Latest / Uncluttered and Unfiltered: The Podcast For Women Over 50 / ADULT CHILDREN VS TODDLERS: WHY PARENTING GROWS MORE EXHAUSTING WITH AGE (ORGANIZING TIP: MAKE THE MOST OF AN EMPTY NEST)

Transcript

ADULT CHILDREN VS TODDLERS: WHY PARENTING GROWS MORE EXHAUSTING WITH AGE (ORGANIZING TIP: MAKE THE MOST OF AN EMPTY NEST) · Uncluttered and Unfiltered: The Podcast For Women Over 50

• 0:04
  Welcome to Uncluttered and Unfiltered, the podcast urging
• 0:08
  you to let it go and don't look back.
• 0:11
  We've nationally acclaimed professional organizer Christine
• 0:14
  Stone and self-proclaimed Hot Damn Mess radio and TV
• 0:19
  personality Eden Kendall. Welcome everyone to Uncluttered
• 0:22
  and Unfiltered. We're the podcast for women over
• 0:25
  50. I almost said over 60 since
• 0:28
  we're now over 60, but even you newcomers, even you, you, you
• 0:33
  new to 50 year old newcomers, we love that you're here.
• 0:37
  Yes, I agree. So all ages are welcome.
• 0:40
  All ages are welcome. Absolutely.
• 0:42
  So my name is Eden Kendall, Christine Stone is a
• 0:44
  professional organizer and today Chris was on the show.
• 0:48
  My show is a local lifestyle and entertainment show here where we
• 0:53
  live in Jacksonville, FL. And she was on the show to talk
• 0:55
  back to school. So you're hearing this whenever
• 1:00
  you're hearing it, But we recorded this in early August.
• 1:04
  So you were here, you had your makeup on, you were beautiful as
• 1:08
  always. And I thought, let's just sit
• 1:09
  down and record a couple of episodes of Uncluttered and
• 1:12
  Unfiltered, which by the way, is now on video.
• 1:15
  And if you are on Spotify, you can actually watch this instead
• 1:19
  of just listening. Which some episodes are
• 1:21
  definitely worth watching? Yes.
• 1:23
  Absolutely, absolutely. Sometimes it's just really about
• 1:26
  the expression on your face or my face, especially when we
• 1:29
  share with you the morning we've had, which I cannot wait for.
• 1:33
  But that's coming up. Our topic today after we talk
• 1:37
  about what's on each other's radar, is going to be adult kids
• 1:42
  and are they more difficult or less difficult than having
• 1:45
  toddlers? So I already know which way I.
• 1:48
  Vote. Part of it could.
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  Be and you're going to have a better perspective than me
• 1:53
  because you have a toddler in your life.
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  So you can compare. I for for me, you know, memory
• 1:58
  is the memories distant of when I had a toddler in my life.
• 2:02
  So we'll get to that. But first of all, I think we
• 2:06
  have to talk about what's on our radar and and it's the Peter
• 2:09
  bag. Oh.
• 2:10
  My God, So funniest story we'll go down in history with you is
• 2:16
  the Peter bag. And I didn't even know about the
• 2:18
  Peter bag until this morning. So what happened was over the
• 2:21
  weekend I met a lady who had this giant purse and it was so
• 2:26
  cute, nice leather, reversible. So the inside was a sway.
• 2:31
  The outside was a more of a leather finish, a little bit of
• 2:34
  a different shade of color. Beautiful.
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  She actually had two. She had brought one with her to
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  show somebody else and she explained that there is a guy
• 2:43
  named Peter in New York City and his company is branded leather.
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  He has these bags that he sells on Friday mornings until they
• 2:53
  sell out in New York City. There are lines around the block
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  because some influencer got a hold of the line and then you
• 3:00
  know how that goes. So he's selling these bags and
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  now they're dropping online on Wednesdays at 10.
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  So I let you know about it. And we decided, well, we you're
• 3:11
  here now. I want you to know that our
• 3:13
  lifestyle show that is from 9:30 to 10 ends at 9:58.
• 3:19
  So at 9:58, I would be free to be a part of this.
• 3:25
  Drops online are really meant for people with bigger screens,
• 3:30
  better vision, quicker fingers. And who don't sign up for things
• 3:35
  right before the drop? Yeah.
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  So I said don't sign up for anything.
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  There was an option to sign up, so we go on the website.
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  There was this option to sign up and I signed up.
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  I don't know what for but it signed me up for something.
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  Turns out it was a payment method that required a credit
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  card. So we jump on 1st, nothing's
• 3:54
  showing up right? Then a white bag shows up.
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  And I said I don't want a white. Bag.
• 4:00
  Yeah, we didn't. You're like, we may have to get
• 4:02
  it anyway. Yeah, I needed something.
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  It's a show for my time and trouble.
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  Then the brown bag shows up. Then the green version.
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  So you said I like the brown bag.
• 4:11
  You grab it, you did Apple Pay. And right away I was done it.
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  I got a little nervous when I didn't see Apple Pay, but then I
• 4:18
  scrolled to the top and there it was.
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  And I was done. It was over.
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  Not me. It took me to this square thing
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  where I could not for the life of me get to Apple Pay.
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  It needed a credit card. So I come running down the hall
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  at the TV station to my office. Christina's behind me with a
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  camera taking video. I pull out my wallet.
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  First I have to dig through my bag.
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  Right. She couldn't find her credit
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  card. You couldn't.
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  Not find it. I had them all spread across the
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  table which? That was gold right there.
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  Then because I'm so used to using Apple Pay, I figured my
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  address would populate. Of course it doesn't if I'm
• 4:52
  putting in my credit card. So I'm putting in my credit card
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  number. Then I have to go back and
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  populate and I'm panicking and nothing is happening.
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  Every time I hit confirm it's giving me another red field
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  field needed. Yes.
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  Well by the time I got all the fields filled out, I scrolled to
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  the top and it said we're sorry this bag is sold out.
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  I did not get a bag. All of this happened I didn't
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  even want. All of this happened within 3
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  minutes. Well, I told you I was giving
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  you the bag because I I mean don't get me wrong, I like the
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  bag, it's pretty and all, but I was not in this to begin with
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  and just watching you go through all that.
• 5:31
  You deserve a bag if anyone deserves.
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  An all right, I will Venmo you. For the bag and I'll even.
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  Give you a finder's how much do you want?
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  I'll tip you. No, I want to see you walk
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  around with this bag for the next 6 months.
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  Which actually brings us to something I wanted to bring up
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  because we did get a lovely e-mail from a lady named Betsy
• 5:50
  Daniels from New Hudson, MI. And Betsy had so many
• 5:54
  complimentary things to say and she was so engaged with all of
• 5:59
  the different topics. But the one she really wanted to
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  let us know was that she is a purse digger.
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  She calls it she's a purse digger.
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  And if you're a purse digger, and I'm a purse digger.
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  And I'm not. The big This giant Peter bag is
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  going to make it even worse. But then you get individual
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  zipper bags to put in a bag like that.
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  I could never just throw things in a bag like that.
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  It would give me anxiety. You have to have individual like
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  a tech zippered bag, a makeup zippered bag.
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  You have to have things like a small wallet for your credit
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  cards. You know what I mean?
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  You have to have a system in a bag that is just open without
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  any pockets. That's why I was saying the
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  bag's beautiful, but I that I'll have to look at it and we'll
• 6:47
  have to analyze it in the next episode.
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  For Betsy and for everybody else, when the bag arrives, can
• 6:51
  we style it together? Can we fill it together?
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  That's a great idea because I love doing that.
• 6:56
  Yeah, So what let's. Do that.
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  I hate one time if you're new to our show, Christine went through
• 7:02
  my bag and said this is a junk drawer in a purse.
• 7:05
  Right. Yes.
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  This is a mobile junk drawer, so there are definitely things that
• 7:11
  people carry all the time in their bags that they.
• 7:14
  Shouldn't. Right.
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  And I think I had a million pens.
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  I it was. You know, it was just crazy,
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  Yeah. But but we are going to take
• 7:24
  this bag, yeah, and we are going to style it inside the bag so I
• 7:28
  can show you. And of course, I have to get all
• 7:31
  the right things. So thank goodness the bags
• 7:34
  coming to me. Yeah, yeah.
• 7:38
  Not not intentionally, but yeah. So what else is on your radar?
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  Well, you're going to laugh. I think I told you this the
• 7:44
  other day on the phone. I have had an iPad forever.
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  I would say like 8 years, nine years, like a really long time.
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  And I have just got into the side algorithm of TikTok or
• 7:58
  whatever on how to use your iPad properly.
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  So you're all about your iPad? Oh, I'm all about the IP.
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  You were taking notes on it the other day.
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  I was shocked. I would take notes.
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  I got the iPad pencil. I switched so many settings in
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  my iPad and it really does like work better like things flow
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  better. So that is what's been on my
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  radar lately. I mean, even the iPad cover the
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  everything I am totally. I even brought it with me to a
• 8:27
  client's house the other day and use my iPad pencil.
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  So that's what I'm into right now.
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  But this is what happens. I really, I'm into learning like
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  all these little new things about the iPad, even my MacBook,
• 8:43
  I've started to even try to they can read each other and see,
• 8:47
  yeah, I just learned that too, so.
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  I bet your phone could get in on that conversation as.
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  Well, I know I don't. That may be too much.
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  My phone I don't like as well because I can't see anything.
• 8:57
  That was me. Trying to get the people back.
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  So I don't like to use the phone as much as other things.
• 9:03
  I'll do it if I have to, like for social media for work, but
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  I'm not big into the phone, so that's what's on my radar right
• 9:10
  this second. That's.
• 9:11
  Good stuff. Speaking of learning, you know
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  what? I think I'm going to put this
• 9:15
  little gem away for our next episode because I'm taking a
• 9:18
  class and I wouldn't. I want to share what class I'm
• 9:20
  taking with you, but I'm going to put that away for another
• 9:22
  episode because of timeliness. I want to talk about a couple of
• 9:25
  things on my radar that are timely.
• 9:27
  And 1 is that tonight upon recording this, we, the new Ted
• 9:32
  Lasso starts the new season of Ted Lasso.
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  It's so good. Oh yeah, I know I'm not.
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  Everyone loves it. I have to get into it.
• 9:41
  You would love it. It's so great.
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  And Hannah Waddingham, who is back for this season, is I just
• 9:48
  love her. But I have to say that there's a
• 9:50
  show that she has that I did not care for and it's called Ride or
• 9:56
  Die. And I let you know that this was
• 9:59
  on. It was the one where she is, I
• 10:01
  think, is she with Octavia Spencer?
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  And there she's an assassin. It's a whole thing and I really
• 10:08
  had high hopes and it's just not good.
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  I'm sorry. It's just not good.
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  I couldn't finish it. I love that you stopped me from
• 10:15
  even watching it, which I appreciate more than you have
• 10:17
  to. Retract what I said because.
• 10:19
  Then I have to stop all my true crime to watch that which, you
• 10:22
  know, I don't like. So yeah.
• 10:24
  Anyway, so that but then there's another show that I think you
• 10:27
  would enjoy and it's on The History Channel called Hazardous
• 10:31
  History. And.
• 10:32
  Henry Winkler is the host. And I mean, you could tell they
• 10:38
  just brought him into a studio and said read these lines and
• 10:40
  then they made the show around it.
• 10:42
  It's all of these things from over the last hundreds of years
• 10:47
  really, that were crazy dangerous at the time.
• 10:50
  I mean, it's food items we would eat that had red dye #2 it's
• 10:54
  things like that had arsenic in them that were being marketed.
• 10:57
  It's I would love this. It's a great show.
• 10:59
  It's very, very funny. It talks about just all of these
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  things that commercially were like were accepted, but they
• 11:07
  were just so dangerous. So dangerous I.
• 11:10
  Think you'd really enjoy that. So that's that's basically my
• 11:13
  radar. Well I'm watching Furious on
• 11:16
  Hulu. What is that?
• 11:17
  It's about a female serial killer and they drop the
• 11:21
  episodes only once a week though, which I hate.
• 11:23
  When you never. Hear about a female serial?
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  Killer. Well, it's not a true story.
• 11:27
  It's not true, but it's really, really good because every woman
• 11:33
  in the show is. They're showing how women are so
• 11:38
  much more powerful than men. The way they think, the way they
• 11:42
  act, the way they do things. It's kind of like making women
• 11:46
  the heroes of the whole entire thing, whether it's the FBI
• 11:51
  agent, the police officers, you know, they're the ones that are
• 11:56
  able to handle things better than men, OK?
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  Because you're chasing this one. Female.
• 12:01
  Yeah, this one female serial killer.
• 12:03
  So you're not rooting for the serial killer?
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  Are you? No, no.
• 12:06
  You're rooting for the women like the FBI agent that are
• 12:09
  chasing her. OK, who's in it?
• 12:12
  Anyone we know? What's her name?
• 12:13
  Emily Rossum. Yeah, from Shameless.
• 12:16
  Yeah, she's the main character and.
• 12:20
  She's intense. Yeah, she was.
• 12:22
  She's very intense in this. Very.
• 12:24
  It's a kind of a weird, I mean, there's some very sexual stuff
• 12:30
  in it, let's just say that. Are you watching that?
• 12:33
  The toxic love story. Toxic.
• 12:37
  I keep hearing about that. Oh, about, about.
• 12:40
  Yes, I already saw it. Oh, you did?
• 12:42
  Yeah. And I saw the dateline, the 48
• 12:44
  hours on it. You can't even keep track.
• 12:46
  Yeah, I mean, I've seen all those.
• 12:48
  Yeah. OK, so we are going to come back
• 12:50
  and get into our topic about adult kids and toddlers.
• 12:53
  But before we do that, because this is back to school time, I
• 12:56
  wanted to tell you that back to school season is here.
• 12:58
  And when it comes, new schedules, of course, new
• 13:01
  pressures and for many students and families, a lot of stress.
• 13:03
  You agree with that, right? And the transition for back to
• 13:06
  school can take a lot of toll on mental health.
• 13:08
  So Hearts for Minds wants to help you find support that lasts
• 13:11
  the whole school year. And if you are in our area,
• 13:15
  North Florida, H4M Connect helps connect you to a mental health
• 13:19
  provider who fits your family needs.
• 13:21
  But if no matter where you are, Hearts for minds.org has a lot
• 13:25
  of resources. So if you're around here, H4M
• 13:29
  Connect for finding the right support and making it simple and
• 13:33
  Hearts for minds.org to get connected and make the school
• 13:37
  year your healthiest 1 yet. OK, so now let's get into it.
• 13:41
  Let's talk about this and don't care, man, it's rough.
• 13:45
  And we've talked about this from the perspective of when they're
• 13:47
  handing you potatoes. You brought to us that theory
• 13:50
  that like your own problems are your potatoes, his problems are
• 13:53
  his potatoes, her problems. And if they start handing you
• 13:56
  their potatoes, the next thing you know you've got this heavy,
• 13:58
  heavy load. Right.
• 13:59
  And they have none. And they have none right?
• 14:01
  And they're just going about their day.
• 14:02
  Yeah, having a great life after they just dumped all their
• 14:04
  potatoes on your lap, OK. And as a mom, you're like, what
• 14:09
  do you mean you've moved on? I haven't moved on.
• 14:12
  Right, So you're, you're in it. What are your thoughts on this?
• 14:16
  Are they Is it more difficult navigating life with adult kids
• 14:20
  or. Well, OK, so I did a whole, a
• 14:23
  whole deep dive into this because a lot of social media is
• 14:29
  talking about this as well. Is is it easier to have toddlers
• 14:33
  or adult children? And it got me thinking because
• 14:37
  when you're in the toddler years, you think that is the
• 14:41
  hardest time. You're tired, you're sleep
• 14:44
  deprived, you're running around after.
• 14:46
  I'm chasing them. But I have to say, if I if I had
• 14:51
  my thought process, and I don't know what yours is, I think
• 14:55
  having adult children can be a lot harder than toddlers.
• 14:59
  It can be. I think 1's more physical right
• 15:03
  and one's more. Emotional.
• 15:05
  Emotional and, and because when they are a toddler, if they make
• 15:10
  a bad choice, you're usually right there or some other adult
• 15:13
  is right there and you straighten that out if when
• 15:16
  they're an adult and they are in the process of making a bad
• 15:20
  choice. Well.
• 15:21
  Can you say anything? Can't you know that's a thing?
• 15:24
  Should you do? You well, that's why I have my
• 15:27
  list is always because you know, I always have my list.
• 15:30
  I love your list. So the first one is loss of
• 15:33
  control. So when you have a toddler, you
• 15:35
  have all the control, which is why I loved having young kids
• 15:40
  because they're in your house, you have the right to what
• 15:44
  they're doing, where they're going, who they're seeing being
• 15:47
  when they're adults, it's they have to make their own choices
• 15:52
  and you have to stand by and watch them make mistakes.
• 15:55
  That's it. You're just watching it happen
• 15:57
  in real time and you're like. And you, unless you're asked,
• 16:00
  you really shouldn't. Well, we'll get to that. 10
• 16:03
  Let's go, Let's go, OK. So constant heavy worries.
• 16:06
  You worry about scrape knees and nap times and like little,
• 16:11
  little things like that when they're adults.
• 16:13
  You worry about heavy long term problems.
• 16:17
  These could include mental health, their marriages, their
• 16:21
  finances, their career choices. See where I'm going with this?
• 16:25
  Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Like if they're doing something
• 16:28
  as a toddler, you're not looking at them saying if you keep that
• 16:31
  up, you're going to end up with HPV and no job.
• 16:35
  You versus yeah. Yeah, yeah.
• 16:38
  So that's another one. And then this one which you just
• 16:42
  talked about, the advice trap, you teach them everything when
• 16:46
  they're young and then when they're adults, you have, you
• 16:49
  must learn when to speak and when to step back.
• 16:53
  And you're constantly offering advice can damage your
• 16:56
  relationship. It often makes your adult child
• 16:59
  feel you're controlling them and rejecting what they want to do.
• 17:03
  So that's a zip it moment because you don't want to zip it
• 17:08
  because you it's almost like you can foresee the future because
• 17:11
  you have all the knowledge and they don't, right?
• 17:14
  And so you're like, I just want you not to make the mistakes I
• 17:18
  have made or I've seen other people make, but you can't.
• 17:22
  Yeah, or sometimes you can see them making, not making the
• 17:26
  mistake, but exhibiting the same behavior but in a different form
• 17:30
  as when they were toddlers. The way they'll dig their heels
• 17:33
  in and just, you know, live and die by something just.
• 17:36
  I mean, I really feel like there are foods that my kids would
• 17:39
  like, but they are just so determined that since they were
• 17:42
  a toddler, they didn't like them, that they were never going
• 17:44
  to try them again in their life. So I just think that it's it's.
• 17:49
  Or have you ever noticed that when you say it, it's like you
• 17:55
  don't understand, you don't know what you're talking about.
• 17:57
  But if I were to say it to your child, they go, yeah, that's
• 18:01
  true. I never thought of it that way.
• 18:03
  Exactly. Thought about that way and
• 18:05
  you're like sitting there going excuse me, hello.
• 18:08
  I said that. That's literally what I said.
• 18:11
  Right, right. Exactly the agony of enabling.
• 18:16
  When they're toddlers, you do things for them because they
• 18:18
  can't do it for themselves. But when they're adults, helping
• 18:22
  them too much can actually hurt them.
• 18:25
  Parents face the daily challenge of deciding when to support them
• 18:28
  and when to push them to be self-sufficient.
• 18:32
  And I that's a whole nother thing because you see that a lot
• 18:36
  nowadays where you've done it for so long that when they're
• 18:40
  adults, you keep doing it and they're like, stop doing that.
• 18:45
  And you're like, what do you mean?
• 18:47
  I got a phone call one morning recently from the girl child, my
• 18:53
  daughter, and she said that her friend that was staying with her
• 18:55
  from out of towns car wouldn't start.
• 18:58
  And I said why are you calling me?
• 19:01
  I mean, we live 25 minutes away. You have a AAA card and you have
• 19:09
  your brother that you live with and you have neighbors and you
• 19:12
  have, you know, like I, I almost feel like there was just this
• 19:16
  immediate expectation that somebody was getting in the car.
• 19:19
  Yeah, and going to. Go jump this girl's car.
• 19:22
  And I was like, this is where you, you knock on your
• 19:26
  neighbor's door, right? Or you get in your car and you
• 19:29
  go to Walmart and buy a new battery if that's what you need.
• 19:33
  But this isn't a mom and dad problem when you're 25.
• 19:37
  Right, right. I agree.
• 19:39
  And they have to learn these kind of skills.
• 19:41
  If it happens to them or they're out somewhere, you have to know
• 19:46
  what to do in these situations. I still laugh that a lot of the
• 19:52
  well, she's 31 now, but they really don't know anything about
• 19:57
  the United States Postal Service.
• 20:00
  Oh yeah, that's, I mean, how many?
• 20:03
  Stamps go I and and so where do I put it on the I'm like, is
• 20:07
  this? Am I on candy camera somewhere?
• 20:09
  Is this a joke? But when you stop and think they
• 20:13
  don't use the mail service, they do all online banking.
• 20:17
  Sure they do. And so when they do have to use
• 20:20
  it for something that's non negotiable, they don't know how
• 20:24
  to do it. And I'm like, well, go to The
• 20:27
  UPS Store or go to the Post. I don't know where a post office
• 20:31
  is. Speaking of The UPS Store, this
• 20:34
  is a complete aside, but there's a UPS Store near me where these
• 20:38
  guys, maybe you've been to the one it's over Jacksonville
• 20:42
  Beach. Oh, I go there all.
• 20:43
  The time that's those guys, they all have like really long hair,
• 20:45
  some of them, their purple hair and everything.
• 20:47
  But they are so great at they they can spot a Gen.
• 20:51
  X or a Boomer walking in with an Amazon on return a mile away and
• 20:54
  they will take your phone right out of your hand, right?
• 20:57
  Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, goodbye.
• 20:59
  Have a great day. And they just take over.
• 21:01
  They just know they're like, we're young, we're Gen.
• 21:04
  Z or, you know, whatever we are, we're going to handle.
• 21:07
  This for you, right? That's what I love.
• 21:09
  Let not your heart be troubled. We have this.
• 21:12
  Yes, they are. So yeah, they are just.
• 21:14
  More of those where they just go, look, we're not even going
• 21:17
  to waste our time or. Your time, just give it here,
• 21:19
  don't go to the kiosk. Right.
• 21:20
  Just give me. Come here, lady.
• 21:23
  Yeah, I agree. They're they're dolls.
• 21:25
  And at FedEx, I don't get that ever.
• 21:29
  But anyway, getting back to the post.
• 21:30
  Office emotional exhaustion. When they're toddlers, we all
• 21:33
  know how tired you get, but it's more physical, like you were
• 21:37
  saying, it's lack of sleep, it's chasing them around.
• 21:40
  But when they're adults, the exhaustion is emotional.
• 21:44
  It is for us. It's very emotional and it's
• 21:48
  hard to watch someone you love struggle without fixing it for
• 21:52
  them. I have a very hard time with
• 21:54
  that. Like I'm I'm working on it and
• 21:57
  I've been working on it, but I have a very hard time like I
• 22:01
  know you do. Too.
• 22:02
  Oh boy, do I. You know when you see your child
• 22:06
  who is devastated or sad or you want to fix it?
• 22:12
  And I mean, part of life is having your heart broken.
• 22:16
  Part of life is not getting the job you wanted, but you you want
• 22:21
  to make it better. I had a phone call.
• 22:24
  I, I, I hate to pick on her, but she went, the daughter went
• 22:27
  through a breakup and I was driving down a street that would
• 22:32
  end in me either taking a right to go home or a left to go to
• 22:35
  her house. And as she's crying on the phone
• 22:38
  to me and I'm thinking, OK, which, which circumstance is
• 22:41
  this? Is this the I go to the right
• 22:43
  and go home? I go to the left and go to her
• 22:45
  house and I went to the left. I would go to the left.
• 22:48
  I would go if you want my opinion.
• 22:50
  Of course, and that's what I ended up doing.
• 22:52
  But I mean, there's those decisions of when is the moment.
• 22:55
  But if it were a week later, I mean, this was a fresh thing,
• 22:59
  but a week later I'm going to the right because now it's time
• 23:04
  to start bringing in the girls support.
• 23:07
  Group and. You know, going to the Pilates
• 23:10
  class and doing all of the things to start, you know,
• 23:12
  resetting the mind or get in your car and come over to.
• 23:15
  Me right, Yeah. There's a point where it's like
• 23:19
  every day is a decision when it's adult kids.
• 23:22
  Whereas if it were a toddler scenario, you don't even have to
• 23:25
  think twice about how involved do I need to get here.
• 23:27
  And I think that's one of the biggest differences is you don't
• 23:30
  have to stress your mind out about how much help to give.
• 23:33
  It's you. The clarity of when it's a
• 23:36
  toddler is at least refreshing. You know, it's time to get over
• 23:40
  there and take that thing that's going to cut his hand or.
• 23:44
  What you you know. What you know to do it versus do
• 23:48
  I do it, do I not do? It right, right.
• 23:51
  Well, I knew we were doing this episode.
• 23:53
  So I'm in my closet day before yesterday.
• 23:57
  I can't hear anything. By the way, I know I'm getting
• 24:00
  old. I've accepted it.
• 24:02
  Maybe it's the years of being a flight attendant, going to
• 24:05
  concerts, whatever the hearings going a little bit or I've
• 24:08
  selected hearing either one and I'm in my closet and I swear
• 24:13
  this is how loud it was. Mom.
• 24:16
  I went running out of my closet. Sarah was standing right there
• 24:20
  in the kitchen and I said, honey, I can't hear anything,
• 24:25
  but I hear a little mom, I come running out.
• 24:29
  I go now I have to figure out why that.
• 24:32
  Yeah, yeah, it's burned into you.
• 24:34
  Hear a mom and I don't care where you are.
• 24:37
  Did your milk let out? Oh.
• 24:38
  My God, I was like, I got to figure this out.
• 24:42
  I can't hear when the this is happening or my husband's
• 24:45
  talking to me. I hear a mom.
• 24:48
  Not even like mom. It's Mom in that higher.
• 24:52
  Pitch. I mean, that's so.
• 24:53
  Crazy. And I thought, there you go.
• 24:56
  That's right, because she's staying with you for a little.
• 24:58
  Bit no, not yet. That's October 1st.
• 25:00
  I wonder if. You'll get more immune to the
• 25:02
  mom then. Idiots, because I'm even when my
• 25:06
  older daughter was in the other weekend with my grandkids and
• 25:09
  her husband, if I hear a mom, I I mean all like, what, honey,
• 25:14
  what's going on? What do you need?
• 25:16
  It's that word. I mean, even if I'm out and my
• 25:19
  kids aren't even with me and I hear some other child yo mom, I
• 25:23
  turn around like like it's my kid.
• 25:25
  Oh yeah. Oh yeah.
• 25:27
  I mean, so I think that's part of this when you're a mom versus
• 25:32
  a dad, like you and I have talked about the difference
• 25:35
  between US and our husbands when it comes to the kids, it's
• 25:39
  night. Night and day.
• 25:40
  So I, I do want to say this though.
• 25:43
  I mean, I can hear a mom in the house anything like that.
• 25:46
  But if I'm in, say, Target or Walmart or wherever, Publix
• 25:51
  shopping, whatever, if I hear a kid crying years ago when my
• 25:56
  kids were little, my shoulders would immediately hunch up
• 25:59
  around my ears. Now, though, I can tune it out
• 26:03
  because it's not part of my life.
• 26:06
  There's no reflex that I have to take.
• 26:08
  There's no action involved for me because I don't have
• 26:10
  grandkids yet. So I can tune it out.
• 26:14
  But there I do very distinctly remember like how quickly my
• 26:17
  neck muscles and my shoulders would go to my ears, just
• 26:21
  feeling that stress from my head to my toe, just hearing, hearing
• 26:25
  a any kind of temper tantrum, anything.
• 26:29
  Yeah, well, one of my kids was colicky, so I was the same way.
• 26:32
  I was so over crying. After a certain point, I'm like,
• 26:34
  if I even hear a kid crying I would do the same thing.
• 26:39
  I'd be like, I got to get out of here.
• 26:40
  I mean crying just triggered like colic.
• 26:45
  Exactly. But I think we're on the same
• 26:48
  page about this. Yeah, I think so too.
• 26:50
  And I think it could be just that that's where we both are
• 26:52
  right now. And if you would go back to me
• 26:57
  20 years ago, maybe I wouldn't think that if I had the
• 27:00
  experience. I feel like because you do have
• 27:04
  a toddler grandson, you can speak to it a little bit better.
• 27:08
  But I think whatever stage you're in as a mother or as a
• 27:12
  grandmother or as an aunt or as a best friend or whatever, I
• 27:15
  think that that's going to feel the most difficult because
• 27:18
  hindsight is always 2020, but truly adult kids are no walk in
• 27:24
  the park. And there you are.
• 27:25
  Really good at. Exhausting.
• 27:27
  Exhausting. I mean, I wouldn't trade it for
• 27:29
  the world, but it can be. It can be a lot.
• 27:33
  Well, and I think, and I know you have a son.
• 27:36
  I just had two daughters. Yeah.
• 27:38
  But I think also when you have girls versus boys, because I see
• 27:42
  a lot of boy moms with adult sons, it's not the same.
• 27:46
  You know you're you're not wrong because they'll ghost you A.
• 27:49
  Sample ghost right? If especially like I had two
• 27:52
  brothers, they don't sit and talk about their feelings.
• 27:55
  They don't want their moms involved if their hearts been
• 27:58
  broken. You know what I mean?
• 28:00
  I didn't even know he had a girlfriend.
• 28:02
  I didn't know they broke up and now he has had another
• 28:05
  girlfriend. I didn't know about that.
• 28:07
  Now it's all my now I'm all in the business, I'm allowed to ask
• 28:10
  and everything. But there was a long period of
• 28:11
  time where I was even saying to him, listen by the way, you know
• 28:15
  it. If so and so son is gay and
• 28:18
  there is nothing wrong with that.
• 28:19
  And that is fine. And like I just was telling her
• 28:22
  how much I would love any of my kids.
• 28:23
  Just saying he's like, mom, do you do you think I'm gay?
• 28:26
  I'm like, well, you never tell me anything so I don't know.
• 28:28
  I want you to know though that if you were, I have no reason to
• 28:33
  think you are or not. He was like, what is going on
• 28:37
  here? I said.
• 28:38
  All I'm saying is I have no information to go on.
• 28:41
  So my friends though with with son say the same.
• 28:44
  You get nothing, nothing. Even even when they're married
• 28:48
  and you they have kids, they get nothing.
• 28:50
  They they get ghosted, they get no call.
• 28:53
  I mean, it's just a guy, whereas girls, forget about it.
• 28:57
  They're they're embedded into your life no matter what.
• 29:01
  They could be married, have kids, have no kids, just be in a
• 29:05
  relationship, whatever it is. I hear everything.
• 29:09
  Oh, if my son calls me, I get the kind of tingly excitement
• 29:13
  that I used to get if a boy I'd met at a bar that I gave my
• 29:17
  number to didn't call me for two weeks and then suddenly called
• 29:21
  me. And I'm like hello.
• 29:23
  You know, just. Cause it's so.
• 29:24
  Like someone died. Well, yeah, or someone's got a
• 29:27
  dead battery. I.
• 29:31
  Love that. All right, so we're going to
• 29:33
  take a not not a pause, but just a, a little moment of revising
• 29:38
  where we're going just so I want to get some business out of the
• 29:41
  way. I mentioned earlier that you can
• 29:43
  see us on video on Spotify. So we have done some stuff where
• 29:47
  we switched platforms and host and blah, blah, blah, blah,
• 29:50
  blah. So sometimes you used to hear
• 29:52
  like a commercial inserted here, you may or may not hear one
• 29:55
  eventually, I don't know what's going to happen.
• 29:57
  We're just kind of playing around with some different
• 29:58
  things. So we always appreciate you
• 30:00
  giving us grace AS2 Gen. Xers that are just navigating
• 30:05
  the, the, the technology of it all.
• 30:08
  So having said that, let's switch it up and go to our
• 30:12
  organizing tip of the day. Well, since we're going back to
• 30:17
  college, back to school, whatever you want to call it, I
• 30:21
  think we need to talk about the empty nest.
• 30:23
  I think we should. I mean, every year we talk about
• 30:26
  it because it's important it. Is.
• 30:28
  I mean, it means so much to so many people.
• 30:31
  When you're going through it, you're absolutely beside
• 30:36
  yourself. I mean, especially when it's the
• 30:38
  first one that leaves. Yep, and the nest isn't even all
• 30:42
  the way empty and you're still. Mourning exactly.
• 30:44
  It doesn't matter if you still have one at home and then when
• 30:47
  the other one leaves, the last one, I mean, so we always have
• 30:52
  to bring this up every year. So I hope you guys don't get
• 30:54
  sick of it. But I'm going to talk about what
• 30:57
  to do once they're gone and how to kind of reclaim your spaces.
• 31:02
  And I'm not saying go in their room and throw everything out
• 31:04
  and make it your own. I'm saying how can you multi
• 31:07
  purpose a space? Because if you're leaving their
• 31:10
  bedroom empty for the whole year and they only come home,
• 31:13
  especially boys, they'll come home like once a year and
• 31:17
  that'll be it. You want to be able to figure
• 31:20
  out how can you make that space work for you too so that you're
• 31:24
  not just having this room or a shrine.
• 31:27
  I always like to call it, it's like a shrine, you know, multi
• 31:32
  purposes space. So in my opinion, once they're
• 31:35
  gone, kind of box up all that memorabilia.
• 31:39
  If they have all that memorabilia laying around, box
• 31:41
  it up, label it, store it in a closet and really look at the
• 31:47
  space on. Do you want to start doing art?
• 31:51
  Do you want to start doing needlepoint?
• 31:53
  And you want a whole arts and crafts area, whatever, whatever
• 31:56
  it is that you want to do. Do you want to start working
• 31:59
  from home? And now you have the space to do
• 32:01
  it. Creating a space that's multi
• 32:04
  purpose by cleaning out their room.
• 32:07
  And you'll never know what you find in those rooms because I
• 32:10
  have cleaned out for my clients a lot of those rooms.
• 32:14
  And it is interesting, let's just say that.
• 32:16
  Yes, what about the fully built Lego that I have at my house
• 32:20
  still? Which cracks me up by the way, I
• 32:23
  I see a lot of those. Just so you know, you're not
• 32:26
  alone. I see a lot of the fully built
• 32:28
  Legos and the kids are like 29 and the parents still have them.
• 32:32
  So I always say donate those to like the Ronald McDonald House
• 32:37
  or a Children's Hospital near you because they will love.
• 32:40
  They would love to get that. They would love to get that.
• 32:43
  But really, I mean, it's not even something I feel sometimes
• 32:48
  you need to discuss with the child who's left because this is
• 32:51
  your house in your space. And yes, you'll always have a
• 32:54
  room for them or a bed at least, you know, so they can come home
• 32:58
  if they want to come home. But a lot of people don't have
• 33:01
  the luxury of still having a space for themselves.
• 33:05
  And, you know, some women want to have it as an extra closet.
• 33:08
  Some women want to have it as a makeup area, whatever it is,
• 33:12
  really looking at the spaces now that the kids are gone and
• 33:16
  creating what works for you. So that's my tip this.
• 33:19
  Week that's a great organizational tip Well, we hope
• 33:23
  you enjoyed this episode and if you did, if you could do things
• 33:26
  like leave us a comment, which now that I've really explored
• 33:29
  the whole Spotify universe and everything there are a lot of
• 33:32
  ways you can do reviews and comments and share episodes and
• 33:36
  things like that and we are still on everything else we're
• 33:39
  on apple, we are on YouTube and we do post the videos to YouTube
• 33:43
  as well. I want, I don't want to make it
• 33:44
  seem like the only place to see us Spotify, but right now that
• 33:49
  is a sure for sure. That's how we're uploading them.
• 33:52
  And by the way, I just got Spotify.
• 33:54
  No laughing over there. I just got it.
• 33:57
  I've been a Pandora girl. I know you can all make fun of
• 34:00
  me and I, I, my daughter said you have to try Spotify and I
• 34:05
  did and I switched over. So look at you.
• 34:08
  I mean, I still, by the way, I still don't get it, just so you
• 34:12
  know, but I'm, I'm, I get it enough to where I can listen to
• 34:15
  my music. Well, good.
• 34:17
  Yeah, well, good. OK, everybody, we love hearing
• 34:20
  from you. Please do join us on Facebook.
• 34:22
  We have a a regular Facebook page that everybody can see.
• 34:25
  And then we have the private one that only our ladies can be a
• 34:28
  part of. And you can certainly apply to
• 34:30
  join that. And it's called Ladies Only,
• 34:32
  Uncluttered and unfiltered. And we will see you next time.
• 34:35
  Until then, remember The Giant, Empire Strikes Back, Harry
• 34:40
  Potter world, Lego. You can let it go.
• 34:44
  And don't look back.