Transcript

Empathy in Conflict: Listening to Understand · Northman Coaching

Gary: So what does empathy look like in conflict? That's a good one because in conflict we often listen for one thing. The moment that we can respond while the other person is talking, we are preparing our defense. We build our case. We collect the evidence that proves that we are right. But listening to win is different from listening to understand. Here's a practice you can use in a difficult conversation. Before you answer, reflect back to what you actually heard. Let me see if I understand. You felt dismissed when I changed the plan without talking to you. Is that right? Then give the person a chance to correct you. This is not a trick to get you away. This is a way to check whether you actually heard them. And after you've listened, you still get to share your perspective. Empathy creates room for two experiences to be discussed. It doesn't require one person to disappear. If the conversation turns disrespectful, you can pause it. I want to have this conversation, but I'm not willing to keep going while we're insulting each other. Let's take a break. Come back to it. That boundary is compatible with empathy.