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Why Bother Talking At All · I Hate Talking

• 0:29
  I Hate Talking: We are here with episode 5 of I Hate Talking, and this is the final one of our first 5-part series where we are introducing our podcast on who, what, where, when and why.
• 0:47
  I Hate Talking: So in this episode, we are going to be talking about why we bother talking at all.
• 0:54
  I Hate Talking: Hm.
• 0:54
  I Hate Talking: But as always before we do, we are going to talk about our word or phrase of the episode, and today's word or phrase of the episode is a particular word that was used in the previous episode, pause it.
• 1:09
  I Hate Talking: Pause it.
• 1:11
  I Hate Talking: So, would you care to perhaps tell the audience what you are hearing when I use the word pause it?
• 1:19
  I Hate Talking: The first for the thought that comes to my mind is, did you deposit money into my account?
• 1:26
  I Hate Talking: Interesting.
• 1:28
  I Hate Talking: And I also think that there's the potential that you or a person in general could mishear the word and they would hear pause it, like pause it, like pause the show.
• 1:43
  I Hate Talking: I'll be right back.
• 1:45
  I Hate Talking: Well, that is not what we're talking about.
• 1:48
  I Hate Talking: The word of the episode is pause it, which means to assume as a fact or put forward as a basis of an argument.
• 1:58
  I Hate Talking: So I would posit to you that there are a variety of reasons that people hate talking and that's what we're going to address in this episode in terms of why bother talking at all.
• 2:12
  I Hate Talking: But you're still pausing.
• 2:15
  I Hate Talking: It Right?
• 2:18
  I Hate Talking: In that conversation, you're pausing it to have this conversation.
• 2:24
  I Hate Talking: So it would be in similar vein to the word postulate or to put forward that would be the same, uh, I believe Greek root, uh, that's in here.
• 2:40
  I Hate Talking: Nope, I'm actually incorrect.
• 2:41
  I Hate Talking: It's uh Latin root on posit, which means placed, so you are placing this fact in front of somebody.
• 2:49
  I Hate Talking: That's super interesting.
• 2:52
  I Hate Talking: So as I've always heard that in the phrase, I pause it to you, so in blah blah blah.
• 2:59
  I Hate Talking: I've always heard that as like, I pause it.
• 3:01
  I Hate Talking: Stop and listen.
• 3:04
  I Hate Talking: And then it moves on to this is the important thing.
• 3:08
  I Hate Talking: But you're saying I'm placing this in front of you.
• 3:10
  I Hate Talking: So listen Exactly.
• 3:14
  I Hate Talking: So we are talking about presenting a fact or opinion and that is going to be assumed or suggested that that is true and uh then we'll be there for the basis of perhaps some debate or back and forth or an argument and uh we actually may end up arriving at another reason that people hate talking is just because of the lack of understanding.
• 3:41
  I Hate Talking: And disagreement on things that are suggested or that are in fact.
• 3:48
  I Hate Talking: Not only suggested but definitively true.
• 3:52
  I Hate Talking: Pause to you.
• 3:53
  I Hate Talking: And there you have it.
• 3:56
  I Hate Talking: So that is our word of the episode that uh I think it's quite applicable to our topic for this episode in terms of continuing to expand on why I bother talking at all, as well as potentially some reasons that people hate talking.
• 4:15
  I Hate Talking: Mhm.
• 4:17
  I Hate Talking: So why do you talk to people?
• 4:21
  I Hate Talking: Because I love them.
• 4:23
  I Hate Talking: I think they're so interesting and I want to hear their conversations, and also, I feel like I have a lot to say and I want people to hear me too.
• 4:32
  I Hate Talking: So, Is it for your own personal edification or the edification of the person that you're talking to?
• 4:40
  I Hate Talking: Oh.
• 4:41
  I Hate Talking: You can go on this one.
• 4:44
  I Hate Talking: Well, I think on the opposite end of the spectrum.
• 4:49
  I Hate Talking: I personally may have the opinion that I'm not going to talk to people again, perhaps for the selfless reason that I don't want to talk to them or I don't find particular intrinsic value in what they're saying, or I don't particularly care to share with them or posit to them my particular opinion or ideas.
• 5:13
  I Hate Talking: I love that.
• 5:15
  I Hate Talking: And also, I can definitely see that in you.
• 5:18
  I Hate Talking: I talk a lot.
• 5:21
  I Hate Talking: There are times that I don't because I don't want to be mistaken.
• 5:26
  I Hate Talking: Or look like a fool saying something.
• 5:30
  I Hate Talking: And then maybe the conversation carries on.
• 5:33
  I Hate Talking: I think, oh man, I should have said that because then I would have looked like I knew what I was talking about.
• 5:39
  I Hate Talking: And that's actually one of the reasons that I enjoy writing more than talking because I will have the opportunity to find those instances and correct them myself in terms of where I may need to say something or uh avoid a potential.
• 5:58
  I Hate Talking: Instance where I don't mention something that should be mentioned.
• 6:04
  I Hate Talking: This is a com maybe a complete rabid trail, and so you can steer us in a moment.
• 6:10
  I Hate Talking: I think about you and I as we're chatting, I'm definitely a verbal processor.
• 6:15
  I Hate Talking: And I have a hard time thinking about what I want to say.
• 6:19
  I Hate Talking: Or what I feel unless I'm talking about it, and then halfway through the conversation, I'm like, oh, that was what was really bothering me.
• 6:30
  I Hate Talking: Where if you, if you bring up something that bothers you, you're not wanting to necessarily have a conversation about it.
• 6:38
  I Hate Talking: Like this is the facts, this is bothering you.
• 6:41
  I Hate Talking: Very true, and I think that even is applicable in terms of how we're approaching our podcast and recording where I will have These thoughts and ideas and outlines in my mind that I have thought about for many days at a time and not necessarily have written down, but I have at least.
• 7:03
  I Hate Talking: Uh, practiced in my mind, uh, what I'm going to say because I am not a verbal processor and I am not going to be able to speak on my feet as it were, but instead need to be prepared in order to have these conversations.
• 7:20
  I Hate Talking: Man, I love you.
• 7:21
  I Hate Talking: I wish I could do that.
• 7:22
  I Hate Talking: Before starting this podcast, Adam asked me what word I wanted to learn, and I said, I don't know.
• 7:29
  I Hate Talking: I thought I would.
• 7:30
  I Hate Talking: Write down a list of words I want to learn and practice this week.
• 7:35
  I Hate Talking: And I haven't gotten to it yet.
• 7:37
  I Hate Talking: But I think that shows that you're very intentional in your words and your thought process.
• 7:44
  I Hate Talking: Where I put it off until the moment and then think, OK, now we need to think about this and do this.
• 7:51
  I Hate Talking: And I think it also is reflected in some of our earlier episodes and even within this episode, so for those that are listening and cannot see our studio and cannot see our recording equipment, we actually have our inputs color coded to be able to indicate who is talking and how long they are talking on a visual scale.
• 8:18
  I Hate Talking: So my color is color coded by green.
• 8:22
  I Hate Talking: And my co-host is color coded by Red, and I think when we began this podcast, we expected to see a lot more red on the screen.
• 8:31
  I Hate Talking: But in earlier episodes and even in this episode itself, there is actually a lot more green on the screen.
• 8:39
  I Hate Talking: You definitely said that early on, maybe in the 1st or 2nd podcast.
• 8:43
  I Hate Talking: I remember you saying, commenting on how much more you were talking than I was.
• 8:48
  I Hate Talking: Which in our daily life is not.
• 8:51
  I Hate Talking: Anyone who knows us would be shocked.
• 8:54
  I Hate Talking: That you talk twice as much as I do on this, because in real life, I talk probably 4, maybe 5 times more than you.
• 9:02
  I Hate Talking: That probably is true.
• 9:05
  I Hate Talking: But on the flip side, perhaps.
• 9:09
  I Hate Talking: I am internalizing and thinking about things in the same amount, right?
• 9:18
  I Hate Talking: So or even more.
• 9:20
  I Hate Talking: So I think in terms of how we are processing the world and the Uh, particular hardships or celebrations that we are experiencing in our everyday life that as a verbal processor you are talking about those things and as a nonverbal processor, uh, and perhaps there's a word for that other than non-verbal processor, uh, I'm internalizing those things and thinking about those things in the same magnitude.
• 9:53
  I Hate Talking: But just not verbally speaking them.
• 9:56
  I Hate Talking: Yeah, definitely.
• 9:57
  I Hate Talking: Um, we've referenced before the therapy that we did as a family.
• 10:02
  I Hate Talking: And um looking into highly sensitive people versus not highly sensitive, and a big takeaway we learned in that therapy was I was shocked to hear how you and some of our children.
• 10:17
  I Hate Talking: are constantly processing and constantly thinking about things.
• 10:22
  I Hate Talking: They gave an example of one thing, maybe what do you want to eat for lunch?
• 10:28
  I Hate Talking: My initial thought is, well, I had burgers yesterday.
• 10:32
  I Hate Talking: Tacos would be great today.
• 10:35
  I Hate Talking: Or I'm gonna have tacos tonight, let's do salad for lunch.
• 10:39
  I Hate Talking: That's as far as it goes, where you have Infinite more thoughts in your head that come up.
• 10:47
  I Hate Talking: Yes, just even in that theoretical scenario when you said that question, I immediately thought of what day is today and what day is tomorrow and if that is a work day or a weekend.
• 11:00
  I Hate Talking: And if it is a workday, if I had a lot of meetings around the lunch hour or even during the lunch hour, and if I would even be able to step away for lunch, as well as my particular diet of uh late where perhaps I'm doing one meal a day and am I even gonna eat lunch?
• 11:21
  I Hate Talking: That's exhausting.
• 11:23
  I Hate Talking: And you'll notice that I didn't even think about what food I wanted to eat, but just whether I was going to eat at all, and that was all the different things that I was considering.
• 11:35
  I Hate Talking: Man, that's exhausting, and I feel for you and I have so much respect for you and others that have that much thought process.
• 11:43
  I Hate Talking: And I think that goes back to what we're talking about, like, the why.
• 11:47
  I Hate Talking: Cause in my head, you're not even saying this out loud.
• 11:50
  I Hate Talking: These are things you're talking about in your own brain, whether you're saying this verbal or not.
• 11:57
  I Hate Talking: Why are you only wanting this one food or refusing tacos for lunch?
• 12:04
  I Hate Talking: And I think that's something that through these conversations, we can all learn how to process in a more efficient manner.
• 12:13
  I Hate Talking: And when that question comes up, just rely on the fact that there's going to be tacos and we don't really have to think more beyond that.
• 12:21
  I Hate Talking: Where your wife buys the food and you have to eat it, or it goes to waste.
• 12:27
  I Hate Talking: That's true, and we want to avoid all food waste.
• 12:32
  I Hate Talking: So, we are talking about why we bother talking at all, to continue on some of the concepts of our last episode as well with regards to making sure that we can have conversations in our lifetime that are applicable within certain time ranges.
• 12:51
  I Hate Talking: We do want to consider that we're not gonna be around forever and we want to make sure that we have those conversations.
• 12:59
  I Hate Talking: And continue that journey to understanding with those in our lives and those that we love, so that we can be able to have those relationships.
• 13:08
  I Hate Talking: So, thoughts on that.
• 13:09
  I Hate Talking: Yeah, I mean.
• 13:13
  I Hate Talking: When I think about long term, we are no longer here.
• 13:17
  I Hate Talking: I think again I referenced in the past my grandmother, who I have infinite amount of respect for.
• 13:24
  I Hate Talking: Who's not no longer here, and Almost 20 years since she passed.
• 13:31
  I Hate Talking: And I still think of what she said in conversations I've had with her.
• 13:36
  I Hate Talking: I don't know if she liked tacos or not.
• 13:39
  I Hate Talking: So, maybe that's not an ultimate conversation.
• 13:43
  I Hate Talking: That's important.
• 13:44
  I Hate Talking: I do know certain things she's enjoyed watching.
• 13:48
  I Hate Talking: I know presidents, whether or not I agree with her or not, that she enjoys.
• 13:53
  I Hate Talking: I knew her favorite color.
• 13:56
  I Hate Talking: But I think ultimately, Is it in maybe she told me she likes tacos.
• 14:03
  I Hate Talking: I know her favorite, she likes chicken salad.
• 14:05
  I Hate Talking: I know that.
• 14:07
  I Hate Talking: I think of her every time I make that chicken salad for our family, and all, we all eat it all the time and love it.
• 14:13
  I Hate Talking: I don't know of any other food she liked.
• 14:16
  I Hate Talking: And I don't know if that matters or not.
• 14:19
  I Hate Talking: I guess it matters if it matters to you.
• 14:23
  I Hate Talking: So that is part of the.
• 14:26
  I Hate Talking: Psyche that we will be exploring perhaps in future episodes in terms of what we value and what we consider to be important and what we want to be able to discuss with others and what we want to impart to them in terms of our own experience and learnings and knowledge, uh, as well as those things that they can impart to us.
• 14:53
  I Hate Talking: So why do you want?
• 14:57
  I Hate Talking: To talk, or what do you want people to know that you talk about?
• 15:01
  I Hate Talking: So part of the reason that I talk in in some of the scenarios or social settings that I talk it is usually to impart particular knowledge or experience based on things that I have either studied or analyzed or experienced and be able to equip people with that knowledge and expertise and experience so that they can be successful.
• 15:29
  I Hate Talking: I love that.
• 15:30
  I Hate Talking: I think it's super interesting.
• 15:32
  I Hate Talking: Because.
• 15:33
  I Hate Talking: Knowing your personality and your career path.
• 15:38
  I Hate Talking: Imparting that knowledge makes sense.
• 15:42
  I Hate Talking: So we have similar Education backgrounds, degrees and such.
• 15:48
  I Hate Talking: When I talk to friends, peers, family, I feel like it's more for empathy.
• 15:56
  I Hate Talking: And um relational ICU, you are important as a human being.
• 16:03
  I Hate Talking: Where I feel like yours is maybe sharing more knowledge and expertise.
• 16:09
  I Hate Talking: And I think that is also indicative of some of the books that we enjoy where I will not enjoy narrative as much when it comes to a particular.
• 16:24
  I Hate Talking: position that somebody is positing to me that uh if they use narrative that um I will consider it a struggle to listen to that and give it my full attention, whereas I would be more apt to listen to More data-driven analysis in terms of facts and figures and legitimate examples where this has been proven to be true uh in terms of how they are supporting their position.
• 16:57
  I Hate Talking: Yeah, that makes so much sense.
• 16:59
  I Hate Talking: I can think of many people that talk about when they're hearing an author or anyone discuss something.
• 17:07
  I Hate Talking: And they start giving stats or um numbers, their eyes start to glaze over and they just kind of skip ahead 15 seconds to the next.
• 17:19
  I Hate Talking: OK.
• 17:20
  I Hate Talking: Where You would maybe necessarily do that if they're sharing a personal anecdote about their life.
• 17:28
  I Hate Talking: Exactly, yup, don't particularly care for an anecdote unless it is globally applicable.
• 17:36
  I Hate Talking: If it's just happened to one person at one instance in time, maybe not the best indication that that is a proof of a particular concept or position.
• 17:48
  I Hate Talking: So circling back to why we're saying why people talk, I wonder if it has to do with you value stats, you value statistics and Numbers a lot.
• 18:00
  I Hate Talking: And I value experience or emotions a lot.
• 18:06
  I Hate Talking: So, I would talk my why would be to get to understand the heart, to get to understand their emotion behind what they're feeling.
• 18:16
  I Hate Talking: And you would talk to get to understand.
• 18:20
  I Hate Talking: The reasoning or the logic behind it.
• 18:25
  I Hate Talking: Exactly.
• 18:26
  I Hate Talking: So this sounds like it may develop into a future episode that we are going to be discussing narrative versus reasoning in terms of how that impacts conversation and how people talk to one another.
• 18:42
  I Hate Talking: But that is a subject for another day.
• 18:46
  I Hate Talking: So from your friends at I Hate Talking, remember, it is only through talking that we begin the journey to understanding.