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Why do narcissists struggle to sleep at night? · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  So why can't narcissistic people sleep at night?
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  Why do they struggle sleeping? Having a peaceful night's sleep?
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  No, no, rest for the wicked, right?
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  If you're new here, Miami is Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a clinically diagnosed narcissist and welcome to
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  another episode of The Narcissist Code.
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  So welcome back. Welcome back, welcome back,
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  folks. Yeah, I'm sorry about that.
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  I'm sorry about that initial lead in line about no rest for
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  the wicked. It was funny.
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  It was funny to me. Y'all might not have laughed,
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  but I know for me it was just like silliness coming out of my
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  mouth when I said it. I knew what I said.
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  I was like, this is silly, don't say this, but I said it.
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  I can't take it back now, can I? But that's what happens.
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  So why can't narcissist think people sleep at night?
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  Why do they have trouble sleeping?
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  Yes, let me say this right now y'all.
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  Just because you have trouble sleeping at night does not make
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  you a narcissist. OK now that we have that out of
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  the way right? Just because you can't have a
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  peaceful night's sleep does not mean you are narcissist.
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  Does that mean your partner is a is a narcissist?
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  Right, this is just me telling you, give you a little
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  perspective on as to why they might not they might be
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  struggling with having these type of conversation with you.
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  They may be struggling or not having any conversation with
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  what I may be struggling going to sleep at night.
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  Yes, narcissistic. And this is me speaking for
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  clearly I've had trouble sleeping at night for a very
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  long time as a narcissistic person.
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  I actually talked to my third person about this.
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  I'm like, do I have insomnia? Like what's going on?
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  Why can't I sleep at night? Like what's going like, you
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  know, of course I have kids, while my kids are different
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  ages, I got, you know, 3, 7 three-year old, 7 year old and
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  16 year old. 16 year old will be up in the middle of night trying
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  to eat snacks and stuff like that because the summertime 7
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  year old wakes up having a bad dreams. 3 year old wants to get
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  in to come come out, come out of her room, get into bed.
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  Yeah, that that contributes to my lack of sleep sometimes.
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  But even on nights where they are not doing anything, when I
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  have peace, I still can't sleep. I can't turn my mind off.
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  It's just like I'm so worried about not things not being
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  complete. Like I feel like in my day, like
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  I'm always thinking about people judging me right before I go to
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  sleep. It's crazy.
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  It's got instead of like being able to, to count sheep jumping
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  over the fence, you know, people just like count some sheep
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  jumping over the fence to help you go to sleep.
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  Instead of being able to do that, my mind automatically goes
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  to like counting the amount of paranoia in my system, the
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  counting the paranoia, right? Counting the people I think
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  throughout the day have looked at me and judged me or whatever.
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  Like what could I have done differently to not make that
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  person judge me? What could I have done
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  differently to make that person smile back at me and waving me
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  instead of just darting their eyes away?
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  Like what are they thinking about me?
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  What are people saying about me? What can I have done differently
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  throughout the day? Why can't you?
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  Is it always me asking me not being able to finish the day
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  off, having a complete day? I feel like a lot of
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  narcissistic people have this incomplete feeling at the end of
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  the day, they just do. It's just like, we could have
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  done more, like we wasted time throughout the day.
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  Like I could have done this instead of doing that.
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  I should have done this instead of doing that.
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  There's so many like subtle intricacies that go on in these
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  spaces that contribute to narcissistic people doing this
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  type of stuff, right? Like it, it's one of those
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  things they, they contribute to not being able to sleep at
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  night. It's just like I cannot close my
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  eyes. Like I close my eyes and I
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  immediately start thinking about something that I did years ago.
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  A lot of people ask me, do narcissists have regret?
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  Do they ever have guilt or remorse?
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  There's so many times that I get ready to go to sleep in
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  situations that I should have felt guilty about years ago.
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  They keep me up at night. Things that I've done wrong,
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  people that I've done wrong, They pop into my head right
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  around where I go to sleep. It's like, again, it could be
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  the no rest for the wicked or previously wicked, but it's one
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  of those things that happens. It's like my mind refuses to
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  shut off. It's just like this stuff, you
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  know, You know, you know, people say they sweep things under the
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  rug. You know, it's like we just keep
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  sweeping stuff under the rug. Just sweep stuff under the rug.
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  Like it's like if you sweep too many, if you sweep too much
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  under the rug, right? The rug is not, is not laying
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  flat on the floor anymore. Like if you sweep too many
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  things under the rug, like the rug is like if the rug was, let
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  me see, if the rug was initially flat on the floor and you keep
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  sweeping stuff under like sweep, sweep, sweep.
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  Now the rug is like this, right? The rug is now like this.
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  Like you can't sweep anything else off from under here.
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  Like you can't, it's no longer flat.
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  It's like this because there's so many things under the rug.
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  So things are leaking out right now, right?
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  Things are leaking out right now into real life.
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  Things are leaking out into like the current state of things that
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  have going on right now. Things are like being
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  distributed right now. You see what I'm saying?
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  Like things that I forgot about are being released right now.
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  I'm I'm, I'm, I'm adding new things and other things are
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  coming out. But even though I'm adding good
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  stuff, the bad stuff is boiling to the surface.
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  Like, why do I say this to this person?
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  Why did I cheat on this girl 17 years ago?
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  You know what I'm saying? It's just like stuff like that,
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  damn, I messed up. I messed up on a good person.
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  Why did I say that to the person?
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  Like arguments that I've had in high school, that's crazy.
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  Things that I say to people in high school are coming back at
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  like fights that I had when I was in like 9th, 10th grade.
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  Like I should have handled that situation differently.
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  I can't believe I did that. And the narcissistic grade just
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  coming up, things that I absolutely regret are keeping me
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  up at night and it's tough to deal with.
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  And that's the crazy thing about this.
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  And this is how it might be working with your narcissistic
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  person, the Darcissist in your life.
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  Things that they've done wrong in the past or haunting him at
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  night, right? So they can't sleep at night.
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  So guess what happens? They can't sleep at night.
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  So they wake, they, they don't have to get a good night's
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  sleep. So they wake up grumpy in the
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  morning. So guess what?
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  You, they ruined your day the next day because they didn't
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  sleep at night because of things that that might be on their mind
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  from 10/15/20 years ago. They ruined your day the next
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  day. A lot of y'all wake wonder like,
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  why did my partner wake up so angry this morning?
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  You know, why did they wake up just treat me horribly in the
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  morning? Because something they they've
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  done in the past might have kept them up and they didn't get a
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  good night's sleep. So they're angry as hell.
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  And then when they're angry, like narcissists don't like to
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  just be the only angry one in the house.
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  They don't like to be the only angry one in the in the office
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  or the warehouse. They make everybody else around
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  them miserable. They make everybody else around
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  them miserable. Like if I have to feel angry, if
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  I have to feel upset, if I have to feel sad, then you need to
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  feel the same thing, right? You need to feel the exact same
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  stuff. If I have to feel this way, then
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  you have to feel this way, right?
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  If I'm feeling angry, then you need to feel angry as well.
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  So they just because they didn't sleep at night and they blaming
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  everybody else for their stuff and they still refusing to take
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  take accountability for stuff that they done long time ago.
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  They take it out on you in the morning, they take it out on the
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  kids in the morning, they take it out on their Co workers,
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  their employees, their friends, their family.
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  Everybody else gets it. So it's because it's unresolved
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  things that narcissistic people or that are kind of haunting us
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  at night sometimes. In the end, this is just apply
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  to narcissistic people. I know y'all could be feeling
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  the same way, but this is like from other narcissists that I've
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  spoken to. This is something similar that
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  they that they said like things that they went out like in the
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  moment when they were being in the moment when they said
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  something cold and callous to somebody, they felt like all the
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  emotions. They removed all the emotions in
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  a moment when they were doing something horrible.
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  But now those emotions are coming up now because
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  narcissists do have emotions. I feel like everybody thinks
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  narcissists don't have emotions. They do have emotions.
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  They just, they just don't express them very well and they
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  bury them now. But when you bury stuff, right,
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  not everything, not everything that's buried is going to stay
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  buried. Some things are planted and they
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  come out, weeds grow. You see what I'm saying?
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  Weeds grow. You think you're planting, You
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  think you're planting a, a beautiful rose Bush in his
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  weeds. You hear me?
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  It's a weed that's growing up choking all the it's a weed
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  that's growing up taking the nutrients away from the
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  blueberry Bush or the apple or the tomato tree or whatever it
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  is. You see what I'm saying?
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  That's what happens all the time in these spaces.
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  Like they can't sleep at night because they're being haunted by
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  stuff. The remorse and the regret of
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  the past. Willie, how do you get to sleep
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  tonight? I'm still struggling.
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  Yeah, I'm still struggling. I'm telling you, this is recent
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  type of stuff I'm I'm dealing with right now.
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  This is not old timey, old fashioned stuff.
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  This is stuff I'm dealing with right now.
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  I have AI mean close my eyes. OK?
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  I'm super tired. Why did I say that to that
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  person so long ago? Oh, they deserve it.
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  So now I'm having this conversation with myself, right?
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  I'm having this internal battle with myself.
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  Why did I do this to that person?
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  Oh, they made me do it. Because this person no longer in
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  my life, a lot of times, they're no longer in my life.
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  They're no longer in my sphere of influence.
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  I can't contact this person to apologize.
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  I can't reach out to this person, You know, I've been
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  spoken to this person in 20 years, you know?
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  So it's just like, how do I deal with it?
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  How do I let it go? I have to process it.
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  You have to go through it sometimes, you know, and
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  eventually I'll fall asleep, but I'll wait back up again, you
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  know, I'll start dreaming about it.
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  It's just crazy how it can haunt you for some long.
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  Something that you bury down deeply can haunt you now.
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  It's crazy how that can work right now in real life as
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  opposed to, you know, being able to just move past things
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  efficiently. Like we deal with stuff, you
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  know, we got to deal with stuff right now that we should have
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  been. It should have been gone a long
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  time ago. It's tough, y'all.
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  I didn't want to say, I'm not going to lie to you.
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  It's absolutely tough, extremely tough to deal with.
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  It's one of those things, one of those processes that we have to
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  go through. But yeah, like, I have to go
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  through it. I'm battling like I'm still
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  blaming the other person for something I did to them.
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  Why did I cheat on this girl 20 years ago?
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  You know what I'm saying? It's just like, oh, they deserve
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  they. They didn't show me love and
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  affection. Oh, this other person fit me
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  better. Why did I break it with this
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  person? Oh, this other person is the
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  grass was green on the other side of the fence, but it really
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  wasn't. You know, I left this person.
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  I ended up with a narcissistic woman.
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  You see what I'm saying, Like I'm dealing with I'm blaming
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  myself for stuff. I'm like, hold, I'm blaming
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  myself for stuff. It's not like just the remorse
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  and regret. It's me blaming myself for
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  certain things and trying to get rid of the blame at night.
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  And me trying to get rid of the blame is causing this internal
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  turmoil, turmoil that is not allowing me to go to sleep.
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  It's wild. There are so wild minds that
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  they have, especially at night when you're dealing up you up
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  like two, 3:00 in the morning. They're like, Oh my goodness,
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  you know, so you try to occupy your space, you try to occupy
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  your time by getting on Twitter or something like that.
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  Y'all if y'all send me y'all. Somebody looked down earlier.
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  I literally went on my phone and deleted Twitter because like it
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  keeps me. It's one of those things that
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  contributes to keep me up. Keep you narcissistic robot
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  talking too fast. Slow down.
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  Yeah, it's one of those things that contributes to keeping me
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  up at night because I was in order to get my mind off of
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  something, I started scrolling on Twitter and I get go down the
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  rabbit hole or something crazy. I'm just like, let me get rid of
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  Twitter. I mean, if I need to tweak
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  something, I can just put it on my it's on my other phone.
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  I can go about it that way. But that's how we go about doing
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  stuff right there, y'all. So this could be some of the
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  reasons why your narcissistic partner is having trouble
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  sleeping at night. But what can you do to help
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  them? I'm not telling you, I'm not
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  telling you to slide a melatonin in their drink, but sometimes
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  you can, just like if they're, of course, there's a spectrum of
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  narcissism. You know, not everybody is going
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  to be as deeply embedded in the narcissistic personality as
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  everybody else, right? So of course there can be
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  varying perspectives on this and how to handle these situations.
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  But sometimes you can talk to the person if they're not a
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  super malignant, abusive, super abusive, extremely abusive
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  narcissist, there's things that you can do to try to, you know,
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  alleviate the person to try to get to try to allow yourself
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  some space to heal and some space to grow and whatnot.
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  Talk to the person like, hey, you can say, y'all know, I got
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  my y'all know, I got my kids booked.
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  If y'all don't know my kids book is still out.
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  You can say, hey, remember, it's not your fault.
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  You were you were you were not in control.
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  This is a kids book though, y'all, this is my kids book.
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  So if you have kids that are dealing with toxic
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  relationships, narcissism, remember it's not your fault.
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  It's available right now. You can also check out my
• 12:01
  support group, my courses as well.
• 12:04
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  I'm like I just looked up and got my camera battery is about
• 12:27
  to die. I appreciate everything going
• 12:29
  y'all misses out peace. Thank you so much for making it
• 12:32
  to the end of my video. I am extremely grateful for you
• 12:34
  have no idea. If you haven't already, make
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  sure you go ahead and subscribe to the channel helps reach more
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  people and click on the screen to watch another video or to
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  browse through another playlist. There's also a link on the
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• 12:46
  you heal and understand what you've been through.
• 12:48
  Thank you so much again. I will see you in the next
• 12:50
  video. Peace.