Latest / You Didn't Ask For This / 143 | Burner Friends

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143 | Burner Friends · You Didn't Ask For This

0:00
SPEAKER_01: I'm just in in honor of him, I do the snap.
0:03
SPEAKER_01: I can I can't I can clap with one hand.
0:06
Eric: You can't snap your fingers?
0:07
SPEAKER_01: I can't.
0:08
SPEAKER_01: My wife can.
0:09
SPEAKER_01: Huh?
0:10
SPEAKER_01: Dana, you can you can snap.
0:11
Eric: Oh, hey hey, hey, Mrs.
0:13
SPEAKER_01: D.
0:14
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
0:15
SPEAKER_01: Eric is saying hello.
0:16
SPEAKER_01: You have a this is Eric Pose.
0:18
SPEAKER_01: Hi! Hi, welcome to the podcast.
0:21
Eric: Uh this is as good of intro as any.
0:25
Eric: I might as well.
0:26
Eric: Yeah.
0:26
Eric: Uh so in case anyone hasn't noticed Matt's not here.
0:32
Eric: He's not?
0:33
Eric: No, he well, he's he's always with us.
0:35
Eric: Like he's let's pour one out.
0:37
Eric: Yeah, yeah.
0:38
Eric: He's he's in the laughter of every child and the face of every puppy.
0:41
Eric: But in not a pug?
0:44
Eric: Like a like a yeah, like a like a surly pug.
0:48
Eric: So really nasally?
0:50
Eric: Yeah, it scowls at you, but it breathes real funny, so you can't be mad at it.
0:54
Eric: No, it's not.
0:55
Eric: Like a little guy, you can't help it.
0:58
Eric: He was born different.
0:59
Eric: Just a silly little guy.
1:01
Eric: Yeah.
1:02
Eric: Yeah.
1:02
Eric: This is uh yeah, dad's out of the room.
1:05
Eric: It's uh the cat is away, and I'm a fucking rat, baby.
1:09
Eric: Uh you're a king, Zachy D.
1:12
Eric: Zach, Zach Deuce, uh, friends and family, uh, is is kindly offered to join us for these episodes while Matt is out becoming a father.
1:24
Eric: He could, we are at the point, by the way, where Matt can the this baby's ready to go.
1:30
SPEAKER_01: Ready to ready to go, ready to arrive at any moment.
1:34
SPEAKER_01: Uh, do we have a a pool going of when like date and time and wait and all that stuff?
1:39
SPEAKER_01: We should have we should have been doing this on the Discord.
1:42
Eric: Oh, we should have started a Discord pool.
1:45
Eric: Oh, God.
1:46
Eric: By the way, you can join the Discord by going to patreon.com slash you didn't ask for this.
1:50
Eric: Join today.
1:51
Eric: We have an orgy dome.
1:52
Eric: Uh it's how Matt got into this precarious situation he now finds himself in.
1:57
Eric: Well, no, no.
1:58
Eric: Dr.
1:58
Eric: Lindsay Arbar, shout out to her as well, is way too classy for the orgy dome.
2:03
Eric: No, yeah, she she doesn't use a dome.
2:07
Eric: No, no, yeah, yeah.
2:08
Eric: She has she has an orgy dissertation.
2:10
Eric: Yeah.
2:11
Eric: Well, well learned.
2:13
Eric: Well, uh, but to answer your question, I my personal theory is that whenever Matt goes to edit this episode that we're recording right now, like I think he's gonna get a solid 10 minutes in, and then and then Lindsay's gonna burst into the room and said, Matthew, I am I it is upon us.
2:34
Eric: The time is nigh.
2:36
Eric: What did your here's here's a good springboard?
2:39
Eric: What did your wife say to you when she when it happened?
2:44
Eric: Like when it was when it the dam broke.
2:47
SPEAKER_01: Well, there's there's been two two instances because I am father of two.
2:51
SPEAKER_01: Uh real real quick.
2:53
SPEAKER_01: You don't mind that I share the um because we're talking about Matt and his children and how it could happen at any point.
3:00
SPEAKER_01: You don't mind me giving the brief synopsis of your experience of childbirth.
3:07
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
3:08
SPEAKER_01: Get permission.
3:09
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
3:10
SPEAKER_01: So with my with our eldest um Declan, he is going to be turning eight.
3:15
SPEAKER_01: Um he came a little early because of some um just wanted to avoid complications.
3:22
SPEAKER_01: So we went in, uh, planned it all out.
3:25
SPEAKER_01: Uh, he was a few weeks early, but had to be delivered by C-section because he just he wasn't re he wasn't done cooking.
3:33
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I too was a C-section baby.
3:35
SPEAKER_01: Uh so that was our our first one.
3:37
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
3:37
SPEAKER_01: Our second one, our daughter, now she decided to make up on the other way, and she was a little late.
3:46
SPEAKER_01: She's like, no, I'm not done cooking.
3:48
unknown: Two weeks.
3:49
SPEAKER_01: Two weeks.
3:50
SPEAKER_01: Yep.
3:51
SPEAKER_01: So my lovely wife, my better half Dana, who you can you can see behind me.
3:54
SPEAKER_01: Yep.
3:55
SPEAKER_01: Um, you know, God, God bless her, and everything that she dealt with with me, um, and everything that she was going through.
4:01
SPEAKER_01: Um, but it was one of those of, oh, um, we need to go now, because my contractions have um started ramping up.
4:11
SPEAKER_01: And uh and did you did your water break?
4:15
SPEAKER_01: Um with Brielle?
4:16
SPEAKER_01: No, it didn't.
4:18
SPEAKER_01: No, it was it was just becoming more painful.
4:20
SPEAKER_01: She's just like she just she was like, oh, that feels like it's time.
4:24
SPEAKER_01: Yep.
4:25
SPEAKER_01: And then uh when we got to the hospital and they were actually about to send us back because her contractions were still not close enough together, yeah.
4:34
SPEAKER_01: That's when the water broke, and they said, Okay, well, here we go.
4:37
SPEAKER_01: We will now get you in.
4:39
SPEAKER_01: And this was in the overnight.
4:41
SPEAKER_01: Uh, so there was no planning for our daughter.
4:43
SPEAKER_01: Um, but then she, because she cooked so long and was a big girl, she had to also be delivered by C-section because she just was not going to be delivered the regular way.
4:56
SPEAKER_01: So uh both both children, C-section, everything went well.
5:00
SPEAKER_01: The deck doctors did a fantabulous job, as you know, given the circumstances of, hey, this is what we're gonna do.
5:07
SPEAKER_01: Um, my wife is a rock star, and uh, I could not deal with a a percentage of the uh stuff that she has to deal with of carrying a child all the way through and then delivering.
5:20
Eric: God damn, shout out moms, yeah, shout out mom, shout out Dana, shout out Dr.
5:26
Eric: Lindsay Arbar, God, we're our we're we're all cheering for you.
5:31
Eric: Uh, and shout out C-section babies and represent.
5:35
Eric: Uh, I think they're gonna be doctors because as the saying goes, C's get degrees.
5:40
SPEAKER_01: They do.
5:41
SPEAKER_01: And both my kids have them.
5:43
SPEAKER_01: So yeah.
5:44
SPEAKER_00: Nice! Play the music, Matt.
5:59
Eric: And welcome to You Didn't Ask for This, the podcast answering all of life's least pressing questions.
6:07
Eric: I'm your host, Eric Poach, and joining me today is none other than not Matt, not not Matt Shea.
6:14
SPEAKER_01: No, no, we are here, Shea Free Episode.
6:17
SPEAKER_01: We are so sorry.
6:18
SPEAKER_01: Uh Zach, Zachy D, I think you call me along.
6:22
Eric: Zachy D, the interim co-host with me.
6:26
SPEAKER_01: I am sorry, everybody, but I appreciate you having me on.
6:29
Eric: Oh, yeah.
6:30
Eric: And and again, props to Matt.
6:32
Eric: He's still editing these episodes, so he's gonna hear everything we say, but have no ability to respond.
6:40
Eric: Oh, you think so, do you?
6:42
SPEAKER_01: Ah, well, until a future episode where I've learned with Matt um that he is strategic and keeps a notebook so that uh upon the appropriate time he can respond with the proper whit and cynicism that you would expect.
6:58
SPEAKER_01: Oh, yes.
6:59
Eric: His his memory is long as his wit is sharp.
7:03
Eric: Um but uh so let's let's just hop into the dingle-dangle thing.
7:09
Eric: But before we do, this is so weird.
7:10
Eric: I'm gonna ask all the Matt questions.
7:12
Eric: How are you doing today?
7:14
SPEAKER_01: Uh, you know what?
7:15
SPEAKER_01: I'm doing okay.
7:16
SPEAKER_01: Uh I've been uh dealing with some medical stuff, but I think we're um we're we're at a plateau part.
7:24
SPEAKER_01: I've been I had to change my uh my diet and I've dropped like 20 pounds because of that.
7:30
SPEAKER_00: Oh damn, which is done, my friend.
7:32
SPEAKER_01: Which is not bad, but when it goes past your comfort zone and is quite quick, you're like, hmm, what's happening?
7:39
SPEAKER_01: So uh we're I think we're I think we got a hold on it now.
7:42
SPEAKER_01: So other than that, I'm doing quite well, looking forward to summer and warmer weather.
7:48
Eric: Hell yes.
7:49
Eric: Uh and and and like I was I was telling you, I was also not to nearly to that degree the health stuff I've been dealing with.
7:56
Eric: Um we were talking about this before the recording started.
7:59
Eric: I've I'm just now recovering from throwing my back out like a week and a half ago.
8:06
Eric: Uh, for those of you who listened to the episode where I talked about cowboy prom in the cold uh cold open, I didn't actually get to go to cowboy prom because I threw my back out building a pizza oven out of cinder blocks for cowboy prom.
8:23
SPEAKER_01: And if you were uh a member of the Patreon, you got a little preview of that even beforehand.
8:29
SPEAKER_01: And uh there are some photos as well.
8:32
Eric: Yes, there's a uh there's a photo of my beautiful girlfriend Alyssa, uh former guest of the show as well.
8:39
Eric: Uh because she got she went to Cow, she still went to Cowboy Prom.
8:42
Eric: I stayed home and played Marvel Rivals all day.
8:46
Eric: I mean, yeah.
8:47
Eric: She went and went to Cowboy Prom in her insanely cute outfit and had a grand old time, I'm told.
8:53
Eric: And and our our friends all performed in a band where they covered like classic country songs.
8:58
Eric: So that was really cool.
8:59
Eric: She had such a good time.
9:00
Eric: I think she got branded.
9:02
Eric: Yes, she got branded.
9:03
Eric: This is so uh the the friends who were running this event um are part of the burner community.
9:09
Eric: So they do like a lot of these like kind of like invite-only events, like out in the middle of the woods, and and for the for Cowboy Prom, they made a a brand that was an ink stamp.
9:19
Eric: It was a horseshoe that said cowboy prom 2026, and they were branding all of the guests with it.
9:25
Eric: So you brilliant market.
9:27
Eric: Burner community.
9:28
Eric: Yes.
9:28
Eric: Are you uh so so uh people who go to like Burning Man?
9:33
Eric: And so Burning Man's like the big famous one, but yes, all over the country there are like these smaller events that they were they also call burns, or like, and burners are the people who like go and do these things, and a lot of my friends are a part of my a lot of my beloved weirdos are a part of that community.
9:51
Eric: Yes, darling Amelia.
9:53
SPEAKER_01: I mean, that now that now makes a lot of sense because when when you say the burners, uh you know, there there's a lot.
10:00
SPEAKER_01: There's so many that could be encompassed with that.
10:04
Eric: Oh, yeah.
10:04
Eric: My burner friends, these are the friends I have.
10:06
Eric: You know, I just ditch them in case I get searched by the cops.
10:08
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and I you uh you crack open a new friend and you're good to go.
10:12
Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
10:12
Eric: Hop over to 7-Eleven, buy one, slam in a SIM card, we're good to go.
10:16
Eric: Yeah, they don't even ask.
10:19
Eric: No, not at the 7-Elevens I frequent.
10:22
Eric: Um so let's let's just hop right into it.
10:28
Eric: Uh Zach, our first question today comes from none other than Zach E D.
10:35
Eric: What?
10:36
Eric: That guy?
10:37
Eric: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
10:38
Eric: Yeah.
10:38
Eric: All right.
10:39
Eric: Uh so Zachy D asks, if two psychics read each other's minds at the same time, whose thought counts as the original thought?
10:53
SPEAKER_01: Oh, so here's a fun bit before we even get started.
10:56
SPEAKER_01: I was yeah, I never anticipated I would be answering this question.
10:59
SPEAKER_01: I was hoping that you two would stew over this.
11:02
SPEAKER_01: Oh, how the turntables have turned on me.
11:08
SPEAKER_01: Oh, gosh, I don't even remember where I even thought of this or saw this or read it someplace, but I I went, oh yeah.
11:15
SPEAKER_01: Hmm.
11:15
SPEAKER_01: How do we even determine that?
11:17
SPEAKER_01: If it technically happens at the same time.
11:20
SPEAKER_01: This is like a like a chicken and the egg type of thing, but literally the same time, not which one came first.
11:27
Eric: Yeah, it's it's it's all it it it does.
11:35
Eric: Like when you hold a microphone up to another microphone or a mic or sorry, a microphone up to a speaker.
11:39
Eric: Yeah.
11:40
Eric: And you're gonna go, yeah, but like then their brains just explode.
11:44
Eric: Oh, scanners.
11:45
Eric: And oh yes, yes.
11:47
Eric: That is exactly what I imagined in my head.
11:51
Eric: Just the the practical effect, head, head ballooning and then popping.
11:55
Eric: Yeah.
11:56
Eric: Man, it uh there's so many layers of it.
12:00
Eric: Like, are are the psychics used to psychic attacks?
12:05
Eric: Are they used to uh other psychics trying to read their minds?
12:09
Eric: What does a psychic think when they're reading their mind?
12:12
Eric: Are they just internally going, read, read, read, read, read, read, read?
12:17
SPEAKER_01: Do they even do they even have to think?
12:20
SPEAKER_01: Like you and I may in our brains go, okay, I need to go pick up this uh this zergling.
12:26
SPEAKER_01: So I'm gonna reach over and I'm gonna pick it up.
12:28
SPEAKER_01: But breathing we don't think about.
12:31
SPEAKER_01: We just do it.
12:32
SPEAKER_01: So is it that we active they actively are thinking, oh, I need to read their mind, or it is a second nature subconscious event.
12:40
SPEAKER_01: But then if they if it is just second nature, do they then have to control it?
12:47
SPEAKER_01: And that's more of the active part is putting up that wall, that barrier, so that they're not just reading everyone's minds and then getting over having their brains be overloaded, much like you know, maybe uh Diana Deanna Troy might if she uh We were watching TNG this morning.
13:04
Eric: Okay.
13:05
Eric: Yeah, we've been we've been rewatch and and as you were talking about this, like I was thinking, I was thinking of Star Trek.
13:12
Eric: I was like, how would they handle this on track?
13:14
SPEAKER_01: They they did a they did actually do that in um Starfleet Academy.
13:17
SPEAKER_01: They kind of addressed that with a character.
13:20
Eric: Oh, I haven't seen Starfleet Academy.
13:22
SPEAKER_01: Is it another beta zoid?
13:23
Eric: Uh yes.
13:24
SPEAKER_01: And um, but you know, it uh I would recommend as a as a fellow Star Trekan, I would say go watch it.
13:30
SPEAKER_01: They they are getting a second season.
13:32
SPEAKER_01: Um but they do they it is it's not for your demo or my demo, it is for the younger demo, but as a Treky, I still appreciate it.
13:40
SPEAKER_01: Gotcha.
13:40
SPEAKER_01: Oh gosh.
13:41
SPEAKER_01: So we if we got two psychics that are trying to read each other's mind, I does it come down to the fundamental of is it just natural that when they come upon somebody, it happens in instantaneously, or do they have to activate it?
13:55
SPEAKER_01: Or could it be either one?
13:58
Eric: So I'm imagining like if if we go like like that this sort of like this natural reflexive thing.
14:04
Eric: So I'm reading a mind.
14:06
Eric: I'm a mind reader, I'm going to read a mind, and that I'm trying to imagine like what that natural sensation would be.
14:13
Eric: It would be like this, this almost like reaching out, like grasping in the dark kind of thing.
14:20
Eric: But then like what I'm experiencing is I'm reaching out and grasping, and what I'm finding is reaching out and grasping.
14:27
Eric: So you got two hands, yeah, like holding hands.
14:31
Eric: Yeah, like like they're kind of like it's like almost like a psychic mirror, like they're like up against each other.
14:36
Eric: Yeah.
14:38
unknown: Yeah.
14:39
Eric: Zach's doing that thing with his hands that we all know.
14:42
Eric: Not that move, not that move that you did.
14:43
SPEAKER_01: That oh, what did I do?
14:45
SPEAKER_01: Well, the the one that Matt yelled at you about doing that you couldn't do that move that with it.
14:49
SPEAKER_01: That's okay.
14:50
SPEAKER_01: That's fine.
14:50
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, we do that's fine.
14:51
SPEAKER_01: That's what you guys that leads to babies.
14:54
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
14:55
SPEAKER_01: You guys can't see it, but it's awesome.
14:58
Eric: Um, so like I it makes me wonder like to read a mind, I feel like you have to leave your mind.
15:07
Eric: Like, like you're almost like you're like you're projecting your con.
15:10
Eric: So if like two people are projecting their consciousness into each other at the same time, do they end up freaky Fridaying each other?
15:17
Eric: Oh, switch?
15:19
Eric: Do they yeah, do like they fill the empty vessels of each other's mind, and then like they're just like, uh oh.
15:27
Eric: Uh-oh.
15:28
Eric: Huh.
15:29
SPEAKER_01: I didn't uh I didn't have this facial hair.
15:31
SPEAKER_01: No, why am why am I so close to the ground?
15:35
SPEAKER_01: What has happened?
15:37
SPEAKER_01: What's all this then?
15:39
SPEAKER_01: What's all this then?
15:40
Eric: Yeah, I like, and from like their point of view, they're like grappling between the empty spaces of their mind, and it's like this huge epic battle mentally.
15:50
Eric: But I feel like in the meat space, in the in in like what we're all seeing is two guys just like stare at each other and then just kind of fall over and roll and drool for a bit.
16:01
Eric: They're just going as they're as they're just swapping back and forth between each other's bodies.
16:08
SPEAKER_01: Sir Patrick Stewart, what has happened to you, sir?
16:11
SPEAKER_01: No.
16:12
SPEAKER_01: Uh maybe I I never thought of how a psychic would if they would actually leave their mind or if it is just an extension of like a feeling, much like you know, uh another sense of, oh, we can we can smell the blueberry pie on the windowsill.
16:26
SPEAKER_01: Even though I can't see it, I know that it's there, and I wasn't actively looking for it.
16:34
unknown: Mm-hmm.
16:35
SPEAKER_01: That's where I don't know if we want do we want to delve down how they actually read, if it is more of a just that background sense, or if it is something that they do have to concentrate and look at each other, and then it just happens where they would end up drooling all over the floor.
16:51
Eric: Yeah.
16:52
Eric: And and that, and that's like like you you mentioned like blueberry pie, like so much I feel like of mind reading would just be like you're you're getting what it's like to be in a huge because a human mind is never like uh sorry, I don't want to speak for everyone else, but for me, it's not like a continuous like narrative in my head that's like a book that's being written.
17:12
Eric: It's like, oh, and then I thought about going to the doctor, and now I'm going, like it's just constant, like just it was like, oh, my legs are chilly, the cat won't stop meowing.
17:23
Eric: Like, like are and and like even then, I'm not thinking those words in my head.
17:27
Eric: I'm just like going through those sensations of my nervous system.
17:31
Eric: Yeah.
17:32
Eric: And it's almost like it's like reading a bunch of like, it's like reading someone's journal in like a in like a but like the journal is just made of vibes.
17:42
Eric: Yeah.
17:42
Eric: And like under and like without the context of being that person, it's like, how do you understand any of it?
17:49
Eric: Like you you can feel like uh anger, anxiety, or like pleasure, but like like the like these these loose, like emotional or like sensational things, but like how do you contextualize any of it?
18:02
SPEAKER_01: Well, we uh we you and I can't.
18:04
SPEAKER_01: Well, maybe you can.
18:05
SPEAKER_01: I'm I'm just gonna say I'm not psychic, so I cannot, because doing what we're doing right now is very archaic, very slow, very monotonous to communicate this way.
18:15
SPEAKER_01: And if you were psychic empathic, um, where you're able to just communicate through thought, feelings, and emotions, it's far more efficient.
18:24
SPEAKER_01: You're just able to instantly uh communicate and get the point across of whatever it is that you're trying to say, unlike us, where we gibber jabber back and forth and just end up vomiting out words sometimes cohesively, sometimes not.
18:42
Eric: So what you're saying, we're we're we're so close to it.
18:45
Eric: I'm just gonna say it.
18:46
Eric: So what you're saying is Dharmac and Jalad at Tanagra.
18:50
Eric: Yes, exactly.
18:55
Eric: Matt, you don't get that reference, but it was fucking hilarious.
18:59
SPEAKER_01: It was for all three of us.
19:04
Eric: Yeah, yeah.
19:05
Eric: Like it's it's oh man, maybe, yeah, maybe the what were they called?
19:10
Eric: The the the Talari no, they weren't the Talarians.
19:13
Eric: That's I think that's Mass Effect.
19:15
Eric: There it is.
19:16
Eric: The the the metaphor the metaphor communicative people, yeah.
19:21
Eric: You would just like have it, it would be like that.
19:23
Eric: You would just you I feel like you would have all like you'd have someone shouting Darmak and Jalat at Tanagra, Shaka when the walls fell, and have zero context for what any of that means.
19:32
Eric: Matt, you're actually, as you're listening to this, Matt, as you're editing, you are experiencing what the characters on an episode of Star Trek experienced.
19:42
Eric: I assume it's rage.
19:43
Eric: That's just fun.
19:44
Eric: You are you now have something in common with Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the USS Enterprise.
19:49
SPEAKER_01: Oh.
19:49
SPEAKER_01: And E.
19:51
SPEAKER_01: Ooh.
19:51
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, Tamerian.
19:53
SPEAKER_01: Tamarian.
19:54
SPEAKER_01: Very close.
19:55
SPEAKER_01: I was like, it was a T.
19:56
SPEAKER_01: One letter off.
19:57
SPEAKER_01: It was it was a T, and I could not remember, but uh Timerian.
20:01
Eric: His eyes uncovered.
20:04
SPEAKER_01: Matt, you need to go watch that episode.
20:06
Eric: Matt, Matt, Matt's gonna, I've I've actually told him like when he's up late with the baby or so, like when he finds himself in those sleepers, like, dude, throw on TNJ.
20:14
SPEAKER_01: That's that's how I watched through um uh Dragon Ball.
20:18
SPEAKER_01: I'd watched Dragon Ball Z in my older years, but I'd never gone back and watched Dragon Ball until my son was born.
20:24
SPEAKER_01: And then in the early mornings, my wife is asleep.
20:27
SPEAKER_01: I'm in there, I'm banging out a couple episodes of Dragon Ball, then I'm going back to bed.
20:31
SPEAKER_00: Hell yeah.
20:32
Eric: Anyway, God, I love Dragon Ball.
20:34
Eric: I read, I re- I watched all of Dragon Ball, I read all of Dragon Ball, I was obsessed with Dragon Ball as a kid.
20:38
Eric: Anyway, psychics.
20:40
Eric: Psychics.
20:41
Eric: So I think where we've landed, I think we're in the neighborhood of is A discounting the fact that you know no one can know anything truly.
20:50
Eric: It's either they're gonna fall down drooling, or they're gonna freaky Friday themselves, or they're just gonna go ow and when they give each other the psychic uh feedback loop.
21:06
SPEAKER_01: It's like when you go around a corner real quick and there's someone there and you didn't realize it and you collide.
21:11
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
21:12
SPEAKER_01: It's it's kind of like that.
21:13
SPEAKER_01: You were in proximity and then you just you were there, and it's uh oh, uh.
21:18
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
21:20
Eric: It's like when you have you ever seen the videos of people dropping cucumbers behind cats?
21:24
Eric: Yes.
21:24
Eric: And like them for it's like that, but with two people simultaneously dropping their cucumbers.
21:29
Eric: Yeah yes, they are both the cucumber and the cat.
21:32
Eric: Yes.
21:34
Eric: So our next question, and this one's from me, just to just to part the veil.
21:40
Eric: What is the most unethical but non violent thing you can do with a pencil?
21:49
Eric: Ah nonviolent pencil.
21:51
Eric: You have a standard number two pencil, sharpened, fresh eraser.
21:58
Eric: What is the most unethical?
22:00
Eric: But nonviolent thing you can do with it.
22:03
SPEAKER_01: I'm taking it that um you're not just we're not just going to go down the simple, easy route of just saying writing a very strongly worded offensive letter to somebody.
22:13
SPEAKER_01: Sure.
22:14
SPEAKER_01: I think that's a cop-out, and I think we could, you know what, you could get away with that.
22:19
SPEAKER_01: Hmm.
22:19
SPEAKER_01: Are we we're thinking so like kind of a physical representation of what you would do with a pencil?
22:25
Eric: Yeah.
22:25
Eric: And it can be, and and and there sure there is plenty of fertile ground with uh with what you could write.
22:32
Eric: You could write certain subversive literature, but that's your god-given right as an American.
22:37
Eric: Yeah.
22:38
Eric: Well, for now.
22:38
Eric: Uh for now.
22:39
Eric: For now.
22:40
Eric: Oh, God.
22:41
Eric: For now.
22:42
SPEAKER_01: But unethical thing you can do with a pencil.
22:45
SPEAKER_01: I mean, uh another real simple one would be you could just take it and you could just put it between your fingers.
22:51
SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
22:52
SPEAKER_01: Give a just a little a little middle finger.
22:54
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
22:55
SPEAKER_01: A little pencil, middle finger.
22:57
SPEAKER_01: The solo wolverine claw.
22:58
Eric: Yeah.
22:59
Eric: So to speak.
22:59
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, exactly.
23:00
SPEAKER_01: Very simple.
23:02
SPEAKER_01: I don't know if that's the worst, though.
23:06
SPEAKER_01: No.
23:07
SPEAKER_01: I think that's very simple and easy to do.
23:09
SPEAKER_01: I I may have done it a few times just to get my point across.
23:12
Eric: And truly, I had nothing in mind when I asked this.
23:14
Eric: I was just like, what?
23:16
Eric: How garbage can we be without physically harming someone?
23:20
SPEAKER_01: Without physically harming.
23:22
SPEAKER_01: I mean, you know, uh criminally threatening uh with a pencil.
23:28
SPEAKER_01: I didn't write a thing.
23:29
Eric: Writing in a false bomb threat is certainly nonviolent and deeply unethical.
23:34
Eric: True, true.
23:35
SPEAKER_01: Um, what if we um what if you left the scene of an accident, but you uh seat belted your number two pencil in place in the in the driver's seat, like they were the driver, had little googly eyes on it.
23:52
Eric: I love this because you just created so much paperwork for so many people.
23:57
Eric: Because now it's like no at no point are they like, oh, the pencil did it.
24:01
Eric: No, there's like, ah, fuck.
24:03
Eric: They're like, not only did someone do a hit and run, they know they did a hit and run, they left, they left a pencil dummy.
24:12
Eric: They left a burner driver in the C driver.
24:16
SPEAKER_01: And then they have to use that burner driver's cousin to fill out the paperwork on their notebook, which is also a little off.
24:23
SPEAKER_01: That might be partially offensive, right there.
24:25
SPEAKER_01: Using a pencil in front of a pencil, like you're grinding down their head or their feet.
24:32
Eric: If you if you buy into panpsychism, yeah, that is that is a fucked up thing to do to get a pencil.
24:37
Eric: Yeah.
24:37
Eric: I would also say here's the other thing you do.
24:39
Eric: You you get like, uh, and this is I'm gonna yes and the hell out of out of putting getting into an accident, putting the pencil in the driver's seat with googly eyes.
24:49
Eric: What you also do, you premeditate this.
24:51
Eric: This is adding another layer to the paperwork.
24:53
Eric: I'm just thinking like, how many layers of of of unnecessary work can we make a whole bunch of people do?
24:59
Eric: Um, you get like 10 different people beforehand to chew on the pencil.
25:04
Eric: Oh, yeah.
25:04
Eric: So that way when forensics has to try to handle the sites, like we don't uh, we don't, we don't, we don't.
25:13
Eric: And then you have like 10 different people spit.
25:15
SPEAKER_01: 90-year-old, 55-year-old, somebody from Guatemala.
25:19
SPEAKER_01: We don't know.
25:21
SPEAKER_01: Yep, yep, yep.
25:21
SPEAKER_01: DNA forensics.
25:23
SPEAKER_01: I CSI would have a field day.
25:25
Eric: Ooh, you also, if you really wanna, if you really want to be a dick, you you get you find a really, really old pencil that's made out of lead.
25:34
Eric: So then everyone just chewed on something with lead.
25:37
Eric: It's not particularly violent.
25:38
Eric: They might just, you know, now they got lead in them.
25:40
Eric: That's not nice.
25:41
Eric: That's not nice at all.
25:42
SPEAKER_01: I don't I don't know if there ever was there was never actually any lead in pencils, was there?
25:47
SPEAKER_01: I don't think so.
25:48
SPEAKER_01: I don't if there was, it was like for five minutes.
25:50
Eric: Let's let's let's find out.
25:52
SPEAKER_01: I feel like I heard about this on F and Cultured.
25:55
Eric: Actually, lead.
25:56
Eric: I don't think there was.
25:58
Eric: It would make sense.
25:59
Eric: It sounds like something we'd all oh no, yeah.
26:01
Eric: Pencils never actually contain lead.
26:02
Eric: It's always been graphite.
26:05
SPEAKER_01: That's something that you and I, I'm sure, were taught in school at one point, and it was a lie, Eric.
26:11
Eric: Oh, yeah.
26:11
Eric: It's um it's kind of like that that that old myth that like, you know, where you know, when you're sleeping and you know, you swallow like eight spiders a year when you're sleeping.
26:21
Eric: It's actually way more than that.
26:23
Eric: Yeah.
26:24
Eric: Yeah, it's far more.
26:26
Eric: Yeah.
26:26
Eric: Dozens.
26:27
Eric: You and I charge a lot for it.
26:30
Eric: Ooh, here's what else you do.
26:32
Eric: You you leave you leave the pencil at the scene of the crime, googly eyes, chewed by 10 different people.
26:38
Eric: You also use that pencil to to scribble over all of your insurance information in the thing, and then you pull out the eraser and and hide it somewhere in the car.
26:52
Eric: You de-head the pencil.
26:54
SPEAKER_01: Dehead the pencil.
26:56
SPEAKER_01: Oh yeah.
26:56
SPEAKER_01: I was thinking if it was one of those really old pencils where the uh the eraser is just a solid rock and it doesn't actually work.
27:02
SPEAKER_01: Just smears the yeah, yeah, yeah.
27:04
SPEAKER_01: Just this this eraser is three decades old.
27:08
unknown: It doesn't work anymore.
27:11
SPEAKER_01: Oh gosh.
27:12
SPEAKER_01: Wait, if you did that, but also for absolutely no reason, you had some um graphite, uh gosh, what is it where you go to the um cemetery and you um oh yeah, like the graphite like the charcoal like thing.
27:25
SPEAKER_01: You you do the like the the rubbings.
27:27
SPEAKER_01: You have some of those in the back there, and then then they want, but they're from different cemeteries.
27:32
unknown: Oh my god.
27:33
SPEAKER_01: And they're like, why are these from different cemeteries?
27:36
SPEAKER_01: Just fill the car with pencil-related red herrings.
27:39
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
27:39
SPEAKER_01: Extra um extra toppers, but they're not erasers.
27:43
SPEAKER_01: They're the overpriced, like little googly monsters that you got from the arcade store that took you 87,000 tokens or tickets to get, but god damn, it was work it worth it because he had the little arms that would go out.
27:57
SPEAKER_01: Oh my god.
27:59
unknown: Get all those.
28:00
Eric: And then I think to like to put a button on this caper.
28:03
Eric: What you do is you are also the person you you flee the car, you leave the pencil in there, but then you immediately change clothes, walk back to the scene of the crime, and start giving the the least helpful testimony possible to all of the law enforcement officers.
28:19
Eric: And then when they ask you for your information, you're like, oh, here, let me write it down for you.
28:23
Eric: You pull out a pencil.
28:25
SPEAKER_01: And it's one of those things where it's it's oh, you wait, you pull out the from your pocket, you somehow pull out the pencil from the seat in the car with the googly eyes in front of the officer to then write down your phone number or whatever information.
28:43
SPEAKER_01: Perfect.
28:43
Eric: That that seems pretty much.
28:45
SPEAKER_01: You went tampered, you tampered with a crime scene or an LEO or something.
28:49
SPEAKER_01: I mean, yeah.
28:50
Eric: You created so much more paperwork.
28:52
Eric: So much goddamn paperwork.
28:54
Eric: And then make sure when they do inevitably arrest you, just make sure you represent yourself.
28:59
Eric: Uh, make this a headache for everyone in the legal system.
29:02
Eric: Yeah, I was gonna hire the pencil, but yes.
29:05
Eric: Yeah, this, yeah.
29:06
Eric: You're your your your lawyer is the pencil.
29:09
Eric: Yeah, the pencil represents me in in in all things.
29:13
Eric: This is my my my number two counsel.
29:16
Eric: My number one's having a baby.
29:21
Eric: Sick.
29:22
Eric: All right, yeah.
29:23
SPEAKER_01: Two already.
29:24
Eric: I know.
29:25
Eric: Honestly, let's uh let me look at the question here.
29:27
Eric: That's just for shiggles.
29:29
Eric: Shiggles, like let's knock, let's knock out a third.
29:32
Eric: Okay.
29:33
Eric: Since this is sure, since this is uh uh yeah, since this is a a Zacky D cohost episode, I have another Zachy D question here in the queue.
29:42
Eric: It's been here for a while, and I've been interested in it.
29:45
Eric: Okay.
29:45
Eric: Matt, I guess hated it, didn't like me.
29:49
Eric: I you know, he's not here, so I guess whatever conjecture we have, that's what we have to go with.
29:56
Eric: Um, what would you do if you saw an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
30:03
SPEAKER_01: I don't even ever remember submitting this.
30:06
SPEAKER_01: It's it when I say it's been in this queue, it's been in the queue for a minute.
30:11
SPEAKER_01: Oh, okay.
30:12
SPEAKER_01: An endangered animal eating an endangered plant.
30:16
SPEAKER_01: What would I do?
30:17
Eric: I guess we we assume what like for the sake of because for the sake of uh because my first my brain immediately wants to go, well, what animal and what plant?
30:27
Eric: Because like certain, you know, certain animals might be more endangered than certain plants.
30:31
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, what level of endangerment is there?
30:34
SPEAKER_01: Because there is technically extinction with animals that are still alive, they're just not gonna ever reproduce.
30:40
SPEAKER_01: Like which whatever tortoise that is, it's like the last one or two.
30:45
Eric: Let's say, let's say, for the sake of of keep making this a true trolley problem, yes, that we are we are seeing the last, like, you know that threshold that animal like there has to be a certain number of animals in order to like have any chance of repopulating them.
31:02
Eric: Yes.
31:02
Eric: Let's say if this animal dies, we are now below that threshold, the species will die out.
31:09
Eric: Uh-huh.
31:09
Eric: And it is the last of those plants.
31:13
Eric: And the plant, let's say it can self-propagate, whatever, like it if it's left alone, it can self-pollinate and spread, but yeah.
31:21
Eric: So like they're truly, if in this situation, if either one of them is injured, destroyed, what have you, uh that's coitance.
31:30
SPEAKER_01: Well, I guess it does well, okay.
31:33
SPEAKER_01: So Cynic in me goes, how important are the animal and the plant?
31:39
SPEAKER_01: I guess.
31:39
Eric: At that point, we ask Yeah, we ask, like, hey, does it help us?
31:42
Eric: Like, is there a medical benefit to either of these things?
31:45
Eric: Like, do these is it the last mosquito?
31:48
Eric: Yeah.
31:48
Eric: How much do I give a fuck?
31:50
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I mean, because you know what?
31:51
SPEAKER_01: I can find other bugs to feed spiders.
31:53
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
31:54
SPEAKER_01: I can do that.
31:55
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
31:55
SPEAKER_01: All right.
31:56
SPEAKER_01: So I think we have to take it that we don't want to use we don't want to lose either one.
32:02
SPEAKER_01: No, ideally.
32:03
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
32:04
SPEAKER_01: Because either they're really useful or they're just so damn cute.
32:07
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
32:08
SPEAKER_01: Cute.
32:09
SPEAKER_01: I I'm guessing the animal's cute and the plant is useful, but uh, it could be either or.
32:13
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
32:13
SPEAKER_01: I'm not gonna yuck people's yums if they find an attractive plant.
32:17
SPEAKER_01: Can't not, it's up to you.
32:20
SPEAKER_01: No, picture plant in a certain light.
32:22
SPEAKER_01: Or the dark.
32:23
SPEAKER_01: Or the or the dark.
32:25
SPEAKER_01: Neither one.
32:26
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
32:27
SPEAKER_01: Gosh.
32:27
SPEAKER_01: Um is there a way to think about this rationally before we do what we normally do on this show?
32:34
Eric: Yeah.
32:35
SPEAKER_01: Is there a way that we are gonna be able to let that animal do a little nibbling?
32:41
SPEAKER_01: You can bite, you can give it a little bite, a little taste, all right?
32:45
SPEAKER_01: And then we coax it away somehow.
32:49
SPEAKER_01: We get let let it get get that little tasty, you know, that it needs, because I'm sure it's famished, and then we just coax it away.
32:57
SPEAKER_01: Are we give it a shoe?
32:59
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, go on.
33:00
SPEAKER_01: Go on, get go on get.
33:02
Eric: Yeah.
33:03
Eric: I think that's pretty reasonable.
33:05
Eric: Let it eat the endangered plant a little bit.
33:08
Eric: Like just enough.
33:09
Eric: Just a bit.
33:10
Eric: Eat some leaves.
33:11
Eric: Just a tip.
33:12
Eric: Yeah.
33:13
Eric: If it starts going for the roots, though, that's when we have to like throw a tin can at it or something.
33:20
SPEAKER_01: That's what I do.
33:20
SPEAKER_01: Whenever I'm wandering around with endangered animals, I have an empty tin can just in case.
33:25
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
33:25
Eric: In fact, I I just realized we might be able to.
33:28
Eric: I'm gonna do some Google food.
33:30
Eric: What is the most endangered animal?
33:34
Eric: Most endangered animal is the uh.
33:39
Eric: I know.
33:40
SPEAKER_01: Maybe we should do something about this, Eric.
33:42
SPEAKER_01: Oh my god, I'm scrolling.
33:43
SPEAKER_01: They just keep going, Jesus.
33:45
SPEAKER_01: Stop dying.
33:47
SPEAKER_01: Or hurry up and do it so we don't have to worry about them.
33:51
SPEAKER_01: God, they're so needy, these endangered animals.
33:54
SPEAKER_01: So, okay.
33:55
Eric: So so I keep seeing this scenes here.
33:57
Eric: The vaquita.
33:59
Eric: The vaquita.
34:00
Eric: The vaquita is widely considered the most endangered animal in the world.
34:04
Eric: Let me pull up.
34:06
Eric: The vaquita.
34:06
Eric: What is that?
34:07
Eric: The vaquita?
34:08
Eric: Oh, it is like the cutest fucking dolphin thing.
34:12
Eric: Oh, that thing's adorable.
34:14
Eric: Oh my goodness.
34:16
Eric: That is pain.
34:17
SPEAKER_01: That look at that.
34:18
SPEAKER_01: It is just a baby dolphin.
34:21
SPEAKER_01: Like it is good.
34:23
SPEAKER_01: This is what Matt gets to look forward to.
34:25
Eric: Oh man, yeah.
34:27
Eric: I holy crap, that thing is cute.
34:30
Eric: It's an audio medium.
34:31
SPEAKER_01: A por a purpose, uh, porpoise endemic to the northern end of the Gulf of California in Baja California in Mexico.
34:40
SPEAKER_01: Describe that.
34:42
Eric: It is it is the smallest of it is the smallest of all living uh cetaceans, which includes whales and dolphins.
34:51
Eric: So it's the smallest, cutest dolphin.
34:54
Eric: Okay.
34:55
Eric: So so let keep that in your mind's eye.
34:58
Eric: Okay.
34:58
Eric: Now, what is the most endangered plant?
35:03
SPEAKER_01: Let's hope for something on land, because then this this scenario never happens.
35:07
SPEAKER_01: Oh, oh, this is good.
35:08
SPEAKER_01: The loneliest palm.
35:14
Eric: That was my nickname in high school.
35:16
Eric: This is an actual name.
35:18
Eric: Uh Hyaphorbe Americalis, also known as the loneliest palm, a species of palm tree.
35:27
Eric: Ah.
35:28
Eric: Okay.
35:28
Eric: It is found exclusively on the island of Mauritis, and only a single surviving specimen has been documented.
35:38
Eric: So it is on an island.
35:40
Eric: It oh, yeah.
35:41
Eric: So we're we're and it's in the Indian Ocean.
35:46
Eric: Wait, where vaquete is typically found and down to the Gulf of California.
35:49
SPEAKER_01: California and Baja, California, Mexico.
35:52
Eric: Okay.
35:53
Eric: So hypothetically speaking, we see this, we see this adorable fucking dolphin way outside of its waters.
36:04
SPEAKER_01: That would explain why it's so hungry.
36:05
Eric: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
36:07
Eric: It's starting, and and and the loneliest palm is is let's say it's sitting, you know, pretty pretty close to the beach, and this dolphin's just flopped up adorably trying to eat it.
36:20
Eric: Oh man, now we're dealing with a double conundrum.
36:22
Eric: Because at first you're like, well, we gotta get that dolphin back in the water.
36:25
Eric: Yeah.
36:25
Eric: But the dolphin is starving.
36:27
Eric: The dolphin needs sustenance.
36:29
Eric: And the loneliest palm, the only palm tree around is this last palm tree.
36:36
Eric: It's gotta be it.
36:37
Eric: It's gotta be honest to God, Zach.
36:40
Eric: I'm just gonna say it.
36:41
Eric: Like, I know they say don't judge a book by its cover, but it's the cutest, fucking most adorable little it has a pug face.
36:49
Eric: It is like a pug-faced dolphin up against a fucking palm tree.
36:54
Eric: And I mean, we do have palm trees.
36:56
Eric: We got other palm trees.
36:57
Eric: Let me look up.
36:58
Eric: I'm gonna see if there's any like anything that's like, is this this is palm tree cure cancer?
37:04
Eric: Because why hasn't it?
37:06
Eric: The Vaquita is curing me just by looking at it.
37:09
Eric: I mean, I feel better.
37:11
SPEAKER_01: I feel I feel happy.
37:12
SPEAKER_01: Let's see.
37:13
SPEAKER_01: I bet your back is like at least 10% better now.
37:17
SPEAKER_01: I can I can feel the muscles unstraining themselves.
37:22
Eric: The power of the vaquita.
37:24
Eric: Yeah.
37:24
Eric: Oh man, I'm looking.
37:25
Eric: Oh, but here, god damn.
37:27
Eric: I'm looking at a picture of the palm tree.
37:28
Eric: It's literally being held up by like scaffolding.
37:33
SPEAKER_01: Oh, it's a Charlie Brown tree.
37:35
SPEAKER_01: It's a Charlie Brown palm tree.
37:38
SPEAKER_01: Oh no, that makes it cute.
37:40
SPEAKER_01: That makes it cute.
37:42
SPEAKER_00: Zach, why did you do this to us?
37:45
SPEAKER_01: Oh gosh, I was hoping to do it to you and Matt.
37:48
SPEAKER_01: That's why I slipped it up too.
37:51
SPEAKER_01: Oh, it is being yelled up by its athletic.
37:54
Eric: Yup, and there it is.
37:56
Eric: Look at that little guy go.
37:57
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
37:58
SPEAKER_01: Um no, and I'm as I'm going through photos, I can see that some photos it has more uh palm leaves, and in others it's got less.
38:09
SPEAKER_01: Oh no, Eric.
38:11
SPEAKER_01: Oh no, it's losing its palms.
38:14
SPEAKER_01: Wait, that's good.
38:15
SPEAKER_01: We can take one and give it to the heat.
38:19
Eric: That's what we do.
38:19
Eric: That's what we do.
38:20
Eric: We we take a palm from we take, we reach out, we grasp the loneliest palm, and we we we give it to the fucking the cutest, most precious little dolphin on earth.
38:33
Eric: I do.
38:33
Eric: And then we send it on its way.
38:35
Eric: I think so.
38:36
Eric: I think that's a win for everybody.
38:38
Eric: And yeah, and I think what I think is that the the media the this would be a media sensation.
38:44
Eric: I'm I'm trying to think of branding.
38:46
Eric: How do we spin this to the benefit of both creatures?
38:48
Eric: People will want to know, people want to be there, they'll want to see the loneliest palm.
38:52
Eric: They'll want to say they be they they saw the loneliest palm and the and the cutest, cuddliest little dolphin.
38:59
unknown: Gosh.
39:00
Eric: Uh so what we do is how do we leverage that into conservation efforts?
39:05
SPEAKER_01: We have we create a fun pop.
39:07
SPEAKER_01: Oh, a funko pop.
39:08
SPEAKER_01: A funko pop of the doll and the fern together on the like on the island.
39:14
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
39:15
SPEAKER_01: All right.
39:16
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
39:16
SPEAKER_01: And and I think we uh, you know, a portion of of the sails go to uh nature conservation and helping to find a way to help the loneliest palm be less lonely, maybe get a Lorax or something to come on over and and do something.
39:34
SPEAKER_01: He speaks for the trees, so you do maybe maybe something with him and um and then you know uh it can it can go and it can spread word knowledge and you know also help pay for riverside for you guys.
39:48
SPEAKER_01: Oh, that's a good idea.
39:50
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
39:50
Eric: I I I love this.
39:52
Eric: So yeah, so folks, you know, today take a moment.
39:57
Eric: Yeah, and and Matt, just just if you could throw in in the arms of an angel, we can't afford it.
40:03
Eric: Yeah, as much as we're legally allowed to play.
40:08
Eric: Dolphins, cute little dolphins need your help.
40:10
Eric: They do.
40:11
Eric: Vaquitas need your help.
40:12
Eric: Uh, the loneliest palm needs your help.
40:14
Eric: I'm so lonely.
40:16
Eric: So do what you can today.
40:17
Eric: Donate today.
40:18
Eric: Is there any sort of is there a GoFundMe for this tree?
40:22
SPEAKER_01: Okay, we should we gotta create one.
40:25
Eric: We I think we need to make a GoFundMe for the for this for this set this this lonely, lonely tree.
40:31
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
40:31
Eric: Gang, just go Google the Vaquita, V-A-Q-U-I-T-A.
40:36
Eric: Google it now.
40:37
Eric: You're welcome.
40:38
Eric: You're welcome, Matt.
40:39
SPEAKER_01: You're welcome.
40:41
SPEAKER_01: Matt, if you could put a um a sound effect of what the vaquita sounds like right here, that would be great.
40:47
Eric: Yeah.
40:47
SPEAKER_01: And if you if you can't find it, just make one up.
40:49
SPEAKER_01: Make up what you think the cutest dolphin on earth would sound like.
40:52
SPEAKER_01: Matt, you we know you are a thespian, a very skilled actor.
40:56
SPEAKER_01: If you can't find one, I know you, you, sir, can make a noise.
41:01
Eric: I'm picturing like like a dolphin sound, but somehow it has a lisp.
41:07
Eric: And you're like, it needs to sound pathetic.
41:16
Eric: It needs it needs to sound you just want to cry and hold it and squeeze its little face.
41:21
SPEAKER_01: Oh, God, that's how I feel about Matt.
41:27
Eric: Speaking of of crying and little faces, uh, I came out with a with a with a closing segment today.
41:36
Eric: Okay.
41:36
Eric: I'm calling Name That Baby.
41:38
Eric: Matt has not told anyone what he's gonna name his kid.
41:43
Eric: Oh, yes.
41:44
Eric: Matt has told us that he's gonna be a boy.
41:47
Eric: We know this much.
41:48
Eric: But Zach, both of us, I'd say we're I would consider Matt Shea a friend.
41:53
SPEAKER_01: Um I do.
41:54
SPEAKER_01: I consider him a friend.
41:55
SPEAKER_01: I don't know if he considers me a friend, but I consider him a friend.
41:58
SPEAKER_00: Zachy D has a friend in me.
42:01
Eric: Knowing what we know of Matt, what would we name that baby?
42:04
Eric: Oh I my my first my first gut instinct is a boy is name the kid Samuel.
42:09
Eric: Samuel Shea?
42:10
Eric: Sam Shea.
42:11
Eric: I think I think that works.
42:12
Eric: I I I may have had this conversation with Matt about like he obviously won't tell me the baby's name until the baby's born.
42:19
Eric: Yes.
42:20
Eric: But naming him for Samuel Beckett, one of Matt's favorite playwrights of all time.
42:25
Eric: Sam Shea is good.
42:27
Eric: He if you give me name him Samuel like Alan Shea, then his his initials are SAS.
42:36
SPEAKER_01: Um You know, I uh first before I I dive down this this uh rabbit hole of of names, uh good on you, Matt, and your um and your lovely wife for um sticking true to your grounds.
42:47
SPEAKER_01: And you tell people when you're damn near ready.
42:50
SPEAKER_01: Don't let people uh goat you into it and be like, well, I want to know the kids' name.
42:55
SPEAKER_01: I'm the I'm this person to you, I'm that person to you.
42:58
SPEAKER_01: No, we are the parents and we will tell you when we're damn good and ready.
43:02
SPEAKER_01: And we my wife, my wife and I did that uh with both of our kids, which um which did not do wonders for people in my family, but you know what?
43:12
SPEAKER_01: I don't care.
43:13
SPEAKER_01: Oh, were people pissed?
43:15
SPEAKER_01: Oh, I there were there were a number of people.
43:18
SPEAKER_01: I'll tell you Really, Eric.
43:20
SPEAKER_01: I will tell you the story off mic afterwards.
43:24
SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
43:24
SPEAKER_01: Off mic on God?
43:25
SPEAKER_01: Uh off mic on God.
43:27
SPEAKER_01: Oh yeah.
43:28
SPEAKER_01: It's uh it's an interesting one.
43:29
SPEAKER_01: I will do that.
43:31
SPEAKER_01: Uh Matthew.
43:32
Eric: Yeah, yeah.
43:33
Eric: And also it has the secondary benefit of creating such a space for me to wildly speculate.
43:39
Eric: Because I will never pressure them to tell me the name, but I will wildly speculate about the child's name.
43:43
SPEAKER_01: And and also coming up with a name that you can also um you know shorten uh so that it makes something.
43:50
SPEAKER_01: So like my son's name is uh Declan.
43:53
SPEAKER_01: Um and what a good also good name.
43:56
SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
43:56
SPEAKER_01: That is that is a that's a captain's name.
43:59
SPEAKER_01: We uh Captain Deckman.
44:01
SPEAKER_01: And both uh his mother and I work in radio.
44:05
SPEAKER_01: So we are DJ's on-air personalities.
44:09
SPEAKER_01: So we gave him his middle name named after his uncle, which begins with a J, and our last name is D as well.
44:16
SPEAKER_01: So he he could go by DJ if he wanted to.
44:20
SPEAKER_01: Nice.
44:21
SPEAKER_01: Which we've always we've left it up to him if he ever wanted to do that.
44:24
SPEAKER_01: But we we thought about that and said, oh, that's kind of cute to do that.
44:28
SPEAKER_01: Um but he can go by Declan, he can go by DJ, he can do whatever it is that he would like to do.
44:33
SPEAKER_01: Um I like Grayson.
44:36
Eric: Grayson is a good name.
44:38
Eric: I like Grayson.
44:39
Eric: Also name of one of the greatest sidekicks of all time.
44:44
SPEAKER_01: Very true.
44:44
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, very true.
44:46
SPEAKER_01: Uh I've always liked that as a good um a good name, which Matthew should um should definitely think about.
44:52
Eric: One of my favorite, I can't have children, snip snip, but I went when I was younger and I thought I might have them one day, Alistair was a name I always liked.
45:02
Eric: Alistair.
45:03
Eric: Alistair.
45:04
Eric: Or Al.
45:04
Eric: Al for short.
45:05
Eric: Al, Al for sure.
45:06
Eric: Alistair Poach.
45:07
Eric: Al Poach.
45:08
Eric: That'd be nice.
45:09
unknown: Yeah, yeah.
45:10
SPEAKER_01: What if we went kind of old school?
45:12
SPEAKER_01: Like, what about a good Bartholomew?
45:15
SPEAKER_01: Ooh, Bartholomew Shea?
45:17
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
45:18
Eric: Bartholomew.
45:19
Eric: I I like that too because when they have a one-syllable last name, it gives you the space to have like a little bit a little bit of breathing room on the first name, so you can really feel that.
45:33
Eric: Bartholomew, um Gregory Shea.
45:37
Eric: Oh, yes.
45:38
Eric: Uh oh, what other I love, I love a good classic name.
45:43
Eric: Um, Amadeus.
45:44
Eric: Ooh, Amadeus is a good one.
45:46
Eric: Rock me Amadeus.
45:48
Eric: Amadeus Shea rolls off the tongue.
45:50
Eric: Honestly, I do kind of like Amadeus.
45:52
SPEAKER_01: I like I like Cornelius, but I don't know if that goes with Shea.
45:55
SPEAKER_01: Cornelius Shea?
45:56
SPEAKER_01: Cornelius Shea.
45:58
Eric: Could name him Tobias.
46:00
Eric: Oh, because then if he ever wants to shorten it to call him, call him two, because then it's Touche.
46:06
SPEAKER_01: Ah.
46:07
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
46:08
SPEAKER_01: Clever.
46:09
SPEAKER_01: I like that.
46:10
SPEAKER_01: What if we did like, oh gosh, what would a good middle name be?
46:14
Eric: Um I do theorize my headcanon is that Matt's gonna he's gonna have Matt's name as his middle name.
46:19
Eric: I think it's gonna be Bata Matthews.
46:21
Eric: Maybe.
46:22
Eric: Bathalamu Matthews?
46:24
Eric: It could be.
46:25
Eric: But barring that.
46:26
SPEAKER_01: What about like something like uh gosh, uh Theodore Van McCormick-Shea or something like just you can really like swing for the fences with the code?
46:38
Eric: You can just go crazy.
46:40
Eric: Yeah, my my personal belief is like middle name is is it it's like the pocket square in a three-piece suit.
46:45
Eric: You do whatever you want with that.
46:46
Eric: You go nuts with that.
46:48
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
46:49
SPEAKER_01: Methuselah.
46:51
SPEAKER_01: Ooh, Methuselah.
46:52
SPEAKER_01: Methuselah.
46:53
SPEAKER_01: Ooh, that'd be a good one.
46:54
SPEAKER_01: That's like that is old school.
46:56
SPEAKER_01: That is political.
46:57
SPEAKER_01: That's that's about to say, that's another world ago.
47:00
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
47:02
SPEAKER_01: If you want to go old school names, Methuselah.
47:05
SPEAKER_01: Now what if Gidul Gamesh.
47:06
SPEAKER_01: Girl Gamesh.
47:07
SPEAKER_01: What if he um now with our with our daughter, um Brielle, we named, we gave her a middle name uh Ray, but we spelled it as of Ray from Star Wars because we were we liked the the sound of it, uh, but we wanted to have a little bit of a geeky spin on it.
47:30
SPEAKER_01: So we ended up going that way.
47:32
SPEAKER_01: Is there something that Matt could incorporate from one of his uh I mean, we've talked about some of the greats and uh you know of theater and writing, but something a bit more modern.
47:44
Eric: Yeah, what does my geeky boy love?
47:47
Eric: Because to be clear, Matt Shea is a dork.
47:50
Eric: He's just a dork about different things than I am.
47:54
Eric: And some very similar.
47:56
SPEAKER_01: Yes, yes.
47:57
SPEAKER_01: What if we just called him Riker but spelled it with a Y?
48:00
SPEAKER_01: Ooh.
48:01
SPEAKER_01: Ooh, I like that.
48:02
SPEAKER_01: I hope the kid comes out with a beard.
48:05
SPEAKER_01: After one year.
48:06
Eric: After one year, after you have to get through season one.
48:09
SPEAKER_01: And then the beard just and bam.
48:11
SPEAKER_01: And then every time he he he riker maneuvers a chair, whenever he sits down at the uh at the kitchen table in his high chair, just Oh, oh yeah, just does the leg over.
48:21
Eric: Just a leg over, you know, when he sits down at the table.
48:24
Eric: Matt does, I I I say this without a hint of without a hint of irony.
48:28
Eric: Matt has big Riker energy.
48:30
Eric: Oh, yes.
48:32
Eric: And Matt, that is is such a compliment.
48:34
Eric: Watch, God, watch TNG so you can know how good of a boy you are.
48:38
Eric: Again, I am culturally aware.
48:40
Eric: Oh man, yeah.
48:41
Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
48:42
Eric: Riker Riker's just also a good name.
48:45
Eric: Riker Shea.
48:46
Eric: Mm-hmm.
48:46
Eric: Like that, that that hits.
48:48
Eric: If I was Matt Shea and Dr.
48:52
Eric: Lindsay R.
48:53
Eric: Bar PhD, and I was bringing forth a child into this world, and I said, This will be the child's name, William actually comes to mind.
49:05
Eric: Billy Shea?
49:07
SPEAKER_01: You could go Billy Joel.
49:09
SPEAKER_01: Oh, oh, yeah.
49:10
SPEAKER_01: So there you go.
49:11
SPEAKER_01: There's that connection.
49:12
SPEAKER_01: William Joel Shea.
49:13
SPEAKER_01: William Joel Shea.
49:16
SPEAKER_01: Would he get in trouble?
49:17
SPEAKER_01: I mean, that's not a compliment.
49:18
Eric: I I think the only people getting in trouble are me and you because I think we just cracked this whole thing wide up.
49:25
SPEAKER_01: Oh no, we ruined it for him.
49:26
SPEAKER_01: Billy Joel Shay.
49:28
SPEAKER_01: Could you imagine?
49:29
SPEAKER_01: Matt, we didn't know that that was your secret.
49:32
SPEAKER_01: We we're sorry.
49:33
SPEAKER_01: We didn't mean to put your shit out there.
49:35
SPEAKER_01: Ah.
49:36
SPEAKER_01: Our bad.
49:37
SPEAKER_01: By your shit, we mean your son's name.
49:41
SPEAKER_01: Uh yeah.
49:42
SPEAKER_01: Technically, you're yeah, yeah.
49:44
Eric: You and Lindsay's metaphorical beloved, beautiful shit.
49:53
SPEAKER_01: Your spawn.
49:55
Eric: Uh I always like Cassius as well.
49:58
Eric: Oh, Cassius.
49:59
Eric: I I'm a fool for like old like Roman name, like Ajax, Cassius.
50:04
Eric: Cassius Wolfbane Shea.
50:06
Eric: Oh, oh, bad.
50:09
Eric: Do you want the kid to conquer this planet?
50:11
Eric: Because with a name like that, how you do that.
50:14
Eric: Alexander.
50:15
Eric: Oh.
50:15
SPEAKER_00: Like, oh Alexander Leonidas Shea?
50:20
SPEAKER_00: Ho ho.
50:21
SPEAKER_00: Are you not entertained?
50:25
Eric: So fun fact.
50:27
Eric: I uh because they uh because Alyssa was gone for Cowboy Prom, I had the house to myself and and I played video games.
50:33
Eric: But I also do what I do whenever Alyssa's out of the house.
50:36
Eric: I watch war movies.
50:37
Eric: Because my beloved does not like does not like watching violent, gritty war movies.
50:44
Eric: Uh so whenever she's out of the house, I'm like, ooh, time to dust off band of brothers.
50:49
Eric: Or but but this time when she was gone, I watched Troy.
50:53
Eric: Oh yes.
50:53
Eric: It was between Troy and Gladiator.
50:55
Eric: I was I was feeling I was God, I'm 36 years old.
51:00
Eric: I still need to watch the sequel to Gladiator.
51:02
Eric: Oh yeah, I have not seen it either.
51:04
Eric: Oh, but well, the sequel to Gladiator is Matt Shea's progeny.
51:08
Eric: True.
51:09
Eric: That kid that that that kid will uh will rule us all.
51:14
Eric: Xerxes.
51:19
Eric: Xerxes is such a like it not anyone can pull off a Xerxes.
51:24
Eric: No, but I think I think Matt Shea and Dr.
51:27
SPEAKER_01: Lindsay are barbed.
51:28
SPEAKER_01: I believe so.
51:29
SPEAKER_01: I'm sure that I'm sure that Dr.
51:31
SPEAKER_01: Lindsay is totally on board with everything.
51:33
Eric: Oh, uh everything she says.
51:34
Eric: Like all we've been saying is just names they're like, oh no, we can't, you know, like but they they've all been heavily considered, I'm sure.
51:41
Eric: Uh yes.
51:42
SPEAKER_01: Um, well, I think that about it does it.
51:47
SPEAKER_01: The only other one I can think of.
51:49
SPEAKER_01: Oh.
51:50
SPEAKER_01: There's only one more.
51:52
SPEAKER_01: And there's a reason.
51:54
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
51:54
SPEAKER_01: Name your son Gotham.
51:57
SPEAKER_01: And then in the middle of the night, your wife can lean over and whisper in your ear, Gotham needs you.
52:07
SPEAKER_00: Oh my god.
52:09
unknown: Yes.
52:10
SPEAKER_00: Gotham is actually a kick-ass name.
52:13
Eric: I would, if I met someone's like, Hi, my name's Gotham.
52:16
Eric: I'm like, tight, goth for short, badass.
52:21
Eric: My wife didn't go for it, but maybe, maybe Dr.
52:23
Eric: Lindsay will.
52:24
Eric: What this is my follow-up question for you.
52:26
Eric: Did you have, when you, when you were picking out baby names, did you have any sort of guiding ethos in terms of we will never name our kids?
52:36
Eric: What are your we're never gonna name our kids this?
52:40
SPEAKER_01: Um, so there were some family suggestions.
52:43
SPEAKER_01: And again, on on the um on the Discord, which you can join for a dollar a month.
52:50
SPEAKER_01: Or if you really want to help feed Matt's baby four dollars a month, look at this man.
52:54
SPEAKER_01: Look at this.
52:55
SPEAKER_01: Because then you get access not just to the Discord, but then you also get oops, all tangents, and you get to experience everything on the Discord.
53:06
SPEAKER_01: Ah, God, the bonus stuff is so good.
53:08
SPEAKER_01: Anyways, I'm sorry, I'm tangenting.
53:09
Eric: Never apologize for for for shilling for our Patreon, then you, you absolute angel.
53:20
SPEAKER_01: So we were given some uh family names that some of the uh family members wanted to suggest, and they were flat out, you know, when they said them to my wife and I.
53:31
SPEAKER_01: It was a hmm, no, don't like that one.
53:35
SPEAKER_01: And also part of why we didn't announce our son's name or our daughter's name until we were ready.
53:43
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
53:43
SPEAKER_01: We also wanted to see them because uh, you know, not everyone wants to be a parent, needs to be a parent.
53:49
SPEAKER_01: You don't have kids?
53:50
SPEAKER_01: Fie you, do you?
53:52
SPEAKER_01: Whatever makes you happy, you live your best life.
53:54
SPEAKER_01: But my wife and I wanted kids.
53:56
SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
53:56
SPEAKER_01: And we felt that we wanted to see our children to go, yes, that is Declan.
54:04
SPEAKER_01: Yes, that is Brie.
54:06
SPEAKER_01: You know, that we got to see them and hold them.
54:10
SPEAKER_01: And we had strong feelings and inklings going into it of, yeah, we're we're leaning Declan, we're leaning leaning Brielle.
54:17
SPEAKER_01: But then when you see them and you hold them and you're like, Yep, that this is the right name, then we just knew.
54:23
SPEAKER_01: So that that's really how we went about it.
54:25
SPEAKER_01: But there were a number of names, and I unfortunately cannot remember them, but they were some of the older school family names, nothing that was like Gertrude, but there was something that was like, nope, not gonna name my son that or my daughter that.
54:43
SPEAKER_01: Um, and again, what you know, if anyone wanted to know the names and then you started to tell them, they're just gonna direct you and be like, oh, you don't want to name them that.
54:51
Eric: No, fuck you.
54:52
Eric: Maybe I do.
54:53
Eric: Maybe the second you can tell someone what you're you're thinking of naming, this is the second they're gonna give you their opinion.
54:58
Eric: Yeah.
54:59
Eric: And then that gets in your head.
55:00
Eric: I think you guys did it absolutely correctly.
55:02
Eric: And and and also good on you for way.
55:05
Eric: Like, I love that concept of like you must hold like holding the kid here, you're like, Yep, yep, we know now.
55:11
Eric: We we that's hell yeah.
55:13
Eric: Cheers, my friend.
55:15
SPEAKER_01: Oh, thank you.
55:15
SPEAKER_01: We do we did know the sex beforehand that we did want to know, and other people I know didn't, and that's fine.
55:21
SPEAKER_01: Again, you do you however you want to do it, but we wanted to just have the shopping down uh, you know, for everything that we needed.
55:29
SPEAKER_01: It was like, let's just prepare.
55:31
SPEAKER_01: Uh, but hey, some people like rolling the dice.
55:33
SPEAKER_01: Good on you.
55:35
Eric: And speaking of rolling the dice, gang, you roll the dice every time you listen to our podcast, and God, we hope we deliver.
55:44
Eric: We hope, we hope, we hope we're coming up sevens, baby.
55:47
Eric: Ah uh, and and and Zach, thank you again so much for stepping in to to to be be my co-host while Matt is off tending to his lovely, amazing, perfect wife and and soon-to-be newborn babe.
56:05
SPEAKER_01: Being being the best, best dad and husband that he can right now.
56:08
SPEAKER_01: He's read all those books.
56:10
SPEAKER_01: He knows what he knows exactly what to do.
56:12
SPEAKER_01: He's been watching Hallmark, he knows what not to do.
56:15
SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
56:16
Eric: He's Matt, and and I'm gonna say this, and I I know you can hear what I'm saying.
56:20
Eric: Matt's gonna be a fucking awesome.
56:23
SPEAKER_01: Of course he is.
56:23
Eric: I the number of conversations I've had with mutual friends recently uh about Matt have mostly been about how fucking kick-ass of a dad he's gonna be.
56:32
SPEAKER_01: Well, he's a kick-ass person, so all he's gonna do, he and his lovely wife are just gonna make kick-ass little humans.
56:37
Eric: Yeah, that I mean, that's just that's what they like they're like those two.
56:41
Eric: I worry about so much in my life and in the world.
56:45
Eric: Those two being parents, not even on the list.
56:48
SPEAKER_01: That's science baby right there, genetics.
56:50
SPEAKER_01: Science.
56:51
Eric: Uh, but folks, and this is the weirdest part for me, because I'm about to do the business.
56:58
Eric: Oh folks, we've mentioned the Patreon.
57:02
Eric: Patreon.com slash you didn't ask for this.
57:04
Eric: Subscribe today.
57:05
Eric: But folks, we we meaning me and Zach, and eventually Matt again, we need your questions.
57:13
Eric: You can email us at you didn't askforthis at gmail.com.
57:17
Eric: You can also send them on Instagram.
57:19
Eric: That's at you didn't ask pod.
57:21
Eric: That's the letter U.
57:23
Eric: And that's the same handle for Facebook, TikTok, wherever you go to Doom Scroll.
57:28
Eric: You can also, come on, Poach.
57:30
Eric: You can do it.
57:31
Eric: You can also call us at the thought line at 410-929-5329.
57:39
Eric: Yes.
57:40
Eric: Yes, yes, keep my whole butt matching.
57:45
Eric: Yes.
57:47
SPEAKER_01: So, yeah, send us your questions today.
57:49
SPEAKER_01: However, it best works for you.
57:51
SPEAKER_01: Um, we we love getting, I know you guys love getting uh voicemails on the thought line.
57:57
Eric: God, real truly, gang, I cannot stress this enough.
58:01
Eric: The thought line is a canvas on which you can paint and just send the most unhinged shit.
58:09
Eric: Doesn't even need to be a question.
58:10
Eric: If it's not offensive, we'll play it on the show.
58:14
Eric: You're offensive enough.
58:15
Eric: Or yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
58:17
Eric: Uh so yeah, so from all of us here, you didn't ask for this.
58:22
Eric: From on behalf of Matt Shea, Dr.
58:24
Eric: Lindsay R.
58:25
Eric: Barr, myself, I'm Americ Poach.
58:28
SPEAKER_01: I'm I'm Zach Deuce and And look, hey, you didn't ask, but gosh, I don't know.
58:34
SPEAKER_01: You you usually do the ramble.
58:36
SPEAKER_01: Am I rambling now?
58:37
SPEAKER_01: Is that ramble on?
58:38
SPEAKER_01: Oh gosh.
58:39
SPEAKER_01: Well, I mean, if there was one thing in this world that I really needed, gosh, it was it was a baby wipe holder.
58:48
SPEAKER_01: You know, like the little heated ones.
58:50
SPEAKER_01: Because then, you know, nothing, nothing makes a baby unhappy like a cold wipe.
58:55
SPEAKER_01: And that's why you gotta you gotta get that, you warm them up, you you plug it in.
58:59
SPEAKER_01: Sometimes we have that little night light.
59:01
SPEAKER_01: Oh, it warms the stuff.
59:03
SPEAKER_01: It warms it up, baby.
59:05
SPEAKER_01: Oh, it is heaven.
59:07
SPEAKER_01: I want that for me.
59:09
SPEAKER_01: I will give you one.