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Single & Set Apart: Living on God’s Timeline · For Such a Time as This

• 0:03
  SPEAKER_02: Welcome back to another episode of Concepted Times that is a podcast about calling, timing, and trusting God in the season that you're actually in, not just the one you hope to be in.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_02: My name's Bethany and I'm your host.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_02: This season is our second season.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_02: It's called Single and Stead Apart.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_02: So I'm talking to um Christian singles or people that were single kind of later in life but aren't single anymore.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_02: Um and I'm super excited for what you guys might learn in this season.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so let's just sit back, relax, and see what God might have for you in this episode.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_02: Hey guys, this is my friend Will.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_02: We're here on another episode of Single and Set Apart, my second season of For Such Time as This.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_02: I'm so excited to have you.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you, Will, for being a part.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: We're excited to be here.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_02: Yay! Okay, so let's just jump right in.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_02: Tell us about like what does your singleness journey look like?
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_02: Like, what's your relationship been with singleness, with relationships, etc.?
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I think my single single season, my singleness has been like pretty cool.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I can't say I've had a bad experience, if I'm being honest.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: That's good.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: Um, yes, it's been it's been pretty cool.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: I've dated, um, not dated all at the same time.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: Took intentional uh time to be with just me and guy for a while.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: It's actually getting pretty fun, I ain't gonna lie.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_02: What makes it fun?
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I mean, you know, I'm a people person, so I like I like getting to know new people.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I like I guess doing things in group settings um and just vibing.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, that's cool.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_02: And so you're a dad also, right?
• 1:46
  unknown: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: The best hood is fatherhood, cuz you feel me.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_02: How did that get to be part of your story?
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: Man, uh, I was a young parent for sure.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: Uh my first uh my kids' mom had her had our first child child at like we was 19.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, yeah.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: Um, got married at like 20, had the second one at like 22.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: Um Carson and Quentin and Quentin is the oldest one, Carson is my youngest.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: Then my little mini me's.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_02: That's so cute.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_02: And then so how old are they now?
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: Man, Duke.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: I call Quentin Duke.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: He's like, uh Quentin is 13.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: Carson's about to turn 11, uh, April 27th.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_02: Wow.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_02: So you got little mini teenagers on your hands.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: Listen, honestly, if I'm being honest, they have really good kids.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: Sounds good.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: They don't have any other choice if I'm being honest.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: Well, yeah.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: They got naked.
• 2:40
  unknown: Oh, yeah.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_02: How long were you married?
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: I was married for like nine and a half years.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, nine and a half years.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_02: So, um, how long ago was that that you got divorced?
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: That was like 2022.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: Well, the separation was 2022, the divorce is like 25 last year.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_02: So it's been like pretty much like a singleness journey since then for the most part.
• 3:03
  unknown: Yeah.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: It's been good though.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: Um, if I'm being honest, I think that I don't think people I don't think that I become who I am without it.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah, for sure.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_02: Each of us have like our our backstory, and I as much as it wasn't fun necessarily, like it's still why we are who we are today.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_02: So I think it's important.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: For sure.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: Definitely a big part of the journey.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: 100%.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_02: What do you think?
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_02: How has parenthood like affected like dating when you were dating in your singleness?
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_00: Um, honestly, it didn't really change much.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm being honest.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: Cause like I think like what I what I always look for was a woman of integrity, uh, someone that had the fruit fruit of the spirit, um someone who um who just had high character and high morality or high morals and values.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: So like it didn't really because that's the type of person I want to be with, that's the type of person I like to come into, I guess, my life.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: So like and theirs.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: So it really didn't uh change much.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I say this the part I wanted to make sure that like certain boundaries were set between my me, like I'm setting boundaries between healthy boundaries between me, my kids' mom and myself.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that's important.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: I look at it like as long as if I treat her well, like the kids see me treat her well, they're gonna learn how to treat women well just by that example.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_02: That's so good.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_02: I'm glad you have that mindset.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_02: I don't think everyone would have that mindset.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_00: We're beefing already.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_02: Good, good.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_02: So are you like when you're dating someone, you tell them like immediately, like, hey, I have kids?
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's more so it gotta be an in-person conversation.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I think like certain conversations have to be in-person.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not just like we could be talking and texting for a little bit, but like I'm more of a all right, bro, I'm gonna put this phone down at some point.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: We gotta see this show.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_00: But it's one of the first things that I communicate.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: But hey, I got kids, and you're cool with that, fine.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: If you're not, also fine.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I'm saying?
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: That job would come with me.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_02: Have you like found people that aren't cool with it?
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_02: No.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, yeah.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_02: I was gonna say in today's world, I feel like everybody's like, okay, yeah.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: No, I've I've seen people that I don't want to date that aren't cool with, and that's perfectly fine.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, well, yeah.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but like as far as people that I've dated, no.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_02: Do you have like a boundary of like how long you'll date somebody before you introduce them to the kids?
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I think it's a feel thing.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_02: That makes sense.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_00: Uh because I I don't want to put a hard date on it, but like I know like for me, my process is which nobody has ever gotten to the point where they met my children while dating.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, okay.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: Uh but um I would much rather let uh let her meet my kid's mom first out of respect and courtesy.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that's nice.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: And then meet my kids at like a like in a public space where we can do activities and they can she can get to know my kids.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_02: Mm-hmm.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_02: That's that's how I want to do it.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_02: That makes sense.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so what do you think the hardest part of your singleness journey has been?
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: It's the waiting, honestly, and what what am I doing in the waiting?
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_00: Um, because sometimes I'm sometimes I can be impatient.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_00: I want to do things in my own strength, but um, and be like, Lord, like what's going on?
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_02: Exactly.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I'm saying?
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: I know I'm doing all the things, or I'm trying to do all the things that like I can prepare myself to be a suitable mate, if that makes sense.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_00: Um but and it's like, okay, I know I'm a good dude, but like what's going on, Lord?
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_00: And I guess like the Lord's ordering in my mind, the Lord is just ordering my steps and hers as well.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_02: Mm-hmm.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_02: Are you have you like felt pressure from people to like get back out there, have a girlfriend, like move along, get married again?
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_02: Um or from yourself?
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: A little bit of pressure from myself, but like honestly, like it's more pressure from uh others to be like, hey, I got somebody for you.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: I'd much rather fan of myself.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: If I'm gonna be honest.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_02: What makes it that you don't want somebody else to like introduce you to someone?
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: Um, it's not that I don't, I I prefer.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_00: What means it's like, um, what if uh it don't work out now I gotta explain to that person that introduced like hey yo, she was not who you said you would because Right.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: I get that, I get that.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_02: That's fair.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_02: Um do you find yourself like comparing to other people in their timelines of like relationships, marriage?
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: Nah, I I feel like I've been through so much as far as that goes, it's just like um it's still a feel thing.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_00: Cause like I don't want to rush somebody and I don't want to rush myself, but I also don't want to take too long.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: I really just want to like be spirit-led in like all the decisions that I want to make, especially regarding someone else's, like this guy's daughter you're dealing with.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_02: So when you say be spirit-led, I know what you mean, but like what what about the people that don't know what you mean?
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: So boom, for me, what spirit led is like one, a lot of prayer.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but like when you gotta you gotta know what it's like to be like in the presence of the Holy Spirit.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_00: And then like when the Holy Spirit gives you that inkling of like, or that push to like, hey, move on that.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_00: And like if you if you've ever spent time in the presence of God, you would know what it feels like instead of your own, hey, is this me or is this Holy Spirit?
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I'm saying?
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_02: Do you think um well you word like this?
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_02: How do you balance like the balance between like desiring to be with someone and like trying to stay content in where the Lord has you right now?
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_00: Um for me that's a good question.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_00: It's it's a lot of prayer.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_00: It's like praying those hard prayers, like, Lord, if this ain't what it what is what you want for me, take it away.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_00: Early, but before I can even f form feelings, I am that way I don't know, I guess yeah, that way I won't form feelings as or at least at least feelings as deep.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, that makes sense.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_02: Um was there like when you were going through the separation and the divorce with your ex-wife, was there like tension between like closing that chapter and then reopening a new chapter to start dating again?
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_00: Um I think well, I say it was a time period, it was like a year of like trying to work things out.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_00: Um yeah.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_00: Just trying to work things out and see like, hey, can we want to resolve the issue?
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_00: Can we also come back from that issue too and like move forward?
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_00: Um just for my personal experience, uh, I was I I would say no.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_00: It was that it was like a that season, it was like, yeah, no, it's not something we can come back from.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: Um, which is fine.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I'm saying?
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and then that in that like ended of that season, it's like, do I start dating?
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_00: Um, do I just sit back and heal?
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I'm saying?
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, yeah, I think I need to sit back and heal for a while.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_00: This is like because me and me and her had been in relationship for like 12 years, like since we were like 18.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_00: So fresh out of fresh out of high school relationship type situation.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_02: So did you so during that like healing phase, was it like a feel thing too, or did you set like a timeline of like I'm gonna not talk to anyone for the day?
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_00: Definitely was a feel because I wasn't I wasn't in community, like this, but like I still had this bubbly personality, but I was like chilling to myself because I like I'm an extrovert and introvert at the same time.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_00: So like it was a lot of like I promise you I was going to church and then walking out of that joint with my head high because like I know I'm tall, I ain't got to look at nobody in the eye.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_00: I just walked straight out the door.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_02: Uh huh.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_00: Like literally from like up until like 2024.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't I don't think I spoke to anybody.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, just walk in and walk out.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, walk in, walk out.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_02: Um, were you at at Union that whole time?
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_00: I was at Union from when it was just destiny.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_00: Uh from like 2019.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, actually like September 2019, so now.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_02: Oh wow, so you've been there for a while.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_02: What's like one of the biggest things that God taught you in your singleness?
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_00: I am not that holy.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_00: Like, mm-mm.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_00: Like, bro, you do not have it all together.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you are you are not all that in a bag of potato chips, girl.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_02: How did he teach you that?
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_00: Um just off my uh intentions, like I don't know if I can say this on here, but You don't have to, you can skip it.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna go for it if we're gonna edit it out.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, okay.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_02: You can say whatever.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_02: Go ahead.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, first thing I did, like I promise you, I was like, I'm finna be a hoe.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, okay.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_00: Legitimately, I'm finna edit it.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_00: And then the like I promise you, it was not long before the Lord was like, you're not gonna be a hoe, bro.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you finna till, and then it's gonna be me and you for a while.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_00: And uh like all the like the unhealthy habits I did, like I was an avid video gamer, stopped playing video games, cold turkey, um, spent a lot more time with my kids.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, I got better at cooking, things that I forgot that I loved.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_00: Like God reintroduced me to those things.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_00: He's like, hey, yo, I gave you just the gift of like, or the skill of being able to cook.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_00: I gave you the skill of communicating with people, spent more time with my children, build bet built a better relationship with my kids.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_00: Um, it was crazy because like around that same time I was going through my divorce, a lot of my friends were going through theirs as well.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, wow, yeah.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_00: And so, um, and then they end up uh, I'm probably military, so they end up PTSing somewhere else.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_00: So like I had to find a whole other friend, friend group.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_00: Um so like that's where like union groups come in.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_00: I was able to I joined a group like early 2024 and um honestly built like a lot of good friendship there.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_00: And then that became like my my support system.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_02: I think community, like especially in the single-ness season, community is always important, but like in a single-ness season, I think it's a little extra important.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_00: Sujia is imperative for real.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_02: Was 2024 the first time you joined a group?
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it was a um basketball group.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_00: Courtney, it was Courtney's group.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_00: He was cool, it was really good.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_02: Um are there like any certain beliefs that you've had to unlearn, like about your worth or about like what marriage is or about anything like that?
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_00: Um one, I'm very like anti-uh divorce, but like I had to understand, like I was I was young when I got married, yeah, and I still had like a slightly slightly immature mindset too, like as because I was like what yeah, I still had a slightly immature mindset like around divorce.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_00: And then I didn't I thought it was all black and white.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't understand like the nuances of it.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I quickly learned the nuances of divorce.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_02: Hey you guys, it's me again.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_02: Don't worry, I'll be right back with our guests.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_02: I just wanted to take a moment and say thank you so much for spending time with us today.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_02: I hope you're enjoying the episode so far.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_02: Let's sit and think about what might have been said that can relate to your life today.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_02: And if you're enjoying it, make sure you like, subscribe, follow, comment, all the things you can find us on YouTube for such a time as this with Bethany Garner, or you can find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_02: All right, let's get back to them.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_00: Also, I had to learn, I had to learn myself word for real from your hand.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_00: Like I always used to joke around and be like, Oh, y'all favorite, favorite ain't favor ain't fair, things of that nature.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_00: But then I was like, I think the Lord like literally sat me down.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like I vividly heard his voice and was like, You're favorite too.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I love you as well.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_00: Like, don't just don't just think of others as love.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_00: Look, look inward and know that you're loved as well.
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_02: I love that.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_02: Um throughout your singleness, has has there been moments where you've like resisted what you know God wants for you?
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_02: For example, like if you know God wants you to like wait and be healing and be patient, have you like had resistance in those moments?
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_00: Um being with being with people that like I feel like God was nudging me not to be with.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_00: Um especially early on, like um like the 2023 area type situation.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_00: And like, I'm like, oh no, this person's alright.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_00: He's like, kinda like, yeah, she is alright, but she's not for you, brother.
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_02: Uh-huh.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, okay.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_00: And like learning how to um communicate that as well.
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_00: That was a big thing too.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_02: Are you the type of person that thinks uh that like God has one specific person for you?
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_02: Or do you think like he could make it work with what whoever?
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_00: I'm a I'm a mixture.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_00: Cause I think uh God also gave us free will too.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_00: But I think we have to turn that free will into um like have it pointed towards the Holy Spirit and be like, hey, is this good for me?
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_00: And then wait for I think the hard part for me is waiting for the answer.
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, is this good for me?
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I don't I ain't heard from you like three days, big dog.
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_02: What we do right, yes, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_02: Sometimes once I I feel like once I hit like that two-week mark is what I'm like, all right, this is like way too long.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_00: I'm trying to shoot cut at this point.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I get a little impatient at that mark.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_02: That's my I know that about myself.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_00: Listen, you better than me.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_00: I'm three days.
• 17:31
  SPEAKER_00: You got you rose in three days?
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_00: I know you're finna give me an answer in three days.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you're right, you're right, you're right.
• 17:35
  unknown: You're right, you're right.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_02: How how have you gone about like practically dating?
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_02: Like, what has dating looked like for you?
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, exercising patience, like actually like seeing what type of person uh uh she is, or the young lady is, um seeing like what's her community like, you feel me?
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_00: Like, because you essentially like I know for for me, I'm like, your community is so important because it also shows exactly who you are too.
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_00: And like if you have like a community of people that will hold you accountable, that will love on you, that you can communicate with and that will communicate with you, it's like, okay, cool.
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_00: That means she'll do the same for me.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_00: You feel what I'm saying?
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_00: So um seeing how she treats other people, is she smiling when nobody's looking?
• 18:23
  SPEAKER_00: Like, what kind of joy does she have on her life?
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_00: Because I'm telling you, I can't be with nobody that ain't happy.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_00: Because I don't want to be the only person that makes you happy.
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_02: Right, yeah, that's a good point.
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_02: That's a good point.
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_02: Have you ever tried uh like the dating apps around?
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_00: Very good.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not finna keep typing with you all day.
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_02: You don't have to keep typing all day long.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_00: You can just type a little bit and take no picture for you.
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not finna do none of that.
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, catch me, catch me whatever we walking around somewhere.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_02: Mm-hmm.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_00: That's fair.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_02: Are you do you are you the type of person that you always like you'll shoot your shot easily in person?
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_00: Um, after I've done my due diligence.
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_02: So yeah, your due diligence of like uh spying out how she is, yeah.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I ain't got no problem.
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_00: But I'm also open.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I I was out I'm also open to like if someone else wants to approach, that's fine.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_00: But I do prefer the the the traditional way.
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_02: Right, yeah.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_02: Because do you feel like if a woman approaches you, that's like her was starting pursuing you and it's supposed to be the other way around?
• 19:27
  SPEAKER_00: No, I just I'm just used to what I'm used to.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, that's fair.
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_00: Is a familiar it's a familiarity thing.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_00: Um and I don't think like I think I don't think it's more about pursuit, it's like intentions, like hey, um, I think you are attractive.
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, okay, cool.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_00: If I feel the same way, I reciprocate the same energy.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_02: What if you don't feel the same way?
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_02: How do you handle that?
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_00: Um communication.
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, thank you.
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_00: I appreciate it.
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_00: And we keep it pushing.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, okay.
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_02: Nice of you.
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_02: That's fair.
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_02: Um, what what's your like go-to like when you approach a woman?
• 20:08
  SPEAKER_00: Like Hey, how you doing?
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_00: My name is Will.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_00: I I don't have pickup lines because I'm just gonna introduce myself.
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_02: Um and then you just start conversation for you.
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 20:19
  SPEAKER_00: It's start with the boys.
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_00: If your voice is annoying, I can't talk to you anyway.
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, okay.
• 20:24
  SPEAKER_02: That's fair.
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_02: That's actually very fair.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_02: Um how do you go about this is like a a broad question, so you're gonna have to think.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_02: How do you go about like protecting your heart throughout the dating process?
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_00: Um I think I'm you're gonna be using the wrong verbiage, but like withholding a little bit of myself.
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_00: Like 'cause I feel like I have a big heart and I don't and I don't mind like showing people love, but like learning how to um steward that little well.
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_00: Um and not get not be able to like give it give away as much at a certain time.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
• 21:09
  SPEAKER_02: I have to do the same thing.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_02: So what like practices have you put into place to try to do that?
• 21:13
  SPEAKER_00: Pray before I go wherever like as soon as I get to wherever we're trying to go to, Lord help me to guard my heart.
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_00: In Jesus' name.
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_00: A B-simple stuff, or like um putting a time frame on how long we're in a space.
• 21:29
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_00: That way we both can protect our hearts.
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_02: Give me an example.
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_00: Like, um, if we're if we're not in community or like not in a group around a group of people, like not to be alone for extended period of time.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_00: Cause it's hard it's hard for you to be able to like pour out all like to give all of your heart in a big group setting.
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_00: Cause like now you're like you like everybody's around type deal, which is perfect actually.
• 21:57
  SPEAKER_00: But like when you're by yourself, then it's A little bit easier to be uh careless with your heart.
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_02: That makes sense.
• 22:05
  SPEAKER_02: So do you think like dating in community at the beginning is important?
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_00: I think dating the community like through it all is throughout it all.
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_00: Cause like you still on the especially like having like a a couple who's like a couple who's older, a married couple or someone who's been dating longer than you, to be able to like uh learn from them and like gain knowledge from their experiences.
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_00: That's I feel like that'll be like a cheat code for sure.
• 22:31
  SPEAKER_02: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_02: Um what what's something you wish?
• 22:38
  SPEAKER_02: You've been at Union for a long time, so you might not have a the best answer, but like for the American church, not union particularly, but just the church as a whole, what's something you think they could do better for singles?
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_00: Man, be honest.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I think we do the job for the most part, we do a good job of being honest, for sure.
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_00: But like, um, people don't talk about like the I guess the unspoken stuff of like about sex or like restoration or like when people fall and then how they get back up.
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_00: Like you get what I'm saying?
• 23:11
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I I feel like Union does a good job.
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_00: I've been to like other places and I've seen other things where it's like that's not really um spoken on as much.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_02: Right, exactly.
• 23:22
  SPEAKER_02: What do you think?
• 23:23
  SPEAKER_02: Like when you talk about when you fall, how to get back up, what's something that comes to mind?
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_00: At some point somebody felt a lust.
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
• 23:35
  SPEAKER_00: Like I I mean I have for sure, but it's like I think when you have like um good godly counsel, like it makes the it's not you just getting up.
• 23:49
  SPEAKER_00: It's like a combination of you getting up and them helping you up.
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah, that's good.
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 23:54
  SPEAKER_02: How do you go about finding good godly counsel?
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_00: Um, for me, I did I like I was looking around the church.
• 24:02
  SPEAKER_00: Uh well first I joined a dream team.
• 24:04
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 24:04
  SPEAKER_00: Greatest team to be exact.
• 24:06
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but like I have like leaders who are just as energetic as me who have a heart for people just like me.
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_00: Um, which I ain't gonna say is not off not like common, but like someone I can also get along with.
• 24:22
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 24:23
  SPEAKER_00: Um and like put my prizes aside, like, hey yo, um, you seem like you got a lot of energy and like you're a little bit older than me, or you like you seem like this is your thing.
• 24:34
  SPEAKER_00: And like you mind like showing me the ropes of how to do this.
• 24:39
  SPEAKER_00: Like I need guy to counsel, bro.
• 24:41
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 24:41
  SPEAKER_00: Like you want to be that for me?
• 24:43
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 24:43
  SPEAKER_00: Type situation.
• 24:44
  SPEAKER_02: Do you do that in like the dating situation too?
• 24:47
  SPEAKER_00: Mm-hmm.
• 24:48
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 24:48
  SPEAKER_00: Help me, girl.
• 24:51
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, okay.
• 24:52
  SPEAKER_02: So do you find that people are receptive to that?
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_02: You just go and you're like, hey, I need some like counsel on this, and they're just like, okay, cool.
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_00: I think they're more receptive if you have a relationship prior.
• 25:03
  SPEAKER_02: Makes sense.
• 25:04
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 25:04
  SPEAKER_00: Cause like I think, like for me, I have like three people, four really, four that I like communicate with on like weekly basis.
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_00: Just because like we just like being around each other.
• 25:15
  SPEAKER_00: Um, they're all either married, dating, or like newlywed.
• 25:20
  SPEAKER_00: So, like, well, hey, I'm just letting you know.
• 25:23
  SPEAKER_00: I'll give them a shout out.
• 25:24
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I'm just letting you know this was going on.
• 25:26
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I'm saying?
• 25:27
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 25:27
  SPEAKER_00: Let me know when I can pull up.
• 25:29
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_02: Right, right.
• 25:31
  SPEAKER_02: That's cool.
• 25:32
  SPEAKER_02: Um, are there certain like scriptures that have helped you through like your singleness season?
• 25:39
  SPEAKER_00: Mm-hmm.
• 25:40
  SPEAKER_00: Uh Psalms one, one through three.
• 25:43
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, I don't want to pick I don't wanna mess with the verse.
• 25:45
  SPEAKER_00: I ain't no super saint, but I'm a saint.
• 25:48
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but like talk it talks about as a part that talks about like um you'll be like a tree planted by the rivers of water.
• 25:54
  SPEAKER_00: Uh-huh.
• 25:55
  SPEAKER_00: And uh you're your what is it, your your fruit will grow in the season or whatever.
• 26:00
  SPEAKER_00: But like you gotta realize that like as trees, if you look at trees right now, if you look outside, it got big, beautiful leaves.
• 26:08
  SPEAKER_00: But then when winter time comes around, right?
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_00: They ain't got no leaves, right?
• 26:12
  SPEAKER_00: I had to understand it's not always gonna be my season of big green leaves.
• 26:16
  SPEAKER_01: Oh yeah.
• 26:17
  SPEAKER_00: You feel me, sweet?
• 26:18
  SPEAKER_00: That's some point in time I'm gonna have to either not I won't I don't wanna say isolation, but I have to have that time frame of like uh it's just not gonna be my season.
• 26:27
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 26:28
  SPEAKER_00: Everything not gonna be peaches and cream.
• 26:30
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 26:30
  SPEAKER_00: But like I also have to know, like in Romans 8, 28, all things work out for my good.
• 26:36
  SPEAKER_00: So um I think like when I especially when I think about like mm, everything I've been through, it's more so like I went through this for a reason.
• 26:45
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 26:45
  SPEAKER_00: It's not just for me, it's for somebody else.
• 26:48
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 26:48
  SPEAKER_00: And whoever that may be, it's I have to like listen to the Holy Spirit to be able to like reach out and connect with those people.
• 26:56
  SPEAKER_02: During your like seasons of like heartbreak, like coming out of like a long-term marriage, like what are some specific examples?
• 27:06
  SPEAKER_02: I know prayer is gonna be your answer, but like what else helps you during those type of moments?
• 27:14
  SPEAKER_00: Uh being a community um definitely can highlight like at least three or four people, like uh friend, like my one of my military friends, or two of my military friends, Zach and uh Justin, two, three, and my other friend, Justin, ironically, um, definitely communicating with them, um, doing things outside with them, and like just having a good time.
• 27:37
  SPEAKER_00: Like, because I love laughing.
• 27:38
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I'm I'm a I'm a I'm a joke, so I let it, it's my thing.
• 27:42
  SPEAKER_00: Just having fun with the guys, playing basketball, doing something, getting active, um, just having a good time.
• 27:48
  SPEAKER_00: And it like kind of like takes your mind off of like I guess the heartbreak or the hurt.
• 27:55
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 27:55
  SPEAKER_00: For a while.
• 27:56
  SPEAKER_02: That makes sense.
• 27:57
  SPEAKER_02: Um, all right, wrap-up question for you.
• 28:00
  SPEAKER_02: What is a piece of advice that you'd give to someone like walking through their singleness right now?
• 28:06
  SPEAKER_00: Don't do it alone, curl.
• 28:08
  SPEAKER_00: Don't do it alone, curl.
• 28:10
  SPEAKER_00: Um man, get you um, get you about three people.
• 28:16
  SPEAKER_00: Like Jesus had 12, mainly three.
• 28:18
  SPEAKER_00: Get you like, uh get you a big three that you can be around.
• 28:21
  SPEAKER_00: That you can like learn from, lean on.
• 28:24
  SPEAKER_00: Somebody you can be vulnerable with.
• 28:26
  SPEAKER_00: That's a big thing.
• 28:27
  SPEAKER_00: Somebody you can be vulnerable with that you don't have to sit there and um sit there and like have those emotions weigh on your shoulders.
• 28:35
  SPEAKER_00: Um and make have peace within yourself too.
• 28:39
  SPEAKER_00: Love on yourself.
• 28:40
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 28:41
  SPEAKER_00: Make time to love on yourself, make time to rest and give their time to God.
• 28:46
  SPEAKER_02: Mm-hmm.
• 28:47
  SPEAKER_02: What do you think is one of like the easiest ways?
• 28:50
  SPEAKER_02: I know I said that was the last question, but use the loved one.
• 28:52
  SPEAKER_02: What's the what's one of the easiest ways to like get into community?
• 28:56
  SPEAKER_02: If you're like not in a church that has groups or something, what is go find a church that has groups?
• 29:06
  SPEAKER_00: If you're personable and you like playing basketball, go pull up to a gym, brother and hoop.
• 29:12
  SPEAKER_00: Um, or I don't know.
• 29:15
  SPEAKER_00: I ain't gonna lie.
• 29:16
  SPEAKER_02: That's fair.
• 29:17
  SPEAKER_00: That's all hey bro, get into a group.
• 29:19
  SPEAKER_02: Right, go find you a friend.
• 29:20
  SPEAKER_00: I got small groups, bro.
• 29:22
  SPEAKER_02: Um okay, that's fair.
• 29:24
  SPEAKER_02: That's fair.
• 29:24
  SPEAKER_02: I got you.
• 29:27
  SPEAKER_02: All right, thank you so much, Will, for being on.
• 29:30
  SPEAKER_02: I should I really appreciate you being here.
• 29:32
  SPEAKER_02: Just say appreciate at the same time.
• 29:36
  SPEAKER_02: All right, bye guys.
• 29:37
  SPEAKER_00: Peace out.
• 29:38
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you guys so much for spending time with us today.
• 29:41
  SPEAKER_02: I really loved having you here.
• 29:43
  SPEAKER_02: If you liked this episode, make sure you share it with someone you know.
• 29:47
  SPEAKER_02: I'd also love if you guys would comment any questions you might have that we can answer on future episodes.
• 29:52
  SPEAKER_02: Remember that each one of you was born for such a time as this.
• 29:57
  SPEAKER_02: Until next time.
• 29:58
  SPEAKER_02: Bye.