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To The Women It Almost Was · The Letterbox Podcast

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  Hello and welcome back to the Letterbox podcast, the place
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  where real people share the real letters that they've written
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  about the things that mean the most to them.
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  Today's letter is an incredibly powerful one from Abigail and it
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  really is a personal and moving and beautifully written letter.
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  Before I share it with you though, just one quick favour as
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  always if you have not already pressed the follow or subscribe
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  button wherever you are listening.
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  It would mean the absolute world to me if you could do that.
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  But the reason that you all came here today to hear Abigail Zeta?
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  So here it is to the girl that almost was.
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  To the girl that almost was Dear Jackie, I'm with a woman now.
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  She's beautiful and kind and she's never once confused me.
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  She's never tried to. She listens when I speak and I
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  want to know her completely. She listens to my music and I
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  listen to her as if I'm perfectly honest.
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  I show her all of the best songs that you showed me.
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  She likes them, you love them, and I love them too.
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  And Dear Jackie, I'm with a woman now, but driving past
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  Hunter Ave still makes me sick. I'm still nauseous when I think
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  about the way you pull back your curly hair when you're telling a
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  story, as if you're going to put it up and then laugh and then
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  let it fall onto your shoulders like a waterfall of delight.
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  And I feel so empty when I think about you.
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  Not because I regret you, but because I'll never forget you.
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  I'll never forget a single little part of you.
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  When you looked at me like that, I thought all of my dreams were
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  something true, that every mistake I'd ever made in love
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  had led me right to you. You shoved your fingertips to
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  the windowsill of my heart, and you yanked me wide open.
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  How could I learn to love without your breeze?
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  What is the point of living with a screen between the sky and my
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  skin? But dear Jackie, I'm with a
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  woman and she has everything I ever wanted you to be.
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  You get to buy her flowers and hold your hand in public.
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  I can fall asleep in her arms and it's always the best sleep
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  I've ever had. I wonder how warm bed will feel,
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  what the man you'll eventually settle for.
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  See, Jackie, I'm happy. See all the wonderful things it
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  can become without you. And no, I can't forget you.
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  But thank God for that, because now I will not be foolish enough
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  to repeat you. Never again will I yearn for the
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  kind of girl that asks to kiss me because she's never tried it
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  before. You told me once that you only
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  went to movies on dates with men so you didn't have to look at
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  them. I thought about that for months,
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  and I could almost hate you for all of this confusion, for all
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  the things you made me believe that you were.
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  You invented something with me and then acted like I made it
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  all up. He stared at the wreckage and
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  pretended like he didn't know what it was or why I was upset
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  that what we had was ruined. But I could only hate you for
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  all the reasons that you would never admit to.
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  And Jackie, I win because I do not love someone that cannot
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  claim me anymore. I will not use my wishes on
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  stars and headset up pennies for someone that wishes to be loved
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  by a man. I'm tired of all this rain and
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  I'm tired of pretending like I don't wonder if you are safe and
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  dry. I'm tired of acting like I don't
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  look for you around every corner.
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  I'm tired of knowing that version of you that I will never
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  get to hold again. So my dear Jackie, I'm with a
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  woman now and I will never tell her about you.
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  When she falls asleep beside me, I will look at her and think
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  about the girl who showed me how badly I wanted this.
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  I sleep with the windows open now.
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  I have the things I wanted from you, but somehow you stay asleep
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  inside of them. I'm with a woman now, Jackie,
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  and we will never speak again. But I want you to know that I
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  got almost everything I ever could have wanted from you.
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  I got everything except. You.
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  Wow, what a letter. Thank you so, so much Abigail.
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  It really gave me goosebumps the first time I read that.
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  And I know that letter is going to resonate with some people who
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  are listening. And if that is you, I really,
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  really hope that you find the love that you deserve and the
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  love that you are looking for. So once again to Abigail and
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  thank you so much for such an incredible letter.
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  If you enjoyed that and you want to hear more from Abigail, you
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  can head to her social media pages.
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  I will tag them in the show notes.
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  I really, really recommend that you go and have a look because
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  if you enjoyed this, there is so much more for you to hear from
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  her. As always, thank you so much for
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  listening today and if this has inspired you to share a letter
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  of your own, then please do get in contact with me.
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  The e-mail is in the show note and you never know, your letter
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  could be next. Until next time.
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  Sending you all so much love.