Latest / Pathological Positivity / UNDERCOVER: Out of the Darkness, Into the Light – with Kim R Best – Episode #671
Transcript
- This is Live On Purpose Radio episode 671, Undercover, Out of the Darkness Into the Light with Kim r Best. Now is the only time to create and live the life you love. I'm doctor Paul Jenkins, the positivity psychologist. My job is to connect you to powerful positive psychology principles that immediately upgrade your relationships, business, and mental health. Are you ready? Let's jump in. Hello, everybody. Welcome back to Live On Purpose Radio. This is doctor Paul the shrink who expands your life with another episode of Live On Purpose Radio. Joining me today is a new friend of mine. I met him through the National Speakers Association, where I find a lot of my brilliant guests. You might have noticed that pattern. Kim Best is an author. He's a speaker. He's a business coach, and he's here to help us go undercover in our own life to discover some things that might surprise us. Welcome to the show, Kim. Thank you, Paul. I am... I feel honored. And I I do love that I had to write that down. Live on purpose. What a... That's just a powerful message. Well, you know, you and I got into a conversation recently helping people to create helping people to create and live a life that they love. And that that filters into business, into relationships, into our mental health, every aspect of our life. And you've got a particular story around this. I'd love to have you just share a little bit of what your journey has been that led you to become so passionate about helping people uncover that in their own lives. Yes. Wow. Well, I'll, I'll have to, I was not expecting that and then something just popped in my mind. I'm just going to share it with you. Yeah. That's the perfect thing to share. And I was, I was married and, met the love of my life. And we were married and everything was going beautifully, and I was so... I I had lived a successful life up to that point. I'd raced motorcycles professionally and been super, really, really good at that. And then... And I was kind of a perfectionist and did a lot of things really well. And, and when we got married, all of a sudden this... And we started having children, all of a sudden this this anger, cape seemed like it came out of nowhere for me and started to control my life. And, and it got to the point where, I mean, it just... I was mad. I mean... And I was mad all the time. And and my wife and I both experienced this, and we're trying to figure out where this anger's coming from. I mean, I had no idea where the anger was coming from. I couldn't control it. It's like this flame... We call it the boiling point. And and all of a sudden, I'm, like, I'm instantly mad. And, like, I didn't know where that came from, or I didn't even know if I could control it. So that thought and that, that... I mean, I truly... At that point in my life, I had no idea where it came from or if I could even control it, but I was on a path and a mission to learn to to figure it out. And so we both went on this kind of path, and we we found solutions. And it took it took me years. And and when I finally wrote my book on undercover, and this is just one piece of it, I knew that that was an important message in my book is is how I overcame that anger. And today, I live anger free. And some... Something at one point in my life, I didn't know where it came from, or or how do you control something that just comes inside of you and just... And it's like a match and it's like instant anger. I mean, how do you control something like that? So Mhmm. To go from that to, completely in control where I do not have the... I don't get angry. And how does... I mean, I didn't even think that was possible. So that is... So that is, one of the things that led me, I think, to write my book. And I I remember I was going undercover and helping businesses because that's kinda what I do. And then all of a sudden, I knew I was supposed to write a book. And every... Everything in my life went on hold. And every time I kinda ask, you know, I have a... I have... I believe in, in divinity. And and I'd ask I ask, hey. What am I supposed to do today? And it's write your book. And that took me five years. I put everything else on hold in my life until I finished this... Writing this book. And and then when I was done, it was it was so amazing. And and another piece of that is the natural genius and the temporary gifts that I was given to write that book. And it's way beyond my ability and my capability, but I was given gift... Certain gifts because, you know, when you have certain stewardships in your life, like raising your family, you have all these kind of gifts given to you. And then... Or my business, when I ran this multimillion dollar business, I had gifts and abilities that I... That I call a temporary genius to... For me and my stewardship. And and today, it says I don't have that business. I don't have those gifts anymore, but they were given to me to help me perform the things... To to help me just, like, own my stewardship and do the things I was supposed to do at the time. And so that's, that's another kind of another piece of that. But, I was supposed to write this book, and so I spent my... Time and energy on on writing it and getting it published. And those are some of the some of the main themes in my book is discovery your natural genius. And for me to share my story about overcoming my addiction of anger, because it is an addiction. It's a chemical release of adrenaline every time you get angry, and I was addicted to that. And and and how that freed me to live, Oh my gosh. Where would I be had I not overcome that? I wouldn't have discovered my true natural genius. I wouldn't be I wouldn't be becoming the very best version of myself. It was stopping me. Literally stopping me and hurting my family. I've heard you describe it before as an addiction. And that caught my attention because as a professional psychologist, I've worked with addictions my entire life, but I've had my own. You know, being addicted to anger, like you said, or to, comfort, which I think is a really common addiction nowadays. And, and these things get in our way in ways that we don't really realize until it's it's kicking us to the gerb. Yeah. You know, we find ourselves of our freedoms and our... It was so liberating. When I overcame my anger, I felt empowered. I felt liberated. I mean, literally liberated. There's either captivity or liberty. Yes. And we're free to choose. Yes. One of those, but until we see it as a choice, it's not. And we roll with whatever our programming is. And this... It's it's also interesting to me as I listened to your story, Kim, you discovered some things about yourself after you became a parent. And I have long believed that parenting is the number one personal development program on the planet. It'll reveal things to you you never wanted to know about yourself. It's a perfect plan, isn't it? The family is like... It is how we become who we're meant to become, and there's no other way. It's a beautiful plan, and it is central. It's essential to our progression. Well... And when I call it the number one personal development program on the planet, I I was, interviewing doctor Lily De Hoyo Sanderson. She's a professor here at, Brigham Young University. And and she said the number one outcome of positive parenting is the parent. Oh, yeah. And that... You know, as you were sharing your story, I thought, okay. So life reveals to you that you've got some weakness. And if you're humble... One of my clients told me there's two kinds of people on the planet, doctor Paul. And I'm like, I'm interested. I'm a psychologist. Tell me. He's... He said there are those who are humble, and there are those who are about to be. Yeah. Our life hands us the perfect experiences to humble us to the point where we give up our need to be right in exchange for being open. Yeah. And as you share your story, I'm also noticing another trend that we talk about in the industry, and that is that your mess becomes your message. Yes. And I'm even seeing how your previous experience, you know, working with businesses, going undercover. And I picture, you know, all incognito, you apply for a job, you get, you go in and you're not there to work. You're there to spy. Right? The whole idea of the undercover approach. If you would, Kim, I'd love for you to just take a minute and talk about what it means to go undercover into your own life so that you can overcome whatever it is that's kicking your trash. Right. And achieve that Liberty that you're talking about. That freedom. Well, when I... My very first time undercover, it was a multimillion dollar business. And and they had accolades. They had accolades for the manufacturer of the year award and and and all these, all these athletes hanging up all over their building. And I knew about this, and I knew this is like a a... I was so excited to go undercover in this amazing company. And the moment I walked into the door, it was early in the morning. I had... And it was it was a same business or same city that I ran my multimillion dollar business. So I was well known in the community, and I didn't want anybody to recognize me. So I was truly incognito. Tattoos, ball cap, goatee, and You were in disguise. Oh, I... Yes. And so... And I would... But I was, like, hungry. I was so excited to go undercover. And the moment I walked into that, into this manufacturing facility, I was diminished. And this company was... All these accolades on the outside, they looked nice and shiny and beautiful on the outside. On the inside, they were hemorrhaging and their people were suffering. The leadership... And, oh, I was just... My very first journal entry was that plant manager treated me like the dust on the bottom of his shoes. And, I just... And I looked at the people. They were starving. I mean, amazing rock stars all around them, and and the leadership was just diminishing them. And and so and so take that analogy, and then and then, oh my gosh, what we did. Just amazing things that we did. And they they did turn around, and they did wake up, and they had so much potential within them. They were just so lost. Mhmm. And it... And and had fallen from up here to way down here. And so they looked great on the outside, but on the inside, they were hemorrhaging. And that is like so many of us. Like, if I were to go undercover in your mind right now, what would I find? Where are your goals? Where are your aspirations? Are they in the forefront of your mind? Are you thinking about them? Are you accomplishing them? Are you, you know, or are are you... Are they hidden way back and hijacked by your negative thoughts and your negative self talk? And Well, I was just thinking, how is your leadership in the world. How is the leadership of your mind treating you? Yes. Yes. I mean, are you a multiplier where you build and and discover the natural g... Your natural genius and put yourself in the best place to to, to perform? Or are you a diminisher who who just thrashes? And and I I I... Okay. So everybody has negative self talk. I remember walking. I'm just pointing out, and and we made we made this super beautiful Airbnb, like, eight years ago. It has 905 star reviews. It's amazing. And I'm... And we're creating this, and it's a cool space. I mean, really amazing beautiful space. And I'm walking in front of my house going down to the basement with my paint, my paint gun in hand, and I have this thought that says you're not a painter. And it almost stopped me in my tracks. In fact, I did. I I finished walking, but I went inside and I set my paint gun down, and it said it again. You are not a painter. And I was like, woah. And and I've trained my brain, and I share all these things in my book. I've trained my brain. I mean, I mean, to to recognize and then what do you do when that happens? So, I mean... But it could have easily taken me off the mark. Could have easily Yeah. Could easily listened. My dream of creating this amazing space where people would come in and experience technology and architecture and all this beautiful stuff. And it it just... We had all this stuff we wanted to to create. And then here's my negative thought, trying to destroy my dreams. And I set my paint gun down, and I I said out loud, use your voice. Your voice is so powerful, and I use my voice every day to to combat thoughts like that. And I said I said, I am a great painter. I said it out loud. I'm all by myself, and I just said it out loud. And then my brain... You know, our brain just does what it tells it to do. It starts to deliver all these things that I have painted and I have done even professionally. Yeah. That's the biggest lie. It was the... I mean, I'm actually a great painter, and and I was able to finish. We created this amazing... I'd like... Eight years later, nine nine hundred five star reviews. I say eight or it was 800 ago, but I think it's 900. And four or five five star... No. Four... Five four stars. Nothing below. And and the paint job is amazing. But but just that one... Okay. So so if we ever... Or to to listen and let that get traction, then we lose our dreams. So that's what I'm talking about. You know, when you said your brain is going to hand you evidence, right, for for whatever. But I I did struck it. Your brain has two main jobs to keep you safe and to prove you right. And it, both of those get us into trouble all the time, but whatever thought we latch on to, like I'm not a great painter, for example, your brain is going to be like, I, I captain, I'll go find the evidence. Right. To prove you right on that. Cause that's one of my jobs. Or if you counter that with, you know what? I actually, I am a great painter. Yeah. I don't know where that other thought came from, but that's not even true. And then your brain is like, I, I captain, I'll get busy on that one. It's just waiting for your intentional instruction to go provide all of the, and you know what? If you can't find evidence, you'll make it up. Yes. Or whatever it is that the thought is. Yeah. And all those voices and all those... It might even be a parent. It might be a grandparent. It might be a friend at school school or, you know, all the negative things or a sibling that they... They've told you, you're stupid or you can't do that or you're worthless or whatever. And then it starts building all that evidence. And if we let that run free, if we don't... I mean, I've just learned. Okay. So for me going through all this transition, for me to learn to overcome my anger, I have learned that if... That it all starts up here, that I am in in control and and and if and if... And I'm gonna be intentional and and about that. I'm gonna... I can get results. I mean, when... I mean, it it it starts in the brain. When I got laid off when I was, our fifth child was not quite born, and I'm walking up the stairs, and here's my wife coming out. Hi. And she's like, woah. What are you doing here in the middle of the afternoon? I got laid off. And, like, tears and and and all of this. And then... And it's like, what am I gonna do? I mean, I was in the technology sector. I'm in the marketing. I worked at WordPerfect and Novell. And and I I... And that day, I had, I wrote down six things that I could do. No. Five things that I could do. What am I gonna do with my life? Because I I gotta figure it out. And I wrote them down. They're all technology stuff. And then I wrote the last one down, start a woodworking company. Because I'd had this random idea just to start a woodworking company idea, and and I wrote that down. And and immediately, that jumped to the top. And the reason I'm sharing this story, Paul, is because I I I went to a special place that... We went to it. We prayed. And this day... And and that day, we went to this special place where, we just... They're they're close to our heavenly father, and we prayed. And I got and I got a a a vision of what this company that I was supposed to make, what it looked like, what it would look like. So this... He planted this vision of what I could become or what I could create in my brain. Mhmm. And then... So what I learned later, and I share this in my book, he was teaching me the power of creation that he has given us. And where does it start? All things are created spiritually or mentally before they're created physically. So he was teaching me that principle. And because I had that vision of this amazing company in my brain and what would look like and the people and the products and and the principles was almost more important than the products and what we created in the company. And and I had that vision in my brain for... And and so so when we created this amazing company, I mean, I did. I created... It was the fastest growing company for ten years in a row. And then people like neighbors and things really say, wow. You created this amazing company. And they were so surprised, but I wasn't because I'd already seen it in my brain. And I knew what we could create. And so now just think about what we just talked about, Paul. Okay. Doubts. I had that vision in my brain of what we could become. Negative self doubt. Oh, you can't do that. What are you thinking? And and and and they just wanna hijack it, and they tried. But I kept that vision in my mind daily, hourly, monthly, yearly until we... Until it became a reality. And then... And that's another reason I share that in my book is like, wow. We have this power of creation. We... And it starts up here. And so he was teaching me that beautiful principle. You know, I was just having an image in my head of, Michelangelo. And one of his masterpieces, the David statue, and someone was asking him, how how did you do that? How did you create that? And he said, it's simple. And simple and easy aren't the same thing, by the way. But he said, it's simple. I had to take away everything that's not David. And to do that, you have to have a clear image in your head. You mentioned woodworking. I keep this little stick on my desk, and I know that you can't see this on an audio podcast, but I have hand carved a stick with moving parts, like a fully articulated chain, and and there are two balls in a cage and two rings on a post. And and I'm showing it to you, Kim. But as our listeners, as I describe this to you, this... People ask me all the time, how did you do that? And the answer is simple. I had to cut off everything that doesn't look like this. Wow. But that implies exactly what you're saying because everything is created first, psychologically, spiritually, mentally. It has to be. That's where it starts. Because that image then becomes the template that we can follow to go to the next step of creation, which is called work. And I'm talking about that as a principle of physics. Matter is not created or or destroyed. It simply changes form, and the method through which matter changes form is called work. It's the forces that we apply to the elements to move them around, to fit the image in our mind, to look like that. And this is not only true with woodworking or creating a business. It's also true in creating a marriage Absolutely. In relationships with our children Yes. In leaving a legacy. Oh my gosh. Yes. So true. Follows the same principles. And that's something I've picked up on in your work too, Kim. That's why I knew we'd have a great conversation. Your website, is is kind of similar to the title of your book. But I think it... Let me see if I remember this correctly. Kimrbestundercover.com. Did I get it? That's right. And that's where people can learn more about your book, about the coaching services that you offer for businesses, how they can go undercover in their own life and, and discover things that might surprise them about what's possible. Is there some thought or, or final idea that you want to leave our listeners with today? Yes. Yes. Absolutely. And it's this. When I when I had closed my... The company that I started in my garage, I didn't tell you that, grew to a multimillion dollar business, it closed. I mean, four years into the recession, and it it... We had to close, and I was not planning on that. And, and it would took me by complete surprise. And and the the message that kept coming to me is is I say I'm giving up. I mean, we've made it this far and I'm giving... And and the message kept saying, no. You're moving on. And so, okay. Whatever's coming, I'm okay. I'm moving on. So I did move on. And and then I had a dream, and I went under... In this dream, I was, in Dave Ramsey's company. And I was somebody of high importance and understanding, but nobody knew it. And soon as I got that idea, I got, oh my gosh. Nobody knows who I am. I'm like a nobody... I mean, not a nobody because everybody's somebody, but but... Nope. They don't think I'm anybody. I'm just the guy, you know, the the new guy. And I was seeing them as they were, and I and I was seeing things that would... In in my... Remember, this is a dream, and I love Dave Ramsey. And I know he runs a tight ship, So I knew he'd be really uptight about some of the things I was finding. And, and so and so, my... And and that dream was like, oh, it was heaven sent. And I knew immediately when I woke up, I go, I'm supposed to go undercover. That is that is... That that is brilliant. But I didn't know how brilliant it was until I went undercover. And the moment I went undercover, oh my gosh. I I... My my very first time undercover, I I described that to you a little bit earlier. I was seeing things exactly as they were. And my... Okay. And this is what I want. This is why I'm sharing this. My natural genius is to improve people and process. I can't help myself. It comes to me naturally. That's what your natural genius. When it comes to you, it's like you can't stop yourself from using your genius. And so my genius is just popping. I was seeing so many things, and and and then undercover was brilliant. And and in fact, in the very end, I was there two weeks, way too long. Two weeks undercover. I can do it in three days now. It's just like... In fact, the first two days, the the first day I knew what that company need. I knew exactly what that company needed. And, to to turn it around and to help them. But this was the key. This was the key about the dream and my natural genius and the undercover. It was so... It was just brilliant because this is what happened at the very end. Somebody wrecking... Somebody who knew I was undercover was on the floor. We had eye contact, and he made me laugh. He grinned too, and the plant manager goes, turns and goes, do you know each other? And the moment that happened, everything changed. And that's just proved to me the brilliance of the undercover. I heard more about safety. I heard more about about process and and things that they're supposed to be doing. And it just... So so to me, the the undercover was... It just showed to me the power of the undercover. But the other point that I wanted to make with that is my natural genius. So heavenly father wanted me to use... He wants you to use your gifts. So he gave me this undercover dream so that I could use my gift of helping people and companies change their lives for good. And and he gave me a tool that would just let me be a kid in the candy shop, where I'm just popping on all of... I mean, he wants us and and to use our genius. He want... And our gifts. Okay? Our gifts because our gifts are not for us, really. I mean, they do help us, but, no, what they do is they help you. They help other people. When I use my gift, I help you and other... All these other people. When everybody's using their gifts, wow, talk about a world where there's there's no gaps. There's no wants. There's no needs unmet because somebody's gift will compensate that. Because when you're operating within your genius, you're eons above those who aren't operating within their genius because it's it's like it's beyond our ability. It's a godly thing that helps us do things that that nobody else can in that special way. And it's a... And it elevates us above ourselves, and it blesses people's lives, and it makes the world a better place. And it will... We'll come to a time when there will be a society where everybody is doing that, and that is obviously in the future. But, but we can use it and do it now. And that's kind of why I wrote my book. Well, I think you're helping people to see a new possibility and we have to be able to see it first and create it mentally before we can go move the world around and make it happen. It's a real thing. I've experienced it. Kim, I've seen how you have exemplified that, dear listener, once again, the book is called Undercover, Out of the Darkness Into the Light by our guest, Kim r Best, and you can find him at kimrbestundercover.com where you'll connect to all of the brilliance that, you've been introduced here today on the episode. Did you hear that? Out of the darkness Yes. Into the light. That is truly, truly amazing and powerful. Transformative, I would say. Kim, thank you so much for your generous contributions here today. It's my honor. Folks, you've heard it. It's time now to apply it. Let's go live on purpose. Did you get what you came for? Give yourself the gift of taking real action on what you realized today. Please share this episode with someone you know would value it, and leave us a rating too. It's time now to live on purpose.