Latest / Quarterback DadCast | Intentional Fatherhood & Leadership at Home / Tommy Geary - Adoption, Parenting, and Personal Growth

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Tommy Geary - Adoption, Parenting, and Personal Growth · Quarterback DadCast | Intentional Fatherhood & Leadership at Home

• 0:03
  Speaker 2: Hi, I'm Riley and I'm Ryder, and this is my dad show.
• 0:06
  Speaker 2: Hey, everybody, it's Casey Jaycox with the quarterback dad cast, and, as I promised, we do finally have a new and exciting sponsor that's going to be joining us over the next 13 weeks or so, and they it is called the authentic edge podcast, which is going to be launching very, very soon.
• 0:26
  Speaker 2: It is a podcast that is led by the fantastic and successful Jason DeLuca and executive sales and people leader at Dexian, as well as with a Paul DeFrancenzo, who is a global sales leader at indeedcom.
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: This podcast, authentic edge, as I mentioned, is, is launching in the next month and it's really about a journey into the heart and genuine relationships into the workplace.
• 0:50
  Speaker 2: So they're going to talk about uncovering the profound impact that authenticity has on establishing instant trust, fostering long-term partnerships, as well as creating serendipitous connections that evolve into endearing business and personal relationships, which is exactly how I would describe my relationship with Jason and Paul.
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: So, without further ado, let's get right to the next episode, and I hope that you check out the authentic edge wherever you consume your podcasts.
• 1:15
  Speaker 2: Well, hey, everybody, it is Casey Jay Cox with the quarterback dad cast.
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: We're in season five and I want to say thanks to everybody who continues to listen and support this wonderful community of fathers.
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: And our next guest is a gentleman.
• 1:27
  Speaker 2: I found one day I had a little bit of downtime and I went into LinkedIn and I typed dads and podcast, I think, and the one and only Tommy Gary came up.
• 1:36
  Speaker 2: He is from the fantastic Illinois Wesleyan Titans.
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: He might be Tommy the Titan, we'll find out, that's true.
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: He's a football guy, he's a surfer, he's a skier, he's also the host of the Durable Dad podcast, which we'll learn all about.
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: But, more importantly, we're here to talk to Tommy, about Tommy the Dad and how Tommy's working hard to become that ultimate quarterback or leader of his households.
• 1:58
  Speaker 2: Without further ado, mr Geary, welcome to the Quarterback Dadcast.
• 2:02
  Speaker 3: What's up, casey?
• 2:04
  Speaker 3: Thanks for having me man, um, can't believe I showed up so quickly in a LinkedIn search.
• 2:12
  Speaker 3: That's probably a good SEO coming in from my wife, or?
• 2:14
  Speaker 2: whoever's doing that.
• 2:14
  Speaker 2: Well then I typed in elite and amazing dad and um sculpted body, and then you came up that that's why it came up so quick.
• 2:20
  Speaker 3: I thought you were going to say, and then you couldn't find me back.
• 2:25
  Speaker 2: Uh, sarcasm already.
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: Okay, we always start each episode with gratitude, so tell me, what are you most grateful for as a dad?
• 2:31
  Speaker 3: today.
• 2:33
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I've listened to a couple of the episodes, like I was telling you, and I've been digging them.
• 2:37
  Speaker 3: So I was prepared with the gratitude question and lately it's been my daughters being buddies and laughing together.
• 2:47
  Speaker 3: So, uh, nell's six and Marlo's just just over one.
• 2:53
  Speaker 3: So you know there's a, there's a split there and the one-year-old doesn't really play so much yet.
• 2:58
  Speaker 3: And just the other day they were upstairs, one of them was in the bath and they were just like cracking up together and it's just like that wave of smile, happiness, that came up inside me, just grateful for I don't know getting to, to expand it out, getting to experience kind of their happiness and their joy and their life through my eyes.
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: So it's cool.
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: I love that.
• 3:23
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you took me when I, when you said that I literally had like a flashback moment to when my kids were young.
• 3:28
  Speaker 2: Uh, it just, it, just, it's just joy, it's just like joy, it's love, it's that feeling in your, your heart is almost like the goosebump feeling of um, and it takes being present to enjoy that that moment.
• 3:48
  Speaker 2: So, for dads, if you're going a little fast right now in life, use Tommy's example just to slow down.
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: And because there's a, there's a, there is a line, Someone told me recently a piece of advice.
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: He said the days are long, the years are short and it just keeps hitting me.
• 3:58
  Speaker 2: And so my gratitude, Tommy, is.
• 4:00
  Speaker 2: I'm grateful for just a fantastic weekend I was.
• 4:02
  Speaker 2: I was in the gym watching my daughter play basketball.
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: She had a great weekend.
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: I love watching her shoot deep threes and play scrappy defense.
• 4:10
  Speaker 2: It's really, really fun and obviously proud dad.
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: What I'm most grateful for is my son just graduated high school.
• 4:16
  Speaker 2: We had his graduation party at our house.
• 4:18
  Speaker 2: We had probably 50 to 70 people in and out and I mean it was just the best time we had.
• 4:27
  Speaker 2: We made the crazy decision to put in a wiffle ball field in our backyard like nine years ago, and so we had just like intense, you know 17, 18 year olds playing like three on three wiffle ball and you know like taking it like it's the World Series, and just I was like this is why we built a house nine years ago, this is why we did it, and so just to be able to like experience that and just see everybody so happy was just it was the best.
• 4:50
  Speaker 2: It's an awesome weekend.
• 4:51
  Speaker 3: Oh, that's awesome, man, I'm happy for you.
• 4:53
  Speaker 3: That's yeah, we've talked about your daughter being a badass on the court, so that's cool.
• 4:58
  Speaker 3: And um, yeah, what?
• 5:01
  Speaker 3: What I heard right there that I thought was nice and it resonated with me was we build the foundation for stuff and it takes a while to see it come to fruition.
• 5:09
  Speaker 3: And when you said that about your house and the wiffle ball and then son graduating party, seeing all the smiles and the joy around, yeah, that's to like.
• 5:18
  Speaker 3: You said to step back in that moment and be like this is cool, like that's the that's.
• 5:25
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't know, it's what, it's all about.
• 5:27
  Speaker 2: I guess it is well, and sometimes it's easy.
• 5:29
  Speaker 2: When you have that many people at your house, it's easy to kind of get stressed like oh my god, and one of my friends came up.
• 5:34
  Speaker 2: He goes how you doing is this?
• 5:35
  Speaker 2: Is this like stressful?
• 5:36
  Speaker 2: I said no, zero, yeah, um, the the casey of when my kids were four and five, yeah, yeah, I'd have been stressed out.
• 5:45
  Speaker 2: But I think, like, as I've gotten older and I think after talking to 250 something dads, like one of my gaps, which we'll get into later, is patience, and so, like this podcast has made me more patient, just being more present, realizing just.
• 5:59
  Speaker 2: I feel like just being able to slow down.
• 6:01
  Speaker 2: You feel like that unnecessary anxiety come into your body.
• 6:04
  Speaker 2: That does us nothing.
• 6:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it creates the worst person to me and creates more negative energy around me.
• 6:11
  Speaker 2: So it's like, well, that doesn't sound fun.
• 6:12
  Speaker 2: And so I was just like I was.
• 6:13
  Speaker 2: That's the only thing I mean I was grateful for.
• 6:15
  Speaker 2: It's just like being able to just chill and just enjoy it and watch, watch everybody just have a blast.
• 6:21
  Speaker 2: Was was fun.
• 6:22
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's.
• 6:27
  Speaker 3: That's cool that you've had that growth.
• 6:29
  Speaker 3: I think um brenda and I are probably like similar in that ways that we can like let go of the stress of having people over.
• 6:36
  Speaker 3: We don't host that often, but I think we're definitely aware when we're like gotta clean, gotta have everything ready, everyone, everyone, happy, like where's the food?
• 6:43
  Speaker 3: Did it notice that anxiety, that anxiousness, come on and be like right, like let's just enjoy where we're at right now and it's no one gives a shit if the floors are dirty when they're all here to hang out with each other.
• 6:59
  Speaker 2: Right, Take it, take a breath, just everybody chill, which is good.
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: So all right.
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: Well, you, you mentioned, uh, Nell and Marlo, but bring me inside the Geary huddle.
• 7:08
  Speaker 2: Um, I'd love to learn how you and your wife met and then talk a little bit, a little bit about your, uh, your wonderful children.
• 7:15
  Speaker 3: Yeah, huddle up Um the uh.
• 7:18
  Speaker 3: So Brenda and I met, kind of set the scene.
• 7:24
  Speaker 3: I'm from Chicago, she's from Ohio.
• 7:26
  Speaker 3: I moved to Colorado after college and she got there like a year after me and we met out there through a mutual friend.
• 7:34
  Speaker 3: So my friend had been telling me you got to meet this girl, you got to meet this girl.
• 7:39
  Speaker 3: She just broke up with her boyfriend.
• 7:42
  Speaker 3: And what I didn't know is this friend wasn't telling Brenda any of that.
• 7:48
  Speaker 3: And Halloween, walk into a bar and my friend's like, oh, she's going to be here, I'll point her out to you.
• 7:53
  Speaker 3: And 25 in Vail, colorado, like the beginning of the snowboard season, halloween, a lot of or not much clothing going on at this Halloween party, at this bar it's called the sandbar.
• 8:08
  Speaker 3: And see my friend and she's like, oh, there she is.
• 8:12
  Speaker 3: And I look across the room and she's a bunch of green grapes, so green balloons all over her body and like all I can see is her cute little face.
• 8:20
  Speaker 3: And that was the first time I saw her and she looked like dressed totally different than anyone else, like her and her, her friend was a loofah.
• 8:28
  Speaker 3: So those were like the goofy costumes that were there.
• 8:31
  Speaker 3: And that was the first moment and we talked and we joked around that night but that was really it.
• 8:36
  Speaker 3: Um, and then she says I say she doesn't remember me that night.
• 8:43
  Speaker 3: I she says she kind of does.
• 8:46
  Speaker 3: I was dressed as Marty McFly, so that was like my best Halloween costume ever.
• 8:51
  Speaker 3: And yeah, from there, like we went on a double date with that same friend.
• 8:56
  Speaker 3: So, like kudos, her name's Elizabeth.
• 8:59
  Speaker 3: She's been a big part of our life in a few different ways as a couple.
• 9:02
  Speaker 3: So she introduced us kind of had the what's the word like persistency to get us together a couple more times.
• 9:13
  Speaker 3: And then, yeah, I mean it wasn't, we were only dating for about a year and a half until we got engaged.
• 9:23
  Speaker 3: And we got engaged within nine months and it was just on.
• 9:26
  Speaker 3: We're like buddies and I guess, yeah, that's me and Brenda.
• 9:31
  Speaker 3: And one of the things I like to say is that my old boss, who is a big mentor to me, she asked me when we got engaged.
• 9:38
  Speaker 3: She's like why, why are you with Brenda?
• 9:40
  Speaker 3: And I was like, oh shit, no one's ever asked me that before and it came to me really naturally because I think of the person that was asking me and the relationship we had, and it was that she made me a better person, like I could point to things that she, you know she loved me for who I was, but also made me a better person, and it's still true to this day.
• 10:00
  Speaker 3: So we've done a bunch of crazy shit together since we've been together for about 16 years now, and part of that craziness is we've become parents and now she's six.
• 10:14
  Speaker 3: We adopted now when she was born and Marlo is 15 or 16 months and she's adopted also.
• 10:22
  Speaker 3: We adopted her when she was born and, yeah, that, that journey together, so many other adventures and things like that.
• 10:31
  Speaker 3: Right now, um, our huddle looks very chill.
• 10:36
  Speaker 3: We are in like simplify life mode so we're not rushing around with the kids as much, and that's been.
• 10:45
  Speaker 3: That's been a probably an identity shift for me, a little bit more than brenda.
• 10:51
  Speaker 3: She's, she's a homebody.
• 10:53
  Speaker 3: I like to and she loves to adventure too.
• 10:55
  Speaker 3: But, um, slowing down the adventures, slowing down the travel, because then we can enjoy those small moments a lot more and not be rushing kids around.
• 11:06
  Speaker 3: So that's kind of where it's our game plan for now.
• 11:10
  Speaker 2: Love it.
• 11:10
  Speaker 2: Um my, I think I told you when we first met.
• 11:13
  Speaker 2: I said I'm curious, crazy, curious, off the charts.
• 11:17
  Speaker 2: I think I probably have some curiosity issues, which I think is a superpower and a gift that I am grateful for every day.
• 11:22
  Speaker 2: So you've already said some stuff in my mind's going all over the place.
• 11:25
  Speaker 2: We're going to slow this down.
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: So you said your wife makes you a better person.
• 11:29
  Speaker 2: A lot of dads, men, will say that, but I'd like to know, tell me how.
• 11:39
  Speaker 3: So stupid example when we were first together was we like like when I would go to the grocery store to go grocery shopping, I'd stop at the deli aisle and get these like little, like spicy chicken nugget things and I'd eat them while we were going through the grocery store and I'd throw away the package and pretty much steal it and you know it was like rang up to three dollars or something like that hopefully no one's listening from the grocery store and like I think the statute of limitations is over.
• 12:08
  Speaker 3: But when she found out about it she was like what are you doing?
• 12:13
  Speaker 3: I was like I was just doing it.
• 12:14
  Speaker 3: She's like no, that's stealing.
• 12:15
  Speaker 3: And I was like yeah, I think I.
• 12:19
  Speaker 3: And the point is that Honesty for her there's like a I think there was a gray line for me, like little white lies and things like that, and she's.
• 12:31
  Speaker 3: You know, most of life isn't logical, but there's an honesty conscious thing going on with what's honest and what's not honest, and that's like the beginning of our relationship.
• 12:44
  Speaker 3: But that's been a theme throughout.
• 12:46
  Speaker 3: If something's going on in our relationship, we're talking about it.
• 12:56
  Speaker 3: And if we got to be honest and it's something hard to talk about, she pulls it out of me and over our relationship.
• 13:02
  Speaker 3: I'm much better at it, much better at having the hard conversations, the uncomfortable ones, uh, but at first, um, she really stuck with me to not let things just fester and resentment build up.
• 13:13
  Speaker 3: We talked about the hard shit and a lot of times that was being honest with something that was going on.
• 13:18
  Speaker 3: So that's one way.
• 13:20
  Speaker 2: So good.
• 13:21
  Speaker 2: Um, I love that you're like again so far.
• 13:26
  Speaker 2: There's a lot of theme here about being present, um, being present enough to, uh, just be honest with yourself.
• 13:34
  Speaker 2: But be honest about that.
• 13:35
  Speaker 2: But, like, really have gratitude towards your wife.
• 13:37
  Speaker 2: And I think sometimes our male ego is loves to get in the way of and loves to prevent us from having those moments of growth.
• 13:46
  Speaker 2: And I think being vulnerable to say what we suck at at times is also a massive strength that most dads, I think, sometimes don't like to do.
• 13:54
  Speaker 2: And I think sometimes there's this perception like if you're this job or this person or this, it doesn't matter.
• 14:02
  Speaker 2: Sometimes you know it doesn't effing matter Everybody.
• 14:05
  Speaker 2: What matters is like, are you the best version of you?
• 14:07
  Speaker 2: Are you the best dad?
• 14:08
  Speaker 2: You can be the best husband you can be a you've got this friend you can be.
• 14:11
  Speaker 2: And if you're not today, be better tomorrow.
• 14:14
  Speaker 2: And I think sometimes dads like like when you said, that just slowed me down and made me realize there's so many things that, like my wife is, you know the you know the joke about, you know out kicking her coverage or marrying up, I mean, I think most successful marriages that's what happens and most wives have the grace and patience to like help us dipshits sarcastically saying come along and grow up, and so I love that you said that.
• 14:37
  Speaker 2: That definitely struck a chord for me, ben.
• 14:48
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, the ways to get better and admitting when you're falling behind in some area of life and it's usually, I think, that there's a pendulum of balance, like where where you need to stay focused.
• 14:56
  Speaker 3: And, yeah, humility.
• 14:58
  Speaker 3: We own our business together and there's been a lot of Brenda.
• 15:03
  Speaker 3: Brenda is a graphic designer by trade.
• 15:06
  Speaker 3: In the corporate world.
• 15:07
  Speaker 3: She was a copywriter and a creative director and I was on the sales side, like you.
• 15:12
  Speaker 3: And through owning our own business, doing our podcast, teaching courses, we create those together and there's a lot of feedback involved and I'm I wasn't very good at taking feedback and you know, if it's in a corporate setting, it's one thing.
• 15:31
  Speaker 3: You can, you know, keep your temper or whatever, but in our relationship, taking her feedback not as criticism, not as shots at me, like my brain would be like, oh, I'm an idiot, I can't do this, like she, she hates it and that she stayed super patient with me as I worked through my own bullshit to be like, no, this is the creative process, this isn't a personal thing, this is for our audience, and like we're making this better, this is the process and that's so.
• 16:05
  Speaker 3: When you say outkicked coverage, listen to those women in your life I think that it's brought me a lot of success, but it isn't always easy to do and you do have to swallow some of that ego and pride.
• 16:21
  Speaker 2: Yeah, no spot on man.
• 16:23
  Speaker 2: Um, okay, you also said you've had some crazy adventures.
• 16:27
  Speaker 2: Um, talk about a few of those that have resonated.
• 16:41
  Speaker 3: You know.
• 16:41
  Speaker 3: So when I moved to Colorado cause I wanted to snowboard and that I did uh, I worked myself into a job where I was snowboarding over a hundred days a year and getting into the back country and all that fun stuff.
• 16:48
  Speaker 3: I was younger, so I was in the park and when Brenda moved out to Colorado, she moved out for the summer times and the hiking and the backpacking.
• 16:55
  Speaker 3: So she wasn't that good at snowboarding and our relationship she like I don't know, I feel like I'm just talking about how big of a badass she is and she is, but she got so awesome at snowboarding so we were able to take some bigger adventures together.
• 17:11
  Speaker 3: Like we've been heli snowboarding before.
• 17:14
  Speaker 3: We've just backcountry snowboarding, buying our split boards and adventuring, and so there's been some cool snowboarding adventures.
• 17:24
  Speaker 3: Just like when we went heli snowboarding, we drove like six hours from our house in Colorado to Southern Colorado and we right before we went over red mountain pass, which is this mountain pass where it goes down to one lane at a point and it's.
• 17:39
  Speaker 3: It was like just getting dark and as we're heading up I hit a deer and there was this like moment of deers gone.
• 17:49
  Speaker 3: This guy behind us stopped, helped us out.
• 17:52
  Speaker 3: I was like I don't know what to do.
• 17:53
  Speaker 3: I'm from Chicago, Like I was still, wasn't that much of a outdoorsy, like kind of person or whatever, and I don't know where I'm going with this.
• 18:03
  Speaker 3: But the guy that stopped ripped my bumper off and I was like Hmm, okay.
• 18:07
  Speaker 3: And we and he was like yeah, that's not going to make it.
• 18:12
  Speaker 3: We put it in the back.
• 18:13
  Speaker 3: One tip, one headlight was down and her and I looked at each other like well, we're six hours from home, we can start heading back, or we got this heli trip booked tomorrow and we went and that's one adventure, sure, and so there's been a bunch.
• 18:30
  Speaker 3: I mean, we traveled together for four months.
• 18:32
  Speaker 3: We quit our jobs and traveled in Central America.
• 18:35
  Speaker 3: That was a huge kind of journey in our relationship, spiritually for both of us, and I think the biggest journey, of course, parenthood.
• 18:47
  Speaker 3: But running our own business has been another adventure and I don't know, I'm a huge fan of the hero's journey, joseph Campbell's work and that the hero of a thousand faces.
• 19:00
  Speaker 3: So it can.
• 19:02
  Speaker 3: I don't know if it's cheesy or whatever, but I like to look at daily life through the lens of I'm the hero of the story, and even for things like as simple as like running your own business.
• 19:16
  Speaker 3: You can get like super worn down and beat up and to be like no, this is a journey, this is an adventure, this is an obstacle that I, this is the dragon that I have to slay right now.
• 19:27
  Speaker 3: So, even like, the everyday adventures are part of the adventures we've done.
• 19:33
  Speaker 2: Very cool, All right.
• 19:35
  Speaker 2: So I always like asking dads to go back in time and I'd love to learn a little bit about what was life like for Tommy growing up and talk about the impact that your parents had on you Now that you're a dad of two um, wonderful adopted children.
• 19:50
  Speaker 3: Yeah, um, terry and Tim Geary, those were.
• 19:54
  Speaker 3: Those are my parents.
• 19:55
  Speaker 3: They're still around.
• 19:56
  Speaker 3: Uh, they, I mean, it's such a big question it's hard to pinpoint anything.
• 20:05
  Speaker 3: So I guess I can tell you about my dad first, and I think an attribute that comes into my parenting from my dad is that he was fun, always a fun dad, and both of the male role models in my life and I've explored this a little bit as I've gone through being a dad, my grandpa on my mom's side, he was also super fun, very childlike.
• 20:33
  Speaker 3: I mean they both owned businesses and were businessmen.
• 20:38
  Speaker 3: But, for example, my dad would take us out on Sundays every morning and that would be my mom's morning to sleep in.
• 20:43
  Speaker 3: And he would take us out on Sundays every morning and that would be my mom's morning to sleep in.
• 20:45
  Speaker 3: And he would take us down to the beach in Chicago we live by Lake Michigan and it would be the middle of winter, cold, all bundled up, and we'd be out there just walking around and all of a sudden he would say that, like, pirates are coming in from the lake and they're going to attack us and we have to find the treasure before we.
• 21:06
  Speaker 3: They get, and you know stupid stuff like that.
• 21:08
  Speaker 3: But coming from a man that's in his mid thirties to like have that kind of imagination and play with me and my sister, like that Didn't think much of it as a at the time, but it's such a fond memory for me and, uh, the funny thing is is that he still will come up with those kinds of stories in his head for, like, on vacation sitting at a beach, so I think that's come into my parenting and when I'm not having fun parenting, I can kind of call on that part of my dad a little bit.
• 21:39
  Speaker 3: So that's one thing that always comes up.
• 21:44
  Speaker 3: I mean, I grew up very lucky, very fortunate, in a million different ways.
• 21:51
  Speaker 3: Uh, so, yeah, I guess just really appreciative for what they gave me, what they provided for me.
• 22:00
  Speaker 3: Um, you know, when before we talked, you're like sometimes this can dive into a therapy session and if we want to go that route, you know, one of the things that I've learned recently is how proud I am that my parents stayed together and that we were like a family unit, because when I was two years old, I had a sister that died of SIDS.
• 22:27
  Speaker 3: So she was younger than me, four months old, died and yeah, I mean, that's just the worst freaking thing that can happen to a family.
• 22:37
  Speaker 3: So for my mom and dad to go through that, for me to go through that and us to stick together, I just like really it motivates me.
• 22:47
  Speaker 3: It's like, well, if they can get through that, like you know, no relationship is broken or no relationship yeah.
• 22:57
  Speaker 3: So I don't know, I guess that's, that's a, that's a basis of it.
• 23:01
  Speaker 3: Maybe I'll stop there for a second and see what.
• 23:03
  Speaker 3: See if I hit the question no, I got.
• 23:06
  Speaker 2: I got tons of man.
• 23:07
  Speaker 2: As I'm so sorry to hear, I did not know that and I mean that's like a parent's worst nightmare is losing a child before you go and, um, you know, I can't, I mean I can't even imagine, so sorry that you found me had to go through that.
• 23:24
  Speaker 2: Tell me what mom and dad did for jobs.
• 23:31
  Speaker 3: Yeah, they own their own business.
• 23:32
  Speaker 3: So my grandpa started a record company not records like you play with music, but legal records, eagle Records.
• 23:48
  Speaker 3: So he started this record company and the gist of it is that back in the day when there would be, let's say, a malpractice lawsuit that happened, both lawyers would need a copy of all the information and reporting and the court would need it.
• 24:00
  Speaker 3: And they had a location downtown Chicago that someone would bring it to them and they'd make copies for everybody and distribute it for everybody and the business freaking took off.
• 24:12
  Speaker 3: So my grandpa started that and then my mom and dad started working for him.
• 24:18
  Speaker 3: But my dad started a printing company.
• 24:20
  Speaker 3: So they've owned a print shop for the last 45 years entrepreneurs working together, just like Brenda and I.
• 24:29
  Speaker 3: It was another one of those things like looking back, how cool it was having parents that work their asses off, own their own business and being able to see where they worked.
• 24:42
  Speaker 3: I think about that sometime.
• 24:43
  Speaker 3: With my business it's all online, so when my daughter sees me working, I'm standing here in front of you typing on a computer.
• 24:51
  Speaker 3: But back in the day I used to leave the suburbs of Chicago, get to go downtown, get to go in the basement of their print shop where the presses are running and upstairs where customers were moving around and like see where they were actually at and that was so cool.
• 25:08
  Speaker 3: They and they, they're still going, I think for the last 25 years there.
• 25:14
  Speaker 3: They keep saying printing's a dying business and we're not going to make it, but they're still here and they're doing really well.
• 25:19
  Speaker 3: Um weathered some huge storms, recessions, covid and they're're.
• 25:26
  Speaker 3: They're tenacious and they're still there.
• 25:27
  Speaker 3: And there's a lot of things I would.
• 25:30
  Speaker 3: I am doing differently than them as a business owner that I've probably learned from them and a bunch of stuff that I learned and newfound respect for them in a lot of ways.
• 25:42
  Speaker 3: I think there was.
• 25:42
  Speaker 3: I don't know if this happened to you, but there was a time, probably in my late twenties, when I thought I had it figured out and I was like telling them how they should change their business and things they should tweak.
• 25:53
  Speaker 3: And they were so cool about it, like yeah, yeah, sure, tell me, awesome and smiled.
• 25:57
  Speaker 3: But they didn't change at all.
• 25:59
  Speaker 3: And now I look back at those times and be like who am I to say anything?
• 26:04
  Speaker 3: These guys have kept their business running forever, so that's what they did.
• 26:09
  Speaker 3: I mean my dad's 67, my mom's 64, and they're still in the office.
• 26:19
  Speaker 3: They've simplified a lot of things, but they're still running their business and kicking it lot of things, but they're still running their business and kicking it.
• 26:28
  Speaker 3: One thing I'll say about them is they've been around so long that they have these customers, and when I was growing up, they're both.
• 26:35
  Speaker 3: I don't know how to put it, but everyone that came into my house was welcome, that came into my house was welcome, and people loved coming over to Tommy's house, because Terry and Tim weren't Mr and Mrs Geary, they were Terry and Tim, and my dad was always barbecuing.
• 26:54
  Speaker 3: My mom was always driving us around late at night and to this day, whenever I am chatting with an old friend or whatever they're like, tell your mom and dad.
• 27:05
  Speaker 3: I said, hi, oh, I have this memory of at your house when your mom did this, and so maybe that paints the picture of the kind of people they were or they are and, yeah, they're feel really, really grateful for the life they gave me.
• 27:21
  Speaker 2: So cool as you think about, like the values that your parents taught you, that, um, that were like, hey, these are the, these are the in the Geary house, these one or two things are a must haves that really stuck with you.
• 27:33
  Speaker 2: Um, you know, tell me what comes to mind maybe from a story and how you apply those values in your life as a dad.
• 27:40
  Speaker 3: You know, I remember, um, that my dad always told me that there's always someone out there that's better than you, and he didn't mean it in like you suck, tommy, it was more.
• 27:57
  Speaker 3: I was a really good athlete growing up and it kept me in check not to be too, like you know, boastful or show off or anything like that.
• 28:08
  Speaker 3: It was like the end of the game, we crushed it, we won.
• 28:11
  Speaker 3: I had a good game.
• 28:12
  Speaker 3: He was like awesome, celebrated it, and he was like remember, there's always someone out there that's working harder than you, that's better than you, and someone that, like you, have to.
• 28:21
  Speaker 3: I took it as like keep practicing, keep working towards to get, don't get complacent with stuff.
• 28:28
  Speaker 3: Uh, so that was, that was one of those rules.
• 28:31
  Speaker 3: He coached me all through eighth grade baseball, soccer, so we had that relationship as well, and he was a really solid coach.
• 28:40
  Speaker 3: The other one's fun, though, because at the same time, um, in the Geary household I think we were we were usually having a good time and laughing, and, uh, yeah, fun is also one.
• 28:53
  Speaker 2: So good, what um what sports did you play?
• 28:56
  Speaker 2: Did you play?
• 28:57
  Speaker 2: You said, you played in college.
• 28:59
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I played football in college, baseball and football through high school, and yeah, those, and now I play, uh, this game called swamp ball.
• 29:08
  Speaker 3: But that's, that's besides the point.
• 29:11
  Speaker 2: Would your uh, did your parents like live and die through your college football journey Like like ate it up?
• 29:17
  Speaker 3: They definitely.
• 29:19
  Speaker 3: Uh, my mom loved it, but she was always scared.
• 29:23
  Speaker 3: My mom's Jewish, so you know her Jew, you know half Jewish son getting beat up on the football field yeah, that's that's tough for her to watch, but uh, she was always there, super supportive.
• 29:34
  Speaker 3: And my dad, yes, he like lived and breathed it.
• 29:38
  Speaker 3: I think he still says those were the best days of his life and that kind of pisses me off sometimes because I'm like dude, like that's awesome.
• 29:49
  Speaker 3: I appreciated all your support, but I want you to have like your best days of your life right now and for you.
• 29:55
  Speaker 3: And that's that's probably one of the things I've also learned.
• 29:58
  Speaker 3: Him and my mom were very invested in our my sister and I's life and when we left the house, I think it was a tough time for them finding themselves, modernized life, and when we left the house, I think it was a tough time for them finding themselves.
• 30:09
  Speaker 3: So, yes, they were really, really invested and I can tell you all the ways how it was supportive and amazing for me and I also see that you know for them.
• 30:17
  Speaker 3: I think they maybe lost some of their individual identity with who their kids were back in the day.
• 30:26
  Speaker 2: I think it's easy, though I mean, you know, as a dad with a kid who just graduated high school, is going to go play golf in college and I don't know how that's going to end.
• 30:35
  Speaker 2: I don't know if it's going to be a great fit, it's going to be a tough fit, I don't know, we'll find out.
• 30:39
  Speaker 2: Um, but, like, when your kids get older, me watching them come into, like, the ability to compete and which is a life skill, right, plenty of people, you know you're competing, we're always competing, you're, we're competing to get people to follow us.
• 30:57
  Speaker 2: We're competing to be the best version of us.
• 30:59
  Speaker 2: We're, you know.
• 30:59
  Speaker 2: And so, uh, I actually think about that a lot.
• 31:03
  Speaker 2: Like you know, like, thankfully, my, my wife and I, we have a fantastic marriage, high school sweethearts Um, we're always like.
• 31:11
  Speaker 2: But like it's the ups and downs of watching your kids compete is it's fun, it's hard, it's rewarding, it's it's sad.
• 31:20
  Speaker 2: In a sense, it's like, oh my God, like I'm not going to see my son play high school golf anymore, you know.
• 31:24
  Speaker 2: And then, like watching when I played football in college, it's an uncle rico moment right there, everybody in a point that I might.
• 31:29
  Speaker 2: Um, yeah, I can't throw that ball with a mountain.
• 31:31
  Speaker 2: If you want me to um my dad, like my true, my redshirt freshman year, he would come to the games me.
• 31:38
  Speaker 2: He didn't miss anything, zero and rest in peace.
• 31:40
  Speaker 2: My pops died back in 2021.
• 31:43
  Speaker 2: Um and uh, and after the game, like my freshman year, when I didn't even play, I'm the guy giving signals to a quarterback the start of the time guy named john kitna and he's like dude, you had a great game today.
• 31:56
  Speaker 2: I'm like dad, I didn't play.
• 31:57
  Speaker 2: He's like no, I'm talking about warm-ups, man, you were freaking, slinging and he was like he wasn't being sarcastic, he was just being.
• 32:04
  Speaker 2: And I was like at first I thought he was joking, but he would.
• 32:07
  Speaker 2: He was just that vested and so, like, when I got done playing, it was, it was hard on him too.
• 32:12
  Speaker 2: So, uh, it's uh.
• 32:16
  Speaker 2: I, it'll be interesting to see how you know, we do.
• 32:19
  Speaker 2: I mean shoot, um.
• 32:20
  Speaker 2: This is a journey that every parent's going to go through.
• 32:23
  Speaker 2: You know, and you got to kind of refine, that's why it's so important like to stay, like with date nights, or.
• 32:26
  Speaker 2: You know, and you got to kind of refine, that's why it's so important like the state, like with date nights, or you know, keep, keep that the flame lit because once they're gone it's so easy to get wrapped up in your child's side versus your life.
• 32:36
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm sorry your dad passed away, man, it sounds like he was an awesome guy.
• 32:40
  Speaker 2: He's a great dude, yeah, and I'm looking at a picture right now.
• 32:42
  Speaker 2: Um, so yesterday, obviously, everybody recording June 17th, yesterday was Father's Day.
• 32:47
  Speaker 2: Happy, belated Father's Day to all the dads out there.
• 32:49
  Speaker 2: When this episode will come out it will be a month or so, but you know, like I think about, like those days, you know, on Father's Day is always a tough day because you kind of remember the great memories and the ups and downs.
• 33:04
  Speaker 2: But I just try to have grace and gratitude and try to think of a funny story and like as much as my dad was, you know, crazy dude he was, well, we were a lot of fun in our house too, but man, he could drop some intense gd bombs at me, uh, like me and my sister rocking like freaking morons.
• 33:21
  Speaker 2: He could just see his patience would just snap.
• 33:23
  Speaker 2: He'd be like god damn it, casey, and he used to have this phrase called shut it up, which, which, which, like, which is not even grammar, but we laughed so freaking hard, like whenever you do it, and then it would make him more mad because he was like we're like he's, we're not taking him serious, yeah but and at the same time, maybe he was like doing some kind of ninja move where, like he got you and your sister to stop fighting, or that, and then I only say
• 33:50
  Speaker 3: that because that's what would happen to me and my sister.
• 33:51
  Speaker 3: We'd be fighting and then my mom would try to yell at us and we'd be like ha, ha and everything would be tempered.
• 33:57
  Speaker 3: But she wasn't trying to do it, she was pissed.
• 34:00
  Speaker 3: So, good, good, Um, yeah, that's, yeah the the time for you, right now, to have your son leaving high school and closing uh, closing a whole book.
• 34:14
  Speaker 3: I actually my dad said this to me once when we adopted Nell.
• 34:17
  Speaker 3: He was like, ah, it's a whole new chapter.
• 34:20
  Speaker 3: And he was like you know what?
• 34:21
  Speaker 3: It's not, it's a whole new book.
• 34:23
  Speaker 3: And you know, for you to be closing that book on high school with your son doing his next thing, it's yeah, I'm far from it, so it's hard for me to say, but what I've seen from guys I work with dads, I know my parents it takes some time, no matter what, and some action and some intention to you know, like you said, build a relationship with your wife or gets into your hobbies.
• 34:53
  Speaker 3: I mean, I know you have a bunch and there's also patients of the grieving process, grieving something that's no longer there.
• 35:01
  Speaker 1: Hi, this is Kathy Orton.
• 35:02
  Speaker 1: I'm the director of talent management at CoWorks Staffing Services.
• 35:06
  Speaker 1: Coworks is one of the largest staffing firms in the United States, with operations in all 50 states, over 60,000 temporary field talent.
• 35:15
  Speaker 1: We are devoted to the success and growth of our employees and our clients.
• 35:18
  Speaker 1: We are celebrating our 50th anniversary this year and are proud to have a legacy of treating people the right way, doing the right thing, supporting our communities and putting field talent first.
• 35:29
  Speaker 1: Our team places candidates in administrative light, industrial, call center, distribution, third-party logistic positions with additional opportunities through our executive search, creative staffing and luxury, beauty and fragrance divisions.
• 35:43
  Speaker 1: We had the pleasure of having Casey Jaycox deliver a keynote presentation and training workshop to our sales team this year and I have to tell you it was exceptional.
• 35:52
  Speaker 1: Casey is funny, he is engaging and he is approachable.
• 35:55
  Speaker 1: What sets Casey apart is that he really walks the walk.
• 35:59
  Speaker 1: He lives what he teaches.
• 36:00
  Speaker 1: He spent time with us outside of the workshop, really taking the time to get to know our people.
• 36:05
  Speaker 1: He shared information about his personal life, about his family, creating the foundation for authentic relationships, one of the core elements of the strategy he teaches.
• 36:15
  Speaker 1: Casey left our teams feeling motivated, energized and armed with the actionable tools to transform their sales performance.
• 36:22
  Speaker 1: I cannot recommend Casey enough to any or any organization looking to grow and unlock their full potential.
• 36:29
  Speaker 1: If you want to learn more about co-work staffing, please visit our website at co-workstaffingcom.
• 36:34
  Speaker 1: Now let's get back to the podcast.
• 36:37
  Speaker 2: Okay, so I like to.
• 36:39
  Speaker 2: I don't know if you've listened to a you mentioned.
• 36:42
  Speaker 2: You've listened to a couple episodes.
• 36:43
  Speaker 2: There's one that you're actually, I think, the second father we've had on who's had the journey of adopting.
• 36:49
  Speaker 2: Shout out to john ruffini, um great guy I met.
• 36:52
  Speaker 2: He actually wrote a book about his uh three adopted children.
• 36:56
  Speaker 2: Uh, book's called quest for alex.
• 36:58
  Speaker 2: So if you're not check that episode out, make sure you check it out or check out the book.
• 37:01
  Speaker 2: Um, john's a great guy, but um, tell me, talk, walk me through the process of um becoming a dad and what, how the adoption process came to.
• 37:10
  Speaker 2: Whatever you feel comfortable sharing, but like for maybe a dad out there that isn't able to have kids, when they're thinking about, yeah, should we do adoption?
• 37:17
  Speaker 2: Should we not?
• 37:18
  Speaker 2: Like, talk, talk us through the journey and the blessings that come your way?
• 37:23
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and I think you do.
• 37:25
  Speaker 3: You say his name was John.
• 37:26
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and I think you do.
• 37:27
  Speaker 3: You say his name was John.
• 37:28
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I think you said John.
• 37:29
  Speaker 3: When we were talking about him.
• 37:30
  Speaker 3: He went through international adoptions, right, so, maybe South South America.
• 37:35
  Speaker 3: I think I remember you saying, uh, so both of our girls were adopted domestically.
• 37:40
  Speaker 3: So the international versus domestic adoptions are there's different things happening, uh, in the process.
• 37:48
  Speaker 3: But, yeah, for us, we we decided to adopt because I can't have kids without some surgery, pretty much, uh, and we kind of knew that was going to happen after just trying for a while.
• 38:02
  Speaker 3: And we decided, you know, before we officially knew that we weren't able to have kids the natural way, that we were going to adopt, that that was just going to be the way that we went about it.
• 38:13
  Speaker 3: And it really started with conversations with people that we knew that it adopted adoptees that were adults.
• 38:21
  Speaker 3: And, yeah, we were gung ho about it in 2011, I think.
• 38:30
  Speaker 3: No, probably like 2012.
• 38:32
  Speaker 3: We were like, let's do it, let's adapt.
• 38:33
  Speaker 3: And then we hit the pause button.
• 38:35
  Speaker 3: We were like, all right, well, we don't have any biological clocks ticking here, let's see what we can do first, and that's when we quit our jobs, saved up money, went and traveled Central America, kind of went on some self-discovery journeys for ourself.
• 38:54
  Speaker 3: And the adoption process is rigorous.
• 39:03
  Speaker 3: There's a lot of steps, a lot of paperwork, there's waiting, there's patience, there's balancing, a bunch of emotions and at the end it's the best thing in the world.
• 39:17
  Speaker 3: I think some of the biggest things that we took away were one how amazing birth moms are to make this plan for their birth child, to find a place for them, that they're going to have a different opportunity than if they stayed with them, and that takes a lot of courage, a lot of foresight.
• 39:39
  Speaker 3: And both of the girls' moms are just amazing people.
• 39:42
  Speaker 3: We went and visited them this past winter.
• 39:47
  Speaker 3: Nell's birth mom is in Oklahoma and Marlo's is in Texas and we flew to Dallas and split up the trip and visited both of them and that was the first time we had seen them in person of adoption is so unpredictable, so raw and beautiful in so many ways.
• 40:17
  Speaker 3: So you know you can just imagine the emotional rollercoaster of adoption.
• 40:19
  Speaker 3: But I guess for guys, fathers that have adopted, you know there's a there's for me like questions that definitely like come up when I hear other dads talking about like, oh, my son's so much like me.
• 40:37
  Speaker 3: I see that in my son that I had in me or he looks so much like his grandfather and that you, you know there's some ping in my heart when that stuff comes up.
• 40:49
  Speaker 3: And and then what are the other guys that are adopting?
• 40:56
  Speaker 3: But it's like no, these girls are my daughters, freaking through and through and like I was saying, when they're laughing together, like all those emotions are like just as real and as big in the love.
• 41:07
  Speaker 3: And uh, I guess I would talk to anybody about adoption.
• 41:13
  Speaker 3: My wife coaches moms that are adoptive moms and it's just a big part of our life.
• 41:20
  Speaker 3: I mean, we're, we advocate for it.
• 41:22
  Speaker 3: I think the process is there's way too many barriers to get in, it costs a lot of money, it's a long process and there's a lot of kids out there that are waiting to be adopted.
• 41:34
  Speaker 3: So I don't know.
• 41:36
  Speaker 3: But the forget your exact question.
• 41:39
  Speaker 3: But if men were listening and thinking about it, yeah, have a conversation, talk to some other people about it, don't just shut it down.
• 41:48
  Speaker 3: There's definitely loss there and sadness.
• 41:51
  Speaker 3: So I said I kind of breezed over it.
• 41:54
  Speaker 3: Yeah, brendan and I were planning it, but when we got the final word that we weren't able to have kids.
• 41:59
  Speaker 3: Naturally it was sad.
• 42:02
  Speaker 3: I mean there were definitely tears.
• 42:04
  Speaker 3: Talking to my parents about it was probably like the hardest part, like feeling some type of like disappointment that I was letting them down in some way.
• 42:13
  Speaker 3: And you know, and you know Brenda and I have been in it together the whole time, so we just like roll through that stuff and you know, she, she was just like all right, well, we're going to adopt, like let's we process the grief and also just kind of keep moving forward through it.
• 42:32
  Speaker 2: I, you know, I I've met people who have had when you adopt.
• 42:36
  Speaker 2: It's almost like I could see one one thought process like okay, that that book's closed, where you're going to like that the child's ours.
• 42:43
  Speaker 2: But I think it's really cool that you went and saw the birth mom.
• 42:46
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and, and you know, when you said that, my first one of my thoughts was like, well, what happens if the mom was like no, I made a mistake and I I want her back.
• 42:55
  Speaker 2: And and all of a sudden, there's no draw in your life, like did that ever come into, like the fear, or was it more just like they're just happy that, okay, shoot, our daughter's in a great spot, which is now your daughter.
• 43:06
  Speaker 2: It's kind of our daughter's in a great spot, which is now your daughter.
• 43:10
  Speaker 3: It's kind of like our daughter together, but you're now the parent because it's I mean, did you ever go through something like that?
• 43:22
  Speaker 3: There's, the birth mom doesn't have any right to the child anymore legally.
• 43:28
  Speaker 3: And, yeah, the fear is totally there.
• 43:31
  Speaker 3: And the fear is there that the girls are going to grow up and not want us as parents and wish that they could have been raised by their birth moms.
• 43:38
  Speaker 3: And, yeah, that fear is there.
• 43:47
  Speaker 3: How much information do you share with the birth moms?
• 43:49
  Speaker 3: Do you tell them your last name?
• 43:50
  Speaker 3: Do you give them your phone number?
• 43:52
  Speaker 3: Do you like let them know where you live?
• 43:55
  Speaker 3: And the best advice we went through this agency called Gladney that someone told us like run, don't walk to Gladney.
• 44:04
  Speaker 3: They are fricking amazing.
• 44:07
  Speaker 3: And they're amazing because they advocate for us, like we have our own caseworker, but they also are amazing at advocating for the birth moms, and the birth mom has their own caseworker and a lot of adoption agencies.
• 44:19
  Speaker 3: We've kind of found and heard that they weigh one way or the other, either like more supporting the adoptive families or the birth moms, and Gladney just fricking hits it out of the park with both of um, our girls adoption stories and they they're like they said early on, you know you want to open your heart, you want to love, but remember, like any information you give out you can't take back.
• 44:46
  Speaker 3: So there's there's almost like a with which is a lot of life.
• 44:51
  Speaker 3: You have to have a long-term perspective on some of these things and sometimes, when it feels so heated and so serious in the moment, there's there's a little bit of a perspective to like go higher level and see that I don't know the.
• 45:07
  Speaker 3: So, yes, tons of fears, still a ton of fears.
• 45:12
  Speaker 3: Have you, uh, read the book the prophet by?
• 45:15
  Speaker 3: I can never remember his name.
• 45:17
  Speaker 3: Have you ever read the book the prophet?
• 45:19
  Speaker 3: No, um, he's got it's.
• 45:24
  Speaker 3: Uh, it's this man talking to a village.
• 45:29
  Speaker 3: He's called the prophet.
• 45:30
  Speaker 3: He stops at this village and the people of the village ask him questions like tell us about work, tell us about, like, a marriage, tell us about money.
• 45:40
  Speaker 3: And they say, tell us about parents.
• 45:42
  Speaker 3: And he's got this beautiful written passage about children not being ours.
• 45:49
  Speaker 3: They come through us but they don't belong to us.
• 45:52
  Speaker 3: And it's all about like you can share your thoughts but you can't give them your thoughts, and the passage just really rings true and it's how it reflects a lot in our parenting and I think, maybe because our girls are adopted, it helps us.
• 46:14
  Speaker 3: We're here to give them a safe space, to give them security, to keep them fed, to model what life is like by how we treat other people, our work ethic, our honesty, all that stuff and discipline to keep them safe and they're their own person and like let them be their own person, and with a lot of surrendering and letting go, and that's that's kind of how we parent, surrendering and letting go, and that's that's kind of how we parent.
• 46:46
  Speaker 3: And I think in the adoption that's that's been pretty powerful perspective for us to not try to control anything outside of ourselves, cause really we're the only people that we can control.
• 46:57
  Speaker 2: Love that.
• 46:58
  Speaker 2: Um, how do you spell Gladney?
• 47:00
  Speaker 2: I would want to give them some love in this episode comes out.
• 47:03
  Speaker 3: Yeah, g L A D N E Y.
• 47:05
  Speaker 3: That's kind of what I thought, but I wanted to ask um.
• 47:08
  Speaker 3: You said the word on the spot cause.
• 47:10
  Speaker 3: I'm not a very good speller, but I nailed it, you go to the next round.
• 47:13
  Speaker 2: Man, you pass spelling bee.
• 47:14
  Speaker 2: Uh, you said I just had.
• 47:16
  Speaker 3: I did were from that.
• 47:26
  Speaker 3: Just she's in sixth grade, just went to dc and like got all the way through the spelling bee.
• 47:28
  Speaker 3: Didn't win the whole thing, but she was on tv local hero, let's go.
• 47:31
  Speaker 3: Yeah, girl, no yeah, I'll let you go back to it but I just thought it was cool that a little girl on stage like what kind of experience is that like to have some growth there and a community supporting you and trying and failing?
• 47:44
  Speaker 3: Yeah?
• 47:46
  Speaker 2: the furthest I made.
• 47:47
  Speaker 2: It was third period, eighth grade, but yeah, what a great memory I.
• 47:52
  Speaker 3: I don't even think they gave me a spot on the stage.
• 47:55
  Speaker 2: I I, I got lucky too.
• 47:57
  Speaker 2: It's like you'd get, like you know someone get like.
• 47:59
  Speaker 2: Uh, ventriloquist I'd be like.
• 48:01
  Speaker 3: And then my words like cat, yes yes, yeah ventriloquist I'd just be like, hey, thanks for having me guys, and yeah, yeah, shower up.
• 48:10
  Speaker 2: Good seeing you.
• 48:11
  Speaker 2: Um, you said the word surrender great book.
• 48:13
  Speaker 2: Uh, I picked up on that.
• 48:15
  Speaker 2: You must be a reader.
• 48:16
  Speaker 2: Um, this book helped me a lot during my entrepreneurial journey that kind of truly found me.
• 48:21
  Speaker 2: It's called the surrender experiment.
• 48:23
  Speaker 2: Okay, great book.
• 48:24
  Speaker 2: Uh, it's um, I think his name is Michael Singer, it's a little out there from a spiritual perspective at times Um but say the name again surrender the surrender experiment.
• 48:36
  Speaker 3: Okay, cool.
• 48:37
  Speaker 2: It just kind of lets you know that you know there's a lot we don't have control over.
• 48:41
  Speaker 2: But surrender to the fact that, um, and shout out to Andy Parks who who turned that book onto me, and I just surrendered to, like you know, for 40 something years of life before I entered this entrepreneurial journey.
• 48:55
  Speaker 2: Like you figured it out, dude, and you, you know you use the skills of humility, of vulnerability, curiosity, drive, grit, resilience, like those skills are going to be transferable in anything you do, and just kind of surrendered the fact like don't try to, like make something.
• 49:08
  Speaker 2: I'm just kind of keep doing what you're doing Serving people, show up positive, bring energy of positivity.
• 49:12
  Speaker 2: And like, next thing, you know, like I became a coach, I became a speaker, I became a author, I became a podcaster.
• 49:19
  Speaker 2: Those were not really in the cards, but it's like if there's a I've been saying this to some people recently it's like I feel like it's a calling, you know, cause I don't feel like I work a day in my life.
• 49:27
  Speaker 2: Now that's a cliche, but I'm living it, yeah.
• 49:30
  Speaker 3: You know it's.
• 49:32
  Speaker 3: Yeah, the concept of surrendering is something I'm definitely playing with in the last couple of years and and trusting and manifesting and affirmations, and I think patience is also a big one.
• 49:48
  Speaker 3: We've talked about patience before.
• 49:50
  Speaker 3: That surrendering takes a lot of trust and patience.
• 49:53
  Speaker 3: So, yeah, in the entrepreneur journey, when the fear comes in and the self-doubt and the questioning, am I doing the right thing?
• 50:04
  Speaker 3: Am I spending my time on the right stuff?
• 50:06
  Speaker 3: To be able to, I guess, like sit with that, hear all those thoughts here, feel that like disappointment, fear, questioning, and to surrender to it and just let life happen?
• 50:24
  Speaker 3: I mean, I don't, I, it's a fricking new skill.
• 50:29
  Speaker 3: Right, you named all those skills that bought, you, brought you success.
• 50:32
  Speaker 3: Surrendering is probably a brand new skill that I, I, um, I'm I'm trying to work on and I think the fear need to work on and I think the fear and I think this happens in a lot of men, a lot of dads is like, oh, if I surrender and I slow down, like surrender kind of has, like I'm going to stop fighting, I'm quitting, and if I surrender, then what the hell am I going to do?
• 50:58
  Speaker 3: Just go sit on the couch and eat Doritos and watch Netflix all the time, and I don't think that's what I've found when I surrender is there's an ease to it, there's less pressure, there's less rush and that's when creativity starts to flow and, like you said, like you're living like a life that like has started to live through you.
• 51:21
  Speaker 3: Coaching came to you, speaking came to you, like that, that shit happens and it's so cool and beautiful.
• 51:29
  Speaker 3: Um it, yeah, a lot of that stuff.
• 51:34
  Speaker 3: I mean there's spiritual books that talk about it.
• 51:36
  Speaker 3: Have you, are you Steven Pressfield?
• 51:38
  Speaker 3: You ever listen to read him?
• 51:40
  Speaker 3: He's, uh, the the war of art, and he talks about resistance.
• 51:45
  Speaker 3: His thing is like this resistance that we have inside to our creatives part of us, our resistance to surrendering and letting the universe take over, or whatever.
• 51:58
  Speaker 3: But he's an awesome writer.
• 51:59
  Speaker 3: He wrote Legend of Bagger Vance.
• 52:03
  Speaker 3: He wrote Gates of Fire, which is the story of the battle on Thermopylae.
• 52:11
  Speaker 3: It's what the movie 300 and the Spartans it was based on that book.
• 52:15
  Speaker 3: He's awesome nonfiction writer and an awesome fiction novelist too.
• 52:20
  Speaker 3: So he's cool dude.
• 52:22
  Speaker 2: Very cool, I wrote it down.
• 52:23
  Speaker 2: I got my book list is growing here, brother.
• 52:25
  Speaker 2: I know Mine too too, so he's cool dude.
• 52:26
  Speaker 2: Very cool, I wrote it down, I got.
• 52:27
  Speaker 2: I got my.
• 52:27
  Speaker 2: My book list has grown here, brother, I know.
• 52:29
  Speaker 2: Okay, so one of the questions I like, as we kind of wrap up here, if you had to like think about, um, everything we've talked about so far, before we're going to get and talk about something else in a second.
• 52:39
  Speaker 2: But if you talk about everything we've talked about and we can kind of summarize some like key takeaways that dads can say man, I learned a lot from this conversation.
• 52:46
  Speaker 2: Just listen to these two guys talking and here's, here's one, two or three things I'm going to take out of our episode that will help me kind of become maybe a better father, better leader, better quarterback or dad in my household.
• 52:57
  Speaker 2: Tell me what comes to mind, tommy.
• 53:05
  Speaker 3: I feel like we've touched on some like great topics that are points that seem so obvious, like enjoy the small moments and you got to appreciate those.
• 53:12
  Speaker 3: Slow down, be present.
• 53:13
  Speaker 3: I agree with freaking, all those um so I guess you know dad's listening you some of those things that sound like sound bites and that everybody tells you oh, it happened, it goes by so fast, it goes by so quickly.
• 53:30
  Speaker 3: Enjoy each moment.
• 53:31
  Speaker 3: I guess I would say it's possible.
• 53:34
  Speaker 3: And to you know, do the work you need to do to let go of pressure, let go of the fear.
• 53:45
  Speaker 3: The comparison man, the surrender message is so cool because if you wrote down on paper what you have in life, you'd probably stop after a couple minutes and be like, damn, I got a pretty freaking good life.
• 54:01
  Speaker 3: I have a lot of the things that I need.
• 54:03
  Speaker 3: Right now I'm telling myself I need more money, but if I look in the bank account and everything like that, everything's pretty legit.
• 54:09
  Speaker 3: Slow the hell down right and enjoy and cause.
• 54:14
  Speaker 3: I think it's Ryan Holiday who writes a lot about stoicism, but it's like if we're rushing through life, like what are we rushing towards?
• 54:24
  Speaker 3: And the only thing we're rushing towards is death and it's the only thing that's waiting for us, and it's tomorrow or it's 50 years from now, but when we're rushing through life, that's the only thing we're rushing towards.
• 54:36
  Speaker 3: So slow down.
• 54:37
  Speaker 3: There's no rush to get anywhere because you're already there.
• 54:42
  Speaker 3: It's happening right in front of you right now.
• 54:45
  Speaker 3: And I feel like I'm preaching right now because I got to take a taste of my own medicine all the time.
• 54:50
  Speaker 3: But when I'm there and I'm able to slow down and surrender, life's fucking beautiful.
• 54:58
  Speaker 2: Love it, dude.
• 54:58
  Speaker 2: I mean, I think it's spot on.
• 54:59
  Speaker 2: I mean so much we think, oh, it's common sense.
• 55:02
  Speaker 2: Well, it's not common sense.
• 55:03
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's common sense to maybe some people.
• 55:06
  Speaker 2: Um, but sometimes we as humans we're flawed.
• 55:10
  Speaker 2: We're all of us.
• 55:11
  Speaker 2: That's one thing we have in common.
• 55:12
  Speaker 2: And, um, I I joke sometimes, but I mean it seriously like with my business world, like the book I wrote, um it's, I wrote about six common sense things that helped me in 25 years of corporate America, but they're not common to everybody else.
• 55:32
  Speaker 2: I had a CEO say so you're telling me if I could just bring positive energy to a meeting and show up positive, it's going to help me.
• 55:37
  Speaker 2: I'm like, yeah, think about it, it's not.
• 55:40
  Speaker 2: But people get stuck, we get stuck, we get in these loops of negativity.
• 55:44
  Speaker 2: We forget about our values that drive us, and so it's like I think that I'm glad the surrender hit you, and I don't think it's preaching, I think it's just like it's being just being honest and showing how, talking about how you're feeling, and I think that's the beauty of this conversation.
• 55:59
  Speaker 2: Everybody at home is like, you know, if, if there's something that's simple, like really think about it and think about how can you make that simple like a habit of, so it's always there.
• 56:15
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and, and what I, you know, your book and what you said about that CEO, and I think is could be another uh call out and like call to action for guys listening is what content are you putting in your brain right now, through your eyes, through your ears?
• 56:27
  Speaker 3: Is it content that's positive and lifting you up and helping you, or is it, like, you know, just brain noise that's numbing you out?
• 56:35
  Speaker 3: And I think that's.
• 56:37
  Speaker 3: You know, you can meditate, you could go and start journaling that.
• 56:40
  Speaker 3: I think.
• 56:42
  Speaker 3: Yes, yes, yes, but it starts with, like the knowledge that you're putting into your brain and the content that's around.
• 56:49
  Speaker 3: So, yeah, for that guy to read your book and just get that aha, like, oh, it just has to be a little more positive.
• 56:56
  Speaker 3: Sweet, that's something to work on, work on small steps towards that, just always getting better, one little step at a time.
• 57:04
  Speaker 2: Steps towards that Just always getting better one little step at a time.
• 57:06
  Speaker 2: So good, okay, now, as you think about an area, your dad game um, you know you're, I would say you're in the third, second or third inning your dad journey.
• 57:14
  Speaker 2: Um, ish, like, tell me what would be an area, your dad game that like you're, like you can be honest to yourself, saying, man, that's, that's, probably's not.
• 57:23
  Speaker 2: When I'm not my best, this skill comes out.
• 57:24
  Speaker 2: At least I know it, I'm going to own it and I'm going to work to get better at it.
• 57:28
  Speaker 2: What comes to mind, and for me it's patience, so I'll leave my witness.
• 57:32
  Speaker 3: Okay, yeah, my patience for me as well, but not on the angry side of things angry side of things I would have been working on the last, probably like I don't know six months or so is being more disciplined and being like not saying yes, so much or not one more.
• 57:58
  Speaker 3: I think I can get into the.
• 57:58
  Speaker 3: My patience is like I don't want my daughter to feel disappointed.
• 58:00
  Speaker 3: My patience is like I don't want my daughter to feel disappointed.
• 58:03
  Speaker 3: I don't want her to feel like she's missing out or doesn't have what she needs, and that gets in my way.
• 58:13
  Speaker 3: I think my work is to let my daughter feel disappointed a little bit more.
• 58:20
  Speaker 3: And what I have found out is that it's usually an emotion that our kids are feeling when we get triggered and we yell, or if we please them and give them everything they want.
• 58:32
  Speaker 3: We don't want them to feel a certain emotion.
• 58:36
  Speaker 3: So, whether it's disappointment or if your kid's fucking angry and throwing a huge tantrum, like we get uncomfortable with that and the reason is because we're uncomfortable with that and the reason is because we're uncomfortable with that emotion in ourself.
• 58:47
  Speaker 3: So you know anger, if our kids really angry and we are yelling back at them to get them to chill out.
• 58:55
  Speaker 3: It's because we're we haven't worked on our anger, we haven't explored why that's there, and for me it's been disappointment and it it's cool.
• 59:04
  Speaker 3: I've, you know, not going to go too deep into it, but I've realized like, oh, I don't want my daughter to feel disappointed Something about me.
• 59:12
  Speaker 3: I don't want to feel my own disappointment.
• 59:13
  Speaker 3: What's that about?
• 59:14
  Speaker 3: So now I go and I get introspective and you know, you said I'm in the third inning.
• 59:19
  Speaker 3: I feel like I'm in.
• 59:20
  Speaker 3: Maybe it's a long third inning or something like that but it's uh, that, that's what I'm working on right now.
• 59:27
  Speaker 2: Love it.
• 59:27
  Speaker 2: Um, okay, before we get into the lightning round, which I go completely random on you, talk to me about the durable dad podcast.
• 59:34
  Speaker 2: How can people learn more about it and why to start it?
• 59:38
  Speaker 3: Yeah, uh, started it because I'm a men's coach, so I'm coaching men all the time and we're having these conversations and they're being vulnerable with what's going on in their life and they're hitting these goals and overcoming obstacles.
• 59:56
  Speaker 3: And you start to see the same dudes working on the same stuff and it's like, oh, I, you know, I package this together and I can try to tell more guys.
• 1:00:06
  Speaker 3: And just podcasting, like you've learned, is a pretty cool outlet to get the word out.
• 1:00:11
  Speaker 3: It's free, not much.
• 1:00:13
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it was easy to start doing and, yeah, it's really there.
• 1:00:18
  Speaker 3: It's there to help guys.
• 1:00:20
  Speaker 3: It's there, you know, honestly, for them to get to know me a little bit more, my personality, my values and things like that, in case they want to take that next step and have a conversation.
• 1:00:31
  Speaker 3: But the podcast, it's a snippet of something every week for a man to take home.
• 1:00:40
  Speaker 3: It's leadership in the workplace, it's leadership at home, it's leadership in your relationship, and it's 10 to 20 minutes and my wife and I do it together.
• 1:00:51
  Speaker 3: We kind of brainstorm it all together.
• 1:00:53
  Speaker 3: She edits it and makes it real concise and nice.
• 1:00:56
  Speaker 3: So, yeah, you're getting a good bang for your buck on that morning commute or while you're washing dishes, something like that Been getting really.
• 1:01:05
  Speaker 3: We're on episode 69 and been getting good feedback.
• 1:01:10
  Speaker 3: Guys like it, I'm.
• 1:01:11
  Speaker 3: I'm enjoying it more and more.
• 1:01:13
  Speaker 3: I don't know about you.
• 1:01:14
  Speaker 3: The first like 25 episodes I was fricking nervous and didn't feel like myself at all, but I'm starting to feel a little normal and rolling with it.
• 1:01:22
  Speaker 3: So that's the durable dad podcast.
• 1:01:26
  Speaker 2: So cool.
• 1:01:26
  Speaker 2: We'll make sure that it's it's um tagged in the show notes.
• 1:01:29
  Speaker 2: Dads, you can.
• 1:01:29
  Speaker 2: You can check out Tommy's podcast, his wife's podcast together.
• 1:01:32
  Speaker 2: Um, okay, it's now time to go into the.
• 1:01:37
  Speaker 2: Uh, actually, before I go lightning round, tell me how can people find you?
• 1:01:40
  Speaker 2: What's, what's the other ways to?
• 1:01:42
  Speaker 3: Yeah, tommy G coachingcom.
• 1:01:45
  Speaker 3: So go there and actually for the podcast there's a roadmap you can download to stop losing your temper and it just gives you 10 episodes and you listen to them in that order over the course of 10 days and it kind of just you know, you'll start to have a different relationship with your anger, with your temper, with your um patients.
• 1:02:04
  Speaker 3: So that's a cool place to start TommyGCoachingcom.
• 1:02:09
  Speaker 2: Tommy G Coaching, and are you on any of the social platforms?
• 1:02:11
  Speaker 2: People can find you as well.
• 1:02:13
  Speaker 3: Yeah, LinkedIn is my main one.
• 1:02:14
  Speaker 3: We post to Instagram and Facebook, but LinkedIn.
• 1:02:18
  Speaker 3: This this year from one of my coaches, I took the advice that only focus on one social media platform.
• 1:02:25
  Speaker 3: So we post all of them, but I only comment or go messaging and DMS through LinkedIn.
• 1:02:32
  Speaker 3: So that's probably the best way to find me Very cool.
• 1:02:35
  Speaker 3: On the website too.
• 1:02:37
  Speaker 2: We will make sure all those are linked in the show notes.
• 1:02:38
  Speaker 2: Um, I love that.
• 1:02:40
  Speaker 2: That's how we we met.
• 1:02:41
  Speaker 2: And uh, okay, lightning round.
• 1:02:44
  Speaker 2: This is where I go, random.
• 1:02:46
  Speaker 2: I show you the negative hits have taken too many hits in college, not bong hits, but football hits.
• 1:02:49
  Speaker 2: Your job is to answer these questions as quickly as you can, and my, my hope is to get a giggle out of you.
• 1:02:54
  Speaker 2: Okay, are you ready?
• 1:02:56
  Speaker 2: I'm already smiling.
• 1:02:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, uh, true or false?
• 1:02:59
  Speaker 2: You actually won the 1986 gold medal, snowboarding.
• 1:03:05
  Speaker 3: Yeah, 86.
• 1:03:05
  Speaker 3: I was three years old and I freaking crushed it.
• 1:03:12
  Speaker 2: I laughed.
• 1:03:12
  Speaker 2: I laughed first I lose.
• 1:03:13
  Speaker 2: Okay, if I went into your phone right now, what would be the one song that your buddies would be kind of shocked you listen to?
• 1:03:20
  Speaker 3: You know, my number one song for Spotify this past year was Encanto the whole Encanto Disney movie thing.
• 1:03:31
  Speaker 3: I don't know if my friends would be too surprised to see that.
• 1:03:34
  Speaker 3: But yeah, and that's not just because I have kids I can be listening to Encanto and Disney music.
• 1:03:40
  Speaker 3: There we go.
• 1:03:41
  Speaker 3: The Moana song I think it's like songs of our ancestors is like one of my pump up songs, so that you'll find that in my Spotify list Also, if you were to exercise.
• 1:03:51
  Speaker 2: What's your one go-to exercise that you'd love?
• 1:03:53
  Speaker 2: You always love doing.
• 1:03:57
  Speaker 3: Uh, I had the burpee.
• 1:03:58
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I'll say the burpee, that that's the burpee, and I have this one Tai Chi twist that I do that.
• 1:04:07
  Speaker 3: That gets some energy going also.
• 1:04:10
  Speaker 2: There we go.
• 1:04:10
  Speaker 2: If I came to your house for dinner tonight, what would we have?
• 1:04:13
  Speaker 3: Burgers and hot dogs, potato chips.
• 1:04:15
  Speaker 3: There you go.
• 1:04:17
  Speaker 2: Um favorite, um favorite comedy movie ever seen.
• 1:04:21
  Speaker 3: Comedy movie.
• 1:04:22
  Speaker 3: Uh, man, man.
• 1:04:25
  Speaker 3: I mean, the first things that come to mind are like Men in Black and Back to the Future.
• 1:04:30
  Speaker 3: Those are my two favorite movies.
• 1:04:32
  Speaker 3: Well, Independence Day is my favorite movie, but that's not a comedy.
• 1:04:35
  Speaker 3: So I'm a huge Will Smith fan.
• 1:04:37
  Speaker 3: So if I had one answer, I'll say Men in Black and Men in Black 3.
• 1:04:43
  Speaker 3: If you haven't seen it, they nailed it with the trilogy there, there you go.
• 1:04:48
  Speaker 2: Were you a fresh Prince of Bel-Air guy?
• 1:04:50
  Speaker 2: I was.
• 1:04:51
  Speaker 3: Huge yeah, me and my mom would watch that every night.
• 1:04:56
  Speaker 2: So good.
• 1:04:56
  Speaker 2: If there was to be a book written about your life, tell me the title.
• 1:05:01
  Speaker 3: Book written about my life.
• 1:05:02
  Speaker 3: It would be called, hmm, uh, the boring war or the bored warrior, something like that, and it would.
• 1:05:11
  Speaker 3: It would be about like life getting kind of seemingly boring, but kind of what I talked about earlier.
• 1:05:21
  Speaker 3: Yet we're all warriors and there's a battle to be fought every day and there's good and evil and there's light and darkness.
• 1:05:29
  Speaker 3: And you know probably find some stories that where I chose light and I could have chose darkness, or sometimes I did choose darkness and then I got through it and was, you know, the the board warrior.
• 1:05:41
  Speaker 2: I like that, yeah, okay, now tell me, the board warrior, believe it or not is absolutely destroying it.
• 1:05:46
  Speaker 2: It's crushing it Every freaking airport, from freaking Toledo, ohio, to Junction City, colorado, to Denver to Kansas City.
• 1:05:56
  Speaker 2: Everybody's reading it.
• 1:05:57
  Speaker 2: And now Netflix found out about it.
• 1:05:59
  Speaker 2: And now they're going to make a movie and you're the casting director and I need to know who's going to star you in the board warrior.
• 1:06:06
  Speaker 3: Okay, is it just domestic or did it go international?
• 1:06:09
  Speaker 2: Dude, it's fricking world.
• 1:06:10
  Speaker 2: It's.
• 1:06:10
  Speaker 2: It's in Mars, it's on different planets.
• 1:06:12
  Speaker 3: Intergalactic, Well, not intergalactic, interstellar, Uh well.
• 1:06:19
  Speaker 2: Bradley Cooper.
• 1:06:19
  Speaker 2: I was going cooper, I was gonna say you got a little bradley cooper in you.
• 1:06:30
  Speaker 3: I can see it I've got.
• 1:06:31
  Speaker 2: I've got it before and he's a freaking awesome actor, so I'd give it to bradley cooper.
• 1:06:33
  Speaker 2: He's got a little good voice too.
• 1:06:33
  Speaker 3: Tell me something, girl, that'll um okay and then wait that one might have been on my spotify playlist like two three years ago something girl oh yeah, okay, I don't want to start singing um.
• 1:06:45
  Speaker 2: Last question pretty good voice, thank you.
• 1:06:46
  Speaker 2: Tell me two words to describe your wife badass, hyphenated, like that is one um, uh, like secret badass, secret badass.
• 1:06:58
  Speaker 3: Or like or yeah, yeah, we'll go, she's just like.
• 1:07:01
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I think people get really surprised when they hear like some of the things she's done and some of the things she can do and underestimated badass, maybe that's it.
• 1:07:14
  Speaker 2: There we go.
• 1:07:14
  Speaker 2: I love it, and it's Brenda.
• 1:07:16
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:07:17
  Speaker 2: Brenda, keep doing what you're doing, girl, I love it.
• 1:07:19
  Speaker 2: Lighting rounds over, we both giggled.
• 1:07:21
  Speaker 2: We'll call it a tie.
• 1:07:22
  Speaker 2: Tommy, it's been fantastic meeting you.
• 1:07:25
  Speaker 2: I love spending time with people that I don't know.
• 1:07:28
  Speaker 2: I because you get immediate connection.
• 1:07:30
  Speaker 2: And again, I showed tommy the script before we started everybody, it was a blank piece of paper.
• 1:07:33
  Speaker 2: I now have a full page of notes.
• 1:07:35
  Speaker 2: Um, hopefully, as you guys are listening to these episodes, you're you're taking notes too.
• 1:07:39
  Speaker 2: Um, if your dad out there that has, has, uh, maybe first time, checking this podcast out, encourage you to look, look at some other episodes 250, something of these things probably gotten actually close to 260 when this episode comes out.
• 1:07:51
  Speaker 2: I want to thank everybody for taking time to leave a review, whether it's in Spotify, apple, wherever you consume podcasts we're on all of these platforms, um, and if you think of a good show idea or you think of a good dad that we should talk to, please contact us on any of our social platforms.
• 1:08:07
  Speaker 2: We're on Instagram and LinkedIn as well.
• 1:08:10
  Speaker 2: But, tommy, man, it's been great getting to know you.
• 1:08:12
  Speaker 2: Man, keep doing what you're doing.
• 1:08:13
  Speaker 2: I appreciate the love and support you're doing for dads out there and I'll make sure that everyone hopefully learns more about your coaching, as well as the Durable Dad Podcast.
• 1:08:21
  Speaker 3: Awesome, casey.
• 1:08:22
  Speaker 3: Thanks so much, man, you bet.