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14 - Gulliver's Travels - Jonathan Swift · Thrilling Adventures - Daily

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  Speaker 1: Chapter six, several contrivances of the author to please the
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  Speaker 1: King and Queen. He shows his skill in music. The
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  Speaker 1: King inquires into the state of England, which the author
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  Speaker 1: relates to him the King's observations thereon. I used to
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  Speaker 1: attend the King's levee once or twice a week, and
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  Speaker 1: had often seen him under the barber's hand, which indeed
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  Speaker 1: was at first very terrible to behold, for the razor
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  Speaker 1: was almost twice as long as an ordinary Scythe his majesty,
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  Speaker 1: according to the custom of the country, was only shaved
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  Speaker 1: twice a week. I once prevailed on the barber to
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  Speaker 1: give me some of the SuDS or lather, of which
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  Speaker 1: I picked fifty or forty of the strongest stumps of hair.
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  Speaker 1: I then took a piece of fine wood and cut
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  Speaker 1: it like the back of a comb, making several holes
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  Speaker 1: in it at equal distances. With as small a needle
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  Speaker 1: as I could get from Glumdale. I fixed in the
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  Speaker 1: stumps so artificially, scraping and slopping them with my knife
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  Speaker 1: towards the points, that I made a very tolerable comb,
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  Speaker 1: which was a seasonal supply, my own being so much
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  Speaker 1: broken in the teeth that it was almost useless. Neither
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  Speaker 1: did I know any artist in that country so nice
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  Speaker 1: and exact as would undertake to make me another. And
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  Speaker 1: this puts me in mind of an amusement where I
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  Speaker 1: spent many of my leisure hours. I desired the Queen's
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  Speaker 1: woman to save for me the combings of Her Majesty's hair,
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  Speaker 1: whereof in good time I got a good quantity, and
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  Speaker 1: consulting with my friend, the cabinet maker, who had received
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  Speaker 1: general orders to do little jobs for me, I directed
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  Speaker 1: him to make two chair frames no larger than those
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  Speaker 1: I had in my box, and to bore little holes
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  Speaker 1: with a fine aul round those parts, where I designed
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  Speaker 1: the backs and seats. Through these holes I wore of
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  Speaker 1: the strongest hairs I could pick out, just after the
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  Speaker 1: manner of cane chairs in England. When they were finished,
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  Speaker 1: I made a present of them to Her Majesty, who
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  Speaker 1: kept them in her cabinet and used to show them
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  Speaker 1: for curiosities, as indeed they were the wonder of everyone
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  Speaker 1: that beheld them. The Queen would have me sit upon
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  Speaker 1: one of these chairs, but I absolutely refused to obey her,
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  Speaker 1: protesting I would rather die than place a dishonorable part
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  Speaker 1: of my body on those precious hairs that once adorned
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  Speaker 1: Her Majesty's head. Of these hairs, as I had always
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  Speaker 1: a mechanical genius, I likewise made a neat little purse
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  Speaker 1: about five feet long, with Her Majesty's name deciphered in
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  Speaker 1: gold letters, which I gave to Glumdale Clitch by the
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  Speaker 1: Queen's consent. To say the truth, it was more for
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  Speaker 1: show than use, being not of strength to bear the
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  Speaker 1: weight of the larger coins, and therefore she kept nothing
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  Speaker 1: in it but some little toys that girls are fond of.
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  Speaker 1: The King, who delighted in music, had frequent concert at court,
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  Speaker 1: at which I was sometimes carried and set in my
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  Speaker 1: box on a table to hear them. But the noise
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  Speaker 1: was so great that I could hardly distinguish the tunes.
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  Speaker 1: I am confident that all the drums and trumpets of
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  Speaker 1: a royal army, beating and sounding together just at your ears,
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  Speaker 1: could not equal it. My practice was to have my
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  Speaker 1: box removed from the place where the performers sat as
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  Speaker 1: far as I could, then to shut the doors and
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  Speaker 1: windows of it and draw the window curtains, after which
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  Speaker 1: I found their music not disagreeable. I had learned in
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  Speaker 1: my youth to play a little upon the spinnet. Plumdukletch
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  Speaker 1: kept one in her chamber, and a master attended to
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  Speaker 1: twice a week to teach her. I called it a
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  Speaker 1: spinnet because it somewhat resembled that instrument and was played
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  Speaker 1: upon in the same manner. A fancy came into my
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  Speaker 1: head that I would entertain the King and Queen with
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  Speaker 1: an English tune upon this instrument. But this appeared extremely difficult,
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  Speaker 1: for the spinnet was near sixty feet long, each key
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  Speaker 1: being almost a foot wide, so that with my arms
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  Speaker 1: extended I could not reach to above five keys, and
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  Speaker 1: to press them down required a good smart stroke with
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  Speaker 1: my fist, which would be too great a labor and
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  Speaker 1: to no purpose. The method I contrived was this. I
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  Speaker 1: prepared two round sticks about the bigness of common cudgels.
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  Speaker 1: They were thicker at one end than the other, and
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  Speaker 1: I covered the thicker ends with pieces of a mouse's skin,
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  Speaker 1: that by wrapping on them I might neither damage the
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  Speaker 1: tops of the keys nor interrupt the sound. Before the spinnet,
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  Speaker 1: a bench was placed about four feet below the keys,
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  Speaker 1: and I was put upon the bench. I ran sidelong
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  Speaker 1: upon it that way. In this as fast as I could,
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  Speaker 1: banging the proper keys with my two sticks, and made
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  Speaker 1: a shift to play a jig, to the great satisfaction
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  Speaker 1: of both their majesties. But it was the most violent
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  Speaker 1: exercise I ever underwent, and yet I could not strike
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  Speaker 1: above sixteen keys, nor consequently played the bass and travel
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  Speaker 1: together as other artists do, which was a great disadvantage
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  Speaker 1: to my performance. The King, who as I before observed,
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  Speaker 1: was a prince of excellent understanding, would frequently order that
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  Speaker 1: I should be brought in my box and set upon
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  Speaker 1: the table in his closet. He would then command me
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  Speaker 1: to bring one of my chairs out of the box
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  Speaker 1: and sit down within three yards distance upon the top
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  Speaker 1: of the cabinet, which brought me almost to a level
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  Speaker 1: with his face. In this manner I had several conversations
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  Speaker 1: with him. I one day took the freedom to tell
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  Speaker 1: his Majesty that the contempt he discovered towards Europe and
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  Speaker 1: the rest of the world did not seem answerable to
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  Speaker 1: those excellent qualities of mind that he was master of
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  Speaker 1: that reason, did not extend itself with the bulk of
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  Speaker 1: the body. On the contrary, we observed in our country,
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  Speaker 1: that the tallest persons were usually the least provided with it,
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  Speaker 1: that among other animals, bees and ants has the reputation
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  Speaker 1: of more industry, art and sagacity the many of the
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  Speaker 1: larger kinds, And that, as inconsiderable as he took me
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  Speaker 1: to be, I hoped I might live to do his
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  Speaker 1: Majesty some signal service. The King heard me with attention
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  Speaker 1: and begu and to conceive a much better opinion of
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  Speaker 1: me than he ever had before. He desired I would
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  Speaker 1: give him as exact an account of the government of
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  Speaker 1: England as I possibly could, Because as fond as princes
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  Speaker 1: commonly are of their own customs, for so he conjectured
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  Speaker 1: of other monarchs by my former discourses, he should be
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  Speaker 1: glad to hear of anything that might deserve imitation. Imagine
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  Speaker 1: with thyself, courteous reader, how often I then wished for
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  Speaker 1: the tongue of Demosthenes or Cicero, that might have enabled
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  Speaker 1: me to celebrate the praise of my own dear native
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  Speaker 1: country in a style equal to its merits and felicity.
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  Speaker 1: I began my discourse by informing his Majesty that our
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  Speaker 1: dominions consisted of two islands, which composed three mighty kingdoms
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  Speaker 1: under one sovereign. Besides our plantations in America, I dwelt
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  Speaker 1: long upon the fertility of our soil and the temper
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  Speaker 1: of our climate. I then spoke at large upon the
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  Speaker 1: constitution of an English Parliament, partly made up of an
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  Speaker 1: illustrious body called the House of Peers, persons of the
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  Speaker 1: noblest blood and of the most ancient and ample patrimonies.
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  Speaker 1: I described that extraordinary care always taken of their education
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  Speaker 1: in arts and arms, to qualify them for being counselors
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  Speaker 1: both to the king and kingdom, to have a share
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  Speaker 1: in the legislature, to be member of the highest court
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  Speaker 1: of judicata, whence there can be no appeal, and to
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  Speaker 1: be champions, always ready for the defense of their prince
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  Speaker 1: and country by their valor, conduct and fidelity. That these
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  Speaker 1: were the ornament and bulwark of the kingdom, worthy followers
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  Speaker 1: of their most renowned ancestors, whose honour had been the
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  Speaker 1: reward of their virtue, from which their posterity were never
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  Speaker 1: once known to degenerate. To these were joined several holy
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  Speaker 1: paers as part of that assembly, under the title of bishops,
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  Speaker 1: whose peculiar business is to take care of religion, and
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  Speaker 1: of those who instruct the people therein. These were searched
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  Speaker 1: and sought out through the whole nation by the Prince
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  Speaker 1: and his wisest counselors, among such of the priesthood as
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  Speaker 1: were most deservedly distinguished by the sanctity of their lives
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  Speaker 1: and the depth of their erudition, who were indeed the
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  Speaker 1: spiritual fathers of the clergy and the people. That the
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  Speaker 1: other part of the Parliament consisted of an assembly called
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  Speaker 1: the House of Commons, who were all principal gentlemen, freely
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  Speaker 1: picked and called out by the people themselves for their
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  Speaker 1: great abilities in love of their country, to represent the
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  Speaker 1: wisdom of the whole nation. And that these two bodies
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  Speaker 1: made up the most august assembly in Europe, to whom,
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  Speaker 1: in conjecture with the Prince, the whole legislature is committed.
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  Speaker 1: I then descended to the courts of justice, over which
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  Speaker 1: the judges, those venerable sages and interpreters of the law
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  Speaker 1: presided for determine the disputed rights and properties of men,
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  Speaker 1: as well as for the punishment of vice and protection
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  Speaker 1: of innocence. I mentioned the prudent management of our treasury,
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  Speaker 1: the valor and achievements of our forces by sea and land.
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  Speaker 1: I computed the number of our people by reckoning how
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  Speaker 1: many millions they might be of each religious sect or
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  Speaker 1: political party among us. I did not omit even our
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  Speaker 1: sports and pastimes, or any other particular which I thought
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  Speaker 1: might redoubt to the honor of my country. And I
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  Speaker 1: finished all with a brief historical account of affairs and
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  Speaker 1: events in England for about a hundred years past. This
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  Speaker 1: conversation was not ended. Under five audiences, each of several hours,
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  Speaker 1: and the King heard of the whole with great attention,
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  Speaker 1: frequently taking notes of what I spoke, as well as
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  Speaker 1: memorandums of what questions he intended to ask me when
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  Speaker 1: I had put an end to these long discourses. His Majesty,
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  Speaker 1: in a Sith audience, consulting his notes, proposed many doubts, queries,
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  Speaker 1: and objections upon every article. He asked what methods were
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  Speaker 1: used to cultivate the minds and bodies of a young nobility,
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  Speaker 1: and in what kind of business they commonly spent the
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  Speaker 1: first and teachable parts of their lives. What course was
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  Speaker 1: taken to supply that assembly when any noble family became extinct,
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  Speaker 1: What qualifications were necessary in those who are to be
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  Speaker 1: created new lords, Whether the humor of the prince, a
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  Speaker 1: sum of money to a court lady, or a design
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  Speaker 1: of strengthening a party opposite to the public interest, ever
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  Speaker 1: happened to be the motive in those advancements. What share
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  Speaker 1: of knowledge these lords had in the laws of their country,
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  Speaker 1: and how they came by it so as to enable
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  Speaker 1: them to decide the properties of their fellow subjects in
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  Speaker 1: the last resort, Whether they were always so free from avaris, partialities,
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  Speaker 1: or want that a bribe or some other sinister view
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  Speaker 1: could have no place among them. Whether those holy lords
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  Speaker 1: I spoke of were always promoted to that rank upon
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  Speaker 1: account of their knowledge of religious matters and the sanctity
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  Speaker 1: of their lives, had never been compliers with the times,
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  Speaker 1: while they were common priests or Slavish prostitute chaplains. To
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  Speaker 1: some noblemen, whose opinions then continued servilely to follow after
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  Speaker 1: they admitted into the assembly, He then desired to know
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  Speaker 1: what arts were practiced in electing those whom I called commoners,
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  Speaker 1: Whether a stranger with a strong purse might not influence
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  Speaker 1: the vulgar voters to choose him before their own landlord
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  Speaker 1: or the most considerable gentlemen in the neighborhood. How it
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  Speaker 1: came to pass that people were so violently bent upon
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  Speaker 1: getting into this assembly, which I allowed to be a
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  Speaker 1: great trouble and expense, often to the ruin of their families,
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  Speaker 1: without any salary or pension. Because this appeared such an
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  Speaker 1: exalted strain of virtue and public spirit, that his Majesty
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  Speaker 1: seemed to doubt it might possibly not be always sincere.
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  Speaker 1: And he desired to know whether such a zealous gentlemen
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  Speaker 1: could have any views of refunding themselves for the charge
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  Speaker 1: and trouble they were at by sacrificing the public good
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  Speaker 1: to the designs of a weak and vicious prince in
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  Speaker 1: conjunction with a corrupted ministry. He multiplied his questions and
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  Speaker 1: sifted me thoroughly upon every part of this head, proposing
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  Speaker 1: numberless inquiries and objections, which I think it is not
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  Speaker 1: prudent or convenient to repeat upon what I said in
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  Speaker 1: relation to our courts of justice. His Majesty desire to
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  Speaker 1: be satisfied in several points, and this I was better
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  Speaker 1: able to do, having been formerly almost ruined by a
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  Speaker 1: long suit in chancery, which was decreed for me with costs.
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  Speaker 1: He asked what time was usually spent in determining between
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  Speaker 1: right and wrong, and what degree of expense. Whether advocators
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  Speaker 1: and orators had liberty to plead in cases manifestly known
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  Speaker 1: to be unjust, vexatious, or oppressive, whether party in religion
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  Speaker 1: or politics were observed to be any weight in the
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  Speaker 1: scale of justice, Whether those pleading orators were persons educated
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  Speaker 1: in the general knowledge of equity or only in provincial, national,
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  Speaker 1: and other local customs. Whether they or their judges had
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  Speaker 1: any part in penning those laws which they assumed the
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  Speaker 1: liberty of interpreting and glossing upon it their pleasure. Whether
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  Speaker 1: they had ever, at different times pleaded for and against
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  Speaker 1: the same cause and cited precedents to prove contrary opinions,
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  Speaker 1: whether they were rich or a poor corporation, whether they
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  Speaker 1: received any pycuniary reward for pleading or delivering their opinions,
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  Speaker 1: and particularly whether they were ever admitted as members in
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  Speaker 1: the Lower Senate. He fell next upon the management of
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  Speaker 1: our treasury, and said he thought my memory had failed me,
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  Speaker 1: because I computed our taxes at about five or six
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  Speaker 1: million a year, and when I came to mention the
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: issues he found. They sometimes amounted to more than double
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  Speaker 1: for the notes he had taken. Were very particular in
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  Speaker 1: this point, because he hoped, as he told me, that
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  Speaker 1: the knowledge of our conduct might be useful to him,
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  Speaker 1: and he could not be deceived in his calculations. But
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: if what I told him were true, he was still
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  Speaker 1: at a loss how a kingdom could run out of
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  Speaker 1: its estate like a private person. He asked me who
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  Speaker 1: were our creditors, and where we found money to pay them.
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  Speaker 1: He wandered to hear me talk of such chargeable and
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  Speaker 1: expensive wars, that certainly we must be a quarrelsome people,
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  Speaker 1: all of among very bad neighbors, and that our generals
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  Speaker 1: must needs be richer than our kings. He asked what
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  Speaker 1: business we had out of our own islands, unless upon
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  Speaker 1: the score of trade or treaty, or to defend the
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  Speaker 1: coasts with our fleet. Above all, he was amazed to
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  Speaker 1: hear me talk of a mercenary standing army in the
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  Speaker 1: midst of peace and among a free people. He said,
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: if we were governed by our own consent, in the
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  Speaker 1: persons of our representatives, he could not imagine of whom
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  Speaker 1: we were or against whom we were to fight, and
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  Speaker 1: would hear my opinion whether a private man's house might
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  Speaker 1: not be better defended by himself, his children, and his
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  Speaker 1: family than by half a dozen rascals picked up at
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  Speaker 1: a venture in the streets for small wages, who might
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  Speaker 1: get a hundred times more by cutting their throats. He
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  Speaker 1: laughed at my odd kind of arithmetic, as he was
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  Speaker 1: pleased to call it. In reckoning the numbers of our
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  Speaker 1: people by a computation drawn from the several sects among
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  Speaker 1: us in religion and politics, he said he knew no
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  Speaker 1: reason why those who entertain opinions pudicial to the public
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  Speaker 1: should be obliged to change, or should not be obliged
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  Speaker 1: to conceal them. And as it was tyranny in any
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  Speaker 1: government to require the first, so it was weakness not
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  Speaker 1: to enforce the second. For a man may be allowed
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  Speaker 1: to keep poisons in his closet, but not to vend
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  Speaker 1: them about for cordials. He observed that among the divisions
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  Speaker 1: of our nobility and gentry I had mentioned gaming. He
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  Speaker 1: desired to know at what aige this entertainment was usually
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  Speaker 1: taken up, and when it was laid down, how much
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  Speaker 1: of their time it employed, whether it ever went so
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  Speaker 1: high as to affect their fortune, where the mean, vicious people,
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  Speaker 1: by their dexterity in that art, might not arrive at
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  Speaker 1: greater riches, and sometimes keep our very nobles in dependence,
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  Speaker 1: as well as habituate them to vile companions, wholly take
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  Speaker 1: them from the improvement of their minds, and force them,
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  Speaker 1: by the losses they received, to learn and practice that
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: infamous dexterity upon others. He was perfectly astonished with the
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: historical account given him of our affairs during the last century,
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: protesting it was only a heap of conspiracies, rebellions, murders, massacres, revolutions, banishments,
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  Speaker 1: the very worst effects of avarice, fiction, hypocrisy, perfidiousness, cruelty, rage, madness, hatred, envy, lust, malice,
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  Speaker 1: and ambition could produce his majesty In another audience, was
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  Speaker 1: at pains to recapitulate the sum of all I had
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  Speaker 1: spoken compared to the questions he had made with the
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  Speaker 1: answers I had given. Then, taking me into his hands
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  Speaker 1: and stroke me, gently delivered himself in these words which
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  Speaker 1: I shall never forget, nor the manner he spoke them in.
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  Speaker 1: My little friend guildric. You've made a most admirable panegeric
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  Speaker 1: upon your country. You've clearly proved that ignorance, idleness, and
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  Speaker 1: vice are the proper ingredients for qualifying a legislator. That
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: laws are best explained, interpreted, and applied by those whose
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: interest and abilities lie in perverting, confounding, and eluding them them.
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  Speaker 1: I observe among you some lines of an institution which
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  Speaker 1: in its original might have been tolerable. But these half
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: are raised, and the rest wholly blurred and blotted by corruptions.
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  Speaker 1: It does not appear from all you have said, how
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  Speaker 1: any one perfection is required towards the procurement of any
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  Speaker 1: one station among you. Much less that men are ennobled
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  Speaker 1: on account of their virtue, that priests are advanced for
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  Speaker 1: their piety or learning, soldiers for their conduct or valor
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  Speaker 1: judges for their integrity, senators for the love of their country,
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  Speaker 1: or counselors for their wisdom. As for yourself, continued the King,
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: who have spent the greatest part of your life in traveling,
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  Speaker 1: I am well disposed to hope you may hither have
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  Speaker 1: escaped many vices of your country. But by what I
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  Speaker 1: have gathered from your own relation and the answers I have,
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  Speaker 1: with much pains wrung and exhorted from you, not but
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  Speaker 1: conclude the bulk of your natives to be the most
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: pernicious race of little, odious vermin that nature ever suffered
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  Speaker 1: to crawl upon the surface of the earth. End of
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  Speaker 1: Part two, Chapter six,