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What happens when you ask a narcissist what they love about you · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, Beautiful people.
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  Today we're talking about when you ask a narcissist what they
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  love about you, what do narcissists love about you?
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  Yeah, Stay tuned to the end to find out why.
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  If you're new here. My name is Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a clinically diagnosed narcissist.
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  And welcome to another episode of The Narcissist Code.
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  So welcome back, Welcome back, Welcome back, folks.
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  Yes, yes, yes. If you if you really want to
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  test a narcissistic person and be safe about it, of course ask
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  him. Ask them that one simple
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  question. Ask them what they love about
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  you. Hey babe, what do you love about
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  me? A lot of them will become
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  dismissive, right? A lot of them will become
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  dismissive and thinking that you're joking.
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  What? Why are you asking that
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  question? What's wrong with you?
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  Why the hell? Like, you know, some of them
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  might get mad. Imagine asking somebody what
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  they love about you, and then they get angry because you know
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  why? Because they don't have a They
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  don't have anything prepared. They don't have, they're not
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  ready for that question. They they think it's a question
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  that you set, like you trying to set them up for failure.
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  So some of them will get angry, but simply with you asking the
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  question just like y'all, literally all you have to do is
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  ask what do you love about me? And a lot of times you'll get a
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  crazy ass reaction from this toxic, narcissistic person that
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  you didn't expect. You know, in this, within this
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  relationship dynamic, it happens so much, It really, really does.
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  Because you'll be doing, you'll be doing one thing with a
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  narcissistic person and then you can you can be having a great
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  night and it just asks them like, hey babe, what do you love
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  about me? Hey honey, what do you love
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  about me? And see what they say.
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  See. Yeah.
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  Watch their body language. Watch the watch their micro
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  expressions. Some of them will.
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  Like I said, some of them will absolutely get angry and get
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  upset. The fact that you are
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  questioning their love. Why?
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  You questioning our love for you?
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  Or do I? Do I not do enough for you?
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  You got to ask me this question and that should tell you
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  everything that you need to know, right?
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  There you go. So many people ask me, do do
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  narcissists love you? How do you know if a narcissist
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  loves you or not? You know, ask them.
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  Ask them what they love about you.
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  Go directly to the source. You know you won't feed.
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  You want real, authentic Fiji water.
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  You got to go to Fiji to get the water.
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  You know you won't. You want that.
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  The authentic Fiji water. You got to go to Fiji.
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  That's what you have to do sometimes.
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  So that's why I tell people within these spaces and these
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  dynamics, this is, this is how it goes.
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  This is the process right here. It really, really is like you
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  have to go directly to the source.
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  Ask them. Because people ask me like, do
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  narcissists love you? I tell them, yeah, some
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  narcissists can't absolutely love you.
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  But what do they love about you, 'cause when you ask them this
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  question, a lot of them will get defensive.
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  Some of them will be quiet. Some of them will get quiet.
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  Some of them will just ignore the question totally and
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  reflected back to you. You know what?
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  I got one. I got one better for you.
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  What do you love about me? And then they'll you give them.
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  If you give them an answer, they'll just mirror back your
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  answer to you. Yeah, all those same things.
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  I love the same thing about you. They don't have a yeah, I'm just
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  telling you they don't have words to describe it.
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  They don't have words to describe it.
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  And those that do answer the question, be prepared.
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  You know, be prepared. Like from The Lion King, those
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  that do answer the question. You already know.
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  I'm going with this. What do you what do you.
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  If you ask your partner what they love about you?
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  What what do you think they would say?
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  Do they love you? What do what do they love about
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  you? What?
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  What do you think they would say A lot of times in this situation
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  when you ask a narcissist what they love about you, it's going
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  to be something that benefits them directly.
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  What they love about you is going to be something that is in
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  the direct benefit to them. It's going to benefit them.
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  I talked to a woman this morning and she said she asked her
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  partner that and he's like, I love the way you bring me coffee
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  in the morning. What I love, you know I love the
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  fact that you're always there for me.
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  What I love the fact that you're so forgiving and kind and you
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  give me more chances. What they are going to love
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  something about you that is in direct benefit to them.
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  Now this is the question you have to ask yourself.
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  Is that love for you? Is that love for you right
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  there? If you have, if you ask
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  somebody, do they love you and they give you an answer that
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  involves something that benefits them directly, is that love to
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  you? Because most people would say
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  no, hell no. That ain't love.
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  You know, that's that's not even, that's not even.
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  Like, that's not even lust, you know, that's something that's
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  directly beneficial to them. So now I don't think they love
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  me or care about me. How are they?
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  How are they treating you? Seriously, What do you love
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  about me, babe? I love the fact that you pick me
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  up from work sometimes. I love the fact that you built
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  me up from nothing. I love the fact that you make me
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  look good. Or they'll sell it.
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  Yeah, they'll they'll start they'll start doing saying
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  physical things, describing your physical features.
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  I love the way the cheeks clap. I love the way you smile at me.
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  I love the fact that you're beautiful.
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  You know, you look good on my arm again.
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  All that type of stuff is the direct is is physical stuff.
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  It's not emotional, it's not a deep connection and it's also
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  directly beneficial to them in their own personal image, how
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  they how they themselves are viewed.
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  So do you asking narcissists what they love about you.
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  This is something you have to consider right here.
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  You know, because if you give, if you ask, ask yourself what do
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  you love about narcissists, the narcissistic person in your
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  life? Ask yourself what do you love
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  about them? What answers are you giving?
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  You know what answers are you giving?
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  Is it something that's directly beneficial to you?
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  Sometimes it is. Sometimes it's going to be,
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  sometimes it's going to be. But a lot of times it's going to
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  be some deep emotional stuff. I love the way that we can laugh
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  and joke. And I love.
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  I love the fact that, you know, you'll get deep.
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  You'll get a lot deeper than they will.
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  They'll get surface level. You know, I just love you.
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  Is that too much to say? I mean, is it not enough for
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  you, just for me to love you? You know I love you.
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  I just love you. They'll say stuff like that.
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  But this is the question you ask yourself.
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  You ask yourself what do you love about them?
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  If it if this, if they answer, if they, if they question is
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  hard to answer, then you also have your answer.
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  You see you kind of back back in the beginning there was a lot of
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  love. You could have described it
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  easily, couldn't you? But right now with the way
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  you're being treated, the reason, maybe the reason you're
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  watching this video, ask yourself that question and if
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  and if that question is tough to answer then it's something you
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  have to ask. It's something you have to like
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  think about. You might not love them anymore.
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  You might just be trauma bonded to them.
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  Yeah. You might not actually love the
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  person that you're with anymore. And this is not even trying to
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  tell everybody to leave. But this is a question you have
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  to ask yourself. Do you want to live in a
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  loveless marriage or a loveless situation for an extended period
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  of time, for for more, for longer?
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  Some people would say, yeah, just, you know, my life is
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  comfortable. I like my life.
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  Other than that, my life is fine to me.
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  I'm not judging anybody. That's how you want to live your
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  life, live your life. That's, you know, something that
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  works for one person might not work for another person.
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  But when you ask a narcissist, they question.
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  They typically, like I said, they might not have that.
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  They're not going to give you the answer that you want.
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  You know, a lot of times you might end up angry at the
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  answers that you get. You know, a lot of the way you.
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  Yeah, yeah. When you strip down, you smile,
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  Let me, you know, you let me know that you still want me.
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  Let me know that I still got it. You know, a little way.
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  You get a little jealous sometimes.
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  I'm just telling you, y'all. I'm telling you that's the type
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  of stuff that they're going to do.
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  But you got to be prepared for that.
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  Like, don't overreact. I'm just don't don't have a
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  negative emotional reaction because that's what they want.
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  Some of them will bait you with their answers and then start an
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  argument, You know, don't you start an argument because this,
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  this, it, it devolves into an argument sometimes because you
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  don't get the answer that you want, you know, and you react a
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  certain type of way. That's it.
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  You just lug the way my cheeks clap.
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  What? Yeah, I mean, they're not
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  enough. And then you'll get angry.
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  You see, can be be prepared to control your reactions.
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  And of course, if you're going to ask your part of this
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  question, make sure that you use discretion.
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  Because some people will get angry.
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  You know, some people will get angry.
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  Some people try to hurt you again, some people will lash out
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  on you and rage out on you. But also, those are answers to
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  your question. Their reactions are answers to
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  your questions as well. Y'all because a lot of times
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  they don't. They don't like narcissists
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  don't really know how to express love or how to give love, so
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  they're all about the physical stuff.
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  There's a lot of times there's going to be surface level
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  things. So the things that they love
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  about you is going to be physical surface level.
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  A lot of times they might have a a feeling or two, but they don't
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  know how to describe. A lot of nurses don't know how
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  to describe their feelings, so they'll be giving you weird
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  answers and things of that nature to questions that you
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  ask. So you have to be prepared for
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  that as well. It's just like it's it's a
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  different life to live in these situations right here.
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  It really, really is. So you have to be prepared when
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  you ask this question to maybe not get the answer that you
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  want. Because I'm telling you, some of
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  these narcissistic people are going to go above and beyond in
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  order to hurt your feelings and whatnot.
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  They're going to do the type of stuff it really is.
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  Kingston, sorry, y'all. Get her bottle too.
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  That's the way it goes. Y'all.
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  So you're dealing with toxic, narcissistic people.
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  Just be prepared and not get the answer that you might that you
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  might actually be looking for closed door when that happens.
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  I must myself, yeah, I'll get ready to leave but that's the
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  the, you know, just be just be prepared.
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  Yo, I'm telling you, just be prepared because a lot of time
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  it's going to be something in direct benefit to them or it's
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  going to be something stupid and you're just going to make you
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  mad. Though I say giver, if you're
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  going to ask this question, you don't even you don't really even
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  have to ask this question. You can just you can answer it
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  yourself. What do they love about me?
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  And you can answer it yourself sometimes.
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  It's probably, yeah, I'm just telling you, the answers to
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  these questions are probably going to hurt you.
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  It's probably going to hurt. So just be prepared to be hurt
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  too in these situations. Because like, very rarely are
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  you going to leave with a smile on your face when you realize
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  that the person that you're asking this question to love can
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  only express and verbalize the love that you, the things that
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  you do for them as love and what they love about you.
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  I just love the fact that you give me gifts in my in my
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  birthday. Love the fact that you you know
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  you you're a good mom you take take a lot off my plate.
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  Love the fact that you're a good dad and you do you take a lot
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  of. I'm just saying y'all just be
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  prepared because it's going to like so this stuff might rattle
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  you. I just want y'all to be
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  prepared. Anyway y'all let me help off
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  this thing. Had a great first support group
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  meeting if y'all interested in joining my support group.
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  The link is in the description and description of every video
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  and podcast that I do. I have many courses as well like
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  and subscribe with the hones out.
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  Peace. Thank you so much for making it
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  to the end of my video. You are a mental illness
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  Rockstar and I appreciate you for being here.
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  If you haven't already, make sure to click on the screen to
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  subscribe to the channel and watch another one of my videos
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  on my playlist. There's also a link available up
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  here for you to purchase my kids.
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  But remember, it's not your fault on Amazon, so check that
• 11:36
  out. Thank you.
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  I will see you in the next video.
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  Peace.