Latest / Compass Student Ministry Sermons Podcast / Before You Date, Part 1 (Dating Sermon #2) | Louis Azuma

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Before You Date, Part 1 (Dating Sermon #2) | Louis Azuma · Compass Student Ministry Sermons Podcast

• 0:00
  Well, in case you missed last week, uh, we're talking about dating.
• 0:02
  So we are here, which by the way, these sermons, they are all available for you to listen to.
• 0:07
  Um, afterward, we post them on, on the internet.
• 0:11
  So they're on our s- student ministry website, or if you have a podcast app, uh, like Apple Podcast or Spotify, you can find them there.
• 0:18
  They all build off each other, so if you miss one, you should go back and listen to it.
• 0:22
  Um, but last week we kinda talked about the foundations for dating, right?
• 0:26
  We talked about how everything we do, we wanna do it for God, right?
• 0:31
  And that includes dating.
• 0:32
  Dating's not separated from our relationship with God.
• 0:35
  It's part of what we do, right?
• 0:37
  And if, if you're a Christian, your, your main mission in life is to love God and to help people love God, right?
• 0:42
  And so if we're dating, that fits under what we're doing, which is loving God and helping other people love God.
• 0:49
  So dating has to serve that purpose, otherwise we're doing it wrong.
• 0:53
  So that was mostly what we talked about last week.
• 0:55
  But, um, this week, before we get into this, I want you to think about, um, imagine I, I, I was in this position a couple times, but imagine you're, you're picking teams for, you know, for football or something,
• 1:04
  or for soccer out on the playground, and you're the team captain.
• 1:08
  And you're picking the team and you're like, "Oh, I'm, I am crushing it.
• 1:10
  I'm getting the best team," right?
• 1:12
  "I got all the best players.
• 1:13
  I got all the, the tall people, all the good athletes," right?
• 1:15
  "We're, we're gonna do so good."
• 1:18
  And you start looking around and, you know, and, and you're like, "Oh, we got a good team," and you start playing the games, and your team is, is pretty good, but you notice there's, like, a common factor in
• 1:27
  all of the bad things that are happening.
• 1:29
  You start realizing that, oh, I'm the problem with this team.
• 1:34
  I'm the weak link.
• 1:35
  I picked all these good people around me, but the team is failing because of me.
• 1:40
  I, I didn't think about, oh, am I a good fit for this team, right?
• 1:45
  'Cause you're like, "Oh, I'm the captain.
• 1:46
  Of course I should s- of course I should play," right?
• 1:48
  But you're like, oh, actually, uh, it's, the team's better off without me.
• 1:52
  It's better off if I, I'm not on this team, right?
• 1:55
  Um- Sometimes in dating we think about, oh, who's this person that I wanna be with, right?
• 2:02
  The person I wanna date, the person I wanna marry, I want them to be, you know, six foot tall with blue eyes and blonde hair, and whatever we think.
• 2:10
  I want them to be super godly, I want them to be so patient, I want them to, to love me so much, I want them to be super smart and funny and know all these things.
• 2:18
  And we think about the other person and what we want from them, but we never stop to think about what am I bringing to the table?
• 2:25
  What am I bringing to this relationship?
• 2:28
  Am I even someone who's gonna be a good teammate?
• 2:31
  Am I gonna be a good, uh, a good partner for this person?
• 2:34
  Sometimes we think so much about the other person and what to look for that we forget to think, "Am I even someone that other people would wanna date?"
• 2:43
  Right?
• 2:44
  So that's what we're gonna do tonight.
• 2:46
  We are gonna make sure that we look in the mirror and say, "Am I ready to date?"
• 2:51
  Right?
• 2:51
  Am I someone who is, um, who people even want to date?
• 2:56
  So, um, our main point, um, it's really long and confusing on purpose.
• 3:01
  So you ready for it?
• 3:03
  You should be wanting to become the kind of person that the kind of person you would want to marry would want to marry.
• 3:12
  Did you catch that?
• 3:14
  You should want to become the kind of person that the kind of person you'd want to marry would want to marry that kind of person.
• 3:21
  See what I'm saying?
• 3:22
  Right?
• 3:23
  Essentially what I'm saying is you wanna be attractive to the person that you want to like you, right?
• 3:29
  That, that's just basic, right?
• 3:31
  Um, if you're thinking, "Oh man, I want this, this person who's gonna be so great and so awesome to...
• 3:37
  I want them to like me," well, maybe you should think about, "Am I the type of person that awesome person would wanna be with?"
• 3:44
  Right?
• 3:45
  That's what we're, we're looking at tonight.
• 3:47
  Okay?
• 3:47
  So we've got three things for you to check before we date.
• 3:49
  Remember last week we started with this verse, right?
• 3:51
  This is about God.
• 3:52
  For from Him, that's God, and through Him, that's God, and to Him, that's God, are all things, right?
• 3:58
  And that includes dating, right?
• 3:59
  Dating is part of all things.
• 4:01
  So we're dating for God, right?
• 4:05
  We're...
• 4:05
  It's about Him.
• 4:07
  We're dating because God allows us to, and actually, God invented people, right?
• 4:14
  And God knows what is best for us.
• 4:16
  So that's why we can trust God.
• 4:17
  So there's three things that I want you to check before you date.
• 4:21
  All right?
• 4:21
  The first thing is I want you to look around you.
• 4:24
  Look around you.
• 4:27
  Now what does that mean?
• 4:29
  Well, in a sense, I want you to check your surroundings, right?
• 4:32
  Before you start dating, before you think, "Okay, I should, I should have a boyfriend or I should have a girlfriend.
• 4:37
  I, I wanna do this thing."
• 4:39
  Before you start, um, and even if, right, maybe this is you, you haven't even thought about dating.
• 4:44
  You're like, "Dating is off in the distant future," right?
• 4:46
  That's okay.
• 4:47
  Um, this is still good for you to think about.
• 4:50
  Um, it's actually better for you to think about this now before you really want to, 'cause then you get kind of biased, right?
• 4:55
  So look around you.
• 4:55
  What does that mean?
• 4:56
  I want you to look at two things.
• 4:57
  I want you to look at your circumstances, and I want you to look at your community, okay?
• 5:02
  So let's start with circumstances, your circumstances.
• 5:04
  Um, when you start dating, right, or before you start dating, you should be asking, "Well, am I even in a position where dating makes sense?"
• 5:15
  Right?
• 5:15
  I, um, I tried to start dating in middle school.
• 5:18
  I tried to start dating in, uh, seventh grade, I think.
• 5:21
  Yeah, it was seventh grade.
• 5:22
  And, um, what was so funny about this is, um, there were several circumstances that made this very difficult for me.
• 5:29
  Uh, circumstance number one was I couldn't drive, right?
• 5:32
  I was seventh grade.
• 5:33
  So let's be honest.
• 5:36
  You don't want your mom to drop you off on your first date, right?
• 5:40
  So that's a, that's a hurdle, right, at the very least.
• 5:44
  Maybe that doesn't say, oh, you shouldn't date at all.
• 5:45
  But if you, if you can't drive yourself to your date, eh, not a good look, right?
• 5:51
  Um- Also, uh, my circumstances, right?
• 5:57
  I wasn't allowed to date.
• 5:59
  My parents didn't want me to date yet.
• 6:01
  So circumstance number two, right, was, uh, am I even allowed to date?
• 6:04
  Well, turns out no, right?
• 6:06
  Also, um, remember last week we talked about dating, we said when our second point, right, was date with marriage in mind, right?
• 6:13
  Dating, the point of dating is I wanna have clarity.
• 6:16
  We talked about it's about clarity, not getting really close to someone and having a lot of fun.
• 6:20
  So we want to have clarity about whether I should marry this person.
• 6:24
  Now, do you think me in seventh grade knew a lot about marriage and what to look for in someone who would be good in a marriage?
• 6:33
  Not really, right?
• 6:34
  Uh, do you think seventh grade me was about to get married anytime soon?
• 6:38
  No.
• 6:39
  Right?
• 6:39
  So both of those circumstances, not great for me to start dating, right?
• 6:44
  T- 12-year-old Lewis was not...
• 6:46
  Maybe I was 13.
• 6:47
  Yeah.
• 6:48
  Was not close to getting married, right?
• 6:51
  So circumstance, if you're not close to getting married, if you're like, "You know what?
• 6:55
  Um, marriage is probably t- you know, eight years away from me," well, guess what?
• 7:01
  If you start dating now, how long are you gonna have to date for before you get married?
• 7:05
  Eight years, right?
• 7:07
  Um, again, maybe not the best circumstance to start dating.
• 7:12
  So that's just what I want you...
• 7:13
  I want you to think about your circumstances.
• 7:14
  Am I in a position where I'm relatively even close to doing what dating is supposed to do?
• 7:20
  Right?
• 7:20
  Again, if it, it, this all builds on last week.
• 7:23
  If you're really dating to see if this person is going to, you know...
• 7:26
  I wanna find out if, if I should marry this person.
• 7:29
  If that's really your goal in dating, and you're six, eight, 10 years away from getting married, doesn't really make sense, right?
• 7:38
  Just like you would tell, you know, if, if you saw a fourth grader, and they're like, "I am going to go to the University of Texas.
• 7:45
  I've already decided.
• 7:46
  I toured the college.
• 7:47
  I know what I'm gonna..."
• 7:48
  You'd be like, "What are you doing?
• 7:49
  You're, you don't even know anything about college.
• 7:51
  You don't even know what the SAT is.
• 7:52
  What are you doing?"
• 7:53
  Right?
• 7:55
  Kinda similar idea there.
• 7:59
  So even just think about what would dating look for me, look, look like right now?
• 8:02
  Am I- is my mom gonna have to drop me off on my dates, right?
• 8:05
  Uh, d- uh, how is this gonna work, right?
• 8:08
  Just think about it.
• 8:09
  And then as you get older, you even should think about, oh, can I even, you know, pay for this person's date?
• 8:15
  Do I have money to use on the date, right?
• 8:17
  Or is my, is my, or is my dad gonna pay for my date, right?
• 8:20
  Again, if you're trying to go on a date, especially guys, right, and you're using your parents' money to go on the date, not a good look, right?
• 8:27
  So think about your circumstances.
• 8:30
  But also importantly, I want you to think about your community, right?
• 8:33
  Your community.
• 8:34
  So I want you, when you look around you, I want to look, you look at your circumstances and look at your community.
• 8:40
  So your community, that's your people in your life, right?
• 8:42
  And this is very simple.
• 8:43
  If your parents, they're part of your community, if your parents say you can't date, guess what?
• 8:49
  You're not gonna date, right?
• 8:50
  Because again, if you're dating for the glory of God and your parents say, "Don't date," can you glorify God by disobeying your parents?
• 9:01
  No.
• 9:01
  Right?
• 9:02
  So if your parents are saying, "Hey, you're not allowed to date till you're 16," or, "You're not allowed to date until I tell you to or until we think you're ready," right?
• 9:09
  Um, you can't glorify God and disobey your parents at the same time because they're not asking you to sin, right?
• 9:15
  They're, it's not a sin for you to wait If they're asking you, "Hey, never read your Bible," that's a different story, right?
• 9:23
  But they're not asking you to sin.
• 9:24
  And so if, again, if your goal in dating is, "I wanna love God.
• 9:28
  That's my mission in life.
• 9:29
  I wanna love God, and I wanna help other people love God," disobeying your parents is not gonna help you do that.
• 9:36
  And again, this is where dating is part of our bigger picture, right?
• 9:40
  Um, even if your parents say, "Hey, you could, but I don't think this person is a good fit for you."
• 9:46
  Maybe there's some red flags your parents see about that person, right?
• 9:51
  Well, the Bible doesn't just say obey your parents.
• 9:52
  It says honor your parents, right?
• 9:54
  So maybe honoring your parents is taking them seriously and listening to them, right?
• 10:00
  If you just wave off your parents and say whatever and don't take their advice seriously, it, that's maybe is not honoring them either.
• 10:08
  So community, the biggest one for you right now is parents, right?
• 10:11
  That's the biggest factor in your community.
• 10:16
  Also, dating behind your parents' back is not very fun.
• 10:21
  It's kinda miserable 'cause you're always having to hide things, and you're always having to, to do all this stuff and delete all your text messages and not, you know, and set up the...
• 10:31
  I've done it, okay?
• 10:32
  It's not fun.
• 10:32
  It doesn't work.
• 10:33
  It's also really lame to date behind your parents' back, right?
• 10:37
  Just not a, not a good look, right?
• 10:39
  If you're saying, "Hey, I really care about you.
• 10:41
  I care about you so much I'm even breaking my parents' rules," right?
• 10:43
  Like, that might be cool for a little bit, but that's not the type of person, again, that someone actually wants to, to be in a long-term relationship with, right?
• 10:51
  'Cause if, and l- by the way, if someone's breaking their parents' rules to date you, well, if they don't care about their parents' rules and they don't respect their parents, in a couple years why do you think they're
• 11:01
  gonna respect you and care about you and value what you have to say?
• 11:05
  You're like, "Well, 'cause I'm not boring and lame like their parents."
• 11:07
  Well, you're gonna become boring and lame if they're that type of person, right?
• 11:12
  So dating behind your parents' back, maybe you think you get away with it.
• 11:16
  It's, it doesn't work.
• 11:18
  It's miserable.
• 11:19
  It's lame.
• 11:19
  And I know it's like, "Oh, yeah, coach, you're an adult and you're telling me that."
• 11:22
  It's like, yeah, I, I've done it, and it's, it's just, it's not, not a fun time.
• 11:26
  It's not worth it, right?
• 11:28
  It's so much better if you can date someone and your parents say, "We like that person, and we think you, this is a good thing," right?
• 11:35
  'Cause then your parents are on your team, right?
• 11:37
  They're on your...
• 11:38
  I mean, they're on your team when they tell you not to date too 'cause they care about you, right?
• 11:41
  But then you're, you're working with them.
• 11:43
  You're not working against them, right?
• 11:46
  Um, but also your community is do I Maybe you're saying, "My parents aren't Christians," or maybe you're saying, "My parents and I, we're not super close.
• 11:52
  We don't have that good of a relationship," right?
• 11:54
  Well, y- I hope you have people in your life who will help you, people in your life, maybe you've got a small group leader or two or three even who c- you can talk to and say, "Hey, I'm-
• 12:04
  I wanna start dating.
• 12:06
  What do you think?"
• 12:07
  That's a question most young people are too scared to ask, but that's a great question for you to ask.
• 12:13
  "Hey, I'm interested in starting to date this person.
• 12:16
  Hey, parents, what do you think?
• 12:18
  Do you think I'm the type of person you'd want your other kids to date?"
• 12:21
  Right?
• 12:22
  Or, "Hey, small group leader, what do you think about me dating?"
• 12:27
  Again, this is someone who's been there, who's done that, who loves you, who cares about you.
• 12:31
  And your community, the, the most important thing about your community is that you have people that love you, and they know you, and they'll tell you when you're wrong.
• 12:40
  'Cause I'm gonna be honest with you, most of your friends at your age are too scared to tell you that you're, you're doing something dumb.
• 12:47
  Right?
• 12:47
  If you have friends that will tell you you're doing something dumb, you need those friends.
• 12:51
  Those are the friends you need, right?
• 12:53
  But you need people that, that love you, that know you, and are willing to call you out.
• 12:58
  And that's so important, especially in dating, 'cause the problem with dating, right, is you get biased very quickly 'cause you like them, right?
• 13:05
  He's cute, or she's cool, or he's funny, or she's attractive, and you get biased, and you need someone on the outside to say, "Hey, I don't think this person's good for you."
• 13:16
  Right?
• 13:17
  You don't love Jesus more when you're with that person, or you're a really bad friend when you hang out with that person.
• 13:23
  You need those type of people in your life.
• 13:28
  All right, just a- and think about this, right?
• 13:29
  I know it's not cool, it's not fun to be like, "Oh, you should listen to adults," right?
• 13:32
  But just think about this, right?
• 13:35
  Imagine if you were trying to learn, like, how to play a sport or a board game or a video game for the first time.
• 13:41
  You've never played it before, or maybe you played it a couple times and you're not very good at it, and so you're like, "You know what I'm gonna do?
• 13:47
  I'm gonna ask all the other people that have never played this game before to teach me how to play."
• 13:52
  You'd never do that, right?
• 13:55
  So you should get your dating advice from people that actually know how to do it, right, people that have done it well and done it in a way that, that honors God.
• 14:02
  So again, you wanna find people that love you, that know you, and will call you out, 'cause those are the people you need before you start dating.
• 14:12
  And so maybe right now you're not dating yet.
• 14:14
  This is time for you to build those relationships because when that time comes, you're gonna need those people, and you need those people for the rest of life, too.
• 14:21
  Right?
• 14:21
  You don't just need those people for dating.
• 14:22
  Even if you never date, you still need those type of leaders, parents, and friends in your life.
• 14:30
  So the first thing we wanna do is, is look around, right?
• 14:35
  Am I in a circumstance that dating makes sense?
• 14:38
  And am I Do I ha- do I have people around me who are gonna help me love Jesus while I date?
• 14:45
  'Cause if you don't have those things, dating's gonna be really tough for you, and it's not gonna go very well.
• 14:51
  The second thing I want you to check, so we wanna check our surroundings.
• 14:54
  I also want you to look in the mirror.
• 14:56
  That's our second point.
• 14:57
  Look in the mirror.
• 14:58
  Look at yourself.
• 15:00
  You wanna look around you, right?
• 15:01
  Okay, am I in a position where dating works?
• 15:03
  Do I have people in my life that are gonna help me date?
• 15:07
  And then I want you to look in the mirror.
• 15:11
  Um, we don't have time to turn there, but, um, in Ephesians chapter 5, when Paul talks about marriage, he gives, like, commands to wives and he gives commands to husbands, and he does something really interesting that I think
• 15:24
  most people don't notice right away.
• 15:27
  So in Ephesians 5, t- uh, he, when he gives commands about being a wife, he gives it to the wives.
• 15:34
  When he gives commands about being a husband, he gives it to the husbands, which I know it sounds really obvious, right?
• 15:40
  But I want you to think about this.
• 15:43
  Your job, your primary job, right, in marriage, is being, doing, doing your job.
• 15:51
  Your primary job in marriage is not to worry about your spouse's job, right?
• 15:56
  Now, I want you to take that same logic and apply it to dating.
• 15:59
  My primary job in dating is to be the type of person that honors the Lord.
• 16:07
  That's my primary job in dating.
• 16:09
  The most important person in dating is God, right?
• 16:12
  It's not you.
• 16:12
  It's not the person you like.
• 16:15
  It's God.
• 16:15
  And so your primary job is, am I the type of person that the type of person I'd wanna marry would want to marry, right?
• 16:23
  That's what we're talking about here.
• 16:26
  And so I just even want you to think, am I a datable person?
• 16:29
  So think about your circumstances.
• 16:31
  Am I a datable person?
• 16:33
  Think about your friends, your leaders, your parents.
• 16:37
  What do they think?
• 16:39
  And then ask yourself, right, am I the type of person that the type of person I'm attracted to and interested in would want to date and marry?
• 16:49
  Am I a trustworthy person?
• 16:51
  Am I an encouraging person?
• 16:54
  Am I a patient person?
• 16:56
  Am I a faithful person?
• 16:58
  Am I self-controlled?
• 16:59
  Am I joyful?
• 17:02
  Those are the type of qualities that you'd want, right?
• 17:05
  You'd be like, "Oh, that's the person I wanna date.
• 17:07
  I wanna date someone like that."
• 17:08
  Well, if someone's patient, do you think they're gonna wanna date an impatient person?
• 17:14
  If someone is loyal, do you think they're gonna wanna date an unfaithful person?
• 17:18
  If someone is compassionate, do you think they're gonna wanna date a mean person?
• 17:23
  If someone's joyful, do you think they're gonna wanna date someone who doesn't really who's just apathetic all the time and doesn't care about anything?
• 17:29
  Are you the type of person that the type of person you're interested in would be interested in?
• 17:38
  And this goes, I have to say this too, right?
• 17:41
  Look in the mirror.
• 17:43
  We- God says that Christians should marry Christians, right?
• 17:50
  So if you're a Christian and you're interested in someone who's not a Christian, then there's a problem there, right?
• 18:01
  You're saying that, "God, I, I, I know better than you."
• 18:03
  We'll talk about this more in our, our next one.
• 18:05
  Next, next sermon will be who should I date, right?
• 18:09
  But look in the mirror even.
• 18:10
  A- am I a Christian?
• 18:12
  Right?
• 18:12
  'Cause maybe you're saying, "I wanna date a Christian," but you're not a Christian.
• 18:17
  Well, if you're not a Christian and you try to date a Christian, if they're a good Christian, what are they gonna say?
• 18:24
  "Sorry, no."
• 18:25
  Right?
• 18:25
  'Cause I love Jesus, and you don't.
• 18:27
  And so the most important thing in our life is different, and so we're not gonna be aligned on a lot of things Also, when you look in the mirror, I want you to think about how's your relationship with
• 18:39
  God, right?
• 18:39
  Dating fits under your relationship with God.
• 18:42
  So if your relationship with God is struggling Then do you think adding a whole nother person to your life that you wanna focus on and spend time with and care about is gonna make that better or worse?
• 19:00
  So look in the mirror and ask, "How is my relationship with God?
• 19:03
  Am I, you know, am I talking with God a lot?
• 19:07
  Am I spending time hearing from the Lord and His Word?
• 19:11
  Am I someone that someone wants to be like?
• 19:14
  Am I trusting Jesus and fighting sin and, and loving others the way that, that God would want someone to?"
• 19:22
  'Cause again, if you're saying, "Oh, I'm a Christian, I wanna date a Christian, but I'm just really bad at being a Christian," well, most people that really love Jesus aren't gonna be drawn to someone who doesn't really care
• 19:33
  about Jesus Right?
• 19:37
  Are you gonna be a good influence on the person you date?
• 19:41
  Are you gonna help them love Jesus more?
• 19:43
  That's really what we're trying to do.
• 19:44
  Our goal in dating is I wanna love God and I wanna help other people love God.
• 19:48
  That's the goal of dating.
• 19:50
  That's the goal of everything.
• 19:52
  And so if you're not doing well helping other people love God, then you're not really gonna be super successful trying to do that.
• 20:02
  So maybe you should focus on that first, and then as you grow in that, say, "Okay, maybe now it's time for me to do this alongside another person."
• 20:12
  But even think about it like this.
• 20:13
  Am I helping other people love Jesus right now before I'm dating?
• 20:19
  Right?
• 20:19
  Uh, do you think your boyfriend or girlfriend should be the first person you've ever helped love Jesus more?
• 20:29
  Just think about that.
• 20:30
  Imagine you're, you're, you know, you're thinking about dating someone, and they're like, "You know what?
• 20:35
  I've never on purpose helped anyone love Jesus more in my life."
• 20:40
  Well, guess what?
• 20:43
  If your goal in life is to love Jesus more, and this person has never helped anyone love Jesus more, that's not-- That doesn't fit, right?
• 20:52
  If your goal in life is to love God and help other people love Jesus more, and you've never helped any of your friends love Jesus more, you've never had a serious conversation with a friend about what it looks
• 21:02
  like to, you know, work through a sin together, or to, um, trust Jesus more, or to, um, be more patient, or to grow in gratitude and fight discontentment.
• 21:12
  If you've never had a serious conversation about that in your life, and now you're saying, "Yep, I'm gonna date someone," that-- there's a weird disconnect there because you're not gonna help that person love Jesus more 'cause you've never
• 21:24
  done it with anyone else.
• 21:26
  Right?
• 21:26
  When you start dating, you don't flip a switch and become this super awesome, great person.
• 21:31
  That's not how marriage works either.
• 21:33
  The person you are right now is the person you'll be when you start dating, unless you do something about it, unless you start growing.
• 21:42
  And if you're not a good friend, why would you think you're gonna be a good girlfriend or boyfriend?
• 21:47
  Right?
• 21:47
  If you, if you can't work through conflicts with your friends, if you guys offend each other and then you just blow up and never talk to them again, how's dating gonna go?
• 21:56
  Even worse.
• 21:59
  I- if you don't have good conversations where you encourage your friends and pray for them and, and spur them on to, to do things that, that honor God a- and please the Lord, right?
• 22:10
  If you, if you never overcome differences with a friend or, or anything like that, then you're gonna be a bad date because you're gonna fail at what's most important.
• 22:21
  You're not gonna help them love God.
• 22:22
  You're not gonna love God yourself So you need to look in the mirror, right?
• 22:29
  What type of person am I?
• 22:32
  How are my friendships?
• 22:34
  What do my parents say?
• 22:35
  What do my leaders say?
• 22:37
  Are th- am I the type of person that can actually do well in this relationship And then the third thing I want you to do is I want you to look at your heart.
• 22:50
  Look at your heart And by this I mean check your motives.
• 22:58
  Why do I want to date?
• 22:59
  Why do I wanna do this?
• 23:05
  There's a lot of reasons people want to date.
• 23:08
  Um, but most people wanna date because they're looking for something.
• 23:12
  They're, they're looking for something.
• 23:15
  They want something.
• 23:16
  Sometimes it's a person, but sometimes it's not a person, right?
• 23:19
  Sometimes it's the things that a person can get them.
• 23:22
  Um, and so recently in our daily Bible reading in Jeremiah 2, there was something that I think actually says a lot about dating, which you might not have realized that Jeremiah says things that matter in dating.
• 23:37
  But in Jeremiah 2:12-13, here's what he says.
• 23:40
  He's talking about Israel.
• 23:41
  He's talking about how, um, they're walking away from the Lord.
• 23:45
  He said, "Be appalled, O heavens," right?
• 23:47
  So appalled, that means, like, be shocked, right?
• 23:51
  Sometimes if you don't know what a word means, it defines it later in the sentence.
• 23:55
  So be appalled, right?
• 23:57
  Be like, "Oh my goodness, this is crazy," right?
• 24:00
  "Be shocked.
• 24:00
  Be utterly desolate," right?
• 24:02
  That's like be really sad.
• 24:04
  "Declares the Lord, 'For my people have committed two evils.'"
• 24:07
  They've done two things that are wrong.
• 24:08
  Number one, "They've forsaken me, the fountain of living water."
• 24:12
  So that's the first thing.
• 24:13
  They've said, "God, we don't want you anymore."
• 24:15
  And this idea of fountain of living waters is God is the best, right?
• 24:20
  God gives life.
• 24:21
  God makes you happy.
• 24:22
  He satisfies you, and they say, "God, we don't want you.
• 24:25
  We can be happy our own way.
• 24:26
  We don't want you to love us anymore.
• 24:28
  We don't want you to, to, to...
• 24:29
  We don't wanna be close with you anymore.
• 24:31
  We don't need you.
• 24:32
  We're fine on our own."
• 24:33
  They said, "We're good.
• 24:34
  We don't need you."
• 24:35
  And then what they've done instead is they've said, "God, we don't want you.
• 24:37
  We actually want these other things.
• 24:39
  We want other things more than you."
• 24:40
  Hewed, that means, like, kind of built or carved.
• 24:44
  They've cistern, that's like a, just think of like a bucket, right?
• 24:47
  Uh, for themselves.
• 24:48
  Broken buckets that can't hold any water, right?
• 24:51
  Buckets with holes in them, right?
• 24:53
  So instead of this fountain of, of water that keeps giving them water, they said, "You know what we're gonna do?
• 24:58
  We're gonna go to the other well with a broken bucket and use that to, to get water," right?
• 25:03
  Really dumb.
• 25:03
  You should never do that.
• 25:06
  A lot of people, they date because they're looking for something that God is supposed to give them, and I don't want you to do that.
• 25:16
  A lot of people date because they're asking dating or the relationship or that other person to give them things that God is supposed to give them.
• 25:26
  Or they're looking for security.
• 25:28
  They wanna feel safe.
• 25:29
  They wanna feel, maybe emotionally, "I feel safe 'cause someone cares about me.
• 25:33
  Someone loves me.
• 25:33
  Someone wants me."
• 25:35
  And so they like being in a relationship because it makes them feel wanted, and they like dating because someone's attracted to them, someone's into them, and that feels good.
• 25:44
  And so they say, "Oh, I'm gonna start dating 'cause I need this gap to get filled.
• 25:48
  I need someone to fill me up, and so I'm asking this other person to date me so that I, I can feel that."
• 25:54
  Or maybe it's love, right?
• 25:56
  Similar idea there.
• 25:57
  "I wanna feel loved," or, "I wanna feel respected," or, "I want someone to...
• 26:01
  I want to trust someone.
• 26:02
  I wanna open up to someone, and I don't feel like I can do that, so I need to find that special person that I can share my, my secrets with and, and share my problems with."
• 26:11
  And so some people, they, they say, "I wanna find that in a person or in a relationship," when really that's what God, God made us to know Him and to have that closeness with Him.
• 26:22
  But we say, "I don't want you, God.
• 26:24
  I'd rather have this person."
• 26:27
  Or maybe it's not about the specific person, right?
• 26:29
  Maybe it's just the idea of the person.
• 26:33
  Or maybe you f- you feel you wanna date because you feel like you're supposed to.
• 26:37
  "All my friends are dating.
• 26:38
  All these people at my school are dating.
• 26:40
  Everyone my age seems like they're dating, so I just have to.
• 26:43
  I, I'm less than if I'm not dating.
• 26:46
  I'm not cool enough.
• 26:48
  I'm not in."
• 26:51
  I'm not...
• 26:51
  Maybe you even feel like, "Oh, this is just what Christians do.
• 26:54
  Christians aren't supposed to be single.
• 26:55
  Christians are supposed to be married."
• 26:57
  Maybe so you feel like you're left out because it's never gonna happen for you, right?
• 27:04
  Newsflash: the founder of Christianity, single dude.
• 27:08
  Just so you know.
• 27:13
  Maybe you wanna date because you want the, the experience of being in a relationship.
• 27:17
  You just wanna know what it's like.
• 27:20
  Again, is that a glo- is that a God-glorifying motive to date?
• 27:24
  Really, that's just you're using that person to get the experience, right?
• 27:29
  You're XP farming that person so you can f- get that feeling, right?
• 27:35
  Maybe you're trying to escape your problems by dating.
• 27:38
  You're trying to escape your problems, so you're like, "Oh, I need to be in this relationship because my life at home is really hard.
• 27:43
  And so you s- I need this, this person is gonna fix everything for me."
• 27:47
  Or maybe you're, you're trying to escape...
• 27:48
  Maybe you're, you think your problem is singleness, and so you're trying to escape that.
• 27:51
  Or maybe you're lonely, and so you, you, you feel like you need this person.
• 27:56
  Maybe you're idealizing dating.
• 27:58
  You have this picture of dating that's perfect, and this person's never gonna sin against me.
• 28:02
  They're never gonna hurt me.
• 28:03
  They're never gonna give me up.
• 28:05
  They're never gonna let me down.
• 28:07
  They're...
• 28:07
  Sorry.
• 28:08
  Um But seriously, that's, people often do that.
• 28:17
  And, and maybe even the, the person that, that you want, it's really not the person that you want to date.
• 28:24
  It's just you want to date, and it's not really about the person.
• 28:28
  So even ask yourself not just, "Why do I want to date?"
• 28:30
  but, "Why do I wanna date this person?"
• 28:34
  Like, what about this person is appealing to me?
• 28:36
  Why am I interested in this person?
• 28:39
  Or am I just interested in the concept of someone who likes me?
• 28:43
  Maybe the only reason you like this person is 'cause they like you.
• 28:46
  That happens.
• 28:47
  It's a real thing.
• 28:48
  Someone likes you, and you're like, "Oh, actually, I kinda like them."
• 28:52
  They start looking better.
• 28:54
  They smell better.
• 28:55
  Their smile's prettier 'cause you're like, "Oh, they're interested in me.
• 28:58
  They like me."
• 29:00
  That's a real thing that happens, right?
• 29:03
  That's not why you should date someone Or maybe you like the attention they give you, or you like the way they talk to you or talk about you.
• 29:12
  And again, what really what we're, we're asking is does, does why I wanna date, is that fitting into my preexisting mission?
• 29:23
  Right?
• 29:23
  Remember, our, our preexisting mission is I wanna love God, and I wanna help other people love God.
• 29:29
  And so if my motives for dating aren't lining up with those, then if it's a distraction from my mission, then why am I doing it?
• 29:39
  Right?
• 29:39
  If it's, if it's a, a, a side quest, right, now that I'm using all the video game references, uh, you don't wanna do it, right?
• 29:47
  It's distracting you from what you're really all about.
• 29:52
  So again, we don't wanna, we don't wanna just focus only on who's this person that I'm gonna date, right?
• 29:58
  We also wanna think about am I the type of person that the type of person I would wanna marry would want to marry?
• 30:04
  So we wanna look at ourselves, look at like am I the type of person that, that is appealing to these people?
• 30:09
  Am I trustworthy?
• 30:10
  Am I patient?
• 30:10
  Am I kind?
• 30:11
  Am I a good friend?
• 30:13
  We wanna look at our motives.
• 30:14
  Why do I wanna date?
• 30:15
  Why do I wanna date this person?
• 30:16
  What expectations do I have for dating?
• 30:18
  What am I asking dating to do for me?
• 30:20
  And we also wanna just think about what do my parents say?
• 30:23
  What do my leaders say?
• 30:24
  Go ask them.
• 30:24
  If you're thinking about dating someone, right, or if maybe you're about to start dating someone, or maybe you already went on a couple dates with someone, you should ask your leaders, ask your parents, "Hey, hey, what do you
• 30:34
  think?
• 30:35
  What do you think about me as someone that would, that would date someone?"
• 30:39
  So let's pray, and maybe you can ask your leaders that right now in small groups.
• 30:42
  Let's pray.
• 30:44
  Heavenly Father, uh, we're grateful that you care about us enough to not just leave us on our own.
• 30:49
  Um, if you left us to our own wants, our own priorities, we would die.
• 30:57
  Um, and that's not an exaggeration because that happens to some people.
• 31:00
  Some people, even though, um, they hear from you, they reject you, and they say, "I know better."
• 31:06
  And I pray that that wouldn't be anyone in this room.
• 31:08
  I pray that everyone in this room would trust you, would realize that you're God and they're not, and that they need your wisdom.
• 31:15
  So I pray that you give these students some of that wisdom through their time in small groups with their leaders.
• 31:21
  We pray this in Jesus' name.
• 31:23
  Amen.