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Authenticity and Resilience: Leadership Insights with Deri Latimer · Authentic Living

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Welcome to Authentic Living with Roxanne, a place where we have conscious conversations
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about things that really matter in our lives.
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And now here's your host, Roxanne Terhaj.
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Hi everyone, it's Roxanne Dorhod, your authentic living with Roxanne.
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Thanks for tuning in again today.
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Today I have a colleague that I've known quite a couple years now.
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Her name is Derry Latimer.
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Derry is a part of the Canadian Association for Professional Speakers and she's been there for
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quite a while.
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Derry, approximately how many years have you been a member?
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In my nineteenth year as a member of CAPS.
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Wow.
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I've been speaking for close to thirty, but CAPS for nineteen.
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Awesome.
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So Derry is a resilience expert, and she's an international keynote speaker.
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And he's here today to talk to us about the world of resilience.
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And as we know at this time, we're going through a lot in the world.
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It's not just on our Canadian soil, but now we're into a lot of things happening
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internationally with our borders, those types of things.
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So, Jerry, just tell people what they need to know about you, and then we'll talk a little
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bit about how did you Thirty years ago, that's a long time ago to have started to speak start
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speaking out of resilience, or was it something that came with time?
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Yeah.
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It's interesting.
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So I was pretty young.
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I quit my last job when I was 29, and when I moved on to an opportunity, and that
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opportunity was to work with a couple of people who were consultants because I knew that I
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wanted to do that, that I wanted to be self employed, that I wanted to work for lots of
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companies and not just one company.
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We all have a story, and I've got a story.
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So we lost our dad just after I got out of high school, and that was really the first time I
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started to think about this thing called stress.
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We knew that our dad was under a lot of stress.
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He was an executive in the mining company in the town we lived in.
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And so I really wanted to use that experience, which was devastating for us, for something
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good.
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I wanted to learn about how do we make workplaces happy and healthy so that people
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aren't dying from work but are in fact making a living.
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And so I did that, went to university, studied business, and then I had another tragedy in my
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life just after I graduated from university, and it was a suicide of someone I was married
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to for a very short period of time.
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So again, I thought, I gotta do something with this.
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I wasn't sure what I was gonna do, but I knew I had to do something with it.
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So simultaneously, within a couple of years, I met these consultants.
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I knew I wanted to do something like what they were doing.
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So I started working with them and ended up working with them only for a couple of years
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and then have had my own business since then.
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The resilience piece grew over time.
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It was always there.
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It was always an interest for me.
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But if you think about, I started this again, this was, like, 1990.
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Right?
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So there wasn't a lot of research on nobody even used the terms mental health or
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resilience.
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That wasn't even around at that time.
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Certainly not suicide.
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And so I knew I that wasn't the space I wanted to speak on, but I wanted to be in front of
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people.
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And so the speaking I did initially was business focused, so it'd be leadership
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development and performance development and team creating high performance teams.
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And then I did a TED Talk in 2013 when I came out of the closet with my story, and that
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changed everything, absolutely everything.
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I knew I was gonna tell the story.
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I did it in a big way, but I knew I wanted to do it right, do it justice.
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Also for Kelly, my first husband who passed, I wanted to do justice to it all, and I wanted to
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respect that people are suffering.
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Since then, I've continued speaking, and my speaking has laser focused in the area of high
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performance culture.
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The lens is through resilience and mental well-being.
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So that's what I'm known for.
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Organizations, of course, are looking for people to be productive and happy at work.
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I think I bring all those topics to to the keynotes that I deliver, the kind of speaking
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that I do.
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What do you think has been the shift in kinda like you said, you went to workplace stress,
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And then now resilience, it's a word that we hear all the time.
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What do you think kind of made it companies start to really hone in on this need?
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Kinda before it was mental health.
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Like, mental health, we don't wanna talk about that, Roxanne.
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It's kinda but now it's like you talk about that, and we talk about things in reference to
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an incidental abscesses.
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We're looking short term disability, long term disability.
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Those are the things in occupational health and safety and HR.
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People are constantly drilling down on those numbers.
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What with your kind of tenure in the field, when did you start to see, wow.
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There's a real interest because there's a cost.
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When did you see that?
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Honestly,
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I felt like I saw it all along, but there were whispers of it, you know, that it wasn't
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something that was big in our face.
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And of course, believe it or not, Roxanne, I was speaking before there was an Internet.
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So it was it wasn't we didn't have as easy access to global information and global
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stories.
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Here's where I remember.
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Was a pivotal moment in my career.
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A client who happened to be based in Winnipeg asked me to design a program on reducing stress
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for their staff, and it was a program that was gonna we were gonna start with the executive
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team.
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We were gonna go all the way through, so it was a really big engagement for real me, a really
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big contract.
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And as I was creating it, I did like the language of reducing or managing stress because
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it was about getting rid of something, and I wanted to instead look at what can we build.
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And that's really the first time I used the word resilience in a program, and it was very
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sticky.
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So I found this is a large employer here in Winnipeg, Manitoba where I live.
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I found people just were so attracted to it because they didn't want to come to talk about
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managing stress.
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That was not fun for them to talk about.
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But building resilience?
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Okay.
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I'm interested in that.
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So this whole idea of when we reframed a positive, which we all know, I know I I know
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you this is certainly in your space.
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We know that our brains work better when we're reframing for positive.
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So I really transformed my business after that, that opportunity, and looked at it instead of
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what can I get rid of, it's what can I build, what are those resources?
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So for me, that was very close to my TED Talk.
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My TED Talk was in '13.
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I got this big contract probably in 2011.
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And, again, I could see lights on in the minds in the rooms that I which I was speaking.
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I could see that people were saying, oh, this is so good.
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Like, this I can do these things.
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This makes sense to me.
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And it was not about take a warm bath and go to bed early.
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It was beyond that.
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It was about actual concrete strategies that people could use.
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They could take away and use that night with their family if they wanted.
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So for me, it was around then.
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But, it was just on the edge a little bit.
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Certainly language around mental health was not welcomed in of the corporate market, which is
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largely the market in which I speak, but they loved resilience.
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And of course I'm talking about the same thing, right?
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It's the same.
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It is about your mental well-being.
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But we didn't have the taste for it initially.
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It was scary for corporations.
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They weren't trained in understanding what's happening with people who were not well at
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work.
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They were just looking for some possibilities to help their staff be well.
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I sort of slid in in that wellness space and then started using the language of that.
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Of course we have mental health, all of us do, just like we have physical health.
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Here's some tools in that realm of mental well-being.
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The languaging allowed the shift.
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And I often said, and with my background, I started frontline with the police, and I did
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corporate consulting and keeping unwell employees at work.
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So that was my role as an executive.
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So, really, what we were looking at is, look, all of us so when people hear mental health,
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they think sickness, and they don't recognize that it was a spectrum.
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Right?
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We can go from being mentally well to being mentally unwell to being mentally ill.
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So I think it was a stigma associated with mental illness and every Well, no.
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Not us.
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We're fine.
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And I think once like to your point, when the education started to happen, of course, me as a
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psychotherapist, I've dealt with every realm from frontline all the way up to corporate
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boardroom tables.
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But then the shift started to happen when people started to say, it could be somebody
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going through something as simple as a separation, or it could be that you're having
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problems with your teenager, or you're blending your families, and you still have to come to
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work.
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And then when I was in the, quote, quote, employee assistance world, that's when we
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started to realize, guess what the number one issue was, Derek, was relationships.
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We all are in relationship wherever we go, and then that languaging with corporate was like,
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oh, okay.
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We get this.
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We need to make people healthy and happy at work so that they can be productive.
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And how do we do that?
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So I can absolutely remember that time because at that time, I was also in corporate but in a
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different perspective compared to where you was we were out speaking and training at that time.
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Yeah.
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Yeah, it's fascinating.
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It's wonderful to see.
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And of course, we've come a long way in that area, I believe, and lots of work still to do.
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We've really come a long way in that de stigmat izing the language around mental health, that
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it's simply a set of resources.
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It's a way of well-being just like our physical health is.
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We can also have a physical illness.
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But of course, we we all had to admit, and I had to first of all really grasp that myself,
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that we all carried some of that stigma, right, from our as we do, from the world in which we
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lived, that it was still inside of us.
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So it was really hard for people to to speak up about their challenges.
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But it's so interesting that you talked about it's always about relationships.
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It would always I would always marvel at I don't do training, corporate training anymore.
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I'm, like, strictly a keynoter now.
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But back in the day, I certainly did a lot of training.
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I'd just be so my heart would just be singing because I would see people in the room when
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they when I would we'd share a I'd share a strategy, then they'd be working in small
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groups.
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And as I'm wandering around the room, people are talking about their child.
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They're talking about their spouse.
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They're talking about their parent.
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We're in a work setting.
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But yeah.
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And those the work relationships matter too, but they're really talking about those other
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relationships.
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You know?
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Of course.
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Because you come to work, you could put it together for, let's say, seven or eight hours,
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but the rest of that time, you're in relationship out there in the other parts of
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your world, and you got a relationship to yourself, how you self care, stress management.
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Then you have a spouse.
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Then you have a community.
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Maybe you're at the parent teacher, you're part of that council.
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You take all that stuff.
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So you're constantly but really if it goes back to that whole concept of resilience.
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And I wanna hear what your exam what your definition is and how you kind of promote when
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you speak.
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What what would be a good definition for our listeners to have of resilience and how you
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would define it?
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For for me, resilience is a set of tools to be able to live a good life.
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That's my simple, simple definition To the definitions I've seen through my career and by
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the way, if you looked at any of my materials or keynotes over the thirty and, let's say,
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even the last twenty years, I've had a variety of definitions.
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But that's the one I like because it's I think speaks directly to what it is.
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But often the definitions are about in the face of adversity.
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Right?
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So when there's some adversity that you're facing, resilience is the tools that can help
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you to some of the language was bounce back or bounce through.
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And I'm good with that definition as well.
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I believe, though, it's a set of tools that we can all learn to use just like we brush our
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teeth and go to the gym to keep ourselves mentally well.
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So, yes, in the times of adversity, absolutely, those tools will be there.
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And we wanna have them when there's no adversity there.
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Want to them.
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Adapt them too.
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Right?
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I often think as we go through every life stage as well, I mean, I'm now in my fifties and I
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think back to my forties and I'm like, oh my goodness, the things I was doing then or my
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thirties, completely yeah.
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They maybe have the same line of things that I do, Darian, but at the end of the day, I'm
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like, oh, I can't do that as much, but I can do more of this, whatever.
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So it's that internal space that you need to understand about yourself and then to know that
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you do shift.
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We're constantly shifting.
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Right?
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Like, within ourselves, within our relationships, within the systems that we're
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around in our life, it's constantly in flux.
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So you, in turn, see that you're the kind of the keeper of health within yourself.
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You really have to stay connected to yourself in whatever way that you need to.
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Yeah.
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Absolutely.
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Yeah.
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And a lot of people describe feeling really disconnected from themselves.
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Just overwhelmed by everything else except themselves.
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Know?
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And that's, I think, the opportunity we have when the kind of work that the space that you
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and I are in is to to provide those little opportunities for people to feel that
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connection again and know that they can build them.
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My brand is all about simple strategies.
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Like, they're I believe that it because none of us is gonna do it.
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Know.
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I'm standing up right now doing my podcast because I've got a couple in a row.
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So something as simp before, I wouldn't even think about that.
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Now I stand up.
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Right?
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Like, put a kettlebell next to the office, and I think, okay.
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Not if I move for five minutes because I know I'm the type when I get tired Yeah.
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I get more frozen.
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So if I move and I do a little bit of that through the day, this about a little
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microburst.
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At the end of the day, I'm not as tired as if I didn't move throughout the day.
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So you're you're so right.
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It's sometimes something's very, simple, and you can't think too much about it.
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But by the time you're thinking you're too much, you're already tired.
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And you're like, oh, jeez.
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I can't do that.
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Right?
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Just way past that point.
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Now, Dario, in this time that we're in, and we're at the point where we're filming this on
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a day that we're entering a lot more tension within our kind of geographics with North
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America, between Canada and The US.
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What are your companies out there that are reaching out reaching out for now?
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And what what is kind of the sense as I was on a call earlier today and we're talking a little
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bit about the impact of business?
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What's what are you starting to get requests for?
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What's the conversation like out there with companies?
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Yeah.
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There's no question.
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I certainly have clients for whom this is giant.
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I mean, it's giant for all of us.
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Significantly impacting the bottom line.
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Being able to keep jobs, this is a big deal.
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And again, it is for all of us.
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There's so much unknown right now, and so I know I just booked an event this morning that's
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gonna be coming up in May, and certainly my calls are relatively consistent when I go
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through my the questions I have for a client that want wants me to speak at their conference
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or their retreat.
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And certainly, they're saying, yeah.
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We want people to feel good, to feel energized, to be happy, to connect with each other and
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understand why that's important and and not be concerned about perhaps they've had a change in
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technology or we're gonna have a return to the office and we're slowly coming back to the
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office, those sorts of things.
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So the idea of touching on things that scare us is with is a part of what I I have heard all
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along and hearing a little bit more now because what this is something that's so big, kind of
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still unknown for most of us.
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Right.
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And I think everybody's in flux.
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Right?
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It's kinda we know, quote unquote, supposedly what's happening, but we don't know the facts
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and the realities of how that is going to ripple out in the next little while.
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So I I often say, it was kinda like when you know, you can prepare.
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But when you're in flux, that's when that brings on that much more massive anxiety.
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And then people are starting to worry about things that may never come true, or some of it
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may be worse, but we don't want to kind of go there as much.
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Right?
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So even people that I've been talking to today, they're talking a little bit more about that.
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How is it really going to impact us, our industry, our sector?
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How are we going to get ready to deal with that?
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Because at every level of the organization, to working with the frontline customer in whatever
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business you're in, the senior management isn't going to ripple all the way down straight to
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the frontline out to the customer.
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So we really have to kinda be prepped and ready, like you said, to have that bounce back,
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just to be able to con people to say, well, we have to work with what we have in our knowledge
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base right now and not work not think too too far and try not to get stuck with last time
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something like this felt familiar, this is what happened because we really don't know.
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It's all in the stuff, like you said, staying present and staying connected to yourself.
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Now, Daria, so when you work with organizations, so you said you mostly keynote,
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is there one particular like, you with Kelly, you said your ex's name was Kelly.
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When you Yes.
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That talk, and you were talking about something quite critical, right, obviously, what was it
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in the TED talk that you think really hit home?
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Because I often say I'll give you an example.
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I worked at corporate for sixteen years, and I had one of the most amazing mentors.
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And the unfortunate thing, Derry, was that he committed suicide.
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And he was the guy that was loved and just one of the nicest, nicest people that I I could
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still say that I would say one of the nicest people I've ever met in my life that has ever
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touched my life.
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So I'm curious how you told the story because I often think that we need to help people
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understand that these people are real Mhmm.
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And we need to be able to see them from a different lens.
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So I would love to hear how we kind of couch that to be able to tell that story to hit the
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point.
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Right?
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Because it sounds like you hit the point and the people listen.
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Yeah.
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But TED Talk is it has to be under fifteen minutes.
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I do.
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I've not done any of those there.
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So I but I know about
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I've never worked so hard on anything in my entire career because I knew I was gonna touch
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on it.
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I don't wanna hurt people when I'm speaking.
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I'm very aware that people there's human beings in the room that could be going through
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something right at that moment.
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So I knew that I wanted to be wanted to craft it perfectly.
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And I decided to tell the story through the experience and the eyes, if you like, of my
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children Because I had to tell them that I had been married before, that he died, that he died
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by suicide.
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Because the lessons that I pulled through because I also believe you don't talk about
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anything without having a lesson for people.
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It's not just about telling a story and then, alright, I'm leaving you now.
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You know?
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The lessons that I was pulling through is how my children responded to me when I told them
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that about that experience.
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I was going on the radio a radio show the next day, so I I knew I had to tell them.
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So I described for the audience, I took them on the journey of a mother, because I remarried
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and had Dujo, of a mother who had now an 11 and eight year old.
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She's this mother is going to be on the radio.
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This could come out given what the program was about.
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And to me, they were babies.
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So to even say the word suicide, I didn't know that I I could get that out of my mouth, and I
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didn't I just wanted their world to be all sunshine and flowers and roses.
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And Yeah.
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So I think it's always about the story, Roxanne.
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You know that.
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But I think the story allowed people to come with me, to be in my shoes as I described that
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experience.
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I added humor because there were opportunities for humor, and I added those moments so you
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give people a little space to have a giggle even though they the topic they didn't know
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before I started what the topic was going to be or what the story was going to be about.
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It's I dropped it a little bit early, but then, of course, there was the story.
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So I think it was and I I take my role as a speaker that way every before I speak anywhere,
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I think long and hard about what am I gonna share, what's the right thing for this audience
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Right.
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Because it's obviously, it's not about me.
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Right?
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It's about who's in the room.
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And that's why there are a lot of that scoping upfront, I think, is so important to understand
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who's in the room and what they're experiencing and then to craft that story.
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So I think that's what it was.
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And when I came out out, I say we were in a theatre, When I walked into the room, main room
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where everyone from the audience, three or 400 people were standing there, there were many
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people bawling and but it was but it was a joyful kind of experience.
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But people came up and said, oh my gosh.
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Now I have a story, and I've never I haven't said it.
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And so I think I think it's in being really respectful of what your point is in telling the
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story.
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Because if you don't know that you have a point, then don't tell it would be my advice to
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anyone.
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And to raise human eye human eye is something that everybody's petrified to talk about and to
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take it off the bull's eye really by looking at stage and agent development and how you would
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have approached it and those types of things and say and you like you said, at 13, we're
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we're talking twelve years ago, we weren't there yet.
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And now it's as speakers, we have to be in a good space ourselves.
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So you obviously have to be in a space because if not the audience that wants to bundle you up
22:33
and take care of you.
22:34
So you have to really be in a good space to be able to deliver a message because, ultimately,
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I would think, Dari, we want people to think to obviously be kind and respectful, but to
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recognize that you can do what you can do.
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But sometimes unfortunate things happen.
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This might be the role that you might have to play, right, which is hard to even ever think.
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I mean, myself as a psychotherapist, I've dealt with, unfortunately, situations like that.
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And like I said, in corporate, one of my biggest mentors that I till today, a lot of
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what I do is based on what I talk.
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She was the one that I I would've out of a million people, I would never have thought.
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And then you end up losing someone like that.
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So the humanizing of that topic as much as we don't wanna talk about it is a society we need
23:18
to.
23:18
So being able to integrate in a way that's palpable Yeah.
23:22
I mean, now I'm gonna have to go watch the TED Talk, Derry.
23:24
Oh, awesome.
23:26
That would be lovely.
23:28
Derry, how do you you're doing these talks.
23:31
You're you've obviously, you've been through something.
23:34
How do you what are some of the tips that you use for yourself to take care of yourself to
23:39
stay more resilient in in your world?
23:43
Yeah.
23:43
Well, it's, of course, lots of what I preach, if you like, from the stage.
23:47
You
23:47
know, mindfulness, having moments, many moments of presence, purposeful presence.
23:54
I I I heard the other day, it was Eckhart Tolle, I believe.
23:58
I was watching something on YouTube, and he said, even one conscious breath is a
24:05
meditation.
24:06
Isn't that beautiful?
24:07
Yes.
24:07
That is.
24:08
So all of my keynotes, all of them, I start with a one minute meditation and then talk
24:14
about that and how that's a strategy.
24:16
So that is that has been transformative to me.
24:20
I I'm not a person, although some people are and do really long meditations, an hour or go
24:27
on a long retreat.
24:28
Have a friend who does ten day silent retreats.
24:31
That's kind of the other end of the spectrum, but for me, the one minute is magical for me.
24:38
And that that so that I start with simple strategies like that that are important for me.
24:44
I know where my energy is, where it comes from, and how I use it.
24:49
So I'm a morning person, so I go to the gym, I'm up at five in the morning, and I'm off to
24:54
the gym.
24:55
And I just know so it is literally a habit like brushing my teeth.
25:01
It just is what I do, and it's another strategy that helps me to be able to to keep the energy
25:09
I need to do the work I do.
25:11
When I'm even when I'm booking work, I know I'm best earlier in the day, so I'm pretty well
25:16
known as an opening conference keynoter.
25:19
That's a good energy spot for me.
25:21
Versus the close the closing.
25:23
So, you know
25:24
and, again, it's that knowing your energy bucket.
25:27
Right?
25:27
I think once you start, like you said, like you, after after the end of the day, I'm going
25:32
to the gym.
25:32
But, like, if I go first in the morning, I'm not at my optimal, and I just know that with my
25:38
but I'll go for 04:30, and I'm I'm good.
25:41
By the time I'm done, then I can kinda wind down.
25:43
So I think that's really important is knowing where where where is my gift for my energy, and
25:47
when is it that I'm not my best, and then you're not booking things at the optimal time.
25:53
For companies that are struggling, right, they're thinking, like, how do have when you
25:59
have these conversations, I know with the I know you did training before, but if there's
26:03
leaders or senior people or positions where they can implement some of the things we're
26:07
discussing, where what's some of the basic things they should start to reflect on about
26:12
resilience that might make them think, I need to have a talk, a training, a coaching program?
26:17
What are some of the basic things leaders should consider?
26:21
Yeah.
26:22
In addition to keynoting and certainly working with those organizations, I have a consulting
26:27
arm in my practice.
26:28
So I do some consulting as well with executive teams.
26:32
So we are talking about those things.
26:34
And but what's true, what I say to them is the same that I we talked about when all of a
26:39
sudden we were all in that time that we all know happened in 2020.
26:42
Right?
26:43
Yep.
26:43
Look at the resilience that we know we have, I reveal.
26:46
So let's remember what we've already been through, and that's important for all of us,
26:50
every human.
26:51
Right?
26:51
Because sometimes when we're in something, we forget that we have any resources whatsoever.
26:56
Right?
26:57
Because we're in the thing that's right in front of our face.
27:00
So a strategy is to remember the resilience that we've developed already.
27:06
Look what we've been through.
27:07
Look at those resources.
27:09
And so to do that, and then for sure, with a leadership team, let's get our let's understand
27:18
where we are as a leadership team so that we can we are doing the right thing for those that
27:22
are looking to us.
27:23
When I look up, because that's often the case in organizations, right, they're looking to us
27:28
to say, what how's it going?
27:30
How are you doing?
27:31
Leader.
27:32
So I talk about things like being authentic.
27:35
It is okay for the CEO to say, yeah.
27:38
I'm with you.
27:38
I hear y'all.
27:39
This is a time of the unknown right now for us.
27:42
Here's the stuff I do know.
27:45
Then share that.
27:46
Here's the stuff I know that we know about this company and all of us and what we've been
27:50
through as an organization.
27:52
Share all of that.
27:53
So I think there's no question.
27:56
People one of the first words they use to describe me is positive, so I definitely have
28:00
that.
28:01
I'm constantly looking at yeah.
28:03
But You're shining a bright so people see it coming.
28:05
Right?
28:06
Well, the what's good about this Yeah.
28:09
Yeah.
28:09
Like that that not saying we're glad this thing happened.
28:13
I'm not glad that happened to my husband when he was 27 years old.
28:18
I'm not happy about that.
28:20
And I use it for good.
28:22
Right?
28:23
It did happen.
28:24
It was an experience, and I take from it what I can and what I can use and what I can share to
28:29
help other people.
28:30
Organizations can do that as well.
28:33
I think that's the best thing for leaders, for executives to do, is to be authentic, to be
28:39
vulnerable.
28:40
It's okay.
28:41
Your teams are gonna be okay if you say to them, yeah, you know what?
28:45
Right now, I'm kinda scratching my head like all of you.
28:47
I'm not really sure.
28:49
But what I'm gonna tell you for sure is we're gonna keep you up to date, and we wanna hear
28:53
from you.
28:54
We want your ideas.
28:55
We want your thoughts and strategies.
28:58
Then remind them of their resources, just like whenever we're in a time of struggle, when
29:04
something's getting in the way again, that barrier right in front.
29:07
Let's remember the resources I have already that I've built through my whole life.
29:12
And in organizations, we've been through stuff, no matter what the organization is.
29:19
Remind people of that, because there's no question they're going to follow the leader.
29:23
People always follow the leader.
29:25
Right?
29:25
If the leader's freaking out, the whole organization's gonna be freaking out.
29:30
Absolutely.
29:31
And with my book, that's what I talk about, which is ROR, which is return on relationship.
29:35
Right?
29:36
So just about how authentic leadership builds stronger cultures.
29:40
So if you're leaders are people too.
29:43
Right?
29:43
So you might need to take your moment.
29:45
Yeah.
29:46
So, like And not look like you have it all together all the time and be a little bit more
29:50
real, catch your breath, and figure out the appropriate ways to let people know that you're
29:55
catching your breath Cause that vulnerability also allows people to see you as a human being
30:01
that also has different perils that you work with to be able to say, yeah.
30:05
I had to take a breath twice there because I was kinda it was coming at me kinda quick and
30:10
fast, but this is what I this is what I did.
30:12
So I think absolutely agree.
30:14
I talk a lot about authentic heart leadership because the more connected we are to ourselves,
30:19
then that radius around us impacts everybody, and then in turn it kind of trickles down, like
30:23
you say, all the way down.
30:25
Yeah.
30:26
I just remember I was blessed with lots of wonderful people in my life, and I remember
30:30
hearing and practicing and reminding myself to practice all the time that we're all doing the
30:35
best we can, right, at every moment of every day.
30:37
So even if the person in front of you doesn't seem to be doing the best, that is the best
30:41
they can do right now for this moment.
30:44
So we give ourselves a little bit of a break.
30:46
And another thing is that, again, someone said to me years and years ago after a keynote I
30:51
delivered when I first started in my self employment journey, and that is to presume
30:56
innocence.
30:56
That when when something's and that's not to deny that the thing might be might seem awful,
31:02
but when especially in our relationships, somebody might say something that really seems
31:07
to ouch.
31:08
Really cause that, woah, create space between me and that person to first presume innocence.
31:15
Again, that person's doing the best they can.
31:18
That could have been coming from another place.
31:20
I don't know what their intention was until I ask and engage in it.
31:24
And I just think sometimes the little things like that I know aren't revolutionary, we've
31:30
talked about them for years, can just really help people in the moment.
31:34
Because sometimes the thing that's right here can stay there for a very long time.
31:39
Our brains will focus on and are always looking for what's wrong, for what's a
31:44
does its job, right?
31:45
And it does its job to a detriment sometimes.
31:48
And that's when you clarify, dare you said this, and this is how I took it.
31:52
I felt slighted, and then you go, oh my goodness.
31:54
Oh, I was, like, kinda in the middle of blah blah blah.
31:56
And then so that opportunity, like you said, to kinda get it away from you is to to clarify
32:01
with that other person that you're in relationship with.
32:04
Yeah.
32:04
Dari, this has been amazing.
32:06
I'm so glad.
32:07
Dari and I have been I've been I'm a member of CAPS as well.
32:11
We see flashage of each other when we actually get together, but this is an opportunity
32:16
learned a little bit more about you.
32:18
So for everyone out there, either why don't you tell everybody where they can get ahold of you,
32:22
Darri.
32:23
Absolutely.
32:24
So my website is dairylattimer.com, and they can easily contact me through their email,
32:30
dairy@dairylattimer.com.
32:32
And then I'm all over social media, and it's just my name, at dairy latimer.
32:36
So you'll you can find me anywhere there, and I'm very accessible.
32:40
I talk and meet with people all the time on a whole bunch of things.
32:44
And I'm as my therapist described me, I'm an open book, So I have no problem talking about
32:50
some stuff that I've experienced in my life and continue to experience.
32:53
I believe that helps us all to to grow, to learn and grow.
32:57
To to stay in touch.
32:59
So everyone this has been amazing.
33:01
So especially this time as we enter into things, know that just drop down into what you
33:07
know about yourself and maybe what things have helped you in the past when you've been through
33:10
tough times.
33:12
Knowing that ambiguity sometimes increases the stress level or the that thermometer goes up
33:18
And just try to center yourself and try to remember, like, what is it that I need for
33:22
myself to be grounded?
33:24
I'm the am I the hyper type that needs to come, or I'm the frozen type that needs to move?
33:28
Just kinda play that through with yourself and try to do something small.
33:32
Like I said to Daria, I have my my kettlebell and kinda lifted a little bit.
33:36
Maybe yours might be to turn off your computer, shut off the light for a second, sit in in your
33:41
computer room alone, and take some birds.
33:44
So that knowledge will be very important.
33:46
So with myself, if you're needing to learn a little bit more about how you're connected
33:50
authentically to yourself, either at home or at work, just go to roxannedurhodge.com/quiz.
33:57
Fill out a mini little quiz.
33:59
We'll send you back some results with next steps if you wanted to connect with me.
34:03
Again, Dari, thanks so much.
34:05
And, everyone, thanks again for putting up with me.
34:07
I will chat with you again next week.
34:09
Take care.
34:11
Thanks for tuning in to Authentic Living with Roxanne, creating the space for positive,
34:17
healthy change.
34:18
Roxanne is a keynote speaker, psychotherapist, and coach.
34:22
To work with Roxanne, visit roxannederhaj.com/blueprint.
34:28
We'll see you next time on Authentic Living with Roxanne.