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Cops and Monsters · The Danger Zoo

0:03
Password accepted. Welcome to the Danger Zoo.
0:07
Welcome to the Department of Anomalous and Non human Genetic
0:11
Entities, Reconnaissance and Zoological Occult Operations.
0:15
I am Coyote, your game warden here with my murder hobos.
0:21
How are you girls doing? I'm doing all right.
0:26
I'm called because I'm homeless. I was waiting for no one to
0:30
respond. That was.
0:31
I know. That's what I was waiting for.
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OK, so, gentlemen, what you didn't know last time, Hazy and
0:40
Baby Bird, when you were going through all this, Grandpa was
0:43
here. He was in hiding.
0:45
Hiding where? He's right there.
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Oh. You see him topping the map.
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Oh, yeah, I see him now. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
0:54
Sneaky. Dog Mission start Night Owl You.
1:02
You come to in the cabin and you're just like, you're just
1:06
waking up, your face down, drooling on a chess board and
1:10
you see me run, jump back on the pool table, and then you're
1:13
spitting a bunch of salami out of your mouth.
1:14
I don't know how that got there. Salami.
1:18
Salami. You are my salami.
1:22
You. Anyways, yeah, so night out.
1:29
What are you doing? Night out?
1:33
He died. He's passed back out on the
1:37
table. Oh, God.
1:40
All right, Grandpa. Thoughty or sorry, Grandpa.
1:43
Baby bird, Hazy. What are you girls doing?
1:46
Well, I remember that we were pretty distraught about not
1:50
being able to gain access to this building.
1:53
Distraught is a strong word. So.
1:58
We're going to get in the building.
2:00
I'm going to bang my fist futilely on the, you know, door
2:04
and, you know, yell like, why won't this door open?
2:10
I'm going to, I'm going to check the basement again.
2:13
This time we have time. Don't forget you gentlemen.
2:17
You guys webbed Eddie to the ground in the middle of town and
2:20
you heard sirens. Was the last thing you guys.
2:22
Oh yeah, we got cops coming. Oh well, thanks for the recap.
2:26
Yeah, it's literally I was about to ask.
2:28
Like, have we? Have I determined where the
2:29
sirens are coming from yet? What's your perception?
2:36
Two, get the fuck out of here. No act actually.
2:41
You look to the north and you thought the noise was coming
2:46
from the north, but now it sounds like the police sirens
2:48
are coming from all over. Oh jeez.
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Hey, I have a crazy like, you know, epiphany just to turn my
2:58
radio back on. I feel like hearing coyotes
3:01
voice. That might be a good idea.
3:04
OK, well grandpa, what are you doing?
3:06
We're still on you all. Right, well at this point,
3:11
considering I've can hear sirens all over, I would probably be
3:15
coming out of hiding like hey guys, we got we have to go.
3:19
All right, you book itself to the boys there and the first one
3:22
you see is baby bird and a gunked up crackhead on the
3:25
ground. Yo, we got to go.
3:30
Oh, hey, Grandpa. Why you do that?
3:33
Hazy? You turn on your radio and use
3:35
Henry going. It's Ranger and Hallelujah, it's
3:41
Ryan. Voice of an Angel.
3:44
What's he saying? I'm going to turn that radio
3:46
right back off. It's not.
3:47
OK, let's get out of here. OK.
3:53
I mean, I feel like we need to do something with this
3:55
crackhead. He somehow serves purpose then.
3:59
We're going to leave him right here.
4:00
I'm running in circles trying to figure out where to go.
4:06
You're just circling Eddie and Grandpa here.
4:11
Oh no, he's Tina Belcher. Is said crackhead Like conscious
4:22
negative. Hey Grandpa, go tickle that
4:28
crackhead. We will have time to play.
4:33
Touch the pervert. We got to go.
4:36
Did you? Yeah.
4:37
Did you miss the part where the sirens are, you know, closing
4:40
in? Oh.
4:42
God and you're probably their most wanted.
4:44
Oh. True enough.
4:46
See. Then why are y'all?
4:47
So why are y'all so worried about it?
4:50
One team, one fight. I don't know.
4:52
All right, Well, fuck it then. I'm following y'all.
4:54
I'm a follower wherever you guys go.
4:57
All right, well, now I want to send you guys a distraction.
4:59
All right? Just go towards the sirens.
5:00
Where can I go this way? Yes, Sir.
5:04
Which way are you going? Who me, Any of you?
5:09
Because everyone just keeps saying we got to go, but
5:11
nobody's saying where they're going.
5:14
We got to go southwest. I'm going to look at them in
5:17
slow motion and be like, I got this and come out, uh oh, in the
5:21
middle of the clearing towards the north, pull out my gun and
5:26
just start blasting in the air. Distraction.
5:29
So you were going to go north from the path to where you guys
5:33
first entered the town. Yeah, like facing that that
5:37
direction. As soon as he fires the first
5:40
round, I'm running S into the woods.
5:44
If these are normal cops, they're going to run.
5:48
All right, Hazy, you go to fire. You now get the role for
5:53
initiative. But cops run away from danger.
6:00
Not these cops. Wasn't that school shooting
6:03
somewhere? You know the good old boy cops
6:06
are like standing outside. Well the ex military dudes ran
6:09
inside. These cops are going to shoot,
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not ask questions at all. These are these kind of cops.
6:16
Oh, they're white. No, they're not.
6:20
Yeah, they are. No, they're Puerto Rican and
6:22
Mexican. And a good old boy town.
6:26
Yeah, that, that don't sound right.
6:27
That's fine. This is a good old boy town.
6:30
This ain't my world, I'm just living in it.
6:33
Jesus. OK, hazy roll for initiative, am
6:37
I actually doing the rolling? Yes, for initiative you are.
6:41
Do I? Do I have to?
6:43
Baby bird roll for initiative. Grandpa roll for initiative.
6:47
Kill these fucking cops. Roll that shit 17.
6:53
Oh, I roll the 17 too. 18 boy. Wow, look at this.
6:58
He's. Going to grandpa Hazy baby bird,
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then and then one of the cops and then the other cop.
7:05
So Grandpa, what are you doing? I need to know when this when
7:09
I'm rolling the initiative. Is this like right after he just
7:11
pops around off and that like what starts all this initiative?
7:14
Absolutely. As soon as he popped around
7:16
everyone just went fuck. The the building that is
7:22
directly to myself. Yes.
7:24
Is there that if you could see my purple thing, is that a door?
7:28
Yes. All right, Well then I'm going
7:31
to run into that building and get in like this position,
7:34
looking out the window to see what the they're like basically
7:37
what's about to go down. All right, absolutely.
7:39
You run into this building, as soon as you're running run into
7:42
the building, you see glass to the right of you.
7:46
So you're definitely avoiding that.
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So you go to east and then you post up, peeping outside the
7:51
window. The window is not fully closed,
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mind you. I totally forgot that the point
7:58
of this was to use the said crackhead as a distraction.
8:01
Damn it, man. All right.
8:03
Well, since now I am the distraction, might as well go
8:05
with it. I wouldn't say distraction
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because you're what they're looking for.
8:11
Yeah, that's why I was doing the OK.
8:16
Have they seen me yet? They heard a gunshot from the
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South at them. It whizzed by them.
8:24
All right, I'm going to go to the West of me and just kind of
8:27
like hide behind the West side of this little building next to
8:30
me. Oh, so you're just taking a step
8:34
to the West, just hiding right there or going all the way up to
8:37
the West side. Keep keep going all the way up
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to the West side. All right, truck around to the
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West side and I'm going all the way to the backside.
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Try to peer to see if I see anything coming.
8:47
Like OK, while you do that, we're going to do a sneak roll.
8:52
So go ahead and roll for a sneak an 8.
8:58
Oh, yeah, you ran. You ran behind the building.
9:00
All right, they saw you go there.
9:02
Nice. I'm a terrible ninja.
9:05
I'm going to shoot tear gas at the cops.
9:08
Nice. There's my partner.
9:12
So you're going to go to the east and shoot or you're going
9:15
to move up closer to them? I have a feeling.
9:20
OK. Like hold on, how can't?
9:21
Stop that feeling. Fucking range on this man. 30
9:25
feet. That's effective range.
9:29
Each square is 5 feet right? Correct.
9:33
Let's see how far can I move It's.
9:36
Under your speed in the bottom left.
9:38
Oh, 40, Holy shit. All right, I'm going to to the
9:43
north where that building is. I'm going to the South facing
9:46
wall on the right side. I'm going to peek around that.
9:50
So you're going to hop Eddie, you're going to run up to the
9:53
building the in the middle of town, you're just going to peek
9:56
around the corner. Yeah, I'm going to fire tear gas
10:00
Adam if. If you're going, if you're going
10:03
all the way there, that that is your role.
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Fuck. Let's see.
10:07
Oh, but you do peek around and you see two cops.
10:11
You see exactly where they are, too, and you see that they're
10:13
looking over to the West side of the building, like they saw Hazy
10:17
run that way. So their attention is drawn that
10:19
way. Oh nice, I can smell their sweat
10:22
on their cocks. Whoa.
10:24
Oh my. God, that was oddly so Pacific.
10:30
That's how close I am. All right, so one cop.
10:34
Way too specific. Hey, there's Nidal.
10:37
So these cops move over things night out.
10:40
We're going to take a pause here for these guys shooting it out,
10:43
kind of. You wake up once again, salami
10:46
in your face. What do you want to do?
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Wait, why the fuck is your salami in my face?
10:51
That's not important. What do you?
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Want to do no no no no no yes it is.
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Why am I passed out? Because you were hungry, now I
10:58
was feeding you. Now I was sitting here.
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I was holding your head up. And you were like, hey Coyote, I
11:02
sure would like someone to have me.
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And I said, oh, I got you night out.
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I started shoving me in your face.
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God damn it. It's boring here I got to do a
11:11
skin. It's like being unemployment all
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over again. Yeah, I think.
11:17
The guys are in town. I think they turned the radios
11:19
off but I hear a lot of her least sirens so.
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How far is town away? I don't it sounded like I was
11:28
coming from the southwest so I can't be sure because I don't
11:31
have ear to listen in funnel sound properly.
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I don't know why they don't want to talk to me.
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How far away is town? Oh.
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God damn it. We just got to the town.
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How old are you? Wait, now we're all for some
11:55
intelligence. Oh, I know exactly where town.
12:01
Is. Oh, wait a minute.
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Oh, I remembered. I had to think about it.
12:09
Yeah, so just go West and then go South and there's town and
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it's like, huh. It's like.
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It's just she got a little ways. You can really lick it there.
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So like 2 for all huge. OK, I guess I'll run into town.
12:27
Bitch stole some brain scan too, huh?
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A little bit. All right, you're going to run
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into town. Yeah, let's see, you're going
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to. Oh man, I got to, I got to do
12:36
some maths. Health.
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What's your speed? Speed is 30.
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Speed is 30. Cool to get out of here.
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Are you going to go out the front of the cabin or are you
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going to jump through a window? No, I learned my lesson last
12:50
time. I'll go out through the phone.
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15202530 You're almost to the front door.
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Jesus Christ, back to you, Grandpa.
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Just out of curiosity, I'm just going to go back to that whole
13:04
thing that just happened of his 30 feet.
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Is that his walking or his running?
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Like is he grossly overweight? I'm concerned of his health now.
13:16
So normally if you were walking, we wouldn't give a shit.
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Like we just do whatever, but we're in battle.
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So for a turn you have to go by that.
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Like normally if you were in this town and you were at one
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end and you're like, I want to walk all the way to the other,
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you wouldn't be hit on speed. You would just walk the entire
13:31
time, but because we're in battle, you get a stipulation
13:35
put to it. No, no, they're in battle.
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I am not. Yes, but for you to work in the
13:44
same amount of time that they're working and you have to go by
13:47
that speed. Also I feel like I really got to
13:49
point out when you say there, I'm assuming I'm not counted in
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that. I mean.
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I haven't been in any of the fights, I've been avoiding them.
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You're correct, you are in initiative, though you happen to
14:02
be in the area where the fuckery is about a foot aloof.
14:08
You have a turn to watch us get our ass speed.
14:14
Yeah. Don't blame me man, I just make
14:18
the world you guys fuck with it. Don't blame me, I just make the
14:22
rules. We're supposed to be fighting
14:26
Boo hags, not cops. I couldn't agree more with you
14:30
grandpa, but some people. We're gonna fuck these cops up.
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This. This is not what I was hired
14:36
for, so good luck. I'm going to go ahead and start
14:41
sneaking out the. Back.
14:43
So wait, what did I miss when I was passing the fuck out?
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Oh, the guys left and then they said they're going into sound.
14:50
Look for my skin. Oh.
14:52
Yeah, you'll get tired of that. You'll turn that radio off
14:54
quick. Yeah.
14:55
And then they said shout and shout her, shout and shout her.
14:58
They said they had to get that. And then they said that they're
15:01
like, I was singing. And so they turned the radio
15:04
off. The last thing I heard was Soddy
15:07
was going and checking out a bar raid and he was listening.
15:10
So Kenny G and that's it. That's the thing I heard.
15:14
Visualize you drooling on yourself.
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It's like all I like. Anyways, grandpa, you don't have
15:21
to roll for self. You're going to stuff your way
15:23
out of here. Where are you going exactly?
15:27
Well, I would try to be going into the woods and then once I
15:30
have enough distance between me and the town, I would circle
15:33
back to the route that I know, back to the cabin.
15:37
Also, while I'm doing that, I'm going to be going on the radio
15:39
and communicating to you like, hey, we got a problem.
15:43
Hazy, you had turned your radio back off, baby bird, did you
15:48
turn your radio off? Absolutely not.
15:52
OK, let's deal with grandpa first.
15:54
So we're going to go 5101520. Wait, what's your speed,
15:57
Grandpa? 2530 thirty.
16:00
All right, so you're you're you're to that tree line.
16:03
However, the issue is the cop with the eye patch was going to
16:09
be flat footed towards baby bird because he didn't know he was
16:11
there. But then when you asked me, oh,
16:14
I'm sorry, what? What are you asking me on the
16:15
radio, Grandpa? I didn't ask you anything.
16:17
I'm just saying, hey, we got a problem.
16:19
Your your boys are fighting cops.
16:22
OK, as soon as that goes over to that cop, hears baby birds radio
16:25
go off around the corner. You're welcome.
16:29
Get fucked. Yeah.
16:31
And then do you just hear me go? Over the radio.
16:33
Hey girl, that's OK $9 hours away I think.
16:40
Yes. Good luck.
16:43
What's going on? How you doing?
16:48
Well, I'm going to go up to the north side and just have my gun
16:51
out, waiting for said cop to round the corner and sneak
16:56
attack. OK, so the issue was you saw the
17:02
cops going South, so you're not going to.
17:04
Yeah, I mean, I get it. So he's already on guard, but I
17:06
can sit there more on guard, right?
17:10
No, because you have no idea he's going that way.
17:12
You expect to see him. But if you come around that
17:15
corner, you're going to roll with a -2 and I don't want to
17:18
come around the corner. I'm going to wait at the corner
17:21
for him to come. Are you just going to wait there
17:23
for him? Yeah, for sure.
17:25
OK, so you just moved up five feet.
17:29
That's your turn. And then I'm going to like,
17:31
defend if that's his turn, right?
17:35
I'm on guard. All right, focus up then, baby
17:39
bird, you're next. Good luck everybody.
17:44
I hop around the corner. Oh God, you hop around the
17:49
corner and then. Oh my God, there's a cop in
17:53
front of me. A puking Nuke 14.
18:00
And you miss completely. Yeah, he scared me.
18:05
I didn't expect to see him there.
18:08
You miss it goes behind the cop, and now the cop is thoroughly
18:11
freaked out that you just puked this webbing behind him.
18:15
Run if you want to live. What the shit?
18:19
How do you smell? A boy that taught you about
18:25
demons. Oh.
18:28
So Diablo de boyo all. Right, that's your turn.
18:33
So this cop actually, you know, let's see what he does.
18:38
He doesn't go first. The other guy goes oh, hazy.
18:43
I'm sorry, baby girl. Oh man, I love hearing that.
18:48
It's my favorite. This cop comes around the corner
18:50
and with his Nat 20. Oh Jesus, Jesus blast you
18:56
before. Let's see what he hits you with,
18:58
because I guess he was expecting you.
19:01
Oh God, Hazy, am I dead? Again.
19:07
Well, it was, it was an AT20, so I got to double this five, of
19:10
course, yeah. Jesus, what?
19:13
Did you have? Yeah.
19:14
You had four. Yeah.
19:15
You're down. Hazy's down.
19:17
Lay down. Avenge me.
19:20
Shit, shit. Fuck that one Kid Garcia, the
19:29
other police officer with the eye patch.
19:31
He is thoroughly freaked out by baby Bird.
19:34
So oh, he goes to run away and does not escape, but he actually
19:39
falls into your netting. Perfect.
19:43
You have one cop down and he's going to hit his radio when he
19:47
goes down because Yep, it's his radio.
19:51
Let's the other cop know that he that there's another assailant
19:54
and he is down. So now the other cop is aware of
19:57
you. Run baby Bird.
19:59
I go across the radio. Is everyone hearing this?
20:04
You guys ring ring actually a root here?
20:07
Yeah, searching. This cabin I'm.
20:09
Going to turn off my radio turn. Off your radio.
20:13
All right. Night out.
20:15
Are you still trucking this way? Yeah.
20:19
All right. Was it 30 feet?
20:20
Right. Yeah.
20:22
You've made it outside the cabin.
20:23
Oh God. This is going to take forever.
20:28
Probably. It probably is.
20:31
It was only 4 episodes ago. No worries, I say.
20:35
We give him a little Fast forward.
20:37
Get him, you know. Yeah, seems like I had to deal
20:40
with. Come on, Come on, Coyote, feed
20:43
me sausages. Or knows what.
20:45
Kind of say he woke up an hour early.
20:47
Come on. Tell you all that extra protein
20:48
Daddy was feeding you gives you an extra 10 feet on your rut, so
20:53
you're over here now. God damn.
20:55
You're welcome. I'll give.
20:57
I'll give you 40 speed on the way there, Grandpa.
21:00
I'm I'm still stealthing the heck out of here.
21:03
OK, you're still heading back. Are you going straight up behind
21:07
all the houses on the east side of this map, or are you going to
21:10
the next map trying to cut over? No, no, no.
21:13
I would basically, well, I assume that the next map isn't
21:17
directly connected to this. If it is, then I guess I would
21:20
be going to that map. But my whole thing would be
21:22
probably get a little ways away from town to where it's like, I
21:26
can still kind of see the town, but I'm pretty thick into the
21:28
woods. And then I start working my way
21:29
back. OK, I mean you can go to the
21:32
next map. I can enable this a little bit.
21:35
I would only be yeah, I would only be in the next map if the
21:37
map is really that close. If it's not that close, then I'm
21:41
not. All right.
21:43
I would just be slightly outside of this map again, I would just
21:47
be like positioning myself in such a way that it'd be very
21:50
difficult to see me from the town, but I would just be able
21:52
to kind of make out the buildings and work my way back.
21:55
OK, you actually make it to the tree line here and there's a
21:58
little ditch that goes down and you can hop into there to where
22:01
you're out of eyesight. You can still see the buildings,
22:04
but you can duck down and you're covered by rock and dirt.
22:08
OK, cool. All right.
22:09
Well then I'll just start using that as my path back.
22:12
All right, Hazy, give me a saving throw.
22:18
What is that, D20? Yeah, with your Constitution.
22:24
Constitution. Oh, and 11.
22:29
Oh, you're up. Nice.
22:31
I'm going to light a cigarette. Fuck that cop in front of me.
22:36
I don't give a shit. I'm I'm going to raise from the
22:38
dead and be like, what's up, bro?
22:39
Just light a. Cig, he's probably not even
22:41
there anymore. OK, you sit up and you reach for
22:46
a cigarette. The cop sees you reaching and he
22:48
has a reaction of shooting you for sons of bitches.
22:51
You should have just shot him. Yeah, he hits you and he's
22:56
reaching 2 points of damage. Son of a bitch, you're at -2
23:03
right now. Oh God, so the way I've worked
23:06
at the point system, when you hit zero like that last one, you
23:08
only had four HP and you took 10 points of damage that didn't go
23:12
negative. But once you hit zero you will
23:15
start to go negative. How many turns do I have till I
23:18
bleed out and die? You get 2 more.
23:20
Nice, I'm going to lay back down.
23:27
I hear the gunshot, so I get on all fours like an animal that'll
23:30
leap over Pablo over here. That's racist.
23:37
It was actually his name, but. No, it's not.
23:39
It's fine. He's Jewish.
23:41
His name is De Garcia. Yeah, tomato, Tomato.
23:45
You hop over this dude, you're, you're making it to the other
23:48
cop on the West side. No.
23:51
So you're just hopping over this cop, you're drifting, looking
23:54
West, and you're hissing at him. No, I'm also going to, I'm going
23:59
to look at him, stone cold face, stone Cold Steve Austin, and
24:04
open my mouth. Oh no, as wide as I can.
24:08
OK. While I'm selling all fours.
24:13
Jesus Christ. I rolled A3.
24:17
Oh. God damn it.
24:22
I was going to tell you, you're going to, you're going to add a
24:24
+ 2 to it because you're really scaring this guy.
24:28
So that's a 5. It's a 5.
24:30
There's still no difference. It still doesn't work.
24:33
You miss him because you don't make it far enough to hit him.
24:39
So it just and it's like right between you and him.
24:41
I. Was going to say it just drools
24:43
out of his mouth now. You just got to get him to run
24:47
towards you. Now you got this dude's
24:49
attention. Good job.
24:52
And he's going to fire on you. He's a good shot.
24:56
I'm a small target. Oh yeah, he misses.
24:59
He just like right past your ear.
25:02
He's he's a little shaken up by this feral Filipino cat creature
25:06
spitting up green cookie stuff on the ground.
25:11
I mean, he doesn't feel bad at all for Downing me twice.
25:15
Fuck no. The guy that was he's here to
25:18
look for and that was reaching for stuff.
25:20
No, why would he? Why would he feel bad about
25:24
shooting a gypsy? The one that's got a BOLO out on
25:27
him last time I checked. Yeah, the one that was beating
25:30
up children find you that kid totally deserves.
25:34
He did not. I think we were actually in a
25:37
majority rule on that one. Yeah.
25:42
Yeah, we weren't. Not at all.
25:44
Right now you actually make it to the other side of the cabin.
25:47
Good job. Oh, thanks.
25:50
I'm assuming that's all you're doing till you get there, right?
25:53
You know, I thought I'd be a lot quicker, but I guess not.
25:56
Well, I mean, I go over the radio.
25:58
I'm like, hey, once you clear the calendar you should go like.
26:01
You've got to get there fast there so.
26:05
Yeah, let's do that. Yeah, I'm going to give you a
26:07
little bit of speed there. Back to you, Grandpa.
26:13
Yeah, I'm going to continue along my way back.
26:17
Like, I don't even know what the fuck's going on up there.
26:19
I don't care. That wasn't part of it.
26:22
Fair enough. Give me an athletics role to get
26:24
you up this little rocky embankment here.
26:30
Grandpas are known for their athletics.
26:34
Sure, sure, sure, sure. Just go ahead and roll it.
26:35
I'll I'll tell you what I got. That's why all the recruiters
26:38
are at the old folks home and not at high schools.
26:41
Yep. Give it time, they'll get there.
26:43
Oh yeah, Yeah, they will. Oh my God.
26:46
Nat 20. Fastest grandpa on this side of
26:51
the Mississippi. Just the flex.
26:53
He doesn't even use his legs. He actually does like the L sit
26:56
and climbs up sideways to the very top.
27:00
Nobody there to watch. Congratulations.
27:02
Yeah, you'll never get that when someone's actually watching.
27:05
No thought he did it. Oh no, he nobody was watching
27:08
him too and he got really pissed.
27:12
Hazy saving throw #2 here we go. He's distracted.
27:17
You're going to live. Oh, Nat 20, let's go.
27:20
Oh shit, you set up? What would you like to do?
27:26
I'm going to give you one free move here, Hazy.
27:29
I'm going to fucking scissor kick this dude in the back of
27:32
the knee. OK, let's see that attack.
27:36
Where did it shot him? But that works too.
27:38
I'm I'm a terrible shot if you haven't noticed.
27:41
No, I have. To go with non lethal.
27:44
Your dex is higher than your melee, your shots better than
27:47
your melee. Hey, easy.
27:49
You just have shitty lucky roles.
27:52
C So what am I rolling? You're melee attacking him.
27:56
Yeah. So melee is AD 20 plus what?
27:59
Strength 20 Strength. Yeah. 2 All right.
28:03
Oh, let's go dirty 21 you hit him.
28:07
Give me. Give me AD 4 damage to old
28:10
Skyler Castaneda here. 3 All right, Yeah, You just kick him
28:16
in the knee. He's like.
28:17
Fuck. Come on, that, that kind of hurt
28:20
guy. Chill out.
28:25
Do I not like, gain any hit points or what am I at?
28:28
Like you're 21, you're a -2 you're barely fucking standing,
28:32
man. You're just not dead.
28:34
I, I got a 21. I didn't gain anything from
28:37
that. No, you, you got to get up and
28:40
then attack him. This is just adrenaline.
28:44
What more do you want, you needy bitch?
28:46
And that attack didn't do anything but like slightly annoy
28:49
him. You're now you get you get 3
28:51
points of damage. OK, you're not a Leech.
28:54
You're not sucking the health out of him.
28:58
No baby bird. I was kind of hoping like, knock
29:02
him down, you know, do something more than just piss him off.
29:06
Well, no, because that Nat 20 got you up, baby bird up to you.
29:11
Don't suck the health out of him.
29:13
That's not health. It is for some people.
29:18
I. Guess all right, well after he
29:22
fired at me. I look at him while he's down.
29:26
Our eyes lock. I can smell your shackles and I
29:29
leap towards him. Jesus.
29:32
Jump off the wall around my webbing.
29:37
OK, that's going to be acrobatics.
29:39
I'm going to. I'm going to whisper at him.
29:40
I'm sorry. He smells that on me.
29:44
Go ahead and give me an acrobatics roll.
29:48
Oh, let me look at my sheet. Let me look at my sheet.
29:53
Oh shit, that's a dirty 20 baby. Oh yeah, you, you jump up and
29:58
you nail this guy right on top of him.
30:02
You're not doing damage, but you got him pinned.
30:05
Yes. Who's next?
30:08
Oh, it's him. He didn't let me know how I have
30:10
him pinned or you didn't let me explain.
30:14
Balls on chin, walk us through it.
30:18
I've got, I've got his hands on the ground, his wrists in my
30:22
hands. I'm sitting on him on his
30:26
stomach, but I can feel him trying to get up.
30:28
So I kind of shimmy my butt down towards his hips.
30:33
That way he can't get up, but I make sure I shimmy a lot to
30:38
throw him off his balance. You know what?
30:39
I. Mean joke's on you, his zip or
30:41
something. You know what they say if one
30:44
man can hold you down. I shouldn't have been wearing
30:47
chaps, I know this. Hindsight in more way than one.
30:52
Yeah, that's how I got him. Yeah, I'm about to show him some
30:56
hindsight. Chill.
30:59
Christ. I didn't like that at all.
31:03
I come over the radio. Anyways, let's see him escape.
31:12
Nope, he just wiggles a little bit.
31:14
But you're Bony ass because you have no meat to you.
31:16
Just kind of hold them in place. I'm weighed down by explosives.
31:22
No, because you have grenades, your C4 is gone and all your
31:25
webbing is gone. Now I.
31:27
Said grenades don't weigh that much.
31:29
Yeah, they probably weigh as much as you.
31:31
These are they're big grenades. Yeah, that's why they weigh as
31:35
much as you. All right, night owl, back to
31:40
you. I'm still giving you directions,
31:42
walking you here, so you get your plus 10 to your speed.
31:44
510152025 Hold on, let me move my map. 303540 You reach the
31:55
tree and you a building comes into view and you hear scuffling
32:00
to the West of the building. OK, I go over the radio, I'm
32:06
like, hey, where the fuck are you guys at?
32:08
Yeah, we turned that off a long time ago, buddy.
32:12
Well, obviously somebody's radio is on because they keep fucking
32:15
hearing you guys. I respond.
32:17
Oh, the Calvin, where are you? Shut up.
32:24
Second third person turned his radio off right back to
32:28
grandpa's. Are we still moving north?
32:31
Yeah, yeah. Let's just continue doing that
32:34
once the so I I would obviously see the the place by now, right?
32:41
Yeah. I I mean, assuming I would have
32:45
heard him go over the radio, I'd be like, I'm almost back to the
32:48
cabin. Which way are you going to the
32:51
cabin? Up the W wall or South and east
32:53
and up? Oh hold on, is where are the
32:57
doors? It's the Northeast, so either
33:01
way it's going to take you a minute to get there.
33:03
No, I was just saying so this is the only door right here.
33:07
Yeah, that's the main door. There's no other doors that I'm
33:10
aware of. No, there's a bunch of windows.
33:13
I like that window idea. Right.
33:15
No, no, no, I don't. Don't ask first.
33:19
You do remember the room all the way in the southeast part did
33:24
have the windows open? You guys never shut them.
33:28
All right, yeah, then I'm, I'm going to work towards those.
33:30
Probably just try and jump into one of the open windows.
33:34
OK. You make about halfway through
33:37
where the building is on the South side here.
33:39
Almost in there. Now we're going to go back to
33:42
Hazy. Smoke a cigarette, God damn it.
33:47
Yeah, for real. For real.
33:48
Is that my whole turn? If I had to do that, yes.
33:52
That is your whole turn. Damn.
33:53
Yeah, I'm instantly, instantly doing that.
33:56
All right, Roll a hit dice. Five.
34:02
I'm alive, baby. Back to three.
34:07
All right, what do I do with this guy?
34:10
What do I do with I got him exactly where I want him?
34:14
Grab his Dick and twist it. Don't do that.
34:16
I bet you won't do it. I will not do it.
34:21
Oh pussy. I'm going to utilize point blank
34:28
bomber and flash bang his face. All you're going to do is stun
34:35
him. He's already like held down, but
34:36
go ahead. Yeah, but I got to get free so I
34:39
can, you know, web him you. Don't have any more webbing.
34:45
Or you just do that right now over his face.
34:48
I don't have any more webbing. He's behind like the rest of my
34:50
webbing is behind me. I got to get him on there.
34:53
Do you have a knife or something?
34:54
I don't want to kill a guy. Oh my.
34:56
God, you got it, you got it. You got to eat your webbing man.
35:00
Baby bird, make a concentration roll. 8.
35:04
All right, you failed. So you hear from the South and
35:10
from the southeast, just two explosions where Eddie was and
35:15
where the cop was. Oh shit I forgot my webs
35:19
explode. Oops.
35:24
All right. Well, no, I killed them.
35:29
Maybe they had enough hit points to survive.
35:31
Maybe. Definitely not.
35:35
I mean, we beat the shit out of Eddie.
35:37
Who the fuck is Eddie? Yeah, but homeless people are
35:39
known for their endurance. They could take a, they could
35:42
take a beating. Yeah, he's like Yamcha and a
35:44
crater right now. That is very true.
35:47
If you ever fought A crackhead that that's a a test.
35:50
All right, baby birds do you? So it explodes on both of those
35:55
dudes. You'll find out what happens to
35:58
him first. Do you want to flash bang this
36:01
dude or do you want to throw him into the webbing?
36:04
All right, since I'm on top of him, I'm going to use his weight
36:09
against him as he pushes up. I'm also going to go up and roll
36:15
backwards with my legs wrapped around his waist.
36:19
Oh. My God.
36:21
This is a terrible 4 now and. I'm going to roll on my back.
36:25
Sweat beating off my chest. His face pressed against mine.
36:34
Roll for acrobatics and add a + 2 to your fucking weirdness.
36:39
Your hair instantly grows 6 inches.
36:42
Oh my God. Well, it's my acrobatics is A5,
36:46
right? All right, so 1719.
36:49
I use his now, fully torqued. Don't say that.
36:53
OK, I. Was I was making fully he's
36:57
fully erect. I'm going to use that leverage
37:01
and throw him on top of the webbing.
37:04
Yeah, you flame onto your webbing.
37:09
I stand up ass first. You.
37:12
How did you stand up? Ass First, very carefully.
37:19
Use your imagination, big boy. Definitely not.
37:22
All right, this cop builds a fire at you.
37:24
Wait. Which one?
37:28
The cop you just threw? He can't.
37:31
He's on my webbing. It's very sticky.
37:34
He can still shoot you and he cows with his meat flu. 6 points
37:40
of damage. He just shoots you with your
37:41
asses in the air. My cheeks.
37:45
Something bit me in the butt. I'm just jumped up and bet my
37:51
night out. Still trucking.
37:53
Let's go 15. OK, night out.
37:58
You come to this clearing here and you can see the guys and you
38:03
see baby bird has some cop in the webbing and the cop is
38:05
struggling. He did get one shot off the baby
38:07
bird, so his gun is pointed in One Direction.
38:09
He can't really change it. OK, so what's moving my full
38:14
turn or no? Yeah, that was your full turn.
38:17
God. But you see everything that's
38:18
happening. Can I still yell at him?
38:21
Yeah, sure, go for it. You can yell at anybody anytime.
38:23
Baby bird, what the fuck is going on?
38:26
Bias is on fire. Grandpa, you're moving into the
38:30
cabin. Oh yeah.
38:33
OK. For two 5020, are you going
38:35
through the window? Yeah, if it's open.
38:39
You're going very carefully and that's just going to be the rest
38:41
of your turn. You you go through that window
38:42
and as you're going through the window you just hear over the
38:45
radio. Could you say that again?
38:52
I can't. What the fuck was that?
38:54
You don't know, night out. You turned your radio off,
38:56
asshole. I did not turn my radio off.
38:59
I thought you did. You guys said I turned my radio
39:01
off. I did not.
39:02
OK, your radio is not off. You did hear what sounds like
39:06
somebody a struggle in. All right, so I go across the
39:10
radio and try to get a hold of you.
39:13
OK. Hey, what the fuck was that?
39:16
Let's say the said person sound like he had no skin because it's
39:19
pretty annoying. Who's going to grab someone with
39:22
no skin? That's gross.
39:25
It's gross. I wouldn't grab somebody with no
39:27
skin. I don't want to touch those
39:29
people. Someone's going to.
39:31
Someone's going to take that out of context.
39:33
What do you mean those people? What?
39:34
Do you mean those people? All right, well, I'm going to
39:44
jump up revitalized and people's elbow this cop right in the
39:48
fucking forehead. Hell yeah.
39:52
Revitalized, he's got 3 HP. Fuck yes, let's do it.
39:57
OK, You're you're going to go around baby bird and or you push
40:00
your baby bird out of the way. I'm going to put this is an
40:03
aggressive stance. I'm doing the people's elbow.
40:06
I'm going to throw my arm band off.
40:08
All right, so you push baby bird out of the way, you go north,
40:13
and before he gets the cop he fires all and he hits you 4.
40:20
Three points of damage. What the fuck just happened that
40:23
puts me back at zero? It does suspect that.
40:27
God damn it, I'm going to go right back down.
40:33
He came around showboating and this cop just shot you.
40:35
He was like, well, I can't move my hand.
40:37
I'm going to panic. I'm just going to pull the
40:39
trigger. Lucky he didn't make them
40:41
bullets. My only weakness.
40:43
How did you know? Baby bird, you're up.
40:48
I was, I was expecting baby bird not to move and get shot.
40:50
And then you kind of just literally walked into it.
40:54
You literally took a bullet free.
40:55
Must say I seem to be really good at that actually.
40:59
I'm going to pick up Hazy and we're going to bolt.
41:03
Where I'm going to yell, I'm going to yell at him and be
41:06
like, no, you're going to throw me and finish this man off.
41:10
Use me. As I'm going to throw Hazy at
41:11
this man and finish him off. Fuck yes.
41:14
So you're going to step to where Hazy is.
41:17
As you pick up Hazy, you're going to take a shot what he
41:21
has? No, there's no way he has that
41:23
good a reaction time. You're taking 2 you.
41:26
You think someone can't squeeze a trigger in the time it takes
41:30
somebody to pick up another grown man to throw at said
41:35
person? If he shot the one person three
41:38
times and downed them all three times I would have a little
41:41
pause and be like damn, I'm actually pretty good at this.
41:44
So the reason he cannot miss fuck is because his hand is
41:48
glued in the same position when he first shot baby bird.
41:52
So he shoots baby bird for two points of damage.
41:55
Baby bird, you now have two two HP, but you do have hazy and you
42:00
could still throw hazy on this guy.
42:02
I'm. Going to throw hazy on that guy
42:03
give. Me an athletics fucking check.
42:07
3. 3. Oh my God.
42:13
He's about to break my. Fucking neck.
42:14
I'm dead again. Nice.
42:16
Well, that's a six with my modified.
42:19
OK, good. You actually, Hayes is a bit
42:22
heavier than he thought he was and he just kind of, you kind of
42:25
just drop him behind you there. Oh God, I think he's dead.
42:30
And you kind of fall down with him.
42:32
You're not down, but you're you're, you're on your ass.
42:35
Is it my turn yet? Almost the cops going to fire
42:39
again. I was about to say, are we still
42:41
in the line of fire for this fucking dead shot of A?
42:44
Yeah, we are the. Issue with.
42:46
Yeah, The thing is, you're literally right fucking in front
42:48
of him. You guys are laying down so now
42:51
he's going to roll to try and hit you to see if he was aiming
42:53
at your ankles this entire time or what.
42:57
And he wasn't. He fires above both you.
43:01
I'm assuming I can see all this happening.
43:05
Absolutely. You you watch this entire thing
43:07
unfold as you're running towards them.
43:10
OK, so I'm going to move another 5 feet it looks like to get a
43:17
little bit closer. OK.
43:19
And then I'm going to shoot him. The cop just shooting out, just
43:24
out here shooting the police. Yeah, he just shot two people I
43:28
work with. Fuck them fucked up.
43:29
Oldie. No, mostly just one.
43:31
He has literally shot both of you.
43:33
Yeah, but you, your friends, are questionable.
43:36
I mean he is fit to the crowd and wabbing so that.
43:43
Fire at that cop. Oh, come on.
43:47
I got a 13 with plus three deck so 16.
43:52
Oh yeah, you shoot and you just miss him.
43:55
Oh my God damn it. He's been to the ground.
44:00
We are a task force guys. Grandpa, you're right.
44:03
He has been to the ground. We're going to add a 2 in there
44:05
and you are going to hit give me damage 3 and above. 3 and above
44:10
is. That AD 6 or no?
44:13
Are you shooting your compound bow?
44:15
Oh shit, that's. The only thing I have.
44:18
Oh yeah, you don't have a gun? Yeah, it's AD 6.
44:20
Go for it. You try to kill that guy.
44:24
Fucking arrows, 2 points of damage.
44:29
No Cast No. Who's next?
44:33
Grandpa? What are you doing?
44:36
You're in the cabin. I'm going to move in to the pool
44:40
room where you last for. Right, you enter the cabin.
44:44
And while I'm doing that, well, I'm going to be probably, yeah,
44:48
you know what? I'll go off on the radio asking
44:51
where you are. Coyote, where are you?
44:55
You're met with silence. I go back over the radio, he was
44:59
on the pool table. Well, as I come into this room,
45:03
if if you're not in there, I'm going to start looking around.
45:05
Did it look like a struggle just happened like.
45:09
You see deli meat. Everywhere.
45:13
Telling me in cue balls. I don't know what to do with
45:16
this information. It's it's very disorienting
45:19
information for sure. Let's go ahead and give you a
45:22
perception role. What's your stat?
45:26
Wait, it's perception or investigation?
45:28
Investigation. Sorry.
45:32
Either +3 or +5. Whichever one gives the better.
45:36
Option Which one do you plus? Five.
45:38
I'll always take a + 5 in my game.
45:40
Yeah, fair enough. You notice there's a the window
45:43
that you guys had closed to the east is open again, and it looks
45:49
like there's salt along the line of the window, but the salt line
45:55
has been broken. Sneaky witches.
46:03
Youngsters never listen. My meat.
46:07
My meat wasn't cured enough. I needed to get more salt for
46:09
it. You just coach yourself.
46:14
OK, I'm gone. You guys have a cup there?
46:19
Hazy, what are you doing? Give me a saving rule.
46:22
Yeah. Fuck yeah.
46:24
Maybe move the fuck out of the way.
46:26
Go to the. Yeah, I'm fucking saying, man
46:29
15. Let's go Hazy.
46:33
Is it you're back up? Would you like to move north or
46:36
South or fucking anywhere out of the way?
46:39
Just stand there. I would like to move to the West
46:45
side of this building right here just for a little bit of cover
46:48
and light a cigarette. Can I do that?
46:51
So you're going to go SE, OK, No, you're just going to move
46:55
because you just got up. It sounds kind of just got
46:58
there. So I'm not I'm not 0 right now,
47:01
right? Yes.
47:02
You're hanging in there, baby bird.
47:03
Do something. I'm going to crawl to where Hazy
47:07
is, since he can't really shoot me, and if I stand up, he's
47:11
definitely going to shoot me. So I'm going to crawl in between
47:15
his legs because he's standing, right?
47:16
Yeah. I, I, I welcome him between my
47:20
legs. Oh my gosh.
47:22
Crawl underneath him. You stand up once you're over
47:24
there. Yeah.
47:27
OK, let's see. Cast his turn.
47:34
Cast starts pleading with you. Night Owl.
47:36
He's like, hey man, look, I'm just trying to do my job here.
47:38
These guys jump me. I don't know what's going on.
47:40
Can you please Get Me Out of here?
47:42
I want to yell. Fuck that shit.
47:46
Why did you start shooting at him?
47:49
They he was shooting at me. The fuck?
47:51
Oh. Perceptions, reality.
47:53
And I came up and you were shooting at them and they were
47:55
both on the ground. I was shooting at them.
47:57
I'm stuck in a webbing from your friend putting me here.
48:02
Fuck that shit. Why?
48:05
Why are you here? We got a call, we were
48:10
dispatched here, one of our other police officers were here,
48:12
was here and he disappeared. Ask why he has a boner.
48:18
No, I saw that whole. Thing none of your damn business
48:21
it's. A fair question.
48:25
What call did you guys get? Wait, man, I can't.
48:29
I can't really talk about that kind of stuff with a civilian.
48:33
OK, then I'll just shoot you all.
48:35
Right, man. So we got a call that
48:37
perpetrator was here. There's a there's a child beater
48:39
here. It's one of one of your friends
48:41
over there likes to hit little kids.
48:43
That is that who you like to hang out with?
48:45
I mean, I said fuck that shit. The cop looks at you like huh,
48:51
Huh, kid beater. Kid Beater Yeah, you probably
48:57
had it coming, though. That kid was a bitch.
48:59
Is that what you're doing that though?
49:01
Having a nice little conversation.
49:04
Yeah, I'm going to tell him drop the gun.
49:06
All right, baby bird. Yeah.
49:09
Cop drop the gun or no? He can't drop it.
49:12
It's like glued to his hand. He's stuck in webbing.
49:15
But while that's going on the cop, the South side of the
49:18
building comes around the corner and fires at you, baby bird.
49:22
To everybody, stop shooting. He's going to hit you for five
49:28
points of damage. Baby birds down.
49:32
Hazy. Yeah, so that's where we're
49:35
going to stop for today's then. Coyotes gone.
49:37
Night owl. She finally showed up to the
49:38
party. Yeah.
49:40
TuneIn, next time, see what happens.
49:41
Everybody say goodbye. Bye.
49:50
Transmission loss team status unknown.