Latest / The Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcast / Almost Famous In Depth: Clare Crawley Part 1

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Almost Famous In Depth: Clare Crawley Part 1 · The Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcast

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: This is Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous in Depth.
• 0:06
  Speaker 2: Hey, guys, welcome to a special episode of the Almost
• 0:09
  Speaker 2: Famous podcast. Today we have Claire Crawley here talking about
• 0:12
  Speaker 2: her baby news. We found out last week that is
• 0:14
  Speaker 2: a baby girl and we are so excited to get
• 0:17
  Speaker 2: all the deeds from her about seracacy and their journey
• 0:22
  Speaker 2: to have this baby. Ben, are you ready, so ready,
• 0:26
  Speaker 2: let's talk babies. It's your turn next. You know, Nick
• 0:32
  Speaker 2: announced his baby on the way today.
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: You sound like every other human in the world.
• 0:36
  Speaker 2: I know. I love that. I'm now that person. I'm
• 0:40
  Speaker 2: so effing annoying.
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: Oh goodness.
• 0:43
  Speaker 2: You just want all your friends to be in the
• 0:45
  Speaker 2: same chapter of life as you.
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: I get it. I want to be in that chapter
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: two And I would say, we're not far away, but
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: let's bring Claire and let's talk about her baby first.
• 0:53
  Speaker 2: Guys, Claire Crawley has joined us, and congratulations you are
• 0:58
  Speaker 2: a mom to be going to be a mom in January.
• 1:01
  Speaker 2: January is a great time to have a baby come
• 1:04
  Speaker 2: your way. Also, January baby?
• 1:07
  Speaker 3: Is that a Capricorn baby? Is that what I'm having?
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: He's a sad nont know, he's an Aquarius. Aquarius Okay, okay.
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah, is there really what that means? Well, Ashley is there.
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: Here's my question. Is there a bad time to have
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: a baby? Like, is there a month that you're like, don't.
• 1:21
  Speaker 2: Have a bigstrological sign.
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: Honestly, that wasn't exactly what I was basing off of,
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: but just in general, if you're like, hey, January is
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: such a good month have a baby, I'm assuming then
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: there has to be a bad month to have a baby.
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: Well, August. I just think it's great because you know,
• 1:39
  Speaker 2: Dawson was born in January, and he was born on
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: my mom's birthday, which was also the day that my
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: parents was born, were born, were born, well they met.
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: Goodness, Hey, Claire, congratulations, Thank you so much.
• 1:52
  Speaker 3: It's finally feels so good to be able to talk
• 1:56
  Speaker 3: about it because I've been holding it in for so long,
• 1:59
  Speaker 3: and I at this moment now because it's like I
• 2:02
  Speaker 3: didn't talk about it for so long, and there were
• 2:03
  Speaker 3: so many people on my literally I would get all
• 2:05
  Speaker 3: the time on my social media where I was just
• 2:07
  Speaker 3: kind of like going introspective and just focusing on this baby,
• 2:12
  Speaker 3: and a lot of people on social media were like,
• 2:14
  Speaker 3: you're so boring you're not doing anything. All you do
• 2:17
  Speaker 3: is make smoothies now, And I'm like.
• 2:19
  Speaker 2: Little do you guys know, Oh my goodness.
• 2:23
  Speaker 3: Show only social media only shows you so much.
• 2:25
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Well, you sort of not so subtly hinted to
• 2:29
  Speaker 2: me when we were in the Santa Barbara area in
• 2:34
  Speaker 2: May that there may be something coming because you seemed
• 2:38
  Speaker 2: very interested in baby products and like what works and
• 2:41
  Speaker 2: what doesn't. So I was like kind of catching on
• 2:45
  Speaker 2: and it was kind of like a wink wink scenario,
• 2:48
  Speaker 2: and I'm just very excited that it's like official. At
• 2:52
  Speaker 2: what point were you because May do you know, January?
• 2:56
  Speaker 2: Like you must have just been like, was did you
• 2:59
  Speaker 2: know if something was sticking with the surrogate at that point?
• 3:02
  Speaker 3: It was a still it was she was pregnant at
• 3:05
  Speaker 3: the time. It was in question if the baby was sticking. Yeah,
• 3:09
  Speaker 3: And I think for the longest time too, I didn't
• 3:13
  Speaker 3: believe it. Like it's surreal to finally be at this
• 3:17
  Speaker 3: point and you don't want to jinx anything, and it
• 3:20
  Speaker 3: was kind of like you don't want to get your
• 3:22
  Speaker 3: hopes up because then you're just gonna get crushed. And
• 3:24
  Speaker 3: it's just been years of praying for this and hoping
• 3:28
  Speaker 3: for this, and so it was almost like, is this
• 3:31
  Speaker 3: really happening. I don't want to jinx it or anything,
• 3:33
  Speaker 3: you know, but I know I know you and I
• 3:35
  Speaker 3: even when was it last year? I feel like you
• 3:38
  Speaker 3: and I were talking about baby formula and you were
• 3:41
  Speaker 3: talking about the formula that you love and I was like,
• 3:44
  Speaker 3: when the time comes, and you were like, Claire, when
• 3:46
  Speaker 3: the time comes, I will share, and that's I remember
• 3:49
  Speaker 3: back in me, I was like, remember that time we
• 3:52
  Speaker 3: talked about the formula.
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah again, Yeah, it's Bobby in an amazing formula brands
• 3:58
  Speaker 2: mom owned and found. Now, there was definitely like back then,
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: like even over a year ago, you were just like
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: you knew that you be a mother at some point
• 4:08
  Speaker 2: in your life and it was on the horizon and
• 4:10
  Speaker 2: you secretly were with Ryan at that point and I
• 4:14
  Speaker 2: didn't know, and I was asking, I was like, is
• 4:16
  Speaker 2: there a guy? She's like, there's a you know, maybe
• 4:18
  Speaker 2: there's like someone I just started dating. And it was
• 4:22
  Speaker 2: lo and behold her future husband.
• 4:23
  Speaker 3: So that's cool, Oh so crazy, Ben? Is this exciting
• 4:26
  Speaker 3: for you to talk about? Forty and.
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: One day he's gonna appreciate this knowledge?
• 4:34
  Speaker 3: You're surrounded by women who are in the know. So
• 4:36
  Speaker 3: it's a good thing.
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: I mean, I'm telling you I've learned so much in
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: the last two years of this walking with Ashley. Is
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: it exciting for me? Yes, I'm excited for you. Do
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: I do? I think much about what formula is the best?
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: Never in my life.
• 4:54
  Speaker 3: It doesn't matter until you need it, and matter for sure.
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: So, Okay, I have some questions that I want to
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: ask you, but the big one is this, and I
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: want to try to frame it properly. Okay, we have
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: this is what ye're eight of the Almost Famous podcast.
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: I think it's been It's been a long, long road
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: and so through that we've seen and been able to
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: be a part of a lot of your experiences on
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: the show and throughout the show and off the show,
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: and then obviously we participated in Wonder Games together. But
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: more importantly, you know, you've always been somebody we enjoy
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: having on the show, enjoy being around you know, similar
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: to Ashley's story clear in a lot of ways for me,
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: where when I first met Ashley, she was kind of
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: like in love but not finding it. She knew what
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: she wanted, but she didn't know if it was ever
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: going to happen, and there was, like I have on
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: my phone a whole reel of tear filled videos of
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: her just being like, I don't know if I'm ever
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: going to find love, and then she did. For you,
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: I feel like it's a very similar story where we've
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: watched you fall in love, get your heart broken, invest
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: in relationships, get your heart broken, wonder if anything's ever
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: going to happen. Now we see something happen and it
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: feels like it just all happens so fast for me,
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: like it feels like there's just been like this, Oh,
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: I hope Claire find somebody, and then all of a
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: sudden at the back end, like it all happens at once.
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: And so I'm wondering for you, how does that feel
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: for you? Does it feel similar where like the last
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: twelve months of your life have just been incredible? Or
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: like has this you know? Have you how do you
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: function emotionally in the midst of all these good things?
• 6:36
  Speaker 3: It does feel incredible it to this very second, it
• 6:40
  Speaker 3: feels incredible. But I'll say it's I know it seems
• 6:44
  Speaker 3: fast for a lot of people, and I know it
• 6:46
  Speaker 3: seems like, oh my god, all of a sudden, you
• 6:48
  Speaker 3: have everything you ever dreamt of. But this is truly
• 6:52
  Speaker 3: as you as you said, Ben, like, this has been
• 6:56
  Speaker 3: years of my life. I'm forty two. It's not like
• 6:58
  Speaker 3: I'm twenty one being like, oh, look this all just happened.
• 7:01
  Speaker 3: This has been something that didn't happen suddenly. This has
• 7:04
  Speaker 3: been like years of working on myself, years of not
• 7:09
  Speaker 3: giving up on myself, years of watching everybody else have babies,
• 7:13
  Speaker 3: watching everybody else get married, cheering everybody else on while
• 7:17
  Speaker 3: hoping and creating my own life that I've dreamt of.
• 7:22
  Speaker 3: So I know it feels like it's all of a sudden,
• 7:26
  Speaker 3: but it was. It's I guess, just been years in
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  Speaker 3: the making this kind of stuff. To me, it doesn't
• 7:32
  Speaker 3: just happen like that. I know it feels like it,
• 7:35
  Speaker 3: but to me, it's just been years of manifesting the
• 7:39
  Speaker 3: man in my dreams and praying for what I want
• 7:41
  Speaker 3: and honing in on what type of man I want,
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  Speaker 3: what type of man I don't want, weeding out the
• 7:46
  Speaker 3: bad ones, letting the good ones in, and finally getting
• 7:50
  Speaker 3: to a point of like, this is it. You know,
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  Speaker 3: it's not just all of a sudden.
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: Well, and I wonder if for a second here, because
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: I think your perspective is it's super interesting because there's uh,
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: probably somebody listening to this, many people who are in
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: their forties, who are women, maybe men, and they have
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: a very similar story and maybe they haven't found that
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: happy ending yet. Yeah, maybe they're still in that like
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: or maybe they're in their mid thirties and they're like,
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: I thought i'd be married, but now with kids and
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: all these things. What what now looking back on that
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: chapter of your life and knowing where you're at now,
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: what words of wisdom or encouragement or reality and truth,
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: maybe some tough, hard truth. What would you give them?
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: What would you say to them?
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  Speaker 3: Honestly, Ben, it's the words you just used when they're
• 8:41
  Speaker 3: hoping for that happy ending. It's the opposite of that.
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  Speaker 3: The happy ending is creating your life exactly how you
• 8:51
  Speaker 3: want it and creating I guess just this, creating yourself
• 8:58
  Speaker 3: rooting yourself on the happy ending is not marriage and baby.
• 9:03
  Speaker 3: The happy ending is being happy. The happy ending is
• 9:06
  Speaker 3: living your truth and creating life that is exactly everything
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  Speaker 3: you love for yourself. I don't think for everybody it's
• 9:16
  Speaker 3: the same story, and it's not for at least for me,
• 9:18
  Speaker 3: I can say, even with Ryan, even with having a
• 9:21
  Speaker 3: baby on the way, that is not my happy ending.
• 9:24
  Speaker 3: My happy ending was finding peace within myself, finding my
• 9:27
  Speaker 3: own happiness, whatever that looked like, even if it didn't
• 9:30
  Speaker 3: include a man. I was on my way, well on
• 9:35
  Speaker 3: my way, and the people that know me really, really well.
• 9:37
  Speaker 3: I was well on my way to possibly adopting. I
• 9:42
  Speaker 3: had talked to my family and my friends. I was
• 9:44
  Speaker 3: going to adopt a baby. I knew I wanted to
• 9:45
  Speaker 3: be I've always known I wanted to be a mother.
• 9:48
  Speaker 3: It doesn't mean a man and a baby. And that's
• 9:50
  Speaker 3: the happy ending, you know what I'm saying. Like it
• 9:53
  Speaker 3: can look many different ways. That's why I want so
• 9:56
  Speaker 3: bad to talk about even our surrogate happy not just
• 10:00
  Speaker 3: being pregnant getting birth. It looks so different for everybody,
• 10:03
  Speaker 3: and it's it's what you make of it and what
• 10:05
  Speaker 3: you want you can make it happen.
• 10:08
  Speaker 2: That's such good advice. I love that. I feel like
• 10:11
  Speaker 2: every girl needs to like kind of clip every person
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: needs to kind of clip that and just listen to
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: it well.
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: And it's it's only advice that could be given from
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: somebody's lived in it, right, I think it's it's somewhat
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: humorous sometimes when people want to speak into this and like,
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: you know, you have relational experts at like twenty five,
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: and it's like that's fine, Like I'm sure you've figured out.
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: But like when you're forty two and you look back
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: on that period of time, like you have some some
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: wisdom that you can only gain through living in it
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: and living through it and living with it. And I
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: think it's it's something that a lot of people should
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: hear because a lot of times you feel alone, you like,
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: if you're living in this, and you know, the truth
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: is if they're not. So yeah, I just appreciate you
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: sharing that.
• 10:58
  Speaker 3: No, of course, and I have been there and I
• 11:00
  Speaker 3: have felt those feelings. Absolutely. I think that was normal
• 11:03
  Speaker 3: to feel alone and bummed and when's my person? And
• 11:06
  Speaker 3: when's this? And when's that? But truly, and I was
• 11:08
  Speaker 3: probably cliche to say this, but I found all my
• 11:13
  Speaker 3: happiness when I poured all that love that I was
• 11:15
  Speaker 3: hoping to find in somebody else into myself. And when
• 11:19
  Speaker 3: I went on adventures and I went on the hikes,
• 11:22
  Speaker 3: and I ate the food that I loved, and I
• 11:24
  Speaker 3: worked out to feel good and I just built this
• 11:26
  Speaker 3: life for myself that that brought happiness for myself by myself.
• 11:31
  Speaker 3: And then I think that's when I was attracting everything
• 11:35
  Speaker 3: else in my life is because I was radiating happiness
• 11:38
  Speaker 3: and I was at peace whatever my life was going
• 11:40
  Speaker 3: to look like.
• 11:42
  Speaker 2: You're alluding to that happening after you were at the
• 11:44
  Speaker 2: Bachelorette and possibly after Dale, because when you were the lead,
• 11:49
  Speaker 2: I still thought you commanded your commanded yourself with such confidence,
• 11:53
  Speaker 2: like I thought that you just like you knew who
• 11:56
  Speaker 2: you were and what you deserved. But you think that
• 11:59
  Speaker 2: you got even more to an elevated point of that
• 12:02
  Speaker 2: after Dale.
• 12:03
  Speaker 3: I definitely had it before that relationship and before going
• 12:06
  Speaker 3: on the show, it dipped low because I was in
• 12:10
  Speaker 3: a relationship that was not healthy for me. That was
• 12:16
  Speaker 3: you know, I can go on and on and on
• 12:18
  Speaker 3: about this, but it crushed right but just that relationship
• 12:27
  Speaker 3: brought out the worst in me. It crushed me, It
• 12:30
  Speaker 3: crushed my spirit, It crushed in so many ways who
• 12:34
  Speaker 3: I was as a woman. It brought me down to
• 12:37
  Speaker 3: a level that I didn't want to be at that
• 12:39
  Speaker 3: I questioned myself that I thought I was asking for
• 12:42
  Speaker 3: too much. I thought I was not a good communicator.
• 12:45
  Speaker 3: All these things that I was like, I thought I
• 12:49
  Speaker 3: knew who I was. I thought I was strong, and
• 12:50
  Speaker 3: I found myself crying day after day after day, feeling
• 12:53
  Speaker 3: so low, begging, reverting to old habits of like begging
• 12:57
  Speaker 3: somebody for their love for the simple things. And I
• 13:03
  Speaker 3: was lost after that. But you're right before the show,
• 13:06
  Speaker 3: I had it together. I was strong, Claire.
• 13:09
  Speaker 2: That me.
• 13:12
  Speaker 3: As with I think a lot of people who've gone
• 13:14
  Speaker 3: through tumultuous, awful relationships can I feel I can relate
• 13:19
  Speaker 3: to that. But I was never going to let a man.
• 13:22
  Speaker 3: One thing that's like I pride myself on is resiliency,
• 13:25
  Speaker 3: and I would never, in a millionaires let any man
• 13:27
  Speaker 3: bring me that low again or keep me that low.
• 13:30
  Speaker 3: So I just focused on rebuilding myself and brought myself
• 13:34
  Speaker 3: back to who I was and then came back even
• 13:36
  Speaker 3: stronger on the tail end.
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: It's interesting because you know, like you said, you came
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: into The Bachelor at confident healthy. You know that relationship
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: sounds like, and tell me if I'm wrong. It it
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: took had you take a couple of steps back in
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: life to back to a not so healthy place. Then
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: the resilience and see came in and you said, no,
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: I'm not going to settle here. What did that process
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: look like? I don't think we've ever asked you like
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: post maybe because it was too soon and it felt weird,
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: but like post that relationship ending, how did you start
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: to refocus again and find yourself again and not ask
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: yourself those haunting questions of like why am I not
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: good enough? What's wrong with me? Why am I so
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: bad at this? Did he ever even like me? Those
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: like how did you not let those questions just taunt
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: you into like a paralysis of never moving forward.
• 14:32
  Speaker 3: It paralyzed me temporarily, especially because the very last day
• 14:38
  Speaker 3: that I saw him, that I talked to him was
• 14:42
  Speaker 3: the day I was told I was going to have
• 14:44
  Speaker 3: to go say goodbye to my mother because she was
• 14:46
  Speaker 3: really really sick right then. And he basically said, that's
• 14:53
  Speaker 3: not my problem. And I begged him to please not
• 14:56
  Speaker 3: leave me in that moment, and it got me down
• 14:59
  Speaker 3: for a moment. But I think looking at it and
• 15:03
  Speaker 3: literally sitting there and going, I'm why am I begging
• 15:09
  Speaker 3: this man to have human decency? Why am I begging
• 15:12
  Speaker 3: this man to care like this is not what a
• 15:15
  Speaker 3: real man does, I don't care, not even a real man,
• 15:18
  Speaker 3: a really human like somebody who's genuine and sincere, like
• 15:22
  Speaker 3: somebody who, dare I say, loves you. That's not love.
• 15:26
  Speaker 3: Somebody who loves you even as a friend, doesn't do
• 15:28
  Speaker 3: that type of stuff to you and leave you in
• 15:31
  Speaker 3: a moment where you're so desperate and so low and
• 15:33
  Speaker 3: struggling as it is. So I looked at that and
• 15:38
  Speaker 3: I just thought, I don't ever I don't care if
• 15:40
  Speaker 3: it's a friend, I don't care. I don't ever want
• 15:43
  Speaker 3: to allow anybody in my life who would leave me
• 15:46
  Speaker 3: in a moment like that. So I just started I mean,
• 15:50
  Speaker 3: I was in bed for a while, but truthfully it
• 15:56
  Speaker 3: was and I this is so weird to say this,
• 15:58
  Speaker 3: but like I had to convinced myself to walk around
• 16:02
  Speaker 3: the block for ten minutes. Like I was very low.
• 16:05
  Speaker 3: I was very depressed. I felt the lowest you could
• 16:08
  Speaker 3: feel with everything combined. But like I told you before,
• 16:13
  Speaker 3: I think I just thought, I don't ever want to
• 16:17
  Speaker 3: let any man bring me that low because I've worked
• 16:19
  Speaker 3: so hard to become such a strong woman. And I
• 16:24
  Speaker 3: don't know. I just did a lot of therapy, and
• 16:25
  Speaker 3: I did a lot of inside work on why I
• 16:29
  Speaker 3: allowed that, why I allowed that, why I let it
• 16:33
  Speaker 3: get to the point of begging a man to have
• 16:36
  Speaker 3: human decency.
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: Do you think that it was him specifically that you
• 16:52
  Speaker 2: were losing that you were sad about, or was it
• 16:55
  Speaker 2: the dream and the hope that you had found the
• 16:57
  Speaker 2: person that you were supposed to be with and then
• 16:58
  Speaker 2: you had a startup scratch.
• 17:00
  Speaker 3: That's exactly what it is.
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: You you.
• 17:03
  Speaker 3: Oh, I know so many women like this. It's like
• 17:05
  Speaker 3: you put so much faith, so much energy, so much
• 17:08
  Speaker 3: time in investing your sincere feelings into loving somebody, hoping
• 17:14
  Speaker 3: that they're gonna, you know, reciprocate that, and I don't know.
• 17:20
  Speaker 3: It's it's painful because you really don't want to start over.
• 17:23
  Speaker 3: And like I said, at this, it's like you've done that.
• 17:25
  Speaker 3: I've done that over and over and over and over again,
• 17:28
  Speaker 3: and it's tough. It's it was tough for each time
• 17:32
  Speaker 3: coming back from a really from relationships. And that was
• 17:36
  Speaker 3: just kind of like he knew my weak points, he
• 17:39
  Speaker 3: knew where I was struggling. I had just been dealing
• 17:41
  Speaker 3: with at the very tail end of that too, getting
• 17:43
  Speaker 3: my breast and plants out and going through surgery and
• 17:45
  Speaker 3: going through so many health things where I felt super
• 17:48
  Speaker 3: super sick. So I don't know, I just I the
• 17:53
  Speaker 3: more time, I guess it worked in my benefit because
• 17:57
  Speaker 3: I even even after we like talked, I kept reaching
• 18:01
  Speaker 3: out and say, like trying to talk to him, trying
• 18:02
  Speaker 3: to have conversations with him, he just wouldn't talk to me.
• 18:04
  Speaker 3: He wouldn't answer. It was just done. And it worked
• 18:08
  Speaker 3: out in my favor because all that time that he
• 18:11
  Speaker 3: was ignoring me, all that time that he just cut
• 18:13
  Speaker 3: it off, I was allowed that time to process everything
• 18:19
  Speaker 3: that he did, everything circumstanced. Even when I had my
• 18:22
  Speaker 3: breast implants out, he showed up, took a selfie for
• 18:25
  Speaker 3: self you know, for social media, and left the next
• 18:28
  Speaker 3: day while I was going recovering from surgery, just to
• 18:32
  Speaker 3: show people that he was there. You know, things like
• 18:35
  Speaker 3: that where it's like gross, I looked at that, and
• 18:38
  Speaker 3: I'm like, no man would ever ever do that. And
• 18:42
  Speaker 3: it makes me cry all the time. Now how grateful
• 18:45
  Speaker 3: I am for Ryan, because honestly, if it wasn't for
• 18:48
  Speaker 3: that relationship, like I appreciate everything down to the very
• 18:52
  Speaker 3: last thing that Ryan does for me, because like this,
• 18:56
  Speaker 3: I mean even now, it's like gets me emotional because
• 18:59
  Speaker 3: he's so good to me. He's so good to me
• 19:02
  Speaker 3: and is there in the darkest, deepest moments, you know,
• 19:06
  Speaker 3: like when I was going through all the IBS stuff,
• 19:10
  Speaker 3: and it's stressful, it's hard to go through. It's emotional
• 19:15
  Speaker 3: so much so that I lost a lot of my
• 19:17
  Speaker 3: hair and it's just starting to grow back now, but
• 19:20
  Speaker 3: I lost a lot of my hair because of the
• 19:22
  Speaker 3: stress of it. And every day he would tell me
• 19:25
  Speaker 3: how beautiful I was, and it's like I never once
• 19:28
  Speaker 3: had that before in my last relationship. So not to
• 19:31
  Speaker 3: bring up the last relationship and talk about it, but
• 19:34
  Speaker 3: it gives me perspective on how appreciat I've had him
• 19:37
  Speaker 3: for a good relationship, you know.
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: I think that's uh, it's interesting because we've talked about
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: it many times. But those bad relationships, the ones that
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: you know, we could sit back on and just have
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: probably pushed us into a couch, yeah, crying, you know,
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: and wondering, are also the ones that, at some point
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: in your life become one of the biggest gifts. Because
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: when you find somebody, it's not a comparison, it's a
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: like you said, it's it's a it's a gratitude, it's
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: a perspective. It's a piece of calm, a joy that
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: you found somebody that loves you. I remember, Claire, when
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: we were in Santa Barbara, Chris Harrison and I were
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: walking out of his villa and you and Ryan had
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: just left, and Chris looked at me, he goes, just
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: that just makes me happy. I remember he just looked
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: at that and said that just makes me happy. And
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: it was like a very like sincere. I don't know,
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: you'd have to get Chris on to ask him, but
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: like it felt like for me listening to him say
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: those words, there had been this like like friendship weight
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: on him where it's like, I don't know what's going
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: to happen here in Claire's life. I like Claire, and
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: I care about Claire, and I love Claire, but like
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: this isn't like a lot of things aren't going in
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: her favor when it comes every romance. And then we
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: see you and Ryan sitting on a couch and it
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: felt like he like took a deep breath and goes,
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: that just makes me very happy. And you could sell
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: oh and I say that to say you could tell
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: that Ryan has a love for you that is not
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: an infatuation, that's not like it's a there's a depth
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: to how he looks at you and just says like
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: you're it for me. And I think that's a beautiful
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: thing to see you in that in that role with him,
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: because you're also so great at it and you're shining.
• 21:20
  Speaker 3: Oh, that's what the right relationship does. I feel like
• 21:25
  Speaker 3: everything up until this point I can look back and go,
• 21:29
  Speaker 3: it completely makes sense why those didn't work out. M
• 21:33
  Speaker 3: completely makes sense because I was even talking to my
• 21:36
  Speaker 3: sister about it the other day. We fight for things
• 21:40
  Speaker 3: and we don't understand at the time why relationships don't
• 21:43
  Speaker 3: work out, why circumstances don't work out or situations, and
• 21:46
  Speaker 3: it's like you beg so hard for them to work
• 21:48
  Speaker 3: out and pray and want so hard for them to
• 21:50
  Speaker 3: work out, but then it doesn't make sense at the time,
• 21:53
  Speaker 3: But I guess hindsight, looking back, it's like I get it.
• 21:56
  Speaker 3: If I hadn't gone through everything, I went through, each
• 22:00
  Speaker 3: and every step played it pivotal role in my life
• 22:03
  Speaker 3: to where I am now, And if I didn't go
• 22:04
  Speaker 3: through all that, I wouldn't have what I have now
• 22:07
  Speaker 3: and who I have now and I every day, every
• 22:11
  Speaker 3: single day, I am so grateful for Ryan, and he
• 22:14
  Speaker 3: says the same thing to me on how do we
• 22:15
  Speaker 3: get here? And we're so thankful we did.
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: I have a weird question for you, not to totally
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: like derail, because I think there is, like there's a
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: beauty in your relationship with Ryan. But again, I don't
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: think we've ever asked you this because of timing and
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: because of being inappropriate, but I think now I can
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: ask you it. If it is still you can just
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: tell me. Okay, looking back now on your time as
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: a bachelorette, do you now wish you would have done
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: things differently? Do you wish you would have left? Are
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: you glad that you still left early? Or do you
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: now wish you would have stayed for the entirety of
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: the season and get to know everybody else. I guess
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: I'm interested based on one, obviously how that relationship ended,
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: and then two with the perspective obviously you don't want
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: somebody else other than Ryan, but with the perspective of, hey,
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: that relationship is going to work out, and now you
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: found somebody so great for you, So I just can
• 23:10
  Speaker 1: you give us an insight into kind of how you
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: look at that season of life now.
• 23:16
  Speaker 3: I will never regret how everything played out. There was
• 23:21
  Speaker 3: so much that I was grateful for for being the Bachelorette.
• 23:26
  Speaker 3: I will say there was so much toxicity and regressed
• 23:32
  Speaker 3: all the work that I have done as a woman
• 23:34
  Speaker 3: and as a person. It was very challenging on the
• 23:39
  Speaker 3: backside of it, and it was it was extremely stressful
• 23:46
  Speaker 3: being the Bachelorette. I think I think it was toxic
• 23:51
  Speaker 3: for my mental health being the Bachelorette. And I think
• 23:53
  Speaker 3: it was a good thing that I left. When I left,
• 23:57
  Speaker 3: I won't say entirely that it was my decision to leave,
• 24:03
  Speaker 3: and it wasn't. It was not entirely my decision to leave.
• 24:06
  Speaker 3: I'm glad I left. I don't regret it. I'll never
• 24:09
  Speaker 3: regret it. It was supposed to be that way, ye.
• 24:23
  Speaker 2: Do you think that the fact that you did so
• 24:27
  Speaker 2: many shows leading up to the Bachelorette role kind of
• 24:33
  Speaker 2: jaded you a bit, like you were actually too aware
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: of what went on behind the scenes.
• 24:38
  Speaker 3: Yes, and no, I knew what was going on. I
• 24:41
  Speaker 3: knew too much of what was going on, exactly like
• 24:44
  Speaker 3: you say. But I feel like I'm one of those people.
• 24:51
  Speaker 3: That's like, I rise to the occasion if it's challenging,
• 24:55
  Speaker 3: like I tell myself, and maybe it's overconfidence, but I'm like,
• 24:58
  Speaker 3: I could do it. I could totally do it, even
• 25:01
  Speaker 3: knowing all the stuff that behind the scenes. But that's
• 25:04
  Speaker 3: what made things, I think a lot more difficult for production,
• 25:07
  Speaker 3: was me knowing and me having the awareness. Not only that,
• 25:12
  Speaker 3: but I think my age played a lot into it,
• 25:14
  Speaker 3: of I think they bank on a lot of naivity
• 25:20
  Speaker 3: and the power struggle of you got to do what
• 25:24
  Speaker 3: we say, and I know there's so much of that,
• 25:26
  Speaker 3: but there's also this role as just as a woman
• 25:31
  Speaker 3: and as a strong woman of like, I don't care
• 25:32
  Speaker 3: who you are, I don't care what I signed up for.
• 25:36
  Speaker 3: I will only do what I'm comfortable doing and what
• 25:40
  Speaker 3: I feel feel okay doing. Even if you tell me
• 25:44
  Speaker 3: this is what I'm supposed to do or these are
• 25:46
  Speaker 3: the rules, it doesn't mean I have to do it.
• 25:50
  Speaker 3: I have rights, you Like, there's so many things where
• 25:53
  Speaker 3: they try to pressure you and push you into certain things,
• 25:57
  Speaker 3: and oh they tell you that this is kind of
• 26:00
  Speaker 3: how things are, and yes, it's like what you signed
• 26:02
  Speaker 3: up for, but just because it's what I signed up for.
• 26:06
  Speaker 3: Doesn't mean I signed my life away that you have
• 26:08
  Speaker 3: ownership over over me.
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: And my moral No, they kind of do have ownership
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: over us. I have a slot machine in Vegas. I've
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: never made a dime on with my face on it,
• 26:24
  Speaker 1: and a lot of extent.
• 26:26
  Speaker 3: Yes, But like I said, when it comes to morals
• 26:29
  Speaker 3: and what you stand for and what you will and
• 26:32
  Speaker 3: won't accept, yeah, there's things. Here's an example. You're expected
• 26:37
  Speaker 3: to kiss a lot of people and take on this
• 26:40
  Speaker 3: role of you have to do this, you have to
• 26:42
  Speaker 3: do that, and this is kind of what you're supposed
• 26:43
  Speaker 3: to do. But as somebody who has come from sexual
• 26:47
  Speaker 3: abuse in my past, child sexual abuse, which is not
• 26:51
  Speaker 3: a light topic, I come from that childhood, and I
• 26:56
  Speaker 3: refuse to kiss somebody who I don't feel comfortable kissing,
• 27:00
  Speaker 3: or do something sexually that I don't feel comfortable doing,
• 27:04
  Speaker 3: and not one person. I don't care how my contract is.
• 27:08
  Speaker 3: I'm not going to do it. If I don't want
• 27:10
  Speaker 3: to do it, I'm not going to do it. And
• 27:12
  Speaker 3: yes that's going to ruffle feathers, and yes it might
• 27:15
  Speaker 3: make me look bad, but I don't care. This is
• 27:18
  Speaker 3: my life and I have to live with myself when
• 27:21
  Speaker 3: the cameras turn off. I have to be accountable to
• 27:23
  Speaker 3: myself and feel good about what I'm doing.
• 27:27
  Speaker 2: You were encouraged to kiss certain people they didn't feel
• 27:30
  Speaker 2: like it.
• 27:31
  Speaker 3: Yes, Ben, Well, is that did you experience that at all?
• 27:35
  Speaker 2: Or is it just me?
• 27:37
  Speaker 1: Was I encouraged to kiss? No, because I kissed everybody?
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: I don't think.
• 27:45
  Speaker 2: That seven was also twenty six true?
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: No, clear, in all seriousness, I can one hundred percent
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: hear what you're saying. Like, there was a date during
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: my season that we were they were trying to do
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: or it was like a h not a strip tease,
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: I don't know what. It was like some kind it
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: was like very and it was I said, no, I'm
• 28:04
  Speaker 1: not doing that, Like that's very That's not something I'd
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: ever do in my real life. And it's not something
• 28:08
  Speaker 1: that like we should put anybody in the place to
• 28:11
  Speaker 1: have to decide if they're going to do or not.
• 28:13
  Speaker 1: This is just weird, it's and so there were things
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: that you you stand up for. I mean, you know,
• 28:21
  Speaker 1: I think leads who have to like to have that interconfidence,
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: like yourself, they do stand up and say what they
• 28:30
  Speaker 1: they want and what they don't want. I never felt
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: I never felt morally like I was ever put in
• 28:37
  Speaker 1: a situation I didn't want to be in one of
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: those reasons though clear I think I had the benefit
• 28:41
  Speaker 1: of like my faith was such a at the forefront
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: of my story that I think it would have been
• 28:47
  Speaker 1: really weird for them to put me in any situation
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: Like I kind of felt like I had that like protection.
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: Does that make sense over me? Where I went into
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: it being like, you know, a man of faith and
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: from Indiana, and you know he's he's just a simple
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: dude trying to find love. And they kind of like
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: as a result, played that story throughout it and it
• 29:10
  Speaker 1: would have been weird if that would have changed too much.
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: I think the audience would have been confused.
• 29:15
  Speaker 3: Yeah, well, that's honestly. I think it was my circumstance
• 29:19
  Speaker 3: and what I went through as a child. I know
• 29:22
  Speaker 3: production was very well aware of it. Yeah, I think
• 29:29
  Speaker 3: it was maybe too much for ABC, and I don't
• 29:31
  Speaker 3: I understand that to bring that into the mix. But
• 29:35
  Speaker 3: it's my story. It's part of who I am and
• 29:37
  Speaker 3: what has shaped me and to be the woman that
• 29:39
  Speaker 3: I am and to there was a lot of things
• 29:44
  Speaker 3: that were omitted there were a lot of things that
• 29:46
  Speaker 3: are omitted and that I don't know. I struggle with
• 29:51
  Speaker 3: it sometimes because full stories were not shared on circumstances,
• 29:56
  Speaker 3: and I think if the full story was shared, things
• 29:59
  Speaker 3: would look a lot different, things would turn out a
• 30:01
  Speaker 3: lot different, and people would understand a little bit better.
• 30:04
  Speaker 3: But instead, that's why it was so hard on the
• 30:06
  Speaker 3: On the back end when the show was airing, I'd go,
• 30:08
  Speaker 3: that's not what happened. That's not why I didn't kiss
• 30:12
  Speaker 3: that person and walked away and didn't have dinner with them,
• 30:14
  Speaker 3: you know, like, but again, I don't regret going through it,
• 30:20
  Speaker 3: and I don't have any animosity or anger. I think
• 30:22
  Speaker 3: I've worked through a lot of that and hurt and
• 30:25
  Speaker 3: pain from that.
• 30:26
  Speaker 1: It's interesting to me that that wasn't a part of
• 30:29
  Speaker 1: your story. I mean, I know, I know that you
• 30:31
  Speaker 1: feel like that might have been too much for ABC,
• 30:33
  Speaker 1: But why would it be too much for ABC. It's
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: your reality, it's your truth, it's you know, good or bad.
• 30:40
  Speaker 1: It's formed you in a lot of ways on how
• 30:42
  Speaker 1: you date and how you see people and how you
• 30:44
  Speaker 1: function in the world. And I think that's maybe back
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: a few years ago when people were asking for the
• 30:54
  Speaker 1: Bachelor to kind of change things up a bit to
• 30:59
  Speaker 1: advance themselves. You know, yes, race was at the front
• 31:04
  Speaker 1: of that conversation, but I also think that there was
• 31:06
  Speaker 1: an underlying currency of Hey, with that in mind, with
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: race in mind, also, we just want the truth to
• 31:13
  Speaker 1: these situations. Again, like we want to know people's stories.
• 31:17
  Speaker 1: We want to hear the good, the bad, the ugly,
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: that the things that make these people who they are,
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: because that's what makes us ultimately understand them, fall in
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: love with them, get to know them. And and I
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: think that's what the show went away from for so long.
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: And you were kind of right in the midst of
• 31:33
  Speaker 1: when that the show felt like it was so going
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: so far offline from what us as an audience really
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: fell in love with the show for in the beginning, loved,
• 31:44
  Speaker 1: which was the reality and the truth to story.
• 31:47
  Speaker 3: Well that that is why I thought that they chose me,
• 31:52
  Speaker 3: because when I initially went down to interview with producers,
• 31:57
  Speaker 3: I actually they'd asked me to be on Bachelor in
• 32:01
  Speaker 3: Paradise that year and I went down there. I told
• 32:05
  Speaker 3: them prior to me even going down for the interview
• 32:07
  Speaker 3: for Bachelor in Paradise, I said I was talking to
• 32:10
  Speaker 3: one of the producers and I said, I don't want
• 32:12
  Speaker 3: to go on Bachelor in Paradise, but I want to
• 32:14
  Speaker 3: talk to everybody like I miss the producers. I missed
• 32:18
  Speaker 3: them as not as producers, but as people. I missed them,
• 32:23
  Speaker 3: and it was I wanted to catch up with them.
• 32:25
  Speaker 3: So I went down there and I said, I don't
• 32:27
  Speaker 3: want to say yes to Bachelor in Paradise, but I
• 32:29
  Speaker 3: want to thank you, guys, because if it wasn't for me,
• 32:34
  Speaker 3: you guys choosing me for whatever reason to be on
• 32:37
  Speaker 3: the first season of The Bachelor that I was on
• 32:40
  Speaker 3: with Juan Pablo, I wouldn't have been able to have
• 32:43
  Speaker 3: that voice as a woman to stand up for myself
• 32:45
  Speaker 3: when I stood up to him, and that propelled me
• 32:49
  Speaker 3: into this life of speaking my truth. And I shared
• 32:54
  Speaker 3: with the producers I said in that interview when I
• 32:56
  Speaker 3: went when they chose me as the bachelorette. In that interview,
• 33:00
  Speaker 3: I said, I want to thank you guys for giving
• 33:03
  Speaker 3: me the platform because now I feel comfortable talking about
• 33:07
  Speaker 3: my sexual abuse as a child. Now I feel comfortable
• 33:10
  Speaker 3: and empowered and not just this shame that I carried
• 33:14
  Speaker 3: for so many years and that I held in silence like,
• 33:17
  Speaker 3: thank you for helping me grow and being a pivotal
• 33:19
  Speaker 3: part of me growing as a woman into who I
• 33:22
  Speaker 3: am today and having the strength that I do now,
• 33:25
  Speaker 3: and I wish I could speak up for other women
• 33:28
  Speaker 3: or other people who have gone through things and felt
• 33:31
  Speaker 3: unworthy and struggled with things even at my age and
• 33:34
  Speaker 3: are fighting for their happiness in spite of feeling worthless
• 33:38
  Speaker 3: and so much shame. And that's when I was, you know,
• 33:42
  Speaker 3: they said thanks for coming cool, it was great to
• 33:45
  Speaker 3: seeing you. I know. He said no to Paradise, So
• 33:47
  Speaker 3: that's why I was going back to the airport and
• 33:49
  Speaker 3: that's when they called. Chris Harrison called me and said
• 33:52
  Speaker 3: you turn that car. We want you to be the
• 33:54
  Speaker 3: Bachelorette and speak.
• 33:55
  Speaker 2: Chris Harrison called you. This is like something that's on
• 33:57
  Speaker 2: TV where they can make it seem like Chris Harrison
• 34:00
  Speaker 2: in charge of everything, and he's you know, he's usually
• 34:03
  Speaker 2: just the figurehead producer.
• 34:05
  Speaker 3: They took me back to a hotel and Chris Harrison
• 34:07
  Speaker 3: facetimed me and he was like, with what you just
• 34:11
  Speaker 3: told us. We want you to be the Bachelorette and
• 34:14
  Speaker 3: all that you've evolved in how you evolved how your
• 34:16
  Speaker 3: life is evolved, and I thought I was signing up
• 34:19
  Speaker 3: to be this empowered woman to share with other people,
• 34:22
  Speaker 3: to share with other women like there is hope, and
• 34:27
  Speaker 3: that is not that's why I signed up for it.
• 34:30
  Speaker 3: I didn't I was dating, happily dating, and didn't need
• 34:34
  Speaker 3: to be the bachelette. I didn't care to be the bachelorette.
• 34:35
  Speaker 3: Didn't even know it was an option to be the
• 34:37
  Speaker 3: bachelorette happily dating. So when I said yes this, I
• 34:41
  Speaker 3: was like, maybe this is a way to share with
• 34:43
  Speaker 3: other people, to have hope, you know. But again, that's
• 34:46
  Speaker 3: not how it turned out, and that's okay, but it
• 34:50
  Speaker 3: was wasted opportunity. I feel like.
• 34:53
  Speaker 2: Claire, we did not intend on getting this juicy as
• 34:57
  Speaker 2: far as your Bachelor experience went. So we're gonna make
• 35:01
  Speaker 2: this a two parter. We're gonna close this episode out now,
• 35:05
  Speaker 2: and in the next episode that'll be out very soon,
• 35:08
  Speaker 2: we'll talk all about the baby journey. Follow the Ben
• 35:13
  Speaker 2: and Ashley I Almost Famous podcasts on iHeartRadio or subscribe
• 35:17
  Speaker 2: wherever you listen to podcasts.