Latest / DA CREW Podcast / 22725- BELIEVE IN THE JOURNEY WITH TRIVEDA HARRIS

Transcript

22725- BELIEVE IN THE JOURNEY WITH TRIVEDA HARRIS · DA CREW Podcast

• 0:46
  Speaker 1: And gentlemen, may I have your attention please? The show
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: starts in turn mine hard.
• 1:21
  Speaker 2: There we go. Good evening, and welcome to believe in
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: the Journey, y'all. I have myself muted tonight, trying not
• 1:26
  Speaker 2: to overtalk while the intro was going. But anyway, welcome
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: to Believe in the Journey. Season three, episode two. So
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: you guys have missed me, I know It's okay. I'm good.
• 1:40
  Speaker 2: I'm back now. So I have a wonderful guest tonight,
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: mister Paul Hooper, and he has a true story of
• 1:47
  Speaker 2: resilience and triumph. And you are going to love what
• 1:52
  Speaker 2: we talk about tonight. But before we do anything, you know,
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: we have to go to God in prayer. Dear Heavenly Father,
• 1:58
  Speaker 2: thank you for bringing us together as you do each
• 2:00
  Speaker 2: and every time we are in front of you. Let
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: the words of my mouth fall upon the ears that
• 2:04
  Speaker 2: need to hear, and let whatever we talk about tonight
• 2:07
  Speaker 2: fall upon the ears that need to hear. Let this
• 2:10
  Speaker 2: be encouragement to each and every person that listens tonight.
• 2:14
  Speaker 2: Let them take away what they need and pass it
• 2:17
  Speaker 2: along to someone else, even if they feel as if
• 2:19
  Speaker 2: they cannot use it. Everything that we do, is it
• 2:22
  Speaker 2: because of you? Every trial, every tribulation, every victory is
• 2:28
  Speaker 2: all because of you. Every single step that we take
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: is intentional to the purpose in which you have created us.
• 2:35
  Speaker 2: I thank you for this moment. In Jesus name, we
• 2:38
  Speaker 2: pray Amen. Now, let me tell you a little bit
• 2:42
  Speaker 2: about my guest here, mister Paul Hooper. He has faced
• 2:46
  Speaker 2: some of life's darkest moments, yet he did not give up.
• 2:50
  Speaker 2: Along the way. He turned his passion for fitness into
• 2:54
  Speaker 2: a thriving business. But we don't get to talk to
• 2:59
  Speaker 2: him about his journey. So Paul, welcome to the show.
• 3:04
  Speaker 3: Thank you very much for having me. I'm very excited
• 3:06
  Speaker 3: to be here.
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: Well, I thank you for coming and being all the way.
• 3:12
  Speaker 2: On the other side, it's a little man where you
• 3:14
  Speaker 2: are on Friday. It is Friday, little it is all
• 3:23
  Speaker 2: dark over here and Cole so you know, I got
• 3:28
  Speaker 2: them a little warm, fuzzy socks on, trying to stay warm.
• 3:35
  Speaker 2: But introduce yourself to the guests, and then I'm gonna
• 3:39
  Speaker 2: ask you a couple little questions. But we're just gonna
• 3:41
  Speaker 2: have a regular little competition.
• 3:43
  Speaker 3: Sounds great, sounds amazing.
• 3:45
  Speaker 4: Well, yeah, I'm forty six year old father of three
• 3:49
  Speaker 4: and husband been in the health and fitness industry for
• 3:52
  Speaker 4: just ten years. Second marriage, so obviously that's what my
• 3:57
  Speaker 4: story is about. But you know, at the moment, I'm
• 4:00
  Speaker 4: living life to the fullest.
• 4:02
  Speaker 3: I love my job, I love my family, and yeah,
• 4:05
  Speaker 3: I couldn't been a better place at the moment.
• 4:08
  Speaker 2: Well that is also a good thing, good place to
• 4:11
  Speaker 2: be because everything is wonderful. Now you mentioned this is
• 4:16
  Speaker 2: your second marriage, tell me a little bit about your
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: first marriage.
• 4:21
  Speaker 4: Absolutely, so I got married the first time around in
• 4:25
  Speaker 4: the early two thousands, two thousand and five. Okay, it
• 4:31
  Speaker 4: was after a very short relationship. So upon reflection, I've
• 4:36
  Speaker 4: considered that period of time, I was still very mature,
• 4:39
  Speaker 4: immature in life, Okay, I experience so decisions were sort
• 4:43
  Speaker 4: of made based on emotion rather than logic, and.
• 4:48
  Speaker 3: That decision as well.
• 4:49
  Speaker 4: So yeah, we've done have been together for a very
• 4:53
  Speaker 4: short space, less than a year, and the marriage went
• 4:56
  Speaker 4: a long period of time, like it went over ten years.
• 4:58
  Speaker 4: So you know, we have we had a child, so
• 5:02
  Speaker 4: that's obviously a huge positive to come from it. But
• 5:09
  Speaker 4: and yeah, we ended up getting divorced not long after
• 5:12
  Speaker 4: that ten year period.
• 5:13
  Speaker 3: So okay, what.
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: Led to you getting a divorce.
• 5:21
  Speaker 4: So she was unfaithful, to put it bluntly, and it
• 5:24
  Speaker 4: wasn't your typical sort of you know, back then there
• 5:27
  Speaker 4: wasn't a lot of dating apps and all that sort
• 5:28
  Speaker 4: of stuff, so hadn't evolved to what it is today.
• 5:34
  Speaker 3: But she was unfaithful in a way that was incredibly deceptive.
• 5:37
  Speaker 3: She was unfaithful in a way that gas.
• 5:40
  Speaker 4: Lit me a lot. It made me feel like I
• 5:43
  Speaker 4: was the problem a lot of the time. And this
• 5:44
  Speaker 4: went on for a good couple of months, and it
• 5:48
  Speaker 4: basically got to a point where the intuition in me
• 5:52
  Speaker 4: felt that something was wrong. So I actually had to
• 5:55
  Speaker 4: investigated to determine what was actually happening and get to
• 5:59
  Speaker 4: the boy of the issues because it was just going
• 6:02
  Speaker 4: to continue, and looking back on now, it's just going
• 6:04
  Speaker 4: to continually be a situation where I was constantly being
• 6:10
  Speaker 4: blamed for my insecurities about our marriage, yet she was
• 6:15
  Speaker 4: the one that was selflessly off doing other things. So yeah,
• 6:17
  Speaker 4: it wasn't a fun time to go through, that's for sure.
• 6:21
  Speaker 2: M definitely I can. I can definitely relate to being
• 6:25
  Speaker 2: married and divorced myself. We were actually high school sweethearts
• 6:32
  Speaker 2: and we have three children together, and we grew apart
• 6:40
  Speaker 2: more more than likely more or less, I'll say it
• 6:44
  Speaker 2: that way, but it was more upon the fact of
• 6:49
  Speaker 2: his selfishness. You know, he put himself above the safety
• 6:55
  Speaker 2: of our children, and that was the final straw for me.
• 6:58
  Speaker 2: And it was just like, Okay, it is time for
• 7:01
  Speaker 2: me to take our children and go. And even down
• 7:07
  Speaker 2: to the day that we moved out and moved to
• 7:11
  Speaker 2: a new house, news space, he was still more concerned
• 7:14
  Speaker 2: with what was going to happen to him than the
• 7:18
  Speaker 2: reason why we were no longer together. You said it
• 7:25
  Speaker 2: was a short courtship basically before you got married. How
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: old were you when you got married?
• 7:31
  Speaker 3: A good question. So two thousand and five, I would
• 7:34
  Speaker 3: have been in my mid twenties.
• 7:38
  Speaker 4: So yeah, in my opinion, relatively young from I guess
• 7:43
  Speaker 4: a mature perspective. But I guess, you know, the white
• 7:48
  Speaker 4: thing sort of work over here or indeed over here
• 7:51
  Speaker 4: is you know, the social expectation was, you finished high school,
• 7:55
  Speaker 4: you are the side of the career. He went to university,
• 7:57
  Speaker 4: You meet someone you know, get married by the family.
• 8:01
  Speaker 4: That was sort of the process and expect from previous generations.
• 8:05
  Speaker 4: So that's kind of the path I went down, but
• 8:09
  Speaker 4: it obviously didn't pan out the way it should have been.
• 8:12
  Speaker 4: Look upon reflection, now I'm actually grateful for having gone
• 8:17
  Speaker 4: through that period, even though it was, you know, some
• 8:19
  Speaker 4: of the hardest times of war, because now I can
• 8:23
  Speaker 4: appreciate what I've got now, Yeah, life, I've got an
• 8:26
  Speaker 4: amazing family, I've got a great career, all of which
• 8:29
  Speaker 4: wouldn't exist if I didn't sort of take the steps
• 8:31
  Speaker 4: I did.
• 8:32
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I truly believe, as we were talking earlier, is
• 8:37
  Speaker 2: that you have to go some of the darkest moments
• 8:40
  Speaker 2: and toughest times in order for you to actually appreciate
• 8:44
  Speaker 2: the things that you have.
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: Now.
• 8:47
  Speaker 2: One thing that I know for myself, and you can
• 8:50
  Speaker 2: agree or disagree with this, is that in those dark moments,
• 8:55
  Speaker 2: you don't really know if you're going to come out
• 8:58
  Speaker 2: of those really quickly, because it's like, how did I
• 9:01
  Speaker 2: get here? Why is this happening? I don't understand. I
• 9:06
  Speaker 2: don't feel like this is right, Like I wasn't a
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: bad person to this person. Why would they do this
• 9:11
  Speaker 2: to me? And it's like, God, what is it that
• 9:16
  Speaker 2: you're trying to teach me in this moment? Because this
• 9:20
  Speaker 2: doesn't feel right and you don't feel like you're gonna
• 9:24
  Speaker 2: get out of it. You start to go down a
• 9:27
  Speaker 2: path of you may turn to drugs and alcohol to
• 9:30
  Speaker 2: try to cope with what you're dealing with, the betrayal
• 9:33
  Speaker 2: of other people that you truly believed and thought that
• 9:37
  Speaker 2: they loved you in the manner in which you love them,
• 9:40
  Speaker 2: and it's not the same. I know, That's how I
• 9:45
  Speaker 2: felt when I was dealing with what I was dealing
• 9:48
  Speaker 2: with when my marriage was ending. And it's a hard space.
• 9:54
  Speaker 2: And but you got to take that hard look at yourself.
• 9:57
  Speaker 2: So did you ever take the heart look at itself
• 10:01
  Speaker 2: to say, okay, well, our did play a part in
• 10:04
  Speaker 2: this or was it all on your ex way, That's
• 10:10
  Speaker 2: a good question.
• 10:11
  Speaker 3: I did.
• 10:12
  Speaker 4: There was obviously a lot of reflection, but it took
• 10:14
  Speaker 4: a while to actually get to that point, just simply
• 10:17
  Speaker 4: because I was so devastated with the fact that, you know,
• 10:19
  Speaker 4: my marriage had gone down this path.
• 10:21
  Speaker 3: We hadn't have to worry about as well.
• 10:23
  Speaker 4: But upon reflection, look, it was a tough one because
• 10:29
  Speaker 4: I think you know, you always asked the question could
• 10:32
  Speaker 4: you have done more? Could you have been better? And
• 10:35
  Speaker 4: through the early stages before I actually established what was
• 10:38
  Speaker 4: going on. That's what I was doing. I was making
• 10:41
  Speaker 4: so much effort because I felt it was my problem.
• 10:43
  Speaker 4: I felt, but in hindsight, it obviously wasn't. So to
• 10:49
  Speaker 4: answer your question, I don't think I needed to do
• 10:51
  Speaker 4: anything more. No, you know, a typical marriage obviously has
• 10:54
  Speaker 4: a to ups and down. There's always bumps in the road,
• 10:57
  Speaker 4: but you work through it together because you're a team.
• 11:00
  Speaker 4: This wasn't the case in this situation.
• 11:02
  Speaker 3: You know, she.
• 11:04
  Speaker 4: Chosen her path and she went down it and left
• 11:08
  Speaker 4: me sort of in the way. So I wasn't necessarily
• 11:14
  Speaker 4: not doing enough. I feel whether it it was been
• 11:18
  Speaker 4: not enough, been enough present, or you know, trying to
• 11:21
  Speaker 4: be more intimately, whatever the case may be, she's simply
• 11:25
  Speaker 4: decision based on where she was in her life, and
• 11:29
  Speaker 4: that's how panned out.
• 11:32
  Speaker 2: I definitely understand that. It's one of those things where
• 11:37
  Speaker 2: I know, for me, it was a self reflection that
• 11:39
  Speaker 2: after our separation, I did a long, hard look at myself.
• 11:46
  Speaker 2: I did a list of my strengths and my weaknesses,
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: and then I did a list of things where I
• 11:56
  Speaker 2: felt like I could have done better and I could
• 11:59
  Speaker 2: have because me, for me, I know, sometimes I'm not
• 12:04
  Speaker 2: a very patient person when it comes to stupidity, so
• 12:07
  Speaker 2: to speak. And so I've had to learn that just
• 12:14
  Speaker 2: because it's stupid to me doesn't mean it's stupid to
• 12:16
  Speaker 2: someone else. So I've had to learn to work on that.
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: And I'm still working on my tone in which I
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: ask questions of my significant other, you know, because sometimes
• 12:32
  Speaker 2: my tone is harsh to some people when I am
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: asking questions, and I ask questions most of the time
• 12:40
  Speaker 2: for clarity and understanding, and having a person who isn't
• 12:49
  Speaker 2: used to being question will get defensive because they're not
• 12:52
  Speaker 2: used to being question And so I've had to learn
• 12:57
  Speaker 2: in this dating situation how not to be so forceful
• 13:02
  Speaker 2: with my tone when I'm just asking for a clarity. Now,
• 13:10
  Speaker 2: has that been something you've had to work on with
• 13:14
  Speaker 2: yourself about being less tactful or direct but not harsh.
• 13:24
  Speaker 4: Look, yeah, absolutely, you learn a lot from obviously, you know,
• 13:29
  Speaker 4: a marriage and being with someone exclusively. But as I
• 13:34
  Speaker 4: mentioned earlier, it took me a while to sort of
• 13:36
  Speaker 4: it was almost like someone had died, you know, I
• 13:40
  Speaker 4: first and then very much up so and I'd actually
• 13:47
  Speaker 4: I was convinced I was never going to get married again.
• 13:49
  Speaker 4: I thought, no, I'm done with it. I don't believe
• 13:50
  Speaker 4: in it. You know, if this is the experience, I
• 13:53
  Speaker 4: don't want anything to do with it. But it's amazing
• 13:57
  Speaker 4: how over time and obviously healing and some mint.
• 14:00
  Speaker 3: Of work you can you can change the way you think.
• 14:02
  Speaker 4: And then obviously when my now wife came along and
• 14:06
  Speaker 4: then just changed, so I did have to do a
• 14:09
  Speaker 4: lot of work to obviously let her in and trust her.
• 14:12
  Speaker 4: And that was obviously my own insecurities at the time.
• 14:15
  Speaker 4: But you know, it certainly panned out really well and
• 14:19
  Speaker 4: we're here, we've been married now.
• 14:22
  Speaker 3: Seven and a bit years.
• 14:24
  Speaker 4: So yeahratulation, Yeah, yeah, it's really good.
• 14:29
  Speaker 2: Now, what were some of the things that you did
• 14:32
  Speaker 2: on your healing journey before you met your now waife.
• 14:37
  Speaker 4: Look, fitness was a massive thing back then. It wasn't
• 14:41
  Speaker 4: my career, but I still was a regular attendance to it.
• 14:45
  Speaker 3: I went to a gym regularly.
• 14:46
  Speaker 4: I played some sport, so the gym itself, it was
• 14:51
  Speaker 4: almost like therapy for me. It was a way to
• 14:54
  Speaker 4: sort of get rid of some negative energy. It was
• 14:58
  Speaker 4: a way to make myself feel good. It was a
• 15:01
  Speaker 4: positive environment. Every time you walked in there. So that
• 15:03
  Speaker 4: had a strong influence on me as well, because at
• 15:05
  Speaker 4: the end of the day, I was in a really
• 15:07
  Speaker 4: dark place when that marriage, you know, to the point
• 15:10
  Speaker 4: where I was where suicide was a serious, a serious consideration.
• 15:15
  Speaker 3: So the gym was a regular constant.
• 15:18
  Speaker 4: It was something that gave me purpose every day to
• 15:20
  Speaker 4: go to and I made that commitment to myself and
• 15:23
  Speaker 4: and that was something that that got me through and
• 15:26
  Speaker 4: now obviously has turned into a career for me. So
• 15:28
  Speaker 4: it was it was very much a path that I
• 15:31
  Speaker 4: didn't realize I was taking, but upon reflection, it very much,
• 15:35
  Speaker 4: you know, basically changed my life.
• 15:40
  Speaker 2: It's one of those things that you don't realize that
• 15:45
  Speaker 2: is your saving grace in those moments. You know, my
• 15:49
  Speaker 2: saving grace during my journey has been writing and that
• 15:54
  Speaker 2: has led to what I do now, and that is helped,
• 16:00
  Speaker 2: you know, write books according to their journeys. And never
• 16:06
  Speaker 2: did I imagine I'd be in the middle of like
• 16:09
  Speaker 2: talking to people, doing a podcast or anything like that.
• 16:12
  Speaker 2: But it's the path. It's those things that you don't
• 16:17
  Speaker 2: think you're gonna need or you're gonna be good at,
• 16:20
  Speaker 2: but one of the things that you tend to do
• 16:23
  Speaker 2: is go to where you find peace and where you
• 16:25
  Speaker 2: find comfort, and the gem was your piece and your comfort,
• 16:29
  Speaker 2: and it allowed you to release the feelings that you
• 16:33
  Speaker 2: were dealing with in a way that was not only
• 16:38
  Speaker 2: healing to your body, but healing to your mental as well.
• 16:42
  Speaker 2: And it allowed you to have a softer space when
• 16:47
  Speaker 2: it was time for you to actually meet your wife.
• 16:51
  Speaker 2: And how would you guys meet?
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: Uh?
• 16:55
  Speaker 3: Ironically, I know I mentioned this at the start, but
• 16:59
  Speaker 3: believe it not.
• 17:02
  Speaker 4: After being married for such a long period of time,
• 17:05
  Speaker 4: the dating world had changed so much in that time
• 17:10
  Speaker 4: just coming through. People weren't meeting the traditional ways anymore.
• 17:14
  Speaker 4: So I kind of I didn't know what to do,
• 17:16
  Speaker 4: and I felt that it was time to start meeting people.
• 17:18
  Speaker 4: So I, you know, set up an account on one
• 17:23
  Speaker 4: of these dating apps, and lo and behold she popped up.
• 17:26
  Speaker 3: So yeah, I guess the rest is history. From that perspective, it.
• 17:30
  Speaker 2: Was really asked her out first. I did she ask
• 17:33
  Speaker 2: you out?
• 17:35
  Speaker 3: Ah, that's a good question. I don't remember.
• 17:39
  Speaker 4: We had lengthy conversations initially, so we were back and forth,
• 17:45
  Speaker 4: just learning about each other.
• 17:47
  Speaker 3: And then I think I must I probably did.
• 17:49
  Speaker 4: I would say to suggest that we'll meet and go
• 17:52
  Speaker 4: for dinner, but I couldn't tell you.
• 17:58
  Speaker 3: Probably have to ask her.
• 18:00
  Speaker 2: Oh goodness, well, we could definitely ask her. But it
• 18:04
  Speaker 2: obviously went very well because now she's your wife.
• 18:08
  Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, that's exactly right. It went very well. We
• 18:14
  Speaker 4: had lights. Yeah, it just it just it just seemed
• 18:19
  Speaker 4: broad at the time. It really energy was really good.
• 18:22
  Speaker 4: The connection was really good. And yeah, we we hit
• 18:26
  Speaker 4: it off.
• 18:27
  Speaker 3: Really really well.
• 18:28
  Speaker 4: We had a lot of similarities, a lot of things
• 18:29
  Speaker 4: in common, so it just worked out really well.
• 18:33
  Speaker 2: Well, it's good that you were able to open up
• 18:36
  Speaker 2: your heart and allow her in. Now, do you feel
• 18:40
  Speaker 2: like she had to do a lot of work to
• 18:45
  Speaker 2: get you to gain like to gain her trust and
• 18:49
  Speaker 2: letting your guard down to be soft and gentle in
• 18:52
  Speaker 2: a way that only she can bring that side out
• 18:55
  Speaker 2: of you.
• 18:56
  Speaker 4: Absolutely. I definitely had.
• 19:00
  Speaker 3: Walls up early on.
• 19:03
  Speaker 4: You know, it took a while for us to sort
• 19:05
  Speaker 4: of talk at a deeper level and communicate from that
• 19:09
  Speaker 4: perspective rather than just sort of surface level stuff. I
• 19:12
  Speaker 4: initially told her, and I was upfront about it, that
• 19:14
  Speaker 4: I didn't want to get married. I put that out
• 19:16
  Speaker 4: there straight away, just so we didn't go too far
• 19:19
  Speaker 4: down the path in case that was a deal breaker
• 19:20
  Speaker 4: for her. But ironically, you know, I, having spent a
• 19:27
  Speaker 4: lengthy period of time together, I knew that I did
• 19:29
  Speaker 4: want to marry her. It was just a matter of when.
• 19:32
  Speaker 4: So yeah, that was certainly the case. But no, my
• 19:34
  Speaker 4: walls were up, But the trust side of things just
• 19:39
  Speaker 4: came naturally. It felt. I felt comfortable in the presence.
• 19:42
  Speaker 4: I felt really comfortable talking to her openly. It wasn't
• 19:46
  Speaker 4: too long within the relationship before I told her about
• 19:48
  Speaker 4: my previous marriage and how it all unfolded. And ironically,
• 19:53
  Speaker 4: her story was somewhat similar to because she'd been previously
• 19:56
  Speaker 4: married as well, so there was a bit of a
• 19:59
  Speaker 4: connection from that easier as well.
• 20:02
  Speaker 2: Okay, I definitely can see where that plays a major
• 20:06
  Speaker 2: part in a connection. But this is a question that
• 20:12
  Speaker 2: I always want to ask men when it comes to
• 20:15
  Speaker 2: selecting their partner their wife. Do you, guys feel like
• 20:24
  Speaker 2: when your spouse brings you peace is when you can
• 20:30
  Speaker 2: really relax and be the truer form of yourself and
• 20:34
  Speaker 2: not being so hard and tough outside of home. Home
• 20:39
  Speaker 2: is where you can actually be soft and gentle, but
• 20:43
  Speaker 2: yet still be firm. But do you feel like when
• 20:47
  Speaker 2: you meet that woman, she brings out that version of
• 20:51
  Speaker 2: you of being that softer not necessarily a teddy bear,
• 20:57
  Speaker 2: but being soft and gentle in that sense.
• 21:02
  Speaker 3: That's a good question.
• 21:04
  Speaker 4: I guess because of my age, I've grown up in
• 21:07
  Speaker 4: an environment and a family where the males were the lead,
• 21:10
  Speaker 4: They were the you know, the alpha of the family.
• 21:13
  Speaker 4: So I always assume that role. But I guess in
• 21:18
  Speaker 4: our relationship now, she's such a calming influence and we
• 21:21
  Speaker 4: have a collaborative sort of marriage. I don't have to
• 21:25
  Speaker 4: be the decision maker all the time. I don't have
• 21:27
  Speaker 4: to be the disciplinarian all the time. We can very
• 21:32
  Speaker 4: much sort of sit on and even keel when it
• 21:35
  Speaker 4: comes to all those sort of things. So that's been
• 21:37
  Speaker 4: a bit of an adjustment for me over the time
• 21:39
  Speaker 4: we've been together. But it's also been a nice one
• 21:42
  Speaker 4: as well. It sort of allows me to be more
• 21:47
  Speaker 4: I guess, centered, more emotional, more balanced, I suppose, rather
• 21:53
  Speaker 4: than just assume that I've got.
• 21:54
  Speaker 3: To be that, yeah, that male.
• 22:00
  Speaker 2: Well, the other question is do you feel like I
• 22:04
  Speaker 2: hear a lot of the fifty to fifty you know,
• 22:09
  Speaker 2: and relationships. I don't necessarily think that relationships are fifty
• 22:14
  Speaker 2: to fifty. I feel like you give one hundred percent
• 22:17
  Speaker 2: of yourself and your partner gives one hundred percent, but
• 22:20
  Speaker 2: they may not. You may not always have one hundred
• 22:22
  Speaker 2: percent to give. But if you're working together, you feel
• 22:26
  Speaker 2: where the other person isn't so full in that moment,
• 22:30
  Speaker 2: and that helps you to build and grow and communicate together.
• 22:34
  Speaker 2: What are your thoughts on that?
• 22:37
  Speaker 3: Absolutely no, I agree with that.
• 22:39
  Speaker 4: Look, it's you know, it's very much dependent on circumstances,
• 22:44
  Speaker 4: very much dependent on you know, your environment. If you're
• 22:49
  Speaker 4: carrying a lot of load in terms of stress and
• 22:52
  Speaker 4: you know, things like that, then the other person generally
• 22:55
  Speaker 4: picks up the slack.
• 22:56
  Speaker 3: So it may not always be fifty to fifty. It
• 22:58
  Speaker 3: maybe sixty forty and maybe said thirty.
• 23:00
  Speaker 4: There's always going to be a spread of responsibility from
• 23:05
  Speaker 4: one to the other, just depending on where people are
• 23:07
  Speaker 4: in life. There's no such thing as the perfect marriage
• 23:11
  Speaker 4: in my opinion. You know, you've got to obviously work
• 23:13
  Speaker 4: on it, and you've got to carry emotional load in
• 23:17
  Speaker 4: some instances where the other one might be having to
• 23:20
  Speaker 4: carry financial load or family load or whatever it is.
• 23:23
  Speaker 3: So it is a balancing act.
• 23:25
  Speaker 4: But That's what makes it so great is that you
• 23:28
  Speaker 4: can work together to refine it and improve it.
• 23:32
  Speaker 2: We had our question on here. We have a few
• 23:35
  Speaker 2: congratulations also for your new marriage, and this question is
• 23:41
  Speaker 2: being asked, do you ever really get over the pain
• 23:44
  Speaker 2: of being cheated on?
• 23:47
  Speaker 3: That's a good one At this point in time, I
• 23:51
  Speaker 3: would say, I am, but it's a long time.
• 23:55
  Speaker 4: Even though I obviously opened up and got remarried and
• 23:59
  Speaker 4: things like that, still had relapses in terms of anxiety
• 24:03
  Speaker 4: because I still have to communicate with my daughter's mum,
• 24:06
  Speaker 4: my ex wife, because of our daughter. My daughter's seventeen,
• 24:10
  Speaker 4: so she's still in school, so we still have to make,
• 24:13
  Speaker 4: you know, collective decisions around that, and just doing that
• 24:18
  Speaker 4: and communicating with her is quite challenging at times. It's
• 24:22
  Speaker 4: gotten easier as time has progressed, but in the early
• 24:25
  Speaker 4: stages it was really tough. I would often recourse, I
• 24:29
  Speaker 4: would often not want to communicate with her, so it.
• 24:33
  Speaker 3: Was really challenging.
• 24:34
  Speaker 4: But over time it's gotten a lot better, and I'm
• 24:36
  Speaker 4: comfortable to say now, you know, I'm pretty much done
• 24:40
  Speaker 4: in terms of yet that whole.
• 24:42
  Speaker 2: Episode definitely relate to being tough and that such situation
• 24:49
  Speaker 2: because having to communicate with the other partner when the
• 24:54
  Speaker 2: kids are smile and things need to get done, the
• 24:57
  Speaker 2: other party is not always recept of what needs to
• 25:02
  Speaker 2: be done. It was definitely a challenge for me in
• 25:07
  Speaker 2: the sense of not wanting to try to force him
• 25:14
  Speaker 2: to be a father, but to let him know that
• 25:18
  Speaker 2: you still have a responsibility to these three children. And yes,
• 25:23
  Speaker 2: you may have moved on with the new relationship and
• 25:26
  Speaker 2: that woman has children, but you created three over here
• 25:32
  Speaker 2: that need you just as much as these other children
• 25:36
  Speaker 2: that don't have a connection to you in that sense.
• 25:39
  Speaker 2: And so that was more so of my battle and
• 25:43
  Speaker 2: my situation. We got another question, how do you keep
• 25:47
  Speaker 2: your emotions from the past marriage from interfering in your
• 25:51
  Speaker 2: new marriage.
• 25:53
  Speaker 4: That's another good question. Look, communication is very, very important.
• 25:58
  Speaker 2: You know.
• 26:00
  Speaker 4: The fact that I did open up early with my
• 26:03
  Speaker 4: now wife, early in our relationship about what had previously happened,
• 26:07
  Speaker 4: gave her a lot of transparency understand where I was
• 26:11
  Speaker 4: at both emotions, made her aware of where I was emotionally.
• 26:16
  Speaker 4: And there's still been periods where I've had to sort
• 26:19
  Speaker 4: of you know, I've seen a psychologist from time to
• 26:22
  Speaker 4: time just to keep on top of things. You know,
• 26:26
  Speaker 4: the emotional baggage that I took out of that previous
• 26:30
  Speaker 4: marriage was quite heavy. It was dramatic, it was devastating,
• 26:34
  Speaker 4: you know, it took a lot to get over it.
• 26:37
  Speaker 4: So every now and then, there's going to be moments
• 26:39
  Speaker 4: that may pop up from time to time that I
• 26:41
  Speaker 4: have to manage. But because my relationship with my current
• 26:44
  Speaker 4: wife is so strong and she's fully aware of everything
• 26:47
  Speaker 4: that I've been through, she's very open in terms of
• 26:50
  Speaker 4: me talking to her about it. She's really grounded in
• 26:53
  Speaker 4: terms of her logic and the way she thinks, so
• 26:55
  Speaker 4: that always helps. So I think if you are in
• 26:57
  Speaker 4: a new marriage, it's the communication that is very in
• 27:01
  Speaker 4: terms of managing any old sort of troub or emotions
• 27:04
  Speaker 4: that might pop up from Tom to Tony.
• 27:06
  Speaker 2: I definitely agree with that having open lines of communication,
• 27:10
  Speaker 2: no matter how hard the conversation may get, you have
• 27:15
  Speaker 2: to have the hard conversations, and I think most of
• 27:18
  Speaker 2: the time we try to avoid them because we don't
• 27:21
  Speaker 2: want to upset our partner. But if they can't, if
• 27:24
  Speaker 2: you don't talk to them about what you're feeling, how
• 27:27
  Speaker 2: can they help you navigate what you're feeling? And sometimes
• 27:31
  Speaker 2: it's a trigger of something from the past that they
• 27:35
  Speaker 2: may have said something that is, you know, upsetting. Like
• 27:39
  Speaker 2: it was a relationship that I was in, probably about
• 27:42
  Speaker 2: four years ago, and a situation came up where a
• 27:50
  Speaker 2: friend of mine was visiting and the gentleman that I
• 27:56
  Speaker 2: was dating didn't like that I had mel company. But
• 28:01
  Speaker 2: this was a friend for me from high school and
• 28:04
  Speaker 2: had been with me during a moment of sickness for me,
• 28:08
  Speaker 2: and so instead of him talking to me about it,
• 28:12
  Speaker 2: he talked to everyone else and said how angry he
• 28:17
  Speaker 2: was at it. And then it was like when I
• 28:20
  Speaker 2: confronted him about him talking to everyone else instead of
• 28:23
  Speaker 2: talking to me, it was like, well, you did something
• 28:27
  Speaker 2: that my ex did and that triggered me. And I said, well,
• 28:29
  Speaker 2: how would I know that? That was never a conversation
• 28:32
  Speaker 2: that was brought up or discussed because your ex had
• 28:39
  Speaker 2: a whole mail in her bed. This was not the
• 28:43
  Speaker 2: case in my situation. He was in my house, but
• 28:47
  Speaker 2: my children and everyone was there and we were having
• 28:50
  Speaker 2: a conversation. No one was undressed or anything. Everybody was
• 28:54
  Speaker 2: fully closed, children in the room and everything. But he
• 28:59
  Speaker 2: was by the fact that there was another male outside
• 29:03
  Speaker 2: of him being there, So it was his own insecurities
• 29:06
  Speaker 2: that he projected onto me, and it was like, that
• 29:10
  Speaker 2: had nothing to do with me, but you made it
• 29:13
  Speaker 2: my fault because you didn't express what you had been through.
• 29:18
  Speaker 2: And I feel like uncommunicated expectations ruin a lot of
• 29:23
  Speaker 2: relationships because if you don't express what it is that
• 29:28
  Speaker 2: it's a deal breaker for you. Number one, if you
• 29:31
  Speaker 2: have unresolved trauma or triggers that you don't express to
• 29:38
  Speaker 2: your partner, how can they know if what they have
• 29:42
  Speaker 2: said are done is upsetting to you if you've never
• 29:46
  Speaker 2: told them, you know, it's a hard thing and it's
• 29:52
  Speaker 2: a hard space to be when you don't have that
• 29:56
  Speaker 2: open line of communication of this is what it happened
• 30:00
  Speaker 2: to me when I was at this age, or this
• 30:03
  Speaker 2: happened to me when this was gone. And it's like okay,
• 30:10
  Speaker 2: and we got another question. Does your wife get along
• 30:13
  Speaker 2: with your ex wife? And how does that make you feel?
• 30:20
  Speaker 4: They've certainly tried for our daughter's sake. My ex wife
• 30:26
  Speaker 4: is very look, I don't want to paint a terrible
• 30:31
  Speaker 4: picture of it, but she's still a very bitter woman.
• 30:34
  Speaker 4: So my current wife certainly made effort, made attempt we've
• 30:38
  Speaker 4: caught up several times in terms of managing my daughter
• 30:41
  Speaker 4: through you know, the younger years in life and things
• 30:46
  Speaker 4: like that. Yeah, it's it's challenging right now. No, to
• 30:51
  Speaker 4: answer the question openly, she doesn't. It's not that she
• 30:54
  Speaker 4: doesn't get along's there's just no communication. Most of it's
• 30:58
  Speaker 4: through me. But at the same time, my daughter's seventeen now,
• 31:01
  Speaker 4: so she's bicycally in that also directly with her. But
• 31:06
  Speaker 4: that were never going to be friends, just different personalities,
• 31:08
  Speaker 4: different people in general. Like in the perfect world, that
• 31:11
  Speaker 4: would be ideal because it would mean that everyone's getting
• 31:14
  Speaker 4: along and there's no conflict.
• 31:15
  Speaker 3: But yeah, it didn't. It didn't end up that way
• 31:17
  Speaker 3: at all.
• 31:19
  Speaker 2: I hate when it's those type of situations, but it
• 31:24
  Speaker 2: just goes to show that there's still a lack of
• 31:27
  Speaker 2: maturity to where you can't get along, you know. And
• 31:33
  Speaker 2: I look at it like this, when the relationship between
• 31:36
  Speaker 2: the two parents, when they are kids involved, at the
• 31:38
  Speaker 2: end of the day, you got to put your pride
• 31:40
  Speaker 2: to the side and do what's best for the children. Now,
• 31:44
  Speaker 2: if you want to have an argument out to the
• 31:46
  Speaker 2: side outside away from the kids, that's fine, but don't
• 31:49
  Speaker 2: put the kids in the middle of it, because they
• 31:51
  Speaker 2: have absolutely nothing to do with it. You know, the
• 31:56
  Speaker 2: angry dads are sometimes bitter too. Men are, and women
• 32:01
  Speaker 2: are usually a lot bitter because they don't want to
• 32:08
  Speaker 2: admit that they played a major part in the downfall
• 32:13
  Speaker 2: of the relationship. There's a lot of women that just
• 32:16
  Speaker 2: want to blame the man but never take any accountability
• 32:20
  Speaker 2: for their own actions. And when I look at it
• 32:25
  Speaker 2: like this, when the woman doesn't want to take accountability
• 32:27
  Speaker 2: for her actions, it just means that it's easy for
• 32:30
  Speaker 2: her to place to blame then accept accountability, and it's like, Okay,
• 32:34
  Speaker 2: but he didn't do this by himself. You did something
• 32:39
  Speaker 2: that made him leave, but you won't admit to what
• 32:43
  Speaker 2: you did, so you blame him completely. You have to
• 32:47
  Speaker 2: take that mirror and turn it back on yourself and say, Okay,
• 32:52
  Speaker 2: I did this, And if you're able to do that,
• 32:56
  Speaker 2: that is where your growth is always going to begin.
• 33:00
  Speaker 2: Starts with accountability and not denial. But some people like
• 33:05
  Speaker 2: to live on denial street forever. I'm just not peoful.
• 33:10
  Speaker 2: You know. You can't heal from what you don't acknowledge,
• 33:14
  Speaker 2: you know, and if you want a wound to heal.
• 33:17
  Speaker 2: You gotta have to recognize that it's there and then
• 33:21
  Speaker 2: start taking the steps to heal from that. What advice
• 33:25
  Speaker 2: would you give to someone that is in the middle
• 33:32
  Speaker 2: of uncertainty of staying or leaving, Because it seems more
• 33:40
  Speaker 2: painful to stay in a situation than it is to leave,
• 33:44
  Speaker 2: But it would be better if you were to leave,
• 33:49
  Speaker 2: you know, for the sake of mental safety, physical safety,
• 33:56
  Speaker 2: just clarity all the way around. What advice would you give.
• 34:01
  Speaker 4: That's a good question. It's very dependent on the on
• 34:05
  Speaker 4: case by case. For me, I tried to stay, like
• 34:09
  Speaker 4: we went and saw marriage counseling. You know, obviously we
• 34:13
  Speaker 4: had a daughter, so that was a big reason. But
• 34:15
  Speaker 4: I ended up having to make the tough call to
• 34:17
  Speaker 4: leave because I just it was too toxic and it
• 34:19
  Speaker 4: just became too untenable to stay there. So I think
• 34:24
  Speaker 4: just getting all your cards on the table, having some
• 34:26
  Speaker 4: hard conversations definitely worthwhile.
• 34:29
  Speaker 3: This is where I'm at, This is what I think.
• 34:32
  Speaker 4: Sometimes that can be to the benefit of the relationship,
• 34:35
  Speaker 4: and sometimes it can be at the detriment, but it's
• 34:37
  Speaker 4: got to be done otherwise you're just avoiding what is
• 34:40
  Speaker 4: potentially going to happen. Anyway and a potentially nastier sort
• 34:45
  Speaker 4: of situation. So at least with honesty, you can get
• 34:49
  Speaker 4: to the root of the problem straight away and then
• 34:51
  Speaker 4: make some decisions around that.
• 34:53
  Speaker 2: I think, yeah, I agree with you on that, because
• 34:56
  Speaker 2: is going to be a hard conversation, and nobody likes
• 35:00
  Speaker 2: to have those hard conversations. But the hard conversations are
• 35:04
  Speaker 2: necessary to get you to say, Okay, we tried to
• 35:09
  Speaker 2: make this work, and maybe we're better as friends than
• 35:11
  Speaker 2: we are being in a relationship together. And sometimes that
• 35:16
  Speaker 2: is where we need to understand that it doesn't mean
• 35:20
  Speaker 2: that neither one of us are bad people. It just
• 35:22
  Speaker 2: means that we're not good together, and we have to
• 35:25
  Speaker 2: figure out how to coexist, especially for the sake of
• 35:30
  Speaker 2: the child if there are children involved. And it's okay
• 35:35
  Speaker 2: if you're not together to be in a space of
• 35:39
  Speaker 2: where you're both at peace, you're not at war with
• 35:43
  Speaker 2: each other, you're not doing all of the back and forth,
• 35:46
  Speaker 2: the bickering and putting the child in the middle of
• 35:49
  Speaker 2: trying to pick the side of I want to be
• 35:54
  Speaker 2: with mom, I want to be with d I want
• 35:55
  Speaker 2: to do this, and I want to do that, And
• 35:58
  Speaker 2: that's truly not fair to the kids because they're like,
• 36:01
  Speaker 2: I love you both. Yeah, of course, you know. And
• 36:05
  Speaker 2: so your daughter's seventeen. When me and my ex husband
• 36:11
  Speaker 2: got went through our separation, our oldest was thirteen, So
• 36:17
  Speaker 2: thirteen seven and five, I believe, so around in that
• 36:21
  Speaker 2: area it was it was it was hard, I will
• 36:32
  Speaker 2: but I was at peace because I did a lot
• 36:37
  Speaker 2: of crying and everything before I finally had had enough
• 36:43
  Speaker 2: and it was like I was tired of hearing the
• 36:45
  Speaker 2: same argument over and over again, and it's like, you're
• 36:49
  Speaker 2: not changing the behavior. So, like you were saying, the
• 36:52
  Speaker 2: gas lighting and the relationship, that's what it was. And
• 36:56
  Speaker 2: it was the manipulation. And it's like, Okay, if I'm
• 37:00
  Speaker 2: complaining to you about something and then you try to
• 37:04
  Speaker 2: you say you're sorry, you do a little bit to
• 37:06
  Speaker 2: make it better, but as soon as you think that
• 37:08
  Speaker 2: I've forgotten about the reason why I wanted you to
• 37:12
  Speaker 2: change this behavior, you go back to doing the same
• 37:15
  Speaker 2: thing again. So it's like, am I really the crazy
• 37:18
  Speaker 2: one in this situation or you know? And so that
• 37:21
  Speaker 2: was what it was, and so it was like, yeah,
• 37:24
  Speaker 2: it's best that we go our separate ways because it's
• 37:27
  Speaker 2: not benefiting either. One of us. And the major star
• 37:31
  Speaker 2: for me was he put our children in jeopardy. And
• 37:38
  Speaker 2: it was just like, Okay, this is not gonna work
• 37:43
  Speaker 2: because you are thinking more of self versus putting the
• 37:47
  Speaker 2: welfare of our children in front of what it is
• 37:53
  Speaker 2: for a parent to do, because as a parent, you're
• 37:55
  Speaker 2: gonna make the sacrifices for your children. You know, you're
• 37:58
  Speaker 2: gonna do what is right for them. Even if let's
• 38:02
  Speaker 2: say you may not have enough food for everybody to eat.
• 38:06
  Speaker 2: Instead of taking all the food for yourself, you're gonna
• 38:08
  Speaker 2: make sure your children eat and you're gonna go to
• 38:10
  Speaker 2: bed hungry. That's what it means to sacrifice for your children.
• 38:14
  Speaker 2: And that was not the sense that he was. And
• 38:17
  Speaker 2: it was like, Okay, I gotta think about me first. No, no, no,
• 38:20
  Speaker 2: you got little ones that you have to think about.
• 38:22
  Speaker 2: You have to put them, you know, somewhere in that equation.
• 38:26
  Speaker 2: And that was never a thing for him, you know.
• 38:31
  Speaker 2: But now we are in a space where I can
• 38:34
  Speaker 2: be in the same room with him and talk and
• 38:37
  Speaker 2: not be like I want to smack you upside your
• 38:40
  Speaker 2: head or anything like that. So we it did take
• 38:45
  Speaker 2: us some time to get to that space where I
• 38:49
  Speaker 2: didn't even want to be in the same room with him,
• 38:53
  Speaker 2: but eventually I got over that because it was like,
• 38:58
  Speaker 2: I can't be upset with you because you gotta deal
• 39:02
  Speaker 2: with your own stuff and you gotta get with how
• 39:06
  Speaker 2: you need to get through whatever it is. And you
• 39:09
  Speaker 2: may be fighting a battle that you never even talked
• 39:11
  Speaker 2: to me about, so there's no reason for me to
• 39:13
  Speaker 2: hold this against you. Let me just let this go
• 39:17
  Speaker 2: and learn to get along with you. Because him and
• 39:20
  Speaker 2: I were friends before we weren't anything else, and so
• 39:25
  Speaker 2: now we have gotten back to the space where we
• 39:28
  Speaker 2: are actually friends because we can still laugh and joke.
• 39:33
  Speaker 2: I'm still gonna call him stupid, but I mean, it
• 39:36
  Speaker 2: just is what it is, but I don't do it
• 39:38
  Speaker 2: behind his back anymore. I just tell him, you know,
• 39:41
  Speaker 2: face to face, you're stupid, you know, And he knows
• 39:45
  Speaker 2: why I'm saying it, because you may have done something
• 39:48
  Speaker 2: or said something that was stupid, and he was like,
• 39:50
  Speaker 2: I knew you were gonna say that. So it's not
• 39:52
  Speaker 2: like one of those things where I hate to see
• 39:56
  Speaker 2: him coming or anything like that. But we get along now,
• 40:00
  Speaker 2: and it did take us some time to get to
• 40:02
  Speaker 2: that space, and I'm grateful for it. I'm grateful that
• 40:07
  Speaker 2: he was able to give me our three children, you know,
• 40:12
  Speaker 2: because without that relationship, I wouldn't have them. And they
• 40:16
  Speaker 2: are my greatest one of my greatest accomplishments, and I
• 40:20
  Speaker 2: love them they are sometimes they think that they're my
• 40:23
  Speaker 2: parents now, so that's a whole nother story for a
• 40:29
  Speaker 2: whole nother day, because they now tell me that I
• 40:33
  Speaker 2: am a difficult parent to raise because I'm hard headed
• 40:39
  Speaker 2: and I don't listen to them. So you have a
• 40:42
  Speaker 2: seventeen year old, just prepare yourself for her to start
• 40:46
  Speaker 2: telling you these same things, asking you when you're going
• 40:50
  Speaker 2: to be home, why are you going here? Why are
• 40:52
  Speaker 2: you doing that? Because they tend to think that they
• 40:55
  Speaker 2: become the parent after a certain age. So just prepare
• 41:00
  Speaker 2: yourself because it's what would you like to leave our
• 41:05
  Speaker 2: guests with any at face.
• 41:10
  Speaker 4: I think when look upon reflection with my first marriage,
• 41:15
  Speaker 4: you know, obviously it was very much rushed. I was
• 41:19
  Speaker 4: very emotionally immature. So I think whenever you're entering a
• 41:23
  Speaker 4: courtship for the first time, or you know you've been
• 41:27
  Speaker 4: in it for a period of time and you feel
• 41:29
  Speaker 4: like you know you want to maybe go down the
• 41:31
  Speaker 4: marriage path. Just make sure you've given it the appropriate time,
• 41:33
  Speaker 4: You've had the deep conversations, you've experienced life together in
• 41:37
  Speaker 4: terms of challenging periods, traveling, you know, finance, all these
• 41:42
  Speaker 4: sorts of things. To give yourself a holistic approach of
• 41:45
  Speaker 4: how it looks. I think that's definitely one thing, and
• 41:49
  Speaker 4: I think from my perspective, you know, health and fitness
• 41:52
  Speaker 4: has been a massive part of my life, through tough
• 41:54
  Speaker 4: times and through good times. So if you've got a
• 41:58
  Speaker 4: constant activity or whether it's reading a book or go
• 42:03
  Speaker 4: for walks, keep it up even on the days that
• 42:06
  Speaker 4: you just don't feel like doing it. You know, you first,
• 42:09
  Speaker 4: you're sad, you're anxious, you want to crawl up in
• 42:11
  Speaker 4: bed and eat, you know, box of cookies or whatever
• 42:14
  Speaker 4: the case may be. Keep up that discipline in terms
• 42:18
  Speaker 4: of what you're doing for the physical attributes of it,
• 42:21
  Speaker 4: because they do make you feel good, So that's important
• 42:23
  Speaker 4: as well.
• 42:24
  Speaker 2: Okay, where can they reach you if they want some
• 42:28
  Speaker 2: fitness set base?
• 42:30
  Speaker 3: Yeah absolutely, I'm on Instagram.
• 42:33
  Speaker 4: So my business name is Pau's Body Engineering, so you
• 42:37
  Speaker 4: can find me pause body engineering one word on Instagram.
• 42:40
  Speaker 4: On Facebook, I've got a YouTube channel as well and
• 42:43
  Speaker 4: my website which is pausbodyengineering dot com, so it's pretty
• 42:46
  Speaker 4: easy to find and I've got a lot of free
• 42:49
  Speaker 4: content out there, so plenty of advice in relation to
• 42:52
  Speaker 4: all sorts of goals that you may have as well.
• 42:55
  Speaker 2: Okay, well, I'm definitely going to be looking at more
• 42:58
  Speaker 2: of those because like that, I gotta get this stuff together.
• 43:02
  Speaker 2: But I've just been hard headed and having a flare
• 43:05
  Speaker 2: out with this asthma and having to use that rescuing
• 43:09
  Speaker 2: halo because I think I'm as my kids say, I
• 43:12
  Speaker 2: think I'm grown when I'm not. That's where it comes
• 43:17
  Speaker 2: into play because their quick to say, now, y'all told
• 43:20
  Speaker 2: you were supposed to be doing all that anyway, and
• 43:23
  Speaker 2: not look at you over there, cab. So I'm gonna
• 43:29
  Speaker 2: take it easy and not be so hard headed, but
• 43:33
  Speaker 2: I'm still gonna be hard headed in some aspects. One
• 43:37
  Speaker 2: other question before I let you go, course, do you
• 43:42
  Speaker 2: feel as if the next chapters with your wife are
• 43:48
  Speaker 2: going to be some of the best that you've ever
• 43:52
  Speaker 2: experienced because you're still letting your guard down and you
• 43:56
  Speaker 2: are open to having those hard conversations because it's going
• 44:01
  Speaker 2: to get better with time. Do you have that feeling one.
• 44:05
  Speaker 4: Hundred percent or do yeah? Absolutely. The next period of
• 44:09
  Speaker 4: time for us is very exciting. It's also a little
• 44:12
  Speaker 4: bit daunting because our kids are getting older, they're going
• 44:14
  Speaker 4: to leave school, they're going to start their own lives.
• 44:17
  Speaker 4: So we'll have obviously, you know, the empty ness scenario.
• 44:20
  Speaker 4: But that opens the door for us to travel more,
• 44:23
  Speaker 4: to experience life in a different capacity, and that's really exciting.
• 44:27
  Speaker 4: We still have the deep conversations, we still have tough conversations.
• 44:30
  Speaker 4: I'm still very much pigheaded at times, but you know,
• 44:34
  Speaker 4: as a team, if you will, we tackle things together,
• 44:39
  Speaker 4: and I think that's what's going to make it really enjoyable.
• 44:42
  Speaker 2: Well, that is good. I am glad to hear that.
• 44:46
  Speaker 2: It gives me hope. I am in the middle of
• 44:50
  Speaker 2: about to take a new transition where I'm going to
• 44:55
  Speaker 2: be away from my kids in a different state. So
• 44:57
  Speaker 2: this is definitely a thing for me where I have
• 45:01
  Speaker 2: been battling my fight or flight mode, you know, and
• 45:05
  Speaker 2: it's like, eh, do I run or do I sit
• 45:11
  Speaker 2: and actually figure this out? So that's where I'm at
• 45:14
  Speaker 2: with this. What advice would you give me on that?
• 45:18
  Speaker 2: Just to pace myself be easy on myself and not
• 45:21
  Speaker 2: so hard and not run away because it's different.
• 45:28
  Speaker 4: Well, without change, there comes no change, right, So yeah,
• 45:33
  Speaker 4: I guess I've always leaned on a question whenever I've
• 45:35
  Speaker 4: had a difficult decision to make, in regardless to law
• 45:38
  Speaker 4: anything else, And that is, what's the worst.
• 45:40
  Speaker 3: Thing that can happen?
• 45:41
  Speaker 4: So if you ask yourself that regarding the decision you've
• 45:44
  Speaker 4: got to make, I'm sure you'll come to the conclusion
• 45:48
  Speaker 4: that you're looking for.
• 45:50
  Speaker 2: Well, me, I'm always up to challenge myself to something
• 45:53
  Speaker 2: new and different. And I doesn't matter if I'm scared.
• 45:58
  Speaker 2: I'm gonna do it. It's just how do I do it?
• 46:04
  Speaker 2: I guess it's like, Okay, do I just go all
• 46:08
  Speaker 2: in or do I just put my toe in just
• 46:10
  Speaker 2: a little bit and see what happens? But mostly with me,
• 46:15
  Speaker 2: it's always all or nothing, because you're right, what the
• 46:20
  Speaker 2: worst that could happen? You know, you never know if
• 46:23
  Speaker 2: you're going to succeed it or fail at something if
• 46:26
  Speaker 2: you never actually started, so you actually gotta get moving
• 46:30
  Speaker 2: to get it done. So that's always been my thing.
• 46:33
  Speaker 2: I never set a goal for something. I just say
• 46:37
  Speaker 2: I'm gonna do something and then I just go do it.
• 46:40
  Speaker 2: And then afterwards it's like I might write something down
• 46:43
  Speaker 2: and say I want to cook a recipe, never cook
• 46:48
  Speaker 2: this recipe before, and it's something that's on the top
• 46:51
  Speaker 2: of my head, and I'm like, okay, well, let me
• 46:53
  Speaker 2: put this together, and I'm like overthinking the whole process.
• 46:57
  Speaker 2: But while I'm overthinking the process, actually doing the steps
• 47:01
  Speaker 2: to actually do the recipe, and then the finished result
• 47:06
  Speaker 2: is always something that's enjoyable, and they're like, well, how'd
• 47:09
  Speaker 2: you come up with this recipe? Don't know, it was
• 47:12
  Speaker 2: just a thought in the head. So I just did
• 47:14
  Speaker 2: it and you liked it, so it wasn't a failure.
• 47:17
  Speaker 2: But you know, I'm thinking in my head, oh my god,
• 47:20
  Speaker 2: this stuff does not go together, or why are you
• 47:23
  Speaker 2: putting it together? And then it turns out great. So
• 47:28
  Speaker 2: I've never made a recipe that failed so far, so
• 47:32
  Speaker 2: I guess I'm a decent kind of cook. So that's
• 47:35
  Speaker 2: another passion of mine. So that was one of the
• 47:38
  Speaker 2: things that helped me through my healing journey as well,
• 47:41
  Speaker 2: and also just being honest with myself and telling myself
• 47:45
  Speaker 2: what I needed to hear and not what I wanted
• 47:47
  Speaker 2: to hear, and do you think that having people around
• 47:51
  Speaker 2: you who will tell you the truth, no matter how
• 47:54
  Speaker 2: hard it is, played a major part in you and
• 47:58
  Speaker 2: your growth and your journey.
• 48:00
  Speaker 4: Undred Absolutely, it's really good to have a good circle
• 48:04
  Speaker 4: of support around you obviously that you can lean on,
• 48:08
  Speaker 4: but can also be honest with you as well.
• 48:11
  Speaker 3: You know, it's very important to hear the truth. Sometimes
• 48:14
  Speaker 3: it's hard to hear.
• 48:15
  Speaker 4: Yeah, over time, when you sort of remove that emotional
• 48:19
  Speaker 4: part of it and you can you can hear the
• 48:21
  Speaker 4: truth for what it is. You can obviously make very
• 48:23
  Speaker 4: clear decisions based on that. So yeah, I completely agree
• 48:26
  Speaker 4: with that.
• 48:27
  Speaker 2: All Right, Well, I'm not going to keep you anymore tonight,
• 48:31
  Speaker 2: but if you are available, just know that I am
• 48:37
  Speaker 2: going to drop your information in our group chat. So
• 48:41
  Speaker 2: just be listening out our reading out, I guess you
• 48:46
  Speaker 2: could say, because it'll be an email or Facebook message,
• 48:51
  Speaker 2: our Instagram message for you to appear on one of
• 48:56
  Speaker 2: my other podcast sister shows. Has been an enjoyable conversation.
• 49:04
  Speaker 2: Only other thing I can say is growth comes through pain,
• 49:12
  Speaker 2: and embrace the pain as it comes, but know that
• 49:17
  Speaker 2: it gets better on the other side because you've grown
• 49:20
  Speaker 2: into a different, more beautiful person. On the other side.
• 49:25
  Speaker 2: Is there anything you want to close with for our
• 49:28
  Speaker 2: guests tonight, and then I'm gonna say my closing line,
• 49:30
  Speaker 2: and then we're gonna have it. You're gonna have a
• 49:33
  Speaker 2: great day because you're already on Friday. I can let
• 49:37
  Speaker 2: that go because my Friday is tomorrow.
• 49:43
  Speaker 3: Now.
• 49:43
  Speaker 4: Look, I think you've summed up really well. Without without pain,
• 49:46
  Speaker 4: there is there is any growth. That's very, very true.
• 49:50
  Speaker 4: I think everyone will experience that in some way, shape
• 49:52
  Speaker 4: or form as they go through life. So as long
• 49:54
  Speaker 4: as you can sort of embrace it, run through it,
• 49:58
  Speaker 4: and run away from it, you're gonna go along way
• 50:00
  Speaker 4: to having a successful, lie successful existence, that's for sure.
• 50:04
  Speaker 2: All Right. Well, I thank you and I thank you
• 50:07
  Speaker 2: all for tuning in tonight. And you know I cannot
• 50:09
  Speaker 2: leave without saying this, and that is, stay out of
• 50:12
  Speaker 2: God's business. The only thing that he needs you to
• 50:15
  Speaker 2: do is to be obedient to what He's called you
• 50:17
  Speaker 2: to do. I thank you, guys, and I hope you
• 50:20
  Speaker 2: have a wonderful night. Thank you for tuning in. Good night,