Latest / Overwhelmed Working Woman: Boost Productivity, Master Time Management, Overcome Overwhelm & Stop People Pleasing / #140| Stop Letting People Pleasing Control Your Priorities - Here's How
Transcript
- 0:00Michelle Gauthier: There was this one moment where I realized, in a single gut-wrenching moment, that I was living a life that I didn't actually want.
- 0:12Michelle Gauthier: You're listening to Overwhelmed Working Woman, the podcast that helps you be more calm and more productive by doing less.
- 0:19Michelle Gauthier: I'm your host, Michelle Gauthier, a former Overwhelmed Working Woman and current life coach.
- 0:24Michelle Gauthier: On this show, we unpack the stress and pressure that today's working woman experiences.
- 0:39Michelle Gauthier: And in each episode you'll get a strategy to bring more calm, ease and relaxation to your life.
- 0:42Michelle Gauthier: Hi, friend, Today I'm going to share a very personal story with you, and what you'll learn from this story that I'm telling you today is about a real life moment that kind of made me question everything, and why setting boundaries isn't enough you have to actually honor the boundaries and also why our emotions aren't a problem.
- 1:01Michelle Gauthier: I used to always think my emotions were a problem and would get in the way, but why instead, they can be your compass.
- 1:07Michelle Gauthier: Okay, so here's the story.
- 1:09Michelle Gauthier: When my daughter was young and my son had already started school, I did not work on Friday afternoons or Monday afternoons because I took that time off to spend time with my daughter while my son was at school.
- 1:22Michelle Gauthier: And it was a Friday afternoon when the story happened and at the time I had this intentional boundary that I worked half days on Friday and Friday afternoons were supposed to be mine, just time for my daughter or for myself, or for just breathing room.
- 1:37Michelle Gauthier: But that day I of course checked my work email or my instant messenger, I don't remember what and my boss and his boss wanted to hop on a quick call with me to review this pitch deck, these slides that we were working on, and my daughter wasn't feeling great and she was down for a nap.
- 1:55Michelle Gauthier: So, even though I felt like a small tug of hesitation, I said yes, and I told myself it was going to be super quick and that it was important and that everything would be just fine.
- 2:04Michelle Gauthier: And so I logged on to the call and I told myself it was going to be super quick and that it was important and that everything would be just fine.
- 2:06Michelle Gauthier: And so I logged onto the call and I pulled up the slides and I'm sharing my screen and we started discussing edits and I'm making the changes that we're talking about, and then I heard my daughter crying.
- 2:16Michelle Gauthier: She was still in a crib at the time and I heard her crying from her crib and then I heard her throw up and just froze and I panicked because my mind, my conditioning, really told me that I couldn't interrupt and I couldn't inconvenience them with this problem that I was having.
- 2:34Michelle Gauthier: And then I had to stay professional and show everyone that I could handle it.
- 2:38Michelle Gauthier: And then the other side of me was telling me my little girl is sick and she's scared and even though I knew she was safe.
- 2:44Michelle Gauthier: She needed me in that moment and I was stuck on a call about you know font sizes and bullet points and what we were going to say, and I just had this complete panic where I froze because I truly didn't know what to do.
- 2:59Michelle Gauthier: And finally I just interrupted them mid sentence and said you guys, I'm sorry, I've got to go.
- 3:03Michelle Gauthier: My daughter's sick.
- 3:04Michelle Gauthier: She just threw up and they were, of course, like Okay, go, go, go.
- 3:08Michelle Gauthier: And I ran to my daughter and I scooped her up and I was cleaning her up and you know she was totally okay, but I was so upset I was like what am I doing?
- 3:18Michelle Gauthier: Why am I saying yes when everything inside me is screaming no?
- 3:23Michelle Gauthier: Why did I even consider staying on that call?
- 3:27Michelle Gauthier: And valuing something like that over my family was like I just realized that my life wasn't in alignment.
- 3:34Michelle Gauthier: And, looking back, I have such empathy for my past self because what I didn't have at that time I didn't understand how to hold a boundary.
- 3:44Michelle Gauthier: I didn't know that that feeling that I got like, that panic and that guilt, were emotions that I needed to pay attention to, and I didn't understand that my value as a human wasn't tied to the fact that I worked really hard and that I was easy and agreeable and always available, and I didn't know that I could choose a different way to live.
- 4:06Michelle Gauthier: So I really was just acting from everything that I knew at the time.
- 4:12Michelle Gauthier: So let's take a look at how I would have handled that situation differently today.
- 4:18Michelle Gauthier: So if I had negotiated for myself a job where I had permission to not work on Friday afternoons, I would keep that boundary.
- 4:30Michelle Gauthier: I would not check my work email.
- 4:32Michelle Gauthier: I would not log on to instant messenger.
- 4:35Michelle Gauthier: I was afraid not to because I wanted people to know that I was available.
- 4:39Michelle Gauthier: Even though I was supposed to be with my daughter or you know, off work.
- 4:43Michelle Gauthier: I still wanted to be available.
- 4:44Michelle Gauthier: I would not do that anymore.
- 4:46Michelle Gauthier: So this situation just plain and simple would not come up and I also would have an easier time doing that.
- 4:55Michelle Gauthier: First of all, I have lots of experience now with setting boundaries and holding those boundaries.
- 4:59Michelle Gauthier: But I also have learned to disconnect my enoughness from what I produce at work and I also have disconnected from what I think other people might be thinking about me, aka people pleasing.
- 5:13Michelle Gauthier: So in that quick moment I was reacting to all three of those things.
- 5:18Michelle Gauthier: I can't hold a boundary because I have to be agreeable.
- 5:21Michelle Gauthier: I can't risk what these two guys are thinking about me right now.
- 5:24Michelle Gauthier: They think about me that I'm a great employee and I'm working so hard and I'm so reliable and I'm always available, even though I work part-time air quotes.
- 5:32Michelle Gauthier: And now what I would focus on is I'm already enough.
- 5:37Michelle Gauthier: It doesn't matter.
- 5:39Michelle Gauthier: My enoughness doesn't come from what I produce.
- 5:42Michelle Gauthier: I choose boundaries for myself, based on my priorities, which will always be my family over anything else, and I honestly just do not think about what other people are thinking about me.
- 5:55Michelle Gauthier: Now let's think about it realistically.
- 5:57Michelle Gauthier: When I hung up on that call, both of these guys in this situation are really good people who I had a great relationship with.
- 6:05Michelle Gauthier: They're both dads, so they probably had no thoughts about it.
- 6:09Michelle Gauthier: They're like, oh gosh, that's a bummer Fine, you know, it's not.
- 6:13Michelle Gauthier: Like they thought I was this amazing employee.
- 6:14Michelle Gauthier: And then they're like oh, there goes her performance review.
- 6:16Michelle Gauthier: She had a kid who got sick.
- 6:18Michelle Gauthier: So I was focusing so much on what they might think about me and it probably wasn't even true.
- 6:23Michelle Gauthier: I'm sharing all this with you because this moment and I had many moments like this, but this one was really poignant, because my daughter was sick and I hesitated way longer than I wanted to which was probably like 10 seconds until I did the right thing, and this is the reason why I teach the stuff that I teach now.
- 6:46Michelle Gauthier: When you join the Good Life Group Coaching, every week we focus on a new topic and over the course of the 12-week program, I teach you every single thing that you need to basically not be in the situation that I put myself in.
- 7:01Michelle Gauthier: You will learn how to visualize the type of life that you do want.
- 7:06Michelle Gauthier: I don't know about you, but I felt so stuck and I wasn't even sure how to dream up what I wanted instead.
- 7:11Michelle Gauthier: So we start with that and then you'll learn how to set boundaries, say no, use your thoughts to create the kind of life that you want to have.
- 7:23Michelle Gauthier: You'll learn about time management, how to manage your emotions, how to focus on what's in your control.
- 7:29Michelle Gauthier: The way that it works is every week I drop a new video on a specific topic.
- 7:35Michelle Gauthier: Let's say it's people pleasing.
- 7:36Michelle Gauthier: You'll learn about people pleasing.
- 7:38Michelle Gauthier: Then you'll do your homework in the workbook, which is to apply what you've just learned to a situation in your life.
- 7:44Michelle Gauthier: So you'll write it all out what you would do, what kind of boundary you would set, and then on Friday we all come together for live group coaching.
- 7:51Michelle Gauthier: And if you really struggled with it or you don't feel like you could actually implement the people pleasing plan that you set up, then you would get coaching from me, and not only would that help you but it also helps everybody else in the group.
- 8:03Michelle Gauthier: And so we go on and on with different topics over the course of 12 weeks so that by the end you feel like you have all the skills you need to have a life that feels so much more calm and intentional.
- 8:18Michelle Gauthier: And you know, it's always the woman, it's always the mom, who sets the tone of the household, and I feel like you set the tone at your work with your team, etc.
- 8:26Michelle Gauthier: So if you are feeling in control, organized, able to say no, not a people pleaser, the energy that you give off affects everyone else around you.
- 8:39Michelle Gauthier: So registration for this starts on Monday, but you have an opportunity now, before Monday, to send me a DM.
- 8:47Michelle Gauthier: You can just send me a message.
- 8:49Michelle Gauthier: There's a send me a message button at the bottom of the episode in the show notes.
- 8:52Michelle Gauthier: Send me a message that says group coaching and I will tell you more about group coaching.
- 8:57Michelle Gauthier: I can answer any questions that you have and then you'll be on the waitlist, which means you can register early, so you can register before Monday.
- 9:05Michelle Gauthier: What that means is you get 25% off the cost of the program and you get a chance to register early.
- 9:14Michelle Gauthier: I only take 10 people for group coaching because I like it to be small and intimate and have time for everybody, so you will get one of those 10 spots for sure.
- 9:22Michelle Gauthier: So if you think you might be interested, send me a message and we can chat.
- 9:27Michelle Gauthier: Have a great week.
- 9:29Michelle Gauthier: Talk to you Monday.
- 9:35Michelle Gauthier: Thank you for listening to the Overwhelmed Working Woman podcast.
- 9:38Michelle Gauthier: If you want to learn more about my work, head over to my website at michellegauthier.
- 9:42Michelle Gauthier: com.
- 9:44Michelle Gauthier: See you next week.