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Dolly Parton's Turbo Cancer (and Other Conspiracy News) · Conspiracy! The Show

• 0:10
  Speaker 1: Hey, everybody.
• 0:11
  Speaker 2: Welcome to Conspiracy, the show.
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: I'm your host, Adam Todd Browne. Joining me as co-host
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: once again, Connor McSpadden in the trap. How's it going, man?
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: Well, I'm listening to the White Stripes version of Jolene
• 0:44
  Speaker 2: in preparation for this episode, and that means I'm doing
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: pretty fucking good.
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: That is a pretty fucking great cover.
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: Jack White has an uncomfortable amount of emotion. I'm like,
• 0:54
  Speaker 2: Could you stop making me feel things with this? It's
• 0:57
  Speaker 2: too much. Yeah.
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: And I love that he doesn't change the lyrics from
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: please don't take my man. Good for him. Especially way
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: back then. He recorded that shit in like 2003, I think.
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: Well, he's a feminist icon here on the show. Yeah.
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: Back in the olden days. Times were different back then.
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: You wouldn't know.
• 1:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you would. You were alive. Gen Z. Do you
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: know what the age demographic is for this show?
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: I've looked. It skews younger than I think people would
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: expect because I'm an old fuck, but I keep a
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: pretty young audience, I think.
• 1:29
  Speaker 2: I've got old over the course of doing the show.
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: I started and I was a fresh-faced young whippersnapper, and
• 1:34
  Speaker 2: now I fucking look like Jack White now.
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: Weren't we all? It's like being the president. Having a
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: conspiracy podcast ages you prematurely.
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: It kind of does. I've discussed this before. It makes
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: it impossible for you to make small talk at parties.
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: You know, someone will be like, oh, my God, the
• 1:52
  Speaker 2: homeless people in my neighborhood. I'm like, well, you know,
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: Ronald Reagan closed down all the mental hospitals, right?
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: So we're doing a conspiracy news roundup.
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: Episode.
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: We haven't done one of these in a while. I
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: cut a few of the stories that we had at
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: the end here. I don't know if you saw that
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: in the notes. That happened because I was working on
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: the notes and then I don't know if this has
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: ever happened to you because I know you've produced podcasts.
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: You've done notes for podcasts and things. I did that
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: thing where you're doing notes and then you stop and
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: watch a couple episodes of the FX original series Snowfall
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: and don't finish the notes.
• 2:32
  Speaker 2: I did that thing where I read most of them
• 2:33
  Speaker 2: and I didn't finish them because I was watching a
• 2:35
  Speaker 2: few episodes of classic Futurama.
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: Very similar. Very similar thing.
• 2:41
  Speaker 2: I'm kidding. I've read the whole notes. I prepare.
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: Have you seen Snowfall? No.
• 2:45
  Speaker 2: Is it anything like Snowpiercer?
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: No, it's about the CIA selling crack. in LA. And
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: I don't know how it took me this long to
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: watch it. I watched the pilot episode a couple of
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: times and just could not get into it. And then
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: I finally gave it another shot and God damn it.
• 3:01
  Speaker 2: It's good.
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: So fucking good.
• 3:03
  Speaker 2: For sure. Does it have a fictionalized version of freeway
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: Ricky Ross?
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: Yes. His name is Franklin and he is played, I
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: believe by the guy who was in the formula one
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: movie with Brad Pitt.
• 3:17
  Speaker 2: Those are two weird credits.
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Damson Idris. Is he British? Yeah, he is. He's British.
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: Freeway Ricky Ross is British. That's FX for you, goddammit.
• 3:29
  Speaker 2: The most American thing there is. Crack dealer slash CIA collaborator.
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: So let's talk about some conspiracy news. We still got
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: quite a bit to cover. For one thing, a famous
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: person died. A couple famous people have died in recent years.
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: months so of course there's conspiracy theories around that.
• 3:49
  Speaker 2: You know there were zero conspiracy theories around matthew perry
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: everyone was like that shit happened exactly the way the
• 3:55
  Speaker 2: fucking cop said it did.
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah there was no doubt about that i mean he
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: was gonna die of a drug overdose at some point for.
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: Sure yeah i was playing horse in the pool with
• 4:05
  Speaker 2: some buddies like you know a few months ago and
• 4:07
  Speaker 2: it was late it's probably around one in the morning
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: And my friend keeps drinking and drinking. And I'm like, dude,
• 4:11
  Speaker 2: you're going to Matthew Perry yourself.
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: Did he stop drinking?
• 4:14
  Speaker 2: When I said that, he became noticeably disturbed.
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: And he's dead now. So Dolly Parton, she died. What
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: was your stance on Dolly Parton? Were you a Dolly
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: Parton fan?
• 4:26
  Speaker 2: Well, she wrote one of my favorite White Stripes covers.
• 4:28
  Speaker 2: So I'm pro Dolly Parton. I actually know very little
• 4:32
  Speaker 2: about her, except that she had some great quips. People
• 4:36
  Speaker 2: Magazine did this bit. where they would have celebrities like
• 4:38
  Speaker 2: pose without their makeup on. And they asked Dolly Parton
• 4:41
  Speaker 2: to do it. You know, it was called like natural beauty.
• 4:43
  Speaker 2: And they asked if Dolly would do it. And Dolly
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: sent back this statement that said, there's nothing about Ms.
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: Parton's beauty that is natural. And I thought, that's just great.
• 4:50
  Speaker 2: That's some Joan Rivers type shit. Yeah.
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I feel like that is more what people really
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: liked about Dolly Parton, at least in terms of the
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: following she has on the internet. Obviously, she was a
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: great songwriter. She had a very long career. She cranked
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: out a lot of fucking hits. I'm not trying to
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: take away from her accomplishments as a musician at all.
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: But I feel like without all of the activism and
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: being as outspoken as she is for, or as she
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: was for the LGBTQ community and whatnot, I feel like
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: she'd be more akin to Loretta Lynn. Like, they had
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: very similar careers. They've both written the same number of
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: certified fucking bangers.
• 5:36
  Speaker 2: She was not one of these talents that was limited
• 5:38
  Speaker 2: to her field. She was also very charismatic. You watch
• 5:43
  Speaker 2: a Harrison Ford movie and you're like, God damn, this
• 5:44
  Speaker 2: guy can act. You watch Harrison Ford in The Tonight
• 5:46
  Speaker 2: Show and you're like, holy fuck, when's Dolly Parton coming on?
• 5:48
  Speaker 2: This stinks.
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: Yeah, she had a lot of personality. I wonder why
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: she didn't act more. She was in 9 to 5.
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: I remember that. God, I loved that movie when I
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: was a kid. Did you ever see that? No. Nice
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: workplace comedy about murdering your boss. Who doesn't want to
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: murder their fucking boss? Sure. If I had a boss,
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: I'd fucking murder him.
• 6:08
  Speaker 2: I've thought about killing you many times.
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: I'm not your boss. So Dolly Parton, don't worry, everybody.
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: She wasn't murdered. Like when Lindsey Graham was cut down
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: in his prime and people were messaging me asking if
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: I was going to delve into conspiracy theories about Lindsey
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: Graham being killed. It's like, who the fuck would kill
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: Lindsey Graham?
• 6:30
  Speaker 2: Palestinian ninjas.
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: She died after a short battle with cancer. And it
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: seems like most people are not disputing that part.
• 6:39
  Speaker 2: Well, the problem is, When she gets breast cancer, there's
• 6:42
  Speaker 2: a lot of breast to occupy. Exactly.
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 6:46
  Speaker 2: So it spreads very fast. There's a great deal of
• 6:48
  Speaker 2: substrate to work with.
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: The question, though, is how did she get that cancer, Connor?
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: I'll tell you. She got it from the COVID vaccine.
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: And it wasn't just cancer. It was turbo cancer. cancer.
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: Oh, that's the worst kind.
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: That is the absolute worst kind. It's the same kind
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: of AIDS EZE got. You don't want it. In 2020,
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: Dolly Parton donated $ 1 million to fund COVID vaccine research.
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: So no matter how she died, right wingers were going
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: to find a way to tie it to the COVID vaccine.
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: She could have been shot and killed and they would
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: have blamed Anthony Fauci. Or some shit.
• 7:25
  Speaker 2: At the very best, they'd call her a libtard. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: Which let Dolly and her big old jumblers rest in peace, goddammit.
• 7:31
  Speaker 2: She's an American treasure.
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and she was, I don't, I feel like people
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: who embrace her on the internet might not realize this,
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: but she was very much an anti-cancel culture, cross the
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: aisle person. type like she was still doing songs with
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: kid rock and shit but her last recording was with
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: you too so i think you're right that that would
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: have been the reaction but fucking why dolly parton didn't
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: hate right wingers.
• 7:57
  Speaker 2: That's awesome i mean not working with kid rock specifically
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: but the idea in general.
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah working with kid rock part is unfortunate i would
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: love to hear her do ba with the ba If
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: there's anyone whose feet I'm not going to hold to
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: the fire for working with someone like Kid Rock, it's
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: probably Dolly Parton.
• 8:16
  Speaker 2: Sure.
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: Also, this is actually one of the reasons I've stopped
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: having so many random fucking guests on the podcast as co-hosts.
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: People can take random to mean whatever you want, but
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: it's hard to keep tabs on what motherfuckers are doing
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: in their regular lives, especially on social media. Like, There
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: was at least one guest that I booked and people
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: emailed me and were like, hey, you know, she's a
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: fucking Zionist, right? No, I don't because I'm not on
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: fucking social media like you are. I could see that
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: being the thing with Dolly Parton and Kid Rock, too.
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: I bet Dolly Parton doesn't give a fuck what Kid
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: Rock's politics are. She probably never fucking looked into it.
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: She just knows he wears a fucking American flag on
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: his jacket or whatever. So close enough.
• 9:04
  Speaker 2: Close enough. And you know my record is spotless. Aside
• 9:07
  Speaker 2: from getting canceled for one racist joke in 2014, I'm
• 9:10
  Speaker 2: fucking golden.
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: So she also filmed herself singing a cover version of
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: her hit Jolene, but with the lyrics changed to be
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: about how people shouldn't hesitate to get the COVID vaccine.
• 9:23
  Speaker 2: Now I want to hear Jack White cover that one. Yeah.
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: So all of this has set right-wingers into a tizzy
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: now that Dolly Parton has died. Here's a quote from
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: far-right radio host Wayne Allen Root. Was Dolly Parton yet
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: another COVID vaccine victim? She took the vax on TV.
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: She changed the name of her hit song, Jolene, Jolene.
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: to vaccine vaccine. She encouraged fans to get it. Now
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: she's dead of cancer. This sounds like another case of
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: turbo cancer. RIP, Dolly. I looked it up. Turbo cancer
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: is a real thing that conspiracy theorists who hate the
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: COVID vaccine have made up.
• 10:00
  Speaker 2: I thought for a second you were going to say
• 10:01
  Speaker 2: a real thing that scientists corroborate. And I was like, no, what?
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: No, it is definitely a big aspect of anti-COVID vaccine conspiracies.
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: And it has to do with trace amounts of DNA
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: being in vaccines. mRNA vaccines. But it turns out trace
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: amounts of DNA are in a whole bunch of fucking
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: vaccines and in greater amounts than there are in the
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: COVID vaccine. So if they were causing cancer, we would
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: fucking know by now.
• 10:35
  Speaker 2: And word to the wise, if you're a vaccine kook,
• 10:38
  Speaker 2: you don't want to say shit like turbo cancer. People
• 10:40
  Speaker 2: won't take you seriously. You want to say what Joe
• 10:42
  Speaker 2: Rogan says and say vaccine related injury because that makes
• 10:45
  Speaker 2: it sound less stupid.
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's how the smart people say it. The smart
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: people like Joe Rogan.
• 10:51
  Speaker 2: The more image conscious people.
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: Like Joe Rogan. Here's another quote. Dolly Parton thought she
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: was doing the right thing by backing the Moderna mRNA
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: COVID shot, but it very well may have killed her.
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: That's Toby Rogers from the Brownstone Institute.
• 11:09
  Speaker 2: More like the Brown Nose Institute.
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: Oh.
• 11:13
  Speaker 2: Oh, got him.
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: That is apparently a think tank that was created just
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: to push back against COVID restrictions. It's like there aren't
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: any anymore. Why are you still in business? Shut the
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: fuck up.
• 11:24
  Speaker 2: There are so many right-wingers that want it to be
• 11:27
  Speaker 2: 2021 for the rest of their lives so they can
• 11:29
  Speaker 2: complain about wearing masks in a restaurant and not being
• 11:33
  Speaker 2: allowed to go outside for six days.
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: I feel like there are people on the left who
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: want that too, but so they can complain about people
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: not wearing masks.
• 11:42
  Speaker 2: Oh, yeah. There's people that claim to hate the whole thing.
• 11:44
  Speaker 2: And it's like you, that was the best time of
• 11:46
  Speaker 2: your life. Yeah. You get to feel righteously indignant, which
• 11:49
  Speaker 2: is exactly what everyone wants to feel all the time, always. Yeah.
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: I remember right after Trump got elected, there was a
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: big meeting of the Democratic Socialists of America at some
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: venue in new york city and there was a picture
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: of the crowd and no one was wearing masks and
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: a friend of mine dave weigel who was uh i
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: don't know where he writes now he used to write
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: for the washington post he tweeted a picture of that
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: and side by side with a picture of an fbi
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: agent sitting at his desk typing a comment in the
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: comment just said look at these fascists not masking up
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: So many people got in the comments and were very
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: confused about why the FBI would care about people not
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: masking up. It's like, you dumbasses, that's not the point.
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: The FBI sows dissent in left-wing movements. That's why the
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: FBI would be calling a room full of DSA members
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: fascists for not masking up. But you do see a
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: lot of people on the left taking that fucking bait
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: and running with it. And now... If you don't wear
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: a mask to a Jack White concert, you're a fascist, Connor.
• 12:57
  Speaker 2: I went to a cocaine party like in the height
• 12:58
  Speaker 2: of COVID. And man, that was a lot of really
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: cool fascists there. We had a really good time.
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: A cocaine party during COVID is wild.
• 13:07
  Speaker 2: And also there was no one was making sure they
• 13:10
  Speaker 2: had their own personal straw either. It was like.
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: Pick up whichever one is near you at the convenient time.
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: That was about to be my question. Was there at
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: least a personal straw COVID restriction in place.
• 13:23
  Speaker 2: For that party? We were literally coughing into each other's
• 13:25
  Speaker 2: open mouths. Like, it was ridiculous.
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: Who are you, Gavin Newsom?
• 13:30
  Speaker 2: Nah, at the French Laundry.
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: Ah, remember that? I went to French Laundry recently. Walked
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: past outside. I did not have reservations. Not a rich person.
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: But I was in the town where it is. Looks nice.
• 13:42
  Speaker 2: This is the kind of journalism you expect from Conspiracy
• 13:45
  Speaker 2: the Show.
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: Goddamn right. We went there. Here's another quote. Soon after
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: being injected, she developed severe autoimmune liver and kidney issues.
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: Cause of death? Cancer. That's Valerie Ann Smith, health influencer
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: with 273,000 followers on X. You do see this a lot.
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: Any celebrity now who dies and said anything at all
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: about COVID, right wingers will blame the COVID vaccine.
• 14:12
  Speaker 2: 273,000, though. Those are kind of small numbers for a
• 14:16
  Speaker 2: maha mommy.
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a moderate amount, which this could be an
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: example of. I know some outlets do this. They could
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: just be kind of cherry picking the comments on social media,
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: and it might not actually be as loud as they're
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: making it out to be. Although Wired, they're a pretty
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: trustworthy outlet. Who knows?
• 14:37
  Speaker 2: There's a named after Dolly Parton's bra.
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Or Connor at that fucking cocaine party in 2020. So... Meanwhile,
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: on Facebook, the conspiracies get into satanic panic territory. That's
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: always fun. In a post that went wild on Facebook,
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: users pointed to a video Dolly Parton filmed shortly before
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: she died, where she thanked Taylor Swift and Travis Kelsey
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: for a recent $ 2 million donation they made to the
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: Imagination Library. And in the video, she jokingly asked if
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: she could also have their firstborn child. child and connor
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: if you pause the video at the right time it
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: kind of looks like she's throwing up the devil horns
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: so here's what that post has to say nothing to
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: see here folks just dolly parton the same woman who
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: dropped one million dollars to help fund the moderna covid
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: vaccine flashing devil horns while casually demanding taylor swift and
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: travis kelsey's firstborn child It's a big satanic club, and
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: you ain't in it. Red Pill USA has that to say.
• 15:48
  Speaker 2: Okay, so as if there wasn't a way for me
• 15:50
  Speaker 2: to like Dolly Parton more, you're telling me she wants
• 15:53
  Speaker 2: to do a satanic ritual sacrifice of Taylor Swift's first
• 15:56
  Speaker 2: child so she can drink the adrenochrome from her pineal gland?
• 16:00
  Speaker 2: I mean, that rules.
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah. You're going to drink any billionaire's kid. Aim
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: for the fucking moon. Even if you miss, you'll be
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: among the stars.
• 16:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, that's as far as adrenochrome goes, that's
• 16:10
  Speaker 2: got to be like the top shelf, like special reserve shit.
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's going to have like the athlete genes because
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: Travis Kelsey, that dude's a fucking specimen. And then billionaire
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: genes to everything.
• 16:22
  Speaker 2: I was going to say songwriting, you know, that's got
• 16:24
  Speaker 2: to be worth something. Sure, sure.
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: Business acumen. She's got it all.
• 16:28
  Speaker 2: A little bit more of that than songwriting, in my opinion.
• 16:31
  Speaker 2: I would agree. I would agree.
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: Taylor Swift doesn't do it for me. I get it
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: if she does for other people. Her songs have never...
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: I'm an Olivia Rodrigo guy. What do you want from me?
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: It's like Nirvana and Pearl Jam. You can't like both.
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: It's just not allowed. Or Nirvana and Guns N' Roses.
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: You got to pick a side.
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: Yeah, when I hear Taylor Swift, I'm like, this is
• 16:50
  Speaker 2: really well-crafted. That's the nicest thing I can really say
• 16:54
  Speaker 2: about it. It's very well-crafted, and it doesn't really move
• 16:57
  Speaker 2: me emotionally.
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like Nickelback in that way. I read an
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: interview with Chad Kroger from Nickelback, and he talked about
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: how perfection is his key with a song. And if
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: they drop a note, a single note, he'll go in
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: and fix it in Pro Tools. And I was like, oh,
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: that's why I don't like your band. I don't like
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: that shit at all.
• 17:17
  Speaker 2: Let me hear the fingers on the strings. Yeah.
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: So which of these conspiracies do we believe the most?
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: I think I like Turbo Cancer.
• 17:26
  Speaker 2: Honestly, I'm rooting for Devil Pardon, you know?
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 17:30
  Speaker 2: Beelzeboobs. All right.
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: This next one isn't so much a conspiracy as much
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: a really unfortunate rumor. Hayden Panettiere, whose name I spelled
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: correctly in the notes on the first try without looking
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: it up.
• 17:42
  Speaker 2: Damn. Right?
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: She died recently. She wrote a memoir. at one point
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: in her life. And in that memoir, she told a
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: story about being forced into bed with a naked British
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: singer-songwriter when she was 18. Don't worry, she managed to
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: escape the situation without it escalating. That story started getting
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: attention again after her death. And now the internet believes
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: they have cracked the case on who that British singer-songwriter is.
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: A photo surfaced recently that was taken in France in 2009,
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: and it shows Hayden Panettiere on a boat with four
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: other people, and one of those people is British singer-songwriter
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: James Blunt. Case fucking closed, Connor.
• 18:27
  Speaker 2: He is the only... British singer-songwriter. Yeah. Once Amy Winehouse died,
• 18:31
  Speaker 2: that was the last of them.
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: Yeah. And it probably wasn't Amy Winehouse, because I think
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: she would have died too early.
• 18:39
  Speaker 2: Was she dead in 2009?
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: I think so.
• 18:42
  Speaker 2: She was pretty good at dying. She died in 2011.
• 18:44
  Speaker 2: It could have been Amy Winehouse, although she wouldn't have
• 18:46
  Speaker 2: been 18. Oh, shit. Scandal.
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: So here's the problem. In her memoir, when She mentioned
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: this incident. She said it happened when she was 18.
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: She was a few months shy of her 20th birthday
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: in that photo with James Blunt. So the timeline doesn't
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: work whatsoever. But since when has the internet let things
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: like facts and accuracy stop them from trying to destroy things?
• 19:14
  Speaker 2: A motherfucker.
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: So James Blunt has had to come out and deny
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: that he is the subject of that story. Others have
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: come forward with additional details that point to him not
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: being the perpetrator, but who knows if he'll be able
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: to escape this rumor forever. The person that was should
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: just come forward. I bet it was Morrissey, even though
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: Morrissey's super gay. He just seems like a bad dude.
• 19:39
  Speaker 2: It could be that portrait of Morrissey that's aging in
• 19:41
  Speaker 2: his closet instead of him. Maybe came out of the,
• 19:44
  Speaker 2: or Amy Winehouse in a time machine, you know, yeah
• 19:47
  Speaker 2: let's think outside the box she didn't say male singer songwriter.
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah and I mean Amy Winehouse if she died in
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: 2011 Hayden Panettiere was 18 in 2000 according to my
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: timeline from just glancing at the notes like 2007 or
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: so could have been Winehouse she wouldn't even fucking remember
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: she's probably all hammered yeah true she Fun fact, James
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: Blunt was in one of my earliest cracked articles, one
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: that I think I wrote in like 2007 or 2008.
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: It was about famous wusses who would beat your ass
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: in real life. James Blunt was a high ranking British
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: military member who like led fucking battalions and shit. James
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: Blunt would fucking eat. Probably. But he's got that screechy
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: ass voice and he sings stupid songs for losers. So
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: I bet more than one person has tried him in
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: a bar and gotten fucking Jason Bourne unexpectedly. That would
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: be so funny.
• 20:49
  Speaker 2: You always want to be like some guys, some people
• 20:51
  Speaker 2: are stealth buff, you know, where you put on a...
• 20:53
  Speaker 2: t-shirt where you take it off as oh shit that
• 20:55
  Speaker 2: guy's buff stealth deadly is a good one to have
• 20:57
  Speaker 2: in the back pocket yeah as opposed to me who
• 21:00
  Speaker 2: is much less good at fighting than i would appear
• 21:02
  Speaker 2: for my size.
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: I didn't look up the article a bunch of my
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: pretty much all my cracked articles got deleted from the
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: internet recently but the only other two i remember from
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: the list are michael flatley the lord of the dance
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: guy he is a former golden gloves boxing champion and
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: Former male professional figure skater Elvis Stoico is like a
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: 35th degree black belt in some obscure martial arts. Those
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: are the only other two I remember.
• 21:34
  Speaker 2: Stoico is like a good name to bully. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 21:36
  Speaker 2: Look at Stoico over here, practicing his little figure skating.
• 21:40
  Speaker 2: How you doing, Stoico? If I was named Stoico, I
• 21:43
  Speaker 2: would have gotten a compensatory black belt as well, just
• 21:46
  Speaker 2: to like fucking, you know, put that stank off me.
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: I wonder what he learned first, the martial arts or
• 21:52
  Speaker 1: the figure skating.
• 21:54
  Speaker 2: I think the figure skating begets the martial arts.
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah. I mean, because one would help the other
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: for sure. I'm sure. having martial arts training doesn't hurt
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: your ability to do fucking triple sow cows and shit.
• 22:07
  Speaker 2: It is weird to have the manliest and girliest hobbies
• 22:10
  Speaker 2: at the same time. Like, I love Color Me Mine
• 22:13
  Speaker 2: and Paintball.
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: Even the name. Elvis is such a badass first name.
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: And then Stoico. It's a bad combo.
• 22:21
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Elvis Costello sounds like he could be like a
• 22:23
  Speaker 2: flyweight MMA guy.
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Costello's a badass last name. Yeah. That's a fightin'
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: last name. But Stoico.
• 22:30
  Speaker 2: Sounds like a bad toy company.
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: So yeah, James Blunt probably didn't assault Hayden Panettiere. If
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: he did, apparently they remained friends afterward. Well. Which crazier
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: things have happened. Who knows?
• 22:45
  Speaker 2: All right.
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: This next one. Controversial. There are obviously lots of conspiracy
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: theories floating around about the recent Fly Dubai incident. Have
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: you looked into this at all?
• 22:57
  Speaker 2: No, this is my first time hearing about it.
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: It is fucking strange. The basic gist, a man named
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: Hamam Al-Hamami, he was the co-pilot on a fly Dubai flight.
• 23:09
  Speaker 2: There's another guy who's got to compensate for having a
• 23:11
  Speaker 2: bad last name. Who mommy wants his mommy. Yeah.
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: He attempted to commandeer a plane that he was co-piloting.
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: It was a flight to Tel Aviv. He tried to
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: commandeer the plane with the axe that they have for
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: flight safety reasons on the plane, which I guess is
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: to help you fucking... get out if there's a crash.
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: He took that, attacked one of the pilots with it.
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: They were able to subdue him. Nobody was killed. There
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: was very conveniently a whole other flight crew on the plane.
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: So they just went and took over and landed the
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: plane safely. But it's alleged that his plan was to
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: hijack the plane and crash it into Ben Gurion Airport
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: in Tel Aviv.
• 24:00
  Speaker 2: If only these guys had seen season two of the
• 24:02
  Speaker 2: rehearsal by Nathan Fielder on HBO.
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: That's such a good show. Holy shit.
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: Is the Elizabeth Holmes documentary out yet? I don't think
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: it is.
• 24:10
  Speaker 2: No, I don't think so.
• 24:11
  Speaker 1: I want to see that shit.
• 24:12
  Speaker 2: Yeah, me too.
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: So there's a lot of weirdness and I would say
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: legitimate questions around this incident, like how Bebe... came out
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: and said the co-pilot underwent Islamist radical indoctrination. Okay, well
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: then how did he get recruited by FlyDubai to transport
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: a bunch of Israelis to Tel Aviv. People may not
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: be familiar, but Israel actually has rules and laws about
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: this kind of shit. And there's almost no way that
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: this guy wasn't on someone's radar ahead of time. For
• 24:46
  Speaker 1: one thing, he was from Oman. He worked for Oman's
• 24:50
  Speaker 1: national carrier, Oman Air. They put him on desk duty
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: because of his extremist views. They were not willing to
• 24:58
  Speaker 1: let this dude fly a plane.
• 25:00
  Speaker 2: So this was already like in his file. Yes.
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: Which that part is very important.
• 25:06
  Speaker 2: Because Israel loves hiring Islamist extremists. Perfectly normal Palestinian guys
• 25:11
  Speaker 2: can get a job as a dentist, but.
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: And here's the thing, because it was fly Dubai, it
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: wasn't technically Israel that hired him. But Israeli aviation regulations
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: state that pilots who are citizens of countries without formal
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: diplomatic relations with Israel are like Oman, are not permitted
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: to operate flights to Israel. Here's where it gets extra sketchy.
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: Emirati authorities say they shared a list of passengers and
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: crew with Israel ahead of the flight's departure. So this
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: guy would have been on that list. When the BBC
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: asked Israel's Shin Bet domestic security agency about it, they
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: said the transport ministry was responsible for vetting lists like that.
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: When the BBC asked the transport ministry, they said Shin
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: Bet and Mossad vet those lists and also they didn't
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: even get one. That is classic cover-up shit right there.
• 26:06
  Speaker 1: You ask one branch of the government and they're like,
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: I don't know, you gotta ask these guys. You go
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: ask them, they're like, I don't know, you gotta ask
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: the people you just asked. And now who do you ask?
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: There's no one to ask.
• 26:19
  Speaker 2: You ask them again and get the same answer. Yeah.
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: So that has people suspicious, obviously. And the suspicion is
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: that maybe this was a false flag situation to bolster
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: Netanyahu's image and or drum up some sympathy for his
• 26:36
  Speaker 1: side with elections happening this month, October 27th, I believe.
• 26:41
  Speaker 2: Well, you know, they're not opposed to killing their own
• 26:44
  Speaker 2: people for political gain. They did do the Hannibal Directive
• 26:47
  Speaker 2: where They're like, look, if you got to shoot at
• 26:49
  Speaker 2: our guys to get their guys, just fucking do it.
• 26:52
  Speaker 2: It'll only make them look worse and give us a
• 26:55
  Speaker 2: stronger case for this whole genocide thing.
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: That's the whole thing. Even if this isn't a false flag,
• 27:01
  Speaker 1: even if Israel wasn't involved at all, the shit they're
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: involved in on the world stage right now, especially the genocide,
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: you got to expect people are going to suspect you're
• 27:12
  Speaker 1: up to some shit.
• 27:13
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and, you know, one thing I'll give Israel credit
• 27:15
  Speaker 2: for is I don't think they let a lot of
• 27:17
  Speaker 2: stuff slip through the cracks, you know? No. I don't
• 27:20
  Speaker 2: think they would let a guy with extreme Islamist views
• 27:23
  Speaker 2: that had already been established at a previous job fly,
• 27:26
  Speaker 2: do anything as consequential as be a copilot on a
• 27:28
  Speaker 2: fucking airplane.
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: And I don't know if people remember this, but after 9-11,
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: one of the big talking points that came up a
• 27:37
  Speaker 1: lot was how Israeli commercial planes just don't get hijacked.
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: And it's because they figured out they were going to
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: be the target of hijackings a long, long time ago.
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: and implemented all these fucking safety measures to prevent it.
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: So yeah, Israel's pretty goddamn diligent when it comes to
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: air safety. And the fact that this guy somehow slipped
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: through the cracks, of course people are suspicious. But my
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: question though is, are these conspiracy theories anti-Semitic? And that's
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: not really a fucking question. Of course they're not.
• 28:13
  Speaker 2: It's just us that are anti-Semitic. And the theories that
• 28:16
  Speaker 2: we're propagating are completely secular.
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: That's how you're seeing this reported. We'll link to a
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: couple of different articles about it, one of them from
• 28:25
  Speaker 1: the Anti-Defamation League. And everything about it is, oh, these
• 28:30
  Speaker 1: are anti-Semitic conspiracies. And it's like, no, they're not. No
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: one is saying Jews control hijackings. This is a conspiracy
• 28:39
  Speaker 1: theory criticizing the government run by one dude. That's it.
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: This is not a global Jewish conspiracy kind of conspiracy.
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: You can question the government of Israel without it being
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: fucking anti-Semitic.
• 28:54
  Speaker 2: Well, I think if we look at 9-11, there may
• 28:56
  Speaker 2: be at least one other hijacking they had their hands in, uh, Oh, yeah. Awkward.
• 29:04
  Speaker 1: But yeah, that's how this is being reported, is that
• 29:07
  Speaker 1: there are anti-Semitic conspiracy theories going around about this. And
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: then you look into them and it's just like, did
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: Netanyahu know about this? It seems like Netanyahu maybe knew
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: about October 7th before it happened. Oh, yeah. Like, I'm
• 29:21
  Speaker 1: supposed to be surprised he maybe knew about this, too?
• 29:24
  Speaker 2: Bin Laden determined to strike within the United States.
• 29:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 29:27
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 29:28
  Speaker 1: We've seen this shit before. So it is no one
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: but Israel's fault that people suspect this might be a
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: false flag thing. You're doing a genocide on the world stage.
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: People don't trust you as a government. It's as simple
• 29:42
  Speaker 1: as that. So, hey, now let's talk about Trump. I
• 29:45
  Speaker 1: wonder how many people who fled this podcast because I
• 29:49
  Speaker 1: was too anti-Trump in 2024 are still on board with that.
• 29:53
  Speaker 1: Fucking lunatic. Did you see what he said about LA
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: and San Diego? No. He was giving a speech at
• 29:59
  Speaker 1: one of his fucking Nazi rallies, very sparsely attended Nazi rally,
• 30:04
  Speaker 1: and was talking about the war in Iran and how
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: it's worth it for lower prices. And he said, let
• 30:11
  Speaker 1: them take out LA or San Diego.
• 30:13
  Speaker 2: Who cares?
• 30:14
  Speaker 1: It'll be worth it. So just actively encouraging another country
• 30:18
  Speaker 1: to nuke the West Coast.
• 30:20
  Speaker 2: We found out we're on the second jet. Not the first,
• 30:23
  Speaker 2: not jet a we're on jet B San Diego, San Diego.
• 30:26
  Speaker 2: I've done a million shows in San Diego. It's a
• 30:28
  Speaker 2: bunch of thick neck Republican fucks on the military base.
• 30:31
  Speaker 2: They'd love that guy. Yeah. Yeah.
• 30:32
  Speaker 1: That's why they would bomb San Diego because of the
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: military basis. But you're right. They fucking love Trump down there.
• 30:39
  Speaker 1: That's such a misconception about California is that it's just
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: this bastion of liberalism. It's like there's two or three
• 30:47
  Speaker 1: cities that are liberal. Everything else could go either way.
• 30:51
  Speaker 2: And by population, it's still a massive liberal majority. But yeah,
• 30:55
  Speaker 2: you know, Bakersfield and Fresno and San Diego and Modesto,
• 30:59
  Speaker 2: they're all there. They're hanging out.
• 31:01
  Speaker 1: Like I looked it up. Even the area I'm in
• 31:05
  Speaker 1: in L.A. in the 2024 election, it went for Kamala Harris,
• 31:09
  Speaker 1: but barely. I think like one percentage point.
• 31:13
  Speaker 2: So it was one of her bigger victories?
• 31:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly. So Trump, he ordered the DOJ to launch
• 31:19
  Speaker 1: a grand conspiracy probe shortly after he was reelected, looking
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: for evidence that filthy Democrats conspired to ruin his presidency
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: first time around.
• 31:30
  Speaker 2: They may have conspired, but they didn't really do shit
• 31:33
  Speaker 2: about it. They seem to have stopped at the conspiring phase. Yeah.
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: And they also didn't need much help. It's not like
• 31:40
  Speaker 1: he was just doing a bang up job as president.
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: The first time around, like he derailed his own shit.
• 31:47
  Speaker 2: At a certain point, I think they pulled the goalie
• 31:48
  Speaker 2: because they knew they could fundraise the shit out of him.
• 31:51
  Speaker 2: You know, just like with him in the in the opposition,
• 31:54
  Speaker 2: they would just make a shitload of money for the DNC.
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah. And I feel like they were pretty confident he
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: was not going to win another election. And now here
• 32:04
  Speaker 1: we are.
• 32:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Thanks, Joe Biden.
• 32:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Oh, thanks to all of them.
• 32:10
  Speaker 2: All of them. Thanks to every person who had a
• 32:13
  Speaker 2: string on their hand attached to Joe Biden's shoulders. God
• 32:16
  Speaker 2: bless you.
• 32:16
  Speaker 1: I mean, we couldn't hurt his feelings, man. It was
• 32:19
  Speaker 1: his time to be president.
• 32:20
  Speaker 2: Well, it was worth it for the second Irish president.
• 32:23
  Speaker 2: I was finally represented. You know how much that means
• 32:25
  Speaker 2: to me?
• 32:27
  Speaker 1: I can only imagine. So this grand conspiracy probe, not
• 32:30
  Speaker 1: going well. Last April, a lead national security prosecutor was
• 32:35
  Speaker 1: replaced on the team after raising questions about a case
• 32:38
  Speaker 1: they were trying to bring against former CIA director John Brennan,
• 32:42
  Speaker 1: which this isn't normally my stance. I normally hate when
• 32:47
  Speaker 1: you hear people say this about someone who's either been
• 32:50
  Speaker 1: convicted or is on trial for something they didn't do.
• 32:53
  Speaker 1: But in the case of CIA director John Brennan, he's
• 32:56
  Speaker 1: probably done something he should be on trial for. This
• 32:59
  Speaker 1: is by no means me trying to make this dude
• 33:02
  Speaker 1: out as a victim in any way. I'm sure he
• 33:06
  Speaker 1: sucks too.
• 33:06
  Speaker 2: Well, he did the right thing by having like the
• 33:08
  Speaker 2: most forgettable name Like, it really is like the silver
• 33:11
  Speaker 2: Toyota Camrys of names. Like, that's a great name for
• 33:14
  Speaker 2: a CIA director. It should blend in with the scenery
• 33:17
  Speaker 2: like John Brennan. Yeah, or George Bush. Yeah, the Michael
• 33:21
  Speaker 2: Jordan of the deep state.
• 33:23
  Speaker 1: So the concern when that first prosecutor stepped down was
• 33:28
  Speaker 1: that the case against John Brennan wasn't that strong. A
• 33:31
  Speaker 1: few days later, a man named Joseph DeGenova was sworn
• 33:35
  Speaker 1: in and added to the squad and named lead prosecutor.
• 33:40
  Speaker 1: And in September of this year, that guy quit also.
• 33:44
  Speaker 1: He didn't say why. But the speculation is because the
• 33:48
  Speaker 1: cases they are trying to bring are meritless and doomed
• 33:52
  Speaker 1: to fail, which I've said it before. And I will
• 33:54
  Speaker 1: say it again. If there is one fucking bright spot
• 33:59
  Speaker 1: in this hellscape we are living in right now, it's
• 34:01
  Speaker 1: that the courts are mostly doing the right thing so far.
• 34:07
  Speaker 2: Which shocks me because Mitch McConnell spent his life just
• 34:09
  Speaker 2: appointing Republican justices.
• 34:12
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 34:12
  Speaker 2: Trying to create this judicial firewall against the legislature. But
• 34:15
  Speaker 2: I do want to call somebody meritless now. That's a
• 34:19
  Speaker 2: real burn. Yeah. To say, hey, you know what? Your
• 34:22
  Speaker 2: book of short stories is completely meritless. Yeah.
• 34:25
  Speaker 1: So yeah, that guy quit in September. And now a
• 34:29
  Speaker 1: few short weeks after that resignation, another prosecutor. in the
• 34:33
  Speaker 1: probe has resigned. This time around, it's a guy named
• 34:36
  Speaker 1: Kurt Olson, a lawyer who strongly backed Trump's 2020 stolen
• 34:41
  Speaker 1: election claims. He had just joined the Justice Department a
• 34:45
  Speaker 1: few months ago, and now he is also resigning from
• 34:49
  Speaker 1: this probe.
• 34:50
  Speaker 2: Nobody wants to go tell daddy they got nothing.
• 34:52
  Speaker 1: I mean, we've seen so many times what happens. That's
• 34:56
  Speaker 1: what happened to the fucking Fox News lady that was...
• 35:01
  Speaker 1: I don't even remember what role she was in. But
• 35:03
  Speaker 1: she refused some prosecution, and Trump put her on blast
• 35:07
  Speaker 1: on Truth Social.
• 35:08
  Speaker 2: The completely meritless Kellyanne Conway or whatever. Now, meritless, that's
• 35:13
  Speaker 2: too sick of a word for him to know. He
• 35:15
  Speaker 2: wouldn't know meritless.
• 35:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I mean, if it was someone else typing his posts,
• 35:19
  Speaker 1: like if it was one of the Stephen Miller posts
• 35:22
  Speaker 1: that were obviously written by him but attributed to Trump.
• 35:25
  Speaker 2: What's the name of that chick that does all this
• 35:27
  Speaker 2: tweeting for him and follows him around everywhere and allegedly
• 35:29
  Speaker 2: blew him?
• 35:30
  Speaker 1: Is that Natalie Harp?
• 35:31
  Speaker 2: Natalie Harp. Yeah. She also controls the weather with a
• 35:34
  Speaker 2: name like Harp. Right?
• 35:36
  Speaker 1: So yeah, not a single criminal case has resulted from
• 35:40
  Speaker 1: this probe. And speaking of controlling the weather, that brings
• 35:44
  Speaker 1: us to our last story. Wow.
• 35:47
  Speaker 2: Amazing. You see the fucking lightning in the bottle we
• 35:50
  Speaker 2: got here with these Segways?
• 35:51
  Speaker 1: Hell yeah.
• 35:52
  Speaker 2: We didn't plan that.
• 35:53
  Speaker 1: The Segway brought to you by Segway. Segway when you
• 35:56
  Speaker 1: need a Segway. Segway. The American government controls the weather, Connor.
• 36:00
  Speaker 1: We all know that. that's absolutely common knowledge and because
• 36:04
  Speaker 1: democrats have had complete and total control of the government
• 36:08
  Speaker 1: for like 26 years now they and especially the current
• 36:13
  Speaker 1: biden administration have had control of the weather machine that
• 36:17
  Speaker 1: whole time but now trump is in office the golden
• 36:21
  Speaker 1: age is underway republicans have the weather machine and they're
• 36:25
  Speaker 1: using it for good back in june the white house
• 36:29
  Speaker 1: helped propel us even closer to a for real idiocracy
• 36:33
  Speaker 1: timeline by hosting a UFC fight on the White House lawn.
• 36:36
  Speaker 2: I'm not the biggest Obama guy, but remember on Fox
• 36:39
  Speaker 2: News when they'd call him like ghetto and trashy for
• 36:42
  Speaker 2: like the smallest fucking infinitesimal nothing things? A UFC fight
• 36:46
  Speaker 2: on the lawn of the White House is the trashiest
• 36:49
  Speaker 2: shit I can think of.
• 36:50
  Speaker 1: Obama got roasted online and on television for weeks for
• 36:55
  Speaker 1: wearing a brown suit. Remember that?
• 36:58
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah.
• 36:58
  Speaker 1: Trump shit his pants on TV.
• 37:00
  Speaker 2: A couple of times.
• 37:03
  Speaker 1: And there's too much other stuff going on to even
• 37:05
  Speaker 1: bring it up.
• 37:06
  Speaker 2: You ought to, you ought to listen to the, uh, the,
• 37:08
  Speaker 2: the people that worked on the apprentice, their account, their
• 37:10
  Speaker 2: accounts of it was like this guy was shitting his
• 37:11
  Speaker 2: pants like 20 years ago.
• 37:13
  Speaker 1: Oh, that's crazy.
• 37:14
  Speaker 2: There's literally a guy in the crew they called Wet
• 37:16
  Speaker 2: Wipes because it was his job to go clean them
• 37:17
  Speaker 2: up between takes.
• 37:19
  Speaker 1: Get that shit looked at, man. What the fuck?
• 37:22
  Speaker 2: Apparently he was on a lot of speed, so it
• 37:24
  Speaker 2: was just like nothing doing.
• 37:25
  Speaker 1: I have heard that. There's that famous stand. I don't
• 37:28
  Speaker 1: know how famous it is, but you can probably still
• 37:30
  Speaker 1: find it. Some comedian who worked on, I think, Miss
• 37:34
  Speaker 1: Teen USA or might have been The Apprentice. He does
• 37:38
  Speaker 1: a whole bit about how Trump was crushing up and
• 37:41
  Speaker 1: snorting Adderall when he worked for that show.
• 37:45
  Speaker 2: Which if you know anything about encephalating drugs there's just
• 37:48
  Speaker 2: a waste of adderall oh yeah yeah it's what it
• 37:50
  Speaker 2: works way better when you swallow it it's not as
• 37:52
  Speaker 2: fun but it works.
• 37:53
  Speaker 1: Better i never took adderall i always took concerta and
• 37:56
  Speaker 1: i honestly should be taking it still but not easy
• 37:59
  Speaker 1: to come by you gotta have an actual doctor that's
• 38:02
  Speaker 1: dumb it's fucking yeah What.
• 38:04
  Speaker 2: Are we, squares? Yeah. I see the hood pharmacist. Yeah.
• 38:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I should be able to just buy it from
• 38:09
  Speaker 1: a guy. Or a girl.
• 38:11
  Speaker 2: Another thing about starting Adderall is that, again, when you're
• 38:14
  Speaker 2: in front of cameras, and I can't believe you do this,
• 38:16
  Speaker 2: because it gives you bright blue boogers.
• 38:18
  Speaker 1: Oh, does it?
• 38:19
  Speaker 2: The color of the dye in the pill. So you
• 38:21
  Speaker 2: might get orange boogers or blue boogers.
• 38:23
  Speaker 1: Oh, so he probably snorts the orange so you don't
• 38:26
  Speaker 1: even see the boogers.
• 38:28
  Speaker 2: Yeah, probably.
• 38:29
  Speaker 1: That would make sense. So back in June, this fight
• 38:32
  Speaker 1: is planned. But uh-oh, massive storm bearing down on Washington, D.C.
• 38:37
  Speaker 1: in the days leading up to the fight. Here's a quote.
• 38:40
  Speaker 1: From Dana White, UFC founder or whatever the fuck. We
• 38:44
  Speaker 1: thought it was hitting us. The president thought it was
• 38:46
  Speaker 1: hitting us. We weren't using like the Channel 4 weather guy, right?
• 38:51
  Speaker 1: We had military meteorologists all over this thing. And they
• 38:54
  Speaker 1: were telling us we're going to get hit like I
• 38:57
  Speaker 1: hit my wife on video in that nightclub that one time.
• 39:00
  Speaker 1: I might have embellished that quote a little bit.
• 39:02
  Speaker 2: But not unfactually.
• 39:04
  Speaker 1: No, no.
• 39:05
  Speaker 2: Unfactually? Is that, did I make that up?
• 39:07
  Speaker 1: Unfactually?
• 39:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 39:08
  Speaker 1: I think you made unfactually up, but people fucking get it.
• 39:11
  Speaker 1: You would, you would know what it means. They're picking
• 39:13
  Speaker 1: up what I'm putting down.
• 39:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 39:15
  Speaker 1: It's like when someone says, supposedly, you know what they mean?
• 39:17
  Speaker 1: Don't be an asshole. Don't correct them.
• 39:19
  Speaker 2: I could have thrown that in inaccurately, but, uh, I,
• 39:22
  Speaker 2: you know, I guess I snorted too much Adderall.
• 39:24
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Pixies, the pixies. It works either way. So alas,
• 39:29
  Speaker 1: at the final moment, the storms parted and the fight
• 39:32
  Speaker 1: carried on without a hitch, except for the part where
• 39:35
  Speaker 1: some kids got arrested for trying to shoot the place up.
• 39:38
  Speaker 1: If I recall correctly, I believe there was a shooting
• 39:41
  Speaker 1: plot at UFC Freedom 250.
• 39:45
  Speaker 2: Adam, this is why I keep saying this is why
• 39:47
  Speaker 2: we need the ballroom.
• 39:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah. Have that UFC fight in the ballroom.
• 39:51
  Speaker 2: So we can hide our trashy, idiocracy sports events from God.
• 39:54
  Speaker 1: Exactly.
• 39:55
  Speaker 2: So he might have mercy on us.
• 39:57
  Speaker 1: But, I mean, fascism. What are you going to do?
• 40:00
  Speaker 1: People are going to shoot at your fucking UFC events.
• 40:03
  Speaker 2: Yeah, this is like, who had the quote that was,
• 40:04
  Speaker 2: I think Charlie Kirk had the quote where he's like,
• 40:07
  Speaker 2: you got to accept some quotient of gun violent crime,
• 40:10
  Speaker 2: you know, if you want to have the Second Amendment.
• 40:12
  Speaker 2: And this is part of that, guys.
• 40:15
  Speaker 1: That was absolutely Charlie Kirk who said that.
• 40:18
  Speaker 2: Friend of the show.
• 40:19
  Speaker 1: So because of this last minute miracle, internet users started
• 40:24
  Speaker 1: howling about how the government obviously deployed weather modification technology
• 40:31
  Speaker 1: to keep this fight on track. I'm going to be honest,
• 40:34
  Speaker 1: of all of the American government controlled the weather to
• 40:39
  Speaker 1: do this theories I've heard, this is the one I'd
• 40:41
  Speaker 1: be most inclined to believe.
• 40:44
  Speaker 2: Oh, absolutely.
• 40:45
  Speaker 1: That Trump would do it to keep a UFC fight
• 40:48
  Speaker 1: from getting canceled. Yeah, that sounds that sounds about right
• 40:51
  Speaker 1: to me.
• 40:52
  Speaker 2: We all know the stupidest possible timeline is the most
• 40:54
  Speaker 2: likely incorrect.
• 40:55
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah. Let's not make assumptions here. Let's just assume
• 40:59
  Speaker 1: Trump turned on the weather machine.
• 41:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah, like I have a friend who has a this
• 41:03
  Speaker 2: is complete conjecture. OK, so don't don't come at me.
• 41:07
  Speaker 2: I have a friend who has a friend that was
• 41:09
  Speaker 2: in the military in a fairly high up position. And
• 41:11
  Speaker 2: he says that we have satellites with lasers on them
• 41:13
  Speaker 2: that are so accurate they can cut a telephone pole
• 41:16
  Speaker 2: in half. Now, do I believe we would use those
• 41:19
  Speaker 2: first in Iran or first to cut Rosie O'Donnell in half?
• 41:22
  Speaker 2: I think we would use those to cut Rosie in half.
• 41:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you always hear about shit like that. And why
• 41:28
  Speaker 1: aren't we using it if.
• 41:29
  Speaker 2: We got it? I always wonder what we're saving it for.
• 41:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Or are we using it and we're just not
• 41:34
  Speaker 1: allowed to know? Because especially if you're talking an actual war,
• 41:40
  Speaker 1: if you're a reporter from the United States and you're
• 41:43
  Speaker 1: over there covering that war, I know at least with
• 41:45
  Speaker 1: like the wars in Iraq and whatnot, you had to
• 41:49
  Speaker 1: run what you report past the government first before they
• 41:53
  Speaker 1: will sign off on letting you post it. I don't
• 41:55
  Speaker 1: remember if it was Grenada, Honduras, one of the fucking
• 41:59
  Speaker 1: countries the CIA invaded. in the 80s. But there was
• 42:04
  Speaker 1: a general they interviewed afterward. And this was one of
• 42:07
  Speaker 1: our invasions that took like three days. And they were like,
• 42:11
  Speaker 1: what do you attribute to how successful this was and
• 42:14
  Speaker 1: how quick you were able to get this accomplished? And
• 42:17
  Speaker 1: he said, the fact that the media wasn't allowed to
• 42:20
  Speaker 1: be here. It's like, oh, what does that mean? That's
• 42:25
  Speaker 1: fucking horrifying.
• 42:27
  Speaker 2: We're just beheading people with impunity out there. Yeah, maybe.
• 42:31
  Speaker 1: So I don't know. Maybe we are cutting motherfuckers in
• 42:33
  Speaker 1: half with space lasers right now. And the media is
• 42:36
  Speaker 1: just not allowed to tell us.
• 42:38
  Speaker 2: There's just a couple of really disturbed guys, you know,
• 42:41
  Speaker 2: that are like that know that I work for the
• 42:43
  Speaker 2: Wall Street Journal and are just like, well, I guess
• 42:45
  Speaker 2: I just have to live with this. Yeah.
• 42:48
  Speaker 1: Yikes. So yeah, I believe Trump's using the weather machine.
• 42:52
  Speaker 1: If the weather machine exists, I believe this is the
• 42:55
  Speaker 1: kind of shit the Trump administration would use it for.
• 42:58
  Speaker 1: That said, this theory is also highly disrespectful when you
• 43:02
  Speaker 1: consider that the obvious answer is that the fight still
• 43:05
  Speaker 1: happened and the storm cleared because Trump is God's chosen president.
• 43:09
  Speaker 1: We already know that.
• 43:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah, because if they really had the machine, there would
• 43:11
  Speaker 2: be like one of those individual thunderstorms that follow you
• 43:14
  Speaker 2: around in cartoons over the top of Marjorie Taylor Greene. Yeah, yeah.
• 43:18
  Speaker 1: That would be so funny. That's what I would use
• 43:21
  Speaker 1: the weather machine for if I had control of it.
• 43:24
  Speaker 1: I would just follow my enemies with individual thunderstorms.
• 43:28
  Speaker 2: That would be pretty sick.
• 43:29
  Speaker 1: Yeah, all day. Over their house, leave, follows them to work.
• 43:33
  Speaker 2: Love it.
• 43:34
  Speaker 1: But hey, that is our episode. We did it. Connor,
• 43:37
  Speaker 1: thank you so much. We're doing the pod, as always.
• 43:40
  Speaker 1: What the fuck do we have to plug before we
• 43:43
  Speaker 1: get out of here? I got a new show called
• 43:46
  Speaker 1: Stupid Flanders. It's a podcast about the Investigation Discovery series,
• 43:51
  Speaker 1: Fear Thy Neighbor. I co-host it with YouTube sensation John Lewis.
• 43:56
  Speaker 1: Go check that out wherever podcasts are at. First episode
• 43:58
  Speaker 1: is up now. Also, on October 9th, that is this Friday.
• 44:03
  Speaker 1: I am doing comedy for the first time in a
• 44:05
  Speaker 1: long time at Jeff May's show in Burbank at Blast
• 44:09
  Speaker 1: from the Past on Magnolia Boulevard. And even if you
• 44:12
  Speaker 1: don't want to come see me, fucking Patton Oswalt is
• 44:14
  Speaker 1: on the show. So come see him, but come early
• 44:19
  Speaker 1: enough that you can see me too, motherfuckers.
• 44:22
  Speaker 2: Yeah, he's the one who tipped you off about the
• 44:23
  Speaker 2: Patton Oswalt thing. Be cool.
• 44:24
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Tell him I sent you. Connor,
• 44:27
  Speaker 1: what do you want to plug?
• 44:28
  Speaker 2: I want to plug my comedy special, Connor McSpadden Live
• 44:30
  Speaker 2: in Tucson on YouTube.com. And my album Hell Gig, wherever
• 44:34
  Speaker 2: comedy albums are albumed.
• 44:35
  Speaker 1: And I think that's it. Let's get the fuck out
• 44:37
  Speaker 1: of here. Connor, say goodbye.
• 44:39
  Speaker 2: Goodbye. Goodbye, everybody. We love you.