Latest / Stuff Mom Never Told You / Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Dates: Part 1

Transcript

Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Dates: Part 1 · Stuff Mom Never Told You

0:05
Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha, and welcome to Steph.
0:07
Speaker 1: I never told your production of I Heart Radio. So
0:19
Speaker 1: for today's episode, we're going to do something a little different,
0:21
Speaker 1: a little lass research or conversational, because we have some
0:26
Speaker 1: vacationing happening here. Believe it or not, I know, right
0:32
Speaker 1: February vacation time. I went to the beach with my mom.
0:36
Speaker 1: I had a lovely time, but hilariously enough, she told
0:41
Speaker 1: me she was trying to be very motherly and caring.
0:45
Speaker 1: It was like, I think you need more vitamin D.
0:47
Speaker 1: You don't go out enough during the pandemic. So I did,
0:50
Speaker 1: and I stood at this place and she was like,
0:51
Speaker 1: this is the best place, and I got suffered. So
0:54
Speaker 1: if I look ridiculous, Samantha, that's why I don't mean
1:00
Speaker 1: to insult you. Uh huh. You just look like got
1:03
Speaker 1: freckled a little bit. I'm sorry, friend, that's that's fine.
1:07
Speaker 1: You should have seen me when it first happened. Okay,
1:10
Speaker 1: she laughed. My mom kept laughing every time I entered
1:13
Speaker 1: the room, and then she felt bad for laughing at me.
1:15
Speaker 1: But it was totally fair because it looked ridiculous. Not
1:18
Speaker 1: that you would not want to be a lobster. But
1:20
Speaker 1: I'm like, you still look pretty white to me. Okay, okay,
1:22
Speaker 1: so except for like you got bing to freckles a
1:24
Speaker 1: little bit. If you've got a little bit of hand
1:26
Speaker 1: on the nose, I see it. I see it. Yeah.
1:28
Speaker 1: My partner when he gets burned, I laugh all the time,
1:31
Speaker 1: because usually he always gives burned when he thinks he's
1:36
Speaker 1: fine and then he gets burned, and I'm like, I
1:38
Speaker 1: told you so, so I have every right to laugh
1:40
Speaker 1: at you because I told you so. This is typically.
1:42
Speaker 1: I'm like, you earned this laughter in ridicule because you
1:46
Speaker 1: did this to yourself type of situation. My vacation quote unquote,
1:50
Speaker 1: which was for two days, was hopped up on some
1:52
Speaker 1: diazepam and then some coding tyl and all because I
1:55
Speaker 1: got my teeth extracted. You'll have bad teeth. I think
1:59
Speaker 1: we've talked about this before, because we talked about the
2:01
Speaker 1: entol appointments and caring for ourselves and then the pandemic,
2:03
Speaker 1: and we're not gonna, definitely not going. I have started
2:06
Speaker 1: my journey and fixing what is really bad teeth. Apparently,
2:11
Speaker 1: the dentist who was actually a father of a very
2:13
Speaker 1: good friend of mine so he was very kind of like,
2:15
Speaker 1: please don't judge me. My teeth are bad. I was
2:19
Speaker 1: malnourished until I was eight years old, bad calcium deficiencies,
2:23
Speaker 1: so many things, lived in an orphanage. Try to tell
2:26
Speaker 1: this whole story. And he's like a spine, it's fine.
2:28
Speaker 1: Your teeth are great. Your teeth are great. Um. And
2:30
Speaker 1: then he went and did X rays. He's like, Okay,
2:32
Speaker 1: your teeth aren't great. We need to do these following things.
2:35
Speaker 1: And I'm petrified of the dentist because I did have
2:38
Speaker 1: to go to the dentist so often when I first
2:40
Speaker 1: came into the US, I had to have a whole
2:41
Speaker 1: specialist loss of teeth ticking out all those things. Um.
2:45
Speaker 1: And I know it's pretty common for most people, I think,
2:48
Speaker 1: to have somewhat of a fear of dentists. I'm sorry, dentists,
2:52
Speaker 1: we love you, but ye, at the same time, we
2:53
Speaker 1: fear you. But yeah, it's even still a little sword today.
2:57
Speaker 1: But I've been very cautious and like doing all the
3:00
Speaker 1: seeing and not too much when seeing and making sure
3:03
Speaker 1: it's plotting all these things. But yeah, that was my
3:06
Speaker 1: two day off. Yeah, right right, it's not quite the same.
3:17
Speaker 1: I guess your sunburn in comparison to my teeth being extracted. Yeah,
3:22
Speaker 1: but I've got you're going on this journey. I hope it. Yeah,
3:26
Speaker 1: so far, so good. He really was like, you know,
3:30
Speaker 1: for everything you've gone through and the fact that you've
3:32
Speaker 1: not been to the dentist in years, you look pretty good.
3:35
Speaker 1: The dental Hygena's there. She was wonderful, and she was like,
3:38
Speaker 1: you need a water pick, and y'all life changing, not
3:41
Speaker 1: a sponsor, life changing. I had one spot with my gums.
3:46
Speaker 1: It's always swollen and always like really gross. My gums
3:50
Speaker 1: are always bloody no matter what, after flossing, after brushing
3:53
Speaker 1: my teeth, and I do this every day, so don't
3:54
Speaker 1: judge me. It took me a long time to figure
3:56
Speaker 1: it out, but you know, and I would just accept that.
3:59
Speaker 1: Let my guns were grow. Of saying that I had
4:02
Speaker 1: all kinds of problems with my teeth, you know, I
4:03
Speaker 1: just accepted that. I would, you know, forever bleed. And
4:07
Speaker 1: then the water pick. It took me a while to
4:09
Speaker 1: figure out how to do it, and after like literally
4:12
Speaker 1: three or four days, it just started clearing up. I
4:14
Speaker 1: was like, oh my god, the stintal hidgena. She is
4:17
Speaker 1: my hero. And I told her immediately because I went,
4:19
Speaker 1: like I went for cleaning. The next week, I went
4:21
Speaker 1: for the extraction, and she was like, how are how
4:23
Speaker 1: are you doing? I was like, oh my god, and
4:26
Speaker 1: I did and I was saying I love you. She no,
4:28
Speaker 1: I love you. We had a whole exchange because I
4:30
Speaker 1: felt like she told me this world opening secret with
4:35
Speaker 1: this water pick. But just just so you know, that's awesome.
4:39
Speaker 1: Oh the love forming everywhere, love forms everywhere. I'm into it?
4:46
Speaker 1: Or does it? Or does it? Oh gosh, I'll get
4:49
Speaker 1: into that in a second. Yeah. So this episode is
4:54
Speaker 1: inspired actually by a separate trip I took recently with
4:59
Speaker 1: a a good group of friends of mine where by
5:02
Speaker 1: the way, there was a kincake, as it is our tradition,
5:05
Speaker 1: and I they were teasing me about Star Wars related stuff,
5:09
Speaker 1: of course, and I was like, I can find this
5:12
Speaker 1: baby in this kincake. And I just ran my hand
5:16
Speaker 1: over it, over the top and I stopped and I
5:19
Speaker 1: was like, it's right here. That baby was right there.
5:23
Speaker 1: You special, thank you, thank you, Samantha. They didn't seem
5:28
Speaker 1: to see it that way, but that's thet you ad.
5:32
Speaker 1: You told me about this at which point you were like,
5:34
Speaker 1: you'll not that because I was like, you found the baby,
5:36
Speaker 1: and You're like, well, yeah I did. I did. And
5:41
Speaker 1: I can't believe they don't mean they don't believe that
5:44
Speaker 1: means I'm for sensitive all right, whatever, I'm sorry, not
5:49
Speaker 1: magic either, I'll accept. Okay, it's all good. But we
5:55
Speaker 1: got to talking about bad dates that we had been on.
6:01
Speaker 1: I texted you and I was like, we need to
6:03
Speaker 1: talk about this because so many of them. I just
6:07
Speaker 1: thought to myself, why why, why would anyone think this
6:13
Speaker 1: is acceptable behavior. So we were just going to talk
6:16
Speaker 1: about some of those things and some of our experiences.
6:19
Speaker 1: But with that, we want to say, like we're focusing
6:21
Speaker 1: on mostly funny things, funny bad dates, but we are
6:25
Speaker 1: going to talk about some of the darker side of that,
6:28
Speaker 1: because for a lot of women, a bad date is
6:31
Speaker 1: not funny. It is scary and dangerous. And I heard
6:35
Speaker 1: a lot of that when I was asking around around
6:38
Speaker 1: my my female group of friends, of like, yeah, sure,
6:41
Speaker 1: we've got these funny experiences, but a lot of them
6:45
Speaker 1: are not funny at all, right at all? And in fact,
6:50
Speaker 1: I became very outraged that this is sort of an accepted,
6:55
Speaker 1: like I've always known that it's not like a surprise
6:57
Speaker 1: to me, but I was just getting angry and angrier
7:01
Speaker 1: that everybody, every woman I talked to you have this
7:05
Speaker 1: truly horrendous like just I can't. It makes me very
7:10
Speaker 1: mad that this is dating right, this is dat I
7:16
Speaker 1: find it funny because you and I have talked about
7:18
Speaker 1: this often, about the fact that it's to the point
7:22
Speaker 1: that you and I are both like, Okay, we're good.
7:26
Speaker 1: We're good and for me, I do have a partnership.
7:29
Speaker 1: For me though, I think this is why our listeners
7:32
Speaker 1: are like, I think you're a romantic and I get it,
7:35
Speaker 1: but in the sense of like, as much as I
7:38
Speaker 1: adore my partnership and we do work well, and the
7:42
Speaker 1: circumstances that we have come to our good for us
7:45
Speaker 1: and we are fine, there's definitely things that we need
7:49
Speaker 1: to work on. There's a lot of miscommunication and we
7:52
Speaker 1: are very I figured out where the same It's an
7:55
Speaker 1: air sign and I feel like this could be telling
7:58
Speaker 1: and we'll talk about that later in that if this
8:02
Speaker 1: was not to work out, and in my mind, because
8:05
Speaker 1: I've never been in this long of a relationship ever,
8:08
Speaker 1: this is my first really long term relationship like and
8:12
Speaker 1: again I say long term. Typically I would say beyond
8:15
Speaker 1: eight months is a long term relationship for me, but
8:18
Speaker 1: we have gone beyond that. We've gone into like four
8:20
Speaker 1: to five. Maybe I don't really know because we don't
8:23
Speaker 1: know a beginning date. This is how pay romantic I
8:25
Speaker 1: probably am. We don't have dates, we don't celebrate things
8:28
Speaker 1: like that. That's not a thing for me. So we've
8:30
Speaker 1: been around for like four ish years together, maybe five years,
8:35
Speaker 1: so we're going to really have about this. But even still,
8:38
Speaker 1: we're not permanent. In my mind, nothing is permanent. Maybe
8:42
Speaker 1: I'm just way too like Buddhist mindset in this, like
8:45
Speaker 1: nothing is truly permanent. And even though I'm in a
8:48
Speaker 1: partnership and I am very giving and I want to
8:51
Speaker 1: include him and everything. So if I'm grocery shopping, I
8:55
Speaker 1: always come back with a snack for him because I'm
8:57
Speaker 1: always thinking about what can I get you, what can
8:59
Speaker 1: I But I do that with you as well. If
9:01
Speaker 1: you're coming over, I'm gonna go buy you something specific
9:05
Speaker 1: for you. So I feel like if we live together,
9:07
Speaker 1: I would still be doing this with you as well,
9:10
Speaker 1: if that ever came to the point. But all of
9:12
Speaker 1: that to say, it still doesn't mean it's gonna be permanent,
9:15
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. So in my mindset, if
9:18
Speaker 1: we were to break up, man, this is long winded.
9:20
Speaker 1: In my mind, if we were to break up or
9:23
Speaker 1: it does end, I don't want to try again. I
9:27
Speaker 1: think it's like, Okay, I've had my run. I'm good single, single,
9:30
Speaker 1: worse for me, singles cheaper true y I Oh my goodness,
9:39
Speaker 1: You've touched on so many things I want to talk about.
9:40
Speaker 1: Number one, the Jedi and attachment, which we are going
9:43
Speaker 1: to talk about later, but you're kind of voicing the
9:45
Speaker 1: whole thing. Number two. So when I was listening to
9:49
Speaker 1: my friends talk about their experience dating, because I haven't
9:52
Speaker 1: dated in a long time, Like I've gone on accidental dates,
9:58
Speaker 1: but I have not purposefully dated in forever. So I
10:01
Speaker 1: was hearing them tell their stories, and that was one
10:05
Speaker 1: of my thoughts, is like, this is not worth it. No,
10:09
Speaker 1: this is not worth it. And most of my friends
10:12
Speaker 1: in this particular group, there's only one that's still trying.
10:15
Speaker 1: But I have to too. In this set of data
10:19
Speaker 1: points that I collected, which was, you know, pretty small,
10:22
Speaker 1: but they're like, I'm done with it. I don't find
10:25
Speaker 1: it fulfilling. I don't feel like I need it and
10:28
Speaker 1: it's not worth it. And I want to say, like,
10:31
Speaker 1: that is very personal case, and I know that having
10:35
Speaker 1: fulfilling relationships is very important to everybody, even if that's
10:39
Speaker 1: romantic or not romantic. But to hear that from people
10:44
Speaker 1: who I've known for a long time, that tells me
10:47
Speaker 1: the state of dating is not good, right, that's bad.
10:51
Speaker 1: Like we're having women opt out of it by high margins.
10:56
Speaker 1: And I know there have been reports on it a
10:57
Speaker 1: lot recently where they're like, nobody is dating, no one
11:01
Speaker 1: wants kids? Why? And I'm like, I got a lot
11:03
Speaker 1: of examples. Right, you just need to talk to people, right,
11:07
Speaker 1: just just talk to people about their experiences. And you know,
11:11
Speaker 1: we've definitely talked about it in reference to political leaning,
11:14
Speaker 1: So we've talked about it in reference to pandemics and
11:17
Speaker 1: the quarantine shoot, even talking about the actual belief of
11:22
Speaker 1: the pandemic that has separated a lot of people. I
11:25
Speaker 1: feel like, and again, I know it's everywhere because California
11:29
Speaker 1: and New York have also had to deal with this.
11:31
Speaker 1: Maybe it's because we see more controversial people trying to
11:34
Speaker 1: make things happen. But in the South is even more
11:37
Speaker 1: divisive in Georgia of how often I would look in
11:43
Speaker 1: my when I was dating, and like the twenty six
11:46
Speaker 1: election happened, I was dating at that point in time
11:49
Speaker 1: and any time. I think we've talked told the story
11:52
Speaker 1: in all of these dating sites that if you said moderate,
11:56
Speaker 1: you're automatically off my list. And I would look at
11:59
Speaker 1: every white guy that came up on my page, looked
12:02
Speaker 1: at what do they believe? If they didn't have politics
12:05
Speaker 1: on there, you're also automatically out because I feel like
12:08
Speaker 1: you did that on purpose for a written and if
12:10
Speaker 1: you're from outside of Atlanta. I was super super cautious
12:14
Speaker 1: outside of Atlanta and Savannah, honestly, and I was like, hm, hmmm,
12:19
Speaker 1: you need to show you need to be able to
12:21
Speaker 1: say this out loud, and if you don't, then there's
12:25
Speaker 1: a reason and I can't have it. And that was
12:27
Speaker 1: a huge, huge point. And I know we've talked about that.
12:29
Speaker 1: I know Kristen and Caroline talked about that before us.
12:33
Speaker 1: There's a huge hard red line now between what we
12:37
Speaker 1: think it's acceptable and what wasn't acceptable. And I think
12:40
Speaker 1: it's the same way for the conservative dating pool. If
12:43
Speaker 1: you have anything I know one of the biggest triggering
12:46
Speaker 1: words as people who put their pronouns um and that's
12:49
Speaker 1: a sign to them as I've seen, so I think
12:53
Speaker 1: it's on both lines where we're like, hell, no, cannot
12:56
Speaker 1: make exceptions. This is the end, and that are like,
13:00
Speaker 1: I have my own money, woman, with my own money
13:03
Speaker 1: and career, I'm good. I'll just get a dog, thank you.
13:22
Speaker 1: I mean, this is gonna be a lighter episode in
13:25
Speaker 1: terms of research and both content, because as we said,
13:28
Speaker 1: it could get really dark. But I've been thinking about
13:30
Speaker 1: that a lot lately, where that sense of entitlements that
13:35
Speaker 1: a lot of men feel when they're dating and I
13:39
Speaker 1: have okay, I've got a text bread ready to go listeners, Like,
13:45
Speaker 1: I was shocked that it's one thing to know it
13:48
Speaker 1: until like hear it from your friends and think, how
13:52
Speaker 1: could this person? How I think that this is okay.
13:57
Speaker 1: It's one of those things where I feel like a
14:02
Speaker 1: lot of men think they're entitled two sex, specifically in dating,
14:08
Speaker 1: and a lot of women are like, you're treating as
14:10
Speaker 1: like I'm fine by myself, and then that makes these
14:15
Speaker 1: men feel angrier. Right, So I feel like it's a
14:19
Speaker 1: really vicious cycle where you know if you go all
14:22
Speaker 1: the way up to the in cell level of women
14:25
Speaker 1: are denying me this and then it goes to violence.
14:29
Speaker 1: But women are like on the other side, like, you're
14:32
Speaker 1: not right, You're terrible date, but I don't feel comfortable
14:37
Speaker 1: with you, We're safe with you, we're happy with you.
14:38
Speaker 1: So I'm just going to opt out because I don't
14:40
Speaker 1: need it. So we're it's like we're creating something that's
14:43
Speaker 1: very toxic in a lot of ways with these messages
14:47
Speaker 1: and on that darker side because I am the negative
14:51
Speaker 1: of the bunch. I think a part of this when
14:54
Speaker 1: we talk about all of that really scared just just
14:57
Speaker 1: scary dates. We don't even want to try anymore because
15:00
Speaker 1: we've been scared. There's some things that's like I'm uncomfortable.
15:03
Speaker 1: But we're also coming out loud and saying these men
15:06
Speaker 1: that you were talking about are toxic. They may come
15:09
Speaker 1: off as cool, but they're not. So I am finding
15:11
Speaker 1: the joy slash the positivity and that women are acknowledging
15:16
Speaker 1: and finally coming to the point of like, oh my god, yeah,
15:19
Speaker 1: that was a really toxic way of dating. That was gaslighting.
15:22
Speaker 1: Like knowing these terms and being able to acknowledge what
15:25
Speaker 1: that was, what type of date that was talking about. Oh,
15:29
Speaker 1: it's a red flag when a dude comes here and
15:31
Speaker 1: talks about how his ex girlfriend was quote unquote crazy,
15:33
Speaker 1: and that's a red flag. Thank you for letting me
15:36
Speaker 1: know and being able to connect with each other's on
15:38
Speaker 1: social media like I love the west elm dude, do
15:42
Speaker 1: you know what I'm talking about? Yeah, And then they
15:47
Speaker 1: were able to share don't date this dude, west down
15:51
Speaker 1: Caleb is bad. Like it was hilarious to see it unfold,
15:55
Speaker 1: but it truly is like this is kind of a positive. Yes,
15:58
Speaker 1: we're joking about it, but at the same time, it's
16:00
Speaker 1: true we try to let women know and that whole
16:04
Speaker 1: narrative of women against women are slowly at least like darkening,
16:08
Speaker 1: and we were able to see the light of it.
16:09
Speaker 1: I'll be like, huh, that's not a good thing. And
16:12
Speaker 1: then you should be supporting each other. So that is
16:14
Speaker 1: a positive. But also why I think that we're a
16:16
Speaker 1: little more cautious and dating because we are sharing with
16:19
Speaker 1: each other. This is a red flag. This dude is
16:22
Speaker 1: a red flag. Watch out for this, Yes, And I
16:25
Speaker 1: think I think that's a positive sign as well. And
16:28
Speaker 1: I think that even were that we're having this conversation
16:30
Speaker 1: of you know, bad dates that we've had with presumably
16:36
Speaker 1: mostly men in this particular conversation, but it does make
16:40
Speaker 1: me sad because I had one friend who sent me
16:46
Speaker 1: a list of her like bad dates and I was like, oh,
16:49
Speaker 1: I'm thinking about do you know, maybe do an episode
16:51
Speaker 1: on this, and she's like, well, you should probably know.
16:53
Speaker 1: Ultimately they ended in these really horrific ways, like it
16:57
Speaker 1: was funny but then right horrifically, and she said, she said,
17:03
Speaker 1: but I've learned a lot. That just broke my heart,
17:05
Speaker 1: Like you shouldn't. There should not be a situation where
17:12
Speaker 1: we're talking about women and marginalized people. You have to learn,
17:17
Speaker 1: like that's the lesson, that's just a part of it.
17:19
Speaker 1: And I felt that too. I thought that, and I
17:22
Speaker 1: have felt that, and I hate that. I think that's awful.
17:26
Speaker 1: I do too. Recently, I just saw, my god, my
17:30
Speaker 1: references in TikTok is overwhelming. But that is my thing now.
17:35
Speaker 1: A conversation in which this dude, very much, you're burly,
17:39
Speaker 1: I live in the mountains, aren't I cool? Fifty something
17:42
Speaker 1: year old man yelling at another dude who was doing
17:46
Speaker 1: some of the work say like, these are the things
17:48
Speaker 1: that women have to look out for, and these are
17:50
Speaker 1: the things that we should change his men. So I
17:52
Speaker 1: love that content, right, But the dude was like, hey, man,
17:54
Speaker 1: you're making this worse. You're kind of the CRT argument,
17:58
Speaker 1: which we should talk about later, not this episode. Uh
18:01
Speaker 1: says you know, you're teaching women to be afraid of men.
18:04
Speaker 1: You're telling people to be afraid. And then he was
18:06
Speaker 1: like you know, the dude who was a good ally
18:09
Speaker 1: and listener. I was like, no, no, dude, that's that's wrong.
18:13
Speaker 1: This is why you're wrong, and trying to correct me, like, no,
18:16
Speaker 1: women are not taught to be scared because we're telling
18:19
Speaker 1: them something new is not something new. They've taught this
18:22
Speaker 1: and learned us throughout the years and have to advise
18:25
Speaker 1: each other to protect themselves. And if we were truly men,
18:28
Speaker 1: like you're saying that we are men as quote unquote protectors,
18:31
Speaker 1: we wouldn't have to have this conversation. Also, by the way,
18:34
Speaker 1: what we're protecting women from our men? Right, So like
18:40
Speaker 1: both of those conversations and I'm like, yeah, exactly, Like
18:43
Speaker 1: this conversation is that we are afraid of men, especially
18:49
Speaker 1: when we're talking about this in very heteronormative sis conversation,
18:55
Speaker 1: and therefore have learned lessons on how to protect ourselves
18:59
Speaker 1: from men. When we're not able to fully protect ourselves
19:02
Speaker 1: and try to get justice, we are told it is
19:05
Speaker 1: our fault because we have not learned lessons and protecting
19:09
Speaker 1: ourselves from men. So I found this whole narrative and
19:13
Speaker 1: very interesting, and I'm like, yeah, this is cyclical. We
19:16
Speaker 1: need to come back to what the problem is men.
19:21
Speaker 1: And I get it not all men. I don't give me,
19:24
Speaker 1: I don't give. I don't give any kind of flying whatsoever.
19:27
Speaker 1: Stick it up your ass, don't care. That's how I
19:29
Speaker 1: feel about this when we had this conversation. What it
19:32
Speaker 1: comes down to is women who date men are afraid
19:36
Speaker 1: of men because of the situations that they have been
19:38
Speaker 1: put by men. And therefore, when we try to protect
19:41
Speaker 1: ourselves or at least get our justice, we are being
19:44
Speaker 1: told that we're not being womanly enough in order to
19:46
Speaker 1: let the men have what they want even if we
19:49
Speaker 1: are in fear, and that they are the ones that
19:50
Speaker 1: will protect us to let us know when we should
19:52
Speaker 1: be fearful, as told by the patriarchy, which again is well, yes, yes, agreed, agreed, agreed,
20:01
Speaker 1: and and it's so many of the things that I
20:05
Speaker 1: heard from people was like very victim blaming to themselves,
20:10
Speaker 1: like I shouldn't have done this, I should have known better.
20:14
Speaker 1: But I'm like, this is still And I asked, who
20:17
Speaker 1: thought he could do this to you? And that was okay, Right.
20:21
Speaker 1: That's the part that hurts me the most in these
20:24
Speaker 1: conversations is they always interject in telling their stories with
20:30
Speaker 1: I shouldn't have done this. I know, I shouldn't have
20:31
Speaker 1: warned this, I shouldn't have said this, I shouldn't have gone.
20:33
Speaker 1: I shouldn't even done this, whether it's being alone with them,
20:37
Speaker 1: whether it's assuming that you could walk down the street
20:40
Speaker 1: alone with them, whether it's saying goodbye yeah and not
20:44
Speaker 1: trying to be nice and being told if I'm not nice,
20:48
Speaker 1: then I'm a bit and I don't want to be
20:51
Speaker 1: seen as a bit or. And and you and I
20:54
Speaker 1: have talked about this, engaging in a sexual activity that
20:59
Speaker 1: you did not want to right, because they will not leave. Um,
21:03
Speaker 1: are you're afraid of violence which is not consent? Right?
21:08
Speaker 1: Are you just given? After saying no so many times? Yes, yes? Oh?
21:15
Speaker 1: It makes me so mad, Like if this is what
21:18
Speaker 1: dating is. We've got to much work to do, we
21:23
Speaker 1: have so much to do, and we have gone down
21:26
Speaker 1: that dark road. But once again, I do want to
21:29
Speaker 1: come back into this positivity. And like, even though your
21:32
Speaker 1: friend has gone through so many bad situations to things,
21:37
Speaker 1: she has not given in and just settled And I
21:41
Speaker 1: love that. And also she's still trying, which is to
21:45
Speaker 1: me the biggest strength I can see because I have
21:49
Speaker 1: a good friend of mine as well, um, and she's
21:52
Speaker 1: a lesbian and she's been dating and dating and dating.
21:54
Speaker 1: She doesn't have this same horrific but just not finding
21:57
Speaker 1: someone who is compatible to her, and she has gone
22:00
Speaker 1: on so many days and she's so hopeful and she's
22:02
Speaker 1: so beautiful, and I'm like, how do you do this?
22:04
Speaker 1: And she's just like, I think it's still I think
22:07
Speaker 1: I'll find someone. I think it'll be okay. I really
22:09
Speaker 1: hope that happens. I believe that for her because she
22:12
Speaker 1: believes that and she deserves it, yeah, point blank, and
22:16
Speaker 1: is an amazing person and deserves that happiness. But that's
22:20
Speaker 1: exactly like I admire people's hopefulness in this darkness. Yeah,
22:28
Speaker 1: And I say darkness very blankly because I again like
22:31
Speaker 1: I said, if this were to win, my partnership is over.
22:34
Speaker 1: I'm done. I'm done. I'm going to get two more dogs. Yeah,
22:39
Speaker 1: And I think that's been another part of it that's
22:41
Speaker 1: been kind of heartbreaking for me. And I know we're
22:44
Speaker 1: going to revisit an upcoming happy hour that's going to
22:47
Speaker 1: be mostly Star Wars based, of course, of course, and
22:49
Speaker 1: fan fiction based, but actually, like a few Sex and
22:54
Speaker 1: the City episodes I've seen, I often think of the
22:57
Speaker 1: one of the ones I saw was I don't really
22:58
Speaker 1: remember the context, but Charlotte was saying in an event
23:02
Speaker 1: like I'm trying to find nick, I can't find someone.
23:05
Speaker 1: I'm trying to find someone in the person at the
23:07
Speaker 1: event said you need to put yourself out there, and
23:10
Speaker 1: carry said, oh, she she's out there, like she has
23:13
Speaker 1: put herself out there. Wait have we seen that episode yet? No?
23:16
Speaker 1: This is when I've seen. This is when I've seen
23:19
Speaker 1: like one of the three that I've seen, And I
23:22
Speaker 1: think about that often, and I think about that with
23:24
Speaker 1: my friend, where I'm like, to me, it's not very important.
23:31
Speaker 1: So sometimes I feel like I can be like I
23:33
Speaker 1: don't think cold is the right word, but kind of
23:35
Speaker 1: just like um, but to her, this is so important,
23:41
Speaker 1: like finding somebody, and she really wants that, and this
23:44
Speaker 1: is the situation she has to deal with. Right, just
23:48
Speaker 1: really upsets me. Right, I agreed. I think that that's
23:53
Speaker 1: that's someone that the conversations you know that we've had
23:56
Speaker 1: my friends who are seeking, Really, do you feel like
24:01
Speaker 1: there's a part of the missing and whatever else. I
24:05
Speaker 1: may think as a person, as a woman, as any
24:09
Speaker 1: of these things, her feelings are valid, and if that's
24:12
Speaker 1: what she feels, then okay, I will support her, m
24:16
Speaker 1: h and hope for the best for her. And if
24:19
Speaker 1: I find someone, I'm like, hey, I've got you someone,
24:21
Speaker 1: I will be that person because that's what she wants.
24:24
Speaker 1: And that's okay. Once again, any of these things. So
24:27
Speaker 1: as as you and I are happy in our womanhood, selfness, individualness,
24:35
Speaker 1: I would not. I can't say I'm single. I'm not single,
24:37
Speaker 1: but in my selfness I am happy either way. I
24:41
Speaker 1: would never say that everyone wants that. Um As In fact,
24:44
Speaker 1: I had this conversation with my knees, my beautiful niece Gracie.
24:48
Speaker 1: Hello again, I keep shouting around, don't I, But she
24:51
Speaker 1: and I just recently had this whole conversation about dating,
24:54
Speaker 1: and she was like, you know, I dated a lot
24:56
Speaker 1: and she just graduated college. She's a young un I
24:59
Speaker 1: love her to death. I love her, lover her lover.
25:01
Speaker 1: And she was like, I think I'm done. I've dated
25:03
Speaker 1: a lot through my college and through my high school years.
25:06
Speaker 1: I feel like I've gotten that out of the way
25:08
Speaker 1: and now I'm happy to be here. And I'm like,
25:10
Speaker 1: you know what, I love that for you. I love
25:13
Speaker 1: that for you. It took me till twenty three to
25:16
Speaker 1: start dating, twenty two to start dating, and then I
25:19
Speaker 1: almost quit twenty seven. M it's a little older than her,
25:23
Speaker 1: so I think I went through my face because I
25:24
Speaker 1: was like, oh, this is happy, fun, fun fun. I'm
25:26
Speaker 1: over it. But yeah, she she is kind of getting
25:29
Speaker 1: to that point as well, and watching her friends dating,
25:32
Speaker 1: dating around and she's adorable by the way she's newly
25:36
Speaker 1: single and like out there figuring out her life and
25:39
Speaker 1: I love that for her and trying to find herself
25:42
Speaker 1: and like she's now finding herself as independent. How long
25:46
Speaker 1: that'll last, we don't know. And if she does change
25:48
Speaker 1: her mind, that's beautiful too, and that's what we got
25:51
Speaker 1: to look at. Yeah, yeah, it's it's funny. Because people
25:58
Speaker 1: have asked me for advice on relations ships, and it's
26:01
Speaker 1: funny to me because I'm kind of learning I don't
26:03
Speaker 1: ask me for advice. I think it's smart. I don't
26:07
Speaker 1: know about that. They don't, and it's okay. I would
26:12
Speaker 1: say the same about me. But I think where I've
26:15
Speaker 1: always landed is personally, I'm somebody who's not looking. But
26:21
Speaker 1: if it happened to come my way, I'd be open,
26:24
Speaker 1: you know, like, yeah, I don't. It's not something that
26:28
Speaker 1: it like occupies my brain, as I know it does
26:30
Speaker 1: for some of my friends, and I'm not judging that
26:33
Speaker 1: at all, but also like i'd be open to it
26:35
Speaker 1: if I happen to be I think this could work.
26:39
Speaker 1: That's sort of where I am. Yeah, the natural beds,
26:41
Speaker 1: and I know we talked a lot about individual hood
26:45
Speaker 1: because again, like I said, I'm not single, so I
26:47
Speaker 1: can't say singleness. We will also have a conversation about
26:51
Speaker 1: happy marriages and happy, happy togetherness, so I don't think
26:54
Speaker 1: we're one sided on this level. Like I said, I
26:57
Speaker 1: am in a couple hood. I often tell any that
27:00
Speaker 1: we're in a throuble. As my partner said, because you
27:02
Speaker 1: came over for our Valentine's Days, Like it's like you
27:05
Speaker 1: two are in a relationship. Just look at him, yep,
27:09
Speaker 1: and just moved on. So I mean that's the thing
27:14
Speaker 1: part of this conversation too, is relationships can look different ways.
27:17
Speaker 1: It doesn't have to be this one way. But he
27:20
Speaker 1: is as happy as I am in this and that
27:22
Speaker 1: level of like commandre that we have as a group.
27:26
Speaker 1: Because that sounded very like one sided, it's not, and
27:29
Speaker 1: there's nothing necessarily romantic or sexual about it. But it's
27:32
Speaker 1: beautiful and it's a relationship and I love this. Yeah,
27:36
Speaker 1: I say, I'm happy with that me too. And I
27:39
Speaker 1: think that's a key point that I'm hearing, Like when
27:43
Speaker 1: we joke about the compound commune that I know some
27:45
Speaker 1: of you have written in about it, it's touching on
27:48
Speaker 1: what we're talking about though, wherein we have these relationships
27:52
Speaker 1: where we feel safe and comfortable and known with other
27:55
Speaker 1: women are just friends, and that's I see more and
28:01
Speaker 1: more women turning that way, and it's unfortunate in this
28:05
Speaker 1: sense that yes, this is a toxic dating soup, heteronormative
28:11
Speaker 1: dating soup, and I don't want because I want people
28:17
Speaker 1: to be happy and find you know, whoever it is,
28:21
Speaker 1: but I have so many friends who are like you
28:23
Speaker 1: know what, I got my good lady friends, so that's fine.
28:28
Speaker 1: We can just be together absolutely, like my whole thing
28:32
Speaker 1: has been. Again, we've talked about this before, I'll reiterate
28:36
Speaker 1: because our age group, and I'm putting you with my
28:39
Speaker 1: age group, even though we're not of the same generation.
28:41
Speaker 1: It's okay that we have come to the point where
28:46
Speaker 1: family slash children slash couplehood is not always what is
28:51
Speaker 1: perfect or the main relationship for us and our goals,
28:55
Speaker 1: and that has changed vastly. My mom, whom I love,
28:59
Speaker 1: got married at a very very very young age, and
29:02
Speaker 1: her only friend literally were her children and her husband
29:06
Speaker 1: for a little while, and then she finally reconnected after
29:10
Speaker 1: some of her children left. Several of our children left
29:12
Speaker 1: to her own sister, which they were always close, but
29:15
Speaker 1: they just just didn't have a time obviously, as she
29:18
Speaker 1: had so many children and was young trying to care
29:20
Speaker 1: for her family. And then it came to the point
29:22
Speaker 1: that she ended up having another close relationship with her
29:25
Speaker 1: and is now a part of this giant lady's Bible study.
29:28
Speaker 1: That's a whole different conversation, but she has a group
29:31
Speaker 1: she has a group of friends that she sees outside
29:33
Speaker 1: of her husband, and because her children are alone no
29:35
Speaker 1: longer there and she's no longer the caregivers to raising children,
29:40
Speaker 1: her relationship has changed. But it took a long time
29:43
Speaker 1: to be able to get to that point because her
29:45
Speaker 1: focus was her family and that's what she wanted because
29:48
Speaker 1: her family life was difficult growing up, and then she
29:51
Speaker 1: kind of created one that she wanted of her own
29:54
Speaker 1: and it did. It wasn't wonderful, but it was pretty
29:56
Speaker 1: close to what she had envisioned. Her my sister are
29:59
Speaker 1: very very close. She would talk about how they are
30:02
Speaker 1: best friends, and they really were, and then I came
30:05
Speaker 1: in with all of my issues and could not connect
30:08
Speaker 1: to her, and she couldn't figure out why because she
30:11
Speaker 1: desperately had a fantasy of our relationship. It wasn't happening.
30:15
Speaker 1: But all that kind of broke away for her when
30:18
Speaker 1: my sister got married and left and started her own family,
30:21
Speaker 1: so she started to reevaluate that friendship group that she
30:24
Speaker 1: didn't have. And I really think that's the difference is
30:28
Speaker 1: that I have come to the point that I was like,
30:30
Speaker 1: I have not been married. Marriage is not my goal
30:32
Speaker 1: in life, as in fact, even at forty something, marriage
30:35
Speaker 1: is frightening to me. I'm like, why, what's the purpose,
30:37
Speaker 1: what's the point. I'm very happy and established where I am.
30:40
Speaker 1: If I have someone to share my life, that's wonderful,
30:43
Speaker 1: but it doesn't need to be on paper or a name,
30:45
Speaker 1: or in monetary sharing or any of that. Because I
30:50
Speaker 1: also am very happy in my friend group. Again, this
30:53
Speaker 1: may have something to do in the reactive attachment disorder.
30:55
Speaker 1: That's a whole different conversation, which I don't trust parental figures,
30:58
Speaker 1: a couple of figures, male species in general, Like I'm
31:03
Speaker 1: gonna put that out there because I was very traumatized
31:05
Speaker 1: by men in general. So therefore I trust women, and
31:09
Speaker 1: I trust women in my friend group explicitly for the
31:13
Speaker 1: longest time, and I valued that as my family. And
31:16
Speaker 1: I'm sure so many of y'all understand that agree with that,
31:20
Speaker 1: because there's something to that familiarity of growing together. Of course,
31:24
Speaker 1: there's some things that are the stereotypical things that have
31:28
Speaker 1: happened in relationships and we've had to grow out of
31:31
Speaker 1: because we realized, hey, this is the patriarch, try to
31:34
Speaker 1: keep us down. Let's not play into this anymore. And
31:36
Speaker 1: once we discovered that I found this established group which
31:40
Speaker 1: are and our focus was different. Our focus was different
31:43
Speaker 1: from our mothers, from our parents, from our grandparents, and
31:47
Speaker 1: and learning that I don't necessarily want children and that's okay,
31:51
Speaker 1: I don't necessarily want your nuclear family, which, by the way,
31:55
Speaker 1: I just saw an article about how that has become unpopular. Now,
32:00
Speaker 1: oh really, Yeah, so that's a whole different conversation. And
32:05
Speaker 1: the fact that we have chosen to establish ourselves as
32:10
Speaker 1: people as individuals, and when I say we, I mean
32:13
Speaker 1: women and folks who identify as women. That's what we
32:18
Speaker 1: are looking at today is to actually be okay and
32:23
Speaker 1: being happy in ourselves for ourselves. One of the things
32:40
Speaker 1: that we're kind of skirting around. We're talking about it,
32:42
Speaker 1: but we can't go in depth on it in this
32:45
Speaker 1: particular episode. But is this kind of what we talked
32:50
Speaker 1: about in deb cod Like there's their ranged marriage trope,
32:53
Speaker 1: Like we realized there is a gender and balance at play,
32:57
Speaker 1: and so a lots of women are opting out again
33:05
Speaker 1: because it is and has been historically skewed towards benefiting
33:11
Speaker 1: men more and not like financially, but also just like
33:14
Speaker 1: who's doing that the childcare and like all those things.
33:18
Speaker 1: And so it's been interesting with my mom because her
33:22
Speaker 1: husband died and hearing her talk about like I've just
33:26
Speaker 1: I don't want to date anymore. I don't want to
33:28
Speaker 1: date anybody ever again because it's nice to just think
33:31
Speaker 1: about me, which sounds selfish, but she took her her
33:34
Speaker 1: whole life was about exactly. But I think she feels
33:42
Speaker 1: guilty about it, like, no, you're you spent your whole
33:46
Speaker 1: life thinking about other people. Take your do your puzzle.
33:52
Speaker 1: She loves puzzles. Okay, I still say your mom and
33:56
Speaker 1: I need to hang out because we would just blew
33:57
Speaker 1: puzzles and she's awesome. But yeah, and that's this is
34:01
Speaker 1: the thing I will say. I think this is the
34:02
Speaker 1: other part to that is the reason we're talking about
34:05
Speaker 1: all of this. We are talking about bad days and
34:08
Speaker 1: bad experiences, and yes, we promised we are going to
34:10
Speaker 1: share some and I hope y'all will respond and share
34:14
Speaker 1: some about your stories with us, because we do want
34:16
Speaker 1: to hear I try to do this on Twitter, y'all
34:19
Speaker 1: let me know, do you'll if you're on Twitter, do
34:21
Speaker 1: you see our stuff? Because I have a feeling we've
34:23
Speaker 1: been banned because we're not very good at Twitter. Let
34:26
Speaker 1: us know if you ever see our stuff. We don't
34:28
Speaker 1: post a lot. But I just wondered anyway, but did
34:31
Speaker 1: I ever tell you this? So in my dating thing
34:34
Speaker 1: and in my unit, I've talked about that, we had
34:36
Speaker 1: both thought we would have babies at that point. We
34:42
Speaker 1: would be in our nuclear family, We would be supporting
34:45
Speaker 1: our husband's y'all. This is for real and be a
34:47
Speaker 1: part of that family life that we are now I
34:50
Speaker 1: am now so petrified of because I'm like, why is that? Nope,
34:54
Speaker 1: I'm good. But people who do it are beautiful, by
34:56
Speaker 1: the way. This is no shame a shade on them,
34:59
Speaker 1: because I do love babies. I do love babies, and
35:02
Speaker 1: then I give them back on what you're gonna have
35:03
Speaker 1: it back. But the people who are a part of
35:07
Speaker 1: that family, I love them and they are so beautiful.
35:10
Speaker 1: We love y'all, moms. We do, We really do. But
35:14
Speaker 1: all of that to say, when I was in this
35:16
Speaker 1: world of I need to start dating, I actually kept
35:19
Speaker 1: a log of my days. I tell you this, like
35:22
Speaker 1: I started like a short story level uh, describing my dates.
35:28
Speaker 1: Oh did I ever tell you that? No? Oh, dear though,
35:32
Speaker 1: oh girl, And I will say Lanna has their own
35:37
Speaker 1: uh west elm Caleb. I believe because my dating group
35:41
Speaker 1: we all kind of talked about one dude, which is
35:44
Speaker 1: quite funny. Um, I'm wonder, I mean, there has to
35:48
Speaker 1: be so many of those, right, I actually have a
35:50
Speaker 1: question about this. I yes, as I said, I've never
35:54
Speaker 1: dated online. Is there I'm assuming there's a function where
35:57
Speaker 1: you can be like, this person is terrible, get them
36:00
Speaker 1: off of here? So the only function that you can
36:04
Speaker 1: truly report no, Okay, see, I'm so I'm so out
36:08
Speaker 1: because I have not been on a dating site for again,
36:11
Speaker 1: twe seventeen was probably my last. I kind of want
36:16
Speaker 1: to log in now. I just want to know my
36:19
Speaker 1: last dates and at that point in time, and we've
36:22
Speaker 1: talked about it before, because we've talked about Bumble, Bumble
36:25
Speaker 1: was the only one that would actually ban people from
36:28
Speaker 1: their site for harassment or dick pis. I don't know
36:32
Speaker 1: if if policies have changed. We also know that Bumble
36:35
Speaker 1: came after tenders creators split and the dude from Tinder
36:40
Speaker 1: really went after the woman who helped create Bumble and
36:44
Speaker 1: tender um gaslighting her, threatening her, harassing her, and then
36:49
Speaker 1: she finally left filed a suit from them and created
36:52
Speaker 1: Bumble on her own, which is a multimillion dollar side
36:55
Speaker 1: as well, and it is based on women taking charge,
36:59
Speaker 1: which still have a hard time with because I am
37:02
Speaker 1: still really insecure. Um, I was very insecure on that.
37:07
Speaker 1: So I think that was at that point in time.
37:11
Speaker 1: Different sites had different UH stipulations, so and I don't
37:18
Speaker 1: know how many exists today because I'm sure there's so many,
37:22
Speaker 1: and I've told before. I remember Plenty of Fish was
37:25
Speaker 1: so overwhelming, and it maybe because yes on Asian and
37:29
Speaker 1: the amount of Asian fetishism within it was overwhelming. But
37:34
Speaker 1: I remember I started one day because someone had told
37:37
Speaker 1: me they had success. I opened up my own profile.
37:41
Speaker 1: Within that day, I had, I want to say, like
37:45
Speaker 1: over three hundred messages and I had never been so
37:48
Speaker 1: overwhelmed in my life that I shut that down so
37:51
Speaker 1: quickly and never got back on again. Obviously, he's they're
37:55
Speaker 1: not a sponsor because they weren't as a sponsor Chinge
37:59
Speaker 1: at one point. I'm who was a sponsor right at
38:02
Speaker 1: that point, not sponsoring this show was overly complicated, and
38:08
Speaker 1: I think I think they have changed since then, But
38:11
Speaker 1: essentially was it hinged on whether or not you had
38:14
Speaker 1: mutual friends, which I actually really did appreciate, but then
38:18
Speaker 1: you started to understand a little more like, oh no,
38:21
Speaker 1: I don't want to ask them normal on this dating
38:23
Speaker 1: site because there was still that weird like, I don't
38:26
Speaker 1: judge me for being on a dating site type of thing.
38:30
Speaker 1: So Hinge was a little more like and so therefore
38:33
Speaker 1: if you said not to too many, you just kind
38:35
Speaker 1: of right out of people. I ran out of people.
38:40
Speaker 1: Oh no, yea Hinge Tender scared me a lot because
38:44
Speaker 1: it was known for the hookup site. I did date
38:48
Speaker 1: one person. I think I went on one day with
38:50
Speaker 1: him and it was a good date. Nothing came out
38:52
Speaker 1: of it, so that was that bumble. I did made
38:55
Speaker 1: a couple of people, but because I do not have
38:57
Speaker 1: the self confidence to actually strike up a conversation and
38:59
Speaker 1: be with the sure wasn't very successful. Although bumble and
39:04
Speaker 1: I'm I'm assuming other sites had to had the option
39:08
Speaker 1: to make friends and networking, so I did like that. Yeah,
39:11
Speaker 1: I didn't really appreciate that. Again, women creators, but I
39:18
Speaker 1: will say, okay, Cupid, which also was a sponsor, was
39:22
Speaker 1: my favorite. And I did say this, this is not
39:24
Speaker 1: a sponsored episode, even though they were a sponsor once
39:27
Speaker 1: upon a time because the questions if I went to
39:31
Speaker 1: and look at four specific questions that were very like
39:34
Speaker 1: obviously racial, like one of the questions where would you
39:37
Speaker 1: date outside of your race? That wasn't automatic? And and
39:40
Speaker 1: if people who said yes to me like they picked
39:42
Speaker 1: me as it said someone they liked, which it shows,
39:45
Speaker 1: but said that said no on that what that meant
39:50
Speaker 1: immediate block like things like they were asking heavy duty questions,
39:55
Speaker 1: very specific questions. And I really appreciated those questionnaires because
39:58
Speaker 1: I went looked it up and based on whether or
40:01
Speaker 1: not we would match on those so so that all
40:04
Speaker 1: of those sites are very very different. Yeah, it seems
40:09
Speaker 1: exhausting to me, but again I understand some people have
40:14
Speaker 1: told me it's like fun like a gametrition Did you
40:18
Speaker 1: ever have you? Did you enjoy dating? Okay, so there
40:22
Speaker 1: was a moment that I really did enjoy. There were
40:24
Speaker 1: times that I really were was excited after the initial
40:28
Speaker 1: day and I was connected with someone, It felt nice,
40:32
Speaker 1: It felt good to be able to come together. You
40:36
Speaker 1: kind of already knew our interests, so we already had
40:38
Speaker 1: a common ground. And because I've only honestly, I've only
40:42
Speaker 1: really dated off of dating sites. I went on one
40:45
Speaker 1: blind date, never again. The partner I date I am
40:50
Speaker 1: with today. We met because we're neighbors, so that was
40:53
Speaker 1: also off of online. He's also the younger than me,
40:56
Speaker 1: so would not have been in my pick because you
40:59
Speaker 1: have to do an I'm very yeah, so we would
41:02
Speaker 1: have never met on dating sites. That's interesting, But all
41:06
Speaker 1: of that to say, I did enjoy those moments of
41:10
Speaker 1: being able to have a conversation get to know people, like,
41:12
Speaker 1: if it was fun, it was really fun. If it
41:15
Speaker 1: wasn't fun, it was really bad, Like it was just
41:17
Speaker 1: those There was really no middle ground I did go on.
41:22
Speaker 1: I guess there was a middle ground, and that I
41:24
Speaker 1: always tried to go on a second date with someone
41:26
Speaker 1: that did immediately offend me, right because I didn't want
41:32
Speaker 1: to be overly picky, but typically right, Okay, I feel
41:42
Speaker 1: like for me, I've never enjoyed dating, but I did,
41:46
Speaker 1: and this is a whole different conversation. I did enjoy
41:50
Speaker 1: feeling like someone was attracted to me. I did enjoy
41:55
Speaker 1: the thought that like people were interested men specifically, although
42:00
Speaker 1: some women up in there um that I liked, But
42:05
Speaker 1: I really didn't want to do the actual dating part.
42:09
Speaker 1: Other than I like having fun with people. Fun dab
42:12
Speaker 1: like for me is like literally, let's play a board
42:14
Speaker 1: game or like fun. But you've had crushes, like legitimate
42:18
Speaker 1: crushes on people to face? Yeah, yes, I crush hard actually,
42:24
Speaker 1: but it's usually pretty like a bright flare and it
42:26
Speaker 1: goes away pretty quickly. And I've had some that were
42:30
Speaker 1: lasted longer. And I tried to envisualize, like what would
42:33
Speaker 1: our relationship look like and would there be a physical
42:37
Speaker 1: part to it? And it was very difficult for me
42:40
Speaker 1: to envision, but I did like thinking about it. It
42:42
Speaker 1: was kind of a fun day dream of what if,
42:47
Speaker 1: what if it would work? Do you have a rush
42:51
Speaker 1: today on anyone that we know, a real person? Yes,
42:56
Speaker 1: a real person. I do not, but I will tell
43:01
Speaker 1: you I've had them. I get him on. I just
43:07
Speaker 1: like people. It's weird, like I I generally have had
43:11
Speaker 1: a crush on almost everyone I don't know passes. Yes,
43:19
Speaker 1: I just get I get like a huge crush. I'm like,
43:20
Speaker 1: oh my my god, dude, I can't believe they're giving
43:22
Speaker 1: me the time of jay. I love them so much.
43:24
Speaker 1: I think they're the best, Like I get them and
43:28
Speaker 1: and then they generally passed. But I do. I experience
43:31
Speaker 1: crushes a lot. Actually, well, I love and admire you
43:36
Speaker 1: in general. Yeah, time you too, My goodness. All right, So,
43:41
Speaker 1: the original idea for this episode was to be a very,
43:45
Speaker 1: as we said at the top, lightly research, fun conversational thing.
43:49
Speaker 1: It turns out Samantha and I have a lot to
43:51
Speaker 1: say about that. We've been through some things and we've
43:54
Speaker 1: seen something apparently, have a lot of all of you,
43:59
Speaker 1: I'm sure, and a lot of the people who contacted
44:01
Speaker 1: us and told us their stories, and we just wanted
44:05
Speaker 1: to give this the proper context because we understand that
44:09
Speaker 1: bad date can mean a lot and what we meant
44:12
Speaker 1: to go for with something very funny, but we can't
44:15
Speaker 1: ignore that it's often not that for women. So with
44:21
Speaker 1: that being said, originally we were just going to have
44:23
Speaker 1: kind of like a brief thing about dating and then
44:26
Speaker 1: a conversation about bad dates. We haven't gotten to that
44:29
Speaker 1: part yet, and it's already quite long, so we're going
44:32
Speaker 1: to split this into a two parter, uh and tune
44:36
Speaker 1: in for the second part to hear more about our
44:38
Speaker 1: thoughts on dating and some of our very our very
44:41
Speaker 1: own specific bad dating stories, which we have quite a few.
44:46
Speaker 1: To choose from Yes, so tune in for part two.
44:51
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for joining us for this episode,
44:54
Speaker 1: and as always, we would love to hear from you.
44:56
Speaker 1: If you've got thoughts, bad dating stories you want to share,
44:59
Speaker 1: please send them our away. Our email is Stuffitie and
45:02
Speaker 1: mom Stuff at iHeart me dot com. You can find
45:04
Speaker 1: us on Instagram at stuff I Never Told You or
45:05
Speaker 1: on Twitter at mom Stuff Podcast. Thanks It's always to
45:08
Speaker 1: our super producer Christina. Oh yeah, we need all of
45:11
Speaker 1: the stories. Maybe we can begin a part three, right Christina. Yes, yes, Christina,
45:17
Speaker 1: and thanks to you for listening. Stuff I've Never Told
45:19
Speaker 1: You s production of I Heart Radio. For more podcast
45:21
Speaker 1: on my heart radio, visit the heart Radio app, Apple podcast,
45:24
Speaker 1: or where you listen to your favorite shows