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What Should Parents Do When They Feel Totally Overwhelmed · The Matt Walsh Show

0:00
Speaker 1: All right. So today we'll go back to our lost
0:02
Speaker 1: souls of Reddit to deliver some life advice based on
0:05
Speaker 1: questions that are posed over on Reddit. And I can't
0:09
Speaker 1: promise that my advice is good. It's not legally, I
0:13
Speaker 1: can't be held legally responsible if anyone takes my advice
0:16
Speaker 1: and it goes poorly for them. But I can say
0:18
Speaker 1: that the advice I give is at least better than
0:20
Speaker 1: what you would get from the community at Reddit, which
0:23
Speaker 1: is as low a bar as it can possibly get. Okay,
0:26
Speaker 1: is parenting supposed to be this hard? I, 30 female,
0:30
Speaker 1: have two kids aged five and three. I love them
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Speaker 1: so much, but I also feel like they're making me
0:34
Speaker 1: so down all the time. I feel like a terrible parent.
0:37
Speaker 1: My husband has gone on holiday for a week with
0:38
Speaker 1: some friends and I've really struggled. I ended up getting
0:40
Speaker 1: so angry at my three-year-old yesterday because she asked me
0:43
Speaker 1: to take her to the toilet three times whilst I
0:45
Speaker 1: was trying to eat my dinner. I know it's not
0:47
Speaker 1: her fault if she needs the toilet, but I was
0:48
Speaker 1: so tired and I wanted to eat my dinner in
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Speaker 1: peace and I felt terrible afterwards. I really miss my
0:53
Speaker 1: pre-child life. Everything was so much easier and I was happier.
0:56
Speaker 1: I'm so stressed and tired all the time now. Even
0:58
Speaker 1: trying to get them to go to bed in the
0:59
Speaker 1: evening is such a battle. Sometimes I just want to
1:01
Speaker 1: leave and have my freedom back. Does everyone feel like
1:04
Speaker 1: this or am I just not supposed to be a mum? British.
1:10
Speaker 1: I'm picking up on British from whilst and mum. So
1:13
Speaker 1: that's my, you know, I'm really good at these kinds
1:16
Speaker 1: of things. Okay. Well, I can answer the last question.
1:20
Speaker 1: You're supposed to be a mom because you are a mom.
1:23
Speaker 1: So that solves the riddle. If you're a parent, you
1:26
Speaker 1: don't need to sit around thinking, was I supposed to
1:27
Speaker 1: be a parent? Well, you are. You are. So yeah,
1:32
Speaker 1: you're supposed to. In fact, most people are supposed to
1:35
Speaker 1: be parents. So you're doing a thing that billions of
1:38
Speaker 1: people have done before you. It is the basic path
1:43
Speaker 1: that almost everybody follows. And most of the people who
1:47
Speaker 1: don't follow that path, it's only because they weren't able
1:49
Speaker 1: to for one reason or another. So yeah, you were
1:51
Speaker 1: supposed to. And as to your other question, does everybody
1:53
Speaker 1: feel like this? Well, if by like this, you mean
1:56
Speaker 1: occasionally frustrated, stressed out, irritated, sure. If you mean wanting
2:03
Speaker 1: to be able to eat a meal in peace, again, sure, definitely.
2:07
Speaker 1: But if you mean like pining for your childless past,
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Speaker 1: constantly missing the times before you had kids, sort of
2:17
Speaker 1: wishing that you weren't a parent, Well, no, not every
2:21
Speaker 1: parent feels that way. I know that because I don't
2:24
Speaker 1: feel that way. And so that's one parent who doesn't.
2:27
Speaker 1: And I think there are many millions more in my camp.
2:31
Speaker 1: And I'm not saying that to make you feel bad.
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Speaker 1: Is that because I'm a better person than you? No,
2:34
Speaker 1: almost certainly not. You could easily be a better person
2:37
Speaker 1: than me. That wouldn't be hard to do. Very low bar.
2:40
Speaker 1: It's not about that. But as a parent myself with
2:45
Speaker 1: two of our six who are now teenagers, I certainly
2:48
Speaker 1: get annoyed with my kids. But I really do deeply
2:52
Speaker 1: enjoy being a parent. And I don't miss at all
2:58
Speaker 1: the days of not being a parent. But I enjoy
3:01
Speaker 1: it now more than I did, say, 10 years ago.
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Speaker 1: I've grown into the role, which is something that for
3:08
Speaker 1: some reason isn't talked about enough, I don't think. But
3:14
Speaker 1: you grow into it. So for sure, I enjoy the
3:19
Speaker 1: job of being a parent now more than I did
3:21
Speaker 1: a decade ago, definitely. And that's part of the story,
3:25
Speaker 1: I think, is that you do grow into it, that
3:29
Speaker 1: you get better at it as you go. Or it
3:32
Speaker 1: should work that way. I mean, it doesn't always, but
3:34
Speaker 1: it should. It often does. That's the way it's meant
3:37
Speaker 1: to work. And we don't really allow for that. We
3:40
Speaker 1: don't take that into account. We forget to tell young
3:43
Speaker 1: parents that. We forget to say to them that like, hey,
3:47
Speaker 1: you're going to suck at this at first. You're going
3:49
Speaker 1: to be really bad at this. Just like you suck
3:53
Speaker 1: at doing anything when you first start doing it. And
3:56
Speaker 1: when you suck at doing something, it's not as enjoyable.
3:59
Speaker 1: When you're bad at doing a thing, it's not nearly
4:02
Speaker 1: as enjoyable as when you get good at it. When
4:05
Speaker 1: you're bad at it, there's a lot of frustration. It's
4:09
Speaker 1: like picking up a hobby. Being a parent is not
4:12
Speaker 1: a hobby, but I'm just for comparison's sake. Picking up
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Speaker 1: a hobby. It's like one of the reasons why people
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Speaker 1: don't often develop hobbies is that you're kind of interested
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Speaker 1: in it. So you start doing it, whatever the hobby is,
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Speaker 1: and you're bad at it at first. And so it's
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Speaker 1: actually not that fun. You have to push through the
4:30
Speaker 1: part where you're bad at it to get to the
4:32
Speaker 1: point where this hobby is enjoyable. And most people don't.
4:36
Speaker 1: And so they just never pick up hobbies and they
4:38
Speaker 1: don't become interesting people who do interesting things. And it's
4:41
Speaker 1: like that with parenting. where at first you're not very
4:45
Speaker 1: good at it. And so you're frustrated by things that
4:49
Speaker 1: later on in life won't be nearly as frustrating. But
4:52
Speaker 1: here it is. And so you just have to give
4:53
Speaker 1: it some time. This is what I'm always telling parents
4:55
Speaker 1: in general. Just give it time. Relax a little bit.
4:59
Speaker 1: Relax a little bit and just give it some time.
5:01
Speaker 1: Your oldest kid is five years old. You only have two.
5:05
Speaker 1: You've been a parent for 10 seconds, basically. I mean,
5:09
Speaker 1: your oldest kid is barely kindergarten-aged, right? I mean, it's
5:12
Speaker 1: like you just started doing this. You just started. Just
5:18
Speaker 1: give it some time. So many of the challenges you
5:23
Speaker 1: face as a parent are solved just by giving them
5:27
Speaker 1: time and a lot less time than you think. Like
5:30
Speaker 1: the time that it takes for this problem, it's not
5:33
Speaker 1: just like you can just leave it alone. You keep
5:35
Speaker 1: trying and keep doing your best. And also, you trying
5:39
Speaker 1: and doing your best combined with time will make most
5:43
Speaker 1: of these problems go away. Most of them. And parenting
5:48
Speaker 1: is a skill. It's not just a skill, but it's
5:49
Speaker 1: also a skill. And skills take time to develop. So
5:53
Speaker 1: I'm a much more skilled parent today than I was
5:55
Speaker 1: a decade ago. I had no idea what I was
5:57
Speaker 1: doing a decade ago. I was fumbling around, often stressed
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Speaker 1: out and flustered and overwhelmed. I still get that way sometimes.
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Speaker 1: Anyone can. But once you've done it for a while,
6:09
Speaker 1: you're just much better at it. And so it's like
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Speaker 1: if I'm having dinner, especially with two kids, five and three,
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Speaker 1: it would be very difficult for me to get so
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Speaker 1: flustered in that situation that I'm plunging into despair like
6:27
Speaker 1: it is for you. Again, not because I'm a better person,
6:30
Speaker 1: just I have more experience with it. You just have
6:32
Speaker 1: to have more experience. And it's not just about getting
6:35
Speaker 1: more skilled though. It's also about the wisdom that comes
6:37
Speaker 1: with age and experience. It's about coming to understand a
6:41
Speaker 1: few things. Two things primarily, I think. There are two
6:45
Speaker 1: things that parents have to eventually understand that they might
6:49
Speaker 1: not at first. I know I didn't. And the first,
6:53
Speaker 1: and you hear both of these in the post. The
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Speaker 1: first is that just because something is harder does not
7:00
Speaker 1: mean that it has to be less enjoyable. In fact,
7:03
Speaker 1: harder things can and should usually be more enjoyable. The
7:10
Speaker 1: challenge is what makes it enjoyable. And you can think
7:14
Speaker 1: of a million analogies that make that point. If you
7:18
Speaker 1: went out to shoot some hoops, if you went down
7:20
Speaker 1: to a basketball court to shoot some hoops, and you
7:23
Speaker 1: had a genie granted a wish to make it so
7:26
Speaker 1: that every single shot you took would automatically go in
7:30
Speaker 1: from anywhere, then yeah, that'd be great. You go to
7:34
Speaker 1: the NBA and make $ 100 million, but it wouldn't be fun.
7:39
Speaker 1: That would be fun for five minutes, and then it's
7:42
Speaker 1: not fun anymore. There's no challenge. You take that and
7:48
Speaker 1: apply it to anything. When you take the challenge out
7:50
Speaker 1: of something, it's actually less fun, but we're conditioned to
7:54
Speaker 1: assume that the easier thing is always the better thing.
7:57
Speaker 1: It's like in our culture, we define a fun thing,
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Speaker 1: a pleasurable thing as a thing that can be done
8:04
Speaker 1: easily with no resistance. And then we have kids and
8:07
Speaker 1: we discover that lots of things that were easy before
8:10
Speaker 1: that could be done with no resistance now have resistance.
8:14
Speaker 1: Now they're difficult, or at least they're more difficult than
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Speaker 1: they were before. And so we instinctively categorize them in
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Speaker 1: our heads as not fun, as not enjoyable. We think, oh,
8:24
Speaker 1: life with kids is less easy And therefore, it's worse
8:29
Speaker 1: because that's how we have been conditioned to see things.
8:34
Speaker 1: But that's totally wrong. It's just a wrong way of
8:38
Speaker 1: looking at the world. In fact, the reality is something
8:40
Speaker 1: closer to the opposite. As I said, generally speaking, there's
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Speaker 1: little joy to be found in things that are too easy,
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Speaker 1: in things that can be done with no friction and
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Speaker 1: no resistance. There's relaxation in that, but joy is found
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Speaker 1: mainly in achieving something, in doing something. And so parenting
9:00
Speaker 1: offers you many of those opportunities. It's like J.K. Chesterton said,
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Speaker 1: an inconvenience is an adventure wrongly considered. So in other words,
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Speaker 1: you have an obstacle, an inconvenience, but you choose to
9:17
Speaker 1: see it as an inconvenience when you could see it
9:20
Speaker 1: as an adventure. And maybe that sounds trite or cliched,
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Speaker 1: but I think it's one of the If it's a cliche,
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Speaker 1: it's one of the wisest cliches that's ever been uttered.
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Speaker 1: And if you really take it to heart, you realize
9:32
Speaker 1: that many of the things that make you miserable in life,
9:36
Speaker 1: it only makes you miserable because of how you choose
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Speaker 1: to see it. Because you choose to see it in
9:43
Speaker 1: a way that is guaranteed to make you miserable. And
9:48
Speaker 1: that certainly applies to parenting. And the other misconception you
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Speaker 1: see in this post which is common is that being
9:54
Speaker 1: a parent means losing freedom. So this idea that non-parents
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Speaker 1: have more freedom just isn't true at all. You actually
10:02
Speaker 1: have more freedom as a parent in that you are
10:05
Speaker 1: able to do things and experience things that you couldn't
10:10
Speaker 1: when you didn't have kids. As I've said many times,
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Speaker 1: there's nothing that a non-parent can do. There's nothing that
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Speaker 1: they can experience that I can't. and haven't. There's plenty
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Speaker 1: that I can do as a parent that they can't.
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Speaker 1: There's plenty of things I can experience that they can't.
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Speaker 1: There's an entire category of joy that is open and
10:33
Speaker 1: available to me and to you that is not available
10:36
Speaker 1: to non-parents. The distinct joy of being a parent, the
10:41
Speaker 1: love that you feel for your children. Non-parents do not
10:46
Speaker 1: have the freedom to experience that. So in what way
10:50
Speaker 1: do they have more freedom? Again, there's nothing they can
10:53
Speaker 1: do that you can't. It may take a little more
10:57
Speaker 1: effort on your part, but so what? Is that freedom?
11:01
Speaker 1: Is freedom the ability to do things without effort? Is
11:04
Speaker 1: that all that freedom is? What kind of definition of
11:07
Speaker 1: freedom is that? I mean, by that definition, prison is freedom.
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Speaker 1: Like if freedom is just like not having to put
11:17
Speaker 1: in a lot of effort, then in some ways prison
11:20
Speaker 1: is the most free place you could ever go because
11:23
Speaker 1: there's really no effort. You just sit there. They don't
11:26
Speaker 1: even make you do hard labor anymore. You just sit there.
11:29
Speaker 1: A lot of freedom, I guess. Or is freedom the
11:34
Speaker 1: ability to do whatever you want? Well, if that's the definition,
11:39
Speaker 1: then none of us are free but God. Because none
11:42
Speaker 1: of us can literally do whatever we want. There are laws,
11:46
Speaker 1: first of all. There are many physical constraints that prevent
11:49
Speaker 1: us from fulfilling all of our wildest fantasies. So what
11:54
Speaker 1: is freedom? I mean, in what way did you have
11:57
Speaker 1: your freedom before you had kids? What kind of freedom
12:03
Speaker 1: did you have before you had kids that you now
12:05
Speaker 1: have less of? Because I would say that freedom could
12:10
Speaker 1: be defined more like The capacity, the opportunity to participate
12:18
Speaker 1: in meaningful human experiences. I think that's kind of what
12:23
Speaker 1: freedom is. Maybe not a perfect definition, but there's something
12:27
Speaker 1: to it, I think. And by that definition, as a parent,
12:30
Speaker 1: you are considerably more free because you have a greater
12:34
Speaker 1: capacity and greater opportunity to participate in meaningful human experiences. So,
12:45
Speaker 1: but this is all academic, you know, you can hear
12:48
Speaker 1: it and understand it, but over time you can, well,
12:51
Speaker 1: you can hear it, you can hear what I'm saying,
12:52
Speaker 1: but over time you begin to understand it. But you
12:57
Speaker 1: just have to give it time. For centuries, John Milton's
12:59
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13:03
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13:06
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13:10
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13:14
Speaker 1: Satan declares, better to reign in hell than serve in heaven.
13:18
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13:20
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13:22
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13:36
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13:40
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13:43
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Speaker 1: That's policygenius.com slash Walsh. Okay, finally, Got into an argument
15:38
Speaker 1: with my wife because I don't take initiative. How do
15:41
Speaker 1: I learn to take the lead and not be a
15:42
Speaker 1: passenger in my own life? We had been together almost
15:44
Speaker 1: 20 years now, married for 15, grown kid. We're on
15:47
Speaker 1: vacation and had not planned anything I really wanted to see. Well,
15:50
Speaker 1: it was a working vacation. She was doing a training
15:52
Speaker 1: and I had driven us there to go along. When
15:55
Speaker 1: the weekend came, she asked what I would like to do.
15:57
Speaker 1: I had not really planned or looked into anything and
15:59
Speaker 1: she got a little irritated. This led to an argument.
16:02
Speaker 1: I guess more of a vent session than an argument.
16:04
Speaker 1: I didn't really say much back, to be honest. She said,
16:06
Speaker 1: I need to be more proactive and take the lead
16:08
Speaker 1: more in our lives and not be a passenger along
16:10
Speaker 1: for the ride, pointing out how I rarely pick movies
16:13
Speaker 1: to watch or how I had not even bothered to
16:15
Speaker 1: look up any places to eat or things to do
16:16
Speaker 1: around the city we were in. This went for a
16:18
Speaker 1: little while, and she said that it gets old having
16:20
Speaker 1: a cardboard cutout of a husband, that she wants a
16:23
Speaker 1: person who has opinions and is curious about the world around,
16:25
Speaker 1: not just along for the ride. I will admit that
16:28
Speaker 1: I had not thought of things to do while we
16:29
Speaker 1: were on this trip, and I could have. I had
16:31
Speaker 1: lots of spare time while she was in training. She
16:33
Speaker 1: didn't really talk much the drive home. I think this
16:35
Speaker 1: has been stirring for a while. It's probably more than
16:38
Speaker 1: not looking up things to do on the trip. I
16:39
Speaker 1: always thought letting her take the lead would allow her
16:41
Speaker 1: to get what she wants and make her happy. I
16:43
Speaker 1: guess it is not what she wants, and now I
16:45
Speaker 1: am kind of lost on how to take more initiative
16:47
Speaker 1: and be more proactive in life and our relationships. I
16:50
Speaker 1: really don't have many close friends to ask things like
16:52
Speaker 1: this of, and probably wouldn't even if I did. My
16:55
Speaker 1: question is, how do I learn to be more proactive
16:56
Speaker 1: in my relationship before it's too late? Yeah, this is interesting.
16:59
Speaker 1: It's an interesting point here, but I think vacation is
17:02
Speaker 1: the wrong place to make the point. Because on vacation,
17:05
Speaker 1: I'm a big believer in not planning things. I think
17:09
Speaker 1: the whole point of a vacation is to not have
17:12
Speaker 1: stuff planned. I'm not a planner on vacation. This is
17:16
Speaker 1: a source of disagreement with my wife. She is the
17:19
Speaker 1: planning type on vacation for sure. So she'll say, okay,
17:22
Speaker 1: on the first day of vacation, let's get up at 4.45 a.m.
17:26
Speaker 1: and go do this activity. And you say, what kind
17:30
Speaker 1: of activities do they even have? What godforsaken place have
17:34
Speaker 1: we gone to where they have activities at five in
17:37
Speaker 1: the morning? What is happening? You want me to get
17:41
Speaker 1: less sleep on vacation? This is totally backwards. And then,
17:46
Speaker 1: you know, and she'll have the whole thing. And I'll say, hey, relax.
17:51
Speaker 1: I got a better idea. Let's not do any of that.
17:54
Speaker 1: She'll have the whole plan. Like, we're going to do this.
17:56
Speaker 1: And then we got this activity. And then there's going
17:58
Speaker 1: to do lunch and that. And I'll say, let's not
18:00
Speaker 1: do any of that. Here's a better plan. Let's do
18:02
Speaker 1: none of the things you just said at all. Let's
18:05
Speaker 1: not do anything. Let's do nothing. Because vacations are meant,
18:11
Speaker 1: I believe, to be focused around a particular body of water,
18:16
Speaker 1: a lake or an ocean. And all you do is
18:19
Speaker 1: you go sit at that body of water and you
18:24
Speaker 1: do activities that are focused on or around the body
18:27
Speaker 1: of water, like fishing. Or swimming. Or you could go snorkeling. Well,
18:34
Speaker 1: snorkeling is too involved. We're not going to do that.
18:36
Speaker 1: There's too many things involved. It's got to be something
18:38
Speaker 1: that can just easily be done. It can't require more
18:43
Speaker 1: than about five minutes of setup and preparation. So snorkeling
18:46
Speaker 1: is out. Last time we did a beach vacation, my
18:50
Speaker 1: wife's like, let's rent some jet skis. And I said,
18:54
Speaker 1: you got to go all the way down there and
18:55
Speaker 1: do the whole rental. You got to fill out forms.
19:00
Speaker 1: I don't want to fill out a form. We're on vacation.
19:04
Speaker 1: So we didn't do that. But I'm a little extreme
19:06
Speaker 1: when it comes to vacation. I'm an extreme non-planner. So
19:12
Speaker 1: on vacation, I'm on the husband's side, but it's clear
19:15
Speaker 1: that this is a general issue that goes beyond vacation,
19:17
Speaker 1: as he admits. And yes, generally speaking in life, you
19:21
Speaker 1: need to take the initiative as the man. And that's
19:25
Speaker 1: what women want you to do. allowing the wife to
19:28
Speaker 1: take the lead in your family is about the worst
19:31
Speaker 1: thing you can do as a husband. It's not going
19:34
Speaker 1: to make anybody happier, least of all her. It's not
19:37
Speaker 1: going to make you happier. It's not going to make
19:39
Speaker 1: the kids happier. And this goes for big things and
19:42
Speaker 1: small things. And the small things in some ways are
19:45
Speaker 1: more important or at least have elevated importance because there's
19:50
Speaker 1: more of them. They happen more often. And if you're
19:54
Speaker 1: asking her to be proactive, or if you're asking how
19:58
Speaker 1: to be more proactive and take the initiative, then start
20:01
Speaker 1: with the small things. So do this, try this. And
20:06
Speaker 1: this is like It's kind of, it's, it's surprising to
20:10
Speaker 1: me how few husbands do this. I think, but I think,
20:13
Speaker 1: and I think this is much more common, you know,
20:16
Speaker 1: in the old days. So do this very simple. Tell
20:21
Speaker 1: your wife, Hey, we're going to go out on Friday night, right?
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Speaker 1: Six o'clock. I have reservations. Just make the reservation. Don't
20:29
Speaker 1: ask her where she wants to go. Just do it
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Speaker 1: on your own. Call a place up. You can go online,
20:34
Speaker 1: like just make a reservation, whatever. Don't even need to
20:38
Speaker 1: tell her where you're going. Then on Friday night, you
20:41
Speaker 1: drive her there. You sit down. You've already looked at
20:44
Speaker 1: the menu ahead of time online, right? Every restaurant has
20:48
Speaker 1: menus online. Takes 10 seconds. Look at the menu. You
20:53
Speaker 1: have been with your wife for 15 years. You know
20:54
Speaker 1: what she likes. I assume you've been to a billion restaurants.
20:58
Speaker 1: You know the kinds of things she likes to eat.
21:01
Speaker 1: Every person has like three things they order at a restaurant.
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Speaker 1: And so you picked a place that has one of
21:06
Speaker 1: those three things. And so you sit down at the
21:09
Speaker 1: table and you say, oh, this place has a really
21:12
Speaker 1: good salmon. You'll probably like that. The waiter comes, you
21:16
Speaker 1: place an appetizer order. You don't even ask her what
21:20
Speaker 1: she wants. You don't consult her. When the waiter comes,
21:24
Speaker 1: you just give your drink order and say, hey, we'd
21:27
Speaker 1: like to put it in order of the whatever, right?
21:30
Speaker 1: And because you know what she likes to eat. So
21:32
Speaker 1: you don't need to ask. Like you already know, you
21:35
Speaker 1: know what kind of appetizer she likes. Just put the
21:37
Speaker 1: order in. And then you go home and you tell
21:43
Speaker 1: your wife, hey, there's a movie that just came out
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Speaker 1: on streaming. Let's watch it. I think you'll like it.
21:51
Speaker 1: Why don't you go get changed? I'll get the movie
21:52
Speaker 1: queued up. And then while she's doing that, you go
21:55
Speaker 1: get her a drink. You know what kind of thing
21:56
Speaker 1: she likes to drink at night, whether it's chamomile tea
21:59
Speaker 1: or wine or whatever. And you pour the drink and
22:02
Speaker 1: you give it to her. And these are all small things.
22:05
Speaker 1: These are just all the things that your wife wants
22:07
Speaker 1: you to do Be the man, take the lead, make
22:10
Speaker 1: the decisions, be confident. And once you're doing that with
22:16
Speaker 1: the small things, then it becomes easier and more natural
22:19
Speaker 1: to take the lead on the bigger things. Now, I
22:22
Speaker 1: will say one thing, a point for the other side
22:27
Speaker 1: of the situation. If you're the wife in this situation
22:30
Speaker 1: and you want your husband to take the lead, which
22:33
Speaker 1: every wife at some level does, you then... have to
22:39
Speaker 1: take the backseat and not interfere when he does take
22:43
Speaker 1: the lead. Because here's what often happens. The wife will
22:46
Speaker 1: say to the husband, who's a bit of a pushover,
22:49
Speaker 1: I want you to lead. And then the husband will say,
22:52
Speaker 1: maybe he'll try. He'll give it a shot. And he'll
22:56
Speaker 1: do what I just said. I'll pick the restaurant. And
22:59
Speaker 1: then you show up at the restaurant and you say, oh,
23:01
Speaker 1: I don't want to eat at this place. Oh, I'm
23:03
Speaker 1: not in the mood. Oh, you should have known. No, oh,
23:05
Speaker 1: I don't like that. I heard this place was bad.
23:08
Speaker 1: Don't do that. Don't complain that your husband doesn't lead
23:11
Speaker 1: and then whine and micromanage when he does. You can't
23:13
Speaker 1: have it both ways. You cannot have it both ways.
23:16
Speaker 1: Him leading means that you're following, okay? Be a good follower.
23:21
Speaker 1: Don't put him in a lose-lose scenario where you're mad
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Speaker 1: at him for not leading and then annoyed at him
23:28
Speaker 1: because he leads. Because guess what? Wanting someone to lead
23:33
Speaker 1: and then trying to dictate the way that they lead
23:37
Speaker 1: means that they're not leading, you are. You're still leading.
23:43
Speaker 1: So he's on the horse and you're behind him, but
23:47
Speaker 1: you're reaching around him to grab the reins. You're not
23:49
Speaker 1: actually letting him just guide the horse, ride the horse.
23:54
Speaker 1: So you got to take your hands off the reins.
23:57
Speaker 1: You can't have it both ways. And if all you
24:00
Speaker 1: want is like a figurehead, if all you want is
24:03
Speaker 1: someone who pretends that they're leading, but you're really calling
24:08
Speaker 1: all the shots, then that's a you problem. Okay. And
24:13
Speaker 1: I suspect, I mean, I don't know anything about this couple.
24:15
Speaker 1: I suspect it's a little bit of that also. Right.
24:18
Speaker 1: You got the wife who's got the business thing. She's
24:20
Speaker 1: a business woman and she's going to the training and
24:22
Speaker 1: the husband's like, the husband's already kind of like tagging
24:24
Speaker 1: along for her thing. And so it's a little bit,
24:26
Speaker 1: and you know, and she's calling him a cardboard cutout.
24:29
Speaker 1: Like it's being very disrespectful. It's the kind of thing
24:32
Speaker 1: you should never say to your husband, no matter what.
24:35
Speaker 1: So even just from this, I'm getting vibes of this
24:37
Speaker 1: being a woman who claims, claims, I want you to
24:41
Speaker 1: take the lead. But the moment he tries, she's going
24:43
Speaker 1: to say, oh, not that way. I want you to lead,
24:46
Speaker 1: but I want you to lead exactly as I want
24:48
Speaker 1: down to the, down to the, you know, down to
24:52
Speaker 1: every particular. So yes, the husband's job is to take
24:57
Speaker 1: the lead. The wife's job then is to not critique
24:59
Speaker 1: and micromanage every step of the way. Okay. Okay. But
25:05
Speaker 1: none of this applies to a vacation where you should
25:08
Speaker 1: just be sitting and doing nothing at all, which is
25:12
Speaker 1: why vacation exists in the first place. Unless you're going fishing,
25:18
Speaker 1: in which case getting up at 4.45 a.m. makes sense.
25:21
Speaker 1: Only for that one exception. That's the only, I don't
25:24
Speaker 1: make the rules, okay? I mean, I do, but that's
25:27
Speaker 1: besides the point. So I trust that I've solved these
25:29
Speaker 1: problems and everybody will live happily ever after.