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A Bluepring for a Graceful Death (series chapter one) · The Horsehuman Connection Matrix

• 0:00
  Speaker: Is very, uh, yeah.
• 0:02
  Speaker: My voice is, is hard to, I don't have much force behind my speech, so it's, anyways, but, you know, I was watching a interview the other day where the interviewer had like a few days previous.
• 0:27
  Speaker: Just come out of a dark retreat.
• 0:31
  Speaker: I don't know if you've heard of those, but
• 0:33
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 0:33
  Speaker 2: You sent me a website.
• 0:34
  Speaker 2: You sent me a website on, and a link on one, and I took a look at it and did a little bit of research.
• 0:39
  Speaker 2: What struck you about this?
• 0:43
  Speaker: That that, that energy was of not having a lot to say.
• 0:53
  Speaker: That just kind of coming out of such a deep stillness.
• 0:58
  Speaker: The guy managed to do the interview quite nicely, but it was very clear that what he did ask, he was absolutely in the moment.
• 1:12
  Speaker: His questions were very deep within himself.
• 1:15
  Speaker: Coming out from within himself.
• 1:18
  Speaker: Mm-hmm.
• 1:18
  Speaker: And, uh, the guy he was interviewing, I've watched a lot of his YouTubes before, and it created this very interesting conversation where the guy being interviewed could, was knocked off his rails of how he, he speaks as well.
• 1:41
  Speaker: And it forced him to kind of do something different.
• 1:48
  Speaker: It was really interesting to see.
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: I, when, when people go through something and in a different place, like with co-regulation or deep meditation or the brainwaves change and.
• 2:03
  Speaker 2: You're trying to have some sort of connection or conversation with someone else, of course that co-regulation is gonna happen.
• 2:11
  Speaker: Yeah.
• 2:13
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 2:14
  Speaker 2: It sounds like that's what you're describing.
• 2:15
  Speaker 2: A little bit of maybe.
• 2:19
  Speaker: Yeah.
• 2:21
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 2:22
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 2:22
  Speaker 2: It seems like those dark retreats really take people somewhere.
• 2:27
  Speaker 2: I, um, personally, I, I.
• 2:32
  Speaker 2: I didn't feel like it was something I'd wanna try, but I can understand why people would.
• 2:39
  Speaker: Yeah.
• 2:40
  Speaker: I don't think I'd wanna try it either.
• 2:45
  Speaker: Anyway, you looked lovely this morning.
• 2:47
  Speaker 2: Thank you.
• 2:48
  Speaker 2: I just got back from a little hike, went up on the mountain and that was good.
• 2:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah,
• 2:53
  Speaker: your videos, your videos lately are just so beautiful.
• 2:58
  Speaker 2: Thank you.
• 2:58
  Speaker: I love, I love watching them.
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: The, um, the nature ones that I send you, or the podcast ones.
• 3:05
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: The nature ones.
• 3:06
  Speaker: The nature and nature ones.
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: It's important to me.
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: I, I'll send you some from today.
• 3:11
  Speaker 2: The way the sun was coming through the trees.
• 3:13
  Speaker 2: It was just so beautiful, so amazing.
• 3:16
  Speaker 2: We're seeing bear, you know, I have someone staying with me in the year and, um.
• 3:23
  Speaker 2: He's getting some definite spirit animal messages.
• 3:26
  Speaker 2: We had a, a baby Redtail hawk fly into the window when he was standing in front of it.
• 3:31
  Speaker 2: And then the other night we were coming home and there was a bear in the middle of the street eating apples and we scared and then I went faster.
• 3:38
  Speaker 2: 'cause I wanted to like, what is that?
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: Oh my god, it's a bear.
• 3:41
  Speaker 2: You know?
• 3:41
  Speaker 2: So I'm chasing it down the street and that takes a left up a driveway.
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: And then we go up to this place today on the top of the hill behind me, and there's bear poop.
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: Like huge amounts of bear poop that we're seeing.
• 3:54
  Speaker: Wow.
• 3:55
  Speaker 2: Bear poop in the pasture.
• 3:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 3:57
  Speaker 2: So it is interesting.
• 4:00
  Speaker: That's what you get, girl making a sanctuary.
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: It is.
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: It's interesting too that, excuse me just a sec, I gotta close this blind.
• 4:08
  Speaker 2: It's really bright there.
• 4:11
  Speaker 2: It's better.
• 4:11
  Speaker 2: Nikki started calling it the sanctuary and, excuse me, now I'm calling it the sanctuary.
• 4:16
  Speaker 2: And it's true.
• 4:18
  Speaker 2: When you name a thing, it creates an intention.
• 4:23
  Speaker 2: Absolutely.
• 4:24
  Speaker: Yeah.
• 4:25
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 4:25
  Speaker: Is she, do you have any Uh, I don't any relationship with that term Indigo Child.
• 4:32
  Speaker: I think we might have talked about this before.
• 4:35
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 4:35
  Speaker 2: I think years ago we talked about that book.
• 4:37
  Speaker 2: I read most of it, and I think there's a reference to it in the Embrace Autism site.
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: I think.
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: I think there's a lot of conjecture out there about what they were naming as Indigo Children is actually autism spectrum, and then I think there's a lot more conjecture about what they call star seeds, people from from other planets, whether that's, you know, being reincarnated because you've lived on another planet, like I don't know what all those theories involve.
• 5:13
  Speaker: Yeah,
• 5:14
  Speaker 2: I don't know what kind of downloads people get, but it is interesting that people seem to get the same download about a bit of information in a very knowing kind of way, and share it.
• 5:25
  Speaker 2: And I find that really interesting.
• 5:28
  Speaker 2: What do you, what do you think about all that?
• 5:30
  Speaker 2: What are your thoughts about Indigo's?
• 5:32
  Speaker: I don't know that much about it in terms of how it's being written about today, but.
• 5:41
  Speaker: Gosh, years ago when I lived in Cape Junction, I remember Mary, the, my spiritual mother, basically very old, smart, wise lady.
• 5:56
  Speaker: She said to me, one of your children is going to be a very unusual.
• 6:04
  Speaker: Person in the world that there are children being born like that.
• 6:13
  Speaker: And more, more so now.
• 6:16
  Speaker: And you know, for a while I went, I had the reaction of which one is it?
• 6:21
  Speaker: Which one is it?
• 6:22
  Speaker: Well, that's
• 6:22
  Speaker 2: what I wanna ask you.
• 6:23
  Speaker 2: Which one do
• 6:24
  Speaker: you think
• 6:24
  Speaker 2: it's,
• 6:25
  Speaker: Remember back when you say, I always thought everyone was like me.
• 6:32
  Speaker 2: Yeah,
• 6:33
  Speaker: Artemis was reading to me the other night and he, he, his started halting over a word and, which I thought was a word that he couldn't pronounce.
• 6:50
  Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
• 6:50
  Speaker: But he's, he just kind of skipped over it.
• 6:54
  Speaker: Kept reading it and I said, wait a minute.
• 6:57
  Speaker: What was that word you were trying to pronounce?
• 6:59
  Speaker: He said, I wasn't trying to pronounce it.
• 7:01
  Speaker: I was, I wasn't, it wasn't a problem with that.
• 7:05
  Speaker: I was reading ahead.
• 7:07
  Speaker: I was reading the next sentence and I went, wait a minute.
• 7:15
  Speaker: Honestly, we were.
• 7:16
  Speaker: Reading aloud to me and to me.
• 7:20
  Speaker: And privately You were reading the next sentence
• 7:25
  Speaker 2: moment.
• 7:25
  Speaker 2: That's not an experience.
• 7:27
  Speaker 2: Is that not an experience that you have?
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: I had, I mean, to me that's a very normal experience.
• 7:34
  Speaker 2: Wow.
• 7:35
  Speaker: I know.
• 7:36
  Speaker: And I said that and I was talking to his dad about it and saying things like, that, from my point of view, it was like Artemis, his mind was working faster than his mouth.
• 7:55
  Speaker: His mouth could possibly, You mean you don't do that?
• 7:59
  Speaker: And I said, no I don't read ahead.
• 8:02
  Speaker: And then I was asking Jacob about it and he said the same thing.
• 8:10
  Speaker: You mean you don't do that?
• 8:12
  Speaker: And all of a sudden I was the oddball, right.
• 8:17
  Speaker: Surrounded by people who had, and I started just.
• 8:22
  Speaker: Putting things together of, of um, feeling like, wow, maybe there's a lot of people in the world right now who are being born and who are not like me.
• 8:39
  Speaker: That's when I started to think about the indigo.
• 8:45
  Speaker: Wave of different, and I asked, I asked one of them, I think it was Aaron, that, uh, did he consider this, uh, an evolutionary situation?
• 9:04
  Speaker: And he, his opinion was no.
• 9:07
  Speaker: But I kind of think it is.
• 9:11
  Speaker 2: It might be, I think we'd have to have more information to really, to know more about it.
• 9:16
  Speaker: So have you ever come across, in your studies of, of neurodivergent the suggestion that this is.
• 9:25
  Speaker: Not an anomaly or a pathology, but it's an evolutionary,
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: I mean
• 9:31
  Speaker: development.
• 9:33
  Speaker 2: I have not, I ha I, I have that strong opinion.
• 9:36
  Speaker 2: I had that opinion the first time I heard about autism, long before I ever would've even imagined that I was on the spectrum.
• 9:43
  Speaker 2: That was the intuitive knowing that I had, like, this is human evolution clearly.
• 9:47
  Speaker 2: Like it was like, what else could it be?
• 9:51
  Speaker 2: And.
• 9:52
  Speaker 2: I've talked about that a little bit, but no, I've never had any scientific or, um, I've had other people on the spectrum say that to me.
• 10:01
  Speaker 2: Like they have the same opinion, but I've never seen any study or any scientists like piece things together.
• 10:07
  Speaker 2: Certainly no.
• 10:08
  Speaker 2: Hard scientific.
• 10:09
  Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
• 10:09
  Speaker 2: Like, I don't even know what that would look like.
• 10:11
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 10:11
  Speaker 2: Like, how would you prove that our brains are changing?
• 10:14
  Speaker 2: I don't know,
• 10:15
  Speaker: either
• 10:15
  Speaker 2: as an evolution.
• 10:19
  Speaker 2: But it's a good question.
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: I think it's a very important, relevant question, and I think that someday it will be confirmed.
• 10:28
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 10:29
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 10:29
  Speaker: Well, I feel like I'm in the hands of, uh, in the hands of people who are intuitively so well developed.
• 10:41
  Speaker: That I don't have a concern for myself in the world.
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: That's a good place to be.
• 10:47
  Speaker 2: You feel really safe and taken care of.
• 10:49
  Speaker: Yeah, I do.
• 10:51
  Speaker: Yeah.
• 10:52
  Speaker 2: Even if the structure's a little bit different than on your vacation spot, your, your hospice vacation spot.
• 10:59
  Speaker: Yeah.
• 11:00
  Speaker: I feel real safe there too.
• 11:03
  Speaker 2: That's a wonderful feeling.
• 11:06
  Speaker: So what's left, you know, what's left is, uh, the emotional landscape now of, of, um, separation.
• 11:19
  Speaker: You know, the, the grieving of, of that.
• 11:23
  Speaker: And honestly, I don't feel it as sorrow right at this mo at this time.
• 11:31
  Speaker 2: How, what, how do you categorize that?
• 11:34
  Speaker 2: What does it feel like?
• 11:36
  Speaker: It feels like a horn of plenty.
• 11:39
  Speaker: I just don't feel it as, you know, I look at you and I think, God, you've been such a wonderful friend to me.
• 11:49
  Speaker: And, um.
• 11:52
  Speaker: A good person.
• 11:55
  Speaker 2: Thank you.
• 11:56
  Speaker 2: I know you've been a dear friend to me too, and we'll continue to be
• 12:00
  Speaker: in a different form.
• 12:02
  Speaker: What?
• 12:04
  Speaker: Yeah.
• 12:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 12:07
  Speaker: There's really nothing to, uh, complain about.
• 12:12
  Speaker 2: It is gotta be hard though.
• 12:15
  Speaker 2: It's hard.
• 12:18
  Speaker 2: The transition is hard.
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: I mean, it, thinking about it is hard for me.
• 12:22
  Speaker 2: I mean, I, I, I'm trying not, I'm trying to look at it in a light that's not so hard, but it is gonna be like any transition.
• 12:31
  Speaker 2: Like when you pick up, you've pack up your house and you found a new place, and you like the new place better and you're moving.
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: There's that moment when you're leaving the old house.
• 12:42
  Speaker 2: You're sad and nostalgic, even though there's this big, bright thing that you're moving into.
• 12:47
  Speaker 2: It's that that point of transition and leaving something behind that is like, I don't know any way to experience that without it having an emotional, nostalgic sadness, at least for a moment.
• 13:04
  Speaker: I don't know.
• 13:04
  Speaker: Maybe I've, maybe I have such a firewall up that
• 13:10
  Speaker 2: there's no right or wrong way to do it.
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: There's no right or wrong way to think about it.
• 13:15
  Speaker 2: I'm just in so much admiration of.
• 13:20
  Speaker 2: What we were talking about last time, like there's a measure of control of, um, you know, we were talking about this this morning on our walk, like the meaning of, there's a phrase, like too much information is part of it, but there there's another phrase that I like, understood a deeper meaning of as we.
• 13:42
  Speaker 2: As we control the information for any situation, like there's, you know, this theme is actually coming up in multiple places for me.
• 13:48
  Speaker 2: Like there's transparency and then there's like filters, and then there's planning what you're gonna say, planning how you're gonna respond in ways that create desired effects in other people like.
• 14:06
  Speaker 2: It's not necessary sometimes to share all the information and sometimes it's necessary to package what you need to say a certain way.
• 14:13
  Speaker 2: And I think this is such an important thing.
• 14:17
  Speaker 2: And now this is the third place that I'm having a chance to look at it because it feels like it's been a blind spot personally for me.
• 14:25
  Speaker 2: Not being able to gauge how I say or think about a thing that will impact people, which sounds pretty narcissistic, but I really believe it's, it's part of my autism.
• 14:37
  Speaker 2: And try as I may to learn these things, I can learn some of them, but I get blindsided all the time like, oh, that would have that effect.
• 14:45
  Speaker 2: Like it almost feels like it's this.
• 14:49
  Speaker 2: A black balloon in a dark room that I'm gonna keep kicking because I simply cannot tell it's there.
• 14:57
  Speaker 2: It's not like, oh, I can learn this behavior.
• 14:59
  Speaker 2: I mean, they both are true, but I feel like I'm never gonna get the whole thing.
• 15:02
  Speaker 2: And, and you've done such a beautiful job of recognizing how you.
• 15:08
  Speaker 2: For your care, how you ask people that are taking care of you for things, how you respond when somebody asks you how you're doing today.
• 15:16
  Speaker 2: Like you've given thoughtful, measured responses that create the reality for you and your caregivers that you've wanted to create.
• 15:27
  Speaker 2: I mean, you're so invisibly in control of everything, creating the reality on your entire property for your entire family, and for everybody that visits you.
• 15:36
  Speaker 2: Like, it's admirable.
• 15:40
  Speaker: Well, I, I, you know, I think there's a trembling effect go going through the family now that of.
• 15:51
  Speaker: Somehow they recognize what you just described.
• 15:56
  Speaker: That without me being alive here There's a trembling over, I don't mean a, a thought process, but just a, an awareness that it's gonna be really lonely for them.
• 16:11
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 16:13
  Speaker: And uh, Mike's expressing that actually he, he said he was really depressed when I was gone at hospice.
• 16:26
  Speaker: So going hospice serves a lot of.
• 16:32
  Speaker: Different things you might not think about.
• 16:34
  Speaker: Right?
• 16:35
  Speaker 2: Oh, you're such a shaman.
• 16:36
  Speaker 2: You thought about all that You knew, like of course you knew like you're pr, like you're preparing everybody.
• 16:46
  Speaker 2: It's like you said, everybody like the big red button.
• 16:50
  Speaker 2: I started thinking about that big red button that you have, like the emergency button.
• 16:54
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 16:55
  Speaker 2: I don't think that emergency button is ever really gonna need to get pushed, but because it's in existence and you gave everybody a job, if there was an emergency, it's like giving them the job of at the moment of your death, remember this, behave this way.
• 17:17
  Speaker 2: Aren't they?
• 17:17
  Speaker 2: Aren't they the same?
• 17:18
  Speaker 2: Are they superimposed the jobs you gave them?
• 17:20
  Speaker 2: Is that not what they what?
• 17:22
  Speaker 2: What is a safe, reasonable, comforting thing for them to do?
• 17:30
  Speaker: Yeah, it is.
• 17:33
  Speaker: I don't know.
• 17:34
  Speaker: Am I hyper controlling?
• 17:36
  Speaker: I don't.
• 17:39
  Speaker 2: No.
• 17:39
  Speaker: Is that even, is that even control?
• 17:42
  Speaker 2: No, it's leadership.
• 17:45
  Speaker: Oh, okay.
• 17:46
  Speaker 2: It feels like leadership to me, like I've used the word control because you've executed it from a place of knowing from above.
• 17:56
  Speaker 2: What the responses and reactions will be.
• 17:59
  Speaker 2: So in that sense, there's, a control over the situation, but really everybody has free choice in every moment.
• 18:08
  Speaker 2: And in my mind, that makes it leadership like and connection, like what you're talking about, like them being lonely.
• 18:15
  Speaker 2: And I think this is.
• 18:17
  Speaker 2: Definitely a statement about our culture and our genders and the roles that we play and how it's changing through younger generations of You're like a lead mayor, like a lead mayor in a, in a herd of horses is responsible, right?
• 18:34
  Speaker 2: Is responsible for everybody's emotional state and for seeing the dangers and for being the first one to understand the things that can happen.
• 18:45
  Speaker 2: Be alert to predators and I mean, clearly for years you've been that center in your family and it's gonna leave a void.
• 18:57
  Speaker: Yeah, it doesn't feel like anything.
• 19:02
  Speaker: It just feels like that's who I am is, it's not something I've.
• 19:07
  Speaker: Okay.
• 19:08
  Speaker 2: No, it's not something you do or you bring or you studied.
• 19:11
  Speaker 2: It is, it's just who you are.
• 19:14
  Speaker: Yeah.
• 19:16
  Speaker: I just hope that, uh, sometimes on the emotional side of, of dying, and I think, God, I wonder, I wonder, but again, it's coming out of a curiosity.
• 19:31
  Speaker: I, I wonder if.
• 19:35
  Speaker: I've so filtered or suppressed my emotional grief that it's going to hit me in the face at the last minute or whether the way I describe to your feeling that.
• 20:00
  Speaker: No, I, that I'm living in a horn of plenty.
• 20:05
  Speaker: Is just, it's, there's no reference culturally or anywhere that says Yeah.
• 20:11
  Speaker: It, it can be that way.
• 20:14
  Speaker: It, this dying can be like that.
• 20:16
  Speaker 2: I don't think the last moment of life is any different than any other moment of life.
• 20:21
  Speaker 2: You have a choice, and from where I sit, you've chosen wisely.
• 20:25
  Speaker 2: I also think that your
• 20:27
  Speaker: experience, I, I like, I like how you said that.
• 20:29
  Speaker: Yeah.
• 20:30
  Speaker: It's a choice like any other,
• 20:32
  Speaker 2: any other moment.
• 20:33
  Speaker: It's a, it's a moment like any like any other, huh.
• 20:37
  Speaker 2: And I also think that the information you got with the, um, with the mushrooms is absolutely accurate.
• 20:45
  Speaker 2: And that, that, that informs.
• 20:50
  Speaker 2: In a very prophesizing way, the choice that you have.
• 20:56
  Speaker: I see.
• 20:56
  Speaker: Yeah.
• 20:58
  Speaker: Yeah.
• 20:58
  Speaker: That, that was a strong one.
• 21:02
  Speaker: So here's the thing I'm feeling now.
• 21:04
  Speaker: Maybe I'll run it by you, because, because people are tr I, I feel.
• 21:12
  Speaker: I think other people in my life are recognizing that time is short.
• 21:19
  Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
• 21:20
  Speaker: And they're I feel like I'm a secretary at this point.
• 21:27
  Speaker: Managing, managing who can come when and what, because it's like my ex now.
• 21:34
  Speaker: Is, he wrote me last night.
• 21:39
  Speaker: He said, I've been thinking, you know, I'd really like to, to drop in, drop by tomorrow and spend some time in sweet home.
• 21:49
  Speaker: What is this?
• 21:49
  Speaker: He, you know, he's, he started coming down here.
• 21:53
  Speaker: 'cause we were, we were wanting to do certain things.
• 21:59
  Speaker: And now he's my neighbor again.
• 22:01
  Speaker: But I'm going, well, I, I pencil, I, I gotta pencil you in because, because, uh, this and this is going on, my friend Jan from Seattle is coming down more frequently.
• 22:19
  Speaker: You and I talk regularly, but I'm going like.
• 22:24
  Speaker: Fuck, I gotta manage this visiting schedule.
• 22:30
  Speaker 2: Well, at this point, hiring a secretary would probably be more work than just managing it yourself,
• 22:37
  Speaker: probably.
• 22:39
  Speaker 2: And you'd still have to be way involved.
• 22:41
  Speaker 2: So
• 22:43
  Speaker: might as well just just do it.
• 22:47
  Speaker: Yeah.
• 22:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 22:48
  Speaker: Well, I'm trying to feel my way through.
• 22:51
  Speaker 2: You can also just say yes to everything and let God sort it out.
• 22:56
  Speaker: Yeah.
• 22:58
  Speaker: Yeah, because I want, I, even though it's not, I don't feel in the place that other, that most other people feel.
• 23:10
  Speaker: I don't want to, uh.
• 23:13
  Speaker: I want to honor the fact that other people are feeling this, so be available.
• 23:21
  Speaker 2: The last time I spoke to you and I said what's really important now, and you said love isn't that's like one of my definitions of love right there.
• 23:31
  Speaker 2: Like you're holding your needs and other people's needs at the same level and you really are the only person who can secretary that.
• 23:40
  Speaker: Thanks.
• 23:43
  Speaker: My goodness.
• 23:44
  Speaker: What am I gonna do without you and your advice?
• 23:47
  Speaker 2: I'm right here.
• 23:50
  Speaker 2: You won't do without anything.
• 23:52
  Speaker 2: Not a thing.
• 23:53
  Speaker: You'll get a little knock in the astral.
• 23:58
  Speaker: After I die saying, could you gimme some advice about this
• 24:03
  Speaker 2: I person the.
• 24:09
  Speaker: That's a fun way to think about after a die, isn't it?
• 24:13
  Speaker 2: It is.
• 24:13
  Speaker: Yeah,
• 24:14
  Speaker 2: it is.
• 24:14
  Speaker 2: I expect there'll be birds flying into windows and lots of light things in my camera.
• 24:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 24:20
  Speaker 2: And sparkles on the water and all kinds of things.
• 24:24
  Speaker 2: Rainbows and shooting stars.
• 24:25
  Speaker 2: How
• 24:26
  Speaker: about a group of deer serenading you out through your window?
• 24:30
  Speaker: Yeah.
• 24:31
  Speaker: At night?
• 24:33
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 24:34
  Speaker: Yeah.
• 24:35
  Speaker 2: All of that.
• 24:37
  Speaker 2: All of that.
• 24:38
  Speaker 2: So have there been a lot of changes this week, this month?
• 24:42
  Speaker 2: What's the rhythm?
• 24:44
  Speaker: I, I feel I don't know if, when the changes started happening, but yeah, I've I'm honestly not hungry.
• 24:56
  Speaker: It's weird.
• 24:58
  Speaker: I am, I'm finding a lot of, it's just really comfortable for me to sleep.
• 25:09
  Speaker: Like a lot.
• 25:11
  Speaker: I wake up feeling great.
• 25:13
  Speaker: But in fact, what was it?
• 25:14
  Speaker: I mean, I slept 12 hours last night.
• 25:19
  Speaker: And that's after being in bed all day too.
• 25:22
  Speaker: With a nap.
• 25:24
  Speaker: Um, yeah.
• 25:26
  Speaker: The little booklet that hospice sent out saying, these are the signs Of transitions.
• 25:32
  Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
• 25:33
  Speaker 2: I'm
• 25:33
  Speaker: just, I'm just ticking'em off my hand now.
• 25:38
  Speaker: Yeah.
• 25:38
  Speaker: I see that.
• 25:39
  Speaker: I see that.
• 25:40
  Speaker: I see that.
• 25:42
  Speaker: And it started actually.
• 25:46
  Speaker: About a month ago when, uh, my nurse was taking my blood pressure and I remember that it had dropped.
• 25:57
  Speaker: Now I've got really low blood pressure.
• 26:00
  Speaker: I mean, I think it, in hospice they were taking it and it was like, um, I don't know.
• 26:08
  Speaker: It was very, very small difference between the systolic and diastolic.
• 26:15
  Speaker: Maybe that's what slows is, slowed down everything else.
• 26:20
  Speaker 2: Have you No doubt that's connected.
• 26:22
  Speaker 2: Have you mentioned at one point that you had a somebody helping you plan your celebration of death, which I love the way you worded that.
• 26:30
  Speaker 2: It's not a celebration of life.
• 26:32
  Speaker 2: 'cause we do that when we're alive, it's a celebration of death.
• 26:36
  Speaker: Yeah.
• 26:36
  Speaker 2: And, um, how, how.
• 26:39
  Speaker 2: How far along did you get with that?
• 26:41
  Speaker 2: Are you feeling that's complete, that you've done as much as you need to, that you didn't need to do the whole thing?
• 26:46
  Speaker 2: Or where are you?
• 26:48
  Speaker: We talked about it and reached a consensus for, for, um, how long the body that there were people who wanted to sit by my body.
• 27:03
  Speaker: Before it was removed.
• 27:05
  Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
• 27:06
  Speaker: So we agreed, 36 hours is enough for anyone to get here who wanted to do that.
• 27:14
  Speaker: So there's a, that was all finished being planned.
• 27:20
  Speaker: And then, uh, we talked about the celebration of death happening, later.
• 27:26
  Speaker: After the cremation.
• 27:29
  Speaker: And I, everyone talks about how they saw doing that no one was much interested in, you know, standing around eulogizing they were.
• 27:47
  Speaker: And I put in my 2 cents of.
• 27:49
  Speaker: You know, we'll make, make sure you, you, I make sure you shit talk me to help my spirit detach, you know?
• 27:59
  Speaker: So who knows what they'll end up doing?
• 28:01
  Speaker: Is she,
• 28:03
  Speaker 2: you're hysterical.
• 28:05
  Speaker: Hey, I've read that more I've, and heard that from multiple sources, as, as something to do
• 28:15
  Speaker 2: what?
• 28:15
  Speaker 2: Talk shit.
• 28:16
  Speaker 2: Talking or being hysterical.
• 28:20
  Speaker: Shit.
• 28:20
  Speaker: Talking.
• 28:22
  Speaker: I'm
• 28:22
  Speaker 2: serious.
• 28:22
  Speaker 2: So it's, it's actually better if people say bad things about you, then you'll just leave.
• 28:26
  Speaker 2: You won't hang around.
• 28:28
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 28:29
  Speaker 2: Where are the, so I want your sources.
• 28:31
  Speaker 2: I've never heard this.
• 28:33
  Speaker: Oh my God.
• 28:33
  Speaker: Good luck with that.
• 28:35
  Speaker: One of them I think came out of, um, came out of maybe What religious groups in this country were really into doing wakes.
• 28:50
  Speaker: Is that the Mormons?
• 28:53
  Speaker 2: I don't know,
• 28:55
  Speaker: whatever group that was.
• 28:57
  Speaker: It was a cultural thing.
• 29:00
  Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
• 29:01
  Speaker: In this country.
• 29:02
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 29:02
  Speaker 2: You're not talking about Ireland.
• 29:04
  Speaker 2: I mean, to me the first thing that comes to mind is Irish people, but,
• 29:10
  Speaker: and then, well, there are examples from Irish people
• 29:13
  Speaker 2: and maybe Jews.
• 29:14
  Speaker 2: Did Jews do that too?
• 29:16
  Speaker 2: There a big Jewish tradition of, of big Wakes.
• 29:21
  Speaker: Oh, there is.
• 29:22
  Speaker: I don't recall the part where people remember negative things and
• 29:32
  Speaker 2: No, I don't, I never heard that.
• 29:34
  Speaker 2: I have never heard that.
• 29:36
  Speaker: Really?
• 29:37
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 29:37
  Speaker 2: And it's gonna be tough, Sarah, with you.
• 29:39
  Speaker 2: That's a tough one.
• 29:42
  Speaker: They'll turn it into jokes.
• 29:44
  Speaker: Are you kidding?
• 29:45
  Speaker: Oh God.
• 29:46
  Speaker: She embarrassed me so much in front of my, my middle school friends taking her teeth out and waving them in the air because I did something I wasn't supposed to.
• 30:00
  Speaker: They'll turn it into stuff like that probably.
• 30:04
  Speaker 2: Alright, well, I don't know how to take, I don't know how to take part in that,
• 30:07
  Speaker: but who knows.
• 30:10
  Speaker: But, uh, anyways It could also take the shape of, for instance, my sister, she could sit at, at the party.
• 30:20
  Speaker: She could be at the party and say it really?
• 30:25
  Speaker: Tipped my world upside down and upset me a lot when you reported me to the DMV.
• 30:36
  Speaker 2: Do you think she'll
• 30:36
  Speaker: even
• 30:37
  Speaker 2: remember that?
• 30:38
  Speaker: And I felt angry and I felt abandoned.
• 30:43
  Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
• 30:45
  Speaker: So it can take that form too.
• 30:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 30:48
  Speaker 2: Well, it sounds like you're creating an environment for people to be very real about their experience and an environment for you to detach from your body and do whatever it is you're doing on the other side.
• 31:04
  Speaker: Yeah.
• 31:06
  Speaker: Who knows, they'll be in charge at that point, so I don't know.
• 31:10
  Speaker: But they'll contact people with whatever date it is and.
• 31:18
  Speaker: I have a, I have a nice cash fund for throwing a, a good party and whatever.
• 31:27
  Speaker: Yeah.
• 31:27
  Speaker: Yeah.
• 31:28
  Speaker 2: You, you really thought about so many details.
• 31:31
  Speaker 2: I, um, I wanted to comment on what you had said about, I know, what was it?
• 31:37
  Speaker 2: I lost my train of thought.
• 31:38
  Speaker: It was an unwinding and detaching process.
• 31:44
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 31:45
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 31:48
  Speaker 2: I'll, I'll
• 31:48
  Speaker: read it.
• 31:49
  Speaker: Yeah.
• 31:51
  Speaker: But at any rate, you know, some sage over the chakra line and smudging around me.
• 31:58
  Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
• 31:59
  Speaker: You're the only one I know who has those, uh, proclivities.
• 32:05
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I will do that.
• 32:08
  Speaker 2: And the, the family would be open to that.
• 32:11
  Speaker: Oh, of course.
• 32:12
  Speaker: Yeah.
• 32:12
  Speaker: Okay.
• 32:15
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 32:16
  Speaker: So yeah, in terms of, of the family talking about all that, everybody put their 2 cents in and, and it was, you know, as a process it was completed.
• 32:33
  Speaker: I felt, I gotta move my position.
• 32:36
  Speaker: Sure.
• 32:37
  Speaker 2: You got ribbons in your hair.
• 32:40
  Speaker: Jacob does it every morning.
• 32:42
  Speaker: You see him
• 32:42
  Speaker 2: so sweet.
• 32:43
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I do.
• 32:44
  Speaker 2: How sweet.
• 32:45
  Speaker: Then he takes pictures of me.
• 32:47
  Speaker 2: That's lovely.
• 32:50
  Speaker 2: Really lovely.
• 32:52
  Speaker 2: Well, Sarah.
• 32:54
  Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
• 32:56
  Speaker 2: So it sounds like your social schedule, uh, do I need to talk with your secretary about scheduling a visit?
• 33:03
  Speaker: Yes, please.
• 33:03
  Speaker: Schedule least three days.
• 33:06
  Speaker 2: At least three days in advance.
• 33:08
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 33:09
  Speaker: Let check my schedule.
• 33:11
  Speaker: I'll put you down with a question mark and wait confirmation.
• 33:16
  Speaker 2: Sounds good.
• 33:17
  Speaker 2: Well, I, I will be in touch about that and confirm, but it's full pencil it at this point.
• 33:22
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 33:23
  Speaker 2: The Zoom.
• 33:23
  Speaker 2: Yes, the zoom, yeah, we can do this.
• 33:25
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 33:25
  Speaker 2: I appreciate recording because I just, I'm gonna really appreciate having these, and I think other people may appreciate them too.
• 33:37
  Speaker: Okay.
• 33:38
  Speaker 2: Love you.
• 33:39
  Speaker: Love you too.
• 33:40
  Speaker 2: Bye-bye.
• 33:41
  Speaker 2: Talk soon.
• 33:41
  Bye.