Latest / Do You F*cking Mind? / 397. 5 steps to gain clarity for what you want in your life.

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397. 5 steps to gain clarity for what you want in your life. · Do You F*cking Mind?

0:13
Speaker 1: Hello, beautiful beans, and welcome to the podcast episode of Today.
0:17
Speaker 1: So in today's episode, we are talking about how to
0:20
Speaker 1: gain clarity for what you want in your life in
0:23
Speaker 1: five simple steps. Now this is any kind of clarity.
0:26
Speaker 1: We're talking about career clarity, what you want in your relationships,
0:30
Speaker 1: what you want out of life in general, your direction
0:32
Speaker 1: where you're headed. This is going to help you start
0:35
Speaker 1: kind of steer you in a direction where you feel
0:38
Speaker 1: you have a lot more clarity. Okay, you're going to
0:40
Speaker 1: need to work through these exercises. You're going to need
0:42
Speaker 1: to ideally grab a pen and paper, or you can
0:45
Speaker 1: type it out if you prefer, but I like putting
0:47
Speaker 1: pen to paper because there's more parts of your brain
0:50
Speaker 1: that are working when you write things down physically, and
0:53
Speaker 1: you're more present in the moment when you're doing So,
0:55
Speaker 1: if possible, grab a pen and paper and work through
0:58
Speaker 1: these points. Before I go into all of that about clarity,
1:03
Speaker 1: because there's so much to talk about, we have a
1:05
Speaker 1: psychology fact, and this psychology fact is based on an article.
1:10
Speaker 1: I am going to put the PubMed id in the
1:13
Speaker 1: episode description. So if you are a big fan of
1:16
Speaker 1: statistics and methods sections in published journal articles. Then you
1:21
Speaker 1: can feast yours on this article. But this is called
1:25
Speaker 1: social Media bites daily association between social media use and
1:29
Speaker 1: everyday memory failure across adult lifespan. So we're talking about
1:35
Speaker 1: how social media use can actually affect everyday memory. Okay,
1:43
Speaker 1: now I'm going to quickly talk about what the study was,
1:45
Speaker 1: and then I'm going to talk about the findings of
1:47
Speaker 1: this study, not just in this published paper, but there
1:50
Speaker 1: were other studies that were referenced as well in this
1:52
Speaker 1: paper and in other similar papers around this topic. It's
1:55
Speaker 1: really interesting. So the study was done on a whole
1:57
Speaker 1: bunch of subjects. We had two hundred and seven teen
2:00
Speaker 1: twenty to thirty nine year olds, four hundred middle aged,
2:03
Speaker 1: so that's forty to fifty nine. How the fuck is
2:06
Speaker 1: forty middle aged? Don't even talk to me, not that
2:09
Speaker 1: I'm forty yet, but still it's not that far away.
2:12
Speaker 1: And one hundred and sixty five sixty plus year olds.
2:16
Speaker 1: So the way it worked is that it was done
2:19
Speaker 1: through an interview every every day, So each participant in
2:23
Speaker 1: the study was interviewed at the end of the day
2:26
Speaker 1: and they were asked about They were asked just general
2:29
Speaker 1: questions about you know, memory lapses and memory you know
2:34
Speaker 1: issues throughout the day. Okay. Now, they also had to
2:39
Speaker 1: report how many hours were spent or minutes. It was
2:42
Speaker 1: totaled in minutes were spent on social media every single day.
2:46
Speaker 1: Now this was tracked, okay, so they all had, you know,
2:49
Speaker 1: their social media usage tracked. So each day their memory
2:53
Speaker 1: was assessed against nine items. So for example, it could
2:57
Speaker 1: be like I forgot why I entered a room, I
3:00
Speaker 1: forgot important information like oh shit, I was supposed to
3:03
Speaker 1: have that phone call at this time and now I've
3:05
Speaker 1: missed it or something, or maybe you know, your partner's
3:09
Speaker 1: fucking birthday or something whatever it was. But there were
3:12
Speaker 1: nine items, and so your score at the end would
3:16
Speaker 1: range from zero to nine. Okay. And it revealed that
3:21
Speaker 1: across all age groups, all adults, no matter the age,
3:25
Speaker 1: the days where social media use was high, individuals reported
3:31
Speaker 1: more memory failures. And it was kind of like a
3:34
Speaker 1: very nice like what do you call it, oh, just
3:40
Speaker 1: oh my god, I'm fucking blanking, but basically where you
3:43
Speaker 1: can like plot it nicely on a graph where the
3:45
Speaker 1: more hours or the more minutes on social media you saw,
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Speaker 1: the more memory failures you had. Okay. So it was
3:51
Speaker 1: progressively worse. Interestingly, also, if social media use was high
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Speaker 1: the previous day, it was a predictor for the subsequent
4:02
Speaker 1: day memory failures. Okay, so if you use social media
4:05
Speaker 1: heaps one day, the next day, you're also going to
4:07
Speaker 1: struggle with your memory. Okay. That what they didn't observe
4:11
Speaker 1: was something called reverse causation. So that means that if
4:14
Speaker 1: you have memory failures one day, that's not going to
4:17
Speaker 1: make you use social media more. We're only seeing this
4:20
Speaker 1: unidirectional thing of social media equals memory problems. Okay within
4:24
Speaker 1: the day. Now, people who had health burdens and more
4:28
Speaker 1: daily stresses in their life were more affected by memory
4:31
Speaker 1: loss as well. But having said that, they did account
4:38
Speaker 1: for co founding variables. Okay, so in studies, what they're
4:42
Speaker 1: a good study should look at things that could also
4:45
Speaker 1: impact that same thing. So if someone is stressed, it's
4:48
Speaker 1: likely going to impact your memory. So what they normally
4:51
Speaker 1: do is they get the populations and they look at like, okay,
4:53
Speaker 1: who is also stressed, who is also having health problems,
4:56
Speaker 1: who is also within this population? And how do we
4:59
Speaker 1: factor that out? So we're only looking at the data
5:01
Speaker 1: that we only want to look at so after accounting
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Speaker 1: for these co founding variables that also would impact memory loss,
5:08
Speaker 1: the results were still extremely significant. Okay, Now, if you're
5:12
Speaker 1: interested on that, go check out the study and look
5:14
Speaker 1: at how they did that. And you know, like if
5:16
Speaker 1: but you have to kind of really be a bit
5:18
Speaker 1: of a fan of statistics and you know all those
5:20
Speaker 1: fun little scores that you get to do, which many
5:23
Speaker 1: people are aren't. So I'm just wrapping it up quite
5:26
Speaker 1: basically anyway, why is this happening? So there's two things
5:30
Speaker 1: that are happening here. Why it's not good for your memory?
5:32
Speaker 1: Number One, people use social media as a tool to
5:35
Speaker 1: offload memory to an external source. Okay, so you use
5:37
Speaker 1: it as a tool to remember particular dates, events, to
5:41
Speaker 1: look back on things. It's someone's birthday, whatever. And when
5:47
Speaker 1: we offload these memories instead of working to maintain our
5:50
Speaker 1: own memory trace, then you start to reduce your memory capacity.
5:54
Speaker 1: A great example of this, and this is not social
5:57
Speaker 1: media related, but is how many phone numbers do you
6:00
Speaker 1: know off by heart? And I think a lot of
6:02
Speaker 1: people now think yeah, but ten digits, eight to ten
6:06
Speaker 1: digits is a lot of random numbers to know off
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Speaker 1: by heart. As if the brain's going to retain that.
6:11
Speaker 1: But you ask anyone from you know ten, well maybe
6:13
Speaker 1: not ten, twenty years ago, and you could rattle off
6:17
Speaker 1: easily fifteen or more phone numbers off the top of
6:21
Speaker 1: your head, to the extent that I to this day
6:24
Speaker 1: can still rattle off the landline phone numbers of my
6:27
Speaker 1: grandparents when I was a kid, my landline phone number
6:30
Speaker 1: was when I was a child, my cousin's landline, my
6:32
Speaker 1: best friend's landline, like I can. There's so many numbers
6:35
Speaker 1: that I have in my head from that time, but
6:38
Speaker 1: I can't tell you many phone numbers. I can't tell
6:41
Speaker 1: you my best friend's phone number, which is crazy because
6:44
Speaker 1: it's just been saved in my phone. I'm like, oh,
6:45
Speaker 1: I've just offloaded that to an external memory, so so
6:47
Speaker 1: I don't need it now. Yes, that's practical in certain things,
6:50
Speaker 1: but the issue is that we think, oh, well, it's
6:53
Speaker 1: just too much for our mind. There's never too much
6:56
Speaker 1: that you can remember. The capacity, your capacity for memory
6:59
Speaker 1: could be ever growing, and it is really important to
7:02
Speaker 1: train your memory and to force yourself to memorize and
7:05
Speaker 1: remember things. It's not going to overload your memory. That's
7:09
Speaker 1: not how memory works. It will continue to grow as
7:11
Speaker 1: you kind of evolve and grow, if that makes sense.
7:15
Speaker 1: So I think that it's very important to think, Okay,
7:18
Speaker 1: where is it that I'm not actually using my memory?
7:20
Speaker 1: That maybe I could to start training my brain a
7:23
Speaker 1: little bit more. So, actually doing this has made me think, fuck,
7:27
Speaker 1: I need to memorize some people's phone numbers, because I
7:29
Speaker 1: literally only know Tyrone's. And the reason I know Tyrones
7:31
Speaker 1: is because it is such an easy phone number. So
7:35
Speaker 1: that's I'm not that's not even a flex. So that's
7:38
Speaker 1: a really good example of where we use technology to offload,
7:43
Speaker 1: like as an external memory source. But then we now
7:45
Speaker 1: don't have that skill of easily remembering a tend digit number.
7:48
Speaker 1: Back in the day, you could pick up a ten
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Speaker 1: digit numb and be like, yep, okay, I've got it.
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Speaker 1: In five minutes, you just repeat it, repeat it, repeat it,
7:53
Speaker 1: and then you've got it. We don't do that anymore.
7:57
Speaker 1: There was a twenty thirteen study that showed that people
8:00
Speaker 1: who reported high levels of Facebook use had significantly worse
8:03
Speaker 1: memory on an emotional word recall task than those that
8:06
Speaker 1: were classified as low Facebook users. And it's because basically
8:12
Speaker 1: these technologies change how people rely on their own memory.
8:14
Speaker 1: So instead of us being able to rely on context,
8:18
Speaker 1: we are only able to remember where to find it.
8:21
Speaker 1: We think, oh well maybe if I can go to
8:22
Speaker 1: this archive or this photo album with this, then it's
8:24
Speaker 1: going to trigger a memory. But always always leaning on
8:30
Speaker 1: needing a trigger for a memory is going to hinder
8:33
Speaker 1: your ability to recall. Recall is a very important part
8:37
Speaker 1: of the memory. You've got your working memory, you've got
8:39
Speaker 1: your recall memory, and then you've got your stored memory,
8:42
Speaker 1: and recall is essential being able to retrieve memory from
8:46
Speaker 1: your long term memory, from your stored memory and bring
8:48
Speaker 1: it into the present. And you should not be relying
8:51
Speaker 1: on external sources for recall. Okay, this is something that
8:54
Speaker 1: is trained and it can get better, but you lose
8:56
Speaker 1: it if you don't use it. Not good. Another thing
8:59
Speaker 1: that's happening, though, is that doing this, this long term reliance,
9:05
Speaker 1: is that it causes a skill delay in memory encoding,
9:08
Speaker 1: in memory consolidation, and obviously retrieval. Like I said, separate
9:12
Speaker 1: to that, this frequent social media use also does something
9:18
Speaker 1: called it causes something called attentional disengagement, which also interferes
9:23
Speaker 1: with memory and coding. Okay, if memories can't be encoded
9:27
Speaker 1: properly because we're not quite present when that memory was
9:30
Speaker 1: being formed. Then we're not storing the memory properly. You're
9:34
Speaker 1: not going to remember it all the way you remember
9:36
Speaker 1: it is completely flawed. It's not an accurate representation of
9:38
Speaker 1: what actually occurred. Okay. So this is like a very
9:41
Speaker 1: fragmented kind of memory. It is that it stores in
9:45
Speaker 1: a bad way, or it doesn't store at all, and
9:46
Speaker 1: that is called attentional disengagement. Okay, And we all know
9:50
Speaker 1: what that's like, someone scrolling in the middle of a
9:52
Speaker 1: conversation and then they're not really able to recall exactly
9:55
Speaker 1: what that conversation was. And you know when people say, oh,
9:57
Speaker 1: are you listening. I'm talking like you're trying to have
10:00
Speaker 1: a conversation, and they're on their phone, they're scrolling. You said,
10:03
Speaker 1: did you hear what I said? And they're like yeah,
10:04
Speaker 1: and they repeat just the last sentence that you said,
10:06
Speaker 1: because that's short term memory. Anyone can repeat a last
10:09
Speaker 1: sentence that was said. But I can guarantee you right
10:12
Speaker 1: now if you said, but give me context, they're not
10:14
Speaker 1: going to be able to give you context because they're
10:16
Speaker 1: fucking bullshitting. Okay, they're not listening to you. So basically,
10:21
Speaker 1: if you're always distracted and if you're always exposed to
10:23
Speaker 1: this constant stream of information, you're less engaged in real
10:27
Speaker 1: world activities. Even if you think that you are, you're not.
10:31
Speaker 1: And in some studies this is very interesting, just the
10:34
Speaker 1: presence of a smartphone, even when it was not used,
10:38
Speaker 1: just at being there next to the individuals reduced cognitive
10:41
Speaker 1: performance because you've got an awareness of like, oh, I
10:43
Speaker 1: want to rely on this thing, I want to lean
10:45
Speaker 1: on this thing. Now with older adults, social media has
10:48
Speaker 1: been found to be beneficial for older adults, but these
10:51
Speaker 1: studies focus on completely different things. So when you look
10:53
Speaker 1: at studies that say social media is good for adults,
10:55
Speaker 1: it is for two reasons. Number one, it's because often
11:00
Speaker 1: and older adults have never used social media, and now
11:02
Speaker 1: they're put in a position where they've got to learn
11:03
Speaker 1: a completely new skill that's really good for their brain.
11:06
Speaker 1: They're learning something brand new, it's kind of like alien
11:08
Speaker 1: to them, it's not second nature like it is to
11:10
Speaker 1: the younger generations, so that's really working their conscious mind phenomenal.
11:16
Speaker 1: And then the other reason is a lot of old
11:17
Speaker 1: people are very isolated and as far as social connection goes,
11:21
Speaker 1: they really benefit in as far as feeling connected, feeling
11:25
Speaker 1: like they can connect to people from you know, different
11:27
Speaker 1: stages of their lives that they normally wouldn't physically catch
11:30
Speaker 1: up with, they wouldn't be able to see. But when
11:32
Speaker 1: it comes to having this memory loss throughout the day,
11:37
Speaker 1: old people experience it just like young people. It's across
11:41
Speaker 1: all adults. It's the same effect. It's just not great. Okay.
11:45
Speaker 1: Now the good news or the bad news or whatever.
11:48
Speaker 1: The takeaway pretty much is that passive use off your
11:52
Speaker 1: phones was more associated with the negative effects on well
11:56
Speaker 1: being than active use. Okay, so this should make you
11:59
Speaker 1: feel a little bit more empowered with using social media.
12:02
Speaker 1: So active use of social media is commenting on your
12:06
Speaker 1: friends posts, replying to messages, engaging in conversation. You know,
12:12
Speaker 1: if someone sent you a video, you watch the video
12:14
Speaker 1: and then you reply about the video, posting something where
12:18
Speaker 1: you're actively engaging in it. That's not as detrimental in
12:21
Speaker 1: your memory. Then passive, which is of course doom scrolling. Okay, scroll, scroll,
12:25
Speaker 1: scross all strong. Before you know it, it's been like
12:27
Speaker 1: twenty minutes, thirty minutes. Now, don't forget we all get
12:30
Speaker 1: into that trap. Okay, I doom scroll just as much
12:32
Speaker 1: as the next person. We all doom scroll. But I
12:34
Speaker 1: think the important thing to note here is the more
12:37
Speaker 1: aware you are of how this can impact your day,
12:40
Speaker 1: the less, hopefully the less inclined you are to use
12:43
Speaker 1: your phone in the important times. So for me, scrolling
12:47
Speaker 1: on my phone is going to be really detrimental, especially
12:51
Speaker 1: in the first half of the day, more so than
12:53
Speaker 1: the next half, because most of my creative work needs
12:55
Speaker 1: to be done in the first half of the day,
12:56
Speaker 1: so I'm going to really try my best. And for me,
12:59
Speaker 1: I noticed that the yes I used it in the
13:00
Speaker 1: first half of the day, the less likely I'm going
13:02
Speaker 1: to use use it to doom scroll for the rest
13:06
Speaker 1: of the day. Okay, so take what you will from that,
13:10
Speaker 1: But I found that really fucking interesting. Since since now
13:37
Speaker 1: let's get straight into the episode topic of today, I
13:40
Speaker 1: just need a sip of my coffee because it's in
13:41
Speaker 1: between my legs and burning my thighs. Okay, we're talking
13:47
Speaker 1: about clarity today. Now. I did poll, well, not even pole.
13:51
Speaker 1: I just asked you guys on my social on my
13:53
Speaker 1: fucking Instagram social media, asked you guys on my Instagram
13:59
Speaker 1: where it was in your life that you wanted clarity,
14:01
Speaker 1: And there were many most of you guys, it was career.
14:04
Speaker 1: Most of them were career. There were so many ones
14:08
Speaker 1: about career. There were so many ones about relationships like
14:13
Speaker 1: is this the right one for me? Is this what
14:15
Speaker 1: I want in my life? But if I leave, does
14:19
Speaker 1: that throw my timeline completely out? There were so many
14:23
Speaker 1: setting boundaries in relationships, relationships with friends, setting boundaries with friends,
14:28
Speaker 1: financial future, my personal growth at work, how to enter
14:35
Speaker 1: a career, dealing with parents. There were just it was
14:40
Speaker 1: such a good life. Purpose. There were heaps on purpose,
14:45
Speaker 1: job direction, in staying in the industry versus starting a PhD. Yeah,
14:50
Speaker 1: there were just so many how to, like, I want
14:55
Speaker 1: clarity on you know, how to be happy with my
14:56
Speaker 1: life right now? How did detached from someone that you
15:01
Speaker 1: thought you would marry? So? Yeah, So there's a lot
15:03
Speaker 1: of a lot of a lot of things, but it
15:05
Speaker 1: basically comes down the main topics that I thought that
15:08
Speaker 1: would be, which is career, relationships, and ultimately purpose and happiness,
15:13
Speaker 1: like having a sense of purpose and having like that
15:17
Speaker 1: fulfillment in life. And I think everything really boils down
15:22
Speaker 1: to feeling fulfilled because if you think about it, when
15:26
Speaker 1: you are fulfilled and when you wake up being like
15:29
Speaker 1: everything is going well, i might not have exactly what
15:32
Speaker 1: I want, but I'm working towards it. I'm noticing progress,
15:36
Speaker 1: I'm feeling good, feeling better every day. I'm liking where
15:39
Speaker 1: this is heading. I'm nurturing these relationships, and I feel
15:41
Speaker 1: like everything is aligning everything you know, you feel on purpose,
15:45
Speaker 1: it feels good. So to feel satisfied, to have life
15:49
Speaker 1: satisfaction does not mean that everything has to everything has
15:52
Speaker 1: to be perfect. It means that you are happy with
15:56
Speaker 1: the direction in where you are headed, You're happy with
15:58
Speaker 1: your progress, and you're happy that you know where you
16:00
Speaker 1: want to go. That is what I want to talk about,
16:03
Speaker 1: because I can guarantee you you're never going to have
16:05
Speaker 1: it all. And the reason you're never going to have
16:07
Speaker 1: it all is because the things you want will keep
16:09
Speaker 1: getting added as you get closer to achieving that goal.
16:12
Speaker 1: You've grown so now you want something else and you
16:14
Speaker 1: want so it's not you're never going to have it
16:16
Speaker 1: all in the sense that nothing's ever going to be
16:18
Speaker 1: good enough, but in the sense that my desires for
16:21
Speaker 1: experiences and for what I want out of life and
16:24
Speaker 1: for my career and for my growth is hopefully never ending.
16:27
Speaker 1: I hope I never achieve everything that I want all
16:30
Speaker 1: at once, because I always want to have that thing
16:32
Speaker 1: that i'm working towards up until the day I die.
16:35
Speaker 1: So that's what I mean about You're never going to
16:37
Speaker 1: get everything you want, hopefully, because you're going to be
16:40
Speaker 1: extending that goalpost further and further and further. So clarity,
16:44
Speaker 1: I want you to look at clarity as direction. When
16:47
Speaker 1: you have direction, you have a sense of kind of stability,
16:50
Speaker 1: a sense of purpose. You're feeling good. You don't have
16:51
Speaker 1: to have it all, it's just that feeling okay. Now
16:55
Speaker 1: Without it, you're kind of in a bit of a limbo.
16:58
Speaker 1: You're kind of cruising from day to day, which is
17:00
Speaker 1: fine if if it's where you want to be. But
17:03
Speaker 1: it's not that fine if it's where you don't want
17:05
Speaker 1: to be, because the same thing goes for having too
17:07
Speaker 1: many things that you want to do, because you can
17:10
Speaker 1: be thinking, well, i've got no clarity, i don't know
17:12
Speaker 1: what I want to do with my life. I've got
17:13
Speaker 1: no passions. I've got this and that's in a difficult position.
17:15
Speaker 1: But then you might be someone that's like, there's too
17:17
Speaker 1: many things I love. I want to do this, I
17:19
Speaker 1: want to do that, I want to do that. One
17:20
Speaker 1: day I wake up and I'm thinking, like, for me,
17:22
Speaker 1: I'm a perfect example of that, trust me. One day
17:25
Speaker 1: I wake up and I think there's two other podcasts
17:27
Speaker 1: that I want to do. I could have multiple podcasts,
17:29
Speaker 1: and I wanted that, and I've got all these ideas.
17:31
Speaker 1: And the next day I'm like, I really want to
17:32
Speaker 1: go and do my PhD. If I did my PhD,
17:34
Speaker 1: then rah da da. And then I turn around and
17:36
Speaker 1: I'm like, but maybe if us so, then I'm like
17:40
Speaker 1: I end up going And I don't want to say
17:41
Speaker 1: going nowhere. I'm very happy with where my career is at,
17:43
Speaker 1: but I end up going round in circles as far
17:47
Speaker 1: as what's the next progression, because I'm bouncing around between
17:51
Speaker 1: all these ideas, and then one day this idea seems
17:53
Speaker 1: perfect and three days later I'm like, oh nah, that
17:55
Speaker 1: wouldn't work for all these reasons. But now I'm on
17:57
Speaker 1: this idea and I'm bouncing between like all these ideas.
18:01
Speaker 1: So that's also a bit of a cock block as well,
18:03
Speaker 1: because it's like I need to like knuckle down and
18:05
Speaker 1: get clarity on this situation, or I'm just going to
18:08
Speaker 1: be bouncing around these five ideas for the next fucking
18:10
Speaker 1: five years. Okay, So no action or spreading yourself too
18:14
Speaker 1: thin is not going to be the answer. Now. Not
18:17
Speaker 1: knowing where you're going in life also makes it harder
18:19
Speaker 1: to make other decisions for your future. Okay. I have
18:22
Speaker 1: a whole podcast on decision making, so I'm not going
18:24
Speaker 1: to go into decision making specifically, but I want you
18:26
Speaker 1: to realize that the easier it is to find clarity
18:30
Speaker 1: in one area of your life, that then slowly bleeds
18:32
Speaker 1: into another area and another area, and you become more
18:34
Speaker 1: and more confident in finding that clarity. So an example
18:37
Speaker 1: if this would be if you're someone who feels like
18:39
Speaker 1: your life is a bit of a fucking shambles right now,
18:41
Speaker 1: I would start with physical physical possessions. Streamline, streamline, streamline.
18:46
Speaker 1: I'm going to streamline my possessions if I don't know,
18:49
Speaker 1: Let's say you're like, I hate my style, but I
18:51
Speaker 1: don't know what style I want yet. Fine, let's just
18:54
Speaker 1: start culling. Culling, Let's get rid of the noise, get rid,
18:57
Speaker 1: give away certain things, get you know, minimize your possessions,
19:01
Speaker 1: get really tidy. Now, let's look at my daily routine.
19:04
Speaker 1: Let's tidy this up a bit. Let's have a wake
19:07
Speaker 1: up time that's the same every single morning. Let's and
19:10
Speaker 1: then let's tidy up my fucking email inbox, Like, let's
19:12
Speaker 1: get rid of this shit. Before you know it, you've
19:15
Speaker 1: got way more clarity. You're like, wow, my mind is
19:19
Speaker 1: a lot calmer now that all these peripheral things aren't
19:21
Speaker 1: just in my awareness, they're gone. And then you're like, okay, okay,
19:25
Speaker 1: this feels a lot better. And then you start feeling
19:27
Speaker 1: a lot more calmer within your relationships, and then maybe
19:30
Speaker 1: at work you're a bit more organized, and then you think, So,
19:33
Speaker 1: what I'm trying to say is that it's a holistic approach.
19:36
Speaker 1: When we talk about clarity, you want to look at
19:38
Speaker 1: it in every area of your life. The more clarity
19:40
Speaker 1: you can have in one area, the easy it is
19:42
Speaker 1: to lean into getting clarity in another area. Okay, So basically,
19:47
Speaker 1: gaining clarity means achieving a clear and focused understanding of
19:51
Speaker 1: a situation, for thought, or a feeling. It involves cutting
19:55
Speaker 1: through confusion, distractions, uncertainty to see what it is that
20:00
Speaker 1: you want to see. It also helps you make informed decisions. Okay. Now,
20:04
Speaker 1: one thing that I'm going to say before I get
20:06
Speaker 1: into because I'm about to lean into these five steps
20:09
Speaker 1: to gain clarity, which hopefully you've got your pen and
20:11
Speaker 1: paper radical, is that your past is an unbelievable source
20:17
Speaker 1: of clarity for you to gain clarity, okay, because you
20:21
Speaker 1: either repeat or you learn from your past. Now, there
20:25
Speaker 1: are many things that would have happened in your past
20:27
Speaker 1: that you weren't at fault for or that you didn't
20:30
Speaker 1: cause and it wasn't your fault, but you can still
20:33
Speaker 1: learn from it. And for example, I'm going to use
20:35
Speaker 1: an example of you know, relationships. Maybe you're someone that
20:39
Speaker 1: always attracts that friend who's an absolute energy vampire, and
20:43
Speaker 1: you're like, what the fuck am I doing? Like what
20:47
Speaker 1: do I have plastered on my forehead that every energy
20:50
Speaker 1: vampire can't just gravitates into my life and sucks the
20:54
Speaker 1: life out of me? Like what am I doing? I
20:56
Speaker 1: want to make new friends and I always gravitate, like
20:57
Speaker 1: all these people gravitate to me. So then you've got
21:00
Speaker 1: to start to think, Okay, well, what can I learn
21:02
Speaker 1: from my past? Okay, it's not my fault that people
21:05
Speaker 1: are treating me this way, but maybe there's something I
21:07
Speaker 1: can learn. Where are patterns that I can see? How
21:11
Speaker 1: am I? What is it about my behavior around these
21:15
Speaker 1: people that they feel that they can drain me, but
21:17
Speaker 1: they're not draining the person next to me? Is it
21:19
Speaker 1: a lack of boundaries? Maybe I'm shit at boundaries. Is
21:22
Speaker 1: it I'm not reading these people initially? Is it that
21:25
Speaker 1: I go for those relationships that are like fire at
21:29
Speaker 1: the beginning, and it's intensity, you know, those friendships that
21:31
Speaker 1: are like one hundred miles an hour, and then before
21:33
Speaker 1: you know it, you're like, oh my god, this is
21:34
Speaker 1: way too intense. Maybe it's that maybe I lean in
21:37
Speaker 1: too much into those ones and I don't give the
21:39
Speaker 1: calmer friendships much airtime. So then you start learning the
21:43
Speaker 1: same goes for like unhealthy relationships. You're not at fault
21:47
Speaker 1: for being treated like shit, but maybe you can think, Okay,
21:50
Speaker 1: where was the warning sign? And if it did happen again,
21:54
Speaker 1: how could I do this differently? So clarity you can gain,
21:57
Speaker 1: because if you sit there in life and think I'm
22:00
Speaker 1: the victim of the situation and that's all I'll ever be,
22:03
Speaker 1: even if you completely were not at fault. Then unfortunately
22:06
Speaker 1: you are saying I have no control whatsoever, And you
22:10
Speaker 1: do have control. You don't have control over what happened
22:12
Speaker 1: to you, what was done to you, but you have
22:14
Speaker 1: control on what you're gonna learn from that and how
22:17
Speaker 1: you're going to apply it, so you can actually do
22:19
Speaker 1: like so it can feel like a lesson, so it
22:22
Speaker 1: can feel productive, so it doesn't feel as painful. Now,
22:25
Speaker 1: separate to that on the situations where it wasn't your fault.
22:28
Speaker 1: There's gonna be a lot of situations in life where
22:30
Speaker 1: things were your fault and it requires learning from it
22:34
Speaker 1: or you're going to repeat it. Right, Like, if you
22:37
Speaker 1: keep entering every semester with the same fucking strategy and
22:40
Speaker 1: scraping by with a pass or maybe just failing, you're
22:43
Speaker 1: not learning from it. It's not that you're an idiot,
22:46
Speaker 1: it's that your strategy is flawed. You need to shake
22:48
Speaker 1: something up, You have to change something that is your
22:51
Speaker 1: flawed behavior. Because you could sit there and say I'm
22:53
Speaker 1: just not smart enough, but it's like, am I really
22:56
Speaker 1: allocating my time properly? Am I really doing this properly?
23:00
Speaker 1: And the answer for most people is no, you're not.
23:02
Speaker 1: You could actually have done more. Okay. The same goes
23:04
Speaker 1: for if you are actually the asshole in the relationship,
23:09
Speaker 1: you could be like, oh my god, you know everyone's
23:11
Speaker 1: a psycho and I always and you know everyone always
23:13
Speaker 1: ends up abandoning me, everyone always abandons me. And then
23:15
Speaker 1: you could actually turn around and think, wow, what about
23:18
Speaker 1: my behavior is like a repeated pattern in certain relationships?
23:22
Speaker 1: Where can I really learn from myself? And it's painful
23:24
Speaker 1: to do it. I don't have to say to anyone
23:25
Speaker 1: else if I'm embarrassed, I don't have to talk to
23:27
Speaker 1: anyone else about it. But where can I pick up
23:29
Speaker 1: on my own behavior and be like, I shouldn't be
23:31
Speaker 1: doing that again? Okay. So, whether it's your fault or
23:34
Speaker 1: whether it's not your fault, you can always learn from
23:36
Speaker 1: the past. And that is clarity. Okay, whether it's in
23:40
Speaker 1: your control, whether it wasn't in your control, it will
23:42
Speaker 1: give you clarity moving forward. Okay, So mental clarity. So
23:46
Speaker 1: we've got different forms of clarity. You got mental clarity,
23:49
Speaker 1: emotional clarity, situational clarity, and purpose clarity. Okay, all these
23:53
Speaker 1: things we're gonna get. We're gonna help you. Okay, Number one,
23:57
Speaker 1: get your pen well that's not number one. This is
24:00
Speaker 1: like zero point one is grab a pen. Number one
24:04
Speaker 1: is eliminate what you are settling for. Okay, you need
24:10
Speaker 1: a shift in your current reality to have a shift
24:14
Speaker 1: in your future reality. Right, Like I said, I think
24:17
Speaker 1: even just last episode, you right now are a summation
24:20
Speaker 1: off your past. Everything up until this present moment is
24:24
Speaker 1: your past experiences, behaviors, habits, whatever beliefs is who you
24:30
Speaker 1: are right now. Okay, So if you make no change
24:34
Speaker 1: right now, then it's going to equal no change or
24:37
Speaker 1: more of the same in the future. So even if
24:40
Speaker 1: you don't have clarity right now and what you want,
24:42
Speaker 1: and this is where a lot of people get caught up,
24:44
Speaker 1: A lot of people get stuck in, well, I don't
24:46
Speaker 1: know what I want, So what am I supposed to do.
24:49
Speaker 1: I've got to wait until I know what I want
24:51
Speaker 1: and then I can apply those behaviors or you know,
24:55
Speaker 1: that knowledge to what I need to do. But I
24:58
Speaker 1: would say it could be the other way around, if
25:01
Speaker 1: you want to, you could say I might not know
25:03
Speaker 1: what I want, but I fucking sure as hell know
25:06
Speaker 1: that I don't want this, and I know that I
25:08
Speaker 1: settled with this, and I know I'm settling with that,
25:10
Speaker 1: and I know I'm settling with my health at the moment,
25:13
Speaker 1: or with how I divide my time or my attention
25:19
Speaker 1: or how much you know time is wasted doing this shit,
25:22
Speaker 1: or hanging out with these people that I don't want
25:23
Speaker 1: to hang out with, or accepting this from this person,
25:26
Speaker 1: or there's so much that we have settled for. So
25:30
Speaker 1: the first most important point is what have you settled for?
25:34
Speaker 1: Where are you settling in your life right now? And
25:36
Speaker 1: can you eliminate it? And I can guarantee you there's
25:39
Speaker 1: going to be something you can eliminate, whether it's a behavior,
25:42
Speaker 1: a habit, something Stop settling, because when you settle, you
25:47
Speaker 1: think this is as good as it's going to get
25:48
Speaker 1: for me. This is as good as it's going to
25:51
Speaker 1: get for me. And if I settle mentally, then no
25:54
Speaker 1: matter what I think, oh that would be nice, it
25:57
Speaker 1: doesn't feel like a reality for my future. It doesn't
25:59
Speaker 1: feel like I'm capable of doing it because I'm fucking settling.
26:02
Speaker 1: So you need to eliminate what you're settling for relationships,
26:07
Speaker 1: and it doesn't even have to be the whole relationship,
26:10
Speaker 1: but it could be certain things within your relationship. Wow,
26:12
Speaker 1: I've really let this thing become normal in my relationship
26:16
Speaker 1: and I don't want that to happen anymore. But I
26:17
Speaker 1: don't want to leave this relationship, so I now need
26:20
Speaker 1: to change this. I need to sit down with my
26:22
Speaker 1: partner and say, listen, I know you're used to this,
26:24
Speaker 1: but no more. I can't do this anymore and it's
26:27
Speaker 1: not good for me. It's not good for us moving forward.
26:29
Speaker 1: So from now on, and I want you to help me,
26:31
Speaker 1: this is going to change into this okay, And a
26:34
Speaker 1: good healthy partner will be like, Okay, i'll help you
26:36
Speaker 1: with that, we'll do that together, or yeah, I didn't.
26:39
Speaker 1: I became complacent and I didn't realize that I should
26:41
Speaker 1: be doing half of that, and now I'm going to
26:43
Speaker 1: do half of that simple things. And if it's healthy relationships,
26:47
Speaker 1: you might find that you're in this, like Blase, a
26:50
Speaker 1: complacent relationship that's not unhealthy, but it's not exciting, and
26:53
Speaker 1: you can turn it into something exciting based on how
26:55
Speaker 1: you approach it. Maybe I don't know, but that is
26:58
Speaker 1: extremely important. Settling confuses you because basically you're saying to yourself,
27:05
Speaker 1: on one hand, I want something more out of life,
27:07
Speaker 1: and on the other hand, you're saying, like pipe down,
27:10
Speaker 1: can't this is as good as this is what you get.
27:12
Speaker 1: You get what you're given, Okay, bad health, bad relationships,
27:16
Speaker 1: shit that like shit that you can control, because there's
27:18
Speaker 1: okay with your health. There's certain things you can't control,
27:21
Speaker 1: but there's a lot that you can control. Same with relationships. Right,
27:26
Speaker 1: So you got to ask yourself what factors are in
27:29
Speaker 1: my control? Where am I settling? I'm on this earth
27:32
Speaker 1: once at least with this life once. Is this good enough?
27:36
Speaker 1: And if the answer is no, it means that you're settling. Okay.
27:42
Speaker 1: You also have to remind yourself that you'd rather be
27:44
Speaker 1: unsettled temporarily then basically have this idea for your future
27:51
Speaker 1: dampened for the rest of your life. I would rather
27:53
Speaker 1: feel a little bit uncomfortable but a spark in my
27:55
Speaker 1: eye for the future and thinking like now there's possibility
27:58
Speaker 1: than think, yeah, I'm comfortable, but I fucking settled with
28:01
Speaker 1: this shit, and no I'm not happy all right. Also,
28:05
Speaker 1: I want you to be prepared, this is still in
28:07
Speaker 1: part one, to be the novice, okay, to be the
28:10
Speaker 1: one that knows the least in the room when you
28:12
Speaker 1: are trying to change things. You have to be prepared
28:16
Speaker 1: to not know as much as other people, to start
28:18
Speaker 1: from scratch, to be the beginner. If you are prepared
28:21
Speaker 1: and humble enough to be like I'm prepared to be
28:24
Speaker 1: the beginner and start from scratch on this, then you're
28:26
Speaker 1: less aversive to change. Okay. And then this is a
28:32
Speaker 1: really important time for introspection as well. This is where
28:34
Speaker 1: you can do a lot of journaling, a lot of
28:36
Speaker 1: meditating where you're asking yourself questions like why am I
28:39
Speaker 1: not happy? Why do I think I ended up in
28:41
Speaker 1: this position? What would be an ideal situation for me
28:45
Speaker 1: in this position? What could it look like if I
28:48
Speaker 1: hadn't settled for this thing? Okay? Number two is identified
28:54
Speaker 1: the root cause of confusion or of lack of clarity
28:58
Speaker 1: and of lack of direction. Okay, So is the reason
29:02
Speaker 1: that you're confused or that you don't or that you
29:03
Speaker 1: don't have this clarity because you are overwhelmed with too
29:07
Speaker 1: many things? Is it because you are way too fearful
29:11
Speaker 1: because you always lived your life being told that this
29:14
Speaker 1: is the path that you're going to take, and now
29:15
Speaker 1: you're living that path and you're like, this has not
29:17
Speaker 1: giving me what I thought it would give me. I
29:19
Speaker 1: have this path and I'm not happy, and if I
29:22
Speaker 1: want to be happy, what am I gonna? What do
29:24
Speaker 1: I have to do? Like I feel like there's all
29:25
Speaker 1: these other things that now I'm going to have to do,
29:27
Speaker 1: and I'm scared because this is so different from what
29:29
Speaker 1: I thought my life would be. Okay, So fear. One
29:33
Speaker 1: which is similar to fear is self doubt. If you're
29:35
Speaker 1: doubting yourself, it's really hard to have direction because you're like,
29:38
Speaker 1: I'm not I can't do that. I'm not good enough.
29:41
Speaker 1: Like you might think, oh, I know what would be ideal,
29:44
Speaker 1: but I don't know what's realistic. So a lot of
29:46
Speaker 1: people have two versions of their life. It's like that
29:48
Speaker 1: would be the ideal life, but then I can't do that.
29:51
Speaker 1: I'm not capable of that. So then this would kind
29:54
Speaker 1: of be realistic, but the realistic thing you don't maybe
29:56
Speaker 1: even want, so then it causes confusion. So pinpointing the
30:02
Speaker 1: exact source of your uncertainty as close to the source
30:05
Speaker 1: as possible really helps you address it because it helps
30:09
Speaker 1: like whittle it down to just one or two or
30:12
Speaker 1: three things. You know, when you can narrow something down,
30:15
Speaker 1: when you can compartmentalize it. It's so much easier to
30:18
Speaker 1: deal with. The same goes for when we talk about fears,
30:20
Speaker 1: the same goes for anxieties, the same goes for anything.
30:23
Speaker 1: When you have this feeling come up, if you can
30:25
Speaker 1: name it, if you can be aware of what triggered it,
30:28
Speaker 1: when it started, why it might be happening, even if
30:30
Speaker 1: you don't know why, but at least when it started
30:32
Speaker 1: and what triggered it, you're going to feel already a
30:36
Speaker 1: little bit more in control the way your brain operates.
30:38
Speaker 1: You're going to snap out of this emotional like and
30:41
Speaker 1: you're going to get more logical. The logical part of
30:43
Speaker 1: the brain starts to come in your prefrontal cortex and
30:45
Speaker 1: you think, all right, I'm calming down. Your brain reagons
30:48
Speaker 1: start to talk to each other and you can approach
30:50
Speaker 1: it with a more level head. Number three, This sounds
30:55
Speaker 1: obvious but important. You need to get clear on your priorities.
30:59
Speaker 1: And what I mean on your priority is do you
31:01
Speaker 1: actually know what your values are like? Truly? Now, this
31:08
Speaker 1: doesn't have to be something that you've got to shout
31:10
Speaker 1: off the rooftops because everyone says, oh, family and you know, health,
31:15
Speaker 1: but beyond that because we all know that we you know,
31:18
Speaker 1: the people in our life are important that what do
31:20
Speaker 1: you value the most? Is it mental? Fucking peace and
31:25
Speaker 1: alone time? Like? Is that what really fucking floats your boat?
31:30
Speaker 1: Is it? I just need I need adventure. I need
31:34
Speaker 1: to have some adventure forward to every couple of months,
31:37
Speaker 1: and I would be the happiest person in the world
31:39
Speaker 1: if I had a trip that was really adventurous every
31:42
Speaker 1: three to six months. I would be thrilled with this
31:45
Speaker 1: job that I don't necessarily love, because that's what I
31:48
Speaker 1: value the most. I don't need adventure in my job
31:50
Speaker 1: if I can have it here? Is it absolute stability? Like?
31:55
Speaker 1: What do you value? And it's not just one thing,
31:57
Speaker 1: There's going to be several things that you value, Okay,
32:00
Speaker 1: So what kind of connection do you value? You know?
32:02
Speaker 1: What is it? Creativity? I just need my time to
32:05
Speaker 1: be creative. Where do you shine the most? Where do
32:09
Speaker 1: you and more importantly, where do you feel that your
32:13
Speaker 1: batteries have been recharged the most? Is it when you've
32:16
Speaker 1: had alone time? And then you think, fuck, if I
32:18
Speaker 1: had more alone time throughout the week, pockets are for
32:20
Speaker 1: a loon time, I think I'd be a lot happier
32:22
Speaker 1: I think I'd be able to like put more energy
32:24
Speaker 1: into other things. I think I'd just operate better as
32:26
Speaker 1: a human if I had more you know, if I
32:29
Speaker 1: could lean into more fun, Like I just need more
32:32
Speaker 1: lighthearted fun in my life. You know, maybe I should
32:33
Speaker 1: start fucking rock climbing every Tuesday afternoon or whatever it is.
32:36
Speaker 1: But start asking yourself what do I value? Because when
32:39
Speaker 1: you lean into the values, even if it isn't exactly
32:42
Speaker 1: what your ultimate purpose is going to be, it's going
32:44
Speaker 1: to lead you there. Okay, you need to lean into
32:48
Speaker 1: the things you value the most, the things that make
32:51
Speaker 1: you feel like you have recharged your batteries, and ask
32:55
Speaker 1: yourself right now, what other moments in my life or
32:58
Speaker 1: what are the things that I do. When I've done it,
33:01
Speaker 1: I'm like, wow, my batteries have been recharged. Versus when
33:04
Speaker 1: I do it. I know it was the right thing
33:05
Speaker 1: because I have to do it or whatever, but I'm like, oh,
33:08
Speaker 1: I just want to sit on the couch and just
33:09
Speaker 1: rot for the rest of the day. Okay, number four. Four.
33:17
Speaker 1: I'm going to be very specific on four. Seek limited
33:20
Speaker 1: and well thought out other perspectives. Now, when I say
33:25
Speaker 1: that is because I'm so big on like not asking
33:30
Speaker 1: too many people about what it is that you want
33:32
Speaker 1: to do. Okay, so the point of asking for us,
33:36
Speaker 1: the point of step number four is to actually be
33:38
Speaker 1: quite limited with who you ask for your opinion. So
33:42
Speaker 1: I don't know if anyone, if you guys listened to
33:44
Speaker 1: my interview on Inherited. I had a great time doing
33:48
Speaker 1: that interview and Inherited. It was really cool. I spoke
33:51
Speaker 1: about that time that I booked my flight to Paris,
33:53
Speaker 1: which you will know about that, and it was on
33:55
Speaker 1: a whim and it was just like a one way
33:57
Speaker 1: ticket and I'd like, I didn't think I'd do it
33:59
Speaker 1: ten minutes early, and I just fucking did it, quit
34:02
Speaker 1: all my jobs and everything. And I said in that interview,
34:05
Speaker 1: I said that I just know that had I discussed,
34:09
Speaker 1: because after I did it, everyone was like, oh my god, what,
34:13
Speaker 1: oh you're moving there? But what, like, are you sure?
34:15
Speaker 1: Now you got to quit your jobs? Now you've got it?
34:16
Speaker 1: But you love your apartment, you love this you now
34:18
Speaker 1: you've got to do it. And I said, I just
34:21
Speaker 1: know for a fact that had I shared my vision
34:25
Speaker 1: for something spontaneous because I needed a change in my life,
34:28
Speaker 1: they would have talked me out of it. Well meaning
34:30
Speaker 1: people would have talked me out of it, and not
34:32
Speaker 1: even because they didn't want me to go, but they
34:33
Speaker 1: would be like, are you sure? Are you sure? Are
34:36
Speaker 1: you sure? Fuck being sure? If I've got enough of
34:38
Speaker 1: a desire, do I need that much certainty? Isn't a
34:43
Speaker 1: push to do something enough, especially with if you're not
34:45
Speaker 1: that satisfied with your life. So I just know for
34:48
Speaker 1: a fact that sometimes we muddy the waters for ourselves
34:51
Speaker 1: because we asked too many cunts, too many questions. Okay,
34:56
Speaker 1: they are well meaning, they love you, all that bullshit,
34:58
Speaker 1: ya y YadA yah, then not you, Okay. So you've
35:01
Speaker 1: got to think if I'm going to seek outside opinion
35:03
Speaker 1: on trying this new thing and doing this new thing
35:06
Speaker 1: for what I want to do, then I've got to
35:08
Speaker 1: be very specific on the outside opinion that I get,
35:10
Speaker 1: and I would gravitate to specifically people that you look
35:14
Speaker 1: up to that have done something potentially similar, that embody
35:18
Speaker 1: the same values. So if I really want to go
35:20
Speaker 1: on an adventure and my mother has never gone on
35:24
Speaker 1: an adventure and thinks you should just fucking stay at
35:26
Speaker 1: home and breed, I'm not going to ask my mother
35:29
Speaker 1: for her opinion. Am I that's not my mom. I'm
35:31
Speaker 1: not actually talking about my mom, but I'm saying, if
35:33
Speaker 1: that was the scenario, But if I wanted to do
35:36
Speaker 1: that and go on this big adventure and I knew
35:38
Speaker 1: someone that I worked with who traveled all of their twenties,
35:41
Speaker 1: I'm probably gonna speak to them saying, honestly, how was it?
35:44
Speaker 1: Tell me what you think? What would you have done? Differently?
35:46
Speaker 1: Tell me, and they're probably going to share with a
35:48
Speaker 1: lot of wisdom on their experiences. And then you're like, yeah,
35:51
Speaker 1: now I'm feeling like it's more realistic for me. Now
35:54
Speaker 1: I'm thinking, okay, yes, I'm trying to Okay, amazing, right,
35:58
Speaker 1: or a mentor or like, you want fresh insights, but
36:01
Speaker 1: not ones that are going to dampen you down. You
36:03
Speaker 1: want to say, like, tell me about this because I
36:05
Speaker 1: know you've got insight into it, but tell me the
36:07
Speaker 1: good and the bad because you've actually experienced it, and
36:09
Speaker 1: then you can get a bigger picture. Then you can
36:11
Speaker 1: get more clarity. Okay, but this all has to align
36:13
Speaker 1: with the values that I was talking about. Notice that
36:15
Speaker 1: I'm not talking about now I know I want to
36:17
Speaker 1: do a lot. We're just talking about values. We're talking
36:19
Speaker 1: about feelings. Okay, When you identify the value, when you
36:24
Speaker 1: can identify someone that shares a similar value and you
36:26
Speaker 1: can get their opinion on things that they had done,
36:28
Speaker 1: people that you look up to, you're going to start
36:31
Speaker 1: to gain clarity. You're going to start to think, Okay,
36:34
Speaker 1: I don't need to quit my job today, but there
36:36
Speaker 1: are many things that I can do in my life
36:37
Speaker 1: that I can start to change. That lean into what
36:39
Speaker 1: I value. And the more I lean into what I value,
36:42
Speaker 1: the more I lean into things that are like and
36:45
Speaker 1: like attracts like, and then I'm on a fucking avalanche.
36:47
Speaker 1: So for me, I was valuing adventure and change. I
36:52
Speaker 1: was valuing independence. So I went on this trip, and
36:56
Speaker 1: that trip kind of was the catalyst for so much change.
36:59
Speaker 1: Because it was a big change, it made all the
37:01
Speaker 1: other changes so much easier. I'm going to try this.
37:03
Speaker 1: I'm going to try that. I'm going to like, you know,
37:05
Speaker 1: try this degree. I might give up this career that
37:07
Speaker 1: actually was really good and then try this. And it
37:10
Speaker 1: was like mah, because I did this one thing that
37:12
Speaker 1: I valued and it really paid off, and then it
37:15
Speaker 1: made other things that were long those values made them
37:19
Speaker 1: a lot easier to do. So when you're talking about clarity,
37:24
Speaker 1: identify the things that you value and get specific and
37:27
Speaker 1: then seek limited and well thought out perspectives. Okay, So
37:32
Speaker 1: sometimes this perspective is going to help reveal something to
37:35
Speaker 1: you that you also didn't know. Someone might say something
37:38
Speaker 1: that just it makes everything click and you're like, that's
37:41
Speaker 1: exactly what I needed to know. That's exactly what I
37:43
Speaker 1: wanted to hear about your experience. Now I know what
37:45
Speaker 1: I need to do. Okay. And number five, very basic,
37:49
Speaker 1: very fucking basic, is just take small, consistent, intentional actions. Okay.
37:56
Speaker 1: So clarity, less is more, less is more, well, stop
38:00
Speaker 1: over complicating it for yourself. So for example, for me,
38:04
Speaker 1: I've got all these ideas that I want to be
38:05
Speaker 1: doing ideas, ideas, ideas, ideas. So what would I be
38:08
Speaker 1: doing right now for clarity. Maybe I'm at a point
38:11
Speaker 1: in my life and this is absolutely the case, is
38:13
Speaker 1: not even a maybe where I could be streamlining certain things.
38:16
Speaker 1: There's a lot of balls in the air right now
38:18
Speaker 1: for me. So instead of thinking on a gravitate to
38:20
Speaker 1: the next thing, I think for me to gain better
38:22
Speaker 1: clarity would be to simplify and to kind of streamline,
38:27
Speaker 1: And I know for a fact that once I've streamlined
38:29
Speaker 1: and simplified and that my time is a lot more,
38:33
Speaker 1: it's easier to manage my time. The answer is going
38:36
Speaker 1: to come a lot better to me because I start
38:37
Speaker 1: to remember, oh, but I value this so much more
38:39
Speaker 1: than this, and then my lifestyle. If this is what
38:42
Speaker 1: I value, then this is what my lifestyle could look like.
38:44
Speaker 1: Because you might think this career would be amazing this
38:47
Speaker 1: For example, I love dissecting brains at UNI, love that shit,
38:51
Speaker 1: And I used to think, like, fuck, you know, maybe
38:54
Speaker 1: I could be working in a lab. Maybe I could
38:56
Speaker 1: have you know, if I had my time again, would
38:58
Speaker 1: I have gone down that lot, long, hard working path
39:02
Speaker 1: of a surgeon? But then I think that would be
39:05
Speaker 1: fucking epic. But that doesn't align with the lifestyle that
39:10
Speaker 1: I personally would want. It's a very different lifestyle. There's
39:13
Speaker 1: so many sacrifices that you'd have to make. It's more isolated.
39:16
Speaker 1: There's all these different things, and I'm like, while I
39:18
Speaker 1: would see how fuck an epic that would be, does
39:21
Speaker 1: that actually align with all the other things that equal
39:25
Speaker 1: the life that I want to live? And the answer
39:27
Speaker 1: is no, So I can't look back being like, Wow,
39:29
Speaker 1: I could have done this. I could have done that.
39:31
Speaker 1: You could have, but would it have aligned with the
39:33
Speaker 1: things that you value the most? Probably not? Okay, So
39:36
Speaker 1: we're taking small, meaningful steps in the direction that you
39:39
Speaker 1: think is right, because you're never going to know if
39:42
Speaker 1: it's right or if it's wrong. Okay, But it's these
39:44
Speaker 1: little steps we're tiding everything up. We're getting clear, and
39:47
Speaker 1: once we know what our values are, we can start
39:50
Speaker 1: taking little steps towards that. I want adventure. How are
39:52
Speaker 1: you going to start bringing little bits of adventure into
39:55
Speaker 1: your day? I want deeper connection. What are you going
39:57
Speaker 1: to start doing about that? Who are you going to
39:59
Speaker 1: start to maybe wan phone call the day? I want
40:01
Speaker 1: to feel like? You know, I need to expand in
40:04
Speaker 1: my career. Okay, you want to expand in your career.
40:07
Speaker 1: What is it that you can be learning right now?
40:08
Speaker 1: You don't have to be doing a course. What is
40:10
Speaker 1: it you can be doing every single day, maybe thirty
40:12
Speaker 1: minutes towards learning something that can expand your awareness? And
40:15
Speaker 1: you think, yeah, fuck, okay, maybe I can be doing
40:17
Speaker 1: going down this path and this path fucking knowledge is power. Right.
40:22
Speaker 1: So as you do these small little steps, you start
40:26
Speaker 1: to adjust, you start to think this doesn't work for me.
40:28
Speaker 1: This does work for me. I've now got a bit
40:29
Speaker 1: of a routine. I've got a systems in place. I
40:31
Speaker 1: feel like I've streamlined these things. Then you can start
40:34
Speaker 1: to tweak, and then you start to get a bit
40:36
Speaker 1: more clarity on where you're going. And then with more
40:38
Speaker 1: clarity equals more direction. More direction equals more clarity. Okay,
40:41
Speaker 1: so those are your five steps. We'll go through them
40:44
Speaker 1: again quickly. Number one, eliminate what you are settling for,
40:47
Speaker 1: so you need a shift in your current reality to
40:49
Speaker 1: have a shift in your mind. Number two, identify the
40:53
Speaker 1: root cause of confusion or lack of clarity and direction.
40:57
Speaker 1: Number three, get clear on your priority is what you
41:00
Speaker 1: value the most, okay, and eliminate distractions that don't align
41:05
Speaker 1: with those priorities. Number four seek limited and well thought
41:10
Speaker 1: out outside perspectives. And number five takes small, intentional actions
41:14
Speaker 1: and tweak them as you go, so you start feeling
41:17
Speaker 1: clearer and clearer in the mind about where it is
41:19
Speaker 1: that you want to be. So notice that I tried
41:21
Speaker 1: to apply this to every situation in your life, no
41:24
Speaker 1: matter what it is. But it's all about clarity. In
41:27
Speaker 1: the mind. Okay, because doesn't matter what situation you're dealing with.
41:31
Speaker 1: If you've got clarity within your mind, you can apply
41:33
Speaker 1: it to anything in your life. Okay, guys, thank you
41:36
Speaker 1: for listening to today's episode. Hopefully something stuck, something rang
41:42
Speaker 1: a bell. Maybe not all five points, but sometimes you're
41:44
Speaker 1: like that one sentence that's what I needed. So hopefully
41:47
Speaker 1: there was a golden nugget in there for you. And
41:51
Speaker 1: also if you do wanta well, firstly, if you want
41:53
Speaker 1: to come to my live show Perth and melbournere basically
41:56
Speaker 1: almost sold out, So love you guys. You guys are
41:58
Speaker 1: die hard. We also have he's been a goal. You're
42:00
Speaker 1: selling well Adelaide. I need more Adelaide people buying tickets.
42:04
Speaker 1: Let's fucking get on it. Although we've got a couple
42:05
Speaker 1: of hundred already there. So love you guys so much.
42:07
Speaker 1: Can't wait to go to Adelaide. I've actually never been,
42:09
Speaker 1: so I'm very pumped about this. I've never been to
42:11
Speaker 1: Perth either. Exciting so live show it is happening. It's
42:14
Speaker 1: happening in May. Get your tickets. It's going to be
42:17
Speaker 1: a very good time. And yeah, I can't wait. Also,
42:21
Speaker 1: if you do want to send in any questions or
42:24
Speaker 1: any stories or anything that you know you listen to
42:27
Speaker 1: the podcast and then this happened to you and you
42:28
Speaker 1: want to share this anecdote, please do email info at
42:32
Speaker 1: dwyfempod dot com. Love you guys so much, Love you
42:34
Speaker 1: so much, and as always remember be kind to yourself,
42:37
Speaker 1: be kind to your brain. Don't text it from anyone,
42:40
Speaker 1: and especially don't text it from yourself. Duncans