Latest / YOUR AVERAGE DELTON / Episode 17: Part 2: Letting People...
Transcript
- DELTON DEAL: Hey guys, welcome back to Yavage Dalton. This is the two-part series. The first one started with letting people in is never a mistake. Part two is the outcome doesn't define the decision. Keep in mind, this is the place where we discuss real life, real loss, and the things we carry that most people never see. No filters, no pretending, just truth. So I want to ask you a question. Have you ever looked back onto a relationship and thought, I wish I had never met them? I think most of us can safely say we have. Maybe because of the pain they caused, maybe because the trust they broke, maybe because when you look at how everything ended, it feels like none of it was worth it. But what if we've been measuring it all wrong? What if we've been judging the beginning of the story by the ending? Because here's something life has taught me. Not every good decision has a good ending. Not every bad decision has a bad ending. Sometimes you make all the right choices and life still hurts. Sometimes you Love someone with honesty, patience, and loyalty, and they still choose to leave. That doesn't mean your love was misplaced. It means people still have the freedom to make their own choices. And that's one of the hardest truths to accept. We can control how we love, we can't control how someone else receives it. So You know, if you're looking for an analogy, think about a farmer. A farmer prepares the soil, they plant the seed, they water the field, they protect the crop. The farmer did everything he could, but he can't control the weather. A storm doesn't mean the farmer made a mistake by planting. It simply means life happened. Relationships work a lot the same way. You can show up, you can communicate, forgive, encourage, support, be honest, be faithful. And someone can still choose something different. Their choice doesn't erase your effort. It doesn't rewrite your character. doesn't make your willingness to love a flaw. I think one of the greatest mistakes we make after heartbreak is putting ourselves on trial. We become both prosecutor and defendant. How did I miss the signs? Why did I trust them? What's wrong with me? Sometimes those are fair questions. Sometimes we ignore things that we shouldn't have ignored. Sometimes we overlook red flags because we wanted the relationship to work. That's part of being human. But many times there weren't enough glaring warnings. Signs. Many times someone simply changed or they revealed a part of themselves that wasn't visible before. People don't always betray us because we were naive. Sometimes they betray us because they made a choice. There's an important difference here I think we should really explore. You know, I've noticed something else. After enough disappointment, people stop saying, The person hurt me. Instead, they begin saying, I don't trust anyone. You catch that shift, right? One sentence names an experience, the other creates an identity. That's pain. That's where pain becomes dangerous. Not when it breaks your heart, but when it changes your belief about humanity. once you've decided no one can be trusted, everyone has to prove they're innocent before you even give them a chance. Imagine if every person you met had to answer for something someone else did, someone else's mistake. Imagine walking into every new friendship carrying someone else's betrayal on your shoulders. That's exhausting. And eventually, that can become very lonely. So here's something I hope we'll remember, right? Protecting your heart and closing your heart are not the same thing. Protecting your heart means paying attention, setting healthy boundaries. Taking your time, watching whether someone's words and actions match, allowing trust to grow instead of forcing it. Closing your heart says something completely different. No one gets in enough to hurt me anymore. wisdom. The other is fear wearing wisdom's clothes. At first, they look almost identical, but over time they produce completely different lives. Wisdom still makes room for connection. Fear only makes room for isolation. One of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves is permission to trust slowly. You don't have to tell someone everything about you on the first conversation. You don't have to ignore your intuition. You don't have to hand someone the access to every vulnerable part of your life before they even know who you are, before they're trustworthy. Trust isn't built in dramatic moments. It's built in ordinary ones. It's built when people consistently do what they say they'll do. When they show up, when they tell the truth, even when it's uncomfortable, when they apologize without excuses, when they celebrate your victories instead of competing with them, when they stay during difficult seasons instead of disappearing. Real trust isn't created by promises, it's created by patterns. Now, maybe that's the lesson pain teaches us over time. Not to stop trusting, but to recognize trust is something that's built brick by brick. Not handed away all at once. There's nothing weak about believing in people. The strength comes from learning the difference between believing in someone's potential and believing in their actions. Potential is exciting. Character is dependable. Always watch the character. You know, I've met people who said, I don't need anyone. Most of the time, that isn't confidence, it's self-protection, right? Because deep down, every one of us wants to create a connection. We need people, we need conversations to make us laugh. To make us laugh until we can't breathe. when we're quiet, someone who checks in, someone who reminds us we're not carrying life alone. Independence is valuable, isolation is expensive. There's a difference. One gives you strength, the other quietly steals your joy. So maybe you've been standing at the edge of a new friendship, on a new relationship. Maybe you've been wondering if it's worth taking another chance. Now only you can decide that. But don't let fear be the loudest voice in the room. Let wisdom speak. Take your time. Ask questions. Pay attention. Honor your boundaries. But don't convince yourself that never trusting again is somehow the safest path. Because while it might protect you from some heartbreak, It will always protect you from some greatness happening. some great blessings that you've yet to experience in your life. The people who will become family, the friendships who will restore your faith, the love that arrives when you least expect it. None of those things happen if every door remains locked. So in this final part today, I want to leave you with something practical. How to keep your heart open after disappointment. While hope is a decision we make every day, and why taking the risk to love again isn't foolish. It's one of the bravest things a person can do. So as we come back to part three of this, we'll finish this up and wrap this up nicely. I think it's really a nice way it dovetails in. Remember. Your life is the only sermon some people will ever hear. So make it loud. Guys, please hit the subscribe button and I'll see you next time. I'm your average Delton Out.