Latest / The Family Teams Podcast / Ep. 151 | You Are on a Lifelong Journey of Intimacy with Your Spouse

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Ep. 151 | You Are on a Lifelong Journey of Intimacy with Your Spouse · The Family Teams Podcast

• 0:00
  What's up, 5-Minute Fatherhood listeners? Have you guys seen that Family Team's Weekend Live is officially open? You can register. You can claim your spot. A two-day event, Cincinnati, Ohio, October 18th and 19th this year. We're going to pack 250 couples in a Memorial Hall historic theater downtown where we're going to lean in, roll up our sleeves, and we're going to be able to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a
• 0:20
  and have a workshop about building a multi-generational family team on mission. You're gonna get practical tips, you're gonna get practical tools, you're gonna leave with a family blueprint and manual, and officially you're also going to be not alone and realize there's other people who want to do the same thing as you. We want you guys there, it's selling out fast, so make sure to go to familyteams.com slash weekend to register and claim your spot. And there's also a special little discount code if you're part of our Facebook group, which you can find a link to that.
• 0:48
  in the info section on audio or the info section on the YouTube channel. So again, familyteams.com slash weekend. It's selling out fast. Claim your spot. We'd love to see you there. And every single one of us can do this. And it just takes a little bit of discipline.
• 1:11
  Hey guys, welcome to the 5-Minute Fatherhood Podcast. I'm your co-host, Jeff Bethke, along with my friend and mentor, Jeremy Pryor. Join us Monday through Friday as we chat about quick tips, skills, and ways to help equip you on your journey as a father to build your multi-generational family team on mission. Stay tuned.
• 1:32
  Hey, what's up, guys? Welcome to another 5-Minute Fatherhood. One of the things that is really amazing about being married is that you are on a lifelong journey with your spouse of intimacy, of closeness, and you want to be getting closer and closer to each other every single year. But this can be really challenging when you have little kids, really challenging in...
• 1:55
  If as a guy, maybe you're a little bit emotionally distant, maybe emotions are not the first thing that you want to share with your wife. And so I want to speak directly to those dads who feel that kind of emotional distance. If your wife's ever said that she feels like, I don't feel like we're getting deeper in our relationship. We're going deeper in our intimacy, our knowledge of each other. We're not sharing vulnerably with each other.
• 2:18
  And it really is important, guys, that we learn how to really share our emotions. This has not been an easy thing for me. I love to talk about ideas. I could probably forever talk about that. That's where my mind just goes when I'm in a deep conversation. That's kind of my personality. But that's not really healthy to be constantly building my relationship with my wife on that. And guys have other reasons why they might not be sharing these kinds of emotions. So I want to give you a super practical tip.
• 2:48
  Then, and you, let's say you have a date night every week or a time where you're connecting with your wife. Something that I've started to do that's been amazing for just conversations I've had with April is that I, every morning I write down, I think about, I journal every morning. And this just takes like one sentence, maybe two sentences. I ask myself, when did I feel...
• 3:09
  a strong emotion yesterday. And I just write a sentence about it. It could be like a conversation I had with one of my kids. It could be like anger. It could be joy, peace, surprise, whatever. But I felt something. And I write one sentence about it. It takes me about 20 seconds to do this every morning. And then when I have date night with April, I just start to share a couple of those stories. And man, just...
• 3:31
  Like my heart opens up like that because that's the stuff I need to process. And that's what that's what intimacy really is. It's like having an emotional reaction that you didn't expect and processing with people you love when you don't know where the conversation is going to go. That's the definition of emotional vulnerability. And every single one of us can do this. And it just takes a little bit of discipline. Now, there are some guys, I know, Jeff, you were saying this like you have no problem with this. You don't need to write anything down.
• 3:58
  But some of us are like, this is not easy. Like if I sit down with April and I try to think, what should we talk about during this date night? Like, like almost nothing very helpful is going to come just suddenly into my mind. Yeah. And so I needed I needed a prompt and this is really easy. But man, this is really helps like uncover stuff as well and just have that kind of intimacy with your spouse. But yeah, Jeff, what does that mean?
• 4:22
  Yeah, well, it's funny. Now that you talk, we actually do the same thing, but we do it for different reasons. I think this is actually kind of a cool encouragement to guys all over the spectrum. So I tend to be an oversharer. I'm just super like if I feel it, I'm going to tell you like there's no there's no purpose. There's no need. There's no reason for me to not do that.
• 4:37
  So I actually have the opposite problem where I have to hold back a little bit because I've realized in our marriage, especially with Alyssa being more of a sensitive, soft, tender personality that like I have to make sure I think about what I'm saying first, or I've processed it. That's the word you just said, which I loved before I say it. And so one helpful way for me is to write some things down real quick too in the morning. Just like, Oh, is this, is this going in a direction that doesn't need to go? Have I thought about this before? Have I actually given this any thought? Um, yeah,
• 5:04
  And so, yeah, it's funny that, you know, they're both opposite ends of the spectrum, but it's actually the same solution, which is a little bit more of intentionality starting your day or another way is reflection. I'm hearing like I have to reflect. You have to reflect. We have to think about it before it comes out and not in a huge way. Just kind of like give it two seconds. Right. And I think that's enough to kind of set the sail in certain directions. And then last thing I'll say to guys is.
• 5:25
  Yes, lean into date nights as times of processing. Don't be the husband where you set the tone of like making it feel like your wife has to pry out of you or that she can't, you know, like it's like pulling teeth or like, you know, that is the heart because it's for your joy too. I think when you actually emotionally connect with your spouse, with your wife, you realize that, man, this is where joy is at. This is where intimacy is at. And it's such a beautiful and rich thing. But a lot of us have to fight for it.
• 5:51
  We have to learn how to do it. We have to discipline ourselves in a particular direction, but it is worth that battle. Hey guys, if you like this short content on 5-Minute Fatherhood, then you're going to love long-form interviews that Jeremy and I do with other dads, just like you over at Dads Building Teams. We go much more in depth hearing the stories, challenges, and journeys of different dads who are trying to build multi-generational teams on mission. Just go to whatever podcast platform you use and search for Dads Building Teams.