Latest / Overwhelmed Working Woman: Boost Productivity, Master Time Management, Overcome Overwhelm & Stop People Pleasing / #98| Stop Letting Others Cause Your Overwhelm
Transcript
- 0:04Speaker 1: you're listening to overwhelmed working woman, the podcast that helps you be more calm and more productive by doing less.
- 0:12Speaker 1: I'm your host, michelle gothier, a former overwhelmed working woman and current life coach.
- 0:16Speaker 1: On this show, we unpack the stress and pressure that today's working woman experiences and in each episode you'll get a strategy to bring more calm, ease and relaxation to your life.
- 0:28Speaker 1: Friend, thanks for joining Quick Hit Thursday.
- 0:36Speaker 1: I'm going to start off with a little story today and I want you to think about what you would do in this situation.
- 0:42Speaker 1: So imagine, if you will, that you have decided to host a girls dinner and you plan the meal for your five friends who have said that they're going to come, which means you clean the house and plan the meal and cook the food and set the table and get all ready and an hour before, one of the people who's supposed to come texts you and cancels with very little explanation Just so sorry, something came up, I can't make it tonight.
- 1:10Speaker 1: What do you do?
- 1:12Speaker 1: Just think about your first reaction and note what that reaction is.
- 1:19Speaker 1: Hold that in your mind.
- 1:21Speaker 1: In that moment, you have so many options and so many potential ways to feel, and I think it's human nature to be a little bit upset or frustrated about that.
- 1:30Speaker 1: But of course it's frustrating after you've gone to so much effort and you really want that person to be there or you wouldn't have invited her in the first place, right?
- 1:40Speaker 1: Maybe she has a legitimate reason not to come, or maybe she doesn't.
- 1:45Speaker 1: And who can really even define what legit is or not?
- 1:48Speaker 1: Like, where is the policy on what is allowed and what is not allowed for one hour before dinner?
- 1:55Speaker 1: So today I want to introduce this concept of MGI most generous interpretation.
- 2:02Speaker 1: Mgi is the practice of assuming the kindest, most empathetic explanation for someone's actions or words, even if it seems negative at first.
- 2:13Speaker 1: So why would we do this?
- 2:15Speaker 1: Because I think most of the time our brain will go to well.
- 2:18Speaker 1: Why am I letting somebody off the hook who has done something bad to me?
- 2:22Speaker 1: Here's why to do it.
- 2:25Speaker 1: Giving someone the benefit of the doubt, so to speak, or the most generous interpretation, helps you because you can be not upset, not mad, and enjoy the rest of your dinner party with the guests who are coming in this example that I'm using.
- 2:41Speaker 1: And also, when you choose curiosity or most generous interpretation over judgment, you really don't need to keep thinking about it.
- 2:50Speaker 1: You can say gosh, I hope she's okay, I wonder what's going on with her, I hope everything's fine and then you can move on instead of imagine if you decided to choose the path of being really angry and frustrated.
- 3:03Speaker 1: What would happen is you would miss out on the other four guests in this example.
- 3:08Speaker 1: It also builds a stronger relationship with the person.
- 3:11Speaker 1: So the person who canceled last minute if you're able to show them kindness and empathy, it can build a stronger relationship with them as well.
- 3:20Speaker 1: I think this most generous interpretation is really helpful and important for us because and this is from Dr Becky Kennedy she has a book called Good Inside, which is also the name of her podcast, and she talks about this most generous interpretation I'm pretty sure she's the one who came up with this At least she's the one who I heard it from and she talks about separating a person's behavior from their character.
- 3:49Speaker 1: She focuses a lot on parenting, and so, if you think about that in terms of a child, sometimes your child can behave very badly, but they are not a very bad person or child.
- 4:00Speaker 1: And the same can be true for adults they might behave badly, but it doesn't mean that they're a bad person.
- 4:07Speaker 1: So, when you give the most generous interpretation of someone's behavior, you resist making a judgment on their character or who they are as a person.
- 4:17Speaker 1: So let's talk about exactly what to ask yourself in that moment when you want to use this most generous interpretation.
- 4:26Speaker 1: I think it's helpful to say what's the most generous interpretation of their actions.
- 4:32Speaker 1: So she just texted me this the most generous interpretation is something is wrong and she has decided that she needs to address that thing instead of coming tonight.
- 4:41Speaker 1: I really don't need to know what's wrong.
- 4:43Speaker 1: If it's a close friend, maybe you ask but it's really not my business, unless she wants to share it with me and think could it stem from stress or a misunderstanding or some kind of struggle that I don't see?
- 4:55Speaker 1: And when you ask yourself those questions, you can usually come up with a very generous interpretation.
- 5:03Speaker 1: Now here's the rub, and this is what people always ask me when we talk about the most generous interpretation.
- 5:08Speaker 1: Well, what if this person does this every time?
- 5:11Speaker 1: Is it okay to just let somebody take advantage of me?
- 5:15Speaker 1: You know what I'm going to say to that one no, it is not okay to let somebody take advantage of you.
- 5:19Speaker 1: So when you're of calm mind and you use the most generous interpretation.
- 5:24Speaker 1: The great thing is, you can decide from a calm place.
- 5:28Speaker 1: So if this is the third time this year that you've had a dinner party and the third time she's canceled an hour before and that bothers you, you could just not invite her next time if you want to, or you could just think about it and say you, you could just not invite her next time if you want to, or you could just think about it and say you know what?
- 5:42Speaker 1: I'd rather still invite her, and even if she cancels, we'll miss her, but I'm going to run the risk and hope that she comes sometime so you can calmly and clearly think about what to do for next time.
- 5:54Speaker 1: I had this good friend a couple years ago.
- 5:57Speaker 1: She's still a friend, but she would always, always, always, always run late and we used to meet for lunch on work days, and this was when I had my corporate job.
- 6:07Speaker 1: So it was very inflexible and it was a lot of work for me to leave my office for an hour.
- 6:12Speaker 1: So when she would be late and sometimes she would provide me with information like, oh sorry, I ran a quick errand before we met and I've just been sitting at the restaurant for 15 minutes, and so finally, I just decided you know what I don't want to do this anymore.
- 6:28Speaker 1: I don't have anything against her.
- 6:30Speaker 1: I'm just not going to like spend my whole morning trying to catch up on work so I can go to lunch and then sit there at the restaurant by myself.
- 6:39Speaker 1: So you always have that option to change your own behavior for the next time.
- 6:43Speaker 1: But giving that person the most generous interpretation never hurts you, and that's what we're talking about all the time on this podcast is how to help you feel less overwhelmed and less upset so that you can just go on with your calm and happy life.
- 6:59Speaker 1: Okay, that's all I've got for you today.
- 7:02Speaker 1: If you feel like this particular episode spoke to you, would you share it with a friend?
- 7:07Speaker 1: I would love for more people to know about this podcast and tune in with us every week.
- 7:12Speaker 1: Have a great day.
- 7:21Speaker 1: Thank you for listening to the overwhelmed working woman podcast.
- 7:24Speaker 1: If you want to learn more about my work, head over to my website at michellegothiercom.
- 7:31Speaker 1: See you next week.