Latest / Start Your Comeback: Rebuilding after Divorce, Empty Nest, and Loss of Spouse / Mapping It Out: Visualizing Your Future Path

Transcript

Mapping It Out: Visualizing Your Future Path · Start Your Comeback: Rebuilding after Divorce, Empty Nest, and Loss of Spouse

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Is there a major life transition benching you?
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: I know you may be asking what's next?
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: What's my purpose?
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: What if?
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: Because I've asked those too.
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Start your Comeback Podcast.
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: I'm Toni Thrash, a certified life coach, and I want to share the tools and practical steps to help you create a winning game plan to move into your new adventure.
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: Hi, welcome back.
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: You are listening to episode 52.
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: If you are new to the pod, I've been in a series called the Sound of you.
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: In week one, I discussed learning to be quiet and listen to start your day.
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: It is so important to hear the sound of you.
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: Last week, I discussed the process of letting go in order to take the next step in your life's transition, in order to take the next step in your life's transition.
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: Today, however, I want to discuss the next step in the Sound of you series called let's Map it Out.
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: As a coach, this is one of my favorite parts, because mapping things out to see all the possible outcomes is just fun.
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: It's the logistical way my brain works.
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: I see potential obstacles and love brainstorming ways to keep those obstacles from stopping you dead in your tracks.
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: A map is a visual which shows you what needs to happen.
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: First.
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: Let's face it when we're in the beginning or middle of a big transition, we are overwhelmed and our brain is on overload.
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: We cannot think straight, and having eyes to see a plan in front of us is so life-giving.
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: Being honest about all the problems created by this transition is hard but necessary.
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: Having someone to bounce solutions off of is unavoidable.
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: You have to remove the denial, get real and voice them.
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: So let's just jump right in.
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: The first thing you need to do is called a brain dump.
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: What is a brain dump?
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: A vomit of all the thoughts, questions and strategies going through your head.
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: Sorry for the graphic image, but it is that head.
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: Sorry for the graphic image, but it is that.
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: Get it all down on paper, because this clues your head a bit and now you can see all the things.
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: After having brain dumped all over the place, I typically ask myself four questions.
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: Number one what is the biggest emergency?
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: Number two Number one what is the biggest emergency?
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: Number two who do I trust to help?
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: Number three what are possible solutions?
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: And four what obstacles stand in my way?
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: So this would then be a second part of your brain dump.
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: Get it all out and then ask yourself those four questions and answer those four questions, because they help put everything in order, because we need a glimpse of order to get us through the current emergency.
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: Don't dance around it, just name the crisis.
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: You could draw a circle on the page, then start connecting it, as you see the different thoughts and strategies that you might have.
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: It's called a mind map.
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: I love them, because we cannot fix what we cannot name.
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: I want you to write down a list of questions.
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: There are no dumb questions, because you've not traveled this road before.
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: Some may be the same questions to different people, but you are on an information gathering process.
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: I want you to be courageous to ask these questions.
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: Take notes on the answers because you won't remember them if you don't, because that's what shock and brain fog do to us.
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: Second, we need to identify the areas of concern.
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: We've listened to ourselves and decided who or what is needed to be let go of.
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: So look at the areas of concern.
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: Assessing and writing your concerns down is important, so now that they're on paper, they might tend to be a little bit more real to us.
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: And then, once we have those written down, we need to look at how we will walk through each one.
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: Now we can carefully begin to map out a game plan for you.
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: We take small steps to serve you and your family through whatever transition you're walking through.
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: It may be as simple as having someone go with you to open a new bank account.
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: Let's map that out as part of your financial.
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: These things are important, and a trusted advisor will hold you accountable for your game plan.
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: I want your game plan to be achievable, so your confidence will grow.
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: Take it slow.
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: It's about finding a new rhythm, not a sprint to the finish line.
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: I want you to draw a circle and list out all the people who could lend their knowledge to your current emergency.
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: The circle is important and here's why, because not everyone in that circle necessarily needs all the details of your life.
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: So then draw a second circle and move those three to five people who know the details and put them in that smaller circle.
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: Because the people in the bigger, larger circle, they get your elevator speech.
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: Those that are in your smaller circle, they know it all.
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: They're your trusted advisors and sounding board.
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: I like to call them my board of directors.
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: Your circle has to get smaller, because too many voices lead right back to anxiety.
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: Let me tell you, the elevator speech is that little two to three sentences of saying how life is going at the moment.
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: No details, very general, straight to the point, no questions asked.
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: The one thing I learned going through divorce is I had to be willing to ask for help, as a friend once told me.
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: It's only for a season, this isn't forever.
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: Let me tell you, that was life-giving to me.
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: It lessened the guilt and shame I felt for not being able to handle everything on my own, because I'm an independent person and think I could do it all, and in reality I couldn't.
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: I had no choice but to learn to ask.
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: As the uncharted waters were raging around me, I was dazed and confused and had no idea what was next.
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: I was dazed and confused and had no idea what was next.
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: But listen, mapping it out is a foundation of what you want to accomplish.
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: It's adjustable so that if a curveball comes your way, it doesn't distract you from where you're headed.
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: Game plans require adjustments to this.
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: It's a very normal occurrence.
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: It's a visual of what is the most important today, or in this season, if you will.
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: I've walked in your shoes the transition from a marriage of 25 years to divorce and an empty nester at the same time was the hardest period of my life.
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: Those inside my circle are still here after 10 years.
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: I never make a major life decision without consulting them.
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: So as we wind up the mapping it out part, it can be difficult because we need another set of eyes.
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: So if you're struggling with what is next as you walk through this transition of maybe divorce or empty nesting or retirement or whatever, now's the perfect time to ask those questions for what is next?
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: If you want some been there and done that help, please reach out.
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: I've set up my calendar for a discovery call.
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: I would love to visit with you to help you with your game plan.
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: So next week, in the final episode of the Sound of you series, I will be encouraging you to make a move.
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: That's what it's called Make your move.
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: You won't want to miss this because this is the crucial step in your game plan that will get you on the road to where you want to be.
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: I have a fun surprise coming for us for the end of next week.
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: I can't wait to share it with you.
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: But until then, remember I'm here to help you get off the bench and back into your life.
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: I'll see you next time.
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: Hey, thanks for listening.
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: I don't take it for granted that you're here.
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: You didn't listen by mistake.
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: I'll see you next time.
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: I want to give a special shout out to Country Club for the original music.
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: You can find them on Instagram at Country Club you.