the very next day.
• 1:08:33
  Speaker 2: Mmm, let me guess.
• 1:08:36
  Speaker 1: Not pregnant? So, my wife, 28 female, and I, 29 male,
• 1:08:41
  Speaker 1: got married when we were 23 and 24. Since getting married,
• 1:08:45
  Speaker 1: she's been the best thing that's ever happened to me. Anyway,
• 1:08:49
  Speaker 1: she's recently announced to me she's pregnant, which should have
• 1:08:52
  Speaker 1: been incredible news. But the day after she made her announcement,
• 1:08:56
  Speaker 1: she said... We need to talk. Mmm. the spookiest sentence
• 1:09:03
  Speaker 1: when she sat me down she told me that the
• 1:09:05
  Speaker 1: night before our wedding she was having anxieties about it
• 1:09:09
  Speaker 1: and our old friend who was also my best man
• 1:09:12
  Speaker 1: apparently helped her calm down oh.
• 1:09:17
  Speaker 2: God it's one of these stories.
• 1:09:19
  Speaker 1: She said they had a couple of drinks and one
• 1:09:21
  Speaker 1: thing led to another. I have not yet confronted him
• 1:09:25
  Speaker 1: about it. And the night before the confession, we literally
• 1:09:29
  Speaker 1: had him over for dinner. I am staying at my parents'
• 1:09:33
  Speaker 1: beach house right now, Slay. I just had to remove
• 1:09:37
  Speaker 1: myself from everyone and everything to figure out what I
• 1:09:40
  Speaker 1: want to do. I love my wife and I want
• 1:09:43
  Speaker 1: to forgive her for our baby. Any advice, please? And...
• 1:09:48
  Speaker 1: By the way, this comes from Throwaway Ennis. If you
• 1:09:51
  Speaker 1: want to submit your own stories, go to the r
• 1:09:53
  Speaker 1: slash OK Storytime subreddit. I'm Dakota.
• 1:09:56
  Speaker 2: And I'm Savannah.
• 1:09:57
  Speaker 1: And we are here to read this story and give
• 1:09:59
  Speaker 1: our little good advice goofily, but we don't have all
• 1:10:01
  Speaker 1: the answers, so just know that. And you can tell
• 1:10:03
  Speaker 1: us what you think down in the comments. And OP
• 1:10:07
  Speaker 1: gets into an update here, but I guess my first
• 1:10:11
  Speaker 1: thing would be, I think she also wants to save
• 1:10:14
  Speaker 1: the marriage for your kid, which is why she never
• 1:10:17
  Speaker 1: told you that this happened until she was pregnant. She's like, okay,
• 1:10:21
  Speaker 1: if this is going to go forward, I can't. So
• 1:10:23
  Speaker 1: in a way, I guess that's good, but it's still
• 1:10:25
  Speaker 1: really bad. The only person who can decide if they
• 1:10:28
  Speaker 1: want to work through this is you.
• 1:10:30
  Speaker 2: I wonder if the baby is his.
• 1:10:32
  Speaker 1: I think it is. I don't think the baby gestated
• 1:10:34
  Speaker 1: for five years.
• 1:10:36
  Speaker 3: No, I'm saying, like, I don't know if it was
• 1:10:39
  Speaker 3: still going on, like this affair that, you know, happened
• 1:10:43
  Speaker 3: right before the wedding.
• 1:10:44
  Speaker 2: I'm sure it has gone on.
• 1:10:45
  Speaker 1: God, and absolutely crazy for him to be hanging around
• 1:10:48
  Speaker 1: all the time, too. He was at dinner the night before.
• 1:10:52
  Speaker 1: Such a betrayal. Let's see if OP, let's see what
• 1:10:54
  Speaker 1: OP does. Okay, so it's only been a day since
• 1:10:58
  Speaker 1: I made the original post, but there's been a new development.
• 1:11:01
  Speaker 1: It is no longer entirely about whether I should forgive
• 1:11:03
  Speaker 1: her and more about where to go from here. I
• 1:11:06
  Speaker 1: won't make any more updates unless asked or if something
• 1:11:09
  Speaker 1: major happens. So, I confronted my friend. He lives close
• 1:11:14
  Speaker 1: to my parents' beach house, so I invited him over
• 1:11:16
  Speaker 1: to have a chat. After some casual exchanges, I sat
• 1:11:19
  Speaker 1: him down. I could tell he was confused, perhaps nervous,
• 1:11:23
  Speaker 1: but he had a smugness about him. I'm going to
• 1:11:26
  Speaker 1: type in script format because it's easier. I've had a
• 1:11:29
  Speaker 1: few drinks. Me. How's wife? Him. Uh, I don't know.
• 1:11:34
  Speaker 1: Last time I saw her was at yours? Me, right.
• 1:11:37
  Speaker 1: Because I know what's gone on. I left it as
• 1:11:40
  Speaker 1: open-ended as possible to see if he would confess to
• 1:11:43
  Speaker 1: something I didn't already know. After some denial and feigned confusion,
• 1:11:46
  Speaker 1: he finally makes his confession. She told you we've been effing?
• 1:11:50
  Speaker 1: His words, not mine. Me, not in detail, but yes,
• 1:11:54
  Speaker 1: that's why I'm here. Him, yeah, well, she wasn't lying. Oh, wow.
• 1:12:01
  Speaker 1: After that, I went on to ask him a series
• 1:12:04
  Speaker 1: of questions that I regret asking, but he was more
• 1:12:07
  Speaker 1: than happy to answer, which was painfully off-putting. Things like
• 1:12:10
  Speaker 1: how often, when, where, among other things I wish I
• 1:12:14
  Speaker 1: did not know, because now it's playing in my mind
• 1:12:17
  Speaker 1: like crazy. The one thing he denies with certainty is
• 1:12:20
  Speaker 1: that the child is not his. I don't know why
• 1:12:23
  Speaker 1: he's so sure, but I am inclined to believe him
• 1:12:25
  Speaker 1: for some reason. Um, I also would talk to your wife.
• 1:12:29
  Speaker 1: I don't know. Your friend is giving me really weird
• 1:12:31
  Speaker 1: vibes and I wouldn't believe all the stuff he says.
• 1:12:34
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:12:35
  Speaker 2: He's been lying this entire time.
• 1:12:37
  Speaker 1: So yeah, I would believe he would lie to try
• 1:12:40
  Speaker 1: to make your wife as much of the bad guys
• 1:12:42
  Speaker 1: possible to try to salvage whatever he has with you.
• 1:12:44
  Speaker 2: Um, And I was right. He has been doing it
• 1:12:48
  Speaker 2: ever since.
• 1:12:49
  Speaker 1: I don't know. Maybe. I still don't necessarily believe him
• 1:12:52
  Speaker 1: because anyone who's like so sociopathic to where they could
• 1:12:56
  Speaker 1: do that to you and claim to be your best
• 1:12:58
  Speaker 1: man and then also like that guy's a crazy manipulator.
• 1:13:04
  Speaker 1: I don't know why he's so sure, but I am
• 1:13:06
  Speaker 1: inclined to believe him for some reason. I want to
• 1:13:09
  Speaker 1: give my baby the best life possible. I treated my
• 1:13:12
  Speaker 1: wife like the goddess I truly believed she was. and
• 1:13:15
  Speaker 1: all she had to do was let me love her,
• 1:13:17
  Speaker 1: and I would have given her and our child everything.
• 1:13:20
  Speaker 1: We just bought a home, and when she told me
• 1:13:22
  Speaker 1: she was pregnant, I was over the moon, only to
• 1:13:25
  Speaker 1: have this happen. After this encounter, my friend offered to
• 1:13:28
  Speaker 1: hang out to make sure I was okay. We've been
• 1:13:31
  Speaker 1: friends for years, and he knows I've suffered from mental
• 1:13:34
  Speaker 1: health issues in the past, and he was being a
• 1:13:36
  Speaker 1: good guy by looking out for me. But frankly, I
• 1:13:39
  Speaker 1: think he wanted to stay and drink all my booze
• 1:13:41
  Speaker 1: while laughing in my face about sleeping with my wife. Yeah,
• 1:13:44
  Speaker 1: I would guess that first.
• 1:13:46
  Speaker 2: Wow, that's insane. He's not your friend. Not your friend.
• 1:13:50
  Speaker 2: Get out of there.
• 1:13:51
  Speaker 1: I gave him the old one-two with my fists, and
• 1:13:53
  Speaker 1: he said he deserved it, and he left. Just a
• 1:13:58
  Speaker 1: hook across the jaw.
• 1:13:59
  Speaker 2: Yeah, all right, I'm going to go.
• 1:14:01
  Speaker 1: Dang. It doesn't seem like you guys got even. I
• 1:14:04
  Speaker 1: messaged my wife telling her I know the relationship was
• 1:14:07
  Speaker 1: ongoing and she responded with, let's talk about this in person. Oh, no,
• 1:14:11
  Speaker 1: it was. Oh, he was telling the truth. I said
• 1:14:15
  Speaker 1: I didn't want to look at her and she didn't respond. Anyway,
• 1:14:19
  Speaker 1: here's the advice part. Naturally, I think the obvious step
• 1:14:22
  Speaker 1: now is to leave her. I really don't want to.
• 1:14:26
  Speaker 1: I had a plan for my life and that plan
• 1:14:28
  Speaker 1: included her. I thought she loved me. Those were the
• 1:14:31
  Speaker 1: first words I'd hear from her every day. If she
• 1:14:35
  Speaker 1: wasn't pregnant, I would leave, and I'm still considering leaving.
• 1:14:38
  Speaker 1: I just want to know how to go about being
• 1:14:40
  Speaker 1: a good father and ex-husband. Ideally, I'd gain main custody,
• 1:14:44
  Speaker 1: but as we know, that's not usually easy for the guy.
• 1:14:48
  Speaker 1: Financial support is an obvious one. Secondly, I want to
• 1:14:51
  Speaker 1: know where to go from here. Do I see her
• 1:14:54
  Speaker 1: in person? I don't want more details because what my
• 1:14:57
  Speaker 1: friend told me is enough to last me a lifetime.
• 1:14:59
  Speaker 1: She's currently in our home, and I didn't plan for
• 1:15:01
  Speaker 1: this because I wasn't expecting this. There's no prenup. My
• 1:15:06
  Speaker 1: parents are wealthy bohemian artist types, so they will be
• 1:15:09
  Speaker 1: no help emotionally. I hate this. And there's an update.
• 1:15:13
  Speaker 1: They could be. Talk to your parents.
• 1:15:15
  Speaker 2: I mean, it's worth a shot. If everything else fails.
• 1:15:20
  Speaker 1: I really, I'm really torn. This is weird because normally
• 1:15:24
  Speaker 1: in these stories, I'm always like, you should just leave.
• 1:15:27
  Speaker 2: I would get the paternity test.
• 1:15:29
  Speaker 1: Do think it's yours, but maybe, yeah, I guess if
• 1:15:32
  Speaker 1: it's been ongoing, definitely that would make sense.
• 1:15:36
  Speaker 2: They're both liars. So I don't trust either of them.
• 1:15:39
  Speaker 3: And the only way to know is if she gets
• 1:15:40
  Speaker 3: the paternity test. And if it turns out it's yours,
• 1:15:43
  Speaker 3: then okay, cool. But where do we go from here?
• 1:15:46
  Speaker 3: And then if it turns out not to yours, you
• 1:15:48
  Speaker 3: can leave with no skin off your back.
• 1:15:51
  Speaker 1: I think my genuine advice would be try, you know,
• 1:15:56
  Speaker 1: you can have your mind set like, I'm going to leave,
• 1:16:00
  Speaker 1: but try to go to like a counseling or something
• 1:16:03
  Speaker 1: with her just to get clear on what happened, why
• 1:16:06
  Speaker 1: it happened, why it's been happening this whole time. Like
• 1:16:10
  Speaker 1: just to get a little bit more nuanced closure about it.
• 1:16:15
  Speaker 1: And then based on how that goes, you can make
• 1:16:18
  Speaker 1: the decision again. Okay. Do I still want to leave
• 1:16:20
  Speaker 1: or do I want to stay and try to make
• 1:16:22
  Speaker 1: this work for our kid? Um, and the answer might
• 1:16:25
  Speaker 1: not be yes, you know, anyway, update. I've gotten some
• 1:16:29
  Speaker 1: consistent sleep. And even though I've slept all day, I
• 1:16:33
  Speaker 1: feel rested. I've organized to see my wife. She said
• 1:16:36
  Speaker 1: she will make us dinner and we will sit down
• 1:16:38
  Speaker 1: and discuss what happens next. I know a lot of
• 1:16:41
  Speaker 1: people have said not to see her or talk to her,
• 1:16:43
  Speaker 1: but I have to know why. I also have to
• 1:16:45
  Speaker 1: tell her I want a paternity test.
• 1:16:48
  Speaker 2: There you go, buddy.
• 1:16:50
  Speaker 1: I've really appreciated all the kindness and criticism sent my way.
• 1:16:53
  Speaker 1: I feel like I have a small community on my side,
• 1:16:56
  Speaker 1: which has helped me through this in a healthier way.
• 1:16:58
  Speaker 1: Thanks again. Update two. So the dinner happened. She made
• 1:17:04
  Speaker 1: my favorite meal. And I'd be like, really? I know
• 1:17:08
  Speaker 1: why you made it. You should have just made something normal.
• 1:17:11
  Speaker 1: Suck up. She was dressed so beautifully. She was really
• 1:17:15
  Speaker 1: trying to just make it as hard as possible for me.
• 1:17:18
  Speaker 1: I had spent the whole time in the car practicing
• 1:17:20
  Speaker 1: what I was going to say and trying to think
• 1:17:22
  Speaker 1: about all the effed up things my friend told me
• 1:17:24
  Speaker 1: to work myself up. But upon entering the house and
• 1:17:27
  Speaker 1: smelling her cooking and perfume, I was struggling. Oh, this
• 1:17:30
  Speaker 1: is another red flag in terms of like she's trying
• 1:17:34
  Speaker 1: to manipulate you.
• 1:17:36
  Speaker 2: Literally at every angle. It's like, oh, babe, I made
• 1:17:40
  Speaker 2: your favorite.
• 1:17:41
  Speaker 1: She needed to come to you in sweatpants and a T-shirt,
• 1:17:46
  Speaker 1: hair in a bun, no makeup. Like I've ruined everything
• 1:17:51
  Speaker 1: and I want to fix it. And instead she's doing
• 1:17:54
  Speaker 1: the exact opposite. She tried to greet me with a kiss,
• 1:17:57
  Speaker 1: but I nudged her off of me. She offered me
• 1:17:59
  Speaker 1: a drink, which I accepted, and I sat down at
• 1:18:02
  Speaker 1: the table. She served me my food and sat down.
• 1:18:05
  Speaker 1: We sat in silence for a bit whilst I ate.
• 1:18:07
  Speaker 1: I hadn't eaten since finding out, so to my surprise,
• 1:18:10
  Speaker 1: I was able to get in a few bites before
• 1:18:12
  Speaker 1: the anxiety of the situation got the best of me.
• 1:18:14
  Speaker 1: I finished my drink, and as she was making me
• 1:18:16
  Speaker 1: another one, another one? I finally said, so why'd you
• 1:18:21
  Speaker 1: do it? Her response at first was, I don't know. Ugh!
• 1:18:25
  Speaker 1: This pissed me off. How could she not know? So
• 1:18:29
  Speaker 1: I repeated myself, and this is when she seemed to
• 1:18:32
  Speaker 1: open up a little more. Perhaps she could sense I
• 1:18:35
  Speaker 1: was getting frustrated. She sat down and explained that she
• 1:18:38
  Speaker 1: just felt trapped and needed something separate from me. Oh,
• 1:18:43
  Speaker 1: your best man. Was he a groomsman or was he
• 1:18:47
  Speaker 1: the best man?
• 1:18:49
  Speaker 3: I think he was just a groomsman. I don't think
• 1:18:52
  Speaker 3: it clarified that he was the best man.
• 1:18:54
  Speaker 1: I'm going back to check.
• 1:18:56
  Speaker 2: Also, the fact that she's like, I just felt trapped.
• 1:19:00
  Speaker 3: Girl, then communicate that.
• 1:19:03
  Speaker 1: It was the best man, by the way. Dang. What
• 1:19:06
  Speaker 1: a terrible, terrible situation. You find out your best man
• 1:19:09
  Speaker 1: and your wife... Snakes. Oh, God. Okay, so... Something separate
• 1:19:14
  Speaker 1: from me. Yeah, my best man. My best man is
• 1:19:17
  Speaker 1: a real big degree of separation. She insisted she loved me,
• 1:19:21
  Speaker 1: but that sometimes she needs a, quote, break from reality.
• 1:19:26
  Speaker 1: I asked her if the baby was mine, and she
• 1:19:27
  Speaker 1: said yes. I asked how she was certain, and she
• 1:19:31
  Speaker 1: said that my friend has had a vasectomy. Well, I
• 1:19:34
  Speaker 1: guess that's why they were so certain, huh?
• 1:19:37
  Speaker 2: I wouldn't trust him. I would still... I'd still do it.
• 1:19:40
  Speaker 1: I feel like that's something he would have told me,
• 1:19:43
  Speaker 1: so I said I didn't believe her, and I want
• 1:19:45
  Speaker 1: a paternity test. She graciously agreed. Of course she did.
• 1:19:49
  Speaker 1: She's always been gracious and receptive to my ideas. Oh.
• 1:19:53
  Speaker 1: After she agreed, I asked if she was unhappy. Why
• 1:19:57
  Speaker 1: didn't she talk to me? If she needed a break
• 1:20:00
  Speaker 1: from reality, I would have paid for a vacation or
• 1:20:02
  Speaker 1: a spa week. Or if she wanted to start a
• 1:20:04
  Speaker 1: side hobby, it's something I would have been in full
• 1:20:06
  Speaker 1: support of. As I was saying this, I began to cry.
• 1:20:10
  Speaker 1: She got up and cradled my head against her chest.
• 1:20:12
  Speaker 1: And this is where I effed up. I just held
• 1:20:15
  Speaker 1: her and cried as she comforted me. And she lifted
• 1:20:18
  Speaker 1: my head and started kissing me.
• 1:20:21
  Speaker 2: Oh, shit.
• 1:20:21
  Speaker 3: This is manipulative BS. I do not like this girl.
• 1:20:25
  Speaker 3: She needs to understand. She's like, oh, he's at his worst.
• 1:20:28
  Speaker 2: He's at his worst.
• 1:20:31
  Speaker 3: Let me help him, even though I'm the one who
• 1:20:32
  Speaker 3: did this to him.
• 1:20:33
  Speaker 2: Like, girl, back up.
• 1:20:35
  Speaker 3: Like stop trying to do it.
• 1:20:37
  Speaker 2: Like you've done enough. Truthfully, you've done enough.
• 1:20:40
  Speaker 1: She's doing the like seductress, like succubus routine and just
• 1:20:44
  Speaker 1: being like, I'll just make him forget. It's ridiculous. I
• 1:20:48
  Speaker 1: didn't push her off for a few minutes. I knew
• 1:20:50
  Speaker 1: this was the last time I would have an intimate
• 1:20:52
  Speaker 1: moment with her and I wanted to mourn her embrace.
• 1:20:55
  Speaker 2: You know, I get that.
• 1:20:56
  Speaker 1: That's fair enough, dude. That's so human. I snapped myself
• 1:21:00
  Speaker 1: out of it after a while and stood up abruptly.
• 1:21:02
  Speaker 1: I went to the bar, made myself one last drink.
• 1:21:05
  Speaker 1: and told her that after the test, we'd be getting
• 1:21:07
  Speaker 1: a divorce. This is where she began to cry and
• 1:21:11
  Speaker 1: kept telling me I had to be there for our
• 1:21:13
  Speaker 1: baby and that she won't be able to be the
• 1:21:15
  Speaker 1: best mother she can be without having her strength, which
• 1:21:20
  Speaker 1: is me. I am her strength, apparently. What?
• 1:21:23
  Speaker 2: Girl, what?
• 1:21:25
  Speaker 1: After some back and forth, I was about to leave,
• 1:21:28
  Speaker 1: but she said I should stay because I was drinking. Again, tactical.
• 1:21:32
  Speaker 1: That's why she was making you the second drink.
• 1:21:34
  Speaker 2: God, I hate this woman.
• 1:21:36
  Speaker 1: She's so manipulative.
• 1:21:38
  Speaker 2: In every way possible.
• 1:21:39
  Speaker 3: Like from her dressing up to the music to the,
• 1:21:42
  Speaker 3: you know, to the seductive movements.
• 1:21:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:21:45
  Speaker 3: To like what she's saying to your favorite meal. I mean,
• 1:21:48
  Speaker 3: like everything was planned to a T. You were just
• 1:21:50
  Speaker 3: falling right into it.
• 1:21:51
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:21:51
  Speaker 1: None of this is about owning it and being, you know,
• 1:21:54
  Speaker 1: responsible for her actions. She's trying to, you know, wipe
• 1:21:58
  Speaker 1: them away.
• 1:21:59
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Just to persuade you to be like, it wasn't
• 1:22:01
  Speaker 3: that bad. And this is your child and you need
• 1:22:03
  Speaker 3: to be here for him.
• 1:22:04
  Speaker 1: Yes. And I was drinking, so I did stay. I
• 1:22:07
  Speaker 1: went to sleep in the guest room, but she insisted,
• 1:22:10
  Speaker 1: we just sleep in the same bed together for old
• 1:22:12
  Speaker 1: time's sake. Gross.
• 1:22:14
  Speaker 2: I mean, shut up!
• 1:22:16
  Speaker 1: She tried to hold me in her sleep, and I
• 1:22:18
  Speaker 1: let her, but I remained limp in her arms. Then,
• 1:22:21
  Speaker 1: as soon as the sun began to rise, I snuck out.
• 1:22:24
  Speaker 1: I'm back at the beach house. I call the lawyer. Yes,
• 1:22:27
  Speaker 1: you need to call a lawyer. This is, it's not
• 1:22:30
  Speaker 1: going to work.
• 1:22:31
  Speaker 2: You need to distance yourself from her.
• 1:22:32
  Speaker 3: Like, this was like, you know, You said, you know,
• 1:22:37
  Speaker 3: kissing her, you're like, okay, this is probably the last time.
• 1:22:40
  Speaker 2: Make that true.
• 1:22:42
  Speaker 1: I think he is. Yeah, I hope so. And, you know,
• 1:22:45
  Speaker 1: I think you resolved to co-parent and be the best
• 1:22:49
  Speaker 1: dad that you can be to your kid. And I
• 1:22:52
  Speaker 1: think that's good. Final update. I'm back at my home
• 1:22:55
  Speaker 1: and she is also here. We are not sleeping in
• 1:22:58
  Speaker 1: the same room. And no, I'm not taking her back.
• 1:23:01
  Speaker 1: It'll just be easier to organize the divorce this way.
• 1:23:04
  Speaker 1: It was my idea, not hers. She seems to have
• 1:23:07
  Speaker 1: accepted the divorce. She's pleaded a little and insists she
• 1:23:11
  Speaker 1: loves me. I told her I still love her but
• 1:23:14
  Speaker 1: can't forgive her. After that, we haven't communicated much. I've
• 1:23:17
  Speaker 1: been in contact with my lawyer. I'm meeting a girl tonight.
• 1:23:22
  Speaker 1: I was not advised by my lawyer to see anyone
• 1:23:24
  Speaker 1: during this time, but I need this. I'm doing better.
• 1:23:27
  Speaker 1: I had a dark moment early on, but I got
• 1:23:30
  Speaker 1: through it once I thought of my potential child. And
• 1:23:32
  Speaker 1: I know I'm worth a lot to a lot of people. Yeah,
• 1:23:37
  Speaker 1: always remember that. There are people who love you. But
• 1:23:40
  Speaker 1: maybe just know that whatever you do with this girl
• 1:23:43
  Speaker 1: is just nothing, whatever, just going on a date, just
• 1:23:46
  Speaker 1: greasing the wheels.
• 1:23:47
  Speaker 3: This is like a rebound situation. No, P, I don't
• 1:23:50
  Speaker 3: think you're ready for that. I think you need to
• 1:23:52
  Speaker 3: be on your own.
• 1:23:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah, just grease the wheels a little bit. I'm ready
• 1:23:54
  Speaker 1: to play human again. I really appreciate everyone checking in
• 1:23:58
  Speaker 1: on me even days later. Things have moved so fast,
• 1:24:01
  Speaker 1: I'm shocked at how quickly one's life can change. I
• 1:24:04
  Speaker 1: received a drunken phone call from my friend, and I
• 1:24:07
  Speaker 1: have an idea of why he did what he did
• 1:24:09
  Speaker 1: to me. It's no excuse, and I don't forgive him,
• 1:24:12
  Speaker 1: but the phone call is probably what pulled me out
• 1:24:15
  Speaker 1: of the slump I was in. He basically admitted being
• 1:24:18
  Speaker 1: resentful and envious of me, which was an ego boost
• 1:24:22
  Speaker 1: at least, and thanks again to everyone. Wow, yeah, your
• 1:24:25
  Speaker 1: friend is like a sociopath. Your friend's a little psycho.
• 1:24:28
  Speaker 1: And your wife is also a crazy manipulator.
• 1:24:31
  Speaker 2: Yeah, they're both kind of perfect for each other.
• 1:24:33
  Speaker 1: But yeah, good luck. That is the end of that story.
• 1:24:37
  Speaker 1: And the end of this episode.