Latest / Rich Fulcher's TalkBox / Alison Spittle: Alison’s Latest Tour, Funeral Smoke Pact, Packed Lunches & Magazine Party I Ep.24

Transcript

Alison Spittle: Alison’s Latest Tour, Funeral Smoke Pact, Packed Lunches & Magazine Party I Ep.24 · Rich Fulcher's TalkBox

0:00
What's a Taco? I don't know.
0:02
What? Oh, hi.
0:04
Rich Fulcher here with Rich Fulcher's talk box.
0:07
I hope you've been watching some of the previous episodes.
0:11
They're very funny and maybe something you want to tell your
0:15
parents about. No, don't tell your parents
0:20
unless they're cool. But anyway, our first guest or
0:24
my guest this episode is Allison Spittle.
0:28
You may have heard of her on the comedy stand up scene.
0:33
She is hilarity and you will love her as I do.
0:39
She sits in that chair. That's why I look down there.
0:41
And so I hope you guys enjoy the episode.
0:44
So sit back, relax, have a box of wine and watch.
1:05
Bolivia. OH, hi, Allison.
1:14
How are you? Did you wash your hands?
1:17
I did it's my hands are moist. Oh, now mine are.
1:20
I know I'm so that's. Great, but it is antibacterial.
1:24
Do you carry around soap everywhere?
1:27
No, I wish I did though I did feel like I needed wipes today.
1:30
That's a COVID thing though, right?
1:33
Because I used to have one of these little bottles of.
1:36
I used to have 12 bottles of really, Yeah.
1:38
And I just threw them out like they no longer serve me.
1:41
But they have alcohol in them now, so you just take a little.
1:44
Yeah, a little hit. Yeah, yeah.
1:46
Clean yourself with inside and the outside.
1:48
Does Allison need to scooch up? I probably probably both, Joe.
1:52
Can you pass me my? It's all gone pear shaped.
2:00
That's so early I. Got.
2:02
It's it was all We run a tight ship, Allison, and then all of a
2:06
sudden you come in without your coffee.
2:09
I really don't talk to me until I've had my coffee.
2:12
Can I just say something? There's a pet peeve in movies
2:15
when people are drinking, but it's it's actually empty.
2:19
You can tell it's empty. They're going.
2:21
Yeah, this is like, like, look, that's good.
2:26
And why? Why do they do that?
2:29
Because they don't want to keep refilling it.
2:31
That was really hard. That was fun though.
2:34
Yeah. We're going to use that as a
2:35
clip as. A clip dude, dude and as a.
2:37
First clip. One clip.
2:39
Kenny. Kenny is my producer.
2:43
Hey Kenny, so I hear that you've been gigging quite a bit for a
2:51
tour. The street, the word, the
2:53
scuttlebutt. Yeah, they're saying.
2:55
Yeah, they're saying. Have you heard Allison Santor?
2:58
Nunzio has been telling me you. Tell Nunzio to shut his fucking
3:02
mouth. Hey Allisons, doing a gig.
3:06
She's gigging everywhere. And yeah, check this out.
3:09
Alison. Spittle Alison, spittle tickets.
3:13
Exactly her Soho run Ireland. You can't.
3:16
You're going to have people scalping on Alison Spittle
3:20
tickets. I don't think I am.
3:22
I think they will be sold via a website like I don't know, I'm
3:26
finding it like do. You have control over the price.
3:29
Do you go? That's too.
3:30
Much or that? No, I have no control.
3:31
That's annoying, isn't it? I don't know.
3:34
Like you've no control over the, I don't know, like I do think, I
3:41
do think, I do think over £25 is too much to see.
3:45
To see anybody. Yeah, although I did.
3:48
See Chris. Rock and I spent £60 on that
3:51
really. I did see a fight as well, so I
3:53
felt like I got my money. In the audience.
3:55
Yeah, man kicked another man in the head and yeah, I.
3:59
Thought that was only in the Senate.
4:01
No, yeah. No, no, no.
4:02
Was that a Chris Rock gig? It was very good.
4:04
Wow, some people do these secret gigs.
4:09
Have you ever heard of those? Like Dave Chappelle did one.
4:12
Oh yeah. Like no one knows.
4:15
The public doesn't know about it.
4:16
You know, I do secret gigs as well.
4:19
Yeah, a lot of people don't know that my gigs are.
4:23
Clip #2 Kenny buy a little way. Come to my filming in Glasgow
4:30
and at the end of this month. So where does the tour start?
4:34
Do you have any control over that I want to start?
4:37
I'm starting 2nd of December in Soho fair until the 6th and then
4:43
then. What a great start do.
4:45
You think so? Yeah, I'm excited about it.
4:48
I like, but I do like. I I love going on tour around
4:52
the UK and I can't wait to. Do you really?
4:56
I do. OK, I don't.
4:58
Like it? No, but do you go on a bus?
5:00
No. Do you go on a train?
5:02
Sometimes a coach if if it's very expensive to get there I'll
5:06
get a coach. I run 4 hours on a coach to
5:10
Cardiff the other day. Is there a spittle team that
5:13
comes around with you? No, it's National Express.
5:17
So it's like a it's a public bus.
5:19
There is no team, no team. It is very unglamorous.
5:22
No publicist. No.
5:23
No manager. No, I have an agent.
5:27
She doesn't come with me. Yeah.
5:29
Yeah, but she doesn't want to get in your head.
5:32
No. No, no, no, she doesn't want to
5:34
be on the coach. Do you have to check in with
5:36
your agent after the gig? Does she go?
5:39
How did it go, Allison? No, sometimes she doesn't text
5:43
me. What is that?
5:45
Do you? Want to this?
5:45
Is. Argument.
5:47
An. Improv community about whether
5:49
you do this as a phone or this because you're actually holding
5:53
you got. To do this because, because a
5:55
close fist would represent to me violence, you know, and you're
6:00
just sucking on your own phone there.
6:01
How did the gig go? Exactly.
6:04
OK, the good go I. Was.
6:06
I was watching something the other day.
6:08
Oh no, I can't say what it was because he's been cancelled.
6:12
What do you mean cancelled? Like societally.
6:14
In prison now, Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it was yeah.
6:18
I can't. About Charlie Manson.
6:21
Not Charlie Manson. No.
6:23
This although I did, I did hear his music when I was in college
6:27
because he's got music. Oh yeah, I heard it wasn't bad.
6:31
No, it wasn't great either. OK, he wanted to get The Beach
6:35
Boys interested. Right.
6:36
He did one of the Wilsons. Not Brian Wilson.
6:39
Dennis. Dennis, Yeah.
6:43
I heard that was a whole weird thing, like he'd show up at
6:46
their house. Oh no.
6:47
And Dennis would be like, what's going on?
6:50
Look, yeah, it's. Creepy.
6:52
Important, but didn't Dennis? I'm going to look up Dennis's
6:56
Wikipedia, OK? Sometimes Wikipedia is wrong.
7:01
Do you think so? Yeah, No, not according to James
7:04
Wales. OK, yeah, but anyway, so you saw
7:08
this. I need a citation for what he
7:09
just said to say. Sometimes Wikipedia is.
7:12
Wrong. Oh no, it's it's spot on.
7:15
But so anyway, you saw this cancelled show.
7:19
It was the So it was a music video.
7:21
It was a series of music videos. It was trapped in a closet by R
7:24
Kelly. Oh, right, right.
7:27
Which I'm not proud of. You can watch it.
7:30
I yeah, I know, I know. But he kept like it's it's a
7:34
very long like it's I got up to chapter.
7:38
Oh, all the chapters. There's 33 chapters.
7:41
Holy crap. And it's the same music
7:43
underneath. And but I, I did notice, I know
7:46
this is like neither here nor there because he is in prison
7:48
there. But I was like, he's raising his
7:50
hand. A lot of times when it comes to
7:52
confrontation with women, there's a lot of like this.
7:55
Every male character is always going shut up.
7:59
That's a telltale sign. It is.
8:02
We are. Look, he was, he was not a good
8:04
man and we should have known that, yeah.
8:08
That is a weird story. It is a weird but that seems to
8:11
gesture that seems to be a gesture of like.
8:13
Stop this argument now. And like if someone, if someone
8:16
did approach me, I was like this, I don't think I would fear
8:20
them if they went like that, I'd fear them.
8:22
Really. This seems to represent like how
8:24
much traction are you actually getting?
8:27
Ellison, get on stage. Yeah, that's it.
8:32
Yeah, so you're starting at Soho, then you're getting right
8:36
on a bus right after the gang. I'm having Christmas and then
8:40
oh. Christmas.
8:42
Christmas who make time for? Christmas, then they'll go.
8:45
How did the gigs go at Soho? That's it, Yeah.
8:49
And then they'll go Merry Christmas.
8:52
Then they'll go Happy New Year. Did they take an active interest
8:55
in your family? In my family career, they do,
9:00
they do. It's kind of cool dog.
9:01
Where is it like Mom I I did this great joke past the
9:04
potatoes. My mom is so sorry.
9:08
That's the microaggression that is a little.
9:10
Bit I shouldn't have said potatoes.
9:13
But then again, that is a big dinner thing, you know, Like it.
9:16
It would be weird for me to deny that the potatoes exist in
9:19
Ireland. No, but I'm the bottom line with
9:22
what? Why I did that was I try to say
9:25
something and I get ignored. Yeah, yeah.
9:28
See by your family. Well, yeah, but that's a long
9:33
story. Oh no, I am.
9:35
I think I am like the third. I'm the middle, I'm the eldest
9:40
child, but I'm the middle child in regards to loudness or like
9:44
attention and stuff like that. Jan Brady.
9:47
Yeah, but I'm cool about it. It's it's fine because I do
9:50
comedy like it's like you get you scratch that itch.
9:54
Why? Why would I want my family to
9:57
absolutely pay attention to me when my job is that anyway?
10:01
So you. Like the attention when you want
10:04
it, but otherwise you're under the radar.
10:07
I like that. Yeah, isn't that the thing with
10:10
a lot of? People introverted, extrovert.
10:12
I think that's me, yeah. I think I'm that.
10:14
Yeah, because when you go to a party, you don't want to be the
10:18
life of the party. No, but you also like I, I used
10:22
to smoke and yes, used to smoke tobacco that that's sweet
10:28
tobacco. But I think I did it so I could
10:31
go outside. Yeah.
10:33
And just be alone for 10 minutes and then go back in.
10:35
But that's actually very social do.
10:38
You think so? People go out together.
10:41
That's true. And strangers talk to each other
10:44
a lot more and there's a lot more community.
10:46
There's a lot more. I don't have a lighter.
10:49
Well, here you go. Yeah.
10:51
You're it takes a village. Now it's vapours.
10:54
I don't nice vape. Mine's pink.
10:57
I have seen people ask for a hit of a vape and I find that very
11:01
intimate. Also like kissing.
11:05
Yeah, because once I saw I was at a festival and my friend
11:08
asked for a hit of a vape and the guy gave to her but he
11:10
didn't let go of the vape. So he's just pointing the vape
11:12
to her mouth and and then she took it and they're making eye
11:16
contact and I'm like, that's. That's a little bit.
11:18
Intimate. That's very intimate.
11:20
For my taste. Yeah, yeah.
11:22
Yeah, yeah, I don't know about that.
11:23
I. Don't know about that, no.
11:25
Draw the line at that. I always draw the line at eye
11:27
contact. I think if you don't make eye
11:29
contact it's it's not intimacy. So why did you quit smoking?
11:33
Because it's bad. For you.
11:34
Oh, right, right. Yeah, sorry, but that is right.
11:37
But I I never vaped and I never will.
11:40
But was it? Was it hard to quit?
11:43
Yeah, yeah, it is hard to quit, idiot.
11:49
I was doing a lot. Of that.
11:52
And how long did it take you to really quit?
11:55
Like when you didn't? Do you crave it still?
11:58
Yeah. And can you get the cigarettes
12:01
out? Imagine and you're going to
12:03
smoke them all. And so and so I, I think
12:08
psychologically you have to say to yourself, you're not a smoker
12:10
anymore. There is a part of me that goes
12:13
if a big relative dies, I'm going back.
12:16
Out right. You know funeral treat myself.
12:20
I'm a big funeral smoker or a festival smoker, right?
12:24
You know, so you'll do the occasional.
12:26
Yeah, right. I do that too when it's, you
12:30
know, you're around some people smoking and you've had a few.
12:35
People that are smoking that you have a cigarette off them.
12:38
I don't want them to feel left out exactly, but we're very
12:41
annoying. That's so cool.
12:42
That's annoying to people that really smoke.
12:46
Yeah, I'm gonna have. A little one.
12:48
I always buy my friend the one. I have one friend, Sakisa, that
12:52
I take a lot of cigarettes off and I just bought her a full
12:55
pack of cigarettes the other day to.
12:57
Go. That was nice for.
12:58
Everything you know. This is the wrong brand.
13:01
No, yeah, I know what it was the brand I would normally smoke and
13:04
I did smoke one of them, yeah. Spirit.
13:08
No Marlboro gold I used. To I loved those when I was I
13:11
mean, sometimes. When I was 12.
13:13
Now let's talk about cigarettes. When I was 12 or 11, I started
13:17
smoking and they were really harsh cigarettes because they
13:20
were. It was an old man who lived in
13:22
my estate. He used to give cigarettes to
13:26
the kids. Old man Willoughby.
13:28
Yeah, yeah, he's dead now. Oh, sorry, but he was.
13:32
Like but was it old man something?
13:35
It was, Yeah, it was. It was.
13:38
It was. I won't get to say his name
13:39
because like, he was accused of wrongdoing, but my God.
13:44
Everything you touch turns to criminal.
13:46
I know it. Does.
13:48
Oh my God. But like we used to watch like a
13:51
lot of westerns and play cards and just smoke cigarettes and it
13:55
was wonderful. But they were Carols cigarettes,
13:58
which is. Like Carols?
13:59
Carols, which is an Irish brand of cigarettes.
14:02
OK. And they're very tarry.
14:05
Very terrible. And then I went on to Benson and
14:08
Hedges because it was a lighter smoke, but then I was told by
14:11
people that's an incredibly harsh smoke.
14:13
OK, So then I went on to. Then I went on to Rollies.
14:16
You must have started quite young.
14:18
Oh, I did. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
14:20
And like, I've, I've been off them a long time, but I went
14:25
back on them for a cigarette, for a festival or the Fringe.
14:30
I shouldn't talk about this anymore, but I don't smoke.
14:32
Anymore. Why?
14:33
Because your mom's going to see it.
14:34
My mom, My mom used to. My mom still smokes.
14:37
I used to steal my mom's cigarettes a lot, and I
14:39
remember. I got my mom to quit.
14:43
How? Well, because in school they
14:44
were talking about bad smoking. Yeah.
14:48
And so I would go home like a goody 2 shoes.
14:52
Say mom, you shouldn't smoke. I.
14:56
Do not hide them. Did you hide him on?
14:58
Yeah. Oh, I would kill you if you were
15:01
my. Kid, I know I.
15:02
Know I would be like I was. So.
15:04
Obnoxiously up. The hand would be up.
15:08
I mean, like, worse. Yeah, his mommy's cigarette.
15:11
I think that's why she would snap at me, yeah.
15:15
I know. Yeah.
15:15
Yeah. And you know, the way Robin
15:17
Williams in Goodwill Hunting goes, it's not your fault.
15:20
It's not your fault. It's very much your fault that
15:22
your mother snaps. Your fault.
15:24
It's very if you fucked up, you fucked up.
15:27
You stole your. OK, you're at Christmas, I'm at
15:32
Christmas and then when do you leave to go on the next leg?
15:36
I can live at my phone and tell. You it's OK, it's I just thought
15:39
I'd make this a big journey. Yeah, then I'm then I'm doing
15:43
gigs in Ireland, so I'm very excited about that.
15:47
Where? Are you from?
15:48
In Ireland, the middle of Ireland, the place called W
15:51
Westmead. Westmead.
15:52
Oh, that's right, it's the Kansas of Ireland.
15:55
It is. It really is the Kansas of
15:57
Ireland. People, if he's gonna have a map
16:00
underneath. Nice.
16:02
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you?
16:03
Start in Westmead. Yeah, I was born in, I was born
16:06
in London. I was born in London and I moved
16:10
to Westmead when I was like 6, but I lived in Germany for a
16:13
little while before that. I went around do.
16:16
You have triple citizenship. Yeah, No, no.
16:19
But I I've lived in, I've lived in a lot of places.
16:22
You're pretty world wise, do you think so?
16:25
Yeah, that's really. Nice.
16:27
Yeah. How do you get that impression?
16:30
I just think you are. You're always travelling.
16:32
I'm always pouring cappuccinos in my past.
16:34
Yeah, you're smoking. I'm smoking.
16:36
It's very continental. No, but you grew up fast.
16:39
Oh yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
16:41
So Westmead, you walk down the street and people go, Allison.
16:46
Not really. I don't know, no.
16:48
Hey. Niall Horan is from, who is a
16:53
He's out of One Direction, right?
16:55
He's pretty big. Oh boy.
16:57
There's a there's a lot of like, I think there's a lot of big
17:00
fish that come from Westmead that I am not a big fish.
17:03
There's a guy called Joe Dolan. He's dead, but I'm gonna show
17:07
you a video of him after. He's amazing.
17:09
OK. He had he's like the first Irish
17:12
person to have a hit on every continent.
17:15
Really. Yeah.
17:16
Yeah, yeah. And I think like he was a
17:17
support act for Elvis or there was some sort of Las Vegas
17:20
residency that he did. West Mead is like happening.
17:25
It's a hotbed. It's a hotbed.
17:26
Do you go there and then you go all over?
17:29
You go to Cork, you go to. I go to Cork, I go to Galway.
17:33
I go there. I love Galway.
17:36
You can hitchhike in Galway. You can hitchhike anywhere.
17:40
In Ireland. I think so.
17:42
I'm like, this is the I'm not successful enough to have a car,
17:47
but I think I can get a lift off people as in.
17:50
My car. Because I know, yeah, exactly.
17:53
I'm not successful enough to buy your own a car, but I am
17:57
successful enough that people will give me a lift and they'll
18:00
think because they. Know you mean to have a driver
18:02
like to drive you around? Not a driver like, just someone
18:05
on the street who recognises me. I'll get a.
18:09
Lift with them and then or often I'll get a lift with like who
18:13
come to see me do. Really just say, can I give you
18:17
a lift to the next? Well, I say at the end of my
18:19
show, I'd be like, I don't drive, can I get a lift to the
18:21
train station? And.
18:22
Seriously. Yeah.
18:24
I've done it on the last tour and I'm doing it on this one.
18:26
That is so cool. They're not going to kill me.
18:30
You know they've paid money to see the gig.
18:32
They would get in trouble. They would get in trouble, that
18:35
is. That would be the main thing.
18:37
That's why I did this podcast. I was like, he's not going to
18:39
kill me. But I mean obviously.
18:41
He would get. They could trace you to the
18:43
show, they just find out who bought tickets.
18:46
Yes, exactly. Yeah, I think it's very easy to
18:49
get stocked if you're a standard comedian.
18:52
Yeah. What would you do?
18:53
Because. You have to say your location
18:55
everywhere. Like even on this podcast, we're
18:57
going to be like, I'm going to be in Manchester on the 13th of
18:59
February or whatever, Yeah. It's kind of.
19:01
Like, yeah, I'm not going to be in Manchester on the 13th.
19:04
I think it's basically having avid fans.
19:08
Yeah. You're going to have a spittle
19:10
crew, right, that's going to follow you around, do you think?
19:15
Yes. Do you have that?
19:17
No, not me personally, no. I don't have that.
19:20
I have people that like, what do I have?
19:23
I have people I because, because the podcast and I think there's
19:27
like a different kind of relationship that you have.
19:30
Yeah, with the listener than like doing comedy because people
19:34
listen to this whilst doing their shopping or other stuff.
19:38
And that makes it, I don't know why, but more intimate.
19:41
And plus now there's this thing where you'll show up and some
19:45
half the crowd, yeah, who listen to you think maybe you're gonna
19:49
do a podcast. Really.
19:51
Yeah. Do you get that?
19:53
No, no, I haven't yet, but. But like.
19:56
I don't. Know I will, yeah.
19:59
But you know what I mean? Yeah, like they don't quite
20:02
understand what you're gonna be doing.
20:05
Oh, like, OK, because they listen to you on a podcast and
20:07
they're like, did they? Am I are they going to watch
20:10
Stand up? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
20:12
I saw, you know, Kerry Katona. Yeah.
20:16
And Katie Price. I saw them do a live show the
20:20
other day. It was one of the best live
20:23
experiences of my really, it was better than Annie Edinburgh show
20:26
I've ever. Seen.
20:27
What did they do? Include Nanette in that and I
20:29
cried so hard at the end in the net.
20:31
Nanette was like life changing for me but this was even better.
20:35
Really. What did they do?
20:37
They they, they. So Katie came out, sang a song,
20:42
then Kerry and Katie sit at a couch and a guy interviews them
20:46
and like random subjects come up and like, one of the subjects
20:49
was childhood. And both of these people have
20:52
had the worst childhoods I've ever heard of anyone.
20:54
Is it funny? No.
20:56
No, it's terrible, horrific, but then it'll be funny in different
20:59
ways because they'll be like, what was it?
21:02
I remember, I think, I think Katie Price was saying something
21:06
about like, it was something horrific.
21:08
And then there was a drunk person in the crowd going, yeah.
21:11
And it was just. And that was the last beating
21:15
from my dad. We.
21:16
Kind of. Got the beat.
21:18
Genuine videos like that, it was like that it was it was so good.
21:22
So I fully recommend going to see that on tour.
21:25
That's that's on tour at the. Moment No.
21:26
They want to see you on tour. Oh.
21:28
Yeah, you'll see me. But like Jenny, yeah.
21:31
Carrie Katona. And Katie Price, it's an evening
21:33
with and you get an interval and every time that, like Katie
21:37
Price said an X's name, the crowd went.
21:41
Boo, Peter Andre. They really booed him.
21:44
They really booed him. He.
21:45
Did her wrong. Have you seen the tik toks and
21:48
stuff that come up on SO apparently.
21:52
But you knew this anyway. I knew it anyway.
21:55
It's common. It's yeah, there is, there's,
21:57
there's a social media thing at the moment saying that he did it
22:01
wrong. Really.
22:03
You were doing a bit, weren't? You.
22:04
Yeah, I was doing No, you're predicted the future is right.
22:07
The. Simpsons when they predicted
22:08
9/11. And Trump being president.
22:11
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like, I was just being
22:13
funny, but it's actually no. But I mean, I think that's rare
22:16
because it's not always that a podcast will have a nice stage
22:21
show. Have you seen many podcasts that
22:24
are stage? Shows no, so I don't know what
22:26
I'm. Talking about no, no, no, I
22:29
think, I think why people go to live podcasts is because they
22:34
it's such an intimate setting for them.
22:35
They're folding their laundry, they're doing stuff like that.
22:38
And then they go sit in a room with other people and you're
22:41
like, you fold your laundry to this too and it's nice.
22:44
It's like a shared. Experience sex to this too.
22:46
Imagine. Imagine.
22:49
Well, yeah, what would be the worst podcast to have sex too?
22:52
And the rest is politics. Right in your answers,
22:56
everybody. I'm going to fuck you like Keir
22:59
Cyrus fucking Angela Rainer over the.
23:02
Rest is history. Yeah.
23:05
Genghis Khan. The human devastation laid out
23:09
on the area was disgraceful. And you're like, yes, edging.
23:14
Just edging. Yeah.
23:18
Yeah, that. Would be good, so OK.
23:21
For Louis Faroux. That would be sexy.
23:25
Because the silences, yeah. He likes the silences.
23:29
He does he does he like the silences?
23:31
Because then people say shit. Do you know he went to school
23:34
with Adam Buxton? I did.
23:36
Do you know how I know that? Because I listen to the Louis
23:39
Faroux podcast. They talked.
23:40
About their Yeah, they went, yeah, they went to school
23:43
together. It's a good school, isn't it?
23:45
Westminster. Yeah, it sounds, it sounds.
23:48
Very nice. Yeah, very, very nice.
23:52
This podcast is brought to you by Westminster School
23:55
Westminster. Your child will love it.
23:58
They'll have a great education. Yeah, we should.
24:01
You should get sponsored by a different private school every
24:04
month. And then they go.
24:05
The parents go and they go. You're telling me the most
24:08
famous graduates have a podcast? Yeah.
24:13
Yeah, yeah, yeah. What the hell am I going to do
24:16
about that? Someone once said that like I
24:20
can't remember, but it was some comedian or some scholar we're
24:24
talking about like. Billy Connolly.
24:26
You know you've been to a shit school when the most famous
24:28
person is a footballer because yeah, you know.
24:33
Right, because just the mere fact you're on, say, a Premier
24:39
League team. What it doesn't mean, I think
24:42
that's the great thing about football, is that it really is a
24:45
meritocracy. Well, it is, and it isn't a
24:48
meritocracy anymore because you can kind of get lucky by where
24:51
you're born and if you're close to like you.
24:53
Still have to be good. You have to be incredible.
24:56
Yeah. There's no way you can be not
24:59
that good. Yeah.
25:01
But I don't think that's the same of comedy, and I don't mean
25:04
that in a bitchy way. I don't.
25:07
You heard it here, this is clip #3.
25:09
Even clip well. Wait, so it's not a meritocracy
25:12
with comedy? No, and it's OK.
25:14
Because you'll have a niche like some people will.
25:17
You got to have a niche and also like, there's some people that I
25:20
think are geniuses, but their social skills are terrible.
25:23
Oh yeah, so it's. Just not going to, you know,
25:26
work out. They're not.
25:28
They're not good at marketing themselves.
25:30
No. And it's a shame, like, and I
25:32
think it's, I don't know if it's getting worse.
25:35
Like, what was it like when you first started out?
25:39
Like what did you have to be good at in order to like make
25:44
it? Well, I think it's true with
25:48
everything is there's, there's a spectrum, if you will, like
25:54
there could be, let's say the most talented person in the
25:57
world at comedy. Yeah.
25:59
Or actor or whatever. They those people will probably
26:04
make it, Yeah, even if they have fucked up social skills.
26:07
Yeah, that's true. But then they're.
26:10
Yeah, they'll be able to hire people who are able to buffer,
26:13
yes, with those social skills or whatever.
26:15
And then there are low talented people, but have tremendous
26:19
social skills that will make it. Yeah, just by the very fact.
26:23
And then there's that whole middle ground.
26:26
It all depends on, you know, who they know and luck and how long
26:31
you do it. And yeah, but chances are if you
26:34
keep doing it and you're in that middle area, yeah.
26:39
You're gonna, I mean, that's the area I'm in.
26:41
It's like the middle area. I know that you don't.
26:47
I don't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
26:50
Take the compliment. Take it.
26:54
But like, I don't know. I'm trying to like, think about
26:57
like I'm obsessed with watching documentaries about the Fringe
27:02
from the early 2000s. Really.
27:05
Because do they exist? They do on YouTube.
27:08
Oh, it's like it's interesting because there's so much money
27:12
and you try to. Nice.
27:15
I see. Yeah.
27:16
They don't sponsor. Us No, fuck them yeah, but it
27:23
seemed like there was loads of money in comedy in the late 90s,
27:26
early 2000s that people were able to like make a living and
27:32
it's kind of like. Well, people would go up to the
27:34
Fringe and maybe something magical would happen, Like, did
27:38
you hear that person got a show out of it?
27:40
Yeah. Yeah, that's not happening.
27:42
It doesn't happen now. It's kind of like even.
27:47
It's even like, yeah. It's like a frog.
27:52
No, no, no. Your eyes, you look like you
27:56
look like I'm, so it's fine. I smell of mackerel.
28:02
It's all good. It's all good.
28:04
Oh, that's why you watched. That's why I watched the
28:06
documentaries. People's lives looked like they
28:08
were changing. They were doing like photo
28:10
shoots for Channel 4 down the back alley and stuff and it felt
28:14
like. They don't do that anymore.
28:16
No, it's kind of. I still love the fringe though.
28:19
I think the fringe is is doing what should be doing.
28:24
It's magical. Yeah, I think anytime I go to
28:27
the fringe, I come back. The one thing though that I do,
28:30
I've mentioned this before, is that there's all these acts that
28:34
are trying out their stuff and, and like, this is my first show
28:39
and then somebody really famous does like five nights at a big
28:43
venue. That takes away all of the
28:46
magic. Yeah, that's that is very
28:48
annoying. Because I look at the friend is
28:50
like, I want to see like the the weird new show.
28:55
Some guy sticks a fire hose up his nose.
28:58
Yeah, or, you know, something a word of mouth gets around about
29:04
this cool show. Or it's like the only place
29:07
where like say if you're a comedy fan and stuff in the
29:11
mainstream isn't hitting you, but like you live in Bury or
29:16
somewhere like that. So the mid range and more niche
29:21
comedians can't go to Bury. Yes, because like there's not
29:25
enough people there to sustain a show.
29:28
But if you're a bit of a weirdo comedy fan, you can go to
29:31
Edinburgh and then just suck up everything that you like.
29:34
And these people that are not even on television, but you're a
29:36
fan of and that's a joy. Like any it's, it's, it's like
29:40
I've been doing the Fringe 10 years and like there's a guy now
29:44
who's 21 and I knew him when he was 11 and he came with his mum
29:48
and he shouldn't have come to that show you.
29:49
Still know him? Like he came to my show this
29:52
year and then like we got a photo together and stuff.
29:55
And that man is your husband. That man, yeah, imagine that.
29:58
I was grooving him by a stand up comedy for 10 years.
30:02
He knew every intimate detail would.
30:04
Bring an 11 year old to a stand up show with a salty show like
30:10
yours it. Was Yeah, it was salty.
30:12
Salty. I don't, I don't.
30:14
It depends on the 11 year old. That's true.
30:18
I think it does. My I accidentally showed my
30:22
kids. Yeah, some salty stuff.
30:24
Well. They took it in stride.
30:27
What more detail please? More detail?
30:31
Well, sometimes. I'll be listening to a stand up
30:33
thing and then I'll go, yeah, that's a little bit too much.
30:38
How old are your kids? 13 and 10.
30:41
The 13 year old can listen to Anna. 13 is fine.
30:44
I think so. I'm not a smartphone, no, no one
30:48
of them does the 13 year. Old Yeah, they they can.
30:52
Yeah. I would go watch Anna film with
30:54
that 13 because they've already seen it.
30:57
I had access to a desktop computer at 13 years old.
31:01
You did, I did, and I had access to everything.
31:04
Free range. Free range used to go to this
31:07
website calledrotten.com and look at autopsy pictures because
31:11
a good do you know what I mean? It wasn't like.
31:13
War stuff? Did you watch war stuff?
31:15
No, not war stuff. Oh OK.
31:17
Did you watch war stuff? No, no, I didn't like that.
31:19
I didn't. No, it's not.
31:20
I'm not judging. I'm not judging, no.
31:26
I mostly I watched a lot of comedy stuff.
31:28
I watched, I did watch This American.
31:30
I think it was a Senator Bud Dwyer or Bud Dwight.
31:34
Bud, Dwight. Look up is it Bud Dwyer or Bud
31:37
Dwyer I think. He was going to.
31:39
He was. Going to go to gaol for a long
31:41
time and he was doing a statement and then he pulled out
31:44
a gun and he shot himself. Oh, I heard about this.
31:47
He was like a governor or something.
31:49
He was. He was.
31:49
He was. And they were coming to get him.
31:51
You were. Like no, but no.
31:52
Yeah, yeah. Oh man.
31:54
Who is it? Yes, Governor, called Bud White.
31:59
Bud White. It's like Bud Light, Hugh
32:01
Lawson. White referred to himself as
32:07
Bud. But like, I did look that up
32:08
when I was, you know. Oh nice.
32:10
So, you know, and, and So what I'm saying is like, you cannot
32:14
control what. Your kids know more than you
32:16
think. And they're going to be fine.
32:18
They're going to like, yeah, yeah, I think so.
32:21
There was like a porno back I found in a in like a in a
32:26
disused bathroom sales warehouse.
32:30
I think I must have grown up at the time where there was the
32:34
Internet, but also there was like the analogue.
32:37
The old school someone. Would throw a mag into a.
32:40
Because with the old school, you really had to work to get it.
32:43
A friend of a friend. You go out in the woods.
32:46
Yeah, you dig three times. Knock on a door, you learn an
32:51
elf would come out. Yeah, that's true.
32:54
Like maybe for kids now it's like it's like becoming a
32:56
hacker. You know, you get a VPN, you
33:00
sort out that because as. Well.
33:02
How are how are young people now accessing bad stuff because
33:07
there is a law now, because I'm. Yeah, yeah.
33:09
Because I'm on Only Fans, because of the because of the
33:13
way. Oh really?
33:15
What do they ask you to do? So it's like they ask you to do
33:19
10 minutes worth of material and they give you money.
33:22
They. What, like new material?
33:24
Any material that you want, like I did it like at the Fringe,
33:28
they filled out an audience and then they film it like ATV show.
33:32
And then how do you get the audience?
33:34
They just gave they just the audiences game.
33:37
It was like because it was like free tickets to to a stand up
33:39
comedy show and they get to see like 6 stand up comedians.
33:42
Did you say this is an only fan show?
33:44
Yeah. Because I think only fans are
33:46
trying to. I think only fans are trying to
33:50
branch out into other stuff. And.
33:53
Legit and the website that does other stuff.
33:56
I didn't know that they. Paid comedians to go on and do
33:59
other stuff. But it is.
34:00
Is it good money? It's good money, but I'm finding
34:03
it. I'm finding it hard because you
34:06
have to be on the platform and you have to like post every
34:09
week. You have to be a regular user of
34:11
the platform. But like it is I get messages
34:15
off people and it is kind of like.
34:18
It goes South. Straight away, straight away
34:22
they're like, do you do like, what was it?
34:25
Do you do videos that are so customizable?
34:30
Videos. And I'm like, Oh yeah.
34:31
Because I didn't know what they meant by that.
34:33
I was like, what? What you mean?
34:35
Like animals? Sometimes I do videos where like
34:38
someone's having a hen party and they're like, can you send a
34:41
message to the bride? Just say good luck with your
34:44
wedding. I'm like, yeah, I don't mind.
34:45
So I do that. Yeah, yeah.
34:48
And then but they were like, no, the personal only fans was like
34:51
they wanted 10 minutes. Shave your head.
34:55
Yeah, I think it's that type of stuff.
34:57
Well, have you done I do Cameo? Do you do Cameo?
35:00
Yeah. What's the weirdest thing you've
35:02
been asked to do on Cameo? I've been asked to propose for
35:05
someone. That's not that weird.
35:07
That is weird. That's better than being asked
35:10
to use a sex toy for 10 minutes. Like, I know, I know.
35:13
I've been asked and he didn't. Even say how much he was going
35:16
to pay for that. I was.
35:19
Well, you've got a name, a prize, right?
35:21
I know that's true. But Cameo is at first I was
35:26
like, who does Cameo? And then if everybody's doing
35:29
it. Yeah, it's like there is there
35:32
is no such thing as selling out anymore.
35:35
No. There isn't because you're.
35:36
Providing a service for other people, right?
35:39
I think so. And it's also like, do you think
35:42
that's the thing? I don't know.
35:44
I don't think there is such thing as selling out anymore
35:46
because there's no such thing as like money.
35:49
Well, you know. What about the whole Comedy
35:52
Festival thing? Like.
35:54
It's Saudi Arabia. Oh.
35:56
Look, they didn't e-mail me this time, but like if they want to
36:00
do an only fan special in Riyadh comedy and what what I think of
36:05
it, do you? Because my YouTube algorithms is
36:10
full of Riyadh Comedy Festival discourse now.
36:12
Like, my YouTube is just full of essays, yeah, of people bringing
36:17
up beef that they've heard of on a podcast.
36:20
People love to have beefs. Oh, they love beefs.
36:22
Yeah, I think stand up comedy in America is turned into wrestling
36:25
without the wrestling. It has.
36:27
It's just people as in themselves out and I'm just
36:29
like, I don't care. Yeah, it's so annoying.
36:32
Just do the funny stuff. Do.
36:33
You know, do you know who doesn't have beefs?
36:35
Maria Bamford, The greatest comedian.
36:37
In the world. Do you know what I mean?
36:38
Yeah, it's just. Wonderful.
36:42
Like why I don't, I don't know. Just do the comedy right I.
36:45
Don't know who Maria Banford doesn't find funny or doesn't.
36:49
You know, that's what I want. We don't need to know.
36:52
Yeah, we don't need to know OK, good, but the Riyadh Comedy
36:55
Festival that be good clip that'll get you great, great
36:58
engagement. In fact, you should headline
37:00
with We Had Comedy Festivals. I just think it's.
37:04
And only fans your SE OS are going to be off the.
37:07
People want you to talk about something.
37:10
They do Zeitgeist, Yeah, they yeah, I think like, what do I
37:16
think of the We Had Comedy Festival?
37:18
I don't. We don't need to talk about it
37:20
if you don't want to. I'll talk about it.
37:22
But a lot of people think it's bringing because I read Ahmed
37:26
Jalili's. Yes, yeah, that was.
37:29
Feeling the garden? Push notification, That's how
37:32
much my phone thought I wanted to know about the Riyadh Comedy
37:35
Festival. It was a yeah, but his reasoning
37:38
for it is what's his reasoning? For it, No, it's just bringing
37:42
out as much of your culture and your ideas to another culture
37:48
which might not have otherwise seen these words.
37:52
Yeah. Or heard these words.
37:54
Yeah. So it's you're doing a service,
37:58
whereas he couldn't do that in Iran.
38:01
So he's just saying this is a good thing that we're doing.
38:06
So I mean. There's, I'm not cancelling
38:09
anyone over it, but like, it's the, it's the, where did the
38:12
money come from? It's the, it's, it's like, I
38:15
don't object to anyone doing the Riyadh Comedy Festival if it
38:17
wasn't paid for by the government.
38:19
Yeah, it's the government part that's a little bit.
38:22
Yeah, and that goes for every part of like if like maybe like
38:26
I've definitely done gigs for like betting companies, like,
38:30
you know, like betting companies have spot.
38:34
Get her out, get her out. But you know you.
38:37
Need to vet these people. But I, you know, I have
38:44
relatives that work in bookies and stuff like that, and I was
38:47
just tinkling. It's legal now, though.
38:49
It is. Legal.
38:50
Yeah, yeah. But it's also like it ruins so
38:52
many people's lives. Like it's not I.
38:54
Know. And I have.
38:56
Do you know what else I've done? Actually, I'm a big hypocrite.
38:59
This is it. My first ever big public
39:01
speaking engagement was when I was 15 and I had to do it was a
39:06
thing called the young, right? And what they did was they got
39:10
teenagers to talk about stuff that they're passionate about on
39:15
a social matter. And I was asked to talk about
39:19
non-smoking and to encourage people not to smoke.
39:22
And I was smoking so hard before I did.
39:25
I was on. I was on the.
39:26
Golf course just. Smoking cigarettes, getting
39:29
ready to do my big speech about and, and it was a whole little
39:32
routine and a big routine about like how the cigarettes give you
39:37
like erectile dysfunction and they're the same.
39:41
They do, they do. Oh, OK.
39:43
They do. Oh man.
39:47
That's it's funny what we do right for money I used to do.
39:52
I feel really. Bad about doing all these pro
39:54
cancer rallies. The Pro Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
39:57
I wanted to. Spread cancer.
39:59
As much as possible, I know I did.
40:01
These companies would pay. Me for it.
40:03
I did a private gig. I did a private gig for Rose W
40:08
before she died. Well, is she dead?
40:10
Is Rose W dead? You did not.
40:11
No, I didn't. No, no I didn't.
40:13
That's great. But you know, we all do stuff.
40:19
We all do. I know.
40:19
I mean. She's still alive.
40:23
She's still alive. She's in prison.
40:24
Oh yeah. Oh yeah.
40:26
Oh yeah, I remember. He's dead.
40:28
He is dead. Is John West still alive?
40:32
I know he's nothing to do with Adam.
40:34
West is dead. Adam.
40:35
West is dead, So what we got? Fred and Adam are gone.
40:39
Rose is still there. What about John West?
40:41
Controversial. Just John West in 2019.
40:47
Whoa. So Rose West is the last one
40:49
standing of the West? Yeah.
40:52
Dominic W is still alive. Don't ask.
40:53
Yeah, he's good. Yeah.
40:56
He's good. Have you?
40:57
Had a celebrity. Come to your gig and go.
41:00
Go backstage and say go back like Dominic West.
41:04
Like Dominic. Quest.
41:06
No, I haven't. You will on this tour.
41:09
Do you think so? You think so?
41:10
How did? It get access to the backstage
41:14
well. They'll be an only fans.
41:17
They'll be yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
41:19
But it's weird because I do have to.
41:22
There is an incentive to make money on only fans, and I don't
41:25
know how to monetize anything. Yeah.
41:27
So I'm finding that's what you could do.
41:29
You could go. People don't want to see me
41:32
before the show. I have a little roped off area
41:36
outside things. Yeah, we agree.
41:38
Yeah. Right, you can.
41:41
Monetize anything, Yeah, Or they could give me a lift.
41:44
Or yeah, take the bus. I'll be on the bus as well.
41:47
We're like somebody. I heard this.
41:50
Happen. Yeah.
41:50
I don't know. I think it was somebody on 9
41:52
Inch Nails or something. It's like I will play mini golf
41:56
for you, with you and it's like the highest bidder.
42:01
Whoa, don't quote me on this, but it you can do stuff like
42:05
that. It's like who wants to play?
42:07
And it's like I'll pay 1000 and then somebody will play mini
42:11
golf with you. That's actually a really good
42:13
idea. What?
42:14
If I did it for like, I'm really good at quizzing, go to a pub
42:19
quiz. With you, Yeah, yeah, I'm.
42:22
Like and I and I'd like that anyway.
42:25
So that's that's how the serial killers.
42:27
Get access Yeah, this is it. This is.
42:30
It but at least I'll make that sweet dash and I'll leave it.
42:33
You'll have the dash, I'll have the dash.
42:36
And. Yeah, it's, but it is kind of
42:38
like it. I've just been thinking a lot
42:41
about like work and money and like you're in that you're in.
42:45
That mode, I'm in that hustle mode.
42:47
Why not? I'm bringing packed.
42:49
Lunches. You know, yeah, every time I
42:52
bring a packed lunch around London, I feel like I'm making
42:54
money. Genuinely, I do.
42:57
I'm true. I don't have to go to Pho or any
42:59
of these weird chain restaurants and spend £14.00 on something
43:03
not great. It's true.
43:05
I can just eat that in the rain in Soho Square.
43:08
That's what I'm going to do, my Brussels friends and that girl,
43:11
and I'm going to be like hustling.
43:13
This is nature's view on the hustle.
43:15
I am on the hustle. So.
43:17
Where would. You like to.
43:19
So where does this tour wind up going after After Ireland I'm
43:26
going. To go to so Dennis UK then it's
43:29
like Manchester and Newcastle, Liverpool, I can tell you the
43:33
Talon, yeah, yeah. Normally.
43:36
I sell really well in Bristol, yeah, but at the moment I'm
43:39
selling more in Liverpool. So shout out to Liverpool.
43:43
Thank you. There we go, Beatles.
43:44
Yeah. Yeah, I love that town.
43:47
So yeah, so then I'm going there.
43:49
I'm also doing a podcast, so I'm trying to hustle hard.
43:52
Like what's the name of that magazine?
43:54
Party OK called. It magazine party cut that.
43:58
Out, Kenny. Actually dude, that would be
44:04
really funny. Beep it out, I give full
44:06
permission. What is the magazine Party?
44:09
It's. Like so me and.
44:10
You could beep out the presenter.
44:12
And so me and my friend Poppy. Yeah, my face out.
44:16
At this point as well. Change my voice.
44:19
Like I could be like, yeah, just do the rest of it, yeah.
44:24
Yeah. Me and my friend Poppy, we read
44:28
real life shocking magazines and then we tell each other the most
44:32
salacious stories from that week's magazine.
44:35
So it'll be stuff like I caught my husband in bed with a ghost
44:38
of my mother or something like that.
44:40
It's so good. Oh I read the the like tabloidy.
44:44
Magazine. Yeah, we were crazy.
44:46
I originally wanted a cup. Now this is the original.
44:49
Title I wanted for my podcast because because there are some
44:53
magazines called like Take a Break or Dad's Life.
44:56
Yeah, I wanted it to be called Take a Life, but people are
45:00
saying the connotations are like 2.
45:02
Yeah, might be a bit suicide. So I guess so.
45:06
I didn't know what that for a podcast.
45:08
I could. See that Take a life.
45:10
I would love to see that as a concept.
45:12
Of like just, you know, instead of off menu off yourself, that's
45:15
what would be called off yourself, off yourself.
45:17
Take a. Life everybody live and it would
45:20
be like so. If you were to kill yourself,
45:23
how would you do it? And then they'd just come up
45:25
with like, if it got really big, the audience.
45:27
Would go take life. And now here's your host,
45:31
Allison Spittle and Poppy. Poppy and I.
45:38
Don't know why I said it like that, but yeah, we have a
45:41
podcast together that's great. We're trying to.
45:43
We're trying to get. That going who?
45:45
Is Pompy Poppy Hillstead? She is.
45:47
Oh. OK, I've heard her.
45:49
She's. Great.
45:50
Yeah, she's. Like really, really funny.
45:52
And at the moment, I'm saying it publicly because I want her to
45:56
do this and she's really good with AI and she's trying to, she
46:02
is, she's trying to fuck her own.
46:03
AI at the. Moment like to encourage it to
46:07
have a relationship with her and I'm like you should make content
46:10
out with this. She should, but aren't there
46:12
certain AIS? That will do that with you.
46:15
There are. You know what's funny is like.
46:17
When they get updated they die. So a lot of people have lost
46:20
their AI partners. That's so sad.
46:24
Updates. It's sad.
46:25
But also it's a bit funny, but eventually you.
46:29
Will be able to have a dating show with your actual AI robot
46:35
self. What would?
46:36
You like in AAI partner? What would I like?
46:41
Exactly the same qualities as my wife.
46:43
Yes, that's a great answer. There I did it.
46:50
That was the trap. And you you set the trap I.
46:54
Saw it coming and I snatched it. I am well, I I think I would
47:00
like I would like it like AI to be like, I don't know, a
47:05
spiritual being or something, OK, you know, like a cloud like
47:08
it doesn't have. To be human, yeah.
47:10
You know, it could be like a plant, a scent, or.
47:14
Something like. Mackerel.
47:16
You like mackerel? Yeah, a big waft.
47:18
Of mackerel, Yeah, yeah, Ellison, I don't know if you've.
47:20
Seen this show? What are you going to do to?
47:23
Me. No, it's.
47:26
All sex questions no this. Is a thing.
47:30
Called. Fill in the blank.
47:32
OK, I'll say a sentence you have to.
47:34
Fill in the. Blank.
47:35
Now a lot of people say it's like blankety blank.
47:38
No, but no. Oh, it's so different.
47:40
The IP is. So different.
47:41
My scariest experience. On stage was in blank.
47:49
Do you know what a guy shit himself at one of my gigs?
47:54
And I didn't say shittiest. Oh.
47:57
Yeah, that's true. No, no, that was scary.
47:58
But that was like. The first time I had a.
48:00
Reviewer in and then so I know it was the same guy, no Jay
48:11
Richardson from the Scotsman. Shit is stormingly funny, but no
48:16
he so this guy. It was a show I did called
48:19
Discovers Hawaii, and I'd put ladies on people, but the show
48:23
itself had nothing to do with Hawaii.
48:24
Why? I just picked the title and You
48:26
want to Get Laid. I.
48:28
Didn't even do that, but. I should have done that.
48:31
That would have been good. That's fine.
48:33
So I put a lady on him and then I could see that there was like
48:36
shit in his pants and and I asked him to protest stuff.
48:41
I was like, I don't know about this.
48:42
There's a guy who shit and dance.
48:45
He's like, could you smell it? Yeah.
48:48
It was. Like do you know that you know
48:51
the combination of old piss but fresh shit?
48:53
You know that it was that so it was bad.
48:57
But then like a lot of my stories, if you ask too many
48:59
questions, it becomes sad. Do you know what I mean?
49:02
If we if we really think about why was he there?
49:05
So what happened? So.
49:08
I asked front of house staff to help and then she said well he
49:13
did buy clean up on IO5. Well, So what we did was we
49:17
asked. Everyone to leave, I said.
49:20
There's an emergency. We asked everyone to leave.
49:22
You said to to smooth things over.
49:25
It's a bomb. I'm not going to go can the guy
49:27
who shit his. Pants, please step up and leave
49:29
the room. Could all those who haven't shit
49:33
their? Pants stay in the room.
49:35
So, so then we took out the chair and we left the chair
49:38
outside and then I was like spraying Charlie Red.
49:41
It is like at this point I have 25 minutes to do my show.
49:44
That's a good way to get your show.
49:46
I literally just did it. I did the end of my show and
49:50
because because I was like, there's nothing else I could do
49:52
here. And it smelled of like Charlie
49:55
Red. It was disgusting.
49:57
So that was that was what did you how did you explain?
50:00
It when they came back. You know what?
50:04
I can't remember. I was crying.
50:06
I was, it was panicky, but like the I got three stars.
50:12
That's not bad. I don't think it's.
50:14
Bad to pull that off. And also the show.
50:16
Wasn't good, so it. Was like even on its best day
50:19
because you know, you look back at stuff and you're like, did
50:22
the guy apologise? Who shot?
50:24
Himself, no. No, but like we gave him a
50:28
refund as well. We did give him a refund.
50:32
We did give him a refund, but yeah, yeah, yeah, you should say
50:35
to him, where are my two stars? Where are my two stars?
50:38
This is the second. One blank is.
50:40
Fine sometimes, yeah, but give me blank every day.
50:46
Oh, this is. Yeah, this is hard.
50:48
This is hard. I keep this.
50:55
Is not funny. It doesn't have to be funny.
50:59
OK. But it better be funny you're.
51:03
Right. It better be funny.
51:04
Democracy is fine sometimes, but give me dictatorship like any
51:10
day. Not every day, right?
51:12
But like if we had a dictatorship, people could get
51:15
things done like. And a nice dictator, yeah.
51:18
You know, imagine if Trump were like, really?
51:21
Smart if he was really chill and smart.
51:23
Yeah, smart and chill. Yeah, I wouldn't mind, OK.
51:29
I wouldn't mind a dictator who was like, not problematic.
51:33
I don't know how you can get an unproblematic dictator because
51:36
like, yeah, I know what you mean.
51:38
It's. Like, things take longer with a
51:40
democracy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
51:43
And also like. People are stupid.
51:45
So like, you know they are man. This show I include myself.
51:51
I include myself, OK? Three, it's.
51:53
Right before a gig. Yeah, I'm really tired.
51:57
Yeah. Give me blank ecstasy.
52:02
You've done. Molly before a show?
52:05
No, actually I did but. That wasn't like intentional.
52:10
I literally it was wherever we are, it was like.
52:14
Two years into. Doing comedy and it was my first
52:17
ever festival gig and they take this, You're on in four.
52:22
Basically I. Took it because I was told it
52:25
would take a while for it to hit.
52:27
Yeah it'll be fine. Do your whole.
52:29
Hour, but it was a bit of me going like right.
52:31
I'm here at this festival because I have to do comedy so I
52:34
can get the most of this festival.
52:36
If I do do the ecstasy now, I won't remember it and then do my
52:40
gig. And then it'll.
52:41
Hit straight after my gig and I have a great time but
52:44
unfortunately it hit in the middle and it always does.
52:47
It always does. It was very fast acting I did.
52:53
To see this, I did. I.
52:55
Did I? Did I remember specifically
52:58
doing the end of an anecdote and then go oh shit, that's the end
53:02
of the anecdote and then I did the beginning of the anecdote to
53:05
give them context for the 1st place.
53:07
He probably was, yeah. And I did tell them.
53:09
I did have to level with them and say I am on drugs.
53:12
Did they laugh? Did they like to?
53:14
That was. Basically it.
53:15
Yeah. I gave it to you.
53:18
Yeah, exactly my best blank. Yeah, is in the morning.
53:26
I don't know why I wrote this but it's so weird.
53:30
And my best writing that is unfunny.
53:34
That's good. I do.
53:35
I do work fast. No, you get.
53:37
Up. That's the theory.
53:38
Yeah, A friend of mine, Eddie Pepitone, Oh my God, I love this
53:42
shit. Yeah.
53:43
Oh, you see them do. He was amazing.
53:46
He's amazing. Yeah, he.
53:47
Was talking to me about his writing process and it's become
53:51
a running joke. But he would say I get up and I
53:54
start to write. Yeah, don't even get dressed,
53:57
you start writing. I get before.
54:00
So we would joke. About that, it's like, what are?
54:02
You doing? I'm writing.
54:04
I think I have like. An hour of actual good work in
54:07
me every day and then it just tapers off.
54:09
That's what Hemingway did. Yeah, and then he'd pop off to
54:13
the bar. Didn't he shoot himself?
54:15
Yeah, that's. The dense, that is.
54:17
The dense. That's the dense OK, I don't
54:23
know if I'm going to. Take any life advice I'll.
54:25
Fix that one, Ernest He. Was too Ernest.
54:32
Can blanks be used over and over again?
54:36
Worms can worms. Be used.
54:39
Over and over again. I think they can like.
54:42
For composting and stuff like that.
54:44
What about his bait? Oh God, no.
54:47
They. Can't, can't they?
54:48
That's unfortunate. It does depends on the use.
54:51
Yeah, I. Think that goes with everything
54:53
or if you swallow the worms. Whole you poop them out and then
54:57
you eat them again. But what if you like you're
55:00
fishing? Right.
55:01
And you catch the fish and then you like stick your fingers down
55:04
the fish's throat. You make it vomit up the that
55:07
would be tiny fingers, tiny thing.
55:09
Oh my God, that's that is that's the unglamorous side of fishing
55:15
that we don't see. We don't see this dark.
55:18
Belly of fishing. No, no, no, no.
55:23
The worm vomiting. That goes on to catch that
55:27
precious bait. You know, beautiful worm.
55:30
Bulimia worm. Bulimia worm bulimia.
55:34
Sounds like a fairy tale. Worm bulimia.
55:38
You know, worm bulimia like. Fumbelina.
55:42
Bulimia. Yeah, that's.
55:47
It. So this is.
55:59
Basically the time where you can plug your tour and then we'll
56:04
we'll wrap it up. Yes, yeah, I'm on only.
56:07
Fans. I'm plugging my only fans.
56:10
Not the only fans. Nope, the.
56:12
Tour the tour. So I worm bulimia, worm bulimia.
56:18
It's on from the 2nd of December until the 6th of December in
56:21
Soho Theatre and then I start my Ireland tour.
56:25
I'm going to be in Vicar St which I'm super, super excited
56:27
about. That's a great venue.
56:29
Where can they see all of the? Links.
56:31
I mean is there a link? There is.
56:33
I have this old website called. Alisonspittle.com that I used to
56:37
use just to communicate with my granddad because he had it on a
56:41
but he can't use it so there will be some messages to.
56:43
Grandpa, there is there is actual messages to.
56:46
Grandpa, But yeah, go to my website or go on Instagram.
56:51
I think that is the best place at Allisonsville.
56:53
You guys are going to love it. See.
56:55
Her alive. You're good.
56:57
Not going to miss it. Yeah, no way.
57:01
You're not going to miss it. You're going to.
57:03
Love it. Yeah.
57:05
Oh my. God, she's.
57:07
So good, it's have to be. Seen to be believed, yes,
57:12
because I lie. If you like this, this is 1.
57:14
Thing If you like this, it's going to be 10 times better
57:18
live. If you hate this, it's going to
57:20
be different. You know it is going to be
57:23
different. All right, Allison.
57:29
It was lovely talking to you. You have a great day.
57:31
Nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
57:34
And. That.
57:34
Podcast. I hope that goes OK too.
57:37
Yeah, yeah, I do. You don't hope it.
57:39
Gets crushed by. Your podcast, again, it's not a
57:42
competition, isn't. It a rising tide.
57:45
Raises all. Worms.
57:47
Is that what they say they do? They do say that.
57:50
You know who says that? Who?
57:52
People who are wrong because it's.
57:58
Anyway, goodbye. Wow, are you going to see you're
58:00
on tour? It's going to be an event.
58:03
So listen, if you guys want to subscribe to more episodes,
58:07
it'll keep us afloat, press subscribe and also we're looking
58:13
for sponsors for the show. Yeah, that's right.
58:16
If you're a whiskey company or a a bordello.
58:20
No, I'm just kidding. Just write us the emails in the
58:26
description and I'm going to be performing at the Moth Club
58:30
December 3rd Buy your tickets now.
58:32
There's a link somewhere Buy. Rich vultures talk box.