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Transcript

28 | Did I Just Clapback? · You Didn't Ask For This

• 0:00
  Matt: Eric, let me ask you something.
• 0:02
  Eric: Yes, Matt.
• 0:03
  Matt: How do you sleep at night?
• 0:06
  Eric: Uh uh.
• 0:09
  Eric: Huh.
• 0:10
  Eric: What a good question.
• 0:12
  Matt: No, I mean literally.
• 0:12
  Matt: Like how do you sleep at the end of the year?
• 0:14
  Matt: Oh, how do I routine?
• 0:15
  Matt: Side back.
• 0:16
  Matt: Oh, my routine?
• 0:18
  Matt: All right.
• 0:18
  Matt: Yeah.
• 0:20
  Matt: I've realized recently that I have a very specific setup that I that I didn't realize I was doing.
• 0:30
  Matt: Uh-huh.
• 0:31
  Matt: And that setup is I so I have these pajamas.
• 0:34
  Matt: First of all, PJs.
• 0:35
  Matt: What kind of PJs you rocking?
• 0:37
  Matt: You rocking them at all?
• 0:38
  Eric: Oh, baby.
• 0:40
  Eric: You just balls out?
• 0:41
  Eric: Oh yes, God intended.
• 0:43
  Eric: Really?
• 0:43
  Eric: Oh, yes, the Lord spake me into existence.
• 0:47
  Eric: You sleep, nude, really?
• 0:48
  Eric: Oh, I sleep so fucking naked, my man.
• 0:51
  Matt: Does Sam?
• 0:52
  Eric: Oh, yeah.
• 0:53
  unknown: Matthew.
• 0:55
  Matt: I mean, I mean on the reg, you know what I'm saying?
• 0:58
  Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 0:59
  Eric: No.
• 0:59
  Eric: Uh, yeah, well, like we we we hate wearing clothes to bed.
• 1:01
  Eric: It's the worst.
• 1:02
  Matt: Really?
• 1:03
  Eric: Yeah.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my god, it's fascinating.
• 1:07
  Eric: I I love how unshocked I am that you are so fascinated by this.
• 1:15
  Eric: I am fascinated.
• 1:17
  Eric: Do you wear like what do you wear a fucking three-piece suit to bed?
• 1:20
  Eric: No, no, no, no.
• 1:22
  Eric: Wear a journal hoodie with the strings drawn and just like a little hole.
• 1:28
  Matt: Those like checkered like button-ups.
• 1:31
  Matt: I know people do wear like sets of pajamas, but I'm not one of them.
• 1:35
  Matt: That's a lot of things.
• 1:35
  Matt: No, I wear a series of old t-shirts.
• 1:39
  Matt: Okay.
• 1:39
  Matt: Um, and pajama pants.
• 1:41
  Matt: And what I do with these pajama pants is uh this is the part that I realized was very specific.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 1:47
  Matt: I I have to sleep and always have, as far as I can remember, with one foot out of the blankets.
• 1:54
  Eric: Uh yes.
• 1:55
  Eric: Yes, yes, yes, yes.
• 1:57
  Matt: And that foot, my right leg, for all of you uh picturing this at home, uh I have my pajama pant leg all the way down, but the leg under the blankets, I have the pajama pant rolled up.
• 2:14
  Eric: So that way so there's so you're you're you're like a pajama amputee.
• 2:19
  Eric: It's like a weird equilibrium that I have to maintain.
• 2:22
  Eric: Okay, this is wild.
• 2:24
  Matt: I also have to sleep on my back, but that's mainly a herniated disc issue.
• 2:29
  Matt: Yeah.
• 2:30
  Matt: Uh but I've always done that.
• 2:31
  Matt: I mean, I'll I usually wake up on my stomach, though, but not anymore.
• 2:35
  Matt: Do you want to know like what my other weird thing is?
• 2:38
  Matt: Fuck yeah, now that I know you're just fucking just raw dogging it, smacking around.
• 2:45
  Eric: Uh oh man.
• 2:49
  Eric: Well, it's good, it's because like I'm a human furnace, man.
• 2:52
  Eric: Like, I I can't like it, I run so hot, like, especially when I'm sleeping, I'll die if I'm wearing clothing.
• 2:59
  Matt: Um, but now I'm not saying I've never slept nude.
• 3:03
  Matt: Oh, well, I'm not saying that at all.
• 3:06
  Matt: I'm just saying I don't normally do that.
• 3:10
  Matt: It's the exception, not the rule.
• 3:13
  Eric: Yeah, no, for sure.
• 3:14
  Eric: Um I just keep imagining your fucking one one half unclad leg and your other fucking one leg out.
• 3:26
  Eric: Yep.
• 3:27
  Matt: Oh god.
• 3:28
  Matt: So to get that sweet, sweet breeze from the fan that is going nonstop.
• 3:34
  Eric: I have to have a fan while I sleep.
• 3:35
  Eric: That's my other thing.
• 3:36
  Eric: Um, I don't even have it aimed at me most of the time.
• 3:38
  Eric: I have we have a ceiling fan now.
• 3:41
  Eric: Oh, I'll have the ceiling fan going.
• 3:42
  Eric: I'll have the oscillating fan.
• 3:43
  Eric: I'll tell you this: an oscillating fan that actually is like going back and forth is my nightmare.
• 3:48
  Eric: Because like every time I'm like, uh it's it's anywho.
• 3:54
  Eric: Uh the the way I sleep, I usually start like on my back, but eventually I'll probably like migrate on to onto my side or whatever, is like I wind down as I'm like, all right, here it comes.
• 4:06
  Eric: Um but when I'm on my back the entire time I'm laying on my back, and I I'm gonna try to describe this for for you, dear listeners, as best I can.
• 4:15
  Eric: The best way I can describe it is I lay like a Dracula.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_02: Uh oh God, with your arms crossed?
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_02: Oh yeah, my hands crossed.
• 4:23
  Eric: Do you?
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_05: You do?
• 4:24
  Matt: I do, bro.
• 4:26
  Matt: I I I I have stopped doing it.
• 4:29
  Matt: I've stopped doing it as much.
• 4:31
  Matt: But yeah, no shit.
• 4:32
  Matt: I th I I when I when Lindsay and I started sharing a bed, I thought this is one of the things that's gonna make her leave me when she realizes I sleep like a fucking vampire.
• 4:49
  Matt: No, I do.
• 4:50
  Matt: And when I don't really do it anymore, but when I can't sleep, when it's like, you know, I'm there for like an hour and a half, just there with my existential dread.
• 4:58
  Matt: Uh-huh.
• 4:59
  Matt: When I have that moment of like, okay, no, seriously, we gotta sleep.
• 5:03
  Matt: That's when I get the that's when the hands caught just just just go go to sleep.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_03: Please just go to sleep.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_03: Now I lay me down to sleep.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_02: You fucking piece of shit brain.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_02: Stop thinking about 1997.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_03: Walking corpse.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_02: Stop thinking about recess when I was in fifth grade.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_03: Hey, remember that thing you said to someone and no one laughed, but then someone said the same thing and everybody laughed.
• 5:33
  Eric: That's that's honest to God.
• 5:38
  Eric: Uh yeah, I do that naked.
• 6:04
  Matt: A podcast answering all of life's least pressing questions.
• 6:08
  Matt: My name's Matt Shea.
• 6:10
  Matt: My name's Eric Pooch.
• 6:11
  Matt: And this is, in fact, this is the 28th episode of You Didn't Ask for This, a podcast whose name has recently been questioned, Eric.
• 6:25
  Matt: Drug Through the Mud.
• 6:27
  Matt: I don't know about Drug Through the Mud, but a uh a good good friend of the pod, Eric Derico, uh Dairy King 11 on Twitter, tweeted us recently to say, your podcast is called You Didn't Ask for This, but you always ask us for questions to answer.
• 6:44
  Matt: Isn't this the complete opposite?
• 6:47
  Matt: Do you think you should change the name, change the title of the podcast?
• 6:53
  Eric: Man, I had a question.
• 6:55
  Matt: Uh Eric, please go ahead.
• 6:57
  Eric: Well, I got I got a question for Derek Hing.
• 6:59
  Eric: First of all, how dare you?
• 7:02
  Matt: Is there a second part to that?
• 7:03
  Matt: No.
• 7:04
  Matt: I'm my I'm so upset.
• 7:08
  Matt: Well, then I'll come I'll come in with a second question.
• 7:10
  Matt: Get in here, Matt.
• 7:11
  Matt: Tag in.
• 7:12
  Matt: Let me tell.
• 7:13
  Matt: Hold on.
• 7:13
  Matt: I'm gonna hold you back, Eric.
• 7:14
  Matt: Get him, Matt! I'm holding you back.
• 7:18
  Matt: Let me ask you this, Dairy King Eleven.
• 7:22
  Matt: Do you not think we talked about this in the first episode we recorded?
• 7:27
  Eric: Matt, I'm just gonna tag right back in for a second.
• 7:29
  Eric: Eric, take it.
• 7:30
  Eric: Take it.
• 7:30
  Eric: Take the wheel.
• 7:31
  Eric: Do you think we don't grapple with this fucking question every day of our lives?
• 7:38
  Eric: Eric, can I take it back?
• 7:39
  Matt: Oh, yeah.
• 7:40
  Matt: Let me take it back.
• 7:40
  Matt: Tag in.
• 7:41
  Matt: Tag back in.
• 7:42
  Matt: Let me ask you this.
• 7:42
  Matt: We would let me tell you know what?
• 7:44
  Matt: Let me tell you this.
• 7:46
  Matt: Dairy King 11 Eric, Erico.
• 7:49
  Matt: If if you all, of all you friends of the pod, would just submit the questions, then we wouldn't have to ask for them.
• 7:59
  Eric: Fucking tag back in.
• 8:01
  Eric: Who the fuck died and made you Dairy King?
• 8:06
  Eric: That's why they call it a clapback.
• 8:09
  Eric: Did I did I just did I did I just clap back on the?
• 8:12
  Matt: I don't I don't know.
• 8:14
  Matt: I couldn't tell you if that's a clap back or not.
• 8:16
  Matt: Listen, uh Dairy King 11, we do um, in all seriousness, we we do see the irony in you all submitting questions to us, but if we were really to get into the semantics for just a second, technically the majority of you out there aren't the you that asked the question, you know?
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_05: If you if you you're gonna tag back in, Eric or tag back in.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_05: And like fucking what he said.
• 8:49
  Matt: Um but uh in short, Derek King 11, thank you for the feedback.
• 8:53
  Matt: There you go, stick the landing.
• 8:55
  Matt: Uh, you've you have been submitting uh some questions to us, appreciate those.
• 8:59
  Matt: Love them, appreciate everybody submitting questions to us, of course.
• 9:03
  Matt: Um, we're not gonna change the name of the show.
• 9:07
  Eric: No, God no.
• 9:08
  Matt: Because if there's one thing the world wants, it's a show called You Asked For It, hosted by two straight white dudes.
• 9:16
  Eric: Yeah, two mostly straight white men.
• 9:21
  Eric: You asked for this.
• 9:22
  Matt: You asked these two dudes.
• 9:24
  Eric: For these two fucking mediocre white men.
• 9:28
  Eric: Uh so uh Eric side note when I did tell one of my friends uh that I would that we were I was making a pod.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_05: I was like, oh yeah, it's my me and my friend Matt.
• 9:38
  Eric: And she just goes, Oh, two white guys with a podcast.
• 9:42
  Eric: How brave.
• 9:44
  Matt: It's true.
• 9:45
  Matt: It's not true.
• 9:47
  Matt: I never claim that what we were doing was, you know, special.
• 9:52
  Eric: I will.
• 9:53
  Eric: We're very brave for what we do.
• 9:55
  Matt: I mean, I do think we are brave to continue to do this in the face of such, you know, everyone else.
• 10:06
  Matt: Oh, we might have lost the plot of the worth an award.
• 10:10
  Matt: Isn't it isn't it worth an award for just continuing to do this when truly nobody asked for this?
• 10:19
  Matt: Hey, there it is.
• 10:20
  Matt: Hey, there it is.
• 10:21
  Matt: That's why we can't change the name, Derry King.
• 10:23
  Matt: Flat back.
• 10:24
  Matt: Love you, Derek.
• 10:24
  Matt: That's why we can't change the name.
• 10:25
  Eric: Love you, Derry King.
• 10:27
  Matt: Eric Derrico, thank you for the feedback.
• 10:30
  Matt: Uh, thank you for listening to the show.
• 10:33
  Matt: Bless you.
• 10:34
  Matt: Still not changing the name of the show, though.
• 10:36
  Matt: Uh, Eric, should we uh since we since we started by jumping in against listener feedback, should we jump in with some real uh real questions?
• 10:45
  Eric: Let's get to the real hard-hitting shit, Matt.
• 10:47
  Matt: Okay, I shall.
• 10:48
  Matt: Uh, this comes from another good friend of the pod, Sarah Feldman on Instagram.
• 10:53
  Matt: Is it rude to show up and meet friends halfway into their dining experience?
• 11:01
  Matt: Um I don't know what this means.
• 11:05
  Eric: Okay.
• 11:06
  Eric: Okay.
• 11:06
  Eric: I I translate.
• 11:08
  Eric: You do.
• 11:08
  Eric: I translate.
• 11:09
  Eric: Oh, you're gonna translate Sarah Feldman.
• 11:11
  Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 11:11
  Eric: I'm gonna translate Sarah's question.
• 11:12
  Eric: We're Sarah and I, we're we're we're drift compatible.
• 11:15
  Eric: Um excellent.
• 11:17
  Eric: So Sarah's just asking, like, say, say, for example, uh huh, you me, and like three or three or four other friends.
• 11:26
  Eric: Oh, you think it's a group situation?
• 11:28
  Eric: It's a group situation.
• 11:29
  Eric: It is it is gotta be a group situation.
• 11:31
  Eric: I see.
• 11:32
  Eric: Um like we all decide we're gonna go to carabas.
• 11:36
  Eric: We're gonna we're gonna fucking smash on some bolonese.
• 11:40
  Eric: Um so like maybe we make like we're planning in you know Facebook, we got a little little group message thing going on.
• 11:47
  Eric: We're like, oh yeah, let's all and like maybe someone's like you know, like, oh yeah, I'd love to, but then they do that thing where they kind of stop responding to all like the coordination things after that, but everyone else is still invested in you're like, oh yeah, we'll meet up.
• 11:59
  Eric: So like we get to cut up.
• 12:02
  Eric: We show up, we get our bread and our oil, we we get our appies, we fucking we've ordered, like our entrees have just arrived.
• 12:12
  Eric: We're we're probably about a good five to ten minutes into eating the entrees, and that is when the friend who like stopped kind of responding, like that's when they show up.
• 12:21
  Eric: That's when they're like, Oh hey, I'm here.
• 12:24
  Eric: Is it rude to be that person?
• 12:27
  Matt: Okay, that makes it slightly less cut and dry for me because the reason I was confused was if if like let's say it's you and me here, yeah, and we agree on a time, yeah, and you show up half an hour live half hour late or so.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 12:43
  Matt: Uh, which is you know don't Matt safe space, not necessarily a fictional scenario, uh, but uh but I digress, of course.
• 12:58
  Matt: Uh you would be a dick.
• 13:00
  Eric: I would be a dick.
• 13:01
  Eric: But that's a one-on-one.
• 13:03
  Eric: That's a one-on-one.
• 13:04
  Eric: And and uh and Matt, I have no doubt in my mind that if I was like, if you're I like to imagine in my head that like you're like, oh, we'll meet up at seven, we're gonna eat dinner at seven.
• 13:13
  Matt: Yeah.
• 13:14
  Eric: I show up at like seven thirty, you already it's just you, and you're sitting there eating your pasta, looking at the door and checking your watch.
• 13:22
  Matt: Oh, I'm sorry.
• 13:23
  Matt: You think I'm going to order food when the other, the only other person I'm dining with isn't there?
• 13:30
  Matt: You're right about me looking at the door, but what I'm doing is taking those unlimited breadsticks or whatever the fuck I have at the whatever establishment we're at, and just getting more and more pissed.
• 13:42
  Matt: But don't worry, when you show up, I will go, oh hey, how's it going?
• 13:47
  Eric: I become very adept at reading The Matt Is Annoyed With Me temperature.
• 13:53
  Matt: Did we uh did we say seven or seven thirty?
• 13:56
  Matt: I see, I thought we said seven.
• 13:58
  Eric: My that's my and that's when I'm that's when I, the dick, and I'm like, oh no, I thought you meant, I thought you meant we'd be leaving at seven to like be here at seven.
• 14:06
  Eric: Oh yeah.
• 14:06
  Matt: See, like, why would I possibly have meant that?
• 14:10
  Eric: Fucking just God, that is a one-act play in and of itself, just you sitting at caravas for a half an hour, just and you have one line.
• 14:19
  Eric: You have one line, but you say it over and over.
• 14:21
  Eric: Do you know what that line is?
• 14:22
  Matt: Please tell me, play right.
• 14:24
  Eric: Unbelievable.
• 14:28
  Eric: Oh man.
• 14:29
  Eric: Yes, yes.
• 14:30
  Eric: Um, but yeah, but so this changes for you if it's a group situation.
• 14:35
  Matt: Unbelievable.
• 14:36
  Eric: Unbelievable.
• 14:37
  Matt: Sorry, I was just getting into character as myself.
• 14:40
  Matt: It wasn't very difficult.
• 14:43
  Matt: Uh that that's a very that's absolutely something that would come out of my mouth in this situation.
• 14:48
  Matt: But not, it wouldn't be the first thing.
• 14:50
  Matt: The first thing would probably be at about five minutes in, I'd be like, where in the fuck is this fucking asshole?
• 14:57
  Matt: Uh or who, you know, if it's now if it's a date situation and I've been stood up after about 65 seconds, I'll be like, Well, she ghosted me.
• 15:07
  Matt: She hates me.
• 15:08
  Matt: That's absolutely there's no way this isn't true.
• 15:11
  Matt: You know, it's a totally different situation depending on date versus yeah uh just dinner.
• 15:17
  Matt: Anyway, group situation.
• 15:19
  Matt: That's what you think Sarah Feldman, friend of the pod, means.
• 15:22
  Eric: I think I think it is a I think the answer changes depending on how big the group is.
• 15:28
  Eric: I think the bigger the group, the less it matters.
• 15:30
  Eric: Like, I think if it's a group of like four or five people, I don't think any other like I at that we're like, hey, oh cool you're here.
• 15:37
  Eric: If it's like a group of like two, if it's like three people that are supposed to meet up, that's still weird vibes.
• 15:45
  Matt: I think I agree.
• 15:46
  Matt: I think I agree.
• 15:47
  Matt: I think if it's a large enough group that people could conceivably, especially, I'll even say, especially if in this Facebook chat, as you put it, somebody said like, oh yeah, I'll stop by.
• 16:01
  Matt: Oh yeah.
• 16:02
  Matt: That's totally true.
• 16:03
  Matt: Oh yeah.
• 16:03
  Eric: If so I I I actually love it when people are just straight up and they're like, hey, I'll I'll probably roll through at some point, but like don't or just say it.
• 16:11
  Matt: Like if you can say, like, oh, I can't be there till like 8 30.
• 16:14
  Matt: Yeah.
• 16:15
  Matt: But if you guys are still hanging out, I'll I'll switch, I'll be, I'll get a drink.
• 16:18
  Eric: I'll dunk my head into carabas.
• 16:20
  Matt: I'll dunk my yes.
• 16:21
  Matt: It is interesting that we have set the I don't know that the scenario I just played out makes sense at a carabas.
• 16:28
  Eric: At a carabas, but like at a BWW, at a B dubs, like a Buffalo Wildland or something.
• 16:34
  Matt: I am not setting foot in a B dubs.
• 16:37
  Matt: That den of iniquity.
• 16:39
  Matt: I have had so many bad experiences.
• 16:41
  Matt: Oh, don't eat from there.
• 16:43
  Matt: With the B and the dubs.
• 16:46
  Matt: With both the B and the dubs.
• 16:48
  Eric: Oh man.
• 16:50
  Eric: Uh yeah, no, but like if it's like a if it's like a like a like a bar style place.
• 16:55
  Matt: If it yeah, if we're meeting in a bar, if we're meeting at a cocktail lounge.
• 16:59
  Eric: Yeah.
• 16:59
  Eric: Oh, for sure.
• 17:01
  Matt: Like, then yeah, drop on by.
• 17:03
  Matt: But I'm saying what we are dining.
• 17:07
  Matt: Yeah, it depends on the size of the group.
• 17:09
  Matt: Because I'd say if it's if we're talking about even a trio, even a trio, and we say, How does eight o'clock say?
• 17:16
  Matt: Sound, and everybody says, sounds great.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 17:19
  Matt: And then you and me show up, but Sarah doesn't show up till 8 30.
• 17:25
  Matt: That's a problem.
• 17:25
  Matt: I think that's a I think that's a bit of a problem.
• 17:28
  Eric: It's a weird vibe.
• 17:28
  Eric: It's a weird vibe.
• 17:30
  Matt: With two with the trio situation, you and you and I are forced to go.
• 17:35
  Matt: I mean, do we order?
• 17:37
  Eric: Do we or we like the emotional labor is put so heavily on us with more people?
• 17:43
  Eric: It's just like evenly distributed.
• 17:45
  Eric: And I will add this.
• 17:46
  Matt: Even with four, even if there are three waiting on one, I think it's easier to be like, wait, we could get an ask.
• 17:52
  Matt: You've got quorum.
• 17:53
  Matt: Yeah, we've got exactly there's a quorum.
• 17:55
  Eric: And the other thing is like, say you're in the five to six range.
• 17:59
  Eric: Oh, there's also practically well, because it completely removes the pressure because at a five to six range, we all don't have to leave at the same time.
• 18:07
  Eric: You know what I mean?
• 18:08
  Eric: Like, like if someone's like, Oh, got here late, I'm gonna start eating, it's like it's fine.
• 18:11
  Eric: I it's also perfectly fine for me to go, oh, okay, cool.
• 18:14
  Eric: Hey, great seeing you.
• 18:15
  Eric: I just went up, I gotta go, I'm gonna grab my check.
• 18:17
  Eric: And everyone's like, All right, back.
• 18:18
  Matt: Like it's that leaves that opens the door for the two people who kind of came in at different points in the conversation and some at some point during the dinner fell in love to just be like, no, we we'll we'll take care of the check.
• 18:32
  Matt: You venmo us.
• 18:35
  Matt: We'll just keep talking.
• 18:37
  Matt: But three, but three.
• 18:39
  Matt: I think two and three.
• 18:41
  Matt: So two and three about a duo.
• 18:43
  Matt: Yeah, and one of the people are a half an hour late.
• 18:47
  Matt: That is I keep saying half an hour, but the actual question was halfway into the dining experience.
• 18:53
  Matt: So like that's the part I don't understand what that means.
• 18:56
  Eric: A dining experience.
• 18:56
  Eric: Well, you know what I mean.
• 18:57
  Eric: Like, I when I hear halfway through the dining experience, I mean like this is why I think this question generally doesn't apply to two people because halfway through the dining experience implies that we like we are in the middle of eating our entrees when they arrive.
• 19:10
  Matt: Right, which doesn't work with with a one-on-one.
• 19:13
  Eric: No, no, no, no.
• 19:14
  Eric: But in general, I think the question applies to two people in the sense of if you don't fucking roll up till like half hour 45 minutes after we were supposed to meet up, and there are only two of us, you're a bad dick.
• 19:27
  Matt: You're a bad person.
• 19:28
  Matt: I think I think we know what you do with your shopping cart.
• 19:30
  Matt: You know what I'm saying?
• 19:32
  Eric: I think Matt, I couldn't agree more.
• 19:34
  Matt: I think that's what we do there.
• 19:36
  Matt: So, okay, so small group, just be on time.
• 19:39
  Matt: Is that what we're saying?
• 19:41
  Matt: If you go to two to three, it be on time.
• 19:44
  Matt: Just also just know yourself in the group text.
• 19:47
  Matt: Just say, look, fellows, I'm not gonna be there until X time.
• 19:53
  Matt: And you can either take me as I am, or I will go hang out at some other restaurant.
• 20:00
  Matt: I'll go to Ruby Tuesdays.
• 20:02
  Eric: If you can't handle me at my Buffalo wildest, you don't deserve me at my Buffalo mildest.
• 20:11
  Eric: You don't deserve me at my carabas.
• 20:13
  SPEAKER_05: You don't deserve me at my carabs.
• 20:16
  Matt: Oh man.
• 20:17
  Matt: Let me ask you this.
• 20:19
  Matt: This is completely did we answer the question first of all?
• 20:21
  Eric: I think we did.
• 20:22
  Eric: I think we did.
• 20:23
  Eric: More people, the more people involved, the less shitty it is.
• 20:26
  Matt: Now, let me uh let me if I could just have a tangent for just a second.
• 20:30
  Eric: Tangent on, brother.
• 20:32
  Matt: The when how do you feel about dessert in general?
• 20:36
  Matt: Fucking love dessert.
• 20:38
  Matt: Absolutely.
• 20:38
  Matt: I mean, obviously, but I meant I meant in the context of ordering it.
• 20:43
  Eric: Oh seeing the menu.
• 20:45
  Eric: It is it is such a window, especially in a group, I will add.
• 20:50
  Eric: Because there's there's one, like, as soon as I feel monitoring, I'm like, ooh, what do we think?
• 20:55
  Eric: I almost ask permission from the group in a way.
• 20:58
  Eric: Like I start looking, I'm like, like they'll see me look, I wait for someone to see me look at the menu, and I I wait to hear this word.
• 21:04
  Eric: They're like, oh, you thinking about dessert?
• 21:05
  Eric: I'm like, I kind of am.
• 21:08
  Matt: I think that you know, I I am constantly the only person, it seems, at a table that not only is okay with getting dessert, but is expecting to at least peruse the menu.
• 21:27
  Eric: Can we not even give it a chance?
• 21:30
  Eric: Yes, yes, yeah, because like Matt, I will ride or die with you on the dessert train.
• 21:35
  Matt: Thank I knew you would.
• 21:37
  Matt: Like, so when I just say that it's a different it was a difference in culture for sure, because uh and I still haven't fully gotten used to the fact that the bars generally do not order dessert at a restaurant.
• 21:53
  Eric: Oh, the bars meaning your okay, your I mean betrothed family, yes, my in laws.
• 22:00
  Matt: Generally, they're not dessert folk?
• 22:02
  Matt: They're not dessert folks at the restaurant, no.
• 22:04
  Matt: But the Shays, on the other hand, they're sweetened folk.
• 22:09
  Matt: With sweetened, yes.
• 22:10
  Matt: No, I mean, we don't always get dessert.
• 22:12
  Matt: I mean, I'd say my parents almost always get coffee.
• 22:15
  Eric: I was I was gonna mention, I was like, I know for a fact your folks smash on something.
• 22:20
  Matt: I mean, for sure.
• 22:21
  Matt: Absolutely.
• 22:22
  Matt: Uh but from New York.
• 22:24
  Matt: Absolutely.
• 22:25
  Matt: But and it's not a golden rule.
• 22:27
  Matt: Like that we don't all they don't always get it.
• 22:30
  Matt: But if it's there.
• 22:31
  Matt: But I'll tell you this.
• 22:32
  Matt: I I I can't remember the last time I was with my parents when we didn't say at least, oh look at the dessert menu.
• 22:39
  Matt: Let's look at it.
• 22:39
  Matt: Let's see what they got.
• 22:40
  Matt: Let's take a look at sometimes shitty options.
• 22:43
  Eric: Shitty options.
• 22:44
  Eric: Sometimes shitty options.
• 22:45
  Eric: Shitty options.
• 22:46
  Eric: Can we also side tangent?
• 22:48
  Eric: Can we talk about how much of a gamble bread pudding is?
• 22:51
  Eric: It's a gamble, baby.
• 22:53
  Eric: It is either amazing or it is the worst pile of shit ever conceived.
• 22:59
  Matt: That is risky business.
• 23:02
  Eric: But no, I I fucking, yeah, I love dessert.
• 23:04
  Eric: My only thing is like where my struggle comes in, my window.
• 23:07
  Eric: Yeah.
• 23:08
  Eric: Is if we are in any way pressed for time.
• 23:11
  Eric: Like say we're about to go to a movie, or like maybe it's getting late.
• 23:14
  Eric: Maybe and like, or maybe it's like group vibe where you know, like, oh, they're not all none of them is gonna leave until we're all leaving.
• 23:20
  Eric: And now like I'm gonna be Yeah.
• 23:22
  Matt: Yeah.
• 23:23
  Matt: I totally hear you on that.
• 23:25
  Matt: I totally understand you on that.
• 23:27
  Matt: I totally accept what you're saying.
• 23:29
  Matt: But let me tell you this, Eric.
• 23:31
  Matt: Yeah.
• 23:31
  Matt: I'm telling you right now, we're on the same page.
• 23:33
  Eric: Oh, for sure.
• 23:34
  Matt: You go into a movie or something, and you know, you're you're running close on time, you gotta get the check and get out of there.
• 23:41
  Matt: I get it.
• 23:41
  Eric: Yeah.
• 23:42
  Matt: But let me tell you this say it in that situation, fucking say it.
• 23:46
  Matt: About 20 minutes ago, Matt Shea put together that he wasn't getting dessert.
• 23:53
  Matt: Oh and whoever is slogging along on their on their prime rib, you know, and this is coming from I if I I I get heartburn very easily unless I eat slowly, like I have to.
• 24:06
  Matt: So I'm generally the last one done in general.
• 24:09
  Matt: So if I am not, if somebody else is behind me, they are fucking slow eater, and you've just cost me dessert, I put that together a long time before you did.
• 24:20
  Matt: Let me just say that.
• 24:22
  Matt: And I've been from the other side of the table giving you little tiny micro dagger eyes.
• 24:28
  Matt: Every now and then, just tiny little like fuck you, God, son of a bitch.
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_04: They have key lime pie, you son of a bitch.
• 24:38
  unknown: God damn it.
• 24:40
  Eric: What is what is the dessert that as soon as you see it, you know you're getting it?
• 24:43
  Eric: Like you're like, oop, there's my dessert.
• 24:45
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, that dude, there's so many.
• 24:48
  Eric: I know there's so many.
• 24:48
  Eric: My my go-to, my workhorse is key lime pie.
• 24:51
  Eric: Like I love a creme brulee.
• 24:52
  Eric: Creme brulee, hell yes.
• 24:54
  Eric: A lava cake is always good, especially if it comes with some ice cream.
• 24:57
  Eric: I love almost any cobbler you'll throw at me.
• 25:00
  Eric: Yeah, I have.
• 25:02
  Eric: I have not made you my cobbler yet, have I?
• 25:04
  Eric: I better get some.
• 25:05
  Eric: I make a bitch in crumble dog.
• 25:07
  Matt: My mouth is watering as we speak.
• 25:11
  Matt: Anyway, should we get back on uh task?
• 25:14
  Matt: Let's get back on hand.
• 25:15
  Eric: Yep, yep.
• 25:15
  Matt: Eric, what's uh what's our next question for the day?
• 25:18
  Eric: Our next question, Matthew.
• 25:19
  Eric: And this comes from good friend of the podcast, a dot Lexa Lee on Instagram.
• 25:25
  Eric: Ah, yes.
• 25:25
  Eric: Hi, Lexi.
• 25:27
  Eric: Uh, this is, and I think this one is specifically for you, Matt.
• 25:32
  Eric: Oh, interesting, yes.
• 25:34
  Eric: Because it's a question about the Boy Scouts.
• 25:39
  Matt: Oh.
• 25:40
  Matt: Yep.
• 25:42
  Matt: I'll act as though I'm not looking at the same spreadsheet.
• 25:45
  Eric: I know.
• 25:46
  Eric: Uh so here comes.
• 25:48
  Eric: If you lost all scouting knowledge except for one thing, so you lose all scouting knowledge except for this one thing, what would you want to remember?
• 26:00
  Eric: What's your one thing?
• 26:01
  Eric: Huh.
• 26:02
  Eric: And don't fucking say something like, honor.
• 26:05
  Eric: No, man.
• 26:06
  Eric: Be real with me right now.
• 26:09
  Eric: Um, well so I hope you know this is like I hope you're okay with us just fucking jettisoning the rest of the questions because Is this it?
• 26:18
  Matt: This like I Is this your scouting episode?
• 26:21
  Eric: Answer the question and I be sure that more will follow.
• 26:24
  Matt: Oh dear.
• 26:25
  Matt: Okay.
• 26:26
  Matt: Uh um, let's see.
• 26:27
  Eric: Hold on, everyone, shut the fuck up.
• 26:29
  Eric: Everyone, shut up.
• 26:30
  Eric: Matt Shea is gonna talk about being an Eagle Scout.
• 26:34
  Matt: I okay, I don't know why you're painting me in such a picture and such a light right now.
• 26:40
  Matt: This was a simple question of what I would choose not to forget if I forgot everything else.
• 26:44
  Eric: I fucking love hearing you talk about being a scout so much.
• 26:48
  Matt: Um, okay.
• 26:49
  Matt: I mean, probably honestly, it's it's a bit rudimentary, okay?
• 26:53
  Matt: But probably fire building.
• 26:55
  Matt: Fire building is probably the best skill I would want to retain.
• 26:59
  Matt: I can forget all those knots.
• 27:02
  Eric: Matt, what is the least useful thing the scouts ever taught you?
• 27:05
  Eric: Oh, like a bunch of the knots are useless.
• 27:09
  Eric: Give me, yeah, throw, throw me, throw, throw me some, throw our listeners some useful, useless ass knots they can Google.
• 27:15
  Eric: Uh oh, useless knots.
• 27:18
  Matt: I mean they're I mean they're all useful in the room.
• 27:22
  Eric: Okay, okay.
• 27:23
  Eric: Let me let me then let me rephrase.
• 27:25
  Eric: Let me rephrase.
• 27:26
  Eric: Which uh can you give me some knots that have such a specific use that's like, do you know what I mean?
• 27:33
  Matt: Yes, I do.
• 27:34
  Matt: So the the the knot I probably this is I don't know.
• 27:38
  Matt: Is this interesting?
• 27:39
  Matt: Oh yeah.
• 27:40
  Matt: The knot I probably tied the most was the tautline hitch because the older standard issue Boy Scout tents uh all required a tautline hitch on the sides to properly of course to properly elevate the sides of the tent and to adjust them to your specific requirements, which would be important for you, you fucking giant.
• 28:06
  Eric: Okay, no, I dig this not.
• 28:07
  Eric: That was gonna be my question.
• 28:08
  Eric: So you can adjust to your height.
• 28:11
  Eric: I mean within reason within the length of the pole.
• 28:14
  Eric: Okay, I'll go fuck myself.
• 28:16
  Matt: It's still a tent, Eric.
• 28:17
  Matt: It's not the Harry Potter tent where it's a fucking four-story house inside.
• 28:22
  Eric: Side note, my first tent I ever bought to like go camping when I was like an adult.
• 28:26
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 28:27
  Eric: Five by six.
• 28:29
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 28:30
  Eric: I had to lay in a diagonal to lay in a diagonal in the fucking corner.
• 28:35
  Matt: Eric, let me ask you this.
• 28:36
  Matt: Have you ever been in a backpacking tent?
• 28:38
  Matt: Do you even know what a backpacking tent is?
• 28:40
  Eric: You're not going to be able to do it.
• 28:41
  Matt: Okay, so a backpacking uh sure, a backpacking tent is a is a lightweight tent meant for backpacking specifically.
• 28:48
  Eric: Like easy to easy to set up, easy to tear down, all that.
• 28:51
  Matt: Easy to set up, easy to tear down, but it's got to go in your on your back.
• 28:55
  Eric: You know, you've got everything in your in your imagining the classic like Boy Scout giant ass jan sport fucking thing, that's that's that's the backpack tent.
• 29:07
  Matt: No, the jan so first of all, I don't know what where you got Jan Sport, but uh the Boy Scouts have standard issued canvas tents from like the 50s uh that we used for a long time.
• 29:19
  Matt: They weigh like fucking uh in my memory, 50 pounds.
• 29:24
  Matt: That's not how much they weigh, I'm sure, but like they're real, they're canvas, they're heavy.
• 29:28
  Matt: Yeah, so like, no, I'm talking about a little tiny thing that's probably the size of like your your arm.
• 29:35
  Matt: Not even that.
• 29:35
  Matt: You can make them real compact with very like razor thin aluminum.
• 29:41
  Eric: Is that a Boy Scout's flex?
• 29:43
  Eric: Like how like like tight you can get that roll.
• 29:46
  Matt: Oh yeah, that is a Boy Scout flex for sure.
• 29:50
  Matt: People about how well you can pack a backpack and how you know the Boy Scouts have weird flexes on each other.
• 29:58
  Matt: You I mean, we only have so much, you know.
• 30:00
  Matt: Give me some flexes.
• 30:02
  Matt: Oh, I'd say speed of setup and teardown of a tent in general.
• 30:08
  Matt: We had plenty of like Scout Olympics in which we would do that.
• 30:11
  Eric: If you finish, so like let's say not out outside of like a competition, but like your your camping is like the is like the big dog, like the big dick player move.
• 30:21
  Eric: Um to like get your shits like packed up so neatly and so efficiently that you're then going to the other Boy Scouts and we're like, oh hey, you need a hand?
• 30:30
  Eric: I'm done.
• 30:30
  Matt: Oh hey, you need help?
• 30:31
  Matt: Yeah, there's definitely people who revel in that.
• 30:34
  Eric: Okay, okay.
• 30:35
  Matt: After all, scout is helpful.
• 30:40
  Matt: Uh it's one of the 12 points.
• 30:42
  Eric: Have you?
• 30:43
  Eric: And I'm just gonna, I'm, I'm gonna, out of respect for you, I'm gonna get it out now.
• 30:48
  Eric: I'm gonna clear the air.
• 30:50
  Matt: Wait a minute, hold on.
• 30:50
  Matt: I didn't finish telling you about the backpacking.
• 30:52
  Eric: Go, oh, fucking tell me about the backpack.
• 30:54
  Matt: A backpacking tent is a very small tent.
• 30:56
  Matt: That is that's all it is.
• 30:58
  Matt: It's fits in your back.
• 30:59
  Matt: It's but no, I don't think you understand.
• 31:01
  Matt: Like there's room enough for you.
• 31:05
  Eric: Oh, it's it is a it is a coffin made of canvas.
• 31:08
  Matt: Basic, yes, it's basically a tube.
• 31:13
  Eric: I actually dig that.
• 31:14
  Eric: Feel like I'm in a cocoon.
• 31:16
  Matt: It's I really do like a backpacking tent.
• 31:18
  Matt: It's very I mean, there's more than there are like two-person backpacking tents, but they're tight, baby.
• 31:23
  Matt: You're do you sleep?
• 31:24
  Matt: You're right up against your cheek to cheek, baby.
• 31:26
  Eric: You're dancing cheek to cheek, nuts to butts.
• 31:29
  Matt: Um could be.
• 31:30
  Eric: Could be, could be.
• 31:32
  Eric: Uh, do you sleep with one foot outside of the tent?
• 31:36
  Matt: Well, it's not outside the tent.
• 31:38
  Matt: There's still a sleeping bag involved.
• 31:40
  Eric: Like it's I like to actually it's like dune and it's your still suit.
• 31:45
  Eric: You just like live in it now.
• 31:46
  Matt: Uh in the sleeping bag, it it is quite difficult to get the foot out.
• 31:51
  Eric: Oh, that's fair.
• 31:52
  Eric: That's fair.
• 31:53
  Matt: But if if it's hot enough, I'd just have the like I I would commonly rock an open sleeping bag.
• 32:00
  Matt: Like, I don't zip it up, like basically a blanket, but you know what I'm saying?
• 32:03
  Matt: Oh, okay.
• 32:04
  Matt: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 32:04
  Matt: And in which case, then yeah, my foot's out.
• 32:06
  Matt: Baby got a breeze.
• 32:09
  Matt: Have you ever slept under open sky?
• 32:11
  Matt: Oh, yeah.
• 32:11
  Matt: How was that?
• 32:13
  Matt: It's delightful.
• 32:14
  Matt: It's at it's absolutely magical, especially if you got like a full sky of stars.
• 32:22
  Matt: Man, it uh I'll tell you right now, it's life-changing.
• 32:24
  Eric: You ever helped an old lady cross the street?
• 32:26
  Eric: I just wanted to get it out.
• 32:27
  Eric: I just wanted to get it out.
• 32:29
  Eric: I just want it like this, that one, that one wasn't me.
• 32:32
  Eric: That was for the listeners.
• 32:33
  Eric: I know they're thinking it.
• 32:34
  Matt: I don't think I've helped an old lady cross the street, but I have helped old ladies.
• 32:39
  Matt: Okay.
• 32:40
  Matt: Do what?
• 32:41
  Matt: Uh like we would have events in like fundraisers and stuff selling our popcorn in like a supermarket, and I definitely remember assisting the elderly women of Lancaster County.
• 32:55
  SPEAKER_00: But he carried 10 barrels of kettle corn upon his shoulders.
• 33:02
  SPEAKER_00: Like they were sacks of wheat.
• 33:04
  Matt: Yes.
• 33:05
  Matt: 12-year-old Matt had 10 barrels of kettle corn.
• 33:08
  Matt: Barrels, they were.
• 33:10
  Eric: Next question.
• 33:10
  Matt: Yes, yes, you.
• 33:12
  Matt: Hi, hello.
• 33:13
  Matt: Yes.
• 33:13
  Matt: Is this what we're doing?
• 33:14
  Matt: Is this what this episode's become?
• 33:16
  Eric: Yo, this is the oh, folks, I'm sorry.
• 33:19
  Eric: This is the episode.
• 33:20
  Eric: This stopped being about them 10 minutes ago.
• 33:22
  Eric: This is for me.
• 33:24
  Eric: Uh I have a question.
• 33:26
  Eric: Sure.
• 33:27
  Eric: What?
• 33:27
  Eric: So, Girl Scouts, they corner.
• 33:29
  Eric: I I know Girl Scouts and Boy Scouts have like recently joined for fucking forces.
• 33:33
  Eric: Yes.
• 33:34
  Eric: Like they have they have united, and hell yes.
• 33:37
  Eric: Good.
• 33:38
  Matt: I actually I have to sorry.
• 33:40
  Eric: Oh, here comes the depressing bit.
• 33:41
  Matt: No, no, no, no, no.
• 33:43
  Matt: This is this is because I want to speak on behalf of the Girl Scouts.
• 33:47
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, a man's gonna speak on behalf of the women.
• 33:51
  SPEAKER_05: Yes.
• 33:52
  SPEAKER_05: Go on, Matt.
• 33:53
  Matt: The Girl Scouts are still a separate organization, but women can now join the Boy Scouts.
• 34:01
  Eric: Oh, so now it's it's it's uh it's optional.
• 34:04
  Matt: Yeah, I and what I what I mean is I can I can just feel a lot a lot of Girl Scout listeners going, I'm not a fucking Boy Scout.
• 34:13
  Eric: Oh, okay, fair.
• 34:14
  Eric: Don't you associate me with those bastards.
• 34:17
  Matt: But but uh yeah, w girls can can be Boy Scouts, and I believe certain branding is now just the Scouts of America.
• 34:25
  Eric: Scouts of America, hell yeah.
• 34:26
  Matt: Yeah, but uh I think technically corporate-wise, they're still the Boy Scouts.
• 34:31
  Eric: It's also much more badass that way, like when they're just the Scouts.
• 34:35
  Matt: Because like like honestly, they should shorten it to just the scouts.
• 34:40
  Eric: Yeah, like for example, let me give you American scouts.
• 34:43
  Eric: Fuck it, like like it is a okay, imagine it is it is like a windswept heath.
• 34:49
  Eric: Yes, and it's at night and like there's rain and like there's a dim fire, and like like fucking some some weary travelers are gathered around it, and they hear a sound like who goes?
• 34:59
  Eric: And here, here, here's the first response.
• 35:02
  Eric: Yes, it is I a boy scout.
• 35:07
  Eric: Compare that to it is I, a humble scout.
• 35:12
  Eric: And they're like, fucking come, please join our fire, friend.
• 35:15
  Matt: Of course, I could say it's I an Eagle Scout.
• 35:19
  Matt: I could I mean that's something I'm gonna do.
• 35:20
  Eric: There it is.
• 35:22
  Eric: I mean, I could say that.
• 35:24
  Eric: Please edit in just an Eagle screech.
• 35:27
  Eric: I hear it every time we bring it up.
• 35:29
  Eric: Eagle Scouts.
• 35:31
  Eric: So it was hard as fuck to become one, yeah?
• 35:33
  Eric: Uh yeah, it was it was Jeff.
• 35:35
  Eric: Like it's it was I and I and I don't, and I'm not saying this to denigrate the amount of effort it takes, but like when you're a fucking kid in the scouts, yeah, I imagine it's pretty it is it is a lot of work.
• 35:48
  Matt: It is a lot of work.
• 35:49
  Matt: Uh it is more work than the average uh teenage hobby.
• 35:56
  Eric: I would think, yes.
• 35:57
  Eric: Now, when you joined Boy Scouts, was from the get-go where you're like, and then there are the Eagle Palms, but that's I have a question.
• 36:07
  Eric: Yeah, what are is that like the fucking skull and bone society of the of the scouts?
• 36:12
  Matt: No, that's the order of the arrow.
• 36:14
  Matt: Uh we've talked about this because I'm a Sass and Dasher.
• 36:20
  Matt: It's my great shame.
• 36:22
  Matt: Yep.
• 36:22
  Matt: Yep.
• 36:22
  Matt: So my brother, as as we've mentioned before, I think is all it has oh has always been in and is currently still involved in scouts and has been more involved with scouts than I ever was.
• 36:34
  Matt: Um, and he got his eagle like freakishly fast to his credit.
• 36:38
  Matt: Okay.
• 36:39
  Eric: Almost suspiciously fast.
• 36:41
  Matt: Oh, interesting.
• 36:42
  Matt: Yes.
• 36:43
  Matt: I want to paint that.
• 36:45
  Matt: But uh, I don't know what age he got his, but like mine was like not a hundred percent down to the wire, but like pretty close.
• 36:54
  Matt: Is it like a vote?
• 36:55
  Matt: No, you well, there is a vote, yes.
• 36:58
  Matt: Uh the scout leaders have to decide the commit your the eagle committee has to decide whether or not the council must decide whether or not whether or not you will work Council of Eagles.
• 37:10
  Eric: Do you have to stand before an actual eagle and it has to deem you fucking worthy?
• 37:16
  Eric: Yes, Horace the Eagle has to determine.
• 37:19
  Eric: Matt is now realizing that he can answer these questions literally any way he wants, and I'm gonna believe him.
• 37:26
  Eric: I'm gonna believe him.
• 37:27
  Eric: I have no way of verifying the veracity of his claims.
• 37:32
  Matt: No, you do at least my day.
• 37:35
  Matt: You did go in front of uh a council and you have to answer a bunch of questions, and you have to do so before you're 18.
• 37:40
  Matt: Okay.
• 37:41
  Matt: Uh that's your deadline, baby.
• 37:43
  Matt: Oh, okay, okay.
• 37:45
  Matt: Uh that's the deadline.
• 37:47
  Eric: So it's like a fucking Jedi.
• 37:48
  Matt: Too old.
• 37:49
  Matt: Too old, yes, exactly.
• 37:51
  Matt: Uh so anyway, yeah, he was ahead of me on certain things like that.
• 37:56
  Matt: And you know, he was Scout of the Year twice, I was Scout of the Year once, you know, some things like that.
• 38:01
  Matt: But Eric also has, I don't know how many, but he has eagle palms.
• 38:07
  Matt: And what eagle palms are essentially are things you can earn after you've gotten your Eagle Scout and you say, No, I'm not quite done flexing.
• 38:19
  Eric: Is this like fucking prestiging in Call of Duty?
• 38:22
  Eric: Like fucking level up and you hit 100, you're like, all right, I'm gonna restart from the bottom.
• 38:26
  Eric: Like, like you know what I mean?
• 38:27
  Matt: Like just kind of sort of, yeah.
• 38:30
  Matt: I mean, they're very hard to earn on top of that, yes.
• 38:33
  Matt: What do you get them for?
• 38:34
  Matt: Do you have to kill a man?
• 38:37
  Matt: Uh yeah, no, you have to like um you actually have to like strangle a moose.
• 38:42
  Matt: Oh shit.
• 38:42
  Matt: Uh no, I have no idea.
• 38:44
  Matt: I don't have any.
• 38:45
  Eric: Use every part of it to make a backpacking tent.
• 38:48
  Matt: I I don't have any, Eric.
• 38:50
  Matt: I don't know.
• 38:51
  Eric: Oh yeah, you would know they won't let you in on the secret.
• 38:54
  Eric: I wasn't interested.
• 38:56
  Eric: It's the fucking order of the arrows actually running things.
• 38:58
  Matt: The order of the arrow is the secret society of the Boy Scouts, yes.
• 39:02
  Eric: Is so it is like, does it legit have like this the culty vibes?
• 39:07
  Matt: Oh fuck yeah, man.
• 39:09
  Matt: So there first of all, there are literally sashes, as I've said.
• 39:12
  Matt: Yep, yep, yep.
• 39:13
  Matt: Um, it's all and I have to say, I know some of if any of my scout friends are listening, they might have a hard He's fucking spilling the beans, you gotta take him out.
• 39:26
  Matt: They might have hard, bad opinions about this.
• 39:28
  Matt: What I'm about to say.
• 39:29
  Matt: I know my brother will, for example.
• 39:31
  Matt: The Order of the Arrow is based around very problematic uh Native American stereotypes.
• 39:38
  Matt: Oh, yep.
• 39:39
  Matt: A bunch of white kids dressing up in headdresses to initiate other people.
• 39:44
  Matt: It's all super racist.
• 39:46
  Eric: I'm glad you dashed away from it.
• 39:49
  Matt: Uh so, like, of course, didn't really clock all that when I was, you know, 15.
• 39:54
  Eric: Well, sure.
• 39:55
  Matt: But oh, so let me tell you about how you joined the Order of the Era.
• 39:58
  Matt: Okay.
• 39:59
  Eric: Oh, fucking please.
• 40:00
  Matt: There's a trial.
• 40:02
  Eric: There's a trial.
• 40:03
  Eric: What are they giving?
• 40:04
  Eric: Eric, Eric, it's literally called ordeal.
• 40:09
  Eric: Oh shit, like the in the biblical sense, the ordeal.
• 40:14
  Matt: So you have to do a couple of things.
• 40:15
  Matt: First of all, it's a whole weekend, okay, and you're not.
• 40:19
  Matt: I can't wait for you to listen to this.
• 40:22
  Matt: You can't talk, you have to be quiet the whole time.
• 40:27
  Matt: And you know, when it was my ordeal, Eric Shea showed up for some reason.
• 40:32
  Eric: Oh, they fucking called, they had him on speed dial for your ordeal.
• 40:36
  Matt: Just just to fucking peep me talking and yell at me from across a camp.
• 40:43
  SPEAKER_02: You know that that's a fact.
• 40:45
  SPEAKER_02: That's a fact.
• 40:46
  Matt: Put it on the backboard.
• 40:47
  Matt: Here's another fact: you have to stay out overnight, you have to build your own shelter or at least just sleep out in the open.
• 40:54
  Matt: That's not super hard.
• 40:56
  Eric: I would I would hard rush that challenge by like, all right, I'll have a shitty night's sleep.
• 41:01
  Eric: I'll just lay on the fucking dirt.
• 41:03
  Eric: Oh, also, you have to be nominated.
• 41:06
  Matt: There's that too.
• 41:07
  Matt: Like, not just anybody can join, you have to be like nominated to join.
• 41:11
  Eric: Yep.
• 41:12
  Matt: And so, yeah, you have to go through this very culty joining process.
• 41:16
  Matt: And then, and then, yeah, you have to do this this whole like ceremony with people dressed up like Native Americans.
• 41:23
  Eric: Do they paint your fucking face?
• 41:25
  Matt: The people dressed up like Native Americans absolutely painted their face.
• 41:28
  Matt: Are you kidding me?
• 41:29
  Matt: I'm telling you, they do the whole thing.
• 41:32
  Matt: I am I you know, I love many things about scouts, but like, come on, boys, it's racist.
• 41:37
  Matt: We gotta stop doing that.
• 41:38
  Matt: Hey man, you know you love something when you're willing to call it out for being shitty.
• 41:41
  Matt: I'm just saying, it's shitty.
• 41:44
  Matt: We let, you know, we we're letting girls in.
• 41:46
  Matt: We gotta stop letting Native American stereotypes in.
• 41:49
  Matt: You know?
• 41:50
  Eric: Fucking hear here, my friend.
• 41:52
  Matt: You know, I'm good.
• 41:52
  Matt: I don't mind coming out against the secret society.
• 41:56
  Matt: Because first of all, I wasn't allowed in for the longest time.
• 41:58
  Matt: Uh, so it took me a long time to get my sash, and then I immediately said, wait, what do I get for this?
• 42:03
  Matt: I just have to go to more meetings.
• 42:05
  Matt: Nah.
• 42:05
  Matt: Bye.
• 42:07
  Matt: Bye.
• 42:08
  Matt: But I sure will wear the sash in my class A.
• 42:10
  Matt: Yes, I will.
• 42:13
  Eric: Uh, did you put Eagle Scout on your college uh uh application?
• 42:18
  Eric: Eric.
• 42:19
  Eric: Yes, you did.
• 42:20
  Matt: Of course I fucking did.
• 42:22
  Matt: Not only that, it was on my acting resume for a long time.
• 42:24
  Matt: Was it?
• 42:25
  Matt: I don't know why.
• 42:26
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 42:26
  Matt: I mean In retrospect, I don't know why.
• 42:29
  Eric: Uh for real, because all the Eagle Scouts I know in theater were all fucking scene shop carpenters.
• 42:35
  Matt: Listen, it I absolutely put it on my college resume.
• 42:39
  Matt: Are you kidding me?
• 42:40
  Matt: I still put it on my actual resume, buried at the list bottom of things that I've done.
• 42:46
  Eric: You should be very proud of it.
• 42:48
  Matt: I am.
• 42:49
  Matt: I have a fucking gold plated card in my wallet to prove it, baby.
• 42:52
  unknown: Gold plated?
• 42:54
  Matt: I mean, it's not really gold plated, but it's like it's like that shiny.
• 42:58
  Matt: Oh fuck.
• 42:59
  Matt: It is gold, yeah.
• 43:00
  Matt: God damn.
• 43:01
  Matt: Because once an eagle always an eagle, baby.
• 43:04
  Matt: I will say one asshole thing that I do do.
• 43:08
  Matt: Oh, just the one?
• 43:10
  Matt: Hey, we're having fun here.
• 43:12
  Matt: Come on, folks.
• 43:13
  Matt: What are we?
• 43:14
  Matt: We're having a good time, aren't we?
• 43:15
  Matt: Everyone's fun.
• 43:17
  Matt: Uh the one thing I will do related to scouts is when people, and I know you've heard me do this when they say, Oh, you were an Eagle Scout, and I will say, No, I am an Eagle Scout.
• 43:27
  SPEAKER_05: Yes!
• 43:28
  Matt: Blood in, blood out, baby.
• 43:30
  Matt: Listen, it was a long 18 years.
• 43:32
  Matt: Where did hold on, Eric?
• 43:33
  Matt: Just for my own notification, I'm flipping the script, baby.
• 43:36
  Matt: I'm asking you a question.
• 43:38
  Matt: Ask away, mine eagle.
• 43:40
  Matt: When'd you quit?
• 43:42
  Matt: When'd you quit?
• 43:43
  Matt: When did it get too tough?
• 43:45
  Matt: Was it tenderfoot?
• 43:47
  Matt: Was it tenderfoot?
• 43:48
  Matt: Was it tight?
• 43:49
  Eric: This is a scene where like I'm getting interrogated by you and you finally found the fucking line.
• 43:54
  Eric: I'm starting to like push on the table and shit.
• 43:56
  Eric: Like, come on, man, I don't have to listen to this.
• 43:58
  Eric: What color was your uniform?
• 44:00
  Eric: Fuck it, it was blue and I was there for a month.
• 44:05
  Eric: Matt, I had one I had one merit badge.
• 44:09
  Eric: It was for rollerblading, and I don't know how to rollerblade.
• 44:13
  Matt: Eric, there's so many merit badges I have for things that I do not know how to do.
• 44:18
  Matt: Come on.
• 44:20
  Matt: But I don't think I hate to say this, Eric.
• 44:23
  Matt: What you earned, it was not a merit badge.
• 44:28
  Matt: It was a belt loop.
• 44:30
  Eric: It was a big one.
• 44:31
  Matt: Because if your uniform was blue, Eric.
• 44:34
  Eric: It may have.
• 44:35
  Matt: That means you never even made it to Boy Scouts.
• 44:39
  Matt: You were a Cub Scout.
• 44:40
  Matt: Were you tell me, Eric, were you even a Wii blow?
• 44:45
  Matt: Do you even remember your rank?
• 44:47
  SPEAKER_05: I didn't even know what a Wii blow is.
• 44:49
  Matt: Do you even remember your rank?
• 44:52
  Eric: You you rank decrepit urchin?
• 44:56
  Eric: Uh no.
• 44:59
  Eric: Uh I here's what I remember, Matt.
• 45:01
  Eric: I'm I'm about to list for you literally my entire working memory of my tenure as a scout.
• 45:11
  Eric: Lay it on me.
• 45:13
  Eric: I caught a rockfish that was about five inches long at a camping event I did not camp for.
• 45:19
  Eric: Okay.
• 45:21
  Eric: I carved a little a little a little soapbox car little uh in the shape of the Batmobile.
• 45:30
  Eric: I spray painted it black.
• 45:31
  Eric: And when I say the shape of the Batmobile, I angled the back end so it was a fin.
• 45:36
  Eric: I'll the front end so it looked it was pointed, and that was it.
• 45:39
  Eric: And I slapped some stickers on it.
• 45:40
  Matt: It's called a Pinewood Derby car movie.
• 45:42
  Eric: Pinewood Derby car.
• 45:43
  Eric: Thank you very much, Matthew.
• 45:44
  Eric: Uh I went to a Halloween event where I was led into a room with a bunch of other scouts, uh, and there were very creepy things.
• 45:54
  Eric: There was, you know, there was a guy, his head was on the table, he's a severed head, and he was talking to us, it was very spooky.
• 45:59
  Eric: Um there were bowls, and they were like, close your eyes and put your your hands into this bowl and feel this witch's hair.
• 46:06
  Eric: And it was spaghetti.
• 46:07
  Matt: Oh, sure, yeah.
• 46:08
  Eric: And like grapes were eyeballs and witches' eyes, yeah.
• 46:11
  Matt: Classic.
• 46:11
  Eric: Yeah.
• 46:12
  Eric: Um, and I got a roller skating badge, and uh then I quit.
• 46:21
  Matt: Yeah, that sounds about right.
• 46:23
  Matt: Well, you know, you were too busy with uh with the karate van.
• 46:27
  Matt: You know, I get it.
• 46:28
  Eric: I joined karate shortly after leaving the scouts.
• 46:32
  Matt: Yes, because you know what?
• 46:33
  Matt: You needed discipline.
• 46:35
  Eric: I fucking sure as hell did.
• 46:38
  Eric: I I in retrospect, I'm like, oh man.
• 46:42
  Eric: Yeah, I was I would yeah, I would have been like in the horror movie about that Boy Scout troop, I would have been the first to die.
• 46:50
  Eric: Oh, I don't know that that's true.
• 46:52
  Eric: They would have turned on me in an instant.
• 46:54
  Matt: No, you had that you had pure instinct, is what you had.
• 46:57
  Matt: You didn't need those merit badges because again, you'd never had the opportunity to earn one.
• 47:01
  Eric: Matt, let me talk to you about pure instinct.
• 47:03
  Matt: Uh-huh.
• 47:04
  Eric: Matt, every day every night we would walk to Boy Scouts.
• 47:07
  SPEAKER_02: Uh-huh.
• 47:09
  Eric: Uh I dreaded the walk.
• 47:12
  SPEAKER_02: Interesting.
• 47:13
  Eric: And Matt, mind you, Matt, the walk was less than five minutes from my house.
• 47:16
  Eric: It was at the church.
• 47:21
  Eric: And I'm glad you you say you bring that up.
• 47:23
  Eric: Meanest fucking streets of Glen Burning.
• 47:25
  Eric: I dreaded the walk, not because of the distance, though I was a very like just not athletic child at all.
• 47:31
  Eric: Uh, I dreaded the walk because the house on our corner of a lot had a had a had a had a dog about the size of a rollerblade, who was a little black dog, so it would be night when we were walking, and I would never be able to see the dog until it ran at the end of its chain and just started barking like crazy.
• 47:49
  Eric: And every night, even though objectively in my brain I knew that that dog could never reach me, it scared the shit out of me.
• 47:57
  Eric: And I cowered and I screamed every night.
• 48:00
  Matt: And you said, I gotta learn me some self-defense.
• 48:03
  Eric: Yep, I'm like, I'm gonna go pay people, I'm gonna have my parents pay people to hit me.
• 48:08
  Matt: Too bad.
• 48:09
  Matt: If you stayed around in Boy Scouts a little longer, you could have gotten all those guns that we fucking get to play with.
• 48:16
  Eric: When you're a kid in elementary school in Glen Burney, that's how they got scouts.
• 48:20
  Eric: It's like they came at, they would come in, like, we'll give you a knife and we'll teach you how to shoot guns.
• 48:24
  Matt: There's literally a shotgun merit badge.
• 48:27
  Eric: Amazing.
• 48:28
  Matt: Yeah, yeah.
• 48:29
  Matt: No, literally it is.
• 48:31
  Matt: I mean, I think you have to be 15 to to do it, but um, nevertheless.
• 48:34
  Eric: So that's our story, folks.
• 48:37
  Eric: Two men, two scouts.
• 48:39
  Eric: Uh well.
• 48:40
  Eric: Both alike in dignity.
• 48:42
  Matt: Uh well, one scout, one Eagle Scout, and one undecided Cub Scout.
• 48:48
  Eric: One one Maverick.
• 48:51
  Matt: Yeah.
• 48:51
  Eric: One I'm the Han Solo of the Scouts when you think about it.
• 48:55
  Matt: Can you really even claim that when I'm the eagle, the closest thing to a falcon?
• 49:00
  Matt: Cue the noise?
• 49:02
  Eric: There it is.
• 49:07
  Matt: Well, so Eric, uh, do you have I guess do you have any other questions for me?
• 49:14
  Matt: You you've talked about so long about the scouting episode.
• 49:17
  Matt: Well, here it is.
• 49:18
  Matt: So, what else you want to know?
• 49:19
  Eric: Anything?
• 49:20
  Eric: I have a question, and don't worry, I already know the answer.
• 49:23
  Eric: What?
• 49:23
  Eric: How do you know someone's an Eagle Scout?
• 49:25
  Eric: Oh, don't worry, they'll tell you.
• 49:31
  Matt: It's because no one fucking asks, man.
• 49:34
  SPEAKER_05: Then nobody asked for it.
• 49:36
  SPEAKER_05: Nobody fucking cares, man.
• 49:38
  SPEAKER_05: But like it took a long time, man.
• 49:40
  Eric: Hey, man, dude, I care so much.
• 49:42
  Eric: And I hope you know this is just part one.
• 49:45
  Eric: I'm just saying, I've pumped water out of a river.
• 49:49
  Matt: I've done things, I've boiled brown water, I've seen things you people wouldn't believe.
• 49:57
  Matt: I have met, and this is true, three bears in the wild.
• 50:02
  Matt: Oh, were they chill?
• 50:03
  Matt: No, one of them very much was not.
• 50:05
  Matt: No.
• 50:07
  unknown: No.
• 50:09
  Eric: He wanted your honey, son.
• 50:11
  Matt: Yeah, I mean, that's a whole story, but yeah, it was a she looking for the the cub that was previously in the campsite.
• 50:16
  Matt: It's it was a mess.
• 50:18
  Matt: Oh.
• 50:18
  Matt: No, it she was pissed.
• 50:20
  Matt: It was it was they it ripped down a tent or ripped into a tent anyway.
• 50:24
  Matt: Um it was bad news bears.
• 50:28
  Eric: I do have one last question.
• 50:29
  Eric: What's the closest you've ever come to dying in the in the course of your scoutly duties?
• 50:34
  Eric: And it doesn't mean like, you know, you fucking dodged a bullet or no, but I mean like what is objectively speaking, the closest you have probably come to dying.
• 50:42
  Matt: There's been a couple of times.
• 50:44
  Matt: Uh the one that jumps to mind though immediately, and you said you wanted a part two, so I guess we'll circle back.
• 50:50
  Matt: Uh the the one that comes to mind though is I we were playing Capture the Flag.
• 50:55
  Matt: Oh shit.
• 50:56
  Matt: Okay.
• 50:57
  Matt: Classic scout game.
• 50:58
  Matt: Yep, yep.
• 50:59
  Matt: Um, and you know, if you're gonna play it, you can't have any kind of lights, obviously.
• 51:04
  Eric: Oh no, that is the peak way to play fucking Capture the Flag.
• 51:07
  Matt: Of course it is.
• 51:08
  Matt: So there we are.
• 51:09
  Matt: We're we're messing around here, and I I'm I'm all camouflaged and thinking I'm cool.
• 51:15
  Matt: And so I'm running or moving near this uh just imagining you in a little fucking ghillie suit, fucking mud.
• 51:22
  Matt: That's me, yes.
• 51:24
  Matt: The Schwarzenegger look with the with the face paint.
• 51:28
  Matt: Uh so I'm near this gravel road, right?
• 51:31
  Matt: And I'm like, the, you know, it's like the on either side is like a ridge.
• 51:35
  Matt: You know what I'm saying?
• 51:36
  Matt: Yeah.
• 51:37
  Matt: So I'm on this ridge, and uh because I can't see shit, my foot goes into this like perfectly curved route that like comes out of the ground back in.
• 51:49
  Matt: You know what I'm saying?
• 51:50
  Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 51:50
  Eric: One of those serial killer routes.
• 51:52
  Eric: One of those serial kids get you every time.
• 51:54
  Matt: So and indeed it got me.
• 51:55
  Matt: So it I tripped over this and went flying down into the road.
• 52:01
  Matt: So essentially I flew into a gravel ditch based on the height, you know what I'm saying?
• 52:06
  Matt: On the height of these sides.
• 52:07
  Matt: Yeah.
• 52:08
  Matt: I I definitely was knocked out in the middle of this road for an undetermined amount of time.
• 52:17
  Matt: I think it was only like, you know, maybe 30 seconds a minute.
• 52:21
  Matt: That's what I okay, good.
• 52:22
  Matt: Because anything more than that is alarming.
• 52:25
  Matt: That's what I think, but I do not know.
• 52:29
  Matt: Oh my god.
• 52:31
  Matt: So I think that has to have it because not only did I get very injured, which I can uh now tell you about, but I could easily have been, I was camouflaged.
• 52:40
  Matt: I could easily have been fucking run over.
• 52:42
  Matt: Oh Jesus, yeah.
• 52:43
  Matt: You're just a pot, you're just a little bush.
• 52:45
  Eric: Just just like a little piece of fuck.
• 52:47
  Matt: Yeah.
• 52:48
  Matt: So then I had to go back to uh to the to camp.
• 52:51
  Matt: Um, I had gravel bits in my lip and in my hand.
• 52:58
  Matt: I somehow didn't break anything, but like I I have scars on my both my hands from this incident to the to this day.
• 53:08
  Matt: My face was all messed up.
• 53:10
  Matt: Um, and then uh in reality, though, it was a silver lining because I did save everybody's life, because it was in checking the first aid kit that uh we discovered pretty much everything was expired in there.
• 53:23
  Matt: Had it not been for me, always prepared.
• 53:26
  Matt: Uh somebody uh somebody could have died.
• 53:29
  Matt: So you're welcome, Troop84, is what I'm trying to say.
• 53:32
  Matt: Ungrateful bastard.
• 53:34
  Matt: Ah man, the things I do, I tell you.
• 53:36
  Matt: Well, holy shit.
• 53:38
  Matt: Anyway, I don't know if anyone cares about any of that, but you do, Eric.
• 53:42
  Matt: I cared so much.
• 53:44
  Matt: I want to be a good one.
• 53:44
  Matt: And that's all that matters.
• 53:45
  Matt: I love this.
• 53:47
  Matt: Because we leave nobody behind.
• 53:50
  Matt: Cue the sound.
• 53:56
  Matt: Oh okay, Eric, should we move on now to some weird news?
• 54:02
  Matt: Yes, absolutely.
• 54:04
  Eric: All right, what you got for us today?
• 54:06
  Eric: Oh, baby, let me take you back.
• 54:08
  Eric: Oh, we're going back, eh?
• 54:09
  Eric: Let me take you back, Matt.
• 54:11
  Eric: Back to a better time, a simpler time.
• 54:13
  Eric: Thursday.
• 54:14
  Eric: Well, okay, it's in 1963.
• 54:18
  Eric: Uh uh.
• 54:19
  Eric: I wouldn't necessarily call them a simpler time.
• 54:22
  Eric: Wouldn't call it a simpler or better time.
• 54:24
  Eric: Uh, it was a time.
• 54:26
  Eric: Uh back to a time.
• 54:29
  Eric: It I'll take it back to a time.
• 54:31
  Eric: Canistotta, South Dakota.
• 54:34
  Eric: The Canistoda Clipper.
• 54:35
  Eric: Let's go.
• 54:36
  Eric: So, and folks, I'm just gonna kind of start e softening this blow now.
• 54:40
  Eric: All good things come to an end, my friends.
• 54:44
  Eric: Not now, but the we've reached that part where like you can feel you're about to start hitting bubbles as you suck through your straw.
• 54:54
  Eric: You know what I mean?
• 54:54
  Matt: Well, I mean I do, but I mean 63.
• 54:57
  Matt: There's lots of years left there.
• 54:58
  Eric: Oh, Matt, there's a I have a feeling that there was some sort of like time incident in in Cannesota, South Dakota.
• 55:07
  Eric: What?
• 55:07
  Eric: Um, if you go to the Canistota Clipper Archive, they have 1962, 1963, 1964, 1965, and then 2006.
• 55:18
  Eric: Oh.
• 55:18
  Eric: So it was about, you know, some fucking nearly 40 odd years unaccounted for.
• 55:26
  Matt: Oh my god.
• 55:28
  Eric: Yeah.
• 55:29
  Matt: It's like that, it's like the show that that they're I hear they're rebooting the 4400.
• 55:33
  Matt: Do you remember that show?
• 55:34
  Matt: No.
• 55:35
  Matt: Oh my god, I loved it.
• 55:36
  Matt: It was like the start of Mahershala Ali's career as well.
• 55:39
  Matt: It's about all these people who've been abducted over time, 4,400 of them, just were uh abducted by aliens over the years and all returned at once.
• 55:49
  Eric: Oh, all at once.
• 55:51
  Matt: It was a great show.
• 55:52
  Matt: But they're rebooting it.
• 55:53
  Eric: Uh so that'll be cool.
• 55:56
  Matt: Maybe.
• 55:57
  Matt: Maybe I don't know.
• 55:58
  Matt: Could be bad.
• 55:59
  Eric: So, from the Cannesota Clipper.
• 56:01
  Eric: Yes.
• 56:01
  Eric: We head now to the tail light of the Cannesota Clipper.
• 56:04
  Eric: This is the elementary school news.
• 56:06
  Eric: Where we join the second graders.
• 56:09
  SPEAKER_04: Daryl Kepp had a birthday during vacation on December 27th.
• 56:15
  SPEAKER_04: He brought everyone a candy treat on January 2nd.
• 56:20
  SPEAKER_04: Deborah and Pamela Howard have returned to their home in Iowa.
• 56:25
  SPEAKER_04: And now we have twenty-two pupils again.
• 56:30
  SPEAKER_04: We have a lot of snowmen and pine trees to decorate our bulletin boards.
• 56:36
  SPEAKER_04: Jimmy Cooper brought some books he received for Christmas to share with us.
• 56:41
  SPEAKER_04: They are quote I can read books with a graded vocabulary.
• 56:50
  SPEAKER_04: They are some of the best books we have seen.
• 56:55
  SPEAKER_04: Brian Ortman brought a magic plant for us.
• 56:59
  SPEAKER_04: It was in a small seashell.
• 57:02
  SPEAKER_04: When it opened we found two flowers and a pretty tiny American flag.
• 57:10
  SPEAKER_04: And correspondence.
• 57:11
  Matt: It does sound like it does sound like, if I may interrupt for just a second, you it does sound I your reading of course d aids this, but just going off of the text, it really does sound like a journal one would find in a burned-out fallout shelter.
• 57:28
  SPEAKER_04: These records, these notes.
• 57:30
  Matt: These are the only records of the Tail Light students.
• 57:34
  Eric: These journals of a life wasted.
• 57:38
  Eric: Life wasted.
• 57:39
  Eric: And then we've got third grade news.
• 57:41
  Eric: I don't know what happens between second or third grade, but here comes the shit.
• 57:45
  Eric: It's just the way they wrote it, too.
• 57:47
  Eric: In phonics class, we are working with one and two syllable words.
• 57:51
  Eric: We have been studying the rules to remember when telling or writing a good story in English class.
• 57:55
  Eric: For art class, we learned how to fold and cut paper to make a snowflake.
• 58:00
  Eric: We are now making pictures with snowflakes.
• 58:03
  Eric: We are enjoying our rhythm band class, which we have every Wednesday afternoon.
• 58:08
  Eric: We exchange our rhythm maker every week so that everyone becomes acquainted with each instrument.
• 58:14
  Eric: Marilyn Hartman and Edward Whalen have had their ninth birthday in December.
• 58:18
  Eric: They both treated us with a package of gum.
• 58:21
  Matt: It does, I mean, maybe this is just mostly you, but it does sort of sound like a hostage six.
• 58:26
  Matt: They are, they are, they are on the fucking run.
• 58:29
  Matt: It does feel like, you know, Umbridge is like peering over them as they write this.
• 58:34
  Eric: Yeah, they are.
• 58:34
  Eric: Oh, this is being I'm surprised we're not seeing like little black like dash throughs through like entire chunks of the writing.
• 58:41
  Matt: Redacted marks.
• 58:42
  Eric: Yeah.
• 58:42
  Matt: Wow.
• 58:43
  Matt: Uh well, Eric, uh, thank you for the update.
• 58:46
  Matt: Uh, and uh I, you know, of course, I'm sure I speak for all the listeners when I say we are troubled to hear about the gap in between the clippers.
• 58:54
  Eric: Also, I am troubled.
• 58:56
  Eric: I'll miss it very much, but also, listeners, if you know someone who lives in Canistota or even just South Dakota, ask around.
• 59:06
  Eric: I want to interview someone from this town so badly.
• 59:10
  Matt: The the Canistotta uh saga is coming to a close.
• 59:14
  Eric: I need to know what happened.
• 59:16
  Matt: He needs closure.
• 59:17
  Matt: We all do.
• 59:18
  Matt: All right.
• 59:19
  Matt: Well, uh, thank you, Eric.
• 59:20
  Matt: Um, uh now I have a very uh uh well, pretty recent well by the time this episode comes out, uh, from uh October 21st.
• 59:29
  Matt: Um and this is from the weird news section uh actually of the Huffington Post as well.
• 59:34
  Matt: So uh it's certified weird.
• 59:38
  Matt: Fish found with parasite that eats its tongue and then becomes its tongue.
• 59:43
  SPEAKER_05: Uh-huh.
• 59:45
  Matt: You've heard about a cat getting your tongue, but how about a tongue-eating louse?
• 59:52
  Matt: I assume that's what that is.
• 59:53
  Matt: L-O-U-S-E louse?
• 59:55
  Matt: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 59:56
  Matt: Yeah.
• 59:57
  Matt: Earlier this week, officials with the Texas Parks and Wildlife Department took a photo of a strange parasite resembling a pill bug that is also known as the snapper-choking isopod, according to the San Antonio ABC affiliate KSAT.
• 1:00:16
  Matt: The fish containing the parasite was found at Galveston Island State Park.
• 1:00:23
  Matt: Oh my god.
• 1:00:24
  Matt: Officials jokingly suggested on Facebook that the creature was a Martian.
• 1:00:30
  Matt: Is this a fucking joke to you?
• 1:00:32
  Matt: Is this a fucking joke to you, Galveston State Police?
• 1:00:36
  Matt: Or State Park Police?
• 1:00:38
  Matt: This is essentially the plot of the thing.
• 1:00:41
  Matt: Before offering the true science surrounding the crustacean, the tongue-eating louse attaches itself to the fish's mouth and then replaces the tongue, according to the Houston Chronicle.
• 1:00:55
  Matt: You following me, Eric?
• 1:00:57
  Matt: I So does it eat it eats the tongue?
• 1:01:00
  Matt: The parasite then survives in the fish's mouth by feeding on the host animal's mucus, the only known example of a parasite replacing an organ of its host.
• 1:01:17
  Matt: It becomes the tongue.
• 1:01:19
  Matt: It says, I'm your tongue.
• 1:01:21
  Matt: It says, Look at me, look at me, I'm the tongue.
• 1:01:24
  Matt: I'm the thumbnail.
• 1:01:25
  Matt: I am the tongue.
• 1:01:26
  Matt: I am the tongue.
• 1:01:26
  Eric: I have so many questions.
• 1:01:28
  Eric: Like, does it what does the fish think is happening?
• 1:01:32
  Matt: I don't know.
• 1:01:33
  Matt: I can't tell you what I think is happening.
• 1:01:35
  Matt: Or what the fish thinks is happening, but I'm gonna in a minute I'm gonna show you this picture.
• 1:01:38
  Matt: Oh god, I'm gonna hate it.
• 1:01:40
  Matt: Although the animals modus operandi could be the stuff of nightmares, officials said in the Facebook post below that the tongue-eating louse does not kill the fish or affect humans.
• 1:01:52
  Matt: It's affecting me pretty badly.
• 1:01:55
  Eric: I don't even have one.
• 1:01:56
  Matt: Oh yeah?
• 1:01:57
  Matt: Well, Eric, get a load of this.
• 1:02:00
  Matt: Fuck that.
• 1:02:03
  Matt: Gaze upon it.
• 1:02:04
  Matt: Fuck that! It really is like the thing inside this fish's mouth.
• 1:02:10
  SPEAKER_05: Oh god, I could have gone my entire life without seeing that.
• 1:02:16
  SPEAKER_05: No, look at it again.
• 1:02:17
  SPEAKER_05: Here it is.
• 1:02:18
  Matt: Oh, you made it bigger.
• 1:02:19
  Matt: Zoom in on it, you piece of shit.
• 1:02:24
  Matt: Oh god.
• 1:02:26
  Matt: Uh, so that'll be up on our Instagram.
• 1:02:29
  Matt: Yeah, it becomes a bigger one.
• 1:02:30
  Eric: Fucking put a content warning on that.
• 1:02:33
  Eric: Jesus, like click the blurry picture.
• 1:02:37
  Matt: Uh oh man.
• 1:02:39
  Eric: I hate it so much.
• 1:02:40
  Matt: I uh I don't know what like it is, it gives me a little bit of the heebie jeebies, I gotta say.
• 1:02:48
  Matt: Wow.
• 1:02:49
  Matt: Well, Eric, um did not ask for this.
• 1:02:52
  Matt: Didn't you didn't ask for it, truly.
• 1:02:54
  Matt: Uh and and it really, is that not the heart of the title of this show?
• 1:03:00
  Matt: Well, Eric, what can I tell you?
• 1:03:02
  Matt: Uh that that's what I that's what I got for you about this fish in Galveston.
• 1:03:08
  Matt: So, Eric, now that we now that the dust has settled, let me say once again, let's uh let us uh return to where we started here and say, we need your questions, folks.
• 1:03:22
  Matt: They are still the lifeblood of this podcast.
• 1:03:24
  Matt: And hey, if you keep giving us enough, we won't have to ask.
• 1:03:28
  Matt: You know, we'll just we'll just open up our email flooded with listener letters and and you know, fun anecdotes and local legends and weird news.
• 1:03:42
  Matt: And we won't have to curate any content for this show.
• 1:03:45
  Eric: We will have to do even less effort than we already do.
• 1:03:49
  Eric: Please give us our dreams.
• 1:03:52
  Matt: And you can send those to you didn't ask for this at gmail.com or on Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook at the letter you didn't ask pod.
• 1:04:01
  Matt: That's the letter you didn't ask pod.
• 1:04:03
  Matt: Instagram, Twitter, Facebook.
• 1:04:05
  Matt: Follow us for all the things.
• 1:04:07
  Matt: We'll send we'll, you know, we'll we'll give you the the the pictures on the Instagrams to go along with the episodes and such.
• 1:04:13
  Matt: And hey, if you uh if you haven't heard of it yet, you should check out this app, Good Pods.
• 1:04:19
  Matt: Oh yeah.
• 1:04:20
  Matt: It is an up-and-coming social podcasting app.
• 1:04:23
  Eric: Get in on the ground floor, babies.
• 1:04:25
  Matt: Uh get in on the ground floor.
• 1:04:27
  Matt: It started up not all that long ago.
• 1:04:29
  Matt: It's starting to gain some steam.
• 1:04:30
  Matt: Yep, yep.
• 1:04:31
  Matt: Uh it's basically they put they literally put it right in the name.
• 1:04:35
  Matt: It's basically the good reads of podcasts.
• 1:04:38
  Matt: You can share and comment podcasts, recommend them to your friends, comment, review.
• 1:04:43
  Matt: If you review us, if you could share some episodes, there you are.
• 1:04:48
  Matt: Both of us are on there.
• 1:04:50
  Matt: We are uh we are climbing the charts in the indie comedy and also on the leisure uh charts.
• 1:04:58
  Eric: This is my kind of a testament to how how fucking fresh this app is.
• 1:05:03
  Eric: Should all get in on the ground floor.
• 1:05:05
  Matt: I mean, I'm I'm just saying you are looking at an up and coming leisure podcast, folks.
• 1:05:11
  Matt: I I love the leisure genre.
• 1:05:14
  Matt: Uh, but no, we're charting all over the place on good pods.
• 1:05:17
  Matt: So uh, you know, hell uh go go ahead and check it out.
• 1:05:20
  Matt: And I'm having a lot of fun with it, to be honest with you.
• 1:05:23
  Matt: You can find a lot of fun indie podcasts that you hadn't maybe seen on the bigger apps.
• 1:05:29
  Matt: So uh, you know, check us out on Good Pods.
• 1:05:32
  Matt: Check us out, Eric.
• 1:05:34
  Matt: Do we have any other business?
• 1:05:35
  Matt: Not a goddamn thing.
• 1:05:38
  Matt: Well then in that case, let's wrap this sucker up.
• 1:05:41
  Eric: All right.
• 1:05:42
  Matt: So for um all of us here at You Didn't Ask for This, my name's Matt Shea.
• 1:05:47
  Eric: My name's Eric Poach.
• 1:05:48
  Eric: And listen, you didn't ask, but is there a merit badge for sword fighting?
• 1:05:56
  Eric: Uh I I I think absolutely there is there a merit badge for cake making.
• 1:06:02
  Matt: There's definitely a baking merit badge.
• 1:06:05
  Eric: Is there a merit badge for coffee making?
• 1:06:09
  Eric: I don't know if it gets Is there a merit badge for fire starting?
• 1:06:13
  Eric: No, I want to be clear, not fire building, fire starting.
• 1:06:17
  Matt: Like uh like in federal buildings?
• 1:06:20
  Matt: Yeah.
• 1:06:21
  Matt: Um no, I don't think so.
• 1:06:23
  Matt: I think they frown upon it.
• 1:06:24
  Eric: Is there a merit badge for fighting an animal and winning?
• 1:06:28
  Matt: Sure.
• 1:06:28
  Matt: Yeah, there is.
• 1:06:29
  Matt: Yeah.
• 1:06:30
  Eric: Is there a merit dragon slaying for fighting an animal and losing?
• 1:06:35
  Matt: Uh yeah, sure, why not?
• 1:06:36
  Matt: Sure.
• 1:06:36
  Matt: There's one of those two.
• 1:06:38
  Matt: There's also a merit badge for asking shitty, degrading questions.
• 1:06:42
  Matt: There's also a merit badge for cackling like a fucking asshole, like a sorcerer over a pot.
• 1:06:48
  Matt: Cue the cell.
• 1:06:52
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my god, take us out.
• 1:06:54
  Matt: Take us out, take us away.
• 1:06:56
  Matt: Fly, Eagle, fly.
• 1:06:58
  SPEAKER_05: I'm flying away on the facts of insensitive neighborhood.