Latest / Harder Than Life / 29: It’s Not a Mistake, It’s a Lesson w/ Chef Chris Arellanes

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29: It’s Not a Mistake, It’s a Lesson w/ Chef Chris Arellanes · Harder Than Life

• 0:00
  I'm Kelly Siegel and this is Harder Than Life, a podcast about self-love, self-awareness, business and health. We tell outrageous stories and boil everything down to simple, practical advice you can start using today. Let's get living.
• 0:15
  Welcome back to the Harder Than Life Podcast. I'm your host, Kelly Siegel. I'm really looking forward to today's guest, Chef Chris Arianez. In doing show prep for this podcast, I learned so much about Chris. There is so much depth to him, and that's why I asked him to come on the show today. From growing up in a Buddhist monastery in Junction City, California, to being involved in Big Vision Community, a nonprofit dedicated to empowering young adults with substance use to lead meaningful and substance-free lives, and finally to being executive chef of
• 0:45
  Cue restaurants. It's about to get real deep. Chris, let's jump in. What's your story and why does your story matter? Yeah, yeah. Kelly, thank you for having me. Really grateful to be here. You know, I think my story, why does it matter, is it's so colorful in so many ways, but it's also extremely dark. I had a very interesting upbringing, being raised in a Buddhist community, and then, you know,
• 1:12
  There was somewhat of a dark past in terms of substance abuse and just small towns always have that sort of feel to them in general. It's a community, but it's also what is there to do? And it was play sports
• 1:29
  or use. And I kind of went both ways. I was very active and, you know, and I'm right now, fast forward to present day, I'm trying to make people more aware of recovery and substance and also enlighten people on, um,
• 1:49
  Nutrition, which I know you yourself are big into, and health and fitness in general. And as a chef, that's something that circumference is what I'm about, is feeding people, nutrition, and nurturing people with food, but also with love and compassion. And my story is very broad. And so I'm trying to share that with the world.
• 2:14
  Guys, Q sounds a little funny. It's spelled K-Y-U. So go to at K-Y-U-N-Y-C. And the food looks fabulous. So follow him. It's Chef Chris A, at Chef Chris A, or K-Y-U-N-Y-C is the social handles. But, man, the food looks delicious. And it's in Miami and New York, correct? Yeah.
• 2:43
  Correct. Yeah. So the Miami location was the original. It was from a team of that built Zuma here in New York. They went down and kind of gentrified the Wynwood area. And then I took over the program about two years ago. And now we're expanding globally. And Miami is being renovated, got renovated in the same location. So everybody don't don't get too excited. It's staying in the Wynwood right right behind the Wynwood walls.
• 3:08
  And then we opened our flagship New York space a little over a year ago. And then Vegas opens in December and L.A. opens in March of 2024. So we'll have to have you back on in December before that it opens. That's exciting. Now, are you based in New York? I am. Yep. Been here for 13 years, kind of on and off.
• 3:32
  I'm in New York all the time, so I'll definitely look you up when I'm there. My mentor is in New York, so I'm there a lot. I want to come check out the restaurant. It looks so good. I was just there a couple months ago, and we ate at some nice Italian place. It was really good. Come anytime. What was your substance of choice? Yes.
• 3:54
  To be frank, everything. I've always been very adventurous. And I take risks and I'm spontaneous. And you know, I love the thrill. And so I started using meth by the time I was 13 years old.
• 4:12
  And it was really big. Marijuana is a big part of the culture where I grew up in Northern California. I'm just outside of Humboldt. So I grew up in Trinity County. So Trinity, Humboldt, Mendocino, which they call the Emerald Triangle. So marijuana has been around me my whole entire life. And then I got into hard substances at a very early age.
• 4:33
  And then it was whatever I could whatever came around, essentially. But, you know, the interesting part about it and what I like to share with people is I was always very active. I played every sport you can imagine. I I was a musical theater. I did singing. I did whitewater rafting. I you know, you name it. I was a competitive male cheerleader for five and a half years and traveled the nation doing competitions. And but I also enjoyed to get high and I enjoyed, you know, to party and
• 5:03
  And then, you know, it kind of graduated as I got older. And then I ended up getting a job for the Seattle Seahawks when I was 19 years old. And then I stopped the hard drugs at that time because I was like, I'm over it. You know, I have a tendency once I get bored with something, I'm pretty quick to pass on and just kind of move forward. And it felt like one of those, that stage in my life. So, yeah.
• 5:30
  And then I drove really hard into alcohol and I didn't realize it. I was working at the best restaurants in the world, at Levin Madison Park and Per Se and The Nomad. And, you know, I just felt like I was on top of the world and started to spiral towards my late 20s after I lived in Moscow, Russia. I was in Russia for about five and a half, six months. And I fit in very well with the Russians to say the least.
• 6:01
  And, uh, and that's kind of when I came back and kind of had an awakening, um, and started to kind of pull my life back together. My life was, was pretty good. Um, but what I didn't realize is how dark it really was. And there was my form of rock bottom that I was toying with. Um, and I got sober August 22nd, 2018, and I have been sober since. So coming up on five years. What made you wait?
• 6:32
  August. What made you do it? What made you get sober? So many things. You know, my family, a lot of people in my family have substance abuse issues, a majority of them. And I was married at the time and she was very much unhappy and
• 6:58
  My work, I was working for John Frazier. John Frazier is kind of a rising chef. He's been in the industry for a long time, but he was with Thomas Keller. Now he's with Ian Schrager building addition hotels.
• 7:09
  He was the first Michelin-starred plant-based chef in the US. And I was his, essentially his R&D chef, his corporate R&D chef. And he basically had a come to God moment with me. It was like, why would I want to have somebody like you represent me when you clearly are not doing so well? And he really mentored me in that moment and said, listen, I wanna work with you.
• 7:37
  But I can't have you be like the face of my brand with me if you're struggling. Because I was going through a divorce and I was spiraling. I was really abusing cocaine and partying. And the interesting part about me is I've always shown up. I've always gone to work. I've never...
• 7:56
  I miss days, it doesn't matter if I've been on a three-day bender or not, I go. You can only work so hard, you know, and people start to recognize when you're not yourself. And that started to happen. And so again, just like anything else, something tragic in my life happening, or something really important like getting a job of your life,
• 8:20
  I just kind of switched it off and said, that's it. I'm done. So now I'm just taking it one day at a time. I just, I say today I'm going to be sober and we'll see how tomorrow goes. And we're five years, almost five years in.
• 8:33
  Man, I used to, I used to, I'm sorry, I'm laughing because you just so resonate. It's just a drinker's journey. I used to be a badge of honor. As long as I went to the gym and I worked, I went to work and I went to the gym, I would rationalize and justify any behavior, any, didn't matter what I did. I could be doing blow all night, drink all night. And as long as I walked into the gym and got a workout in and showed up for work, didn't matter.
• 9:02
  That same, exactly the same. I'm coming up on, well, actually July 1st will be four and a half years to the date. So I just, thank you. Thank you. You know what? I didn't really, I didn't work a program. I just chose not to drink and I don't do the one day at a time. I just absolutely went right straight for the root and said, why am I drinking?
• 9:22
  And first I quit drinking and then I felt all the feelings and I went, whoa, now I see why I drink. Address those feelings and I don't even have a desire to drink ever, ever. I'm a results guy. You know, I'm a results guy. I'm really big into, you know, I'm really big into fitness now over the last two and a half years. Right.
• 9:41
  You know, I've lost 25 pounds. I've started to, you know, learn about keto. I've started to learn about calorie deficits. And I mean, I'm a personal trainer and I've really immersed my life into it. I'm a results guy. So if I go to the root, if I'm like, okay, this is why I can't do this. And there's not really instant gratification or no results, then I have a tendency to just go right back to it. Cause I kind of like, why, you know, I have to like, take it.
• 10:09
  one day at a time. And I think that's just the adventurous. I think that's just the living on the cuff sort of style I am because I decided to become a skydiver. I'm a licensed skydiver. I jump out of planes. I did it all day yesterday. You really like the adrenaline.
• 10:28
  I do. Yeah. It's so funny. You just said something to me that just absolutely spoke right to my soul. My heart was results. You're a results guy. I just realized that I am too. It's in my core values of my company as well as me. Results matter. And it's so simple that if you're not getting the results that you want out of your life, the quickest and easiest...
• 10:53
  variable is are you using toxic behaviors and and and toxic behaviors can be alcohol can be drugs can be porn can be social media it could be cleaning your house it can be women it could be men i anything to keep you from addressing what the real issue is and it's probably just sitting in your shit um yeah i keep thinking of the bradley beal or bradley cooper movie burnt
• 11:20
  Is that kind of what you, was that movie made after you? Yeah, I mean, that movie definitely resonated with me for sure, you know, it's interesting because, you know, the hospitality industry is prone for being toxic and,
• 11:38
  You know, that's kind of the narrative that I'm trying to change right now. And not only my outreach, I don't want it to just touch people in the hospitality industry, but people that are struggling or suffering in general. But that is that hits it on the nose, you know, pretty significantly. And it's interesting because I'm Kelly, I'm having this moment of realization in the last probably like year and a half of this results based research.
• 12:01
  you know, moments and especially with training, I'm not really getting the exact results that I want. So now I'm having to pivot the way that I'm, you know, maybe consuming food or calories or carbs or sugar or so on and so forth. And I'm really six months in of like hardcore training
• 12:21
  And I keep telling myself, why am I not getting the results? Why am I not getting the results? What am I doing wrong? What am I doing wrong? And that's the narrative. And I just had to change the narrative. I had to say to myself, like, okay, it's not something necessarily you're doing wrong, but it's something that your body is not relating to. And you need to just pivot and you need to change your mental thoughts and how you're going about this. And I did. And so I'm not putting so much pressure on myself.
• 12:49
  And that is the issue that we have in the industries, in any industry, fitness industry, finance industry, is putting all this pressure on yourself to be the best and do the best and get results. And it becomes a very transactional sort of world that we live in and I'm really wanting to change that.
• 13:07
  And it doesn't matter what industry we're in. It's just, it's, it's the narrative that you're having with yourself. And that's what I tell people when I hire them or bring them onto our team is, you know, not only what's your narrative, but you know, what, what do you want? You know, what's, what's, what, what results do you want? And we can kind of do that together and I'll help, you know, so simple, but it's not easy. Uh, I say sobriety is sexy, uh, and, um,
• 13:36
  I struggle with going to high end restaurants and them having mocktails and choices. Is that, I know that you're big, and we're gonna get into it, you're big into setting the platforms and the leadership style. And if you watch Bradley Beals Burnt, there is a entire method on how you do anything is how you do everything. And it isn't just throwing food, preparing food and making it delicious. There is a blueprint for success, and we're gonna get into that.
• 14:02
  But I struggle with going to these nice restaurants and them having mocktails or alternatives to alcoholic beverages because alcohol obviously sells. And when you drink a little alcohol, you always want more. So talk about how you're going to change that and have you already. Or is it something on the blueprint? Well, that's an uphill battle. And it's something definitely, you know, we're working on. I think any...
• 14:30
  big chef or big restaurateur or big bartender, beverage director, whoever, you know, the name you want to put on the title are working towards. And the biggest challenge is the ethanol aspect of, of, of cocktails. You know, when you, and when you drink a cocktail, it's that ethanol feeling that you get the warm and the, and the, you know, exactly what you said it, you know, it, it thins out your blood, it changes your mental state, it relaxes you so on and so forth. And,
• 14:57
  You know, you can't do that with a mocktail. And so what we need to do is kind of rewire the brain or trigger senses in the brain that still allow you to relax or whatever you're trying to achieve by having a mocktail or having a cocktail, for that matter.
• 15:15
  And, you know, they have some non-alcoholic bars right now that, you know, I scratched my head at. I said, okay, how are you really going to be successful? And it is an uphill battle going to restaurants and saying I'm sober. First off, if I'm a chef, they want to drop champagne on the table and –
• 15:33
  you know, make me Manhattan and so on and so forth. And then I tell them I'm sober, you know, they kind of are like, oh, shit. Okay. And then I go and look at the mocktails and it's like all they have is mojitos or, you know, mock Moscow mules or, you know, or O'Douls. And I don't drink any. It just bloats me and it's just unnecessary. And what's for me, it's like, what's the point? I'd rather have a ginger beer or, you know, water.
• 16:01
  So, but everybody's trying to, everybody is trying to obtain this mocktail, you know, world right now. And, you know, it's difficult because as a, as an ex-drinker, I enjoy that ethanol aspect of drinking. And that's what you're missing.
• 16:22
  Yeah, I didn't realize that you just said it's relaxing. So if somebody walks in and they're not already relaxed or happy in their life, you ain't relaxing them with a mocktail. But I got to tell you, it's a mental health state. As you know, to stay sober, it just feels, you walk in and I'm just excited to be there. I say marry the process.
• 16:43
  and divorce the outcome. I'm coming there to get a delicious meal with, and I want to enjoy the company I'm with. I just had dinner. I was in Miami and I had dinner at Prime 112 with a buddy of mine that we used to drink heavy together. And we're ordering, we ordered everything on the menu and the bill came and it was, I don't know, $500, $600. $600.
• 17:03
  And I looked at him like, remember when we used to, the alcohol portion of our bill here used to be that? And we laughed and go, this is cheap, $500. And I'm not saying, I don't go on and have $500 dinners every night, but we're in Miami and Prime 112 is one of my favorite steakhouse. I love going there.
• 17:19
  And, but that sells and that's profitable. So it's a definite uphill battle. But what people don't realize is if everybody, let's say hypothetically, I could snap my fingers and everybody doesn't drink, the world would be a better place. And we would spend more money and we would make more money and we would be happier. I agree with that entirely. For everybody who's listening, Prime 112 is not something to
• 17:44
  you know, turn your head at it's that's, that's a great spot. And that's an iconic spot. And to only spend $500 at a restaurant of that caliber and a steakhouse in general, that's, that's touche because my, my soon to be wife, she's pregnant. We're going to be having a baby in about two and a half weeks. Congrats. We're going to get onto the end of that.
• 18:04
  Yeah, and so she doesn't drink either. So to tie it all together, we typically spend about that when we go out to a really nice dinner. We try to do one once a month. And we got the bill the other – we were at a restaurant a couple weeks ago, and our bill was about that, $500 or $600. And we said, shit, can you imagine if we were drinking? But that's another thing. The mocktails now are $18. The mocktails are just as much as the cocktail. Yeah, but you only have one. Yeah.
• 18:32
  But exactly my point. But you're only having one or two. How much are you really going to drink of that? It's sugary or it's sweet or it's – Well, you know what I get too? To get that sugar fix, I get cakes. And have you seen the cakes? I actually said no. That's why it was cheap at Prime 112. The cakes at Prime are huge and they had chocolate and carrot. And it was harder to say no to that because –
• 18:57
  I was too, McAllen 12. I'm like, oh, good grief. Get me out of here because I wanted to go out after and if I would have ate a big, it was so big and nobody else would have helped me. I would have finished it and it would have been, you'd have had to roll me out of there. But that was harder to say no to than the drinking. So, I just, I just had to laugh about the
• 19:19
  the that's the best part about not drinking. It's just the cheapness of everything. You don't, I don't book flights last minute because I'm drunk. I don't, I don't lose my car. It's just, it's, there's so many collateral benefits, but this isn't all about sobriety. I'm sorry, but there's, this guy's got some amazing stories about how he, his, his, how he makes these places successful, but I'm going to take a little pivot. We're going to talk about plant-based cooking for two seconds. I had,
• 19:45
  a local chef, Megan Gregory on, and she's the brand ambassador for Skinny Butcher, a plant-based chicken, if you can believe that, plant-based chicken. I can say that again. So we're going to, chicken is a chicken. It's a live edible, but not this company. And I've tried it and it's delicious. And it's backed by the company that started Garden Fresh Salsa.
• 20:06
  So this is really going to come on. So you're a major advocate of what you call healed conscience, plant-based cooking. Enlighten the audience of what that is.
• 20:21
  So it stems from a macrobiotic background. You know, my grandmother was a chef and she was a nutritionist. So, you know, I'm not a certified nutritionist, just to be clear to everybody, I'm just self-taught and, you know, as a chef.
• 20:38
  but you know there's conscious eating and you know kelly i think you can relate as a somebody who's um you know into fitness it's about what you put in to your body um and you know it's been proven you know there's what the health on netflix there's a lot of different documentaries a lot of different shows about plant-based um eating or plant-based living um but you know
• 21:04
  eating plant-based doesn't mean healthy, and that's the common misconception. And there are certain things that you need to put into your body in order to meet certain nutritional needs, and everybody's different.
• 21:19
  Everyone is different, but you know, there's fun facts like, you know, sweet potatoes, you should only cook to a specific temperature. I think it's 140 something degrees because after that it loses all, it loses a majority of its nutritional value. And there's certain little fun facts like that. You know, there's carbs and a lot of vegetables that people don't even know that there's carbs in, you know, that convert to sugar. And so, you know, health conscious plant-based nutrition,
• 21:46
  you know, is something that I think people should pay a little bit more attention to. I'm not plant based fully. I consume protein. I try to stay away from red meat. I substitute with like BCAA and things like that. But I, you know, I do primarily try to stick to lower fatty foods just because that's how my body, you know, my body doesn't react very well to high fats.
• 22:14
  But yeah, I mean, listen, I've done fine. I've worked in fine dining restaurants. I was at 11 Madison Park. That is completely plant-based, three Michelin-style restaurant here in New York City. And, you know, there's some smoke and mirrors to it, for sure. It's just a matter of really understanding
• 22:32
  what you're putting into your body. And you can do some research on it. It's pretty easy to maintain. It's not just about eating vegetables. You're not just eating some carrots and broccoli. There's plant proteins you need to get in your body. There's a plethora of vitamins that you can consume through specific nuts and seeds and omegas through these things as well. And I think
• 22:57
  really useful information for people that are leading towards a plant-based diet or want to better understand it. And that's something that I'm a big advocate, like you had said, Kelly, and trying to just kind of broaden people's horizons a little bit to it. I have, I work with some nutritionists that are very like, you know, the more the fine print on how this really works. And so I always have that available to people that are asking or curious.
• 23:25
  So I go to a longevity health doctor, so I don't sleep very well. And I believe that there's something in my diet that's doing this. And I fall asleep because I'm so exhausted. I sleep for four hours and I'm up after that. I think it's something to do with the mitochondria in my stomach. It's what I do.
• 23:43
  It's the only thing I haven't addressed. Everything else in my life I've addressed. So there's, I believe that's, that is so interesting. That is absolutely, you know, and people don't realize the gut bacteria and how much I, my grandma was telling me this.
• 23:58
  25 years ago when I was like 10, she was telling me, you don't eat sugar, don't eat high acids, be careful of, because you can go and get a full gut cleanse and reset the gut bacteria in your body, start doing pre and probiotics. And there are certain foods that can help with resetting your gut as well.
• 24:19
  And then you can do your, you know, stress hormone kicks up because you've had a long week and something has happened and your gut has completely, you know, 180. And now you kind of have to, that's the things that you have to pay attention to. And people are so quick to think, oh, well, I've been going to the bathroom a lot or whatever the case may be. Maybe it's something that was in the food. Maybe it was in the food that we went out
• 24:44
  last night to the restaurant and I got food poisoning or whatever the case may be. And the reality of it, nine times out of 10, it's probably your cortisol or your stress levels or something that is going on that is triggering that. And to take a look at your overall gut health. And I think I implore people to do a little more research on that. And that's a really good point.
• 25:03
  This is why I wanted you on so much tomorrow. We're going to flip the script a little bit and talk a little bit about leadership because people that aren't in the food industry don't understand what an executive chef is. You actually run the restaurant, right? So you set the leadership style. You set how things are going to run. There's no boss above you that says, this is how we do things. You run the show. So what is your key to success, your leadership style? Because if you watch Burnt,
• 25:33
  Whenever things got at the beginning, when everything's got really tough, he folded under pressure and would treat people like crap.
• 25:40
  I'd imagine since you're so successful, it's completely the opposite, especially since you're sober and you probably have a lot more compassion and patience and love. So tell us people about your day to day in New York when you show up to Q and how you're successful in a business sense and what that looks like. Because most of us don't know. I'm not in the food, I only know because I have a very good friend that,
• 26:07
  is a chef and he's a local guy and he runs a bunch of places and I didn't realize that and then also too he never gets to cook very much anymore so he'll cook for me and anything he cooks I want to eat it. Let me give I'll give our listeners a little bit of a backstory. I grew up in a commercial kitchen. I grew up cooking in the Buddhist community and commune in Northern California and originally wanted to be an actor. I went to school for acting and singing and modeling and Hollywood.
• 26:37
  Did that whole, yeah, did that whole world. I played piano and, you know, blah, blah, blah. And then I ended up getting a job for the Seahawks and lived in Seattle for three years where my dad was based and went to culinary school, went to Le Cordon Bleu and graduated top of my class, top in the nation, actually, and was offered an internship anywhere in the world.
• 27:01
  And so I picked Per Se, Thomas Keller's restaurant here in New York. And that was, you referenced Burnt, that was Burnt. And any restaurant that's at that level in, you know,
• 27:16
  the early 2000s, you know, 2010, you know, so on and so forth, was that world. It was military. I was immersed into the culinary military. And, you know, there was heavy drinking. There was abuse. There was yelling, screaming, physical, mental. I mean, it was exactly like the military. And I spent a little over a year at Per Se. I was 23 years old. And...
• 27:45
  That's where my career really took off. And I just, I did everything under the sun, catering and freelancing. And then I ended up getting a job at Eleven Madison Park, which later down the road became the world's number one restaurant. And I was with the company for about three years. I was at EMP for a little over two years and then got promoted to a sous chef and moved to the Nomad.
• 28:12
  which was a one Michelin star restaurant in the same restaurant group at the time with Daniel Hume and Will Gadara. And I was there for a little under a year. And then I moved to Moscow, Russia and was a guest chef in Moscow, Russia, in downtown Moscow. I was working for Russian oligarchs. And we can get down that. How old are you? I'm 35.
• 28:39
  okay, I wouldn't think you were that old. Yeah, I've lived three lives for sure. That is a whole, that could be a whole podcast in itself, to be honest with you, Kelly, because that was...
• 28:54
  There's a lot of stories. If I didn't have everything scripted already, I would be going to, that's a good story. We'll be on again. But to bring it back to our focus here, you know, I grew up in the industry, in the military industry and screaming and yelling. And I think anybody who's worked in that level of our industry can relate and knows exactly what I'm talking about. And you haven't, just think military.
• 29:21
  And I stepped away from that. And that's, again, that could be a whole other podcast too. I stepped away from that, realizing the type of chef that I don't want to be and how I don't want to treat people. And because I didn't enjoy it. I grew up in a very, I grew up in a very abusive upbringing with people.
• 29:39
  you know, boyfriends and men in my life. And the religious aspect was kind of shoved down my throat at some points. And, you know, it was really intense. And so going from that into this part of my career was a big eye opener. And I was able to implement my Buddhist philosophy of compassion and love and healing and nurturing and
• 30:00
  And that's what I've been working on. It's taken me 10 years. It's taken me a significant amount of time, nearly 13 years now, because that's when I was at Per Se, almost 13 years ago. And, you know, I've come to a realization that people don't want to be treated like that anymore. And especially the pandemic kind of did us a favor out of all of the fire and flames that it ignited in our world. You know, there's a Phoenix that's kind of rising from the ashes here.
• 30:29
  Um, and part of that is how we treat people. And so now, you know, fast forward to 2023, I'm the corporate executive for Key Restaurants. And, um, you know, I, I have with dining room team too, I have a hundred employees per location. Miami will reopen in Vegas. It'll be 300 plus employees. And, um, you know, you have to manage everybody differently and you have to, my big lesson that I tell people is.
• 30:56
  You know, I'm only as good as my students want to be. It's not a teacher's only, you know, a student's only as good as his teacher. Do my students want to be good? Do they want to be successful? Is this really somewhere they want to be in their lives or their careers? And when I'm, you know...
• 31:12
  interviewing somebody, I say the ball is in your court now. I've given you all the information. I'm leading you to the water. You know, now you got to be the one to drink. And I'll be here to support you and I'll be your coach and I'll be your mentor and I'll teach you. But you have to want to play. And, you know, I live my life that way as well. And that seems to be working. People want to work with me. They don't work for me. They work with me. They want to be
• 31:41
  successful. And if they don't, they have this realization that, you know, I don't want to lead this guy on. I don't want to, you know, this isn't my real true career path. And they inevitably work their way out. And it's a kind of a process of elimination sort of situation there. So I've really circumferenced my Buddhist upbringing, my military background and my career, and picked
• 32:07
  make and run a successful business because I want people to be able to leave working with me saying I worked for a chef Chris Arianez and that's why I am where I am today that's my ultimate goal so I just want it's so funny you just asked me is that what you want your legacy to be or is there more to it because I just realized in my show prep I didn't ask you any and I will ask you questions about this big vision that you're on the board for so what what do you want your legacy to
• 32:38
  That's a great question. I think I want my legacy overall is to be able to leave a footprint for our next generation around health and wellness within the hospitality industry. I think, you know, that's, and to, you know, it's so broad to be honest with you, Kelly, because that's a very broad question because, you know,
• 33:08
  Obviously, I'm already successful, but my ultimate goal is to build an enterprise, a hospitality group, enterprise globally that allows access to our teammates or our members or anybody who doesn't only work for us but dines at our restaurant.
• 33:26
  to healthy living, to access to whatever that may be, inpatient or skincare or gut health or these different things that maybe the normal person going into the coffee shop or Shake Shack might not know about. And we can kind of broaden their horizons a little bit. So that's a big question, I think.
• 33:54
  I think that's still evolving a little bit. So if you're listening to this on iTunes or Spotify, you've got to head over to YouTube and see this man's beard. You should have thrown in there beard health because it's a beautiful, full beard. I can't grow a beard anymore because it's gray, all gray. It looks great, man. No wonder you asked how old I was. You haven't seen anything yet about you said you're successful and you haven't seen anything about what's about to come, brother. So you're about to be a father. Congrats. Yeah.
• 34:25
  Do you know the sex of the baby? It's a boy. Ooh, congrats. Yeah. How'd you meet your soon-to-be wife?
• 34:34
  We met at the Edition Times Square in the industry. We met in the industry. She was the general manager for the nightclub with Ian Schrager. He's a legendary, you know, he had Studio 54, and I mean, he's legendary. And this was his, like, homage, like his next big nightclub. And she was the GM, and I was the...
• 34:58
  basically supporting chef for the hotel. And I built the menu down there. And, you know, we worked very closely together. And one day I asked her out for dinner. And I thought to myself, I'll bring some roses, you know, just to be a nice guy. And it ended up turning into a four and a half hour date. And the rest is history. We've been together four years. We're getting married in September. And we're going to be welcoming our baby boy July 11th.
• 35:27
  And she works with me as well at Q. So she's the global director of operations. So we've been working together since the day we met.
• 35:37
  Well, I don't even have to wish you good luck because you guys already have a functioning relationship. If you could work together, man, that's half the battle. Because most people want to tap out at the first sign of discomfort or disagreement. And now you guys have – you've got it aced. But I will tell you, man, I'm real proud of you and real happy for you. My daughter is 14. I'm going to go somewhere, so I don't say thanks just yet. And that boy –
• 36:06
  is going to feel love and support that we probably may or may not, I didn't have, but you may or may not. The fact that you're sober and she's sober, he's gonna have so much advantages and perhaps he won't drink and it'll make his life so much better. My daughter says to me, I quit drinking on New Year's in 2018. And every year we own a house in Florida, so we're on New Year's in Florida every year. And we stay up and
• 36:35
  Watch the ball drop and kiss, and she goes right to bed. And she said, Dad, it was last year. She said, Dad, you want to know why I like New Year's so much? She said, it's another year you don't drink.
• 36:45
  And I'm like, wow, if you felt that way before, if you would have said that, I probably would have quit drinking sooner. So kudos to you. Keep doing it. And no matter how hard life gets, you're harder than life. And tell your soon-to-be wife that as well. You keep doing what you're doing. Well, thank you, Kevin. And you guys will be tremendously successful, not just financially, but as a family.
• 37:12
  Thank you. Well, hats off. You know, it's not thank you. I appreciate that. But same to you. So you don't get to reach a level of success without having a daily routines. What's your daily routine look like? Specifically, what's the first thing you do in the morning, the last thing you do before bed? And is meditation a part of this?
• 37:28
  being a Buddhist? I got to ask. This is such a great question because it's, as you know, as I said, my legacy is evolving. My daily routine seems to be evolving too because obviously having a baby coming and opening two more restaurants, three restaurants within a year and a wedding. You know, my daily routine has really evolved into...
• 37:51
  waking up, being mindful of not checking my phone, um, you know, actually waking up and getting up, stretching, using my Theragun, um, you know, getting the blood flow, um, drinking some water. Um, I'm on a, I'm fasting. I do 18 hour fasting. So, um, it depends on what time I get up. I usually start, I usually get up around eight, um, ish. Um, either I'll go to a spin class or I'll go to my personal training. Um,
• 38:17
  And then I start by, you know, obviously with the Theragun, there's a form of meditation there, relaxation. You know, I have my routine of my beard care and, you know, my skin care and so on and so forth. And then it's off to work or off to training and then off to work. I'm very I'm very systematic, very organized, very detail oriented.
• 38:39
  How does, wait, so the 18-hour fast, does that start at night and go into the next day? How do you get 18 hours plus being in the food industry? So how the heck do you do that? I eat from 12 to 6. So I have a six-hour window, and service starts at 5. So then that way I can taste through all my dishes and make sure we do pre-shift and all of that. And then I drink my last protein shake at about 6 o'clock, and then...
• 39:09
  I'm done for the day. Uh, you know, I really try to make sure that, um, you know, I'm in full ketosis, um,
• 39:16
  by the next morning and then, you know, it just depends. Sometimes I shift my schedule around and I've been learning to be patient with myself. Like at the end of the day, if I need to eat something or I'm feeling my blood sugar is low or I'm crashing, I eat. And that's what people have to listen to. It needs to be, you know, regimented and like you need to be consistent. And that's something that I, you know, I instill in my team is consistency is key, but you also have to listen to yourself and listen to your body.
• 39:45
  Being smart and alive is key too. So the question I had for you, I didn't even put this in, is we're big on charity. So Big Vision. Tell me the quick, because you're on the board of Big Vision, I looked it up like, wow, this is really a great charity. So give us the cliff note version of Big Vision, what the listeners can do to support you.
• 40:07
  Yeah, Big Vision is incredible. You know, anybody who's on the road to recovery or in recovery or just interested in recovery should really look into Big Vision. I sit on the board of directors for Big Vision. Eve Goldberg is the president and founder. She's a wonderful human being. She lost her son, Isaac, about eight years ago to an overdose, accidental overdose.
• 40:32
  and it turned her life upside down and so what she then did was created a non-profit to be able to provide access to people in recovery um to you know any platform from um
• 40:48
  from inpatient to outpatient to events. We do a lot of social events. We just had a three on three basketball tournament. We're having our big gala at the end of this year to help fundraise. We just secured our permanent location. So, you know, we're in the middle of a capital fundraise for that, you know, and it's,
• 41:11
  we're just getting started, you know? And it takes people like you guys listening to be a part of this community. It doesn't matter if you're sober. I know not everybody listening to this is sober, and that's okay. Like you guys, everything in moderations, and you guys obviously have your stuff together. But for those that are struggling, Big Vision provides you access and a safe place
• 41:38
  to be able to go through the steps of recovery. We do paintball. I mean, it's like fun activities while staying sober. What's the website? And then we're in the middle. Bigvision.com. I think it's pretty straightforward, actually. I don't think it is. I'm sorry. I'm looking at my notes, and they put it on your notes. Bigvision.nyc. Okay, good. Thank you. Head over to that and check it out. It's a good story there. And then if you go to Chris's socials, you'll see he is the white James Harden.
• 42:11
  I love it. You're a good, good egg. I'd say thank you for, for not killing me for that. That's a good one. So I like that. If you were offered a mulligan in life, what would you do over and why? Nothing. I wouldn't do any of it over. I got to get rid of that. I was just,
• 42:27
  I was a disc golf player, so mulligans are cheating. So, you know, I did competitive disc golfing and, you know, oh, I want a mulligan. Yeah, that's just not the reality for me. You know, I'm sure people have some pretty traumatic and life-altering situations and they might want to.
• 42:46
  go back and try to play God. And I just, I think that everything that I've been through and there's been some trauma, Kelly, I just lost my mom a few weeks ago, tragically, to cancer, and it came very, very quickly. And she's really the last one in my life that I had any sort of relationship with. And it was very tumultuous, but we were doing our best.
• 43:08
  And not a sob story, but I don't have anybody else on either side of my family that I talk to. So I'm building my own family. But I'm not... There's a lot to be proud of. My substance abuse, my career, my sports, my... And I'm recovering from severe sport injuries when I was a kid now. I have rotator cuff issues.
• 43:30
  hip issues and you know that's why I'm really focusing on the health side of things and but I wouldn't change it for anything because I've I've become the man and the person I am today and I have the tools to be able to provide
• 43:47
  resources and help others and teach people lessons. You know, it's not a mistake. It's a lesson. And I think that that's really important for us. So the Mulligan for me is out the window. I love that. You know what? I'm not going to get rid of that question now that I know because when people say that they wouldn't change anything, that means they're way down the journey. And that makes me even more happy for you and your family.
• 44:12
  And I'll tell you this much. You are, you have family and me. And when we end this, I'll get your, I'll give you my cell phone number. And if you come to Detroit and the next time I'm in New York, I'm going to be hitting you up. I don't ever ask for anything. Just, I want, I want some of that Buddhist love. And I want to see, I want to see the baby. Because I love babies. And I just, I love seeing people happy, man. So you mentioned about your mom. And I got to ask, I didn't ask, I didn't script this, but you said it.
• 44:42
  Are you able to receive love from your wife or your soon-to-be wife? Yeah, that's a really wonderful question. I'm getting better at it. I'm such a giver of love. I'm very good at it for the most part. My grandmother was very tough. She was this Irish woman, Jewish-Irish woman that was great.
• 45:11
  Shit. She was very thick skinned. She was very, you know, angry feeding you. Leathery. Yeah. She just had this leathery personality and like, she was Buddhist, hardcore Buddhist. And you know, it was, it was interesting. She taught me the, the balance of light and dark and good and evil. I'm actually like tattooing my entire body in like half color, half black and white and an homage to, to kind of my upbringing and my life.
• 45:39
  But I've realized, you know, being in an ex-passive relationship to being a way more colorful relationship that I'm in now. Colorful. Great word, colorful. Yeah. And it's a much more healthier relationship that I'm in now. That, you know, I am a better understanding how to receive...
• 46:06
  love and also how to provide love to those that need it in certain different ways. Because not everybody receives love the same way. And I have to better understand that. But it's taken me 35 years. This year is when I really started realizing that
• 46:22
  I don't really receive love very well. I didn't really get hugs growing up. I wasn't, my grandmother had a really hard time telling me she loved me until later on in our relationship. You know, I touched a little bit on the abuse growing up and things like that. So I was very, I was not a shell person. I was very, like I said, colorful and outgoing and ambitious and bright and, you know, but there was a lot of dark behind me. And so,
• 46:49
  I think sometimes there's a wall, a little bit of a wall, and I'm learning how to break that wall down. And it's just taking time and having patience with myself and better understanding it. And I have a partner who has patience, so that's really a plus. Well, I pegged that one because I absolutely, just until a month ago, resolved some mother childhood trauma. And I realized...
• 47:15
  Even though I love everybody, I love everything. I love my life. I give love unconditionally. It's a fault of mine, but I'm going to continue to do it. I should be Buddhist. Are you a Scorpio? Sagittarius. But...
• 47:31
  I can't receive it. It's, and I think, and it's all I want. And I struggled with that up until about a month ago and now I'm pretty clear. And it's really just realizing of being vulnerable and talking through it and seeing what that inner child needed as a kid. And what that kid needed was a lot of hugs and safety. So that's why I do a lot of inner child work and I just do it over and over and over and comfort that little boy who was scared to death
• 48:02
  and hungry and lonely. And I would just do it over and over and over. And it's finally, and I'm a little heady. It's 47 years and I'm finally getting it. So, but it's interesting how that happens. Yeah. And congrats. Like it, you know, it,
• 48:18
  Everything happens at the right time. And I truly believe that. And that inner child work that you're talking about, you just resonated with me deeply because that's something that I share. Obviously, my staff and my team, they're my kids. And I tell them, like, vulnerability is, you say sober is sexy, vulnerability is sexy.
• 48:38
  like let the feminine side out, be yourself, be, you know, be confident and comfortable with who you are and spread that love. And it's, we give hugs at work. You know, I hug everybody. Yep. I, I'm, and I, you know, I didn't get hugs growing up and I don't, I have zero relationship with my father and, you know, and I, that's something that I'm like, I don't want anymore. I want to
• 49:01
  love back and i'm working on that but i i open my arms to anybody and um really important well i'll forewarn you when i'm deceptively big i'm much bigger than i look when i get when i see you you're getting a big seagull bear hug so i don't think there's anything deceptive about those biceps
• 49:23
  I love you and we got that. So let's let's continue on. Let's let's let's get your genius out there. Tell them tell the listeners about some of your non-negotiables.
• 49:34
  And it could be business, it could be life, whatever. I believe that really alignment is in business and personal life. And I would tell you that you have to have your personal life in order way better than to have your business life. Because the reciprocal is true, but it's not. So there's highly functioned people in business that are a mess at home.
• 49:59
  But if you're perfect at home, you're probably going to be successful in business. So what are some of your non-negotiables? I don't care if people go, what are business or what? Dude, give me personal ones. Yeah. I mean, this is such a great question. I think everybody asks this question. And, you know, we could talk. This could be, again, a podcast in itself, you know, and.
• 50:24
  Anybody out there who's listening, like go check out Jay Shetty. I'm sure everybody knows who Jay Shetty is, but you know, he really speaks to the balance and you know, my non-negotiables are one is self care. And you, you talked about this and, um, you know, in order to take care of others, you have to take care of yourself. And if you want to help others and you want to take care of people and it's, you have to make sure that you are taking care of oneself.
• 50:52
  You know, whether that be through eating, through sleeping, through, you know,
• 50:58
  through sexual activity, whatever the case may be that you need to, you know, give yourself a little bit more of an enlightenment and make yourself a little bit more vulnerable, like we talked about. That's super important, you know, brushing your teeth, the silly things that you don't think about, you know, washing your face in the morning, you know, making sure that you're doing that meditation or going to the yoga class you've been talking about going to forever.
• 51:28
  You know, I think a non-negotiable as well is just being patient with yourself. And having patience with yourself. Not a strong point of mine. It's hard. I mean, we're our own worst critics. And, you know, I'm so hard on myself all the time. And I'm like, why didn't I do that? Why couldn't I do that better?
• 51:47
  And that toxicity, that narrative that you've created will deflect onto others in your daily life, in your daily routines. It's just how... It's energy. It's vibration. Yeah. But I tell you, if I ever shared...
• 52:02
  what I said, the expectations I have on myself with people, they'd be like, dude, you're insane. I always say self-care is not selfish. So they tell you when you got an airplane, put your mask on before you assist anybody else because if you're dead, you're no good to anybody else. So I'm gonna hold you to that, Chris, when your son is born, you tend to fall out of alignment. Like my son was, my daughter was born a preemie and I had to get up every four hours and feed her.
• 52:32
  And her mother wasn't able to do it because she had to have an emergency C-section and she was rough for the first month. So in the fourth trimester, when she's supposed to bond with the mom, she bonded with me.
• 52:44
  And I loved it. I fattened her right up. No problem. But I gained, and you imagine, I was 220 pounds. I gained 20 pounds. I was 240. And I was blubber. So I went right back to the gym after she was in the clear and got myself back right on my routine. So slip for a minute. Remember, you take your foot off the gas for a second.
• 53:09
  I'm not saying push the brake, but remember where that gas pedal is because you're going to have to hit it right away. Enjoy that time because it's a miracle.
• 53:16
  and then get right back on that throttle and hammer it. So we're coming up against it. I thank you so much. I think one last thing, Kelly. Go ahead. Is to listen. Be more receptive and to listen. I think that that is, I think that is, hear people out. And I try to, you know, that's the life lesson that I try to give the people in my life. Just listen. You might not agree with it.
• 53:41
  But just hear people out and listen. Everybody's got a story and something that somebody says may actually inevitably help you. And if you really retain the information, I think that that's super important. And people forget that. They always have something to say. I want to say something. You know, me, me, me. And I think that that contradicts everything that we're supposed to be doing right now, especially in today's society. So...
• 54:06
  So good. I, God gave you two ears and one mouth for a reason. I end all my gratitude journals entries with, um, listen, learn, love, you know, listen, that's how you learn. It's, it's, uh, and you can tell by the way I keep interrupting you that I don't listen very well. We're passionate though. We're passionate and that's, you know.
• 54:27
  And it's not a mistake. It's a lesson. I think that's really important. That's a good one. It's not a mistake. This next question is going to absolutely resonate with you real good. If you could have dinner with one person that's alive or dead, who would it be and why? Robin Williams. Oh.
• 54:46
  there's that point in when he says to will and goodwill hunting where it's not your fault yeah dude that i mean i start crying every time i cry every time i watch it yeah patch adams is one of my all-time favorite movies um and we get into darker requiem for a dream and clockwork orange and pulp fiction and so on and so forth but um if i could have dinner with somebody uh it would definitely be robin williams so he was um
• 55:14
  Him and Chris, it's so interesting, him and Chris Farley and, you know, that generation were huge guiding lights for me when I was suffering and in a very dark place in my childhood. And, you know, I followed his career, his relationship with his mother. I knew everything about him.
• 55:35
  From, you know, how much his career really affected him and the amount of energy that he poured out into other people, he completely forgot about himself. He completely lost himself. And, you know, so did Chris Farley and there's so many different.
• 55:53
  so many other, you know, very important, not only comedians, but people in our lives that have done that. And he was an inspiration for me. And he definitely sits on my shoulder as I navigate life right now. And I, if I could have one dinner with somebody, it would 100% be him.
• 56:15
  I'm going to digress for a second and say you can fix anything but death, man. If you feel like you don't matter or the only option is suicide, seek help immediately. Call me. Text me. There's so many people. You matter. Everybody needs you. So those two gentlemen you mentioned were too proud.
• 56:36
  to ask. Yes. And had they have asked, they would have had an outpouring of support. And those were two brilliant minds that were just good people. So your situation, if you're feeling down is probably similar, reach out to somebody and say, I'm, I'm thinking that the only option is if the world would be a better place with me on it, not in it. And you're,
• 56:59
  everybody will come running to help you. So sorry to digress for that. Including myself. Yes. Is there something I haven't asked you that you feel compelled to share, my friend?
• 57:12
  You did a really good job, Kelly. I mean, I think that we've touched on a lot. I think we've given our listeners a lot of substance and, you know, sometimes less is more. And I think it's important for people out there that you just said to listen to themselves and anything that you can take away from this conversation, you know, grasp it and hold on to it. And even if it's something as simple as the meditation in the mornings or
• 57:39
  you know, reaching out and calling somebody you love, you know, I think that...
• 57:45
  You know, those are all very important. And I appreciate your time. And I would love to continue this. I'd love to do this again. There were so many topics we talked about. I know we just brushed over. I only do it an hour. We could go on tangents for hours. And that's so important. Well, just make me, I'm going to ask you a favor that when I do come to town and see you, make time so we can have a meal and talk. I'm a talker. I want to hear everything. I'm going to learn it all. I want to know everything.
• 58:12
  I'm going to want that baby. I'm going to want to talk to your wife. I want to know what she thinks of you. I just, I love, you know, I'm sober now and I'm present. And there's just all this time that I got to make up for.
• 58:24
  that I spent chasing a bar or a drink or the next party and the next high. And now I want to, I just want to know what is all about Chris and the kid and the wife and the restaurant. And I want to go to the restaurant and go behind the scenes. I want to see how you cook. You know, I know you have a French, uh, uh,
• 58:45
  twing to it i want to i you're gonna get sick of me so just please make time for me and i promise i'll be there and i will definitely make time for you how can i personally support you i think you just hit the nail on the head come see me come let me allow me to feed you i'm gonna do you one more batter too i'm gonna send when i'm done here i'm gonna send you so many positive vibes for a healthy
• 59:12
  happy young son and just enjoy that miracle with your wife. It's the best freaking thing in the world. When my daughter was born, we have it on video. My voice, I have a deep voice. My voice went up about 40 octaves and it was just a miracle. And to this day, she's all that matters to me, man. And you're going to be the same way. And I can tell. And I appreciate all your compassion and positivity you've sent me.
• 59:39
  through the screen and the earphones here. And yeah, I mean, also let me know if there's anything that I can do for you and anything that you ever need outside of just coming to break bread. And I'm always here as a resource as well. And congratulations, you're coming up on, you said four years, correct? Four and a half, four and a half. So mine is New Year. I always remember because it's New Year. So at the end of the year, it'll be five years. So shame to you.
• 1:00:10
  you're a force to be reckoned with. So I appreciate you. Just getting started. And I'm always hungry, so we'll get along real well. I think the button, yes, and I like to talk as well. I love a good conversation. I like good philosophical conversations
• 1:00:26
  you know, deep rooted conversations. So we didn't even get into that philosophy, but I can talk with the best of them and that stuff. I will, I'll ask you Buddhist questions and just how, what makes the world go round in your eyes. And you can't tell me anything that I wouldn't be like, yeah, it makes my staff's head spin sometimes because I can get really deep and really pull things out of them that they didn't even know they had inside of them.
• 1:00:50
  and really open up their eyes to the way that they've been acting or the way they've been treating others. And they're like, holy shit. Okay. And I think, you know, full circle now, Kelly, one last thing is what you said that really just resonated with me is stay present and be present. And I think people forget that. They get so caught up in what's next and what's coming on, what do they need to do in their five-year plan and all of these things. And that's what makes people spiral. And don't do that to yourselves. Just stay present and be consistent.
• 1:01:20
  Well, today is a gift. That's why they call it present.
• 1:01:23
  All right, please. I love you very much. Thank you for being on. Thank you for your patience and the snafu. Please rate and share this podcast. Also, I do my best to respond to all the comments on all social platforms. So if you want to see more of something or less of something, please leave a comment. Each and every episode is sponsored by National Technology Management, the easiest and best IT company to do business with, delivering peace of mind with technology every day. Visit TrustNTM.com for more info. And until next week, be harder than life.
• 1:01:52
  Thank you for listening. Please rate and subscribe to Harder Than Life, and let's take this to the next level. Get connected at the links below.